This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
I'm Laura, I'm missus Segres.
Yes, okay, look, this is a rogue af episode. Firstly, BRIT's married. Can't talk about it yet because technically where we're.
Recording this, it hasn't happened.
She is not married yet and I don't have Maragon have been wearing them though.
No, we're not gonna talk about it yet. Yeah, I have, we wearried. I'm sure you have. You have. Look, you're married. It's happened.
We don't know exactly what happened, but we're assuming it all went off without a hitch.
Oh my god. We're hoping I'm married. Well, yeah you are. Otherwise we'll make it.
We'll make a really like dramatic edit to this episode, if not cut a lot, but just to kind of bring you guys up to speed.
So I'm sure you are across parts of it.
Now.
We've been in Bali, Brittany got married, worried.
We are going to drop an episode tomorrow which really fucks with the scheduling and produce a Keisha's having a kindniption, but it's gonna be fine.
We're gonna help. We can't wait. This is one of the things well, sorry, Kisha, but this is one of those things. No, this is one of those things where it's like, we just want to get it to you, we want to talk about it, we want to put it out to the world. So we are I mean, guys, it's all that crazy. We're bumping at twenty four hours.
Yes, so tomorrow is like tomorrow's it says, as she doesn't ed it.
Literally, No, I mean crashes. I mean to the life is like, don't be too spun out. It's just a day early.
You can still listen to it at your regular time on Wednesday if you want.
It'll still be there.
This is true.
Britt who shows up just has to do the record and then goes home, goes it's going to be fine.
Guy, just one day earlier, will we find it? Edit? Both of you?
Right?
Maybe I released it on an only fans like paywall make some bank no too much.
Well, if you want to watch this YouTube, brit is also naked doing this as well, so that's really gonna don't have a bra on guy, Rocket the engagement No, okay, look to be serious though, Britt got married in Bali. We are going to talk about it on tomorrow's episode because that will not be a pre record technically in
the world of like the actual world of timing. This being a Monday, we're going to record that episode today because we've just gotten back to Sydney and we want to get it to you as quickly as possible, So the schedule will be a little bit out of whack tomorrow. But we thought since everything is all happening all at once, we would also treat you to the thing that we have been teasing for dount two and a half years, Ask gun Cut Aftermath, proudly brought to you finally by Life on Cut.
All.
Look to be honest, You guys have been asking for an aftermath for so long, and we have been asking you for an aftermath. This is a two way relationship.
We feel so deeply privileged that over the last six years we have received and I mean thousands upon thousands of ask Guncut questions, like we receive questions every single day, sometimes in the hundreds, and it is such a privilege that you all share with us so much about what's happening in your life, and that we are able to be there for the big sister advice for so many of you that the Life Uncut discussion group on Facebook has been such a place for anonymous conversations around different
askun cuts. We really like, we cannot overstate how much of a privilege that is. It's something that's always been the missing link of the puzzle, or the missing piece of the puzzle, is.
What the fuck happens? Yeah? Is that so many of you?
I mean, and I understand, like you've got shit going on in your lives. You've got these problems to sort out, and we don't always get the aftermath. We don't always know what's happened. But recently Sherry has come on board. So Sherry is BRIT's sister. She's working across the admin side of Life on Cut, and she is actively reaching out to people's whose questions we've answered and asking them for an update on like where their life is at.
What happened off the back of these questions that we've all been sitting thinking, like, oh my god, what happened to that person? In particular, I'm desperate to know what happened to the person who was in the threesome.
And then there was a baby, and we don't know. We don't have the answer to that question, but I wish Yeah, should we just get into it? Yes.
So this is the ask cut aftermath that you've all been asking for, and we are so thrilled to be able to finally bring it to you and the fact that we now have so many of them coming in.
This is going to be a really fun one for you guys to go and watch on YouTube as well, because we're gonna put it all up and we do flash back to when the questions were originally asked. The funniest thing about this is if you guys know me well and you've been following along, this is like that really like really tight little insight into my life every question. I have a different hair color like every question, and I thought, wow, how what was happening to me? I
don't remember being in that style of clothing. Is a different version of herself. I honestly think it. I loved it. I was like, who was she that day?
Was like what mental breakdown was Britney having? Because it's always akin to what's going on in your personal life. So it's like short hair, long hair, orange red brown, black bob stick in fringe and like ringe, I just I really maybe one day we could like sit down and do the graph of it and figure out, like what was happening in the life of Brittany Hockley when she went and had a dramatic haircut. So it'll be like, make up something happened at work, you know, somebody, wake up,
something happened at work. It's funny that I loved. No, I only had one breakup.
Unfortunately, there was a few in there, but there were just ones we didn't talk about. Yeah, well not yeah, there's a situation.
Situationships, yeah, yeah, no, yeah, sometimes they hurt the most.
Well, what I think is funny when I watched this back in preparation of this episode, every hair color and cut that I had in the moment I really loved. But then when I watched it back, I was like, why did I do that? I was like, do you know what I mean? Like at the time of my life, I was like, guys, new heir, who is? And I loved it? And now I'm looking back and I was like, that was an unusual choice.
I want to be honest with you, there is a day that will come where you will feel that way about the fringe. I just want you guys to know I strongly disagree how much you hate the fffin.
Okay, sorry, I'm not going to stop wearing Singe.
Well, look, the way that we're going to run this today is that we're going to play for you the original ask guncut question. We're going to read to you the response that we've received from our anonymous listener, our lifer, and then we're gonna have a discussion off the back. So rock and roll on question Numblevland. My boyfriend's best friend has a great partner and three kids who have
become a big part of our life. We always saw them as the perfect family until two months ago when we found out that he's been cheating for over a year and got a girl pregnant. Of course, pregante Jesus. His partner was the one who told us and asked us not to say anything. She is a very proud person and was obviously a mess. I supported her and of course trying to say all the right things. But nearly three months later, she's just still with him, seemingly
in denial, while he acts like nothing happened. My boyfriend and I are struggling with all the lies as he used their friendship to cover his tracks multiple times. Do I keep being friends with them and pretend this didn't cause so much hurt? I'm worried we will lose these kids because we have hardly seen them since all this has happened. I think she's saying, like the connection with the children, and we really just don't know what to do.
