Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life One Cut.
I'm Brittany and I'm Laura, and.
This sick is our Thursday episode.
This is our dark and dirty and sexy, saucy little episode.
But we answer your deep, dark and burning questions.
And now, look, we have been keeping it pretty dirty lately, so I think we're going to keep this one a little bit more above board. I think we've been taking our intro too seriously because the last few weeks have been pretty questionable.
I can't even.
Remember the questions that we answered last week, to be honest, neither, but I just know our vibe. Also, I'm just gonna like apologize right now if anyone can hear what sounds like a pterodactyl going, yeah, it's not Matt, it's actually Lola. She's don't worry, she's being supervised by Matt. She's just outside the door screaming. At the moment, she's figured out how to crawl and she's trying to get in here and get on the podcast.
But that is.
Lockdown life, isn't it. You can't even apologize for that now, because literally, you haven't left your house in three months. You live with two kids in a two bedroom house.
Can we call it lockdown life?
Like?
I mean? It feels like the never ending saga. It's just his life. I kin't of even mad at her.
I'm currently hidden in her bedroom recording She's just trying to get into where her toys are.
Hang on, is it Lola or Marley crying?
It's Lola.
H Who knows who's counting anymore. Someone's out there with them and that's all that matters. I wanted to kick out today with an article.
That we have had a very good chuckle over and I don't know if we should be laughing, but hey, everyone else is. It seems to be trending. It is about the term soaking. Now, I had never heard of soaking in sex before ever? Had you?
I had never heard about it, but I'm very, very glad that this has come into my life.
So if you guys haven't heard of soaking. Essentially, if you don't know much about Mormon, Mormons don't have sex before marriage. They're also not supposed to engage in sexual or overt passionate kissing or touching or anything of that nature. They're supposed to save themselves for marriage.
But isn't it that.
Mormons aren't allowed to engage in like really sexual kissing or like passionate displays of affection because of the potential of it leading into more and therefore turning into the sex, and we're trying to avoid that from happening.
I'm not sure if that's the exact reason, if it's so it doesn't lead to sex, or if it's just that these things are sacred and supposed to be for your partner. But I know that oral sex, masturbation, passionate kissing, and erotic touching are all very strictly banned unless you're married, So that is definitely all of those things are a no go. You are not allowed to do that.
Now.
The reason why we're talking about this is it is trending. It is all over TikTok because a bunch of teenagers have finally outed what soaking is, because apparently it's been around for a long time, but it's a bit hush hush, especially in the Mormon world. A lot of people do it, but no one wants to put their hand up and say, hey, I'm a soaker, but what what it is? It's their way around not being able to have sex. So they've come up with this thing where the penis goes into the vagina.
So the man puts you laying in bed. You can't you're just laying down on your back. The man puts his penis.
In the vagina and then nothing freeze frame. You have to you play that game statue, so you have to. It's also called it has other names. It's called parking, but you essentially just have to put the dick in the vagina and not move.
Now.
I am sorry, but this this has so many questions for me. A. I don't know if my sex education was wrong, but I'm pretty sure a penis in the vagina is sex. Like that is breaking a barrier. The barrier is called the hymen. That is two physical bodies touching. To me, that sex. And I don't see how you're allowed to soak or park if you're not allowed to passionately kiss like what is I don't know if they're reasoning is accurate.
There's okay, there's a few things here I want to unpack. Firstly, thanks for the sex education, Brittany.
It's very accurate and also okay, there are so many different things that constitute what make up sex. Like it doesn't even just have to be the penis in the We don't even need to tell you, guys.
You guys know what sexy is. I'm sure you're all.
Listening to this thinking that this is just as fucking weird as we are. But like, imagine, imagine if a guy put his penis inside you and then was like hold the fuck stell like just don't move, like, no wiggling, no nothing, just two people in missionary position, laying on top of each other still for three minutes or two minutes or however long they can withstand it, and then that's it.
Withdraw What do you get out of it?
