BACH UNCUT - Felix's mum has got it going on

Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Island peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation.

Can you beat box for me again?

Life on Cat?

It's so lame.

To do it and set it up as in, like, what's that thing you can do again? And then when I do it, you go, that's so fucking lame.

At what point of your life did you teach yourself how to do that?

When I was a stoner in grade nine? What was his name? Is it Razelle? No idea? He's like a famous beatboxer.

Literally, no one listening to this will know who that is.

In high school, it gave you a lot of street cred being able to beat box.

Did you pick up chicks because you could beatbox?

No? But not if your guy friends.

Oh well, there's always positive.

Look at your face. You're so disgusted right now. I'll never do it again.

Hi guys, and we'll welcome back to another episode a very special episode of life on cut because it's bat chunk cut and I'm joined, I'm Maddie Jay.

It's great to be here in this absolute sauna of a bedroom all my days. This is very painful right now.

Okay, we moved the recording after the abomination. That was the last record that we did. It sounds like, and I want to apologize. Monday's record sounds like we recorded in a kitchen.

That's where we always record.

Give there sound acoustics of a kitchen are particularly bad.

And you've now forced us to record in a sauna with a heat turned on. Football. We're sitting in our undies right now in the bedroom.

We're sitting in our undies. This is as intimate as it gets. The reason why we're in here is because I think this has the best acoustics. But it's also very hot, and I can't allow Matt to put the air conditioning on. So we've already had a fight before we even started his episode.

Dying right now and she won't even let me drink gin because she's like, it's making too much noise. The ice is wrapping.

She did not go on have a little refreshing sip right now I'm tied up. What was that, Matt. Look, we started this episode with a bicker. We'll probably bicker a bit more. We'll probably get drunk as it goes. You guys already know the and how this all unfolds.

Or I don't get drunk. I have one drink at most, and you watch me. It's very civilized. You, on the other other hand, gosh, you're a hot mess.

Yeah, but you knew that when you chose.

I didn't. I didn't all. I was like, she looks like a lovely, sweet young lady. A little did I know?

I washed my feet in the sink.

You wash your feet in the sink. You're very rashy, and you sweat a lot.

I do have a rash, but I have a forehead rash. It's a heat rash. It's yeah, Look, I don't look my most attractive right now. And also my bum is sticking to the painted lemonade on this chair. But anyway, we digress, and this is what we do to bring you the goods. We have watched so much Bachelotte once again, so that you don't have.

To a couple of big episodes, dozies. I'm gonna say I'm just gonna I'm gonna preface this and say, of the last two episodes, I think it's EP ten EPI eleven, the best is at the very very end end of EPI eleven is great.

I think that there were some pretty stella moments throughout both episodes. I enjoyed this, and we watched that.

You enjoyed ten. Oh it's a little ten. It was a little slow, if I'm being really brilli honest, right now.

Okay, we just didn't do anything for you. I think you said that about seventeen times on Mondays. It's just not doing anything for me.

I just want a bit of the drama.

Well, it's all coming since on Monday's episode you paid me out so much about my omnilux purchase, which, mind you, I have been using every single day, might also explain why I have rush in my face.

Who knows, Actually that's where the rash is coming from.

It's meant to be.

Did you fell asleep with it on last night? And I had to be like, Laura, can you please turn that off? The entire room is illuminated bright red, and you're like, that's not that bad. It could be that it makes a little humming noise. Also like.

It could be that it fell asleep with it. And then my face started to get sweaty because it's literally plastic. Again, It's like I glad to wrap my skin in to crito sleep.

The good thing is, though any mosquitoes in the room do get attracted to it, they didn't die, just it's like a little I.

Come home today and Matt's also made a purchase. He's purchased the stupidest It's a seat for Lola.

It's practical.

It's to go on top of his shoulders. Like it's not like a child backpack. It's a seat that you put on your shoulders that your infant child is supposed to sit in. It is the dumbest invention I have ever seen. Lola is petrified of it, and I cannot believe the hypocrisy of somebody who paid me out for buying a stupid item online and you just did the same thing.

Okay, Well my item cost a fraction of what yours cost, and it's very practical because we're going on another trip in a few weeks time. Lola weighs a little bit as a small baby, as a small melon, and it's hard it's hard to carry one with one arm. She's obviously too small to go on my shoulders, so this allows the babies to go on my back, on my shoulders, but it braces them in. It's genius. Lola is going to take a little bit of convincing because she hates it. But Marley liked it.

No, she didn't. Okay, neither of the kids like it. That works, screaming daddy, get me down. It's kind of I mean.

You enjoy that. You fucking love that, don't you. And I was like, here, Lola, do you want to try the backpack?

I was like, no, you don't, Lolla. That looks horrible.

You literally you literally are.

It's spat in at first, No, you you.

Popped a balloon in her face. You bought balloons from the convenience store. And then as I'm going to have my one on one time with the kids, you pop the balloons in their faces and you're like, out, You're so evil.

It was an accident. Okay, let's get into unpacking the Bachelor. It's ten ridiculous. Ten Well ten starts off discussing something that really has been the common thread throughout every single baby. Oh does it just needs to go away.

It does need to go away.

And what are we talking about?

Polyamory?

It's back again.

I wonder if people who are actually polyamorous, that is that the right word? Yes, I wonder if they're even watching this going Oh God's sake.

Now, I think people who are in open relationships are watching this absolute hit show of an open relationship go down.

And it's not us.

Yeah, they're like, we, well, that does not represent us, because it's I mean, we'll get into it. It's confusing, but I think it's a poor representation of an open relationship, and I actually think it does a disservice to people who are doing open relationships. Well, thank you for coming to my ted to talk. But anyway, straight into Felix and Jess on a segue.

How good does tangalooma Island look?

