Hello, Hello, Hello, I'm back. Actually, I'm here every bloody week.
Who would have thought, Laura Burn I.
Can't wait to fight with you on this record.
You and me sitting here together, microphones in hand. Also wine in hand for you, which is no major surprise.
Really, should we do an intro? Let's do the intro, Hi, guys, and welcome back to what you've all been missing, what you've all been wanting. God knows why. And it's Maddie j because we're here, and it is Bachelor Laurette. It's bat chev uncut. Is that what we're calling it this season?
Let's call it bad shed uncut.
That makes sense, all right, Welcome back to Batched Uncut. I'm here with your favorite host, Matty Jay.
Oh god, I'm back. And it's good to have some purpose in my life, to be honest.
I mean you've been pretty busy, Yeah, I have.
I have had a lot going on since we last did batchun Cut. I mean I'm thinking back. I got a new pair of socks, I bought a fry pan online and well.
It hasn't arrived yet or I just haven't seen you use it.
No, it hasn't arrived yet. And I did some weeding. I did a bit of weeding in the garden last week as well. So that's my life.
Do you know what. There's one thing that Matt does like to do every day, which I'm just gonna throw him under the bus here a little bit. He likes to stand in front of the mirror every morning and also every evening. It's a twice daily ritual now and flex his muscles and then say, hey, baby, touch that. Look how hard it is. Do you think I've gotten bigger? That's what he does.
Excuse me?
Is there anyone out there understand this?
No, don't make it seem like I'm such an egotistical prick. I did it once, did it once, maybe twice, maybe three times at.
The most twice today.
I can't help it that I look amazing at the moment. I've been doing some push ups. Okay, let me love myself.
The one thing Matt has been doing a lot of during Lockdown and Sydney is he has been working out and he is looking sizeable. I'll let you all in on a little secret.
I thought you were going to say that, you know, it was the fact that I get you a coffee every single morning or the fact that I do the washing every single day, or the fact that I do the dishwasher and the kitchen every single day. When was the last time you entered a bin, Laura.
To be fair, he's not lying like he's actually pretty good around the hair.
And the one thing you choose to point out is the fact that I look at myself in the mirror and ask you to touch me.
Clearly you don't feel appreciated. Maybe that's what we're getting to. Well, once again, it's been an excellent Araby session for us, nothing like these batch on cuts. Look, you know, when we started batchng cut last season and we unpacked Jimmy and Hollies, we didn't know what we were doing, and we got to the end of it we still didn't really know what we were doing. But the reason why we started doing it during lockdown was because, well, let's
be real, we had nothing else to do. And now this season with Brooke and we're out of lockdown, it occurred to Matt and myself that we're parents and we still basically never leave the house, So we thought, why not do this and unpacked Batchet uncut.
Well, yeah, Lockdown ended, and we still haven't gone out, We've not done anything differently, life is very much the same as in Lockdown, so we're like, hey, we may as well. But also the great feedback that we had. Obviously we wouldn't have done it if we didn't feel like people were enjoying it. So to everyone who reached out and said we are loving it, thank you so much. We're doing this for you.
Yeah, there was literally at least ten people who were really stoked. So you know, guys, cheers, We're back and here we go. Shall we get into episode one?
Can I just say, oh, here, we don't. Don't you think this season feels very different? Obviously we know it's different for the obvious reasons.
Here we are captain Obvious, it's the first bisexual indigenously, and that's like, there's something I can't put my finger on it. There's something about this feels particularly unusual. A should did he get a haircut?
Do you know what I mean? Obviously there are the obvious.
Yeah, there's guys and girls in the house. It's fucking it's wild for.
The first time globally for the franchise. But isn't it nice just to have everyone so excited about the Bachelor franchise. You know, the last few seasons, I feel like the audience numbers have been dwindling and people have been complaining a little bit, and for the first time, it feels like everyone is just so pumped, like myself included.
Well, I also think after last season, like as much as we I mean, we recapped it, we loved watching it, and we got super invested in it, but to be fair, I think they weren't that many Australians who were as invested in it as what we were. And as we all know you're following the ratings, it kind of didn't do as well is what some of the other previous seasons have done. And I think so much the franchise
needed a shake up. For years, people have been calling for diversity, people who have been asking for Bachelor to change it up because it's so not that it's scripted. We know it's not scripted, but it's so formulated. Yes, love it when we answer each other's sentences, but it really is it's so formulaic. And also the problem with it being formulaic is that it becomes pretty fucking obvious who's gonna win at the end? Who do you think is going to win.
Well, let's go into actually let's now, let's.
Just put it on the table right now, and the winner who we think the winner is going to be. Again, we'll unpack the episodes and then we'll say our top three at the end. I love that we've prepared how this is going to go.
The names that we say won't mean anything to anybody who hasn't watched the show, So I'm really hoping that everyone listening has already seen the first two episodes. But my pick, from the moment I saw him, I thought he is absolutely gorgeous. He's also a little bit trendy as well. I see a lot of myself in this person, except I'm really craped with building anything and I don't have blonde hair. I've got brown hair. But Conrad, Okay, Conrad is my pick to win the show.
No, I reckon. Conrad's like a number three baby.
What.
Yeah, we all know how good you are at picking the winners. I am gonna go with the David David, the Persian Prince.
No, you're not pronouncing it right, David David Dvid.
That's gonna be Darvid.
He's Irish, now, he's.
The Persian Irish prince. Anyway, let's get into Unpacking episode Numero. Who know. So we kick it off, we are introduced, and as Matt said, the big thing about this season is that this is in Bachelor history worldwide. Throughout all the years, there has never been a bisexual bachelorette. And obviously, I mean, it was still a pretty safe bet for the Bachelor franchise picking Brook because she is such an Australian sweetheart. Everybody already loves her and it is the
choice that everybody has been pushing for. So we can't be more excited to watch this whole season play out.
Do you think that Channel ten were like, oh, yeah, probably we probably should have given this to Brook a couple of years ago, Like.
