BONUS EP - We don't f*ck on weeknights - podcast episode cover

BONUS EP - We don't f*ck on weeknights

Jul 06, 202128 minSeason 2Ep. 135
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Episode description

LIFERS, we might be on break but we all need a good laugh in the current climate with lockdown.


So we have the best surprise for you ever, a bonus accidentally unfiltered episode on a Wednesday...... what is this madness?!


Do not pass go, do not collect $200. This ep will be the mood boost that a lot of us in lockdown need.

In this ep, we’ve collaborated a whole bunch of your funniest stories about dating and boy oh boy is the dating world a jungle.

Here, you’ll hear everything from the guy who would only have sex on weekdays, to the spreading of a loved one’s ashes ruining a kissable moment. 

Jump on in and enjoy.

If you have an accidentally unfiltered for us, slide on into our DMs on Instagram or hit us up in the podcast facebook group “Life Uncut Discussion Group.”

 

We would love for you to share this pod with someone that you know, and leave us a review!

We appreciate you all, and we love lovvvvvve!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript

Speaker 1

Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on cart Well it's not really an episode, well I mean it is, but it's a bonus episode. It is one of our very special, extra ridiculous episodes that we like to bring you here.

Speaker 2

We are trying to take a little break, and so instead of just taking a break, we're like, really, just like, we're really preloading that break by doing all these little bonus bits of content. But we did do a bit of pre recording before Brittany actually headed overseas, and we have stashed this episode in our back little pocket, just

waiting for the perfect time to bring it out. And that is because last time we did a bonus episode of accidentally unfilled stories, it went so gangbusters and we know how much you guys love these.

Speaker 1

Also, I was just in hysterics over that. Wish we could have just kept We should have kept going. I wish we did because we had so many ridiculous stories. But we're like, why not bring you the lolls again? And like Laura said, why can't we just have a Breaklaura, what is wrong with us? Like is this a personality thing? We're like, cool, let's just finally take two weeks off, but not really like like we're still here.

Speaker 2

Guys, don't leave us, love us forever. We have separation anxiety, and we miss you. That's all it is.

Speaker 1

So today's one. We've done the workplace accident and filters. Now we wanted to bring you a little dating accidentally unfiltereds. And we didn't really care what sort of dates or if they were long term relationships or one night stands or tinders or friends. We didn't really care. We did care they were all shit dates, let me tell you that. Or one thing I have learned is, oh my god, I like the dating world needs to up its game because I can't believe some of this stuff is happening

to people. But it did get me thinking, Okay, So a couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine came to me with this story, and I sort of laughed, but I wasn't really laughing at a hysteria. I was laughing a little bit like I just can't believe this stuff is happening. So I want to kick started with this, and then we're going to go into some really, really funny ones. She went on a date. She hadn't been on a date in a while, and she really liked this guy. She was at the dinner she with, he

had drinks. She thought the date was going really well, and she was getting a little bit nervous because she hadn't kissed anyone in a long time. You know, lockdown, et cetera, et cetera. I feel like on the best of days, we all feel nervous. She knew that the kiss was going to come because she could feel that tension. They'd gotten along all night. He was walking her to her door. She's getting very anxious. They get to the front door and she's like, here it comes, it's coming,

it's coming. Like she really liked this guy, and he was like, I had a great time. He's like, bet, can I just ask you something? And she was like getting ready to puck her up. Then he said, I think you're great. She's like, we're here. It comes, and he's like, but oh god, I just feel like maybe we're more friends. And I just wanted to ask you if you don't mind, is the girl in your Tinder photo with this single? Yes, I do mind.

Speaker 3

I don't mind.

Speaker 1

He's like, because I didn't really feel anything with you, but I think she's really cute. She was so gobsmacked, and she's like, I actually felt like a bit of a bad friend because my friend is single. But I was like, no, she's not. She's very happily in a long term relationship. And left. I was just gobsmacked, Like, in what world is that? Okay? The thing that makes me like the most upset about this whole episode is that normally it's you, you need me.

Speaker 2

You botany who would bring these dating stories and this is what we all live for. Now you're happy, and now we have to just call on the community for them.

