Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land.
Sea and community.
We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander peoples today.
This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys and all, welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is our down and dirty, sexy, fun little Thursday episode where we.
Answer all your deep, dark and burning questions. Do you still feel random?
But do you still feel even though we've been back a few days from our Barley trip, Actually we've.
Been back a while. I feel like this weird jet lag, but the time difference is only two hours? Like what is is that actually jet lag? Or am I having holiday withdrawls? I think it's a bit of both.
But also I'm like with you on the jet lag thing, because like, Okay, if you normally wake up at six am, you're now waking up at what is bally four am? Like that's jet lag. That's fine, you can have it with two hours. I think sometimes when the travel is less time, the jet lag is more severe.
I don't know if that's a fact. No one quotas on that. I've certainly done zero research.
But I do have two kids that are also jet lagged because their sleep patterns since getting home is fucked and it is not enjoyable for anyone, especially in my household.
And that is why I've had to just make you your third cup of coffee for the day. I would like to say it is five PM and that's why I've had three, but it's three and it's probably like ten am.
And that's like two my eyeballs, but it's keeping me feeling I'm feeling great.
This is exactly what I need in my life.
But this is very convenient because Starbucks at Home are our sponsor for today's episode. They are a long term partner of ours and one.
We absolutely love.
Now. Starbucks at Home have three different roasts. They have the blonde, the medium, of the dark, so there really is something for everyone.
And Starbucks at Home can help you be more confident and created with your coffee making at home also, and let me just say, Brittany Hockley, you have gotten very good at milk crothing very good, so many coffee. You can put this on your resume as one of your true skills. But let's get into what today's episode is all about, and that is answering all of your questions.
We have been on break.
We have had so many questions come in, like hundreds and thousands, and I'm sorry that we don't get a chance to get back to or answer every single question. We do have an amazing person who works in admin now who goes through and actually replies to everyone, So we guarantee that your messages have all been seen, but we have picked out a few for today.
Before we do get into this, I want to just talk about something I just read. So obviously, we've just come home from holidays from overseas.
We've come back.
How long do you think we can talk about holidays for before people people to start reviewing us and saying, Laura and Brittany only ever talk about fucking holidays.
It's still.
All right three months later.
No, I just thought this was just for me, this timing from the universe. I was like, maybe I need to move somewhere else. Don't hate me, Laura, but this is what I felt.
I read this article by.
Time Out magazine and I thought, great, I need to pack up and move countries. Time Out magazine just did a survey with about twenty thousand different people from all.
Over the world. That's fair few people. It's a lot of people.
If you've got twenty thousand people in a room, you would be a big wedding.
Put it that way.
Well, the results that came back about Sydney do not instill a lot of confidence in me. It came back that three quarters of people said Sydney was pretty much the number one city in the world, like the worst city in the world to make friends, like to meet anybody new. They were saying that we weren't very nice people and it wasn't easy. And I guess people all in their clicks maybe like maybe it's hard to break that barrier, but that many people have said it's not
a friendly city. On top of that, they've come back as a loveless city.
They've said it is so hard to be single here.
Now, this is people that have traveled from all over the world and spend time here and spent times in other countries. So they've said being single is fucking cooked, Like don't go there, but you know.
Why I think Sydney is so hard for meeting new people. It's also because we have no night life anymore.
That is a third thing. There's no night life. That was it. It was the second worst place in the world for nightlife. So the first worst place in the world. It doesn't say which one is first, probably.
Probably somewhere like Antarctica. I would say that that probably has a fucking bad night life.
It's the North Pole.
What else is a terrible no, But I mean like it makes sense, right, Like not that you need to be drinking to make friends or anything like that, but like going out being able to like have a bit of a boogie, have a party like that is where so many best friends are made in bathrooms, or like
you meet new people, you change numbers whatever. Like think about the amount of friends that you made when you're in your twenties and you're going out and you're being social versus the way that Sydney is set up down now, it's like you arranged to go for dinner with people who you already have a foundation of friendship with.
Absolutely So now you can't go out, you can't make friends, you can't fall in love.