She's frigging great lead and how excited, Like Okay, I'm now I'm just repeating things you already said, like how excited everyone is that they're finally doing this. But I also think at the same time, she is just so perfectly cast for this role, like the lead up, like backstory with Nick, the backstory with Bachelor Paradise, like we needed that heartbreak to fully get behind her, and kind of like the whole community that all of Australia is kind of rallied around Brooke on her quest for love.
But when the episode started, it was almost as if they had to give some kind of a trigger warning because we were met with old favorite the honey Badger Mate.
It was a traumatizing way to start off the first episode, wasn't it.
And generally thought that I was going to be the girl at the end. Our connection just kept growing, but then everything changed.
Look, I think it's just too soon to rehash the whole Nick not choosing anybody on National TV. I feel like it's always going to be too soon, Maybe because I also speak to Brittany every day. That's just too soon. Oh God. And then Bachelin Paradise, like it's the poor girl. She's really had a run so far with the Batch franchise. She's really putting all her eggs in the one basket.
I totally forgot that she was a Batch in Paradise. That like that almost was a raise from my memory until I saw her with Alex Snation on the small screen again. Do you think Alex Nation is watching this show right now? Going? I can't believe our rejected Brook for Bill, Bill, the guy from the Dog Park, remember him. I wonder what he's doing now.
Well, I think Alexnation is do being okay for herself. Now she just had a baby and she has just gotten engaged. But do you reckon she's pretty happy.
You think there's a little part of herself where she's kind of like made the wrong call back then, didn't. I yeah, but you got to.
Live through these lessons. You've got to make the mistakes to find your penguin. And now she's happy and she's had a baby. So I think Alex Nation's doing okay. But this isn't Alex Nation's love story. Let's get back to Brook. We've done the Honey Badger, We've lived through that trauma. Everybody's already feeling a little bit emotionally fragile after that. Then we have Australia Bachelor. First, we have
a Welcome to Country and I'm sorry. If you were able to watch that without crying, you are a psychopath and you need to go and get some psychiatric help. Because every single person I was crying, Matt was crying, Lola was crying, but she's always crying. It was a lot in the house.
No, it was it was a nice a nice nod to her heritage, and it was great, great online seeing the positive reaction from everyone who watches the show to something like this.
It was really beautiful. Honestly, I think it was one of the most memorable and momentous things I've ever seen happen on The Bachelor, And like, like we were saying this whole idea that the Bachelor can be so formulated, you can follow this very scripted, patterned sort of editing, and that this was just such a beautiful and necessary
part of this story. I'm so glad that they embrace it fully, and I just think exactly what Brooks said, like for Indigenous people to be able to see themselves represented in that way just shows how much the world is changing. Amazing. Anyway, let's get into the red carpet.
Now, it's time for what I think is my favorite part of the entire season. It doesn't get any better than this. It's time for the red carpet.
I think that's a pretty big call, like go hard and then it just peters out. What about the ending? What about the finale?
Obviously finale is good everything in the middle, but the red carpet, there's no heartbreak, you know, it's all happiness and some awkward moments, and that's what I love.
It's kind of like it like a horse showing or something where they have the horses come around with the numbers and you're like, oh, that one's good. Oh that's got a shiny coat. Oh it's a few crackers short of a picnic.
How many of those type of events have you actually been to?
I went to the Easter Show once.
Yes, Oh, number fourteen. That's very good. I'll bring back fifteen here he is. Yes.
But the big thing about the Red Carpet as well is like they don't.
Actually, would you prefer it if all the contestants came out with a.
Number, Yeah, just a number.
We don't know their name, best on and.
There's three men in the background with a little notepad.
Just judging them standing in at best on show.
Okay, So the funny thing though about the Red Carpet as well, is like we all know the standouts, you know that whoever gets like a bit more extra time, Like they're the standouts from the show, people who get wrapped up in that montage that we've been in the middle, whose names don't even really kind of come up on the screen like you know that they're either going home first, second or third episode.
Hey, hey, hey, let's just cast our minds back to the Bachelorette. I was the montage guy.
No, you were.
I was the montage guy.
That's such a lie. You had a breakout bit in the montage because Georgia Love said you seemed arrogant or something. You had your hands in the pocket.
I was on the screen for about three seconds. So to anyone watching, you can almost like guarantee that the montage people are then nothing. They're just a bit of They're just a bit of fodder. They bit a filler. But every now and then a montage person will make it through to the end.
Okay, but we can guarantee that a montage person and never Winsje you a testament to that, my montage friend, you.
Were definitely not a montage person in my episode.
Can we take one second to talk about Brook's dress? Now? Brook is so beautiful, she looked so stunning. But I have a question for everybody, and I really spend a bit of time thinking about this, How the hell do you go to the toilet when you're wearing a dress that essentially is three times to site. The skirt was the skirt was as wide as it is she is tall. How do you go to the toilet when you're wearing gloves and a dress like this?
Would you have to like with that zip like undone? Do you think would the designers make a dress like that with practicality in mind?
What said the skirt comes off and it turns into a leotard.
Yeah, and then you can just like whip that to this items.
Or just take one glove off of Michael Jackson.
Or is it like maybe someone just brings out a bucket and they're like.
That would be very unbachelorette.
Hang on, put a paw with the limousines, bring piss bucket out.
Although I will never forget the time, and unfortunately I won't ever let Ellie Miles forget it either, where she told an accidentally unfiltered story on our podcast and she had done a pooh in a Chinese takeaway container, So you know what, she wouldn't be Brook would not be the first bachelorette her business in a bucket. Anyway, Guys, let's get into the well the non one touched people, the people who actually got a little bit of airtime, we're kicking it off with Holly.
Holy beautiful Red Dress mentioned that she was a dancer and pretty much got straight into that as soon as she met Brook. They didn't even have too much of a conversation. It was like, Hey, I'm Holly, I'm Brooke. Lovey to meet you. And then Holly was just like, come here, embrace me. And they had like what looked
like a nice dance. But let's not forget that when that took place on the night, there would have been absolutely no music whatsoever, and it would have been just the two of them, face to face, embracing in silence.
