BACHETTE UNCUT - Snow globes and Mardi Gras

Hello, and welcome to Batchett Uncut. Yes, it is me, Maddie Jay. I am back. Have you missed me? Tell me?

Honestly, I mean there's also somebody else here. Her name's Laura.

Yeah, you're there on Tuesdays, you're there on Thursdays. It's me. I'm the one they've been missing.

You truly are the star of this show. But also they would be missing you even more because if you follow Batchett on cut, there's a very good chance you might know this. We missed last week's episode and we're also a day late. Who the fuck is relying on us in Bachelorette recaps.

If we make it to the end of this season, it'll be a bloody miracle.

We've got two kids. We're doing our best. Okay, so last week, if you don't listen to Tuesday's episode or Thursday episode, you might not know this. But we went to Byron and unfortunately on the trip, the roadcaster, which is what we used to recall the episodes into it broke, which meant we got to have a holiday, but very convenient Laura convenient I didn't break it.

So Laura was responsible for packing it. And it's just very suspicious that all of a sudden, this road cast is. They're very durable and it just happens to break when we're on holiday.

It was wrapped in a blanket in like the hard case carry on, and it broke. If you listen to Thursday's Ask and if you listen to the Ask Gun Cut episode, you know that this is the truth. You know I'm not making up Porcu Pies and Matt. I love recording Batch on Cut with you because it's a great time for us to squabble, have a few little lover's tips, and then you know, make up by going to sleep afterwards.

You just corrected yourself there. You're going to edit this one out, but you said have sex afterwards, which means I was gonna edit that. You're now responsible for having sex with me after this episode. It's also why I was going to edit that out, no pressure.

So the reason why we're late today, so obviously this is coming out on Saturday. It was supposed to come out on a Friday. The reason for that is that this week Matt and I were supposed to be getting married, so we thought that we would celebrate the week that was or the week that was supposed to be our wedding week with a trip away, and today actually the day that we're recording, this was the day of our wedding day. And we spent today in a four hour traffic jym.

Normally the card trip from where we were takes about two hours.

Would you say, yeah, give or take.

It was the worst traffic I've ever sat in and it was pouring down with rain the entire time. So look, there was a part of me that I was thinking to myself, Thank Heavens, we're not getting married today because even the lead up the last three days it has just been awful weather in Sydney.

But if you're listening to this and you got married on Friday, congratulation.

I hope you had the most amazing time.

You know what they say about a wet wedding, a wet not is harder to undo. That was beautiful.

There you go write that down.

But all rational quotes by Laura Burn please quote me. I mean, please like tag me, hashtag whatever. I don't even know. I'm so tired. We spent three days down in Jira at two nights. We also went down there with my sister and her children.

Hang on a second you slept in till seven thirty this morning. I was the one who woke up and I fed both kids.

You're a lord, you're a.

Hero, and I drove the car.

What a modern man?

Is there anything I won't do the washing? Yeah?

But anyway, guys, on today's episode, we are recapping just one episode for you today, Thank goodness, because we kind of forgot what was happening for a little while there before we get into unpacking episode seven, because we're not going to worry about the week that we missed so long ago.

No, I feel like everyone knows what happens.

And if you don't know, it's so far in the past, you probably don't care anymore.

I wonder if there are people out there who don't watch a single episode of The Bachelor a Bachelorette and they were like purely on you and me to keep them updated like right now, and their social circles are going. I just have no idea what to say to anyone about the show, because Matt and Laura have been mia for over a week now.

And to those people, I apologize.

Sorry, and I bet they're thinking, goodness me. I hope this is like a triple update and we're like last week, forget about it.

Well, like we've got twenty five minutes for you today and then it's kids and nap times. Okay. So there's also been some very big things that have been happening in the Bachelor world this week that haven't been happening on screen. They've been happening in a dingy bar and Byron So, Abby Chatfield and Conrad were caught by the perhaps kissing. It's been all over the news if you didn't see it, and I just gave you a bit of a spoiler, Matt, I'm very sorry. Matt has been not coping with the news.

