BACH UNCUT - The Kinky Captain gets his Queen

What what are you thinking?

Just relaxing.

Relax, Maddie J. Don't relax that much.

Oh my god, Oh my god. How have you? How have you got a number one fucking podcast?

Hi, guys, and a'll welcome.

To Laugh un Cut. My name is Maddy J. And I'm joined by my half drunk fiance.

It's good to be here, guys. But you know what's even better than being here on the podcast sitting across from you, Maddy J.

What's that.

It's being a winner. And that's what's better. Being a winner feels really, really good. Don't don't call me a bad winner and say I'm rubbing it in you deserve.

I bet you were the kind of person who would get like an A plus on their exam and then just rub it in everyone's face so you'd win a race at athletics, and then for the next week or two you'd just be gloating NonStop.

You truly lost me at the A plus part. That would imply that I had to have been academic at school. So no, I'm making up for it now by being the oracle of the Bachelor everybody. Matt told me that it wasn't allowed to say it at the beginning, he said, I can't tell you about hollyween race.

Ah ruined it.

Well, I guess what Holdog wins, Guys, Holly did win.

And I think it's just the fact that you got really lucky. Okay, you just happen to fluke at one time. Every other season prior to this, you've always got it wrong. So so one occasion, Laura Burn, you are correct. Cheers to you, ching.

Last year or lucky season. I did really think it was going to be Bella who was going to win. And to be fair, I think also Lockie had no idea who was going to pick either.

Oh, Laura Burn, your sonne zing.

All right, so we have we have two episodes to recap tonight. It's kind of weird recapping the end of it like it's finished. It's all over.

Yeah. Look, it's upsetting. It's been a really fun ride up until now. But you know, unfortunately all good things must come to an end. And anyone out there who may be a little bit upset, I say to you, guys, don't be upset it's over. Just be happy that it's happened. Write that one down. Yeah, that's welcome.

That quote is direct from Maddy j He is truly, truly a wealth of wisdom everybody. But before we get into recapping the last two episodes, you know what, we're going to talk about all of it, the highs the lows. But before we do that, we're going to talk about our own personal highs and lows for a moment, because our kids are driving us crazy. Matthew, how are you feeling.

Look, it's not been a good day. It's been a very frustrating day. We had this toy that Marley just became obsessed with, and it wasn't really a toy. It was it was a pencil case. It was a smiggle Is it a smiggle pencil case?

You're making it sound weirder than what it was. It was okay, it was a baby. It was her baby. If you guys fall following me me on Instagram, there's a photo of her with her little puffer jacket on and she used to wear it down her jacket so she would carry her baby around in the same way that I would carry Lolo around. So cute, and it had a little face and it was like wearing like a pink little hoodie and it was furry, and it was like her comforter that she would carry everywhere, but it.

Was also a pencil case.

So she lost that and it's been it's been a real problem in the household because she doesn't sleep without it, she doesn't leave the house without it, she doesn't get to daycare without it. And it turns out that that goddamn pencil case is now a collector's item, like.

A hundred bucks online. Now it's ridiculous. And every time she goes to bed and as I'm walking out the door, she'll go, Daddy, I stop, and I turn around and say, yes, Marley, there's baby, And I have to say to her, oh yeah, oh baby, that's right. Yeah, let me just have a quick look. I'll be back in a second. And I have to run out the door and close it and hope that she doesn't wake back up.

And baby's coming by Amazon, and it's cost mummy and dadding an arm and a leg. So anyway, if you want a baby, you can just buy them online. They cost one hundred bucks. Fine. I hate it when you don't last time make a joke. You do that on purpose to try to wig me out. But you know what, I'm the winner, so you're never gonna wag me out, Matthew Johnson. With that out of the way, how about we recap the episodes that have just happened.

Oh, let's do it for one last.

Time, bringing on Home Baby.

Okay, this is the I think this is the first time that the last three remaining women organize the dates because I think back to my season, sorry sorry, our season, and I organized the date that was our second last date. Isn't that right?

We went paragliding. Is that what it was like?

Parag Yeah, gliding. We jumped off a cliff, but we were strapped to men. We were each strapped to a separate man. And so as I looked over, I just saw Laura and the fetal position strapped to another man, which is awkwardly quite nice arousing, and I was like, get used to this.

That's weird for starters. I was not in the fetal position. I was loving it.

I feel like they've changed it a little bit with the women organizer dates. So for these three dates, it's all about the women revealing a bit more of themselves to Jimmy.

So we kick off these single dates with Holly, my number one girl, gets the number one date. Oh, who would have thought it. And here she is driving a great big boat. Look, it's not a great big boat. It's like a medium size, pretty like affordable boat. But here she is rocking up and ready.

I'm going to sound really cynical here. Do you think she was actually driving the boat? I mean, she looked like she was doing a good job of just spinning the wheel. But I think I think there was someone downstairs, because it was a double decker boat. She was upstairs. I don't how she was driving it.

Matthew Johnson, do you think that there was editing behind such things? Yeah, smoke and mirrors and a bit of.

Production, I'm afraid.

So, Laura Burn, are you telling me that things that happen on reality TV are not always real?

That's exactly what I'm saying, Holly, you want to find out where you actually driving that boat or nut.

I don't know if that's the most important part of the day. But anyway, Holly rocks up in a great big old boat, and there she is ready to take her Jimmy for a little ride. And it's good to be reminded that they have such a great banter between the two of them.

