BACH UNCUT - I really wanna pash ya

Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Island peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut.

I'm Laura, my name is Maddie J.

And this is our down and dirty I was just slipping into old at Life on Cut days. This is our Batch on Cut.

This is final week. Why do you remember when we thought that there was simply no more episodes they could cram into one week than four, And here we are on the last week of the series and there's five episodes.

Is there really five this week? Oh no, Actually, well I think that's four.

Sunday is Sunday the start of the week. On Monday at the start.

Of the week.

I don't know for certain the right answer to that question. I would say that most people would say that the week runs from Monday to Sunday. But I know when I was a kid it came up as a real question.

What lunatic was starting in on a Sunday? That was madness?

Who spread that rumor that we all brought into Yeah? Someone I remember someone telling me that the week starts on a Sunday, and I've just never questioned it since.

What do you mean? There's five four five.

But this this episode will be two though we are unpacking episode eight and nine. But before we get into unpacking, all the things are the Bachelor?

Okay? No, I want to ask you something, okay, because I want to talk about something that you did, but you go first ask away?

Do I look glowy, ah juey and iridescent? Do I look like I have been sitting under a beautiful red I think it's called an led light lead light?

You're quite greasy? Am I?

Slimmy?

Very shiny?

A little bit oily?

Yeah? Really oily?

Is that that's probably not the desired effect? I don't have anything on my face, so am I really that shiny?

It's pretty shiny? But you look great. I just I can barely recognize who this young woman is sitting across from me at the table. Laura.

Is that you No? No, she's dead on the inside.

I can't believe. I cannot believe you got fucking sucked into these stupid products.

I didn't get your sister. Your sister on Christmas Day was like, oh, it's wonderful. Buy the lead light mask gets rid of my Roseasha. And I was like, I don't even have Roseasha, but I'll buy it.

My family gets sucked into these TV commercial things.

My mom, it's an omnilux mask and this is not sponsored. It costs a way too.

Much, too much money.

It costs. You're like, my mom, I was a bit drunk when I purchased it on Christmas night.

You were like, my mom. I remember as a kid, we would get these random packages delivered to our house and it would be like the ab trying to two thousand and I was like, what the hell is this? And Mum was like, don't touch my package.

She honestly with a freeset of steak knives.

Literally, we actually bought steak knives off Dana's direct that were so shit they didn't work. The AB swing. We had the AB swing.

Do you know what's weird? The thing that's weirder about all the shit your mum bought on infomercials is how many times you tell me that I remind you of your mother.

And now I come home and you're like, where's my package? And I'm like, Mum, is that you? And then you come out with this big LED mask and that costs like five thousand dollars.

It didn't cost five thousand dollars.

It was fine. I'm like, that's like college tuition for our children that you're just wasting on this LED light.

Okay, our children can pay their own hextebt. They need to know some resilience. And I will buy the LED light because I need to try and look young.

Okay, question because it's quite like it's a very strong light. You're wearing it in the living room and for anyone going down our street, they'll be like, oh, there's Brothels opened up down there. That's weird. This red glow was coming out from our living room.

That although we just left the Christmas decoration.

How often do you have to wear it?

I have to wear it every night for ten minutes for four weeks minimum, No, maybe four, four to five times a week every night weeks, every night only for like ten minutes or fifteen minutes or something.

Oh my god, do you get a.

Rat like when I wear that, Are you then like, m I know what comes after this?

It's no, it's like you turned into this robo wife and you're like, I will have sex with girl.

I will not have sex with you.

Need to reach ouge.

The one thing that I think was a bit about like I feel like I've been led down the garden path.

Oh what was it, Laura? Which part? Well, it's was it the five thousand dollars?

It says that you can read. It's like Lincoln. Oh, it's portable. You can put it on, you can wear it around the house. I can't fucking see. The light's so strong. I'm going blind.

I'm in the living room. All I can hear the bangs, and you're there walking into walls. Someone messaged me and said, make sure Laura keeps her eyes closed.

I think you have cataracts. Laura.

I'm over here here stirring up to the fiddle. Figure, are you okay? Our children are gonna have freaking Nightmas and they see you wearing that thing.

Yeah, it's horrific. I'm gonna wear it for the next record. Maybe I'll put it on and do my second session when we unpack the second episode of this episode of past podcast. I don't even know.

Has anyone asked about the mask on Instagram?

Yeah? Do you know what's surprising? How many women have told me that they also own it?

Okay, I will say this, A number of people have messaged me and said it's really good. I'm gonna as much as I'm shitting on you, people have said that it does work.

I'm going to place a bet here. I bet then in three weeks time, when you see the results, I'm going to come home and you're gonna be there on the AM swing doing it yourself. Let's get into unpacking the two episodes, because, like you know, we do this to ourselves every week. It's already ten ocal night. We need to get this finished. Within the hour. We are unpacking episode eight, and it kicks off in the same way that episode seven finished. Tash is back.

Ah, she's back.

And she should just go again.

I was thinking to myself, Oh my god, is she going to come back into the mansion with the rest of the women.

I don't think you were alone with that thought, Matthew. I think other people thought the same thing.