Speaker 1

I think I still probably have some suppressed trauma that will come back later in like flashbacks in the future. Yeah, but I'm just not there yet.

Speaker 2

I have a girlfriend out a similar situation, except it wasn't so much about her friend being in the photo.

So she rapped up at this date and she'd been talking to this guy on and off for about a week and a half, but he hadn't linked his Instagram to his Tinder profile, like rookie era, you've got to stalk the guy before you actually go on a date, right, So she ended up going on this day and it was a dinner date, you know, Like, also, never do dinner dates, you do a drink first and then that can roll in to dinner, but always have like an escape, an exit strategy, Ondred PC.

Speaker 1

She gets, I'm so, I'm so glad for this, like constant, yes, one hundred percent.

Speaker 2

So she gets there to her date and she's waiting, she's sitting at the restaurant, and then the other guy in the photo rocks up. And what she didn't realize is that every single fucking photo on his Tinder profile had this.

Speaker 1

Other guy in it. So she thought she was going on a date with the hot one, and then like the short friend who was on the far left ropped up and missus dating one oh one. If somebody doesn't have a photo of just themselves ever, it's just a no. You can't trust that, you can't risk it.

Speaker 2

She kind of got catfish, But I feel like it's unintentional, Like she was like, showed me the photos and there is no way that you would think the guy on the far left in the corner of the photo was the guy that you're gonna go on a date with.

Speaker 1

And here we are. But in hindsight, no, it didn't work out. Okay, It's it's not like he was just really funny or anything like a Danny DeVito.

Speaker 3

No.

Speaker 2

And so, guys, we did the call out for you to send us your most embarrassing, accidentally unfiltered dating stories, and we will get into.

Speaker 1

Them in a second.

Speaker 2

But one of you, and I'm gonna keep you anonymous because I you know we do that for you.

Speaker 1

You're all anonymous, You're always anonymous. No one needs to know this. However, one of you, you're a fucking rock star. You sent us a synopsis instead of sending us one accidentally unfiltered story. You just went through your whole dating list. And I'm going to read this out because this just had me in hysterics. And I also think this really encapsulates dating in the modern day. So if you think you're having a rough time in alone, Todd couldn't get

it up and sent me fake flowers to work. Andrew g Andrew g shocking sleep apnear and I had to sleep in another room Jane's.

Speaker 2

He got locked out of his house and I had to break in for him. As koona guy caught a blue tongue lizard and played with it for ages. Tim h rocked out to first date of Viagara and coke. Turns out he was married tim El. He could only come when I told him I wanted him to come in my mouth.

Speaker 1

Where does this girl.

Speaker 3

Get these days?

Speaker 1

Josh won't fuck on weekdays?

Speaker 2

There's so many more that I was like the first five, man, I feel for you, but I also I can relate things.

Speaker 1

Two things. Did he bring the blue tongue lizard or did he catch the blue tongue lizard on the day?

Speaker 2

I think you like they maybe they went for a bushwalking he called a blue tongue lizard. And then he was like, well, this is more interesting than date played with a day.

Speaker 1

Who doesn't fuck on weekdays? Is that like a superstitious thing?

Speaker 2

This could be like a new model don't fuck on weekdays?

Speaker 1

Do you know what I was thinking? As you're reading that, I was like, I could write one of those. I mean, it would be so long.

Speaker 2

To be fair, I think I only have sex on Saturday night, that's when the kids are in bed.

Speaker 1

But I don't think that's because it's a rule. I think that you just exhaust it and like that's the day of the week you get to do it.

Speaker 2

Okay, we're gonna kick this off and get into some of your most embarrassing stories. This is truly like, this is our favorite part of every episode. But this is just like the most heartfelt, cathartic, medicinal thing to laugh over. People's like absolute fuck ups, Britt, you can kick it off.

