Attraction - Is it a "grower" or a "shower"?!

blash from it. But I'm excited. Brittany is like ninety nine point nine percent getting a flight back to Sydney. She's going to come and join us in this hell hole, which do you know what? Originally when BRIT's trip was booked, she was only supposed to be going for six weeks to you know, go spend some time, fall in love, run around, frolic, be nude, and obviously, because state of affairs that we're all in, it extended, Brick couldn't get

a flight back. But she's just brought me the good news, and that is that sooner rather than later, we won't have to do these recordings and zoom recordings, and I'll be able to touch you and get all up in your one point five meters space. I don't actually know if this is good news or not. Like a part of me is a bit bittersweet. Part of me is the tiniest bit happy. I'm like, you know what, I

am ready. I'm ready to come home, do life face to face again, get back into normal life, get back to my apartment, get back to a little bit of routine and not staying up all night so I can work on Australian time. But the other part of me, I'm like, fuck, like, I'm over here with the love of my life and I'm having a great old time and I don't want to leave him again. So it's definitely gonna be a bittersweet and I'm definitely, like you just said, I'm gonna have some real emotional whiplash when

I get back. But that's for future, Brittany. Tomorrow's problems are Tomorrow's problems. But also, I don't know if people necessarily know you and Jordan have actually only spent quite a small amount of time face to face prior to this trip. So it was like this time that you guys got to have trip. It was the make or break.

It was what was either going to galvanize the relationship or it was going to be that real one or one time where you were like, oh, long distance Jordan is better than face to face Jordan, kill each other. I like FaceTime Jordan. I like the one where we just sex. No, but it's like for you guys that don't know the timeline, Jordan and I met, fell in love very quickly, saw each other every day, but it was probably only for about three months, give will take a week. Then he left and he was away for

three to four months before I saw him again. Then I was only supposed to come back here for six weeks, so I don't supposed to be with him for six weeks, So we ended up spending more time apart than we had together. So this five weeks that I was coming over to see in was really really important, And the fact that I ended up getting stuck here, I guess was a little bit of a blessing in disguise, because we were able to spend some really good time together.

We were able to be like, you know, is this legit? Is this fucking real? Are we really going to do this?

Who knows? I mean, that could happen and it didn't work out, And I just thought, you know what, I would just I would be so fine on my own. I'd probably just go on cruise off somewhere. He's not the sort of person that would ever throw me under a bus. He would look after me at the same point, So like I wasn't overly worried about There's always somewhere to go, there's always something to do. But yeah, look guys,

it is a happy ending for now. But when I come home again, I don't know what I'm going to see him again. He might not even be back this year. He might not be back till next year, and even then we're not sure. If the Australian Open goes ahead, he'll come back. But what we're facing is probably for the next five or six years if we stay together, is like six months apart at a time. It's pretty insane.

So well, and I think as well that there's so many people who have been in your situation in the past, like you know, two years, especially because of this COVID situation, Like there are so many people who have had and been forced into doing long distance from their partners, or even if they haven't done long distance, they've been forced into making some really radical decisions about their relationship that's either fast tracked it and then they're now in the

same place, or they've had to do this pro long time apart. So I know that we've been saying this for ages, but there is there is such an episode in long distance and managing long distance, and now you've got some real first hand experience, because my long distance

experience was not a good one. So I think it's really great that you have been able to manage this in a way and be able to keep the spark alive and to be able to like not have jealousy creep in or all the other things that can sometimes like rear its ugly head in long distance relationships. And yeah, guys, there's an episode in this coming. I know we've been saying this for a while now, but now she's well

and truly versed in it. Yeah, I just needed a bit more experience, but I'm good to come back and do it. But Laura, I was thinking today. I was like, I cannot believe. I actually cannot believe that we're in September. Like I feel like it was yesterday that we were like, well, welcome to the new year. It's twenty twenty one. It's September, coming towards the end of the year, which is bonkers.

But do you know what September is? No, But I know that you, like you think that this year has gone fast, and I feel like it's been the slowest year of my fucking life. I haven't slept in seven months. Guys like I am, yeah, wow, Well, I mean that's self inflicted. You keep reproducing. I just think it's weird that I was like pregnant in January and had a baby, and now that child is crawling and has two teeth like I. For me, NAP does not feel like a

fast year at all. Feels like the year that's never ending. But before we get any further, today's episode is brought to you by our sponsor, which is Dermavine. So we just want to say a very big thank you to them, and Dermavine is a product that gets a very good nudge in our household with dry, scaly, crusty little kiddies. They have some amazing skincare products. And I don't know about you, but with the change of season and coming out of winter, my skin is so dry and crusty.

But speaking of a change of seasons, do you know what September is, Laura, I do know what you're getting at. I know what September is. September is soft launch September, because we're going to talk about this soft launch September, and I have a few feelings. Okay, for anyone who doesn't know what a soft launch is and what we're talking about right now, a soft launch is when you might see someone on social media and maybe it's a

famous person, maybe it's an influencer. Hell maybe it's just your friend and they're in a new relationship or they've just started seeing guy or a girl or whoever, and instead of coming out and being like, this is my boyfriend, this is my new partner, they do a soft launch. They might just post a picture of their dog, or they might just post a picture of their hand or maybe like a bit of their side arm as they're

holding hands on the couch. There's a lot of different ways that you can soft launch a new part of what a soft launch is. It's a tease. It's a tease. It's a way to build anticipation. It's the way to get people talking about, oh my god, did you see Laura had a new boyfriend? Or something's definitely going on. There's something there, but we can't find out who. It's a way for people to be like I'm gonna tease this, but I'm not sure when I'm gonna drop the actual bomb.

And it can be as small and minute as like two glasses in the photo, like two wine glasses, and then there's no person in it. It's just you eat the two glasses and you're like, had the best night. It's like shit like that where you're like, oh my god, who did she have the best night? With? You tap on the picture. There's no tag on there, there's nothing.

It just leaves you wanting more. And then a week later there might be like an elbow, like someone else's elbow in the frame and you're like, slowly it's driving you insane and you want to know more than ever. And it's gone to the point where there are so many comedians that have taken the piers. It's gone pretty viral on social media, so they have given it its own month, which is soft launch September. Nola, How do

you feel about a soft launch? Mat? I have so many feelings about this, and also I feel like one of them is me going to be criticizing you because I know that you are partial to a soft launch brute, and I am not. No, hang on, I actually am not. I have had friends that have soft launch lunch friends and non friends, and I fucking hate it, Like I'm like, why are you doing this? I actually never soft launch. You soft launched, Jordan? No, I didn't. This is a

common no. I did. Were lying. We din'd have a fight on the podcast everyone. I know why you think I did, but I didn't. The way that Jordan came about was I didn't soft launch because it actually like, whilst has pardon me? That sort of wanted to start to show him before I knew that, I was ready to say, Hey, I'm committed to this person. I was doing a Q and A on my Instagram and I was answering loads of questions and somebody said to me, show us a time you were happy. So I put

a picture up with Jordan. It could have been anywhere you couldn't see his face. It was just a time I was happy. That was it. That was my soft launch. I didn't say it was now. I didn't say it's current. I didn't say I am happy. Don't raise your hand at me like you're in a classroom. I I'm finished, Okay. I have so many things to say to this, which are like, Brittany, you can live in a delusional land and you can tell yourself that that's not what you did.