Advice, please, all right? This is the aftermath the other girl didn't go through with the pregnancy, and apparently he has put boundaries in place now to try and build back the trust, like checking the phones, et cetera. These things were necessary because he still sees the other woman occasionally, as they do have mutual friends. But I just struggle to trust what he says, and my friend has sort
of started to remove herself from me. It's like she's not wanting to talk because we are one of the few people that know so many thoughts, and that she's trying to block it all out as much as possible, which I get it. It's so fair, but it is hard to ride the wave.
I feel so sorry for this one because no one wins in this situation. I mean, you play the role of being the confident and being the person that supports your friend through literally the hardest thing that they're going to go through in their relationship. But because there is so much shame and embarrassment attached to it. And I'm sure like this is what we discussed in the actual
question itself. There is so much embarrassment and probably and I don't mean embarrassment about the fact that you've been cheated on, embarrassment about staying and feeling as though that there's going to be judgment there. So you push a the people who might have feelings about your husband because
of all the things that you've said. And I feel so sorry for the person who wrote this in because at the end of the day, she's not going to be as big a part in this kid's life, and they're not going to be as big a friends as what they once upon a time were. And all of this is because of the behavior of this girl's husband and the fact that he cheated on and got another woman pregnantly.
It's like a really really sad situation for everyone. Yeah, and it would still be really hard for your friend knowing that even though the pregnancy didn't continue, he still sees her all the time.
I can't even imagine that part of it would be so hard to stomach.
It's wild to me, wild to have like still said, Hey, I cheated on you, I got someone pregnant, but she's not having it. I still want to see those Is that cool? You can check my phone if you want. Like, there's a lot to that, But I guess that's not what this is about. It is sad that she is pulling away from you. I'm sure you can still save that if you really want to. Like, she doesn't want to talk about it. She knows, you know, she's still embarrassed.
She's probably not overly happy with the life choices, but she's committed to them at the moment. Like, if you wanted to repair that relationship, I believe from the outside you could.
Yeah, but I I mean, one of the big things we covered in this and I still feel it, and it was that the fact that cheating affects everyone. That doesn't just affect the people that are in that relationship, but absolutely affects the friendships that are around it, especially if you are the friend couple and you hold a high moral compass or like those belief systems don't align with you. The behavior doesn't align with you because you kind of feel as though, well, I don't know.
Who this person is anymore.
And like I kind of think it's very particular when it's a situation where the two of you, like you're a couple and you're friends with another couple, and this other couple are going through it because you once upon a time would have bonded over the things that you thought, Oh, we had so many aligned values, like we got on so well, Like we're similar people, and that's why as
couple couple friends we get along so well. When you find out that one person has like really done the wrong thing by their partner and completely betrayed them, doesn't just portray them, it portrays the friendship too, even though that's like very secondary. So I understand how it affects everyone in this instance, and I I think there are no winners in this aftermath, unfortunately.
I also think about the woman who got pregnant, Like I really hope she was supported throughout that process as well, like that decision process and also the physical process of going through a termination.
You know, it's a careful situation for her as well.
It really is, all right, question number two, I'm in serious need of some advice. I can't tell anyone else, so you guys are it. I found my husband on a gay dating platform. I went to look up something in Safari on his phone because mine was upstairs. This is a normal thing to do, but it was there when I clicked onto the app. I didn't know what it was at the time, and I just moved past it, but something made me look further into it later that evening. I found him on this app pretty easily, and I
don't know how to approach the subject with him. Ps The amount of married men on this platform is insane. It's called Sniffys, which I have never heard of.
I'm googling it right now.
It's called Sniffi's and it's completely anonymous unless someone recognizes the body part posted like I did, so I'm assuming its like neck down and if someone has a tattoo or like piercing or there's something you.
Know, okay, So to give you context, Sniffy's is a map based cruising app for the curious. Sniffy's emphasizes cruising as an immersive, interactive experience, making it the hottest app available for anyone who's not sure what cruising is cruising is searching for a sexual partner in a public or semi public space. It's a term that historically roots is a coded way for gay men to recognize each other
and seek out sexual encounters. Something I learned is that cruising does not mean you like going on cruise ships.
I was impact that I learned on that episode. Everybody, I was about to say, we all remember when Klaura. We remember when Laura Laura. We remember when Laura announced very like adamantly, She's like, guys, I am now a cruiser. I call myself a born again cruiser.
I want to say, after the back of this, ask gun cut, I have never done so much research into Sniffy's. If you had gone in to my Google history search, Matt would have seen that and thought that there was something going on, because I was like, I'm fascinated Sniffy this Sniffy that I was all about it.
This is an interesting response.
Look, the response to this is a tricky one, and we have some feelings. Thanks so much for your wonderful advice. I approached Hubby about it and he denied everything, saying it must have been an ad off a pawn page or something. He assured me that the profile I found on there was somewhat else's, as he would never cheat on me, especially with a man. He gave me his phone to go through, and I swiped through the screens and found a private messenger app that he'd paid ten
dollars for. No messages in there, but I'm sorry who pays ten dollars for a private messaging app. I also found a photo album app that had a password that he apparently can't remember.
Fuck.
I didn't dive any further as the whole thing just felt awkward and I already felt like I'd invaded his privacy enough. My bones tell me that he is guilty of something, but I'm not sure of the extent of it. But then I've got him telling me it's all in my head and that he loves me. Could I be losing my mind?
Am?
I booked in to see a psychologist next Friday so I can get all of this out and have some assistance in working through the next steps. Yes, he doesn't want to join the session as he is against therapy.
