This episode was recorded on cameragle Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode. Welcome back to our very first episode of twenty twenty five.
Who says it like that, it's twenty twenty five?
Is it twenty twenty five?
Yeah, twenty twenty five.
We'll survive, drive, ve laugh, love, live, laughs long. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.
I went back.
Everybody.
We missed you all so much.
It was what did we have? Four weeks? Four weeks holiday? But we still drop some EPs in that time.
I know we did. We had a few little sneakies. Also, if anyone heard, by the time this episode comes out, Matt will have been in the I'm a celebrity jungle well and truly well and truly so. I think last night would have been the very very first episode. So strap yourselves in and get voting for him tonight because I want to see him eat a giraffe or something disgusting zebra. E. No, they don't do they don't do animal stuff because of Robert Irwin.
No, they do do animal stuff.
Trust me, I ate stink bugs and pigs nipples. They do animal stuff, but it has to be farm raised animals. They don't do any other animals other than like farm animals.
Okay, so we're doing our recordings on different days. We're doing our drops on different days. As you would have seen, it is a Monday. So if you missed our episodes last year, we have completely done a restructure on this year's episode.
Drops.
Monday is going to be ask on Cut and we have some rules around ask on Cut which will tell you about shortly Wednesday rules.
Not for you guys, don't worry, rules for us.
Wednesday is going to be our life catchups and also talking about, you know, just the things that everyone's talking about. If there's something crazy happening in the pop culture space or in the world in general, or in our personal lives, that is that episode. And then Friday is going to be interview episodes where we really get into some more media topics or we you know, interview all the people that we interview.
As we realize people don't love change, like we have been setting our ways here at Life on Cut for many many years, we are making this change. But I want it to be noted we're making this change because we put our survey out to all you guys. We asked you to give us all your feedback, and this is what we came up with off the back of that. So it won't take you long to settling. You're going to have more days in between the episodes to listen, to.
Share it around, to tell your friends if that's what you do.
And tell your dog as well, obviously, and your dad. When we talk about people who don't like change, that's me. We have made these changes. I am a creature of routine. I eat the same thing every day, I cook the same meals, I like, wear the same clothes every day. If I deviate from, like the certain pair of jeans,
it's like a really wild day for me. I am such a creature of routine because I think everything else in my life is quite mental and work normally doesn't have any sort of standard plan that I need everything else to like just be exactly as so, and I put like when we go to the beach, I put the pro and exactly the same spot.
That's weird. Hey, it's not weird, it's normal.
Matt finds it fucking annoying, is what he finds it. He's always like, let's go to the ramp, and I'm like, can't, uh must go to the stairs.
That peasant who walks to bond and you have to touch the end where like you know when you go on a walk and you have to touch the end of the bridge or like the end of the path.
Nah, they're weird. We're at the age now with Marley where Marley's like, don't step on a cracks. You know, step on a crack you break your back. And I'm like, same girlfriend, I.
Know, I know, you just get to your thirties and you break anyway.
It's called aging Marley.
Well, the rules around Ask on Cut, so that you know and so that we all abide by them, is that ask on Cut will no longer be the life catch up episode because this is what we did last year. We said we're going to answer your deep, dark and burning questions.
We talked shit for forty minutes before we got to them, and we did it on repeat every episode for an entire year.
And this year is not going to be the case. So if you are looking, I mean, obviously we have so many questions to answer on this episode, but also Wednesday, we're going to be good. Wednesday is when we're going to unpack the life stuff, the real stuff, and hones stuff.
Ask gun Cut will be your questions.
It'll be like a little bit of Hello banter at the start, but you're not going to get any juicy goss at the start of Ask gun Cut. Asking Cut is going to be questions only. Except for today, we're going to do We're going to give you a little bit of something today because it's the first episode back. Can I just say I didn't start twenty twenty five off very well? I thought as an adult, this didn't really happen to you anymore.
Don't we just say we're not going to get so into it, but we're going now except for today. Okay, all right, sorry, rules meant to be broken.
You broken rule revels, I said.
I said, the rule is no touring us talk about broken back when rules that we're abiding by ourselves.
Kaisha, do you hear what I'm about to tell you?
Subscribe now, everybody if you think we've lost the plot.
I started twenty twenty five off with conjunctividis, Oh babes, adult.
Gets conjunct dividers.
I thought it was reserved for small children or only people that have small children that got conjunct dividers.
Yeah, you got to get some corsic in that real quick.
Smart.
To be fair, Matt also started off twenty twenty five with a pink eye.
Only one though, oh my god, don't take anything from that. Yeah, we got matching conjunctividers.
One random pink eye which didn't go around the household, which was nice.
E the pink eyes from Pooh particles.
I don't think it was actually pink. I think he had a stye or conjunctivitis. Who who knows?
How long did you conjunctivitis last?
Well? I still took this morning. I have like any biotic tablets in my eye.
Shit like highly contagious Ben.
Ben had it too. So on the first day we woke up, we couldn't.
Open our eyes together because I was like stuck together with conjunct dividers.
I was like, I'm too old for this shit.
Waited so long to see each other in person, your physically car.
They were like, what does twenty twenty five look like for you? I was like, I don't know. I can all for my eyes. That's so bad.
Well, twenty twenty five, You guys, if you've been with us for a while, I know that twenty twenty four and twenty twenty three, we had some pretty big things going on life uncut.
We had wallgate with my shrine. Shrine Gate.
You guys gave me stick about the fact that I had this like shrine on my wall to Ben.
We have a new gate that has entered twenty twenty five.
Here we go, and it's called If you've been following along our socials, you'll know it's called plant Gate.
I'm surprised that I didn't bring plant gate. That's the true shock of twenty twenty five. I'm surprised that this didn't come from me, since I'm the one who's really down for the plant content.
Well, you know, we love our plants here. So when I went away, I was going away for a month. Basically, Keisha's always floating around Bondi near my house.
She's got the key.
I said, if you ever need to go there for anything, go for sure, like whatever, my space is your space. If you've got friends that need to come and stay, they can use my apartment whatever. Can I also ask you, if you don't mind, can you water my plants? Because you know that plants can't survive a month without water.
