If this is storing me bus, you're dead. Hi, guys, and well here back to another episode of Life Uncut. My name is Laura, my name is Brittany, and I know what you're about to do to me. I can see the look in your eye. You're about to throw me under the bus in some capacity. I'm just trying to work out which way. I think it's got to do with the Daily Mail headline. You guys know that we love the Daily Mail here and usually, okay, usually
it's me. Usually I am the butt of the articles, the literal butt, so many puns intended, like they always seem to want to talk about my butt. Maybe it's because I say things like pinky and the stinky on this podcast one hundred percent wide. They don't just make it up. No, that's exactly the problem. The problem is that they do make it up. They take things entirely out of context and create brand new articles about it
which have nothing to do with what we originally spoke about. However, this one has everything to do with what Britney spoke about. This is the headline from today's news. Talk about too much information TMI. Brittany Hockley thought tennis pro boyfriend Jordan Thompson would just be a summer shag, as he complains about her stinky butt in a very candid chat. Fucky, fuck you, deadly mate, how stinky is your butt? I mean, I have been in this house when it's been a
bit stinky. We're not gonna talk about it, but I'm gonna talk about what just happened in my bathroom. Laura Burn, you know that you're really close friends with someone when it's okay to just go to their house and do a poop. You destroyed my toilet, like you just destroyed it and I had to close the doors I could sanction off. Okay, the headline is so cooked, so cooked. First of all, okay, the first half, let's break this down, the fairlouse. Let's do a nuance dissection of Britney's stinky
butt article. The first half.
Brittany thought Jordan Thompson was gonna be a summer shagure so much truth to that. I did not think that it'd be a relationship seven year difference athlete that lives overseas. I was like, cool, he's young, he's cute, he's hot, he's here for this summer.
Let's see how that goes Hot boy summer, hot girl summer, hot vaxed waxed girl summer. There is nothing wrong with that part of the article.
There's nothing wrong with me wanting to have some summer loving, because every girl deserves a good summer fling.
The part that I have a very big problem with is them saying in the headline that can you quote me again? What was it? Jordan has a problem with Britney's stinky butt. H to literal headline is as he complains about her stinky butt in very candid chat.
Okay, Jordan has never complained about my stinky butt. Daily Mail take this line. I do not have a stinky butt. I shower multiple times a day. Where this is all coming from is Jordan joined the podcast for a bonus episode. It was myself and Jordan. We answered all of your questions. It was last week. If you haven't listened, to go back and have a listen. It's a really great chat.
It's a nice little insight into their relationship. And obviously, like you guys, hear so much from me and Matt, you know all about deep, dark and dirty secrets. There aren't really many dirty secrets dark, but this was like a nice little It was just a nice little chat with Britt and with Jordan to get to know and understand a bit more about their relationship and also the dynamics as to how it works, how they met. Part of that was what are your nicknames for each other? Now?
I actually do not know why. Jordan explained it on the podcast. I don't even remember it.
But we just started to call each other stinky for no reason, not because we smell, just because we thought it was cute.
This is how we say it to each other because we call it all day. He'll text me all day, Hey, stinky, how are you? That's it, and I'll say, hey, stink dog, Hey stinky.
We just it's just what we do. And then it started and then and then it eventuated to stinky butt. Because he calls me everything.
He calls me cutie butt, sexy butt, weirdy butt, nerdy butt.
Everything he says, he just puts a butt on the end. It's just what he does. So stinky turned into stinky butt.
I do not have a stinky butt. He did not name me this because I had a stinky butt. But the Daily Mail, Holy, it is the most twisted, fucked up penline. I have seen from them so bloody well done.
What I like about these your pet names is like it could be that you're a stinky butt, as in like stinky bottom, or it could be like stinky butt, nerdy butt, like there's something else coming question, like if maybe you're not stinky, but is it it's two teas,
it's be double tea okay. But also on this everybody has weird pet names, Like I'd love to know from you guys, from the listeners, what are them of the weirdest if your friends or your family knew the stuff that you call each other behind closed doors, what would it be? I call Matt honeybee. It was vomit in my mouth. I would rather be called stinky butt than honey bee. Honey bee. God, they're losers. Okay. Anyway, onto some very exciting news. But we're coming in hot and
on a high today. The reason why we are probably sounding a little bit manic is because we have just come back from doing Kyle and Jackie O this morning. We got to sit in on their radio show to announce some really exciting news. Guys, we have our very own radio show on KSFM on a Saturday it is insane. Well, we don't have it yet, like it's starting next year dotted line. They have contracted us. They cannot revoke it now, so it's too late for them to go back on it.
They probably listened to our recording this morning. There are a few f bombs that I accidentally dropped. Lucky. There's a live beeper. Britt swore live on breakfast radio, not once, but twice, and I managed to say anal sex on live breakfast radio in the first four minutes. And I'm pretty sure after that all went down, the people who signed us for this radio show were like, what have we done? The big boss messages they're like, hey, that was really cute. We'll work on some things. O. No,
but guys, it's so exciting. So this is actually this is a national radio show, so we're going to be doing I mean, for those of you who've been listening for a little while, we did do a trial almost a year ago. Now, it was really late at night. They put us on like the midnight shift because they were like, these girls cannot be trying just to be sure we didn't drop any bombs live on a breakfast show. But it turns out that yeah, so it all came
into fruition. We are starting in January and it will be every Saturday morning, a national radio show, so even if you were in some far remote corners of Australia, you'll still be able to hopefully jump in your car or pull out the old radio. I don't know, how do people listen to the radio these days? Extreme you idiots. You can listen to it on the internet wherever you are. If you have internet, we can come to you live on a Saturday, except in Western Australia, but everywhere else.
Oh yeah, sorry, sorry to our Perth guys. They didn't want us in Perth.
But we also it is very signing producer Keisha is coming on board. She'll be producing the show as well. So it's like our whole little life Uncut team is just picking up and going to do radio. But fear not, we are still doing the podcast. We're still having the Tuesdays, we're still having the Thursdays, we're still doing the bonus episodes. Nothing is changing in that sense. But all that's going to happen is we're adding in another aspect to this radio show and.
We're just so fucking excited. But anyway, that is coming in January, and thank you.
There's so much love and support coming from you guys, LARNI, so thank you so much.
I guess we should probably tell you about what this episode is about. A few weeks ago, you might remember that we did part one of Attraction, and when we got into dissecting the conversation around attraction, why are we attracted to certain people over others? How do we build and form connections of attraction? We realized that this was actually such a huge area of conversation. There were so many parts to attraction and how it works that we decided we would have to break it up over two
separate episodes. So the first episode we touched on things like, you know, can you sleep with someone who you are sexually attracted to but have no emotional or romantic connections. But on this episode, we're going to get into what are the different types of attraction and then we're going to talk a little bit about gender and how gender
can impact different types of attraction. So different types of sexualities that can impact attraction, things like sapio sexuality, demi sexuality, pan sexuality, some of the different types to maybe not as commonly spoken about now. One thing that I freaking love about this episode is we actually have a listener who's come onto this episod So. Their name is Billy.
Billy is non binary and they also identify as being asexual, and it was so incredibly interesting to have somebody from our own community to discuss what asexuality is and how it impacts their life and also their relationships.
Yeah, Billy is a Day one listener as well, which we absolutely love. But I learned so much just in that chat alone, and I'm really excited for you guys to hear that later on in the episode. But before we get into that, Laura Taylor Swift, she's taken ten years to get over her three month relationship with Jake Jillenhall.