So it's it's not ideal. But speaking of love, actually I am going on to Day to Night with someone from Sydney. Actually no, it's from England, but he lives Sydney now.
But I am going on to Day to Night wish we like, he's not from Australia. So this could be a positive thing after hearing those results, because no Sydney person will date you because they're already that I want to open up their circle.
I mean, I wasn't gonna go that. Foller it keep me one down.
I want to say one thing because I think, like on this like little report that's been done, I think that people who live in Sydney and like we obviously are from Sydney, right, so this is this is definitely not a Sydney based podcast in terms of like we are open to all areas. It goes out all across Australia and the world, but mostly you guys are from Australia.
So I think that people who live in Sydney think that Sydney is the best place to live, whereas like if you ask people in Melbourne, they will say that Melbourne is the best place to live if.
You are there.
It is like a fucking rivalry. And every time I have been to Melbourne or I have been to other metropolitan cities in Australia, I'm always like, Wow, I think they're a bit better than Sydney. Like, Melbourne is better. It has so much culture, There is so much nice stuff to do. It's just that it's so often raining and cult not to like stereotype, but it is better.
No, But also it's not just Melbourneians. I think Melbourne's better.
The rest of the world also, I think we can give that one to this. Also.
Adelaide freaking great, very underplated, small, its own country great, wouldn't even let people in during COVID because it was so good they didn't want to. It has its own microclimate, do you know. Okay, going back to this whole thing that you're doing tonight, which is going on a date.
It's a whole weird thing that no one knows what a date. Yeah, this very foreign concept that is called a date.
I read something that I want to share with you before we get into answering questions.
Now.
It is trending on TikTok. It is TikTok also trending across all news websites.
At the moment.
So not only if you're not on TikTok, Like, if you google this word, you will find it. You may have even heard other people talking about it.
But we could collectively say it's trendy. It's a fucking thing. It is a thing.
And I heard it thrown around a few times whilst we were on holidays, and I put it into my notes because I was like, I need to talk to you about this bread and that is vabbing?
Is are you saying vaping with an accent fort hey man, babing? No? Is it like dabbing with a vape?
No, it is dabbing something though, dabbing your vagina the vaping, well, dabbing or what you vagina?
I mean dabbing a vagina? How or you would do it? You do anything else?
Do it?
This is.
This is really great. I feel like we're playing a game of charades now. Okay.
So for anyone who doesn't know, babbing is something that has taken the world by storm. It currently has thirty five point seven million views on TikTok, you need to get out more because there.
Is a lot of conversations happening about babbing.
Vabbing is when you take your vaginal juices, knew it was the vagina, and you dab it on your erogenous zone, so like under your arms, you dab it on your neck, you dab it on your wrists, and you use your vaginal discharge as perfume.
Should I do this on my date tonight? See what happens?
So apparently it is like how you use your pheromones to be able to attract the opposite sex. And there are so many people doing it, and there are so many people documenting their experiences with vabbing.
I do not want to walk around smelling people's vaginas down the street like.
This, or you might be imagine if someone was doing it and then they just gave you a hug and you didn't know that they'd babb that morning.
I mean, there's no consent there, where's the line?
Okay, but it's like okay, So apparently, and you're to think about it. Scientists have been trying to manufacture like artificial chemical based pheromones for the better part of the last three decades, right, Like I.
Mean, Gwyneth Poultry did it with her candle, didn't she.
Yeah, well, no, I think they're actually smelled more like petula oil or petula oil or whatever it whatever. Her vagina smell like literally smell like dried flowers. No, so like this is something that scientists have been trying to do for a long time because there is so much money to be made if you could create a bottled version of what pheromones are.
And I guess the thing is is that it happens in the animal kingdom. Like dogs do it, I don't, but cats do it. Who what other animals do it?
Well, it's about I'm sure loads monkeys. And I think that we kind of do it to some level. Like I mean, you know, you might like your the smell of your partner's bo, but not like the smell of anyone else's bo.
That's a thing, right, Like I don't know that's a thing.
Matt's bio doesn't smell bad to me, but I'm sure it smells bad to other people.