The reason why that is not true is because this was New Year's you're away, you're out, you're on holidays, and Jordan came to see you, and you had been posting photos which were by the pool and in that area. So everyone who follows you knew that it was a current photo because it was taken in the same area that you had been posting photos the day before. It was a photo that only showed half of his face and the guy's sock tan no no face, no face, Yeah,

there was no face. Everyone who saw it was like even The Daily Mail was like, who is Brittany with So you can convince yourself that you didn't soft launch Jordan, but you did, Okay, so in my I can see, I can see when in my defense, it was never an intentional soft launch. It was like, in all honesty, it was a lot someone says, show me when you've been happy. It was the last time I could remember that i'd actually been happy, and I was so happy. So I was like, cool, this is going to answer

that question. No part of me thought that this was a soft launch. Otherwise I would have said had the best time at the bottom, like it feels so nice to be falling in love, and then just like really ambiguous. Okay. There are a few influences who I have noticed are very partial to a soft launch. Bella, who was un Lucky Season I have noticed, and I've followed Bella for a long time, like you know, we've been friends, but I have noticed it over the years that she loves

a soft launch. Ruby Tuesday Matthews also partial to a soft launch. Now, I mean, like, live your best life. You can do whatever you want on your social media. The reason why I find a soft launch weird, I guess is because it's not so much about the person and their relationship, it's about the followers and their reaction to the relationship, and so like, if we're supposed to unpackwater.

Soft launch is The term soft launch comes from something that businesses do when you're trialing a new product, or you're trialing like a new service to market, and you'll do a soft launch on that product in order to garner your customer's feedback. Right, it's advertising. You're like building suspense. Yeah, so you're like, okay, so you're like trying to garner feedback on a product or you're building suspense. How can

that then be related to a boyfriend? Like the only reason why people are doing it is in order to create suspense, in order to like create a hype around their interests in their own personal love life. And I just think it's a little bit self indulgent. Oh it's completely self indulgent. Okay, good around. It's like we're completely taking our personal branding way too seriously, That's what it is. Why do you think people give a fuck who you're

dating or who you're not dating. I just think it's I mean, I think that's actually oh my god, Brittany, you are so partial to a soft launch. This is killing me. Hang on, who else I've never I'm dating in ten years? Who are I soft launch? Okay? Everyone, Britta and I actually kind of dated the same guy mini years apart. Ha ha, that was not a soft launch. I saw him like twice. I used to call him Man Mountain because this guy was literally like a man

you could climb. He was so attractive, but he was also did you try like white bread? Which actually leads us so well into this episode for today we're talking about attraction. But okay, this guy Man Mountain, he was so hot. He was literally whitebread though the most boring He's beautiful, Yeah, boring. Man. He was so hot that he never had to try and be interesting. That's how

I That's how I described him. You know those people that like roll out of bed, don't even put shoes on, and just walk down for a swim and you're like, holy shit, you are so hot. That was what he was like. And now Laura and I didn't know that each other day did the same guy. I just came up in conversation one day, like if we were just talking about I was like, I've dated someone similar to that, and then we started talking about everything about him and

he's like this was like this sounds very familiar. Figured out we dated the same person, but you dated him way more seriously than I did. I hung out with him like twice, but Brittany started sharing photos of his dog on her stories and I was like, holy shit, it's a fucking man Mountain soft launch. Here we are, Laura and I are zooming right now, and I'm pretending to massivate to the phone's work because I'm like, get

get as I did not solft launch him. We So what happened was we literally hung out like twice, and then I was it was not going anywhere. We were not interested, but we're to this day still friends, and he had a really cute dog, so we kept hanging out. I put photos on the dog. That is not a soft launch. You obviously don't know how to soft launch if you think that as a soft launche Laura, but

I did. Look, I can see how people think I soft launched Jordan, but that sort of like makes me feel a little bit unwell because I'm not fond of the soft launch. So that was an unintentional soft launch. I think you guys need to just like back off me a little bit now. Yes, Laurie, put your hand up again. Sorry I had my hand up. It's really hard on zoom because we can't talk over the top of each other. Okay, I have one more thing to say.

And this is like playing Devil's advocate here. I know I went in hard and I said that it's like a very like self indulgent thing to do, to do a soft launch. I do also think it comes from a place of being very excited about being in a new relationship and like having this connection with someone, but obviously the relationship not being progressed enough to be able

to share it. I think that if you find yourself doing a soft launch, and the intention isn't so much to bait your audience, because like, for example, I'm sure people do it who don't have huge followings, so their intention isn't to be like to their friends, Hey, look

at who I may or may not be dating. I think that sometimes people do this idea of a soft launch more so because they're so excited about this person, but the definition and the parameters around the relationship is ambiguous, and they're not comfortable with being like, hey, here's an intimate photo of my partner because the person's not their partner, so they don't want to like seem as though that they're over eager or give the person the wrong impression.

But they also want to be able to share this really special time and how excited they are about this person, and so doing a soft launch. I guess it doesn't always have to be as self indulgent as what I'm saying. For anybody out there who's done it and feels personally victimized by me right now, there is another side to this that I can completely appreciate as well, Like we take the piers and we have a laugh, and like as I said, I've just sort of done it in

the past. Whilst I don't love seeing people do it, there isn't anything wrong with it. It's exactly what you just said, is right, Laura. Sometimes you want to share moments of your life without completely exposing yourself as well. So you might want to share a really fun moment at a friend's party or engagement or whatever. You're there

with this person that you're seeing. You want to take a photo, but you're not ready to say I think i'm seeing this person or Hey, this is the person in my life right now, so your soft launch, and I think that's absolutely fine. And you know, a lot of celebrities, a lot of famous people, and the big people with big followings, I think for them it comes

down to privacy too. They want to share that they're happy and in love, they want to share that they're off the market, but they're not ready to be bombarded with articles and interests and paparazzi and things like that. So I think that's why the big dogs do it. See I think for me, that's the one point of this that I don't agree with. I don't think that the big dogs, I ease, celebrities and influencers do it because they're wanting to create ambiguity or they're not wanting

people to be talking or have that interest. The problem is is I think that they actually do it because they are trying to drum up their audience. They're trying to create engagement, They're trying to create commenting and hype. I actually am more suspicious when influencers and celebrities do it because I think that there is it's really a

gender and motive driven. So for example, Kendall Jenner recently did a soft launch of some guy that she's seeing, and yeah, sure, the articles aren't about the guy and his name, but the articles are all about the fact that she's doing a soft launch. Everyone's like, who is he? And so then the followers, who are super engaged go into overdrive trying to figure out who this person might be.

I think the hype is even greater, and it's more intrusive because there's this element of like, I'm not letting you know this, but I'm going to give you just enough. I'm going to give you a nugget to keep you guessing. So I think that it's far more tactical when an influencer, a celebrity does it than just say someone who has a smaller social media following, who maybe is just doing it because they're not comfortable yet to share their life with their friends or their family. Yeah. Look, I think

you've been a bit pessimistic. I think we need to give the big dogs the benefit of the doubt in some cases, like one hundred percent what you've said is true. No, I am being a realist, and it's just because you are feeling threatened. I feel so I feel so attacked. But no, while we're talking about the soft launch of relationships, the antithesis of a soft launch of a relationship, you can actually soft launch your way back into single them.

Have you seen that or have you where all of a sud maybe you've been following someone right you know they're single, you can you can. I mean, like, let's be real, we can all tell someone's posts from when they're single. You know, if someone's single from their graham, then all of a sudden, they've soft launched their boyfriend. They're in love, everything's loved up. You know that they're happy.

You can tell once that relationship's broken up because the soft launch to singletoon starts, and whether you want to believe it or not, we're at a point in our generation where social media, it is like a CV is what friends look at, it's what perspective lovers look at, people online dating, it's what prospective employers look at. Like you you get for a job, now people go and search you. It is everything. So it's really important if you're all of a sudden single, to be like, hey, guys,

don't forget I'm single. So people soft launch their way back into singletom. And I think that starts with like a couple of little bikini photos, you know, a couple of wild nights out drinking with your friends. You can soft launch your way back to saying boys girls slide on into the DMS. I'm back, baby. I agree with you. I don't think social media is everything. I think that people choose which world they want to live in, whether it's the digital world or whether it's the real world.