I'm liking the yellow thank you, liking the green ah, there's nothing quite like admiring what the other person is wearing and then announcing it for everyone to hear.

Well, you've got to verbalize these things. Unfortunately, with the Bachelor, when you're all miked up, the internal thoughts have to be external words. And that's the one thing that you get prompted about all the time. It's like, if you think you love him, you must tell him. If you think you like this about him, tell him. So you're constantly saying words that really should just be thought, like I need to fart right now. Okay that Joe, Tim anyway back to.

It, Laura, I like your white shoes.

Thank you, and wearing crooks.

Yeah, people do love the crocs. Hey. I always find it really interesting when I'm looking at the body language of two people on the show. I find it interesting to see who goes in for the kiss first. And when Jimmy meets Holly, he's always the one leaning in for the kiss, and on the other days it's always the girls leaning into kiss him first.

It's one of the big telltale signs to be honest. And I want to say this to everyone so that if there ever is another Bachelor season after this, and we're going to see it with Brooke when it comes to hometowns and when it comes to the last single date, which is obviously what we're on now. How they greet each other is such a massive telltale sign as to

Know it properly, say it properly, Kie ones a cookie.

I feel like it was more the girls leaning into Jimmy than what it was the other way around.

Totally. Now, this date with Holly, this is actually quite a serious one because if we remember from our hometowns, she kind of choked up real bad on the step of her apartments when she was meant to say like, oh my god, I love you so much, and she couldn't because it was all getting too much for her. So now it's a really important opportunity for Holly to open up, and open up she does. So these dates

It sucks, and it has posed quite a few issues for quite a few of the girls. However, for Holly, she seems to she seems to be okay with it. The fact that he's going to be an absent boyfriend ninety nine point nine percent of the time. It feels really easy picturing a family with Jimmy and life after this.

Look when you're single, I guess it would be quite easy to imagine a life with your partner never ever being around or even in the same country.

Jimmy makes dating him sounds so shit. Like every episode He's like, So, I'm a pilot and I'm never gonna be here ever. I want you to know that I'm going to abandon you several days of a week, at least five days, and when we're together it'll be quality time, but you know you'll be majorityly raising our children on your own.

I will never make you orgasm.

Ever, and I'll probably never send you a good morning text. Look as cute as they are, and at this part of the date, look, I love Holly, I love Jimmy. I think that they're going to be beautiful together and have beautiful, batchy babies. But at this part of the date, I was thinking, dear God, Jimmy, You're truly not selling this for me. Holly's just opened up about like her relationship with her dad, or her relationship with her parents, being divorced, feeling abandoned.

I fly planes, so I'll never be here. So even though I'm never going to be home, when I am home for that one minute of the week, it will be very very good.

He's not going to be on TikTok is what he's saying.

Matt jabbing the guts right there from Laura.

And then of course, just to really round out the date, you know, to finish it off, just an ode to the last day that they had, they go for a swim in some freezing foltic water.

Once again, why is he trying to give holy hypothermia?

She's only thought out from the date. She's like, do I have to get back in Jimmy's like, get back in the water. I'll do anything for love.

You know, when you go on a date and they tell you what you need to bring in terms of wardrobe, so you know, if you're going to be in the water, you will get a note from production to say, hey, Laura, bring your kini bottoms on this date.

Holly was like, I did not want to pack my bikini bottoms. I'm never going swimming with Jimmy again.

Please.

No, she's got PTSD after going swimming in the swamp from a few weeks back.

My favorite part of this date was after they went for the swim, they'd gotten changed and now on the roof of this boat is this beautiful little setup with wine and cheese and champagne, and Holly says this beautiful.

Oh look at this, Holly. You've just told us fifteen minutes prior that you organized this date, and now you're surprised by how beautiful it looks. Stick to the script, Holly, continuity, but no, look, this is their time to sit down and have some intimacy, and Holy really lets her guard down. Holly like goes from being the girl that's you know, crying at hometowns, hunched in the corner doing a pool in her doorway to being the one to drop the l bomb first.

She's laying it on thick and fast now. But do you think I wasn't quite sure if she said I'm falling in love with you or four in love with you.

We could have pressed for rewind and listened to it again if you weren't sure. But I'm pretty sure she said I've fallen in love with you.

Wait, let's play it and you at home can try and figure out what she said. I have fallen in love with you.

The big thing I want to unpack with you here, Matt and people I mean, like the lovely listeners may not be aware of this, but let's bring you into the warm embrace of the bachelor world. There is a big difference between the words. Like in normal life, if you said I've fallen in love with you, I'm falling in love with you, like blah blah blah blah, they're all kind of similar vein of things. In bachelor world,

Do you reckon? That's the same as someone saying I might be in love with you?

Do you reckon? Anyonome would ever say I might be in love with you fifty to fifty.

Now I've said that before. Hey, who ex girlfriend? Sorry about that? Rachel?

Oh did you really?

Absolutely not? What's wrong with you? I'm better than that. I was a bachelor, I'm a dream.

You did tell me that you love me first, and I will always be happy that I won?

Did I?

Yeap?

When did I? Oh? That shrugs? I said at the finale? Sorry? Sorry, sorry. Normally at this point you say I'm falling for you, as in like, hey, it's like it's coming because you need to leave, you need to leave a little bit of something special for the end, for the finale. But now that she said falling in love with you, it's like, hey, where do you go from here? Like now they have to have sex to make it seem like they are progressing somewhat more.

