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This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys and all, welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is our Thursday episode, our down and dirty little number where we answer or you and you're burning questions.
Now, Laura, you've been wanting to try something out.
Something you read meditation to relax, try to orgasm, relax my body.
You're like, how can I come without touching myself, my mind and my spirit.
No, I haven't been trying to try something out, but it's something you got to. But I will. I absolutely will, because you all know how fucking lazy I am. So if I can orgasm with just my mind, that sounds like a great time.
So start of the start, because you pretty much came in hot being like I'm gonna come without doing anything.
Okay. I found this article. It was in the deep dark corners of the web. It's a Vice article that's written by a woman named Genatnic, and it says I tried to orgasm using only my mind. So apparently there are these different techniques that you can use, which are like erotic hypnosis and orgasmic breathing techniques, which mean that you can just lay on your bed in a meditative state.
Oh, I think, think.
Erotic thoughts, think about being touched, and your body will have an orgasm for you without having to do anything.
Well, I mean, I guess is that the idea behind a wet dream? Right? You go to sleep at night, you dream something. You don't necessarily have to touch yourself. But people can orgasm in their.
Sleep, right, Well, I mean you know I haven't, Okay, I I yes, this is a fact, because I can orgasm in my sleep, not like whenever I want to. I don't go to bed and go all tonight's the night.
Do you wake up like touching yourself? No, No, it's your dream.
I've told you this before.
If I'm just trying to get the details, I don't know if we went into detail.
Okay, No, you just wake up mid orgasm and you're like, oh, well that was good, and then you go back to sleep. But you're not touching yourself. It just it happens. I'm like a fourteen year old boy sometimes.
So it's a thing. So what does one have to do? And can anyone do it? Okay? No?
So I put it out to the mind. Trust, I put it out to you, guys. I asked the question on our socials has anybody orgasm just from thinking about an orgasm? So so many people wrote in saying that they've had, like, you know, your stereotypical orgasm in your sleep.
That's stereotypical. It is not stereotypical. Some of us cannot do that.
That's boring news. But what we wanted to know is who has had an organ just from thinking. There was one girl who had an orgasm in a sauna. She didn't go into detail. She just said she was sitting in.
A sauna alone. I think she was a lot happens in the old sauna.
I think she was alone and it was warm, and she was thinking nice thoughts. It was warm, it was moist, it was a great environment. Why do we hate the word moist so much? But like people have an aversion to the word moist. I think it's like one of those things that people tell you that you're supposed to hate. So then when someone says it, you're like, oh, moist best word.
It's not the best word. I don't know why.
A moist cake.
Okay, So she came in the sauna just by thinking.
There is another girl who had an orgasm on a bus in Vietnam, very specific while she was thinking about her crush and they were going over bumps. So I feel like there was a little bit of turbulence.
It was the bumpy road turbulence.
But also she wasn't touching herself. She was just thinking about her crush and then she had an orgasm.
Well that's also okay. So here's the thing, right, That's not like you're just laying in bed thinking. That's still a vibration. She's masturbating. It's not intentional, but the vibration of the bumps is what's doing it, right.
Okay. Also this person, I mean, yeah, look, this is also she's not touching herself, but she's using an apparatus. She said. She said that she was having some good thoughts and then she was doing a foam roll and she had an orgasm.
Poam roller got the hips and stuff.
Well it doesn't say I don't think she pham rolled her clitorists, but she was just she was just pham rolling and then she had an orgasm. Okay, So jealous of these people. One person watched porn, didn't touch themselves, just came from watching porn.
Okay, but here's my thing, right, this is all incredible, and I'm very jealous, But this isn't laying in bed meditating thinking of an orgasm like this. People still using external apparatuses.
You said, yeah, but you're just laying on your bed watching porn and you have an orgasm about touching. That's amazing.
That's amazing, it's incredible. You're a superhuman. That is like, yeah, you're doing God's work. Peeling this back to basics. We have been told by professionals that not all women can orgasm. There are some women in the world that can't orgasm. So I think it's pretty wild to think that anyone can go and lay down and meditate an orgasm, Like, surely you've got to be one of those people that orgasm very freely.
There are I'm not exaggerating this, there are hundreds of people who have written back saying that they do orgasm in their sleep. And then we've got another person who had an orgasm. They were very much awake and they imagined having sex with their pa.
Well, the pair is in the room.
