Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander peoples today.
This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
I'm Laura and I'm Brittany.
And Brittany, you have something that you're gonna tell us because on last or of Tuesday's episode I said it's time for some dating updates.
Yeah, it is a funny little update. Actually it's not.
I'm not going to go hard, but I is. How is the dating life currently hollow? The dating traps?
It's still very very slow. I'm still just dipping my toes in the water.
How many dates has one been on.
With one person? Or different people? Oh?
Both, look at me.
I'm acting like I'm counting.
It's too okay? How many dates?
With?
Said? Too?
So? I think I told you a story. Okay, I've got two updates. I told you a story a little while ago about how produced a kish and I had matched with the same person online, and then we went out to the pub and we ran into that person.
We have this really awkward moment. I said that a few weeks ago. But you never actually went on a date with his guy in real life. It was it was someone you match, you talked to a little bit, and then he.
We both only met him on a dating app, but we didn't know we were both we would never do that, like, we're not going to play games. But then when we discovered we'd both talked to him, we never spoke to him again. But that was because he he sort of just like disappeared.
So we disappeared into the net of the internet.
Yeah, so we were like whatever, like like we're invested. We ran into him together at the pub, and I don't think he actually recognized us slash me. He might have recognized Keisha I produced Akisha, but not me. Anyway, we all had a bit of a laugh about it. He then all of his friends must have told him what happened, and then he went and found me on Instagram. Oh there was more. Yes, So he came and found me on Instagram and was like, hey, we've never spoken
on Instagram. He's like, just want to let you know I didn't ghost you.
You know when someone's really putting in the effort is when they change platforms, when they take it from the dating apps and they go into the Instagram, like find you on LinkedIn, send.
A home in Pigeon. He's like, I want to I just want to let you know I didn't ghost you. And I wrote back and I was like, that's true. He actually did. No, I didn't. I said no. That's that's literally the definition of ghosting. We were talking and then she disappeared, and he's like, oh, well, I didn't mean it. Can I apologize? Can I make it up to you? Is it? Though?
Can you actually go someone who you've never met in real life? I don't think you care?
I care? No, Yeah, because if you imagine if you're talking to someone. I'm not saying this was asked as an example. Imagine if you're talking to someone non stop for like ten messages a day, for three weeks, four weeks, five weeks, and then all of a sudden nothing, that's a ghosting. You don't have to have met them, they're still they were there and then they're not.
But I kind of feel like you can really only go someone once they've been a little bit of investment, i e.
Once he's an investment.
I don't think that who the fuck could text someone for five weeks without actually meeting them in real life unless he people. Unless when you were on dating apps you've set your profile to there are zero barriers, like as in one hundred kilometer radius.
Do you know what the listeners are thinking right now? They're like, oh, bless Laura's soul. She's been out of the dating game for a while. You can one hundred percent be invested without meeting, yes, And I can be ghosted without.
Meeting within a week, two weeks, maybe three weeks max I would meet someone. I have such a short plan, but I have a short attention span. I couldn't date someone online texting for five weeks. I'd be like, fuck, I'm so bored of this. Let's figure this out in real life see if we are compatible.
But also think about the last couple of years in COVID and all the lock downs. So I feel like like blessed is the life that Laura has a beautiful relationship with children. All last single people out here are like Laura.
You do not remember what the dating was like. I also blacked out what the pandemic was like as well.
He did that happen?
What are you talking about?
But that wasn't even my update. I also told you guys another story recently.
Wait wait, wait, don't know.
So he said into your DMS and said I didn't gost you and you said you did and he said okay, and then what happened?
Oh, so he wants to take me on a date. That's where's count We haven't yet. I've been actually too busy. And then I got COVID and implouenza. Everyone's hospitals, So I was like, wait, will you go on a date? We said, man, I think I probably should maybe like a coffee if he's going to put the effort in. But he's got to put the effort in.
Do you have to have the conversation with produce a key shirt that you're both that he chose you?
