Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on cart I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and we just finished a freaking awesome interview with a woman named logan Urie, which is coming out next Tuesday. But that's not what we're doing on today's episode. Are you gonna? Are you gonna tell them what it's about? Or just drop a name? Are you? Are you soft launching an episode?
Laura?
I am.
I'm guys, it's gonna be the best episode that you've ever listened to. This one's gonna be really good as well. But maybe we should tell you what this episode's about.
Well, this is asking on Cart. They know what this is, don't you'd ask us your questions? Will we answer? I think we don't need to go into that one.
Well, maybe there's a new listener who doesn't know, and this is where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions. But before we get into unpacking all of the messed up that's going.
On in your life at the moment, britt have you watched Squid Game yet? Okay, a few people have asked me this and I have seen it everywhere. Obviously, I'm in quarantine at the moment, and I'm almost I think halfway through. I've been been watching Netflix, but I have
not turned on a squid game. And this is because all I've heard is people say, is really scary and really gory, and that like I get scared and scary movie as in like the piss take of the scary movies, you know, the comedy scary movie and that scares you. It scares me because it's like too close to the real thing. I'm such a pussy, like I can't watch anything scary or I'll have nightmare. So I haven't yet
watched it. One thing I have. Look, I'm gonna come with a recommendation, and I do think that I'm behind the times. I think I'm late to the party. But it's Peaky Blinders. Have you watched that, Laura? I have not seen Peekles, do not know. I thought I had seen the whole of Netflix. Now no, so I have seen Peaky Blinders. You know, when you're scrolling your Netflix of things to watch, you see the same shows, but you always just bypass them because you're like that's probably
so shit, or it doesn't grab you. Something about it doesn't grab you. I've seen Pey blinders for so long, and I've just thought, man, not for me. I am hooked. I just binge watched six seasons like the whole it's over for me, and I cried at the end because I was like, what I do now? It was so good. So I can't recommend it if I tell you what it's about. If you haven't watched it, you're not going
to be interested. It's like back in the day, these mafia in England and their drug dealers, and it's about their family dynamic and it doesn't it's not a cell but you get so obsessed with the characters. There's so much great wonderful scripting and great acting and great character development that you really get hooked in and you're just like you feel like you know them so and they're the sort of seasons that I absolutely love. So that's
my recommendation, and that is what I've been binging. Wait can we just go back a second to where you said you cried because the series ended. Now was the last episode sad or did you actually cry because you finished watching it and you were like, there's nothing else for me to watch now I'm morning a loss. Okay, So this happened with me with Outlander. When I read the books. There are also six books of Outlander. It took me like two years to really like get through them.
I was at school. I put the last I remember closing the book, and I was in hysterics because I didn't know what to do with my life anymore for all this time, for years, these people and I sound crazy, but any bookworm's out there you know this feeling. You know, I'm not crazy, but like when you're that invested, you're mourning a loss. Because I went back and read the
whole series twice. But that's a good writer. You feel like you're there with them and you feel like you know them and you are so invested in their story, and anyone that knows what I'm talking about, I'm not crazy. There is a feeling that you can mourn a loss when you finish a good series of book or TV. So that's my defense. Okay, Well, I have started sword Games, and I'm going to tell you when this trauma is finished,
i am not going to mourn a loss. I'm going to be very happy that this is the end and it comes to an end. I know that there's going to be so many people listening to this who have started watching it just for some reference. I am on episode two right now. I've seen the first episode, the second episode. If you're in early days, we're so early.
But we turned it on last night because obviously the higher Internet has been talking about it. Some people in the Facebook group were talking about it. It is fucking chaos, and I'm not going to give away too much about it for fear of spoiling. I mean, I can't spoil it, and I have only watched two episodes, so I can't
spoil it for you. But it is this dystopian reality where they are basically I mean, if you've seen the Hunger Games, it kind of has a very similar premise to the Hunger Games, except it was created in Korea. You can either choose to watch it dubbed or you can watch it subtitled. And basically it's a game or series of games where the contestants are fighting literally for their lives. The losers die, and the winners continue to go through the games in order to win this incredibly
huge amount of prize money. I think it's like forty five million dollars, which is supposed to be trying to highlight the disparity, and it's got this deep concept. It's trying to highlight the disparity between the rich and the poor, what we would do for money, how money runs the world.
