Ask Uncut - To Assume or Not Assume, That Is The Question

Lifelun Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.

Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on Drug Wallamata Land.

Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of lifelu Cut. I'm Brittany and I'm producer Keisha feeling in.

For you Laura. Yeah, it is therapy Thursday.

I'm just gonna cut and our very own, very beloved Laura burn Or.

She's been working hard on something. She's been breadcrumbing and feeding that to you. We've been joking that she's on Ninja Warrior, so she's definitely at Ninja school today.

She does have an exciting announce been coming this afternoon if you're listening to this as soon as the episode comes out, but just so you do know, it's Ninja Worrior.

Also, I know we're so annoying, Like we're the most annoying people. I hate nothing more when someone's like, been working on thing that's coming soon and then we don't tell you do You know what I love the most is when people post that shit on Instagram and then the thing that they announce is such a non.

Event that you're like, why did you try and create hype about it?

Like, I wouldn't give a fuck if.

You posted that without the hype up, but I care significantly less because I feel as though the.

Climax of this announcements should have been high on.

It's funny too, when someone's like big change coming and then they post their new hair or something and it's like a centimeter was trimmed off and you're like.

Whoa, that's a change. Did I miss something?

No, we had some great questions coming up, but before that, we do want to get into something a little bit more serious, something that hasn't happened in a long time. It's been a bit of a drought. It is looking like my skin. My skin is in a drought. Oh my god, it's like a cracked river bed. But we'll get to that in a minute. He's looking like producer Keisha is getting the sack because she might have.

Herself a boyfriend and now we've got no one to bring the trauma days. She's gonna be getting the sacked because I mean a little bit behind the scenes action.

I absolutely lost some footage and some.

Before Oh no, Yeah, you're getting the sack that you made some work mistakes.

But no, the main reason you'd be getting the sack is because we don't really do happy in love here, Like, we don't do that.

I love ung hard. Now who do we throw to the wolves?

You were almost worried when you started dating Ben. I remember you actually being like, what are we going to do now for content? Like how am I going to bring shit to the table? Because that's kind of how we connected. You know, there were many people that could have been your producer, But I think when I wrote to you guys, I was like, hey, look, I kind of feel like we're gonna get along.

We trauma bond. We did we buy an email?

Yeah?

I don't know if I've ever have we ever.

Told that story? I'm sure we have at some point. Producer Keisha, we just got an email. We got a lot of email slidings, but we got an email from a girl named what I said was Kishia when I read it out loud.

Basically asking for a job.

It was a CV saying I like the podcast, this is what I've done in the past.

I will do anything because it was tough, well it was. It was you know, COVID time. It was a bit of a rough time for.

A lot of people, and I don't know what it was because we get all of different emails.

But I took it to Laura and I said, hey, this girl's a job.

She seems pretty honor it, like, she seems pretty like she'd fit in Laura's.

Like nah, now did she really?

Well?

Not because it's yeah, but more because we had never had another employee forever.

It was just Laura and myself. But Laura didn't want to give up.

Not didn't want to, but it's always hard when you've created something, when it's just the two of us that worked in everything, it was really hard to give up a piece to someone else.

And Laura always edited the podcast and we were bringing you on to edit.

So for Laura it was a really big like I'm not ready to let that go yet. But she was also drowning in work, and I was like, babe, make your decision, because like you're sleeping for an hour and night, so here is someone that can help us.

I think that that.

Might've actually been something that I included because I'd come from a radio background, and long story short, I was made redundant, and I'd been looking for a job and basically applying for all of these different media positions. And I had a conversation with a friend of mine and she was like, no, no, no, what do you actually want? You know, who do you specifically want to work with? And we went through a list of like do you want TV? Do you want radio?

Do you want podcasting?

And I was like, I think podcasting what I really like about it is that, like you can talk about things you actually care about. There's a lot less filters than traditional radio. You know, you can swear, you can kind of talk about.

Whatever you want or anything.

Yeah, And she was like, okay, cool, what podcasts do you like? And the first one was Life on Cut.

And she was like, why haven't you messaged them?

And I was like, cause, you can't just do that and she was like, what do you mean you can't just do that that you can?

Turns out you can slide into their dms.

It was literally divine intervention because it was the night before where Laura and I had a proper conversation where I was like, you know, she wasn't sleeping very much because she's so busy all the time. And we were growing, but we weren't growing. Yeah, anyway, it was perfect timing. But that's how Keisha ended up with us. But also we got onto that story. Well it was the trauma bond, right, this is the whole connection. Was also like, oh, like, she's also had a rough trot forever.

I think I actually wrote to you guys, and I was like, look, professionally, there are people who could probably do this job better than I can, because there are people who are going to be better editors and better audio engineers and blah blah blah. But I think I'll actually really get along with you because I also have some really fucked up exits my soul.

You were like, great, we're on track.

But what this brings us to is we're putting applications out for someone new that is also going through traumatic times with their dating life because we need you on it team.