No, because then she started talking to his other friend. That's not even the update. The update was. I just said, I've actually only gone on two dates this year. Isn't that a sad thing for me? But I'm only just getting back out there. I've been on two days one of them I told you guys about recently where I said when we actually met, it wasn't really the person that I thought. It was like a semi catfish without catfish.
It was that person, but maybe some older photos, filters, a few filters it's thrown in there, yeah, from ten years ago, a few filters from nineteen ninety seven, like the vintage film. It he tried to make it vintage.
It wasn't.
It was actually just vintage.
It was. It was just an antique.
It was from plenty of fish. So we had that date right and we were talking. You know. There were a few texts after it because it was really nice, like there was nothing wrong with this person, Like I want to make that clear. It just wasn't. The vibe just wasn't there. It wasn't for me. But there were a few texts after and then I just when the opportunity came for me to not respond, I didn't so
like I was being nice enough. But when the texts died down and it wasn't a question anymore, you ghosted him, Well, he hasn't. He didn't write back to me either. I guess it was just sort of fading or he picked up on it, so I didn't go. So we we were back and forth until you know, a conversation dies, it just never picked back up.
Yeah, it was. It's a slow fade.
Yeah. So then I went on the date with the second person I've been on a date with, and we were again this is what I do, walking coffee date, you know, two birds one stone on a walking coffee date. Was standing out in the front of his coffee shop and there is a window in the coffee store. This is at my local, and I'm standing there with this person,
lots of flirting, lots of whatever. And then I look up to my right and one point five meters away is the first guy, the catfish date guy that I stopped talking to, and he's standing there staring at me, and I stared at him, and then we had this. I pretended I didn't recognize him because I didn't what are you doing that situation? And I looked on my face and I looked away, and the guy was on a date with was like, is E anything all right?
Because I must have just had them like I can't die have a poker face, and I just told him I was like, I went on a date with that guy.
And I.
Goes to and he was like, oh, this is awkward, and I was like, should we go to knock coffee shop? And that was it. So that's my dating update. That's just like nothing, nothing can ever be smooth. Two dates and then they collide. My world's collide. That's all I've done is two dates and I had an implosion.
Two dates but more than one date with the second person or not?
Oh hang on, you know, yes I do.
Yeah, the second one I had went on a few dates with yeah, oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, cool. Nice.
It's good to be updated. I'm glad that all the people are now updated. I'm glad that we can all live vicariously through your dating life anytime you want to, you know, tell us the ins and outs.
I've forgotten. And it's not that I've forgotten.
What it's like to date. Trust me, that trauma is etched into my brain. I did some pretty terrible dating in my time. But I've forgotten about how the interactions go with online dating, Like what are the rules of engagement in terms.
Of what just in terms of everything.
I think, like when you start the conversation.
Well, actually I have one.
I think there's actually one question in here which we will get into, which I think kind of ties in a little bit, maybe loosely. Look it's a stretch, but we'll tie it in, all right. Anyways, for anyone who doesn't know what this episode is, you guys are not just about my dating I wish it was just.
About Britt's dating life.
You guys write in You're Deep, You're dark, You're burning questions and we do our absolute best to answer them, and we have chosen three, maybe four, depending on how much time. We have very good questions today. But before we get into answering the questions, there is something that I read in the news which is a very unrelatable news article that I came across.
And that is brettany Hockley.
Did you see that Ben Affleck's son had an accident?
Okay, I didn't read this article. I scrolled past it and I saw it and I thought Ben Affleck had the car accident, and I just I was like, I couldn't care less if Ben Affleck accidentally dinged the cars, so I kept scrolling. It wasn't Ben, it was his son.
Ben Affleck's ten year old son has run his three hundred and sixty one thousand dollar Lamborghini into a BMW.
I have so many questions.
Imagine you're a child not even okay, none of us can imagine this, because I'm pretty certain that not a single person who listens to this podcast owns the Lamborghini. Hey, lamee, So maybe someone does, do you think I don't think that we would be their cup of tea. I feel like there's they're probably listening to the Financial Review. But could you imagine your kid getting in your car and driving your car for a starter as a ten year
old let alone. I mean, at least a Lamborghini would be easier for them to enter because it's so low lying.