This episode is brought to you by.

The whole time, I was like, that place looks fucking great.

Where is Tangaluma Island? How did you even know that that's what it was?

Because it starts off there's like a beautiful little boat and it says tangaloom Island Resort, and then it cuts to Felix and jess on a segway on the beach, and I thought to myself, we should go there on a holiday. Looks lovely you are. I could take the back back there.

You are a giant dork. Has anyone ever told you that?

Oh I'm sorry, I want to take our kids on a holiday somewhere i'll enjoy. Why are you shaming me for that?

It's not that you're big boxing with a shoulder pack on the.

Same You didn't get that on The Bachelor, DiDio.

You are a big, strong man and you're my man, and I'm proud of you, and yes, I love you.

Anyways, there's a part of me that wishes I was six foot five like Felix. And also he's very funny on this date, don't you think?

I think Felix is actually quite funny. Like we've said on the last episode, this episode, the redemption arc is back.

Is he perfect? No, he's not.

But you know what, We're all a work in progress.

Yes, every time I'm with Jessica, I find myself opening up to try new things, like I'm dabbling in polyamory for crush sake. I think he just wants jess to peg him. How do you think he's like, what are we going to be into next? Like, this week it's polyamory. Next week you're fisting me. Who knows? Who knows where we'll take this. Good on Felix for being so open minded.

He is is ready to explore your things. Except he's not that open mind really, Like I mean, he wants to pick Jess at the end. It's so very obvious.

Oh yeah, he's upset with that. And this is the first time that I've really seen Felix and Jest together and thought, ah, they could be a.

Couple, except that she has a boyfriend.

Except Damien's just snorkeling in the background, and it's like, Damien, we can fucking see you, mate. Oh god, literally, Damien is everywhere.

Next up is a date between Keiki and Thomas and now kicking and Thomas. These are the very last single dates as well of the entire season. Mine you sit, these are really important. You got to make the most of every second together because, as we all know, it's been rammed down our throats. There is an engagement coming. So Keeky and Thomas are sitting down and having a bit of a romantic time together.

What were they doing again?

Sitting like, where were they picnicking? I can't remember.

I can't remember.

Is a long time ago.

It was like two hours ago that we rewatched it. Yeah, sorry, continue.

Okay, not important. Kicking and Thomas are sitting down and Thomas has realized he really wants to have kids and they haven't had. He hasn't really gotten any clear answers out of Kiki, so instead of asking her a direct question like, hey, can we just talk about it again? Do you want to have kids? Could you see yourself having kids with me? Old meditation boy gets asked what do you see in your future? And well, he has this to say.

The way that I see this with you is that after this and we kind of like take our time to really live every single moment, get to know each other more and experiencing the creation of life with each other and just growing.

It.

I love that. I love that, you know. It's almost It's such a great way of asking the question without obviously asking the question. He could even say things like do you like being really tired and exhausted all the time? Just testing the waters for where she's at.

Sorry, that was funny, but I didn't know where you were going with it. So I was a bit like, where is this going? Can you say that last week?

It's not like you to not laugh at my joke. Be in the moment, Laura, Be in the moment, in the moment you're thinking.

About the joke.

I know, and just trust that I will deliver something that's quite funny.

I mean, it wasn't that funny, to be honest.

Let me try it again.

Okay. So instead of Thomas just saying I want to have kids, he says I would like to experience the creation of life with each other and just growing it.

That's beautiful. That's beautiful.

Been growing a child, like growing a human, growing the relationship. Like it's very ambiguous, experience.

The creation of life? Shit, what does that even mean? It sounds good, though, I wonder if he really knows what he's saying or if he's just like, this sounds good. I feel yeah, I really dribble this out. I want to experience a creation of life. Imagine if I said that to you.

Do you know?

This reminds me of just like reading a horoscope, like it says everything and it says nothing. Thomas is a walk horoscope. So Kiki is confused. Thomas confused.

Kick is like what and what do you want to do? What is it?

Okay, they end up buying a plant and now we go in so what they get a plant together to experience life?

No?

Okay, yeah I thought I was.

For a second. I was like, they buy a.

Plant, they planted a plant, and they experience the creation of life and growing it. Gotcha, that's you know, people or a human.

People must be so confused right now, like what what is the recap? And what is a joke? We don't know. I'm as confused as you guys are.

Should we talk about Jed?

Yeah, my beloved Jed.

What does Jed do? You have to look at your notes? Jed goes on a date with Angela, and you know what, this is so close to the end now, and I think that for Jed, he really has taken the experiment seriously.

So this last single day with Angela is so important to establish that relationship.

What's up?

Right? We have a lot to talk about still.

Jed's supposed to be proposing in a week's time. They're getting married in a week's time, and he is saying this single date is so important to establish a relationship.

I don't believe this proposal bullshit for one second. I'm so confused, so trying to tease it too much. Isn't like there will be a proposal, And now it's like there may be a proposal. Now it's just like there is a ring. It's like, God, is there going to be a proposal or not.

Literally, nobody except for Leah wants to be proposed to. Not a single person in our house.

Liz like, I'll accept a ring from any one of you three, don't care who it is. Anyone want one.

But honestly, it's actually batshit crazy. Like they've been in there for seven weeks, and I think that that's what they said, seven weeks in total. If you propose to me, did you ever think about it, I'm trying to think bad. Did you ever have a moment where you were like, oh, fuck it, I'll just propose we can break up of it.

No, I think I was being very sensible. I think now now, if like thirty five year old Matt went on The Bachelor, I'll be like, fuck it, I'm doing it. I'm knowing it.

Also, in hindsight, it worked out quite well. Yeah, so it's easy to say that now.

But at the time.

I think if you propose to me, I would have said no.

Yeah, I really do think you'd have to be absolutely that shit crazy in the Bachelor to drop an ee unless.