No, KEI show looks like I don't know.

You tell me you've been going steady. Now you've been going steady with someone And I say that because it's been more than three days, which we haven't hit that in a while.

Am I getting it? Like my anxiety rash? I don't know, tell us, what's the gosp And you know.

The other reason I know is that when I was going over to see Ben Laurie's to make the joke that I was peacocking, I was getting ready. You have peacock hard, you wear nice clothes, You've got your eyebrows done, your beautiful makeup, you're doing your.

Hair, and I'm like, there must be a special someone at home you before Brittay goes over to see Ben. The amount of it.

Because we have a shared calendar, she puts all of her appointments in there so that I don't book things for when they're busy.

Appointment you get WHA's the back appointment? Laser from the eyebrows? Mowdown.

No, look, it's very early days, and that's why I don't want to speak out of turn.

It's very very early days. But I have been enjoying the company of one person. The bar was so low. What do you think? What does make him sound very good?

This is what's been quite a big surprise to me is that this is probably one of the first times in quite a long time. And I'm going to say, you know that everyone that I've dated in the past has been horrible because they have it.

Some have been great people, but I don't think i'd.

Realized until I actually went on like my first date with him, that, my god, like what I had become accustomed to accepting us like normal dating behavior, it was just getting really down in the pits, down in like the bottom of the barrel type area of what you should expect, like respect from someone.

What the fuck is that? Totally?

And I remember, I mean you and I have gone from many walks and had many of conversations about our dating life. And I remember one day we pulled each other up. Yeah, I think you actually said it.

You were like, oh my god, he's just so sweet, and I was like, what did he do?

He was like, he wrote back a piece of salmon.

Okay, Dalilah was with me when I went to visit for lunch one.

Day, and what are we going to call him? I actually call him. You want to call him Toplane.

That's not anything, it's top gra nickname for me. But he did cook Delila a piece of salmon, so.

Which means he's winning me over.

If you're going to treat my dog, if you to cook her salmon, because you know that's what she.

Likes to waiters. Have you had the talk? No, I'm getting to thirty soon. I'm not going to get into a third base that you know, it's serious. We are hitting third day. Do you still have the conversation? I don't think you do.

Getting to this age, I'm like, surely you don't have to have that chat anymore, because realistically, if I find myself wanting to go and hook up with another person, then like, what's the difference if I've had the conversation of is this exclusive or not?

Because I would just.

End it and then do you know what I mean? Like, I think people have the conversation still, yes, do go?

Yeah, Because if you don't have the conversation, it's a whole past, it's a ticket, it's an excuse that if they do go and hook up with someone else, you're like, well, babe, I thought I didn't know we're exclusive.

We never had that. They win that argument because you never had the conversation. But like, that's what I mean.

If he wanted to go and hook up with someone else, and that's to me is like, oh okay, well then you didn't see this.

Going where I may be thought it was going.

No, because you've done that in the past, and I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but like, you've dated people casually in the past that you've.

Quite liked, Yeah, not exclusive.

You've hooked up with someone else and you're like, well, you know, we're not exclusive.

I think it's a conversation yet you have to have.

But I think the fact that like I had hooked up with someone else is the indication that I wasn't that into the person.

I don't know.

To me, it's very implied. I do think, No, you're wrong, You're making a mistake. Don't assume you know what that says. You make an ass out of you and me. I'm trying to think of what Ben and I did.

I remember Ben was trying to lock you down. Oh for the moment he got laid tell everyone never exen like it.

And Britt was like, oh, you keep some wanting to have this conversation with me about you know, whether we're seeing each other or not. But I think I need to go over and spend some proper time with him. Like it's definitely leading in that direction, and it's not like I'm going to be investing any time in someone else, but we need to spend more time together before I actually make that decision.

You were the one who was commitment phobic. You say that, like that's a surprise. We know I have commitment issues. No, you know what it was.

He never hid that he wanted a relationship, and I would just say to him straight back, like we're not there yet, like I really like seeing you, but we're not there, And he's like, that's okay, you don't have to be I'm just telling you what I like. He was just so forward with his feelings, which I loved, but he kept saying things like, well.

Obviously you wouldn't see anyone else, would you.

Oh? Like the question that was like it passed off was rhetorical, but he was actually.

Trying to dig for a bit more information.

Yeah, he was trying to make it like dah w we'ere obviously at the place where we're seeing each other.

Yeah, I don't think it's an employed Sometimes.

I'm sure it's implied, like you might move in together straight away. All the COVID times, you know, when people ended up dating for two weeks COVID happened, you know, that's of course implied that you're together. But I think at your stage, like I mean, you have spent three nights in a row with him.

It's a lot.

I'm not used to having something. I think I've become a lot more like you. We've been spending too much time together. I'm just morphing into Brittany gradually because I mean, I guess people on podcasts might not know this, but we actually spend a lot about personal life together as well.

Quite co professional codependent. I said to him last night.