Hang on just one second. Okay, you're saying that they're caught kissing. But I went to the article I had to look through. There are a number of images there. They don't look good. They are slightly incriminating. However, there is not a single photo where Conrad and Abby are locking lips. Let's not forget that.

There's an actual video. There is a full video that you clearly haven't watched. I know you're zooming in on the pitchure.

I didn't watch the video. There's a video. What happens in the video.

They're kissing a look, it's a bit grainy and far away, but I would say, and I would put some money on it, that it looks like a kiss.

Well, okay, let's just rewind for a second. Looks like a kiss, but it's not an actual kiss, because you know, you know, what looks bad is when you're whispering into someone's ear and from a certain angle it looks like you you're making out with them. So it could just be that Conrad was saying, Hey, Brook really is my soul mate, Abby. I'm so glad that the three of us will become best friends.

This reminds me of that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry got caught picking his nose in the car, but really he was just scratched. He was like scratching one side of his nose and the girl that he was dating drove fast and she was like, what the fuck, He's picking his nose. That's what's happening here, except it's not. And Abby was kissing Conrad, and Conrad doesn't win, and therefore you were wrong again about the winner of the Bachelor. Wait did you say Holly on the first app or

I think I said, O girl. I think I said it was going to be Conrad winning, which I feel like I always picked the runner up. I have like I'm drawn towards the runner.

Up always I am changing my thoughts. I think it's started. I think it's Holly, and then I think Conrad's number three.

I agree, I agree, you're right.

I think so. And also I am not mad about him and a big dating. I think that they make an absolutely sensational couple. I just think that Channel ten would be a little bit mad about the premature dating. Could have waited til the end of the season.

Maybe. Oh yeah. They say to all the contestants, now, just make sure you lay low, don't go to bar and Bay and hit up the bars, whatever you do. And Conrad's like, see you, I'm out of here.

Conrad's like, got it. I will make out with the most prolific person on Instagram. Honestly though, like we are so here for it. Just it was like a little bit of drama in the Bachelor world. We couldn't not comment on it this week.

I'm not happy about it. Let's start with episode seven.

Well, let's get into it. So, like we said, it's only one episode this week, so we're gonna deep dive unpack, and Millie gets the very first single day. I like Millie.

Millie's great, she's lovely, she's really nice, but you know, she's an intruder, and I can't help it be very pessimistic here and think that intruders never win.

So explain your theory as to why intruder has never win Apart from the fact that an intruder has never won, Like, explain to the people why that's the case.

Okay, So, when you are the lead here on a show like The Bachelor of Bachelorette, it's actually really hard initially to form multiple connections because we've been conditioned to the majority of us to just lock in on one person, and so then to allow yourself to have three, four,

I feel like the only time that I, oh wait, I lied, I said, and intruder's never won. So Iphi Monk's season an intruder he won. Streve Wawndy I forgot

But in saying that, Milli absolute legends somebody who I would love to have a drink with, and I.

Think that they, like genuinely if she had been there from the start, they could have a cracker connection, cracker connection, but I just think, like you said, but I think that they just don't have quite enough time. Now we have a few feelings about the single.

Day, though.

Let us unpack. Brook explains that she's never been to the snow before. She wants to take Millie somewhere very special and experience something new with her, and she thinks that this is the perfect place for them. This is my little dream come true.

And I feel like this is like the most perfect environment to get to know Millie. It just feels really natural, beautiful, and it's overall just like really bloody romantic.

It's literally like a winter escape room, like one of those panic rooms.

Except with fate snow and about five plastic pine trees.

Like, how does that make it the perfect place? I would love for Brook to explain this to me.

What would make the perfect place to get to know someone? Like a quiet bar, maybe picnic outside.

Yeah, like you know, a sunset by.

The water, beautiful love that, not.

Like a giant snow globe that you're stuck in.

But also, okay, I've got a sneaky suspicion it's not even real snow.