But guys, is it is so messed up. I can't even recommend it because it makes me feel so uncomfortable watching it. I don't think I would be able to watch it. Like you know where there was that period in our life. I think you and I were probably about twenty when it happened where all these horror films came out and the real gruesomeness. I couldn't watch them. I can't do it.
It was like, I know what you did last summer saw and they were just back to back and if you go back and watch them now, they're so lame. They're so poorly put together, and they go for really horror like Gore Factor, whereas Squid Game. It's not scary like I mean, it makes you feel very uncomfortable, and I think for me, I went to bed with wild
anxiety after watching it last night. But it's not so much scary as what it is just really fucking disturbing, and the fact that somebody actually sat down and created this this came out of someone's mind is just so mind blowing in and of itself.
I think I would still be scared. I don't think i've outgrown scream in those things because my tolerance is just so low. But do you watch these shows, like when you watch a foreign show, do you watch it dubbed or do you watch your subtitled?
This is pretty controversial. Look, I prefer subtitles, but if I'm doing something, I'll watch it dubbed. So last night we watched the first two episodes dubbed because we were eating and I was like, I want to also be able to enjoy my food and not miss anything. And yeah, so I think for like ease of watching, we watched
it dubbed. But dubbed kind of makes it all feel a little bit more comical, Like I think, when you're watching it dubbed, it kind of loses an element of that suspense and fear because a person's voice doesn't match up to their mouth. Two episodes in, I am hook Line and Sinker and now I need to know what happens.
But I also think, and I do think this, and I think this is why you've watched it as well. For sure, it's going to end up being the number one modest stream show that Netflix have ever had. But I think a lot of people have watching it because there has been It's everywhere, Like there's been so much talk about it. It's everywhere I look. People are talking, tweeting, resharing,
it's all over every platform, squid games. I think there's a lot of people that are like, would never be interested in it or would never watch it, and they're like, all right, fine, like let's just see what the fuss is about, which I feel like is probably why you've checked into it now, because you're like, probably not saying i'd watch I'll probably end up watching it because eventually
it's going to get the better of me. When everyone's talking about something, you're like, Okay, I'm going to have to see what the fuss is about. But I reckon there's a big chunk of people watching it purely to see what everyone else is talking about. It's totally fomo.
And I think as soon as you start seeing the memes that are coming out and the jokes, you have this feeling of like, oh, I don't want to miss out on this.
I want to see what's going on. But then you check in and you see what's going on, and it's actually so so messed up and so chaotic. So I don't even know if this is actually a recommendation. I'm not going to sit here and recommend that you guys should go and watch good games if you haven't already. But it's there, everyone's watching it.
It's a thing to do, and I am voluntarily jumped on the bandwagon.
Okay, maybe I'll force myself to watch one just so I can. Maybe just one. Is the first one? Two gruesome? The first one is that fucked? That's that.
The second episode is actually really slow moving, I thought, but the first episode is so maybe that's just it.
It doesn't.
I don't know if the gruesomeness adds anything. And I don't think we need to see that many people be killed in that close range, Like I feel like we've become desensitized to watching people just get slaughtered.
It's wild that this is going to be the most watched Netflix series. It blows my mind. But here we are fully the world. We're full of sickos, so sick anyway, guys, let's get into the questions.
We have picked out a couple for you guys, today. I mean, no surprise, it's the same thing every week, has been for two years. But Brittany hit me with question number one.
Okay, question number one. My partner and I are both twenty one and have been dating for over four years, So do the math. That's pretty young. He's absolutely my penguin, and I am ridiculously happy and settled in a life that we have together. We have spoken a lot about marriage and both see it as the next step. I feel like I'm absolutely ready for that commitment. However, there is a part of me that worries about the judgment
of my friends. There have been a lot of successful young marriages in my family, so I know they will be support as well. I'm just not sure about some of my friends. Not that it really matters, but I would just love to hear your opinion on this. What do you think? What are your thoughts on young marriage, Laura?
