Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. Hi, guys, and a welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and.
It's therapy Thursday, Therapy for whoy Thursday, and Laura is still on drugs.
You are high as a kite.
Do you want to explain yourself turning up to this podcast record on drugs?
I feel like that means a little bit of context, And by context, I mean context if you listen to Tuesday's episode, if you listened to last week's episode, I had a colonoscopy, But it means that I've literally done the three days of prep the cleanut, and then today I was on anesthetics and I was off my face, completely gone on another world, in another planet. I still feel like I'm there.
How do you feel?
Because it has been a long time coming, and I've been on your mind and we've all known it's coming, But what was it like for you to.
Actually go in, pull your pants down, know you're about to get nude? Have them drugged, Like, what was the team? Like, what was your experience?
Like?
I was surprised by how much of a medical procedure it was. I was like, oh, yeah, they're just just gonna whip a little camera up there to we all done, and we find it was a proper hospital.
Now you're in like an operating theater.
Yes, I was not prepared. But also, let me just tell you this, I had the best five hours sleep of my entire life. I came home from that colonoscopy. I went back to bed, and I don't think i've for three years since having children, I don't think I've ever slept like that. I woke up and I didn't know where I was. I didn't know what was going on.
I just felt really heavy, and the nurse was kind of like lightly shaking me to wake me up, and I rolled over and I kind of put my arm on her face and I was like, honey, get me a blanket. I'm cold, because I thought it was mad.
Oh god, it was eighteen months, two years ago now when I froze my eggs. But I have the funniest videos from that, and I remember when I was coming out of the anesthetic, I thought in my head that I was completely fine, So I thought I was normal, and so I was like, I'll do an update.
I'll send some updates to the family.
So I was recording this update to my family group chat about how the procedure went and how many eggs I got, and when you play that back, it is wild that they were in hysterics, and I was like, why is everyone laughing? I genuinely thought I was giving a Ted talk to like a thousand people, but I was like.
I have thean eggs guys.
I was like, that's how I was talking. But in my head, I was like, that was a great Ted talk.
I actually remember you doing stories shortly afterwards, and I was like, I'm pretty sure Britt is still she's offer she said about a seven right now. There are still a few brain cells missing. Yeah, So look at the end of the day, to the people who wrote in questions for this ask on cut, I'm very sorry. I do feel like I have a little bit more cognitive ability than what I did say five hours ago. But Britt,
you were doing the heavy lifting. And if I say anything wildly out of tone or out of touch, let's just blame it on the fact that I have not eaten in three days and my colon is completely empty.
If you've turned up, you committed to the content, the project, the Lifers.
You hear, you're ready, you're roaring well.
Speaking of the Lifers, we had possibly the most beautiful story that was in our Facebook group this week and we wanted to share it with you guys because we know that you are a very special breed. We know that we have such an incredible lifelun Cup community around us, and this is one of the things that since this podcast started we've been genuinely the most proud of. It's
just separate to the podcast. There's been this incredible community of people that's formed, like obviously in support of the podcast, but it's also just you guys have your own little communities as well.
So if you're part of the discussion group, you may have seen that there was a post. There was a woman kell Dre and she posted on behalf of her friend. This is what she said. I have a friend taking her daughter to Germany for medical treatment. They are flying into Dussoldoff. Now this is a long short but are there any Life on Cup members who are in dussledoff or have family or friends there, just so I can tell her there is someone we can call on if
she gets lost, lost, confused, scared, oh needs help. So this is what this woman posted on behalf of her friend and then one of our top contributors, her name is Julia, she commented, and she said, I live in Dusoldoff. Now from this one comment, they've gone on to privately DM like this wasn't a big thing happening in the group,
but they contact each other privately. They landed in Dusseldorff and the little girl has a brain tumor, so she's gone over to get this treatment over there, and they don't speak The language was very, very confronting and confusing, and Julia was on the ground this life and has completely gone above and beyond out.
Of her way to help this family.
She's been translating, she's taken them out, she's gone to dinner with them. She got an emergency call saying, they want to give my daughter medication, but I don't know what it is. I don't want to let them give my daughter medication without knowing. And within fifteen minutes, Julia was on a train. She went to the hospital. She was translating for her. And I just think it's a really really beautiful example of how you guys are going
above and beyond for each other. And it's not for praise, and it's not to tell everyone that you've done it. It's this was all a very private but these things do not go unnoticed by us.
Yeah, and they also don't go unnoticed by the Life hung Cut community. If you're not part of the Facebook group, it's a Life Uncut discussion group. There have been over the years so many beautiful moments of connection that have come out of that group. One of the things that I think is so special and it's something that we don't see enough of that it's something that absolutely exists in the Life un Cut community is that sense of community.
And so to Julia for everything that you've done to help out this family, just doing it out of the kindness of your own heart. We are so grateful that you are a Lifer and we love that you are a part of the Facebook group and have been contributing and just being an absolute ten out of ten five star human.
This is like, by far, not the first time that you guys as a group of Lifers have gone above beyond for someone. I remember one of the big stories was Dennis the Man, the elderly man last year that was about to be kicked out of his home.