No, I shouldn't have an orgasm in front of her pa. She just hadn't.
You can't control it.
She had a fantasy about her PA and it made her have an orgasm.
Wow. So are these people trying to do it or is it just happening? Are they consciously laying down thinking I'm going to meditate to orgasm or is it like this one sounds like she just slipped on into it accidentally.
I don't think you can. I mean, can you ever go into something like even going into sex, Being like I'm gonna have an orgasm usually makes the orgasm feel a lot further away. So I feel like if you're laying down just to have a rest and you think I'm kind of orgasm, it probably isn't going to come. I feel like it just is something that you know washes over you.
Did they tell you what you have to do to do it? Are there some rules and stipulations?
Okay, so I did do a little bit of a deep dive into this, and apparently it's all about using your mind. Obviously, Yes, it is rooted mind the pun in thousands of years of Taoistic and tantric practices, and it is very popular. This is what it says. It's a very popular exercise among plenty of fetish communities, using
non physical stimulation like breathing exercises, hypnosis, and meditation. So the writer of this article, Gina Tonic, she actually to try and get the end goal of having an orgasm. She didn't just lay down and then use her erotic thoughts. There was four different steps and she kind of went through this like four day phase. So on day one she did erotic hypnosis, which she went to a licensed hypnotist to go and do that part of it.
That's obviously something you can just learn.
Well, I don't know, but I don't think that that actually gave her an orgasm. I think it was just to try and like unlock her sexual needs and desires. Now, the second part of this was orgasmic breathing. So apparently if you concentrate on your breathing, not that that's going to get you to an orgasm, but concentrating on your breathing apparently unlocks a deeper, bigger, more exciting orgasm than shallow breathing. I mean, yeah, there's a lot to be said for breathing.
People do whole breathing courses.
So breath work. Yeah, breath work didn't make getter to otown, but you know, apparently it helps.
Yeah, okay.
Number three is a thing called coorgasm. So this is kind of like a combination of doing core exercises and pelvic floor exercises and it's like a fitness work. Yeah, but apparently doing these specific coorgasm type exercises can bring on an orgasm of itself, so you're actually instead of like stimulating yourself with your hands, you're kind of internally stimulating yourself. So like public floor exercises, like do it now, do a bit of a pelp. It's a bit of rousey.
You actually you can, yeah, kick.
To a few more, wear some time jeans and do it. Okay. And then number four was another thing called lucid dreaming, which I think very much links into this idea, which is what so many of you wrote in saying, is
that you'll have an orgasm when you're dreaming. So lucid dreaming is that space when I think you would think that you're asleep, but you're not quite asleep and you're not quite awake, but you have yeah, you're aware that you're dreaming that really and like you have those really weird rapid thoughts and it will take you like you know, you'll be doing some crazy shit and it kind of feels like you're in a dream. But that apparently is a really remarkable space to have orgasms in.
It's like the only lucid dream because I feel like I've had them before, but the only ones I've had because it's when you know you're in the dream but you can't get out of it and you can manipulate it. I've had it before where I'm just like a scary dream, you know, like a murder dream, and someone's chasing me and I know it's like I'm telling myself, this is a dream, don't be scared. But I still can't get out of it, and I still have to manipulate the dream, like I know where I have to go to hide
to get away. Have you ever had those?
Okay, well but no, but next time you can manipulate the dream so you can run away hard and masturbate and maybe you will have an orgasm without having to touch yourself.
Well maybe I'll try and yeah, divert it from a scary dream to a sex dream next time I have a lucid dream.
I mean, in theory, it would be very nice to be able to just lay there and get yourself to otown.
But then do you think you'd get lazier? Yes?
But also I mean, how lazy is it to just whip out a vibrator and use that instead? I feel like that is lazier. It's a faster way to get yourself to where you want to be rather than laying down doing orgasms and breath work.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, But then would you do you think if you could just lay down and come without doing anything that like you wouldn't put the effort in with your partners.
Anymore, and like, hey, honey, I'm just gonna go for a laid down all right.
Well, maybe we all need to go start up with this forte corps.
I want to know though, if anybody else has just and I know that the dreaming thing is a big thing, So like, if you've had an orgasm dreaming like you know, good for you, good for me. We've all done it. Actually we haven't all done it, but a lot of us have done it. But if you have managed to get yourself to being able to have an orgasm just from like, you know, the use of your own erotic thoughts, I want to hear more about this, because this, to
me is absolutely fucking wild. Slide into the dms. Give us a little bit of a rundown on how you get there, on what you do, how you get yourself in the mood. Is this like a whole self love thing where it's.