I would that they don't have sex on The Bachelor, just on our screen so that we can see the next step in their relationship. Really, Jimmy and Holly, if you're listening to this, please can you start an only fan so that Matt knows what happens next in your relationship? Well?

Where do they go for the finale?

Well, we want to know if you've consummated it.

I'm sure they have.

We'll ask them tomorrow when we interview them.

But Jimmy responds in such a beautiful and articulate manner, I just wanted to see a part of you, and I've loved every second of it.

Today it sucks, and you would have experienced this in Georgia Love season. Remember when you did that season and you were on national TV and proclaimed your love for someone prior to it being me. You didn't tell her you loved her.

I never told her.

You never said I love you.

I can't remember what I said, but no, no, no, I never said, never said the old word.

Did you say I'm falling in love?

I think I said I might perhaps could envision myself being in a position where I may love a part of you. I think your face just can't remember exactly what happened.

There is nothing worse than being on the Bachelor and being at that point in the show where you sit there and you tell, like when I told you how I felt about you, and I said, I think I'm falling in love with you?

Why did you say think? Why don't you just just say like, hey, I'm mate, I'm into this, I'm all in. You were like tiptoeing around. You were like, oh, maybe maybe I'm not. I think perhaps it's like, come on, just deliver it straight.

I had a little bit of self respect at the time and reservation.

I think it would be ridiculous.

You were still dating other women. So I said to you, I think I'm falling in love with you. And I remember saying it, and you couldn't say anything back at all, and it was so demoralized, like dehumanizing. I was like, cool, glad we covered that one off.

I think I was like more wine.

I was like, let's make out now, because this is fucking awkward.

That's actually a good point. When there's nothing else to be said, the easiest thing to do is just start kissing.

And I now kind of think as well, sometimes when people are like so when you watch The Bachelor and they're just kissing all the time, sometimes they think maybe they're not actually that into each other. Maybe they just have nothing to say to each other and they're using kissing as like a prop to kind of feel the space totally.

I mean, what do you mean that never happens? Ever, It's so random. Not on my season.

Wrapping up on Holy State and then we dive headfirst into Ja And you know what, it's a good thing that Jay rocked up at the exact same pontoon that Holly and Jimmy just said goodbye to each other at.

I love the fact that Jay is wearing Act of Where, just to really show Jimmy that she is going to slip into life in the Eastern suburbs so effortlessly.

And then they're going to go for a little walk along the bond Ay to Bronte Coastal Walk.

Well, I was thinking more along the lines of doing cocaine and rivisis.

I don't think that that's where they hitded, but they do have the world's most boring date.

Well, you can't really do much in a kayak, can you. It's quite limiting.

You certainly can't do cocaine on a kayak, can you. Mat Well, I was hopeful that one time. Look I was twenty two.

Let me live it, don't you think? It's just like a real fuck you to Jay. The fact that the last date was in a beautiful boat, and then we cut to Jay's date and all they can afford it just two measly little kayaks.

But isn't Joe the one organizing the dates now? So isn't it Jay that just didn't put the effort in. Collie's there and she's like, I got a boat, I got a big ass piece of salmon. Let's cook this up. And Jay's like, hey, I got the kayaks ready. Or maybe maybe it was production who said, sorry, we just blew the budget on Holly.

I reckon it was the fact that Jay was too lazy to organize anything.

I don't know what a perfect date is. I'm going to take him back to the business luge and we're just going to play another game of chess. It's fine. Look the kayak date it was pretty boring. Jimmy was obviously there was some things, some rumors that he needed to clear up.

Wait, Jimmy trying to solve rumors with Jay on a date that's never happened before.

Whilst this was happening, were you just like, Jay's going home tonight.

I've been thinking that since like three weeks ago. I've known that Jay is going to go home. I'm just I'm like, come on, mate, just pull the trigger. The gun is aimed clearly at her head. It's game over.

But I do think that Jimmy obviously really really dug Jay, like there was obviously something there for quite a long time where he was like, I just want to get through this next, like, surely this can't be true. Surely this can't be true.

Totally I agree, and I think it was the fifty third rumor that he was like, enough is enough.

You fool me once, Jay, you fool me once. Well, look, I didn't think that this Kayaking date could get any more boring. But then Jay took him to see the Sydney Symphony Orchestras. Apparently, jam this is the Sydney sam Phinny Orchestra. This is Jimmy, Yeah, and they're going to play a piece called Salu de more. I love press school music. It kind of catches people off guard when I let them know, so I think Jimmy will be really surprised by this.

It was as if she told Jimmy, We're going to watch this paint dry and that is going to be our date. Jimmy did not give a crap.

She was like, this is like really a part of me and I want to share with you something that I really love. And you could just see Jimmy like the boy from the Northern Beaches who used to go out like fishing with his friends. The glaze over his eyes and he was like, oh, yes, the Sydney Orchestra, this is exactly what I want to do with my Saturday nights.

Actually, to be fair, probably knows half of them because they're friends with his parents.

But you know what, the real crux of this date, the real takeo message, was that there was another rumor to debunk and unfortunately your Jay Chessco, the one that you've been rooting for since day dot, once upon a time dated somebody in the public eye. As though that's like really sorted in like a terrible offense. You can't possibly go on The Bachelor if you've once upon a time dated someone who was in the public eye.

