Ask Uncut -My Train Of Thought Is Not Normal

This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.

Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is ask Kunk Cut where we answer You're deep, You're dark, and you're burning questions and I.

Am so broken. You're so broken. I'm more broken than I've ever been. So I'm more broken this week than last week.

There's only a few more days left. Were dancing with the Stars.

I don't know if I'm allowed to say about but you just said it.

I didn't sign an nda.

I'm sitting here in the hot water Fuck, I'm a wattle. I'm sitting here. I'm sitting on a piece of wattles. I'm waddling. I do wattle. Actually, my natural path said it would be good for me. So for the last couple of months, you guys know, I've been doing Dancing with the Stars. But I'm at my tether, Like I'm at my wits end. My body is screaming out for her. It's like it is sing. So I have to walk around everywhere now with the hot water bottle basically tape

You only have a couple of days. You're gonna make it to the end. You're gonna be amazing.

Tell you what if this, If this comes and I make it to the end of Dancing with the Stars. If I make it to the end and I'm there and you guys don't vote for me, so what are you gonna do?

I'm quitting the podcast, Britty's I'm gonna take back all those puppies I promised you and never gave you.

I'm quitting. I've left that much blood, sweat and tears. Literally, there's blood on Craig, my dance partner. Craig leaves with blood on his shirt. That's because you use a mental car. What do you? Oh? Yeah, true, my groin is on his shirt. I will that's true.

I also just want to like remind you that Dancing with the Stars isn't also like a separate thing to the podcast, so that you can't quit the podcast because people don't vote for.

You and they're two different entity.

But I'm glad that you've like it's taken over every facet of your life.

Laura, I am blackmailing our life is So we.

Were just talking about this. I mean, obviously you've come here for us to answer your questions. We'll get to that, guys, don't worry, it's coming. But we were just talking about this. So Britz started doing a new thing which we're going to create a compilation.

For you complaining yet hang on, I'm still complaining.

This complains so recently. I don't know whether you've noticed it. And that's because Kish does an incredible job of editing out like every single one of these opens.

That puts me in a position that makes me uncomfortable because I do my absolute best. Sometimes I isolate audio. Sometimes I use AI to try and reduce them.

I don't know where this is going, but I don't like it.

So yesterday I get a message from Keisha and she says, I'm sorry, but we need to have an intervention.

So so hang on, let me get this straight. We have a group chat. You left the group chat to talk about.

She said, I don't know what to do. I'm at breaking point. I don't know how to make this. I've brought it up. I've shown her examples. I don't know how to get.

Rid of it. The snort has to go. I didn't listen to the examples. I saw that. I saw the voice came through, and I was like, I'm not changing who I am, and I deleted it. We've noticed recently they're Brittany's.

We love your laugh, it's.

Amazing, but you're you're snorting is something that everybody has a person we feel personally victimized by it.

What I will say is in my defense, yes, my laugh. What I will say is in my defense I will What I will say is I am aware that my laugh has evolved why. I can't be sure how. I don't know. I don't know where it's come from, but I know the snort has entered my life. It seems to be on an upwards trajectory. I know one used to sneak in every now and then.

To be honest, they actually used to come from Laura More and yours have disappeared.

You're no longer in the recording. I want everyone that me just doing that hurt my really strong what though, like, We're gonna let you guys into a real insight. We obviously edit the podcast, which try and keep it as natural as possible, right, but we edit things. If one of us does something like snorts too much, we will edit that. What I want to say is what you guys aren't aware of. And I hate that this is throwing each other on the bus. Welcome to Welcome to

Okay, sorry for getting out of the group chat and directly contacting Laura, But I'm.

Sorry for throwing you under the basket. Yeah, when I'm throwing you under the bus, Laura for six years. What you don't know is our very own Laura Burne snorts. I reckon one hundred times an episode because she has breathing problems like a little pug. You're like a little French bulldog. They can't breathe properly, and we edit it out to make you sound better. So now you're coming from but you don't even know you do it because it's so natural for you.

I do it in conversation, but I stop, so it's an easy edit. Keisha, how often do I snort and record?

