BACHETTE UNCUT - Salsa, self care and some fresh meat

Is it weird that I am so comfortable sitting here in your own bedroom, my own bedroom, in a room that is filled with not only my fart, but your fart as well.

We're ruminating in the farts, and.

I love it. I'm just you know, it makes me really really happy.

I'm glad the bars set pretty low.

It doesn't help. It doesn't help that the sun is beaming into the room.

Right. We are baking in sunlight.

And far so we're cooking in a combination of two people's farts.

You're marinating a manure. We're going to grow a little bit though.

When I go for a coffee later, people are going to be like, what's that guy? I've been doing? Like, horseshit?

Let's do it, hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode with bat yet uncut. I'm here with my favorite man, the man of the hour, the man of my dreams.

Keep going, keep going. What use you got?

The man with big biceps, the man with great hair, the man with very smelly farts, Matthew Johnson. That is so rich for you to be rich like the smell of your farts.

To be fair, they've not been that bad lately.

No, It might have been pretty bad though.

Anyway, you have been very gassy. Interesting that when you fight as well, you have to you have to like cock a leg up. You can't just fart sitting in any position.

Yeah, I don't have as much tone on my butt cheeks as I used to now that they're a bit softer. I have to kind of make roup. Anyway, that is not how we're going to start this episode. Well it is, but we're gonna you can only go up from here started at the bottom, literally, and now we're gonna lift the bar higher. And we're going to recap episode three

Okay, but before we go into the recaps, I have a little story to tell you, Laura.

And have you been saving this like I do I not know this story? Or have you been specifically saving this for the pod? No?

I did? I saved it for the pod? I did? I haven't told you it yet, And what have you done? Well, actually it's not me that's done something, it's somebody else. So I've been speaking to a guy in a professional sense, so where that sounds no. So I was speaking to this guy, he runs a marketing agency. We're speaking about business, and we've transitioned from talking on email to talking on WhatsApp.

It means that, yeah, the person's seen it, so he is. But you can unsend a message on WhatsApp.

Now, I don't know if you can.

You absolutely can do it all the time.

Okay, Well this guy didn't know that because straight away he messaged saying ignore, ignore wrong person, like quite like rapid fire messages saying, you know, don't open the video, just delete it, wrong person. Let's move on.

Do you know this person at all or is it just like a totally professional relationship.

So totally professional, you know, up until now, all the conversation has been on email, as in, like hi, mister x hope, you've been well, as per our last discussion, right, so on and so forth, so very very professional. We are not in any way like throwing dans at each other. But anyway, this video that he is frantically telling me not to watch and.

Delete, like of course you're gonna watch it, of course, And no one's ever going to delete something that they're told to delete.

And it starts off quite innocently enough, you know, it's just someone talking to camera about going deep sea diving, and then progresses into a full on porno.

And wait, how does the progression take place? Like how does it go from a guy sitting because he's sitting in a chair talking about I need you to set the set the scene.

Literally, I think he's the person who has edited this video together, has obviously taken two clips. So it doesn't like merge into a porno.

It's just it's not sometimes when you watch those pornos and they do like a setup and it's like knock on the door, the person comes over. It's not like a.

No, not at all. No, it doesn't then like you know someone comes and being like, oh, you look like you're quite tense. Let me help you relax. No, it starts off with this guy.

I'll let you see my see an enemy. That was terrible.

Yeah, but he's talking about the pressure of deep sea diving. And then all of a sudden, it just cuts to this porno and it's we're talking like fists and hands, and it's it's it's very graphic. I'm not going to show you the video because I know you will freak out.

How graphic. But it's you said fists first.

Yeah, That's what I'm talking about. So I was I sent a full on fisting porno by this guy and and he said, he said, this is for another Matt. I'm so sorry, And I was like, what do I do here? I mean, I could be offended.

I mean, but well, you're like, why not for me? Who's to say I'm not into this? Well?

I sent him a message and I said, if you have any more, I'd like to see them as well, please, And he called me and he seemed very relieved that I took it well, because it's not something you see every day with someone that you're talking to in a business sense.

Wow. So okay, I don't know. I mean, I'm I'm partly confused that you say that story specifically to tell me on the podcast.

Okay, and the reason why I wanted to tell you is because I obviously deleted the video. But then I just thought, in case you accidentally go into my phone you delete something, you have to go into my deleted messages and all of a sudden you see the fisting porno.