Why are you speaking so staccato?
Because it would have been awkward. I know. I'm just because in those moments when they start filming, they literally everyone's on radio and they will say to everybody like, shut the hell up, we are now recording. No one's allowed to speak, so it is it's dead silent on set. And so when you have a moment like that, any tiny little noise like a camera guy going, you hear everything. So if someone goes m like you hear it.
Did you do a fart on the red carpet? I'm sure I would have at some point, it's a long night.
When you're the lead, you don't care. You're like whatever, it's a long night.
But also, okay, what Matt is describing, in case you didn't quite get that, is there anytime that there's dancing on the on the screen, anytime that there's any sort of a couple doing I like that. I was about to describe what dancing is to you all anytime.
Dancing as two people moving with certain moves and motion to music.
Okay, anytime that they're dancing on screen in The Bachelor, you can guarantee that there was actually no music because it's then it's then really difficult for them to record the music at the same time and then overlay all the twinkly music. So Holly and Brook would have been slow dancing to absolute silence, which I think on a very first meet is a rather intimidating thing to do with someone, Like there's nothing there to kind of buffer you.
You're right up close, you're breathing on each other.
Bring it in.
Yeah, I don't know.
But let's not forget the fact that this is filmed in winter, so it would have been really cold that night. So when Brooke was saying, I felt really comfortable. What she really meant is it was just nice to have some body warmth with another person.
And I saw a lot of chatter in our Facebook group and people like it's got to be holy, like Holly's going to be the one. What I don't know, I.
Wasn't they say that.
Yeah, a lot of people are putting their bets on Holly, but I don't know. I wasn't feeling it just yet. Let's see how things progress. I think she'll be top four, top three, She's okay, we're doing the tops later. Okay, sorry, would you jump in her head?
Top four?
Let's talk about David.
No, you're not. You're not pronouncing the art correctly. It's Vid.
So he's a pirate. I'm diagred. We've got a cup of tea. David is the Persian Prince. In case anyone missed it, David is my pick. He is my winning horse. He is my I was gonna say Italian stallion. He's definitely not that. He's my Persian stallion. I like him. He also came really prepared. Most people come with a gimmick, like one gimmick, and Darvid was like, I'm in a really Hetch my Bed said, I'm gonna come with three.
Yeah. So David arrived on a lawn mower, but at the back of the lawn mower he had a little Persian tea set and then in addition to that, he also had a magic lamp. I was like, what doesn't David have carrying with him right now?
I mean, we've got to love a landscaper who likes a kappa and he's in touch with his emotions.
I mean, I just thought he was just starting to lie a little bit, you know, I didn't. I didn't think he was being very honest. Come on, he's saying it's a magic lamp. Come on, mate, there's no such thing as a magic lamp. Don't light a brook, mate.
It's not a good place to start starting your relationship off with lie Well, I wonder what her three wishes were. Do you know what, I'm gonna put money on the fact that that's going to pop up in a date somewhere down the line.
Oh, do you think.
You gotta rep meet the right way? It's just darvit and like little Tassel number, He's like for my fourth act. So the next guy that comes out of the limousine is. Look, he's probably the most problematic, and weirdly, I also really like him from an entertainment factor. However, I kind of dislike him at the same time, and I'm sure everybody
feels the same. It is Bo. It is the self proclaimed Bo the Beauty, and Bo tries to give Brook a pet name in literally the first four seconds, and it is just as cringeworthy as it sounds.
Brook, Yes, or what I will like to call you, Phoebe?
And then Bo continues to be even more creepy with his sexual innuendos.
Will someone say I'm a jack of or tray beautiful?
I say I'm great with my hands?
Oh my god, Bow like that. There's one every season, and unfortunately, here he is. He's come in number three. Yeah, look, not impressed. Not impressed with the photo shoot. It was a bit questionable. He's so a little bit objectifying. Gonna put it out there.
Let's not tarnish Bow early on. He could be able to redeem himself. Damn lovely, I have my own personal stash of photos already.
Okay, there's absolutely no chance that Bow is redeeming himself. And after a trifecta of absolutely deplorable behavior on the red carpet. I would be surprised if he sticks around for very long. Brook is a very smart girl, and she's not going to keep him in the house.
But you know what I love is the fact that everyone watching this is like, gosh, that's a bit of a train wreck entrance, and then Bow to himself is like, yep, she probably loves me already.
But also in that like, I'm gonna absolutely not say surely most men, because we all know that there are a lot of men who validate bad behavior, but like, come on, you cannot say that you're going to keep a stash of photos for your private collection money. Holy shit, this is a female demographic audience that watches this show. Pull your head out of your butthole.
Poor girl is going to hear that and go, oh my gosh, that is so sweet, thank you so much.
She has a whole photo album of photos of me that I didn't really want him to take. It's really cute. I think he loves me.
Okay. The next up we have Carissa, and this is this is the first time we hear that WiFi music and she steps out as that foot leaves a limousine and makes contact with the floor. This beautiful, swirling, emotional music is playing, and this is me thinking, all right, this is the girl who could be number one.
And Carissa has the most beautiful story. I mean, it's heartbreaking, but at the same time it's it's beautiful. She speaks about how her parents passed away, and how after her mom passed away she started to see rainbows and that's become like a real symbol of optimism and a symbol for her that's kind of set her on the right path. It was a super intense story to be telling someone
when you very first met them. But I do get the feeling that Brooke is very spiritual and very interconnected with her feelings, so it seemed like it was received really really well. I think for me personally, if someone straight off the bat was like, hey, my parents you passed away have pushed me in this direction, I would feel an immense amount of pressure around that conversation. But then it did kind of turn a little bit comical because Carissa had drawn Brook a picture a turtle.