I thought it was maybe like that polystyrene you know, like the like stuff you get inside cardboard boxes with the delivery. They've just like broken it up and scattered it around the room.

It's a very good thing that Brook has Milli there, because Milli is experience in the snow. She's been there before, and you don't want to go out there in the wilderness all by yourself. I have been to the snow before, so I'm coming in like confident that I can, you know, navigate her around the snow.

I'm trying to imagine what this date would have been like if she'd brought Holly or darted along and the two of them would have just been lying, they being like, ah, what do we do? Hi?

Brook? This is a pine tree, This is a pine needle, this is snow, lay down, make a snow angel like looks not four. This is a toboggan, except there's absolutely no hills here, so I'll just drag you along the ground.

I would love to know how big this room actually is.

The One thing about this date is that they then go and they do an activity. And at the start I thought that they were painting the sky. I thought that Brook had taken mill into the back room, and she was like, you know what would make this whole experience better. It would be to have a beautiful vista to look out to so that it doesn't look like we're stuck inside a panic room snow globe, and I thought that they were painting the sky.

Okay, see, I hate to say it. I know it's been a running joke throughout multiple seasons of batchun Cut, but there was a part of me, Laura that was thinking, where the budget cuts our department, has that team been stripped back, where all of a sudden Brook has to decorate her own dates.

She's like, they're like, we don't have a decal for the back wall. Could you just like paint a sunset or a sky or something. So we're there, We're thinking, oh, like cute little activity they're painting. They're painting the sky. We thought, oh, no, they're painting a mountain, a blue mountain.

Yeah, gorgeous, snowy. Great, it makes sense obviously, like a like an Everest type mountain peak.

Like the Swiss houps in the snow area.

Like, yeah, great, this all ties together perfectly.

However, then we realized that the Bachelor did a good old sneaky on us And actually Brook and Milly just painted the Paramount Picture logo on the back wall as part of their date. Now, if you haven't seen this, please jump onto our Instagram. At Life on Cut podcast, they literally painted a logo as their single date and then they sat down on a couch for their intimate time and watched a Paramount Pictures movie Grease Lightning.

This is going to sound really lame, but there's a company called ViacomCBS in America that owns Paramount pitches. They actually own Channel ten, so I reckon there would have been some American at Channel ten being like, oh my god, this is the best integration opportunity ever.

One point, there was three Paramount logos on screen. It went from the Paramount logo that was being projected from the movie that they were watching, to them looking back at Brook and Milly, and there was a glowing piece of Mount Neon logo in the background, and then behind

Greece is so wholesome. What are you talking about. To be fair, some of the oldest shows that I love you watch back and you're like, oh, actually, that's that's not how I remember it. It's a little bit more problematic than that.

Greece is so misogynistic. It is such a wildly misogynistic movie. And I get that it's reflective of the times, but basically, she dates a guy who then in school is mean to her, and then she has to get hot, skinny and start smoking for the guy to pay attention to her again at the end. Like, it is wildly problematic.

Bad Paramount Pictures. Shame on you.

Now, none of you are going to look at Grease lighting the same.

Although, although as much as we were watching this and we kind of turned to each other and said, oh, yeah, poor Millie, she's being friend zoned here. It was a very good kiss, wasn't it.

It was a very good kiss. I really like Brooklyn Millie together. I feel like they have a really like they're friends, but they also had that connection and that chemistry. I just think Milli is way too late in the game. I think Brooke is leaps and bounds ahead with some of the other contestants like Holly and Darvid. And also I would have said Conrad except he was making out with Abby Chatfield and Byron.

Let's not remind everybody that, thank you very much.

Are you gonna be okay?

Yeah? I'm fine. Also, I'm a little bit annoyed that I think we're in Byron around the same time as Conrad.

And why wasn't Conrad making out with you.

At a bar? Yeah, That's what I want to know, Conrad.

If it doesn't work out with Aba Chatfield, Maddie jays right here and I think he would take you out for drinks sometime.

