Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on caut I'm Brittany and I'm Laura and this is our down and dirty, our quick, saucy, sexy, little Thursday episode.
There we answer your deep, dark and burning questions, sometimes questionable questions.
That was pretty punny on my behalf mate.
I'm pretty sure you've pulled that pun out about four hundred times in the past two years, so I'm glad that you're still rolling.
With it hand on heart. I don't think I've ever said that. I'm pretty sure I've never said questionable question.
I think you might have just forgotten all this break and this beautiful Atlantic sun. For guys, we have a great episode for you today. The way the ask on cut works is that you write in your questions, your dilemmas, your life queries, and Britta and I do our best to answer them, even though we literally don't even know what we're doing in our own personal lives, we try and help you solve your problems.
I love that you just gave an explanation of what ask UNCUTT is. The way that it works is you ask a question and we answer it. What's been going on with you?
Absolutely nothing. Lockdown continues. However, there was something that I wanted to bring up with you. You posted something on your stories. The highlight of my week now is talking Britney Stories. But you posted something on your stories, and that is that Jordan is really into end zync and I feel like you've kind of added him to the world as being like a closet door. I've absolutely completely outed him, much to his dismay.
He was a bit He was like, Brie, why did you do that?
At the start?
Now he just thinks it's funny. People think I'm cool. He's like, yeah, you blew my cover. People think I'm cool. I'm like theybe No one thought you were cool.
You have tennis sock marks up to your shins. Don't worry. The tan lines determine that you're not cool.
He loves end zync and I don't know what it is if it's something that he listened to when he was a teenager. But his favorite song at the moment is bye Bye Bye you know, maybe bye Bye Bye, Bye bye bye that one. He loves that, but he won't just listen to it once. He'll put Enzi on repeat for like three hours. He gets through the whole album and then he moves on. Does Matt have some sort of closet nerdy behavior that he would be mortified if you added him on?
See? The problem is that Matt lives his nerdy behavior publicly on social media. I mean, he fucking makes TikTok videos, like he makes me learn really lame dances and then post them on social media. I don't think Matt has any closet dorky behavior really, like, I mean he's pretty Matt's pretty like palatable. I would say he's a pretty
like generally palatable as a person. If your partner has some sort of closet dorky behavior that they would be mortified if the rest of the world found out about that, they haven't told their friends. Maybe you haven't even told your friends because you're like low key embarrassed by it. I want to hear what the dorky shit that your partner does behind closed doors. The skeletons are coming out of the closet.
I'm actually gonna ask Jordan this as well, what he thinks my closet nerdy behavior is. Because I think I'm pretty cool. I don't think i'm a bit of a Nordburger. But I can guarantee you and there's a lot of things that I would do. So I'm going to get back to you and i'll bring that next week as well.
See, I don't think I have anything nerdy that I do, but I think I just have things that are gross. Like I second that you do the toilet paper roll. We all saw that on Matt's Instagram. No, Matt added me on the Batch uncut episode that we did, which is that I like to wash my feet in the sink or like, if I'm really lazy and I can't be bothered to bend up, I pretty much just pick up everything with my toes like I can pick up but there is not many things in this world that
I cannot pick up with my feet. Something else that's happened in my life which is definitely going to be an overshare. But I know that other mums out there might be mildly interested in hearing this. I currently, I mean really uncomfortable amount of pain. I have just gotten my very first period after having Lawla, and I know that some people are gonna be like, wow, that's too much inform thanks for that, don't care. Do you know what I haven't had a period for like a year,
and that's just crazy to me. And this one is like shark week. There is so much of it and I, oh, wow, there is so much Eve, I'm back there again.
I feel like I need to say congratulations at this point in time. I feel like that's like a big moment for you, your periods come back. Also, No, you're just happy I'm not pregnant. Well, the next thing I was going to say is you need to be super careful now, because we all know that madd only has
to look at you and you feel pregnant. But I think that you and I are in sync because I currently have really bad period pain too, So not that anyone needs to know that, but when we obviously talk so much that we're sinking from across.