What about the plastic olive tree in the middle of the loungery.
Fine, okay, how to go? The only one to survive?
Mind you, this is exactly why I have plastic olive plant trees. So I have this one beautiful fiddle, beautiful stretch. It's do you know how many people wrote to me and said, I have admired your fiddle in your content for years.
It was so tall and it was so lovely. It survived a move.
We know that fiddle leaves are dramatic, we know they don't like change. But this fiddle leaf survived.
But it was top heavy.
And why is that? Because Delilah once ate the leaves around the bottom.
Four years ago when she was a puppy. We've recovered from that.
The plant didn't.
So I get this message from Keisha only like a couple of days before I came back, and she's like, I've been putting this off. I have something I want to tell you, but I don't want to ruin your holiday. And I was like, oh my god, someone's died. I was like, what's happened? Is everything alright?
She's like no, it's just don't worry. Like I'll just wait till you get back. And I was like, you can't feed this. What has happened? She's like, it's it's really serious.
And I don't know what's going to mean for our friendship. She was so dramatic, And I was said to Ben, something's going on, Like it was really serious.
You guys like I have some bad news. Are you in the space to receive bad news right now? Or like do you need to sit down? Is there a better time later.
In the weeks.
Kind that's a kind way of broaching the situation of like destroying someone's happiness.
So I said to Bend, something really bad has happened at home. So I literally sat down because Keisha's like, you're gonna want to sit down, and she sends me this picture.
She goes, don't blame me. She sends me this picture, and I have never seen anything so traumatic. Not only was the fiddle dead, it wasn't just dead.
It looked like she had held a lighter to it and burnt every inch of.
It to its life.
When Keisha said that she had been waiting to tell you, what she actually means is that's the first time she went to water it, and that plant had not been watered in over a month. And had been sitting inside a thirty degree apartment that had been baking.
It wasn't a month, that was a mile and a half week.
Look, I did light to you it had been two weeks. But that wasn't true. That was a complete life, wasn't. I don't know why you trusted me to be the person to look after plants.
I have a terrible memory. I forget fucking everything.
I have notifications in my phone for everything that's important, and I didn't deem this to be important enough to put a notification in. Laura is the plant queen.
I'm offended. I live around the corner and I love plants, and no one asked me where's my key to your house?
Because I know there is no way in hell you would ever come and water my plan.
No I would. But I do it for the I do it for the plant. I do it for the plant.
Yeah, yeah, you have a deep connection with plants. I clearly don't.
And this particular fiddle is an asshole because it had only three weeks.
It hadn't even been that hot.
Imagine victim blaming a fiddle fig That's where we've gotten.
To him's gotten.
People messaged me that they said, how's you not watering it for three weeks and then victim blaming the plant for not thriving plans.
To fuck with. I literally said, stop blaming the plant. It has nothing to do with this situation.
This is very relatable. I think there are so many people who have been asked to quote unquote house sit and water plants and then have been really the ones responsible for killing off the entire greenery in the household.
So anyway, I definitely did not ask her to. I said, just it's actually fine.
I'm not mad.
I'm just disappointed. So Keish bought the new plant. She put the old plane outside. That is Wait till you see it now, Keisha, I'll send you another photo.
There is nothing left of it. But so many people have written to me and said, like it can be saved.
Drop it down.
Yeah, even though it's like a little black.
Stick, just chop the sticks right down and it will reroot.
I want it to die. I hate this plant.
No, I'm going to run an experiment and my next period I am going to use Yes, I am that's disgusting.
No, it's not, it's natural.
I'm not a feminist anymore.
The funniest thing actually was that I warded it the day that I took those photos and sent them to you, and I was.
Like, I have some bad news.
Deep in my heart.
I was like, maybe it's just one of those things that's gonna bounce.
You know.
It's got some tenacity to it, it's got some resilience.
And I came back two and a half days later expecting for it to be in a slightly better condition. Right because I gave it a big drink. You drowned a big, big, big drink.
And I got back.
And I was like, how do it look worse? And then I kind of moved around it.
At one point my shoulder brushed up against it and three leaves fell to the floor and they crunched as they hit the ground.
Like once again, they just think this is a situation of too far gone. It's it's like giving someone a panadole when they've been hit by a car.
But this is exactly why I think this is the perfect time. I'm not joking.
I'm genuinely going to because I use a menstrual cup, you guys know, I'm going to try it and see what happens, Like what is outside instead of emptying my cup down the sink or the toilet. I'm going to empty it into the plant. If it doesn't work, no one knows any difference. But if it does work, this is going to be groundbreaking.
I know because the thing is it will work, and you're going to put it down to the menstrual cup.
Just cut the plant back and it will be fine.
Also, I would like for it to be known that I did repent for my sins and you have a beautiful new.
Plant that I think looks better.
It's very short, it's very thick though, two seas it's Laura.
It's about two feet tall and about five feet washs.
It doesn't matter about the lang is important thing, Yes, it's what you do with it.
Thickness is really important.
That is it? All right?
Well, look we should get into our vibes and unsubscribes, Keisha, what are you vibing?
My vibe for.
This week is the new show on Netflix called Jerry spring Up Fights Camera Action.
So it's a two part docu series.
I guess you call it because there's two episodes that I think they're about fifty minutes each and it goes and looks at the entire twenty seven seasons from nineteen ninety one to twenty eighteen of The Jerry Springer Show.
So, like, this show was the.
Original outrage culture, right, It was kind of the ground breaker of we're going to put things on TV that people don't think should be on TV.
I used to rush home from school to watch this show, like I loved it. Yeah, my mum never sensed anything. I watched this in South Park and I was hooked.
I just remembered Jerry.
Jerry.
They used to like chant him onto the stage like a cult.
So quite interestingly, initially when it was a show, it was pretty stock standard like every other talk show that existed, and the ratings were exactly the same as all of the others that existed. And this guy came in. His name was Richard Dominic and he was the executive producer of the show for fourteen years, and he was kind of the I mean, you could call it a mastermind, or you could call it the conductor of completely revamping
the show and making it into what it became. Of this just like insanely outrageous, no rules applied, no morals applied, situation where they got more and more ratings and it ended up beating Oprah.