Speaker 1

Fuck where do I start? That's literally what his girl suck? Where do I start? I'm well known for liking my older men, the silver foxes, and I'm also by anyhow, There's this guy that I got set up with on a blind date from a WORKMATEE. I've dated two people in the last eight years, so you can imagine how nervous I was. I reluctantly go on this date and this guy, Oh my fucking god, he was sexy as fuck. There's a lot of fucks in this. It's like I thought I saw a lot, Like instantly I got the

fanny flutters ladies, you know the kind. We started getting to know each other and we go on a couple of days. We had that big oh several times every time we hooked up. I'm talking with sex is mind blowing, incredible. This is why I like older men. The floodgates were definitely opened. Eventually, I tell him I'm bye and that I've had threesomes in the past. My friends now, I am very open with telling them what I get up to. I tell them very intimate details of this guy, and

they are hyping me up. I was just loving it. They were like, yes, get a girl fucking hard, have those orgasms. They were asking me every single detail. Everybody needs a woo girl in their corner. Everyone needs a sex wo girl. One night, we were at his house getting very very saucy. We didn't hear anyone coming side, so we kept going. When we finally realized someone was there, we stopped. We went to check it out. To my absolute horror, one of my mates was in the kitchen.

I was so confused. I was like, girl, what are you doing here? But she just looked at me like a ghost. That's when the old silver Fox came out with a towel around him. Oh shit, I'm really sorry. I forgot my daughter was crashing here. This is no That's when I realized that's been my friend and I realized simultaneously that she's been hyping me up to fuck her dad. Mmy, is that you? How do you ever recover from that?

Speaker 3

Had? Like?

Speaker 1

Where does your friendship go?

Speaker 3

What?

Speaker 1

Happens. She was hyping me up, and I had just thought that the day before I was telling her how good he wasn't going down to me. I couldn't see him after that because it was awkward. And she's still funny with me sometimes, but hey, he was amazing. Oh my god, could you imagine that moment daddy's in the towel, you're in the middle, that she has just heard you having sex, So it's bad for everyone. The friend's like, oh my god, my dad's pounding someone. Then it realizes

they've found in your friend. Then you realize you've said how good your daddys are going down you to your friend. I can't. It's just like the most awkward triangle I have ever come across.

Speaker 2

So well, I imagine if they stayed to here and then they got married and then she became a stepmom. Hey mama, Oh my god, I have one of you guys. Try to keep this short and sweet. I went on this Tinder date with a guy and we decided to meet in the city. I drove he caught an uber, thinking it was going to be a big night. Guess that was the first red flag. I decided to have a couple of drinks and we ended up playing pool and having a pretty good time. Anyways, it was late

and I decided I wanted to head home. He walked me to my car and awkwardly waited there.

Speaker 1

Me being me, I couldn't help myself and I offered him a drive home. He lived forty minutes in the opposite direction. I was very kind of you.

Speaker 2

Anyway, we hopped in the car and I was driving. Oh my god, I'm cringing already that this happened. He leant in to kiss my neck as I was looking dead into the window, but then he proceeds to whisper into my ear, I just love your titty witties, clearly.

Speaker 1

Thinking this was a turn on. Oh my god, I'm still scared to this day. Ended up pulling up to his house and I told him to get out.

Speaker 2

He then turns to me and says, come inside and play some battleships with me.

Speaker 1

In a sexy voice. I could not believe what was happening. In cold did not get the picture. I still have secondhand embarrassment for him this day. Okay, shout out to any men listening, please never refer to them. It's titty witty, so he's not going to get you anyway.

Speaker 2

I once had a guy on a first date say to me, you're so beautiful. I think he was pretty drunk, but I'm gonna he literally sounds like this, You're so beautiful. I'd slay a dragon for.

Speaker 1

You, and then stared at me really blankly. Then I still had sex with him. Of course you fuck. Of course you did. You're like, okay, so are you giving me attention? Oh my god, we're going there in love. We're gonna have children. You had be a dragon. The last date I went on before Jordan told me I slept with him too. He told me that I had a really masculine energy and that I was a boy in my things. I was a man in my past life. I don't remember you telling me this, And then he

said you had strong legs. I still hooked up with him.

Speaker 2

This is Brittany and Laura just reinforcing bad behavior sin since nineteen eighty six.