The world, do you know that apparently being in sync is not a thing.
Yeah, it's not.
Scientifically. I know that a lot of girls who spend time with their friends often will think that their periods have syncd up together. But apparently that's not a thing. Apparently it can not happen. It's just a coincidence of timing, and because of different ovulation cycles and flows, there's often like a period where several days will overlap, and it gives people the impression that their periods have syncd up.
Well, of course it is. I mean you get your period for a week every month, like there's always going to be some sort of lapover, and I mean you could be on your seventh day when someone else was on their first day and you're like, woo, I sink.
But I think that there's been this common misconception. I mean, my whole upbringing, my whole pubescent life, I thought that that was a thing. I thought that that was actually a legitimate thing that happens. And I'm sure there's so many women out there who still think that, you know, their periods sync up with some sort of voodoo female witchcraft, that the more time you spend around a female or
another friend, that that's what happens with your periods. But yeah, anyway, come here for some myth busters and some mass gun cut. That's where we're at all, right, Well, speaking of, let's get into the question question number one.
Okay, question number one, Hey, guys, I have a tricky one. My best friend is also my housemate, and up until quite recently we have lived really well together. A few months ago she got her first proper boyfriend, and it's been a bit of a struggle ever since. It's not that I hate him, He's all right. I mean, I don't love him, but he hasn't necessarily done anything wrong by me or her. It's just that he always seemed to be there all the time. I'm talking Last week
he spent five nights yere. It's not unusual for him to be spending five and six nights a week. He still lives at home with his family, so I understand why they want to spend their time here because his family aren't in the next room and feeling like they're on top of them. On top of this, I feel as though I'm paying bills for a living space that he's free loading off. There are three people living here, but two people are splitting bills. What can I do
or say? I don't want her to think I'm a bitch, and I'm genuinely happy she's found someone to be in a relationship. But how do I navigate this?
I think this is something that so many people have experienced. I also think that maybe I did this with Matt a little bit like when Matt and I first started dating Matt basically just moved into my apartment. We spent
every single day together. The thing that was different with us, though, is that he had his own apartments, so we could also divide the time up, like we could spend three days at my house and four days at his house, and so no one person, no one flatmate, was feeling the full brunt of our new relationship.
Obviously.
The thing it's different here is that your friend doesn't want to go and stay at his house because he lives with his parents and they don't get the same level of privacy. So I think, and Brittan, I wait, Brittain. I talked about this, and Britt's initial response was go for the passive aggressive joke, and I was like, do not do this. I think you just bring it up as a really honest conversation and be like, I'm so
happy that you met someone. You know, I know that James or Fred or whatever his name is is staying here loads and I'm totally okay with that. Like, I don't want you to think that I'm bringing up this
conversation because I don't want him here. However, I just wanted to say that, you know, there's three bodies in their space now, and there's three of us using the electricity and the gas and the water and everything else, And so I kind of feel like he should contribute a little bit if he's going to be staying here five six times a week. And then see what she says.
You know, she may get defensive about it. She may think that that's an unfair and unreasonable, in which case I think you can then maybe put forward a little bit more of a case as to why, especially if you can tell that your gas bills or your electricity bills have gone up, if you say, look, it's only fifty bucks a week. I'd just love it if he
would contribute. And also not just because the bills are going up, but because I'm actually sharing my space with someone else in this house, which when we first moved in together kind of was the deal. I think that most people would be well receiving of that. I think it would say a lot and speak volumes of your friend's attitude if she was to be resistant and angry about it.
Yeah, I Laura's right. I originally went for the oh, maybe just make the comment next time he comes over, You're like, whoa you move in this place, you've been here a lot lately. But Laura apparently said I couldn't do that.
So it was like, it was like, just make a joke out of it, and I was like, passive aggression is never a good solution. But it was like, I don't like conflict. I'm like, that creates more conflict. This is terrible, fucking advine.
