Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life un Guard. I am Britney. Laura is sitting next to me. I'm introducing her.
That was Weirs.
I'm yeah, because I'm on a roll.
We are coming to you today from a very very special place.
We have migrated our recording to not Laura's bedroom, to not my more professional lounge room, but to my bedroom.
We ah, we're getting saucy.
We are absolutely not getting saucy.
We're certainly not getting saucy. We usually he's a bit of like hot news for everyone. You clearly will not care about this moment. Hang anyway. We have migrated from recording in my bedroom because we can't anymore because there's two children running around like wild feral beasts. And we usually record in Brittany's lounge room when we need to be more professional. Yeah, but we can't because somebody's outside drilling,
so here we are. Brittany is also so close, like where she lives is so close to the ocean that everything kind of smells seaweedy. I'm not sure if you can tell.
I think I just wet carpet.
Either. Your whole apartment smells seaweedy. Or if it's like we can say it's because you're ambiently that close to borobee.
Yeah, I'm very close, and it has been raining for days. I feel like I just probably have wet carpet. But I'll put some in sense around next time. If I knew you were coming in, but not that long ago. A few weeks ago, I actually, for the first time ever, was invited on another podcast as a guest. Now, before we get into this, why does no one want us on their podcast? Why has no one ever fighted you and I on the podcast? Like we have someone different in every second week, but no one wants.
To talk to us. I've been speak yourself. I've been on a couple of podcasts. Okay, actually, let me rephrase that.
No one wants me on their podcast anyway, That's not what this is about. This isn't a whoe is Why won't anyone speak to Britney. I went on this podcast and I went to their office and it just really made me reassess some of my life choices. I walked in and I was gobsmacked. It was the most beautiful building. It was all glass. It was immaculate. They had this
big glass office to themselves. They had somebody else working from them, a lovely older lady that came in with a beautiful tea and biscuit in a really nice teapot. She's like, what else can I get you? Sparkling or still? And I was like, oh my god. When a guest comes to my house, they come into my laund room and I'm like, just fight your way through my plans. Sit here on the ground here. I prepared a cushion for you and that's it. And I was like, what, I don't know if we need to up our game.
We don't need tea, they don't need a chair. We can we don't need a desk. I'm quite happy here with a pillow propping up this microphone. Anyway, if you are new to the podcast, welcome, Sorry that you know. This is how we started the episode. But we are doing ask on cut today, which is where you guys write in. You write in all your life dilemmas. You write in the big problems, the small problems, the ridiculous problem, wild problems, and we give you our life advice and
we try and answer them for you. We try to come to some solution. But before we get.
Into that there is something very problematic that we have seen that we want to talk about with the new married first Sight trailer. And now, Laura, you are the married at First Site addict. This is your world, so I want you to take it away, tell us what this issue is with the new twenty twenty two married a first Site trailer.
This is your world. Yeah, guys, whole I have nothing going on in my life, and we all know that The Bachelor is about to finish soon, so all I'm doing is just sitting here waiting for the next reality TV cycle. Actually, before we get into unpacking this whole mass debarcle, we are going to be bringing out Batch Uncut a day late this week. It is finale week, so what better than to keep you waiting for an
extra day. So the Batchel on Cut episode is actually going to be coming out on Saturday, not on Friday. Just a little hot tip on that one in case you're in your library is looking for it at the moment. Okay, so back to the other reality TV show. Okay, talking about maths. I am a fucking maths die hard. I thoroughly enjoy it. But there has actually been some new that's come out about the twenty twenty two Maths, and I have a few questions that I want to ask,
So just to give you guys the rundown. There is a contestant that was cast on the current season of Maths. It's finished filming, it's wrapped up, and it will be coming out usually. I think it airs in January. The contestant who has caused a lot of controversy is named Simon Blackburn. So, Simon Blackburn was one of the contestants, and there have been some absolutely vile and horrific social media posts from him that have come out since he's
been casted and since filming has ended. If you haven't heard of the Wash, the Wash was the first to report on it. They're a pop culture media house. They have an Instagram page. It's great stuff. But basically they have posted some resurface videos of Simon Blackburn, some of his very homophobic views, some of his misogynistic views. And I just want to play for you guys now a little excerpt from some of the videos that they have put up on their Instagram.
Guys, we'll just jump in a box. You're getting in AIDS. If you are okay, you are getting it AIDS.
It's just disgusting.
It's like film actually sexual orientations. How is this?
