Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on de rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and Brittney's gun and Fear's alone.
It's not in right now. I forgot to put it in. Oh my god, I forgot.
I've always said you had it on and then you were like.
I was like, do you think I can record with it on? And then I forgot to put it in? So I did. Two days ago I got invisil line again. Now I have had in Visilne. I had it five years ago. I had it for about six or seven months because my teeth weren't that bad, just a few little crooked pick offences.
Also, this is not sponsored by in Vizilin.
It is not sponsored. No. So five years ago I had in visil line, fixed my teeth right up and then very unnew usual for her, but delilah.
Ate she never eats anything that's important. Ever, She never She only eats things very important. But she ate my retainer. How many retainers did she eat? Two?
Three, four? You know, shaite two, shade two. Yeah, So when you finish your in visil line, it's not just over. You have to then wear a plate forever at night time. It's like a retainer, so every night for the rest of existence, so that your teeth don't move. You put this anyway, it's very annoying. It's hard to remember whatever. That's irrelevant. Delilah ate my visil line, set ate it, tewed it to bits and I was like, that's so annoying. I have one more left. Then she buried that one
in the yard. Cannot find it.
It's kind of like when you lose a car key and then you have one car key left and you just you just run it. You run it so long. You know you should get a spare, but you do it so long until you also lose that one, and then you're fucked.
And then you do lose it and it kind of happen and then your teeth move as a matter of time and you can't drive your car anymore.
Now you're snag.
So yeah, I've got the little clips on my teeth, but I have a tiny, little they very little lisp. It's cute when I wear it, so I have to get used to it before I put on for the recorder. I was the whole way through.
Do you know?
I think I've told you this.
I used to have a gap so big between my front teeth that I could fit a two dollar coin between it. Before I got in visil line, I kind of face is like, what that's a little gapping map. Yeah, like a gapping gapster. I used to be able to like put coins between it. My mom, Oh, it was a joke. I used to get called a piggybank.
That's really mean.
Is it cute? It's so mean. Yeah, I've got lots of childhood trauma. We could start unpacking it one day if you want to.
There are supermodels with gaps that are only supermodels because of their gaps.
So yeah, that's where I went wrong. I got mine closed up and then the career was over.
That was the only Yeah.
Yeah, well, I mean yesterday we went to Melbourne, had a cute day.
Yeah, down and back just for lung, did.
A fly by, and now we're here, ready to answer all your deep dark and you're burning questions.
So I had this realization this morning. Do you know those like how do you know your partner's not gonna cheat on you? Kind of thing? They're pretty funny.
Wait, you had a realization that Ben wasn't gonna cheat on you, or you realize you were't gonna cheat on bed.
Well, it's made me want to put this out to the life is right because I had a realization this morning. I was getting ready for work, and I always FaceTime Ben in the morning. I'm usually this is my preference. I'm usually waxed down there.
Do you wax? Do laser? Do you? So?
I lasered many moons ago and then I didn't again, didn't do the follow up the same as it's retainer. You just get away from me. It's like, that's a real theme going on here.
Now you wax the stragglers.
Well, no, it's no, it didn't. It just grows back aftertime. If you don't continue your laser, it goes back to pretty much normal.
So is it not like thinner or whispy.
There's not a wisp. It's not like a blowdry, it's not bouncy. It's just it's thinner. Yeah, it grows back less, but it's still pretty normal. Like it's a pretty normal growth. Now. I have not maintained that since I came back from Scotland to see bands, so it's been a couple of months. I'm just I'm just living my best life. It is wild.
It's three months, yeah, almost three months. Three months of growth, which is fine if you're somebody who embraces full bush. But knowing that you're not that person, it's.
Fine if you are a busher. I'm not a busher at all.
I'm like a bull turkey.
Sure was not going to say that.
Like a little hairless cat.
Yeah, I'm the Persian cat. That sounds better than what sphinx sphinx cat. Yeah whatever, We're really getting off track. My vagina is not wrinkling. I am not like a sphinx cat. It is just usually hairless. So I'm getting ready for next morning jumping the shower and he caught a glimpse. He was like, well, it's like, what's going on down there? I started laughing. I said, hey, at
least you know I'm not cheating on you. He's like, why, because you got the bush and I was like, yeah, like I would maintain this if I was ever gonna cheat on you. If the day comes that you're not here and this is like looking beautiful and maintain, you know something's up.
Are you saying that you will only maintain for someone else? Like if you're on your own, you will not, Like, none of that is for your own. I don't know. Sense of sexiness. It's only if you're single and you think that you're gonna get.
Some, not all the time. Sometimes I would in the past, but I've been really busy and tired, and I haven't even been able to go to the beach right lately. I've been really I just have been working in the days. That's it. I've been really committed. But I went to the beach the other day with producing Geisha. I took my pants off and given producing Gisha was like wow because I had like this high cat bikini. She's like, oh, you've been lazy back home. And I looked down and
I was like, oh my god. It's like and there's nothing wrong with bush, but I just it really hit home then because I just ignore it. I don't even look down there, to be honest, when I'm welcome.