No offense to anyone who drops Blake Garby.

Sorry, mate, don't better throw daggers at you over there. I do. I think you really need to be in the real world because it's just, you know, Maths is different Mass because you're with the one person the entire way through.

I mean, and they do get married at the very beginning. Okay, so we're coming to the end of the single dates, but we do go back to Jessica and Felix's date one more time, just to have a little recap to try and establish where jess is at, because, to be honest, the girl talks in circles, and understanding where jess is at in her relationship is more confusing than listening to this podcast episode.

Like sometimes when I look at you, especially I don't know, especially when you're like, oh, from the distance, Like I think, like I could legitimately fall like in love with this.

Man, Why so far away? I don't get it. Why not when she's up close?

Well, I feel like when she's up close, she's like, oh no, no, no decision. But when he's off in the distance a little bit blurry and she's a little bit drunk, she's like, I could have sex with that. I could do this anyway. We've all been there, right.

I love Jess. Isn't she amazing? She's great.

She's possibly the most confused person that's ever been on the Bachelor.

And obviously, at this point, it's so obvious that Felix is obsessed with Jess.

But and I've said it before, the reason why he's obsessed with her is because he wants to win. And I will get more into that later, but I think that this is all a game of chase for Felix. The other thing, as well, is in the golden days in the old Bachelor, the jeopardy that we used to have with Mark in my day, Mark and mid the jeopardy used to have was like someone lived in Sydney

Yeah, they've really ramped up the jeopardy, haven't they. They sure did, So, who's an ex girl. She's passed away. But mom, dad, this is Samantha, who I really love, although she's not living. That's what it's going to be. I can't wait for next year's Bachelor.

Do we have to unpack that one?

No, this is the last season.

We say that every year, so that's fine.

Okay. A group dates.

I love a group date.

Group dates, and do you know what I love about you?

Remind me what happened because I've forgotten.

We had a sexologist.

Oh, Juliet Allan? How did I forget? Yes, we have interviewed Juliet Allan on the podcast before, so when I saw her pop up on my screen, I was like, isn't this a moment of synchronicity?

Well, you know what they normally do. There's been this old man who I think has done the last I'm going to say, four seasons of The Bachelor. He's the I don't know if you remember there, so bear with me. He's the human lie detector. Do you remember him? And then the year before that, he was like a former FBIA. Before that, he was like a sex coach. Before that, he was a chef.

So we joked about this on the last season of Bachelor. That whenever they get an expert.

On as an actor, that's a workstut.

And yeah, and they never ever ever have the skill set that they say that they have.

Because we had this, we had on a hard day, the psychic and she wasn't a psychic, no.

Because she came back several seasons later as a love coach. Yes, all right, but Juliet Allen is actually a sex and love coach because we've had her on the podcast. She's brilliant. She's spoken about sex and lobido and loads of different things in the past. Also, she had a really saucy episode all around tantry sex like group sex thing that she did and it was fucking wild. Go listen to

I understanding engagement is a big decision.

It does mean something to me.

It's a sign of commitment.

This is a weird one. They're trying to make something out of nothing here because Alicia is like, Hey, Jed, I really really like you. I'm falling in love with you. I can see a great future. I just don't want to say yes to a proposal on a TV show, but I really want to date you. And Jed's like, fuck, I don't know what to do.

For me, but hard I see I think this, like if he's actually genuinely using this as like, well, I don't know what I want because I need someone who's prepared to commit to a proposal for me. That's either being pushed by producers or it's a real sign of immaturity, Like you're not picking a relationship because somebody's going to be ready to get married after seven weeks, do you know what I mean? Like that's more about winning the Bachelor rather than picking the person who's right for you.

Yes, maybe there could be that pressure from Felix who's like, yep, bro, I'm a little fucking proposed. Bro. Are you going to do it?

Jed?

Huh? And Felix is like yes, no, I mustay we're going to experience a life together. And then Jed's going, shit, I need to propose as well. I don't want to be the only one not proposing.

Okay, but what if he ends up choosing somebody Like could you imagine if you chose the other person just because they were the more willing person to say that they would get married.

Who's the other person? Again? It's Angela, Angela.

It feels like a trick question.

And there is Courtney in the mix. Let's not forget that.

Oh sorry, yeah.

But in this episode there are some people who get zero ware time. Yeah, like Courtney? Was she in the episode yet? The end? But group date Nah didn't see.

Her irrelevant because we knew she's going to eat herself at the end. Anyway, she's out and she's out.

She's like timers, chicken, Come on, Cotney, how you're still there for a moment? Can we just talk about a love story which was once blossoming? It was beautiful, it was lovely, and it is now a steaming pile of shit took the words right out of my mouth. Thank you, thank you. It's disgusting to watch on the screen.

I mean it's not that bad, but poor Keiky and Thomas. God, the wheels really fell off that way with the Flora.

Get them off the screen.

So we need to apologize. I think it's this point in the episode where we need to tell you that it's so obvious that we have no fucking idea what we're talking about. Because both Matt Night were convinced that Kiki was going to be there at the end. We were like, so convinced. I think I even said I might eat my own shit.

I also said, oh my god, you're gonna have to eat your own shit tonight.

I also said the same thing about Crystal, so I might have shit entree and shit mains delicious sorted. They both went home. So it's so obvious that we do not know what we're talking about.

There must be a new editor working over there at Channel ten. They're doing a very good job keeping us guessing, aren't they They are.

But I would like to say one thing. I think it is very admirable of Kiki that she didn't just say what Thomas wanted her to say, because you know, it's so easy easy to lie. It's so easy to just be like, yeah, but you know, I can see myself having two kids, and then just never get frank.

Just do it, Jess, and just be like, maybe I think maybe I could have kids.