Though it has reduced significant this is what I'm concerned about, which this is.

Like a group meeting.

Yes, what places, And BRIT's trajectory is increasing. Yours is decre so much that I hardly even notice it anymore. And I used to have a problem with the mouth sounds. Everyone knows I'm a bit sensitive to the the snorting has taken on a level where like the wavelength of it. When I can when I'm coming through the audio and I can see it coming up, I almost brace myself because I'm like, it's coming.

The high personally, the high purble, because if you listen with headphones in, it's an assault on the years. And I love your laugh. I am so supportive of your laugh.

I am sorry that I've gone behind your back to try and rectify this, but the snort has got to go.

This is it.

Maybe this is the episode that we do insert the compilation here just so everyone can hear.

All of a sudden, just mean she came and.

Sees me doing you know on the Simpsons, that dog that does the squinty eyes when you looks. That's what I'm doing. Is I'm Homer going back into the bush.

Now it is time for vibes and unsubscribed so that we can get into.

We're just pretending that attacks. Well, I've done one unsubscribed, my unsubscribers.

Your snort, Well, let's put.

It out to the people. Let's put a pole on. Actually don't. That'll make it worse. Put on. Let's move on. I'm going to try my best not to snort. I'm upset. I said about a lot of things in my life right now. We love you, we love every time about you. We don't we do, I love most things. We'll put me back in the group chat. Then, all right, vibes down, subscribes. At least we're so in sync. We've got the same vibe this.

Week we do okay, So I'll just say my own subscriber is to snort, and then it feels like we've got something different.

Well, my unsubscribes equally your sort. Go and get surgery.

I know I do. I've spoken about this before, though.

I can't go and get surgery now because people will think I'm just getting like a rhiner plasty, and they'll think I'm doing it for that reason.

You've got a two in Actually you can do a three and one. I have a time's in the laber hair transplant new sinus three and one, I reckon, there's someone in Turkey that would do that.

You know, you can get the side of surgery without altering the appearance.

Why would you go Laura would come out looking like halle Berry should be like a different person. She'd be like, while we're there, I didn't change my skin color. At the same time, it just meant you come out like looking like a different person.

You're like, just trim here here, let's fix her here and also sign me up for those melotonin injections saying if you're gonna go under all right, look, let's get serious vibes and unsubscribes. Brittan I do have the same vibe. And it's because it's rare these days that I get sucked into a TV show or a documentary or anything and I'm able to watch every single episode in one sitting. But that is how incredibly interesting this doc or is that we're about to recommend. It's on Disney Plus, it's

Yeah, and We've also spoken about her few times over the last year or two as her case progress was spoken about her daughter, Shari, so you may have heard us talk about it on the podcast before.

The reason why I found this so interesting is because we knew a lot about the basic facts around the story, the facts around the case, the opinions of the children who have come out publicly to speak about it, Shari and Chad namely. But there was so much in this documentary. It's three episodes, I know about fifty minutes each, and it is fascinating to me. The father sits down and he does quite a lengthy interview around his involvement, around.

How he was complicit, what he did and didn't know.

I think it really raises so many questions around the legalities and responsibilities that need to be put into place to better safeguard children from family vlogging situations.

I had really mixed feelings about the father's version. I completely believe him that he knew nothing about it, but that doesn't mean I think it's okay, because I think what he did was so wrong, and I understand that he was and you'll have to formulate your own opinion. I understand that he was brainwashed to an extent, but he still made some pretty interesting decisions to abandon his family. His reasoning for it to him was justified at the time,

Yeah, there's so many facets. So Kevin Frankie is the husband. Jodie Hildebrandt was Ruby's business partner. She's also serving up to thirty years imprisonment for child abuse. Because they were very entwined, and it also centers around the Later Day Saints and the Mormon community of which they are all members of. I found it truly, truly fascinating, and I also was enraged watching Kevin Frankie because I felt as a father he was able to completely absolve himself with

He cared so much.

About his faith but also about this family unit at the cost of the absolute expense of their children.