To being married and having two kids, I can't even tell you what it's like anymore.
There you go.
Now.
I know it is trivial. I know it's ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with the bush. I cannot stress that enough. But for me, I don't like it. I don't want it, and historically speaking, I haven't had it. So it is that kind of a thing where it's like, now that it's here, if I'm jazzing it up questions. It's like when you used to go out.
I don't know if.
Anyone else has ever done this or if this is again just me, but when you used to go out, if you were like if you were single, and you're like, I definitely just want to go to my friends. I don't want to hook up with anyone. I want to make sure I'm looking up with anyone. So you wear
like your biggest bridge at Jones is you. You're like as unsexy as it can get, so that if the if thecious nodding her head, if the opportunity presents itself, you've got to remember that you've got your bridget Jones is on, Yeah, your Grainny Undies or whatever else. It's sort of like that, But no, I do still sometimes when I've got the energy maintain it. But I just haven't lately, and I just haven't felt the need. I just I just really want to live my best life.
Do you know what mine is? Mineus? If I don't draw my eyebrows on, like, I get to a point where I'm like.
Oh my extreme, I don't.
So Matt knows if you put your eyebrows on his well, no, Like I don't put eyebrows on for myself. It's for other people, but I'll only do it when I'm leaving the house or like, but if I'm just a home with Matt, no eyebrows, But eyeraws are very important to me.
Okay, so eyebrows is your think, I ras are my thing.
Like if I'm like, if I'm really staunched on never leaving the house without it, it's because.
If anyone else being like a thing, like maybe their partner plays video games or something like or just ordered twenty one new video games, You're like, feel pretty safe. They're not gonna do let us know if you have one.
All right, well, there was something else you wanted to seek about before we get into answering all you're deep, dark and you're burning questions, and that is h Hugh Grant at the Oscars.
Yeah, I imagine most people have seen this by now, but.
I hadn't seen that.
I actually was surprised by that because you do live on your phone and it is everywhere.
I've been very busy.
So Hugh Grant and Ashley Graham have had this altercation. And I don't want to say I say altercation in rabbity is because it wasn't really, but okay, they're going viral. I woke up after the Oscars and all I could read online is how much of an asshole Hugh Grant was, how rude Hugh Grant was. Can't believe he did that. Everyone was saying, I can't believe Hugh Grant did this. If you don't want to be at the Oscar's on the red carp and be interfew, don't go. Why do
you have to be such a prick? Is it hard to just have some respect? Because Ashley Graham, who came into the spotlight for being plus sized model body positivity in the States, and now she's interviewing, which is amazing, Like she's on the Oscars interviewing some of the biggest stars in the world.
It is pretty cool.
Have a little listen, Hugret, you are a veteran of the Oscars and you've been here a few times. What's your favorite thing about coming to the Oscars?
Well, love, it's fascinating.
It's the whole of humanity is here. It's it's fantasy fair. Oh, it's all about vanity fair.
Yes, that's where we let loosen have a little go fun. What are you most excited to see tonight?
To see?
Yeah, well I know that you probably watched a few of the movies. Are you excited to see anybody?
When?
Do you have your hopes up for anyone? Not?
No one in particular?
Okay, well what are you wearing tonight?
Then?
Just my suit?
Your suit?
Major suit?
You didn't make it, I can't remember my Taylor.
That's okay, to the tailor. So tell me what does it feel like to be in Glass Onion? It was such an amazing film.
I really loved it. I love a thriller.
How fun is it to shoot something like that?
Well, I'm barely in it. I'm in it for about three seconds.
Yeah, but still you showed up and you had fun?
Right almost?
Okay, all right, okay, Well thank you so much. It was nice to talk to you all right, back to you guys.
Okay. So I hadn't seen this until this morning, and Britt comes in and she's like, I really want to talk about the Ashley and q Grant situation, to which I was none the wiser, but now, but now I feel like I'm fully abreast of it. I don't think it is that bad. Do I think he's an asshole? Do I think he treated her terribly in the big Carbet? No, I don't think it's that bad. I do think that maybe it's been quite inflamed. I haven't seen all the
articles that you've read. I haven't seen like the backlash that he's received, so I can't speak to how bad it's been.
Well, they've literally labeled it viral. They're like, this has gone viral.
Okay, Well, I mean, I think though he's given her nothing like it would be incredibly nerve wracking to be the person to ask questions on the red carpet. I think her questions are particularly poor. I think they're particularly average questions which he's just not giving her anything back. I mean, I do think he could have been a little bit nicer and maybe been a little bit more enthusiastic.
But I guess the big debate that we've been having in the office is whether or not there's a responsibility for.