Speaker 1

Okay, I've got one. Okay, this one's pretty cooked. That was on a third date and we decided to go camping for a night not too far away. This is cute, I thought. I pictured toasting marshmallows over a fire under the stars, and making love outside. I've watched too many movies, obviously. Firstly, it rained, so all that went out the window. We went to bed in our separate sleeping bags, which at first I thought was a little off. I thought we would just be super cute and snuggle all night. This

thought process soon changed drastically. In the middle of the night, I woke up feeling really uncomfortable. I have ibsu see, and I felt a pain in my tummy, so I was thinking, ooh, I probably need to go to the toilet soon. Then I felt something wet in my pants, thinking oh great, now I have my period too. I reached into check, wanting to be sure that it was my period. I know this sounds gross, but I didn't want to get up in the cold and wet if

I didn't actually need to. I touched it and pulled my hand out, only to discover I had shit in my sleep, in my undies and in my sleeping bag. My date was literally lying next to me, and I was a ship burrito. We shit on one hand. I tried to frantically escape my sleeping bag with only one good hand and find my way out of the tent. I made it out and ran through the rain to the toilet. So now I was a soaking wet ship burrito. I cleaned myself up, threw my undies out, and tried

to sneak back in thinking out I escaped successfully. In the morning, when we woke up, my date said, oh my god, all I could smell was shit all night. The baby next door must have been eating a dead animal.

Speaker 3

Haha.

Speaker 1

I'm ashamed to say I blamed the baby. We've been dating for eighteen months, and I can't bring myself to tell him. Maybe one day after I've locked him down and married him, I'm telling him. I shat my pants when I said date. That's so uncomfortable.

Speaker 2

You know, I was trying to think of embarrassing things that I've done on a date, and the only thing I could think of, well.

Speaker 1

I'm actually to lie. The only thing I could think that I hadn't shared with you guys yet. So this is the guy.

Speaker 2

If you've been an Oh Dear listener, you will remember I told you the story about a guy I dated for like a year. We were in a situation ship. He never ever actually wanted to confirm to be my boyfriend.

Speaker 3

Surprising.

Speaker 1

Why Yeah, sure, he was dating five other people.

Speaker 3

No.

Speaker 1

I think it was just because I was such a hot mess of a person at the time. So at the time, like I went through this period, I didn't have IBS because I had all the tests done.

Speaker 2

But there was something wrong with me. Okay, shad lot, there was something.

Speaker 3

Wrong with me.

Speaker 1

I don't know what it was. Anyway, I'd gone over to his house for a date.

Speaker 2

We'd only been dating for a couple of weeks and it was very casual at this point in time. And he lived in a tiny one bedroom studio where the bathroom was in the bedroom, so like the bathroom there's no escaping, and then the lounge where the TV is was directly outside the bedroom. It was this time you little contained apartment. Anyway, we were sitting there watching a movie and he cooked dinner. He was a chef, and I could feel my stomach just doing backlips, and I was like, oh God.

Speaker 1

Oh God, and God, pray for me.

Speaker 2

Anyway, I was like, I'm so sorry, I'm we'd have to go to the toilet, go to the bathroom, like unleash the fury. Yeah music, No, I turned the top one to try and like mask it anyway, so unleash the fury.

Speaker 1

The fucking window wouldn't open. So I was like, oh my, oh my, you've got to be kidding me. So I just like, you know, put some hands soap around, like trying to like fan it around. Anyway, nothing helped, and then I left. I shut the bathroom door, I shut the bedroom door. I opened the bedroom window just in case. And then I came back into the little lounge room area which was like attached to the bedroom, and I

sit down next to him. We keep watching the movie, and like I was gone for twenty five minutes, like I knows what I was doing. You're obviously doing a shit and he would have heard it because I was like, I was like, never go back in the bathroom. You need to renovate please. Also, don't like imagine anyway, We're sitting there watching the movie.

Speaker 2

He doesn't see anything to me. Ten minutes later, it's the middle of fucking winter, right. Ten minutes later, he just.

Speaker 1

Gets up and opens the balcony door, saddle fred subtle.

Speaker 2

I think I need to go home. Anyway, that happened. Turns out he never wanted to date me.

Speaker 1

It was so weird. I's so weird.