He sounds like he's healthy.
Appreciate you all and the work that you do, your advice and non judgmental approach is amazing.
Thanks again.
This one for me is really hard because we don't know the situation obviously from what she's saying. But I hate making statements, but I do want to say it is so highly unlikely that you clicked on a porn ad that downloaded a dating app that signed you up for ten dollars on your phone, Like that doesn't happen.
And then we have the added layer. And I'm very conscious that this listener will highly likely be listening to this, but I'm very conscious of using the word but he is gaslighting you in this situation by saying like you're crazy and like you're imagining it and whatever. And I love you. I have no doubt he loves you. I
don't think that is a question at all. But I do think that your husband is really dealing with some stuff like these apps aren't just even if it was downloaded to your phone accidentally, somehow it doesn't sign you up and puts you on the dating app with your profile.
And so there's even more to this though, like the fact that he has a photo vault in his phone that he just simply can't remember the password too. Like that to me alarm bells, Okay, reset the password, then you can do that, figure out how to get in there.
I want to see it.
I'm not saying that you need to hold that sort of intervention and then like you know, you've said it already forel awkward and that you totally invaded his privacy enough. It is like he doesn't have to give you that level of inclusion into his privacy. But there are enough red flags here for you that your intuition is screaming at you. And I am such a big believer that if your intuition is raging, that is your internal warning
system telling you that something is wrong. We have said that since day one of this podcast, and I think that that has been a current theme in the advice that we've given. I'm not saying you should leave your relationship. I'm not saying that it's over. I'm not saying that he can't come around and maybe Look, everyone is different, you know, some people are able to move on from
situations and not know everything. I myself are someone who like I need clarity, I need like a bow on the problems, and I need to feel as though my feelings of insanity are being validated because I know I'm not just an insane person that creates drama for no reason. And I dare say, with the very level question and the very level response that you have sent in, you are not insane either. The fact that he refuses to do therapy because he's against therapy doesn't really show me
that he's working towards solving this problem. He's saying there is no problem and the problem is you, which I don't think fixes this at all. And I hate that you don't have a solution to this.
But also and I don't have a solution for you either. Unfortunately, I don't know what you can do in this situation. What I will, hands down say he said it's in your head. It's not. It's physically there. You've seen it, so we can scrap that. And I feel like you can say that to him, babe, this is not in my head. We obviously need to talk about it. We do need to be hyper aware that there is something huge going on with your partner internally, like he's not
admitting it. You are married, you are a man and woman. He's on a gay dating app. You have seen him. Of course, he's going to be defensive, like that is always going to be his first port of call. You are never going to have that conversation and say, hey, I found this gay dating app and he's going to say you got me, like our marriage is a scam or whatever. Like it's never going to happen on that first confrontation. But you do need to continue the conversation.
You said, I feel in my bones something He's not right. You need to sit in that. But I don't know what else to say to you, because I would normally say, you guys need to go and speak to someone. But if you can't physically drag someone there, if he doesn't want to, if he says no, I don't believe in it. You need to continue the conversation though.
But you know what the really relieving thing is. Sometimes it's not about going to therapy together. Sometimes it is about going to therapy by yourself or going and seeing a psychologist. Because we don't have all the information. Obviously, we get what you guys give us. And this was particularly a question that we got a lot of responses to. And the thing is is going and speaking to a therapist can either give you the tools to help fix
something if you're both working on it. Ultimately it can also give you the tools to leave if that's something that you choose to do too. But you're not going to know that until you sit down and you really work through it. And I think the fact that you have made that decision because you feel so deeply uncomfortable by where you are at in your relationship is incredible and you should be like, genuinely, you should feel so proud of yourself for putting those measures in place.
And I do think you need to push a little bit more. I wouldn't normally say this. I don't know, but you need to push a little bit more. On the photo album that is locked with a password. Yes, yeah, if you've forgotten that, you just reset it.
I just think the app thing, when can you download an app by accident and need to face It needs a log and it needs a pass, You need to upload a photo.
You need to give it details like do you know what your data it's akin to?
It's a kin to when And this is probably happened to lots of people fugging opened to move. When someone sees your boyfriend on Tinder and you're like, hey, why are you on Tinder? We've been together for two years and they say, Oh, it's just so weird. It's been inactive for so long, but somehow it's just back in the Tinder swiping atmosphere.
It doesn't happen, guys, It's not really a photos that you've taken.
It's not real, I think.
And really, maybe we haven't talked about this enough recently or whatever. But like if a guy says that to you, they've been on Tinder, it's not. Tinder is not just throwing profiles out into the atmosphere.
They're really not.
I actually will say I've had my identity taken two or three times on Danny as, but it's a different name.
That's different.
I've also had fake accounts made of me and my name was Katinka and I liked anal Sex.
Okay it wasn't me, but.
That's just not time to admit that that's different. Like this is a safe space. Can we just call Laura Katinka from here on in?
No, it's different, like jazz and anal Sex a power early according to that, I also lived in New York, but she seemed cool.
No, but it's different now, like all jokes aside to Katinka, what's your name? Katinka? Take this seriously, Tinky tinker Bell. All jokes aside. You do have to verify almost every app now, and verification means that you have checked your identity because too many people are stealing it. Is your photo often taken and used as someone else, Yes, but you cannot sign up to a complete app with your photo on your phone accidentally, it doesn't happen.
Especially photos are our public you know, like ours were taken from our public Instagram, whereas the photo that she applied.
Was on there was like a photo of a body part or something.
Yeah, So I just I think you do need to continue the conversation and push a little bit. And I don't know what he's going to say up the back of it. You might need to make some decisions on your own. If he doesn't want to talk about it and he doesn't want to go to therapy, there's not a lot to do. Then you go to therapy and get to a place that you feel comfortable with with yourself. But for us there are some little alarm.
