Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Lifetime Cut. This is our quick down and dirty.
Usually you say I'm Laura.
Oh yeah, I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. Hi, Brittany. Hey continue, Okay, this is our quick down, and I'm trying to make it extra quick. I didn't even want to interro us this time. You're like, hey, question one, So all right, fuckers, let's get into this. This is our quick down and dirty episode, which you guys know this is where we answer oh, your deep, dark and burning question.
But this one's going to be even quicker, downer and dirty. Up doesn't want to buyrom That's not even true.
I'm guys, We're we're like, Okay, I said I wouldn't talk about baby talk anymore, but I lied because I'm gonna do it right now. I am thirty seven weeks. We have two weeks left. Let me talk about it and complain.
I I actually think when you're a human, right when you're two weeks away from giving birth, I feel like you have every right to complain as much as you want.
So yesterday we had this massive day, like I haven't finished work yet, but I'm going to take off next week, which is like one week off before the baby's due, and you go crazy, I'm going to have a one week of maternity league. Whoo. But I had a shoot yesterday for Tony May. Were down at the National Park. We started super early in the morning and we shot all day until seven pm. And we were running up and down rock platforms all day. And by the end of it, I realized I was walking from side to
side but wasn't actually moving forward at all. Like imagine that I was like waddling side to side on this rock platform trying to get forward, but like on a treadmill, everything hurts so much that I was just moving on the spot.
Well, because people that are thirty seven weeks pregnant shouldn't be clocking up like five kloments a day on their feet.
I've just got an arm hanging out from between my legs. It's great, you're like baby staying there. I've got to get the shot the perfect floor. I mean, I sneeze and I pay myself and now I'm like really clenching those public floor muscles. So they just need it to stay in for another week at least. But guys, we are going to jump straight into it today. So I'm going to just kickstart with a question we have. Okay, before you kicked up with a question, I'm just gonna preempt there.
You know what, I just try and get on board with you and make it quick because you want quick and now you want to talk about something.
I wanted a quickie, but then I wanted a little bit of full play as well.
Yeah, you can't have it all. You get your full play or you get your quirki which want dry.
It's like, I don't want to be sore afterwards. No
one wants to listen to that. I was just gonna say, we have picked out some questions for you today, and two of these questions are wedding related questions, and we thought maybe that's a bit too much, but then we did read them again a couple of times and I was like, you know what, if you've ever been to a wedding, or you've been invited to a wedding, or you might go to a wedding next year, then both of these questions are going to be very relative to you.
We may as well stick with the theme.
Yeah, I like a good wedding question. So anyway, all right, hit me number one.
Question number one. So for our wedding, we asked for money in our wishing well. Two of our really good friends did not give us a present or a card, which, you know, I'm fine with each to their own, But when it comes to their wedding, which we are invited to in the very near future, are we expected to contribute to their wishing well? This is a good question.
Firstly, are you one hundred percent sure that they didn't leave money in the wishing well? Because some people don't necessarily put it in a car, They just put in an envelope. There's like some anonymous few hundred dollar notes.
To flying around. Nah, no one gives money anymore without putting the name on it.
He's a bit enthusiastic, wasn't it.
Yeah? I feel like that's wishful thinking if someone's got enough money to be like waving hundies around without attaching your name. Like if I give one hundred dollars out, that person's got a note from me.
The I mean, this is kind of like a golden rule with weddings. It's like, however much it is per head, is what is the expected gift worth? So like is it? Yeah? Yeah?
So like I did not know that, And how are you supposed to know how much it is? Ahead, Well, I guess.
You kind of assume that, like, you know, one hundred dollars to one hundred and fifty dollars depending on the type of wedding that it is, is like what they would be paying. So I think, like I personally would say, one hundred and fifty dollars gift like cash gift per person is like a kind generous wedding gift. And I think, if I'm gonna go out on a Saturday night and have a big dinner and drinks night, it's probably gonna
cost me one hundred and fifty dollars anyway. So you've got unlimited drinks, you've got unlimited food, Like that's kind of you paying for yourself. And that's like the sentiment that goes behind the gift giving that they're not out of pocket at the end of day.