Speaker 2

So here's another one. So a few years ago, I was sleeping with a guy here and there. There was nothing more, and we were just in similar friend groups and often ended up texting each other and hooking up after nights out. On one occasion, the last occasion, I went round to his place. On the way home. All was great, but once things started getting frisky, I remembered I had a tampon in I didn't really have my period.

It was the day after it had ended, and I was wearing the tampon just in case, but still kind of gross.

Speaker 1

Anyway, Awkwardly, I.

Speaker 2

Jumped up and told him, Oh, I really need to go peet and run to the bathroom. But being a dickhead young guy, he told me I wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom as his roommates were having a party down the back of the end of the house excuse and he didn't want them to see me. Unsure of what to do, I said, oh, okay, yeah, that's fine whatever, So I ran and I turned his bedroom lights off, and I secretly whipped out my tampon and hid it in the pocket of my black jeans.

Speaker 1

Everything was fine.

Speaker 2

From there, we had sex, had a little cuddle, and then I was getting ready to go home in the morning, so of course I got myself dressed and I was on my merry way. Once I was walking down the street towards the main road to get an uber, I remembered, Oh, yeah, shit, that's pretty gross. I've got my tampon in my pocket. I reach into my pocket to quickly chuck it in the bin, only to my surprise realizing it wasn't there. I panicked, and I questioned if I should go back

and sneakily find it. But obviously that's far too awkward, so I shrugged it off went home. About four years on and I see this guy at parties here and there.

Speaker 1

I remembered what I did with the tampon. Turns out I must have put it in the pocket of his black jeans. I've never heard from him again. That is so that is so cooked. But what if what would you do if you were that? I mean, you're not gonna ever text if you found a tampo in your pocket and you tamport in your back, you know what sucked in? That's what you kept for telling your dates. She's not allowed to go to the toilet because you don't want anyone to know she exists. But also like

think of me lay just leaving. That is calmer, sucked in and good for you girl. Oh hey, after coming, I just imagining waking up putting my jeans on in someone's tempon being in my pocket was proper cook cooked all right, guys. After coming out of a five year relationship, about three months after, I decided to meet up with an old flame from roughly ten years ago. We go out for drinks. We had a great time, and the

drinks were flowing, the lulls were abundant. We went back to his and after a few more drinks, we hopped into bed to do the nasty. Afterwards, We're in bed cuddling and kissing, and he sort of turned his head away from me and boldly said, wow, way a ruin a good night. Your breath fucking stinks. My heart stopped. I had no idea what to do or say, so I went with, oh, no, what does it smell like? His response, Man, I don't know, like fucking dog food.

It absolutely sticks. By this point I had basically flat lined. All I could think was that I had just been breathing all over this poor man for the last five to six hours with chum breath, and he decides to tell me, now naked and vulnerable and laying in his bed, that's really mean, so fucked. My natural response was, oh, I'm I'm so sorry. I could brush my teeth if it helps to which At this point he looks back over at me, confused and says, oh what, Oh no,

I'm sorry. I was talking to my dog Ruby. She's just beside the bed here. Thank god, what to say because I would have been so quickly out of that bed. Okay, I've got a quick one. I was on a date with a guy.

Speaker 2

He walked me home and we started making out as we were saying goodbye. As we were kissing, I went to change sides and he says out loud, oop, she's going the other way.

Speaker 1

And you don't need to lie commentary. Nobody needs to fucking commentate it. Oh yeah, I've got another quick one. I was meeting up with someone I had been set up with. As he was approaching, I had a complete mind blank and forgot his name. I was like, shit, what am I going to do? So on the way to the first drink, I saw a Starbucks, so I said, I'm feeling really tired from work. Mind if we grabe

a quick takeaway coffee to walk with? Sure, he said, I stood there awkwardly so he would go in in order, purely so they would call out his name. Yes, actually brilliant. I think it's brilliant.

Speaker 2

What a good way you could not be that into a guy. Like, I'm gonna say, how do you know if you're invested or interested in a person?

Speaker 1

Do you remember their name? No? I feel probably don't go on a second day. I fag it's different. If someone's like, look, just just trust me. I'm gonna say, old Bobby from work, it's Jimmy's friend, just go. She's like, fuck fine, and she's there and she just had a mind. What initiative you have used? I'm sorry, but I'm like, I'm gonna I was gonna say, I'm gonna look that one away. The old Brittany would have locked that one away.