It's interesting though that you push the idea of like getting to the bottom of the photo app because I know you would. But I have been in the situation where my ex you cheated on me lots and lots of times. Found loads of things in his phone. So do you guys remember the calculator? So yeah, this was literally how linear this was. I was laying on a
beach next to him in Bali. We were laying on a beach together, and I was reading an article in a tech magazine about how there was an app where it appears like a calculator and once you type in a certain equation, the equation is a code. And once that equation has been typed in the calculator app on the phone converts to a photovolt, So it appears to anybody else as a normal calculator, but as soon as that equation has been entered, it turns into a photovolt.
And I was reading this article and I was like, I bet this motherfucker has that.
I bet you he does.
And I was like, hey, honey, can I have your phone for a second, and he handed it to me, flipped through. There it was the calculator app that I had just been reading about in this magazine and I was like, put your equation in.
He was like, what are you talking about?
Wouldn't give it to me? Absolutely denied, would not give it to me. But it was plain day that that was the photo app vault that was sitting right there, and it was a calculator, and he would never give it to me. And I was like, you know what, I don't need it. I don't need to see what's in it because I know what's in it. I know what you're doing. I know that you know how to get into this, and so that was enough evidence for me.
And I think it depends on how much proof you need.
So my advice here is we need an aftermath of the aftermath. I need to know what you're going to do off the back of this, because this is there's some few big decisions that you need to make. And I'm so sorry that you're going through this. We always try and be non judgmental and like we try to put ourselves in that situation, and I cannot imagine how hard that is for you. This is your marriage, Like, this is a really huge part of your life that
you're battling with. But it's really important that you figure it out for you because it's a long time for you to be uncertain in questioning what your marriage is, not being able to trust your partner for them to be gaslighting you. Like what he is saying that that's in your head. Is so wrong to have done that to you. But I'm sure that you're gonna unpack that with your therapist. After math. The aftermath for us, we'd love that.
Sniffy is if he's guys all right?
Good question number three. I'm sorry it's true though. If you're on sniffy 're iffy Okay, that's the new tagline his question number three. My partner and I were together for two years, lived together, were speaking of marriage and kids within the coming year. Now, eight months ago, something happened randomly and my partner started pulling away. He was just so checked out. He said he wanted to go to barley with a mate, and when he returned, he
dumped me. Two days later. Little did I know, he found a new girlfriend in BALI made it official and hard launched their relationship on Instagram just two weeks later. I was beyond heartbroken. I moved back in with my parents and was the worst time of my life. Now, fast forward eight months, he's called things off with the new girl. He said he can't move on from me. He still loves me, he said he has realized what
he's lost. He has massive issues, and he's willing to do anything to fix this, including apples, counseling, and deleting his social media in order to gain my trust back. My whole family and friends hate him, and I don't know what to do. Is it worth giving him another go and trust that he won't break my heart again? Or am I just risking ending up back at square one? Has too much damage been done? Please play the responses of this.
We did not agree. We did not agree on this one. Okay, I'm going to tell you what I think from reading this. He did not find a girlfriend over in Bali. He went to Bally he met her before Bali. He met her here. He checked out because he had started to have feelings with someone else. He was confused, didn't know what he wanted. He went to Bally to be with her. Decided in Bali that he was going to come home,
break up with you, and then have that relationship. I might be wrong, but I would literally bet my left kidney that that's what happened. You could be wrong, but I could be wrong, but it seems all very severe and then very instant to go to Bali and fall in love and come back, and because two weeks to announce you've got a new girlfriend after just breaking up to me, that's like, oh, in his mind, that's been going on for a while.
He needed that to like solidify.
Look, it's easy to give advice when it seems so clear cut.
Your family and your friends are right.
I would not be giving somebody who could so easily dispose of our life, our relationship. The fact that we were living together, the fact that we were talking about getting married, like you weren't just casually dating and he was still deciding what he wanted. You had a whole committed life together. And it was two years, which two years is a long time when you've been in a relationship, but it's not a long time for someone to turn around, cheat on you, leave you, and then come back and say,
oh my god, I made a terrible mistake. I only want to be with you. I would not be giving him a second chance. I would not be giving him the opportunity to hurt me in the way that he has done this.
I've got slightly different advice. Oh, I agree with everything you said, Okay, but I think that that is the obvious on paper answer that everyone would say, fuck him, You're better than that. The fact is you're with him for two years, you live together, you saw your life together. You love him, and we know that someone can do the wrong thing and it doesn't change the fact that you still love him. The fact that you've written this
to us means it is not clear cut for you. You don't know if you should go back, so you probably do still have feelings. My advice would be to take him up, not to go back to him, not to give him anything. Take him up on the couple's counseling, go to a session with your eyes wide open, listen to what he has to say. You say your part, let the therapist give their opinion. Then I would maybe even have a session off the back of that alone so you can go through things, because you've obviously got
to work through some things in your head. I think you'll end up getting to that answer of not being together, Like I think that's where you're going to end up. But sometimes you need to take the harder route to find it. Like, sometimes it's not as clear cut as your friend's just going he's a fuck with don't go there. I wish it were that easy, but it's not. I've been in those situations. I've been with absolute time, heard burgers who I would have tried to go back to,
because you need to get there on your own. That's what my advice would be in this situation. Oh, I feel so differently about this. I went back to problematic partners many times.
Of course I did, And I wish I had had more self confidence and I had more trust that I was going to meet someone better, and that I had more love and compassion for myself than the love and compassion I had for them.
That's the reality.