Have you been looking at this kafuffle now? Before I like disclaimer, I love Taylor Swift. I wanted to be my Bessie.
I don't have a bad way to say about it, but I think this whole thing is insane.
I am a full closet swifty. I'm swifty, not even closet. I'll come out and say it. I'm here, I'm a diehard. I've seen her three times in concert. I'm proper with you all right, Brittany, just trying to one up here. My sister and I we love it so much so I think if you guys haven't seen, there's been a lot of conversation and in spiraling around the internet and the media in regards to Taylor Swift re releasing her album, her album from what was a decade ago, named Red.
It was released on the twenty second of October in twenty twelve. And this is the album that was so fundamental in I think so many of our twenties, Like in my twenties, this was like the album, the cornerstone breakup album of my twenties. It was the album that had the song like We're never getting back together in it, and I think, like for most of us, I'm sure there's a good majority of people listening to this who danced around their bedroom after a bad breakup to that song.
I know I certainly did. But then there's also the song that's kind of been thrown into the limelight and the conversation around Jake Gillenhall is in regards to the song all too well, basically the rundown on why Taylor Swift is re recording her albums is because a former label of hers, so the Big Machine, which was the label that had signed her, refused to give her rights to her Masters, which she had signed away and without her permission, they had on sold her songs, which means
that she doesn't have agency over the music that she created. And to be able to try and regain some of that control and regain some of that ownership, she decided to completely re release her albums, release them with extra songs, unheard content, and one of the big releases was last week. The original album only had nine songs on it. The new album track has sixteen songs, and it also has a ten minute version of the song all Too Well. Now All Too Well is the song that everyone thinks
is about Jake Gillenhall. The controversy here.
Comes from the fact that this ten minute release, this new release that she's done now all Too Well comes with it.
It's a short film. She's put together a short film. It's very good. I watch it again this morning, Kape. I loved it, like I was really into it.
The problem comes with she's added in some extra since she's added in some extra dialogue into this ten minute song, and she's added in. I guess it's a story and it's obviously without her saying it, it's obviously her portraying the situation as she saw it. Now Jake Gillenhall, I don't know if anyone's checked in on Jake, but he's been. He's been absolutely. I went onto his Instagram. I don't know if you've got to look at his comment section. He hasn't posted anything. So you know how people go
back to, like the last photo that you've posted. It's insanity.
There are so many people saying, like, you've got one week left to return her scarf. Can't believe he's told her scarf one week until you're gonna be taken down.
Like he's been absolutely trolled in the media. What I find interesting. So I'm just gonna add a different dynamic here and a different view. So I have some people in my life that are very, very big Swifties and they've gone deep.
Now there are these, you know, like the deep web, but it's usually like the dark swift view where it's like to sell firearms illegally. There is a deep web that is dedicated to Swifties. There is like these deep deep forums that are purely Taylor Swift fans. There is a lot of talk about these people and they everything that they say ends up coming true. It's like, you know, there's sleuths in the Bachelor Forum. It's like that bit on steroids.
And there's a lot of people that are saying this whole thing with Jake from the very beginning, that his team isn't on it.
It's a PR stunt. They know all about it. There is no way she would have least these lyrics and a whole short film dedicated to him without him knowing about it. Now they're coming out of the woodwork saying apparently this song was written and recorded three months before they actually even met, ten years ago. Then all of a sudden, all they've only even photographed three times together in the three months they were dating. One of the times Taylor Swift threw a scarf at one of the
paps and that's where it all went down. And Taylor Swifts has come out before in the past saying, you know, like I let the media know the story that I want them to know. So there's all this talk that maybe such Jake's in on this. When did you become a conspiracy theorist? I'm a Taylor Swift conspiracy Did you spiral down the conspira like? I like that you came with no quotes, you came with no articles that had ever said this. You're just like I heard it once from a very very reliable source.
Because also we all know, well, I just don't see how else she would do it and she would get away with because she knows what's going to happen to him. If she does it, he would have to be okay with it.
And I believe that who knows, No one is ever going to know what really went down between Taylor and.
Jake, but the whole world is absolutely living for it. But I don't know how Jake is going to come out the other side of this.
Her army is strong. Well, that's why I don't like. I mean, look here for the conspiracy theories. I don't think that that is true. I think that there's always going to be another side to the story where people are trying to put two and two together. But one Taylor switch has never come out and specifically said that this song is about Jake Jillenhall. However, a lot of the actions and at the time alluded to this relationship.
That she had, and it was kind of well known in media that back in twenty eleven she had a three month relationship with Jake Jillenhall. So I think the big thing for me is I read this quote and I really felt for her. So when she was asked whether the experience of re releasing read because like some people are like, well, move on, get over it, She's not re releasing this music because she's still hung up on Jake Jillenhall. Like the girl has moved on. She's
in a very good place now. She's re releasing the music to have ownership over her creations. That's the whole purpose behind the It just so happens that everyone's like, oh god, I remember and the Pitchforks come back out. But she's written, I was honestly in a really sad place because I had actually gone through the stuff that I had sung about. But this time, I've got sunglasses on,
a mehido in hand. It's chill time. It's really nice to be able to put this album out and not be sad and not be taking breaks in between interviews to cry. So for me, I think what she was writing about was a reflection of what she was going through. Whether or not that was specifically Jake Gillenholl will never know, and it is important to not absolutely no one has ever come out and confirmed that the song is even about Jake. It's just like what the world has taken.
But I went on Jake's Instagram this morning for a quick little sleuth to see what was happening. His average comments in his last photos from last month a two thousand, two thousand, five hundred his last post since Taylor Swift has released this ten minute video forty three thousand, forty three thousand so far, and that seemed like what not even forty eight hours?
So the world is going bonkers? Do you know what? I think? This is so interesting? So the world is quite divided as well. The conversations I've seen online is like fifty percent of people are like, I am here for this, I'm here for the takedown of Jake Jillenhall. The other fifty percent are like, hey, guys, this is actually really online bullying now, Like you're bullying someone for something that they may or may not have done based on your speculation from ten years ago, a relationship that
was It's also one sided. It's one person's perspective of what that relationship was, and it's a relationship that was over a decade ago, So does the punishment fit the crime. But the big thing about this, and what I think is so interesting, is like I actually think Jake Jillenhall has become the scapegoat for how we all felt. I remember listening to that song back in my twenties and like it really moved me because I had been through
my own bad shit. I had been through my own heartbreak and so when you have someone who you can go, oh, you did that to her, she felt the way I felt. So Jake Gillenhall ends up becoming the target for our collective pain, like our collective suffering that we all experience now twenties, which was a weird and confusing time. It's like that person now has a face again, and it's unfortunately for Jake, it's Jake Gillenhall.
I actually, again, on a serious note, it's easy for us to have a laugh about the whole thing, but that's absolutely true.
I actually really feel I loved Taylor, but I really feel for Jake right.
Now because regardless of if this song was him or not, the fact that we know like Our facts in this situation are that ten years ago two people in the public eye dated for three months and it didn't work out. Why is the world still up in arms that ten years ago a relationship didn't work out because that is dating. Now, we don't know specifics what went down in that. And again, Laurie, you said it's very one sided. We haven't heard from Jake.
I highly doubt we will. Maybe we'll get one statement eventually, like a one line statement, but I think he's probably just gonna ride this out.
But that's pretty insane that we are now.
Attacking and online bullying somebody because ten years ago they had a three month relationship that didn't work out.