He had no family and friends and he was going to be homeless.
And again purely because of you lot, you changed his life. You found housing for him, you helped him move, he had free removalists. You guys raise money for him.
You're on the news with him like it genuinely blows our mind.
We love you, guys, and we appreciate everything that you do for each other and also for the life on cut community. Now, before we get into answering and giving you out pearls of wisdom, there was something that happened in the news recently and Britt, I wanted to talk to you about it because I'm not sure how i feel part of me, part of me again, I'm like straddling this fence hard with this one. So in Perth,
there is a woman, her name is Savannah. She has an OnlyFans account and she has decided to take out She's commissioned because she is a savvy businesswoman, she has commissioned a fuck off billboard ad that is promoting her only fans account. Now it is a pitch sure of her in a very seductive pose. She's wearing a little black bikini. She's kind of like, what do you call it when you're you've got your legs apart, Like you're not kneeling, you're kind of leaning forward, but you're straddled.
She's straddling the beach. It's outside.
I'm finding the picture.
It's a very sensual and sexy photo. Although she has a bikini on, so like you would see as much flesh going down to Bono Beach on the weekend.
Okay, I've got it.
Yes, Okay, we'll put a picture of it on our install on Stories.
Let's provide her more.
Yeah, it's definitely working. There's a huge QR code on the billboard, so you can scan the QR code from your phone when you're walking down the street and it will take you straight to her only Fans account. There's also her Instagram, it's linked to her Twitter. Every type of social media platform where this OnlyFans model is available and you can find her is linked on this billboard. Massive.
The thing is, there has been such uproar about this from many concerned Perth citizens are upset by the fact that there is this billboard and she has taken to her saying, well, look, I'm promoting my business. I'm in a bikini. Nobody's naked. People can use only fans for all different things, like for cooking recipes. As much as you could use it for hardcore porn, you could be using it to, I don't know, teach someone how to serve as a car. You can use it for a
whole spectrum of things. My question to you is, Britt, what are your thoughts? Because I don't know how I feel. Because the empowered feminist in me wants to say, you go, girl, live your best life. But on the other side, the mother in me thinks, won't somebody think of the children.
It's a hard one. I'm actually just on her Instagram right now. As you were talking, I went on she I looked at the promotion the billboard and I got a handle and I'm on her Instagram.
There's a post from four minutes ago. Actually great, what is that?
That says it's a picture of the billboard literally four minutes ago, and it basically she's collabed posted with someone and it says Savannah has been warned that the billboard company will likely be issued a cease notice tomorrow from local council. It then goes on to say, explain to me, how now this is any different from an ad with a huge naked man with his bulge in a pair of undias for Calvin Klein or Kate Moss laying erotically over Justin Bieber without his top on.
That's a pretty good point.
Yeah, I think the problem here is I don't think it's so much her and the picture as it is the push to the only fans where obviously erotic videos and photos are posted.
I think that might be the issue for a lot of parents.
It's not so much just the photo, but it's like there's a huge QR code that any kid could go I guess could go and take a photo of.
And I think that it's incredibly black and white to say, well, you know, Justin Bieber or whoever it is has a bulge in their Calvin clients and then compare that to an only fans ad, because at the end of the day, if you click on the link for Calvin Clients, you're going to go to an underwear site and you're gonna buy some Nickers, which everybody needs. Very important product. Yeah, but at the end of the day, only Fans is
a very different type of site. And I understand that, you know, people have and use it for many, many different things, but we can't ignore the fact that a lot of people do use it for very sexually explicit stuff as well. And is that an issue, Absolutely not, But there needs to be some protection from children. And I guess I read this article that it's been reported now and seven News has done an article on it. BBC is covering it because it does bring up a
lot of questions like why is one acceptable? Why is it okay to have a woman in lingerie but then not have savvy business woman who's trying to promote her
only fans, who's also simply just in launderie. And I guess for me as a parent, the thing that where my brain goes to is as a parent, it's your responsibility to try and limit your children from what they can and can't see, right Like you try and protect your children from pawn sites, You try and protect your children from knowing that only fans exist up until a certain age. You try and protect your children from so many different types of things. And when it comes to
a phone, you're responsible for that. When it comes to what they're consuming in magazines, you're responsible for that. But when it comes to them walking out of their house, walking down their street, what are you going to do? Blindfold them? You can't protect somebody from that. And I guess ultimately, even though there is many because like if you scan that QR code, you have to I think with only fans you have to submit like a license to be able to actually prove that you're eighteen.
Yeah, you don't scan it and go straight to the nudes or whatever, Like you don't get straight in from scanning.
No, there's definitely layers of having to prove that you're over eighteen in order to be able to create a subscription to be able to view content. But I mean, we'd be silly to think that some kids aren't savvy enough to be able to do that. Now, is this Savannah woman, like, is she the reason why children are going to get on and look at OnlyFans? No. I would say a lot of kids already know what exists, and if they really want to look at someone, they're
going to do it. But I do think that promoting it so publicly could be more of initial it's like bringing it front of mine.
I'm on the fans Because there's a big part that's like, fuck, she's just nailed the marketing for her business, because it's business, So.
