Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. This is our very special first day edition, our little sexy episode where we answer all your deep, dark and burning questions.
This is us can cut.
It's really not that special, but I love that you are so special.
But we giving way to the people. You were doing it everywhere. It's not like it's a.
Bonus that but you're like, it's that really special episode. It is special because we do feel very honored and we love giving you our advice.
We love that you trust us with it.
Some of the times we're like, WHOA, we can't answer this question is a bit heavy.
Sometimes we live therapy. I need a lot of therapy. Yeah, but we love it. We actually it's probably my favorite episode of the week.
For anybody who has a question for Asking Cut, you can always send them through to our Facebook page, which is Life un Cut Podcasts, or you can send them through to our Instagram at Life un Cut podcast as well. So we do a lot of messages from people saying like, hey, guys, I have a question, but I don't know where to send it to. It's the perfect place to send it to wherever you're sending that question. To you can send
it there and then we'll figure out whether or not. Basically, like we go through all of the questions, we read every single message that comes through, which is hundreds and hundreds and hundreds, and we pick out the ones that we think are going to be the most relatable or also the ones that we think we can give the best advice on. So that's how we kind of pick the questions. We also, from time to time tuck them up anonymously on the Facebook group as well.
I also love seeing.
The way that you guys jump in and help each other out and answer each other. On the Facebook group, We've got people that write in questions. They're twenty thirty, forty men, women, fifty sixty, divorces, about to get married, new babies, like everything, and everyone is so supportive. Laura and I had this conversation. We were just like, we're just mind blown that we can have a group so big
and everyone's great. No one's cutting each other down, no one's bullying each other, and it's really nice to see that we can still in this day and age, in this climate, maintain something that's so positive.
It's actually mind blowing. Like I've been a member and this is not to take toot our own horns. I'm got a tune horns like and whatever. I've mean a member of so many other podcast groups on Facebook pages, and they just have a tendency to turn really toxic and to become uber political, uber feminist, uber left or uber right, like there's always some slant and I think that you know, there's uh, it can become really toxic when people have very very different points of views and
that people aren't respecting other people's points of views. But from what I've seen so far in our Facebook group, like our community, you guys, you freaking rock. Everyone's amazing and everyone is super supportive, and it's a place where, like there's conversation back and forth. We don't always agree with each other, and that's okay. We're not supposed to always agree with each other. No one's trying to silence someone for having a different opinion. But it's a really,
really like wholesome and inclusive place. So if you haven't joined the Facebook group yet, go do it. And for everybody else who's already a part of it, then you guys already know how bad it is.
All right, guys, we do have four questions today, so it is going to be well, we're gonna still try and keep it quick. We usually only do three to four, but this one of these is really short.
But I'm not starting with a short one.
Okay, Well I can I start that because I have one that I think is like really okay, you started kind of like, you know, it's different to what we normally get.
So I was like, how do we answer this?
Okay, basically I'm gonna summarize this one because the question itself came through is pretty long, but the essence of the question is pretty to the point.
My friend's baby looks like a potato. Oh wow. Basically this person's.
Written in saying her friend's child newborn baby is quite unattractive. And she sent a text message to another friend and in that text message she had written, let's just call the mum Sarah Sarah's baby looks like a potato, but accidentally sent it to Sarah. No, and now no longer knows how to deal with this situation. She hasn't heard back from Sarah. She wants to have a conversation with her.
I'm like, obviously her name's not Sarah. Guys, I know how to deal here being the cloak of anonymity here, I read this and I laughed out loud. Not funny situation, but I who wrote this in I'm mortified. I'm dying on the inside. I know how she should deal with it.
She needs to go and dig her own grape. But don't you think we've all been in that situation where like a friend has had a kind of ugly baby.
Well, firstly, I don't think babies are ugly, because they all come out a bit warped. Their heads can be like misshaped there, but like they come out like the poor things have been bumbled up in some fluid in your belly for nine months. Like I don't think they'll be bloated, you know, yeah, like they're swollen, they've bloated, They've got rashes and they get milk crashes.