I remember, and you've just made me think of this, But I remember my very first boyfriend. He was a builder, Like he's a stink at the end of the day, like ten hours in the sun sweaming. But I remember I used to love it, like it used to do things to me. But if you just walk past someone that you don't know with the gym and you smell them, you're like, bro, go put some doughter on.
So apparently this is a thing.
There are hordes of women out there who are dabbing their vaginal discharge onto their bodies in the hopes of attracting men, and I might be I just.
Realize what the smell is in here?
You have tested this on me, having you absolutely not there is nothing that I'm going to gain from doing that in this environment whatsoever.
I know what you're up to, Okay, but let me just this is how I feel about this.
We already have to go to so much effort on dates, Like you've gotta shave your legs, you've got to like fix opening downstairs, you gotta like shave your under arms, you gotta do your hair, you gotta put makeup on. There's so much effort that women have to go to when they're going on dates, right, so this is just one extra step. And then do you put your dab on and then put perfume on or do you just dab and go? You dab and go, You don't dab
spray and go. Because it covers up the dab. But then what if you get there and you smell like a vagina? Well, it's the point, that's the bat, that's the whole point. What if you get there and you smell like a vagina and your date looks at you and goes you smell only like a vagina?
Do you think I should try it tonight? I will.
I will pay you money to go on a date and report back for the podcast. If I had to go and get a vagina osonizer for content, you are gonna dab and come back and report?
Can I just say?
No?
One, you go and get the vagina osenizer. You were like frothing at the bits to go and get that done. You kept a segaret. You're like, this is gonna be good.
Great. No, I did it purely for content, guys. I did it for the greater good of this podcast.
Yeah right, well, look.
My date just message me right now, do you want to see him and just tell me if you think I should dab?
Okay, all right, here Brittany is showing me a photo. This is what's happening. I'm getting a live viewing of tonight's date.
Do you know what I really like.
Okay, he can zoom in there, he's done with the dog. I really like when somebody uses your name.
Oh yeah, yeah, you.
Should lab Dabby Brittany is vabbing tonight. That is, you need to go calling a dabbing. You need to go and dab some bab That is one boy. Hello, what is his name?
Oh?
Yeah, Cue, I thought you cute.
Hmmmm, Anyway, I'm not I don't think he's the right person to trial the dam.
Oh.
I think if anyone was gonna have a little hello. Oh yeah, oh, I approve of this one. I don't really approve of many. She never approves of many. Okay, well, I'm looking forward to a live update.
Will be're in twenty fourteen. Now on his instagra, so I like what. Alright, let's get into the questions for today.
First off the ranks, we have a very important one, all right, question number one. Hi, guys, I've been in a relationship with my partner for two years and we have an amazing relationship. He's the first person I've ever had sex with, and it's been great, at least I think.
So now, I don't know.
What it's like to orgasm, and there has been a few times when I've spasmed, but I'm not sure if this means I've come What is it like for you? And do you know if it's happened this? You can take this one first bridge.
I can see you giggling away over.
This is actually a very very good question and a very fair question, and I think pretty common because maybe a lot of people don't know, but not everyone can orgasm like that is a thing. Even the people that do orgasm orgasm very differently. Some do a literal like external orgasm, some are an internal orgasm, and some people and I believe Laura from our conversations, we both know people in life that have an orgasm and not for
not want of trying, but they haven't got there. And this is actually brilliant because we are going to do a whole episode on orgasms very very soon. But in answer to your question on on how do you know if you've done it? I mean, and I can only speak for myself because I've only orgasmed for myself, but you know, it feels so good, like you know that that is happening at the time.
So okay, I don't know.
This is why I think the question is an interesting one because for me, the sensation of having an orgasm is so unmistakable that I one percent, no, I've had an orgasm, and that is from the very first time I ever had one, you know, I was.
Like, oh, this is an orgasm. Well, and some of them get way.
Better, especially from the first time to the last time. They get better. But like, yeah, you can't not when it's happening. You can't not know what's happening.