But I would have made the joke in a really cute way, Like would have been a cute joke. You wouldn't hate me, cause it's a really tough one. But I think a lot of people are in this situation. I wonder if they've even clocked it yet. They're probably still in a love bubble, and probably he has not even registered on their mind because they're just excited to see each other. They're just hanging out, and I don't reckon they would have taken it into consideration yet. So
I do think you have the conversation. I was just thinking. The reason I say I wonder if they've clocked that is this sort of happened, not with the flatmate thing, but when I met Jordan. He, as you guys know, basically just moved into my house and he was there every day for about three months before he started to get ready to go overseas, and it was full time leaving. It was like two people were sharing an apartment, but
I was paying for everything. And then one day after about almost three months, he came home and he had a wad of cash and I was like, what's that And he's like, I just realized that I have literally been living here and you've been paying the rent and the bills, and it's like two people. He's like. So he's like, I'm so sorry. I hadn't even thought about it, and here's some money. And I didn't take it from him, but I was like wow, because I had clocked it.
I was like, wow, it's like I'm leaving in a proper relationship. But he got there on his own. So I wonder if this couple maybe they just haven't had enough time to think about that and they're in the love bubble. I think the way you have the conversation with your friend is I wouldn't have a proper sit
down like it's a really big deal. I would do it like it's a really throw away conversation, like you're making dinner, you're putting groceries away and you're just like, hey, I was just thinking Bobby's been here so much lately, and you guys gonna move in properly together, or if he's gonna be here more often, should we look at splitting bills. I would just say it really casually like that so that she doesn't feel because she will feel
one hundred percent, she'll probably feel a bit mortified. She'll be like, I'm so sorry, like I feel like you've been sitting on this for a long time, because that's what I would feel like if my flatmate brought it up to me really heavily, like let's sit down and talk, I would be like, Fuck, this is so awkward.
And you don't want to feel attacked. That's the thing, right. I think it's the way that the conversation is delivered, because if it's delivered in a way which is just like, oh, you know, I've been thinking about this, and I hope that this doesn't upset you. I'm happy for him to be here. But I think that that's going to be so much better received than if you make a huge deal about this and make it seem like it's something that's really upset you, because obviously it hasn't you want
your I want your friend to be happy. You also, when you live with the housemate, have to understand that people get into relationships and you're gonna have that person at your house and it's just what happens. It's part of living in a sharehouse.
Yeah, one hundred percent, like people are gonna have relationships. It just sucks that he lives with his family so they don't have the option of going anywhere else. I would just try and have the really casual conversation, make sure she knows that it's not bothering you and they're
allowed to do what they want. But if the three people living there, it makes sense for three people to split the bills and slide that back into our DMS and tell us how the conversation goes, because I would love to know how it's received and how you end up delivering it. The last thing I want to say on this before BRIT's like, mic' drop and I'm like.
One more thing.
We always do that We're like in addition.
It's such a simple thing. But I think the fact that because he lives with his parents and he's not paying rent anywhere else, it's not like he's doubling up. It's not like you're asking for a huge amount of money.
You're just asking for a small contribution. And if he's literally living out a home now, because he can come and freeload at your house, I think saying fifty bucks a week to go towards the electricity or just to go towards the general space that another human body in a house takes up is a really, really understandable ask. And I don't think you're being a bitch by doing that. Just ask in a nice way. Boom now, question number two.
I know, Laura that you've been in this situation, which is why I wanted to ask this question because I want your experience. My ex boyfriend's mum actually, when I said that, almost every question we've ever had, I feel like you've been in that situation. My ex boyfriend's mum keeps texting me. We broke up over eighteen months ago and he now has a new girlfriend. I get that it's nice to keep things on a really nice level
and be amicable with each other. I just think it's a bit inappropriate considering the amount of time we've been apart and the fact he has a new partner. Should I tell her to stop. Do I ghost her? What do I do with this situation?
Okay? When you said that this is a conversation that I could relate to her, I'm just really glad that you didn't take it to like anal or something else, like, all right, what are we end for?
It's a pinky to stinky?