Just talk in circles and say that's children. You know, it's a really empowering idea. And you know we have such an amazing connection, and children just really grow that connection, and you know you're gonna love my kids. She didn't answer the question. That's all you have to do. Just don't answer the question by answering the question with a lot of words.

Just say I want to enjoy the recreation of life with you. And then even Thomas is like, what the fuck does that mean? The sexologist is like, you guys are cooked, get out of here. Felix Felix speaking of cooked. No, no, no, no, no. He's great, isn't it. He comes out with his fucking zingers.

He does a good interview, He's got a few good liners in there, doesn't he. But he's just so on the jest train, and he's just so bedazzled by her little jewelly face and her blue eyes. He just the poor thing talking.

About Felix and Kiki. Sorry Felix and Crystal. Felix and Crystal.

Oh, Felix. I forgot she was.

Doing because they've got a really obvious problem right now.

Questioning with Crystal whether we can push past this friendship status.

Is there a way of crossing that barrier of just sort of sex and laughter. I don't know what kind of friends Felix has, but I want some of those friendships.

How many people have fucked there?

Someone's like, Felix, you know you don't. You're not meant to fuck all your friends? And he's like, what do you mean? That's that's what friends are for.

Right friend Zoneder I fucked her last night. She gets it, she knows where she standing.

I love how we just get these little glimpses into what Felix is really like.

We need to see if this can move past a friendship because all that we have is sex and laughter. Also, does it not make you question because like, and I know I've said it on every episode, there has to be more that's happened. If all they have is sex and laughter, maybe they had sex.

Maybe they had sex and they've edited it.

Out because it was too much Crystal. Maybe Crystal's the one we need to get on the podcast and get to the bottom of the lown and dirty.

A lot of people have asked for Crystal to be on.

I feel like she's the one person who would tell us the truth as well, and.

I feel like she'd be the one person who would make a cracking bachelorette because obviously we've teased it and it's been peppy throughout this episode. She goes, she's out of here. Yeah, she gets let go.

It was it was a sad moment, wasn't it. But we've got other things to talk about first. So basically, ya to get a YadA. Everyone gets a little bit of time on the couch to unpack their feelings and where they're out in the relationship, you know, to try and get to the bottom of all the deep questions. Once again, it's Felix and jests and show.

I didn't even want to talk, we have to. It's very It's so quick because I'm so exhausted talking about those two. I can't, I cannot, I cannot. Laura make it snappy.

So Felix basically thirty Seconday Felix aus Jess point blank, you know, are you going to break up with Damien after this? You're gonna still be with him? And Jess talks in circles and doesn't actually confirm that she will leave Damien.

She's like, I still love him, and Felix is like, great, so you're breaking up with him tomorrow and she's like, no, he's someone I always want my life and he's like sweet, so we'll move then to Sydney together. He just doesn't get it.

I will still love Damien, he just won't be my primary partner anymore.

Would there be anything sexual in nature about that relationship with Damien?

No, So if you and I were to end up together at the end, I don't think that I would be comfortable having sex with him.

There's nothing more reassuring that getting into a relationship with someone and them saying I don't think I would be comfortable, right. I don't think I could do it, but maybe always good to keep your options over.

Did do you think Felix is watching this back and being like, ah, that's what she was saying.

I also like how Felix is like no. Jess has been very direct with me, and I feel like he is going to see this play out and go, hmm my bad. Sometimes you see what you want to see. Anyway, we then go into the cocktail party. The cocktail party, it should come as no surprise to anyone, and that is that there is more chat about polyamory. But the reason why this has come up again is because Jess drops an absolute.

Bomb, like, if we're doing long distance school, I don't know how I'm going to go with no physical intimacy for that length of time because I find that I really disconnect from that person. And that's why my ideal situation is maintaining a physical sexual relationship with.

Damien and Laura. Am I correct in? Because I did kind of zone out a little bit when.

You were watching Tiktoks.

Yes, I was so. Felix is under the impression that if he picks her, no more sexy time between Jess and Damien. Right, But now in the chat with Abigail, she's saying, well, you know, if it's long distance and I'm getting bored, I may get a bit of Damien. Is that what she's saying?

Yes?

Yeah, right, all right, Abigail is why would.

You say that to the one other person who's dating the same guy, Like, why would you of all the women in the house that you could say that to, why would you say it to Abigail.

It's like, well, she has a level of naivety. I think she's not quite aware of the impact that her words will have. Like, surely she must realize, but saying that to Abigail is huge news, right, I don't even.

Know if that's like a bit of a game plan to get her angry, Like it's so weird.

Imagine that actually tugs on on poor Abigail's dress. Hey, you want to hear something fucked up? Abigail's going? So what's that, Jesse, what do you want to tell me? I still want to have sex with Damien anyway, Babebs, Abigail is like, what the hell is going on?

Abigail is off it, just like everybody else watching and talking about polyamorys off it now as well, Wow, let's it. Let's get am so quickly quickly, we.

Have to say it. People went home. Courtney grabbed Jed aside and was like, you know what, bro, I can tell that you love Alyssia so much that I'm wasting my time here, And then Jed goes, yeah, you're pretty much. Ah, So she gets out of there. Crystal leaves the one who you said was gonna win. Shock, horror, that's a shame.

She was really upset. Crystal was crying.

I do like Abigail. Okay, I know, I've called her the crazy cat lady for a little while, Carrots, carrots as well, hand on saucy girl. What else did I call her as well? Oh yeah, she to Mysaurce, I do like Abigail. I did think. I did think Cristal would be there at the end, and I'm very surprised that he let her go, Like Tilly and Crystal to me, two people who had a really strong connection. I know that's very cliche. I cannot believe that it's Abigail at

You're gonna be okay, I'm fine. Want to get a gin?