The reason why I kept going back and going back and going back was because I was like, they've got bad mental health, They're in a bad space. They're the ones who were hurting, and I wanted to fix them and I wanted to be with them. I didn't care about what it was doing to my mental health. I didn't care about how it was absolutely eroding my self confidence and my ability to make my friendships the way
my family saw me. Like it is and I think a very very dangerous place for you to get into, to go to couple's therapy with him, because it gives him every opportunity to victimize himself in this situation. Yes, he may be going through a bad place. He's also going through a break up right now, right he left you to be with someone else. He's been with that
person for eight months. He left you with the confidence that that was going to be a relationship that worked out, and now his life is in tatters and he's come crawling back to what was safe, familiar, and who's going to make him feel better. Oh that girl, he loves me so much that will take me back, even if I've been with someone else for eight months. He's trying to fix a hole in him, right, And yeah, he's saying he'll go to therapy, he'll do all the things,
No doubt he'll do that. I think you deserve better. I think you need to have the trust and faith in yourself that you will meet someone who you love more than him and who treats you better than this.
Fucking hate this guy. I hate him him, I hate him. I hate him.
To look on your face, Oh, it was speaking like you just got angrier and angrier.
You know what, because I get what you're saying, brit I absolutely get it. Sometimes you need to go back to learn the.
Lesson more times than not.
You have to, But I would love to be able to say and look at something objectively and go you know what, You might go back. You might need to learn that lesson, but you shouldn't have to. He has proven already multiple times to be the person and the version that you think he is. Everybody else can see it for what it is. Don't subject yourself to going back.
Yeah, but that's why I said at the start of this that it's not black and white. It's easy to say that we wish it was that. Psychologically it's not that easy. We know that sometimes you have to learn things the hard way. But I wanted to give realistic advice. And can I say she definitely did take my advice and she did go back and it did not turn out. Well, Well, let me tell you, he's exactly the person I thought
he was. This it's actually wild. I ended up catching up and hearing my ex out truthfully, and it's embarrassing to admit. I started falling for it. He nearly had me. He even started convincing my family and friends, who all hated his guts. I was so close to giving in when I received an anonymous message from someone from a fake Instagram account. The message told me that my ex had never actually ended things with the girl that he cheated on me with. They were still very much in
a relationship all the while. Well, he was also sleeping with and dating a new person he had met at the gym. He was in two relationships with two separate girls, and also trying to rekindle the relationship with me at the same time. I'm actually wondering if this was my ex. We both told him where to go, We cut him off immediately from our lives. We have actually become friends since then, because it turns out he also lied to her about being in a relationship with me when they
met in Bali. The guy's a psychopath. Unfortunately, the third girl he was dating has chosen to continue a relationship with him and give him the benefit of the doubt. Thank you so much for your amazing advice. It means the world and it was extremely helpful. I wanted to include that.
I'm do lad, but also I feel really sorry for this third girl who's just now in the vortex of this absolute slop of a man.
Like what a pig? Do you not have a job?
Like how the fuck do you have the time how do you have the mental space to take on three?
This is the thing though, Ray my ex had eight and had one of the most intense jobs you've ever heard of. Like, if they want to do it, it's a control trip, they can do it it.
Also, like I think you know when you're in this type of situation, there are so many red flags because you never feel at ease in a way that you do when your relationship is stable and comfortable. You always feel like they're not accessible all the time, or like, you know, why is their phone off or that something's come up. Plans change, things shift, but it becomes It's crazy how quickly certain behaviors become normal, and then you give grace to it.
Like you see the red flags.
You know that they're not consistent with how someone should behave, but they're consistent for that person.
So you're like, well, it's just kind of what he's like.
And so you start to become familiar with like a bad pattern in a relationship and you just aren't even aware to it.
Anyway.
I just want to say, I'm so glad that you're out of this. I'm so glad that you found friendship in the other person as well. There's something really empowering and awesome about that. How often women are pitted against each other. Often we can choose to hate the other woman because they're the reason why our relationship didn't work out. But it's so nice to know that, like, the reason isn't her, the reason is him, And you guys had that friendship.
I have this actually where an ex of mine got a new partner and I got this message from her Instagram.
I knew who she was, and I got this message from her.
It must have been a year or a year and a half later, and it basically was like, I've only just found out that you exist. I think you might be the only person in the world who actually understands what I'm talking about, because the thing about men like this is that some of their behavior is so insidious and it's so gradual that when you explain it to other.
People it's crazy, it sounds crazy.
And the really comforting thing in talking with someone who's experienced the same person is that you don't have to explain it. She was saying things to me on the phone, and I was like, oh, say less, I get you. I so understand how that feels. This is my experience, and she's a beautiful person and we are nice friends now, and I doubleda her instagrams.
All the time. I flew down when I found out who my ex the other girl he was marrying, because it was full two blown relationships. I flew down to her. We were friends. We went out partying, We got so drunk, I was vomiting out a taxi like. We had the best time because we realized that it was neither of us. But this is also why, like I do stand by my advice of sorting it out for yourself sometimes because if you didn't go back, you would always wonder you
still had those feelings, you still loved him. You'd be like, what if, because he sounds like he's a mass manipulator. He would have made you feel like maybe you made the wrong choice. You went back, and now you know, hands down ten times more. Like it is so easy to cut someone off when you have this level of information, as before he had you convinced of like, I made a truly horrific mistake. You're my person. I love you. I can understand why you have to figure this shit out.
I agree with you. My only thing I want to say the contradicts it a little bit. Is that this person it is a very fortunate situation that someone anonymously slid into her DMS that may not have happened, and this could have gone on for years. And I don't think that we should necessarily prioritize having every single bit of evidence because it will mean you will stay in relationships for so fucking long because you are desperate to
find the truth or to give some another chance. I think if people show you who they are, believe it, have the confidence in yourself to walk away. I didn't have that, and I wasn't able to do that when I was in my twenties, and it is my biggest regret in my long term relationships that I didn't have the fucking ability to go. You know what, Actually, I see you for the person that you are. I'm not going to fix this. I know how you behaved and
it is not good enough for me. And that is the reason why I guess maybe sometimes it's hard love that I give in my advice, and it's simply because I wish I had done it differently.