Yeah, you don't even have a step up into it. You roll on into it.
The part of this story that's even wilder is that this wasn't their car. They didn't own this car. He got into the car at a dealership.
Oh my god, Well they own it now and did it break?
And you bought it? And did it at a dealership? I can't even They.
Probably just had to buy two cars. They probably had to buy the car, the Lamborghini and the car that they just hear.
Could you imagine or does it do you okay. Do you think that in that sort of situation you would have to pay to repair it or would the insurance come under you just have to pay the access sure six hundred.
Bucks and fat Chancelord, there is no way that ben Netflix ten year old sign just smash two cars of dealership and they're going to be like six hundred dollars thank you. I'd be like, you're purchasing those two cars? I know your net worth? I can google it.
I would love to know. And maybe this is something we can do in a radio segment. What is your child ruined? What's something that you own that your child has just monumentally fucked up for you?
I'll go first.
We bought a brand new couch when we moved into our new apartment or a new house, and it's.
A Koala couch. I love it.
And I walked out one day and Molly was there with a black pen just drawing down the side of it, just casually looking me dead into the eyes, like fuck you, mummy, drawing down the side of.
The couch, kind of textile like permit market, just in a black barrow, all down the side, all down the side. She'd been sitting there doing it for a while. Is it still on there because you get off.
I picked a very good color couch. I picked a gray couch so it covered it remotely. But if you look closely, yeah, of course you can.
Still see it.
Well, I mean, my child has do not get me started on your child.
Oh my child dlah fast four legs and she has ruined a lot of things. I don't even know where I would start.
Okay, I'll sign on one of them. We have a very big announcement that we're making tomorrow. It's something that we've been working on for a long time, something that we're really excited about, something that we honestly cannot wait.
To share with you. And we got given it.
I like, this is giving it away.
No one knows reave it under line, people, we got given it here it is, here's one for the two of you to have together. And I got here today and I was like, I can't wait to take a.
Photo of it.
It doesn't exist anymore because Delilah ate it.
And I wish that this was a joke.
I wish that when somebody went to school and said, my dog ate my homework.
This is literally that situation Britney's dog ate.
My homework, his most prized possession, something that was very meaningful to both of us, and something that we don't have the very first one. Yeah, we can't get it back right now, so I'm not gonna lie. Do you know what I felt like when I saw it? I felt like I was the child and I didn't know how to tell my parents what had happened you. I was like, what am I gonna do that? It's gonna be so upset to be I was like, well, am I actually gonna do? I was like, I don't know
how to tell us. I just pretended it was like really nonchalant. I was just like, hey, loll so this happened.
So what we're actually saying on this podcast episode is that there is an Australian shepherd dog. It's up upper sale. If anyone would like it, you can come pick it up from bod Guy.
I can never I will never leave Delilah in your care babysitting, because I'll come She'll be gone. I love that and be like, hey, gave her away. I swapped her for a plant on the corner of the street.
I thought it would be easier, but anyway, Okay, let's get into all of the questions that you guys have written in. I won't give Delilah away.
I'm not that mean. But also, man, puppies are hard.
I mean, she didn't choose clothes, everything, announcements, very expensive handbag. Dude, she ate my muffin off the bench. She's she's she's been running road. Yeah, but she's so cute.
Yeah, but I think I would rather kids, no way.
Dog for dogs are very polarizing in that people like, if you verbalize that you're not very much of a dog person, people get really angry.
I wouldn't date it. If that's a deal breaker. Yeah, you don't like a dog.
People think you're a psychopath. I have a dog. I am a dog person. I'm just not a puppy perpose.
She's only her birthday in a couple of days. Oh yeah, well, good things she's celebrated. She said, that's her celebrating.
All right, let's get into the questions. Help. I'm in a situation.