Yeah, And I just wanted to share with you one other thing. This was the Instagram caption that Taylor's Swift put up when she re released All Too Well. She said, just a friendly reminder that I would never have thought it was possible to go back and to remake my previous work uncovering lost art and forgotten gems along the way if you hadn't emboldened me. Red is about to be mine again, but it has always been ours. Tonight we begin again read My version is out now, I mean,
she's so good with words, I just got goosebumps. But that's the true essence of this. The reason why people are so angry is because of that whole It comes back to that whole feeling of like we all identify with that heartbreak. We all have been there with all experience. Maybe we haven't all had an aged gap relationship where that's kind of been the determining factor of the breakdown, but I'm sure a lot of us have. I'm sure a lot of us have dated guys who have been
older then it hasn't worked out. We felt insignificant, we felt stupid, we felt unloved, And then you listen to these albums and you listen to these songs and you're like, somebody else, a celebrity, somebody who I idolize, has felt the same way that I do. And there's a little bit of solace and savior in.
That somebody that looks like they have everything you could possibly want in the whole world still has those feelings.
And that's why the world loves Taylor Swift because she's relatable.
She literally sings, speaks acts from the heart, and the world relates to that because there's not a lot of people that are in the public eye like herself, that are so raw, so it's done her.
Well.
I love Taylor, I love Jake, and I'm very interested to see how this turns out.
Well, I just feel sorry for John Mayer because I'm pretty sure that his head is on the next chopping block. I forgot about him so bad. All right, let's get into our favorite part of every episode. You know, it's all our favorite parts, but this one is really it's been going for a while now, accidentally unfiltered. I like that you jumped in there. You're just waiting to see how long I was gonna hold out. Yeah, there's a static pause. You know, we don't do radio silence here, Laura, Well,
I find cut. Do you have a confessional or an accidentally unfiltered What are you sharing?
I've got an accent unfiltered, and it's super innocent and cute. But it really tickled me.
Okay, I have an act me who I am? It tickled me? Good? Okay, I have one that has absolutely nothing to do with poo to everybody's surprise. How they both have nothing to do with poop. Well, let's just talk about it now. For a little while, just to make sure that every episode we managed to talk about poop. This is not so much funny as what it is. If I just want you to I want you to put yourself in this person's shoes, to fully understand and feel it in the dark corners of your heart. How
embarrassing this is? Ohr Okay? This one was more an embarrassing moment than what it was and accidentally unfiltered. That happened during my high school years. I spent the night at a friend's house, and the next morning she left early to go to work for a few hours, so I was there on my own at her parents' house. Her parents were also home. I went for a shower, and I forgot that I had my tampon in but I wanted to take it out so I could feel super clean. So I take out my tampon I put
on the floor of the shower. I finish washing, and I get out. A few hours later, I realized I had left the tampon on the shower floor. I went back into the bathroom to put it in the bin, and to my horror, my friend's mom had cleaned up the bathroom and the used tampon was gone. This was never spoken about with my friend or her mum, But I can just imagine how disgusted her mother was with me, thinking that I am a feral child who leaves tampons in the shower. Okay, so maybe it's the worst.
And we've had a few of these coming before with people that have accidentally left them places. Maybe for this girl's sanity, there is a small chance that the mother thought it was actually her own daughter, not the daughter's friend.
The daughter was already gone though the daughter was out, Okay, she was home by herself in her friend's house. Okay, it was you with a tampon in the shower. Could you imagine how grotty like I'm just trying to put myself in this position. Could you imagine how disgusting you would think your daughter's friend is. You'd be like, what it is wrong with me?
Why do you take a tampon out of the shower? Have you ever done that? Because I have not.
I haven't, but I can understand if you're wanting to feel super clean, maybe you would take a tampon out. What to get up in there? Maybe I don't know. Do you want to up in sandiovige. Oh no, no
one does. It's weird. This is just strange shirt. What I should have known if you didn't bring poop story, you were bringing a tampon story that I once lived with housemates and I remember going to the toilet and she had left a rolled up pad next to the toilet, and I was like, come on, like, actually, it wasn't even rolled up next to the toilet. It was rolled up and stuck onto the vanity on the side of the toilet, like as in like if you sit down
on the toilet. The sink was next to the toilet, and she had stuck it to the side actual sticky part of the passenger, so he wasn't rolled up. The pad was open for the world to see. It was rolled up but stuck, but stuck to the site. I asked the same question we had that accidentally vun filtered, coming about the poor girl that wanted to show off to her in laws. She just renovated her house and she wanted to show it off. I don't know if you remember, Laura. So the in laws came over, She's like,
come look at my new house. She was doing the tour. They were walking through and they were like ooh an Irene in every room and she's like, we got into the bathroom. I was like going to the main bathroom. They went in really quickly and they came out really quickly. They didn't make any comments that in the bathroom. She's just like, very bloody. She's like, why did anyone comment in my bathroom? And she once they left, they're like,
we've got to go. Once they left, she went in and she saw that she had like left her used Tampa aside. She was like, well, that's probably why they made no comments about my renovation. I love the renovation, but the daycore you probably could have used an interior designer. You can work on the accessories. Oh my god, so gross. Hey I have a question for you, which is totally unrelated. Would you ever shave your face? Do you I have a hairy face? Did this suck? Here? Is there something
you want to tell me? This is a question that came up on the Facebook group, and I was shocked to see how many replies there were in this question.
I literally don't have one hair on my face, and I'm very lucky. I've never had to be that person that has to like wax a mustache or anything like that. Like, I don't have a lot of hair on my whole body.
Look at that. You can't even see him on my arms. I'm not a hairy person. I have some good Italian jeans running through my blood, and I have hairy arms and a hairy face. So yes, you shave your lips. No, I don't. I bleach my lip. But I was reading this thread and I was like, God, maybe it's not a bad idea. And then I found out that Lee Campbell, who's the beauty editor from Mama Mia, she shaves her face, and I was like, if it's good enough for Lee Campbell,
maybe I'll start shaving my face. Wouldn't it make it grow back prickly, like when you shave your legs or your under arms. I'm not sold on this beauty hack. No one run out and do this yet, Please do your own research. Disclaimer. So I think it grows. I think that the misconception around this is that it grows back thicker once you shave your hair. It doesn't actually
grow back thick. It grows back feeling coarse because instead of the hair follicle being tapered, it's cut off, so it'll grow back spiky, but it won't grow back thicker where. And I know this because I've definitely shaved my arms, but I have never shaved my face.
I just really want to make sure that disclaims out there not to run out and shave your face anyway.
Guys, you're all beautiful as you are. If you do shave your face, please let me know how it goes. I might join you. Okay, I'm going to bring in Accidentally, I'm filtered. I'm not shaving my face ever for any experiment or for any other reason. But what about your back? I literially don't have a hair on my body. It must be nice being prettany ugly. It must be nice. It must be nice.
Okay, I have an accidentally filtered that's so cute, innocent guys. Yesterday I had one of the most cringe worthy moments of my life. I left the gym sweating like visible balls of sweat all over my face, all over my body everywhere. For context, I'm currently thirty nine weeks very pregnant. I decided to make a quick visit to the local bakery as they have just started making donuts and I am here for it. Let me tell you that hashtag preg life. As I walk in, I see my high
school boyfriend. We were each other's first I'm talking first of everything. We haven't seen each other in almost ten years.