Do you know what I thought? At first, I misheard her and I thought she said, I've drawn a portrait of you, So I thought it was going to be a picture of Brook, and then Brooke unravels it and the turtle pops up, and I was like, that's a pretty bad picture.
But don't get me wrong, and I shouldn't love it's a beautiful sentiment. It's actually such a beautiful gift. It's just the fact that she keeps reiterating. She's like, I am not an artist. I'm just gonna make it really clear one one time. I am not an artist, but it's a rainbow turtle and it's meant to be a symbolism of the LGBTQI community and it has a really beautiful meaning behind it. It was just more like the unveiling. It was just more the unveiling that I think kind of took a turn.
And I love the fact that she said synchronosity.
Yeah, did anyone else realize that? And now now I'm not sure?
Okay, is she correct synchronicity? Synchronosity?
Well, she's she's a psychiatrist. She's real smart guys. So on two separate occasions in the first episode, Chrisa said synchronosity. And I don't want to be that gromantic head, but is it wrong?
I don't know, excuse me, CHRISA, that's how you say.
It, CHRISA, you actually pronounced it synchronicity.
But I think I think synchronosity aside. I think Carissa. I think she's going to be a top three.
I think we have good synchronosity.
We have the best synchronosity.
All right, Now it's time for Maddie Jay's favorite boy, and that is Conrad, who rocks up in some high viers with an Ikea flat pack, ready to really test the relationship. Everybody knows that there is nothing more testing and trying at the early stages of a relationship than going to Ikea and trying to assemble some flat pack. Ah.
I would not wish it upon anybody.
But it seems like everything goes well for them. Brooks a trooper, She creates a love seat. They make a love seat together. Conrad kind of talks about how it's gonna be the start of some beautiful memories.
He is the absolute dream. Tell me he is not the most handsome man you've ever seen.
He is one hundred percent a musician and could very well be a fuck boy masquer rating as a sensitive guy.
Actually, yeah, maybe he's a like he's a bit of a kier and Stott type fellow.
Do you think No, I don't think he's quite a cure and come on, don't put him in that basket.
Well, he does remind me of machine Gun Kelly. No, he's with Megan Fox.
Well, someone from the Facebook group did actually post a photo which if you guys haven't seen it, I'm gonna put it on Instagram. On Life on Cut podcast, he also has very uncanny resemblance to mister G from Summer High.
Tide, who, No, don't ruin him for me.
He's like, he's like the hot mister G. He's mister G in his youth. If mister G started a punk boy band.
Oh no, you know, you've absolutely destroyed him for me.
Now, don't get me wrong. I think Conrad I reckon he could be a number three. I think he's a goer. I'm not one hundred percent settled on my top three yet, but we will unpack that at the end.
He just seems it just seems really cool. I just want to be him, all right, dad.
Anyway. After that, we then have a montage of people who are definitely going home. It's interesting. Some of them bring brownies, some of them bring cake. I think one guy brought vodka, but we couldn't really see and we didn't spend any time with him. Also, I want to ask, did anyone else notice how there were two people in each limousine like they were doing uber pool budget cuts.
Eight people crammed into the back of a limousine.
Fuck, but you know you know that it is literally eight people because the camera person's on the other side. They're producing ex event. So there's like five people sitting in this sitting in this limo. Why do they put two to a do they always do that? They were?
Yeah, I was in the car with three others for my red carpet arrival back in the day.
I was in the car with three others as well. But at the time they never made it seem like there were other people in the car. They always made it seem like each person got their own individual car. But now they're like, ah, fuck it, everyone knows we've got no money. Put two of them in, put four of them in. We can make this on one trip. Petrol's very expensive now and they drive Okay, So you guys know, I'm going to give you a bit of
intel here. They have like a van set up at the bottom of the driveway.
And all the contestants are in the back of a van.
Literally, all the contestants are sitting in a bus, or they're sitting like in a in a makeshift room like a big tent, or they're sitting in some sort of van. And the limo comes down the driveway one by one and picks up three contestants. The three contestants get into the limo, and then the limo drives back up the driveway and it waits there while each person gets out one by one, and then it drives back down it picks up three more people from the tent.
It's so unnglamorous, you make it sound like they're transporting live stock.
Heah, back to a number fifteen. They've got great legs.
And as they're churning through this montage, there is one absolute standout, who I guess gives us a bit of a showcase of what not to do on the red carpet. Well, hey, bat, yet, it's time to see seem right for you and you will rap from me.
Who knows where this journey could go.
Could be a bombing rud with herds and loves.
So this is Matt Matt is the rapper, and you know what, I'm going to give him one point one point for his efforts. It's the fact that he has good self awareness in that. I think that there's one thing that's lacking in the Patch Mansion is a lot of people kind of don't really have that self awareness, and they do and say some ridiculous things. But at least Matt in retrospect kind of regretted what he did.
I didn't even think I could wrap. I don't even think still I can wrap. That was just ridiculous. Although that self awareness probably kicked in just a little bit late, don't you think.
Yeah, Look, timing wasn't the best in things.
Hey, do you remember Jamie Lee?
You remember? I don't know why my brain is doing this today, but it is.
Do you remember Jamie Lee? Yes, from Honey Badger's season. She was an intruder.
I mean, she wasn't on the season for very long, but yes, I remember her.
She was. Yeah, she didn't have the best run, but still she has that connection with Brook because they're on the same season together. And now now Laura Byrn she's back.
Okay, I have a few questions about this situation. I've got a few things I want you all to ponder. How did she get cast? Like how did the producers know one that she would have been interested in Brook to get cast or were they like, hey, Jamie Lee is also bisexual, so let's check if she wants to be on this season, Like, like, how would they have known? Because they think it's a pretty big stretch to go. Jamie Lee and brook are friends. They were on the
same season together and they became friends. So I think it's a big stretch for producers to reach out to someone and say, hey, do you actually have the hots for your friend? Would Jamie Lee have reached out to producers?