There's been a few times I've gone into your del to photos and thought, I don't know why. I mean, I know why you deleted it, but I don't know why you had it in the first place.

It's people sending me their porno accidentally.

Laura, absolutely, you said, you're such an innocent victim in all this. You didn't ask for it.

I'm just here trying to do my business, be professional, and all I get day and day out is fisting pornos.

I did not expect that that was how we were going to start today's episode, But now that we're here, I'm glad.

And if anybody has any fisting pornos and they want to send it to me, please go ahead.

MAT's numbers OZ for O two. Okay, All right, on that note, let's get into the recapping of episode three and four of The Bachelorette is there anybody still watching. We're only at episode three, and the ratings might suddress of the laws.

You know, it really surprises me though I didn't think it was going to be a huge success, similar to what we saw ratings wise with like Sam Frost season, but I think they are as low. This episode three was as low as two hundred and fifty thousand viewers, which is it's the lowest they've had across the franchise for both Bachelorette, Bachelotte and Batch in Paradise.

I mean, look, Westill invested Westill here. We hope you're still here with us.

But it's crazy t RBT beat the Bachelorette. Oh, come on, what is happening? What is going on?

You're in a real diet estate when RBT beats.

You, aren't you? Do you like RBT though it's not bad.

Maybe we should recap of RBT moving forward. But also, I mean, like, look, we said it on last week's episode, it's amazing that they have changed the format of the contestants as in, like you know, obviously there is bisexual casting. There is far more diversity, but the actual structure of

I get the feeling. I don't know what it is, but they just seem to be a little like, what's the word I'm looking for.

Is it nervous?

I think it's nervous.

You make me nervous. I'm sorry why they had me more nervous. I just naturally, maybe get a little bit more nervous with girls actually do make me nervous. Brook said that I make you nervous, which is quite ironic because I feel the same way. Are you nervous? I was?

I was actually really nervous to see you, Laura. I actually accounted how many times it was said, and I've clocked up three hundred and twenty six nervouses.

Actually I got three hundred and twenty seven, so I think you're wrong on that one. There was a lot it was a lot of nervous. I hope that in that car ride, because like, obviously, Brook, if you were, I mean, maybe not obviously. Maybe you haven't watched it and you're just relying on us to recap it for you. Sorry, if that's the case, Brook picked Holly up. They're in

I don't know, maybe the editor was nervous.

Okay, So they get out of the car, they get to location, and for a second there I think I'm watching Dancing with the Stars. It's your mate, it's.

Jared, and Jared was He was actually one of the professional dancers on Dancing with the Stars All Stars, which I happened to be on that season last year. No big deal. I came sixth, very good at the summer top score was forty two. Jared is a very good dancer.

Though he is a very good dancer, and so is Holly. Dancing is a huge part of my life. I've been dancing since I was about five. Considering the Holly has been dancing for pretty much her entire life, I do think it's an interesting shout to take her to a beginner's class.

Now, well, at least Laura, this is now going to combat those nerves, because if there's one thing that Holly has done a lot of this show so far, it's dancing. I think every time she's been on camera, Holly's like, well it's time for a while, isn't it.

It's Chess girl all over again. Poor Jay and the Chess. And now we got Holly in the dancing.

To the point where it's like a rose ceremony and they pan across everyone looking stress.

In the background, it's just there way for ruckers doing a g the YMCA. But also it does feel a little bit one trick pony, doesn't it Like it's a bit one dimensional. I feel like there's more to Holly that we haven't seen yet.

After we see the dancing, which I thought they were a little bit out of time. The two step was a little bit slow.

I mean, we are if this is coming from a dancing master here.

I mean I I was a little bit disappointed that is all. Gave them a six out of ten for the dancing, but they had the intimate time afterwards, and look, there was nothing wrong at all with the what we called intimate time. It was very pleasant, very nice. Holly seems lovely, but I just think I wasn't feeling it in my loins. I wasn't getting a sense of there being much of a spark between the two of them.

They had a really important conversation, like they talked about their own sexuality, they talked about pan sexuality and their identities, and it was a really big and powerful moment for the Bachelor. Like for me watching that, I was like, wow, this is this is not something I have ever seen before from this franchise, and that is something that I think is really important.