Would you go as far as saying that you think he enabled the abuse one hundred percent? And also, what I don't like is.

He's come out and spoken about how quite confronting some of the behind the scenes footage is because you've got to remember, like Ruby Frankie had filmed thousands and thousands of hours of herself and her children, and so this is all unseen footage that didn't make it, so the takes that didn't make it to her YouTube channel, and there's moments where she grabbed her child by the mouth to shut her child up. There's moments where she's screaming

But she was always abusive.

That's the thing that I've been very interested in with seeing this play out across media now now that she's been convicted and stuff, I feel like people are equating vlogging with child abuse, and it's so important to distinguish the difference because there are going to be versions of both of those things.

That do coexist.

But a lot of the time those things are not going to totalists. You know, most child abuses don't vlog it. They don't have the evidence, they don't have it on film. And most vlogging families are.

Not abusing their children. They might be exploiting them in some way, but there is a difference. You know. It does highlight so many different interesting aspects this documentary that we've seen before, but also one of the big things for me was just seeing the level of coercive control that Ruby had towards her husband, Like it was quite the role reversal in that sense to what we're used to. Was he quite a weak and pathetic man, and I hate saying that. That is how he comes across the

Always will, I'll always love her.

That's his final statement, and I was just like, eh, yeah, absolutely, look like I said.

I mean, there is so no matter how much you know about this story fascinating, there is so much more in this STOCKO definitely give it a watch. It's on Disney Plas. I highly recommend it. Honestly could not stop watching.

My vibe for the week is seemingly much more what's the word I'm after? Flippant?

After that deep.

Unpacked, we can the light and shade.

Don't worry. It's a mattress.

So the reason I've been thinking that I should vibe this on the podcast is because often in our Facebook group, so the Life on Cut discussion.

Group, and I'm talking like probably.

Three to four times a week minimum, people are putting questions in there, being like, hey, who has this mattress?

Do you recommend it?

Blah blah blah, And often it's a question between like this one versus this one. And I obviously can't compare it because I haven't had multiple but I purchased the Koala Lux mattress on the boxing day sales, so I did get at thirty percent off, which was a nice little little treat for myself. And I am so deeply obsessed with it that my brother and sister in law spent one night on this mattress when they came to stay in our house.

And they and they've moved in. They have now ordered their own, like or that's all it took for them.

So I mean that if there's ever been a review, that's it right there.

Yeah, yeah, I really really love this mattress. I realized that my mattress for someone who's as obsessed with sleep is what I am. My mattress was terrible before this. So this is their top of the range one, so it's the most expensive one. The Queen retails for two thy three hundred and ninety. They do have sales quite regularly, so you maybe get on sale wait for one of those. I think it's amazing. It comes in a box. I'm not really a mattress a box mattress person, until.

Now I am completely converted. I have had their mattress. I bought it probably three years ago, and I won't go back. I really really love it. And everybody always talks about how comfy my bed is too, because I have people in multiple times a week. You know that's a joke. She was left in your bed a little All three people that have ever slept in my pitness.

In terms of like softness, that is the other question that people tend to ask in Facebook group.

I think it's probably.

Medium to soft range of memory foam styles. So if you like a firm one, I'm sure that they've got versions that you can kind of make it more firm. But I think it's yeah, it's really good. The Koala Lux mattress is my vibe for the week. I've been sleeping like a queen.

All right, Well, let's get into the questions.

Question number one My question is how do you find your identity after becoming a mum. My youngest is twelve weeks old and my oldest is only two right now, and my life is just consumed with being a mum. I feel a bit lost, and I find myself missing who I was before. I avoid mirrors when I can, because I don't recognize the person looking back at me. I want to be the best role model for my girls, and I'm worried if I can't find myself again, I won't be able to do this for them. During the

The con actions.

I didn't realize I still had my headphones on when I started to push and my daughter was born to the sound of Britney's laugh. Oh my god, that's your problem right there. That's where it's all stemmed from.

I think that's where it started. On what laugh that laugh? Will snort laugh?

Probably that laugh because we've met at the snort laugh out as we've established.