I think she would have reached out because if you remember, normally back in the day, they wouldn't they wouldn't announce who the lead is or the bachelor of Bachelorette that would ask people to apply without knowing who they're going to be matched with. But with Brooks season, they announced saying, hey, this is going to be the Bachelorette. You're asking de gea start applying right now. So maybe Jamie Lee saw that and was like, oh my gosh, could.
You imagine It's literally like you cannot write this storyline. The producers were like, yes, come on in, Jamie Lee also one because it automatically creates conflict in the house because people they feel like they've got an unfair advantage. They're like, oh, Jamie Lee's already got this connection. It's like it causes that rift. Great great TV. And then secondly to that, just this like unrequited love story that
potentially could have played out on a previous season. I just think it's got all the elements for a very, very great storyline. However, there are a few questions I have that go unanswered.
When I left the mansion, I wrote a little letter for book. To this day, I've kept a copy of this letter, and tonight's the night I get to share those words.
With her again. So I don't want to seem like I'm being really cynical here, But Okay, if you left the show all those years ago and you always had this burning question of like, hey, was there something there? Did she like me? I think I really liked her. That could have been an amazing relationship that we never got to explore. Like I'm sure she had a number, Why didn't she just message her? Why didn't she just send her a message on Instagram like why why did
she wait there for so long? Not knowing, not trying to reach out? She even had this letter make I know Australia Posts are really bad with her delivery times.
Right now particularly delayed.
But just get in contact.
No, I think there's a bigger element here, Like I really like Jamie Lee. She's so well spoken. She seems like a really beautiful soul. I like, if they end up together, love it. But I think it's probably a case of the fact that they formed a friendship and then you know, when you're friend zoned essentially and the girl that you like is kind of in love with a guy and you're on another I just think there was too many there were too many barriers for them
at that point in time. I guess I'm just I don't know how she I want to know how she got on the show, Jamie Lee, if you're listening to this, just slide onto my DMS. I just want to know, did you get approached, did you approach them? Let me sleep at night? Did you answer this for me?
Did you send a letter with the Australia Post and it never got delivered and it never got.
Delivered I am still waiting on my Amazon order, so it could be caught up with that. The other thing I want to ask here is this little this little grab this little morsel for you all to listen to.
I remember giving there that and writing that to me.
I still have it? Do have it? If brook still has the letter? How is Jamie Lee reading the letter? It's like letter inception.
She broke into Brooks house, got back the letter, packaged it back up, put a ribbon on it, and I think that's how it.
It's all explained, and that's why Brooks like I still have that, along with the photos that boast Or has.
Any Hey, that's pretty much it. I do want to give a special shout out to is it tage taj Taje?
I have literally no idea who that is.
She was the girl uh in the blue?
And why are you giving her a shout out? Like you want to say thanks to her and your.
Mom if you're listening A big fan over here, and I really like her. I really like it. I think she's great. She is someone who will be the dark horse slow Burn of the season said it here first, Thank you very much?
Why are you giving it? What makes you think that.
I just she I felt it in my waters.
Wait which one is she?
I can't even remember she He has like brownie blonde hair.
She's just super smoking and that's why you want to give her a show.
No, she's the one. She's the one who helped out Conrad with his love chair later on.
So she was an accessory to the love Oh she put the pillows on the love chair. Yes, she's not going to be at the end. She was an accessory to the main story. Okay, she might maybe she'll be number two, an accessory to the main story.
I cannot wait until Cage wins this season, and I will say in your face, Laura Burn, is it targe? Okay, it's not important that.
It probably is to her and she's probably listening to these Targe Cage. We're going to check this out and make sure we get it right for next week.
Okay. Sorry. So nothing really happens for the rest of the cocktail party, except for the fact that that most of the guys are pretty lazy and none of them really get off they're asked to talk to Brook and it's just all the girls doing all the work here, which.
Is indicative of every experience of the man that I've ever had to be perfectly honest.
Come on, guys, do us proud? And they all just sit back and do absolutely nothing.
It's very interesting though, that it's only sixteen contestants. I know the Bachelorette is smaller than the Bachelor, but it's really small.
Actually, normally it's like in the twenties.
Yeah, well, I think last season was nineteen. I mean I know that because I counted them. But yeah, sixteen seems really brief, which makes me think this is only going to run for like six or seven weeks.
Interesting.
So, yeah, while the women are all chasing Brook and actually putting in a bit of effort, and the men.
Are talking about the scorer of the football.
They're just standing around the fire.
It is a nice fire.
They're scared, that's what they are. Men are scared of us powerful women. Well, yeah, how do you feel, Mattie Ja. That's why he flex in the mirror every day. We're like, h are mad, I am so strong?
Look at me?
Yep, yep. That's what she has to look forward to if she picks a man.
Okay, But like the real storyline here that was a feature of the show was the fact that Conrad had made this beautiful love chair and he plays the love chair in a very specific spot under a tree, very well lit love it super romantic, and he had planned, not just planned, but he had pinky promised with Brooke that he was going to take her back to the love chair to continue the conversation. And he made this awad to everybody at the cocktail party. It was like a known thing.
Okay, so you've made her a love seat.
It is just over there. I did, well, we did made it together.
Yeah.
So and yeah, now I.
Think I made it pretty clear with everyone that I thought it would be nice and respectful if everyone let Brooke and I have the first opportunity to use the love seat.
Now, this is the drama that no one saw coming, the unsuspecting drama that comes with making ikea furniture. And didn't I tell you at the start? Fucking flat pack is always the cause of an argument. It truly is.
It's never a good thing.
You don't even know how that argument's going to present itself, but it's there.
It's a bad omen.
Yeah, and it comes back to and it's and no one's ever that happy with flat pack comes together looks barren and sad sitting there in the garden.
And then someone else, Yes, it won't last, it won't last. Burn it burned the chair got it upset.
From moment. Okay, so now for the fucking everything's unraveled over a bloody our key chair.
It's weird. It's a weird move from Jess. Okay, because she.
What are you doing? Kay?