It was the very first thing of its time where like I mean, you know, I think most people would have shied away from that type of content originally because it was like too smutty, too dirty, almost unrelatable. But it was the unrelatable aspects and the outrageous aspects of that which is what made it so insatiable to people.
This was before we.
Had any of the kind of understandings of duty of care of what should happen to people who go on this show, and the whole docu series really exposed some of the incredibly dark sides of what happened behind the scenes of the Jerry Springer Show. So it's got a lot of the old producers who worked on the show
for a really long time. It also follows this awful, tragic story of a woman named Nancy Pinitz, and she was involved in what they labeled a love triangle, so her ex partner had a new partner, the three of them were on the show, and she kind of didn't give the producers what they wanted out of that situation.
She ended up leaving and not coming.
Back to the show.
Which there were also really interesting rules about the way that they used to incentivize participants of the show. For example, they would say, we're not going to get you a return flight unless you go back onto the stage. And a lot of these people were from underprivileged background, so they couldn't.
Afford flights back. So that it was just such.
A different time where the well being of the people on the show was not considered whatsoever. And that woman Nancy Pinitt, the day that the episode of Jerry Springer aired, she was murdered by her former partner, and the Jerry Springer Show completely washed their hands clean.
They said, we had nothing to do with this.
It was utterly fascinating to see how much things have changed, and for the right reasons that they have changed, because it.
Was just the wild West.
It was an absolute jungle and there were just no rules. There were no rules about, you know, what you should or shouldn't do on TV, because the thing was is that they were climbing the ratings and so they were like, well, people want to see it.
It's so interesting, isn't It was almost that like the very start of reality TV. It was a merger between reality TV and a talk show, and nothing like that had existed prior that sounds like such an interesting watch, And I also think it kind of touches on some of the stuff that we talked about last year around like making money off other people's trauma and who should be the one to in that situation.
And I think I've been particularly critical of, like I know, I've openly criticized people like Ryan Murphy on this podcast. He is the guy who created the Jeffrey Dharma and the Monster series and a whole lot of other true crime stuff as well. But watching this documentary, I was like, actually,
maybe I've been putting blame on the wrong people. We all watched this, you know, Like where do we start to take some personal accountability and be like, the only reason that this was ever made is because people wanted to see it. So maybe that's somewhere that we need to look a little bit inwards as well. And that applies to today's standards, you know. I know that outrage culture is it's pretty much all that grows an algorithm now on social media. The reason that that works is
because of the exact same thing. I think we're just seeing it in a different format anyway, completely fascinating Netflix, Jerry spring Up fights, camera action, I can't wait to watch that one. Well, I have a recommendation of a movie that I watched during the break and now it's not a new movie. It actually came out in twenty seventeen, but I would be curious to know as to how popular it was. Neither of you had seen it or knew of it, so I thought it could be a
good one to recommend. It's called mud Bound, so it's quite a dark watch, and it's quite a heavy watch. But it was one of those movies that left me after it finished thinking about it for the next few days and thinking about the story and the characters and the character development. And I think that they're the types of movies that I really really enjoy, even if they do feel dark and leave you feeling uncomfortable. To give you a very quick synopsis of it, it's based around
World War Two. It's based in Mississippi, and it's mostly surrounding this one family who live on a cotton farm. But it's from two different walks of life. It's a black American family who one of their sons goes away to fight in the war, and it is the white family from the cotton farm whose son goes to fight in the war, and when they come back and they're both essentially war heroes, how differently they're treated and what happens to both of them and their families as a byproduct.
And it was really it's incredibly sad because the the black American character, who is a courageously heroic fighter in the war comes back and has none of the same standards or has none of the same privileges that the white family has. He still has to use sit at the back of the bus, even though he was good enough to fight for the country, he has to use the back exit of the shop. And so it's this very interesting conversation around racism and just how prolific it
was in America in that time. But I loved it, and I you know, like I said, very dark watch, very very sad in some parts too, So I'd say, unless you're ready to like really get stuck into.
The nitty gritty of a movie. But it did leave me really questioning for a couple of days, like just how it would have been to live during that time and what an incredibly hard time it would have been for so many people.
I think that that happened all different versions of that happened like within Australia as well.
I mean you think about the fuzzy wuzzy Angels.
I know there are a lot of Aboriginal soldiers who went and fought in I think World War One and World War Two. Yeah, who were not recognized and not appreciated for anything that did well this.
Yeah, And the interesting thing is I didn't realize, but during this time in Mississippi, like black people couldn't even ride in the front of a car. They couldn't ride as a passenger in the front of the car. And there were just so many like there's such such a huge disparity in the racism that was experienced. It's called Mudbound and it's also available on Netflix. Awesome, very good ratings on Rotten Tomato ninety seven percent.
Wow.
Yeah, well we're all a bit grim and glum today. My ViBe's also a bit more serious. It's a podcast I listened to in the break I did listen to a bunch.
But it's not true chrime. That's shocking. Yeah, I know. It's called I'm Not a Monster, The Shamima Begham Story. Now. It's a BBC produced.
Podcast by an investigative journalist named Josh Baker, so he hosts this podcast. Some of you might have remembered because back at the time it was really big news. This is back in England, Like in London in twenty fifteen, these three fifteen year old school girls disappeared. They sort of found out that they had gone to Syria to join ISIS.
Oh yeah, I did remember this.
It's the story of one of these girls.
So this three is girl at school literally fifteen years old. Think back to where you were at fifteen and so they.
Married into the Taliban and then they wanted to come back into the UK.
Yep, that's it.
So basically they disappeared for four years. No one like, there was no contact, no one heard, no one knew how they went or why they went, like for a fifteen year old to have found their way across the border all the way to Syria from the wonderfully safe and privileged home that they have in London. So four years later everyone just presumes that they're dead or that they had been kidnapped and taken their coerced whatever. Four years later they pop up, Well they don't sorry, one does Shmima.