I was like, I haven't spent this amount of time with the one person except for britt for a very long time life, and I'm just not used to it. But yeah, look, taking things slowly in my mind, and I will give an update on where it goes. But I'm also actually genuinely interested. I might put this up on an Instagram story today and ask you whether you think you still have to have the conversation to me.

I genuinely think there's a time too of your life where and I think you're entering it where you've been shit on so many times that your care factor goes down a little bit and you're like, cool, I'm just not gonna put the energy in even if you're interested. You're like, I'm not gonna give it the energy that.

I normally would have.

And I don't mean the good energy, like of course you're putting effort into the dating, but I mean when something starts to go south. You used to not you, but people we would dwell on it, would talk about it, would wonder why should I triple text them?

They've goes to me?

But now you sort of would be like, oh, well, he was a dickhead, like who cares?

Move on, look for the next good thing.

It's so crazy because I feel as though this is the first time I've given no fucks, like just been like oh whatever, it is what it is, And you had said this to me for so long, being like as soon as you get to that point, you are so insanely attractive to men.

Dude, my dms.

They've never been for they've never been lit up like this. It's like a moth to a flame. It's like they can sense that you don't want like that. You're just like, ohren, give fuck, like you had your chance for literally six months. Don't come messaging me now. I don't want to hang out with you now.

Yeah, you just need someone to break you that last time, and I'm so broken.

You can't break me anymore. That's what it's mean.

And then it's you're on the ground, horizontal. There's only one way, and that's up. That's where you are. You're flying, soaring high.

Dating lives are so fucking grim. No, it's good.

I'm happy to say you're happy. And I have spoken to him. I have not met him, but I've spoke to him. He seems like a lovely man and I can't wait for the update.

But I have been wondering about your skin.

You've been posting a little bit of stuff on Instagram about the skin treatment that you're doing because you had some pre cancer or cells and you've been was it a cider toxic treatment or something like that?

Yeah, pre cancer cells founded a skin check and I've can get a lot of questions, so I'm gonna spell it out a little bit. But I went to a proper skin cancer clinic because a lot of people have said, oh, did you go to just a GP or like who.

Did you go to?

So to be clear, I went to a skin cancer specialist, but I went for a a check up. But be a couple of things that really were prominent on my face that had been there for a while, just darker areas, nothing extravagant. A couple of little, darker pigmented areas, and it turns out there, yeah they're pre cancer, so they're okay now, but chances are they will.

Turn into cancer if I leave them.

So you put this side a toxic cream on kills your face basically peels off. Another question I've been getting is do you just spot put it on on the three spots that I had, But you do not.

You put on your whole face.

And I'm lucky that I did because a lot of other areas have been coming out that are bad. Basically, there's a lot of other bad areas in my face.

Your skin when you don't have anything on it, it looks really painful, it looks really sore. And I know that people who have been listening to the podcast consistently are probably like, Oh, you're still banging on about this skin thing. I cannot tell you how many messages we are getting to the DMS about your skin treatment. And I want to thank you because because of you, I have booked in for a skin check and I'm pretty overdue.

But I it's something that I was kind of I haven't.

Been putting it off, but I just haven't had that motivation to be like, oh, just book it in and more.

Important, right, You're always like, I know I've got to do it, but I'm busy this week. And it's an easy when there's not a real thing that's worrying you, it's an easy put off.

I only told you guys about it last week.

But I guess the reason we talk about it is it's an ongoing thing.

So for the next three weeks.

I'm using the terms eats my face, like I keep saying, it will continue to eat my face for like three weeks and right now.

I tried to put a bit of makeup on today because we.

Had so many interviews, but I don't think I'm supposed to, so don't tell my doctor. And my face is like covered in red blisters and they're getting worse, so it'll continue to.

Get worse for a couple of weeks.

I've had so many responses to my Instagram stories that I've been posting about it. You know, a lot of thanks for sharing, which are amazing because people have contacts and relations that have had cancers and stuff like that, but a lot of people being like, you're so brain for putting this out, so thank you so much, because you're so brave for showing your face like that.

You're brave, stunning and brave, which I did find the old me for sure.

Five years ago, I would have probably just hid myself away and been like I'll do my treatment like I'm Corella de Ville, and then like I'll re emerge in a month. But now it doesn't bother me, like people think I'm locking myself away. I'm coming to the radio station every day.

I'm not gonna lie.

I was surprised that you put on Instagram because you were texting Laura and I over the weekend, and then when I saw them on your stories even I was like, whoa. And for anyone who hasn't seen them, you probably think that we're just talking about like a bare face photo.

We're not.

It's pretty visceral because it looks like a really severe chemical burn. And I was even surprised that you were willing to be that. I hate this word, but vulnerable.

Yeah, but you know why because I know people that have died of skin cancer, and I know if one person goes and gets their skin checked and saves themselves, I'd be happy. But to know that so many people are like, far out, it's just my skin. You've already got a friend, you've already locked them down. It doesn't matter what you look like anymore.