I think all kids are beautiful. I'm dying for this woman. I don't know.
I actually don't know what you can do other than apologize, like you've said it. You can't hide the fact that you can't blame it on someone else. You can't say, oh, I meant to send that to Sally who also had a baby, who you don't know like, you just.
Can't do that.
Your baby's beautiful, but Sala's baby looks like a potato.
A potato salad needs to take it to a barbecue. No, absolutely, like you, I think you just need to own this. If she's really a friend, you just need to Maybe you could make a joke of it, like I said, maybe you.
Could just think she's made enough jokes. No, but maybe you could just say like.
Like I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just meant that, like his head's still misshaped from birth.
Is the baby too or is the baby three weeks old? Because there's a big difference of you saying the two year old.
I think from the question it was a newborn baby. As someone who's had a newborn baby, I think that every new mom kind of thinks at some point like, oh God, I hope my baby doesn't come out looking like a turtle.
And like Marley.
When Marley was born, Marley was fully cross eyed, like when I was looking at her nose and the other one was like I don't know where it was going, but I'm out for a party.
It's funny you say turtle because I I legitally used to think Molly was looked like a turtle, but like a cute turtle.
That was what I used to always say.
I was like, she's like a little turtle. I don't know what it was, but maybe it was the shape of her face. Looks like a little turtle.
I remember uploading a photo so basically like Molly was like two days old, and I I uploaded a video onto my Stories, right, and I thought I had muted the video. I was very tired. I was really sleep deprived. I just had a kid for two days, like forgive me. Anyway, I obviously thought she was the cutest thing in the world, but I was very acutely aware that she was cross on.
Like I was a lying to myself in that moment. I was like, you can't hide that.
I was like, our baby's adorable, but she's a bit cross eyed. We'll have to get that checked out. Anyway, I was videoing her and I put into my Stories and I was.
Like, look at my little frog, she's so cross eyed. Left that on the stories. Anyway. I got a barrage of abuse from other moms who.
Were like, I can't believe you would say that about your own daughter, Like, think about how she's gonna feel about this when she's older. I hope to God that my small child has enough of a sense of humor that she's not going to be mortified by the fact that I said she was cross eyed at two years old, when she was at two days old. Look, I think we can all make jokes. This is a it's a
funny and unfortunate situation. It's probably not funny for your friend, but I do think the honesty is the best policy. If it's somebody who you love and who you respect and who is a good friend of yours, you can't just ignore it and then never speak to her again.
You do need to own up to it.
You do need to say, hey, Sarah, I'm sorry that I've caught her Sarah, but hey Sarah, that was really mean. Actually it probably should have. Do you know what this is going to come back and buy me in the ass. One of my best friends is about to have a baby, and her name is Sarah.
Sarah. I'm just going to tell you this right now. This is a pre recorded episode, so like you haven't even given you're giving birth today.
This has not come out yet. Okay, anyway, so this is not about you. The name just came to mind. So you need to kind of reach out and say, look, I'm so sorry that was super inappropriate of me. I love you, I love your baby, whatever the baby's name is, and look, he's going.
To grow into his lap.
I justn't trying to think if I'm just trying to put myself in a position. I'm trying to think if I just had a baby and you sent me a message accidentally that was like, oh my god, you've seeing Brittany's baby is so ugly.
I don't know. I actually like, I'm trying to work through that now and think of what I would do. I don't I would be mortial. I would be like, what the fuck it's really mean? But I don't know how you would. I think I.
Wouldn't unfriend you, but I'd be like, well, buy my baby heaps of staff to make up for it.
I actually at you know what, just bring this back to me for one more second.
I actually got a message the other day by someone on Instagram and it was sent to me by accident, so they had had obviously sent They were supposed to reply to the story that I'd put up of Maley, but they meant to send it to their friend, but they replied directly to the story.
It happens a lot. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guys, if you're ever going to an influencer or shit on a celebrity or something, make sure that when you do that, you're actually legitimately sending that story to your friend and you're not just replying on the story. You know.