No, don't you think in Jimmy's defense, don't you think that if you've got a track record of being attracted to people who are in the public eye and now you're on a show like The Bachelor, it kind of starts to give a bit of it an indication that your objective is to just be someone who's famous, a bit of a clout chaser.

Well, we do go on to find that the person who Jay dated was actually the Bachelor in New Zealand. But you know what, guys, if you haven't listened to the interview that we did with Jay which came out yesterday, we asked her the hard questions. We got to the bottom of it, and Jay actually dated this guy when he was twenty six years old, and now she's like, what in her thirties. It was six years ago and

I think that both. I wasn't gonna say anything. I was like, snag right up, baby.

Stop smelling your croc. Matt just took his shoe off halfway through and started smelling his sweaty croc. I'm glad that you're enjoying this so much.

Well, do your croc sweat You've got like the inner padding, so you're minded like the pure plastic ones.

Mine of the fleece lined crocs. They're a little bit sweaty, but they're also particularly warm and insulated.

Mina just quite plasticky and sweaty and stinky. Anyway, where were.

We We're talking about Jay and how she likes to bag herself or snag herself a bachelor.

Look, okay, Jay is innocent in this rumor once again. But the thing that I found really interesting is that she didn't really give my like she really needed to open up and be like, hey, Jimmy May I think you're incredible. You're the matter of my dreams. I can see myself falling in love with you. She didn't really give much. She was like, I like your shoes.

No, I mean, to be fair, she did open up a little bit. She did tell Jimmy that she could see how well and perfectly he would fit into her life. I feel like you're fit in really well with how I like to live my life and the things that I enjoy, you know, because I like to date bachelor's and all.

Then in there I was like, mate, just send her home right now. Don't even bring it to a rose ceremony. There's no point, although.

You do kind of think, and I guess I've been feeling this the whole way along. Well, I mean, at least since Brooke came back. You can tell how extremely emotionally invested Brook is, right, and like Holly as well, the two girls that have gone through to number one and number two are intensely emotionally invested. I didn't feel like Jay was that intensely emotionally invested, not at all.

Nah.

I kind of think if Jimmy was one hundred percent either way Brook or Holly, if he knew what he wanted to pick, he should have taken Jay to number two was like a buffer because I don't think she would have been as heartbroken as Brook or Holly.

Yeah, but I just think at this point I could just tell that he had the ick. I think the relationship with Jay had totally run its course.

And also, to be fair, he would not have wanted Jay to win, and come second he was like, fuck you, I'll get rid of you at number three. And so that is a wrap on Jay's day. Let's get on down to Brookie Walkie town. Oh, Brookie.

It was a very cute little date for her. I was trying to figure out how they're going to make it work with puppy, tying it back to her personality. But it was like, because she's an occupational therapist, which I don't really understand exactly what that does, but apparently it's to allow people to get back into the workforce.

Wow, I did not get that. That was a very tenuous stretch of a link. The whole time I was watching that, I was like, Okay, this data is supposed to be about them, like share a little bit about their personality, and here we are with Brookie and a puppy and then her talking about her tingling overies.

Well, yeah, it's not as if Jimmy's going to play with a puppy. Then go, hang on a second. I do love brook and I would.

Like to have her babies very very soon. The more I hold Regan, the more I'm like, oh god, Jimmy is so good at this and it's really sexy.

I would totally have a baby with them.

I feel so uncomfortable and like my heart hurts now that we all know what happens, We all know what happens to Brookie Wookie to be able to like talk about this date now just oh, it fills me with so much uncomfortable anxiety. She's going to get a heart smashed.

She is into Jimmy hook Line and Sinker, and.

She makes it very clear that in her own head, it's going to be her at the finish line. Like she keeps saying to him, you know that she feels like she's in a relationship with him, that she feels like he's her boyfriend already. And I feel like that at this point in time, when there's still two other girls in the race, that's a really big steak to claim your man at that's not the same that shouldn't surprise anywhere.

Brookie Wookie really wants to sex it up, so she brings him to a spa.

The only thing that makes me feel more uncomfortable than knowing that it's not brook and her wanting to share her undying love for him is Brooke talking about how she wants to get sexy for Jimmy. That also makes me really uncomfortable. Feels like a little like it feels like a little child being like I'm going to show him my sexy side that was like, oh, Brookie, just stop. You're an angel, You're a virtuine ah.

It was too much for me, you know, I felt sorry for Holly. You know, this whole time, She's had so many dates where she's had to swim in a swamp. On the last day, she had to swim in the ocean, which is about two degrees and now Brookie gets an indoor spa with a heated water. I mean, the girls live in large.

Could you imagine the conversations they're having now, Like, Okay, why'd you take you to that swamp? Jimmy, you all up there in the hot sawna rubbing yourself all over brooking anyway, I wouldn't want to be a fly on that wall. But to be honest, look, it was another pretty non eventful date. I felt like this episode was not my favorite episode. It was a bit non exciting, a bit non eventful.

It was my favorite of the entire season.

Why was that, Maddie Jay?

It was? It was just it had it all. It had spas, It had boats, kayaks, puppy dogs, and orchestras, and.

It also had Brooks gy rating on Jimmy and a spa.

And that's what I live for.