Well, I mean, look, I'm not against it. I think there is a big part of me that's like, you know, you need to experience life. You don't know who you are in your early twenties. But that comes from my own personal experience. You know, I know how much I've changed from being in my early twenties to being in my mid thirties. But just because that's my personal reflection on it, and just because that's my experience doesn't mean
that it's somebody else's. And if you're in an awesome relationship in your early twenties and you are so lucky that you've met someone who you can grow with, who challenges you, who supports you, who you can see and know that you're going in the right direction together, then I don't think that you need to just experience dating a whole lot of people. You don't need to go and experience how fucked up dating can be to appreciate
something that you already have. It's totally a non essential and I think sometimes we put too much pressure on this idea that you need to be single to find yourself. You can very much find yourself and be in a supporting and loving relationship at the same time.
The key here, the key sentence is what you are most worried about is I'm worried what my friends will think. I mean, that is the biggest problem here, and it's a problem that should be nonexistent. It does not matter what your friends think of your decision. To marry the person that you love like that is irrelevant. And if any of your friends are going to judge you for that and not get on board and not be supportive,
that's the problem. And I would be looking more at those kinds of friendships and why you're still in those friendships. If you were in an abusive relationship and you were saying, hey, I'm going to marry him and your friends were worried about you doing that, that is very different. But you are so happy, you're in love, you really want to marry the love of your life. I wouldn't worry about what your friends think. In regards to what Laura said.
If you had written in and said, we talk about marriage and we're pretty happy, but I'm not sure if he's the one, That's when I would say, maybe you need to think about this really carefully because you are on the border and you're not sure whether he's someone you want to commit to. That's when I'd be like, maybe you do need to experience life, Maybe you do need to date some more people, Maybe you do need
to figure out who you are. But you sound very convinced and confident in your relationship, so I think go helpful leather. There are plenty, plenty of long, beautiful love in relationships that have been together since they were like sixteen years old, regardless of age.
I think that there are the same things that you need to ask yourself when you're heading into like making a big decision of marriage, Like having the big conversations around do you guys want to have kids, where do you want to live, how do you see your life looking in the future, Like what are you aiming towards? What are your aspirations. Having all of those really big hard conversations first are what really defined whether it's going
to be a successful marriage. Whether you guys have your five year and your ten year plan mapped out, it doesn't matter at the end of the day. Sure, maybe some of your friends will think, oh, it's a bit weird they got married so young. They're gonna get over it. Loads of people in my friendship, grooves in my life got married young, and some of them are still together, some of them aren't. You can't predict exactly what's going to happen in the next ten years of your life
or fifteen years of your life. But if you make that commitment that you want to get married. I think the big thing is regardless of age, is really being clear on where you want their relationship to head and making sure that you have those big, big conversations. And also I guess it will come with its own set of challenges in that you know, you guys are not going to be the same people that you are now in ten years time. You will do a lot of
personal development in your twenties. We all do, like we all experience and grow so much in our twenties. It's a time of huge, huge change for so many people. But that doesn't mean that that change can't happen alongside someone and it doesn't mean that you can't grow together and be a great relationship and have a great relationship
at the same time. So if your only thing and your only barrier is what people will think of you getting married young, I just think be super clear with your intentions and who cares what people think?
Amen, sister. I wouldn't have been nice to just meet someone early and just like cut out all the fucking bullshit.
My first boyfriend from eighteen until twenty three was an angel, and then I just.
Dated so much shit after that. Like if only I had known what I knew then. I was like, this is what relationships should be. But I then kind of got a bit bored and then dated some other people, and I was like, I really need to fuck things up before it gets good again. Honestly, my relationship from sixteen to like twenty three was what dreams made of Like in hindsight, like he was such a he was
just such a nice guy. But for me, and it's exactly what you said, Laura, you do grow so much in your twenties, like one hundred percent, I am a different person. Some people are lucky enough to grow together and grow in the same direction and on the same path. For me, this person he was still he still is incredible. He's just such a great human. But our paths diverged and where we were heading and what we wanted from our life was different, even though we loved each other.
And that's just something for us. It didn't work young after eight years, but that doesn't mean it's not for you.
And also the last thing I want to say on this as well, is like, sometimes when you are young and you're in a good relationship, you don't necessarily value how good it is or what you're getting from that person. Because you because you don't know, You don't know, you don't have a point of comparison. You think that you're supposed to experience dating lots of people. You think that
you're supposed to put yourself out there. And look, I do think that there are so many benefits from meeting a variety of people, from dating, from kind of learning the life lessons.