I made him sign a contractor said, you can't just like to escape.

I want to tell you a story about what happened with one of my best friends the other day.

The tl DR too long didn't read version? Is that?

Is that?

What that means t LT. I've read that on.

So many like news articles, and sometimes you say ship and I'm like, you're such a boomer at heart, I am.

I've always wanted you think it meant.

I always knew that it meant something like he's a summary, but.

It was like Latin like et cetera. It's like everything like was the other one the other day.

I didn't know AI chat thanks GP, chat GP chat GPT was And then you tried to say that I didn't know what it was because I didn't know what the GP or the T stood for exactly, but I didn't know. You sort of alluded to I know what chat GPT is. But it's okay, Grandma, we'll get you there, all right.

My friend and I were.

Chatting about her basically, she's in a Newish relationship, and you know, we were talking about their sex life and something came off and I can't actually remember how we got from A to B. She's very into star science and astrology and all of the things that go with the moon phases. She turned to me and she was like, oh no, no, no, no, no, my libido is completely off at the moment. It's not the moon phase to be having sex tonight.

Hang on, was this the first time?

No?

No, no month, I'm they're about to get jigging. She's like, wait, the moon, the moon cycle? He says, no, effecting my libido? Is that a thing? Do you reckon? The moon affects your I don't think there's any science behind the fact that the moon changes your libido. I think you go of how you feel. Don't you not like the moon? Said?

No?

Like headache?

Yes, But I don't think you can say the moon has put such I mean the moon.

Gives you a headache? Or do you mean a headache is good enough reason?

No, the headaches are good enough for reason for an excuse like a headache is the go to standard.

So we did have a bit of a laugh about this, and we put it on our Instagram story. What's the silliest reason you've give been a partner for not wanting to have sex?

My faked hand was developing that I didn't want it to be patchy.

That's valid, or you don't want the lines or the streaks.

Taking this the next level, if you have done a fresh tan for something like there's a wedding or something, you've got your hand, so it's not on like you do it on Friday.

This is Saturday. Now. Sperm takes the tein off. It's so like a city. It can strip the tear. So if you've got a special event on, don't let them go and no sex, say it, don't spread it. That's a real thing. There you go. Yeah, how's this?

I was car bloading for a CrossFit competition the next day and I didn't want to expel any energy. Not fair, Gonna save it for the clean and presses.

Yeah, a lot of athletes won't do that, you know. Yeah, that was a good dig. It was hair washing night. Why am I weeling on.

Board with all these excuses? It's all from my diary. Have you been reading my diary? I don't want the dog to become anxious by being on the other side of the door fit.

There's nothing more putting off when your dog's whimpering too, because I think you've been murdered, but you're just having a good time.

Oh, this is this is crip.

My grandma had passed away, and I said I didn't want her to see it from heaven. What's gonna be a long life, isn't it? How long do you think she goes to heaven for it's not a pit stop. She's up there to stay. We had Mexican tonight. Oh, like gassie chili. There's nothing more off pudding than when you've had a huge dinner and someone wants you to roll and bounce around. Yeah, like you're just you're sitting heavy in the belly.

I think like Italian Mexican are like Starfish night.

Sushi's probably sushi's lighter reverse cowgirl night like that.

That's probably equivalent. It's like you've had a salad, you're in fruit. I said, I have laser books tomorrow, and it isn't allowed. You can't just make that off. It's science sex. After you've had laser I think you can do what you want.

It's probably say, I'm pretty sure that they tell you like no active where no stress, sweaty environments. Really yeah, and you've got to put that laser a cream on. I don't know if that's a lot. I feel like that's a fo that's a lot of laser upsell you don't which I still to this day find very strange because it's the same price as Brazilian waxing, but I.

Don't pay for it. I do my own Brazilian. I'm amazing. I can wax that whole thing in two minutes.

You could time me. I'd win a competition. I would love to do that. You can watch me. Why I don't want to watch you do? How are you ever going to believe me that I I reckon? I could fall Brazilian? Two minutes? How do you get the back without you seen that photo? My leg behind my head. I'm pretty pretty flexible, nah, two minutes. I on paper. I've done my own Brazilian since I was sixteen. I find that so strange.

Well, before we get into the questions, we're going to do Vible unsubscribe, Kisha, do you want to kick it off?

I have got an unsubscribe that I think you're gonna agree with. You know, when you purchase an Apple product and you get three months of free Apple TV and it's pretty alluring, you're like, oh, yeah, that's not bad.

Ninety days pretty good. Yeah.

I bought a pair of AirPods six months ago. Anyway, it was only to the other day that I was going through my subscriptions because I keep on having these weird things, like you know, when you get the email twenty five dollars.

Been taken out. I happened to me today, I unsubscribe from something to this.

Is what I mean?