Something you had to learn and train and study. I want to know at all? And where send the links to a four.
Day course for any wants to sign up. All right, let's get into answering you deep. You're dark and you're burning questions. So I met this guy at a bar a few weeks ago and we went home together later that night. After stalking him on socials, I figured out that he has a fiance and a baby. Oh it gets really weird. I confronted him about it, and he says that they were engaged, but he decided to call it off and just be friends just before the baby
was born. However, they haven't told anyone this as her family is super religious and they are trying to navigate the situation together. They still live together. I told him I can't continue to see him unless he can prove to me he isn't in a relationship, or unless he tells her about me. He said he doesn't really know how he would be able to prove it and isn't ready to tell her unless he knows if we are
going somewhere. I really like this guy. The sex was amazing and there is definitely something there between us, But my gut says that maybe he's lying. Should I cut it off now before I get any more invested.
I'm straight out of the gateway.
I think he's telling the truth. I think he's being a really nice, upstanding guy. I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt. And you know's not telling the truth. He lives with his partner, they are having a baby. He's cheating on his partner.
This is what every part of my gut instinct tells me in this situation. I think every part of you wants to believe him for sure, because you obviously had an attraction to him, and there was maybe a crush there, or there was some sort of feelings there. So you always want to see the best in people. But every single flag here is pointing to red.
I just think when you were writing this out, were you just like, oh, yeah, he's definitely fucking lying to me. I feel like, as soon as you write this question out and you can see it for point blank for what it is, my thing is he says, Oh, there's no way for me to prove it that we've broken up. If he really wanted to prove it, there would be a way for him to prove it. There would be text messages between him and his partner being like, you know,
we've broken up whatever. It's not like you walk in one day and say, hey, honey, I think we should separate and still live together and raise this baby together and pretend to everybody else that we're still together and never text about it. There are ways for him to prove it to you if he could prove it. The reason why he says he doesn't know how he could prove it and he wants to keep you a secret is because he is fucking lying.
Yeah, he's got a whole other lie, and.
He has a whole other life. And also, I mean, it just sounds like to me, even if he isn't lying, even if let's just say, for some amazing, remarkable reason that he is telling the truth, benefit of the doubt, this is so much baggage. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone where they're going to keep you alie.
And someone that has well, I'm assuming he's quite a new baby, a newborn baby, I don't know, but he's got a baby with somebody recently that he still lives with. I'm not sure if it's the relationship you want to be jumping into.
No, should you cut it off with him now before you get more invested. The answer to this, in I think this is the most black and white question we've ever received, is absolutely yes. And do I think he's lying to Yes, you said, my gut tells me he's lying. I think that this is such an important thing because
sometimes we want to disbelieve our intuition. We try so hard to ignore what our intuition is telling us because we want something so much, we want the reality to be different, and so we just kind of we will ignore what our gut's telling us because the fantasy of what we want is so much greater. And I think in this instance, your warning internal warning systems are saying, like meee, this is a fucking bad idea, but you're trying to ignore it because you want him.
Always go with your gut instinct. Trust your gut instinct. That's what we're going to drive home here. This is alarm bells all over. From the second the first word I read, which was I, to the end was invested. The whole thing is aginal alarm all right, Save your soul, save your heart, save your emotions, and just don't even go any deeper.
Question number two. I'm getting married next year and I don't know if I want my dad to walk me down the aisle. One. I don't feel totally comfortable with the concept of the father giving the bride away. I feel like it's a little bit outdated and low key gives me the ick. Number two. My dad and I have a good relationship, but we aren't super close. What are your thoughts on the bride walking down the aisle solo and how I should approach this conversation with my dad?
Oh, I mean, I guess this is one I haven't overly thought of before because I haven't been in a position where you know, I'm getting married and thinking about it, and I haven't had the conversation with my dad. My first thought before we throw to you, Laura, is that at this day and age, I think you can do anything you want to do at a wedding, whatever you're comfortable with. I think a lot of people think it's really nice to have this tradition, and I think there's
no wrong and right with a wedding anymore. I think you do whatever you're comfortable with in maybe you want to include your out in a different in the ceremony if you don't feel comfortable with him physically walking you down and giving you away. There are so many other ways that you can include someone in a ceremony, but first and foremost, you have to be comfortable.
