Hey you guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on cud Ask on Cut edition.
It is your first day drop.
It is source of Spicy, Quick, dirty and damn rite interesting. It's where we answer your questions. I'm Britney and I'm Laura Brittany. You after a radio gig or something?
How was that that was just off the calf? Was that good? Yeah?
But I feel like you're like a morning FM host. Did you love the part where I didn't break dirty? Yeah? And she was like seering into my pupils at the same time, I legitimately didn't look away from you the whole time trying to seduce me. Well, it's like, yeah, did I did it work? Not really?
Damn it close.
I mean to go back to start pay much to get me off these days, guys.
Looking at you across the microphone. That's it.
Times are tough anyway, Guys, you know what this episode is. This is where we answer all of your questions and we have had quite the few this week that have been written in Let's be real. Britt has chosen the questions because she's the one who does all the dms and the Instagram, but actually no, but to be fair, you've chosen one today, one that resonated with you.
Yeah.
Well, we did actually put one of these questions up on the Facebook page. And I'm just gonna say, come on, guys, like we put these things up there expecting everyone to bend together and help the team out. And I feel like this question wasn't answered to the best of its ability, so we're going to answer it. Probably still not to the best of its ability. But that's not why you come to us. Why do they come to us, Laura for our enthusiasm. We didn't want to just touch base
on this week's episode. On Tuesday, the breakup episode, we had such a good response from that, and you guys really took something from that. A lot of you have said you're going through breakups currently and has already really helped you.
We love hearing that.
So it's so nice to get your responses and say that you've taken something from that, and a lot of you just said you had a good old chuckle.
We love that too. Yeah, well, it was wild. That was our wild. We were so wild, were so much. She's not what I was saying. It's out of control.
Do you want to calm down? Do you want to stop stop doing and they have had some sugar. I don't know, Okay. So it was wild because it was our most downloaded episode that we've ever done in a single day, which is yeah, that was a high five. Thanks for that, guys, I really appreciate it. It actually was our highest rating app But it also just goes to show how many people are going through breakups, how
many people have been through them. I think it's like that one universal thing that we are all going to go through at some point in our life and like a little a nice warm hug to say that we've all been through it before. But also it's the same for these episodes where you guys writing all of your questions and the fact one that you trust us to answer your questions, but also it makes us realize that, you know, we're all in this together. We're all going
through our own things at different times. And I always say this every single week, but it's really nice to be reminded that you're not alone in the problems that you're having. We also had a lot of feedback and your own stories that you wrote into both Laura's and my story on the break in, So it was a break up episode, but we started it with the break ins because we thought that works. Well, No, that just happened by fluke chance. I know you're trying to like like make some and we didn't.
Correlation.
Nothing's planned, guys. We could just get on here and we wing it. But some of your stories were so funny. But there was one that I'm just gonna like completely summarize. There was this one girl that wrote in and she was at her boyfriend's house and it was like five am and they live sort of on a property like quite like quite away from everything, and it's five am and she hears that someone's at the door and she wakes up. She's like, oh my god, someone's at the
door and they know they're home alone. So she wakes a partner up and he's like, you're imagining it. They hear it again, then it goes silent, and he's like, no, I did hear selling, but it's gone now anyway, it's awesome. Yeah, No, A minute goes past, and then they hear it at the back door. They're like, holy shit, they've gone to try and get into the back door. Now, what are we going to do? Then they hear it at the
front draw again. They're like, oh my god, babe, they're fucking coming in both entrances.
There's a group of.
Them and they're breaking in as a fucking group being double ended.
They get up, they call the police.
The police are on their way to like, people are trying to break into our house.
It's five. We don't know what to do. They're like, lock yourself in your room. So they lock the I'm so embarrassed for them already.
In the room and they're sitting there with like some sort of weapon that they've found in their room barricade, and they can still hear the door going, like this person's hardcore trying to break in. The police arrive and they knock on the front door, and like they were even too scared to get out and answer the police because they're like, the person's in the house. We heard them, We heard the doggy door go into the house. They now there's a dogged door at the house, but it's
not for their dog. They don't have a dog.
It was just it was before that.