Oh mate, I think we covered that off in the last season. Let's like fucking stop with that one. Now. Daily Mail really had a field day on that article. I have been in this situation, guys, and it is weird. Just ghost, no change, Lauras, So you do not? I mean I did a fade away. I did a slow fade. I didn't ghost. Okay. So I'll give you a quick like summation of what happened to me. I became really really close with my ex's mum, so close I would
stay obviously, whenever we went and visited her. She lived in different state. We would stay at her house. Her and I would talk on the phone quite often. She had just started dating again, she'd just gotten back into online dating, and she didn't really have that relationship with her children to be able to talk about it. So she would call me and we would talk about online dating and the wild world of having boyfriends and meeting
men and how cooked it is. The irony of all of this is that she was experiencing how hard dating can be and how problematic some men can be, and yet I was dating her son who was cheating on me and being a real pos The relationship ended terribly, and it did a lot of damage to my self esteem. It did a lot of damage to me in general to like what I thought I deserved in a relationship. I felt completely unlovable and I was really attached to her,
and I was really attached to his family. But it was unhealthy for me to hear from her, and it was really really counterproductive to me actually getting over the relationship, because even though I had managed to set boundaries with him and I was no longer speaking to him, I hadn't set boundaries with her, and every time she called me or would text me, it would make me think of him, so I was put back into that situation.
So eventually I did get to the point where I had to say to her, I'm so sorry, I love you, and I love our friendship. But unfortunately, because of the situation, because of the relationship, I had with your son. I don't think it's appropriate for us to continue to talk all the time. It's not I can't get over this if we are staying in contact. I think considering that you, I think it's inappropriate, considering that you're not wanting to
put effort in your relationship with his mum. I do think that there comes a point where you're allowed to step away from it and maybe, like brit said, do the soft fade right back to one in every two or three texts and then make it every four and five texts and kind of slowly remove yourself from the situation.
Yeah, everything you said, I mean, you just said that perfectly. I personally, this happened to me many many, many moons ago. It's just not sustainable. You can't get on with your life and hold on to essentially your past relationship. It's obviously a big part of your past relationship and one that you want to start in your chapter. I think it's okay to maintain a friendship or some sort of relationship at a lower level with these sort of people,
so special people in your exo's life. Maybe it was a sister of your partner, or maybe it was the mother, or maybe it was a friend, but I think that that has to happen very sporadically. So every now and again a check out that's just like how are you? Just want to check what's going on? You know, a little catch up, but you're not hearing about her son in this case, you're not hearing any details that are gonna draw you back. It's just a check in. I
recommend a slow fade. Like Laura said, I was just like, maybe when you write back, it's not as engaging, so you're not giving her anything back. So you answer her question, but you're not saying, how are you? What have you been up to? You know, how's Chris? All of this stuff,
So just like answer her questions, move on. The thing with the relationship breakups, especially when they're long term, you break up sometimes if you're close with a family, you're breaking up with a whole family, Like if you've been a part of someone's life. I remember I was with my ex for eight years. My parents were beside themselves when we broke up because she was like, oh, he was like a mum was like he was like a
son to us for eight years. We love him. We're gonna really miss him, And it's a situation that affects a lot of people, and some people, if you're closer, find it harder. So there is that that sort of level of respect that you do have to remember that it's hard for a lot of people involved.
And I think as well, like it is important for us to say that this is situational, and it does also depend on the reallyflationship. If you have children with that person you've split up, or that was your mother in law, or there's a more in depth connection between you, then obviously you're going to keep that person in your life, you know, Like I mean, I totally understand. For example, if Matt and I split up, I'm keeping his mom.
She's mine. He can't even have her anymore. So I do think it's dependent on what your relationship is and how progress it is, and whether there is children involved. There's so many more factors in this that are really important. But if you think it's not appropriate, then that's your agency, that's your choice, and you're allowed to start to put
some distance into that relationship. Otherwise, what are you gonna do just collect mother in laws and father in laws and like you know, parents of all your exes and time. You don't have time to maintain friendships and relationships with people just because it's the nice thing to do, unless it's something that you really want to do.