I've been with my partner for two years, and recently I spent a couple of days away doing house inspections. Now, while I was away, I took my partner's laptop with me so that I could watch some movies, and because I was using it to do a bit of work, I was also very bored. Of course you were, so I decided to look at his photos. Of course you did, and look at his messages. You should stop on his laptop I bought. Now, I know I shouldn't have done this, but I did it, And anyway, of course I found
something that has made me feel sick. Now I have found two separate videos. They were very sexual video of him and other girls in the past. Now, one of the videos I have questions about and I want to ask him about it. He will obviously know then that I went through his stuff. In addition to the videos, there was also a message that I found in She Went Deep Guys. There was also a message that I found of him texting a random number asking if they
were free, and also asking them how much. This has also left me feeling really sick because I never thought my partner was like this. What the hell do I do do I have to just ignore this whole situation, ignore the text messages, ignore the videos, and go on and continue to do life as though I don't know about this, or can I bring it up with him, dun't dun't duh?
What should I do?
Was the does it say? Laura? Was the message that she found where he said how much an you around kind of thing? Was that a message from before the relationship as well?
I get the impression in the way that this is worded that maybe there is some loose overlap in from the beginning. I feel like they're from quite a long time ago. Maybe there is, Like when she says there's one of them in particular, I have questions about maybe there is some overlap or there's something there that makes her feel insecure. But the videos specifically from the question are from the past, so previously to her relationship.
All right, well, you got yourself into a real pickulducle here because you did the wrong thing by going through his laptop, for sure. Like, I think there needs to be a level of privacy in a relationship, and I don't mean I think in a relationship you should have access to each other's stuff. Like I don't think you have to be hiding anything. I think you can know each other's passwords, but I think you need to know someone's passwords but still have that respect of not diving deep.
Now I'm not saying that this is your fault, and I'm not saying you can't approach him anymore. I'm just this is from me in a relationship. I would hate if I knew my partner was going through every single thing on my computer and I've got nothing to hide. I just it just doesn't sit.
Right with me.
Yeah, And I think that there's a big difference between having like an open phone or open like laptop policy in terms of like you know each other's passwords, and there's this real level of just like, yeah, sure, what's mineus yours verse going really deep and trying to find something like I think that they're very different things. And you know what, I know what happens to a lot of people that the curiosity becomes overwhelming and that you
do kind of find yourself down a rabbit hole. I guess the biggest problem is, though, is then when you do come across something, trying to explain how you got into that rabbit hole in the first place can be a bit of a situation.
Yeah, And if you want to approach him now and talk about it, which I think you're going to have to, because it sounds like now that you've got this knowledge, it's going to eat you alive and you're going to really dwell on it for a little while, so you probably do need to have the conversation. I don't think you can scoot around it. I think you need to say I accidentally found something on your computer when I
had it the other day. I wish I didn't. I'm really sorry, but it doesn't change the fact that I have seen it and I want to talk to you about it. So I think you need to own up to it. I also apologize, don't go at him, attacking him, go into it in an open conversation and be honest. But I think in these situations, honestly is the best policy.
Yeah, but I also see the only part that I disagree with you, brit is like, I don't think that you can kind of frame this is as like I accidentally found something back from.
Nineteen ninety seven.
Yeah, I think you have to be honest and say, look, curiosity got the better of me and I was I was going through your staff and I feel really shit about that and I am fuck like, I don't know, I don't have an explanation for what made me want to do that, because it didn't come from something that you've done. Right now, however, there are these two videos
and there is this text message. Because the problem is if you say I accidentally found something, then you have to pick the one thing you want to talk about is that the message? Is it the video or are you going to say you found the message? So then you dug even deeper, Like yeah, you have to just own the whole thing otherwise it becomes too messy and entrenched with lies. But I do agree with you that I think a conversation needs to be had.
But you need to be aware. I'm just putting myself in this position to imagine it. You need to be really aware that he's going to be mad. He's going to be really upset that you've gone through his stuff, and he is going to have a level of entitlement to be able to do that, Like it is a bit of an invasion of privacy, especially if they're videos. This is the other thing we need to talk about.