Oh my god, I just swallowed swallowed a mosquito.
You just spat on our floor.
Oh my gosh, I saw that buzzing in front of me. And then next day I took a big breath and the breath was so big that the mosquito mosquito was like, oh I just inhled it. Ah, I'm so sorry.
Oh I thought you just got ridding on COVID. You literally, Matt just spat on our launcher floor and bedroom r a beroom. Oh my god, I'm fine. A glass of water. There's no one here to help. Wow, that was cooked.
Sorry about that, the poor mosquito.
Poor me.
That's why I don't do many podcast episodes.
Oh my goodness, my face hurt.
What was I saying? Jess?
Yes nothing matters anymore, all right, got me okay, yeah, look, it was a It was a real power move from Jess. Let's compose ourselves. Oh, pull it together, We've got a whole second episode to get through. It was a real power move from Jess. And I think Jess has solidified herself as a little bit of a villain by doing this.
Why do that? Like what benefit? It's not as if Brook is gonna look at that and go, oh yeah, that's very sexy, the way you stole that man's love chair.
No, If anything, I think Brook was a little bit like, this is weird, Like, this is a weird move from you, and no one likes someone who comes across like for me, that was a real bitchy thing to do. And it's it's undermining someone else's feelings, which if you're an empathetic person, which I think Brook comes across very much, so she
comes across really connected with her feelings. She comes across as an m path and I think she would see that and go, why would you purposely think it's fun to make somebody else feel sad?
Poor little Conrad. I just wanted to give him a cuddle.
He's gonna, you know what, He's gonna go home and write a song about it. That's what he's gonna do, and.
I will buy that song and play it on repeat.
Adversity makes for the best music. Heartbreak. That's where creative freedom comes from. I once stated a musician.
And the only other really exciting thing that happened is we had our first kiss on EP one.
When it happened, do we have another king captain on our hand?
We've got a well did did Jimmy kiss at the cocktail.
Party on our kissed everyone?
I'm sure he did. I'm sure he did. Edited out of one of the many kisses that we never saw.
He started with Usher at the very first, and like as soon as you got there, kissed Ashow, and then he kissed the catering guy, and then it just continued. Big call, big call to kiss someone on the first It's risky, also super risky to kiss someone who you've already got a very strong connection with because you have back history with. And I don't say this like I mean I don't care go around and kiss whoever you want. I more say this from like the contestants perspective, because.
They would check out.
Yeah, if any of them saw that, they would just feel like their ability to have any sort of connection or to to it's just this threat, and you would feel a bit derailed in that whole process.
You'd get a sense that Jamie Lee is just leap some bounds in front of everybody else and there's no way that anybody could catch her in the limited time that they have on the season.
Totally, totally and like it was, there is obviously something big brewing there, like something that has gone unspoken, and for anybody who's experienced that in their relationships in the past, for anyone who has pined over a friend, and then it's kind of come to that pivotal turning point, like
it's really loaded. It's a really big experience. And so I think for anybody else in there, if they had known or they had seen that, I do think we probably would have had a couple of walkouts or at least a few people who would have gone, Okay, what the fuck is the point? Like it was clearly already won before it started.
Imagine how Conrad would have reacted to that. First the Love Chair.
Now this, I'm gonna say this, guys, I don't think Jamie Lee is going to be the person at the end, And why because they have gone too hard, too fast on Jamie Lee. That kiss was really special, and I think they showed us too much of it. They showed us too much of Brooke being like happy, excited, like into it. Her validating of Jamie Lee's feelings makes me think that if it was Jamie Lee at the end,
they would have edited out some of that validation. Aman is the red herring everybody, I'm calling it.
Gosh, you're so smart.
I've been around the blocks people, Oh, the blocks, all of them. I've been around the block people. All right. Couple of notable mentions before we get into the rose ceremony where someone who goes home whose name no one knows. That is the David, my David, my beautiful Persian Prince. He gets the white Rose. He's getting the first date, and he is the first impressed. Is that the first impression Rose? Is that what it is? Again?
Remember, yeah, let's let's call it.
That's gone to skip through that episode, and you know what, it's no surprise that he made the best first impression since he brought everything. He brought three different things to cutlery, the rd on moa, I've got the tea, all right? The tea's not working, fu Genie, Genie, I'll go with.
Adorned or salesman modern day and then special mentioned to old mate he's a carpenter, went home. Don't remember his name.
He got absolutely no airtime.
It always sucks being number one getting the boot. Sorry dude, feel for you.
We'll miss you. And now let's get into episode number two. Now we are balls deep in the second episode, and anybody who is I'm also balls deep in this class of one.
Beautiful visual you've just given everybody, myself included.
A dear Okay, well we are.
Now we're penetrating into episode two. We're hitting it from the behind NonStop. Thank you Laura.
Anyway, strang yourselves in. It's gonna be a good one. So we are, We're in, We're inside, We're deep inside Episode two. It's the group date. And we all know what the group date is on episode two. If you have watched one, two, three, four, any season of The Bachelor ever, we all know that the group date on episode two is the photo shoot. Now, you would think if you were going on the Bachelor, you probably would watch a season, but apparently not.
He is a photo shoot. Trust the guy to not do his research.
Yeah, to put in zero effort, like literally zero effort. They haven't left from around the fire, and then they haven't watched any of the previous season. He's like, oh, she's hot, and everyone's like, yeah, that's past season. He's like, fuck, no.
Way, guys, suck Oh my gosh.
Okay, So there's a couple of notable highlights in this photo shoot. We're gonna just gonna go from the top to the bottom. It's probably the best way. That wasn't even a sexual innuendo, but maybe we should throw it.
Are we going to talk about Tim two point zero? Tim Man? Honestly, it is ridiculous how much it looks like Tim has just come back, shaved his head, given himself a haircut, made himself look a little bit more respectable, and come back. It even sounds like Tim.
It literally, this is going to be traumatizing for Brittany. I know, I hope she doesn't watch it.