Definitely important conversations. It's great that it's being had, but I don't think that's translating to being this amazing relationship with his fireworks whenever they're together. Like the kiss was nice, but you know, I wasn't sitting there going, oh my goodness.

It's funny because when I see Brook and darvit, I'm like, yes, like they're like they're in it, and she's crying all the time and they love each other. And then I'm like, oh, it's just a bit pleasant with Holly. Like I don't quite. I don't get the same intensity of chemistry. We all know chemistry lies and it's a real bitch and can

And people were loving it.

Totally, and it's very fifty to fifty on there. I think fifty percent of people were like, yeah, it is going to be Holly at the end, and the other fifty percent were a bit like, ah, that's lovely.

But I think there is one thing that we can all agree on, and what is that Holly really does like dancing.

I'm sure that this is not the last we've seen of it, to be honest. Now let's get into the group date. The group date was it was a bit of a mish mash. Let's be real. There was a jumping castle, it was a compatibility test. There's some scissors, OSHA's beautiful hair.

Okay, the first part of this date was I don't know how you describe it other than it was a jumping castle. It was a thank you, Laura, it was a jumping castle. You are so helpful at times.

We saw one at monkey Mania when we took Molly there the other week.

I know, I remember, except Okay, so it's one versus one, you're in bungee cord, you run to the center, there's a love hut cushion. It did make me feel like it was a little bit of squid games going on.

Why did you feel like there was squid games going I'm sitting here flossing my teeth at the same time, I honest.

Because it was because you talk about the fact that the jumping castles at monkey Mania, it's very childlike squid games, the games that were playing will very childlike. Obviously at the end of squid games, people were getting shot in the head, which didn't happen on the Bachelorette, But it just it felt a little bit reminiscent of squid games, or.

Like adults doing juvenile chartish games.

Yeah, but thankfully nobody was killed and nobody was shot.

Well, it is a seven thirty PM time slot.

You know, what would make this season a little bit more exciting and it may help with the ratings. What it instead of people not getting a rose, you get shot?

Well, I mean that's where we're at now. Squid Games has set the bar so high. We don't like I'm desensitized to TV. I don't feel anything anymore. It needs to be instead of sorry you didn't receive a rose, it's just osher going around with.

Osha with a magnum, going up to people and going, I'm so sorry, it's time for you to leave.

This is not funny. We're we're not laughing. We're not laughing at this as though it's real on reality TV. We're laughing at it as though it's the Squid Games, in which case it's fine because that's fiction.

Okay, one, remember, so the compatibility test was it was kind of weird. There was a contestants. They then had bits of string attached to a love heart, and they asked questions about compatibility. If you've got it right, you then got to cut the string of somebody else. And everybody hated David. Everyone wanted to get David out of there as quickly as they could.

Well, it's because he's the winner, and everyone can smell it on him. You can smell a winner from a mile away, and then there's just a target on his back. I think after last week it was pretty obvious that Brooke and Darvid have an awesome connection and everybody else is feeling that. So yeah, he's Unfortunately that's what happens when you get the first date.

As well, it's first date curse.

Well, Dava gets the snip, then they knock each other off one by one. Really interesting though, is the questions around finance. So many questions around finance. Curious if this episode was brought to you by like City Bank or something.

It's not like the Bachelor of Bachelorette to try and shoehorn in. There some sponsored messaging.

But what is the question about Like Brooks' financewers and she loves an Excel spreadsheet, she loves it.

I also love an Excel spreadsheet.

I know, I find it so strange I can relate. I wish I had that level of organization in my life. I wouldn't be so poor.

Well, look, if you didn't get a parking fine every single day, Laura, then we wouldn't be poor.

But also if I was more organized. We also wouldn't get parking fines every day because I'd remember I parked the car and that it's one hour parking that's right out the front of a house.

But who won this one? It was Emily.

It was Emily. Emily got the overtime, she got a rose, but we didn't see any of it. To be honest, I feel like there was definitely more to that. However, they did want to lead us to believe that maybe there could be something more, Maybe something could be brewing here.

Emily, Congratulations, you win a rose. Emily played a great game, and I'm keen to get to know her more so with compatibility on track, like who knows where this could go?

Well spoiler alert, Emily goes home on the next episode, so clearly it didn't go anywhere.

Although she did come into the cocktail party very excited.

They clase it with you, y'.

Do you know what I think is missing from these cocktail parties?

Anything exciting?