Only if you're dating so many people that you can't remember someone's name, like I feel like that that you are, like you must be on the dating merry go round to be able to go and actually see someone face to face and mentally mind blank their name. Okay, so it all started at my five year school reunion. I was a bit of a meth student in high school and boys didn't really give me a second glance. I was a meth head. What did you say?

Speaker 3

Meh?

Speaker 1

Like e h, I was a bit mess He said she was a meth head. I was like, whoa cowgirl?

Speaker 3

Slow?

Speaker 2

Now she wasn't doing meth. She was just a bit meh And boys didn't pay any attention. So when I went to my five year school reunion and what I at the time thought was the hottest guy since Zac Efron starts talking to me, you can imagine how excited I was. We ended up going on a few dates, and then I decided it was time to do the deed. We started to get down to business, and within not even ten seconds, the poor guy comes. I feel secondhand embarrassment for him, so I don't say anything and I

tell him it's totally okay. He decides to stay the night. You can imagine my shock horror when I wake up to him frantically scrubbing the sheets in the middle of the night. I decided to pretend like I was still asleep however, and then I heard him get up and he left shortly after, so I.

Speaker 1

Switched on the lights. He had legit shit the bed. I can confirm me he's not zac Efron. I'm talking full shit everywhere. It's safe to say I ever heard from him again. Look, to be fair, I'd be okay with Sack. Everyone shooting in my bed, okay, Zachar frankly shit in my bed, but not many other people. What would you do if someone shot in your bed on a date? You were the girl. You've gotten up, he's gone, and there's poo in your bed, just out of curiosity?

Do you text him and be like, bro, like you pooed my bed, you owe me some sheets? Do you just forget it? Thanks for the gray night? However, I think you forgot something. He forgot something like gastro stop. Would you text h now? Would you pretend it didn't happen? Oh? Look it depends, it depends. It's a big poo. It's ruined your sheet.

Speaker 2

I told you about the time the guy peed him. Wait, no, he peeded his own bed, so that was fine. And then he tried to deny it. He tried to deny it and say that he'd spilt water, and I was like, we know the difference between the smell of water.

Speaker 1

We had another girl writing actually just reminded me. She wrote in and she said she woke up she with the bed like on a hooker, and she panicked. So she went and got a cup of water and ran back into the bedroom to like try to surprise him and like be more like good morning. She planned whole thing, so she went to pretend to jump on the bed and waken up me like morning, and then she chipped the water over the sheet so it looked like she

just spilled the water on the wheel. I was like, cute, but also, he's gonna know, he's gonna know, he's gonna know.

Speaker 2

Do you know what, Guys, For anybody who's out there who's single, who's been having some definite dating disasters, I just hope that this little accidentally unfiltered bonus air brings you some joy and some comfort to let you know that we're all in the same boat.

Speaker 1

We've all been in the same boat. I'm gonna read you one that was from a guy, and I love that because it's not just men that are cooked. There are plenty of widow women out there too. I was on a first date that I thought went really well. We had a great dinner, drink and laughter all night. We kissed as I put her into her uber and I told her how great I thought the date was. I asked to see.

Speaker 3

Her get more come ad.

Speaker 1

I asked to see her again tomorrow for lunch, but she said she couldn't because she is a vampire and can't be in the sun. She said she was free for dinner again, though, but unfortunately I was busy forever. Surely that's a joke. I don't know if it's a joke. I feel like that those people are out there. I have to be okay, I reckon, I'm going to tap out after this one.

Speaker 3

Here, I am.

Speaker 1

I was taking on a first day on a bushwalk.

Speaker 2

It was a long bushwalk that ended up in a big empty beach surrounded by rocks and a cliff top above. He was adamant that we had to go for a walk around the point over the rocks. I wasn't into it, but I followed him anyway. As the rocks were in the water, we got quite wet and were sweaty from the walk.

Speaker 1

As it was the height of summer.