See, I didn't know that. I didn't know that that was a rule.
Am I making this up? Now? Maybe this is a rule, But I just made up for myself and it works really well.
Guys. At the bottom of Laura's in mic, She's like, ps, it's one hundred and feet dos a head. If everyone could please provide the amount popping in the wishing weld that will be on the entrance. Thank you very much for coming to my party. Now, look the way I think about this is, of course there are no expectations.
Of course you don't have to bring a present. Of course you don't have to give money, But there is this sort of unwritten expectation that you do do something because it is it is wishing someone well, and it's just it's just the dune thing.
Well.
And it's also like a bit.
Fucking rude to go to someone's web, enjoy their hospitality, enjoy the party, have a great time, drink all you can party on all night, and then not give any not even a card to say thank you or we're wishing you well. It's just rude.
I think the card thing is the bit that gets me because there are a lot of people financially that don't have the money to go throwing around. And if somebody came to my wedding and didn't have the money to buy me a gift or give me a card, I from the bottom of my heart can tell you I would not care, but I would still expect I suppose a card saying, you know, congratulations, best wishes, we love you so much. That's enough for me.
However, maybe the idea is like, by not leaving a card,
maybe they won't notice, do you know. I mean, like, so if you don't leave a card, because like, if you leave a card and there's nothing inside and it's just a card that says we're wishing you so well, we love you, then maybe there's this thought that like, oh well, then they will one hundred percent know they're gonna know anyway, because what a bride and groom do after they get their wishing well is that they sit down with their guest list and they write down what
each person has given so that they can can write a thank you note so they know if nothing has been left. Like I think, you know, brid and grooms are pretty acutely aware if somebody has not left a present, because there is a lot of organization that goes into it.
But there's more to it than that. It's just not that they're going to go through the list. It's that these are two of her best friends, Like, there's no way this is slipping by them. But this is what I find interesting when I'm trying to think about it. For example, you and I are such good friends. I'm not getting you anything, no, But my point is if you got me nothing, I wouldn't care. But I also wouldn't be able to say to you like, hey, I noticed you didn't bring me anything, but I wouldn't be
That's what I mean. Even though we're good enough friends, there's almost nothing that you and I can't say to each other. But I would leave that unset. I would be like, just I'm just gonna let that pretend it didn't happen. I'm gonna let slide under the boat. That's not even an expression, slide under the boat.
But also I think, oh, look, there are maybe some external circumstances where it is okay. For example, like if you genuinely are going through financial hardship and you cannot contribute or you cannot buy a gift, then like like we said, a card is like the absolute bare minimum that you can do. A really sentimental card is something that I think you have to do. If you're going to a wedding, maybe it's an international wedding. This this
is what I think. The rules don't apply, okay, if you've been invited to go overseas to go to a wedding and it has cost you a freaking bomb, which some weddings do cost so much money to even just attend them. Then I think that there can't be an expectation to come, do all this travel, put all this effort in, and then pay even more money. I think in that instance then there is a little bit of
wiggle room here. But I think if it's just something that's relatively local, or you know, you because you opt into a wedding, you don't have to go if you can't afford it. So I think that there is an expectation for some sort of gift.
I agree. I think if you've gone internationally, then you know all the rules are out the door. But to answer your specific question, which here is, do you now have to get them a gift when you don't do it? Well, no, you don't. But would I Yes, I would still give them a card and put some money in it, just because I'm not a tit for tat kind of person.
I don't do.
Something to get something back, and I think that's where a lot of people go wrong. And if you are doing something purely in hopes of someone will return that exact favor. Then I think you're doing it for the wrong reason.
But not so nice. You clearly have never been to like a big Greek or Italian wedding where it's like, okay, so like in like big Italian families, our families keep track of what other family members have given so that we can give the same amount back at the next wedding. Like it's like that's a cultural thing, Like it's not the norm by any means. And I'm totally with you. I don't think that this is a time where you should necessarily feel like you need to do a tit
for tat. However, if you chose not to give anything at.