Welcome you into my household with open arms. Let's talk about the group date, shall we?

I freaking love this group date so much? Can you tell? This was my favorite group date, probably my favorite group date in the last two seasons of Batch Bachelorette. I loved it hands down. It was so fun.

It was a Mardi Gras theme date.

This is the home of the Mardi Gras Parade in twenty twenty one. In nineteen seventy eight, just down the road in Oxford Street, the very first March occurred. It was a protest for the rights of the LGBTQI plus community.

Do you know what I loved most about this date?

Laura Conrad was wearing very little clothes and massive hair to keep all his secrets in.

Not only that, but finally there was a bit of budget to spend, like do you remember? Do you remember? Let's cast your mind back to Jimmy season of The Bachelor and he had that date where they had to become superheroes and they had like just some crappy leotards and some card where they had the cutout and glue on to themselves. You remember that one.

Yeah, they had like a big plastic tub containers that you would use for storage. They had all of their bits and pieces in it.

Pathetic. Now this this was fantastic. They had floats, the decorations were just great. The wardrobe options were endless.

It was honestly just such a beautiful, wholesome group date. Okay, one, yes, the budgets were not spared, and I love that they had the rainbow love hearts around the stadium. They had the floats, they had the I mean they had two trucks. Who knows how much that would have cost a high for the day. But honestly, it just had so much energy and it was such an uplifting and fun group date to watch.

When I was watching it, part of me was like, I really wish I was there. The guys were getting so into it, Like almost two into it, they were like, I'm wearing silver. Now, I'm wearing silver, give it here a wig.

The guys were paying way too much attention to the outfit choices than what they were to the actual float construction or the choreography. But do you know who really got to shine on this group date? And it's truly no surprise, and that is Holly. Holly got another chance to do a dance, and that's what she loves the most.

Although to be fair, I actually think it's been too long. It's been too many episodes where Holly hasn't danced.

I mean, to be fair, we didn't recap the last two episodes, so she may have danced. She very well may have danced, we just didn't see. The only person who I think loved this group date more than I did was Conrad.

Let's do this, Kicky is here? Kiyi the pun Absolutely no surprise whatsoever that Conrad is a star of the show. But I was watching Jamie Lee with an eagle eye because so last week she had the issue with Ryan where people thought that maybe they were canoodling behind everyone's back. So Jamie Lee really has to redeem herself in this episode.

I feel really sorry for Jamie Lee. I feel like she has been set up in a situation that she has had absolutely no control over, Like she's just been nice to a guy and he's thought that she's liked her and he's flirted with her, and she's been thrown under the goddamn bus or underneath the float, whatever it is. But she's she's trying so hard to get Brooks attention and to be you know, like to make brook aware that she's there. And I hate this term, but she's

Yeah, it's almost as if people are just tripping her up.

I feel like I'm having the best time, even though I stumbled back to get back up and.

I'm killing that poor Jamie Lee. She lost a shoe, but really that shoe was a metaphor for so much more. She stumbles, but she gets back up.

Oh yeah, what's that song?

I again knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna kick me down. I don't know where we go.

She literally she literally lost the heel of a van shoe for about a split second, and everyone's like, oh, so brave genially.

Through the face of adversity. She is dancing on.

And if that doesn't get her a rose, nothing, well.

Well do you know what? I don't know if you guys noticed this Life on Cut actually put some sponsorship money behind this episode. We like Channel ten came to us, they told us what this episode in this group date was about, and we were like, yes, you know what, we love love and we would absolutely love to sponsor this episode. If you didn't listen very very attentively, you may have missed it. But here it is just in case.

How much did you pay for that?

By the way, all right, truth you're told we didn't sponsor that part of the episode. But I was very excited when I heard some people almost inaudibly scream, we love love.

I love that you had to get out to make an announcement and go, guys, I'm not gonna lie to you. We didn't act paid for that integration.