It's awkward. I look like a hot, gross mess. I'm puffy, I'm swollen. We have a friendly hello. How's everything going? He keeps saying, I just can't believe there's a baby in there. Yeah, mate, me either. As I'm looking at the donuts, the girl that he is with says to me, so, do you know what you're having? I said, hmm, I'm not actually sure yet. Have you guys tried the new
donuts here? Can really recommend them? As I turned back around, I see the awkward look on her face as I realized she meant, what sex and baby are you have? I just think it's so kids like this is almost too innocent for me to laugh at. I need like something more sortid. I just thought it was Imagine how embarrassing it is you already feel discussing in front of like the first love of your life. Then they say
what are you having? You start to cruddle off your order really entered the tea donut with the milk shaking that. I just thought it was like that moment of embarrassment where she's like, sure, the icing on the cake, the icing on the donut, mate, we're here for it. Anyway, I thought it was time we had an other one and we see it from the sea one intent. We're going to have an innocent accent, un filtered. That's it.
So we'll see you getting twenty twenty two.
So, as you mentioned at the beginning of the pod, this is part two of a little attraction series that we did. Part one we released a couple of weeks back. Now, look, attraction as a concept is something that I think most of us don't spend a lot of time things about, like we're either attracted to people or we're not. But sometimes it's nice to sit back and kind of dissect
what it is that makes you attracted to someone. It's also a really important thing to do if you find that you're attracted to people who are maybe not that good for you, or you're having failed relationships, or maybe you're just in a bit of a rut in your own relationship right now, it can kind of allow you to have a bit more of an awareness around where your attraction lies and why you are committing to someone or the person that you're with. Now, there are a
few different types of attraction. We're going to unpack all of those. We're then also going to get into a few different types of how people relate to or find attraction within their own sexualities and gender preferences and all that.
So let's just like kick it off with like the number one type of attraction that everyone seems to talk about, and that I think for a lot of the literature, a lot of the psychology around attraction seems to hold up as the most important thing in a relationship, and that is sexual attraction. Yeah, and I just want to add one thing. I want to add one thing before we jump into it properly. But attraction can be a very confusing thing. Attraction. You can ask yourself, and I
want you to think about it. How many times have you looked at someone and said, Wow, like I wish I was more attracted to them. Why aren't I they're perfect on paper? Oh? We've all done that.
We have absolutely a look at someone been like they are bloody perfect for me?
Like, why don't I want to rip their clothes off? And we usually end up friend zoning they'll be like, oh God, I really just want to like love him, but I don't. And the same thing with when you want to rip someone's clothes off, but you're like, there's such a dickhead, Like there are so many red flags here, but I want to climb you like a pole.
A tree, like a flag pole, like a red flag pole. But there are so many types of attraction. There are so many reasons that we can be confused about this. A lot of things don't make sense, but let's get into it. Like Laura said, number one, the first thing you think about when you talk about attraction is sexual attraction. And that is when you want to rip someone's clothes off.
That is when you can look at someone on the street and say, I want to sleep with you, I want to do everything to you, I want you to be all over me. It's when you might have somebody in your life. They could be a friend or someone else that you know is not good for you. Exactly like I just said, but the sexual attraction and the chemistry is there even though all the other aspects that you are looking for in a relationship are not there.
So the one thing I want to say is like when I say this has been kind of heroed is the most important thing. It's definitely not. And I don't want anyone to think that we're saying that sex is the be all and end all of a relationship. And we have Billy who's coming on the podcast to talk about asexuality and how they navigate their relationship when they are asexual because it's something that they don't experience. Is sexual attraction is not something that they have ever really
experienced in their life. But the thing about sexual attraction is that we do kind of when it comes to these romantic relationships, when it comes to like navigating especially new relationships, we do focus so much on is the sex good and are you sexually compatible? And of course there needs to be compatibility in this instance, but if there isn't compatibility, then obviously communication is next most important thing.
The other thing here is is the reason why we're breaking down these different types of attraction is because attraction, it can exist in silos. You can experience one type of attraction towards one person, you can experience multiple types
of attraction towards one person. And so that's what I mean by like understanding where, how and why you're attracted to someone can also help you better navigate is this actually someone I want to be in a relationship with or is this someone who's just for a summer fling. It kind of allows you to unpack and make better decisions around your relationships. Brit how important for you do you think or where in this conversation would you prioritize or place sexual attraction.
It's a funny thing because I think what is happening in the world in the last few years with COVID, I think it's changed a lot of people's opinions on what's important to them. It's definitely changed the way I look at things. But for example, sexual attraction has always been a really important factor to me. I have always
wanted to have that attraction. But I feel like when you are initially dating, or you're dating online for example, which the world has been doing, all you have at the start is attraction.
You are literally.
Swiping right or left to somebody purely based on aesthetics. It's very superficial. There's nothing else to know about them at that point. So of course sexual attraction plays a role for me. It is very important. I want to be attracted to them. I want to have sex with them. I want to have those feelings. For me as an individual, it's very important.
It has slightly changed for me and for many other people that I've been in contact with, purely the antithesis of what I just said because of COVID. Whilst we are swiping yes and right to people for esthetics or sexual attraction in the beginning, we're now forced to spend more time actually getting to know their personality, the emotional side to them. We get to know depth, we get to know what they're about, what they want in life. So I feel like relationships are shifting in the.
Importance of what we're looking for. People are now getting to know people on another level. That's just the world we live in. But for me, all things aside, I want to have that sexual poll Have I dated people in the past that I have had that sexual attraction to at the start? Yes, one hundred percent. I've spoken about it. Before I moved. It was my flatmate. I moved in with somebody overseas. He was Italian. We lived together as friends and flatmates for months, and I had
no attraction to him at all sexually. After I knew him for months and I knew how much of a beautiful person he was. He was funny, he made me laugh, he cared for me, he was affectionate. All of a sudden, that sexual attraction grew. So I think that that's a really important thing to note too, about how much priorities can shift and change once you get to know other parts of a person.
I think also one of the things about like sexual attraction, Like you just said, your sexual attraction grew, I also think it's important to note that like sexual attraction can wane, so like over time, you could be completely aesthetically attracted to your partner, You could be emotionally and attracted to your partner. You could be romantically attracted to your partner. Sorry for the spoiler, but there are the other types
of attraction. But you could be all of those. But you know, in twenty years time, after seeing your partner every day of that you're not sexually attracted to them anymore, And maybe that'll come back. Maybe you need to have some more intimacy, maybe you need to be able to spend more time together or reform those connections and bonds. But for me, I think sexual attraction is one of
the biggest ones that can ebb and flow. It's not a static and it's very much influenced by how busy you are, how stressed you are, where your relationship's at, how long you've been together for and what time, and also emotional connections you're carving out in your day to day.
Do you feel like it's changed for you at all with Matt over the last four or five years.
No.