Well, I guess, I mean, I guess there's a feeling of closeness because you feel like that special connection because we know, we know on dolphins release when we have sex, when we had that intimacy with someone, which is why it's so hard to maintain a strictly friends with benefits relationship where women especially are like, I'm not going to get feelings. I'm not going to catch feelings the second you have sex like bam, let's spoon and get married
like it is what it is. But I think that this, I think there's a feeling of closeness and connection and like they're taking the next step without doing the wrong thing in the eyes of you know, they're religion.
This just so fully threw me back into like my teenage years, and I feel like everyone's going to relate to this when you're want to hear what you're gonna say teenage laure is so awkward, and I feel so awkward for her talking about this that when you like very first kind of got into figuring out sex. You're dating, like you're a super horny teenager in your early twenties and.
You're hooking up with a guy.
You're not actually having sex, but like maybe they still have their underwear on, or you have your underwear on, and you're it's like you're pretty much having sex, but you're wearing underwear. Like there might be in by like three centimeters, but you're wearing underwear, so.
It's fine, really hard they're in Vice three and four.
Am I alone here?
Or did we all do this like just dry humping to the point where you're like pretty much just having sex but it's not sex. Well, yeah, that's when you're young and you're not ready to take the next moved, but you're like, this feels good.
But that makes me.
That literally makes me and I feel like there's not gonna be anyone listening to this that didn't experience that.
See, not alone, Laura, except as a mom to two girls. It makes me feel so uncomfortable, Like I just wow, we did it.
We all did it, guys.
I can kind of understand why this terminology has come up. I can understand why they're pushing the boundaries as far as they possibly can, especially when this is happening in like Mormon universities, and like we all know what it's like to go to UNI, to live on campus, to run around and be crazy and in our wild youths. That there is more to the story.
Well, there are some other quotes before we get into the next part of the story, because the next part of the story is like what I find the fucking funniest Like this, it's so beyond anything I could imagine was real life. But there are some quotes for us from some soakers, like some first class socus.
Some hardcore soakers, some hardcore soakers.
The first time we soaked, we were on the floor of my living room and she just asked me to put it in, but not to move it around. I guess she wanted to push her virginity as far as her sensibilities would allow. Now this just shows me that teenagers of all motherfuckers.
There is another quote from this article which I want to read out to you guys, And it was there was always squirming on both of our parts, but never any real thrusting. And I guess swirming maybe technically moving, but it wasn't like the preacher was there refing the event.
I was inside her. It felt good and sometimes we would kind of.
Grind involuntarily, though it was torturous for both them. I mean, I'm sorry, but you had sex, but it was going as far as we could justify before breaking the rules.
This is wild.
The thing that makes this so much crazier is the fact that Mormon sex is getting airtime purely because of TikTok, and TikTok is of sharing tactics used to get around what the chastity rules are, so to teach other Mormons what they can and can't do and how they can be intimate without being overly intimate.
Now there's more to this, Brittany, if.
You'd like to share it, with them, it gets so much more wild. This is probably my favorite part because I love their creativity. Now because they're not allowed to have sex, they're allowed to thrust. They have come up with a term or an activity call jump pumping. Now, jump upping is where you have to have a very trusty friend or relative or whoever you're going to use. Maybe it's a sister, maybe it's best friend, maybe it's
someone that's in your dorm with you. But this is where you call your friend when you want to soak with your partner. So you want to have this intimacy with your partner, but you want to have that little bit more, so you get your friend to come over.
You're laying on the bed like the couple is laying on the bed soaking, and then the friend or the dedicated jump umper stands on the mattress like a foot away and jumps really erratically so that your body starts to move and get friction as you're soaking, and that way you get the feeling. But you're not in the wrong because you're not making you do it. You're not thrusty, and it's the friction from the person jumping on the bed and I am sorry, but this has just absolutely
made my day. There's videos, so this has gotten like thirty three million hashtags on TikTok. This is why it's viral because a girl put a video of herself up doing it to her friend. She's on the bed jump and you can see it on TikTok, the coupler under the covers, soaking, and she said, this is what I have to do. My friend called me and said it's time to soak, It's time to jump home.
I'm like, who gets.
The metal here? Surely the friend like she has taken one for the team.