We need a villain. There's no villain. And I know that everyone says we don't want a villain, we just want the love, but that's an absolute lie.

I know you know what missing? We're missing Sierra we need a bit of like sleepy chlamydia in here. Koala yeah, Tree.

Can we please if there's intruders, bring back Sierra.

I miss Sierra, I miss I miss like a lovable villain, and I agree with you. Every single year people like, oh, enough with the drama, enough with like the like the bitchiness and this. And I'm not saying I don't want bitchiness, but the bitchiness is a bit too much. But you need a bit of drama. You need like a lovable

Yeah. I've always been the person to say I just wanted to be a beautiful love story. And then all of a sudden, two people are opening up to each other kissing, and I'm like, hmm.

Like having going to get snacks? Ah, theybe what's in the fringe?

Literally literally everyone thinks they want no drama. But that's what we need at the front end of the series, and we're not getting any of it, and I think that's what's missing. Although although before this episode ended, we did get a pretty good kiss, and a lot of people think that David is going to win this series. I wasn't totally on board until until Laura this kiss at the cocktail party.

Oh look, I love David and Brooke, but I felt like I was inside their mouth.

And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Matt whips out the video from the deleted flame. He's just sitting there on the couch with you getting fissed. Hey, but that went really dark, really quickly. No, the kiss was it was a beautiful kiss. You guys know, Darvid is my pick. But the music. Can we talk about the goddamn music for a second. I just want to play for you just a little grab of the new music that they're playing during the kissing.

Oh wait, sorry, that's just the video that was in my WhatsApp. This is the actual soundtrack.

Okay, So Darted and Brooke kiss for at least ten minutes of that episode, and I know because I fast forward it after a while. I was like, I feel damp, like I'm not.

Do not invite me in like that, Laura Ben not turned on.

I meant like because I felt like I was inside them.

Imagine if people would say, like if they were feeling very horny, like, oh god, I'm so damp right now.

What do they say, I'm wet?

Oh yeah, moist.

No one says I'm moist.

I say it all the time.

I yeah, That's why I don't sex very often. Oh moist. And I'm like, oh my.

God, I'm so damp and moldy right now.

After the ten minutes of kissing and literally no talking whatsoever, Brook tells Darvid how much she enjoyed spending time with him. I always love talking to Darvin.

You guys didn't say anything. I didn't speak, You're like, hey, how I am.

For ten minutes and she was like, God, I love speaking to that guy.

He's great, good conversations. I do want to say, in this episode, where the hell was Jamie Lee?

Where was anybody like I'm okay. This is one thing that I think maybe is also adding to my fatigue with this episode. I found this episode particularly boring, Like I'm I think we've already driven that message home. But I'm just going to say it again in case you weren't where. Episode three kind of sucked, but I think it was because half of the characters were missing, Like where was Conrad on this episode?

Where the hell was Conrad? That is the big question. If I don't get any Conrad in the next couple episodes, I'm checking out completely.

Well, you already know we got some Conrad in the next one. We've already seen them. We're recapping both. Don't pretend and try and leave a bit of mystery when you know exactly what's coming up.

Okay, yeah, full confession. Conrad is coming up the next single day.

Thank god for Maddie Jay who went home in this episode. I've already forgotten of good so of you. Yeah, okay, somebody whose name we don't remember went home. Glad you guys rely on us for some reliable recaps. Episode number four this was a bit better.

I like this episode, mate, I've got so much time for Conrad. He's got to be all right. I say this. I want to say this big call. He is my favorite contestant ever on the Bachelorette.

You were on the Bachelorette. He is my second an evil cackle that came from me.

Thank you for reminding me, Laura. He's incredible. He's incredible. He's handsome, he's sensitive, he's got good personality, he's always laughing, he is funny. He's just a complete package. I think.

I mean, look at me, I'm six foot two, one hundred kilos and I'm video like a little storyl I'm due mate. Do you reckon he's really one hundred kilos? You know, like you would, You're like very perceptive when it comes to men's weights, heights, how much they work out.

I don't reckon he's one hundred kilos. He's very thin. Look at the guy he's not.

That is a man you can climb with your thighs. Go for a brook.

I'm six foot one and a half.

How many kilos are you?

Eighty two kilos?

Puns, So.

There is no way that he's going to weigh eighteen more kilos than me.