On your day totally. And I think, like just on what you said, Britt, like this idea of it can be a really beautiful thing. I think it's only a really beautiful thing if the relationship you have with your dad is a really beautiful thing. If like it's a special moment to you because it signifies something that's important to you, you know, I think that then it's a really beautiful thing for me. I found this really tricky because my parents got divorced when I was really little.
They got divorced when I was three, and my dad was an army major. I mean, we had a good relationship, but he wasn't around a lot like he spent a lot of time away. He moved to Townsville, so he wasn't even in the same state as me, So we had a pretty disjointed connection for a lot of years. And so it didn't feel right to me to just have my dad walk me down the aisle and not my mom. So I had my dad and my mom
walked me down the aisle. I now, I have a great relationship with both of them, but trying to preference one of them having divorce parents seemed like a really cruel thing to do. So I wasn't going to kind of lean into that just because that's what tradition said.
No, you had the kids and the dog, you had your mom, you had your dad, like you had whatever made you feel comfortable.
Yeah, my dog walked me down the out. But also, like in the opposite to that, when my sister got married, she had me and my brother walk her down the aisle. She didn't have either of my parents walk her down the aisle because for her, she was like, look, you know, it means something different to me, and I want my siblings to be there because they've been my support as well through my whole life. I do think that, yeah,
maybe your dad may take it to some offense. He may be upset by it, but I think having a conversation with him around you don't have to make it a big big deal. But just saying, oh, Dad, we aren't doing things really traditionally, I'm not actually going to
have anyone walk me down the aisle. You know, we kind of aren't having a supertrauditional wedding, and just managing his expectations a little bit can go a really long way as opposed to saying like, oh Dad, I don't want you to walk me down the aisle because I think that feels very pointed. That might turn it into
something that you don't want it to be. But yeah, I do ultimately think that weddings are at one situation in life where you have to kind of like juggle, right, is this going to bring more drama to my life than it's worth? And if the answer is no, and it means you're going to have the wedding that you want. Then whatever it is that you want is how the day is going to be. And there is no tradition that you have to lean into if you don't want.
To absolutely agree.
Okay, question number three, Brittany.
Okay, question number three. I'm just gonna hitchhike on the back of your wedding question with another way in question. Because it's wedding season, it is summer.
I how long does wedding season go for?
Well, I think probably like six months.
I feel like wedding season is all year round because some people have some weddings and some people have winter weddings. It's just always a wedding season.
It's also like a backlog of COVID weddings now, so it's forever. Okay. I am getting married next year in Fiji, and my fiance and I have invited our closest friends and family to come and celebrate our day with us. I have a group of girls I see on the odd occasion, four of which I am personally close with
and have invited to my wedding. The other girls are more friends of friends who I don't really have a lot to do with the group of girlfriends who are invited were organizing accommodation for themselves when another girl in the group, who I don't really know or particularly like,
invited herself on the holiday. Now. I know it's a public place, but just makes me uncomfortable as I am in Fiji to celebrate my wedding with my friends and family and she's not somebody who I would want around my new in laws, as she can be a bit of a troublemaker and I don't agree with her morals. Am I in my right to politely ask that she does not come or is she entitled to come if she pleases. I just find it weird and awkward.
It is awkward. I did this to my friend, did you. I'm a fucking bad friend. I was so young and I didn't understand the etiquette of weddings, like I really didn't if my girlfriend got married in the Philippines, I was in my twenties. I was supposed to be going with my boyfriend at the time, and then we broke off. So I was like, oh, just bring by my friend. I just my friend can come with me, and she was so I know, I now know how bad.
I'm just like, I'll just replace him with someone else that you don't know.
So I was like, look, I'll bring my friend. She'll just stay with me, because I had we were only going to the wedding for a little while, for a couple of days, and then my girlfriend Gallina was going off and she was having her own holiday in the Philippines and so were we, so and it wasn't together. It was just a couple of days over the wedding that was together. And I was like, well, he's not going to come with me now, I'm not going to
cancel the whole trip. I've booked all this accommodation, So why doesn't my girlfriend just come? I was like, she doesn't have to come to the wedding, but why doesn't she just come with me? And then Galina, because she's an absolute angel, superstar, she was like, just bring her to the wedding. It's fine, Like bring your friend. And now I understand, as someone who's now gotten married myself, I'm so cooked. How presumptuous to just invite anyone.