What happens is No, it's not when they're sending it.
Sometimes another friend has sent it to them, they've watched it, and then they reply that's what it is.
So the other person sent it to her, she's gone to reply back, but she replies to your video. That's how it works.
So this person replied to a video of Mali and said, ha ha ha, Look their baby got cute.
Which obviously man.
At some point, her and her friend had been having a conversation about you know what, we got off to a bit of a rough start, but my baby grew into its looks.
So look, we haven't hurdles when we were young. I think it.
Look, this is whole situation. Like I said, we can make jokes about it. It depends on your friend's sense of humor. It depends on how sensitive your friend is like, I personally wouldn't be as offended as somebody else. I mean, I, you know, my self worth and my child's self worth is not based on my two day old baby being the cutest two day old baby out there. I don't really care so long as my kid is healthy and
everything else is going right. If my friend said my kid looked like a potato, I'd be like, look, he's two days old.
Give it a bit of time.
Also, what you could do is play on the potato thing a bit. If they don't have any hair, just be like, we don't worry. She'll get hair and she won't be a potato. Like you could play on it and mean like she's just that she's baled, and I hope that she is bald for the sake of this situation.
Yes, And also just call your friend, have an honest conversation, say sorry. There's a lot of power in admitting fault and saying sorry. Buy her a bunch of flowers and say it was a really mean thing, and I hate that I did that, and I really regret it, and I love you and I'm so happy for you, and I've really checked myself because it was a bit fucking shit thing to do and I'm never going to do it again.
So and then never speak badly about anyone again ever, that.
This is your lesson be nicer person anyway, I thought I laughed when I read this question, and I was like, this is so far out of our normal realm of relationship questions that I want to bring in to the table. But guys, just if you're going to write something mean, made sure you're sending it to the right.
Just made me feel sick, Like I've done that so many times where I've not mean things, but we all know I've sent pictures and not nudes, just awkward pictures. We all I've sent things to people that haven't been the intended recipient. When you just told me that, I physically felt sick, because that is the ultimate I would rather send accidentally send new to someone then send something offensive to my friend like it is.
I felt sick.
I don't know how you can deal with other than like Laura said, you just need to own it and hope that she is okay and you can laugh about it later, like there's nothing else you can do. But what I want to know is what you wrote back to the girls that wrote to you saying that Marley got cute?
Did you respond?
I did write back. I wrote back and said, assuming you mean my child used to be ugly? And then I had some crying, laughing faces anyway, and did.
They write back again? They're like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. This wasn't meant to be said to you like I have clearly anyway, let's all move on. All right, speaking, moving on, let's get to question number two. Okay, all right, I wanted to ask your thoughts on this. Girls.
I was in a relationship where a guy was consistently texting a girl and sending her memes that he outwardly admitted to having had feelings for her right before we dated. He told me he still finds her attractive. I told him I didn't feel it was appropriate slash or wasn't comfortable with them meeting one on one and flirting. He wouldn't take no for an answer, and it got to the point that he was willing to break up with me unless I would let them hang out alone. Do you think this is reasonable?
What are your thoughts? No, it's not reasonable.
There's the reason why you're not dating him anymore, because is absolutely fuck with like, no, okay, very swore, just very aggressively. I'm sorry to anybody who's gonna have problem with that.
No, but but you're and I always talk about the fact that, like we're happy for our partners to be friends with people of the opposite sex. Absolutely, but not to the point where he you've said you're uncomfortable and he wants to go and meet her alone after he's told you he has feelings for her, after he told you that he's still attracted to her, Like, there's nothing that is okay about that situation.
Nothing.
I also think, like, you know, you know that you don't need us to tell you that this is not okay, Like you know this is not okay. You know that there's a reason why you guys aren't together anymore, and
that's because his behavior is absolutely appalling and ridiculous. You shouldn't want to be with somebody who doesn't respect your feelings and who doesn't prioritize your relations like it's one thing to be you know, like look where the first people to say, like as a girlfriend or a boyfriend, you cannot say to your partner, you can't see this person, you can't be friends with this person.