I think it is important to note that, like production really went hard on trying to make us think that this is going to be Brookie at the end. Like that was a very steamy little spa date. Wait didn't you get the spa date with Georgia Love?

Yeah, but on that spa date it was a little bit different because we were shooting it like out way west in Sydney. We were like like kind of towards Blue mountains and somebody in the art departs and he looks after all the props forgot to turn the spa on. So it was the coldest water I have ever been. And they were like, all right, guys, we're ready to jump into the spa. So we hopped in there and it was like freezing, like it took your breath away, and it was so cold to the point where you

I am sitting here with my jaw on the table listening to this guy. So Matt's obviously talking about the spa date that he had with Georgia Love, not with me. I didn't have a spa date with him. I had no idea that that was the case. I just thought that, like, you were so nervous and like jittery with nerves. I didn't realize that you were fucking freezing. That changes things for me.

Oh, I hate till both of us we hate it every second. It was honestly some of the coldest ward I've ever been in because we're shooting it like in the middle of winter out near that Blue mountains, and it was about ten o'clock at night. It was just an absolute nightmare.

That is the most miserable intimacy scene I've ever heard of. And that was when you were supposed to tell her that you loved her.

Oh my god, and I love a spa.

It doesn't love a spar I was like, Oh.

Great, this is gonna be fun. We've got champagne, we've got some chocolate. Let's do it. And then I hopped in there and it was like jumping in the water with Titanic.

I my god, even But also, do you know what I'm realizing now? This is my revelation. The spa is a number two thing. Bella also got the spa. Bella got the spa, Brook got the Spa. Maddie j got the Spa, the Spa of death. You took a lise in a spa too, Holy shit, nobody ever wants to go in a spa. You're on the back of a boat with a lise in a spa, right, yes, yes, it's the death of the Spa. Hey, some living in the past. Let's focus on the future. Let's focus on

Bye.

I think she seemed shocked. I think Jay was very surprised that she went home in that moment, but she didn't seem overly sad.

Yeah, but I wasn't really expecting her to be that sad because she never really opened up that much like she was never in love with the guy. You know. She was always like, yeah, things are going alright, and he seems pretty cool. But if she was like, hey, this guy is really the man of my dreams, then I would have felt so sorry for her. But now I'm just annoyed that she cost me the wind.

Yeah, the fifty bucks and the good old sleep in I'm gonna get now.

Hey, let's talk about finale. Laura Byrne. Can you believe we have made it to the finale? What a long, tenuous journey it's been to get here.

We made it. It is ten thirty at night. Guys, We've crawled inself closer and closer to bringing you the final episode of About Chunkut and then you never have to hear from her skin real we are.

We're surrounded by empty bottles of wine. There's takeaway containers on the.

Table, condoms everywhere.

I wish.

Oh, do you know what? I'm a fucking emotional wreck after that episode.

Rookie Wookie didn't get a cookie.

You can't say that. I am actually feeling some PTSD after that episode.

It was a brutal finale, absolutely gut wrenching.

And if you didn't know Matt deals with his trauma by making jokes about it.

I can only make a joke about it because I've been there before.

Yeah, yeah, I've been runner up.

I know what it feels like and it sucks. But if you don't laugh, you cry. Look, filming was a little while ago, so hopefully she's doing a lot better than what we saw tonight.

Anyway, let's get into talking about the family, because you know what, Jimmy brought his mom, his dad, his sister, and his cousin.

Well, that's the thing that I find really weird. Normally, the finale is saved for your immediate family, so like, yeah, your mom or your brothers and sisters. He brought his cousin. His cousin's just like, hey, where are you guys going, Alice Springs? Fuck, yeah, I'm coming too.

Okay. I didn't think that this was that weird. I actually thought it was like pretty normal.

And then the more say anything, you just sat there and ate the cheese and the sandwiches on the table.

The more we talked about it, Matt was like, you aren't even close with your cousins, Like, do you know anyone who would bring their cousin to the Bachelor Finale, like and now they think about it, No, I don't.

It is weird. Jimmy weird never been done before, but he was probably like, what are you doing here, Chantell.

She's like, Eh, she's got like a handful of cumb sandwiches.

On Family are delicious.

They were a bit critical of the girls, but we're going to get into that. First off the ranks, we have Rookie Wookie, who didn't get a cookie Paul. Brookie has just said that, you know, she finds it really hard meeting new partner's parents because she's had a really difficult relationship in the past with her ex and her ex's parents, and you know, she feels like maybe she's

Starbucks, Thank you.

This episode is brought to you also by Starbucks. Her poor fucking eyes were just popping out of her head. She was like, and it's so good to meet you.

Well to be fair, She did answer some of the questions okay, like, for example, what do you struggle with the most, and she said, you know, with the other girls and being jealous. Great answer, very good point. However, she did start to go into details about when she was trying to deflower their son and she was in the spa with him on the last day. Very unnecessary.

Imagine like going and meeting a someone's family for the first time, like taking your new partner to meet your mom and your new partner says, yeah, I just wanted to get really sexy on our last date. I would be like, please stop speaking now.

Ye how are things with How are things with my son? Great? I gave him a hand job yesterday.

I showed him my sexy side.

Well that's fantastic. You guys look really happy together.