And I was like, what is what are all these weird subscriptions and they're not much money? I think it was like seven ninety nine, but they fucking get me every single time, like always forget to unsubscribe or to set a reminder to unsubscribe, so your unsubscriber is unsubscribed. I'm unsubscribing from signing up. When you are offered free trials for things, No sign up and get the free stuff.

But does you have to just remember to cancel it?

Yeah, but we don't remember stuff like that. I have been paying today was.

Like fifty nine dollars or something renewal for a photo editing app that it just changes the.

Color of the background and stuff.

And I was like, how long have I been paying for I went to look at it. I was like, what app is that? It's not even on my phone anymore. So it's something that is from like five.

Years ago that has been auto subscribing. Don't even use it.

Okay, we all need to go through our subscriptions and unsubscribed from stuff that we're paying for that we don't use. I am a bigger busted gal. I used to keep this a secret. I don't know why. I don't care about it anymore. I'm a natural ten f So these puppies needed. It's not everyone talks to you like, oh my god, I would kill to have big boobs. Big boobs, sure, you know, I want to love my body and all that jazz.

They're fucking annoying when gravity is taking over. You know, you really suit big boobs. So like, your boobs.

Don't look like they're that big like you. It must just be theirs well dispersed.

No, but they don't. You know some people you're like, wholl they're giant. Well, I'm getting older, so they are gradually migrating south.

I was maybe they're just more across mytel So no, you suit it look bras when you're a bigger busted person. And we have come a long way. They used to be available in three colors only white, black, or nude, and they still look like they belonged to your eighty year old grandmother. We've come a long way in that sense. You can get nice lacy and pretty patterns or whatever, but something I've never been able to have, you know, cute bralettes.

You wear them all the.

Time and they look so cute on you and you can just get the little bit of lace hanging out of your top or whatever.

Hasn't been an.

Option for us buster yells. Anyway, I found this website. This is completely unsponsored. It's called Nala. I think they're based in New Zealand. They do bralettes, so they're completely wire free and they're really supportive. So they do them in actual cup sizes, because usually when you get brolettes they're like small, medium, large. I think they go up to like an H cup or something like that, right, and they're actually nice. So I have been wearing those

And I'm sure that small busted women can wear them too.

Yeah. Yeah, they've got ones for small busted women as well. And I don't mean to be like, oh, it's only for the roster goals, but it's just that we tend to find these things a lot harder to come by totally. What is your vibe or unsubscribed from the week.

My ViBe's very easy. I'm a binge netflixer. I love it. But I've watched this three seasons of this now and I'm vibing it to.

You, guys, because it's officially over.

I just watched the final episode of season three and I was so moved.

I was bulling my eyes out, But.

For all these different reasons, because it's over, because there's sad parts, like what I do with my life now? Firefly Lane Firefly Lane with Catherine Heigel and Sarah Chalk. Now, I didn't know who Sarah Chalk was before Firefly Lane. In all honesty, I feel like she was an actress that I'd seen around, but she's so brilliant in it.

I actually can agree with this because I have also seen it. But I'd seen posts in our Facebook group Life on Cut discussion group if you want to join it of people being like I need to discuss the ending with someone, So I felt like I was prept for it.

Yeah, and I wish I don't want to give you guys. Any spoilers, but I quite liked that. It's not a traditional ending, that's.

All I'll say. It was a bit real life, which I think is important.

A lot of people want to go and do a bit of a fairy tale and yeah, I can't say much more because it'll ruin it, but it's it's brilliant if you're looking for a new TV series.

Three seasons Fireflight Lane. Do you know what I really liked about the show?

It kind of flashes back to earlier times in their lives, right, and I found myself equally invested in each of the storyline as like in each of the time periods of their life. I cared about all of them equally, which is really rare for shows like that. Also, there's an Australian actor in there, Ben Laws, and I think, yeah, I met him at a bar and BONDI a couple months ago.

Lovely guy. Yeah, he's a local bird.

I turned around, were at the bar at the same time, and I looked at him and you know when you have that moment where you're like, where do I know you from?

And it clicked and I went, ah, I love that show that you do on Netflix. And he's like thanks, Yeah, like me with Sam Worthington when I thought I'd slept with him, but it's not. I just realized it was Sam Worvision anyway.

He Let's get into your deep, dark and dirty questions.

Okay, question number one.

I guess it's a timely question actually because Mother's Day, so it's a bit mothered related.

Okay, ladies, I need some advice. I have a bit of a troubled relationship with my mum. Nothing she has done has been actually problematic.

We just simply don't get along. I find her to be excessively passive, aggressive, She belittles how I parent, and whenever I think about going to family events or talking to her, it causes me a lot of anxiety. With Mother's Day coming up this weekend, I'm feeling super uncomfortable about having to be all lovey dovey and get her.

A gift and tell her she's a good mum when I don't feel that.

I feel really guilty for feeling like this because I know a lot of people have it a lot worse. I'm meant to be taking my two kids to see her on Sunday for Mother's Day, and I just feel so uncomfortable. Does anyone else feel like this? What should I do?

