Best of THE PICKUP - 19th Feb

Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation.

Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany i' and this is our radio show. It is the Pickup, which we record every week every Monday to Friday, and then we take the best bits, we packed it all down and we stick it here for you.

Mitch.

You brought this week a story that you tell that is very, very funny, but it probably shouldn't be funny, but the way you tackle it is funny.

It's about big boy problems, right.

Well, I thought you were going to say you brought a barbecue chicken into the studio and ate it with a spoon.

You did, and that. Yeah, Well, I mean they are kind of correlated.

They go hand in hand. My hands are really now I'm a big boy and I'm proud of it. I'm you know a chubby boy, and I'm oversized and I'm overweight, and I'm fine with it. I'm six foot three. However, there are things that have happened to me in my life being a bigger person that don't happen to my skinny friends. And it's true things that I've I've clocked and I've noticed, I've gone, hold on, this isn't happening to my partner who's slim.

Yeah, because we have true fat phobia with an Australian society, whole other level of something that we need to unpack. I mean, you have a very good sense of humor about it, Mitch, But I also love that when you talk about it, you're like, this is not a problem for me, and I am very happy and comfortably in my skin, but the problem seems to be with everybody else Totally.

It's good that you tell this story because it does make I think it'll make other people think about maybe what they're saying or their actions, because I think a lot of people probably don't realize I know that there were some of the things that you were saying that have happened to you where I was like, oh, I hadn't seen that or I probably didn't realize what was happening at the time. And it's not about Laura and I, but it's about things that happened to you in society.

I wouldn't have tackled it. I'm not really athletic. Probably probably you ran at it okay.

Well, something I wanted to talk about is I went and had a beauty treatment done recently. I went to a skin specialist. I don't know if you can call her a skin specialist. Actually she's a beautician, and she insulted me into getting another treatment done. So I got my face dermoplaned and is I was called Derma plain, derma blade, and it basically I had my face shaved. And I want to know why women can't just shave their face and why I've got a pay.

How much did you pay?

The fancy name is demoplane, but like the colloquialism is you shaved your.

Face And the even more colloquial term is just by a Gillette razor and it all be fine?

Can you stop stroking your chin too? As she tells this story, she strokes it like a wizard.

Like I'm getting Dumbledore vibes. Okay, I have this one.

This is this.

We don't cover this in the show, but I get an exclusive. Yeah, I will put money on the fact bringing your particularly hair free. So good for you. But I would say that ninety percent of women have a rogue hair on their face somewhere that they pluck out. I've got two on my chin that they pluck out and it comes back in the same spot. It's not out of a mole. It's just a hair that just for some reason just sprouted out of my shin.

I've got one on my e lobe. You're a good point.

I genuinely like, I'm not saying this to rub it in because there's nothing wrong with hair on the face. But I am not a hairy person, even though my mumm is a Greek, so I just got obviously the dad's side. But I don't think I have one hair on my face and I never have.

Well, you know what they're coming for you. That's what age does to you. No, I think I'm just good. That's thinning. If anything, it's it thins on top and flourishes below.

Well.

I had an event for a week. I had a running with a neighbor, so those playing at home. No, I've had problems with my neighbors before. My neighbor above me, the Russian lady. She waters me when I go outside, like she put the hose on me. She's put the hose on Mitch. She's put the hose on Laura. She I don't know why. She pretends she doesn't know she's doing it, but she knows she's doing it. But now I've had another running with another neighbor because I've been stealing stuff.

Yes, Stanley, this one is actually your fault.

It's not.

I'm completely is It's completely me like hands up. And it was the most awkward running that I've ever had. All right, well, all that and so much more. Let's get into the show.

Andy joins us. Now, Hello, Andy, welcome to the show mates.

Hello guys, how are you? Congrats on the show?

Oh thanks, and he also congrats to you. I hear you have the best toush in Australia.

Ah, yes, well I wouldn't say in Australia. I just beat Woody out. I think it's a very low bar. It was just the.

Best in that studio where there was four people.

Well they haven't come up against Mitch Chury's.

Toursh yet need all the staff they can get.

Upon reflection, though Will held my bottom for a long a long time, I don't blame him.

It's not very often that you get to hold Andy Lee's to come on.

That's true. It used to be anyone's. Now Beck has a problem with that.