You're like, go off, queen. Yes, it's like that. No one in Australia's ever done that.
I don't know if anyone around the world has put their only fans on a billboard.
So there's part of you that's like, fucking get a queen.
Then there's the other part that like, if I were a mum and my four year old is driving along and says, what's only fans? I don't want to have that conversation yet. So there's a part of me that's like, is it the right place to do the marketing? It's a tough one.
There is nothing wrong with it as a business and as a site, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to promote it, but I do think that there needs to be appropriate places in which you're promote it. And I also think it's important to know, like none of us have seen what is inside this only Fans account? Is it just photos in a bikini? Is it something that's more sexually explicit? Like what are you subscribing.
To I mean, her Instagram's very sexy and the link says go here for the good stuff. I'm going to assume that there's some pretty sexy stuff on there.
That's an assumption. I haven't been on there.
But at the end of the day, yeah, I'm not convinced the school run is the place to put.
The billboard on.
If dad is doing the school run, he might be okay with it.
Oh fucking clever, man. I don't know how.
No one else has thought of this, And like she's on every article ever, lad Bible News, Perth News, Astrailing, Everyone's currently talking about it, so she's nailed it.
I just can't believe that the Billboard company actually let this fly because there are so many rules around advertising, say like porn sites or porn harb or any of those sorts of sites that require you to be over eighteen to view. There is so much legislation about publicly advertising them. You can't so I wonder how this slips through the cracks, And I think it is because it flirts with that very blurred line between what is too sexual for the school run.
Literally.
Yeah, all right, well, I'm gonna give you an update on my life.
I'm still best friends with the gay guys next.
Door, Alex and Eugene. They're amazing. I went for a dinner party last night and they bought me a present. Let me show you the present, Laura. I'm just gonna get it.
I've lost Brittany to a sixty year old psychic.
Okay, they were so excited to give me this present, and now I need to tell you. Alex and Eugene the couple, right So Alex, he walks around the head us now and sporadically we'll go lifos.
He's calls himself a lifer. He listens to the podcast now.
He knows everything he knows about you, Laura, Matty, j Keisha. He's so involved in the podcast and he's absolutely loving it. Eugene not so much. He's like, I get what Alex tells me. He's like, Alex made me listen to some episodes, but he's not that tech.
Sabby, Eugene, I'm not your target market.
Yeah, I mean Alex had to download a podcas he didn't even know how download the podcast app. But he's our main subscriber now. But they were so excited to give me this present.
Have a lot. It's a pair of socks and this says.
Bitch, I am reality TV. This is the present they gave me. I'm gonna put on life on cut stories. But it's really cute.
Anyway, I had my psychic reading.
I've only just had it, so I need time to go through that and process that and we'll talk about it well, unpacking a bit more on Tuesday's big episode, because he did mention like you Laura make Jay mentioned Mitch like. There was a lot of stuff that was mentioned. I'm not going to go through all of it. Some of it was pretty personal, but I'll give you my thoughts about that one once I've unpacked it a bit more myself.
And I mean, we all know how much of an absolute skeptic I am for it, So I can't wait to sit there and be like, I'm sure that he read this on the internet. Before we get into answering asking cut questions, what are you vibing this week?
Oh? Okay, I am. It's no secret that I love Lewis Capaldi.
My vibe this week is Lewis Capaldi's Netflix documentary, which is literally titled Lewis Capaldi How I'm Feeling Now? I mean, I love him as an artist, I love him as just so raw and authentic on his Instagram, But it was really around his mental health.
And I don't know if a lot of people have seen this, but Lewis.
Has really really severe Tourette's no way severe, and there was a really beautiful video that went around not that long ago, Laura, I don't know if you mustn't have seen it. His threats has been getting really bad the last year, and he was on stage performing and his ticks were going off and he couldn't sing any more because his convulsions. It takes his whole back. He's got extreme back pain. It's so severe and you don't realize until you see this documentary.
But he had to stop.
Singing in front of like thousands and thousands of people, and he felt like, you know, you could see that he was a bit embarrassed and upset, and the whole audience started to sing the song for him when he couldn't sing because of the ticks, and it was just
like the most beautiful, heartfelt moment. But it's just a really honest look into this whole Like it doesn't matter how famous you are or how much money you have or you know, you never really know what someone's life is going through, and no one is safe.
From mental health.
Mental health doesn't care, it doesn't discriminate who you are, and I think it's a really beautiful insight into that.
Also with Lewis Capaldi, I think because he's actually so funny as well, and I think that funny people are very good at masking when they're going through challenging times because they use it as a mask as a buffer. But he's so fucking hilarious, not only just an amazing singer. I haven't seen this documentary, so I will definitely watch it.
So he literally lives about sixty seconds from me here in Glasgow from Ben Like, I walk past his house every day, but I didn't know which one it was, but I think now I know. So what I'm trying to say is I'm going to start.
To store Lewis Capaldi.
I'm kinda set out the frapp That's like my wildest dream is to get Lewis Capaldi on the podcast.