But I do think that social media has become a personal CV like I completely agree with that, And I think that we curate the life that we want people to think that we have. We curate an impression of ourselves, almost like a social media first impression. And you can give the impression of being single if you're trying to like attract new partners, and you also very much can give the impression of being coupled up and being closed to new advances. I had a really interesting thing happened

to me years and years and years ago. Now this wasn't so much a soft launch or a soft breakup, but it was a soft something, So I mean that was an issue. But okay, so I went through a really bad breakup. I've spoken about the guy quite a few times on the podcast, it was like my really tumultual toxic X. So we had finally broken up, and my family and friends were like, thank god, you have gotten rid of this guy and he's out of your life.

But for me, the problem was is that we'd broken up and gotten back together so many times that my friends and family were in this weird state of like, we don't know if we can say anything bad about him, because Laura always goes back to him. You like the boy the cried wolf totally. Are you broken up or not? I don't know totally, but it was glaringly obvious how badly he was treating me anyway. I had made it

so clear. I'd made it so clear to my friends and family we were never ever getting back together, and I had also made it really clear to him that we were never getting back together. A couple of weeks had passed and he was still trying to chip away at me to get back together, and I remember I had to go and see him for something. Something had happened and I needed to see him, which like, that's

a terrible idea. You never need to see someone face to face if you're trying to like go no contact but whatever I did, and he posted a photo of Buster, so I didn't even know he had taken a photo of Buster, but he posted a photo of Buster from the day and was just like, love my little pow to try and give the impression to our friends and family that maybe we were getting back together, which is exactly what that impression would do if you were all

of a sudden backposting, like it's basically saying like, had the best night with Buster, Like it's a soft launch. He's self launched his way back into your life with your three layered dog, Buster, and that is not on Bunny. It was so manipulative, and obviously then all my friends and family called me, the ones who had been really bothal about how much they hated him, and were like, Hey, what's happening. Are you getting back with him? Because he's

just posted a photo of your dog? And I realized how manipulative social media can be in allowing us to kind of portray what we want people to think of our lives. And that was like, absolutely not true. We were not getting back together, but he wanted people to have that impression, and he kind of wanted me to deal with that backlash or that sort of like repercussions

if we were to. So I know that this has been completely gotten off track, but I just think there's so many ways that people can soft launch themselves in and out of relationships. And it's really interesting how we use social media to either leverage and manipulate our following to be engaged, or we do it to try and like garner feedback and see people's reactions to where we're at in our personal life. Yeah. I mean, oh, look, the more I think about it, you can even soft launch,

and a lot of people do. And I know there's other reasons for this and we can chat about that, but people soft launch their babies as well. Like when you've had a baby, it might be two weeks later and then no, think of how many inmforces or people you follow just put like their little pinky nail on. It's just a nail, and you're like, had the best day with you and it's just like a nail. And then you're like, they've had a baby. They've soft launched it,

and then you're dying to see it. Is it a boy? Is it a girl? When did you have it? Like there are so many questions and it gets people talking, it's a soft launch of a baby. Do you know who did this? So Elise Knowles Atlisnles and her partner hadn't posted any photos of their baby's face, which I like, I'm all for that. If you don't want to share photos of your children, I think that that's like every mother or father's like, you make that decision between yourselves.

But they didn't share any photos of their baby's face for so long, so everyone of course is interested. They're like, oh, is that a bit of an ear? Like? What is that there? Everyone wants to see a bit more, because we're curious creatures and social media has kind of made us feel like we are entitled to see more of people's lives. For so long there, Alice Knowles hadn't posted any photos of her child's face, and then almost overnight, she just posted a full face photo of her kid

and was like, here he is. Yeah, I've had enough. I've decided I can't give him a secret anymore. He is, but here he is. I don't know. I wonder what shifted in her to go from being someone who didn't want to share the baby's face to being like, Okay, I'm cool, We're sharing this on social media? Now, was

that a soft launch? Yeah? I feel like I remember reading about this and like I could be very wrong, but I feel like she was like, oh, you know, we just wanted to have a little bit of time together as a family and just not putting it out there. And we've decided now that we think that the time is right, you know, just a bit of privacy, which is so just into Franklin. She's just done that. She started by posting photos of her kids and she's just changed her mind. She just said, you know what, from

now on, we don't want to do that anymore. We've just we've changed in mind, and we're entitled to change our mind again if we decide to show their face, but for now and so it's completely a personal thing and a private thing. But I just think it's funny when people just put like the toenail or the fingernail of then you born baby, and that's it. No name, no birth date, no weight, no boy or girl, nothing.

I just think it's hilarious. I think that there's a really interesting conversation in this, So maybe we need to have this later down the track. It's hard for me to be unbiased because obviously I do share. Lola and Maley and I speak a lot on this podcast. We're really open with our lives. But there will absolutely come a point where I think my children will have more

agency of choice. And if they ever express that they don't want photos taken or they don't want to be shared on social media, then I think that their privacy has to be taken into account. It's almost like children when they're a baby and when they're at toddler age, they're an extension of you and your life because you're

so immersed in their life and you're so interconnected. But as they grow to have a little bit more individuality, I think, and a little bit more ownership over their sense of self, maybe my perception around that will change quite a bit. And I think that there is such an interesting conversation and there so like, let's unpack that whole aspect down the track a little bit further. Okay, we'll put that on hold for another episode, but I'm gonna call it right now that Molly May is one

hundred percent think she's got no choice. She's gonna end up like a comedy Instagram influencer. She's gonna be like eighteen years old. She's gonna be funny as fuck. She's gonna be doing real. It's like you would mash. She's gonna hi reckon, I'm gonna call me out, and she's Look, she walks around the house with so much attitude. Now she's got a hat on back when she's got her sunglasses on, she's do you know how she woke up

this morning? This is how I walked past her bedroom when she was in her cot and she turned around. She goes, Hey, Laura, what are you doing? I am not kidding. She calls me, Laura, you can't sit with us. Hey Laura, what you're doing? I was like, this should not be real. You are not too Anyway, guys, enough about that, We have an awesome episode for you today. This episode is real nostalgia for me. It's back to our roots. It's just you and me, baby, Me and

Britt unpacking the whole world of life, love, relationships. When we started this podcast was originally a relationships based podcast, and over time, like we've evolved, we obviously are covering other topics. I mean, we're still in our undease in

the bedroom recording. We haven't evolved that much. But at our core and what really like interest Britain I is this conversation around human connection, around what makes great relationships, about what we can do to be active participants in our relationships and be able to live our best lives in love, you know, the whole We love love that we say at the end of every episode. And so today's episode we're unpacking this idea of attraction and we put polls out to you guys. There was so much

feedback that we received. But whether you've dated someone who you have been fundamentally not attracted to that then maybe that attraction's grown over time, or what it's like to date someone who you're fiercely attracted to but there's literally nothing else there. So we're going to get into that in a moment. But before we do, you guys know that we never do an episode without our favorite segment, and that is accidentally Oh Brittany wants to do it

to tragedy that and see that is accidentally unfiltered. Oh my godness. It never gets less lame the more that we do that. Mind mean, I love it personally, No, we love this section. Guys, you're writing, you're embarrassing moments We read them out. But I am actually mixing it up a little bit today and I have and I can't believe they said that. Now we bring this back and forth every now and again. So I've got a really good one today that I wanted to bring, but

you can hit us first. Lauren, do you have your accidentally unfiltered? Okay? I do, now this one, And Britt, you're gonna love this because this is off the back of your story that you told the other week, which one I tell a lot of stories on this podcast, Laura,

like my life is cooked. No, if you didn't hear the story that brid shared the other week about her moon cup, like her period cup, and how she had it in her handbag at the tennis and the security gard pulled it out of her handbag and was waving it around like what is this, young lady? Is this a fucking shot glass? Please don't try that at home. We received this accidentally unfiltered, and I thought it was very funny and it also tied him perfectly. So here

we go. So I'm listening to BRIT's horrifying story with the security guard and the vagina cup, and I remember, but what happened to me? This is a real doozy. I finally also ordered myself a vagina cup online. I live with my sister and my parents, so when a few deliveries arrived at home, I opened them at once, knowing that I was expecting mine to arrive. So here it is this quite large silicone shaped cup. Anyway, Lucky for me, I had just started my period that day,

so I went up to the bathroom. I gave a little wash, and here I am trying to insert the cup into my vagina. It hurts so much. I called out to my mum and I was like, Mom, I don't understand. I can't get the vagina cup to fit in my clacker. Anyway.

fucking funny. But it's like it reminds me if you haven't done it before and you don't know what it is like. When I first got mine, I had no idea. There were sizes I bought. I didn't know, but I bought like a maternity post baby like post pardon one. It was so big I couldn't get up my vagina, and then when I did, it just felt like it was stretching me. And I was like, how do people because everyone had been like, this is the most comfortable thing.