So the ex just texts me and goes, can you have the boys Friday night? Because I'm supposed to be going away. I'm like, okay, I'm thinking you're fucking dreaming, mate. I don't give a fuck what you're doing with your new boyfriend, but ask your fucking mother. The only thing I'm going to be doing Friday night, lads, is focusing on Karma, sutra and meditation so that when my cock enters this bird's mouth Saturday morning, I don't last thirty fucking seconds.
I'm shooting Saturday. The last thing I'm fucking doing is changing fucking nappies and worried about where this fucking retard is because she's probably gone down a fucking god knows fucking cocker tool or some shit to go to some fucking B and B to fucking get the back taken out of her.
All.
Not in the day, I used to be like, oh, keep a bitch at home, mate. I had that the cunts do fucking nothing, sit on YouTube all fucking day. So if you've if the twenty twenty one world means that we I've got to fucking chip in, help out with the kitchen and stuff like that, bitch might as well make some fucking money. No point having that sit at home all fucking day. You come home bust in your ass all day, and then you've got to chip
in and do everything as well. The only time we're going to fucking chip in is that cunt makes fucking money.
I know that for a lot of people that would have been very difficult to hear because it is so, so incredibly offensive. My question here is how is it okay when doing casting and when putting together the new season of Married at First Sight? How is it okay
to platform someone who has such wildly problematic views. Now, I will just quickly jump in and say that there has been a lot of backlash since these videos surfaced, and Channel nine has said that they're going to work towards removing him from the current season as much as they can, because obviously the season has finished filming. Whether that means he'll be removed in its entirety or just
he'll get minimal screen time where yet to see. But the question is how do you get cast in the first place when you are someone who has such problematic views. When you you are so dangerous in your ideologies, how do you get platformed on reality TV? Because we are not overreacting when we say are some of the most discussing videos you've seen. The thing is people cry out that they want drama on reality TV? But where is the line?
Because this person has one hundred percent gone too far? Channel nine casting this person has gone too far. Now Channel nine have said that they didn't realize that his thoughts were so prominent. They didn't realize he was like this. I mean, that's rubbish because casting do a deep diving to every person they cast. That's why they cast them. They know everything about them. They know if there are any connections, they know what their political views are, they
know what their beliefs are. The whole reason you were cast on a show is because you're either there to be the really normal person that's going to have a successful relationship, or you're going to be the one that's there for controversy and drama. I don't believe for a second that casting agents said they didn't know, because it takes you two seconds to look on his page to
find it. So unless they cast him blindfolded, they knew what it was about Channel nine and have now come and said that they are going to try and work towards removing him completely. But they've only said that They obviously didn't think that they were going to remove him. They didn't think that the response was going to be at the level it was. Otherwise they wouldn't have put him in the trailer and advertise they would have already
cut him out. They have said that they're now going to cut him out purely because thousands of people have already said I'm done not watching the show, like this is the most ab horrent behavior. I'm done, and this is their response. So I don't know, is it a bit too little, too late? Do you think that they've just shot themselves in the foot by doing this?
Well, I guess the issue that I have is, like every year there seems to be someone who plays that misogynistic role. Like every year the characters on Maths get a little bit more controversial, they get a little bit more wild in their belief systems. But at what point does that cross the line and become quite dangerous? And you know, when we put someone on a reality TV show, whether or not they are there to cause controversy, or drama to be the villain or whether they're there to
have the genuine love story. We're still platforming that person, and if that person's views are misogynistic or they're homophobic, that can do a lot of damage to reinforcing other people who were out there in society who had those same views. They feel reinforced that there are other people who believe the things that they believe. I mean, what you just said, Britt, you absolutely hit the nail on the head when you're like it's one thing to say
that they didn't know. That is the whole purpose. That's the whole reason why this person was cast is because they were cast to be that controversial character. But there definitely has to come a line where not only is it problematic for the viewer, but there also has to be a duty of care to the other contestants in that season. Because some woman has signed up to be matched with a man, and she's been matched with a man who has such vile views against other women.
Well, this is the thing too, because okay, apparently rumor has it, and we're not going to know obviously until we see the show, but rumor has it. Simon lasts on the show for about two weeks. We're never going to know exactly what his time on the show was like. If he was expressing these views strongly for the two weeks, We're not going to know, because it seems like he's done and dusted. Channel nine or eight. Well, we went too far, we'll cut that out. One's on board.
But also I.