Well, you know what, Jimmy's dad was pretty approving of it. To be fair, though Brook walked in she hadn't said one thing, and Jimmy's dad was like, you are beautiful. I am sold. He didn't even really speak to Brook from what we saw. Jimmy's mom did, on the other hand, and Jimmy's mom was like, I don't know if this is a good match, and Jimmy's dad was like, nope, she's perfect. You will never speak poor of my Brookie walking. She looks amazing.

But I did feel sorry for brook when she got taken away for the one on one chat with her mum and they went to this like rusted old shed that they were sitting down on. It was like such a weird interrogation spot. And that's when things really started to unravel. You know, she was just digging her own grave, saying like, I'm really clingy, I'm actually quite needy, I'm very spiritual, and then she started crying.

It's nothing quite like saying that you're spiritual and then bursting out and tears to really win over a parent. I cried when I met your mom in Thailand.

Yeah, but you didn't say that you were clingy and needy. I didn't, and then say you're very spiritual.

I said, I was falling in love with you. I was like, I'm falling in love with your son, and then I cried, which also just made me look clingy and needy and spiritual without actually saying those words to your mum.

Mom came back and was like tutting on about that. Laura Burn girl.

That's all right, your mum loves me now. I won her over in time.

But the but Jimmy's mum she does not approve of Brook.

She doesn't and she does go back and she says that she can see some flags, some red flags in Brook and Jimmy's relationship that she thinks will be a

My approach in those kind of situations is always just to lie and tell the person that's asking the questions what they want to hear.

It definitely would get you further in life. It may get you winning the Bachelor. However, it may not give you a long term relationship.

Never be honest.

You know what tomorrow's problems are, Tomorrow's problem. That's how I like to look at these things.

All right, that's Brooke done. Now time for hold dog And can I just say, is it me or has Holly's teeth gotten whiter?

I think it's just that Carly's teeth have left the building and so now there's no point of comparison. Unfortunately, without Carly there just makes Holly's teeth illuminate even more.

Or she comes in and it's a little bit of a tricky situation for Holly because she's got beef with Jimmy's sister from the last time they met, and see they don't seem to be getting along. Now. Holly has a chat with Jimmy's dad and I think it's going pretty well.

I think all of Australia thinks it's going pretty well.

And even when they return to the table, Jimmy's dad is like, do you know what that was great? You're an awesome chick. I really like you.

So Holly also thinks it's going well until she leaves. The minute Holly walks away from the table, She's like, it's been so great to meet everyone. I like, you know, your family seems wonderful, especially your dad. Holly walks away and Jimmy's dad's like, I fucking hate her. Yeah, hit did the old bait and switch on her.

So this is awkward because one of the parents' is team Brooke and the other's team Holly.

Imagine bringing your parents all the way to Alice Springs for them to be absolutely no help.

Well, I'm just annoyed that he didn't ask his cousin for some advice.

Well, she was also there just for a free holiday and to be absolutely no help. She's over at the cafeteria, sitting down with your parents and saying, can you please pick a girlfriend for me? Which one fifty to fifty?

And did it all the time with my mom?

Well, you actually did do that with your mum. It's actually now that I think about.

It, Yes, so I can imagine, and yes I can done it.

What did your mom say after meeting Alisea?

And I I can't remember.

That is so untrue and also incredibly useless. Your mum was also just there for the free holiday tailer.

My brother was like, it is weird that Laura doesn't have any hobbies.

And only talks about salcidancy.

I do you remember that part? He was like, really, big red flags here, just be careful.

Did he really say that?

No?

Anyway, Look, so the parents are completely useless. We realized that, and now Jimmy's left all to his own. He does make the comment though, that he spends one day with Brooke and it's going to be Brooke, and then he spends the next day with Holly, which then leads us into the single dates with this episode, and the first date is Brook and I think maybe he just picked Holly because she was the last date that he had.

He was like, he's just going to make it easy for himself.

Brook and Jimmy have a hot air balloon. It's very romantic.

Can I just say, have you ever been on a hot air balloon? Laura? No, it's actually a bit of a nightmare.

When have you been on a hot air balloon?

I was up in North Queensland for the travel show I was doing, and it's really quite annoying because you got to wake up at three o'clock in the morning and you're up super super early, and you're so tired. But obviously it's very beautiful for the sunrise, but you're just more exhausted than anything else.

I think Brook is pretty excited from the minute that she's in the car. She's like, God, the sun is rising. Brook's enthusiasm for everything is completely endearing, and that's so endearing, and that's obviously one of the things that Jimmy really really loves about her. And like this whole like just excitement for life, you know, excitement for any activity.

Look. To be honest, not a lot happens on the single dates, but you don't really expect much on these dates other than the fact that it's just one more opportunity for the woman to say, Hey, this is exactly how I feel about you. The tough thing about Brook is the fact that she wholeheartedly believes that she is going to end up with Jimmy.

It's really interesting, isn't it, Because she is actually so endearing in that, Like the way that she speaks and the things that she says on anybody else coming out of anybody else's mouth would come across as like arrogant and cocky. Her saying like, I know what's going to be us at the end. I know it's you and me,

Yeah, I think the one thing that you hear time and time again from so many people who go on these shows is the fact that they expect the worst but hope for the best. And the annoying thing about Brook is that without this little safety mechanism that she's got, she is going to fall so hard. Like you said, now we have the very last date of this season, and it is with Holly. This is the very last single date of the season, and it's also the last chance for Captain Kinki to flex his pilot muscle.