Well. Speaking of Beck, and also that it is Valentine's Day tomorrow, what are you doing to make it special? Are you someone who celebrates Valentine's Day?

Or can I get on the opposite. I don't believe in the whole Valentine's Bay thing whatsoever. I've learned the hard way that Beck does, even if he says she doesn't. Oh, I had five years of checking that and her going no, it's fine, it's it's a silly day. We don't need that, and then her being kind of grumpy with me for the entire entire day. But now I've got a trick, which is which makes me feel good about it, and I think makes Beck feelod about it. If we've kind

Well, I'm I'm currently in an argument with my new boyfriend Ben. He lives overseas. I mean an argument about who said I love you first? Who said the L word out of you?

And Beck me by a mile did you? And it was really awkward. We're actually lying extually, tell and bed and I said I love you and she looked at me, paused, and then went, she loves me.

Did she say that?

I know?

I said, he's going to say it back.

She's like, no, How long did it take her to say it back?

I reckon it was a good like six to eight weeks later.

She did.

Celebrated the moment, like really rubbed salting the wound and then didn't give you anything back for six to eight weeks.

Do you know what that is? Because she won? That's what that is. That's the sound of victory.

I've been trying to win to victory.

Andy the hundred, he's back tomorrow the Valentine's Day Special. I believe we're going to do a little round of our own here at the pick up now.

With the fire, Yeah, brand, Okay, you're ready.

It'll do some dramatic music.

Okay. What percentage of Australian couples will allow their partner to pop a pimple? Actually want them?

Okay, Laura, looky, I'm going to work.

I'm going high. Andy, I'm going to go.

Seventy wow, twenty nine on the fire. It's thirty percent. I thought more people.

Were sickos pimple. No, no, no, we're all we all want to pop, but we don't want to be popped.

One point to Laura.

It's important to go deep on these things.

Go Okay, what about what percentage of Australians boy then girls has had laser hair removal in the last twelve months In a personal grooving before a big Valentine's Day night out.

I'm a waxer personally, I'm lazy.

I'll just shave once every six months.

Yeah, am I the only one in this room it's had a laser hair removement?

No, I had on your back.

I got it on my back.

Yeah, I'm going to go.

All right, I'm gonna look in eighty.

I'm gonna once again go low.

I'm going to say forty eleven percent.

That is not much or a lot of hairy people out there.

Now.

I see people are lazy. I know I should have gone low.

It also burns a bit like it's not the most comfortable thing in the world laser hair removal. So that checks out.

I did hear bushes back?

Yes, yeah, so I think that you're trying to bring it back. Okay, hold on, so britt one, Laura one, let's see if we can get a winner here with Andy Lee.

Okay, keeping on the Valentine's Day scen tomorrow. How many Australians couples speak baby talk to their part.

Makes me feel physically viscerally unwell?

Ya do you mean, like, yeah, I do call that bubba though, oh that maybe I count Bubba makes me perform him Bubba j I just say hey, Bubba, Yeah, MITCHI go first.

I think twelve percent.

Hi, I'm going to go with fifty five.

I'm going to go eighteen percent.

All right, this is for the win.

It's twenty percent.

Oh my god, it's do you speak baby talk to bet?

No, not at all, A little bit to my dog occasionally.

Way, what's your lameous baby name that you have for Beck? What's your little cute nickname?

I call Beck Rumpy.

I'm sure she loves it, grumpy Rumpy.

A beautiful rump.

I'm going to say, no, wonder it took her eight months to say she loves you with her nickname.

Were lucky that you didn't get dumpy?

You can get one hundred tomorrow night. The Valentine's Day edition are with Andy Lee nine pm on Channel nine after Maps, Thanks and.

Team.

I have trust issues at the best of times, and I think this could just heighten it. It looks like the male contraceptive pill could finally be here. It took them long enough get all Humanity.

But they have been working on one for a while.

They have been working on one for a while, yes, but I don't know how many years ago that they did the trials for it. A few men were part of the trials, and the reason that sort of halted in its tracks was because men were saying, oh, I'm getting headaches from it. There are side effects. Hello, welcome to the club. But this pill, it's been trialed on mice so far and the mines have been rendered infertile within thirty minutes. But there is a trick to this,

I do think that, you know, when you're the person who could get pregnant, you probably need to take a bit of the responsibility yourself. Like, I think that being just trusting might get you in a situation that you

Who times they're sexy, time I'm so sorry, nothing worse than pop an egg timerer on, pop your pill and then we'll jump into bed and what we going to go?