Did she get it in there? That's the question? Did she make contact with the cervix? Did it go inside? I remember we once had someone write an accidentally unfiltered story and they had given a tamp on to their little sister. She'd just gotten her period for the very first time, and there was a big age gap between them.

She'd given a tampon to her little sister to try and use, and her little sister was like, I can't get it in and was really upset, and then her oldest I was like, Okay, well, like, you know, tell me what you're doing, try and explain it to me. She had been trying to shove your tampon in her

bum hole. It just like that. I think we had another girl that wrote in exactly the same thing, but she was given a pat and she didn't know what to do with it, so she rolled it up and tried to put it in like a dampon, and it was a whole bad like this. There's gotta be some something is wrong at the moment we're the way we're educating our children. If we don't know how to put bads and tambles in. Yeah, it's the fact that we don't talk about it enough or we do. Hear a

life on cart, that's for sure. I reckon. There would just be so many moments like that, Like I just didn't even think a story like that was possible. There must be so many Mooncup period stories. And I don't just mean period stories like gross ones, but funny ones like that. If you guys have any other funny Mooncup stories, send them away because I just love them. Have you

tried one yet? No, I've never tried one. I have to get the maternity one because, like you said, britt, I need to get the big massive saucepan one because my vagina is so humongous now after two children. Thank you for that. Okay, I'm gonna give you one little piece of homework this week. I want you to go and get it for your next period and then report back how it is. Okay, Well, I've only had two

periods since having Lola. Since being pregnant with Maley and Lola, it's been almost back to back two and a half years, three years now, and I've just gotten my period for the first time two months ago because I've had two of them and they come monthly. Who would have thought, But it's so different. This is one thing that no one tells you either after you have a baby. Your period is completely different to what it is like beforehand.

Maybe not for everyone, but for me and for so many moms that I've spoken to, it's just a totally different experience. It hurts more, it's heavier, it's just like shark week. Honestly, is completely different. And I don't know if a mooncup would cut it. I actually know the way you're describing it. I think a moon cup would be better. I honestly was I didn't try it for like a year, with my sister telling me, my friends telling me. I was like, no way, it is the

best thing I have done. Like, I cannot stress it enough. You don't have to change it. There's no leakage it takes like if you get the bigger one, it will you'll just change it once a day, even with a heavy flow, Like it's absolutely amazing. I think that you really need to try. If any of you have been thinking about trying it, this is your little kickup the butt to go and give it a well. This episode is brought to you by Mooncups just in general, just

moon Cups in general. Okay, all right, give me your I can't believe they said that. I want to hear it. All right. It's been a while since we have done and I can't believe they said that. But this one just really like I literally read it and said, I can't believe he said that. So that's how it's made it on the pod. It served his purpose. I was on a first date at a restaurant at night time with someone who I thought was pretty sweet and pretty mature.

The date was going well, plenty of chemistry and the food was abundant. It was Italian, my favorite. Anyways, we were walking back towards our cars. We were chatting away as we were walking past one of those grates on the ground, you know the ones, the big metal drainage grates, and I thought I'd be cute and go ooh. I never walk over those. I'm too scared of it. I'll fall through. I giggled a little bit, did a dainty

little jum. I thought it was elegant and cute. Still giggling, I look at this guy trying to get my flirt on. When he looks me up and down and says, we both saw what you ate. I don't think he need to worry about that. I was so shocked and didn't know what to do, so obviously I just laughed and kissed him what she said. But when I got home, I thought about it, and I never fucking saw him again. I'm like, I'm so mad that you've rewarded his bad

behavior by kissing him. No, that's a terrible idea. I think you don't know when you're in those moments where you're like, surely that just didn't happen. I'm gonna blank out that huge red flag that he's hitting me in the face and kiss him, and then she's gone home. She's been like, what the actual fuck? I mean, like, I'm sorry, but that is that is terrific. It's like when I dated that guy and he told me that I was He's told me that I was hot, but

he said if I lost five kilos, I'd be even hotter. No, this is not like I think we need to stop dressing this up as being like, oh, people who were mean to us are really attractive, like red flag, red flag,

red flag. Do not reward bad behavior. If we have put in nothing over the past two years from doing this podcast, is that you don't fucking kiss a guy who comments on what you eat all the way you book or just no, no, no, no, Well, Laura, in our listeners defense, how many times have you or I told a story there's been a huge red flag and then at the end we're like, oh, we's just left with him, but we still dating him. I still dated him, prayer, and then I was in love with them. It's true.

I think I had sex with all of them, but I learned my lessons. So guys, for this episode, now I say that, but we've already done an entire episode before we got to this part. I literally feel like we have done the episode. I'm in a good mood now you made me laugh. But let's talk about some attraction. Okay.

So we get this question in so many different way shapes and forms on Ask Guncut almost every other week, and we thought, instead of just answering one person specific question, we would do this and unpack it as a full episode because we thought it was well and truly deserving of the time and attention that it needs. I'm just going to summarize a question that was sent in by a listener, and like I said, this is exactly the type of question we receive every week. But here goes.

I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I met a guy through the apps and have been on four dates with him. We're in lockdown, so it's just being walking and coffee dates. He is literally the guy I've been looking for. He's hot, he's got a shit together. He doesn't seem like a player who will ghost me next week. Can you tell that I've dated some doozies. The problem

is I don't find myself attracted to him. We've sat down to drink our coffee a few times, and I just don't find myself getting that real pull or wanting to sit super close to him. He smells good, he looks good. I find him funny and everything, but I feel as though maybe we just don't have chemistry, which also doesn't make sense to me because we banter through messages a lot and I find him really fun. How important is it to feel the spark? And do you

think attraction can come in time down downtown? Oh? It's such a bigie, which is why we're doing an episode on it. I think that. How about we before we get into it, Laura, how about we read out some of the polls that we did. All right, let's do that then, Brittany, I'm going rogue, all right. So we did put some polls up because we wanted to know have you, guys dated or would you date someone that

you weren't physically attracted to? We wanted to know that if you have, was it because you valued other traits? Have you ended something with someone because they didn't feel physically attracted to them? So let's just see what the

results were. Have you ever dated or would you date someone that you weren't physically attracted to now, thirty six of you said yes and sixty four percent of you said no. So for this is just our listeners, guys, out of this poll, more of you double have said that you would not date someone you were't attracted to, Like that is how important it is for you. But also I think thirty six percent, like a third of people have said that they would date someone who they

feel zero attraction to. And like, maybe we didn't preface this well enough in that like I don't think it just needs to be physical attraction, but like if you have absolutely no attraction to someone whatsoever, what is it that makes that person not a friend? Like what gives you the motivation to want to then go on a second date or a third date or a fourth date with them? And now there's so much to this. When when Brittain I first started talking about this, we were

like is there enough of an episode in this? And now we're actually doing a two part episode on this. So here's a mini series series. So we're going to talk about this idea of like how you can build attraction and how it can form over time. But also there's going to be a second part to this episode where we're going to go into different types of sexualities and how different people feel attraction. So we're going to

talk about in a second episode. We're going to go into things like sapio sexuality, which is being attracted to intelligence. We're going to unpack things like pan sexuality and also demi sexuality. There's all these different names and terminologies which are how people are attract to others and how we express our sexuality. But we're not going into that just yet. That is for part two, baby. Yeah, and what you

just said is true. And that's what I want to say to the question that you just write out from our listener. You know, she's been seeing this guy's he's really nice. I have banned there's no attraction. The question is what is it about him that he's leaving you with a thought, Oh, like I should probably see him again? Should I push through this?