You shouldn't be in a.
Relationship where you have to dictate the people the friends that your partner can have. But if your partner is spending an excessive amount of time with someone who he has expressed interest in in a romantic sense and is also flirting with them and being really open and casual about it, and then when you say that you have a problem with this, completely completely disregarding your feelings, you're being gas lit, and it's completely wrong. And this is
not like, this is not a mature relationship. This is not somebody who should be investing time in. And the fact that he's broken up with you because you tried to put some boundaries in place and he wasn't okay with that just goes to show that this is not the type of person that you should be investing time into, and absolutely is not the type of person that you should be investing your pain.
And you're hurt in because you're not together, So get back on that horse. There are plenty of better guys than that out there, I guarantee.
The other thing is, if you're in a relationship where you're experiencing this, if it's someone that he cares about and it's a friendship and he doesn't want to lose her. I totally get that, But why can't you all go to the pub for a drink. Why can't you all go to dinner together. Why can't you all go hang out at the beach together. Why does it have to be you're staying at home. I'm going to meet this person on my own.
Like it's just not right.
And maybe when you're sixteen seventeen and you're all friends at school, but not when you're grown adults in mature relationships.
And you know what, like we are all adults well or not. You know, majority of people who listen to this podcasts are adults. But like, the reality is is guys and girls can be friends one hundred percent. Anybody who thinks that a guy and girl can't be friends and just friends needs to grow the hell up.
Because adamant about this because I have so many male friends.
Yeah, absolutely, you know, And not everything has to be a sexual relationship. Not everything has to lead to flirting. And we shouldn't feel insecure about every single person who is of the opposite sex that's in our partner's life, Like that's ridiculous. And if you feel that insecurity, then maybe you need to work on yourself more than what
your partner needs to work on themselves. But at the end of the day, if there is one specific person and the behavior is different, and you know it's flirting, and you've expressed your concerns and you're upset, and they're crossing boundaries, he's not including you in the friendship, all of those things, then they are massive, massive red flags. And that is where it completely shifts and takes a
totally different territory. And that's where it becomes okay for you to express the fact that it makes you insecure and that you're not okay with it. Like, one of my absolute best friends is a guy, and there has never been a moment where we have flirted. There's never been a moment where we cross the line. There's never been anything sexual there because I don't have sex with my friends, I don't hook up with my friends, I
don't flirt with my friends. And I think as soon as you have crossed that territory, whether it be in the past or thing, maybe that changes things a little bit because you know there is history there, there is an attraction there, there's something there. Maybe that can be a bigger concern as someone in a relationship, but if you legitimately just friends with someone, it doesn't have to always be this suspicious conspiracy.
Also, the main issue here is the fact that you've told him you're uncomfortable with it, and you've asked him not to do it, and he's still done it. It's different if he calls you and he's like, Babe, I'm gonna go meet Sharon down at the beach.
I have to work for a quick drink.
I'll be home after that, and you're like, yeah, cool, because you don't care, that's cool whatever. But the fact is you've had the issue with it, and you've you've brought the issue up, you've discussed it, you've told him it's uncomfortable, and he's still saying, I'd rather break up with you than stop this. Then alarm bell, leave his ass what you already have?
Oh yeah, baby, Like not even not even just the fact that he's like, well, I'm going to continue the behavior. The fact that he's like, if you have a problem with it, I don't want to be with you anymore. Like no, like just this is like this isn't even like a red flag. This is like a big red billboard in the shape of a flag. So I think that he's done you in absolute favor, Like, get on
with your life. You'll meet somebody way better than him, who respects you and treats you the way that you deserve to be treated like that is not even a question guarantee.
He's looking up with them. Oh my God.
Ready just to get that wound and rub a bit of salt and just all right, question number three?
Thank you?
Next, wait, I have I have question number three. Okay, okay, question number three. I have been with my partner for almost three years. We live together. We've been living together for two years. I'm definitely ready to move forward in our relationship with getting engaged and starting a family. All of our friends are currently either getting engaged, married, or pregnant, and I'm so happy for everyone. But I'm struggling seeing
everyone moving forward with things. I'm longing for any advice on how to be happy for others while still being happy and satisfied in your own relationship and not putting pressure on your partner moving forward.