I'm fine? Yeah? Yeah? Oh wait? Who else went home? Did someone else go home? Courtney? Crystal and Kiki.

I was so sure that Kiki was gonna end up with Thomas. But you know what, She's gone home to her kids and she's not having any more of them.

For the best, Thank God. Episode eleven. But first I'm gonna have a really quick little drinks break. The last time we did the record, that was after we had sex, wasn't it? What last time we did the record and in Borron after we had sex?

No, it was why would we have sex and then do a record like, oh the day prior? That's like, it's the secret sauce.

I was still buzzing off that. I'm all clugged up right now. You're a lot funnier after we've had sex, I'll tell you that much.

Jesus.

You can tell me anything, and I'm just like, oh my god, you're amazing. But right now all I can think about is having sex?

Is that true? You get to about day four and you're rubbish? Can I like it's been too long?

You get the itch very right now?

I'm just sweaty, very itchy, very sweaty. Should we get into unpacking episode number eleven?

You do have quite a shiny brown I.

Have such a rash on my forehead. What is this?

What do you be wearing headbands or something? Honestly serious question?

I look like I have a sweatband and on my foread do.

Wear a hat today?

I think it's from the hat I was wearing in Byron. I think I just had the hat on too much and I got like heat rash.

It's really good. The rash is coming up, is it really? Yeah? Yeah?

Oh my god.

It is too very rashy.

Damn it. I thought it was getting better. It's got worse out has it just been getting worse as the record's been going on.

This is what married life looks like.

Rashy, just rashy.

And urundies sweating in the room and it's forty degrees in our room right now.

This is talking about how we don't have sex.

This is married life. It's it's beautiful.

Talking about a TV show.

Literally, yeah, this is any single people out there, don't do it, stay single, enjoy your lives, all right?

Episode number eleven.

Wasn't this a big episode? Holy dick, Jess.

I love it.

Let's start with Jess and Damien.

Can you slow down? Warm them up? Matt's ready to go. Just slow it down. Let's let's get into it.

You know I'm not good at full play, so true because you're always just like put it in. No, all right, No, we start kissing and you go get on top and I'm like, we've been kissing for what like a minute, and you're like, alright, let's wrap it up. Come on, let's get this show on the right people.

It's not that, it's just that not like some full plays better than other full play and sometimes it's just like easy just to go to the main event.

I'm trying to make full play happen, and you're always like, it's nine thirty, it's too late. Make it quick.

Speaking when I said let's sit on this for a little while and flesh it out, I didn't mean talking about our sex life and then talking about what this episode was about before we just go straight to Jess and Damian. It's hometown's maybe since we're here, since we're on the topic, it's hometowns.

But it's not really hometowns, is it.

It's hometowns where the tears.

Because it's hometowns, but it's all on the Gold Coast. The Old Coast is getting a red hot run.

Oh that's true. Yes, But it's also basically like, not only do they meet so not only do the bachelor's meet the girl's parents, they also meet Felix's parents. So it's like it's like a combined family meet and greet. It's cute. Yeah, yes, which I like. And you know what, We kick it off with Felix, who goes on a beautiful date with Abigail. She is lovely, she is sweet, Abigail is honestly, she's a white material.

She's wifey.

Yeah, he's not going to pick her, but she's life material. She is so basically everything just goes so lovely, which it also reaffirms to me that he's not going to choose her because it's too perfect, it's too easy. She gets along with the family. Everyone's lovely, love love you, happy, happy happy.

She works on a law firm. O. Yeah, don't you think we should have known that?

Like two, I didn't even commit that thing to memory, so that part of her story I still don't know. I just thought she stayed at home with a cat.

I just like, what do you do? I have fifteen cats.

Screaming at the fridge anytime someone gets a tomato sauce. Y, I hired from Tomato Sauce, and I feed my cats. That's pretty much it.

Like, still better than Jess. Sorry, so bad? That was good? Keish? Was that good? Yeah? That was good? Keish? Right? Now is sitting there laughing, having a great old times.

She hates editing these no, no, no, no, no.

She told me, She's like, I love editing you and Laura fighting.

Fighting and talking about Matt's files and how sweaty you are.

We do have to edit out a few little squabbles here and there. Ohk you this being one of them.

All right, Okay, So Abigail's family time is divine. They all love her. It's perfect.

Imagine. I was like hoping that the producers would stitch her up and have a way to bring out tomato sauce. I was just like it was going so well that something had to go wrong, And I'm like, why that was such a missed opportunity.

Okay, but what do you think of her throwing Jess under the bus?

Yeah? I don't know about this one.

Did she throw her under the bus?

Yea? She picked her up and like tossed her on a highway full of buses.

And Jess is onder being like, no stop, Abigail. Abigail's like, you will get under this bus literally, And that's pretty much what happened. I know, Okay. I think she went about it the wrong way. I don't disagree.

What telling the mum?

Yeah, that's the problem. I feel like Abigail needed to have a conversation with Felix, a direct conversation, saying, look, this came up at the last cocktail party.

I know that, but even that just makes her look even like the brother. Tell it to the brother, not the mummy.

Why did she call her mummy? Anyway? She really throws Jess under a bus.

When I last spoke to Jess, she was saying that after the finane she would still maintain that sexual contact with her.

Current partner.

Because she doesn't feel like they're at the point where she will let Damien go.

Do you know what, though, I think Felix's mum is a real MVP of this whole situation.

Oh she was great, wasn't she.

I mean, and she's as confused as anyone.

I just don't know why you would it's not there must be some other show she can go on.

I love moms so much. I live for a good mum, not in a weird sexual way, but in a hometown's awkwardness. Great grab moving on, Felix's mum is quite hot. I like what she's got to offer. Yeah, what do you think think that little bob haircut with the fringe. She's very cute and you like her quite a lot.