That wedding, they can't say anything about it.
No, Like they don't have the right to be angry, like because they did the same to you at your weddings.
But also right at the goddamn card if you're giving them nothing, still give them a card because then you've got one up on them. Anyway, here's my seven dollars hall Mark ond we leave the price on the back.
Yeah, I think it is rude at the end of the day to go to a wedding and to not give anything. It just feels like you haven't put any time or energy into it. And I think in today's day and age, with online shopping, with being organized, there is always opportunity to buy something that is not hugely expensive. If you cannot afford to put one hundred and fifty dollars cash in, go and buy a nice cheese plat. I go and buy something they can use for the house.
It doesn't have to be something that costs you an arm and a leg. That's something that's sentimental, that shows that you've thought about this and that you care and didn't just rock up to get pissed at a party. I think is really important. And I think that for me as a friend, I'd be like, Okay, I appreciate that you've gone to the effort, because it truly is the thought that counts.
And you know, Laura, and I feel like, you know, if I gave you a card with nothing in it, you would know that.
I feel like Brittany's been really spending her money on something. We need to call you know, you need to start a hocking some product on Instagram because something's going wrong.
Sell a kidney girl. But you would know, you would know, and you wouldn't question it because you'd be like, Okay, something's wrong with Brittany in her financial life. I'm not going to question it because there's no way I know as a friend she would do that and then you would leave it. The thing that gets me here is just the no card thing.
Yeah, and I think that maybe also this sentiment is like sometimes you go to a wedding and you forget the gift or you forget to do it ei though, like I mean, there's definitely going to be times where you get there and like you're like, oh, I'll do it later. Like I'm sure that there are people who have good intentions and in their mind they're like, oh, I'll give it to them the next time I see them.
But if you do that and then you don't give it to them the next time you see them, you're just that dickhead that showed up at a wedding didn't bring anything.
Do you know what the funny thing is that I'm thinking right now, if this girl listens to our podcast religiously and she's writteny in chances I had two best friends listen to the podcast, Hey, so go and get the card and slide it under a door.
Maybe this is something that's gonna be controversial. Man, there's gonna be people that totally disagree with this. I'm interested to put this one up on the Instagram and see what on the Onstagram, on the interwept, to see what people say. But I want to poll this. I want to see, like, what is a what is like a considered amount of money? Like am I being too overzealous and thinking that one hundred and fifty dollars is normal? Is it eighty dollars? Is it two hundred dollars? I
don't know. I want to know what you guys think from a poll of what is an acceptable amount of money.
Personally, I genuinely feel like my go to for a wedding, I think one hundred dollars is fine. I think if it was like my best friend and I was in the bridal party, I would have done a lot more for them throughout the period. But I think that these day and age, one hundred dollars is completely acceptable. I don't think if anyone opened a card with one hundred dollars in it, they would say, can you believe that? And they gave me a hundred dollars?
You think you make a really good point around like Hen's parties and stuff like if you are a part of the bridal party, that shit costs so much.
Money, so much money.
Like I cannot tell you, like in the last couple of years how much money I have spent on Hen's parties on like, because you know, Hen's parties often these days require going overseas or they require like a lavish weekend, awigh or something, and it just racks up. So maybe in this instance, like if you've spent so much money on the Hen's party, and you've spent so much money on other things leading up to the wedding, then that
can all be taken into account as well. And I think if this is your, like for the person who's written this in if you had a bougie af Hen's party and your friends had to pay a lot of money to come to that, then I kind of don't really think that you should expect a big wedding president, but you can still expect a card.
Yeah, Okay, I think we've covered this one. Yeah, okay, right, right. The good thing that we're keeping the short and sharp today people we always see that we get really passionate about it.
About like literally the most nothing or the most minute detail. But I'm sure that there's other people out there like feeling enraged by this.
When we get closer to Laura's wedding, we will do weighing more episodes on wedding stuff and getting ready and like the stresses of it.
No, we won't. I'm so not a wedding person. No, but we'll do one episode on like weddings. Like that'll be it? Yes, boss, Okay, I'm already pressing around regarding my wedding.