You have to like, I mean, one, you've got a friend in the room with you whilst you're pretty much having sex. But because they obviously so fundamentally believe that they're not having sex, that it's okay to have a friend in the room at the same time.
Just so fucking crazy. Laura.
If you've got a call from me one day and I was like, sos, I'm soaking, I need to hear a sat to jump hump, I would do it.
I would jump on the bed next to you in short it.
Yes, absolutely friends too.
I would jump on that bed as hard and as vigorously as you needed to make sure that you were having a good time.
That's what I would do. But also who has the self control?
Like, surely if there's such horny like twenty year olds or nineteen year olds, however old these people are. Surely if the guy is inserting himself and then somebody is jumping on the bed next to them, I'm gonna say that there's a few accidents. I'm gonna say he probably gets a bit excited and might let it off the looser prematurely, someone might think, and then what happens, Well.
I don't think they're allowed to because you know, they're not allowed to masturbate. So you just have to have the best self control of anyone that ever has walked the earth.
I couldn't know. It just sounds.
It sounds torturous. It sounds absolutely like hell on Earth, literal hell on Earth.
Horrible.
I feel sorry for one that this has come under such a microscope now because now anytime a horny moremon is going into a dorm room to soak.
They're gonna be like, is this the wrong thing? Isn't this?
Does the world think that I'm having sex right now? So maybe we've just cock blocked a whole entire group of Mormons who were just living their best lives. Well, there's a will, there's a way, Laura.
Okay, guys.
On that note, let's get into the questions for today's episode. Britt, you can kick it off and hit me with question number number one.
Hit me with question number one.
All right, question number one. And whilst we're on the topic of his sex, I'm going to read you a sex one. But I promise after this it gets better. This was just a really easy segue for me. Guys. I love your work. I've had a few dates with this really great guy. I like him a lot, and I'm pretty sure he likes me a lot too. He's good looking, he's nice, the chemistry is great, that sex is great, even the talk is great. And let's be real, it is not often you find all of this in
one person. However, last night he started talking about his kinks. The unusual thing is he likes in the bedroom. He told me he'd ease me into it and started talking about how it really turns him on when a girl squirts. I thought, okay, that's not too weird. He then went on to tell me he would enjoy it if she were to then urinate on him. He even went as far as to say that when I really needed to pee during four play, that he found it super hot. I'm really confused. Is this too weird? Am I just
naiven vanilla or even judgmental? It scares me that this is not even the full extent of it. Do I try to open up my mind to these uncomfortable, uncharted things or should I just cut him loose now while it's still relatively early days?
Help?
I mean, I'm not getting weed on. I am not getting weed on, but that's just me.
I did say at the beginning of this that we had not so dirty dark and you know, saucy questions for you, and I forgot what I questioned.
I told you I was Look.
Have you ever had a guy ask you to wee on him?
Never? And I would not let a guy we on me. I've had someone we on me in the shower as like a joke.
Oh yeah, No, I've definitely had a guy we on me in the.
Shower as I was like, get the fuck out. No one comes into my home and wheeze on me. Yes, I have.
Also, why do guys think that's funny? Like there's a whole conversation and how disrespectful that is.
I mean, but you're in istera. In Urin's defense, it's.
Also an opt in situation though, like you if you're gonna get kissed on in any version, even if it's in the shower, and your boyfriend thinks it's funny, Like, you've got to make sure that you guys are in a relationship where that is actually something that you also find funny, like if you if that is, like, that's so disrespectful, if you guys are not on the same page, mind you. I had an ex boyfriend do it to me. He was like, hey, babe, can you pick up the soap?
And as I picked up the soap, he pissed on my head and I was so that is it's too much. I was so angry, too far, so disrespectful. I was so angry, and I mean, surprisingly we're not together anymore. We didn't see e'd eye on a lot of things. You saw a urine to eye ill like got you when you bend over right and the face I had a guy asked me to pee on him. This is
totally gonna end up in the Daily Mail. Sure it is and I said no because I couldn't get my head around how you do it and don't ruin your mattress, Like would you lay sheets down? Do you lay a top holding down? Like how do you do it? What if you have like a goose down cover? Like you can't just pee on your bed. So there's a lot to this.