But if you don't, you don't need to subject.
Yourself to dating shitty people or to like sleeping around in order to learn those lessons. If you're already in a great space and you're already happy, then it just means you buy. You skipped all the bullshit that so many of us get to a point that we're trying to avoid it one hundred percent.
But again that comes with age. But you do, you get married, Congratulations and I hope you live a happy life. Invite us to the wedding. Okay, Question number two, Hey, question number two is it's a little bit different. This has come in from a wife whose husband has literally asked her to write it in. They're having a disagreement in the bedroom and he has said, well, I think you need to ask the life uncut girl. So that's why I think this one's interesting. My husband recently got
fixed up, so he obviously got the chop. Now we obviously have a lot of unprotected sex. Wait, when you see the chop, you make it sound like he had his bulls cut off. He did, he was cartrated. We took my husband to get into He obviously got a resection. Me. Yeah, he didn't get these balls, he didn't get carcerated. Now we obviously have a lot of unprotected sex. After he comes, I really want him to go down on me, but he flat out refuses to basically lick his own com
Is this a normal request from me? Does anyone else do this? Or is it just a weird, kinky thing that I'd like to try. My husband knows how much I listen to you guys, and he told me to ask you guys. He's dying to hear you tell him that it's weird. I would just love to hear your thoughts. Am I alone in wanting my husband to go down
to me after he's coming me. I just love this question so much because there's like so many lights the semi lays, So my favorite part is the fact that the husband's like ask the girls like Laura and Brittany will know what to do. Dear God, I think nothing is weird, Like, nothing is weird so long as both people are accepting of it for starters, right, Like if he was all down for it, then it wouldn't be weird.
Clearly it's weird to him, and that's also okay. I do find it pretty interesting when a guy wants you to go down on him but is absolutely adverse to ever, like he's not okay with his own jiz. Do you know what I mean?
Like, there's so many guys who don't want to go down on you afterwards, or they don't want to like even get it near them.
Because their penis has already been there, but they're like quite happy for you to put it in your mouth. It's like, dude, if it's not okay for your mouth, it shouldn't be okay for mine. That's like this is a benchmark. What's good enough for you is good enough for me. I do think there is a different level of expectations there. But also, I mean, it's not like you're drinking. You're not asking him to drink a cup
of it. You're not like, here, have a go. I think it would be nice if he would give it a try. But I also very strongly think that if someone's against something in the bedroom, you can't force them to do it. And if there's something about this that he's uncomfortable with, and he's explained why he's uncomfortable, then I kind of think you have to be accepting of that. I don't think that you can really like coerce or guilt your partner into going down on you. Yeah, I think.
And the thing is not even that you're trying to guilty me into going down And I don't think that's his problem. It doesn't sound like that's his problem. The problem is that you want him to do it when he's just ejaculated inside of you and it's still there. Everything Laura said is right. We talk about this all the time. Whatever you want to do in the bedroom is what you want to do. Nothing is weird something. Sure they're not as common in other relationships, but that
doesn't mean it's not right, doesn't mean it's wrong. It's whatever you guys are comfortable with. In this instance. All I can do is think about what I would do. Would I ask that, would I expect that, because that's what you've said, would you girls expect this? I would love to hear your thoughts. For me, I wouldn't ask my partner to do that, and I can understand why he wouldn't. And like you said, Laura, like why the
expectations different. They shouldn't be. But I for me, if I would ask one thing and if my partner said, like I'm not comfortable to do that, it's just something that I wouldn't push. So I think maybe you guys need to come to a compromise. Maybe you can say I just love it when you go down on me, but he does it before he comes. I've got my hand up. Okay, Okay.
My question here is, Britt, would you go down on a guy after you've been having sex for a while, so like, if he was having sex with you and then pulled out, would you then still go down on him or you like, no, I don't want that in my mouth.
Yeah, but this is why the expectations. That's why I said, there's almost like this difference in expectations. I also think it has to do with I think for a lot of people has to do with like the we're getting very in depthy but the literal consistency and like what it is because I feel like men's ejaculation is very different to women's. I'm like, you can't argue that totally.