Well, it's not going to be the only muscle that he's been flexing. Let's be real. I'm sure him and Number one will be getting some one on one time at the very end of this not date.

But you know you're talking about it's cock an.

Captain Kinky. It's been aware at the sexual innuendo has been on this episode.

Do you know what I found a little bit awkward about the start of this date is that it was set up by Jimmy explaining that him and his dad did this beautiful trip to Ularu on a plane. And I can't help but think this is the same dad that absolutely hates Holly.

Not to make it any worse than that, or any more awkward. But the fact that they then go and enjoy the beautiful scenes of Ularu and Jimmy's dad, who doesn't like Holly, then crashes the date.

Wasn't that so fucking weird?

What I don't understand, though, is like, oh, that whole date and how beautiful it was. Why did his parents crashing the date go for so long? Like I felt like half the days, literally half the date. It was like, instead of focusing on the romance or whatever it was they talked about, it was literally Jimmy's mum and dad.

And they were like, what are you guys doing. Oh, we're doing the walking tour. Oh great, we might do that tomorrow. Yeah. Do you guys have wine? Yeah? We do.

Oh you got wine and cheese too. Oh. I like your jackets they're matching. That's cute.

We'll see you at breakfast one morning.

How fun was the five seconds of watching Jimmy's mum and dad just walk away wearing their matching jackets.

It was so weird. It was like they needed thirty seven of filler. What was that about?

I think productions trying to make it like more unreal, like a little bit more behind the scenes lifting the lid on reality TV if you will.

So all gonna. Then they just go back to kissing in front of Laru beautiful.

Which also makes you think that, like they've sectioned off this special area for them to be. There's obviously other people. There's tourists who are all there looking.

At Ularu on the trip of a lifetime.

Jimmy and Holly just had this little sectioned off bit where some security yards like, come on down here, have your wine here. Also, I want to know what temperature it is where they are. One would think that in Ularu it's quite warm. And I say this because Holly's there wearing a little playsuit. Jimmy's wearing a T shirt or something and that sort of description. And then there's Jimmy's mum and dad both wearing puffer jackets.

Again, thermals and beanies and gloves. Holly's got hypothermia again.

I really hope that Jimmy just has Holly like rugged up.

Now.

Holly's like, I never want to leave the central heating of Eastern suburbs.

Look at the end of their day's it's quite nice, quite nice sticks all the boxes, you know, She whispers, I really do love you, and then the kisses are on the forehead. It's quite beautiful.

You know what they say about fore head kisses.

What's that?

It's how fuck boys suck the sense out of your brain. Poor Holly's just there getting lulled further and further and further into a false sense of security. Ny levitating out of the body. Anyway, look, it's a very lovely day. At this point in time, they've done a pretty good job. I would say that this season for me was like the biggest cliffhanger season. I was not sure which way

Hang on a second. Let's let's remember last season with Lockey Arena Bella that was like we didn't know what was happening.

Then that is true, But like we said at the beginning of this episode, Lockie also didn't know. He woke up that day, flipped a coin and then figured it out. But look at them now. He made the right decision.

Do you know what I love about the finale moment is that Osher is there standing waiting for Jimmy to arrive, and then in the distance you see Jimmy walking down and Osha goes.

He is doing his best. David Atton Brough always come on the Majestic Bachelor approaches in the wilderness of Oololu. Anyway, that joke went on, okay, but can you tell me what you thought? Did you think it was a pretty fifty to fifty split or by this time, were you like more in Camp Holly or more in Camp Brook. No.

I think I was thinking it was going to be Holly. I mean, I felt for Brooke. I obviously want Brook to be in love, but I just thought Holly just made a lot more sense. Everything about Holly just for me, ticked all the boxes.

We've made it all the way to the end. We've had some highs, we've had some lows. You and me have had some fights, we've had some good lass We've had some good times each other.

More for this, I don't know what date is. I don't know what the time is.

It's currently twenty minutes past eleven and we're still recording, and hopefully by the time this ends up in your libraries tomorrow, we're not delirious and we're still together.

I hope people listen to this episode.

I still love you, honey, even if this has almost been the fucking undoing of us. All Right, so we're here. It's the very final. It's the final final, the very final. There will be no more on cause people. And unfortunately Channel ten once again, they thought that they would fool us with a little little dress, the foot out the door. Then Holly walked up with a producer. It was all weird.

It wasn't it strange? I've been so tricky here. Holly walked down, she got stopped by a producer, and then the camera pans down to the rock and then pans back up and like magic, it's now Brook.

But also, can you remember that on Abby and Chelsea's season they did the exact same thing. They had Chelsea get out the car first, and I think it was such a huge and like impactful bait and switch that then they were like, oh, oh, we're going to try it again on this season. But like it's almost too mean, especially when someone as like vulnerable and heartbroken as Brook is standing there, Like the bait and switch was too cruel.

I feel like they do that in the States quite a lot, but now it's very on trend here in Australia.

I just want to go back to the stock standard. The first foot out of the car is on the way out of there, like she's got one foot in the uber of one on the way to see Jimmy, and then she's just gonna go home. I live for those old days.

But wasn't it just one of the most awful scenes to watch? It was like, you know, watching a car crash, You know you wanted to turn the TV off. Poor old Brookie just getting a heart ripped out and stumped on by Jimmy. It was just brutal.