Ah okay, well my five for the week is it's something very simple. I want to recommend an app which is saving my life at the moment. It's one that we use all the time when we're trying to schedule our lives. It's called time Tree. It is a very basic calendar app. I know some of you are going to be like, why the fuck don't you just use Google Calendars. It's because I find Google Calendar so annoying, so annoying I do too.
I don't know how to use it properly.
I hate it.
Yes, And people are like, did you get my invite?
And I'm like, oh, I don't want your stinking calendar.
And I'm like, what do I do with that invite? I'm like, do I click? Yes? Maybe? Do I schedule it?
No?
I'm not about it.
Yes. Look, I mean I know that for a lot of people it's very convenient, and I know that if I ever checked my emails and actually said yes to any of the calendar invites people sent me, then maybe I would find it convenient too. But time Tree is something that Britt and Keisha and I all share. We're on it together, so we can kind of share each other's calendars. And then I have another project that I'm working on at the moment, so I have a really
conflicting calendar. So I've set up a calendar with them. I have one with Tony May. It runs my life without it. If you don't go in the calendar, I forget you exist. That's literally where my life is at at the moment.
You know, you might forget. But time chair is my idea. I introduced us to that, so you're welcome.
Yeah, well that's my vibe. I'm vibing. Thank you so much for that.
She kept doing calendar, Google Calendar, and I was like, I can't do it. I was like, here, everyone download this new ridiculous app.
And we'll use that.
It's free and it's freaking great. Okay, I'm pretty sure it's free, or maybe I paid for it. I can't remember. This isn't sponsored. It's great.
I think it's just the free one. I don't think we pay for it. It probably gets better if you pay for it.
Yeah, but let's not do that. Let's get into answering some questions.
Okay, I'm going to kickstart us with one. Here we go.
Is it rude to tell a guy in person that you don't want to see him for a second date at the end of the first date?
Backstory. I went on a first date the other day.
It was okay, but I just felt absolutely nothing for the guy. So at the end, when we're saying our goodbyes, I slipped in that although it was nice to meet him, I wasn't interested in hanging out again.
Each friend I have said this too was shocked.
They said it was very savage of me, and they asked, how could I possibly do this to him?
I want to know who your friends are.
I felt great driving home from the day because I knew I wasn't gonna have to contact him again.
But now I'm wondering if this was in fact rude, and a little text when I got home was probably the way to go.
Now, I did think this is obviously, I mean, I have my opinion on it, but I sent this to Mattie, Jay and Ben to get a male's perspective because I would love to know how the male would have felt in this situation. So go get Mad, bring Mad in and we can discuss what we think.
Okay, I firstly think it's fine. I think it is completely fine. It can be delivered in a polite way. If you were feeling that, there's a good chance he was also feeling the same thing that, like, you know, it was nice you were pleasant, but like he didn't feel that spark either. I think it's fine. Do I think it's ballsy and that most people wouldn't have the
confidence to do it. Yes, I think most people are so scared about offending somebody that they would hate to say something like that that's so direct, for fear that it would shatter the other person's self confidence. But if you've delivered it in like a pleasant way, if you've said, you know, had a really nice time. But I think we're not each other's person, and I hope you have a great life. I think it's fine. I think it
is so fine. Would I have ever done that? No, because I'm a fucking coward, But I'm so glad you're not.
Oh okay, I think the same thing.
And I think the problem here is the real underlying problem is your friends saying.
I can't believe you did that.
I think it's saying more about your friends than it is about you. They're viscerally uncomfortable by the fact that you had this confrontation and you actually voice your opinion, because it does make people uncomfortable. No one wants to like shut someone down, or no one wants to hurt someone's feelings or in case they had a date.
You don't want to be the one that was like, ill.
Gross, I have done this before. I don't ever choose to do it, like, I don't want to have that moment of letting someone down or in case they did have a great date, or the awkwardness. The only times I've ever done it when someone has put me on the spot and said I had a really great time, we'd love to see you again, because I'd rather in that moment lie, I mean, I'd rather in that moment tell the truth.
I mean, I'd rather fucking lie.
I would rather lie I would never see you again.
Yeah, I would hope to say yeah, had a great time too, and then never see you again. No, but i'd rather in that moment when I'm put on the spot, I'd rather tell the truth than say yes, can't wait to see you and then get home and say psych, I was joking.
Don't you think that's harder though? If someone's like, hey, I just had it such a great time, I can't wait to see you again, responding to that with yes, same, but I'm not interested in you. So hard terrifying.
Oh, it's terrible, worst day of my life and I've had some pretty bad days. That's pretty bad. I don't think there's.
A better way or a right or a wrong way. If you want to wait to get home send the mess, that's also fine, like absolutely fine. If you want to say it on the spot because you feel better, which you did.
Fine for you.
You didn't want to get in the car and have to think of what you're going to say in a text, and obviously the moment came, you did it. I think that your friends are reflecting their feelings onto you about how uncomfortable they would feel.