So they hear the police and they're like, do we do this? What if the person's in the house and we go to the front door to get the police, but to get sabbed, so they get us on the way. We've been watching too much screen. So she sends him. She's like, babe, go to the police. So the police are at the front and the back as well. The police go the boyfriend goes to the police at the front, and the girlfriend goes to police the back. Then the policemen say, mate, you've lost your dog. We've found it.
They're like, what weell, I don't have a dog. They're like, well, you do have a dog.
Here's your dog. And she's like, I don't. I don't have it.
She's like, I don't have a dog. Someone's in my fucking house.
I do not.
I am telling you I do not have a dog.
This goes on.
She's like check, they're going check my house, like someone is in there anyway. Turns out turn out her boyfriend family dog is so obsessed with them. They live across town. At five am, he missed this dog missed them across an hour across the town to find them, and then started running around the house trying to get in the front of the back, in the front of the back, like and then and that's what it was. It was
the bloody dog trying to break in. They'd called the police, they'd wasted their time for like an hour, and it was his dog.
I love that this came off the back of your koalist. Guys.
I think we've hit capacity. No more stories about animals rubbing your houses. I honestly love it so much, very very cute. Anyway, that was That's all it's happened.
Guys.
It's been two days. We've had no more break We record it on Monday. Nothing has happened in my life, but Brick got keys to her apartment. She lies, big things have happened, well, actually small things, because her apartment is very small. I don't feel like it's big things happening. But I picked up my keys. Guys, I moved my microwaving and what.
Else do you need? A bed?
Oh yeah, oh chestnut. Now I've got heaps of stuff. It's going to be a big few days moving in. But for now, I've got me a microwave and a plant and a plant. That's I think that they're the essentials, right, a microwave and a plant. Well, yeah, well, I don't know what you have in your house.
Well, I mean I've got a pile of shit right here. I got a lot of pile of shit right here.
Brick comes into my house sometimes and I'm like, look, it's it's very messy. Everything is in organized piles of shit. No, this is what happens when you have a kid.
It's not that. It's actually not mess She's in that pile over there. Movie isn't.
Okay, Well, enough of this, let's get into the questions. We've got three questions for this episode that you guys have written in and we're gonna make it.
Short, sharp, and ready to rumble.
Okay, First up, guys, my boyfriend and I have a lot in common, and whenever we are together we talk a lot. However, for some reason, I sometimes get nervous before going out to dinner with him, like on a nice state, because I worry that we're gonna sit there and not have anything to talk about. How do you come up with fresh and fun conversations on date night when you spend so much time together already? Sos So
I picked I picked this question. This question came in and Brut was like, ah, no, no, no, like we'll pick another one.
And I was like, I relate to this, which is what I love about you.
And me and our dynamic is that we are so different that we do bring different things because I don't have that issue. But it's like, I'm so interesting. I always had things to talk about.
Are you idiots?
I don't have a long term relationship, but yes, I can talk underwater.
But I meant I don't have a partner. I I relate to this much.
And I even said this to Matt, so like this question came into our DMS last night and I and I said to Matt like, oh, like, don't you remember when we were dating earlier on and like I said, did you ever feel like this with me?
And he was like no, And then I was like, yeah, me neither. I didn't.
I've always felt really super confident and like I knew what I was talking about. And then you're closing your apps that are like what to talk.
About on a date? I shit, you not.
I have literally googled that before, like how to make conversation. And what I realized is like, it's not because obviously this is not just isolated to Matt, like I've done this in multiple past relationships. It's it's from overthinking. If you know that you have a great connection with your partner.
If you know that you have so much in common that the worry and the fear that it's attached to thinking that you're going to go out for dinner and you're going to have nothing to talk about, it's just overthinking. It's really like putting this like insecurity and pressure on that conversation.
And it's really sweet because you just you.
Know, you want to like make sure that the time and the conversation is always filled, but you don't have to always feel every single moment with conversation. It's actually sometimes really nice to be comfortable in your partner's presence and be comfortable in the silence of their presence. So do you actually have a tip, Laura, Like would you say google news articles?
Would you say no?
Like, but what about the people that actually are running out of convo No, So I would say for starters. I think exactly what happened with me and Matt when I said to him, like, oh, when we very first started dating, I used to get worried that we would not have anything to talk about, and I used to think and like really sort of stress myself out before we'd go for dinners where it's that very like one on one, no other stimulus to kind of like stimulate the conversation.