I should have a two. What do you do when you really don't like your brother's girlfriend. He's twenty five and she's twenty one. Usually I would just wait it out, but he's just got a job into state. She's now following him there. Don't get me wrong, She's nice enough, but she's always so demanding, and he's always doing something wrong in her eyes, like he's not calling her enough,
or he's not being affectionate enough. In public. She's always all over him, talking about how intelligent she is compared to him, and it drives me insane. She's even saying to demand things like a proposal. She takes it upon herself to point things out that she doesn't like about our family, and I've caught her out a few times fabricating stories and embellishing truths to make herself seem better. She also has lots of chronic issues, mental and physical.
In the big scheme of things, it's nothing major. She's just not the kind of person I want for my brother. What do I do? Do I say something? Or do I just butt out? Letting work it out for himself? What are the rules when you don't like someone else in your family?
Oh? You just sabotage it, Like you totally ruin that relationship until he breaks up with her, go to town.
Do you think you just like set up that she's cheated on him? Okay, that's what not to do.
Okay, I think you suck it up, girlfriend, Like, this is his life, this is his relationship. If he's at a point, I mean he's pretty young still, Like, if he's at a point where he's settling for bad behavior, he will probably wake up to it at some point and see it for what it is. But by you jumping in and by you giving your two cents, you're only going to drive a wedge between you and your brother, not between him and his girlfriend. I think that's the
thing you need to be really careful about. Imagine if it was your boyfriend and your brother said to you, oh, I don't really like him for X y Z reasons. If anything, I think that usually makes people dig their heels in more and really galvanizes the couple more so than opening their eyes to what the other person in the relationship is doing wrong.
Here's what I think. I think you have to tread carefully with this one, but I think there is a way around it. It depends how close you are with your brother. You're obviously very protective of him, so I'm gonna just like make an assumption that you were close enough that you would talk to each other. What you need to do is wait for the opportunity that they've had a fight, or they're having a tiff, or there's
a bit of a problem. And if that opportunity arises and he's like, you know, things aren't great right now, that's your opportunity to say, yeah, I do want to say anything, but I've noticed a few things like how do you feel when she does this? But that's your opportunity to start the conversation and maybe tread really gently as you enter the conversation, because, like Laura said, when you go in attacking someone that someone else loves, they're
gonna get on the back foot. They're gonna get defensive, and they're gonna blame you, and they're gonna push away from you. But this also comes with some problems because you risk saying too much about not liking them, and you risk them working out and getting back together, and then everyone knows you don't like that.
That was exactly what I was about to say. I was like, and this is something that I've experienced with my ex relationship that I spoke about when we went through our breakup. And then all my friends were like, yeah, we hate him. He doesn't treat you right. He's this, he's that. And then I got back with him. Lol it yeah, hey, so my friends hate you.
Then I got back with him for the seventeenth time, and then I.
Got back with him literally for this six time that year. All it did was create a wedge between me and my friends, and it meant that I didn't feel comfortable telling them everything about my relationship because I knew how they felt about him, and I knew that they didn't like him, and so it created a real rift and look, eventually I ended up seeing that relationship for what it was. Eventually my eyes were open, but they were never going to be open until I was ready to see that for myself.
I agree, I think that you do need to let them play it out for themselves. But I still do think that it's okay to say something when the opportunity arises and there is an opening. If he has said something about things not going well, you can jump in on that. But you don't go in saying yeah, she's a fucking mole. You don't like, That's not how the way you approach it. You just say it really gently, like I did notice of some stuff going on, like the other day, I noticed she said this to you
or did this, Like are you okay with that? Or so you say it like you're caring and like you've just noticed these things. But you can't go in. You can't drag him out of bed and be like you need to get rid of that bitch.