Do you think did that means if a baby's actually do you know what? Fuck it? That's good laugh? Yeah.

That kids, it's like getting shut on by a bird like.

A cooko ra. Yeah. We could liken it to that. That's gonna be good luck, I think for your child. Congratulations. That's really tough, because this one's definitely probably more for you. Laura. I'm not a mum and I've never been through it, and I know there's so many different aspects of postpartum depression and trying to find who you are again and your life completely changes. I've seen that through so many people.

Firstly, I think it's really important to acknowledge that so many mums feel like this, Like there are so many women who go through motherhood and you have two under two, you have a three month old baby, you are in the trenches. I mean, they also call it the fourth trimester when you have a when you have a newborn

It's evolution, it is.

But it's not just it's not just the big changes, and sometimes like they're the things that we talk about, like you know that sleep is hard, that managing your time is hard, that your touch dad and you always have, you know, a baby, you're a person to tend to the responsibilities are high, but it's also the small things

Yeah, and I remember us having that conversation, Laura. I remember back like first pregnancy, Marley, where your whole life changed, And I remember sitting down and you saying, this sounds silly, but I don't know who I am and what to wear now. I don't know what fits me. I don't know what looks right. Even though my old coats fit me,

Yeah, and when you've had two under two, like, you've probably been off work for quite some time and so like, the things that were normal from your day to day are just not normal anymore. I still look back on photos of me after Maley and Laula were born, and I'm like, what am I wearing?

Like? But it was it was the only thing that kind of felt like it fit.

Me, fit me right then. But I don't know, I just I look back on those and I don't recognize I mean not everything about that period was bad. I don't want anyone to think of this as like a motherhood slamming conversation.

And there were way worse things than what Laura had to wear. But yeah, when I.

Look at that and I'm like, what the fuck was going on? Like that was okay, that was an interesting time in the evolution of Laura Burns.

Okay, it was fashion choices.

But I and the reason why I'm focusing on the clothes, and I know that clothes makes up the smallest part of it, but it's like the reason why I'm saying that is because it really does affect everything from the top down. I would say, right now, your three months postpartum, give yourself so much grace.

Like you do.

You're in the trenches and you do crawl out of the trenches like you do. One day you wake up and you'll be like, oh my god, I had time to like wipe my ass without my child screaming at me today, And then I was able to go for a walk and I went to pilates. And I think it's when you're able to start doing things for yourself and also having some moments of time that are on your own, you start to gain a little bit of sense of yourself again.

And it's also really important.

That you have support in order for that to happen, because what can sometimes happen is that even though you might go and have your shower or go and do the things that you feel like you're doing for yourself, you might be on high alert still for when your

Do he come to me?

Do not? I don't, I do not solve the problems for an hour, Like that's my shower for an hour.

There's water, no like shower, get ready, Like have an hour to yourself, like if your baby's fed, Like you can take that time. And it might not be feasible in the morning because maybe your partner's got to go to work, whatever that looks like. But there absolutely has to be time carved out in the day where you are able to have solo time so that you can sit and have a coffee, or you can call a girlfriend or do whatever it is that you want to do.

That's undistracted time. Oh, she literally says here at the end, thank you for bringing so much joy and laughter to this world. I've only had one night out since becoming a mum, and that was to your live show in Melbourne.

See that's two years. No wonder, you don't have a sense of who the hell you are. You're not anyone right now except a mom, except a mum, and like it's I mean, I'm so glad that you spent that night coming to hang out with us. But like, when you have two kids under two, I understand that there is a big priority, but you are also still a priority, and your partner is also still a priority. You have to be able to give each other time to have moments in life which are about you as a person

You've got to cut yourself some slack. And realistically you're saying, you know, I feel like I'm just a mum right now, but that's because you also are. You have a three month old. At the end of the day, you are keeping a small, helpless being alive, like that is your job right now as well. So you are going to feel like that is all in COmON because it is all encompassing. But you do need to be able to put that little bit of balance in. I don't know if you can do it once a week, once a month,

Yeah, and it doesn't have to be like it doesn't have to be a night out. That's not what we're suggesting. Maybe it could be pilates. It could be going for a swim like whatever that looks like for you. Maybe you go and you do a pilates class. I don't know why I keep saying polarates, but whatever, it could be that with a girlfriend, you know, and that's the person that you hang out with. But there has to be something else in your life that is beyond just being a mum for you to feel like you have

It's just not.