I am very very sexually attracted to Matt. I always have been, but like sexual attraction as the most important form of attraction has definitely waned for me, Like my romantic attraction to Matt and my emotional attraction to Matt. That's what galvanizes our relationship. Like emotional attraction and romantic attraction now have superseded the sexual attraction. And it's not that that doesn't exist. It's one hundred percent still there,
very tired, but it's still there. But for me, we have formed such an important bond in other areas and that's what's taken our relationship from being a relationship that is kind of built on this like desire to being a relationship that's built on a real foundation that I think makes it incredibly hard to rock. You need everything else for the longevity of a relationship totally, and like you can be sexually attracted to someone and not act
on any of those impulses. Like I'm sure Matt sees hot chicks and is sexually attracted to them, Does it mean that he would ever go and do something. No, because we have these other core attractions in a foundation to our relationship. The antithesis of this, like the big conversation to have around sexual attraction, is we can talk about this all day, but what about people who are asexual, who are completely left out of this conversation, who don't
experience sexual attraction. We wanted to speak to somebody who doesn't have sex as a major part of their relationship and what does that look like then as a romantic relationship. So we did a call out to you guys. Normally, when we do a call out on life on cart we receive one hundreds I'm gonna say hundreds, if not
thousands of applies. Now, when we did the call out to try and find someone who identifies as being asexual, we had about five messages and Billy was somebody who got in touch and the way that they spoke about their experience and how they show up in their relationships was so interesting for us and we are really really excited to have them on the podcast today. So we're just going to get into that chat with Billy to unpack asexuality and what that looks like to them. Billy
is an og life on cut Listener. They also identify as non binary and asexual, So for us, we really wanted to have someone who had lived experience of being asexual to explain what that looks like. Billy, we are so stoked to have you here. Can you please explain in your own words what is and what does it mean to be asexual?
Yes, so asexuality is effectively just a lack of sexual attraction. So it's nothing to do with other attraction. You know, you can also be a romantic, which is a lack of romantic attraction, but asexual is just identifying as having a lack of actual attraction to other people.
And is that something that you have always had? Is that something that you didn't figure out until puberty? Is that something that you had for a little while and then you were like, actually, I'm doing this because I feel like I should not, because I want to, like, what did that look like for you?
For me, I was really interested in sex and everything when I was in my early teens, before I had lost my virginity. But once I lost my virginity, I sort of just didn't see what the fuss was about. And it wasn't like, you know, because when you lose your virginity, it's always going to be pretty bad sex, but like, no, I just sort of didn't see what the fuss was about. And I didn't get it to the extent that my peers seemed to really desire sex.
But at the same time, I sort of thought everyone else might have just been playing it up a bit, because you know, we're horny teenagers and et cetera. And you know, I just wouldn't see someone and instantly think like, oh wow, I would really love to have sex with them, or like you know, develop feelings for someone and be like,
oh wow, I'd love to have sex with them. It just wasn't a thought that crossed my mind, and I thought that everyone else might have been more talking about, you know, I really like the way that person looks, and that's why they were saying it. I actually also assumed I was bisexual for a long time, because there was just no difference for me in my attraction to men and my attraction to women. But that's now I realized, because the desire was never really there at all in
terms of sexual attraction. But the moment of realization for me was really trying casual sex when I was in UNI, trying to have like casual sex with people and realizing that, you know, my friends would talk about how, oh, I don't necessarily like the person, but the sex is good, so it's fine, And that was just so foreign to me because that's not what sex was at all in
my mind. And then I learned about a sexuality. I was actually writing a UNI assignment and had to go through you know, the whole LGBTQIA plus spectrum, and I came across the definition of a sexuality and it just sort of clicked that, like, that was me, and I looked into the whole spectrum of aseness and realized that that was exactly where I fit. And it resonated with me that, yeah, that's how I identify.
When you say that you felt like your friends might have been playing it up a bit, do you kind of mean how people would be like, oh god, I really want to bone that person or like, oh, like I find them so sexy, Like this kind of conversation that's really around the sexual attraction. When you heard your friends speaking about it, you're a bit like, what am I talking about? Yeah?
Well, it wasn't even so much that I was like what are they talking about? Because I would look at a person and see, like I still very much experience aesthetic attraction where I look at someone and I'm like, that's a good looking person. Like I look at my partner every day and say, damn, that is one fine looking human being. But I just never got the I want to jump into bed with them. Oh I'd love to fuck them, like I'd love to have sex with them.
It just wasn't something that ever resonated with me. It was more, yeah, that's a really great looking person. I wonder if they'd like to have a conversation. I wonder if they'd like to dance with me on the dance floor.
Like.
It wasn't ever I want to go home and jump into bed with them. And I thought that my friends, before I realized what a sexuality was and what sexual attraction really was, I thought that my friends might have been having that same thought but expressing it as damn I want to fuck them, or damn I want to have sex with them. Well, for me, that just wasn't the case.
And I think it's important to note that, and I'll ask you about this, but being asexual doesn't mean that you lack the other aspects of attraction, because there are other aspects of attraction, like emotional attraction, esthetic attraction, romantic attraction, and all of the others. Absolutely, yeah, there's the whole spectrum. Some people don't experience any of those attractions. Some people experience one or two. Do you experience all the other ones?
Do you have the romantic attraction and the aesthetic like you like the look of them, things like that?
God, yes, yeah, I am a hopeless romantic during the club. Yeah. Absolutely, I one hundred percent experience romantic attraction, aesthetic attraction, emotional attraction. My partner and I've been together for nearly four years now,
and we were best friends who fell in love. And for me, that was just like the best thing that could have ever happened to me because it was that perfect romantic fairy tale, and he was so understanding and accepting that I have all of those other attractions, and I just don't feel the need for sex, Like I don't feel the need that sex is a part of my relationships. And I am still very sex positive. I still do have sex, it's not something that is really on my radar in terms of attraction.
I think this is so interesting because so often we speak about how important sex is in a relationship, and I think that that's it's such a big overarching conversation when it comes to relationships, and I feel like if you're somebody who sits within, you know, identifying as asexual, you kind of get left out of that narrative a little bit. You're constantly being told how important it is, but on the flip side, you're like, well, it's just not that important to me. So then how does that
fit my romantic relationships? For you? What impact has been asexual had on your romantic relationships? Is it something that's been challenging to navigate or is there a lot of compromise around sex.
There's definitely a lot of compromise. What I would definitely say is in the past, before I was more comfortable with my identity and my sexuality, I wouldn't have mentioned it to a partner. My partner now who I've been with for a long time. Is the only partner that I've ever been open with about this, because in the past, I would just have sex because that's what my partner wanted and that was okay, but it wasn't being true
to myself. And now that I'm in a relationship where I'm really open about it, I am comfortable having sex. I am comfortable with that, and a lot of asexual people aren't. But I'm comfortable doing it. But for me, it's about seeing my partner happy. It's something that I do because I love to see my partner happy and fulfilled. It's not for myself because I actually desire sex. There has to be a lot of open and honest communication,
I think for it to work well. And obviously my past relationships haven't lasted, and that would have been a very big factor in why, because I was open and honest with my partner about what I wanted and what I felt. And now that I have a partner who I can be open and honest with about this stuff and I feel really comfortable talking to about this, we're
able to find a balance. He's not asexual, he's heterosexual, somewhere along that sort of sphere, and he does enjoy sex, and he does have sexual attraction to me and probably to other people, not that he acts on it, because we're in a committed, monogamous relationship. So for that sex is just a part of our relationship. That's for him.
And it blurs that line around sort of what sex is because generally it's for mutual benefit, and it is still for mutual benefit, like I still get pleasure out of sex because it's an inherently pleasurable experience, but it's just not something that I desire, So it's for him to be happy and fulfilled.
And when we.
Say that sex is you know how Laura said before that we say sex is so important in a relationship, that is we want to be very clear that is very subjective to the individual and the individual relationship. Sex is important in a relationship if sex is important to the two people in a relationship. And we don't mean sex is important that you have to have sex. We mean sex is important that you guys be on the same wavelength. That's what we want to reiterate in this conversation.