No, but you can also like I mean, if you have seen that she's saying things that are not consistent with like or saying negative things about your family or whatever it is that you've seen her do firsthand that's made you feel uncomfortable, you have absolutely right to say something to her as well, like if she's embellishing stories or making up things or fabricating stuff, like so long as it's if it's malicious, if it's hurtful, it's if it's harmful, then you have every opportunity to call out
that behavior. But if it is harmless, and she's maybe big noting herself because she wants you to like her, or she wants to be seen to be better than what she is, like maybe she has some insecurity issues and this is a reflection of her personality, and we can see it from a different perspective, because you know, I think that there's definitely times when people are insecure, don't feel good enough that they embellish who they are as a person because they want you.
To like them, for sure. And the family thing is a bit the only bit that gets me where I'm like, yes, you can say something, or you can even ask him to say something. Anyone that came into my family and spoke about my family negatively, I would have something to say to you one hundred percent, because that's very personal and very uncalled for, and that's not the way you treat somebody that has welcomed you into.
Their life one hundred percent. I mean, do we just agree? Do we just totally agree on this? No, we didn't because you were saying to tell him during a breakup. Okay, we didn't quite agree on this, but we're close enough. We're close enough. Let's go on to question number three.
Okay, so this is the other wedding one. Uh, this is an interesting one as well. Okay, one of my closest friends from high school is having her hens and getting married this year. Now here's the thing. While I still have a lot of love and I wish her well, we just don't hang out much these days. We don't talk a lot. I don't really know anyone going to the Hens, which is a few hours from where I live, mind you, and the wedding is even further away. It's interstate.
With the wedding, I'm not keen on traveling by myself to then stay somewhere by myself and then attend the wedding by myself. It just doesn't feel right. To add to this, My partner and I have been together the last couple of years, but he's not even invited Also, when he met this friend of mine, he didn't have the best experience and was pretty rude to him, so he isn't even keen to come if he was invited. I honestly just feel stressed even having been invited, which
is not how a wedding is supposed to make you feel. Help, what do I do? Do I go to the hens to be polite, as it's more conveniently located to me, but then not go to the wedding? Or do I not go to both? I don't want to be an asshole, but I don't want to fork out hundreds of dollars for both occasions when I'm trying really hard this year to save money and I feel like I would just be attending to be polite. Again, we're not even that close anymore.
I love this question because I feel like this is something that so many people will experience at some point in their life. Like, you know, we all have those friends that we have fallen out of touch with, who, of course they want to keep, Like you want to keep that connection. You want to like be able to say, well, yeah, you're a really big part of my past, so I want you to be at my wedding because it would
be weird for you to not be there. But I think that this has probably happened to so many people.
Oh all the time. I have a number of friends I can think of off the top of my head that have been like, Oh, I have to go to this hens I don't want to, and I'm like, why are you going? Then I just feel like I have to. That's the response. I feel like I have to. But I think we get to a point there are definitely people in your life that you have to front up for always.
Yeah, you have to front up with them if you want them to continue to be an active person in your life. That's the decision you have to make.
But in this case, I think it's a big ass to ask anyone to travel into state for a multitude of things. It's already going to cost you a fortune. What's behind they're not inviting the partner? Is that because of COVID or is that because she just doesn't want to pay for your partner? Because I have this funny thing with inviting partners or wedding, I think if you've been with someone for a long time, they should be invited.
I would never invite half of a couple. If you were my really good friend, your partner is one hundred percent invited, unless it's COVID where they're like, you can only have twenty people.
I don't think that's a funny thing. I think that that's like a normal thing. It is, right, Yeah, it's weird even if you haven't spent much time with your friend's partner. If you know that they have had a boyfriend four years and you're really close with them, and they're coming on their own, like they don't have like other friends in there to support them, that I think like, yeah, you invite it to partners.
So I don't think every single person that you're inviting you have to invite their partners. That's not what I think. Obviously. If you've never ever met them and they've only been together for six months or something, I think you're excused in inviting them. When you know that they're coming with their group of friends. You know they'll be okay, because
ultimately you're the one paying two hundred dollars ahead. All of a sudden, you're paying thousands of dollars for people that you've never met, just so that they can have their partner there. When someone's been together for years and you know that's it, and you know that's them forever. You know they've got no other friendships. Then like, yeah, dude, you've got to invite them, like you're doing. I think you're doing the wrong thing. And unless it's obviously COVID restrictions.