He hasn't done anything wrong, he hasn't cheated on you totally, but obviously having that sort of intimacy from a past relationship on your computer is still unsettling. So I think you can one hundred percent ask him to delete those. That is that is in your right in a relationship to say, I don't think you need a video of
you having sex with your partner on your phone. For me, if I was dating somebody now and they went through my phone, I would have so much of my past relationship with Jordan, Like they would be discovering a lot of things that I don't really think about it, but that's just stored on my phone from the last eighteen months. That's a pretty normal thing to have those things in your past. And I wouldn't have those if I was If somebody approached me and said, why do you have
photos of them, I'd like I didn't. I didn't even look at them, like they're just from years ago. They're sitting in my phone. There's thousands of them. I haven't gone through and deleted them. This is just a bit different in this sense because it's very sexual, and that's what's making you uncomfortable.
I think the big part of this is though it may not have been intent, like he's not necessarily holding onto those videos because it's intentional. If you found them so deep down in his messages or in his video files, it's very very likely that he's not even aware that they're there, especially if they're from years and years back. I mean, you said that you've been together for two years now, he might not be aware that they're there. Now,
what you said, brit is very correct. Like, he hasn't done anything wrong, assuming that this is before your relationship, he hasn't done anything wrong. Even if he paid for sex before your relationship, he still hasn't done anything wrong. Yes, it might not line up with your values, but he wasn't in a relationship with you. He was and is allowed to behave in whatever capacity he feels is okay for him, and it's not hurting you. It's not hurting
your relationship because it happened before your relationship. So I definitely think there has to be a level of acceptance here where if it all all did happen prior to you being together, you have to get to a point
where you're okay. Your partner has a past, and he is entitled to his past and doesn't need to be sorry for his past, nor does he really need to explain it to you, especially if he's been committed, faithful, compassionate, loving, all the things that you want in a partner whilst he's been in the relationship with you.
So now knowing all of the above, that it could open a whole can of worms. Also knowing that it seems like he hasn't done anything wrong, definitely not intentionally. You just need to decide if you want to open that can of worms or if you just want to let it go. Is it going to bother you enough that you would like to ask him to delete it? Have the conversation. If you can move past it and not worry about it and not think about it, maybe you don't have to, but you need to know if
is that going to eat you alive? Are you gonna dwell on it? Is it going to become some toxic internal issue? Then deal with it. But that's something that you need to think about.
You like sneak in there and delete it yourself.
Of course you could deleat it, yeah, but then also you can't. I would be I would be pissed if I knew my partner was doing that, creeping into my stuff, going through my stuff and then deleting what they didn't like. I'd be like, fuck you, buddy, Like you can't go through my personal stuff like that.
Okay, well, I feel like we've answered that question. Uh, let's get in to question number two.
Okay, question number two. I thought this was a funny question. I'm going to read it exactly how she wrote it. Ladies, how do you ethically and morally have a hoe phase? A bit of a broad question, but I'm four months single and not looking for a relationship or to date, but I wouldn't mind connecting with people. I'm also queer, So how do I have a hoe phase without using people? And how do I successfully communicate this towards any potential sexual partners?
Okay, Firstly, you're gonna have a great time. Secondly, the fact that you have even asked the question, how do I do this without hurting people? The fact that you're aware that, like sometimes when you're going through are I.
Want to not be attached.
I don't want to be tethered to anyone, but I still want to have sex and have a great time and have these connections that sometimes people end up being collateral damage in that period of your life. But because you're aware of that and you're asking the question, I think that you're going to be You're going to be more conscious in terms of communicating, especially in the early phases when you're like getting to know someone going on a couple of dates in order to get to the
part where you guys can be physical together. I think it's important to be communicating, Hey, I'm only looking for something that's physical or I'm not looking. You don't have to say I'm only looking for physical but I'm not
looking for anything serious. What I think sometimes people do, and not everyone, but sometimes we can do it when we're dating, and I've definitely done it in the past is I thought I didn't want anything serious, and I didn't want anything serious, but I definitely emotionally got into the trenches with people and maybe allowed them to think that there would be something more serious coming along, because sometimes it's hard to have like a good one night
stand or have like that fearhysical connection without having the emotional connection. But if you do that and you play that game, then of course you then walking the line of really hurting someone along the way, especially if you had absolutely no fucking intention of it turning from a physical thing to a commitment thing.