Him to be that. Well, this is the thing. If you guys go and watch the clip, I imagine maybe it's a country by country thing. Maybe it's Americans, British Australians. Maybe we formulated our opinions differently. Neither of them were amazing. She was not a good interviewer, I don't think. And he didn't respond well. And now maybe this was a domino effect or like a bouncing effect, because she didn't give him good questions. He didn't give her good answers,
flustered her. She gave him worse questions back. He was getting over it. I don't know if this is what it was. It was like a table tennis back and forth of a shit fight. Her interview style was fine for maybe an every day down the street interview with some or a local premiere. I don't think it was up to the standard of an oscar red carpet, and
I think that's what Hugh probably thought. I also think Hugh probably thought she didn't really know much about him, which maybe he got defensive about because the questions were very simple. She asked him about the Glass Sungions movie he was in and how amazing it was to film that, and people are saying he was rude because he said back to her, I mean I was only in it for three seconds, because he made the smallest cameo. I don't think that's rude. She asked him how amazing it
was to film. He was like, I don't know. I opened a door. I was in it for three whole seconds, Like I just wasn't there, I thought.
She asked him, did you have fun? Like is it fun? She did, which I think, I mean, obviously the answer is yes, I had fun. But it's truly I guess I think it kind of trivialized. Is it a bit right if that's the only if you have this one opportunity to ask someone a question on the red carpet or the Oscars, and you're asking Hugh Grant what he's wearing, and if he had heaps of fun doing a movie that he only was in for four seconds, when he is a literal superstar yeah and has been the lead
role of many movies. I feel like it just trivialized his accomplishments. And that was probably why he wasn't. I mean, I don't think he was rude. I think he didn't give her anything. That was it. It was the lack of enthusiasm. But I think the reason for the lack of enthusiasm is because of the lack of prep that she's put into the questions.
I think so, And my heart goes out to her because you can see that she's like viscerally nervous. I feel like, as someone that has done interviews, it is nerve wracking. No, no, I know you have too, Laura. It's a horrible feeling, especially when things go off peace and then not going the way you think they're going to go, which is what happened for her. And she did a good enough job. She still came across okay.
But I felt for her because I could feel and see her nerves and I could hear it in her voice. She kept it together, but at the end of the day, like she threw a question to him when she panicked, what are you wearing? We have heard so many women in the past come out on the red carpet and say, but you know, please don't ask me that, ask me about what I've just done. Ask me about my work, ask me about what I'm doing, because you know, this is my life and I'm putting so much into it.
Let's not focus on what I look like in this hot second. Maybe you felt they maybe he was like, oh, you know, I've done so much work and so much acting on it. He's literally anclaimed actor. Does that make him a wanker for wanting that? I don't know. Maybe, but she's gone down the root of what head you wear?
And I think at the end of the day, these people are walking down the red carpet with so many media, they get like a minute or two with each person, they move on, they do questions again, So we don't know. This is a small snippet in a big night. We don't know where she was in the interview, Q, how many he'd done, whatever. But I don't think this interview deserves the hate that Hugh is getting around the world right now. It is not actually wild.
I think when somebody is not giving a good interview and they don't and haven't done the prep on that person, and they don't seem to know anything that would like spark an interesting conversation, I do think that it would be very exasperating for that person who's then got to carry the interview, got to seem like they're enthusiastic about something that they're not. However, there is a lot to be said about when you're the person who is in
that position. So Hugh being hugely successful, he is at the top of his he once upon a time was not at the top of his game. He once upon a time would have been the person that was nervous totally. He would have been in the situation where maybe he fumbled questions, maybe he wasn't able to, you know, perform. And I think it goes so far to give an olive branch. When you see someone doing that, it shows
a real level of kindness and empathy. If you can see that someone's struggling on the receiving end, maybe they're not doing their job well in that space, give them more because it makes their job easier. And I think in this instance he could have leaned into being nice and giving more, but instead he was a bit like what the fuck are you asking me, which I think is not the most helpful or kind way of going
about it. Do I think that makes him an asshole? No, But I think that there's many factors here, and maybe the backlash has been a bit too extreme.
Yeah, of course he could have given them more. Everyone can always give them more. But then the argument, And I do want to say I didn't formulate my opinion until I did a lot of deep diggy.
I also want to say, I think most people read articles and then you get a vibe. You're like, yeah, that guy's an asshole. You are Can you see five seconds of a clip? You don't actually watch the extended version of what happens, And then you're formulating an opinion based on other people's opinion, which is very fucking dangerous.
Yes. The last thing I want to say is a lot of British have come out in his defense, some actors, like some people in the Spotlight, just some everyday folk and have said, guys, this, this is not rude. This is literally just British. This is the way we are. We aren't over the top and enthusiastic like Americans are, so we don't converse in the same way.
Could he have given more?