I mean, he I reckon if we're going to run into him at a party one day or at an event, I mean, that's a lie. We don't go to any events or parties with we're parents, But if we did, I think you would see him and be like, wow, I get it. Now You're like, I'll climb him as well. Conrad, if you're listening, i'd stay away from dy j because he will absolutely climb you like a tree.

Laura, hold my shoes, I'm jumping aboard.

So Conrad and Brook they actually have a really, really beautiful date, and I am kind of feeling nervous about my Darbard pick now. I get it, Matt, I get it. I'm also a little bit in love with Conrad now too. Conrad, I'll also climb you like a tree. Speak. I came in really hard with the whole Darvard chat, and I was feeling very strong and very cocky. But Conrad has grown on me. I really like Conrad now, I kind of I'm going to bring him into my top threefold.

He's my number one. Here's your number one, number one for sure.

Yeah, I know, I'm feeling a little bit less certain than what I was feeling last week. Brook has a really special date organized for Conrad, one that she's not sure if he'll be into. But it's something that's really important to her self. Care is a big thing that I have in my life.

I think it's really important for you to do like emotionally, physically, mentally, and I thought today we could do a bit of a pampa day, little self care. I love that Brook is a little unsure if Comrade's going to enjoy a pampa day. But the guy highlights his hair.

He also came with his nails done. The guy is well and truly versed in a pampa day.

For the first part of a single date, they're going to be giving each other a little massage.

And that field Baby, Oh.

Does that feel? Baby? I'm so glad I got to use that grab.

If anyone's curious, that absolutely was not The Bachelor, but it was kind of the same thing. So Conrad lays down looking on baf Man Mountain, and then Brook is the one to give Conrad a massage.

Okay, I feel sorry for Conrad in this situation because Conrad just wants to lay there, close his eyes, relax on wine, and get some of those knots rubbed out of his back.

I'm sure that's not the only thing he wants to get rubbed down.

Laura, before we go into a record, you always say I don't want too much sexual in your window. Let's keep this PG.

Yes, because we can't both do them. It'd be just be potty mouth central over here.

I'm the inappropriate one.

Yeah, you absolutely are. You absolutely are. I haven't had enough wines today to be the inappropriate one. I haven't had any. It's lunchtime. I'm sober. It's terrible. It's a terrible affliction. I've got a parent my own kids. After this.

Oh god, okay, let's talk about Let's talk about the kiss between Conrad.

Oh, I know, I don't want to talk about it if I don't want to lose.

Did you see that part? There was a section like midway through one of their kisses where he did this little move and I was just like, hold, damn, that is special. He like bit her lip? He bit her lip?

Yes, I saw it.

Man, that's good.

It was a little wasn't it all we did on The Bachelor? That was clink teeth? Yeah? Actually we did smack teeth twice.

This guy is incredible, and he's so incredible. He's making her cry.

Brook has cried on every date, though, Like, let's be real, she's cried.

A lot, so I don't think she's cried on Holly's date.

Oh okay, Well, she's cried on more dates than she hasn't.

So when they come back from their dates, it's not the question of did you get a rose, did you get a kiss?

Did you may cry?

Did you make Brok cry?

Did you cry?

She didn't cry? Well, good, I'm stealing with a chance.

Also, Conrad and Brook had a really really awesome intimate moment like their intimacy scene. The thing I really liked about the intimacy scene is that you really felt like they were having a good conversation. I do. I mean it's hard because when you're in that environment you can have a connection with someone like I know that watching back on some of our episodes, like, we had some great conversations, and those conversations didn't necessarily the cut of

I think a lot of the chat, initially on Date one is always like what are you looking for? And like why do you think you're still single? It's just all that top line, standard chat. These guys took it to another layer. It was deep, ah, deeper than I've ever been before.

You do love Conrad?

I fucking love Conrad so much. I really hope he doesn't disappoint me?

Should I be more worried about you? Following Conrad on Instagram? Now?

I haven't given him a follow, but Conrad, if you're listening again, to slide into his DA, slide into my DMS. Maybe just like a photo, any photo at all, or video. It'd mean a lot.

Ah. Yeah, anyway, that's getting weird. But let's jump into the group day. Okay. I think Conrad's gonna win. No, I don't, and it's still Darward, but Conrad's going to be a close second. Oh I know what's happening. I've got it. What Conrad's number three, Holly's number two, Darvid's number one. That's it. It's just clicked.