But I also think it's so unfair for a guy to expect a female or any of their relationships or partners to be okay with their semen if they're not okay with it, Like, and this is my question is is if he says to you, babe, I don't care if you don't swallow, like I don't, I don't expect you to. If he's like I genuinely think it's a bit gross for you and for me and for everyone I don't like it, then I would be like, cool,
that's okay. But if he is saying he thinks you should swallow, he wants you to go down on him, he thinks you should have absolutely no problem with his seemen, that he thinks it's gross, I think it's such an unfair and weird disparity that we are okay with, Like why are we okay with a guy thinking that that's gross?
Because I think on the flip side, if a girl was to say, oh, I don't want anything to do with it after he's put it inside me, I think that that would be seen as more unusual than for a guy. I do also question as to whether this plays into our social perspectives around heteronormity and around like what is and isn't homosexual or emasculating. I wonder if there is something that's been very much ingrained in us that if a guy is okay with that, then there
must be some homosexual tendencies there. Why is it that there's this expectation that women would be okay with their own discharge, but men find there's okay for women but gross for themselves. I think that there's more to unpack it from like a social perspective as well.
Yeah, totally, and I mean, like way too deep. You're taking this way too deep, guys, you really did, Laura. But I think what it comes down to here is the same thing in any relationship and any situation in the bedroom, if somebody is not comfortable with something, it's pretty much irrelevant what it is. It doesn't really matter if you think it should be okay or if other
people in your life have found it okay. The fact of the matter is that in that moment, in that relationship, in that situation, someone has said Hey, I'm uncomfortable doing this. I don't want to do it, and I think that that's it. You've just got to come to an agreement and respect your partner's decisions. So as much as you would love him to do that, maybe you can just ask him to do it before he finishes so he might be more comfortable in doing that and then just
come home with a bang. Technically, it would also be pretty messy, like imagine slamming your face into that when it's full. There's a lot going on. It's a lot.
Do you know what I kick I get it. I get why he doesn't want to do it. I understand you know what that sucks for you If that's like the one kink that wants to get that you need to get off on. But at the same time, I can see this from both perspectives.
Yeah, So if you don't want him to hear that, don't just tell him what do you and answer the question. Don't let him listen to the podcast. Okay, next question, Okay, question number three. Let's get into this one. Now.
We had a couple of questions that were similar to this this week, all around loud sex. Some of them were in regards to their housemaids. But the one I'm going with is in regards to a neighbor, so I think that the advice is slightly different.
But here we go. So the guy who lives in the apartment below mine has sex with his girlfriend every night, and and she is so so loud, like so loud, like screaming loud.
That's all I can hear. And when I'm asleep, it wakes me up. Sometimes it even wakes the dog up too. They're at it now whilst I'm typing this. There is literally no peace, and it goes on for ages.
I love that it's happening in real time and it goes on for ages.
Am I being a bitter old cow because I'm single and not getting any or do I have a right to not hear extremely loud sex and moaning when I'm trying to sleep almost every night? If it's the latter, how on earth do I approach the subject? Do I write a note? Do I leave under the door face to face? Do I publicly shame him in the Buildings Facebook group? I won't do that, But what are my options?
Guys? How can I bring this up?
Or how can I enjoy my evenings again without having to listen to my neighbor having outrageous sex.
She's even written, do I dob him into the real estate agent? I mean not the real estate agent's going to tell you to go get laid. I think that this is pretty common and we do get it a lot, and I have a lot of friends that I've talked about it. I have been in this situation, especially in Okay, for example, where we live in Bondaire in Sydney, and this is in a lot of high density city areas. It's just apartment on apartment on apartment next to apartment.