Boom question three.
All right, I'm going to hit you with this one. Girls, I feel scared and sick asking this question, and I'm typing this in my work bathroom. So I've been engaged my partner for six months and we're planning on getting married in early twenty twenty three. Though I've started to develop a little crush on a work colleague who I don't see every day but may see maybe once a week at work gatherings. It's led me to question my values about monogamy and monogamous relationships. It's made me wonder
if I really want the same dick for life. I've been looking into what's called monogamish relationships, where you essentially have a monogamous partner that maybe occasionally go out or at least have the option to go out and have other sexual encounters. How do I work through this? How would I even begin to bring this up with my partner without it sounding like I just want an ethical way to cheat on him? How do I bring up polyamory or other relationship alternatives with him. How do I
bring up an open relationship? Nothing is missing from our relationship. I'm just questioning the idea of monogamy as a concept.
Yikes, helping you, yikes. I mean, I love the way. I love the way that she said. How do I bring it up without making it sound like I just want an ethical way to cheat? It sort of is an ethical way to cheat. I mean, that's essentially what it is, isn't it. You're saying to him, I love you, but I want to be with other people. But I want you to be okay with that. And the thing is, I know people that have had these relationships. I know people that have done it just once and decided they
don't want to do it anymore. And it works for a lot of people. It also really, really really doesn't work for a lot of people too. I think the only thing you can do is have a conversation with your partner. You need to be really honest, and you should know your partner better than anyone in terms of if they would be remotely open to the idea. I actually asked Jordan this the other day, not because I wanted it, but It was a question that came up
with a group of people. Before I even said it, I knew his answer, and his answer straight away was if you need to ask me that, don't be with me because he's just blanket no. He's very monogamous. He thinks two people should be together forever. Cheating is like an absolutely no one, it's the end of the world. But I have other friends that are very, very open to it, and the woman's brought it up and the guy's been like, hell, yeah, let's give that a go.
It's completely individual and completely dependent on your situation. So I think maybe if you don't know how he's going to react, you could bring it up like maybe someone at work. You could tell him that someone at work has started having an open relationship and just gauge his response. That's always an option.
Yeah. See, I agree with everything you said, except at the very start. I don't think that it is at all an ethical way of cheating. I think that cheating is cheating, and the reason why cheating is so hurtful is because it's deceptive, and it's full of lies, and it's full of hurt and it's the lying that is loaded into cheating that I think is actually the most painful,
whereas with this conversation comes the level of openness. So I don't think that this is necessarily an ethical way of cheating because the lying has been taken away from it. Is he going to react positively to this conversation? Who fucking knows? Like, we can't give you the answer to
that question. I know that if I brought up that question with Matt, he would not be positive about it, Whereas I have definitely dated other guys in the past who have said to me very early on in our dating that they had questions and they weren't sure around monogamy. You know, one of the hurdles that you might face with broaching this conversation with your partner is the fact that you're already engaged. So for starters, I think you have to have this conversation before you get married. But
you've already made this commitment by getting engaged. So maybe your partner has an idea of what your core values are. And I think that you know it's very important when you're engaged and when you are going to get married, that your core values align. And I would say that marriage is probably more lens itself to this idea of monogamy and maybe that's what your partner believes in, hence
why he wanted to get married to in the first place. However, I know that for a lot of people, relationships shift, relationships change. I was actually reading a article written by someone named tober Lee who's from the UK, and she has an open relationship with her husband. Now, a lot of people don't understand it, but it works for them. And I would love to get somebody on this podcast.
If you're listening to this and you're like, hey, I'm in an open relationship and it's healthy and it's great and it works for us, we would love to hear from you and do a whole episode around polyamory and open relationships. Because neither brit or myself have experienced an open relationship, I personally think I am too jealous. I don't think I would be able to enjoy it because I would be wondering where and who and what my partner was doing. That's not to say that those sorts
of relationships don't work for some people. If this is genuinely something that you are really thinking about, that it's eating you up inside that you don't think you're going to be able to be faithful to your partner because this overwhelming urge to be with other people keeps on creeping into your thoughts and maybe even into your actions.