They've got to be cousins at least, come on, brothers, they have to have some kind of relation. It's ridiculous, guys.
I'm going to say this again. I know I already said, jump on and look at Conrad and his doppel ganger that we also have put a photo of. We don't even know this guy's name. He's Tim two point zero, but it's literally just Tim Hanley with a shave and maybe he's gone a couple of his tattoos. Layers it off.
It really does.
Okay. Apart from Tim, we want to talk about Conrad and Jess, So of course the producers pick people who they know it's going to be a bit of tension, a bit of fighting. We know from the last episode that Conrad and Jess had the fallout over the love seat, and of course Conrad is playing the boyfriend at dinner or whatever it is. This is the setup. The setup is basically Brooke and Conrad are dating, they're at dinner together and Jess is their waitress. And now there's lots
of subtle actually it's not even subtle. There's lots of passive aggressiveness going on about the seat. The seat continues, seatgate, seatgate.
Who would have thought that one seat would cause so much damage and a season of the Bachelorette.
She steals my seat and she's good at it.
Oh, Conrad, let it go like like you you were coming across as a petulant troild.
What if hear me out if Jess has a certain condition where she likes to steal seats, okay, what she has a.
Certain condition where she has to sit down, Like it just all of a sudden, it hits her out of nowhere. She has to sit.
She's got a bad back, Yeah, there you go, and everybody's like she's Everybody's like, oh, she's stealing another seat, and she's just like, oh god, my back, my chronic pain has really given me some grief.
But also like, okay, I'm thinking that this is probably amped up from editing and production everything else. But get over it, Like, get over it.
She stole his seat, Laura, and he made with Brooke. He will not get over it, okay.
And I feel like that memory, the memory that they were never able to create, is now sullied for Fever.
I really hope that after this episode the seat is no more.
Could you imagine if we're at the finale and Conrad. Conrad's giving her a speech and he's like like, Brook, I've just been in the with you since the moment that you know, I met you, and unfortunately Jess sat on our seat, and it's all tainted for me, So I just it didn't pad out the way I expected in Jess.
Okay, next up we have the Halloween theme, which was a bit of a train wreck.
I reckon, I like bo Come on, the guy's got gustow, doesn't he he's got some real Maybe he's a narcissist.
He is on narcissist. He thinks his shit don't stink. So, like, I do have a bit of an advantage here.
I'm looking pretty pretty good.
To be honest, there is always one person on The Bachelor who is fully lacking in self awareness. And but you know what, as much as they are painful to watch, they're also very entertaining to watch. There's a part of me that's glad he's you. I'm sure Brook doesn't feel a se Okay, basically, this is the weirdest like there. It's like Halloween themed. There's no female, which means it's
lacking in emotional sensitivity. It's only the men. Hey, yeah, I look, I know you feel persecuted right now about somebody think of the men. Okay, So the weird thing about this is Brook is standing there and she's like, I don't feel like I am the center of attention here and I have a pretty sneaky suspicion as to why that is. Please are going to be in newspapers all over Australia and it feels cool.
Sorry if people are going to see me.
And I think it's pretty fair to say that Ryan is there for all the right reasons.
Definitely not for the blue tick. Hey, the most important photoshoot is the one on one and Holly, Holly the dancer. Holly slow dance. She gets it, she gets it, and I thought it was I thought it was a bit of like a one trick pony move. The fact that she starts dancing again.
Do you know who Holly is? Holly is Jay with the chess, Holly with the slow dance.
Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes, slow Holly.
It's chess girl. I'm gonna call Holly's just slow dance from now on, slow dance.
I've had enough of the slow dancing and I had enough of the seat.
But I'm gonna call it this. I know that this was supposed to once again feel romantic. I kind of felt like I was watching a bit of a tan trick yoga. If you just turn off the TV and close your eyes and listen to the audio.
Are you comfortable?
Yeah?
Well does that feel good for you?
Is?
Let's talk about the single date, Oh.
Darvin, once again, if you needed any more affirmation as to the fact that David is going to be at the end, he's going to be the winner.
No, no, what are you talking about? Person who gets the first date never wins.
Nazana got the first date and she won.
Mate, we went through this last time. She didn't get the first date, she had the second date, she got.
The first date. She I mean, we could definitely do a Google search for this.
It's not gonna happen.
You don't come here for reliable information. I mean a kind of Some of the things we say are seemi reliable?
Are they?
I feel it in my waters go off? I go off intuition, not off knowledge.
Okay, look, I think David will go far. I definitely don't think he's gonna win. But he does get a very good day. Like he gets he gets a helicopter straight off the bat boom, bringing out the big guns.
It always starts really impressive, and then we get down to the spotlight dates. Remember that's what happened in Jimmy's season. Started off big peanus in the middle ends on a.
High So they arrive at the Blue Mountains and they walk to the edge of this cliff which looks out to this beautiful valley, ah stunning, and they revere what they're going to be doing for the day, and would you call it like sitting? How do you say? Sit down? Sitting has become a real key feature in this season of The Bachelor so far.
I was like, where are you going about h once again the love seat. Yeah, so look, if you haven't seen it and you're just listening to our recaps, apologies firstly. But secondly, what they did do is that they ab sailed down twenty meters the side of a cliff and then they sat on like a little platform that was suspended. It wasn't even twenty I think it was like ten meters. They sat on a platform. It looked incredibly uncomfortable.
Because they had to kind of hunch forward. You couldn't even like sit back against the rock. It was.
It was a bit strange, and they looked like they were freezing. I'm pretty sure Brook even said at one point, can you hold my hand because it's so.
Cold, because I'm getting hypothermia.
So good. Gang Green is getting green when you're really cold.
No frostbit good try though.
I think you get Gang Green from frost Fight.
I mean yeah, down the track it would be Gang Greeners, but.
It progressed really quickly. Okay, on top of this, both wearing matching beanies cute? Like did they did they plan that? Was that? Like a was it a styling thing with the stylist for the show, Like Okay, we're gonna put them in little matching ensembles and they're gonna sit hunched over on the side of a cliff.