One hundred percent. And I think it also comes down to exactly like you said, Britt, this idea of like personality types, some people are inherently conflict avoidant, and the idea of the thought of doing what you did almost sickening, Like it's just like it's petrifying to them, whereas for you,
it was an empowering moment. Nobody likes to leave a first date knowing that you're not going to see them again, knowing that you don't want to see them again, and then having to do that follow up text because it's almost like having more admin work when you've gotten home from your date. It's nice sometimes just package it up, say what you want to say, and not have to
then go home and think about fuck. I got all right back to the good morning text that this guy has just sent me that I don't want to talk to.
I mean, it's more awkward to if like if he's takee like Michelin Star restaurant paid for and then at the end, I'm going to take my lobster in it to go back, and I never want to see you again.
But I asked Ben and he.
Was like, firstly, if the guy has any awareness, he would probably feel that there was nothing there from your side, like unless you were completely faking it. But like you said, Laura, like most people, you get the vibe if it's there or not. So he's like, hey, the guy should have had some awareness. I said, if this happened to you, how would you feel? Would you have been offended? Would you think the girl was being rude? And he said, it's absolutely fine. Of course it's not nice to hear,
I suppose, but it's part of dating. Rejection happens. He's not gonna lose any sleep about it, and I think that that's accurate. I don't think this guy, I don't think you have to worry. He's not giving you another thought. To be honest, that's what I think. I was like, this guy that you let down is not fucking crying to his friends, being like.
Can you believe she said you didn't want to see me again? I think you're good.
I am gonna ask Matt because I feel like he might have maybe his fragile male ego has a different sense of it, or maybe he's fine, Matt, Matt is fragile, He's not fragile. I was teaching I reckon he is. No, let's see what he says. He's sensitive, he's not fragile. Very different.
Yeah, potato potato all right.
So, Matt, if you were on a first date with someone and you you know, who knows, maybe you thought it went great, maybe you didn't. But at the end of the day she said to you that she didn't want to see.
You again in a nicer way.
Would you prefer it to your face or would you prefer it in a text message? Afterwards?
I did ghost me? Are you kidding? Okay? For some people, they may like the news to be delivered honestly and direct, but for me, that would fucking destroy me.
Just when you walked in. We tried to guess what you'd say. Laura's like, I think he'll be fine. I'm like, nice, pre fragile.
She's like, MAT's not. And then you're like and You're like, I would cry.
I said, Matt's not fragile, he's sensitive.
I wouldn't date for five years if someone delivered that news to me at the end of the day. I guess it depends on the person. I'm talking from personal experience here, like to be let down very gently into a nice, like cushiony cloud with a blanket.
So you would rather she get home. So what if you said, okay, picture this, Matt. You've had the date and you're leaving to say goodbye, and you say, hey, I had a really nice time. I'd love to see you again, but she doesn't want to see you. What would you prefer that she lies to your face and lets you down on a text later, or would you prefer she says, oh, like, I had a nice time too, but I don't want to see you again.
I think that's one of the very few situations in life where lying directly to someone's face is absolutely acceptable. Okay. The only awkward thing would be if the person you're going on the date, we've tried to kiss you, oh yeah, and I went in for the kissing, and then you might have to say, hey, I'm really sorry.
But you suck.
No, that's where you have to just suck it up, fake kiss like you can't not like, let's take one for the team's too awkward.
And you're just got to date them for like six months. And then Laura actually didn't want to be with me when I proposed, but she's just like, I know how fucking sensitive he is.
I just she's like, it'll just break him.
I'll have one kid, and then she's like, shit, he gotta be pregnant again. I'll have two of them. We'll call it.
And now it's been for six years and it's been a slow and steady race.
Be right, honey, Yeah, forever, forever and ever.
Well, I don't know if we've come to a conclusion, because.
Do you think we've got a conclusion on that?
Yeah, well no, I'm saying it's okay to be honest. I think you're saying the same Laura. And Matt's just like, fuck no, don't break the man.
Down, Rick, Can I ask you if you've ever had a really bad date and you've texted a friend and say, hey, can you call me and pretend like there's an emergency and.
Then yes, I have.
It gives me a and gives me a reason to leave the date early.
Yes, I did.
That's fat I've done that one right. But I don't think you should do that either. I don't think you need to. I think you can see a dinner date out and then just say and you don't have to elongate it. Actually Ben has said that he's done that. Ben's like, I'll just not get dessert, you know, like if the date's not gone, well, I'll just be like, let's just call, you know, like we don't need to dessert in the extras.
But I don't think you need an out. I think people just need to be a bit more honest.
But maybe that's because I'm getting old and like now I'm like, I don't care, Like, just be honest.
So many people are so scared of hurting other people's feelings, which is understandable because we want to be kind, like inherently most people don't want to be assholes to other people. And so I think the majority of people listening to this would do the text afterwards. I think that that's
probably a very standard approach. But if you want to be someone who is confident and takes the balls by the bull by the bulls, the ball by the bulls, yeah, then I think you can tell them to their face, but just know that you might crush someone like Naddy Jay and his fragile little heart.
But the question is, was I rude to tell him fuck no, like you don't want to see the guy again? Like you didn't tell him hey, like I think you're ugly, or you didn't say anything to be rude and offensive. You just said I we're not jelling. You're not my penguin. There's a billion people in the world.
You're not it.