I think that's sort of like on the same sort of tracking when we were talking about what Lubo would use the other day, for example in the intro, and one of them was egg white. So in the middle of the moment, you're like, hang on a second, I just have to go on and prepare the egg whites to use. It really kills the moment.
I feel like it's the same thing, Laura, if you have to get up and get a top hole on to put on your bed before you urinate on your partner, I feel like it's a real buzzkiller. This is not King shaming though, if anybody, if anybody does this, I'm asking these questions out of pure logistics, like, if that's something that you guys are into your end play, I would love to know how you go about doing it, just so that we can give some really informative information
the next time we speak about it. But and I think the same thing for or kings, whatever floats your boat, and whatever you're comfortable with, so long as you're both comfortable with it, go for gold like that's super important. The fact that you're not sure and you're a little bit new to this area, I think, explore it. And I'm not saying do anything that sits outside of what you're comfortable with, but I think have him tell you
what his kinks are. Have those conversations, and then see where you sit the spectrum of how uncomfortable it makes you feel and what you are okay with, And I probably think it's better to know more, Like you know when he says he's easing you into it, I think it's probably better for him to be pretty transparent, in straight up about what it is that he likes or doesn't like, what it is that he can live with and can't live without, because then it allows you to
go cool. I am comfortable with this, but I'm completely uncomfortable with doing XYZ. And maybe your feelings towards that might change over time as you become more intimate and as you push your own boundaries. But also it might not and that's totally okay. And he needs to know what your boundaries are now so that way he doesn't feel like it's okay to push them or to try
and coerce you into doing something that you're not comfortable with. Yeah, and unfortunately, sexual compatibility is a large part of a relationship. It is important if you guys aren't on the same wavelength with things that you want, things that you like,
things that you want to try. If you don't gel in the bedroom and you just don't have that ease and comfortability, it is something that can cause riffs in relationships, especially if and it sounds like this could be the case with you guys, you're on one extreme to the other. I think what Laura said is completely accurate. I would sit down and just say, let's talk about your kinks.
What are they because there is absolutely nothing wrong with having kings as long as people are on the same wavelength.
Talk about what they are. Maybe he can write down a list, Maybe you can explore what they are together, so maybe you can look them up on the internet. Maybe you can talk about them. Maybe you can do a little bit of research to see where you feel comfortable if there's something that you're willing to try on that spectrum, after you've talked about it, then you can definitely go down that path once you've tried and you've
had the chat. I don't think until you've done this you're actually able to say, yes, I want to be with you, No, I don't want to be with you. I don't think he can just cut him off because he said I sort of like these things in the bedroom. You need to know a little bit more. You need to find out more. Just have an adult conversation, and if you're willing to try it, go for it. But one hundred percent, if anything you are uncomfortable with, don't
have to try anything. And maybe this relationship isn't for you. You're just not gonna know until you sit down and have that conversation.
I also think it's important maybe he's tried something in the past, but I also think it's important to have a conversation around frequency. And I mean this because I think that some people may have tried something once or twice or they want to try it in the future, and then they're saying, hey, like I've got this fantasy or I've got this fetish or I have this kink that I like, but it's the non essential, do you
know what I mean? Like, they're probably or there is still the opportunity to have a great relationship, even if that's something that you're saying no to. So the guy that I was dating who asked me to pee on him and I said no because it was something that I wasn't comfortable with. It wasn't a make or break for him. He wasn't like, well, if you're never going to pee on me, I can't be on a relationship
with you. Our relationship didn't work out for the many other reasons, but interestingly it did have to do with sexual compatibility.
He wanted to be.
In a polyamorous relationship and I wasn't comfortable with that, so his sexual exploration was far more vast than so for me. It wasn't compatible. However, there are definitely other people that I've dated who have wanted to try things that I haven't felt comfortable with, but it's been a neither here or there, And I think that that's also an important part of this find out sort of how essential are these kinks to him having a fulfilling sexual
relationship with you? And if there's something that he would like to try, but he's not going to run away from the relationship if he never gets to try them with you, and he's not going to go and look for that satisfaction elsewhere, then I think you guys can still have a.