Trust me. If we had paid for some integration on this episode, there would have been a float with the sign we love Love plaster downe the site. Subtlety is not a strong point when it comes to the Bachelorette anyway. On this we know Holly was the standout. It's no surprise. If she wasn't the standout on this group date, there would have been a real problem. This was her wheelhouse. She got to organize, choreograph a dance. I also love that she made it very inclusive, like everyone got a

Y ik' something? No, it's nice that you like Collie. I think Holly is definitely she's become so much more comfortable in the environment within the show, and it's great to see that her personality is so much bigger from when we saw her on date one.

Totally. I just think we saw a different side of Holly on this date, like we saw a really fun site. I think one of the things. Not that I mean, I've loved Holly since day one, but I think after this date, I really felt like we saw more of her personal and before I really thought Holly as being very sensitive and kind but also quite serious. So it was almost a little bit hard to be like, whoo, yeah, go my girl. No, that's weird, go my girl.

You got my girl. When we're watching it and I look it over, not the words I was looking for. Laura's got two thumbs up, going you go, my girl.

I am a loser, is what Maddie Jay is saying. Oh I just called you many Jay. That was also weird.

You go, my girl. As she said in her own words, she was a boss bitch.

She is a boss bitch. Let's head into the cocktail party. Holly got the group. Holly got the single.

Holly got the what else can you name? Holy got the sad No, Holly got the single that's fun. Holy got the excession. I'll fucking no, not that one either. The rose, Okay, Holly got the rose. Oh, we got the rose.

She also she's not a really good kiss, like a little punky special kiss.

It was a good kiss.

It's a kiss that kept on kissing and giving because they just wouldn't stop. A fuck Matt. They helped me out here. I've already said, I'm really tired.

No, you're doing great, Honey. Are you doing great?

Thanks, Christianna. Holly got the rose. Jamie Lee spirals into a state of disarray.

Jamie Lee, she has she's been dealt a heavy blow.

She really has. Like I said earlier, I feel sorry for her. It's unjust. But I also think, and I might be making some assumptions here, but it really does feel like Brooke has started to make her mind up because even though.

Look at her face when Jamie Lee was sitting there pouring her heart out, Brooke was just looking with like an almost like a look of disgust on her face when she was doing this.

She honestly, I mean, we know Brook from like the last few episodes that anytime Brook is actually truly touched by something, she cries, you can read her like a book. And I felt that the way she was responding to Jamie Lee's very sincere declarations of love was that she was not really buying it, even though she kind of said she was, she wasn't really But.

Was she really buying it?

Laura, you know how much I love the sentimental stuff as well, so it always makes my heart melt.

But yeah, oohh my gosh, if you were Jamie Lee right then and there, you'd be like, all right, I'm out of here, I'm screwed, I'm over. My time is up.

But also Brooke and Jamie Lee had a ridiculously awesome kiss in the last episode, like a five minute long kiss.

I accept that the single day. Yeah yeah, oh they got.

And they also had an amazing kiss at the first cocktail party. So it makes me think, like, why have things changed so quickly just based on what Ti two point zero has said.

Yeah, that bloody Tim two point oh. I never trusted him, Laura, No, never did quite trust him.

Tim with a haircut, Okay, wouldn't trust the guy.

Do you know what I think is the most telling part of this episode. It's the fact that Jamie Lee gets the last rose, and a lot of people say, oh, there's no, there's not really much meaning behind the order, which is true to a certain extent. However, the first and last rose very very telling. Whoever gets the last rose is pretty much done something wrong. It really has

Well, it's just got this real feeling of like you're still in trouble, Like even though I wouldn't say that like it didn't mean anything to Brook Like brook obviously kept Jamie Lee there, there's still something, you know, she alluded to the fact that she was still going to

Oh poor Jamie Lee. I feel sorry her, But overall I love this episode. I honestly think those group dates, the martigraph themed ones, should be an annual occurrence on The Bachelorette and Bachelor.

I love this episode as well. I feel like it started off a little bit. I think the reason why I didn't like Millie and Brooks date so much not because I didn't like them as a couple, but just the.