It was honestly like the saddest Bachelor finale I think I have ever seen. And one of the really difficult parts for that was that I think watching how sad brook was, it wasn't enough buffering to kind of allow us to feel really happy for Holly, Like and I

And then it was so awkward as well when Jimmy's mom and dad just walked into frame. I came still on their tour.

They're on the walking tour.

Jimmy, Hi, hey, moms, see what you're doing, Jimmy Darling, is this finale? Should we sorry? I would just have a little bit of some wine and some cheese over here.

Who did you pick?

Oh?

Oh? Not brook Oh sorry, brook Oh we'll be back in fifteen. Brooklyn didn't get the cookie. It's so rough. It is so rough. It's so rough seeing someone be completely heartbroken. It honestly felt like Jimmy had kicked a puppy. It looked like he'd just kicked Reagan, the puppy from the previous episode.

It was worse than that. I think something else that I really didn't like as well is that where they were located in the bottom of this gorge, which was a beautiful setting. By the way, the issue is to walk away. It was kind of went on forever, you know, you had to like walk on what seemed like half a kilometer. So it's like Jimmy's just standing there, He's in tears, and then Brooks and freaking high heels, like stomping through rocks and like climbing this gorge to get

It's literally like the worst walk of shame you could ever do in your entire life, Like there is nothing worse than that walk of shame. And then getting in the car and Brookers in the car and she's crying and the car is like a four wheel drive. She's getting thrown around in the back with a hard.

Sign because it's so late at night. The guy's gone off road. He's like, oh shit, just keep driving. Brook's getting thrown around in the back of the car.

Anyway, we see Rook's heartbreak. It is devastating, and then we do afterwards and can you tell everyone, how quick is it after you tell the person that you're going home, until you get to tell the person that you're in love with them?

It's pretty quick. And I think one of the reasons why they make it so quick partly because everyone's being paid by the hour, there's a lot of crew on site, but also they're really worried about paparazzi as well spoiling the show, so they try and should it as quick as possible. I think when we did a finale, I think from when number two goes to when I then spoke to you, it's maybe five or ten minutes at the most.

Which makes my mind absolutely boggle. Like the one thing I think if you're watching that closely, is like as Holy is walking towards Jimmy, Jimmy looks like he's still crying or has been crying. So if you were Holy, of course you're going to think I'm going home, like this guy is so upset to have to break my heart, but instead he's upset because he's just smashed poor little Reagan Brookie Walkie with the cookie's heart in half, like

Do you remember. Even at the end, Holly goes, oh, are they happy tears, It's like, no, no, it's when I crushed Brook's heart. That's why I was crying.

He's like, I'm fucked. I'm so emotionally fucked right now. It's also like, how do you go from being on such a low to such a high and then like like it's like emotional whiplash, almost.

You feel quite numb in that moment. It's really hard to enjoy it. You know, it starts to I think, sync in after the actual moment's taken place, when you're with number one. Look, I know it's really hard to ignore the heartbreak from Brook, but let's not forget that there is a really incredible love story between Jimmy and Holly.

And I also think as well, like I know, like it's went downhill, Like you cannot not focus on how sad that situation was with Brooke. I know that the Instagram and like our Facebook was blowing up and everyone kind of almost did a one eighty and wanted to protect her a little bit. But I just go back to thinking about when we interviewed Jimmy earlier in the year, and he was so fucking stoked about the person that he's now dating, and like to be able to put a face to that person and for him to say

Well, that's because you have sex about eighty five thousand times in the space of three days.

There is nothing else to do. There's literally no internet, there's no like, barely a TV. All you do is have sex until you can't walk.

And that is why we'd love the Bachelor.

That is an insight into our relationship and not anymore. Also, I really hope that they wear protection otherwise they're going to have a baby within the year. That's also another Bachelor number here for it. Can't wait, churn burn and push them out. That was weird. That is it from us? This was such a big episode, guys, it's so late. We have done an absolute best on this one. But we have loved so much bringing you these batch uncut episodes.

What time is that interview booked in for?

Way too early and we need to get to bed. We're actually interviewing them tomorrow, which is Friday for us, but it's today for you. If you're listening to this, so that's going to be a little bit of weird podcasting inception. We have reached out to Brook because we really want to interview her as well. However, at the moment, we don't know whether or not she feels up for doing media or up for doing interviews, and that we totally respect that decision. If she doesn't want to come on the pod.

Well, that is it. That is it. My second last ever episode with Life on Cut. I've really enjoyed it. I just want to say it's been so amazing getting all the feedback from everybody on social media. When you guys say that you enjoyed the episode, honestly, it makes it so worthwhile. So thank you so much for all the positive feedback.

And we all need to try and wear Maddie J down so that he'll come back and do Bachelorette with us, because right now he's a little bit unsure and we need to tell him how funny he is and how pretty he is and how and just come on, darling, do you want me to stop you.

Stop me? I'm going to keep going.

Laura, please store giving out our personal phone numbers on the podcast. No, guys, honestly, please slat in his DMS, convince him that you need him back for Bachelorette. I can't do this on my own, people, No, but I really can't do this on my own. The convincing all the podcast. Please let him know that you love him, and that is it from us. If you have loved the episodes, go leave a review. Tell your friends and

And your cousin. Don't forget to tell your cousin. They need to know.

Make sure you bring your cousin along and share the love because.

They're not gonna the boy. They're not gonna bay the babes.