You've just got to talk to each other.
I used to be a bit fearful that maybe there would be silence in that and maybe we wouldn't have anything to talk about, especially because we had just come from the bachelor world, where there's always some something and someone generating conversation for you. Hand it's you on a platter. You don't fight for it. Every single time you go on a date. There's something happening around you that you're
told to talk about. So this was the first time that we had just been in in each other's company, and I was like, oh god, what if we struggle to make conversation? And so when I was telling that about this question, he just laughed and was like, I never felt like that with you. He's like, even if there were times where we didn't have anything to talk about, I didn't feel that that silence was awkward. And so I just think, you don't need to fill all your
time with conversation. If it's okay to like have silence before the next interesting conversation comes to life. Well, the thing is, there is a such thing as a comfortable silence. And it's the goal that every relationship wants to get to, because if you're with somebody long term for the rest of your life, I'm talking thirty forty fifty years, I can guarantee you you're not going to be constantly talking. You're not gonna have something interesting to say all the time.
So you do want to get to a place where you can enjoy a comfortable silence. And I think that is an amazing place to get to. So if that's what it is, don't stress. I Am going to add something else, and that is I have been in a position before where I was in this position. I was having these silences on a dinner with someone I had been dating for quite a while, and it wasn't so much comfortable silence anymore. And this is why I had to make a decision that it was time to leave
the relationship. And it's because it wasn't a comfortable silence. It was because I was trying to start a conversation and I was trying to talk about things that were interesting. I was posing questions and my partner at the time had zero interesting anything that I did anymore. And it smacked me hard in the face, and I realized, Okay, this isn't comfortable silence anymore. We just have nothing in common, and I think that that is what you need to differentiate.
Is it comfortable?
Are you happy just to chill in each other's company and you get along like a house on fire in every other aspect? Or is it that you were just so polar opposites in your views of the world, what you want in life, what you think is funny, what you think is interesting, what drives you, what stimulates you. If you guys are nowhere near that anymore, that's when you take a look and think, Okay, maybe we're not on the same path, maybe we're not as connected as
I thought we were totally. But I think in this case, because this listener has written in it and she says that she does have a lot in common and that they have lots of conversations to meet the day, I think it's almost unreasonable to think that you can spend all day, every minute with your partner, so much time together, and then get to dinner time and have all this
wealth of extra things to talk about. I think you're putting an unreasonable amount of pressure on yourself to perform like you can't expect to constantly have super super super interesting conversations to bring to the dinner table, because you've already talked all day about all different things, and so you're gonna sit down and you know, like I do, think that you sit down at dinner sometimes and you'll talk about the food, or you'll talk about a friend,
or you might not be talking about politics or what's happening in the world, all these big, great, incredible, like life changing conversations because you can't always be having those conversations.
Sometimes.
I actually still do this now. I actually just really love to play this game. I'll give an example for you, Laura. I'll ask things like, and I think it's a good way to get to know each other, but it's also a hard question. It's a way to feel a silence if you do feel like it's silence. So I would say, for example, I'm just plucking this off my head, Laura. If you had to give up wine or cheese for the rest of your life, you can only have one, what's it gonna be like?
This is like the g rated version of would you rather? Would you rather found?
Would you wear a hatful of spiders or have penises for fingers.
That's fucked. There's always one that takes it too far.
But I actually want to know, would you gi about wine or cheese for the rest of your life?
Neither? Yeah, that's the Laura. The game is that I give up cheese cheese. You don't get to say neither. Who are you? Laura Burne? Thank you very much?
When we're the Bachelor twenty fifteen, sixteen seventeen, I don't even know how long it was?
Seven sold. Do you know what else you can do? Just have a kid.
Just have kids, and then you'll never go out for dinner and you'll never have this problem and you won't talk. You'll fight perfect you always have something to fight about. I mean talk about anyway.
I think.
To sum this up, don't overthink I mean, we're being silly, but we are also very serious.
Don't overthink it. We've all been in.
That position where we have stressed about, Oh my god, what am I going to fill the silence with? What am I gonna say? What am I gonna do?
Don't worry about it. Just enjoy it.