Well, there you go. It's good to know that we're all thinking the same thing people. But I was thinking, Jed, if he'd let her back in, if she'd walked back into the mansion with the rest of the women, could you imagine how much that would have kicked off.

Well, they've all just been living like peaceful kumbaya in their Like what is it called when you live in a community? Yeah, like a clan of women at commune? Is that what it is?

A canudist colony?

I think they've all been wearing clothes, but a commune, you know, they're all in this like polyamory commune and they're all living harmoniously. And Tash would have just truly fucked that up. The really nice part about this, which I think I'm really proud of little Jeded when he.

Went to ask the producer what to do that part.

He had to take a few moments to really think about it.

He really had to have a lot of help. Thomas and Felix were like, don't fucking do it. The producer was like, don't fucking do it, and he's like, I just don't know what to do.

Yeah, But like this is so reminiscent of when you have like a really strong attraction to someone you're really sexually attracted to them. You know that they're bad for you, but you just hope that maybe it can be different. But in this instance, Jed did us all proud and he sent Tash packet thank you.

It took a lot, and now it was the right decision, but god.

It took a lot.

My whole life, I've just accepted people who have left me and come back and been like it's okay, because I've always felt bad for them, and that just shot me back into past relationships. I need to have some more respect for myself because I've let people walk over me.

Jed, my boy, very good from you. That's my that's my fatherly voice. That's how improving is that?

How you speak to the children when they do things that you think.

When Marley was potty training, I was like, Marlou bet a good pool from you. Come out now, come out of the bathroom. It's off the bat now for your mom. Meanwhile, you're walking around with the fucking red ledy mascot and our kids are like, what is wrong with our family?

It's character building. But you know what, I'm so proud of Jed for doing this because there was even a moment there where I was like, oh, you know, maybe maybe Tash really is genuinely into him.

And no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no. The case that she put forward I thought was so weak. She was like, come on, come on, honey, you can't pick me like that was literally that was that was all she said. She had an opportunity to let it all out in the line, be honest about her feelings, and she was like, please, honey, just let me back in.

It was what she said to be fair. Now that you've said that, I do agree with you. I think I was persuaded by the music.

I think, yeah, the emote of music really gets you, like gets you going.

It does, it does. But you know what, so he kicks Tash out and then Tash shows her true colors. I mean, he probably thinks I did it for him. I did it for myselfs So, now that Tash has gone after briefly coming back for what was an unnecessarily short amount of time, I feel like I have emotional whiplash from that moment.

Yeah, you really got into that.

I was just like, it was just unnecessary. It was like she's here, then she's gone, and then she's back, and then she's gone again.

You'd be pissed off if you were her, right, because I'm sure producers would have coaxed her back into like packing a bag and then coming back in the mansion, and she would have been there for what a couple of hours before it kicked out.

And it also would have been like such a great storyline to kind of squeeze out of them. But do you think they told Jed to send her home? Because do you think that the producers were like, dude, you got to send her home because it'll make you look like the stronger person. Or do you think they would have totally left it up for him.

Look, I don't want to take away from Jed and the growth that he's had over the last few weeks. I think I do think he is mature enough to make that decision on his own. I'm sure that he kind of, you know, asked for some advice when the rest of the guys then produced her there as well. But I do think credit to Jed, he's done this on his own.

The producers there in the background with the gun to his head, leg fucking.

Send it home or very morbid from you. I think it's time to talk about this single date.

Here, all right, So Felix and Abigail, crazy cat lady.

For anyone who doesn't know who she is, which I'm sure maybe a few of.

You, carrots. Was she a carrot girl as well?

She the carrot girl? Can't remember three carrots? Well. I did feel sorry for their date, though, because it was meant to be a really beautiful high tea. It was outside and it was freaking cyclonic. There was yeah a gale an Abigail.

It was really dumb. It was so dumb it was great. Okay, So they sit down and they're on the little high tea like on the little tears are some sausage rolls. Now, Abigail has a weird phobia, a very unusual phobia, and that is something that I don't think anyone would guess.

Is that ketchup on the sausage rolls. So because it is okay, that's my actual phobia.

I have a massive phobia of ketchup. It's horrible.

It's if you put that about anywhere near me, I will literally I.

Will probably chump in the waters to clean. I just hate it. I hate it so much. Even the smell. I can smell it before I see it. I literally had locked jawn. That's for me. I've been to therapists about it. It's weird. Okay, I have a question here. Why the fuck is there ketchup on the sausage rolls? Like who puts sauce onto like as a sausage roll there you put the sauce in a bowl like they knew she was afraid of sauce and they put it on the sausage roll.

In high teas in the UK, it's always always have sauce on the sausage roll.

Oh, it's presauced.

It's pre sauce roll. Always always had a high tea pre sauce.

Also, why have you got sausage rolls on a high test? Not fancy. It was a little bit like an Aussie high tea. It's a mini from me pie?

Is this a high tea? It's just it's literally like a code for cyclone right now with sausage rolls. That's not a high tea.

This is the party.

Yeah, okay, So I know we've spoken about Felix getting a redemption edit. You know, people didn't like.

Feel like he was on the down and now he's on the way up. We were starting to were starting to warm to him again.