I guess I question that I'm just interested in with when you said in the past you've had sex for the sake of having sex, and that's because your partner wanted it and you weren't comfortable to tell them you're a sexual and that you didn't want it. Obviously, it's still consensual because you've consented, but for you, was there a level of resentment there when you were doing that? We're like, this is fucked, because like, I wish I could just be more open and I don't want to do it.
Did it turn you off at all? Or like, has it changed? I guess now that you're in a relationship where you're super open and comfortable, has the experience changed at all? Or does it still sit the same way with you where you're like, I could still never do this again.
I mean, it's it's a difficult question because a lot of the time, in the conversation around consent, it's a very black and white line. You either want sex, so you have sex, or you don't want sex and therefore you should not have sex. Asexuality does sort of blur that line, and I've had friends sort of jump down my throat when I've tried to have this discussion with them and say, well, if you don't want sex, you know then you're not consenting. That's wrong. You shouldn't be
having sex. And it's not that I don't want sex. If I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't and my partner would have to be okay with that. And in all my previous relationships, I've felt comfortable in that, because if I didn't want sex, I wouldn't have sex. It's just that I haven't been able to be open and honest about what sex means to me. So in those past relationships, I never felt resentment. It's just more that I would sort of have to fake this desire
with my partner. Like you know. Now in my relationship, I can say to my partner, Hey, if I've just completely forgotten about sex for like three weeks, and you're like, hmm, I'd kind of like to have sex, remind me. But like in previous relationships, if I was just oblivious to the fact that my partner might have wanted some physical intimacy, I would feel really bad. I'd feel really guilty because
I should have been experiencing that too. I should have been experiencing that desire that my partner didn't know that I wasn't. My partner just thought Oh, well, they're clearly not attracted to me anymore. And yeah, that sort of it does blur that line. But at the same time, it's really important for me that if I didn't want to be having sex, I wouldn't be having sex.
And that's why I asked you, because consent for us, it's a very big thing here. I mean, we push it in every episode. But the reason I wanted to ask you is because for us, this is uncharted territory. When I was doing a lot of reading up about it, there were a lot of comments and forums that I read having this conversation that you just said about how it's very difficult for people on asexual spectrum because there
is a line like you just described. So I just wanted to get it from you someone that's living that situation.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like in any situation that I've ever been sexually active, the reason that I'm in it is because I love pleasuring another person, not because I personally desire it to be played in that way. For me, the equivalent is like cuddling on the couch or like holding hands while we're out and about. Like I don't desire past that, but I still actively engage in it because my partner wants it and I want to make
my partner happy. And it does sort of blow that line because in a quote unquote normal relationship, not that there is any definition of a normal relationship, but a normal relationship, that wouldn't be okay to just have sex because your partner wants it. But in my situation, that's very different in every asexual relationship, if there's something where your partner wants it and you want to give your partner that pleasure, it's completely okay.
This question, I mean, this might be unique to you and to your circumstances, but do you think that being asexual has enabled you to be better at communicating? Because I feel like without communicating this very nuanced aspect of your attraction, it would be very easy for your partner to feel like you don't love them or you're not attracted to them, because we've been conditioned by society that, you know, wanting to have sex is a way that
we show our partners appreciation, love and adoration. Do you feel like this has been something that's helped to kind of shift your ability to communicate.
I mean, I think communication has to be a big part of any relationship obviously, and like, I'm very lucky that I found a partner who's extremely open minded and who can sort of we're very sexually compatible when sex is on the table. It's not that we need to communicate it all the time because he understands from when I've had a proper conversation with him about my sexuality early in our relationship. That's just the dynamic that we have.
And he knows that just because I'm not sexually attracted to him, it doesn't mean that I don't love him to goddamn pieces, Like I don't wake up in the morning and be like, damn, that is the man that I have chosen to spend my life with. Like he knows that I still because we have open communication and we have romantic attraction, emotional attraction, every other kind of attraction is there, and the other way him to me
there is sexual attraction. And I don't think that we would function if there wasn't sexual attraction there because that's a part of who he is, but it's just not a part of who I am. And it's really important to have a partner that understands that. And I think in a lot of past relationships. My partner would not have understood that, and that's why those relationships wouldn't have worked.
Is there something that you wish people knew more about asexuality or if you can teach them something right now, because this is your platform. Any misconceptions or anything that you've come across from maybe friends or family, things that they've not understood or they want to know more, anything that you want to share now, and no pressure, no pressure.
But is there anything that you would like to say?
Yes? How about your destigmatizing the world right now? But it's got to be right now. I'll just write this second.
No, there is one big thing that I always I'm chronically ill as well, and something that I have constantly faced is people treating this part of my identity like a symptom or something that needs to be fixed. If I talk to anyone about it that doesn't understand the integral idea of asexuality. If I talk to anyone about it like that, it always comes back to, well, there must be something wrong, like if you don't desire sex, there must be something wrong. But low libido, sure, that
can be a symptom of something. This is entirely separate from having a low libido. This is nothing to do with my biology. This is nothing to do with me being unwell. There is nothing wrong with me. It is just something that's a part of who I am, and it's not something that needs to be fixed. Because for a long time I thought it was something that needed to be fixed. I thought there was something wrong with me. And now that I'm comfortable in my identity and i'm able,
I'm going to get emotional talking about this. Now that I'm comfortable in my identity and I'm able to express that, it's really important for me that people understand that there's not something wrong with me. There's not something missing, There's not something that i'm I should solve, a problem that I should solve. It's a part of who I am and it's a part of my identity, and I want people to understand that rather than jumping to well, is
it your birth control? Is it the medication that you're on? Is it something that needs to be fixed? Do you need to go to therapy for this? Like, no, it's something I needed to go to therapy to be comfortable with this, not to fix it.
I love you to say that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you, it's also important to note that for people that are trying to figure this out, like you just said, Billie, there are things like low libido that that could be something that could be stemming from something else, or you might just be asexual. Either one is totally fine, and that's something that you need to figure out on your own or with help, but not from people coming into
your face saying there's something wrong with you. Go figure that out. So could not agree more. Also, Billy, like I mentioned, you know, when we did the call out for this, like we do normally get so many people who are going to throw their hands up to have conversations about all weird and wonderful things on this podcast,
which we love. And I just am so grateful that you have come on to share your story, to share how you identify how you experience attraction, because I know that there will be other people listening to this who feel exactly the same way as you do, but don't have a word for it, don't have anyone to identify, and maybe also in this period of their life where
they're like, what the fuck is wrong with me? And I think like having somebody had these conversations is incredibly powerful and that's the whole reason why we want to do them on this platform.
Yeah. Absolutely, and I'm so glad that you guys are talking about this. I don't know if you know this, but about I think two or three weeks ago, there was actually an Asexuality Awareness Week and it's part of the LGBTQI plus community and it's something that people don't talk about. So they had a whole week of awareness when it was you know, Bisexuality Visibility Day, Transvisibility Day. I saw hundreds of posts. I saw hundreds of people putting things out there and saying, hey, it's okay to
be this way. I did not see anyone other than myself and one of my friends who are told about it, that knew that it was Asexuality Awareness Week. And it's just because it's not talked about, because people brush it off as being something wrong and it's not. You're allowed to feel that way.
Billy, thank you so much for coming on and being a part of the podcast, and thank you for being a listener from day one.
Oh no worries anytime. Girls.