You're so fucking weird.

Imagine if that's who I ended up with and I was like, Laura, I'm sorry, I'm seeing Felix's mom. Imagine Felix would fucking hate me if.

You left me for Felix and then you became Felix's dad.

Wouldn't that be a wild story.

That would be a really good TV show. And then Miller then he'd be dating Jess and you guys could all live in a commune together.

That's the dream.

That's beautiful.

One can only wish that.

Was fucking weird. Thanks for taking it there, honey.

Who was next? It was Jed's family again. Okay, great mother. I really enjoyed this episode. Jed's mom, don't even get me started.

She's awesome. But what I love about me eating Jed's family? How can you stop? You're like licking your You're just being so weird. Okay, what I love is just what a normal family fucking stop?

How I'm just sitting here?

Yeah yeah, and.

What are you trying to do? I'm sitting here? Ready, ready, to continue on the conversation. You're painting me out like I'm this.

Like you're masturbating in the corner, Felix.

His mum is that you it's so hot in this. Laura and I are now naked.

We're not lying. I'm pretty much top like it. I'm going topless here we are. This is just I'll put it back on that. It's like this is wild, okay, continuing.

Jed's mum has a beautiful family.

They're just the most wholesome family. But they had the most relatable, normal moment, a.

Big moment ship.

I wish you wouldn't speak like that.

I'm not twelve years old.

Shouldn't swear in front of Elizia.

I'm not going to swear in front of them female, or their fan or your mother. I'm sorry for swearing, all right.

Let me relax or stop pressing me.

I'm trying to chill out. Fucking horrendous.

If anything's going to solidify that Jed is only twenty six years old and still a bit of a child, it's getting in trouble by his mother. That's what's going to do it, right, Oh, Jed, We're so tired it our brains have turned into fucking mashed potato. Now that's where we're at.

Because this episode went for four hours.

It did, it went for so long, But okay, can we just say we're loving all the mums. Another mum that we love, which we should mention, is Alissier's mum, And you.

Call me weird for focusing on the mums.

Elizia's mum didn't even come and she's still great. I think she also knows and understands a bit more about reality TV than most.

What about your mum?

She coming, No, my mom thinks commercial TV is just an absolute crop of shi T.

She definitely watched our season and thought, I'm definitely not getting involved in that shit.

Also, don't you just love that Alyssia's family are so perfect, Like they look like they've walked out of a Vogue magazine. Alysia's dad walks in with tied around I feel.

Lives that producers. Do you think they were like, hey, it's a bit nippy and there put this on? Was that his own wardrobe? Do you think?

I don't know, do they normally change what?

Like?

Does a wardrobe change what your parents are wearing?

Well?

Maybe because it was just it was just so like proper preppy.

Well, it couldn't be more chalk and cheese. And like, I think Jed has picked two very well put together women who, like you know, they seem very classy in the way that they dress and the way that they style themselves. They're not particularly alternate looking women, and I think he has a very alternate looking style. By meeting Alyssia's parents and will Unlissia's dad and her brother, I think it really highlights just how proper they appear, and it kind of like shows how much that they are

But to me, it also just highlighted how boomers can be. You know, who cares that Jed.

Don't offend all the boomers listening to this podcast episode that might be our target market.

We don't know, Carol, apologies.

Mom's out there. Apologies.

Well there was there was examples of two boomers. One was a bit judgy, Alyssia's dad, and then we have the beautiful dad of Angela.

No, no, no, we're not there yet.

Oh where are we?

Well, we're at the part where Alysia still doesn't know whether she She's like, I'm not getting married.

I'm so sorry. I was like, yeah, come on, that chat's boring. Let's talk about the beautiful dad of Angela.

Okay, sorry, you steamroll the jeopardy. Alicia has made it very clear, but she is not going to say yes to Jed's proposally.

To get it, we get it. Jed's gonna propose. Jed's not going to propose. I guarantee it. I'll eat my own ship if he proposes.

Can we stop eating?

I just want to eat shit? So bad ship on me. I'll do something crazy, like I don't know, like my own ship. Remember, you could shoot on me.

It's so hot in here, Matt. Matt's been holding his breath and it's hot. There's no brain cells left.

I know what I'm saying.

No, you don't.

I regret nothing. I stand by my comments. I will live stream a ship eating after the finale on my instagrams.

Shut up, okay, stop, okay, stop stop talking.

Stop.

So I feel like Jed has gotten a bit confused.

No one cares Laura, No one cares about about the storyline of the proposal. We know that he's going to pick we know he's going to pick Alyssia up. We know he's not going to propose.

Okay, but I feel like he has gotten confused as to whether he's going to be in a relationship with a woman or a ring.

Well, this is a bit of a bloody disaster right now because the ring is endgame for me.

I thought Alizia was endgame.

But if the ring is off.

The table, I'm I'm not sure he's going to pick.

The ring at the end, He's going like, Alysia walks away, what's the other one saying? Georgia, Georgia? Is it Georgia.

Angela, It's the end of the season.

They both leave and he's like to the Ring, He's like, it was you all along. Will you spend the rest of your life with me? And then he just like you know, punk rocks out of there, him and his ring, and.

You have a go at me for coming up with these weird storylines in your head.

That's just gonna happen. They run away, Jed and the Ring are still really happy to get someone. Slid to my DMS and told me it's going strong anyway.

You're so funny.

What was next?

Oh you're cute? Shut up, you're so cute. I'm tough.

I love you, thank you, I love you, thank you so much. Remember the time that I told you I loved you and you said thank you?

When was that? Now?

I said, I'm falling in love with you and I said, and you said thank you, falling.

In love with you? To me, that means nothing, NONI that is thank you, thank you. It's a very kind response.