It was weird watching that happen right now. Yeah, it's just like the rain.

Wait wait, wait, where's Jamie Lee. Where's she floating around in the net blok?

Jamie Lee's gone, she's out of the mix.

She's number four. Yeah, Jamie's four. She's gonna make it. She's gonna get pipped just before hometown's. Wow, I'm having a real existential crisis right now.

Your eyes have lit up like nothing else. It's like you've seen it, Gohost, I'm.

Having a premonition. So darb it is number one, holy number two, Conrad, you heard her here first, people, this is my oracle.

Laura's eyes just roll back into her head, start of foaming at the mouth, and she goes, oh, Darvid's number one.

That's exactly what it's like when we have sex as well. Anyway, into the group date, So the group date of episode four, they go go karting, but before they do go go karting. I just love how The Bachelor has really mastered the art of subtle, subliminal advertising. I mean, I think that maybe Missubishi Hybrid is a sponsor of this episode, but it's done with such nuance you almost wouldn't be able to tell.

Goodness goes so M's rumor. It's so quiet. Actually, yeah, it's a hybrid. So they rock up at the Entertainment Quarter and today they're going to be go karting.

And Osh is there, of course, ready to tell us all what the date is about. Book.

When it comes to cars, what kind of cars you like to run? I dead set thought she was going to say, Amitsubishi hybrid. I was like, oh, come on.

Surprisingly she did it. She said she likes fast cars. Poor Emily can't even drive a car. She's out with the chance. And then they have to pair off into partners. I can't remember who anybody partnered with except for Emily. No one picked Emily.

I'm pretty sure of these people in the group date, I can only remember Emily's name and Carissa and Travis is Travis there.

I like that we're doing this whilst we're recording, which I'm going to spitball it Carissa. So everybody has partnered off. Unfortunately for Emily, since she can't drive, nobody chooses her, which is absolutely unsurprising. She does get partnered with Brook though, so that is like a nice little sweetener for being rejected by everybody else. And Osha stands there and explains to everybody what they're actually going to be doing, so it's this go kart household work chore relay.

In between sets of laps, you will sold the laundry.

I'll do it easy.

I'm very domesticated. You'll then finally untangle the fairy light.

So Osha just brings in all of his dirty laundry and this group date is that everyone's going to sort and clean up for him.

He's just making them do all his odd jobs around the house. He's like, if you can also go through my receipts and sort my tax out, that'd be great.

It's perfect and Okay. The thing that the contestants don't know is that it's not about who wins. It's not about how fast or how hard you go, or how deep you go stop with the.

Deep, stop stop using that.

Word, or how thick it is. Oh my gosh, flushing he's blushing over here.

What podcast brings out such a weird sexual side of your personality.

It's being sit in front of this phallic microphone and you for too long, Maddie Jay. Okay. Basically, the winner, it's not who It's not who wins the race, it's not who does the task.

It's the character you show whilst competing.

It's yeah, it's the person who's the nicest, most loving, kind person. Whilst doing OSHA's laundry.

I actually thought Carrissa who wins. When we saw her in the red carpet, I thought she was going to do quite well. But she has just always been in the back and the shadows lurking. Hasn't really done a whole lot.

I mean, I wouldn't say she's lurking. She's not like she's like peeking through the blind. She's just very quiet and reserved. And unfortunately, in that environment, if you're very quiet and reserved, and I think as well, like she seems like a real introvert, it can be so hard to get time when there's so many big personalities in the house.

And who would have thought that helping somebody out in a competition to untangle some fairy lights will get you a single date.

I know. On last season we talked about how some of the group dates were a bit spotlight esque. This is particularly spotlight. I imagine getting some tangled fairy lights and being like, cool, this is a multi million dollar show. That's how much it costs to create this. We've got fairy lights for this date and a gokut.

The art department has literally been laid off because there's no money, and so the Bachelor contestants are now just styling the show and like wrapping up old light. Next group date, you'll be cleaning champagne flutes and packing up the furniture.

Do you know how they'll package that up? They'll say, it's like moving house. It's what you do when you move in together. How do you pack an unpacked furniture.

It's the next step in the relationship.

Oh far out. Chrisa gets the extra time in the date. She's so excited. I've been waiting for this moment for so long, Carissa. It's been two weeks you have been in the house. Literally, I reckon. It's probably not even that reckon, it's like a week and a half. I've been waiting for this moment for so long. There's only been three dates. We're only on episode four.