Yes? Is he supposed to be the most hate man in the world today for that interview? Absolutely not. And I only come out in his defense a little bit because I think it's really unfair that, like you just said, I think a lot of people very easily these days don't consume news and media in the right way. I think we scroll past. I've done it before. We scroll past, we read the headline, we formulate the opinion, we tell everyone else, we get angry. Do you see how much
a wanker here Grant was? What do you do? I don't know it was really rude on the red carpet though, but yeah, I didn't seen it. And that's just a small example. So I think that this one was a prime example of consuming new in a better way.
Well also, just like it's a perfect example of how some things are just not that bad as what they seem like when you read a headline. Absolutely click before we get into answering your questions, we have a vibe for this week. What we would like to recommending it? Kick it off for what what I you?
I abon? All right, well, I'm not proud to say this one.
I know what you're gonna say.
And I'm so glad that I influenced you. Laura Burn influenced me.
I have an influencer everybody.
If you influenza, if youf o Laura. You'll see that sporadically. She posts like herself in a very scary mask. It's not ad dress up mask. It's like a lead light mask. It's supposed to make your skin all beautiful. You walk its hand, it's got a little battery thing in the hand, and you do it not look like I'm twenty one years old again like it because I looked at you and I was like, your skin looks really good. What
have you You've been doing? You're like the mask. You even took it to ULARU Like when we went to the Northern Territory. You walked out in the mask and I was like, okay, she's got you do you have an addictive personality, but you had an addiction to the mask. And I was like, okay, she's either been sucked into some advertising online or she's onto something.
I haven't been sucked in and I'm not addicted to it. You have to be dedicated. You have to use there every other night of the week for ten minutes.
And I took it to the Gold Coast with me, so I anyway, I went to my you are glowing. Thanks, You're just saying that. I went to the skin specialist that I always go to. You guys know that I do a lot of stuff with my skin.
Every same day I'm doing something at the skin doctor. I'm waiting for you to call me and say I've got a facelift. Honestly, everything evasive one I know, but ever real one every day genuinely.
You're like, I'm out that bureau and I'm like, Gus, I've just getting my skin done. You're like, what do you gain?
Ten percent of brit skin is actually her skin still.
I've grafted it from a beautiful chart. Yes, I mean, I'm proud of my skin because I put a lot of time and money into it. But it's one thing that I want to Anykay, we're getting off, don't you come for me for looking after my skin.
Fret's vibe is the omni lugs.
Let me get there. So I went to my skin specialists that I go to every day and I said, look, Laura's been posting his mask. She's like, I know, I've seen it, and I said, tell me the truth, because I'm getting sucked in. Do I want to buy it? Doesn't do anything? And she said absolutely, She said I use it myself at home. Anyway, I bought it that afternoon, came the next day, very quick delivery. It's an omnilux, not sponsored. Should be omnilux, Yeah, definitely should be sponsored
because it's very expensive. Yeah, and I also have an addiction now. I walk around all the time with it because you've got a little batch from your hand. I took it up to the Gold Coast like you took it to ULARU. Like, I'm committed, and I've been I don't know if this is the right thing. You suppose it for ten minutes a day, I've been doubling it. I've been doing twenty minutes. I'm like, I hope it doesn't burn my face off, but I'm doing twenty. So
that's my recommendation. It is not cheap. It is about six hundred dollars five pounds. If you can get it on sale, you can get it for three or four. But from what I have been told, and don't hold me to this, but what I have been told, it is a great mask and if you are going somewhere and constantly getting these things done, it might be the right thing for you. Okay, Well, I'm glad that I influenced you. Douc Keisha's wearing crocs now, so so a
double influencer. You've double whemmy, yeah, double whammy this week? Good for me?
All right, Well, I have a recommendation. It is a book. It is from a wonderful woman who we interviewed on the podcast. I think it was like two years ago now, Kath Kochel. She is phenomenal. She speaks about kindness and her book is called aptly named Kindness. I'm just gonna read this little blurb. It's what's surviving on the kindness
of strangers. Taught me about perspective, connection and happiness. Now, if you haven't listened to the interview that we did with Cath, it is and has been one of my favorite interviews for so long. We'll pop a link into the show notes. Go and have a listen to it after this. But she speaks about her injury that she suffered, how she taught herself to walk again, and how much kindness as a I mean as a vehicle for healing herself, as a vehicle for giving her life purpose has changed her.
And she has a foundation called the Kindness Factory. She truly is a phenomenal woman and I'm not doing it justice, but I would love to recommend her book and also go back listen to that episode also. Now, this is a very selfish one, but Tony May is having a sale today and so I'm going to throw that in there as my vibe because it is a twenty five percent off flash sale just for the day.
So if you listen to this today, go by is that sponsored? Have you? Have you brought your kischen and jewel real?
This episode is brought to you by Tony May. We are having a flash sale twenty five percent off.
No, it's amazing. I'm going to go get something tomorrow as well.