Yeah, so we come off the dumpster fire that is Alyssia's day. Alyssia's dad was also particularly mean to Jed. We didn't cover that. We didn't cover that ground, ashole, but he was very judgmental of Jed, and we didn't. We don't have time for that. We want people who are accepting and open, and you know what's supportive of our little Jeddie boy.

Like Angela's dad, who also when he first appears on camera, does also seem very preppy. I thought it was going to be like another boomer, but he's a beautiful.

Man and I'm surprised. And I'll say this, I thought Angela's family. I thought Angela, being that she was like Tennis and she also is a bit preppy, I thought that they would be the ones that would be the most kind of I guess like put off by the fact that Jed is a bit alternate. But Angela's dad, I was in tears. I cried.

It was beautiful.

I am pathetic and I cried. And do you know what I thought was so beautiful about this? It was the fact that I think Angela's dad was also hitting on Jed.

The nails, yeah, the nosering, yeah, the tats. By the way, I love this one here, Oh thank you.

I don't judge a book voice cover, so I'm happy to put all out aside.

Yeah, I think you're fairly attractive guy. So what is happening?

And then Jed runs away with Angela's dad and the ring and now they are all living happily. I didn't want to spoil it. I didn't want to give that little, that little tidbit away.

I mean, it's been a wild season. I wouldn't put it past producers to suggest.

It, Okay, But the thing that I wanted to bring off the back of this day, back of this hometown, well, I.

Feel like this is a very serious comment.

Yes, Jed has fucked himself. Do you know why?

Why?

Because so Angela and Jed had this really beautiful moment at the end where Angela tells Jed that she's falling in love with him and Jed says the same thing back. He's like, you know, I've been waiting for you to say it, and now he's all in with his emotions. He's done it to both girls. He's not a lucky Gilbert. He's literally said I love you to both Angela and Alicia.

Do you know what, though, I do think Angela is kind of just going with the flow. I don't think she's into Jed as much as Alicia is into Jed. I don't know, no, I know I know it.

Going back to Lysia for one second, I know that you're very tired of the whole proposal line. I know you're bored. I know I'm just going to standing through this. It was a little grab. I wanted to throw it in there. Here it is. I really like, once again the same thing with Kiki. I really like how strong and independent the women are being and how they're not being pushed around or pulled around by the production of

I was not aware of a proposal prior to coming here, and I don't plan on leaving with one just because it's a television show.

Ah say it's sister. I just love it. I love that there are so many women on this season who are not saying the things that they think they need to say to win. They are being honest, and I think it's really changed the dynamic of the show. It's made it more interesting to watch because instead of everyone just vying for the bachelor's and then being like, who

I agree, I've got a little, I agree, I agree, I've got a lot of.

You.

Okay, I agree, you are literally rubbing your nipples at the same time. I agree.

What I'm trying to say is I'm morning. I agree, that's great, I'm all for it.

All right, what's the next Then we're going to.

Talk about I cannot believe the mess we are in right now at the end of the show. This is the second last episode of the season, and guess who is back. I'm talking about Damien.

Oh my days.

I just don't understand in what world there's Jess Livin where she thinks it's a good idea to meet Felix's parents and bring along I don't want to swear, but her fucking boyfriend.

I don't think it was her decision.

No, n you know, she could have easily have said hey, in Oa in the hotel room, she met her brothers and then Damien came in. And I also want to say I feel sorry for Jess's brothers who got dragged along and didn't say a freaking thing the whole time.

Could you imagine being Jess's brothers in that situation. It would have been absolutely mortifying. They would have just been sitting there going like, oh, look, we think the whole thing's cooked. We're sorry.

I'm sure they do.

We agree with you, but we love her, but this is a terrible situation.

She could have said to Damien before she met the family with Felix, I don't think it's appropriate that you come along with me. I'm gonna go with my family only, Like, how did Jess think that was going to play out? When she's like, this is a really big moment and it has found me to like me. No, she's like, here's my freaking boyfriend.

I don't I think that it was completely produced. I feel like Damien has always been a part of the storyline, as in, like when Jess signed up to do it, I feel like him coming on the show was always produced in like, I feel like it has to be. But you know, no, there's no way that she is that level of delusional that she would have thought that Felix's family would be okay with her bringing her boyfriend along like this it has to be produced.

She could have said, hey, I don't want to go ahead with this if I have to walk into that room with Damien by my side. She could have said, this is this is not how it's going to happen. Look at Lysia. Alyssia's you know, she's strong, independent, she's making her own choices, and her mom does.

Think commercial TV is a Crocors shit, So she wasn't there.

Yeah, And I bet you, I bet you. Alyssia's mom is like, I told you so, look at this hot mess.

Do you know what? Though, Okay, this was, I feel like this is really where Damien's people's feelings towards him. I think everyone always thought it was a bit, you know, it's a bit of an unusual setup, but I think people's feelings towards the relationship that they seem to have. And obviously we can only see what plays it on TV. It's all produced, it's all edited. We totally appreciate that. But I almost find that the way that he communicates with Jess by saying like, you don't have to make

She's so the repercussions of her actions.

Yeah, and like the severity of like losing that one person who's making himself available no matter what she does. It almost feels like softly manipulative. And I don't know how to describe it, because it was just something about that whole environment that made me feel really uncomfortable. And especially when Felix, who has boundaries, he doesn't want to

But how are we back here now? The last episode, I thought the narrative was Jess saying, I'm falling in love with you. By the way, I'm going to end it with Damien, I'm not going to have sex with him, and then all of a sudden, we're still back to day one, like it's just gone full circle.