But then I think when she says, no, I've definitely spasmed, But I don't know if that's an orgasm, what could that be? Like maybe maybe this person who's writing in is having orgasms or they're having a really heightened sense
of arousal. But maybe in their mind they think that an orgasm is supposed to be this like transcending, toe curling, euphoric, like I go, I fucking astral plane to another planet moment, And maybe they can be, but maybe that's not what their orgasms are because obviously every single person is going to be different, and even though I think people experience orgasms in a similar way, they definitely don't experience it in the same way.
Yeah, this is exactly right, And one thing I want to add here is and all I'm gonna say is definitely tune into the episode we're going to do because we will ask all these questions and we will really draw this out. But we've spoken to sa sologists in the past that have said orgasms can be learned. They can be something that you can teach yourself and your partner and your body to improve or experience differently or on different levels. So what Laurie just said could very
much be true. You could be having one, but you could be very much stuck in your own mind thinking is it happening?
Is this it? And my having it? Like what am I experiencing?
So maybe you're not in that moment enough to enjoy it and experience it and let go like this is just I mean, we don't know. This is just a thought process that if you find yourself thinking that at that time, maybe try and just be really present in that moment and really enjoy what is happening as opposed to like worrying if it's happening.
Also, I think, like on this and what you said earlier brit about how there is clatorial orgasms and how there is an internal orgasm, the type of intensity that you can get from different types of orgasms, is like, that's something that plays and factors in like a lot of people will only orgasm if there's external stimulation.
Way you are waving those two fingers around, Laura, you are waving two things.
External stimulations.
A lot going on.
I talk with my hands, but I guess the thing is that from what we've learned from the interviews we've done in the past with sex ologists Chantleotten and also sex ologists Juliet Allen, internal orgasms that are achieved from internal stimulation can be far, like far more intense than an external one.
But I also and also on top.
Of that, Laura, before you go on, is that they can literally on top of it, jumping on top of you as you wave those things around to.
Whoa babbing this morning? I don't wait, No.
But the other thing is like, yes, internal can be different to external, but also when they're combined, they can be different as well. So if they're happening at the same time you're having penetrative sex, something's going on with a clitters simultaneously and they're together, that can be different. Again, So there are just so many there's not a one size fits all well.
To round out this question, I did do a bit of research on this, not physical research.
Ah, I do just once, can you make me orgasm so I can see what it's like to tell me I needs to explain to people what my orgasms feel like.
No, this has got nothing to do with my personal experience, but this is a bit of information around and it's a very common question, like how do I know if I've had an orgasm? Okay, so the idea of an orgasm is supposed to be the relief of pressure. So if you've gotten to a point where you're so sexually aroused that you have this intense feeling and then the orgasm is like a feeling of completeness, like something has
been done, do you know what I mean? So, if you have had this spasm, as you describe it, and then afterwards you're like, ah, I feel satisfied now, like I'm kind of I'm kind of done. I need not necessarily a break, but like there's a calmness that comes afterwards.
Like that is an orgasm. And I think that for a lot of people, especially if you don't feel it to the same level of intensity as what a lot of people do so like for you r Eyebrit, we undeniably know when it's happened, like we're like, yes, that's what that was cool, I'm done now, or if you I mean, i'mlike you breath. You like to go for multiples, but if I've had one, I'm wham bam, thank you, ma'am,
I'm finished. But I think if you have a level of satisfaction that comes after you've had this spasm or however you describe it could be like this is how it's described in this I'm going to read this for you. There is no one way or one size fits all when it comes to orgasms. So the dumbness, like this feeling of being done may be associated with vigorous muscle jerking or very quiet shivers or just a funny tiredness
after sex. Also, so this could range from anything like the full on, all intense body experience of like yes, that was levitating, levitat astro plained, or it could be something that is like a far more subtile experience. And that is simply because everybody is so incredibly different.
Question number two. Tune into our episode for the Sexologist.