Don't know what person he was matched with for that two weeks. But if he gets wiped out, does this other poor person get wiped out as well as collateral dammage? Does that just ruin the whole show for them? Only three hours ago, the Wash released another post. Now Simon has responded. Simon has contacted the Wash. This is only three hours ago that the Wash posted this as a
follow up after their original post. So the original post from the Wash was a swipe series of clips that they had taken from his own TikTok and Instagram, from other people's TikTok and Instagram, but they're all of Simon. Simon messaged the Wash and just said, can you remove your latest post?
That is it?
Then he proceeded to say leave the past in the past with a beer emoji. That was it. And so the Wash has just said, following on from our last post, he has now responded asking us to take it down. But there was no apology, no accountability or anything like that, just to comment with a beer emoji, a six word private message to us, and a random post to his personal page, appearing to play the victim because he has COVID.
Well, one extra thing he did say, which I saw this morning as well, was that he said, these posts that have been collected, this carousel that was put on the wash is a collection of videos from over six months ago, and they're not my current views. How does your opinion on life change so dramatically in six months? I think, you know, I do believe in this idea that you know, we can learn and as people, not necessarily things that come up from ten years or fifteen
years in the past. We can be very different people to who we were back then. But six months is not a big enough timeframe. You still need to be accountable for your actions from six months ago. Just one other thing I want to add on this now. Something we discussed earlier this year was doctor Tricia Stratford, when she was one of the relationship experts. She left the show on the current season so on twenty twenty one season she wasn't on there and she was replaced by
Alessandra Rippola. Now, when Tricia left, originally she said she wanted to go and focus on her writing and focus on other academic endeavors. However, she later came out and said to media, by the end of my time on Maths, I couldn't compromise my professional and personal stay because there were participants on the show who I felt shouldn't have
been there. Now, this new casting of Simon Blackburn just goes to reinforce that there are some very very problematic ways in which reality TV are cast, in particular Maths. And the reason why this struck me and I was like, I really want to talk about this is because Maths is the biggest reality TV show in Australia. It commands the most eyes. And we've seen this on The Bachelor this year that there's been this real pull away from The Bachelor, and I feel like The Bachelor has almost cast.
There's been so little drama, there's been so little controversy. Everything has been very politically correct and as much as we have said and the public have said that that's what they want to watch, the ratings would suggest otherwise, And when the bachelor is going in one direction to try and cast the least amount of drama and the least amount of controversy. On the flip side, we have Married at First Sight, which is only ramping up the drama and the controversy. It makes you question what is
it as the viewer are we wanting to consume? What is it that's keeping us hooked on reality TV?
Yeah, and I mean we all love some drama, but as long as it doesn't get to the point where it's hardcore bullying or dangerous views. But casting somebody like Simon, who, even if he has said he has changed his views now we have to take that at face value. But who only six months ago was a homophobic bigot is
toxic and dangerous. And to put that on a platform as big as Married at First Site in Australia, and knowing that Married at First Site also gets picked up in the UK, like Married First Site Australia is huge over in the UK, and I don't know, maybe America. We're not sure what's going to happen, But voicing somebody's opinion that is that dangerous and toxic at that level should never ever be happening, especially not in twenty twenty two.
So I'm very disappointed. If he gets any airtime, I will be extremely disappointed.
Pretty's gonna come for you. I am right on Britdie's like, I am very disappointed in you.
I'm not mad. I am disappointed. No, but it's just like, it's almost like, how is it still happening? We need the drama in these TV shows. People love it, but we've got to find a happy medium of drama where no one's actually getting hurt, no one's being bullied, and we're not voicing toxic views.
I one hundred percent agree. And there has to be a fine line where there is a duty of care. That's the big thing in this Well, you.
Know you've crossed the line when an old contestant voices their opinion.
Now.
Tracy Jewel, he was from season five, actually commented on the original post from the Wash where all the videos were shared of Simon. She'd just said, where are the background checks on these people? It is putting other participants in potentially dangerous situations. Where is the duty of care?
Yeah, and I think falling back on the whole Oh, we didn't know we'll do better next time. Like that's your job. It's your job to last people. And you know, I think, like exactly what you said in the beginning, bred the people have been cast because of what they bring to the table. And if we're casting people because they bring misogynistic, homophobic views, it is really really problematic for all the reasons that we've already discussed. Anyway, guys,
let's get into the questions for today. We have some rip.
Black questions and you are going to kick start it.
I am going to kick that. Actually I have which I'm gonna just surmise because it was a very long question. But I think I think we can come with some good advice to this one. So the person who's written in she is in a real little pickle dickle. She is currently trying to toss up between two different men.
Oh what a problem tab dat doing think?