Totally, and it's one of those weird things right where you're like, You're like, I don't want to have someone in my wedding photos who is not going to be a part of your life in six months time. My mum got married a couple of years ago to her partner who she've been with for thirteen years, and I fucking hate that my ex is in them. I hate that my ex in those photos.
I remember that because you made you weren't gonna invite him pay.
I wasn't gonna invite And he was over that day. He was okay, he almost missed the wedding. He'd gone out on an absolute bend of the night before. I rocked up at his house to come get him for my mum's wedding and he was passed out. I had to get the lobby, the doorman to come and open his apartment door to get him, and then I finally got him in a suit, dragged him down to Woollongong, and he was the reason I was late for my mum's own Like my mother's wedding, I cannot even tell
you how mad it makes me. And then I got back with him the next day, and then we dated for another five months. But at the time our relationship was super volatile, and I was like, I really wanted it to work out. But now I look back on those photos of my mum's wedding and I have deleted every single photo of him because he's not someone who I want to be reminded of. He's not someone who I want to ever have real memories of.
But now he's in the most important photos of your mum's existence.
But I cannot delete those photos. So there are still photos in my phone and in my album that he's in, and I hate that I have that memory with him. So I think, like you know that that's a very extreme example, and clearly I have some trauma that I need.
To get over myself.
But I think it's okay as a bride and groom to not invite partners if you've been with that person for a short period of time. And I think it's actually really rude if someone has invited you to their wedding and you've only been dating a boyfriend for a short period of time. I think it's rude to reach out to the bride and groom and say, hey, can I bring my boyfriend? You've never met him, I've only been with him for six months, but can you bring Can I bring him? Yeah?
Because that's hard on the bride and groom then to have that conversation back and say, well, no totally.
And it also means that, like you know, they probably have a limitational numbers, and if you have a partner like it doesn't mean that they're instantly entitled to come to every single wedding. I think that there are some external circumstances to this, especially in twenty twenty one, where there's COVID restrictions, there's number limitations and all that shit has to be taken into account.
I have a question, yes, and put you on the spot.
Your boyfriend can come to my wedding, Brittany, It's fine.
Can I bring plus one? Everybody has been has It's so funny that you knew what I was going to a Yeah, I don't know if I'll have a boyfriend then, but I'm just saying, if I do, can I bring up plus while?
Lease, you should see this girl. She's glowing, glowing.
That's not from what you think from the multiple guys. No, but also we haven't even answered this poor girl's question yet. The actual question was no.
I literally have forgotten what the question is.
Yeah, because we did that thing where we pick one thing and go on and rant. The actual question was do you have to go to either of these? And the answer is no, you're at a stay.
Took that to a different place.
I know, I know we did that thing when we went real of course, but the ultimate answer is no. Like, you're at a point where obviously you're not best friends with her as adults. We don't have to do anything we don't want to do anymore. And if you don't think the friendship is going to be that worthwhile and that's strong in the future, then I don't think you have to go. Especially it's in the state, it's COVID, there are restrictions, there's financial issues, there are a lot
going on. There's actually a lot of ways for you to say that you cannot attend the wedding.
I one hundred percent agree with you, Britt. I think that, like Marie Condo, the shit out of your life. Life, guys, if there is ever something that you don't want to do and you feel anxious by the thought of being made to do it, then that's your answer, like, do not do that.
And if you've taken the time to writing to ask to ask us if you have to go to your friend's wedding, then the answer is no, you don't have to go because you're obviously worked up about it, you're stressed about it, you're anxious about it, and you know a fuck twenty twenty was stressful enough. You don't need that.
And like life is so short and so limited. Time is really precious, Like you need to prioritize the things that are important to you, and even if that means disappointing someone else. I think the most important thing here to actually answer the question at hand is have a think. How will your life feel and will you be okay if that person is not your friend in the next five years or ten years time or do you think they're probably not going to be your friend in five years,
ten years time? Anyway, because you've already drifted apart so much that you don't need them or want them necessarily in your life in the same capacity that you had them in your life when you were at school, when you're growing up. That will be your answer. That doesn't make you a bad person because your life has moved
on and you're at a different point in time. But you will not feel great about yourself if you spend money on something, you go to something by yourself, and you feel obligated into doing something which should be a really fun and beautiful celebration if you don't want to be there anyway.