Jammed down your throat.

Once you saw it, you couldn't see anything else, Like everything else just became completely obsolete. To the paramount paramount paramount by a comp buy a com paramount paramount, I felt like I was getting punched in the face by Paramount, but the Mardi Gras group date truly made up for it. It was very wholesome, awesome episode all in all.

But look very sad to say goodbye to Abs McGee.

The guy with the abs on his forehead.

Was his name abbsy Abs Absy as the abs and Taj.

Taj got very upset for someone who's had very little air time.

Do you remember night one? I was saying, Taj is someone who's going to be a dark horse. I thought she was going to do really.

Well, but I feel like Taj's had such minimal airtime. This whole thing which when someone gets minimal airtime, it leads you to believe that they really haven't had anyone on one time with the bachelor Batchette, and in this case, I kind of feel that there was so much more to their story that we weren't seeing.

She was so emotional.

I just want to know you were such a strong and beautiful out and I could not be so happy to have someone reppy, you know, I'm so thankful.

The next something that's really important to note is anybody who gets brought outside by the Bachelor or bachelorette when they leave after a row ceremony. They only do that for people that have a really strong connection with Yet we saw none of that.

We saw none of Taje. But like exactly what Matt said, like the only time the bachelorette would walk a contestant out is if they'd share it's something more meaningful, and there was a reason and there needed to be a bit more explanation around this sending home.

Yeah, like number three is normally the person who gets the walk outside, and they're like they will then get the car door shut for them.

And then the number two just gets like dumped on the altar.

Yeah, like kicked down, get out of here, pow, keep on walking, buddy.

It's always too soon. It's always too soon. But yes, look, I mean, obviously taj had that really beautiful connection because she's a First Nations woman and so is Brooke. So there was something deeper there in regards to what having Brook as the lead stood for. So there was that element to it, but I also questioned whether they had something stronger as a couple. Oh suspicious, do you know what? Delicious?

You know what? I can't wait for next week?

That's what I got yes. Sorry, what you.

Can't put two songs into an episode? I can you had that? I get knocked down and I.

Get up again. You carry songs?

I'm suspicious?

So delicious? Are they even the words?

I have no idea.

Anyway, guys, that is it from us one episode of Batcheon Cart. We're a bit rusty, We're a bit dusty, but we'll be back strong and ready and wearing and swinging next week.

Speak for yourself. I am operating like a well oiled machine, Laura.

I am operating like a machine that's been parenting two children in a very small holiday unit for the past three days, and they have been feral, and I feel feral too.

I love how you say small unit when it was actually like a beautiful house on a dairy farm.

It was a beauty Okay, wait, it was a beautiful house on a dairy farm except at rain the whole time, and we were inside. It was three bedrooms and there was four children. So do the maths. There's four children, and there's three bedrooms, and there's four adults. Where was everyone sleeping in our bedrooms? And I am tired?

And on that note, we're gonna end this podcast record because Laura is a little bit cranky today and.

We will see you guys all next week. But also if you haven't yet, I'm gonna ask you again with all my heart. I'm begging you go and vote in the Australian Podcast Awards. Vote for us for listener Choice, if you've enjoyed any of the episodes, if you love Tuesdays and Thursdays and batchead on cart, put your vote into the Australian Podcast Awards for the Listener's Choice and I will put all of the details for that into the show notes.

And also if you feel like giving a review on Apple Podcasts which happens to reference my name, I would also really like that there's been a couple in there, and my goodness, it feels bloody good.

I ah, I can tell when you've read a nice review about yourself puts a real springy step. Guys.

I'm just like, goodbye, Laura, I'm having a great day today.

And then off Matt goes and skips out to the rainy dairy farm. Anyway, guys, that is it from us. So you know the drill. Tell your mom, tell your dad, Tell your sister and your brother and your dog and your cousin and probably anyone, and just share the love because we blah.

Blah baba their bay knob