It does make you think that maybe, well, will it increase the foreplay for half an hour before sex?

God? Yeah, I agree?

Or I feel like, in Laura's case, should be like, no, I'm working, come back in half an hour when we don't get extra half an hour time. But I don't know if I would ever And not that it's men I'm joking about that. I just don't know if I would ever completely put that in someone else's hand, that trusting someone else's hands, because the guy to be like, sure, I took that half an hour ago.

No, but you know what, Okay, when you say you wouldn't trust it, you're speaking from the perspective of someone who at the time would have been single and dating. But save for me, in a you know, commit a relationship with my husband Mattie J the responsibility of a contraception has always fallen on to me in our relationship. So when we finish having kids, matt He's going to go and have a vasectomy. But this would be an option. This would mean that it doesn't just the full responsibility

Yeah, but Laura, we know your husband, Matty Jay, is dying for more kids.

I don't know.

Can I just say if we can't get straight men to wash their asses, I don't think we're going to get them to take a pill dating in and day out. Sorry, but that's my take, and I stand.

I had a facial the other day and as I was there, she told me, in not such nice words, that I have a bit of a hairy face. Now she caught it peach fuzz. She said, oh, you've got a bit of peach fuzz. But I know what she meant. She was saying that I have a hairy fang.

I thought peach fuzz was butt hair.

Well, it's on my face, you have butt hair on your feet. I think peach fuzz refers to like the little wispy, whitey like light colored hair that you can't get laser because the lasers only attracted to like dark hair. So I have like quite a bit. I have Italian heritage. I'm not ashamed to say it. You know, if you look in the right direction, I've got a bit of a mustache and I'm okay with that. But she said it to me and it got me really self conscious.

I okay, hang on, I haven't had it. I don't have a hair and face, but I have had duma planning before. I had it for an exfoliation, so it was nothing about the hair. My skin felt pretty good after.

It, Okay. So she shows me like because she's doing it, she's doing like the scrape, scrape, scrape, and then she's wiping it and scrape scrapes grape barber.

First of all, can were you in a westfield right in the end of the car park.

I was at a very like lovely like little facial spar that you would go to to go and get your skin done, like a skin clinic or whatever it's called. Anyway, so she finishes during my whole face and then she shows me what looks like a napkin and it's just it's just a napkin covered in my facial hair. And she's like, look at all the exfoliation we got off. And I was like, no, that's my hair, that's my face, here's my eyebrow.

That's my that's my big that's he's that good.

Here's my question. Surely we can just I can just go down to Woolworst and buy a razor and just shave my face for two dollars. If it's okay for her to do it in a clinic setting. What is the big problem with me being a female and then just shaving my face.

Or I could just play on my iPhone some yoga music, put on some essential oils, lay you down in this studio. I've got a beck in the bathroom here in the men's bathroom. I could just give you a quick little shave and save you three hundred bucks.

I lift your arms up to an underarm one.

You could do it all.

I could literally start from just below my eyelashes and keep going down to my ankles.

Are you worried it's prickly the laws?

Yes I am. That's my problem now. I'm so worried that when I kiss my husband, Mattie J, that he's going to know that I maybe I have stupple. I want to make out with me?

Yeah, get up, you get up, give her a big kick over all? Right, Yeah, you come to me. I don't kiss on the cheek.

Can you feel it a little bit? I can, but not here, not at the cheek.

But when I get closer to the mustache.

Yes, get just a little chitty, not by the hair of my ching ginger.

You love you no matter how hair. Are you up, ladies? If you can't tell I'm a little.

Stressed, I can tell it's the perspiration on your face.

That's a pretty stock standard for me, though, right, like a slim layer of sweats.

The touch do get more when you're stressed. But you've gone looking at houses, right, because you have to.

Move Yeah, I got three weeks to move out, and I'm in the middle of a rental crisis, and if you didn't know, so is the country. Rental listings in Australian capital cities are at the lowest they've been since February two thousand and three. But we all rent in this route.

I rent yes, and I am currently also looking to move like you are, and it has been an absolute nightmare. Twenty thirty forty people at a showing.