I think the thing that is really hard when you become an adult is that you can have these members of your family, and regardless of how directly you're related to them, the question of like I love this person because they raised me, or they had a big impact on my upbringing, or you know, they are my family.

Relationship with, and I really struggle.

So I can understand when you say, like, I feel guilty around these kind of days because I know that other people have it much worse.

You know, we know that Mother's Day in particular is a really hard.

Day for people who have lost their mom or who maybe never had a mom for you know, many other reasons as well. But it's okay that it's also something that you struggle with I think we are kind of told this narrative of like, this is the person that you are supposed to be the most detail connected with of anyone in your entire life. And a lot of people do have that relationship with their mum, but you just happen to not have that relationship with your mum.

Whole Okay, it's probably because you feel a bit like it's.

Fake, Like you feel like you're putting on a bit of a show, you know, Do I think you should just suck it up and put on the show. To a degree, I actually agree.

And the reason I agree with that is I just reade the question and how to think about it again. But you've said, like, nothing she's done is problematic, we just don't get along.

That's a quote.

Nothing she's done is problematic, we just don't get along. So I just find at the end of the day, Like she is your mother and she's brought you up and personalities don't get along.

But I think that still means a lot, and it would probably still mean a lot to her.

Can you suck it up for your kids to spend time with their grandma as well, because you're taking the kids there?

Yeah, I think you can. It's a completely different story.

If you genuinely are at wits end with each other and you hate each other and to test each other and you disagree on everything and anything, then like, no, you obviously don't have to force yourself to be in any situation. But the other thing is if it's actually giving you genuine anxiety, you need to maybe work out

But I think if she hasn't actually.

Done anything, it would probably you know, difference in personalities, but it's probably gonna mean a lot to her to spend.

Some time together. I do hear what you're saying.

I think the part that I can put myself in this situation is that after experiencing time with a person in my life that I feel similarly to this person, I feel so fucking drained. I could go in at one hundred percent and my percentage will be on one when I leave, because I'm just sitting there being like I don't want to be having these conversations. These are so fake and phony conversations. But the one thing that I have found that has really helped do group events.

It's a great idea. Go for a walk, do something with your kids.

Basically, try and find a way to create a situation where you don't have to talk all that much about your life and you can talk about.

What's going on around you.

It's like small talk on steroids, and it's really uncomfortable that it has to be with your mum.

It's like why you used to take Delilah.

And all your dates, your first dates, because you're like, we go for a walk, it's something we can all talk about just in caves.

Try and limit the amount of one on one conversation you're gonna have to be having. You've said that they can be really passive, aggressive, you feel like she belittles you, and how you parent just try and take all those conversations off the table. Talk about your kids the whole time, but not how your parents can just talk about what they're doing.

At school or whatever it is.

Well, the other thing is you said that you're feeling super uncomfortable about having to be a lovey dovey get.

A gift tell us she's a good mum.

You don't have to do that gift card Like no, because I'm like my mum.

And I are really close, so I can't relate in that sense. But we are not lovey dovey at all. We'll hang out and spend time together.

Do I write her a mushy No, No, She'd probably think I was dying if I did, and reverse if she wrote me something mushy or said something mushy, because we just don't have that relationship.

But I don't think that's the only way to convey love. I think sometimes people get that mixed up. You can do something, bake them something. You don't have to do something that you're uncomfortable with by being like over the top mushy.

So I think that's an important thing too. I think people get swept away with like it's like Valentine's Day. Sometimes people start to do things I don't want to say on a performative level, but sometimes they do things because I feel.

Like they have to. But I don't think you ever feel like you have to do anything.

And it's very subjective, like it's very specific to your individual relationship and see situation.

Let us know how it goes. Also, I hope you're okay. A Sunday could be a tough day for a lot of people. Yeah, it is. It's a tough time a year.

Question number two. I've been in a committed relationship with my partner for just over a year now. To summarize, he's perfect. I have no doubts about the fact he'll be the man I marry and share the rest of my life with. We both feel this way. My question is knowing about his past relationships. At the start in our dating phase, I never really asked him questions about his exes, how long they were together, their seriousness, if

And if so? How?

This is interesting for me because I want to know about all my partner's exes. I love that, and that doesn't stem in ansity or question. That doesn't stem from insecurity. It's just playing curiosity. I want to know who the person was that my love loved before me, like the person that I'm weird that I'm in love with.

Who was the person you loved before me? What were they like? It's a part of their journey, and it's whether you want to think of it or not. It helps shape who someone is, what they go through.

That kind of thing. I find it really interesting. But I'm very good at putting these pieces of information into segments and categories and putting them away when I need to. I don't think about them. So I find out that information because I'm curious. I don't do anything with it. I don't stalk them, I don't look it up. I

Have you ever had an awkward situation where like, something about an X has come up with any boyfriends, not just Ben, and it's caused an argument or something, though not really because it's always it doesn't stem from jealousy, and I think that's really obvious. It stems from curiosity. I think that that could be the main reason that you may not struggle in that sense, because you are a weirdly not jealous person.