The other two I don't want to spoil it. One pops up. The story is.
This is Josh the investigative journalist. He does so much research talking to the families. He ends up going and speaking to her and she tells her story about what happened from fifteen, how she got there, how she ended up there, what life was like there, and how different, Like I have goosebumps now.
I don't know if you can see. I have never had such a visceral insight into.
What that life was like. I feel like we read a lot of news, like we see a lot of the news, and there's a lot of propaganda and whatever else goes on. But to hear her tell her story about how she got there, and I don't want to say too much, why she was there and how different it.
Was was so fascinating.
I was hooked to the whole story. And it's very tragic. She tried to come back to England. She tried to say, hey, I made a mistake, let me back in, and they said no, because she's now deemed as a terrorist. But it's a super fascinating story and it has some sad aspects, but it's you will not listen to it and cry and feel sad. The whole time, so I don't want people to feel like you're going to be really really depressed listening. It's more fascinating. I found it fascinating. So
you can get it anywhere you get your podcasts. I know I said it's BBC, but I just listened to on Apple podcasts.
Is she back in the UK now? No, she's never allowed to re enter.
She's deemed as a terrorist. Yeah, So where does she live now?
I think she's in a She's either in Syria or maybe Turkey, like like a camp.
There the end where he goes to talk.
I don't want to give it away, but it's very tragic, devastated, but please.
Go and have a listen.
I learnt so much as well, which I think is always really great when you're listening to these podcasts.
Wow, Jerry John mud bound to look at us. We have a little ray of positive sunshines up. Let's get into your question, all right, Question number one. I have been seeing a guy for the past eight months. One of his previous one night stands reach out to him a few months into dating and said that she was pregnant. We decided to continue seeing each other and it was going fairly. Well, the baby was born a few weeks ago,
and I am struggling to be positive and supportive. Do you think that it would be best to just let the new father sort out his relationship with his baby and the baby's mum before we focus on our relationship or could it happen simultaneously.
You're a better woman.
Than I am.
I would struggle. Yeah.
I almost want to say I would let him sort it out for a while. I'd let him see and then i'd come maybe circle back like a shark, coming back towards pray At a little while later. But I would have jumped out ages ago, like this is not happening. Well, you said that, like you were seen him for about eight months when you found I would have probably jumped
ship then. But I do understand that you can develop a lot in eight months, like you can get very close to someone and have really solid feelings in that time.
Yead.
So you've obviously felt that and haven't wanted to jump ship yet.
You can for sure do it simultaneously.
But there's gonna be a lot of give and a lot of leeway that you're going to have to give him, and you are not going to be a priority right now.
That's something you have to accept.
He's got a baby, and the baby's the priority, and he is going to have to prioritize his ex.
A lot as well.
Like if he's a good man and a good dad, he will want to do the right thing by the entire family. That is just something you have to accept. It doesn't mean he's going to put her before you or give her more than you, but it is his child's mother and it's a very new situation for her. She looks like she's probably a single mom unless she's moved on as well, so she's going to need a lot of help, and he's the person she's going to turn to.
The thing that's interesting about this, though, is that she's not an ex. She's a one night stand, so they didn't have a relationship. He doesn't have an obligation to her necessarily, but he does I think have an obligation to the baby. I mean, like I said, you are a better woman than I am. I don't think I personally could take on this load of parenting. Because the thing is is you're not just now his girlfriend. You are also going to play a role as the partner
of someone who has a small child. So like, if you guys continue on and your relationship gets more serious and he is like a good upstanding dude and wants to be a part of this kid's life, some point down the track, you will play role of stepmom. So I think that there's lots of conversations that you guys
need to have together. But I would be pumping the brakes a little bit because I don't think that you are ever going to simultaneously get the same amount of attention, affection, priority, all of those things that you probably did have while the baby wasn't actually physically here. I think it's actually an attribute that he's a really good guy. If he is playing a big and important role in this child's life after a one night stand, I think that that
shows that he's a good person. But I think that you have to be okay with not being a priority right now.
Also, just for safety purposes, I would be getting him to do a DNA test just because it was a one night stand, Like not saying I don't believe her, the girl that's had the baby, but there's nothing to say. There couldn't have been a lot of different people that she was seeing dating hooking up with whatever, like to pinpoint an exact day of a one night stand.
And say it was you.
Like, we all know how strange ovulation is, and ovulation happens not when we think it does, and that's something I've recently learned with my ovulation sticks.
That's another story.
But I would be asking him to say, hey, have you thought about like just doubling down and checking that it's yours before we commit to a lifetime of being a father to a baby. We're not one hundred percent short.
Is our I mean, maybe they've on that who knows, Like she seems pretty certain that he's the father and that they're you know. I feel like if you're newly dating someone and they came out and said, hey, out to a one night stand and this is my baby, probably would have had those questions at some point, maybe be surprised.
I just.
I don't think I've ever liked a guy enough to like want to withstand this type of situation. I think even at the eight month mark, I would have been like, this is too much, This is not my circus, these are not my clowns. You've got to go and sort your life out and come back to me when you know, when we know that we're going to do this, you are giving a lot of leeway to him and how this is going to change his life and the impact
that's going to have on him. I also think it's okay to step back, not because of him and what he's figuring out with the baby, but for yourself because you also are taking on a lot. It is a huge place of acceptance that you're expected to get to to be totally cool with this situation. And I think it's very very normal that you have these feelings. I think it's very normal that now there's moments of insecurity, there's moments of feeling as though you're not the priority.
Like I would think that it was a crazy wonderful situation if that baby had been born and you were able to step into this role and go, comele, I'm fine, everything's chill, not a problem.
Yeah whoo. And I get both sides.