I'm men.
I think I've ever had that problem in my life.
As if you've never had that problem, no way, like you didn't have you haven't had two guys interested in you at the same time, I.
Have never had two men fight over me in my existence, nor do I think that would ever happen.
No, have you.
Yeah, Well, I mean, I mean I was single ten years moving along. Yeah, I didn't have one man fighting over me.
Well, this is like no, like you mean in early dating days. Yeah, like you know when you like when you're dating multiple people and you're kind of trying to figure out who you want to date, and then maybe you catch feels for two people at the same time.
Okay, so there's not two people like wanting to lock it down and marry it. Tell me the question.
Okay. Basically, she's been dating these two different guys simultaneously, and by the sounds of things, one of them is from her past, so she has a deeper and more long term connection with him. However, he's been a little bit problematic in the past. She didn't go into detailed flags mates and red flags, flansom flags. The chemistry is bang on, you know, and that's the thing that makes you keep coming back. It always is with the bad Boys, it always is. So there's a new guy in the
picture as well. The new guy he seems I say this.
He's nice, he's sweet, he loves her, he wants to he wants to look after her, he's reliable.
But she wants the bad Boys is it, well, it's not. It's not so much that she wants the bad boy. Basically, she has the option of two guys, two guys who want to be invested in her, two guys who want to pursue a relationship with her. Both of them are making big, grand gestures of commitment, and one of them is the safe bet, but her feelings are not as strong. The other one is the risky guy, and her feelings
for him are really strong. Now, I have quite conflicting feelings about this whole situation, But I want to know what's your take. If you were in this situation where you had someone who seemed like a sure thing or somebody who maybe is a bit problematic but there is a stronger pull, what would you choose or what advice would you give to a friend?
I okay, I actually was in this situation.
I just forgot to hear the truth comes out now it's like, oh, that's right. I definitely had multiple men fight over me.
I forgot, but I blacked it out. But I actually comes with a funny story which I'll I'll tell you because it was pretty funny. Okay, So there was a very very long time ago, and it wasn't necessarily that two men were fighting over me, but it was that I had the option. One was just like the most safe, amazing, beautiful human and one was the sociopath that I had this real heart deep connection in chemistry with or So
I thought, this is so funny. I was so beside myself because I knew that once I made the decision, there was no going back either way. And I was so so torn that I went to psychic. Someone recommended me. I'm not hunging in. I was such a headcase back then, and I was like, I know how I'll make his whole life decision.
Yet I have to tell you why.
It's so funny. I went to a psychic. She came highly recommended, and I was like, Okay, maybe I'll get some clarity, maybe she'll do something bang on. I was beside myself in hysterics inside. You know when you're in a really inappropriate moment and you want to be laughing, but you can't because it's not the moment. That's the moment I was in. I was trying to hold my laugh in. It was I told him my problem, I
explained it. I spoke about both of them. She was very very serious, and I was like, this is going to be so wise and she's like, okay, I want you to picture this. You're on a beach. It's beautiful. And I was like picturing off. My eyes were closed. She's like closure eyes and I was really invested. You can hear the sound of the waves lapping on the water, and I was like, this is so beautiful. She's like, there are birds, there's no sound. Three hundred meters out,
there's a boat. I was like, okay, picturing on the boat at these two men.
I'm like so invested in this right now.
Yeah.
Also, I think it's the way you're talking. I'm it turned on.
On the boat. Should I take my pants off on the boat. We're already on the bed my halfway there on the boat there are these two men and then in my hand, I was like, I think I know where this is going. And she's like there's a hole in the boat. The boat is slowly sinking and I was like ah. It's like she's like, they can't swim. You can only save one of them. You run into the water, you dive in, you start to swim. Who do you save? And I lost it. I was in hysterics.
I was like, women, you are cool.
I literally opened my eyes and looked at her and she's like, who is it? And I said both of them. She's like, I said, I would find a way to have both of them under my arms and I would swim them back to the shore. I was like, this is the most stupid thing. And I left and I was like, you are an idiot.
Also, when you go to a psychic, you just want them to give you an answer. Undred you don't just say it't just even if you're not a good psychic, just pick one guy, So just pick one. No, make the answer easier for us.
In all seriousness, this is really tricky I and this could be controversial. What I want to say is, and there are so many levels to this. If the guy that he said that you have this really strong connection to that you've known for a long time, but he's been problematic, it depends what the problems are and you only you're going to know this. Is it problematic because he's been cheating on you? Does he treat you badly, like really badly?
Is he rude?