It's not rude. It's just an action that lacked a little bit of empathy. I think. I think it's not rude, not wrong, it's just softer ways of doing things.
Yes, I do agree. I do agree.
Well, I have a question which I'm going to keep you here for, Matt, now that you've joined this little threesome, so this.
One this is nice, isn't it. Guys.
It's been a while since we've done the threesome.
I know, I know a bit rusty.
I also have just had a colon cleanse.
Yeah, perfect timing.
It's not sexy.
I don't know if Laura told this already, but last night the TV turned off and I was like scrolling on social media and the room, like the house is very quiet, obviously because the girls are sleeping, and all I could hear coming from the en suite from our bedroom was.
In her defense. She's taken a laxity of like what we expect?
You're so mean, and I.
Was like, honey, isn't clear yet. She's like, it's still brown, it's rusty.
She's like, don't come in here.
This is so messed up. I did ask you to stay, but now I want you to go.
No say that.
Funnily enough, Laura hadn't mentioned that yet, so thank you for bringing that back.
But Laura, keep going, keep going.
We are forty minutes into this episode and we've answered one question.
Good.
It has been funny.
Okay, all right, Question number two. I love my husband. I love my husband so much. However, I never feel like I get a good night's sleep. So I have decided that I would like to sleep in the spare bedroom.
Now.
I broached this conversation with my husband recently and he was, dare I say, very very offended by it. He thinks that it means that our relationships coming to an end, that I no longer want to be intimate with him, or I no longer find him attractive. But the truth is, I just can't stand the way he breathes at.
Nightclas since it was soul, a man after my own heart.
I can't stand the way he exists and literally lives by breathing.
So the reason why I found this so funny is because he's not a snorer. Now, It's not the he's making an overt snoring noise. It's that he makes a very loud, breathy noise whilst he sleeps, which I can relate to this because this is the noise that Matt makes when Matt sleeps. And it's this.
That's from my mouth, not my asshole.
It's probably from both.
I've heard you beatbox, and I've always wondered how you did it, Matt.
It's how you do it?
Is this about me? Is this about me?
No? I love sleep.
What's the right word codependent?
Yeah, I'm codependent. I'm never going to sleep in another bed.
I know the exact sound you're referring to.
That that sound, Yeah, it's like someone's playing a game of tennis in the middle of the night.
Oh, it's annoying as fuck across the course.
So annoying. Like I think that's a tricky one.
And it wakes you up.
Well, yeah, if you're a light sleeper, it's not that.
It's just that, you know when there's okay, picture this, You're in bed, you're all relaxed, you're going to sleep, and then somebody brings your attention that outside your window there is a drip. Once it's brought to your attention, you cannot unhear it. So once this has been brought she's never going to switch off because that's all she's going to hear the whole time. Get the fuck out of there, get to the spare room, live your best life.
That's what I'm saying.
You guys need to suck it up to fucking drip.
What would you do if I said to you, I wanted to sleep in the spare room because you're parking. No, it was too much for me.
I'd be like, that's fucking part of marriage, that's what you signed up for.
Yeah, but don't you think you can go to another room and just both ensure that you have a good night sleep, like maybe cuddle to almost sleep and then evacuate.
Okay, Look, if you want to cuddle with me to fall asleep and then leave to another bedroom, that's totally.
Fine, exactly that's the dream.
But after I've gone to sleep, and then you can come check on me a couple hours later to make sure I'm still asleep, and then you can go back to Yeah, if there's a draft stuff.
You are possibly the cutest grown man that's ever existed.
If you honestly, if you said I want to sleep in another room as long as you still had sex, doesn't bother me.
Yeah, I think answering this question properly. I mean, we can make a lot of jokes about it, but there are so many people. There are so many couples who sleep in separate rooms, who still love each other and are in great relationships, they just can't sleep. I also think that like once you've had kids, things change because you know, Marley, for example, gets into our bed every night time, and I usually get out of our bed and go and sleep in her bed at three o'clock
every morning. So, like, I think that it doesn't have to be a symbol that something's wrong in the relationship. But I do think that you have to have all the intimacy that goes around it, you know, you have to still have the cuddles in bed before you decide to part ways.
And god, I mean, let's be honest. We literally give each other a pet good night, and then we're at completely opposite ends of the bed. That's about it.
You know.
Obviously we have sex, but on the nights that we're not having sex, it's like good night.
Ninety seven percent of the time, we're just like good night, roll that's it.
Well, brit when you fall asleep, like tonight, when you go to sleep, will you you spoon or will you Like how does that work as in a new relationship, Yeah, but.
They're in a new relationship, we spoon for the first year.
No, I know, but I just want to I want to live the life of a young, fresh relationship for just the second.
No, we definitely, like we sex it up and then we cuddle and like spoon and stuff like that.
But then all right, legend, No, but it's not the whole night.
I don't think we actually cuddle most of the night because we both want a good night sleep, so we cud you know, for the first like ten or fifteen, you know, just they're dozing off, and then we roll on to the other side.
But Ben, like I could probably sleep.
In another bed one day, because Ben's he's a quiet sleeper, but he's so big. He takes up the entire bed. Like his feet are off the end, they're diagonally across the end. His arm span is like an albatross. There's no room for me in the bed.