The old, younger Brittany would have said, oh yeah, I would have been out the door. But now that I'm thinking about it, if I was eight months deep dating Ben and then he said, oh my god, like I just found out he's having my baby, there's a big part of me that probably would have just stayed and worked it out because I think of where I was mentally with him emotionally eight months deep, and I was like, so in it, you know already, so I understand what
you're saying. The other thing is it's hard to know. You said, I'm struggling to be positive and supportive. This is like a double edged sword because completely normal to be struggling and trying to be supportive when this whole life changes happened and there's this new, little, tiny human being that's going to be in your life forever. That
is so normal to feel that this early on. But on the other hand, you have to ask yourself, do you think that that feeling will ever go or do you think you're always going to struggle in that role? Because if you think it's something that you will always be playing second fiddle to and almost holding a bit of animosity, like, because there's a big part of you that I imagine is going to think, imagine how different our life would have been if that didn't happen.
Imagine how different our dating would be. Would you know, are you always going.
To hold that resentment towards this other life that he now has, and that's only a question that you can answer.
In saying that as well, he has a pretty big responsibility to reassure you, Like it's not just all up to you to feel okay and be fine with this, Like he's not in a relationship with the other woman. Yes, he has a relationship with the child, and he has to have like a healthy, amicable co parenting relationship with the other woman. He should also be doing the reassurance and the repair work with you. And I'm also guessing that this is a very little newborn baby, which means
the baby's not having sleepovers with dad. The baby's with mum. He's probably having visitations with the baby. They might be spending some time together. But in that case, like it should be okay for you to also meet the baby, for you to also come and be included in this world to whatever capacity all three of you are comfortable with.
I don't think that their relationship happens in silo, and I say that because they're not in a relationship together, and so I really think that, like there's a lot of conversations that need to happen mutually between the two of you and also three way between all of you for this to get to a place where everyone feels comfortable.
And I would think it's not even about the reassurance. I think it's about the life changed.
Do you want the rest of your life to look like you've been a stepmom to this child. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just down to what you want and what you think you're capable of that stuff, all right, Next question question two. I have match with someone on hinge, and in my of course pre stalking, I have realized I actually have slept with his younger brother about eight years ago.
Fine, so fine?
Do you think it's a big deal? They are close families, so I don't know whether to just stop talking to him now or keep pursuing in home. He doesn't care when it comes up eventually.
Nah, this is totally It's so fine. Eight years ago you forgot. I forgot people I slept with eight years ago. I could walk passing the street. I wouldn't know their names.
People that I had slept eight years ago have not forgotten me.
To be fair, I've been with my husband for eight years, so that's a lie. But like, there would definitely be people who I've slept who have been inside me and I don't remember.
I can't remember. Yeah, we've established this. You're wild.
Well I wasn't that wild. I just have a terrible memory. I don't remember any of their names.
I don't, you know.
I don't think you need to remember names, but you need to remember something about them, like policemen or Brazil or.
Whatever it was that you have both of those on my list. Wonderful it was the same policeman. Look, I think eight years ago. It also depends did you just sleep together. Did you have a relationship together? Nah, I just I think I just slept with Yeah, I think it's fine. What I would do is I would keep dating him. I would, you know, wait, go and suss it out. You might even like this guy, like you might just be chatting to him and he might be in nothing, a blip on your radar. Go and have
a date. Go and see if you like him, And if you actually like him and things are going somewhere, then at some point in the future, be like, oh my god, I have just realized I think I fucked you me. I think I think I might have hooked up with your brother a while ago. I know this is horribly awkward. It was so long ago. I actually don't even remember if we did all we didn't, but I think I did.
What's the timeframe, though, When does she no like, when does she have to tell the person that she's now dating.
I think that she goes on a few dates with him first, and if it's getting to a point where she actually has feelings, room likes him and it seems as though it's going in that direction, before you're too committed, before.
I invites you to the family dinner, not Tuesday night.
Yeah, Rose, Sunday Rose, I disagree.
I wouldn't ever bring it up until it has to be brought up, because all that shows is how I stalked you and I saw that I brother. Then I decided to keep it from you until the Sunday Roast. I think what I would do, I would just date him. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter. It was eight years ago and you hooked up with him, big deal. They'll probably high five each other. The brother's got to sleep with the same girl, knowing them.
Flack, I do.
I would just date him. You may never want to see him again, and then who cares. You don't know if you like him? Yeah, if you are actually it's going really well, and you think it's going to turn into something until it actually, I think, is presented to you. So whether like you're looking at Instagrams or you're showing a photo, or he's talking about something where it's so obvious that you have to say it, like something about
the family, that's when you bring it up. But I think it's really weird after a couple of dates, be like, look, I've got a confession and fucked Bobby.
That's weird to me. It really depends. It depends on what the relationship was. If it was a one night stand, I don't think you ever need to tell him because you don't need to have.
Known, or because at dinner at the roast, the brother's gonna be like, hey, Shelley, I think we've met.
We fucked eight years ago.
Wouldn't it be worse if she acted like she didn't remember, but the brother did remember, And then the brother told the brother.
That's what would happen, and he was like.
I don't think she remembers.
Though, that's fine.
Let's feel like you were so insignificant to me, but your brother I will never forget the brother as in like the guy that she's dating. I don't know. Look, I agree, I don't think that there is an easy way around this. I think it's very precarious and you need to be careful. But the one thing you don't want is to like, really have feelings with this guy, for him to really have feelings of you, and.
For the old little brother to waltz.
On in and be like, hey, got there first, have my sloppy seconds. That's an awful thing to say, but you know siblings can suck, so he might.
The thing is, even if it's not a big issue, this is something else you have to think, right, like, Okay, we're getting ahead of ourselves here.
This is what we do. It goes well, you're dating, you're in the family. It's all accepted. You get married one.
Day in the family or the family in you.
The family's in you, and you're in the family. Family has been inside you. It's a cyprocal relationship.
It's always going to be there and every family dinner, everyone's gonna know that you fucked them both.
Everything from there on in. It will always be in the back of your head.
Now, we have had people in the past, and I'm sure more people will write in, and I encourage you to write in and tell your stories. We have had people in the past that have done this. There's been people that have been in full on marriages and ended up leaving and being with the brother.
Like it's not I don't want to say it's not the worst thing. That's pretty bad.
I think if you've been married for thirty years and you live with the brother, but it's it's okay if it works.
It's not unfathomable, and it doesn't mean that it's insurmountable, but it does mean that there is a mountain to get over.