Disrespectful? There are a lot of things that you need to weigh up when you say it's problematic or are the problems just that he couldn't commit completely.
I get the feeling from the question that he just was someone who was super flaky, that he wasn't committing, that he would promise and then he would take it back.
So maybe, okay, if that's the case, great is he just saying it's always been new, but it wasn't the right time, but now it is. I think that's different. What I want to say to you is, and I feel like Laura's going to disagree with me. I am going to say that for the matter of the heart, you go with the heart in this one. If his only problem was not being able to commit and now
he wants to. If you settle for something that you know is lovely and you know it's safe, but the feelings aren't quite there at the level they should be, it's not gonna last anyway, because eventually you're gonna you're gonna get bored. You don't want to marry someone or spend your life with someone that's just mediocre, because if you don't want to be alone. I'm really passionate about that.
I think that you for this, I would say, try with the one that you are really passionate about and that the feelings are there for But you have to go in knowing that it's not.
Gonna work out.
Not that it's not, but you have to go in knowing that it might not work out. And then you have to know that the other really safe option might not be there waiting for you. This is a really big thing that you need to weigh up. Is it a possibility and only you're gonna know this. Is it a possibility that you're at a level where you can continue to date both of them and you can just say, like, I'm not ready to jump in anything serious yet, but I really want to keep getting to know you and
spending time together. Or are you exclusive? Do you need to make a decision where you're exclusive with one because if it's still early days, you're allowed to date multiple people until you have that conversation. So I think if you don't know if you're ready, but deep down I think I think you know the answer with who you want to be on this one.
I agree with some parts of what you've said, but I very deeply disagree with other parts.
Of what you want to go with A safe option.
No, I don't think no, I actually this is okay. I'm gonna start with my answer, and then I'm an unpack Why don't pick either of them? Don't pick either of them, don't like, don't pick either of them. Don't hatch your bets in this way. I think if you have two people and you don't know who to choose, neither of them is your person, because your person would cut through, it would be very obvious to you who you should be choosing. In this you should answer You
shouldn't have to compromise. It shouldn't be compromising on someone who treats you a bit bad but you have a strong chemistry with, or someone you don't have chemistry with but they're safe. Like, Neither of those options are actually a good option, And I think you deserve better on
both sides of the coin. So I would say, don't choose either one because I think if you choose the person who you have incredibly strong chemistry with, like, and they've already proven time and time again that they're not being committed and that they can't give you what you want. Are they only showing up to the table now, Are they only wanting to commit now because you have another option? Because you're investor with someone else, and we'll we've all
been there. We've all experienced that partner who's like, oh, I don't know what I want, and as soon as you're interested in someone else, you get the hey, i've been thinking about your text because they just slide back in to fuck things up. But I really think that if you're in that situation and you're trying to juggle or to pick the best suitor, I think that it's neither.
My reason why I say don't pick the safe guy, and the reason why I do agree with you on that one, Brit is because I think if you pick the safe person who you don't have chemistry with, or you don't have this not not even chemistry, but the desire for, there is the possibility that you will regret or you will always think what if, and it will be an unclosed chapter with that other person who you
had that really strong pull towards. I think you have to get over that person first before you can have not only a safe relationship that's like committed and reliable and all those things that are comfortable, but that you also have that strong connection with as well. Yeah.
I like that you said that because my last thing I was about to say is the reason I'm saying try it with one and probably the one that you have the pool with. Look, like Laura said, if there's a high chance it won't work out, if he has never been committed, he's coming back for the wrong reason. You don't know. But what I do one hundred percent know is and why I'm saying you should give it a go is you will always wonder why, there will always be something left unsaid, and you won't ever really
move on. And I have a friend that called me last night and actually a guy friend, and he said exactly this. He was like, there's a girl from six years ago that has come back into his life that they had this really big pool with, but it wasn't
there's a reason it didn't work out. And this was literally just last night, and he's like, you know, I've reached back out and I think we need to meet She reached back out, Sorry, we need to meet back up, And I said, look, do you want to revisit that, Like there is a reason that it hasn't worked out, but you're forgetting those reasons. Like when you think of that relationship, what do you think he's like just all
the good parts. And I said, okay, and now I want you to go and think about why you broke up in the bad parts. And he's like, yeah, I know, you're right. He's like, it just feels like there might be something left unsaid. And I said, cool, Maybe go meet for coffee. Then it's been six years, meet for coffee and see if there's anything there. But there's always going to be this feeling if you don't revisit something. My point is there's always gonna be this feeling of
like what if. And I just I'm saying this on what I am like as a human, and I as a human am I like I wish I knew. I wish i'd just found out for sure, otherwise I'd always wonder why. And that's all I can base it on is my personal experience.