So many people line up to go to a viewing. You cannot get a house in Sydney, in Melbourne, wherever you are, you just cannot get one. The problem is people have gotten a bit crafty. I don't know if you've seen some listings pop up over social media, but there's this man in Sydney. He's been to Spotlight clearly and he has curtained off his balcony and he's selling it for three hundred dollars.

Per show me that photo.

This is it?

Okay, Oh my god. It is literally a balcony that he looks like. It's not carp and he's laid a blanket down for carpet, a single bed and curtains.

That doesn't even look like it could be wind proof.

This isn't just happening in Sydney, though, This is all over Australia. This is happening in Melbourne, This is on the Gold Coast, this is everywhere.

Wait, Mitch, you've got another one here. Landlord three hundred dollars room for rent where five G phones and weekday visitors are also banned.

Is that just a prison? They're just describing a prison. You know what to bring your conjugal visits every Thursday.

This picture here looks like it could be Harry Potter living under a stair.

We got. This is the list and this is what they've written. Strictly no visitors to the property on weekdays, which I think was Ted Bundy's rule as well. Barbecue facilities for cooking next to the room if you want to cook, Yeah, I'm gonna want to cook in my house.

A serious question. You guys have seen the kennel I built for my dog Delilah. I reckon three hundred dollars for that.

Living it's open.

Plan, open plans, got a window, natural light, natural.

Light three hundred bucks also in BONDI so you can change the premium. Okay, but there's a serious part to this though as well. The fact that people are getting so crafty, this do it yourself trying to turn a little small space into a bedroom just shows that there is so little opportunities out there for affordable rent that that's what people are having to turn to totally.

It actually is really bad. Yesterday I went to an open house and the garage connected to the property was separate if you wanted it, someone else was renting it out.

I tell you what. JK.

Rowling is really onto something hey with putting Harry Potter under the steps before a time.

It's the pick up Friday afternoon around Australia. Welcome everyone, Britt, Laura and Mitch Oh thanks to Chemist Warehouse. Great savings every day. Now. I've got a bit of an issue that I've faced, ladies.

Just one.

It's a long list to thick list. I'm a big boy. So I'm six foot three and I'm chunky. You know I'm a bigger boy. And I'm happy to say that. You know I'm fat. It's not a dirty word. You can say that you're fat. Things have started happening to me that I have noticed aren't happening to my skinny friends Like I went to the markets the other day with my beautiful boyfriend Hayden, and I'm walking through the markets. You maybe get a croissant, maybe a pun at of strawberries,

No?

Yes, well you like I didn't ask you for a size. I didn't even look sideway.

He didn't even look at you. There's not enough material in the world. So you've got a shirt for this fatty.

You got usher it out of a shop he went in.

No, it was a market. I was walking down the thoroughfield. It was like public school.

Don't even think about coming in.

You take up all the material and I'm gonna have got a link craft and cut a hole in a blanket. You can wear that. So that happened anyway. I was on a flight a couple of weeks ago, and I'm on the flight and you know how you sit down and if we fly so often that you don't think about watching the safety procedure. Oh you don't even look up. No, So I sat there, seat belt wasn't on, and I didn't realize that everyone else had the seat belt on.

Did you have to like sucking really harder than try and wriggle it around.

I had a bruise on my button when I got off the fight, do your dasky, But it clicked and she walked away. You know what's happened when we all got vaccinated, Go get vacinated if you're not boosted. But we went to the vax hub. Remember they built the vax hubs during the pandemic. And I had to get vaccinated. And I walk up and I sit down, and she goes, hey, how are you sorry? Go good, because let's vaccinate you. So I sit down and then she goes, oh, oh, one second, sorry.

Mitch, Betty.

Get the twelve gage. And it's in the middle of the vax hub and everyone's standing there like why is this woman yelling? Then Betty wheels over. She wheels over like a tent and I go what is Betty doing? And I go, sorry, what's happening? She went, sir, what's happening here? Straightforward? You got a thick epidermis? Are you see you're a big boy. We need to get you the twelve guys that will use on horses and armadillos.

What is not true?

Sorry, you get the twelve game.

Probably a horse trenk stand.

Bare, she injected me, And no joke like you could hear a pop because it had to break through my skin. Worst part was I was wearing a long sleeved shirt, so I was topless because.