Yeah, you get things for free though when you remember. Yeah, let's get into the questions question number one, when is it okay to be someone's second choice? For context, I met this guy five years ago and we followed each other on Instagram. Fast forward and we went on a nice date a few weeks ago. The following week, I got a message saying that he had such a great time and he really likes me, but his ex had been in contact and he felt as though things weren't
finished between them. Fast forward again. Dam It's been two months and he's now messaging me saying that things are well and truly finished between him and his ex and that he'd liked to give us a go again. Would you go yes?
Go where away? Or go back? Could you go on a date? Would you go to Alaska? Would you give him another chance? Yes?
You are a glutton for punishment.
For the reason is commence this guy five years ago for each other on Instagram. Fast forward when on a date. He's been really honest. Right, So I have also been in a situation, but he has been honest where he's broken up with someone, he's tried to get back into the world. I actually I literally did this last year. I've just thought about this. He broke up with someone, he's tried to get back into the dating world. You've gone on a date with him. He's been honest and said.
I need to close the chapter if something might.
Still be there. I'm just not really pasted it yet. I'm going to go back and finish that chapter or extend that chapter, whatever that's going to be. I'm going to reread the chapter. So he's gone back, it's obviously finished. He has closed it. He had feelings for you. He's come back and he said, I just want to let you know. I'm I'm all ready now, do you want to go on a date? I did exactly that last year, and I think it's okay. I wanted to move on
from my past relationship started to see this guy. He was great, like he was actually a nice guy, but I still had these feelings and I still needed to close the other chapter. So I was honest with him, closed the chapter, and then I went back to him because I was because he was a nice guy, and I was like, okay, I feel like I'm ready now, and he was about it. He's like, no worries, I understand you had to go and do that. I don't think he's done the wrong thing here. Actually, I think
he's been pretty honest. I think it's a different thing if it wasn't an ex relationship and he's just like flitting between two people constantly, like I can't choose, Like I don't know if I want you or I don't know if I want Sally. You're both great. I'm just gonna go see Sally for a week and come. That's different. But this was a past relationship. He's been honest and now he wants to explore it with you. I would explore it if he shows his fuck boy cards straight
out of the bat, different story. But I wouldn't be shutting this down right now.
I do think it's important, though, to kind of like reflect on the fact that it does feel like you're the second choice. Right It's easy to say, like, oh, just go and try it. See, like when you've been invested in someone and you like them and then they've turned around and said, hey, there's actually someone else, and then they're like, oh, that didn't work out, I'll try
you again. Like that feels pretty shit, And it also can breed massive insecurities in someone as to whether that person's going to be invested brids someone because she was the one who did it. She's like, give them a chance.
No, because the other thing is I don't want to. I mean, I'm going to call a Spader's bade here. You met five years ago. You just went on a date, like you've been the second choice for a long time. There's been a lot of people before you of the last five years. You didn't meet last week and he can't make his mind up. It's been five years. I think, go on the day. Yeah, okay, I forgot about that five life you've been the second choice. Let it go.
No, But I think I mean making this question a bit more broad. I think this does happen in a much shorter timeframe pretty frequently. I have a situation which is from my past, where I dated someone for a long time. We were together, and then he started dating someone else, and then I came back into the picture for him, and he kind of went between the two
of us. It was really hard for him because I think he thought of me as a fly risk, but the other girl was safe at the time, right, and so he was trying to choose between who he wanted to be with. He is now married to her. He now has children with her, and.
I still hate him.
No, no, no no, And I think at the time, this is not me trying to blow smoke up my ass. But she would have felt like she was the second choice because he broke up with her, came back to me, got back with her when I broke up with him, got back with me again, Like he broke up with her two times to get back with me. Wild then they got back together.
A third time.
Good guy, Yeah, great guy, great guy, you know, and she gave him multiple chances that I think and yeah, well no, I yeah, that was more into the story.
We're ready to get unto that.
But the thing is he is now married to her, they have children, he's in a committed relationship, and he loves her. She is no longer the second choice. And I think that that's so important sometimes when our relationship starts off with this rocky back and forth, if someone then makes that commitment and wants to be in that relationship, that doesn't mean that you are forever then and forever more the second choice of that relationship. Your first relationship,
your first priority, is the one that you choose. And I think you can give this the opportunity to be something amazing, give it a chance. And if he does exactly as you said, Britt, show his fuck boy cards, and you continue to feel like a second option, then obviously it's not the right relationship and you should walk away. But I don't think that we should just be so quick to say I'm not giving that person a chance
because they tried something else before me. I do think it's important though, for a self preservation perspective, say, like you've been in a relationship with someone, I'm going to throw a different scenario out there. Say you've been in a relationship for a long time with someone, they've fallen out of love with you and they want to be with someone else, and then they've come back to you.