I feel like we have someone on who's way better equipped to on orgasms and also what we're trying. The reason why we haven't got that episode completely finished yet is that we're really wanting to speak to someone who
has never experienced an orgasm as well. So somebody who has had an active, healthy sex life, has had multiple sexual partners, but just hasn't experienced an orgasm, and how that impacts their like, how that impacts their relationships, how it impacts their sex life, how it impacts the way that they communicate with their partners, so that we can give a really sort of full rounded context to that episode.
Okay, I'm coming in with question them A two. I don't like my engagement ring. Okay, guys, my penguin partner of ten plus years recently finally surprised me with the proposal. I mean, ten years you've put in the effort, girl, Ten years is a long time. I was at a point where I thought this would never happen, as we always prioritize other things over the years, example holidays, house maybes,
we have a toddler and another on the way. But he recently went out by himself and chose a ring design sourced a diamond with the jeweler and surprised me. The thoughtfulness behind this I am so grateful for and it really demonstrates his personality traits that I love so much. However,
I was slightly underwhelmed by his choice. Having been interested in fine jewelry for a while now, I know a bit about diamonds, and let's just say I would have put a bit more priority on carrot size rather than the best colored diamond within the budget that he spent. I sat on this for a few weeks and finally told him and asked him how he would feel if I investigated a different diamond choice. I love the design, I just wanted to see what options there were for
a bigger center stone within his budget. Curiosity just got the better of me and I couldn't stop thinking about it. So I felt the need to be honest with him, especially since I will be wearing this ring for the rest of my life. But he has been really hurt by this comment ever since, which has made me feel terrible and ungrateful.
Have I done the wrong.
Thing by being honest with him on his engagement ring choice. Oh, it's a really hard one, and I see why he's hurt for sure.
I absolutely see why he's hurt.
But as someone okay, as someone who is a jeweler like that, that's my job for anyone who doesn't know hashtag Tony may. So if anyone who wants to get an engage ring designed, I'm here, I'm waiting, I'm available.
Not officially sponsored. So I got nothing from that, okay.
So there is so much even if it might seem thoughtless. So even if to you you're like, this is not my style, I don't like this normally, and typically when someone proposes, there is still a lot of thought that and a lot of like a lot of time and a lot of pressure and a lot of emotion that's gone into that choice or the choice of that ring by your partner. Sometimes people get it wrong, like they just do. Sometimes they're not attuned with the clues or with your style.
He's only had ten years to think about.
It totally, and they purchase something that they like, but they're not really necessarily thinking like what is it that you like? You know, but at the end of the day, ninety nine point nine percent of the time they have put so much effort into finding that ring. So there is a bit of an ego bruise that comes with finding out that your partner didn't like it because intentionally they've tried to do the best thing by you. So I any time that I've ever had it's only happened twice.
So in all the engagement rings I've ever designed created, I've had two people come to me and say, my partner doesn't like it. Or even better, I once had had a guy halfway through the process the ring was almost finished. He said, fuck, my girlfriend has just sent me some photos of rings that she likes and it's completely different to the ring that we're making.
Like, what can we do? Like, sometimes people get it wrong.
You haven't done anything wrong by voicing the way that you feel, but you do have to have the sensitivity that of course his feelings are hurt, and that's also okay, and probably for him he probably feels like, oh, it's ruined the proposal a little bit because your reaction wasn't just like, I'm so happy, I love the ring, I want to marry you. Your reaction was I want to marry you and I hate this.
Well, I think no, I think her reaction was I want to marry I'm so happy, And it was a few weeks later that she was like, Okay, I don't want to put this on my hand and look at it for the rest of eternity.
So I'm going to say something.
I think I'm trying to put myself in a situation which I've never really come close to, and I probably won't get a long time. So it's a look like I act, So I'm just gonna try and imagine it. I think that I would also say something if I detested the ring that much, but I would have to really dislike it. I think he's just at the end of the day. Of course, he's going to be a bit hurt that he didn't just nail it like one hundred percent. He didn't come in with the goods and
it was just like this beautiful, happy ending. Obviously, the part of them is like, well, I just feel like I wasn't fun good enough in this moment. But I think if you explain it and just say exactly that, just say I am so over the moon that I get to to marry you and spend my life with you, is like there is no doubt about that. I think it's just this isn't one hundred percent my style, and I have to wear it forever. So if we could just maybe tweak it a little bit, this would be brilliant.