Like I'm let's not play this down. This is a problem.
If someone I liked, who I'd been on several dates with came to me and said, hey, wow, I just realized I had sex with your sister, I would get instant ick vibes. So I would find it difficult. And it's not because I guess for me, I wouldn't want to be second to my sister, like I would find that a challenging thing to mentally get over. I would hope that some people are on my side. Maybe they're not, and maybe everyone is more open minded than I am.
I would too if Sherry was fucking someone. I wouldn't date that person ever, because.
That I want to vote me in my mouth.
What if Ben came to you eight months after you've been dating I said I'm having a baby.
With That is not even on That is not even remotely close to this situation.
If Ben came to you seven months you've seen baby Maya looks a lot.
Like Ben long face, and not a lot like her husband. Jay.
I mean it, What would you have done? If I mean it too, I wouldn't dame him. I don't, yes, and I don't mean having a baby obviously. I mean if you'd come to you a couple of months after you'd met, You've gone over there to Letty, Sweden, wherever you went to and saw him, You went over the mean Scotland.
Is he?
What is he?
He went over to Scotland, hung out with him for that Christmas, came home, was like, I'm so obsessed with him, and then he said, hey, I've just realized I think I slept with your sister a few months back.
That's actually feasible because Cherry was living in Scotland, down the road from where he was. Yes, So then what would you have I would not date him. I couldn't, But I do think there's an answer. No, I do think there's a difference, and I hate to say it, but it's true. I think there's a difference with men and women. I think more men would be okay with dating someone that their brother had hooked up with in the past than women.
I truly do. I don't know if I agree with that.
I do.
I think it's different. Guys don't look at it the same, and the science behind is right, Guys don't.
Where is it? We've spoken about it a hundred times.
I like article when Brittany's trying to make a point, she just goes, there's research behind this. We don't have ans to it right now, but there is.
Dolly Magazine, women have sex and form connections, and field sex means more to women on a high percentage than it means to men.
We know that.
But what I'm saying is I don't believe that brothers would have as big of an issue as sisters.
If you're listening to this, which you obviously are, please go and ask your boyfriends or your brothers, or the partners in your life. I need to know how the men in your life feel about this because I strongly don't necessarily agree, but I'm happy to be wrong about this. I think everyone would feel I think everyone would feel weird about the person they like sleeping with their sibling. I think everyone would feel a bit like, Oh, John O, how would you feel? JOHNO says it would be so
too weird? Hey, the brother's always there.
But would you rather know at the start or when it was late, when you were deep in the fields.
You'd rather know at the start or in your marriage vows?
Which one I do promise to fuck you and your brother's threats I will.
There is great genes in this family.
Okay, all right, next question.
Question three. I think I hate my partner's cat, and I feel like this is a question that my husband has written it in.
I it's so dumb.
It's a real problem. What if you hate the thing that's most important?
It is, No, it is I just wasn't expecting that to be the next question. It's very important. Please continue. Okay.
I've been with my partner for two years now, committed deep, we love each other, we live together, and I know that he is my penguin. However, there is just one problem, and it is his cat. Don't get me wrong, I am the biggest animal lover, and I would love to
think of myself as quite a patient person. But I have tried for our entire relationship to bond with this cat, and while there has been some moments, the majority of it has just felt transactional and filled with a lack of unconditional love that you would get from a dog.
That's because it's a.
Cat, which I've grown up with. He also constantly meows, and often when I try to show him love, he scratches.
And bites me.
It's actually at a point now where I become anxious from the constant meowing. The cat's eating well, so that's not the issue, and the cat is three years old and well trained. My partner absolutely adores this cat, and it's recently become apparent to him that well, I don't exactly feel the same. However, I am at the point where I actually cannot stand it. I don't know what to do.
Please help. There's nothing you can do fair.
That cat's going to live for twenty four years.
I reckon this is fair.
This is actually quite a serious question, and I think that this is quite a frequent issue with a lot of people. There are kinds of animals that I wouldn't date someone if they had because people treat their animals like family. And if I put myself in that situation, if my animal really didn't like, like if Delilah really didn't like who I was dating, it's genuinely a problem
in your household. Like I know families that had to go and get like proper experts in therapy because of the issues they have.
With the animals and the couple. The couple's being ripped apart.
I personally don't get cats. I don't get them. I don't get what they think. I don't get why. I don't get the use of them. They're always like little well like dogs, I get because you go running their companion, you go swimming or whatever it is, right, But for cats, maybe I haven't been around the right cat.
Every cat I've seen just scratches and shits.
And rips about your furniture and like, it doesn't what the fuck are you giving me?
I was like, I.
Don't understand its purpose because if a cat chooses not to like you, which they do, right, they either like you as a human or they don't.
If it doesn't like you, why is it there? It just ruins your furniture. You don't even get to pat it. It's great. It hurt physically hurts you, so I don't. I'm not a catty person.
If you didn't, Yeah, we can read between the lines. I think that cats just know they know who is superior in a household. She knows that she loves him. She doesn't need you, and you're getting between the two of them from having their exclusive relationship, and she.
Doesn't like it. I do anything.
You gotta suck it up. And you also have to pretend like you like that cat because your husband or your partner's gonna hate it. It's interesting because we have a kind of similar dynamic in our household. I really wanted a cat. As you guys know, I love cats. I do understand them. I think they are beautiful creatures. But I equally love dogs, and I think that you get very different things from a cat and a dog.
Like I quite like that. Cats are very autonomous and they will only love you if they think you're worthy, and I think that that's cool, whereas a dog will love anyone like a dog's not going to distribt Delilah would leave you in a second. She would leave you in the park for someone else if they had a treat.
So I can't only offensive because it's true.
I love the loyalty of a cat, right, I love that. The funny thing is is that every time a person describes their cat when they have a great one, they're like, they're kind of like a dog, and I'm like, no, you just you actually just like dogs then, because your cat, you know what I mean, People are like, my cat's different. She's kind of a bit like a dog, And I'm like, yeah,
you like dogs, you like dogs. Rasby, for example, like curls up on Lala's out of a night time now and she's getting sweeter and more lovely, Whereas when we brought her home she was a real bus stop cat. Like she she was like, I'm from the streets, and she would scratch you if she walked past, like if you walkedst Yeah, she hangs over the kitchen stool like this, and if you walk past too close to her stool, she goes ah at you. And so there was a
while there where mad that's awful. Yeah, oh look, it keeps you on your toes.