At the end of the day, you've figured it out. We're stoked for you in a way. That you've moved on, and I am hoping you're in a happy place, so thank you for writing that. In all right, the.
Question number four is a real doozy one.
Let me tell you it's certainly not a high brow question that we got, and it has to do with farts.
Let's have listen to this. I've been seeing this guy for about three months now. We're exclusive and it's going very well. It's the first time I'm getting serious with so the first time I've been hanging out with a guy quite a lot, all night and all weekend. The issue is, I'm quite a gassy person by nature.
Same babe.
I don't have any stomach issues. I just tend to need to do a few pop offs after big meals are in the morning. I also poop quite a lot too, Same girl. Same I mean, wait, you nevers to pool around him, and I get scared he's going to go in after me and smell what I have just done. I'm also holding in all of my farts. This is causing me serious stomach aches and paints. I'm often recovering from holding me in from one to two days after seeing him. Side note, he fights in front of me,
but I'm too embarrassed to do it back. We had different advice.
I was like, let it fly free, let it fly free, fart all you like shit in that bathroom, that's what they're for.
No, our advice was the same. The only difference was you said let it go in front of him, and I said go to the bathroom. I was like, you're allowed to far, it's normal. But Laura and I have different things. Laura is happy to cock her butt, cheek and fart wherever.
I run a quality and parody in my relationships.
If he's gonna far in bed next to me, you better believe I'm gonna fart in bed next to him.
Are farting? Isn't a quality like? That is not what we put a quality on. We fought for these rights.
I bought for these right right my grandmother and her grandmother. They all thought so that I can far in front of my husband and he doesn't think I'm less of a lady.
Goddamn it, that's what they did. Let me read it to you. I took your advice about being honest and started saying I'm going to go to another room because I need to fight. Or I would say you're not allowed to go into the bathroom right now after my poop. I still haven't actually farted in front of him, though, Shane, wait, do you do it? You'll feel so liberated. But not long after I message you guys, we started doing long distance. So now I'm farting all over the place. Fowls have
never felt better. He's coming to visit soon, so I think I'll have to take a step back and have to be romantic again. I think this is funny, perfect. You've owned it. He knows your fart, he knows your poop. You don't do it in front of him. For me, this is like the most beautiful response to an ask on gut well done. This is deeff the question I was hanging on the edge of my seat for.
Can I just say there is nothing worse than how gassy you get when you're pregnant as well, and you're gassy anyway, it is tenfold. Vanessa, did you have this when you were pregnant? Yea, Vanessa is our video editor and she's still gassy. Yeah, I feel it's the rum all right. Question number five. This question got people so
fucking angry on our social media, and rightly so. We spoke about coesse of control off the back of this, and really, I think, like if you haven't seen this question before, like I'm looking forward to what the answer is. But it was one that really kind of sparked some conversation across the laugh on Cut community.
My husband doesn't like me wearing g strings. Now.
We have been together for twelve years, since I was seventeen, married with three young kids. When I was younger, I never wore g strings. I thought they were uncomfortable. Fast forward to my late twenties and in the past year, I've started wearing g strings to go to the gym for comfort and more for a seamless style.
My husband does not like this.
He thinks that I am disrespecting his boundaries and that I'm not being a good wife because I'm parading myself by wearing that kind of underwear with short leggings running or going to the gym. Yeah, while he is working hard to provide for our family, I think the request to control the type of underwear I wear is over the top, and it was a decision I made for myself and for my own comfort and not to parade to others. I don't want to disrespect him or his boundaries? Though what do I do now?
We both had the same response to this. I think that is really obvious.
Yeah, it made us really mad.
I mean, no man should ever tell you what you can and can't wear for your underwear, like you shouldn't have to even explain yourself. The fact that this became a conversation around boundaries, which we've had this reoccurring theme in oskon cuts before the weaponizing of therapy talk as a way of controlling someone to do what you want, and that's exactly what he's doing in this situation, saying when you say I don't want to disrespect him or his boundaries, your underwear is not his boundaries.
They're two very different things.
And that was evident in the overwhelming response that we receive from Life Is about this question.
And a big part of my response was based around the fact that you have written this in because you didn't know if it was normal. You had been with your partner since you were seventeen for twelve years, and I truly believe a lot of this was based around the fact that you were not naive, but you didn't have the lived experience because you just quite frankly, haven't
been in another adult relationship. There's nothing against that, and sometimes we don't have those conversations with our friends and families. And I'm assuming you had never had that conversation, which is why you wrote into us, And from your answer it sounds like that was accurate.
Well, I would agree.
The other thing I want to add to this is that coercive control and control of any kind can also be a slow creep. It's something that might not seem as though it is that unfamiliar or it is that overbearing. But if he's doing this about your underwear, I dare say he's doing it at other aspects of your life too.
And you know, we touched on the fact that after you have children, sometimes your life gets a little bit smaller because you're primarily for a lot of women, you're taking care of kids, and so you become more contained. And then as your kids get a little bit older, you know, you want to go back to the gym and you want to do things that are for yourself, and some controlling or more controlling partners find that transition really challenging and it is a fucking massive red flag.
This is what you had to say.
This response, I don't think is a good response. Unfortunately, it has some good aspects in it, but overall, you guys have a listen. It hasn't been easy navigating this relationship when it's all I've ever known. I appreciated the opportunity to hear others thoughts, opinions and realized that it is not normal behavior. Thank you for that. It helped
me to feel stronger for sticking up for myself. Part of me is actually ashamed to admit that since I sent in that question, I have also found out that my husband has cheated on me. But still I found myself unable to leave, even though I to. When it's good, it's good, and when it's bad, it's bad. Over the past two years, my eyes have been open to how much emotional abuse has occurred within the relationship. Having my question answered also helped cement that a little bit more
for me. But it is definitely a vicious cycle of also being blamed for occurrences and then having the mental battle of well, maybe this is my fault, or maybe if I did do this, or if I said this differently, it wouldn't have happened. In short, I did stand up for myself and my rights in being able to make decisions for myself, and I did continue to wear what I wanted to wear. Bit by bit, I'm getting stronger and better at sticking up for myself, and I still
have a long way to go this. Actually, I don't know why this makes me want to cry, because I feel like because it's not a resolution, and you when you hear someone say I want to leave, but I can't, there's so much more to this, and I'm so glad hearing that you've realized what is normal behavior and is
not normal behavior. And it does sound like you're taking things back into control a little bit in your relationship, which is amazing that that is happening, But you still don't have to be in a relationship you don't want to be in.