They're all old, they're all thin walls. Like you hear this a lot, and hey, hats off to them. They're living their best life. You know that they're both getting some really good sex. Hopefully you're getting that too. Can you complain if it's just like here and there? I don't think so. I think like you've got to let them live their life. You might have to suck it up, put some headphones in, just get on with it, turn
the TV up a bit louder. If this is happening religiously, not after night after night, and if it's going for a really long time, and it's really interrupting your sleep, and it's like disgustingly obnoxiously like poor no loud, Like it's not just like the thumping. If it's like full on screaming and moaning, which it sounds like it is. Can you do an example for us on example of
the thumb, but I'm not example of the moaning. But if it's like that, then I think, and it's really getting you're not gonna be the only one that is bothering. I think you can definitely say something. Now. Do you out him to the Facebook group? Absolutely not. Do you tell the real estate absolutely not. What I would probably do is make a funny, ingest kind of note, like so I would make a note that is somewhat humorous, like I'm so stoked that you're living your best life
and like you're obviously doing something right. I would make a bit of a joke like that and say, but it's really hard to sleep in this building with that every night. Do you think there's a way that you could keep it down? It can be anonymous unless you're in an apartment of two, unless you're in a townhouse and they know it's you. But I thought I would do. I would just like make it a little bit lighthearted, because you don't want to start something, but you also
want to get your message across. And I think if you propping them up a bit, being like, you know, you are obviously doing something right in the bedroom, it softens a blow a little bit and makes it a little bit less embarrassing. But I would make it anonymous. I would make it a bit humorous and cute, but get your message across. That is what I would do, and then I'd go get laid.
Look, I agree, but I also like the one thing I agree with from that is that you have to make it kind of lighthearted, because if you don't make it lighthearted, if I received a letter this makes me sounding like a dickcare but I'm gonna go for it anyway. If I received a letter that was like, I'm really angry that I can hear you having sex, and it was like real bitchy from my neighbor, it wouldn't motivate me to be quieter.
Put it that way, it would be worse. It would make me so angry and be like, oh my god, my bitter neighbor who's so old and doesn't have sex and it's an angry, sexually deprived person. It would make me turn up the theatrics tenfold and just me so much. You go for the oscar, fucking go for God. Oh guys, this is my time to shine. So I agree.
I think you can obviously write a note exactly like Britz said. I do think you can maybe try some like noise canceling headphones or get some ear plugs first, like, there are other things that you can do in your own space to try and minimize how much somebody else in another apartment is upsetting you before you kind of go out of your way.
But you have to keep it lighthearted. There's a very good possibility that they don't know, they don't realize that you can hear them. I think that that would probably be the more common option ber is, is that they think.
Maybe you can hear them, and they genuinely don't care. So even if you do say, hey, guys, like I can hear you having loud sex, they may not want to change the way that they have sex. Maybe she doesn't realize she's being loud, maybe she doesn't care that she's being loud. But I think there's no harm in putting it out there. I just think you have to live in this building with these people you're going to see. These people don't create an environment that makes you uncomfortable
or them uncomfortable when they are your neighbors. I just think what I would do, And I mean, I like to think I'm a considerate person, But if I got that.
Message, my feeling would be embarrassment. I wouldn't say, fuck you, I'm turning up the theatricals. I'm going for the LOGI watch this performance, sit back at your popcorn. I wouldn't do that. They're not even having sex. They're just sitting on the couch, screaming on purpose, watching squid Game exactly. But I think that I would feel embarrassed and I would try and tone it down. You're not gonna stop. They're not gonna stop having sex, Like no one's ever
gonna do that. But maybe they just weren't aware how thin the walls are. Like I guess you just don't know. But yeah, if they don't stop, that's something you've got to think about. Are you happy to live like that? Do you want to move out? Do you want to think of something else? But when push comes to sharp, you can't physically go in and rip them apart and say, like you in that corner. You can't put the hoes
on them like their dogs. So I think you'd have to put the cute, little funny, semi funny anonymous letter to slide under their door. If you're worried that they'll figure out your handwriting, type it up, make it. But I think make it like a funny letter, and that's what That is the route that I would be going down.
Okay, but you think the letter has to be anonymous. You wouldn't put your name to it. You wouldn't say, hey, Apartment seven, you guys are banging on my wall. No, I would want to make it more anonymous because otherwise I would have this weird like eye contact when I passed him in the stairwell, I'd be like.
Morning, Hope last night was good. Yeah, you sounded like you had a great time. Or just go around and collect like signatures from everybody in the in the apartment building. Here's a petition. Look, we've organized a petition. You could also do that. Okay.
So I used to live in Paddington. I used to live in a tiny one bedroom apartment like it was a one bedroom studio apartment didn't even have any internal walls except for the war with the toilet, and all of the apartments in this building were the same. I lived directly below a couple and she was this tiny, little, like five foot blonde, petite little thing. He was a giant, and she used to scream like she was being murdered.