This is the Felix rollercoaster, and we're now it's the Felix Rising, like the Phelix Us. Oh my god, we are so lame. I did like that though, but this is the beginning of Felix Rising. I'm trying to I'm trying to get on board with your saying. You can't. You can't look at me like I'm an idiot. When I try and use your saying, it's your saying.

It was bad the first time. It's only getting work.

You can't, you can't suggest it, And then when I use it, go, what the fuck are you doing?

It was bad when I said it, and I liked it, really bad Felix.

He's trying to understand who the crazy cat lady is. He's trying to get on a deep level with her, and it's beautiful.

Well, okay, he's normally one who goes for the physical, but with Abigail, he seems to see something in her that's different to the other girls.

You know, you'd make a great mother, and that like nurturing that I've never, to my own detriment, haven't gravitated to in the past, because I've sort of never thought that I knew I needed it. It's just by being you, you're bringing that out.

He's getting it.

Felix just wants a mother. He no longer wants a sexual partner. He wants someone to mother him. And that is another fucking red flag.

He gets it, Laura, Ah.

He wants to marry his mother, just like you. Okay, this date seems to go pretty nicely. He then takes Abigail back to the Batch mansion because he has a special surprise for her. He has a present for her. And what does he buy the crazy cat lady? He buys her a onesie for her cat.

That was weird, didn't you think? Yeah?

It was really weird.

What's even weirder is when he pulled out this massive tray of kitty letter and asked her to go to the bathroom in front of him. Did not expect that.

He was like, we're both getting a present tonight. Okay. But after they have this exchange of a cat.

Jumper, there was no not like she.

Has a hairless cat, Like, why the fuck does her cat need a jumper? Cats are usually have enough for to keep themselves warm.

I agree, I agree? Okay, very nice gesture from Felix. Though he's growing, he's being nice and considerate.

It really is the thought that counts. But they then decide to FaceTime Abigail's cat, and we're all sitting on our couches watching.

It's Great TV.

The two of them talk to a cat on.

An I phone. Cat doesn't say much, does he.

The thing that I am a bit confused about, and what sort of sprung to mind as I was watching Abigail cry about the fact that she was talking to her cats, is how do you think Kiki would feel when she went home and she was like, I got to FaceTime my cat, and Kicking's like, I've got two fucking kids.

I haven't spoken to them in months.

I have two children and no one's letting me face this, Like, how is this fair?

It's not fair.

It's not fair. But I do think Abigail is a bit of a dark horse.

I think you're feeling it. I'm not feeling it, not feeling it, not feeling it.

Not feeling isn't it? Oh well stop now, okay, moving right along, Let's talk about Jed and Courtney for their single date for the record, Not speaking of not feeling it.

Courtney seems lovely, but I've not seen her at all this entire series. Don't know at all.

I think Courtney on paper and like seeing them in their date and stuff. Actually think that they're so well suited together, like they actually look in terms of like how they interact. I think they seem perfect for each other. I just think that Jed is already too into some of the other girls.

Oh it's Alicia.

Yeah, it's so obvious. If it's not Alicia, you can eat your own shit.

Which I'm looking forward to doing.

You won't have to do it because we all know it's a list.

I think heavens Ah delicious, but it's an awkward I do like Jed for the record, big fan of Jed. But they wrote a song. She had a bit of music talent. I think like her dad played the bass and they're trying to write this song and he's just They're like, oh what what am I looking for? Deep ocean? Yeah? And then this next line. I'm just not sure he could have been in there by himself in this recording studio. He didn't need her. It was she'd suggest something. He'd

There's only a few people left, Like we're at though? Is there four people left to this stage? Four people, three people, four.

People, five or five people?

I can't count. There is not many people left. I still can't pick who most of them are going to choose, And like I.

Don't know half of the girls.

I don't know anything about them. Still, like, how are they supposed to propose in two weeks time when we know nothing about them?

And the bachelors don't even know half the name.

I didn't even know his name.

He's like, Rachel, will you marry me? And she's like it's Catherine. He's like sure, whatever, close enough, put the ring on.

So they I mean, they have a cute, litt kissy kiss here. And then we have Thomas's single date and he is on a single date with Leah and she is angelic and they are already disgustingly in love, even though I don't think that they've really exchanged many words together.

He fell in love with her on this speed date when they very first met, because he was in tears afterwards, and I don't think from that moment he's really paid any attention to her at all, Like when he's with her, I don't think he's into it.

No, of course he's into it.

I just don't see it.

I think it's just because it feels.

She's too easy for him. He wants to chase someone.

Yes, well, she's been like quintessential bachelor, like she said every single perfect bachelor line so fast.

And why I'm skeptical is because she's been on the proposal the Channel seven show beforehand, so she gets how this machine works. I feel like she just gives it the cliche sayings no.

But she did open up about her ex boyfriends. It was a really beautiful moment in there where she speaks about how her ex boyfriend cheated on her and how she's really got it. You're such a cold hearted beast of a man. She was really beautiful on this date.

All I heard was beast of a man. That was a nice part, by.