Oh, Keisha's here saying it's fine. Oh, because you think it's fine to bring a random to someone else's wedding that they don't know. What else are you supposed to do travel around by yourself in the Philippines for two weeks.
Hey, I think in my instance, she was very understanding of my situation, right, Like, she didn't have to invite Kai or my girlfriend. She didn't have to invite her to the wedding. That wasn't my expectation. However, it would have been weird to exclude her because all the wedding people were staying at the same accommodation, so it was a week fault in. Yeah, it was like a lose lose situation for her. I just think if it's not your wedding, it's rude to assume that you should just
invite extra people. However, I guess the thing that is a big thing is when you're having a destination wedding, when it's a you're going overseas, Destination weddings end up becoming holidays as well. So for me, yeah, I went to a destination wedding in the Philippines, but that was also my holiday for the year that I took in the Philippines for two weeks, So the wedding is only a couple of days of what was my also two
week holidays. So I think you have to kind of be a little bit flexible when you've got every single person traveling to be at your wedding by a different country to a different country.
I I'm on the fence with this one. Not on the fence. I understand what you're saying, and I agree with it. Right, if it's a destination whening, specifically you are going to another place to travel, people probably would make it there one holiday of the year. So yes, you do want to make it a holiday. Maybe you do want to travel with friends after. But it's a
tricky situation because of what you'd just said, Laura. If you can't really just say my friend will come, but sure to stay in the room and won't do anything, because that's not how it works, right. There's always these big get togethers for the weddings for usually days before, days after, especially if it's a destination wedding, so it
can get a little bit tricky. I think the best bet, if possible, is to still do the two fly over for the wedding and then maybe ask your friend to come and meet you on the day after the wedding so that you know you can focus on your friends and the family and you're a part of that, and then your friend can come over the next day, you can continue on your holiday. I think that would probably be the best way to navigate it, if possible, But I understand that you still need to like live out
your life and go on your holiday. And it's a very very tricky one. But I don't think you can expect you have a random at someone else's wedding.
No, you absolutely can't. And I think we're answering this question around the wrong way though, because the person who wrote this in is the bride and she's saying I don't want a random to be at my web we're coming for stat And I guess what I want to say to you, as the bride who has had a destination wedding and your friend has invited her friend to
also come on what will be her holiday. What I think you can do is I don't think you can say, oh, I don't want you to invite your friend at all to the destination because, like you know, you don't own Fiji. Fiji's not yours.
Believe it or not, phijist on your iselands.
Yeah, her friend can come to Fiji, right, But you do not have an obligation to invite that friend to any of the wedding things. So if the wedding goes for three days and there's a lunch and a dinner and I get together whatever it looks like, you don't have an obligation to invite the person that you don't want there. And if they feel left out, well that's really on them because they've come away on a holiday where the person that they've chosen to come away with
is at a wedding. So I think you can as inclusive or as non inclusive as you want to be. And in my instance, Galena, my girlfriend, she was incredibly inclusive with my friend. But I now understand what a massive offering that is to have someone who you don't know what your wedding it's yea, it's looking by now after you've had your wedding wild wild, I would probably not be as good a person.
I actually remember, I mean different, but I remember, Oh god, it must have been pretty old. Must have been ten twelve, Pretty old. Must have been ten years ago at least one of my friends got married and I was dating someone at the time, but it was pretty new and I was part of the Brighter party and I had said, hey, do you mind if they come, like, you know, we're dating, And she was really honest. She was like, well, actually,
like I don't want them to. She's not a bad way, but she was like, I don't really know them, and you know, I don't might not know what's gonna happen with you guys in the future, and you know, like we've sort of already got the tables settings and all this kind of stuff. And I was I was like, yeah, cool, totally fine. Like I hadn't even mentioned it to the person I was dating. I just thought I would ask. But there was a part of that was like, oh,
I thought you probably would have let him. Like there's a little part there was like, oh, I thought, you know it was my partner would have let him. But I completely understood it, like when I went home and thought about it, and I understand it way more now, Like you just said, when you were older and you look back, you're like, oh, it was wildly inappropriate. I should never have even asked.
How long were you with the guy? Because I think that this is a real point of contention for a lot of people. I think a lot of people get into new relationships and then they think that because they're in a new relationship that their partner, even if the bride and groom has never met them, should be an eligible plus one.