She used to scream the house down, scream every night like it was exactly this.
It was so wild, and what did you do? Nothing? I just listened. I just recorded it.
I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I didn't want to make them embarrassed. I felt wildly uncomfortable by it.
But I was also in my early twenties, and I think back then having like difficult conversations. I felt really like I wanted to avoid conflict. They think the way that you've described this is like an anonymous letter. Hopefully you don't get caught putting it under their door.
Keep it super lighthearted, which is like, I'm so happy you guys are getting some I'm a little bit jealous, but also like it's very loud. Is the only way to kind of attack this situation, And.
I know that the big listeners out here now that have gone through this, and I think we've touched it in the discussion group in the past. But if you guys have ever actually written a letter and you have made it funny, maybe you haven't made it funny. Maybe it's a bit like straightforward and sharp. Let's talk about
it in the discussion group. So I want you guys to just like start a little thread because I know that some people have written in saying I've done this before, Like I definitely wrote a letter, So put them in the discussion group and hopefully we can go and check other people's experiences. Wait, I have Matt here for one second. He's just walked into the room. I've been handed Lola.
Matt's about to lead you to go to the gym. Matt, if you had someone who is extremely loud at sex, I know that you have once before You've told me, what would you do? How would you mitigate the situation?
So basically, I mean, I'm not going to tell you the full rundown on this, but basically, this girl has a neighbor who has really loud sex.
But if you were the guy having sex with someone and they were screaming, what would be your reaction to that.
I was once with a girl who was extremely noisy, to the point where I thought she was taking the piss, But I would have to say mid sex, I'd be like, can you please just be quiet? I have roommates, please, And she'd be like oh, and I'd be like please, Like come on, what are you doing? I said, you can't make that much noise. My neighbors are gonna hate me. And she just wouldn't be quiet.
Do you think she's faking a map testament.
To myself as a lover. I mean, I'm painting a pretty good picture here right now.
Yeah, Mack, he's just compensating.
And she just couldn't help it. She just couldn't help herself, Like, she just couldn't keep quiet. I would plead with her because it was embarrassing for the next day with my roommates. Do then come out to the living room and have to face them and be like, Hey, I'm really sorry about you know that screaming person. I promise they weren't in pain last night.
That would make me uncomfortable in a situation. I haven't really ever been in that situation. I mean talking about sleeping with someone that's really loud. But I would find it quite off putting if someone if I was sleeping someone and that would like screaming, I'd be like, is everything okay?
There are a lot of people out there who don't realize they just don't even have any idea about their own acoustics, and they don't know that they can hit some pretty pretty exceptional high notes.
Well. I also think some people think that their partners. I think they think it turns their partners on, like they're encouraging their partner almost And some people it might like, you know, like you're doing good, sweetie, Yeah, you're doing great, CUTI or maybe it's an exaggeration of trying to encourage
them to do a certain move or certain position. So maybe when someone gets into the position they're like, oh, if I am really over the top right here, he'll realize that I like this, and he'll continue to come back to this position. There's there could be so many underlying factors here.
I'm like having this conversation whilst on the ground in front of me. Things are getting weird, all right.
Well, I think we're in a bit of a roll, so we're gonna go a bit further today, and I'm gonna throw me in a fourth question. Are you all right with that?
Laura?
A bit deeper, a bit darker, throw it, throw it in the mire. It's actually I'm trying to actually wind it down. It's not deeper or darker, but I think it's a nicer way to finish. Help. But two months ago, I met this guy. We got along so well, things were going great until one day he literally vanished. I just never heard from him again. It was the ultimate ghosting. I was devastated and I was confused. However, he popped up to me, apologizing recently for how he had treated me,
said that he feels really terrible. He wants to hang out again, and he respects that there may never be a chance for anything to happen again. What do I do? Do I give him a second chance? Or is he just back for sex? And should I leave that alone?
I'm like, a no, I'm a no, don't give that another chance. Yeah, I probably would.
Fuck look, okay, I probably would too. I probably have. But if somebody has treated you so disrespectfully, like if it's someone who you were dating, who you actually really liked, and then they just fucking ghosted, you. There is so much disrespect in that. Why would you give him another chance? Why would you open yourself back up to being hurt by someone who has already shown you exactly who they are?