you're really craving. Or is it this that you're looking for a friendship and you've because to me, it sounds like this guy in particular, could be a really great friend. You get along, you've got banter. Now do I think that you can successfully be with somebody that you were not physically attracted to? Yes? Yes, I do. The second part of this, and another one of the polls that

we put ut was if you have dated someone. So if you're one of those thirty six percent of people who have dated someone who you're not physically attracted to, is it because there were other traits that you were

attracted to over their physical attractions? So eighty five percent of people said yes and fifteen percent said no. So there's fifteen percent of people out there who are dating people that they're not attracted to physically and they fucking don't even like them as people, which makes me feel you guys really need to reassess where you at what

you're doing. Yeah, that's like a self esteem thing. You need to reassess, Like, why do you want to be around someone, or why are you giving somebody multiple chances if there is nothing about their person that you want? But I think that that's like a whole that's a bigger picture to unpack there. The real conversation here is

can attraction grow over time? And the overwhelming amount of messages that we receive from you on Life on Cut but also on my own personal Instagram as well, is that there are so many of you who originally started dating your partners and you weren't attracted to them. Like I cannot tell you the number of messages we received from people who were like I was not physically attracted to my partner whatsoever. But over time that attraction grew and now I think that they are the sexiest person

on earth. And this idea of attraction, the more that I looked into it, the more that I better understood what compromises and what makes us attracted to people, because like we all know and we've all experienced that feeling where you might be on a bus and you're like, holy shit, what is it about that person? Almost like a love at first sight type feeling, but it's this like overwhelming sense of like m and you haven't even necessarily spoken to the person yet, it's just this primitive

and that it is hot. Yeah, maybe they're just hot. Maybe it is maybe they're just hot. But I think also sometimes there's someone who you might have that feeling

for and it's not necessarily just based on looks. Now, whilst we did receive so many messages from people on all all of our accounts that said, hey, like I had an amazing relationship, I have an amazing relationship with someone that I'm not physically attracted to that I wasn't physically attracted to, we had just as many people write to us saying that they've ended their relationships because they

weren't physically attracted to the person. So we did do one last poll that was have you ended something with someone because you didn't feel physically attracted to them? And eighty eight zero eighty percent of you guys said yes, you've ended it because there was nothing physical there. Twenty percent said no. So eighty percent is pretty big to say, hey, I was in a relationship and I ended it because

I wasn't physically attracted anymore. That is a lot. Now, obviously there's going to be people who are outliers to this. There are going to be some people who listen to this podcast who probably think I'm not sexually attracted to my partner at all, but we're really happy together and we have a great relationship. This conversation is probably more for the majority, and I would say for the majority,

physical attraction is really really important. And when I say physically traction, I don't mean that your partner needs to be the hottest person in the world. There might be somebody who looks at your partner and doesn't think that they're attractive at all, but you need to find your partner attractive. And I guess for me, the reason why it's so important is because attraction is what differentiates a friendship.

So I have male friends who are amazing people. I love their morals, they are fucking funny that everything about them is what I would want in a partner. However, I'm not attracted to them and I have never been attracted to them, and so I can't see myself ever. Well I definitely can't now because I'm in a very committed relationship, but I could never see myself. I just don't think I'll ever go there. I just think that

that options off the table. Now, No, I could never ever see myself ever having a physical relationship with them because it gave me the ick, and no amount of time spent with them, no amount of exposure to them ever grew that attraction. So attraction is predominantly something that's like quite subconscious and happens without us having to put a lot of effort into However, the more that we did some research into this, the more that we realize

that attraction is not unbiased. As much as it's subconscious, we still have a bias towards our attraction and it's created by five different things. Now, you guys know that we always do our research when it comes to this stuff. And according to doctor Claire Holt, who is a psychologist and professor at the University of Southampton who teaches a literal module on the psychology of attraction, there are five main factors that contribute to why we attracted to the

people that we're attracted to. So proximity, which sounds weird because you're like, if you're from a small town and then you end up dating someone from your small town, proximity plays a huge factor in this. And when I say proximity, I mean, the more exposure you have to someone and if their morals align with you, if you

find them funny, often that attraction will build. So when we say, you know, sometimes you need to give someone a chance, even if you're not first attracted to them, there is very much the potential that it could grow into something. Another thing that builds attraction is similarity. So how alike are you? And I think this is why we often end up dating people who look quite similar to ourselves or have very similar characteristics or personal traits

to what we display. Well, I don't know, Laura, if I mean you have seen it because it's fucking funny. This isn't the rest of you guys. This is a perfect, perfect time. This has happened this afternoon. A few hours ago. Someone one of our Lovely Lovely listeners thank you shout out in the lifelin podcast group. They woke up in the morning and they saw a photo on their Instagram of Jordan and myself happy in front of the sunset. I posted it yesterday. I was like, cute date night.

Then they kept scrolling. The next photo that came up on their page was a photo of Laura cuddling her dog Buster, Now this listener has put both the photos together and she posted in the group and she's like, Okay, is it just me or is Brittany literally dating the male version of Laura. Then someone has gone ahead and I can see the similarities. Someone has got ahead, cropped it out, zoomed Laura up, putting Jordan's super composed Jordan's beard onto Laura's face and put them side by side.

And I am fucking cooked. I am dead. I cannot un see it. I'm dating you. I'm dating a male version, a hary version of you. Guys, if you haven't seen this, jump onto Life on Cut podcast on an Instagram. I actually just posted it. It is so funny. Britt I know you're obsessed with me, but you are literally dating the male version of me, who's much better at sport than I am. But this is this idea that we

are attracted to people who look similar to us. Obviously, this is a bit of a stereotype, and there's going to be a lot of people out there who are dating their partners and their partners look nothing like them. But I think there is such a truth to the fact that we're often quite attracted to people who look similar to us. People always say that Matt could be my brother, and that's where the whole Instagram account came from,

which is like siblings or dating. Well, a lot of people have Actually, no one has ever pointed out until this day that I'm dating you. That has not happened, but what people have pointed out. I have had heaps of people sliding to my DM since I started dating Jordan saying that we could be siblings as well, that like the whole siblings on dating thing, and I didn't. I can sort of see that, but I can see it more. I see more you in Jordan now than

I do. But that was I just want to put this out there on the record for everyone to hear. I have never seen that before. I am not dating Jordan because I have a secret crush on Laura that I just want that out there. The real question is Brett that everyone wants to know is do you think about me when you're having sex with Jordan? I mean, obviously you're all I think about twenty four to seven Laura. Ha. So similarity, guys. There's more to this though than just

whether Brittany is fantasizing about me. Similarity isn't just necessarily similar in the way that you look. Similarity, then the more that you get to know someone, similarities display themselves in all different ways. It could be that you have the same political views, it could be that you've had the same morals, the same ethics. Similarity is like who you are at your core, just as much as it

is who you are and the way you look. The next thing that really impacts attraction is this idea of reciprocity. Attraction is reciprocated and now I am so fucking guilty of this and have been in my past relationships. There have been times where I have like found myself really liking a guy or starting to really like a guy just because they liked me first. Oh see, my problem is like I like his people that didn't let me back in my I've married people before in my head

that didn't even know I existence. Yeah, that's a real problem. Brittany. We're also single for ten years. Mind you, I was never single and that's because I had codependency issues. So we both had our own problems. Guys, we're bringing this podcast from years of experience, That's what we always say.