We had the.
Rule at our wedding that unless your plus one is something like if we haven't met your plus one, then they're not coming unless you've been dating them for more than a year.
She'd met him like once, but it was a new relationship, pretty new couple of months. And also she'd known me for a long time. I think she was looking at this for what it was. She knew what it was. She knew I was a rebound, she knew that it was not going anywhere like she wouldn't tell me that, but she was wise beyond her years. She one hundred percent could see what I was doing. But I couldn't see what I was doing.
Did you? I think you asked me for a plus one as a joe to my wedding.
I could have been a joke because I'm never gonna have one.
Lucky you didn't bring up plus one because didn't you have a great night. I was actually all, really.
I can have a plus one. But it was more that was a bit like because I'm sure Tony Cheek, it was never gonna I was never gonna get a plus one.
All right, let's go one more question. Question number. I think it's four, but who's counting? Okay. I have two guys on my radar. One I met online a while ago. We clicked crazy chemistry. Then he went traveling for a few months and we kept in contact regularly, calling, et cetera. I was looking forward to when he came back in two weeks, and we were intending on giving it a
bit of a shot. However, in the meantime, my longtime friend from high school, who we've been back and forth liking each other, expressed he has strong feelings for me. Initially I was thinking no, but now I have strong feelings for him also, but I still have strong feelings for the other guy. I've been in decisive for ages and have no idea how to decide what is the right thing to do. Do I not date anyone because I can't give them my full attention or do I
just simply flip a coin? So scared that I'm gonna make the wrong decision. Is there any advice you have here?
Oh? This is hard do you know.
I feel like so many people have been in this situation where they have really because, like you know, I noticed some people say, oh, it's not possible to be in love with two people at the same time. It is very, very possible to be in a lot of lust with two people at the same time. I actually think it's probably possible to be in love with two people as well.
But I think you can be in love with two people. Different kinds of love, but I think you can. Yeah, I do agree with that. I think that love is way more complex and conflicting than what we liked it. We like to package things up into perfect little boxes, black and white, and we know that life is not like that. I have been in a situation similar to this before, many many, many, many many moods Ago. I have spoken about this on the podcast many many many
Moods Ago. But I didn't know what to do. I didn't know whether I could go back to someone that I had had something with before that I had very strong feelings for, or to go down the path of someone new that I had meant that I didn't know that.
Well, did you toss a coin and call heads?
No?
I went to a psychic high, because that is so funny. Okay.
I remember being so confused because I was like, I have all these feelings for this person that I was with, and I did have this relationship with strong feelings and I had something comfortable with them, you know. Yeah, and then I had this new person who I had so many feelings for, and I was so excited to see what happened. But I was like, if I go one way, am I going to lose the opportunity could be better?
But if I go that way, do I lose opportunity of something that was amazing that I know was already great. I had never been so confused in my life. So I went to a psychick and I didn't say exactly. I just said, look, I'm a bit confused with wanting to go forward or back? And can I tell you what she said? It was wild. She literally said, she put me into this meditative state.
Right she did your orgasm?
No I didn't, I wish I did. She was like, closure eyes, and I closed my eyes. She said, I'm going to do it to you, right, Okay, close your eyes.
Yeah, close everyone do it with me. Closure eyes.
You're on the beach. You can hear the water lapping on sand, the sun shining, the birds are out, it's a beautiful day. You feel really good. You look out to see and there's a beautiful boat. And on that boat are two men. Oh I know where this is going, the two men that you love. Oh. No, there's a hole in the boat. The boat's sinking. Who do you say?
This is the dumbest question.
It was, so I said, burst into laugh How.
Much money do you pay for this time?
Too much money? But that was literally and I was like, okay, I'm calling bullshit. You are not a psychic. That was the dumbest way to decide. And I said, I opened my eyes and I was like, are you kiddingnot save both of them? She's like, no, you can only say one. I said, no, I would save the boat.
I think that this is so common. I think one. I think the situation you're in so common. But I also think people wanting an answer, like you're riding into us because you're wanting us to say, hey, go with this guy, or go with this guy. And I've been in the exact same situation as you, Like I had a guy that I had been seeing for a really long time. It was stable, he was great, Like I know,
I should have really liked him. And then I also was in love with this other guy and I went to a sidekick because I wanted them to give me the answer, and they gave me absolutely nothing.