That's a much harder situation to try and navigate. When someone who you've been in a committed relationship leaves you for someone else and then comes back, that really does make you feel like a second choice. And I think that every situation is dependent, and what it comes down to isn't so much that other person and the fact that they're choosing you. Now, it comes down to how are you going to be in that relationship? Can you
trust them? Are you going to be able to build a foundation and believe that you're their first choice eventually? Because that shit can reak such havoc on your self confidence and in your ability to feel safe in a relationship and like they're not just going to run away and be with someone else.
Relationships are super messy and convoluted. They're very rarely straightforward.
Sometimes I think we romanticize messy, complicated relationships too much though, and think that that's the norm.
Well, what I mean by that is I genuinely believe we are starting to possibly become too quick to cut people off at the knees and say they've done the wrong thing and not sit there and actually listen to them and hear them out and think about it. I think I think as a generation, we're starting to become too quick to jump on the defensive and say what a dickhead when you sit there and break it down.
When I say relationships can be complicated and messy if he is with his ex partner for quite a long time, very rarely are breakups and endings easy. Very rarely is it? I mean, sometimes it is sure we don't like each other, we're breaking up, move on, we'll be friends where I'm great, what a dream. But that's not a common thing. So in this particular situation, and I encourage everybody to start
to do this. When you know you're fronted with something that is a tricky conversation, look at it like this. This guy has actually been super honest. He has said he really likes you. Then he has said I don't want to mess you around. There is something I need to still work out with my ex, so I need to go and do that, which is basically him saying
I can't give you what you need right now. Great, he's honest, he's gone and done that, and then he's come back and said, if you give me another go, I'd love to take you out because I've closed that chapter, which I couldn't do before, couldn't be there for you before because I was still half my foot's still half in the door with the other relationship. There is no
harm to be done by going on another date. But like Laura said, to reiterate, now you start to see him and you still are unsure, and you still feel like the second choice, even though there's no one else. You still feel like he's out there looking around for something better, not the right thing. But definitely give for to go because you don't know if something amazing, a magical could come from that. There's no harm in it. Second is fuck boy cart is out, Get out of
the door? Question two? How can I distance our relationship without ruining it? I have a half sister, same mum, different dad, that is a few years older than me, and due to some family issues, we did not grow up together. She lived with her dad who remarried, and I lived with my mum. We only reconnected around two years ago, and at first it seems like the greatest thing ever, after twenty nine years as an only child,
who wouldn't suddenly want a sister. Initially I love the idea of having a sister, but I now know that her and I are just completely different people, not in a bad way, but she's more extroverted and wants the type of relationship where we text all day, call a few times a week, and basically give a play by play of our day in our lives. Me or the other hand, I'm more of an introvert. I don't feel the need to chat and text unnecessarily unless there is
literally something I really need to talk about. How do I navigate this? How do I put some distance between my new half sister without ruining the relationship completely.
I wonder if she's just excited. I wonder if she's so excited to have someone in her life.
Some people, I think this is purely personality trait.
Like some people are really intense in their friendships and they go from zero to one hundred and they want to be It's like you're in a relationship but with you know, someone that's platonic.
I am like this girl, I am the like I don't want to be texting and calling and talking unnecessarily. I'm the worst for it. I'm like, why, yeah, yeah, but we have something to text about. You never, you would never in your life go hey, I miss you. Yeah, maybe for weird You would never do that. You would never say you missed me back.
Brittany's gone, miss you?
What do you do?
I have? What I think you were? Something was wrong with you? I'd like, it's everything, Okay.
I definitely had friendships like this, And it's not to say that I don't still have some friendships that are similar, but I think, like, so for example, for me, when I've had these really intense friendships where I've spent all day texting and being on the phone to them, i haven't had a romantic relationship happening at the same time, because it's almost impossible to keep up that intensity. But I think it's something that's also it kind oft ebbs
and flows like run away really good friends. Kaya and I go back through our WhatsApp sometimes like for years we were like that friends. We were texted everything that was happening. We were constantly texting. But the reason why we don't now is purely because our lives have transitioned into a different phase where we're both so busy, we've got kids. We still love each other the same amount,
but we don't have the constantness. And I think that relationships normally do have these ebbs and flows, especially friendships will have the you know, you have intense periods and then you have less intense periods. But in saying that, it is very hard when one person feels like the friendship is overpowering them, when they feel like, oh my god, again, you're so needy and I don't have the capacity to fill that need completely. It's also not your job to
constantly fill your friend's cup, do you know what I mean? Like, if your friends are expecting so much of you to a point where you physically don't have the time in the day to give them what they need back, there does have to be some boundaries that are created.
How do you create that?
Very good question, Very hard, But I think it is also when it comes down to like almost slowing down the rapidness of yours, Like I want to say a soft fade without actually fading them out, but like don't reply as quickly, don't condition them to think that like anytime they text or call, you're going to be available to them. Maybe it takes you a day to get back to some text messages and it's like a, hey, i'mily sorry, I was busy yesterday, blah blah blah blah blah.
But I think that you can also control the pace of a friendship.