So I think, give yourself some grace and have some big compass with your partner around how you're feeling so that they can better support you and they can better carry the load, so that you can actually prioritize yourself a little bit.

All right question number two. My ex and I broke up in October. Recently we've been reconnecting for a bit of company in casual fun. Last weekend, I popped over to his place for just like a super chill lunch hangout, which, of.

Course I don't know why that was funny.

I know, because like, you know, you're gonna fuck. It's just a super chill light hangout. Is your exit lunchtime. You're having a lunch break. You're not going over to have a ham sandwich. But maybe they did, and then they fuck for sure? Well they did. That's the end spoil on, okay, which of course eventually led to some steamy playtime. It was one of those really hot days,

Then, God, you're in the shower.

Needless to say, I was mortified. We quickly washed it off, agreeing that we just can't come back from this one. Ah, that's so brutal. You just shit yourself. And he says, we can't come back from this. Now it's become a bit of a core memory and I can't shake it. Here is my diarrhea, I mean, my dilemma. Should I put the brakes on our casual escapades or mite a second round with a strategic bathroom break this time help us with a clean slate. I am so confused what

I would just like to point out that I did not put this question after unhit.

Brittany chose solely to put this one in. It was a little too hectic.

Wait, you dated someone for it. It broke a prolong period of time.

It broke up.

They broke up, you know, hangs and bangs accidentally shut on him, and now.

She wants to know if she needs to leave it. He put his finger in there.

Oh, he's stuck his finger in your arm.

No, we don't know that his hands were down there. She she just says, my hands are down there, and then she got diarrhea.

I think he must have put his fingers in her backside, because I don't think that someone just unless you've had something going on with you.

You got to check that out if you just accidentally, because if he's put no, because if he's put his finger up there and it's coming out with Pooh, that's something you have to accept could happen if you are not prepared for it. That's a home. That's where it belongs. That's my point. That belongs there more than a finger do. That's why I think she'said exactly. That's why I think

I think it's fine. I think you can just laugh it off and be like that was awkward. You don't even have to you don't even have to talk about it again. But him saying like, we can't come back from this, because.

They both said that.

I think you can come back from it. It's your ex boyfriend, it's fine. If it was just a hangs and bangs guy that you did not care about, I would not come back from it.

I think you can come back. But I absolutely think you can come back from it.

I think it's not whatever you were in the shower, you were right there near the soap washhand.

No, if it's a one night you just met the guy, you shit on him, I wouldn't have gone back. I think you'd leave that one if it was if you're on tinder block delete Yeah.

But like this match, this is a guy that you've dated for a considerable amount of time by the sounds of things, and now you're like quite happily having hangs and bangs and you're in the shower, and you know what, if he can't take you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best.

It depends. I just it depends. I just had so many mental images going through what this situation could look back in the shower, Like imagine the diary just pouring out or down the shower. But I don't think it was that. I take it there, Brittany, because that's where we are. I'm a visual person, so I needed to play this scene out. I don't like the fact that

But if you did just totally accidentally shot yourself, like and you had no idea that you did it, I really think you should probably get that checked out because that doesn't sound normal, Like that's not like but you also know you no one like but you know if you've you know, like, no one okay, man, but you know you do a shot, you know, like you've at some point discover you don't have someone be like, hold on, look at what's here unless you have like a lack

I don't think we have to tell she's got a health problem. Some people do just poop. Some people have this, No, I'm being serious, some people do have loose bowels, and if you're in the shower and it slipped out, you're not going to feel it as much, right because people when they shot and I'm not saying people I have not shouted on record, but well please you don't.

You also don't need that caveat everyone's shouted.