I also just want to say that this one quote, which I fucking love and I will live by forever. When people show you who they are the first time, believe them. And I really believe this.
I don't now people can change and it depends on what they've done. I'm at giving people a second chance and knowing that people can make mistakes and we don't know what this guy has done, and she's not gonna always wonder why she's going to wonder what if what if I was with him and he was my person? What if he came back and he was like, I will do anything for you.
You're saying that like you believe that everyone only has one person there we can all have happy and long term relationships with multiple people, like we have multiple soulmates. It's not like, of course, he's the one person and if this fucks up, you're never going to meet someone else again. So that's why I'm like, that's almost like a detrimental It's alsmost like a detrimental thing to say. It's like, well, what if that was your person? No,
that one person, it's not your person. Whoever you choose in the long run, whoever you invest your time, your energy, and your love into, that's the person.
Well, I am so sorry to this listener because we're, for the first time ever, are giving you a divisive answer, and I think we maybe don't quite agree on this and we have our own reasons to wrap it. I think that and again, it's depending on what he did in the past, is depending when you said you know that it was problematic. If it's just that he wasn't ready to commit, and it was I guess at a level, there was a level of innocence there. It was the
wrong timing. If it's just something like that and you're really feeling the pool now and he's telling you that he wants you, he's telling you that he's changed, she's apologized.
If he's actually are the same as his words and you still have that feeling you're already dating him, I would give it a go, because I think you'll always wonder if you don't if your relationship in the past, if the red flags were actually more messed up and toxic, if there was cheating, if there was aggression, if there was rudeness, if there was anything that you know is not compatible with a healthy relationship, then of course, don't revisit it.
I reckon don't do it either, That's my essay, and say things.
Let us know what you decide to do and how it turns out, because I would. I actually genuinely love following up on these. I really want to know how it turns out, all right.
Question number two, So question number two is a work related question which we don't get many work related questions because we are not career advisors, but we will do our best anyway, Ladies, I have been working for the same company for the past four years. I've really enjoyed the company that I work for. However, I have been in this situation where they will not give me a pay rise even though I've put forward the best case I possibly can for why I deserve one. With their
in mind, I've started applying for other jobs with other companies. However, the Indy is small. This is the first time I've ever had to really go out and look for a new job since being employed. What is the etiquette Should I tell my current employer that I'm now looking for new jobs? Should I just go out and do it and then not put them on my reference? What am I supposed to do? Because I'm worried that it's going to get back to my current employer that I'm out
searching for a new occupation. Really, I mean, this is a like everybody's experienced this.
Yeah, this is a It's a tough one. It's depending on your situation and depends on where you work. That's what I found. I think that no, you don't need to if you're searching for another job. You don't tell them, you don't be like, hey, just heads up, I'm super unhappy with you. I could leave and drop a smoke bomb at any minute. Just want you to know that maybe I will, maybe I won't.
You'll never know.
This actually happened to someone I worked with. It was one of my work colleagues in a hospital environment, but they were looking for another job. They didn't tell our boss that they put them down as a reference, but they did. But they put them down as a reference. And like you in a hospital environment, you don't ever get job without calling references.
Like it does.
It's impossible. It does not happen, you know how some jobs the don't actually follow up on the references. They look at your CB and they look at your call of vacations and they're like, cool, it doesn't happen in our line of work. So my boss gets a call saying, hey, just wanted to check Sarah's applied for a job here.
What was she like to work with? And they're like, oh, Sarah, Like that's a made up name, by the way, She's like, what do you mean, So I applied for a job, Like I've just got Sarah rossill for the next six months. I don't understand. And she came to Sarah and she was like, hey, can we talk Are you thinking about leaving? And she was like, oh not really why She's like, well, yeah, I just got a call from your prospective employer. And she's like, I actually did give you a glowing reference.
And she wasn't mad. But she's lucky because my boss was amazing. She's like, you know, but like, are you talk to me when you want to leave? Like I use this a real thing that that was just she's lucky that our boss was in a really it was a really good person and it was really nice and
gave her a glowing reference. But it's situations like that, like if you're gonna it's this, if this prospect of them being called you one hundreds that need to tell them, and maybe you say it's for personal reasons, or it's time to move on, or it's a really good offer, or whatever it is you want to say. There does come a time where there is a level of eteqacy and respect that you do give your employer. But when you're just on a hunt, I don't think you need to know.