And I say, yes, I probably did in the past give that exact person another chance and it didn't work out. I agree with what you're saying, like people do show you who they are with their actions one hundred percent and as long as they follow through with what they're doing. He definitely made you feel really shitty. And that's important to remember what I would do in this situation because I am and this isn't for everyone, but for me.
I think people can make mistakes, and I'm a big believer that people can change and giving people a second chance. I really am. I'm just not I'm not a one strike person because I've made mistakes in the past and I've been very grateful that someone's given me a second chance. I've said the wrong things, I've done the wrong things, and I'm not a bad person and I know that, so I like to try and give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes that has bitten me in the ass,
really really badly. Sometimes it's worked out okay, what I would do is ask why. Don't make it easy for him, but maybe you can entertain the idea what happened? Why did you you really hurt me? I was really fucking confused. Why did you leave? Maybe he has a good answer, Maybe he's like, I don't know. I got scared, I panicked and I ran. You don't know what it's going
to be. Ask him firstly why he happened, and have that chat and see if you a think there's anything genuine there you think he's telling the truth, and b ask why he's back, Say well, what do you want now? You want to a random hookup? Do you just want sex? Do you want to go on a date? Find out what his intentions are and if they're in line with what you want. If you are after casual sex and he's like, look, I just I loved spending time with you and be king to just like hook up again,
go for it if that's what you want. If you want a relationship and you want to actually date and he's still saying I'm back, but I still want something casual, don't even entertain it because it's never going to end well. And you have to listen to what they're telling you, like he's telling you what he wants, He's showing you with his actions, so they that's my advice, and I just think, like I'm going to too my own horn.
I just think that was really great mature advice. I'm like, no, fuck em, I was like really vibing my advice there.
No, I agree, And I think the one part of that which I think is the best and most stand up very bad Brittany advice is if you want a relationship, if you want a boyfriend, if you'll want something that's committed and constant, and he isn't able to say that that's what he wants off the back, before you guys start having sex, before you start going out for dinners,
whatever it is. If he can't say that that's what he's after, then don't entertain the idea because you're only going to put yourself into a position where you're what you want doesn't align. You're hoping that things will change again, and you're just wasting time and energy on someone who's already disappointed you so much. I guess my big thing around ghosting is that it's so friggin' cowardly. It's such a severe way of getting rid of someone and removing
someone from your life. It's such a cowardly way of being, like, Oh, I don't want to have to deal with conflicts, so I'm just going to disappear. And I think it says a lot about a person. And I don't mean this as in like there's a very there's different layers of ghosting.
If it's someone who you've literally been dating, who you've started to form a connection with, You've gone on several dates, you've talked about what you guys want, things are heading in the right direction, and then they just totally go silent, unfollow you on dating apps, unfollow you on Instagram.
Block you on Facebook. It just says so much about that person. And I really think you have to make very very strong considerations and you have to think about it really hard before you open yourself up to that level of drama and open yourself up to being hurt again by the same person. And I just think a lot of the time in these situations, you're not going
to get the truth. The truth probably is is that there was somebody else he tried to see where that went with that person, it didn't work out, and then now he's got nothing else on the burn, and so he's back to kind of give this one another go. He was probably hatching his bets, and I think a lot of times when people go that's reason, it's because there's somebody else that they're putting their time and their
energy into. So just be really mindful and really wary whether you think this person is worthwhile opening your life up to the drama. Yeah, I think that's it. I think we nailed it, lord As.
That is in from us. That is another ask, uncut, done and dusted. Like I said, I'm so glad that we can bait you for next Tuesday's episode. It's going to be great. It's all around navigating the dating world. It's all around how important relationships are. It is really back to our core roots. This conversation with logan Eurie.
She's a behavioral scientist and she really puts the science behind trying to find a great relationship and not dying alone, which is what her book is about and exactly what we're talking about on next week's episode. Guys, if you want to keep writing in your questions, just send them into the Instagram, Life One Cup podcast DM them and just put uk on cut, keep your confessionals coming in. Confessionals is the new segment where you basically tell us
your biggest secret. We love it so much. Just put confessionals and whatever you.
Want to call that. And also you're accidently unfiltered and tell your mom to you dot Te, you dont tell your friends and share the love because we love love