But this idea, Okay, that someone might not even be on your radar a friend, maybe you hadn't really necessarily looked at them romantically, and then you got wind of the fact that maybe they were interested in you as more than a friend, and you start to look at them differently, and you start to think, oh, maybe maybe I could go there, or maybe this could be something.

And that's where the attraction starts to build its idea of when somebody shows you affection and shows you interest, it almost triggers something that can build attraction as well. I can take the piece as much as I want, but in all honesty, in the past, I have actually done that. I have dated people where I know there was nothing there. I never ever would have even crossed my mind to date someone like that there was no attraction, but they would have got me at a point in

my life where I was down. I wanted attention. I needed to feel wanted. And I think that that is, as much as we want to say that is not a factor in who we choose to date. It one hundred percent is if you're in a time where you're a little bit vulnerable, or you're you've just gone through something really toxic and emotional, or you need to feel some confidence. You need to feel wanted, You need to

feel loved. We're humans, like it is human nature to want to feel loved and like someone cares for us. And if you're in one of those points in your life, I know a lot of people that date someone for the sake of literally having someone there helping them get

through a tough time. One hundred percent is that is definitely a factor, Laura that I think at some point in our life most of us are going to go through the last two factors, which contribute to why we're attracted to people is obviously physical attraction, you know, like that, we can't deny that. You know, there's definitely going to be times where you see someone and just the pure beauty of them knocks the wind out of you. And

now physical attraction is different for every single person. There are definitely some things that are influenced by society, you know, like for women, stereotypically we like older men who are financially secure, who have their shit together, and guys like chicks with big boobs. Like these are all stereotypes obviously, but we've all been exposed to different things, and we've all been conditioned from a very young age to find certain attributes and qualities in a person attractive when it

comes to physical qualities. Point number five, which is the last one in this list, is familiarity. So we are attracted to people who were comfortable with we're also this is so weird, but there's some Freudian shit in this. We're attracted to people who from remind us of our parents, who have similar quality, especially if we've come from healthy relationships with our parents and they have modeled what a

great relationship is. We you know, if maybe if your dad or your mum is super funny, or they're charismatic, or their you know, whatever it is. We often look for similar traits in our partners to traits that our parents display. And it is weird and it makes me feel strange saying that, but there's truth and there's a lot of research in the pudding. I think, I mean, like Jordan doesn't run in my dad at all, but I think in terms it reminds me of you, we've

established it. I think that overall, like for me to summon up, I think you need a little bit of everything. You need to definitely have a level of physical attraction. You need to be attracted to other parts of your partner as well, whether that's their personality, what they want in the future, their beliefs, anything. But there definitely has to be a level of physical attraction. Now does the physical attraction have to be there from day dot? No,

I don't think think it does. I think that you can one hundred percent start to date somebody that you're attracted to all their other values, and the physical attraction can grow. And I say that from experience. I say that for two reasons. One, I've done it in the past. I dated somebody that I had no physical attraction to at all at the start. He was my roommate. We'd lived together for a little while, and that is how we met. He was so kind, and he was so funny,

he was so good at his job. There were so many amazing aspects about him. He looked after me a lot, He'd always cooked me dinner. He was just a great human And after time an attraction developed. Now that attraction was never there. Now that it's done and I look back, there is no attraction there. But at the time we started to date and physically see each other, I was so into him. I just thought he was the greatest thing and some of my friends were like, what are

you doing? Like this doesn't look like you know, you said you had no attraction to him. You guys don't look like you are suited to each other. And I was like, I'm just obsessed with him because he was so funny and so kind and every other part of him was amazing, and all of a sudden, I just felt like one day I woke up and I was like, Wow, what a beautiful, sexy human. And I look back now

and I was like, wow, what was I thinking? But I one hundred percent, I one hundred percent think that, like if somebody has so many amazing traits that of course the attraction grows. Of course you can become obsessed with them, and of course you can have an amazing relationship. But can you date someone successfully long term and marry them with no physical attraction even though they've got every other part? I think that's just going to cause a

lot of problems down the track. Well, I think you're robbing yourself if you do that. Like I okay, I agree, one hundred percent. Physical attraction can grow. Maybe sometimes in like modern dating, we're almost sold a little bit of a lie, Like you know, we've talked before on this podcast as well, where we're like, chemistry isn't the most

important thing. You have to look for other values and whatever else that aligned with your partner, but you cannot say it is not important and think we're going to rob ourselves if we say that physical attraction is not important at all, and we're going to rob ourselves of like a really healthy, zesty, fun sex life, because there's only so long that you're going to want to have sex with someone who you're absolutely not attracted to, Like, that's going to wane. And we already know that sex

wanes as it is in a relationship. So if you don't have that connection to start with, it's probably not going to get any better. It's probably going to get worse. But that's not to say that I don't think that you should date people who are outside your box. I absolutely think that if somebody ticks all of your criteria but you don't feel physically attracted to them, that you should potentially still give them a go and still go

on a couple of dates see where you're at. Because I think that you can assess yourself whether that connection is going to grow and if you get to maybe I don't know, four or five dates, maybe you get a month in. If it hasn't started to develop, then it's probably not going to develop. And I think that's when you need to make a decision to call it, because there's only so long that you can force yourself to feel something for someone if it's physically not there. Yeah.

And conversely to that, you can be walking down the street and see someone that is so smoking hot and you're like, holy shit, I'm gonna bang that. That is the hottest guy. You sleep with them, you try to go on days with them, and they have the personality and the humor of like a wet cardboard box, and you're like, I can never see you again because there's

nothing else there. Whilst attraction is important, we have to look at attraction holistically because physical attraction and looks they fade. One day. We're all gonna be old. Our boobs are gonna be at our knees, we're gonna have wrinkles, we're gonna have bags, we're gonna have gray hair. It's going to happen. And then what have you got If you have no personality in your life and your partner, If

you've got no humor. If you have no connection, if you don't want the same things, if all you had was the fact that you thought that they were the hottest thing, then you're not gonna have anything down the track. So this is why we say it's so important to have a holistic view of attraction. Yes, I agree. And also my boobs don't make eye contact anyone or as it is, they're already looking at the floor after two kids,

So lucky you guys are funny. Yeah, I think that maybe that's why some people and maybe if we're if it depends on the life stage that we're at, especially as women, if we want to be in a relationship because we feel like our biological clock is ticking. If we feel like maybe we're going to miss the opportunity of having a big life partner, if that's what we want, then we might sacrifice attraction. We might kind of put

that down the ranker as being not important. And I understand that priorities shift over time, and maybe when something becomes more important i e. Having children, having a committed partner, the attraction thing may not seem as important to you and that's okay, but I still think it has to be there in some capacity. I don't think that you can have a healthy, long term relationship with someone who

you are physically not attracted to at all. And the fear of that is because at some point you're going to get the ick, like you don't want to be with someone who eventually you're in your relationship they repulse

you when they touch you. That is a very real thing, and I know that we received a lot of messages from people who were like, I tried so hard because my partner was so great, there was such a good person, but we got to a point where the thought of them touching me or being intimate with me repulsed me. And that's a really unhealthy relationship. For so many other reasons we know, like sex is very important in a relationship,

sexual connection, sexual energy. Being able to connect with your partner on that level is something that a majority of people see as a real fundamental part of a relationship. And it is also because that is something that sets a relationship apart from being a friendship, which we already

kind of discussed in the beginning. One thing I want to touch on, Britt, which you just said as well, is like this idea that you can have intense physical attraction to someone and there can be nothing else there. I mean that was Man Mountain for me, the guy that we talked about at the beginning. He was everything I wanted physically in a partner, Like he just was beautiful. But it's like noddling a lot because I know that Man Mountain was a beautiful man. It's a beautiful I say,

who was, Like he still is, He's still around. He is a beautiful, beautiful man. Of course, there were other things that aligned, like we had some values that aligned, but from like a real emotional connection, there was nothing there. And I think sometimes we can almost try and convince ourselves and try and force a connection and force this deeper level of a connection just because someone looks so good, like we want it there because we're like, oh they're

so hot. If only if only things were easier, and if only things were better, as in like we were more compatible. So I reckon I forced that relationship for a hell of a lot longer than what I should have. I really wanted it to work, just because I was so physically attracted to him, so I just soft launched him.