What I want to start by saying is, and I know what I know why you have phrased it like this a whole phase. I know you're just trying to say I want to go out and hook out with whoever I want to really reiterate, you can have sex with as many people as you want. That does not make you a hope like it absolutely does not. It just makes you living your best life. That's okay. Secondly, this is completely fine that you want to do this.
I promise you. There are so many other people out there in the exact same position that want to connect with people and they want to and maybe you don't want just one night stands. Maybe you want to sleep with the same person multiple times, but with no real commitment or responsibility. All you have to do is be completely honest with the people that you with. If you if you're on a dating app, you can say that and literally you can say looking to connect with people,
not looking for anything serious. You can put that out there the same way people can say, Hey, I'm looking for relationship, I'm wanting to settle down. I guarantee you there are that many people looking for exactly the same thing as you. As long as there's complete transparency and complete honesty, no one's going to get hurt. And sure someone might end up developing feelings in these situations. Often
that does happen. But as long as you've said it from the start, this is what I'm looking for, you can always fall back onto that. And maybe if someone develops feelings and you're not ready, maybe that's when you think I might cut that cord now in a very respectful way then and move on to dating somebody else.
Yeah, And I think that that's the biggest part of it though, right fort Like if you're plugged into someone and you know that they're starting to catch feelings, I think it's a bit of a cop out, and a lot of us do it, And you know, I've certainly done it in past relationships where we go, well, I told them I didn't want anything. It's not my fault
that they've caught feelings to me. Like, if you know someone's caught feelings for you and you're still saying I only want it to physical, like, cut the poor person loose, you know what I mean, Because they're hoping that you're
going to change your mind. They're hoping that maybe they can do something or convince you, or the more time you spend together that you might end up becoming emotionally invested, and if you know absolutely that that's not going to happen, then I do think that we have a greater responsibility to care about other people's emotions and to care about other people's emotional well being enough to go, Okay, well, if they're going to want to keep seeing me because
they want more, I'm going to be the one to step away from this and look for somebody else who is just after something physical. I think that that is the road that this has to go down for you not to be hurting other people.
Yeah, and also, at the end of the day, don't ever think this. Just just have fun, like this doesn't have to be a really big deal. These are supposed to be. Dating is supposed to be the funnest time of your life. And people get really go down this rabbit hole of thinking that they need to be really serious at the start and that dating is always exhausting and dating fatigue is a thing. I'm aware of that. But we should be able to have a lot of
fun with this time of our life. The time is going to come one day where you will settle down, you will want that serious relationship. Enjoy this time, enjoy the freedom enjoy meeting new people, enjoy hooking up with new people. It's a really it can be a really, really amazing time and you can meet some really amazing people. So don't overthink it and don't let it weigh too heavily on you. That's my advice. Sex is fun too, Have fun, all right?
Question number three. I've been dating this guy for over a month now. Everything is great and I really like him, but there is no foreplay, like none, none at all. And this has come off the back of the episode that Matt was on last week where we spoke about the lack of foreplay. Now she goes on to say, we kiss for a bit and then just go straight into penetrative sex, no clatoral stimulation, and when it's over, he always seems to ask did you finish? Which I
absolutely have not. I really don't want to offend him, So what should I do? Would he get offended if I suggest that he uses my vibrator? I am offended. I am offended for you. I am offended that you have dated someone for a month and not had an orgasm.
I'm offended that you don't want to offend him by saying you didn't come when he asked you to, like when he asked if you did, don't lie just saying no, sorry, no, like absolutely not not even fifty percent. I'm not even halfway there. Sorry, you only did a quarter of the job. So no, I didn't come. I'm not serviced. The worst thing you can do, we say this is a lot.