But Matt, you lie because you say that we like part ways and we sleep on other sides of the bed. We fall asleep, and there's always one body path that's touching. Usually I have like my foot on your calf or something. There's always one thing that's touching somewhere that like signifies we're still in bed together. Yeah, correct, Yeah, there's always one touch point.
I think the important part here is at the end of the day, she's not getting the sleep she needs.
That's the question. She cannot sleep, She's awake all night.
She might have kids, she might have a stressful job, she needs to get to she needs to get asleep so they can sleep in other rooms.
I think it's okay, yeah, but I think to be able to answer it, I mean, like, if your partner's offended, if your partner's upset by it, what's the next steps. I think the reassurance is what it is, or maybe it is that you fall asleep in the bed together, and then you know, when you wake up or you are woken up, you get up and you go to the other room. But I think if you're dismissive in this, I think if you turn around, you're like, I'm going to go sleep in the other bedroom, that can make
someone feel very shut out in the relationship. So as much as we can sit here and make jokes about it, I still think that this is something that a lot of people have to deal with in their relationships, especially when you've been in a really long term. And it's also when you can start to feel like the passion's gone a bit and the intimacy and the feelings of being wanted are starting to erode. So be careful with it too, because.
I think, you know, if I was going to put myself in the shoes of the husband here and think about the insecurity. It would be the fact that this could be the beginning of further separation, Like you know, it begins when you go to bed, and then once you get used to that routine of not having that contact all the time, it may be harder to then be intimate because you're in separate bedrooms. So I think that would be my fear that it would be the beginning of the undoing of the relationship.
Well, then the guy needs to go to a respiratory specialist. Guy needs to go and go to a sleep doctor, go to a breathing doctor, sort the shit out.
But it's I don't know. I think I think you guys are overthinking it. I think, of course you're gonna reashore room. Of course you're gonna go.
Baby. I love you so much, like you are my whole entire world.
But I cannot sleep with you breathing so loudly all night, like I'm gonna have to try and nap in the other room.
I don't know. I don't think it's the end of the world.
Yeah, I agree, I know, I totally agree with you. I don't think it's the end of the world because I know so many couples who do it?
God.
I know couples who live together but they have separate bedrooms, which sounds like the fucking dreams. They've got wardrobes. They're a single couple. They live in a two bedroom house and they don't have kids, and they have their own own bedroom, so they sleep, they fall asleep with each other, and then they go to their own beds.
Or they're gonna have a terrible time when they have kids.
I know, how are they going to adjust.
I know a couple that have been married for forty years happily, that live in the same street but in different houses. They have dinner together every night they're together, but then they go to their own house.
That's my parents. Oh yeah, that's my mum and my stepdad. Yeah, they have different houses and they'd be married for fifteen.
Years, but they're just constantly having sleepovers.
Yeah, they do. They sleep over each other's houses all the time. It's cute anyway. I feel like I don't know if we've answered it, but I feel like we've got close. I think ultimately it's not the silver bullet
that killed the relationship. It doesn't mean your relationship's over, but I think that you have to be really sensitive with how you bring it up, and if it is building an insecurity in your partner, then you have to give a lot of reassurance that the only reason why you're doing it is because you're not getting a good night's sleep. Yes, correct, Okay, Matthew Johnson, that's enough from you.
Thank you for contributing. Matthew johnsonh are you very welcome?
You're a good man.
Last question, My boyfriends a piece of jewelry that his ex got for him and he still wears it. I know he's completely over her, so that isn't the issue. But the question here is that is it weird if I were to get him a piece of jewelry as a gift now because it might bring up memories of.
Her and the ex?
Is it weird if he still wears that jewelry? Am I allowed to buy him a piece that replaces it. That's the kind of vibe here with this ex jewelry boyfriend thing. Hope you can get back to me. Keep me anonymous, of course, we keep you anonymous. So essentially it's in a new relationship, the partner still has jewelry from an ex.
What are your thoughts on that?
Well?
I mean, I think we should start with what are your thoughts on it, Brittany, because I know a certain ring you've been wearing recently which is not from a recent ex boyfriend. It's from a very very old ex boyfriend. But you found it in your jewelry box and you were like, I'm gonna start wearing this again.
Yeah. Look, I might be an anomaly, but I'm sort of okay with this. I have jewelry from previous partners that I still wear because I like the jewelry. I don't put it on and think of the person and it doesn't bring those memories up. But that's right, Laura. My first ever boyfriend, like I reckon, he gave me this ring when I was eighteen.
I'm thirty five now, so like a long time and.
It's just this little silver, like small thin silver ring with a little diamondything in it. And I found it again recently and I was like, I was looking for some rings to lay out, and I was like.
Oh, perfect.
I didn't think, oh my god, that's from my first ever boyfriend.
That's so cute. It didn't keep it in a box under my bed, but.
I had been all the letters he wrote me, Yeah, but I think you know, it was a nice ring. It went with what I was wearing. It was a layer thing, and I was fine with it. But I did tell you, guys. I told Laura and Keisha, and they thought it was all a bit weird. No, I didn't think that was weird. I think as so much time had passed that it wasn't weird. I feel differently to you, brit about jewelry, and I think I feel differently about it because I mean, I have like a real affinity with jewelry.