Really awesome relationship.
And I think it's so great that he's been really open about this from the very very beginning.
Yeah, I was just about to say the same thing. He hats off to him for being fully transparent very early on. Obviously it is something that's important to him, or he wouldn't have brought it up. So I think that you can do the same. You can be just as honors back. And that's I mean, we always say it every episode the Seciita a relationship communication, but let us know we love it. I actually really mean this.
I love it when you guys follow up and tell us how conversation, when, or how something ends, because we really love to see how it pans out.
And the last thing I.
Just want to add to this as well, is and I think it's really important to be reminded of this. Sometimes we can push our boundaries to places we don't feel comfortable with just because we really really like someone, and I want to, like, really reiterate in this that if there's something that you don't feel comfortable with, no matter how much you like someone, don't do it. It's not worth it. It's not worth pushing your boundaries to a place that makes you uncomfortable just to make somebody
else happy. And somebody who's truly worth your time and your investment, they would never want you to push your boundaries to a place that makes you feel uncomfortable. So if you're in a new relationship and you want to
please that other person, I get it. I think we've all been in that situation before where we've wanted to please them, But don't deny the way you feel about something, and don't push yourself to a point that makes you feel uncomfortable, because it is absolutely never worth it, and they are not your penguin.
All right, Question number two, This is.
Really interesting, so I'm really excited to get your take on it. I've been with my partner for a little over a year and everything is great. I'm in my thirties. Just for context, we want the same things and I can see us ending up together. I think he could be my penguin. We have spoken about getting married. He currently lives an hour away and we spend every weekend together and I really love our time together. Everything is great. But he has asked me to move in with him,
and I'm tossing up whether I want to. The thing is, I love my independence and I love having my own space. Ideally, I think I would like to have a separate place to my partner forever. But is this really weird? Is it okay that I feel this way? Is it okay that I want to be with someone and also live this separate life. How do I even bring this up with him? Don't know?
Okay, I think it is weird based on traditional monogamy and how we have been sold that we should live our lives right. If you're going to subscribe to the traditional way of living, then yeah, it's an alternate way.
Is it weird?
No?
I actually like so.
For example, my mum who was married and divorced, she got remarried about fifteen years ago.
Now to my stepdad. He is the freaking best.
They both own separate houses, and for the best part of their relationship, even though they're married, they lived in separate houses. All of his stuff was in his house. All of her stuff was in her house, And I think it just was because they both came from being divorces, being older, and like having their very set lives, having their own children from separate marriages, and it worked for them.
But I think had you asked me this question when I was in my twenties, or when I was, you know, fifteen, sixteen seventeen, how I'd been brought up, I would have thought that is fucking crazy. You have to live with your partner. It's so dysfunctional if you don't that. The older that I've gotten and the more that I have experienced and seen how other people live alternate relationships, the more that I'm like, actually.
Do you know what doesn't sound so bad after all? Actually could be really great.
Look, you wanted to be close by you, maybe want to be on the same street or something. But if it works for the two of you, it works. Just because other people think something's weird doesn't mean it's weird.
I couldn't agree more. I used to think, and I probably there might be a little part of me that still thinks that I used to think that I would be like that. I got to the point where I just and I love my own space. Obviously, I've been living on my own for so long and I genuinely love my own time. I was like, if I ever meet someone, I wonder if we can live like semi separate lives. Maybe that's why I'm dating Jordan, because he's
a way for like eleven months of a year. But I really loved the idea of like having your own space and being able to do your own things so you can come back together and still talk and have these I don't know, I guess this level of independence. I know a couple that Laura are the same thing. They've been married, they're in their sixties, they've been married well, I think since they are about early twenties. And they live in the same street but in separate houses. And
I always have This isn't a new thing. They've got kids and everything, and it's just what works for them. They both like their own space. They just go between you other's house for dinners and family stuff, but they go home to their own house to sleep, and it's not it doesn't even have to be every day that they see each other. And I used to think that it was really strange because in the scope of relationships it is. It's definitely not something that is common. It's
not something you come across all the time. But I think if you started to speak about it more openly, and I'm sure we'll get messages sent into us because every time we speak about something like this, we do and it's very eye opening. I reckon there'll be more people that have this semi independent, semi separate life with their partners. If it's what you want, you just have to bring it up with him, Like if you know that that's what you want, I mean, you have to
give the guy an answer. He's literally sent to you where you move in with me. You can't just be like, ah, I'll get back to you in two years. I would just have the conversation and say, yeah, look I have some reservations. I love being with you, I love spending time with you. I think that you could be it for me. I'm just so used to being on my own and I'm not sure how I'm going to go
transitioning into this full time living arrangement. Maybe it could be that you start doing like a fifty to fifty, maybe still have your own places, but you just spend half the time together and half not he might be on board with that, you don't know, but also there could be a chance where he wants something more and he wants this living, complete relationship, but you're not going
to know until you have the conversation. And I think you just need to say to him, I think just be one hundred percent honest.