The way, it was a really nice part. But the reason why it's coming across a little bit contrived. And that's not to say that is it all, but it's because we haven't really seen them spend any quality time together. And I think it comes back to this whole thing where we don't know enough about the girls that any of the connections aren't feeling real. Because we're splitting our

I guess that's a double edged sword of having three bachelors. Everyone's time is so wayfer thin on screen that we're left being like, I'm trying to be invested in all these characters, but there's just not enough time to know who all these people are.

The big thing about this single day is that Thomas, he says to Leah, I'm falling for you. Is that breaking like a bachelor cardinal sin? Like? Are you told as the bachelor? Whatever you do, just they don't tell one of the girls that you're falling for them.

Normally you try, and you put your foot on the brake a little bit, and you're.

Just trying to string them along a bit more. Yeah, fuck with their emotions exactly, keep them more guessing you get it. Yeah, you know when they say they love you just sit there and steer at them blankly.

But I wonder why. I wonder why he wasn't sitting back. Maybe she wasn't giving him much and there wasn't really much to talk about. I know, I've been very pessimistic about this episode and every date, I'm like, not feeling, not feeling it.

You have not felt a single thing in this epid.

I didn't feel any of the dates, and I don't feel it between Leah and Thomas. I'm being honest.

They literally are sitting in a hot tub together telling each other that they're falling in love with each other, and you're like, well, I'm not feeling it.

Yeah, yeah, pretty much.

It was very much. You're very cynical. I'm a cynical, cranky old man, he said.

He said, I'm falling and please get me up.

I really hurt my hip because he is our geriatric. So that date ends. They go on to a group date that is down at the beach. They have a weird beach date where they're all kind of frolicking in the water. It's lovely.

Also, you know, we talked about Jed and the fact that he never puts shorts on.

He did say he fucking hates the beach and hates Sando, so knows.

I feel like he hates every single freaking date they put him on.

Hate Jed, Can you just send us a photo of your legs to prove that you don't have an offensive tattoo? Yeah, because I did say on the last episode that we did like just slide in my dms if you know, Jen, I just want to know no one did.

There was a part on the group Day where Bella Belle Belle, Yeah, I don't know Bella Belle girl woul tats. She's like, oh, show me your tats and he was like, oh no, I'll show you later, and he really freaked out. He panicked. Really Yeah, yeah, I didn't see that.

I did see him freak out when she was like, hey, kiss me mate, he's giving me a machaon and he didn't want to.

That was beautiful TV. I absolutely love that. But was weird that Alicia was like, you should just go and ask him for a kiss, honey, just go and do it.

I'm you know, because she was like, he's never gonna She was like, he's not my man. Is not going to kiss you, so you don't need to worry about it. This is the incredible cinematic, dramatic. This is the moment of TV that so many people miss because very few people are watching The Bachelor. But everyone should have seen. I have to say because I'm psyched up, and I wanted to say before and then we got like kindly interrupted. I really want to pasta Alisia.

I really want to kiss you.

I'm just I know, I know, and that's fine.

I'm I'm like, as I said, what it is, it's I'm just driving bananas.

Oh my god. I love watching other people put themselves in really awkward situations.

I just think Bill had been smacking the piss all day, like she was just a bit tipsy behind and she walked in there and she was like, oh, look, you know they said to lay me cards out on the table. My I just want to pass you out.

It was the most unromantic asking of a kiss that you reckon. It was in front of everyone, and she's like, so what do you fucking reckon? Like should we or not? Like at least take him aside, get some somewhere private, like he's not going to pass you in front of everyone, because we all know what happened to felix me. Some people have said that, look, if the roles were reversed, would all be outraged. Do you think she was out of line by asking him?

I don't think she was out of line by asking him. I think the thing is she is there at number four. There's only four girls left at this point in time. Normally on the Bachelor, if you're there at the like he's proposing in two weeks, like, I get why, she's like, hey, in her mind, she's like, if you kissing me is

I think they were had fourteen vodka cruzers and she had a dart in one hand. She's like, hey, what are your fucking rack hand? Come here, I love give us one, and Chad's like, look security pushing, like reaching for his pepper spray.

Well, I think they tried to make it with the music and stuff. They trying to make it more like almost like more like she was forcing herself. She didn't do anything. She wasn't forcing herself on him, She wasn't like making him feel overly uncomfortable. She just explained what she wanted and he had the opportunity to say no, and he was like, no, I don't want it, and I'm not going to do something I don't feel comfortable with.

That's how I feel, well explained Laura. Can I let you on a little secret behind the scenes, the secret as I was once a bachelor many many years ago. Oh yeah, a little bit of code here for you, Laura. If ever, let's say things go south between you and me, you get chosen as the bachelorette. Just hypothetical.

I'm keeping the omnilux mask.

If you're ever in an awkward situation, or you're about to enter into an awkward situation, you go, hang on one second, I'm just going to run to the toilet really quickly, because that's how Jed got out of it. He's like, I'm just going to run to the toilet. And another awkward conversation that was being had at the same group date was between Lou and Thomas.

And he also run to the toilet beforehand. Yeah, anyway, I feel like we can wrap this because.

I feel like you a I was dropping an absolute truth pomp and Laura's like, moving on, that's.

You think that that's literally how people get through life. Sorry, I'm not enjoying this conversation. I've got going on to that for so long. That's not a bachelor's secret. That's how to get out of any awkward situation ever since.