I couldn't agree more all I was going to say. I think this one's a pretty easy one. It is a tough one. I am like that, But my friends know now what I'm like. They know that they could message me and it might actually take me a day and a half to get back, and they don't hold a grudge because they know it's who I am and it's not on purpose. Sometimes I don't even see the message, unfortunately. I think what you would do is just hold off.
Maybe don't hold off days because that's just rude. But like at the end of a day, maybe she might text me in the morning, at the end of the day just say so sorry love, just literally winding down. My days have been mental lately. I hope you had a good day. You're still running back, you're still being friendly, but you're subliminately putting the message in that like life is busy and you're not going to always be able to respond at the same time. That would be my suggestion.
Apart from that, if she doesn't like, there's nothing more you can do than not right back straight away, and I think that's okay. You don't have to. There's not an expectation. So if she's texting you right back when it's wait till the nighttime, all the morning time, and maybe give a little bit less. So maybe you don't And I know it sounds rude, but she will pick it up. You're not going to be rude, But don't continuously ask her all these things. If you don't actually
want to have that conversation. It sucks and it's a tricky one. But that's probably what I do.
But do you know, for me, I've looked this up before because a part of me was like, you know, we've had questions before.
I've done Brittany running back to me.
No, but I look this up because we've had we've done episodes on friendships and how to manage these sorts of relationships, and like all of the Internet says to you that you should give them a call and set boundaries and all this says, I genuinely think and I'm not a fucking psychologist, so tell me I'm wrong. That's fine.
But I kind of think that that advice sucks because if I was somebody who, like if I was calling Cairo all the time and texting her because I was excited about our friendship, and she called me and was like, Hey, I'm just putting some boundaries in place with our friendship. I love you, but I actually don't want to speak to you that much. It would hurt me so much. It would hurt me that she felt like she needed
to verbalize that. I think that there is a much softer way that you can approach this, which is slowing down your communication, slowing down the frequency of which you see each other doing it in a less direct way, and then seeing if she picks up on that, and giving her that opportunity first. It's only if that continues at a frequency that's completely unmanageable for you, where you feel like the friendship is overwhelming you, where it's actually
making you unhappy. If you genuinely feel like you need to put those boundaries in place, then have the conversation. But some of the advice out there that I have read in terms of like how to speak to your friends about setting boundaries. I'm like, you're gonna have no fucking friends if you do that.
I agree. I'm all for Like we always say, the communication, communication, community boundaries, not your boundaries. It's not always the answer of setting this strict boundary is not always the answer. Or maybe setting a boundary is the answer. But without you sitting down saying these are my boundaries, are my boundaries because it will Yeah, and I know that, like you know, psychology today will see boundaries, but this will,
like you said, it could ruin a friendship. If someone also said the same to me, don't message me so many times a day, I'd be like, oh, okay, I probably would never message again. I would never I would read the room. Yeh, got it.
We're so extreme.
This is a time where I feel like most people can work out what the boundary.
Is, and I think that this is something that maybe is slightly different. I can't even remember the episode we did on friendship, which was so long ago. If I was to listen back to that now, I'm sure at the time I would have been like, set bound your boundaries, tell them how you feel, you know, and I think think you can in extreme situations, but it is not the first go to for everything because I think sometimes.
Especially not a friend that cares too much about you, Like that's the problem here. She she likes you too much, and she's not being toxic. She's like, I love you, I want to tell you everything. I want to tell you.
I want to be fraenzy. And I think maybe in this situation, it is a bit of an unusual one because it's a sister that she never had, and it may be a friendship that she's leaning into so hard because it's making up for time that she feels his lost time. There's another layer to this friendship rather than it just being like an extreme intense friend And I think just navigate it sensitively and kindly without going in whole hog.
And thin the she is actually a sister, She wasn't a stepsister. She's half like, yeah, she's just she's your sister. Yeah that's tricky one, Yeah all right, but.
She loves you. She got a spicy, saucy one for you, brilliant. I had a dream about my boss and now I can't stop seeing him in a sexual way. He is single, but there would be what I guess you'd say, a power imbalance between us. Should I put out some feelers and see if maybe he sees me in the same way? Or am I asking for trouble. I'm not sure if it's just a bit of a hot fantasy or if
maybe we actually could work in a relationship. We have a lot in common, and I know that a lot of people meet their long term partners at work.
It's funny. I think it's a bit tricky because it is always tricky when there's a relationship for me with work colleagues at all, let alone your boss.
There is no relationship for me. She had a dream.
This is why I'm giggling, because when you say, should I put some feelers out and see if there's something there? For sure, put your feelers out. But I wouldn't ask him. I would just try and pick up Most people can pick up little tiny cues within your interactions if someone is interested. Like usually, if someone's interested, they drop the flirtiness. There's enough to be like, oh, I think there's something there.