But let's do it together, So like take him on the journey with you, so you can go and source the new style together. You can pick it together, so he still feels like he has an input and a choice. That would be my suggestion in this. Yeah, and I absolutely agree.
I do think that he has to have an input and it has to be something that's done collaboratively. The only thing that I I mean, I have definitely seen this and experience this before. But like if he says, no, I don't want you to change the ring because that's the ring I propose to you with, I do feel that there comes a point where you kind of just have to accept that, like that is that is how he feels about it. You can't you can't make him be okay with it right now, I'd be.
Drawing up the divorce papers. But you can't.
You can't make someone so like if he was like, no, I designed that, and I really want that to be the wedding ring, like that to be your engagement ring.
Which would be weird. It would be a weird, way weird.
Fle but I've definitely seen it happen really yes, like my ring or nothing like well like this is it as in like I don't want you to change it, because then it loses the sentiment from the fact that that's the ring I propose with it's no longer that ring, and so like, people become really attached to objects, and I understand that that is something that a lot of people feel, even if it's not my style. They become
attached to the meaning that it represents. So they don't want to fuck with that because then they think it's gonna, you know, tarnish whatever it was that the proposal was. But what I think you can also do is be like cool, when it's our one year anniversary or when it's out whatever whatever big milestone that you have, or when it comes to the engagement ring, then you get all the same. You clearly like I need I need a ten year ring, and that's going to then turn into my.
Web where else Again, Now when you're anniversary, let's melt that bad boy down and redesign something else.
But also like, at the end of the day, he's going to be hurt, but he's gonna want you to wear something that you love.
He's not going to flex and say it's the ring or nothing, or I'm leaving like he's and yes, okay, he's gonna be hurt. Normal, you can design it together. You can create something you love together. I think that that will be a very normal progression. But this is going to be an ask on cut aftermath. Please please write back in and tell us what happens with this, because I'm not going to sleep until I find out.
Okay, Well here's the other thing, though, What is more important wearing a ring that you don't love or his feelings?
The rings?
Just a trick question, but it's serious, Like, if he's going to be that hurt by it, keep it also, I mean, come on, growing, you're right, all right?
Okay?
Question number three. My husband and our two little girls, who are three and five, and I were recently on holidays in Thailand. We were on a boat trip and some young backpackers boarded the boat. I'm talking maybe seventeen eighteen years old, living their best lives in bikinis. Amazing for them. I love that for them where going Unfortunately, insta yeah, but this is a bit more okay. Unfortunately, my husband loved it.
For them too.
I know everyone looks and that's fine, but what I saw him do really feels absolutely not fine with me. When the girls walked past, I saw him staring right at their crotch, and the look on his face gave me the absolute fucking dick. He zeroed in on all of their crotches as they walked past. It was unmistakable, and I can't get past it. I already had a bad feeling about him, to be honest, and now I feel even more like I don't trust him. I guess my question is how common do you think this is?
Do all men do this? Or is my husband a complete creep? What I can say is this is a I mean, I didn't pre read that question, so this is point coming in. Brittany did a research, she really prepped, not this one.
Yeah, I'm pulling the mine drew up off the ground right now. The first thing that jumps out at me, and that is that you said and I don't think this is ever a sentence that should be said. I don't have a good feeling about my husband. I never have like that to me, I feel like when you are choosing a life partner, you have a good.
Feeling about them.
So there's definitely an underlying alarm bell theear for me that where there's something has happened with you guys in the past that obviously we don't know that, but maybe something has set you on that track.
Or maybe this is.
Just that guttural, deep instinct that as women is built into us, that sometimes you just feel like something isn't right. But I think that I think that that sentence I always got a bad feeling kind of a thing. I don't think that sentiment belongs in a sentence with your husband.
Oh, I'm jumping in hot on this one. And this to me is a fucking huge red flag.
Ye.