Correct, wait till Laura hears this.

So Lou goes home because she gets friend zoned. And in honesty, I think this episode Matt. We've lost Matt, so I'll keep going. I think this episode was a slightly more boring one. Not a lot happened, harder to unpack because it just didn't have the splicest source of drama. Drama, drama for that episode Eight's coming and things really are get a bit fucking fiery.

It's episode nine, for the record.

Episode and things get a bit fucking fiery.

Thank god, I'm here to keep this train on track. We forgot one thing for Lou went home? Who is Lou? Not quite sure?

But it is episode nine, and holy dick, it gets good. It's a good one. Would you not agree?

Holy I've in shock. I've never heard you say holy dick before.

Well, I've never watched an episode like episode nine of twenty twenty three Bachelor. Can we just say there was some freaking spanners in this episode? A fan favorite went home. Felix's redemption art is in full swing. Okay, I said it on last week's episode. I'm going to say it again. I genuinely think Crystal wins.

I can't.

It's Crystal. Hang on, she is comin.

We will get into it, but right.

Who cares about the rest of the episode Because I think Crystal wins. I think Crystal wins. What's gonna happen when she wins?

Right before they were deciding who goes home, you were like, oh shit, Crystal goes home.

There she is, but she didn't, So I'm still okay, right, And now you're like, I knew it.

I was always right all along, Crystal's.

Gonna I think she's gonna win. You flip flop all the time, Nah, but no one who listens to this podcast knows that I just flip flop on the couch.

And then on the podcast you're like, I always knew what was happening. I love when Asher comes in and he has like a bit of bro time with the Bachelor's like he's come up to Q one and he's like, oh, for God's sake, I got to speak to these motherfuckers and everyone on He goes, hey, hey, guys, how are things And as soon as they start talking, you can just tell OSHA's like, I just want to go home and see my wife and kid.

All right. Well, Thomas has realized at this point in time that he's on the Bachelor and he's forming connections with multiple women, but it does seem like he's getting confused between his connections with his women, and Felix is polyamory.

It's not easy, Like, I'm in love with multiple women, and every night I'm struggling to go to sleep, Like I keep thinking about all the things that I love about these women and who I see myself with, and the reality is that I see myself with multiple women.

And then Matt, you come off the back of that and be like, turns out Thomas is into polyamory too.

All right, good to know I've got room to move in this episode. Laura's like you will breathed twice, and you will laugh, and you will say these exact five words.

Matt, Can you just do it?

No?

No, I do not want to. I'm not some fucking puppet that you can just make dance whenever you want. Can you just say?

Seems like Thomas is into.

Well, it seems like Thomas is into polyamory too. Hanging out with just too long? Fuck you.

Good, Joe, Honey, that was great, Thanks, honey, you did a really good job.

Okay, what's my next joke? And I love how after two and a half minutes is just like I cannot take another second of talking to these guys and getting the hell out of here.

I feel like ash. He walks out of there. Every time he sits down with the boys, he's like, oh, you're all fucked. This is a lost cause.

Oh.

He even was like, I have a wife and a beautiful child that I wake up next to my beautiful wife every day. And you guys are cooked. And he leaves in their miserable crying.

And they're like and he's like, shut up for.

We're not friends. I'm unfollowing you on Instagram. Okay, So after the beautiful brodown between Usher and the three bachelors, the very first single day off the rank is Thomas and Lauren, you're gonna say they have no connection and no chemistry. I know where this is going.

I know that I'm sounding like a broken record right now. I just there was nothing there. There was nothing there. I want to love Thomas. I do. He's gorgeous, he's got a great physique. He's Italian.

Shellian.

One might say, there's no substance to his dates. There's just nothing there. He's like, do you like drinks? And she's like kinda. It's like, well can I make you one? And she goes sure, that's it.

I mean, he's hotening like spicy Margarita's. That's more than what most of the men I've dated in the past could bring to their relationship.

Well, Lauren, I don't even think Lauren's into it.

I disagree. I think that they're both very into each other. I do. I think that they are beautiful. Do they have great chemistry to watch on TV? No, it's a bit of a boring date. But I still think as people they're into each other. I just think to watch the date play out, they're about as interesting together as a ham sandwich. But that's also because I think they're

No, but the show's about to end in like three episodes, like you got to give us something because there's no time left. It's about to end.

It sounds so angry, see, like how are you gonna leave it for?

It's like the final episode it and then she goes, Oh, by the way, I really love you, and that's what's going.

To happen this season. That is literally what is happening. It's like nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, and all of a sudden, three of them are going to propose that's why everyone's so confused going to.

I'm going to speak on behalf of our listeners and say that I feel collectively we all get each other. We're on the same page. Of the three bachelors, I'm least invested in Thomas's love story.

That is not how I think the majority of ladies.

Are you with me? Thank you very much.

There you have it, Alah, I would like to do a poll. I would love to do a poll to find out whose love story everyone is most invested in. And I think now, Jeds, it's Jets, everyone's Mostlix, Felix, Felix, that's just Matt all alone on a hill with a flag Flix.