But if you've only had a dream about him and he doesn't even speak to you in the corridor, it's probably not something you should barge in and be like I need to put this on the table. Is there something here also?
I okay, I think this is so funny. I think if you've only changed your feelings because of a dream, it's not real.
Yeah. I mean I dream of like Changaina more times.
Yeah.
Well, like sometimes I wake up and MAT's cheated on me in my dream. Then I'm really angry at him and he has to remind me that dreamat is not real, Matt, and I shouldn't be taking my dream feelings into real life.
I'm pointing at you. Good point, though, because dreams are real for you. You're like, you cheated on me, ashole.
But they don't they don't exist. Like the feelings. The feelings are not real. The attraction if it was never there before the dream, I don't even think it's a real attraction. And my advice would be don't shop where you eat, don't try things up at your work.
Now, I'm shit, were eight heaps times?
And how many problems have you had?
Multiple? Yeah? Yeah, but this is what you've also said, right, And I do believe in all seriousness. Were having a little giggle. But you do spend so much of your time at work. People do meet at work all the time. People get married from people they're men at work. It is a thing, but it has to be a reciper or things. So you have to know that the feelings are there. When you say, should I put the feelers out? No, yes, we're saying no. I'm saying I'm saying yes. But the
feelers is not a love letter with tchick. Yes, no, maybe that's left on his desk, the feel out?
How do you put a feeler out? Brit Well extended eye contact?
If yeah, maybe a wink? No, you flow. You can float at such a low level and see what's gotten back like it is what you do. It's how you gauge if anyone is interested or going on his Instagram like like follow see.
I know I feel like this one. To me, it's just unnecessary. It's not real. You had a dream. Dreams are not real. They are thoughts. They are thoughts that turned into feelings.
Dreams aren't real. I agree, but hey, I wouldn't want to be the person that stops a finding the love of a life. If the boss is a love of life and she never knows because you said dream boss.
Is not real boss, dream boss is not real boss. That dream boss could be real boss. Maybe real boss is terrible in bed and dream boss was amazing. This is the definition of living in a fantasy.
Explore it. I've changed so much the older I get, I'm like, yeah, ifucking over it, I'm like, live your life advibe. No, it is not, because I'm not saying do anything inappropriate. I'm just saying you can pick up if there's a queue there like most people. Some people might not. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. Most people can pick up if you give a little bit, if they give a little bit back, or if they shut it down. So I would, I'd give a little bit.
Okay, But is this a work environment? So, for example, here is your boss. Is this a work environment where it would be completely inappropriate for him to be having some sort of relationship with you? Like, there are workplaces where that is an imbalance of power. It is inappropriate. It could get him fired and could also get you fired. So like, is that something that we need to consider. I don't know. I just think, fuck your colleagues, right, fuck your bosses.
I think the question here is you can I think we're led down a bit of a garden track. We watch too many American shows like Suits and Stuff, where it's like we like each other. We have to go have a meeting with HR and tell them everything. There are definitely times where it's not going to be ideal and it might rub other colleagues the wrong way.
For definitely industries where it's not appropriate as well.
Totally, but maybe, I mean we're getting ahead of ourselves. Just put the feeling ountd just flying. Really ask him a personal question, how was your weekend?
What'd you get up to?
He's either going to say nothing and walk away. I just say, how to go on and coment some friends went for a drink and you can start to develop a relationship that might be outside of when do I need to get this document to you?
Also keep in mind what constitutes sexual harassment in the workplace. Yeah, just chadge, just do your compliance training and stay abreast breast.
Jokes.
I was so unmature guys. That is it from us. Go if you have not yet subscribed to the podcast. If you listen on Apple Podcasts, go and hit the little plus sign. It means that the pod will be in your libraries every single time we drop an episode. Leave a review. We bloody love those. It would be nice if it's five stars.
Better if it's a good one.
Yeah, like don't leave us as ship well and that sucks. But anyway, we read those as well, send them to each other sometimes we do.
But you know what's funny is like when there's a bad review, Oh, I got backhanded one the other day? Did I tell you? Keisha told me no?
What happened?
There was a review that said I couldn't stem b I couldn't. I couldn't stand Brittany. I found Brittany insufferable last year, but now she's better. But I quite like her now. And I was like, if I was that insufferable, why did you keep listening for the year? That's what I get. I was like, if you hate me so much, I couldn't have been that bad.
We're still here to every person, I thought, And now things are pretty amazing. I'm the change has been positive.
It's actually I mean, thank you for your honest feedback.
Sometimes less honest is good though, bless his best.
Yeah, anyway, give a scare of some love if you. If you think that now I'm tolerable, I would love to hear it. Also, the person I said in my laugh is a kooker brough.
Fuck you, duh, no, fuck you, It's.
A native animal. Okay.
Anyways, what we're trying to get that is that we read them all anyway.
Uh. And you know sometimes you know the trill, So your mum, the cooker barrow, You died your friends and the dog and just shed love because