I think that this is also a very very good reminder, and we talked about this recently on an Ask on Cut episode. It's a very good reminder that the people who write these questions in are real people, and sometimes the feedback on the reels or in the discussion group can be quite brutal because we read a question and it seems so evident like this is course of control.
Get the fuck out, and people write, people write advice given in a way that's not given to a friend, sometimes because it is their immediate knee jerk reaction, but having the context of what it is that you're living, where you're at in your relationship, and how this has been something that has been systemic throughout your entire relationship so many years. I think it's a really nice reminder
to all of us. And like, when I say to you guys, I don't mean like you specifically, but to our community that the people who write these questions in a real people.
They are dealing with very, very real problems.
And some of it goes a lot deeper than my husband told me that I can't wear x y underwear, you know, like that's the tip of the iceberg, that's
the thing that's made the question be written in. But that type of behavior is indicative of so much more that lays beneath and I'm just really grateful that maybe your eyes have been opened to a little bit more, that you are able to stand up for yourself a little bit more in this relationship, and this is the first step to you figuring out exactly what it is that you want and building the confidence if it is what you want to leave, because it sounds evident that things are not good here.
And I still I hate saying this, but I do want to encourage you to leave, like you've said, I want to leave, And there's things you know, when it's good is good. It is very tricky territory. Like that is tricky because we start to hold on to the things that are good to negate the things that are bad. But it shouldn't be a battle of like, well, it's okay that he did that because then he brought me flowers. It's okay that he did that because then he made
me feel really good. Like we get ourselves into that position where we start to make excuses things. Yeah, it does become our normal, and it is your normal. It is all that you know.
Well, that exact sentence that you wrote, exactly what you said, brute, when it's good, it's good, and when it's bad it can be bad is indicative of the roller coaster of a toxic relationship that to me screams the literal framework for how an incredibly toxic relationship works.
The highs are fucking high.
The lows are abusively low, and that is my fear for this because when you're in the low, you just want to get back to the high. And when that's all you've known in a relationship, that becomes your blueprint, it becomes your normal. And so I understand why it is so hard to leave. I understand why it's so hard when you find out your partner's cheated on you to go. Actually, I'm not going to stand for this anymore.
And the reason is.
Because you've stood for so much already, You've already withstood so many of the bad bits that this is just like another thing that's piled on, and so you just continue to stay.
And I really hope that you're able to get some help in this.
I know we give the advice all the time on our actual ask gun cuts go and speak to someone, but I think that this an opportunity for you to maybe get some help outside of the relationship now that you've identified the things that are really problematic about it.
And also just lastly, I want to tell the person who wrote this in that all of us are really proud of if you fee like making those first steps. It's a really hard thing to do and it's so hard, Like both of you said when it's the only thing that you know, like you actually you've said at their very end here, I still have a long way to go.
Well done for starting one hundred percent all right, very last aftermath. I want to do a nudy swim, but my boyfriend's against it. Hear me out. I live in Hobart and every year there is a really big nud to swim to celebrate the winter solstice. You have to register, there's no photography allowed. You all wear robes and swim caps. You drop them then running to the water really quickly.
Of course there's a lot of nudity, that's the whole point, but it's absolutely freezing, so it's not like everyone is hanging around stark naked looking at each other. I told my partner that I want to participate in the swim this year, and it did not go down well. He believes that it's a perverse event, just four of perverts. He doesn't really understand why it has to be nude, Like why can't you just go and do a swim to celebrate, which I sort of also get, like you
could just go and do a normal swim. He doesn't understand why I would quote put myself in a situation with pervs and to parade myself like meet in front of lions.
That was just wow, it's bittraumatic.
I find this language incredibly shaming. Further's the sexualization of female's bodies in a negative way. Am I the asshole for going ahead and doing it regardless of his feelings and his attitude?
Okay, we had similar takes on this because I think at the end of the day we were like, oh, we didn't.
I thought we were like, you can go and do it.
No, I basically said, I get it because if you were a PERV, that's where you'd go. If you're a PERV, you would google nude events and like seems pretty obvious that that's where you turn up if you're a permit.
I don't know if a purv's going to get much out of seeing some chicks run into the water, Like is that what pervs are?
After? You know what? We didn't talk about it. I think the thing.
Is is like people who are actually perverted, like, if we're going to really go down that track, do we have to do just second, don't cancel me. People who are actually perverted are not going to sit there and watch people who voluntarily are running into the water because there's no like, there's no perversion about that.
Take photos and stuff.
Yeah, but the perversion comes from doing something that you're not supposed to do. It comes from the naughtiness of it. It comes from like the illegal part of it.
Like that, that's not true. I think.
So someone who just wants to observe some people run into the water, that's not a perf like perfs, that's fuck you do.
You know what we completely missed and I only thought about now is that how funny it is that they're completely naked except for this swim cap. That's funny. That is a funny vision.
That's like when I went to the strippers and they were naked except for the kneecaps and the shoes.
All Right, what was because like Keisha's taken our response to this because it was conflicting, and also the response that we've received from the person who wrote it in says that we gave two different approaches.
So have a listen to this.
Nah, you're not a nashole, Like I mean, if you want to go for a Newdi swim because you think it's liberating, you don't have to ask for your partner's permission.