Could you imagine not having to share your wardrobe with someone, or not having to share your bathroom, or like not having someone breathing their morning breath on you. No, I don't mean that I fucking love living with Matt. But I think the thing that you're going to struggle with this is that because it is non traditional, there will be majority of people I would say who once they're in a long term relationship. And when I say majority, I mean like statistically majority.
I don't mean that there's a right and wrong in this, but.
I think majority of people do want to have that, you know, closeness. They want to live with their partner. I think that that's a pretty standard want that most people have, and so I think you may have challenges explaining this to your partner and for them to not feel rejected and feel like there's.
Something wrong with them.
And I really think The most important part of this would be explaining that it doesn't matter who the person is, it's that you are not at a point in your life where you're ready to give up your independence and you're not sure what that looks like in the future. I don't think you should just move in yet if
you're not ready to. I really think that that's something that you have to want to do, because moving in with someone can either make a relationship so freaking awesome, it can be the best thing that happens to you, guys,
and really galvanize you as a couple. But if you don't really want to live with the person, or if the house is too small, or if there is things about them and the way that they live currently that irritate you and you spend too much time in their company, then I really think that moving in together can be the beginning of the end for some people, and it puts too much stress on the relationship.
Yeah, and it definitely, like, as much as I joke about, it definitely changed for me. I always thought I didn't want it, and since spending the last few months in Jordan's pocket, I can't wait till the day comes that we live together. And I didn't think I'd ever have that feeling. So you don't know what's going to happen. I know you've said you've been within long term already. I think it's already been a year. But just I think, just have a conversation with him. There's no rush, there's
no right or wrong. Enjoy your life and don't feel the stress in this. Don't feel the pressure to be like, oh my god, this is the biggest decision ever. It really doesn't have to be, and it's only as big a decision as you make it.
But Britt, do you think.
With this do you think, with this sort of question that it's so age dependent as well? Like, do you think it's because and I'm talking like from your experience as well, that because you're in your thirties and because you know, once you've been single for a period of time, you've lived on your own, you know how you like things.
Do you think that you then become so conditioned and comfortable in your own space and doing what you want when you want to that it's an even bigger sacrifice to then pivot and then move in with someone and have to compromise on everything one.
Hundred percent is so much harder the older you get. I think it's it's different too when you're younger, not to say you're not just as excited when you're older, but you don't have the same stresses. I think there's this young love naivity when you're you know, in your early twenties. When you're older, you've got like so many stresses.
You're always stop, you're always working so hard, You're always like and like, the last thing you want to do is come home to an environment that you don't actually feel comfortable and you want to be so I think we just think of things a bit more carefully. Also, I think there's a level of financial independence that comes with growing up as well. When you're in your early twenties, it makes sense to move in when you partner straight away, or you might be a university for so funding wise,
it just makes sense. When you're older and you've got your own financial.
Independence, you're like, oh, I don't know if I want you to share my space For Jordan and I, I think it's going to be harder for Jordan. Now Jordan is like an OCD neat freak and he can't stand me like I have shit, Like I am not messy, but it gives him anxiety. Like if you guys follow my Instagram stories, you see that he's vacuuming all the time, and like, I'm always putting up how much he's cleaning. He's the domestic goddess in our relationship, it's not me.