This is hard. It is really hard. I mean, but this is for me, this is like my whole existence.
Like everyone in my life is moving forward, going into the next chapters or in the love, having babies, getting engaged, having getting married like that is literally my whole life, and I am never anything but ecstatic for it.
Doesn't mean you.
Can't have a moment to sit in that and feel like a longing for that part of your life to arrive.
That's totally okay.
But if you're starting to be resentful of your friend's happiness and resentful of your friend's successes and their love, then you've got to look a bit deeper. There's definitely something more going on in your relationship. Maybe your relationship isn't where you want it to be. Maybe that's why you're not moving forward at the rate you're going to move forward. That's a conversation you need to have with your partner, and you need to say I'm ready for this,
like I want this. Are we at the same page? Are we on the same page? We at the same part of life? But if you are genuinely not happy for your friends and their happiness, there's an issue within your tiny little world at home.
It's one thing to want something because you know you genuinely want it for yourself, like because you're ready to get married and you're ready to have babies because you love your partner and that's where your relationship is at. It's another thing to want those things because you feel like everybody around you is doing them. It can be sometimes hard to distinguish the two. I think sometimes having babies and getting married and everything because it's the next
next progression, everyone else is doing it. It's very exciting, and then you think, well, I'm missing out on something really important. To sit down with your partner and if this is genuinely how you're feeling, to have a conversation with them and make sure that you guys are on
the same page. After two and a half years of being together, I would think that you would be able to have a very very raw and authentic conversation around what do your futures look like and what are your time frames and are you on the same time frame trajectory. Maybe he does have an intention of getting engaged in the next six months. Maybe for him he's thinking more than two year mark. What would that do if he said to you, look, I don't want to get engaged
for another two years or so. I want a bit more time of dating and really getting to know each other and traveling and spending time as a couple before we settle down and get married and then we can have kids. If he said two years, are you going to leave? Are you going to try and find something else? Is the marriage and the kids the main priority or
is the relationship the main priority? And everyone puts a different importance on this, Like you know, for me, my marriage has never been something that's been crazy important, but we obviously had the kids, right, like you know, at time frames don't necessarily have to mean the same thing to everyone, but if they're important to you, then it's
a conversation to have with your partner. Well, there's a difference between being envious of someone and then taking that home to not being able to be happy for them. Like I can be envious of my friends' situations and relationships and whatever else and career successes. I can be.
Envious of it, but it doesn't mean I'm not happy for them. So that's a differentiation too. You can still want what they're having without taking away your happiness and respect and love for them.
Yeah, absolutely, And I think also like you can't take that home and then be resentful to your partner. That's
not gonna have any positive flow on. Like I think that if you get to a point where you're putting pressure on because you're like, well everybody else is doing it, and I feel resentful for you because you aren't proposing to me, it's just it's not the right reasons, Like the reasons of wanting to be married and the reasons of wanting to have a baby and wanting to progress the relationship don't sound like they're coming from necessarily the
best of intentions. And that's not to say that it's not because you're not ready, Like I absolutely think you probably are ready to get married, and you do want to progress your life and your relationship. But if those feelings are only being magnified because other people are.
Doing it, then that shouldn't be your sole motivator.
That's my only concern, and I think the only way to really get to the bottom of this is to, like I said, sit down and have an honest conversation about timelines with your partner. Explain what it is that you want and that what you're looking for when you want to have children, what you hope to have with him, and understand fully understand where he sits on that and if you guys are matching up and then you can make decisions for yourself about your life and your timelines.
Yes, recovered a lot of ground.
I think we're good, but I mean, like, I mean, just very very last to tie up, just one more point, It is okay, like Britt said, to feel jealous of other people in your life, or to feel a bit envious of other people in your life who have things that you wish you had, Like that is in you.
And I do it interchangeably.