But also, if you have to go to the bathroom like I'm sobody who has to wee like every fifteen to twenty minutes, like what happens?
Then well, I think Darbett would be fine. He'd just do a bushwee off the side. But could you imagine on a first date a girl trying to hang herself off backwards to do a we.
But then then it starts to rain.
Oh before we get into the rain, let's just unpack. Why was there no refreshments? Like they're sitting there on a ledge, like there's no champagne, there's no cheese board. I know, no one eats the cheeseboard.
They had something even better. They had chocolate milk.
Could you imagine, like I know that they made it to They made it look romantic, they really did, But could you imagine how much it would fucking suck to be in the Blue Mountains hanging off the side of a cliff in the rain, Like it would be the worst thing ever?
And Brooke was wearing a really nice leather jacket, like I was thinking, like, that's expensive, poor jacket.
Well Brook was of course trying to be optimistic about it, And you know what I think. I don't think David felt or had the same sentiment, but he was definitely trying to remain positive. This isn't really yeah, I don't mind it.
I actually don't mind it. It's so obvious that he has it.
Okay, he loves okay, it's very clear that he loves the time with Brook. But no one, like nobody, if they had a choice between sitting by a cozy, warm fire verse sitting on the side of an exposed cliff in terrible weather, I'm pretty sure he might have picked the former. And even the guy, even the guy who brought down the hot chocolates, even he waited until it stopped rating. Did you notice how long did they leave them on the side of the bunk.
They were there for eight hours. Poor poor David and Brook.
It's like, take me. I'll say, honestly, I think that they're I think that this is it. Call it over, call it game match point.
Well, he did have some very kind words to say about Brook after the date, and yeah, she just warms me up, makes me feel really merry. Are we sure that he's talking about Brook or a shot of fireball?
I reckon that they gave them a little glass of sherry at the end, and they're like, how does that make you feel?
Like?
He was like, oh, that'pen pretty very but Brook, Okay, Brook was crying. Brooks already so into David, error Dard, She's already so into pirate David that yeah, she was having a teary because she feels so connected to him.
I really hope that for the next date it's on a ship.
Why, oh my god, that pirate David. That was so bad.
So the reason why I don't think he will win is because being first is a curse, because you have to then sit back and watch everybody else get their dates. And it makes you go like a.
Little bit rocky walkie and wants a cookie. Yeah for one of a better phrase, and we like, we interviewed Brook and she was fucking lovely, like she is the loveliest girl, but even she says like it makes you go it makes you feel very out of control totally.
And then like fast forward to the cocktail party and there was a consensus everybody agreed that those who didn't go on the group date would get the first opportunity to speak to Brook. And then David No straight in there.
Well he got a rose, Like when you have a rose at a cocktail party, it's this unspoken bachelor cocktail party law that you don't need to speak to the bachelor a bachelorette totally. And I guess the thing though, the thing that's always annoying in these situations is a
group of people will make a rule. Not everyone prescribes to the rule, but then everyone's expected to uphold the rule that a small group of people made to benefit themselves, Like it's so dumb, but at the time, when you're in it, the rules feel like look like it feels like, oh, you can't you can't break the unspoken Bachelor rule about not speaking it's so dumb. Look, David did take Brook aside at the cocktail party, even though he was safe.
It's a pretty rude thing to do, but it's by no means like, you know, taking someone to a love seat rude. But Emily was really upset about it.
Emily, what was she upset?
I couldn't tell you know what great that you did that can weed out the bad ones from the good. It just hurt my feelings.
You know, I'm not silly.
I know that that was You know someone's probably going to do that, but doesn't make it less painful, less upsetting. Actions speak louder than words. What you've done is a reflection of you, not me, and that's it.
I feel like Emily has just practiced her breakup speech, Like that's the speech you give to a guy who's cheated on you, or a guy that you've been seeing for a little while and then he does something that you think, like, fuck, you're not the person I thought you were, Not some dude that you met in the Bachelor mansion literally the night before who you're all competing for the same person for.
Dah, haven't didn't even say a word. I think he was like, what the hell is going on here?
He was like, oh, well, Emily's a few sandwiches short of a picnic. A picnic I wish I had on my cliff face exposed in the Blue mountains.
All right.
Well, that leads us into the cocktail party, and I was very upset Laura byrn to see that a beloved Bow. He was the pouting photographer who kept creepy photos of.
Brook Beauty Bow, Beauty Bow.
Yes, I'm sure he will have no trouble finding a date outside of the Bachelor. Good luck, buddy.
I mean, it was completely unsurprising that he's gone home. I also hope that when he left, the production will like, can you please believe?
Do you know me?
Like?
No, fuck, give me your camera. Bow, you got to delete those photos in Brookie, pervert.
He definitely would have like stolen some of her shoes or something with him as he left.
Anyway, guys, that is it. We've done it. We've recapped episode one and two. Well, I've only had one glass of wine feeling spicy.
We survived attacks from mosquitoes. Laura had a coughing fit as well at one stage, but we made it, and it's good to be back.
It does it's do you know what we've just widow appetite. We're just getting started. Get ready for next week. I probably won't wear any pants, all right, let don't get too excited about that.
Let's wrap things up because it's getting weird. I don't know the spiel, so you give it, Laura.
Don't pretend like you don't know how we wrap these episodes, Laura.
I mean, it's not as if I've sat here and scripted something. Thanks so much for listening, guys, and don't forget we have a Facebook group Life on Card. We also have the Instagram page at lifeunk Cup Podcast, so follow us there. And we've absolutely loved bringing you back Batch It Uncut. We hope you've enjoyed it. We'll see you guys next week.
That's not how we end it. We end it. We tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, and tell everyone and share the love because.
We love love.
How did you get a call back? How?
I don't know.
Everybody's confused. How do you be that mosquitos.
Working his way down to my rectum?
The company, then the cutter, al the the way, the