Guys.
That might come as a surprise to you, but I understand and know very intimately how much meaning goes into jewelry, how much when somebody picks out a piece for someone to wear every day, what that meant to them in giving that piece to someone as well. Like jewelry is unlike any other clothing item, for example, like a pair of jeans or a shirt or whatever, it doesn't carry meaning like jewelry does. Jewelry can be like an engagement ring,
which obviously symbolizes marriage. It could be a gift that symbolizes your affection for someone. It's a real memory piece and so therefore for me I find it very, very different. I think that there's different types. I think if it's costume jewelry, like just say it's an expensive necklace that you pull out once in a blue moon, are you
allowed to still wear that? Absolutely? If it's like an inscribed ring that someone has given you, because if their undying love for you, it's fucking weird to still wear it. And I don't mean that if you choose to still wear it it's because you're still in love with your ex.
But I do think that it's a little bit potentially insensitive to a new partner who might find that intimidating, and in this case exactly that like if you're like, well, now I can't buy you a ring because your ex girlfriend bought you a ring, and then it's like she did it first and I don't want to be compared to her. I don't know. I just think it makes life easier if you leave jewelry that has been brought for you by your ex in the past, especially if it's an everyday piece.
Oh look, I agree with you on a lot, but I disagreed on a lot.
I agree that it can be sentimental, and if it was an engagement ring, like you got engaged and then it went south and you broke up.
Yes, you can't wear the ring like, that's pretty cooked.
Wedding rings are same like if you divorce, I don't think you need to be keeping that. Maybe, I mean, maybe you can melt it down and make it into something else. I do know people that have done that, because obviously it's a nice, expensive jewelry and then they've recreated it into something else. I think that's okay. But for me, I mean, I have a necklace that I have from an X TOO that I wear sometimes. It's beautiful. I love it because I love the necklace. It was something I wanted.
But that necklace is costume jewelry. When I say costume jwey, I mean it's occasion where jewelry. You're wearing it out for dinner, you're wearing it to an event. Yes, I feel very differently about it that I think that's fine. So what I'm saying is if it's occasion where jewelry, then I don't have an issue with it because you're wearing it because you're styling it with an outfit. But if it's jewelry that you wear every single day, that
you never take off. It almost becomes part of your identity, Like that's that one thing that never ever comes off your body and it was given to you buy your ex. I find it weird.
Well, I think in this case, there's no reason for this girl for you, the listener. I don't think there's a reason for you to feel uncomfortable about buying him a gift and buying him a piece of jewelry, a ring, buying whatever you want. He's your partner and it's going to be mean something to you, And if you low key want to.
Be replacing what he's wearing, that's okay.
You can also have a conversation about it and say, you know, I got you this ring, but I would love it if you would wear it, And how do you feel about, you know, swapping it out? You know, I sort of look at that ring and think of your X. You know, you could almost be just really honest that it makes you a bit uncomfortable, especially if it was something special between them and you know that. But I think go for it, buying whatever you want, buying a ring, and see what happened.
I also think, on top of that, there is no shame in saying I know that it means nothing to you, but it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable that you're wearing it. Totally, But go together and pick out something that he likes, because obviously he's got a style. Maybe he wants to replace it with something that's similar. The last thing you want to do is buy something and he doesn't like it as much and then he feels forced to wear it.
That's all totally, and he's like, great, now I've got to wear this ugly thing that he doesn't like.
I think going for it, that's a good idea. Or go do it together, but don't.
Feel bad about buying something just because someone bought him something in the past.
Yeah, but I do get it though, Like I mean, if I've ever dated a guy and I've found out that his ex girlfriend has kind of done or bought something that's the same, Like, for example, if Matt's ex girlfriend had bought him a ring that was really sentimental to them and their relationship, I would feel weird about buying Mat a ring. I would feel like I was copying something that she did. I would feel like I was trying to compete or you know, take that memory.
I don't know, I understand why. There's a bit of a feeling of like, I don't want to repeat the same gift. Yes, the gifts are limited. What are you going to get? A wallet? A ring?
A wallet is such a sixteen year old first boyfriend gift where you go to the surf shop and get like a bill of Wong wallet for their birthday.
I'm pretty sure I bought Matt wallet for our first relationship milestone. I can't remember what it was, but I bought him a wallet.
I almost bought Ben one the other day.
And wait, to be fair, I bought Matta wallet and it was replacing the wallet that he had, which was bought for him by his ex girlfriend. So there you go, paul A move.
So there you go. You did do it.
Yeah I did, and he loves it and he still wears that wallet.
Where's it uses it?
And who knows where the ex girlfriend wallet is?
Yeah, well we do know because you burnt it.
Yeah, it's in the ground in your backyard, brit That's where it is. Anyway, guys, that is it from us. We hope that you love the episode, enjoyed Matt making a little rendezvous on today's EPP Go and join the life on Cart discussion group. You can also find us on Instagram at life on Cart podcast.
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