No, they haven't. That is such a blanket statement. Everyone has not shot it. But my point is people do. The reason you know you've done it is because usually you have pants on and you feel it. But if she has accidentally done that in the shower, she's not going to have known because there's water and it's loose and it's coming out. So I just think, at the end of the day, hang on, just stop this. Why fucking your ex anyway, you've shot on him, he's your ex.

Interesting question.

I would just like to end it with I do think you can come back from this. I don't think that it's a big deal. Everybody goes to the toilet. If he's that weird out by it and wigged out by it, then that says a lot more about him.

It's but also it is easy to say that if I was getting hot and steamy and I actually pooed on someone's hand, I would also be mortified, but I would I would laugh it off. I would just be like wow, like that's gonna go down in history. Crazy, so crazy, Oh my god, could you believe that that just happened? Okay, question number three? Please, let's move on. Question number three. I am a female, married and deem in my late twenties. I've always enjoyed sex, but as

Here's lots of time on your own.

No, but it's a tricky discovery when you assumed that you were having orgasms or reaching like some sort of peak with your partner, to then discover, oh, actually, like that's not and potentially it's why you don't have the same sex drive, and that's kind of declined because you're not actually sexually satisfied. And I mean, like, there's probably a few ways that you can navigate this, But if this was me, I would not tell my partner.

That he's never made me orgasm.

I don't know if that's going to be like the right way of attacking the situation to start with, especially when he thinks he has. But I would maybe have a conversation and say, hey, I recently bought a vibrator and I have done X Y and it's really really great and it feels really amazing. Is there a way that we can try and replicate that or bring it into the bedroom, you know, when we're having sex.

I would love for you to be able to be included in that. I don't know is that offensive?

Is that going to make him turn around and be like, what are you mean?

I think that there's a way that you can include the vibrator into your relationship so that maybe you can get an oh, but he can be the one facilitating it.

I don't know how I feel about it, because I do think you need to move forward with honesty and I'm really thinking through this. I don't think the conversation necessarily has to be you've never made me orgasm.

No, I think that that's too too harsh.

Yeah, I think the conversation can be different, But I think I don't know how you'd navigate this without telling him the truth in a way. Now, firstly, ten to fifteen percent of women, so we're told with the internet, actually don't or can't orgasm, So not every single woman can. Now, we have had some sex ologiers before that have disputed that. There are people that say that they don't believe those

Yeah, and also on that it's been I mean, it's well documented that a lot of people who have volvers can't orgasm or climax from penetrative sex.

Right, Like those people can't.

Yeah, most people can't.

And there are a lot of women out there who aren't able to come unless they're using vibrators. Like, I don't think that this is an unusual thing, but I don't think it should be stigmatized that that is the way that you're able to reach climax, Like you shouldn't be penalized or punished because your partner's ego is going to be hurt.

I think there has to be a.

Way to be able to incorporate it into your sex life so that you're able to reach the same level of climax. And I don't think it should be I mean, it's tricky because I know that we are saying it shouldn't be seen as something that should be like ego hurt, but that doesn't necessarily mean that that's how it's going to play out when you have the conversation. So I do think be careful around making sure that it's an inclusive conversation around like how you can both get more enjoyment out of.

Your sex together.

But I don't think you're alone in discovering that you have a better climax when you do it to yourself with a vibrator than what you do with a partner, because like you also control everything, you know exactly where and what to do as you're in the midst of it, whereas like your partner's not a mind reader and doesn't have that same sort of ability or understanding.

A man could be the best fucker in the world and you could like he could win a competition that's like, hey, I'm the best lover. You could still introduce a vibrator on top of that and it will be better. Like it doesn't have to be an ego hit. And it's just that saying you don't know until you know, And that's what's happened for you. You haven't known until you've known. Now you know, and he needs to know that you know that you don't know till you know.

There's an article from a sexologist named Tracy Cox right, and she's said that there are lots of women who wouldn't have orgasms all if it wasn't for the humble vibrator. And it's more about finding ways that can bring you to climax, rather than expecting that your partner is the only person or only thing that would be able to do that. So like teaching them or teaching yourself another

I always think about it in reverse too, like if my partner came to me and said, hey, I tried this sex tweet. Oh my god, sex feels ten times better. I'd be excited by that. I'd be like, awesome.