And what did they do? Did they do what I mind?
It? No? I ended up picking definitely the wrong one, So probably don't.
They're probably both the wrong one.
They were the wrong one. And that's the thing. Look, the reality is in life is that if you pick one guy and the other one falls through, I very much doubt in like five or six years time, you're going to be thinking, God, I picked the wrong option. You know, like you're going to pick the option that is the right option for you with all the tools that you have at the time. You're going to pick the person that your heart wants, and you know what, it might not be the one that's the best for
you on paper. It may not be the one that works out to be the best for you in the long run. But if it's not the one that's the best for you, they're simply not the one, and you can't beat yourself up about it. I think the big thing in this is you don't have to instantly be committed to anybody. It's okay to keep your options open for a little while and to be transparent and say, like, I really like you, but I just want to date for a little while. Go on a couple of dates
with this guy. When he comes back, go on a few dates with your friend and see if the chemistry's there. But I think be transparent in that conversation, and you know what, you might be in even more pickle thans three or four weeks time where you're like, oh, now I really really like both of them. But it might also give you a bit more information on each person to try and figure out what you really want, you know, and figure out whether not just what you want and
not what chemistry is telling you what you want. But you know, what are the things that they're saying that they want in their life? Are they after a long term relationship? Do the things that you like actually match up? And you can make a decision that's not just based on like this pure want for someone, but it's also based on what is a good relationship decision too.
The other thing you can do is and I'm not saying is the best thing. I'm not saying it's the worst thing. But you can write down a list of pros and cons. And I don't mean pros and cons is in one's taldark and handsome one's blonde? I don't mean that. I mean what do you both want?
What do you want?
Do you are looking for a long term relationship? Are they both looking for long term relationships? If that's the case, do you look ahead and you say, do they want kids? Are we going to live in the same place? Do we want the same things? You can write down parts of the situation to help you if you need to. But there is a thought, the thought that I'm sort of having here is and I looking back, I wish
I had this thought to myself too. If you're that confused between two people, should you be picking someone now? Because it does mean you have feelings for someone else. I don't know if jumping into a relationship with one is the best idea when you know you have strong feelings for another person.
Well, that's what I mean by taking some time, taking a bit of a step back from the relationships completely, like you know, whatever they are, just take a little bit of a step back date casually without there being any like you know, the love bombing or the overcommitment or any of that stuff that kind of can happen really quickly when you're excited about someone because they think you need to get to know them both a little
bit better. Maybe not your friend, you obviously know him, but I think you kind of need to have the opportunity of dating a little bit before you make a decision, because ultimately, if you're so confused between two people, the answer could be that it's no one as well. You know, it doesn't have to be that you're you're not tossing up right now and being like, who am I choosing as my life partner? That doesn't have to be the question that you're asking. You're just saying, like, who is
the person that I want to date? And you can kind of get to know both of them at the same time.
At the end of the day, this is the sort of thing where no one including us, can give you an answer. No one can know exactly how you feel, your situation and what they're like to you, what you want. This is all you. It's not a running race, right, there's no You've got to get to the finish line and make a decision. By this point, take a step back and just really evaluate it from the outside, think about what you want, and go from there. It's a tricky one.
Yeah, and I okay, the only thing I want to add to this is that, and this is from my own experience, may be very different for you. You may have like, these two guys may both be just like truly awesome people who are like trustworthy and fantastic and are being consistent and wonderful, and like, wouldn't that be amazing to find two of them? Because most people can't find one. But what I have found in my experience is that normally there's one that the heart really wants,
and there's one that the heart finds safe. That's the toss up. There's the unpredictable one, and there's the one that would be comfortable and a reassuring love. And that's why I think what you said, brit around like almost creating a list, which sounds so unromantic, but like if the unpredictable love is actually truly unpredictable, If it's unpredictable because you know, there's inconsistencies in the things that they say and do and how they behave, and actually you're
just being attracted to maybe there's some toxicity there. I think writing it down can make things seem really clear, and you can kind of get an idea as to whether you're just attracted to the chemistry or you're attracted to the qualities that that person has. I think that's a really important thing. So kind of, like you know, psychoanalyze both of them to try and find an answer in this as well and not just be led by this like chemistry, gut a little. I'm in love can't
make a good love. I do not want to be where you are right now, but you know what, it'll all work out, because however it works out is exactly how it's meant to be.
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