So the second type of attraction is romantic attraction. Now, Billy just touched on that, and it was so interesting. To get it from somebody first hand that is actually going through it can and can explain it a lot better than us just reading it off a paper or watching a ted talk on it. But romantic attraction is different to sexual attraction because you don't want to have that physical sexuality with your partner, but you still want to be very connected to them romantically. You still want
to have more than a friendship. And it's very important to reiterate that it is different from a friendship. You want to have the closeness, you want to have the physical touch and affection, you want to have the emotional contact, you want to be able to spoon and cuddle. You just don't want to have that sexual connection. And I think the really important take home from this type of attraction is that this is very different to a friendship.
You might have a friend who you like to cuddle on the couch and like, you know, they make you feel good and you can kind of like have that closeness, but that's not what romantic attraction is. Romantic attraction is if you take the sex out of it, think of a long term couple who maybe for whatever reason, are not having sex anymore, but they still deeply love each other and are deeply connected, or as Billy described it, you know, wanting to be in a committed relationship with
someone but not having sexual desire. It's basically all the other parts of being romantically invested in a partner, but removing the desire part of the attraction. Okay, the next one that we want to talk about is a sthet attraction. And I think for me personally, I don't know. I don't know if this has changed over time or if, like my sexual desire is a bit of sleep at
the moment. But I can look at other people so as in like you know, other women, other men, and I can go, holy crap, that is a beautiful person. Like if I see a guy who ten years ago or five years ago I would have dated, I no longer feel sexually attracted to them. I don't get that feeling anymore. But I can look at someone and go, I'm aesthetically attracted to them. Like I can see a hot guy and I'll be like, yep, me in a past life, I absolutely would have been sexually attracted to you,
but now I can just appreciate their aesthetics. Aesthetic attraction is exactly what it sounds like. It's purely being attracted to someone based off the way they look. It means that somebody who prioritizes aesthetic attraction, they don't care if they have a deep connection. They don't care if they're sexually attracted. All they care about is how hot that
person is to them. And obviously hot is subjective. It may not be what everybody else sees is attractive, but it's definitely just comes down to the way someone looks. It's like, think of it when you're a bit shallow. Yeah, it is totally, But think of it when you're walking down the street and you're like, Wow, that's a nice car.
You don't want to go rub up against it. You're like, that's a nice car, and you keep walking. You recognize something that is attractive to you, and that's it. So I could be walking down the street exactly like you, Laura. I one hundred percent can recognize somebody beautiful. But I do it with females too. I probably do it with females more. I will look at a female on the street and I'll be like, holy smokes, she is stunning, she is beautiful. I don't want to be touched by her.
I don't want touch her, I don't want to jump her bones. It's purely recognition or something I think is aesthetically beautiful to me, subjective, and then I get on with my day, don't think about it again.
So I'm curious about this because obviously, like all of these types of attractions live on a spectrum, right, Like, there will be some people who you are hugely aesthetically attracted to, there will be some people who you're hugely sexually attracted to, and then there'll be some people that you aren't at all, And everybody lies on some sort of spectrum towards that. So I guess the whole idea around aesthetic attraction is like how important is that to you?
Can you be sexually attracted to someone who you're not actually physically attracted to? Can you be emotionally attracted to someone who you're not physically attracted to? And then this kind of links into the whole attraction conversation that we had on the very first episode of this where we said, like, you know, can you have sex with someone who you are not physically attracted to? Yes? Does that physical aesthetic
attraction grow over time? And we did a really good deep dive on that in the first app So we're not going to get into that now, but I think like it's important to know that when we say that there are these different four types of attraction, none of them are better than others, none of them are right or wrong. It's just that we all show up into this world very differently, and we all attach ourselves to our partners and fall in love based on very different attributes.
And the things that I prioritize that make me attracted to someone will be very different to the things that Britt is attracted to or that you were attracted to. And that's kind of like where this all stems from.
Except when we both dated the same person accidentally, Yeah.
Attraction was the same. Then I feel like that was just aesthetic attraction for both of us, like a wet cardboard boy. He was so fucking hot and so boring. Anyway, Okay, let's get into number four. Number four is emotional attraction. I think that this is something that is important to a lot of people. Emotional attraction. It is when you have a strong and comfortable base with someone where you feel safe in sharing who you are, you share similar ideologies,
you can talk about your belief systems. You can talk about your values and your morals. That's where emotional connection and emotional attraction comes from.
Yeah, and appreciating somebody's personality or their morals or something else about them that is not just esthetics. Doesn't mean you have to have the romantic feelings as well. So like you just said, Laura, where you said, I'm interested in knowing, like, can you have one without the other? Absolutely, you can have all of these if you're lucky enough to have all four of these attractions, bing go. But it's pretty rare that your partner will tick every single box.
You could have one of them, you could have two of them, you can have three, you can have a whole different mix. Now, Rachel Perlstein, she's a license psychotherapist. She says, whether it's because of their sense of humor, shared interests, or just the way they make you feel validated and heard, this emotional attraction really reflects this sometimes instatability to relate on a different level and connect to feel understood and cared about.
Now, I cannot tell you.
I mean, if you know, if you are lucky enough to be in that relationship. But there is nothing that makes you feel better than feeling seen and heard in a relationship Above all else, feeling like you have that connection that someone says to you, I get you, I'm here for you, I'm listening, I understand you.
That is so powerful in building a connection, a romantic connection. Yeah, it's feeling understood, isn't it. I also think that this whole idea of emotional attraction really lends itself to soulmate ideology. Like if you're someone who's a big believer in having multiple soulmates or one soulmate, whatever it is that you believe, if you feel a soulmate connection with someone, it's because you have extremely high emotional attraction and connection to that person,
because that's when you feel understood. And I think feeling understood in a relationship, like you said, is one of the most important things. Yeah, and it's important to note that for some people, but not.
Everyone, experiencing sexual attraction doesn't happen without emotional attraction. Some people just will not be able to have that sexual attraction if there's no other connection there. Some people can go and have the sexual attraction without anything else there.
That is so fine.
There is no right or wrong, but there is definitely a whole realm of people that need to feel that connection. They need to feel seen and heard before they can have a sexual relationship.
There is also another subset to this as well. Once again, people sit on a spectrum to this, but it's this idea of intellectual attraction. You know, you might be incredibly intellectually attracted to someone because their opinions and their political views and how they see the world. Their philosophies really challenge your perspective and make you feel smart. Basically, it make you feel like you are a better person by
being around them. When we were doing our research into this, intellectual attraction can sometimes be separated out as like a fifth form of attraction, but it really does kind of interconnect into this whole emotional attraction. Well, that is literally the perfect segue, Laura, because I want to talk about the different types of seexualities that can impact attraction. Alongside
the traditional orientations of homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality. We're going to look at a few of those and how they relate to emotional and physical attraction. But in regards to what you were just saying, let's start with attraction to intelligence because that's what you were just talking about. It has a name, it is sapio sexual or sapio sexuality, and that is literally, when you have an attraction to intelligence, you one hundred percenty to be with someone that is
on an intellectual level. For you to have any other sort of relationship, there is a big difference with just wanting to be with somebody smart. So one of us saying, hey, I'm attracted to intelligence. We're all attracted to a level of intelligence. What differentiates us from a sapio sexual is that they cannot have an attraction to somebody that isn't on the intellectual level. Yeah. Absolutely, I think that that's
like the big defining factor. And like we'll get into that in regards to like when we talk about like we did with Billy asexuality, when we talk about demisexuality. These terms are coined for people who sit on the extreme end of the spectrum, which is attraction. You know, for somebody who can only have a sexual or romantic relationship with someone because they find them intelligent. That is somebody who may be more inclined to identify as being
sapio sexual. For somebody who is sapio sexual, all of those other types of attraction I eat, sexual, romantic, and esthetic grow and develop purely because they had that intellectual connection and that intellectual attraction. So that's what I think is like the thing that separates and sets them apart. The next one that we wanted to unpack is something that maybe some of you heard of it, maybe you haven't.