I feel like it's working. I feel like people are warming to them. Let's talk about a single day because it takes Tilly and Oh, it's a big surprise because based on previous dates, based on any interaction, that they're just all over each other, and so you're getting ready.

You know.

I was there.

I was like, well, maybe you're ready and I was like, oh it still.

Yeah. It was like cigarette in hand and I was like, that's better be good, give it to the kids.

And then nothing, nothing. But I had a theory something has happened, something has gone down in the Tillian Felix Care. Why do you think that because on the very last episode they had their single day, they were all over well maybe it was the one foot whatever, it was a couple, it was recently they put the pool date. They had their pool date, they were hot and heavy

But then why would they not tell us?

We need to know because I think that there's too much, like there's too many storyline is happening in one go. There's too much for them to fit into an episode, so big parts of people's storyline are getting missed and getting left out. But anyway, look, Felix has had a complete change of heart on Tilly. He knows that they have amazing sexual chemistry. We've all seen it, we all know it. But he thinks that they don't have anything deeper.

They don't.

They don't.

They don't.

They don't, they don't, they don't. What was it?

What was the on the date when they went to the cabaret theater together? This is like three episodes ago, and they talked about going for dinners like dinner, like brunch or dinner, and that was that was as deep as they could get. Oh, I guess he has come off the back of the crazy Cat Lady revealing that she's scared of tomato saws and he's like, Tilly, what have you got? And she's like just kiss me.

She's like He's like, what are your fears? What are your greatest fears? Because Abigail's afraid and fucking catch up. She's opened up to me and you're giving me nothing. For Tilly. The whole thing was very you doesn't.

Even want to touch her at all.

But now I think he's giving her mixed signals. I think it's unfair. I think it's unfair to go from being like this is how we.

Expressed No, you're attacking Felix.

It it's that he's gone so from like, yeah, we're so physical, touch and then turn around and be like, don't touch me, talk to me, have a connection with me. Just so much pressure. Just shut up and kiss me. All right, sorry, I'll continue.

You need to lay off.

I don't want to kiss Felix.

One second you're like it's all editing, and next thing you're like, Felix, idiot, give us more information and tell us why.

All right, okay, so Felix untilly. They are on a downward spiral. But we have Thomas and Thomas spirit is Jed who's the other one.

Jed is the drummer, and this is I know. The last few dates I've said I'm not feeling it. I felt this one.

Where did you feel it?

I've felt the maloins.

How did it make you feel?

It was good? It was it was it was just a beautiful date, Alicia. I think that's how you say your name. Their connection, man, that's thick I can smell it. It's pungent. Oh there it is.

Oh that's disgusting, you've got issues. It's nicer, right, it's delightful. They have to be the ones at the end, right, that's such an obvious like there's no one else.

We talked about the cardinal rule of the bachelor not opening up to the women on the dates, and I think Jed is just totally crossed that line. He's like, I miss you so much, I'm falling in love with you. I just want to be with you.

They've kind of given up on Jed on trying to hide it. They're like, oh, we'll just give them one storyline unlessa're so obvious here or here she is, right, that's.

I mean, it can't be anybody else. And oh my god, oh my god, imagine if they fuck us with a finale, no imagine, no, oh my god.

We will riot. We will riot for Alicia. One thing though, is that I think Jed gets a bit stitched up on these dates, so every single date, because like they like to tell you every year that the bachelor is the one who organizes the dates, right, it's the bachelor who's organized, Like production just pays for it, but the bachelor comes up. If the bachelor organizes the date, why has every single date that Jed's been on been something that he fucking hates. He's afraid of heights, He's afraid

I'm scared of heid I'm not terrified at all. Jed is just afraid of heights, is afraid of roller coasters, it's afraid of the ice.

I don't know, He's just afraid, do you know?

I think when you hear us say that about Jed, that maybe he would be better soon with Abigail and they could be afraid of things together. Imagine that high tea on the rooftop of the q one. How freaked out would they be?

They just spent the whole time screaming at each other. So after this single day there is possibly the most unnecessary situation.

One of the weirdest parts of this episode was the group date where the guys were like, Hey, what do should we do it this afternoon? Right? Like a barbecue? What do you want to do? Maybe a dinner date? And then they're like, but how do we tell the girls?

Why did they include that? For all of the like how we talked about earlier, how they've had to cut out storylines because there's just not enough time. This was the most unnecessary setup for a group date that there ever was.

They even had. The idea was that the penthouse of Q one looks down to the mansion where the women are staying. So they were like, we can just we can write a message on cards, blade and windows, and the women will see it with the telescope.

But it's almost like they've rented these two properties and that's a selling point that they had to get it across, and they're like, it's really close within viewing distance. Wh've gone back to that whole lux listenings thing. I'm so confused as to why they didn't just use those phones that they used in the group dates. Like a couple episodes ago, like four.

Episodes ago, they would call them all they.

Just rock up. Why didn't they just rock up? They've done that on other dates. They've just showed up at the house.

Osha never ever tells the girls when he's rocking up. He's just like, hey, I'm here, and they're all like in the shower, Oh fuck off, what are you doing? And it's like it's bachelor, anything can happen.

Okay, So basically what we're saying is they held up these sign that it's said dinners had to try and uncode, decode whatever it is.