And if you're going out and there are every date is super awkward silence. Maybe they're not the one for you, but don't overthink it. Yes, agree, couldn't have said it better myself. I hate that saying it's so arrogant. Couldn't have said it better myself.
I've never thought that before. I think it is. It's like, why would I think that I could say it better? You know what? I couldn't say it as good as you did because you are great. Thank you. There you go question number two.
Sometimes I can't even with you like I just can't. I just can't even, So I don't question number two. Hey, girls, question here obviously for as thanks for leaving up it In Britain, I recently went on a date with a guy I met from Hinge.
The date went really well.
We went out to dinner, conversation was great. He ended up coming back to my place mail she didn't write that bit I had chicken wow Wow. I message him the next day to thank him for a great night and suggested that we see each other again soon. His response was thank you. It was lovely full stop. I haven't responded as he didn't say he wanted to catch up again. Should I reply or just cut my losses? Is he keen or not help cut your losses? Yeah? I don't want to come in too hot, hard and harsh.
But I from experience, I'm gonna say I don't think he's keen, because we all know that if we want to see someone, we will, And if he did, he would have said, thank you, it was lovely, Let's do it again soon when you're free. He would have tacked something on to the end of the sentence instead of just saying it was lovely. So I think the hard answer for this right now is that he probably did have a great time, no doubt, but he doesn't see
anything in the future. Yeah, totally, Like it's it's shit, especially if you have gone on one day and you thought that you guys really hit it off, and then obviously you guys went home and it progressed to something a bit more. I guess there's like that little bit of hope that's tied up in like maybe I'm going to see him again. But I think you have already You've already put the ball in his court. You've already said hope that we get to see each other again.
And his his message back is pretty short and sharp, and I think that that in and of itself is he's closed that door and maybe he will open it again, but it doesn't really feel like he's opening it to date and to get to know you. He may open it again just for a booty call. So be aware, stay woke, ladies. I often think, also, go with your gut and when this happens to me, When this happens to me, like every single weekend, when a guy goes to me, no, But if this happened to me, I
would always put myself in a situation. So I think if I went on a date and he wrote to me and said I want to see you again, but I didn't, what would I say?
And that's what I would have written back.
So I always think if you would have written that to him, let's be real, if he said he wants to see you again, you didn't, you would have said it was great, thanks, and you would have left it.
And it's a high truth.
And I think deep down, usually we know the answer you're asking because you're hoping it's a different response because obviously you enjoyed your.
Time and that bloody sucks.
And we've all been there, we've all been on the receiving end of you know, unrequited love.
But I think not.
Necessarily cut your losses. Maybe one day a week, two weeks a month. Maybe he will come back. Maybe, who knows. But to answer your question, no, I don't think you can follow up on this again. I don't think you should message him back. Maybe he will come to you in the future, brilliant, Maybe he won't. That's fine, move on. I think one more thing I want to add to
this is do not take this personally. Yeah, And I think that that's really important, as much as it sucks, and as much as there's a part of it that makes you feel a bit like oh, like okay, well, I mean that wasn't what I expected or what I'd hoped for. You don't know this guy. You don't know what he's after in a person. You don't know what he's after for his life or where he's at in his life.
Regardless of what he said or what he did on a one night dinner.
One date, that's not enough timeframe for you to actually know that person or to be invested in who they are. So you cannot take his actions as an affe to you, because it is not a reflection of who you are. It's not a reflection of your worth, and it's not a reflection of how datable you are or another guy who's going to want to be with you in the future. So please don't allow yourself to be sad by one guy and one date that didn't turn into a relationship
because he's not worth it. I couldn't agree more. I'm so glad you said that, because it is so easy to be weighed down by it and take it personally.
What did I do wrong? Yeah? What did I say?
Me?
Like? Why doesn't he want to date me? Especially when you think you want to date him?
But you just you don't know where he's at in his life and on his like crazy, weird little journey. So let him sail off into the distance because your penguin has come And girlfriend.
Do you remember I told you I'm just going to talk the podcast this There was a while.
Now I'm not gonna tell you. Yes you are, Yes you are. Get on over here, girlfriend, bring your face close to that microphone. There was a time unveil your soul. There was a time over a year ago now that I started to see this guy and anyway, I was like, I am not going to sleep with you for a long time because I am sick of just dating dating, dating, dating and going through it. So I was like, I'm not gonna sleep with you anyway.