So I think that it's going to come with this challenge just for sure, and that's going to be the same as you as well. But it also comes down to not just like the differences in cleaning, it's also that feeling of like which I think we've all had it, where you come home from a busy day of work and you want to just check out and not speak
to anybody. And then when you move in with someone, there is always somebody and you can't just come home, walk into your bedroom, turn like your favorite TV show on and just not speak to anyone. You have to go through the niceties.
Like you have to.
You've got to be nice to them, and then you're like, fuck, I don't want to talk to you. I just want to go and be like ignore everybody, And you really can't do that once you have kids.
So this just happened the other day and Jordan and I had like we never have a fight or argument, but I was just being a sook. I had just been at home working all day on my own, and he had gone to training, he was playing, he was doing all this stuff. So he's around people all day, he's exerting high energy. I was doing nothing. I was just on my computer. He came home, sat in the lounge and then I was like this needy little puppy.
So I'm all over him. I'm jumping all over him, I'm kissing him, I'm like wanting to play, I'm tickling him. And he goes and it wasn't even bad. He just said, would you just give me a second? That's what he said, and that was it. I was like, I'll give you a fucking circond. I got so offended and so upset. I was like beside myself and I was like.
Yea even want to be with me?
And he's like, what are you talking about.
He's like, I just want what.
Sickond on the lounge because I was all over in my garage. And that's like a prime example of what you just said, Lauris like, there are times where it's one hundred percent you need and want your own space. And you have to be comfortable with who you're living with any environment, And on top of that, you have to be really open with your communication for each other and not end up like Jordan and I in that moment.
And this is the person who we take live at uts from everybody. I was a needy I think I have my period. Oh man, I know how you feel, babe.
Okay, well, let's get to question number three. I feel like we answered that one. Recently, my ex got in touch with me and said he would like to hear from me. Unsure if it means catch up in person or just have a conversation of a text. We broke up two years ago. Since then, I've had some situationships and almost relationships. I don't have any feelings for this guy. The breakout was civil, but it really hurt and I learned a hell of a lot because it happened in
two parts. He had broken up once before and then got back together that idea and I know that anyway, I do care about this guy, and I'm genuinely interested in hearing how he is, and a part of me would really like to catch up too, But just as friends, I don't see us maintaining a friendship from this catch up. Either I just want to know what's going on in his life. Moreover, I've just started seeing this really awesome guy who I see a future with, and I really
want to explore this. We have been seeing each other for almost two months now, and he is perfect. I guess they have two questions. Should I catch up with my ex? And if I do, should I tell this new guy i'm seeing him?
This is a really easy question to answer.
No, do not catch up with you. I'm straight up saying I again put yourself in your current partner's shoes. I think you've literally said I really think there's a future with this guy. So if you really think there's a future, why would you want to go back and revisit the past. Why would you want to go back and revisit something that he's already done, something that's already over When you know you're in a good place right now, there's no reason that you can't catch up with him.
If you said I'm really interested in knowing how he is, you can do that by a message like you're already talking to him. He's asked you to catch up. Just say how are things I hope they're really well. I think you should also be honest when he asks how you are and say, hey, i'm seeing this guy. This new guy is really great. But I think you're really asking for trouble and playing with fire by going back
and seeing your ex in person to catch up. When you're in a relationship with someone you, if you do decide to do it, yes, one hundred percent, you need to tell your partner like, I don't think you should do it, but if you do, you have to be honest and tell him. But imagine if he said to you or didn't say to you, when you found out I'm going to catch up with my ex girlfriend. Hope that's cool, You'd be like, well, why, like, why are you doing that? If we're in this really good place.
I just think nothing good is going to come from this situation.
Nothing good is coming from this situation. Okay, But we've all done it, right, so many of us. I've done it. I've lived the lesson. I'm here to tell you it's a fucking bad idea. Also, there is a saying and I'm gonna say it wrong, but I'm just like, because I always do.
Where there was once a flame, the embers still burn. Is that it Britt, there's.
Something about okay, fuck, I've never.