Then I do think you have to sit down and have a conversation about what does a relationship long term look like to your partner, what does monogamy mean to you, and is it something that you can commit to for the rest of your life, Because if you don't do that, you're only going to get yourself into a situation in five years, ten years, six months, whatever it is, timeframe
where your core beliefs don't match up. I asked a bunch of the guys over here this quest the other day because I was curious about it, and the general response from all these guys was they would rather their partner come and speak to them and voice their thoughts and what they want, what they're thinking, and just gauge
the opinion of them. So they would want their partner to come and be honest because they would want to know what they're thinking, they'd want to know why, and then they'd want to talk about it rather than have those thoughts and not feel like they could go and have the conversation and one of them actually said, I would hate for my partner to think they can't come
and talk to me about something. And I know, for me, whilst I think that if my partner came to me and said they want to open a relationship, I wouldn't want to open a relationship, but I know I would not be mad that they asked me.
That's just the person that I am, because I'm very open with people being able to voice their opinions and have thoughts. And just because you've thought about having sex with someone else in a relationship doesn't mean you actually want to or doesn't mean you're going to go and do it. But I can guarantee you no person is going to go through their whole life and not think about being with someone else at one point. Whether it's a fantasy, a dream, a day dream, it's always going
to happen. It's always going to cross your mind at some point. Maybe it's an actor that you see that's really hot, You're like, wonder what he'd be like in the sack. It's just normal. We're humans. It's absolutely normal. And I think the most important thing you can do is be in a relationship where you feel like you can voice your opinion.
It all comes down to how you have this conversation. It all comes down to what it is that you say when you sit down and explain this to your partner. If you sit down with your partner and you say, Hey, there's this really hot guy at work and sometimes I think that it maybe I want to have sex with him? Can we have an open relationship? Probably not going to go down very well, that's going to go down like
a sack of shit on a hot day. But if you sat down and you were like, we're going to get married soon, and obviously that is a lifelong commitment that we're making to each other, But I really want to get your ideas on what does like this long term relationship that we're committing to look like for you? Have you ever thought about an open relationship? Have you ever even considered or had an urge to be with other people and maybe roach it in a softer, more
open manner. There are people who have, you know, really great relationships, but may also go Okay, you're not allowed to have sex with other people from work, but we're going to go to a sex club and watch other people have sex. There's other ways of being able to spice up your sex life or inviting other people in that isn't necessarily as intrusive as having an open or
polyamorous relationship. There's lots of little steps, and there's lots of other things that maybe will satiate that desire for you without you having to have a full blown open relationship. I think that this is a lot of small conversation that's probably going to happen over a period of time.
And if you don't have the conversation one hundred percent is only going to eat you from the inside out. You're going to be thinking about this and wondering what
if for a very very long time. So, like I think I said it earlier when I started to answer this question, if you do want to broach this really cautiously and not go to them and say, look, you know, i've been thinking about this, I think you could literally say it like someone from work or someone you know is in an open relationship, and just just have the conversation and see what he says. If he's like that's
fucking he'll probably be like that's fucking cooked. I would never do that, Or maybe he'll be like, not a lucky guy. You don't know, but it's just a conversation about the idea of it, so not necessarily what he thinks about you, guys having the relationship that's open, but what he thinks about open relationships as a whole.
All right, guys, that is it from us with Ask Uncut. If you have a question for us for next week, slide on into our DMS at Life Uncut podcast, or you can also join up on this discussion group. There's actually been a really great thread that's happened recently on the Facebook discussion group and it is anybody who wants a question to be posted into the group anonymously. There's a whole lot of different group members who have put their hands up to be able to share anonymous posting.
So if you have a question or a burning question that we haven't answered, and you want the advice of an army of black minded people, then the Facebook group is the place where you need to be. Also, keep your accidentally unfiltered stories coming in. And if you haven't left a review or subscribed, mate, are you at go and do that? Please? Thank you?
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