The hardest part of this is the ringson that you give to say no. That is probably the most stressful part is because you do have to write her and say sorry, I can't attend now. I was reading something recently. We're actually going to do an episode on it down the track, but I was reading about how to say no to people. The thing is you don't even have to give them an excuse. You don't have to go
down that track. You can literally write to them and say thank you so much for the invite, I'm so sorry, I'm not going to be able to attend. I wish you guys so much happiness for this year, and I hope it's the most amazing day. That's what you need to do. You don't have to don't make up a line, don't go into depth of why you can't come. You keep it really nice and sweet. You put it in the middle. You don't give them any leeway if they come back and ask you why. Obviously you're gonna have
to come up with something or think of something. But that is actually the advice that professionals give. When you want to say no, you just say no. You don't have to feel the guilt. You don't have to make something up. You just deliver it in a really nice way, and you don't leave any opening for them to come and question it.
You know what. A perfect example of this was when I had Molly May's baby shower. Right we did a big, ridiculous, like very ostentatious, super obnoxious. I hate myself for it. It was like a balloon frenzy baby shower.
It was very not you.
It was ridiculous, like it was very Instagram And at the end of the day, I was like, I feel dirty. I wish we hadn't done that. I didn't even get to speak to my actual friends. I was like, it was not this is not how I want to celebrate my child. I had a ridiculously big baby shower and I invited all of my best friends and all of my close friends, and probably some people who I don't
really know. One of my closest friends, Heather, messaged me, and she lives in the Central Coast, and she was like, I can't come, and she was like, I'm you know. She's like, I want to be really transparent with you. I love you, I'm really excited about the fact that
you're pregnant. I can't wait to meet this baby. But I don't want to drive down from the Central Coast to be at a big, big baby shower where I know I'm not going to get to speak to you, or see you or really even have any time with you, to then have to drive back to the Central Coast and feel like I've put all this time and energy into something where we didn't even get to spend time together. She was like, I would much rather come down the next day for us to go out for lunch and
for us to properly see each other. She said that to me. I thought about it, and I was like, am I offended by this? I was like, no, I'm not. I was so appreciative that she was honest and that she kind of was living her truth and she was being very authentically her And I was like, that is
exactly what I would expect from Heather. I would hated for her to come down because she felt obligated to and then spent fifteen minutes chatting to me and had to stand around making small talk to people who she didn't know.
I also get the fact, though, I like, now that I'm thinking about it, imagine though if every single person did that, no one would come and you wouldn't have a baby shower. But it would never be the case, right because you know, you're always going to have people who are enthusiast stick or who are close by and available, and the extroverts, and they're you know, they're already a part of your integral close group of friends, so they
have friends there. I think it's a bigger ask when it's one person who's an outlier who doesn't necessarily know all the rest of their friends and they're rocking up to an event by themselves, Like, it's a big ass to expect someone to make small talk for an entire night or an entire day just to be there to celebrate something with you when you're not even going to
get to see them. Yeah, for sure. So ultimately, don't go, don't get Well, that was well, I'm glad that we agreed a big roundabout way.
We answered lots of questions in that question that was very much unrelated to the question but still interesting. But yeah, Look, we're at a stage in life, guys, especially when you hit your thirties where time is so precious and you really do need to just ma recondo the shit out of your life, and you don't say yes to things that don't spark joy.
I'm still trying to think of my reason why I can't go to your winning.
Please go me there front and center. You'd be like, I'll be saying a speech at the wedding.
I'll be the MC, I will be podcasting, i will be recording the event. Guys. That is it from us today. Well, it was supposed to be short and sharp and sweep, but it actually wasn't that short sharp and wait.
There's a little bit short and sharp of than normal.
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