And yes, sure, people, Look, it's okay to appreciate beautiful people, that is fine. Is it okay to predatory stare at another woman's crotch, especially like no woman, I was gonna say, especially a young girl, literally, no woman, like no one, no one. There is a appreciating beauty. There's a oh, that girl's really attractive. There's a hey, I'd like to tap that, and then there's a I'm not even taking into account the person's face, but I'm like staring at
them in a way that is like wildly predatory. And that's what I got from this question. And there is a reason why you feel the way that you feel, and there is a reason why it's made you as uncomfortable as it's made you. I think think that there's something about this question that gave me the instant dick. I can telp a your physical reaction.
Brit that it gave you the ick.
And I think it's really important to draw aligned in the sand with this. It's not normal for men to perv like that. Matt he checks out other hot chicks. I'm so fine with it. He will appreciate beauty.
Usually he'll be like, oh, that girl's really beautiful.
I feel included in that he doesn't do it in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable. And the fact that your husband around your two children and you felt like it was okay to view somebody else but in a way that was actually just like so explicit, I think is quite problematic and not something that is normal. So I don't want anyone to think like, oh, it's fine, my boyfriend was totally starring at that chicks.
Boobs, Like I'm okay with it. Yeah, And also I'm gonna hone in on this one too. It is very, very normal to check.
Out other people, like at any point in a relationship, not in a relationship.
It's human nature.
You're always going to look at someone and appreciate them or be like, damn, they look really cute, they're really beautiful, they're hot, whatever it is in your vocabulary. But this should be something that there's no more thought to it. It's an appreciation from afar. It's a respectful appreciation, and it's not an appreciation that happens in front of your partner. Like in a relationship, if I see a hot guy down the beach, I'm gonna in my head, I'm like, he's cute.
Then I don't think anything of it.
It's a subconscious thought because it is literally in building us. We've spoken to psychologists about it. We've spoken to sex therapist. This is something that is built into humans to see something and without even thinking it. Like if you've just looked at something without even thinking it, you're like, well, she's really pretty, he's really beautiful. It shouldn't be to
the detriment of your relationship. It shouldn't be to you shouldn't be feeling bad in a relationship that your partner's doing that, and like you said, Laura, if they are going to do it, Jordan and I used to do it for sure, but we would also everyone would know, like you just said, would be inclusive. Wouldn't be like, look how hot that guy is, but I'd be like, oh, that dance player is really attractive. Like I would say that to him and he'd be like, yeah, Rue loves him.
You know, there were comments like, there'd be comments like that, but it's a very inclusive like you.
Yeah, but even I mean you also of course you know, and I'm not saying like that it's normal to be like that guy's really hot, Like if Matt, if we were walking down the street and Matt was like that chick's really hot and said it, I would be like, mate, pretty fucking head in likelock no, But like you know, it's more I guess, Like what I'm trying to say is is that there's a reason why you feel the level of insecurity and the feeling of like something isn't
right here, and that's because this behavior truly isn't right. If this was me and I was in this situation, what's my advice, Like, what do you do when you're married and you have two children.
I don't know.
I would absolutely be raising it with him, be saying like, this happened, this is what I saw, and this made me feel really really uncomfortable, and explaining why give your partner the benefit of the doubt, which I don't think that he deserves it in this instance, but like, maybe he didn't realize how overt or what he was doing, and maybe he needs to be pulled up on his behavior and hopefully he himself feels a bit mortified and disgusted in himself if he's made aware of it and
how obvious it was as well. Now, like I said, I don't really feel like it's something that somebody needs the benefit of the doubt on.
I just think it's really terrible behavior.
But I do think some sort of conversation needs to happen here, because we're not going to sit here and tell you to just throw away your marriage and your husband and.
Your happy life together.
But if there's something that's made you feel this level of insecure, this level of the ick, and it is completely related to his behavior and the things that he does that make you feel like he's not trustworthy, you have to communicate this with him.
I agree, good Luck.
Also, you can't like this can't be avoided because you've got the ick. And once you've got the ick in a relationship like you need to confront that or deal with it in some capacity because you can't live forever with the ick.
It just will fester and only get worse.
Yeah, consume good Luck's all back conversation.
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