In two days I was out, No, but just going back to something that you were saying about, you know the fact that if there's no physical attraction and you're with him for all other reasons, that you could get the ick. I was listening to a podcast. It's called for Play Radio. Now this podcast is years old, but I just found it really interesting. It's a sex therapist Laurie Watson and a psychologist Adam Matthews, and they both

talk about different patients they've treated. Obviously, it's all anonymous, and they just it's just a podcast like you know, where they talk shit, they talk sex. They were saying that one of their clients came in to see them and they had been married for a long time. They thought they were in this really happy relationship. The husband was very wealthy. She was a female. They've been married

for like fifteen years. The husband was very wealthy. He got into some financial problems and he lost his job and he lost all their money all of a sudden. She said, I was revolted by him. As soon as he lost his job and lost his money, I was disgusted by him. I got the ick and I had to leave. And this is I mean a I mean, what happened for better orf for worse? You just threw

that in the garbage bin. B This is what's going to happen when you are being that superficial and basing your relationship on what we're taught as a child to look for. You know, you want security, you want someone with money like I just think that that is so far from the foundations of a healthy relationship. And it's just a prime example of the fact that she thought she was attracted to him, but she was attracted to the lifestyle, and somehow she stayed in that for fifteen years.

The second time's got tough and she didn't have that money anymore. She was out the door. But I don't know if you can say that it's superficial necessarily because I don't think and this comes back to this idea that attraction is largely subconscious. I honestly think that sometimes we're attracted to people and we don't understand why because we haven't really had that cognitive thought pattern behind it. We haven't sat down and gone, what is it about

this person that I am attracted to? And you know, in her case, it was obviously feeling security, it was having someone who was stable, It was someone who made her feel like they were loved by being able to buy her things or show her that sort of stability. Now, I don't necessarily think that that is an intentionally superficial thing. The reasoning behind that is because this idea of attraction and how we're motivated by attraction is actually controlled by

a part of the brain called the limbic system. Now, the limbic system here, I am getting all sciencey for you, guys. I'm so science I love when you do your research. Don't let anyone tell you that this is not a well researched podcast. So the limbic system is a really primitive part of the brain, and it is the same part of the brain that controls things like hunger. Like, hunger is not something that we necessarily have conscious control over.

It's a feeling that we get, and we don't have prejudice towards the feeling of hunger in the same way we shouldn't have prejudice towards our feelings of attraction. You know, we don't have control over who we're attracted to. I can confirm that I literally just ate a whole pizza and I had no control. I had no control of hunger. Okay, well, this comes into the whole idea of higher order thinking. You could exercise a little bit of self control that

might have helped there, but maybe not. So there is this theory that in order to be able to really create a relationship that you can be proud of, that is a healthy relationship that is stable for all the right reasons, that we can't just rely entirely on attraction. And I mean that shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone, but like attraction, just like chemistry, it can be super misleading.

We can think, oh my god, this has to be the relationship for me, this has to work out with this person because I feel so strongly about it, whereas maybe it taps into patent behavior. So for me, for example, and I know I've mentioned this before, but I was always dating the same type of guy, and I was having very dysfunctional relationships, and I was too busy putting all my thoughts into the attraction, into the chemistry and

the way I felt about it. Then tapping into this conversation and this idea of higher level thinking, so really unpacking why am I attracted to this person? Which britt this woman that you're describing, if she had sat down in the very beginning and been like, what is it about this person that I'm attracted to? She may have been able to kind of reduce down that she was actually attracted to his money more so than she was

attracted to him as a person. So I think sometimes, especially if you're in a situation now where you're dating and you haven't found the right person, you're unsure about, like, you know, this whole concept of settling, which I think there can be a lot of fear around. Well, I don't want to go on a date with a guy or a girl who I'm not attracted to because I

don't want to settle. I think, maybe give it a chance, because if they are somebody who has so many other amazing qualities to them, maybe they're different to the type of person that you've been dating before, and there might be a reason why those other relationships haven't worked out. There is the possibility that attraction can grow just from

spending time with them and getting to know them. However, like we said, if it doesn't grow, don't force it, because you don't want to be in a situation where you have completely sacrificed something that is so incredibly important a relationship just because you don't want to be alone. And if you don't have a physical attraction in a long term relationship, it's going to rear it's ugly head

in other ways, laid down the track now. There will be points where you don't want to have sex anymore, you don't want to be physically intimate anymore because you love being with this person, but you get the ick and they repulse you. And this we had so many people write in this exact thing. They're saying, I'm in a really tricky situation. I've been with my partner for a long time. I absolutely adore them. I can't imagine my life without them because they're all I've ever known.

But I'm repulsed by them, like physically, that's what they say. They're like, it's so full on, isn't it. It is because they're like, it's a comfort, it's what they know. They love who the person is, they love what they could could create together. They love their morals, they love their family, they love what they've done in the past and their memories and the idea of a future. But the one part when they come They're like, I physically recoil when

my partner touches me every day. I make up stories. We had a guy write in and he said he started to take overtime shifts at work because he didn't want to be intimate with his partner and he didn't know how to avoid it. He didn't want to end it with her because he loved her. So this happens on both sides. This is both men and women. But issues like this are going to arise if you are forcing yourself to have this relationship where you have no

physical attraction. Whether we want to admit it or not, it is a huge part of our life. It is a huge part of our relationships and strengthening the relationships, having those emotional bonds, feeling really close and drawn to your partner. There's just no way you can dispute that. And if you force this for too long, these sort of situations are going to happen to you down the track. Well, I agree, And I also think that like you become

bonded to them as a friend. You know when you say, like I can't imagine my life without them, Absolutely, that's a friend. Take care, it's a friend. It's like you can't imagine your life without your best friend. But then what is it that sets that relationship up from being different? And I think you know, I've been in this situation before. One of my long term, five year relationships. I got to a point where I had the IX so so bad, so bad. It was exactly what you described brit like.

We hadn't had sex in so long because I was physically repulsed by the idea. But I loved our life together. And then the more that I look back on that relationship now, the more that I realize I wasn't in love with him. He was a great person, really liked him, but I was in love with our life. I was in love with what we built, and walking away from that was so hard that he was never the right person.

And I think we can get ourselves, especially when there's this whole biological clock when other friends are in relationships, when we feel like why is everybody else dating and

I'm on my own? There's this scarcity mindset. We can make huge compromises on what we want in a relationship, and there are some things that it's okay to compromise on, and maybe for some people, attraction is something that you can compromise on with the hope that it grows in the future, but compromising on it all together, having zero attraction to your partner and just hoping that they're a good person and they bring other things to the table.