So there I am that damns epidermis.

This doesn't happen to my beautiful skinny partner. Doesn't happen to you girls, Cherry on the cake. Anytime I'm at a black tie event or a wedding, are you your wedding, Laura Burn.

Well, that's happened at my wedding.

Yeah, we're all Laura's wedding. Great friends, I witnessed it. Would you witness it? Were there? The ceremony had happened. It was gorgeous, It was beautiful. We were standing around and or dervs at this point or dervs were coming out food and starters. Anyway, as I'm standing there talking to Britt and the waitresses and they're all blacks, have a tray full of the Christini and oysters. They walk

I hope you know that there was like an X amount of cannopes per person and it wasn't like all cannapes and mixtury. It was for each that was it.

We didn't get that men because we ate them all off. And I want that on record. Anyway, if you're a big girl, big boy, be proud, doesn't matter. We're special.

We love your MATERI And do you know what the best part was? By default, I got heaps moral dirbs to.

See it. I'm a good friend to guys, I'm a thief.

What have you done?

I have had the most awkward running I've ever had, so I either don't know my neighbors or I get along with them, right. But I'm not a big person that goes and meets the neighbors and gives them cookies and knocks and says hello. And I see them in the corridor.

As I wave yeah. And you live in like a big apartment building, so you've got quite a few neighbors.

Yes, I'm in an apartment block, so there's beside me, above me.

I'm ground floor.

Anyway, I get Hallow Fresh because I hate cooking and I don't like going to the shops and shopping, so I just want to order it and have it come to my house.

They send all the vegetables they you need.

I am one person. I don't live with anyone, so I'm one person. And I get enough for just me and my lunch the next day. And I only get four meals a week. I had emptied my Hallowfresh this week, and I took the rubbish down to the basement where our bins are. When I closed the door behind me into the bins, somebody appeared behind me. It was and I was locked in, and I was up the back against the auto bins and I was like hi, and he's like hey, and he had a hallow Fresh box too.

Do you?

He's like yeah?

How many do you get? And I said, what do you mean?

How many meals a week?

And he's like yeah, I said four? Ah, how many have you been getting?

I was like six? Seven? The last couple of weeks, I've been getting seven meals. I just thought Hallow Fresh were doing me as solid and throwing some extra meals in it. Within this moment, he said, you've been stealing my hallow Fresh.

Wait, so you've been taking the bigger box each week.

I looked down at the box. It had his name on it.

I was red handed. I couldn't even lie.

I had his hallow Fresh box. I've been eating it for weeks. Now this gets worse. He is in a relationship. He gets enough for two people for seven days. He's been getting my boxes because I've been stealing here. So he only gets enough for one person for four days, but he's got two people and needs them for seven.

Oh.

Wait, so okay, I have a lot of questions about this. I mean, unfortunate for him. Great bonus for you. He thought I was stealing because you were? How did he?

Yeah, were She's right there?

How did you not at some point go wow, oddly, they've sent me far too many meals this week. Maybe I'll just check. Why did you assume that they would send you more meals?

So I had that moment where I was like, this is weird.

I'm getting so many extra meals.

Thanks Hello Fresh, closed the box and gone with my day. I just thought there must have been some deal going on where they were throwing extra in, or maybe I was a good customer because I've been long term.

No part of me thought I was thieving from my apartment.

This is so funny because I went to BRIT's on Friday night to have dinner and I said, let's order. She went, no, no, I've got heats of ingredients to make you a carbonara. She didn't say it was Hello Fresh, you did, And I thought, that's so unlike Brittany to whip up a carbonara. She opened the freeze she had a lot four liters of cream eggs.

So wait, so what happened with the neighbors.

I said, oh, I can go down, and I can go and I just unpacked it, I can go and get you everything. I was like, but I just cooked one of the meals. I just had hamburgers, so they were very good, so I can't even give you them back. And he's like, look, it's fine, And in my head I thought, oh my god, I didn't even cook the hamburgers for me, the orfered Delilah my dog.

Oh no, you fed Hello fresh hamburgers to your dog that was meant for his children. Oh my neighbor's Hello fresh and cooked it and gave it to my dog. Okay, but surely you're gonna like pay him. Surely you'd give him money. Nobody was exchanged