Yeah, I think you wouldn't say sex fells ten times better. I think you'd say it felt really intense.

But that's what I mean. If if my partner came to me and said this increases my feeling, that wouldn't offend me. I'd be like, how cool that we found something that makes you feel better. Like, and I understand egos are different for men and women or whatever, but I just think that's should way. When you approach it that way, it shouldn't be But I think it's the way you say it. It's the way you bring it to him. And if you've never used it before, you

Last question.

Last year, I went on a UNI exchange and in the last few weeks there I met a British guy who I genuinely believe.

Could be my person.

Since then, we have kept in contact and I have met him in Bali and again back in the UK for a few weeks later in the year. My dilemma now is that I have agreed to go on a cruise with my friend in April for contacts with this friend. She has been my best friend for a few years, but because of some things that happened last year, she now lives with my ex boyfriend of four years that's random, and a few other people who don't run in my

So my question is how terrible of a friend am I?

And or will this ruin my friendship if I prioritize seeing the potential love of my life over this cruise with my best friend. Also a little bit more context. She was so excited when I told her I was going to come on the cruise and has not been overly supportive of this British man I've been obsessing over. So I really feel like me doing this would be taken very personally, and I'm worried that we potentially won't

No one has a mirror ball.

I have two very different opinions. It's hard because, like you, I did it. Yes, no, I didn't do it. You didn't cancel something on me? But yes, no, but Ben did it? So okay, hear me out straight up. Is this going to jeopardize your friendship? Probably? Yeah, And you've said that we don't know that. You've said that.

Yes, you have written that she was so excited, she's already got to be in a bonnet about the guy she is.

It's going to change your friendship.

The only thing here.

Is hope with your ex. Yeah, that's weird.

The only thing is here? Why the fuck is she with your egg? No, but it would be different. There's a few variables. It'd be different for me if this was a holiday that they were going on as two friends and she bailed. Her whole family is going Did I hear that right? Like she's on a trip with her.

Family, yes, and she's invited her friend to come.

Yep. So she's like, Hey, I'm on this trip with my family. Do you want to come? And you're like, yeah, you know what, got nothing else to do? Sure? Now you do have something else to do. Which it's tricky because you're only leaving her where she started. She never started the trip with you. She was on a family trip. You're going to come. You're not so there that I don't think she will see it like that. She won't, but let hear me out. This is why it's slightly

It's true.

Take that as a quote. But if you cast your guys mind back a couple of years. In the first year that Ben and I were together, there was a moment that we did talk about in the podcast, but if you missed it, which highly likely did, Ben had like a friend's wedding that he was invited to, and it was the one time in six months that he and I could see each other because of our holidays, and so we were still in the early stages of

I know, this is such a hard one because, like Britt, you are the exception. What you guys have experienced. Is not standard, you know. And I think the other part of this to keep in mind is you said that this is the only time in a year.

I think it was that you'd be able to see him.

Are you going to be able to sustain a year of long distance with only two weeks together. I just think that there's some big conversations to have with him first, because you've obviously been to Bally to see him, You've gone to the UK to see him, like you are making effort and you guys are keeping in contact and everything else, like you will know what is happening. But I think that there should be some big conversations around like are you in a relationship together?

Like are you actually exclusive? Is that what's happening again? Do you just have a crush?

Because the difference for you, Britt is like you guys were exclusive at least at that point in time and obsessed, You had a close relationship, you were a boyfriend and girlfriend. You'd already made that commitment to each other. I don't know, and it doesn't to me, doesn't sound like that's the case here. It sounds like it's two people who are infatuated with each other and you've you know, you've still got your own things going on in your lives, but

He needs to one hundred You need to be together. Yeah, this shouldn't eve even Aye, Sorry I just made that assumption. This shouldn't even be a conversation if you're not together.