I remember this guy, Yeah you remember, I knew you anyway.
And also I like to trial different things, like waiting a week, waiting three weeks, waiting three months, like waiting all these different times, because you know how people are like can you sleep on the first date, or I waited two weeks or there's no rule, But I like to trial it to see what works.
Anyway, I was seeing this guy, and.
You know, a week went by, three weeks, a month, two months, and then I thought, oh my god, he's still wanted to see me and I haven't slept with him. He must really like me. Got to the three month mark, I was seeing him for three months.
Why did you hold up for so long?
Because I evidently wasn't that interesting in the game, But yeah, how long can I ask? Obviously I wasn't to be to be fair, he was never my penguin. We had some nice dinners, we had fun, but I obviously didn't feel it. But we enjoyed hanging out. And I got to the point where I was like, how far can I push this?
Before?
And I was like, okay, three months. This guy actually really likes me. Let's let's let's do this. Slept with him, never heard from him. I got a message from him being like, you know, like I had a really great time by but.
I'll see you say, was the sex is my question? You know, on my half? Brilliant? Thank you? But where this story is going, if.
You guys are all wondering, if you're still with me, where this is going. Is that he slid back on in two days ago.
Yeah, but you don't. You don't need a guy to slide back on it.
No. I just thought it was interesting and he was like, Hey, I'm sorry for how things left. I don't know why I did that, and love to buy your copy and makeup for it. He's like, because you look smoking hot on the TV right now, it's funny. I was just thinking of you because you're in channel ten. I mean, because you just slipped into my mind. Anyway, that was a nice little segue. Let's get on to question number three. Question number three, is you actually have that as you're
reading it? Oh, it's your turn.
Okay.
So question number three was a question that we put out to the Facebook group, and it was a question that we both read and we were like, you know what, this is actually something that's really important and is going to profoundly impact this person's, this listener's life, And so we put it out in the Facebook group because we thought we would get some quick answers to it. But I don't think that the listener got this sort of answers that she needs, or got the sort of depth
or quality to the responses. So we've decided that we're going to readdress it here. We do think it's really important that when you guys do ask us a question, you get the answer that you want some way, whether that's from us or whether it's from the group. And yeah, we definitely don't think this girl got it. So we're going to review it, and this is it. Last year, I found out my husband had been sending inappropriate messages with this chick. I was heavily pregnant at the time
with our third child and totally devastated. Fast forward a year and we are still together. I made the choice to forgive him. He's been totally transparent about it all, completely cut her out of his life, answered all my questions, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable they make him or how upset the answers make me. I've had access to his phone whenever I want all of that stuff. He's copped it all in the chin. I never tried to downplay what happened, and I know he's truly sorry and
regrets it. Things are good in that aspect, but I still can't totally shake it. I don't want to leave him. It's not that I don't trust him. It's just that my confidence took a hit, and so I often find myself doubting myself. Now. I don't really know what I'm asking. I guess I chose our relationship and this is what I want, But how can I completely let go of the past.
It's a big tough.
My heart breaks reading this because can you imagine already having two kids, being heavily pregnant with your third child, emotions high, stress high, fatigue high, and then you find out your husband's been inappropriately messaging someone else, who I imagine probably is younger with no kids, and it would you would have taken a really, really big hit for your confidence. And I can't even imagine so starting out,
I'm sorry that happened to you. That's bloody shit. It seems like you do really want to make the relationship work, because you've said you've chosen the relationship and he's been really great. It sounds like he's trying to meet you halfway, and he's really more than halfway. Yeah, he's giving you everything you've asked for. He's been really open and apologetic, and it sounds like he's doing everything he can to
make up for this. So I don't know if you've done couples counseling because you didn't mention that, but I definitely think that that is something you should look at doing because you've made the decision that you want to make it work for yourself and your family. And this is controversial people. Not everyone's going to be on board with it, depending on what it is. I don't think if there's infidelity in a relationship once, I don't think it has.
To be the end. I do not condone under it.