Considering everything, I feel like Felix is taking it really well. Ah okay, but once again Felix's mum. Felix's mum comes in with the goods. She is harsh, she is very critical of Jess, And you know what, I don't think necessarily going in hard on Jess is fair, But I think Jess needs a little bit of a wake up that she's being a little bit deluded about the outcome because she keeps flip flopping between these two options and hasn't really been able to make any decisions. And look,

Why you keep referring to it as an experience. It comes across as not sincere A relationship is not an experience. I feel don't mean like you've been used for an experience in Felix. I don't want Felix to be used as an experience. You're going to move on to another experience. You are a girl of experiences.

Holy shit, that's a really mean That was like, I feel like that was mean.

Yeah, okay, parts of that I agree with, but I also, yeah, it's pretty full on. I thought I thought they were about to start going at it.

And then Felix's mum holds it to the ground and starts they have a full beer dumping on her head. Yeah, like, what's Carl Stefanovic and yeah, She's like can't. That's just in the car part. They'll be hitting each other.

Damian Felix start wrestling, and then the brothers of Jess are like, oh god.

Well they just cracked a beer open and are standing on the silence. Was filming it and sending it to Daily Mail. It's really spiral out of control. It's going to be in the papers tomorrow, like it was a lot. Felix's Mum's okay though, but she she won obviously. Yeah.

Can I just say I think why people are getting frustrated right now is because we've had an example of Thomas wanting to be with someone with an understanding that they don't have the same wants and needs, i e. He wants kids, Kiki doesn't. So then he can say, hey, do you know what, we're not aligned. It's not gonna work. I'm going to say goodbye. As hard as that is.

Yeah, And I think also with what you're saying, like Thomas really I think, I mean, obviously it could be eady, but I think he really wanted to pick Kiky. I agree, And it was only that that was like such a glaringly obvious thing that did not Onligne for them that he was like, well, this is not going to work.

Out for us, okay, And when I say this, I know that I'm just stealing. How you have you know, digested the whole situation and how you think it's playing out. But I think for Felix it's more about just wanting to win. It's that competitor inside of him, rather than it actually being a case of him wanting to be with a woman that he's fallen in love with.

They are a monumentally bad match. Like them as a couple, it doesn't work. And the fact not only is they haven't even spoken about the fact that they live on opposite sides of the country. They don't need to talk about that because the other jeopardy that they have in their relationship is already so ridiculously big that that hasn't even gotten a look in, like how are they going to navigate long distance? But for me, I'm like, I think exactly what you said, Matt, and I know that

It's absolutely insane. But do you think that I don't know if it's just me. But does Felix kind of enjoy being in these situations where Damien is also there, Like do you think that he's like, maybe.

They're all together now, maybe the three of them are in a relationship. Maybe they are, and that's gonna be the big block twist at the edge.

That Felix and Damien end up hooking up. Is that, Oh my god, that'd be amazing. I freaking hope, so.

I will subscribe to that because.

Because no one is picked at the end of this episode, it's like it's all like, oh, what's gonna It's gonna happen.

Okay, we're at this point, though, who do you think is going to win?

Now?

Like, who are your final three and I'll tell you my final.

Three, Okay, starting with Jed is gonna pick Alicia. I think Thomas is going to pick well, I'm torn. I think it'll be Leah. Really, I think it will. I think he'll go to say option okay, and then and then Felix because I bless him.

That's an idiot.

He is an idiot. I think you'll pick Jess.

Okay, right, I'm gonna say Felix is gonna pick Jess. Wild if he does not pick Abigail and he picks Jess, like we will riot. But I think he's gonna pick Jess. I think that Jed is going to pick Angela. Oh shut up, I don't believe it. I know he's gonna pick this year. But like, I'm gonna just go for something different. You know, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna be that person.

Please come Angela.

Okay, I think Jed's gonna pick Angela this yeah, but Angela. And I think that Thomas is going to pick Lauren. Also not convinced, but like we'll just go with that. But you know what, Okay, so this is the second last episode, right, we do have one more, obviously because there's a final episode coming out, Thank god, it's the last one. Just you know, we'll put that in there as well.

I think it's fair to say that we will not be doing interviews with some of the contestants.

We got given a teaser at the end of this episode. There was a little sprinkling. We got to get an insight of what goes down on the final episode.

It's absolutely insane.

And gears back. So by the looks of things, Damien is going to be there at the very final rose ceremony so that he can hear what Jess has to say. That is the most awkward, Like, who is the producer who thought this up?

Genius?

They need a pay rose. I can't wait, and I can I know that, but it's going to be great.

Can we have sex now?

Can you stop talking about sex? No, We've been recording this for an hour and a half and we've watched four hours of The Bachelor today and believe it or not, that's not what I need to get aroused tomorrow.

It is okay perfect. Will we record on the Sunday night after the episode so it'll come out Monday.

Yeah, it's gonna be hell, it's gonna be hell on Earth. I can wait Sunday's episode. We're gonna watch it. We're gonna take ella notes, we're gonna take it very seriously, and we're gonna record straight after, and then I'm going to edit into the night and it will be in your inboxes on Monday morning next week, babies. And then guess what else, We are back with Life on Cut

What's his name? Ben?

Ben?

Then?

Who Ben? The soccer player? I don't know. Do you need to know people's last name?

I was just testing you.

Yeah, he's Ben. He's very nice, but he lives very far away.

Oh is a bit of an isn't it.

She does like long distance. She's very happy, very happy. But you know what, I'm gonna leave it all for Brittany to tell you herself, because I will get to the bottom of it all.

And I'll be staying as far away from this podcast equipment as I can, as well as a bottle of gin. No more gin, I'm ginless after this.

Yeah, we've had enough, We've had don' don't make this do anymore anyway. Guys. That is it from us. If you've loved batch on cart please go you know the drill, leave a review, share it with your friends, you know, just share it around to.

Share it with Damien.

I'm back.

And and to Felix's mum what's her name, Susan

Who knows Carol, And share the love because we love love