I'm sure you look at me being like, I'd love the freedom like not to like to be able to go and do what I want when I want, like not have a commitment. Aslutely Ante, there are one hundred percent there are times where BRIT's out for dinner and I'm at home doing the same thing I do every night,
and I'm like, fuck, I wish I had that freedom. Still, I'm also able to look at my life introspectively and have the perspective of like, well, no, I love my family, I love my life that I've created, and I wouldn't sacrifice that for anything.
And I see someone give me a shot of gin.
Yeah, I just want to be at home with it okay, and a margarita in my head. But I think that's what you need to do, right. You need to be able to look at what somebody else has and be like, Okay,
I wish I was getting married. But then if your relationship is great, if your relationship is healthy, if your partner is committed to you, if he loves you, if he treats you with respect, and he does want those things in the future, then just like I think you know, calm down a little bit and don't compare your life so much to what other people have, because it will make you jealous and it will create problems that haven't existed before.
But have that conversation with him.
Gratitude goes a long way, And something little that you can do actually is instead of looking at other people and wishing you had what they had, is to look at yourself and your own relationship and be grateful for what you have and look at how successful you guys are, how much love you have. So you can literally do a gratitude journal. Lots of people do this. It's very very therapeutic. Rite down every morning, wake up, right down
three things you're grateful for. Be happy, in what you've got and what you're creating, knowing that you're moving forward at your own pace, and.
That's it for that because we've Oh my god, no, no, no, you just now that. I'm so glad you said that. I'm one hundred percent on board with that. Okay, And the final question, guys, is.
We can actually do noises on this podcast? Sane we've got we just have never done it.
I cannot think of anything more annoying than sound then sound effects through a podcast.
Could we just clap the whole way through? T'm well please? Question number four, okay, question before. My ex and I have separated since January twenty twenty, So what's that like? Nine ten months.
We've stopped all communication and stop seeing each other since July. I'm not seeing anyone else and I'm unsure what he's doing. My question is when is the right time to delete intimate photos? He's got some of me. But since we don't talk anymore, how would I go about having him delete those? Oh?
I mean we've talked about deleting photos about x's in the past. Look, I mean, personally, I don't think that it is a necessity to delete every photo of your ex from your Instagram or from your Facebook, Like I think that they're an integral part of your past. Anybody that you date in the future is going to know that you've had a pass. You don't need to like totally wipe all the photos of your ex so that you look like you've never dated and you're a virgin. Like,
that's not necessary. If looking back on those photos makes you feel upset, if it brings back memories, that means that it's part of you to get over. If it's causing you any sort of like trauma, then yes, delete them, remove them from your Facebook, your Instagram, remove it so that you're therefore like you know, you're not being reminded of something in the good old times. But it's definitely not a necessity.
Okay.
The other part of this is if you are upset by photos that he has on his Instagram. Firstly, you can't control it, Like it's his Instagram. He can do whatever he wants, and maybe he looks back on that time as like a fond memory as well, He's like, you know what, we had a great time. I don't want to delete the relationship completely from my life because it was a really big part of my life. It's part of made me who I am. It's part of
my identity, and so I'm gonna leave it where it is. Also, maybe he just doesn't use Instagram that much and he just doesn't care about it as much as you do.
I agree with everything Laura said, but I read this differently. I read this in not that he's just got photos on his Instagram and Facebook and things.
I read this that.
She knows he's just got intimate photos on his phone. I think he's just got photos because she's just like I know he's got some of me. I don't know how to go about deleting them. I was in the same situation. There's literally nothing you can do other than ask him to do it. You can't control it, you can't get into his phone. Yeah, this is though, just like having intimate photos from the past, one hundred percent.
Yeah, I think. But it's good that we touched on everything, Laura, because.
Because it's like a question, we get a lot of and everything Laura said about having photos deleting them, I don't think you need to delete all these photos of your ex's.
Sure if you've got them, like macking on two weeks ago. Yeah, that's not nice.