Give her a break. She's been very excited. But yeah, it has been like literally eight nights so far.

Unfortunately, though, the extra time was a bit of a fizzer, kind of went well.

It's always tough when there's no spark with somebody, you know, there's nothing you can do to try and make a relationship work. But that's kind of where the conversation went, where Chrissa was like, hey, like what can I do? What can I do? She didn't say, like explicitly what can I do to make you like me? But that was kind of like what she was implying.

Yeah, And it's really hard, isn't it, Especially when you're in that environment where so many people have such obvious, clear connections and they just click straight away when you see someone, or when you meet the bachelor or the bachelorette and you're like, oh, there is something there, and then you get a bit more time together and you're like, holy shit, maybe it isn't there, or you're not receiving

When you compare the kiss with David, Holly and Conrad to her measly little peck, which was like how you would peck your grandma. You know, you're in a lot of trouble.

Even Jamie Lees as well, like, I mean, she's actually kissed a few people so far, but Carissa's was just really lacking luster. And I think that would have been super disappointing for Chrisa too, because you know, it's one thing to go into the house and be like, oh yeah, we got a kiss, I got a rose. But there's a kiss, and then there's a kiss, then there's Conrad.

Conrad was like, how many times did you bite her lip? None? Sorry, Carissa, your head is in the chopping block.

So the thing that makes episode number four such a good episode, Oh did I like it? Is that we had some intruders, four intruders. Four people came into the house and four people went home. And look, I'm going to say that the original contestants they weren't really feeling too good about the whole situation.

It's always the case, even though they've been there for what is it eight or nine days, there's such a sense of this is my turf. Ain't nobody coming in? So these new people that are arriving, they had just met with absolute daggers.

Imagine if it was intruders. Stop, I'm just my heart is beating stomach falls out my butt.

I do hate it with my stomach falls out of my ass.

I mean I also hate it. It really doesn't smell good. You just tried to drop one before we were going to edit it out.

You were looking at your notes. You weren't paying attention. I thought it was going to be silent. It popped own.

It was not silent. And you pay me out about cocking a leg. You even cocked a leg to drop that one. We're sitting, guys, just so you know, this is how close we are. We're fine with farting in front of each other. We're sitting in our room. It is so hot in here because the sun.

Has been big, because shirts.

And that is dropping some really really interesting smells in his room. It's a lot.

Anyway, Let's talk about the intruders.

Let's go from top to bottom.

Number one, Millie. Let's talk about the intruders. We have four of them, starting with Millie, who I think is quite nice. She's a gym manager, but look as lovely as she is, she seems very pleasant. I don't think she has a chance at all.

I disagree. I think Millie and lucas the two the top and the.

Bottom of the Lucas Luca Laura.

I wrote down Lucas Hotti. It's what I wrote down in my notes, So Luca Hotty, I reckon those two. We're going to see it bit more from Milli and Luca.

Okay, there was also Will. He was very tall, had a mustache. So that's all we know about Will and we skip. That was it. And there's also there's another girl. She didn't have much as time. But yeah, two highlights Millie gym manager, Luca and Jess is.

The other girl. You obviously forgot her name. She gave Brook her her house key.

Yeah, stage five, Stage five, got to watch out for that. Brook be concerned.

So I think Merely and Luca, we're going to see more of them coming up. And you know, I do definitely a.

Second you pay me out for trying to like play Corey about what's coming up next. We know that Luca gets the next single day No, I think, yeah.

I didn't watch that, but I went to the toilet.

Because I thought you were being like, oh, like I do. My premonitions are coming in. I'm seeing something or it's Luca. I'm seeing Luca and many episodes to come.

He didn't realize. I honestly, I stopped watching at the end. I still watching Get the Roast Ceremony. You're such a fraud, all right, Sorry about that, guys. So Milly and Luca. Millie is pleasant, She's lovely. Luca. I know we said we didn't have a villain. Obviously, production were like, we need a fucking villain because things are getting boring, and incomes Luca dun dundu.

They would have just injected him with extra testosterone because he comes in swinging his balls around like no one else, like literally sits down, puts his balls in everyone's face, and he's like, smell that, you smell that. I'm a man. My name is Luca. I do jiu jitsu Wesbrook.