Yeah, so not jealous. It's quite strange. I, on the other hand, you how.

We spoke at the start, like get shit on so many times you don't care anymore. I, on the other hand, could not be more opposite about wanting to ask questions about x's And the reason is because I've done it in the past, and it sends me a bit fucking crazy.

Yeah, because not for everyone I am, unfortunately, and I wish I had better self control. I could work for the FBI. Would you get social Security? I can find out a lot about a person through I don't want to be like this anymore. And that's specifically why I wouldn't do this now, because I've done it in the past.

Nineteen eighty seven, stuph and shit like that. So I don't know.

My advice is very different. I think to save yourself. Don't ask.

Yeah, it depends on who you are as a person.

It's a really good point because and I guess the why as well, like what are you going to do with that information? So for me, I don't ever find out names.

I couldn't care.

Less about the names because I don't want to know who it is to look at what they look like.

I always I'm like, how did you guys meet? How long were you together? What was your relationship? Like why'd you break up?

But I'm curious about that, especially why did the relationship not work to meet? I find that really because I think it tells a lot about a person where they're at, what they're looking for, are they ready to move on a lot of those questions, But usually for me that comes earlier on. So you said you've been with your partner quite a while, but now you're curious. I still think it's okay to ask the questions if you want, but be really honest about it.

Just literally say what you said to us.

Hey, I do not know why this has popped into my head, but I was just sort of thinking about your life before me, like what was I like, I think it can provide you with context around certain things, like let's say that they were cheated on in a past relationship. It might explain why they have, you know, an insecurity about whether they were.

Going to be cheated on in the future.

You know, there are certain things that I'm like, oh, could give you a bit of clarity on some of their behavior. I think you need to have a real look in the mirror and say, what type of person am I?

Am I the type of person who's gonna go a.

Bit weird from this information, or am I going to be able to like just curiously find out a bit more about what makes my partner my partner?

You know what's wild? Just realized this.

Now Ben doesn't want to know about my past, Like he doesn't need to have the vodka, is it? No, He's a bit like, oh, it's in the past, you know, like it doesn't bother me. And I get upset the fact that he doesn't. I'm like, how do you not want to know? I was like, don't you want to know?

Like why I am the way I am or all the things I've been through or you know, And He's like, well, I just care about now in our future, which I get and I respect.

Why did you think you want to tell him? Though?

So he understands why I'm a fucking head case sometimes.

Like, Babe, if you knew what happened to me, maybe this would be okay. Why I'm actually like this, Maybe you would know why I don't want you to have a double life. And I'm just double checking that you don't have a family in Scotland. But I don't know when you need to dump your other fiance now, because I've already done that. You know those vibes, no, But I just I don't know. I guess it's it's.

Such a huge part of what shaped me and what I've been through and the reason I've done a lot of things is off the back of different traumas that have happened to me in the past. And you know, some have spoken about in the podcast and some have kept a secret that are just my own. And I think there's a level of me being a woman being like, why don't you want to know why I am like

That is just me.

The only reason I would say don't do it is if what Keisha said and you're going to spiral into like a psycho stalker obsession, like ask them for your own knowledge, not to go and look up this person, not to do a deep dive, just so you know whatever it is you want to know.

All right, Last question, I've been talking to a guy for months now and we just recently went on two dates. He seems genuine and in my eyes, we seemed to really get along, although then one day he just stopped replying. Is it reasonable to ask him why he stopped replying or just forget about it and move on.

Well, I feel like we've all done the like seven texts in a row, haven't we. You know, where no one applies?

He keep sending, Yeah, maybe your phone's not working. I don't know if you've gone out of service.

You dropped your phone in the when you're rescuing that kitten.

Yeah, Like you know what's fuch when you do it on multiple platforms, When you message Instagram, text WhatsApp, Facebook.

Okay, this is my advice, and I'm coming in pretty confidently, pretty hot.

You've been on two dates, he's ghosted you. I'd leave it. I would leave it. They are not worth it. Sometimes silence and no message is a message. Yeah, you can't misinterpret silence. You can't.

And someone not messaging you is sending you a message of I don't want to talk to you. And I know that sounds horrible, and maybe maybe something happened. I mean, like that's probably a one percenter that something's happened, and they'll circle back. But I think at the end of the day is like, let's not overthink it. People have every which way to contact us now if they want to, and if their phone did drop into the ocean, they have Instagram or WhatsApp or messaging on the desktop, like

You know what, though, You're like.

Sometimes and the reason that ghosting I think is such a fucking problem is because what it naturally does is that it makes you create a scenario in your head as to why that person has stopped wanting to be in contact with you, because in your brain everything was

And that's why I.

Think ghosting is really unfair, because when you don't have the context, you feel the gaps yourself and you'll often fill them with things that you don't like about yourself. And that's why it can make you feel like your ego is so bruised.