It's called demi sexual. So demisexual is somebody who experiences sexual attraction only when they feel a true emotional bond with another person. And this is what I guess what we were just kind of touched on a little bit with the last part as well, this idea of feeling that real soulmate connection. Someone who's demisexual would probably be
opposed to having one night stance. They're probably not going to be someone who's out there being like, oh, I want to jump that person's bones, because for them, and for somebody who truly identivies as being demisexual, they need to develop a really strong emotional bond to be able to have the other facets of attraction to grow. Yeah, and this is.
Really interesting to look at because there are a lot of us who won't develop that strong emotional bond until we've had the physicality. So I don't know about you, but think of how much closer for me, I feel closer to somebody once I've had a physical relationship with them. That's how it comes for me. Like, you know, is it the chicken or the egg? That's the question for me.
Once I start to have some physicality with somebody, I definitely feel a bond, where for a demisexual, they can't have the physical relationship until they've got the bond.
It's so actually when you say that, I'm like, oh no, well, Matt and I we never had sex before we were like fully committed to each other because obviously, like on the Bachelor, we weren't able to but the attraction was still there, the sexual attraction still existed. And what demisexual means is that there is zero sexual attraction until the
emotional bond is formed. So maybe like the perfect situation for this would be falling in love with a friend, you know, falling in love with somebody who you've already managed to build that connection with and build the history and the stories, and then that's where the love grows from.
The last one we wanted to touch on is pan sexual. Now we did have someone amazing lined up that we were going to speak to all about pan sexuality what that looks like for them, but unfortunately they were ill and had to cancel at the very last minute, so we weren't able to have them on the podcast. But pan sexuality is sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction towards people, anyone, regardless of their sex or gender.
It's across the board. You are attracted to somebody because you're attracted to them. It's gender blind. Gender is completely irrelevant to pan sexuality. Pen Sexuality is based on the essence of that person, not on their genitalia or who they identify as. That's completely irrelevant from those that we've
spoken to who are pan sexual. The one identifying factor for this as well is that esthetic attraction isn't necessarily something that sits in the highest forms of priority when it comes to attraction, because gender and sex are not
determining factors. And why we wanted to unpack these types of attractions and how they interconnect to different types of sexualities is because things like pan sexuality, demisexuality, sapo sexuality, asexuality, a romantic all of the above, they get very little airtime in this conversation and when we say LGBTQI plus,
this is the plus. And I think what really struck us when we had this conversation with Billy is that there are so many people who don't feel visibility, and when there's a lack of visibility, there's this feeling of like, well, what's wrong with me? I don't kind of fit into
any category. Not that fitting into a category is the most important thing, but I think sometimes having an awareness around the fact that we all view attractions, that we all can like form relationships and prioritize different things is really important. And then on top of that, it doesn't invalidate the relationship, and it's important for us to be accepting of the full spectrum of how people show up in their relationships.
I learned so much from my conversation with Billy. I learned so much from our research, and I really really hope that you guys took something from this episode today and you can relate it back to your own situation, your own relationships, maybe how you look at other people, maybe how you see other people, and maybe how you look at your past relationships.
Honestly, this was just like opening a can of worms for me. And on top of that, as well, like this idea of looking into other people's relationships but without judgment. You know, what's important to us isn't necessarily important to other people. They think the last thing for me. And what I learned about this whole attraction conversation is that sometimes it's important to dissect why you're attracted to someone, to also dissect whether they are a good life partner
and a good choice because they're probably not. A sman. Mountain was definitely not a good choice. I mean, he was for a fun time, but he wasn't even good for a fun time, That's right. I hope you enjoyed the episode, but you know we don't finish without our suck and our sweet our highlight now lowlight the best and the worst thing to happen to us this week, Laura, do you want to kick it off with your suck? You haven't thought about it. I haven't thought about it. What was my suck?
Fuck?
Okay, guys, you know my suck was suck. Was sitting in a four hour traffic jam coming back from Jirowa last week. And I know I complained about it on batchun Cup, but I'm gonna complain again. I love that so much. It was so bad with two kids in the car screaming. Honestly, we got to Mount Oosley. If you're from Wollongong, you know what that is. Nutt Ousley is like the one road out of Woollongong to get to Sydney. You can then drive to Bulair Pass if you want to. I'm gonna give you guys a bit
of a geography lesson. Anyway, it was bumper to bumper from Woollongong all the way to the top of Blair Pass, and by the end of it, I was like, really reconsidering my life choices around wanting to have a sad child.
You were like, maybe I should have just camped in my lounge room as opposed to driving ten hours away for a three hour away weekend.
It was honestly, like, I know, like every time you go traveling with children, you think you've got great ambitions around creating memories, but really it's just very stressful, that's all. That's what I'm realizing. It's got this recurrent theme that traveling with children is stressful. What's your sweet, my sweetest radio.
I mean, it totally stole my sweet We can have the same I know, we definitely have the same week this week.
And also I have been so loving you guys have been sending me screenshots or both of us screenshots of everyone who's been voting for the People's Choice or listen to Choice Awards for the Australian Podcast. So if you haven't voted yet for the Australian Podcast Awards for Life on cart this is like your friendly reminder, please go and do it. But honestly, every single person who has sent me a screenshot told me that they're voted. I
am so so grateful. I here my suck o. No, I mean, I'm also grateful, but I didn't want to reiterate what you just said. My suck is one hundred percent the Daily Mail saying that my butt jeans.
Saying that Jordan was disgusted by my sinki Bartleg Okay, the hat's off to you, Daily Mail. You really outdid yourself on how does it.
Feel to be on the other side of the bad article? Because usually you laugh at me or you're like, oh that sucks my bad articles.
Look, I do get the bad articles, but I don't get them to the level you have. I've probably had one that's up there.
I reckon, This takes a cake. This is worse than your pinky and the sinky. This is one hundred and fifty thousand, frank combining. They've taken like one time in Peter my sentence, put it to another, moved it around, did a shimmy, and then they've got this headline and like, fuck you you are forgetting. You were forgetting the article that came out, which was Laura's weird sex confession, how I talked about my boyfriend pissing on me, which didn't happen.
Everyone I talked about something that happened that was non consensual, and Daily Mail made it sound like, yeah, that was bad, I wanted it, which is wrong on so many levels that we're not even going to get into it because that's an episode in itself, unpacking how women are portrayed in the media. Yes, because I also said a lot of other cute nicknames. But they didn't take that and put that in the headline. They didn't say Jordan calls Britney CUTI butt. They didn't take that. They just didn't
just didn't keep it. So what my suite for the week is obviously.
The radio again, like we are just we cannot tell you how schuffs we are to be able to take this to another platform. And don't worry, we are still bringing you the Tuesday and Thursday episodes. We're even going to slot in the radio segment into our pod past library, so you will get those episodes too if you want to.
Listen or if you miss them on the radio. But also we'd like you to listen to the radio live so that we have good ratings, because like that's important. We really need good ratings in the first six months team, So if everyone can tune in, even if you don't, just have it on your computer streaming in the background. Anyway, guys, that is it from me and stinky butt over here, and well I keep thinking of stinky pay next week.
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