I'm not an advocate for it, no, but I just want to say for families like this that have gone through something tumultuous like this, it doesn't have to necessarily be the end. You can work through it. And we have looked up so many articles from psychologists, so many articles from therapists that have said a lot of couples that go through infidelity and have these tumultuous situations actually come out stronger. So I don't want you to write
this off. And I do think you're in the right direction, But I think you obviously need a third party to step in now and help you because you're both meeting halfway and you're not getting to where you want to be.
So you need someone.
That's unbiased to come in and help. Exactly what Britt said, Like, relationships can survive infidelity of all, like and you this is just text messages, Like relationships can survive affairs if both parties want that, and if the person who is the you know in the wrong shows up every day and proves and time and time again that they're committed
and that they want to change. I really do believe that, like, infidelity doesn't have to be the end of a relationship, And I think I think you just need to give yourself time, Like it's not been that long since it's happened, and so much has changed in your life, and you haven't been able to focus on yourself. You haven't been able to focus in your relationship because you're focused on a new baby and also your other two children. So I think give yourself time to adjust to what's happened,
to process it. And the more that he keeps showing up, the more that he keeps proving to you that he did the wrong thing, and the more he keeps being open with his phone and open in your relationship, I think over time, the more settled you're going to feel. The other thing to think about is and we do really want to reiterate that we don't condone infidelity. When we say that relationships can survive it, we're just saying that they can survive. It doesn't have to be the end.
But we're not condoning it. We're not saying it's okay.
You can do it. I'll forgive you, like I just want to.
Don't want you guys going all crazy thinking we're all.
Crazy, I'll cut your balls off.
But I do think there is this little aspect that you do need to be aware of that there are obviously different levels of infidelity. Maybe it's just texting like this couple were. We're not sure if there's more, but she says just texting, or.
Maybe it was a full blown affair.
Obviously they're going to both have You're gonna have different coping mechanisms, and it's going to require different levels for you to get back to where you were.
So there's not.
One level of cheating. And I think you do need to accept that if you're in that relationship and you have experience in fidelity and you make the decision to stay, it may not go back to where it was. You can still get to a really good place and continue. But if you're holding these really high hopes of you, if you have these really high expectations of getting back to exactly where you were before the infidelity, you probably will find yourself disappointed because it's not often you can
get back to that exact place. I'm not going to downplay it, like I'm not saying that it's not the shittest thing ever to find text messages like that. But I think if it is text messages and in time and you give yourself time to heal, I do think that you can get back to being very happy in your relationship. And this isn't going to be something that comes up every single day, or it's not going to
be something you think of. Yes, you may think of it from time to time, and it may cloud your your you know, it may come into your head one day and then that will make you feel sad.
But I don't think it's going to be a constant in the future.
So long as your partner keeps on showing up every day, being a good husband, being committed to you, not fucking texting some check who he was texting, and is a great dad. I do think that you can get back to being in a really, really happy place. But just give yourself time. Yeah, give yourself time and accept that he is showing up for you at the moment every day.
So I think that's a really great should be. Like what hell, you should still work hard now, So I mean, I'm glad to hear that he's doing that, but also like, yeah, that's his job. If you guys, do have an opinion on this and you do want to help her out, that is up on the page. Maybe you've been through something similar yourself and you feel like you can relate more and you're listening to us talk and say, oh, well, I would have handled it differently.
This is what we're here for.
Why we have the Life Uncut podcast, Facebook discussion groups.
So get on board, guys, and don't forget.
If you're down and dirty, bring.
A ding ding don't forget.
If you do want to go and jump on that page, guys, you're going to go and find Life Uncut podcast on Facebook, and don't be fooled by the main page. It's a discussion group that you have to join and go into and that's where the magic really happened.
We just like to make things really, really convoluted.
But guys, that is our quick, down and dirty, Ask Uncut episode for the week. If you have any questions for us for next week, then send them on in. Just put Ask Uncut at the top. Also, if you have any accidentally unfiltered stories, we're getting low on those, guys. We need a few embarrassing stories from you, so please send them through as well.
We know you've all got one, so don't pretend you don't. We don't.
We're never ever gonna say take one for the teen girlfriend. Send us the most embarrassing story. We'll keep you anonymous, but we will laugh at you. Please hip five stars, leave of you, and share the love because we love love