It showed Felix, Jed, and Thomas writing out every letter dinner, dinner, de I double a oh far out.

Why we're doing this anyway? In what would come as absolutely non surprise to anyone, they all went and had dinner together at the girl's house, So at the bachelorette mansion.

Imagine if the women were like, Nah, yeah, we're good. Actually, like weather's pretty decent, we're having a good time at the pool, go tonight. Nah.

And also you know that it's going to end up being a rose ceremony. Why are they always so shocked a single time?

Because there's a cycle, you can't you get it. Maybe maybe it was a surprise. They would have known sure that there was a rose ceremony looming any second.

And also the fact that they're you know, so three people go home in this episode, and they're also shocked at three people, but actually it's just one person because it's one person from each person who's dating someone. So Jed loses a girl Felix is a girl.

Tom.

It's just it's just one person really in the grand scheme of things. Well, one thing they did do on this dinner day they played something which do you know what? I think it's something that a lot of people would do on like a Tinder date or something.

No, I feel like a lot of people would do this when they're fourteen.

They play a good game of Never have I ever.

The grown adults looking for love? They're about to propose, and how do they decide who's got a better connection?

Never have I ever had anal sex? Everyone? Okay, al right, I would have been into that.

Now, what was the question?

I've never never? Have I ever cheated, cheated, been cheated on?

I don't know. I don't know if I have been. I'm sure I have.

Never have I ever pretended to be someone I'm not to impress a person.

All the time?

Who are you pretending to be?

It all started. I must have been grabbed.

Four and I wouldn't have time for this.

Sorry. At the time, everybody loved Hansen.

I fucking loved Hansen.

Yes, who I had a big crush on was a huge Hanson fan, and I had to listen to them, and I thought Nan for me and I had to be like, oh I Lovembo. Yeah, that's the best song ever. Because Jess loved them so much. I hated them, but I pretended.

Have you really hung on to that, haven't you? Oh?

Yeah?

I always think back to that Maddie Jay when I was I don't.

Think any girl like girls loved Hanson because they loved the idea of being with Hanson as like a twelve year old. But nobody loved Hanson in the hope that their boyfriends like hands.

No, it's the common ground, Laura. The common ground is what you're searching for, and if we have the same passion, you're in.

Well, speaking of common ground, I once pretended that I was into meditation to Si.

A guy with weird Thomas. You dated Thomas?

I told you I've dated Harmers Thomas from Sitting. Oh, he's from Bonda. I probably did date him. I've just forgotten. I pretended that I was into meditation, that I journaled, and I have never journaled in my entire life. It was not an easy life to maintained.

Did it get your sex? Ah?

Yeah, but it was bad?

Was he ever?

Like?

Can I read your journal? Is that a thing to do? People share journals? Is that no?

But I do remember him asking me, like, what sort of journaling I did? And I was like, I just ride about my day, Okay, look for the things we do. The things we do when we're searching for love with love makes you do crazy things.

I couldn't agree more. In the pursuit, just when I thought I thought, the storyline one that we've heard far too often. It's getting a little bit exhausted, but it's reared its head again. The polyamory.

Polyamory's back, Jess, she's and you know what, Kudos to Jess for laying it on the table and not sugarcoating what it is that she was. Okay, she's confused, she doesn't know what she wants. But even though she's confused, she still lays on the table. How confusing it is to everyone.

I find it quite arrogant in a way, and people are like, good on you for just being honest. But I don't know this something about it that I'm like, that's just it is so honest, to the point where I think Crystal asked her like, if you end up, you know, winning this thing, and you know down the track, you get a bit bored and you want to meet someone, will you do that? And she's like, yeah, probably, I just asked my partner if I can go off and

Yeah, I think the thing that's like the real red flag here, and I do hope that Felix sees it. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in an open relationship, but there is when the person that you're being in a relationship with does not want to be in an open relationship. And the big part of this that I was like, oh, that's never going to work out was when Jess said that she wants to come out of

You're so smart.

I love it.

But at this point I will say you were wrong because at this point you thought there was a bit of tension between Crystal and Felix because a lot of the prodding was being done by Crystal, which which was funny, right.

Because I think Crystal is just very direct, and I sometimes get a little bit of push and pull between Crystal and Felix, Like I feel like Crystal asked the hard questions and Felix answers them, sometimes in quite a direct way. And I was like, oh, here's the tension. It's obviously Crystal going home. However, I am going to say what I said on last week's episode. I'm gonna say it again. I think that they have hidden so

Can we get Crystal one? I know we talked about.

No, we're not doing any interviews.

Okay, okay, all right, I don't have it in me. I like that you thought about it long and hard before you gave me a direct answer.

I did not have it in me for interviews this week. If you really want an interview, like you're gonna have to badge me, you know, like not just you, but like the people badger me about it, and then I'll think about it. But I just don't think I have it in me.

You've almost went a little bit British there as well. Oh you've got a badge of me the people you've got to come for me?

Mate, you do a very good English accent, Thank you very much.

I'm sure I'm sure anyone who's English right now is like, what the hell was that? And you're like that was brilliant.

Okay, So this date takes a bit of a turn. This this group is lovely question group date. Everyone's lovely getting along, drinking out for cocktaig.