Well, it is bruised because it's someone saying I don't want you in my life anymore.

So it's yeah, it's pretty shitty.

That being said, I actually text someone who had ghosted. This is in the last probably five months. We'd been hanging out, we'd been talking, everything was going great, guns right, and I can't I think he tried to soft fade me.

But I was an eager little thing, and.

I I didn't read the room until it got to the point where I sent a message being like, am I not reading the room here, or like you.

If you had to ask, if you read the room, you're probably not.

You just not want to hang out with me. And I got very dismissive things. Right fast forward a couple months. We hadn't spoken for a while, and I think this is the main part, is that you have to get to a point where you don't care if they don't reply, which I did get to. And this person was quite substantially older than me, and I was like, this is really fucked that, Like you're at this age and you

I don't actually know why I sent it.

I was probably just having a bit of a down day, and I wanted a little bit of like a At least I got the last word, you know. Anyway, I got like the six paragraph reply with an apology. And so in that sense, you're asking, like, should I message them? You can, but you also need to be aware of the fact that they might not reply and you will look more crazy.

And I guess, ask.

Yourself, why why do you care so much what this person that you don't know very well thinks of you, and why they didn't want to pursue you.

Like, your confidence and validation and.

Who you are shouldn't stem from what a stranger who can't be bothered to give you the time of day.

Thinks of you. That's what I think, And it did take me a long time to get to that point. I've been the seven text. I've been the I thought we had a great time, where we go wrong? You said you call me. I've been that person.

But I think you get to a point where you're like, well, it's your loss. I don't know if as a listener out there right now that hasn't been like ghosted or ignored. At some point, I think we all are going to go through that because it's far more prevalent than we think. But if you can be confident in who you are and what you've got to offer, that's enough. It's their loss that they don't see that. But you don't have to. It's not your job to convince someone of your worth

I mean, that's all nice, and I agree wholeheartedly with all of it, but I do think that's a lot easier said than done.

I don't like you, don't y'all. No two dates in and some dickhead doesn't want to talk to you anymore. But they were better.

They were talking for months, and you don't know whether that was like phone calls every night.

You don't know how.

Progressed the person who wrote this in felt like their relationship was. It cuts you deep and you feel shit about yourself.

Yeah, and yeah, I mean, I'm going on my rant because I hate people that do the wrong thing by people, upset people's feelings. I do, and of course like I have message people and ask for a reason to any If you really feel like you can't move on because of it, then one hundred percent you can. You're entitled to ask them, but as Kisha just said, just be prepared.

That they might not write back again. Are you gonna feel worse? You've got to not care.

You've got to be in a position where you don't care whether they reply or not, and you don't care if you think that their perspective of you will change. Basically, for me, I got to the point where I was like, I don't care what you think of it. Like I was in a good place by that point, and I was like, I don't care what you think of me, but you're too old to be doing this, Like you need to actually know that you need to be accountable

What the other thing is.

I'm just thinking about now, like when you said, Keisha, you just got a full page letter back of like an apology. If you get a response, it's gonna be nice. Like it's not gonna be nasty. Everyone's gonna say, oh, I'm so sorry I got back in my ex. So I'm so sorry.

I'm just not in the right place. It's always gonna be something nice.

It's now, no one's ever gonna say I didn't like you, I don't like your personality, I wasn't attracted to you, I didn't like ours. No one's going to be nasty. So then I guess what else are you going to get from that? Because chances are their reasoning is just being diplomatic and polite.

But it could be true. And that's what I mean.

At least then you are feeling the blank puzzle piece of When we get ghosted, we typically think of the worst of ourselves as the reason why they've done it. At least then you have another reason. You can get a little bit of closure out of these kind of things, And I definitely felt like, oh I got a bit of closure. I just think that you you need to go into these situations in a position where you don't care about whether that closure is going to come or not.

Yeah, I just don't take ghosting to heart because it can be really hurtful, But I think it's a really powerful thing to say cool, that's on you.

You're not ready for whatever reason. I'll keep on my own journey. Well, I think that we've talked shit for a bit too. You need to cut.

If you have a question that you would like for Laura and Britt to answer. This is just a temporary thing. I won't be here for every day that Laura is doing Ninja Warrior. She also looks in the background anyway, She's always around. But if you do have a question, send it on into Instagram. Life Uncut Podcast. I will pop the links to the Facebook group in the show notes. And we are on TikTok even though Britt, who doesn't know what chat gpt is, we're trying to keep up.

With the top. You don't need to know what chat gpt is to top the tick.

Yes, sure, I will also put a link about TikTok in the show notes and you know the drill.

Thanks producing Keicha for coming on today. You're an absolute dream boat. We love when you pop in and do your little surprise. It's not a surprised to me, but to the listeners.

Your surprise hosting. Stop flirting with me.

No, it's my flaky skewes, isn't it giving you the eyes with my skin flakes off across the room. Don't forget to you, Mum tea dad too, dog tea friends and share the love be.

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