Okay, one hundred percent. If you're going to put your current employer down as a reference, then you need to
ask if that's okay. But I think it's I do not think you tell your current employer that you're looking for a job, especially if you're just in the pitchinga the pitching phase, especially if you're just sending out resumes and whatnot, because if you're in that phase, the last thing you want to do is go and tell your employer that you're looking for a job, and then a job doesn't come up and you get pushed out of your current work early because as soon as you tell
your employer that you're looking for another job, so they're going to look for someone to replace you. And I really think that in that instance, you can completely shoot yourself in the foot. You can be almost too caring about your occupation that you're not taking care of yourself enough. So I think, like, you don't know how long this journey's going to be of you looking for a new occupation.
You don't know how long it's going to take until you find something that's suitable, So you know you don't need to go and tell your current employer that you're looking. And I think very very few people actually do that. Just so long as you stick by your contract, you give as much notice as you possibly can once you've taken a new role. The one thing I do want to say on this though, is that there can be a level of transparency with your prospective employers, Like the
people that you're sending out your resume to. You can say to them or put it into your resume. You know, I haven't spoken to my current employer yet that I am leaving or that I'm looking for a new role. And if this resume does progress to X point in your processes of looking for a suitable candidate, please let me know so that I can then make them aware. And I think that then you're at least covering your
bets and covering all covering everything. But I think just transparency, communication, honesty in that respect is really really well received by the person who is looking to employ someone as well.
One hundrederstand and I think, I mean, I don't really want to add anything to that. I think we've really covered it. And I think there's just a level of respect that you know, I mean, treat people how you want to be treated. I think if you were a boss, what you'd want to do. It's always the same. You can always put that sing, you can always refer it back to yourself. But tripy, how you want to be treated.
Think of what you would want if you're in that situation, and I think if you do the right thing, only the good things can happen back to you.
But it's such a I think it's such a tricky one. I do think it's one that so many people, Like every single person's done this, every single person's worked for an occupation or worked for an employer and then at the same time being on the job hunt for something else. No employer is going god like. I mean, they might be surprised by you quitting if they didn't think it was on the cards, but it's not something that they
haven't experienced before with all their other staff. So you know, I've been especially if they're not going to give you a pay rise and you've asked for it and you've kind of put forward all the things and the reasons why if you're leaving because you don't feel like you've been treated fairly in your employment, then I think like you don't really have anything that you need to kind of do. On the other side, go.
Get a girl. So question number three, this is the last question for today. Hey girls, I'm hoping you can help me with something that has been gnor in a way at me for a very long time. I'm currently with my boyfriend of five months, who I honestly think could be my penguin. I just love him so much, love that fear. There's just one thing.
That just sounded so not I just love that.
I love the extra wishes just like I just love him. I actually do love that. For you, There's just the one thing nagging at me. Just after our very first date, I went out with a few friends and I ended up sleeping with one of my guy friends. There were no feelings at all. It was literally just a drunken hookup. My boyfriend and I were by no means exclusive, and again I had only just been on one date with him at the time. But I can't help but feel
so guilty and that I've done something wrong. He's a very sensitive guy. I also love that few who has experienced cheating in his past relationships, and I know for a fact he wouldn't take the news well and wouldn't want to know. Is not telling him a form of lying even if it is to protect him, and how the hell do I get rid of this feeling like I'm being dishonest every time I think about it. I just don't know that if I tell him, I'll be transferring the problem from me to him, and I don't want.
To do that.
Thanks in Evan. I don't think this is a hard question.
Okay, No, I think that The reason why this is interesting. The reason why you feel guilt is because you can shag your friend. If it was just a one night stand, if it was some guy who was completely you're never gonna see him again. You're never gonna talk to him again. If he was like not in your friendship group, you wouldn't have this level of guilt. The reason why you have this level of guilt is because I'm guessing if he's your good mate and you guys all hang out together,
your boyfriend doesn't know that you fucked your friend. That's where the guilt comes from. Now, do I think you should tell your boyfriend? No, I don't. I think that sometimes we can experience guilt around things where we haven't actually done anything necessarily wrong, Like you didn't do anything wrong. You're punishing yourself. You're never gonna do it again. Do I think that there's gonna be anything gained from telling a boyfriend. No. I think by telling him all that's
gonna happen is he's gonna be one insecure. When you then hang out with your friend, it's probably going to be the end of that friendship because he's gonna be like, well, I don't want you to be hanging out with him if there was some overlap there and this was a weird thing for me, and also it could just bring up a whole lot of other issues around insecurity. I'm
not saying lying. I don't normally think that omitting details is a good idea, but I just think in this instance, maybe honesty is a little bit more cruel than what it is kind.