When I was at your house, like a week ago, Laura kind of wore me because she was getting stuff out of the car and I walked ahead and she was like, oh, you know, just be careful with Raspberry, like you know, and I was.
Kind of bracing myself, but then I walked down.
You were putting her, won't.
I gave her all the cheek scratchies and she's doing the like one of nights.
What's the call when they do?
They like rub up against you with each of their cheeks and they switch sides, rub their faces.
It's not a name for it.
She was doing that for Asias and I thought you were just I was like, is this the cat you're talking?
The thing with Cat? So is that they can do that for ages and then all of a sudden something changes and they just go and you don't know if it's coming. It's like you get really tricked into thinking that they love you and then they will fuck you up.
That's why you like it. It's every relationship you've ever had.
Oh my god, Cat, that's my toxic relationship.
You're like, I don't know she's gonna love it today.
So I relate to this question very much because I think that we definitely like Matt definitely has a love hate relationship with Raspberry. But I love Raspberry, and he made the sacrifice to have her. He you know, he was like, whatever, if you want a cat, you can take care of the cat and we can have one. But it doesn't mean that he has to love her
as much as I do. Like it doesn't affect our relationship, and it shouldn't affect yours, Like I think he can have a really strong and close bond with the cat, and as so long as you're like kind to it, you still feed it and pat it and you treat it with respect and kindness, you don't have to love it like that's not a mandatory of having a good relationship loving their pet as much as they love their pet.
Well, there's also.
Other things here on a serious note, Like you have developed anxiety over here in its meals, there are other things that you need to go and investigate here, because something like that shouldn't give you that high level of anxiety.
If it's mewing that much, it's probably bored. To be honest, it might be fed and healthy and everything else, but cats don't just I mean, you can get shatty cats, but they don't mew all through the day. It's like dogs that bark all through the day. It's usually because they're also bored, anxious, there's something else going on. So that could be a conversation that you have with your partner. I understand why that would get annoying, like that is
definitely something to have a conversation about. But overarchingly, you moved into the house with someone who has a cat, and it just sounds like you actually don't really like cats that much.
I think if you ever go to Hum and say it's the cat or me, he'll probably choose the cat.
To do that.
And Matt knows it, so he'd never do that to me.
You wouldn't choose the cat now over Matt. Yeah, no, you wouldn't do You're so fool of it. I would like the cat would never make me choose, But.
I feel like Brittany, here's a cat.
The cat.
The cat would never give me an ultimatum. Raspberry wouldn't do that. Although Raspberry still thinks she's a gutter cat. She like she struts around that house like I don't need this bondopad. You fucking plush pitches she's got back in the bush shelter where I belong.
And see how quickly she runs. She's a street cat at heart.
Last question, My best friend of five years has just told me that ever since we've been friends, she has been lying and that her younger brother is actually not her brother at all. She told me he was her biological brother, that he has the same mom, but he didn't speak with their mom and lives with his dad
and stepmom. The whole time, she's referred to him as her brother, and even when I have asked about their mom, she would say something along the lines of, oh, he just prefers to be with his stepmom.
She said.
She told me when she was drunk and just kept the light going, but it went too far, so she thought she could never say anything directify the problem. He is now apparently just like a brother, so it was like he's a family friend. The truths come out, he's a family friend that she says, oh, he's like a brother,
but he's actually got no relation whatsoever. She said, now that she's about to get mad, she doesn't want me to question it at the wedding when she sees him, so she thought it was time to fess us.
So she was gonna get sprung for her lie, so she had to be honest about the fact that she doesn't have a brother.
Yep, she goes, I don't know how this feels to me. It doesn't feel that deep. But at the same time, I've been lied to you by my best friend for five years, so it feels quite icky and a little bit too weird. My question is should I be mad and upset or is it not that big of an issue in the past. I feel like she does tend to lie a little bit, as I have caught her out before about a few things.
Keen to hear what you think.
It's so funny, but more a random thing to lie about, like a brother who has this elaborate lie that lives with another family.
It's so stupid. It is so stupid. Would you, like, should you still be friends with her? I don't think that was the question. My answer to that is, yeah,
like still be friends with her. But Britt, if I found out now this far into our friendship that Sherry actually wasn't your sister and she was just a friend and she was like a sister to you, and you had lied about the intricacies of it, would make me question not what kind of person you are, but it would make me think you're a lot more bat shit crazy than I think you already think you are, you know, I mean, I'd be like, wow, you're you're actually super
weird and that's not a normal thing to do. So cool, I'll be your best friend, but just know that I've clocked it that you're a weirdo.
Now.
Families are complicated, even fake families even more complicated.
That's hard.
If this was role reversal, and I found out now that Alisha, your sister wasn't in fact your sister.
Maybe go with my brother because that could be more believable because no one's ever seen him. He lives overseas.
It doesn't exist. He does exist.
I do have a brother. He lives in Boston. He's married. He came on a family cruise recently with us, and everyone met him. Yeah I know, but everyone was like, oh my god, you have a brother, and I was like, Kay, that's my brother. Imagine if I was like, actually, he's just his family friend and uncle that comes on trips.
I genuinely wouldn't care that much.
And I don't know if I'm an outlier, I would be like cool, weird thing to lie about, But I don't think i'd lose sleep about it. Maybe that's me, but I just think there's big things to lie about. The lie hasn't been to manipulate you in any way. It hasn't been to get anything from you, hasn't been detriment to you. God knows why she did it, because it's it seems like it's a lie that didn't have to be told. It has nothing to do with anything.
I just think you're weird, but I wouldn't Yeah, I wouldn't break up the friendship.