The worst thing you can do in these situations is lie or pretend that because if you have been like, oh, yeah, I did, I came, He's going to be like, great, nailed it. Whatever I just did is what works for her. So he's going to keep doing it, and you're going to be in a.
Very vicious cycle. Absolutely never reward bad behavior.
That's exactly an animal or a child. But it never never reward bad behavior. They will do it again and again and again. Okay for me, I think that this is a really easy one. Yes, you may offend him a little bit. He may go, oh my god, like I didn't realize. Yeah, he might feel a bit uncomfortable about it. But guess what, I personally think that your sexual satisfaction is more important than his ego and his ego because it's ego at the end of the day.
Like maybe he just doesn't know. Maybe he was dating a girl who was quite fine with like get it in wham bam, and she could orgasm from penetrative sex.
Most women can't.
And you are setting this person up even if you guys don't end up in a long term relationship, you are setting him up to be a better lover for the next person and for yourself by communicating to him that actually he needs to do a bit more of the distance. And I don't think you have to to be honest, I don't think you have to go straight to bringing a vibrator in like you can if that's what you want to use, if that's how you know,
you can easily get off. But I do think you can kind of be like, I would love it if you would go down on me. Can you put your fingers in me first?
There are other things that you could ask him to do.
Just sit on his face.
You could just sit on his face.
There are other things that you can do prior to just resorting to using toys.
It's very easy for me. It's it's just like, yeah, my heart, my soul hurt. When you're like, I don't want to offend him, it's not it's actually not offending him. You're doing him a favor, Like he, without doubt will be mortified to know that he thinks he's nailing it and he's not hitting the spot physically, metaphorically, literally, he's emotionally in every way, this guy's not in the spot. So you need to tell him that so he knows how to hit it.
Yeah, and okay, where would you do this? Would you do this in the bedroom? Whend you do it outside of the bedroom?
I would do this one in the bedroom, and I wouldn't be saying you're not doing it. I would just be saying, let's try something else.
Or and I think like literally just before he is about to stick it in, Like if that's where you get too straight away, if he's like kissing kiss and kissing and then trying to like get it, you can be like, well, well, well let's slow down, how about we, you know, and you can kind of direct him in a way before he gets to that point, like I just want to take it slow this time and see
if that helps. If it doesn't help, if he doesn't take the subtle cues, and you have to be a little bit more black and white with him than I think a conversation outside of the bedroom can be helpful as well.
Yeah, I mean you can literally just say, during sex, put a finger in, Okay, like, just just give your guys some direction. He probably wants the direction.
But if that doesn't work, then I think the next best option is you can say, hebe, I want to try something. I would really love it if we could take things a bit slower and have a bit more foreplay, Like that would really get me off that you're not then therefore saying, hey, you've been doing this wrong. What you're saying is this is what would make it better for me. So you're kind of like doing it in a supportive way without being too much of a put down.
But nobody has time for skipping foreplay. No one is in that much of a rush.
Well, that is it. Three short and sharp questions. Please keep the questions coming into life on Cut podcast, Instagram, dms, keep your accent on filategic professionals, anything that you want to send us.
We aren't doing another ask gun Cut for a little while though.
We're taking some time. Yeah, but we still need them, Laura, Yes, discourage them.
Okay, but if you need an immediate answer to your question, you just have to wait a little while because.
We are going on holiday, so we have was very exciting for us. We have one more episode next week on Tuesday, and then we're going away for a couple of weeks and then we're going to drop a bonus episode in that time.
So because we.
Can't actually get away on a proper holiday, we have to just keep on bringing your contest so keep.
Them coming in and also the ask gun cut aftermaths. We really want to keep bringing you guys some aftermaths because you guys write in and you're always asking whatever happened? Do you ever know what happened to this person? So we want to be able to bring you those. We also want to know we give you this advice, so we always Laura and I always say to each other, what do you reckon they did.
Or whatever happened to that person? I know we help sleep easier.
We are going to drop an aftermath during our break, but that is it from us.
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