He also does something very interesting at the cocktail party. He interrupts twice, like interrupting a conversation once. So fine, everything's fair game, but he interrupts twice, much to Carrissa's dismay as well. Carissa has a rose. She's safe, but she's having a stage five meltdown.

Because she had the Grandma peck.

But she's still got a rose. She's still safe for at least one more rose. Ceremony, but she's lost the plot.

Luca is just sending everyone floody insane, and.

For a second there, I think even Holly loses the plot. She thinks she's on an episode of.

An alliance has formed General's couch tonight, people, so an alliance has been formed on this couch. She's like, we need to vote out Luca, and you're like, that's not how this show works, Holly.

Holly's in the corner just eating beans and Rice trying to make a shelter with.

An immunity idol. Thank god, I'm safe.

Anyway, goes fast forward to the rose ceremony. It's been a long two episodes. Carissa is still literally standing to the side to the right with the rose. She's fine, and this is what she has to say about it. I'm not feeling good about tonight at all.

Carissa, you have a rose.

The only other highlight from this rose ceremony is obviously all originals go home. So four people who are the original cast, the original cast. It sounds like it's a reunion of friends. Four of the originals go home. Jamie Lee is the last one chosen, and she was you went to the door, so Jamie Lee's left there and she's the very last person who gets a rose, and she looks heartbroken. She really looks devastated.

I'm worried about Jimmie Lee. I really am.

I don't understand. It has to be more to it, because I know that obviously it was so early on the first rose ceremony, like the very first cocktail party when she had the kids, But like, it would not make sense for her to go home without a single date without there being more context to her story. You can't go from you can't pass your mate, say you've had feelings for her, and then send her home without a single date. It's just weird.

That would be very confusing. But I think it would be a case of do you remember on the Honey Badger's season, who was the girl who had hooked up with.

Him prior yash but she made her run to the end.

Yeah, but she had to wait so long for her first date because it's almost like she wasn't a priority because they already had time together. And I think that's what's happening with Jamie Lee, is the fact that she's just going to put her on the back burner, go through everybody else because she kind of already knows that Jamie Lee is like, given, she will get a date, but I think it will almost work to her detriment, the fact that she has that existing relationship with her.

Yeah, but I also feel sorry for Jamielee because it would fully derail her. She would have come in feeling so strong, so confident. Yeah, I got the first makeout, and now she's getting the last rose, Like, what has she done wrong to deserve the last rose?

And then now you've got big bulls Luca coming in swinging around, just swinging that big old hair.

Racking people around. That was a weird, weird Visuallymitch.

Anyway, guys, this is your bed, not anymore.

All right, it's as weird for you as it is for us. That's probably it from us.

I reckon, let's get out of here.

Oh wait, should we tell you who went home?

Oh? Yeah, I can't, I can't remember. I'll be honest.

It was Jessica, Emily, Matt the Rapper, Matt the Rapper, and Becky.

No idea who Becky is.

Becky is the one who kind of looks like the chick from Maths.

No, still nothing, Sorry, sorry about that, guys, Yeah, I'm sure you're a lovely Yeah. Didn't get enough airtime? Yeah, gotta get your balls out next time.

Yeah.

Okay, that is it. If you have been enjoying these episodes of Batchet and Cut, we would absolutely love it if you would head on to Apple Podcasts and slide in a cheeky little review. Give us your honest thoughts. We can take it no matter what it is.

Can I speaking of honest thoughts? Can I just read you a review that we received after our last bat junker?

Oh god? What does it say?

It's one star?

Is it about Is it about me?

It's about me?

Okay, great, go on continue.

It's okay. You can tell Laura as cold as fuck. I feel for her man big time. She is weird and has jealous, ruthless vibes. Fair Maddy j Blink twice. Actually, don't blieve twice. No one can see anyway.

Wow, that is incredible. Who was that is that? Britt? Who's it from? Brittany Hockley?

But I'm sorry to just blink twice. If you need to be saved, it's okay, no one can see you blinking.

Please help me. If you're hearing this, come to bonde.

We've got mat hog tied to the bed anyway, guys, if that is it from us, we hope that you love the episode. We will be back on Tuesday with our normal episode. And if you haven't followed the Facebook page, jump on it's Life Uncut discussion group. We also have the Instagram at Life Uncut podcast. And you know the drill and.

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