I guess. My question is, if you find out your friend has lied to you about something that seems insignificant, maybe go back to when the lie was first told and try and remember, like, what was the conversation surrounding it, and did that lie make them sound a little bit cooler or a little bit more like they had something in common with you, or like did the lie come from something because they were trying to make themselves more appealing or likable or whatever else to you? Who knows.
Maybe she was like, oh, yeah, I have a brother too who is x y Z or my parents are divorced and he lives with my stepmom, Like maybe she was trying to relate to you on some level. I don't know. I'm trying to unpack this from a I'm not.
Qualified, but I don't know what would make you cooler to be like, yeah, my brother lives with this stepmom.
But I think there are people who who lie without When I say without consequence, what I mean is is that they lie so frequently that it's second nature to them to fabricate stories, and they don't even realize that they're necessarily doing it until they're in a situation where they're totally caught out on their lives, Like some people
do have that behavioral trait. And I would go, okay, cool, you can totally be friends with people who tell lots of white lies, but definitely be careful with how much of a friend you let them in. And if you said, oh, yeah, she does lie quite a bit, I've caught her out in quite a few things. I wouldn't break up the friendship or anything like that. I definitely wouldn't lose sleep over it, but I would clock it, and I would keep her at a comfortable distance from things that really
affect me. I think, And I say this because I do have a friend in my life who tells lots of white lies, and I love her. We have a really great time and we have good friendship.
I was like, you've only got three friends.
They're all.
You fucking I don't trust the bitch plan.
I know two weeks she wanted it every day and it just died.
No.
I mean this though, like, I do have a friend in my life that comes to mind instantly when we talk about this, who has told lots of white lies over the years, and it doesn't affect me. It doesn't upset me, it doesn't bother me. But I definitely notice it sometimes when I'm like, that's not entirely true, and it just kind of makes me be a little bit more cautious with things that I share with them, that's all. And I reckon that that's probably what this is going
to do to your relationship. The only reason why this has come out now after five years is because you're going to her wedding and you're going to talk to her brother. And that would be weird as fuck if you were like, oh my gosh, I've been so looking forward to meeting you know, your girlfriend's brother, and there he is and he's like, we're not related.
I don't know.
I just the only reason why she told you was because she was gonna get caught out.
I'd also just ask her why, like, hey, why'd you tell me your brother when it's not like I don't think this isn't a relationship that you found out your partner's cheating or whatever. It's just like your friend said she had a brother, and she doesn't just say like, where did that come from? Because she said he's like a brother. And I think how many times in the past I have said that. I remember there was like sometimes.
When you're telling that's me.
Sometimes when you're telling a story about someone that's so involved in your life to people, it's easier not to get into the specifics or something like we used to have a family friend that is not related to us. It was my mum's best friend, and we used to refer to her within us as like an auntie.
Oh, she's an auntie.
So when you're telling the story to people, I used to say, oh, my one of my aunties used to do that, or one of my auntie has this or whatever. But then you I'd never used to specify to that person like she's not actually an auntie, she's a because when they met this you got to remember they're best friends now when they met I imagine that's how the story was told. It's like, oh, my brother.
That slightly different because everybody, I mean, we are raised to call our parents. I mean not everyone, but you know, I do it with my own kids. A lot of people are raised to call their parents best friends Auntie, Matt, Wow.
Auntie, Laura, uncle Matt.
You know, like that's a normal thing. We call my best friend Kaya Aunti, Kaya, You're Annie, Keisha, You're Annie, Brittany.
You know.
Marley and Lola currently don't know the difference between their real aunties and all their friend aunties, but I got like fifty. But I think that that's a little bit different because I don't think many people grow up referring to another person as their brother or their sister, unless that person is like a step brother or they're like kind of an adopted sibling.
I have two boys in my life that we grew up across the road, so our moms kind of took turns in driving us to school, and she was very much a second mum to me, and I refer to those boys as like my brothers, you have very sibling like relationships.
The reason I don't think that this is the same is because she made.
Up the weird backstory.
Yeah about living with the step mom. Do you know what I mean?
Like, I can see how if I was saying, oh, like, you know my brother blah blah blah, and I just forgot to tell you that it wasn't actually a biological relationship. If that just continued and I never clarified, I can get that you'd be like, oh, you know, she just might have slipped up and not really giving you the backstory.
But she actually faked a backstory.
Don't get me wrong, I think we're all agree it's it's weird. The whole thing is weird. But I definitely think that there are people out there who don't have any qualms with telling white lies. It's almost like a little bit of a fantasy that sometimes they make up stories that genuinely haven't happened, or are an inflated version of what's happened because it makes them more interesting, or it's just how they've managed to get through socializing. I
don't even know how to describe it. Maybe she wants a brother desperately so, or like people who will say I've been there, and it's like, but you've never been to the Philippines, But then they're telling you a story about how they've been to.
The Philippines before. So it happened, la have you ever?
No?
Okay, just me, I haven't been disted liars people.
Who lie, but like, I know that liars exist, but I just don't know why you'd do it for literally no gain.
I genuinely think a lot of people do it because it makes them more interesting. I think that that's the motivation, or they think it makes them more interesting, and then it's like it's become a bit of a habit to them that they just get carried away with a story and then one thing leads to another, and then that's married to four people, Like do you know what I mean? I'm not condoning it by any means, and I definitely think it's weird, but I have seen it in people before.
I would struggle with them being my best friends, you know. I mean, I could definitely have them in my close network and be close friends with them, but this idea of them, you know, I think of like a best friend as the person you can go to with anything about your life. And if I didn't quite trust that they were always honest with me, then I would really
struggle with that. So I think that without realizing it, it would affect my even though it's insignificant, even though it's just a weird lie, it still would affect the way that I view that person in some ways interesting. Anyway, my loves that. That is it from us. We are back and we are all ready and wearing for this new schedule and programming. Would we back on Wednesday? Your a reminder, we will be in your podcast library at six am on Wednesday.
For the Big Juicy catch Up.
We're gonna have a little discussion on how our breaks were.
We all did very different things.
We did very different things, and we'll be back on Wednesday.
You know the trill to mumte donte dog toy friends and share the love because we love love.
Oh, it's so nice to be back.