Glasses, great cocktail glasses.

Would you like to know where they're from?

Didn't you almost buy them? Very expensive?

No?

I didn't. We looked at them, probably from Amazon.

I think. No, No, they're really expensive, are they? Yeah, like a hundred bucks of glass.

That is a lot of money for a champagne glass. I mean a cocktaig glass.

Rich coming from someone who spends five thousand dollars on led face mask.

It wasn't five thousand dollars, Okay. So Osha walks in and he's like, dumb, dumb, dumb, you're three of you bitches are going home, And he did say that. They all like start screaming, and then someone.

Sets the wall on fire and mashing glasses. Yeah, a chair ends up in the river in front of the Batch mansion.

The police came, they all get arrested.

It's just like far And then Thomas grabs his crystal and fights the police with a crystal, which is very unlike Thomas.

No, no, but I mean it has healing properties. So the police officer recovers very quickly and it.

Is all all forgiven.

So three people go home. It's all very suspense filed. I was a little bit worried there for a minute. I thought Kristal was going home.

But well, let's start with j. Let's that with. Ja sends home Bella, which was obviously going to happen the girl he didn't get the kiss on the group date.

Yeah, he sends Bella home, and it was really sweet. I think that this was one of the most beautiful exits that I've seen in a bachelor.

Never let anyone change who you are. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you should be silent, don't ever listen to them, be you.

Please just ever change for anyone.

I won't, and don't be sorry, because you know what, like, there's nothing that I would change through this entire experience that I can't make you love me. And it's fine, and I know, and I know in some capacity, I know you care.

About me and I can about you. We're going to be friends and maybe we'll start a country western then please always.

Thomas is up next, and he's also in emotional turmoil over who he should give a rose to, Kiki, who he seems to have a very deep connection with, or Jasmine, who he barely knows. It's very hard for me.

You all know it's going to be Jasmine.

Surprisingly, he gives the rose to Kiki or one surprise and the Akiki and then Jasmine goes. But Jasmine is she's actually really upset. I do feel for the girl. I think she I think she had much stronger feelings for him than what had ever developed for him.

Why she started seeing him like three days ago? It doesn't make any sense. Love knows no bounce all right, the Rubig cliffhanger.

Laura Burn, what you've all been waiting for?

What the hell is going to happen next? Nobody knows? Or do they? You don't? You didn't know?

Okay, for a minute there I was a bit concern. The editing got me good.

You were like you were like, I told you, Crystal's coming home. I knew it. No, I knew it. It was obvious.

No, she's gonna win. She's going to be there right to the end. I did not see Tilly going home.

Who did he pick first? Jess? Jess memory.

She literally sat there and said we have nothing in common and what completely different things? And he was like, Jess, he'ld right, he can't.

Even every time he's kissed Jess on camera, She's like, I don't know about this.

Dama's gonna be angry at.

Me, right, jess should have gone home?

Yeah, she should have gone home.

Felix, man, what are you doing?

Well?

You know what?

I feel like, Abigail is the only person making sense in this whole thing.

If Felix wants a monogamous relationship, then Jessica and Avin should go home.

How is Abigail still there? How is the crazy cat lady who was petrified of tomato sauce still in the mix. It's an absolute mystery to.

Everyone because I think she's fucking great. I'm here for Abigail. I'm here for crazy cat Lady. I am still so shocked that Tilly went home. I think the bait and switch are they god as good. If that had happened, say like four years ago on Bachelor Prime Time, people would be Punky would have been there with the recaps. It would have been a whole thing. But hardly anyone's seen it, so no one cares as much as we do. But I care in my soul.

No, I feel like the listeners they care.

Do we care?

Yeah?

We all care. Tilly we're here and we care.

Maybe we could get her on the podcast.

No, we're not doing interviews, all right, I think that.

I'd suggest it test the water, see how you're feeling.

That's fine, and that is pretty much it. Did anything else happen?

That is no, that is it. That is it. We now have three episodes remaining, so you know what we could do now, Laura, go to bed, have some you know, sleeper term, cuddling term, if you know what I'm saying.

I have a shower and go to sleep.

All let's talk of Tilly is making me a little bit horny?

Really No, no, really, that was weird.

Let's go to bed.

That's going to be a dellly mail quote right there. Horny for Tilly. Well she's still single.

Apparently we could rewatch episode six and then head to bed.

I do not want to watch any more Bachelor tonight.

Just think about it, a little bit of fun. You're me Tilly in the mix.

And on that note, if you're still with us, thank you for listening to another episode of that Chung cut. We really need to go to bed now. This one has been a hard and long one. Not like anything that you contribute to the conversation.

Anyway, do not get me started.

All right, Well, if you have enjoyed the episodes you guys know the Drill, please go subscribe on Apple Podcasts wherever you listen to your podcast, leave a review, tell your friends, share the shit out of it. How's it go?

You know the drill? You need to stop flirting with me, Laura.

Tell your mom, tell your dad, tell your dog, and your friends, and your cousin and your uncle, and your sister and your brother. And it's gonna get angry at me for going rogue on this stuff.

And share the.

Love because.

We love love. That was a nice time from you.

Thank you, Thank you.

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