I don't think from a long term perspective that that's really a good enough compromise or that you'll be able to live a fulfilled and happy relationship in life with them. The other thing to note is that, of course, in long term relationships, sex isn't always going to be as frequent, or maybe as passionate or as intense as it probably was at the start in the honeymoon phase. That's normal. It's normal to have sex less. You have kids, you

have stresses, you have busy lives. That's normal. But what's not normal and not okay is to be repulsed by your partner and actually be like working double time and double shifts to avoid your partner, to avoid being intimate. You don't want to touch them, or the thought of your partner touching you revolts you and makes you physically sick. Like that is not normal. Yes, you'll have sex less,

but you should still want that sex. You should still look at your partner and be like, I love you, You're so whole let's do it well, I mean that leads us into the whole conversation. And when we started having this originally we were like, how do we talk about this in a way that encompassed everyone? And it's impossible too, because we all show up to sexuality differently, and we

all experience attraction and sexuality differently. And that's why we were like, this is so a two part episode where we will get into the idea of asexuality and demisexuality, because people who experience sexuality in that way will have a fundamentally different and approach to this conversation. So we just want to make it really clear that we are not talking about those sort of sub sects of sexuality either in this conversation right now. But this is the

whole reason why we do this podcast. We hope that everyone is just like living their best fucking relationship and having their best life, and whatever relationship you're in, that you're having conversations, that you're optimizing your relationship and that you're working on it to be able to be as happy and as fulfilled as you possibly can be in your relationship. And you are not an asshole if you're dating someone and you don't feel that attraction and you

decide to leave them. That's the other big part of this conversation is that so many people feel like I'm such a bad person because they're such a great guy or girl, but I'm not attracted to them. You're not a bad person. You don't have to date someone that you're not attracted to. You don't have to feel bad for wanting more for yourself, and you don't have to try and fit a triangle into a square. Okay, look,

I think we've sort of covered this point. We've covered episode one, but just to say this, what Laura's trying to say is fundamentally, you gotta want to bang your partner. Ha ha ha, You just gotta you gotta want to have sex. Yeah, Fucking your partner is a really important part of this whole thing. I'm glad that you all came to our ted talk nexts very much. All Right, guys, you know that we never finished an episode without our suck and our sweet, our highlight and our low light

of each and every week. And I haven't thought of mine yet. So Britt, what is your suck? Okay, my suck is that there is? Well, I mean I should say there is. There was there is a snake in the backyard. We saw that there was a snake, and then this morning one of the neighbors must have killed it, because the snake was dead on the driveway. So that is my I don't know, that's my suck. I was like, cool, It's like, it sucks that it was alive. It sucks that it's dead, but at least it means it's not

because I think it's a dangerous one. So at least it's not in the house. I think because it's hurricane season here, all the rains are coming, so all the animals, like the are going nuts and trying to get inside. That's my suck. Okay, wait, wait, who the hell kills the snake and then just leaves it on a driveway. It's like really foreboding kind of omen. Here's the snake. So I took a photo and I went up close to it. I actually don't think someone intentionally kills it,

and I'm hoping it's the same snake. Actually, now have you got me thinking it might not be the same snake. It looks like it has been run over on its neck because his neck was a bit squished, so I reckon it was probably an accident. Well do you know what I reckon that that's probably the snake suck for the week as well. One hundred percent, it's a shit week for the snake. My sweet it was actually my sweet for last week, but I wasn't allowed to talk

about it when we recorded, but now I can. My sister Sherry got engaged after Oh god, I think I think it's been six years. Yeah, six or seven years. She's been waiting a long time, and now I know Jay had had her Now fiance had had the ring for a long time, and he'd been hoping because they met traveling. They went on this three year round the

World trip together. He was hoping to go back and do it overseas, and then obviously COVID kept prolonging it and it got to the point where Sharon was like, we need to fucking do this, like we're in lockdown for however many more impending years. So they bought their first home together and he proposed on the first night in the new home. So that is one hundred percent my suite. I'm very very happy. That is bloody adorable.

And also, guys, we're going to have Sherry on the podcast in the next couple of weeks to talk about because Sherry is a nutritionist and she runs her own very successful Instagram where she helps people with like living their best lives through nutrition and their relationship with food, and so we are going to get Sherry on in the next couple of weeks to answer all your questions in regards to this, which we put out on Instagram

a couple of weeks back. Now now my second week. Okay, my suck is and I know I've said this every week for like the past couple of months. We are living in a two bedroom apartment and I cannot stress this enough. There is four humans and a dog that's the size of a great day, and we live in a apartment. We don't have a study. It is literally just two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a tiny little living area that's a combined living and dining. It's so full

on right now, it's insane. It's fucked. It's so fucked. There's a mountain of laundry behind in this I always feel like we need to take a photo of us so that people can see there's a mountain of laundry behind her. Zoom you know what you need to do. You need to get one of those zooms where you can change the background to like look like you're in an office or something. You know how I live my life.

I don't need to hide this from you, okay, but just to describe to you guys, where I'm actually recording this podcast. I'm sitting in Marley's bedroom on the floor. I have the phone shoved in her cot leant up against some toys that I can see brit I've got the laptop on my lap, and i have the podcasting machine next to me, and I'm leaning against the single bed that's in Marley's bedroom. This is how I'm working. It's insane, and it's insane that we've been doing this

for so long now. So we actually went to a house inspection on the weekend. It was a five bedroom house. I would not even know what to do with myself with that much space. Never see you again. You'd be like, who wants to play hide and seek and not find me? Mummy's gone. We went to it and look, the problem was is that the place had a really bad floor plan.

So upstairs was a bedroom in a lounge room, and then the middle level would have been the kids' rooms and the dining room, which would have meant that the kids were going up and down the stairs all day to use the lound room. It's so fucking weird. Who designs a house like this? So I got so excited because I felt like we had found our new house and I felt like this situation was a lot more temporary than what it is. And then we went and

saw it and I was really disappointed. And it's the second house inspection that we've been to now and we just can't find something. So yeah, look, I'm gonna sit in Marley's room for another day. So that is my suck. My sweet for the week was yesterday. Yesterday we went to the beach. We went for a quick swim, we went for a really nice walk. Everything was socially distanced, but it was just so nice to have a hot day and be able to spend some time as a

family outside of our flo that I'm bet. Well, that's a good second sweet. That is it? That is it? Guys? You know what, when brit comes back, we have really grand plans for us both to move into places that are a little bit bigger so we can both have a bit of a studio room. I thought you were going to say to movie, but that're gonna say we have grandpas of moving together, and I'm like, I'm not

across this plan. You all know the BRIT's obsessed with me, So I'm getting a bigger house so that she can sleep in our bed. We're going to get a super king sized bed and have a polyamorous relationship. Anyway, guys, that is it from us. That was so weird. We've been talking for way too long now. And if you haven't joined our Instagram it's Life Uncut Podcast, go have

a look at the photo of me and Jordan. And also we have the Life Uncut Discussion Group which is on Facebook and that's for anybody who wants to join the broader conversation or to talk about the episodes or to ask questions among other community members. There is fifty one thousand people in that group now, so jump on into the Life Uncut Discussion group as well, or just to have a lot. It's so funny, like people plast the funniest shit on there. It's I go there just

for my daily entertainment. And it's also just like when we started that Facebook group, we wanted it to be a place where like minded people could get together. And so the thing that's really wholesome and heartwarming about it is that everybody who's in the group loves the podcast. A lot of people share very similar ideas and similar outlooks on the world. Obviously not everyone. You're never gonna find a space with fifty one thousand people where it's

an echo chamber of the same thoughts. There's definitely some debate that goes on in there. However, nine to nine point nine percent of the time, it's super healthy and super respectful, and I just love that it is a

very wholesome and uplifting community. And like, if you guys are interested in jumping on and doing any of the meetup groups, if you want to meet people in your area, if you want to make more friends, there are a little offshoot meetup groups in that group as well, So check it out, jump on the Facebook group, and guys, you know the drill, tell your mum te Dante dot te friends and share the love because we love la. I mean, they're not cutting the body and they're not

cutting the boy. They're not cunning that their day.