Yeah, and you just said it yourself in this question. You said, I know he wouldn't want to know. That's what you said. I know he doesn't want to know. I know he wouldn't want to know, and you know he won't be happy with it. You did not cheat on him, like you didn't cheat on him. You've said you weren't together. You went on one date with the guy, like Laurie said, Gilt hundredercent comes from fucking the friend.
It does. It's like we've all been there.
But I think that there is nothing to gain, and I'm again I hate omitting details. I don't want to lie, and I don't believe in cheating in relationships.
But you didn't cheat.
You're not really lying, You're not doing anything wrong. I'm not sure or why it's eating you away, because it probably shouldn't be eating you away this much after this long unless that I don't know. Is there any weird feelings for the friend still, or do you still spend a lot of time with a friend. If so, maybe don't spend as much time with a friend. But one
hundred percent, I would just embrace your relationship. If you tell him that after one day you slept with your friend, it's going to cause so many problems in your relationship. It just will. And even if he's like, oh, that's cool, that's on his mind forever, he can't unhear that it's just dumping knowledge on someone unnecessarily. That's going to change
the way he thinks and feels. So I just think, I really, really just think you need to accept that it's done and that you did nothing wrong and just embrace your relationship.
I think there's a greater conversation here around guilt, which I think is probably the most interesting part of this question. Like, we all feel guilt for many different things, and it actually serves a really important purpose as an emotion. It's a shitty emotion to have, but it's important because it helps us self regulate the fact that you feel guilty and the fact that you are very aware of what has happened and you're like, you know, you genuinely feel
guilt for it. Even though you haven't done something wrong, you feel guilt. What that does is it stops you from ever doing it again. It will actually make you a better girlfriend. The fact that you care this much makes you better at taking care of your boyfriend. It makes you more considered of his feelings. And I think about this in regards to parent guilt, like it's something that I've read a lot about because it's something I experience a hell of a lot, and I think most
parents experience parent guilt at different times. It's not necessarily I mean, it's a terrible feeling to have. It can be debilitating, and if it is, then definitely go and speak to someone but guilt in and of itself can really make us be better at whatever it is that we feel guilty for, and it makes us change our behavior, and it makes us do things and want to strive to be better. That's the purpose that it serves. So I think don't continue to beat yourself up about it.
If you're being a great girlfriend, if you've never actually cheated, which you obviously haven't, if you've never done anything to make your partner not trust you, then I don't think you need to go in and unpack all the fine nitty details. That's only going to make him feel insecure.
Welly too much of a good person. If this is still troubling you have to.
Fight five literally when you're why are you feeling guilt around this? I'm like, maybe she's just such a nice person. Yeah, that's I think.
That's the real problem here is you're too much of a good person. This should not so be weighing on your mind after five months. So I hope that you can accept Maybe it's just that you've still you think that all this time you've done something wrong. You haven't, So maybe when you get that acceptance you can move on and just live your best life with your partner. But that's it I think for that one.
Don't fuck things up by sitting down and having in D and M about it. No, because you're on a good thing obviously.
Anyway, guys, that is it from us. If you have any other questions you want answered on Ask Guncut, just slide into the DM's Life Uncut podcast if you are not following us on Instagram or where you at, but just make sure you put ask on Cut at the top and then give us whatever question is on your mind. Also, that is where you share your embarrassing stories. You're actually on filters and you're confessionals, or any other messed up thing that has happened to you that you feel the need to share.
Do not forget as well. Their batch Uncut will not be coming out on Friday. I'm very sorry. Apparently Maddie Jay has a life and he can't record. I know what I would like to know what he's doing with himself. Actually, do you know what he is doing. He is doing a photo shoot for Men's Health. There's a competition between him and Sam Wood over who has had the best body transformation in the last six weeks. He has been training so hard.
Neither of them what a ridiculous competition. Neither of them needed a body transformation. They were both ripped and fit and hot dads.
They are so ridiculous. Matt is like so broad now and wide, and every day he stands in front of the mirror and looks at himself. It's adorable. Anyway, guys, that is it from us. Go leave a review if you've enjoyed the episode. If you haven't yet voted for us and the Listener Choice Podcast Awards, we absolutely love you to do that, and all of the details are in the show notes. And you know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your sister, tell your dog,
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