Who are you guy?
What was that?
Okay?
So what it means is like you might think that you're over him. You may think that it's totally cool, and you just a curious you want to know what he has to say, and then you see him, and then those feelings come back a little bit because, like, you know, you once had this deep connection and maybe it was it was a bit of turmoil, maybe it didn't end in a way that gave you full sense of closure. I think that we can be very curious about our exes, and maybe there's a little bit of
ego that's trapped in there as well. We once had this really strong connection and relationship with this person. Now we are no longer a part of their life at all, and so there's almost like this little sense of like, oh, I want to just I want to know what's going on in their life, even if you don't want to be with them, just wanting to have a bit of a voyeuristic insight. I understand it because I think it's
a natural thing. But I also think it's really dangerous and I think sometimes we need to unpack why do we want to know about them? Like? Why are we looking at their photos on Instagram if we don't even care about them?
You know, if if you don't actually.
Have any deep feelings or like feelings that you want to rekindle the relationship, why do you feel like you want to know what's going on in their life? And where does that want come from? Is it curiosity? Is it ego?
What is it? Unpacked that a little bit for yourself.
But I think it's such a dangerous thing. I think you're only opening up a fucking whoop ass can of worms by doing this. Why invite the potential of drama or the potential of a situation that could go wrong into your life when things are just cruisy and easy and good. Now, Yeah, don't dance with the devil.
I also think, I do think that you can stay friends with your ex or have some sort of a great amicable relationationship with your ex. But I think you have to pick when and how and what that looks like. You can maintain that friendship, for sure, but maybe it's occasionally you send a catch up text or I hope you're well, And also your current partner knows about it. I don't think it involves catching up either behind your partner's back, or even if you tell him. I just
think I mean, hats off to your partner. If he says, go nut to go have fun like that, that's big on his behalf. But I can't see it. Even if he does say that, it's going to set something off in his mind. He's going to start to wonder why you want to catch up with your ex. When you are catching up with your ex, he's gonna say it's something going on. Does she have some sort of feelings
for him? Again, I just think it's not fair on your current relationship, So I would if it was me, I would ask how your ex is catch up via the text the conversation that you've got going now, but then say, I don't think it's fair to catch up with you in person, because I don't think it's fair to Bradley or whoever your boyfriend's name.
Don't you think there's like a sinister part in this? And I don't mean sinister and like that you're doing the person who's written the sinner is doing the wrong thing at all. I mean sinister is in when your ex gets in touch with you and says I have to see you to tell you something after two years, Like what could you possibly need to tell me after two years? What that you're still in love with me?
Like?
What are you going to tell me that you're pregnant? Like what is there that's such a big thing and a big piece of news that you can't just text me. So it makes me think what's motivating him is not a friendship, because a friendship would just be a text message being like, hey, how are you? You know, I was thinking of this really funny thing that happened and it reminded me of you, and I just wanted to reach out and wish you well and you know, I hope that life is great and take care. That's kind
of that's where a friendship would be born from. But somebody reaching out after two years and going I really need to see you to me screens that they are trying to hook their claws back in or there's more going on there. Have you not been in that situation, brit where someone's just popped out of the absolute fucking blue and been like, hey, I'm back, I'm back to mess your life up.
Yeah, And it's always like I haven't been on a stop thinking about you, or no one's compared to you, or I mean that's why I dream people say no, it's never. It's never just like hey, hey, a you going or blood Texas. So I don't know, do it at your own risk. Know that you're probably playing with fire and it's probably going to spontaneously combust. But that, Laura, I reckon, that's it from us today. I reckon, that's a rap, a good old salad rap. That was a
terrible That was a Brittany. That was a brittanyism. I think I've said a few times. Actually it's definitely a brittanyism.
It's a salad rap. Guys. Anyway, guys, that is it from us.
And if you have any questions for us for next week's Ask Uncut, slide on into our DMS at Life pun Cut podcast. Also, if you have any topics that you want us to cover on a Tuesday, you can also slide in and give us your recommendations. We've had a couple of good ones this week, which we're gonna look at unpacking over the next couple of weeks too.
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