I don't think they are. I think that they're still. I mean, who knows. But it's like, this is the boy that I'm obsessed with, But she hasn't actually said that this is her partner, this is what she's in a relationship with.

Yeah, this is my genuine response. And there is zero reason that this can't happen. I think he comes to see you. You both go on the cruise together. They're with their family, you're with your friend. He's there seeing something else.

No, that's weird. You can't invite it.

Weird. Also the cruise ship. Sorry, this girl and her family don't own the cruise ship.

It's not that though.

It's about inviting your friend to come and have a holiday with you, and then they've brought their new boyfriend.

They're not gonna spend time with you.

Yes, you will, you have Well, that would be that, That would be what I would do if one hundred percent, I would say, hey, can we come on the cruise. She's got her family, she's got her whole group. There's zero reason you can't also say, hey, do you know what this could be really cool? You can get to know a guy that's important to me. You're important to me. There's ways to spin this. I ways to spin this.

I do not think that that will be well received.

FI gross cross. Hang on, is it a neutist orgie cruise? You know those like sex cruises, pie cruissm No, I.

Think it's probably just a carnival and they're just gonna go and have a nice little times Peanuts. It's probably a Disney cruise, Okay, I don't know. I don't think that you can take the boy that you barely see, because you guys are just gonna want to have sex twenty four hours a day. Like you're not gonna want

Like that's going to create a weird dynamic. I don't know. It goes two ways because if you were I don't want to say if you're a real friend, but if you had a really close friendship close enough to go away, you can have that conversation where you're like, hey, hey, this is what's happening. I really like this guy. It's the only time he can come on holiday, do you reckon? He can come on the cruise. Like, it's not like you're sleeping in a bed with her, she's with her family.

That's why trying to tell me, honestly, that if Ben came over, if he was coming here for three weeks or two weeks or whatever, and we were going away on a holiday with my family and you were like, Okay, I'm going to bring Ben on the cruise with you, that you would still prioritize time with me and my family.

You'd hang out all day long. You would.

I'd be like, where's You'd be like into the reception is bad down and the drudges, but of course you still have.

She's still gonna have her moments with her family. You're not gonna you don't want to hang out with your friends, parents and brothers and sisters for a fucking crew whole cruise. It's different. It's not you're not going to a really romantic airbnb where it's secluded on a private beach and it's just a family. It's a cruise with thousands of people, thousands of restaurants, entertainment like these thousands I don't know, but you know what I mean. These cruise ships are humongous.

The reason is, let me give you one more spanner as to why that won't work, because the reason why she's invited her is because she's probably got a room, so they will share a bed together.

We don't know that with speculation, but I speculation.

Cruises sell out very quickly and it's very okay cruise they do, they do. But it's also like she's probably invited her because she's got a spare, like she's got the double bed and it's a twin room.

She's invited it because she doesn't want to be on a holiday with a family. No, but there's space for her.

I doubt that she said, hey, come on this cruise and completely book yourself your own bedroom, because if it was that was the case, and I'd be like, sure, it's different, she's booked entirely or her own room. What I'm reducing from what she said, is that she's been invited because it probably makes sense from a numbers perspective

And so if you are at a point.

Where you're like, okay, I'm okay with the friendship being damaged and potentially never coming back from this, then that's the decision to make. But I think be careful because I think often relationships are not the exception that you think they are, and so you could throw away a really important friendship for someone who might not be ready to make the commitments that you are if you haven't had those conversations first.

If you think that this could be your person and you guys are together, then I think it's a different conversation because at some point you do have to prioritize yourself. You weren't going on the cruise just with your friend. She was already going with her family. You were invited as an extra to make it a bit more fun. That to me is different. But unless I know how important this person is to you, And again, I'm not normal because that's how I met the love of my life,

The only other thing to add to it is, I know you've said this is the only three weeks that he can come over here, but is there not the possibility for you to go back over there to spend time with him, and maybe he can pay for those flights. If it's about you, guys, being together, then it shouldn't be whether he travels here or you travel there. But yeah, I think you absolutely should only be doing this, so making these sacrifices for someone who's.

Committed to you.

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