Speaker 2

We made it to an open area under a cliff and we were stopped and having a chat. He awkwardly lean in for a kiss, but I kind of shut him down, explaining I wasn't really that into him romantically. He wasn't that happy about it, and then we stood there awkwardly whilst he tried to convince me that I should kiss him. All of a sudden, the wind picked up, and I thought.

Speaker 1

The sand from the beach was blowing into our faces, and I was like, oh, what is this? What is this sand?

Speaker 3

What is this dust?

Speaker 2

It was blowing so ferociously I had to close my mouth and my eyes to stop the sand from going inside. Suddenly it stopped, and I rubbed the sand off my face, and it dawned on me it wasn't sand at all, but it was ash.

Speaker 1

Turns out there was a funeral above us and we had just had someone's ashes. I don't know if I'm like to laugh at that. We then had to walk awkwardly back to the car along the bushwalk covered in funeral ashes. Cremation. Oh my god, Hey, if there's any way to get out of kissing someone, I think that's it. I think you've succeeded because you've got someone's body on your face. Hey, look, it's been a rough day.

Speaker 2

I'm wearing a guy named Fred.

Speaker 1

Okay, I'm gonna read. I'll read my last one. I was getting ready to go on a date. This is actually something that I would do. This is one hundred percent me. I was getting ready to go on a date with our kid. You not the hottest fucking guy I think I've ever seen. I was texting him where to meet and what time, and at the same time, I was taking photos in the mirror, holding up outfits and sending them to my girlfriend, because you know, that's what girls do as if we ever get dressed by ourself.

That is so true. Anyway, I texted her, sos, what do I wear on my date with my future husband tonight. I'm trying for mostly classy, but also sort of sexy because I want to bang him but not hav him think I'm easy kind of vibe. I press sent and continue to try on my outfits. I hadn't heard back for about twenty minutes, so I went to hurry her up with an answer. Went to my horror. I saw that I had sent the text to him no response yet, rip. I was just thinking what country to move to when

I saw those little dots start going. He was riding back as we speak. I almost couldn't bring myself to look and start to plan my funeral. He wrote. Well, whilst I'm currently not able to commit to marriage for quite a while, I can confirm the second outfit is probably my favorite, and if we do go down the track of consummating the impending marriage, I assure you I won't think you're easy. We went on the date, didn't have sex out of principle, but have been dating for

six months. I said I was gonna finish, but I'm gonna end with one more.

Speaker 2

I was in the middle of a first date mid convot the guy started playing with his back. After five minutes, he legit interrupted me halfway through my story and says.

Speaker 1

Hey, did I get it? Turns out he was squeezing a pimple while I was talking to him and wanted to make sure that he popped it. It gets better. As he was saying goodbye, he asked for a lift back to his place because he had skated to the date and couldn't afford an uber ho hang on, he popped a pimple on her back, on his own back.

Speaker 2

He's sitting there just having a chat, looking like he's scratching his back, but he was squeezing a pimple.

Speaker 3

He got it.

Speaker 1

Not okay, you've got no one. I bore out ten minutes ago. She's like, I'm gonna wrap there. Okay, this one. This one got sent to us, but it's actually from Twitter. This is a really I feel like this is a quick one to round it out, unless brute, you've got another one. I'm pretty.

Speaker 2

Sitting on the floor kissing, talking about life, talking about family.

Speaker 1

Turns out we're cousins. Oh my god, no joke. That happened to a friend of mine, not even kiddy. They didn't know there were cousins. They went on a first date and then they were talking about their family and they're like, oh fuck, I know Annie Cindy. In all honesty, this this literally happened to my friend. They'd only kissed and they realized they were second cousins. People have big families, mate, someone's got to stop breeding in that family. Hey, guys, that is it from us.

Speaker 2

So thank you to every single person who has written in an accidentally Unfiltered Story. We love bringing you these bonus episodes, and we know that we are supposed to be taking a break, but we're sick for.

Speaker 1

Work and you can't get rid of us. We hope you love the episode. If you know someone that might get a little laugh from it or needs a little laugh, send it their way, and you know the drill. Leave a review, hit five stars, subscribe, and share the love because we love love, especially this I mean, except, I mean just kind of love, like this is far, this is culture.

Speaker 3

Guys. I'm so sorry there are more of bumps

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