You're not doing anything wrong in that case, Like I mean.
It depends on the circumstance you will have to like deal.
Yeah, I mean, if you're going for a newdi swim with some random Diugia met at a nightclub.
Bond dibet shouldn't mean at midnight.
Sure, But if it's like an organized event, there's like seventy year old women out there doing it, I don't you know. I think he's sexualizing an event that's not a sexual event.
That's like a hymn problem.
But I also think if you can explain to him the reasons why you want to do it, maybe you think it's liberating whatever it is, like it's something that like puts outside your comfort zone that you.
Want to be involved in.
But his version of it, like what he has presumed is in his head, seems to be a bit of a twisted kind of reality based on what it actually is.
I yeah, I'm in two minds about it because I agree with everything that you just said, Laura, absolutely, But I've always said that it is something where you need to take partner's feelings into consideration. Now, that doesn't mean you have to do what they say. But it means you need to have a conversation where you say, hey, I totally understand what you're saying, why it makes you uncomfortable, but this is why it's important to me, or this is why I want to do it, Like I think
it's the conversation. I do think it's important. Like if Ben came to me and said he wanted to go and do something nude, I would say, Okay, cool, what is it? Why do you want to do it? And in all honesty, of course, this isn't a perverted event. It's an event that everyone does every year. Having said that, if I was a pervert, I would be looking up these events and that's where i'd go. If I wanted to be a PERV, I would go to a nude event. That's what I'd do. So I don't want to say
there's not going to be a PERV there. Maybe there is, like it checks out, but obviously that's not what the event is. I don't imagine there's going to be that many people lingering around nude having a cup of tea after. I think it's going to be so quick you'd barely see it. Robes are off, you're freezing, you run into the water, you're underwater, you run out, you put your robe on. I think, go for it, but you do have to take your part inner feelings at least into
consideration a little bit. I don't know.
I mean, I question. I think the PERF to normal people ratio is going to be pretty slim.
It is. The ratio is going to be there's more pervs just out of the beach anyway. But if you PERV laws, you're gonna go to the neud events, right, You're gonna look up NEWD events. Everyone in the room knows it's true. Everyone in the room does not know it's true.
If you're true, if you're a PERV, you're not just You're not going to a Noodie run. You're going to somewhere that's way more perve. If you're a PERF, stop being a PERV.
Yeah. Actually that's the message in here. Yeah, don't listen to this podcast. All right, Well look this was the reply. Thank you so much for answering my question. You are so welcome. It made me laugh hearing the girls.
I completely agree with everything Laura said, Yet Britt has given me more empathy to understand his thinking.
Loved both of your responses. Thank you so much.
We don't actually know if she did it. I don't think the swim's happened.
Yeah, the swim hasn't happened. She hasn't done it. I still think you should go and do it. It's fine, just go.
I enjoy it. I think she is going to do it, and she just is gonna have empathy in chat to the partner. I think this is the best possible outcome.
I completely completely agree. And you know what, On that note, that is all the aftermaths we have for you.
You're about to say.
On that note, swim, I told you if you're watching this on YouTube, Brits naked, because this is going on our only fans.
This is how we start kick starting the channel. Is the only way we can get people to watch the YouTube. I say Britney's naked.
That would violate community standards.
Just no, we do have some more aftermaths too. We're going to do another one shortly, so keep them coming in.
When we say shortly, we don't mean in two and a half years, which is what happened to the last one. We said we'll start doing them more regularly and then it's been a long time.
Yeah, but as you said at the start, takes two to ten go. We do have Sherry on the case. She is getting the aftermaths, but we have a few more that we will add. We need a few more to come in, but there We're going to try to do them more frequently as opposed to once every two years.
And also, I know I said at the start, but I really want to reiterate it because it is like it is genuinely the biggest privilege. We have done this since day Dot Askuna Cut has always been such a core of what life on Cut stands for and what it is that we get to create. And we are so grateful for everyone who writes in their questions, who shares with us and insight into the hardships that they're
going through. Thank you for listening to advice, thank you for telling us when you don't agree with it.
Thank you for being a part.
Of this, because this is as much as it's a two way street to get the aftermaths, it's a two way street being brought in on these conversations in your life. And yeah, it's an incredible privilege.
So thank you.
But for anybody who has a question, that you want to slide into the DMS at Life on Cut Podcasts if you want to do it anonymously, join Life on Cut discussion group as well. Yeah, we are so so lucky to have this and.
We love Lie.
I was just going to say also if you haven't aftermath, but maybe you haven't wanted to write it in because maybe you thought it wasn't a good follow up.
You know, like, we still want to hear.
That as well.
We want to hear how you're going. And I genuinely care.
And again off the.
Back of what you said Lea about it being a real privilege being a part of you know, this podcast for the past For me four and a half years or something like that, it has made me such a more understanding. I feel like I'm a genuinely a more empathetic and more well rounded person by hearing about your experiences.
I'm so grateful for it.
Can I say I desperate Desperate will send you a message with send you a little cheeky DN for the aftermath of the woman who found her father in law sniffing her dildo. I'm sorry, but I must know. I don't sleep at night. I need to know what happened. Do you have Christmas together? Do you sit around the dinner table and pretend like it didn't happen anyway, Guys, that's it from us.
Hey, don't forget tomorrow. Tune in. Oh my God, ready got mad. Brittany myself got married. We're gonna talk all about it. It is very exciting. I imagine it is. I imagine it's very exciting. I am so thrilled for your future wedding.
I cannot wait.
I am so excited. But yeah, if you maybe, if you have specific questions, you can send them in. But I'm sure we're going to cover it all. I don't know what's going to go down, but I'm sure there's going to be lots of amazing things to talk about. We're going to see you tomorrow morning. Bright Nelly, come missus. Secrets and you know the dress, Say munty Dad tea, Doug tea, friends and share the law because we're love. Rapababa kababa