But I think this one percent, she just knows that he's got a lot of photos of her and she doesn't feel comfortable. That happened to me with my crazy X. I knew he had a lot of photos, and all I could do was ask him to delete them. And I literally just had to say, I'm trusting that you will delete them, and then I think I threw in like I'll ruin your life if you don't.
This is something that we really need to be aware of. Like, when you're in a relationship and there's a lot of trust there, you will send photos and you will send I mean like I've sent nudes to guys before who I've been in a relationship with, But you send that with the with the trust that someone is not going to abuse that. You send it with the trust that you know if something does go wrong, that it's not gonna be held against you. The reality is is that
you guys broke up almost nine ten months ago. He may have those photos in his phone, doesn't mean he's gonna do anything with them. It doesn't mean they're going to go anywhere. You know, I could probably go back through my phone and I'm sure that they would be or back through my yclad. I'm sure that there would be photos in there that shouldn't be there, of my ex or of me that I've sent to my ex whatever. Like, I don't go back and look at them. I'm not
reminiscing on those photos. I just don't care, So don't dip into it. See, I'm the opposite.
I would want.
I feel I felt sick knowing my ex had photos of me like that, and I think that's what she's like. She's like, I'm feel uncomfortable by knowing he's got those. We're never gonna speak again. I don't I feel violated, Like I get. I get the feelings, and I get why you would want to. I also get why you were like, why can't we bothered? I don't even know if they're there. I don't look at them. But I think for this it's like fresh.
I think she who knows how it ended, maybe didn't end well, and she's disgusted by the fact.
Maybe she feels disgusting, Like that's actually a common feeling, knowing that someone's looking at your intimate photos when you don't have that connection with them anymore. Unfortunately, there's just nothing you can do other than really nicely and respectfully ask him, say, hey, I don't feel uncomfortable with you having those now that we're completely over, Can I just ask and trust that you'll delete them.
That's all you can do. It really is all you can do.
And like, maybe this is a whole other conversation for further down the track, because like it does seem completely unfair that you can be removed, and like you can remove consent at any time, right, Like you can say I don't want to sleep with you anymore. This is me removing consent. But once you've sent those images to someone, the consent that you have over those images, when it
comes to them personally viewing them, it no longer exists. Like, yes, you have control over them, like sending it out to other people, like they're not able to use them against you, to blackmail you or to send them on, but you can't stop them from viewing it after you've sent that.
And I guess that's something that we all need to be really conscious of when we do send out photos of ourselves or nudes or whatever, Like you do release a little bit of control over that when you send them out into the world and the only thing that you can do in this situation is to ask someone to delete them and hope that they do, and maybe asking gives you a little bit of peace of mind, shy of literally just reaching out to him saying I know this is out of the blue, I know we
haven't spoken a while.
It's just something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I was just hoping you would be able to delete all those intimate photos that we send to each other now that we're not together. I'd feel more comfortable knowing that and they're not there. Hope you've been well, take care, exoxo, gossip, but also like there there is a chance that he
has deleted them as well. It's just one of those situations that, like, you shared a really loving situation with him, and a loving relationship with him, and you guys were obviously in a place where you were sharing intimate photos with each other, of each other together on holidays, all of the above, and that's a really nice thing to do. It's it's just unfortunate that it's at the point now that it's not like he is sending them out to
people saying it's okay. But I'm just saying our advice when we say there's not a lot you can do shy of just politely asking him to delete them. He's they're his photos now and they're on his phone. Yes, they're of you, and I think he should one hundred percent delete them, especially if you ask him to delete them. But unless he is going out and it's like revenge porn and he's sharing the content like legally, it's not
like you can summon his phone and delete them. It's like it's literally just a respectful conversation that you're going to have with someone that you used to share a really intimate connection with.
Yeah, And I think that that's probably the most important part of this, is like if you did, at one point in your relationship love, respect each other, treat each other the way that you were supposed to. If he's never acted in a way that's been you know, that's called into question and insecurity around these photos, then I would hope that when you do ask him and say hey, can you delete these, there's still that level of respect for each other that he would go, yeah, sure, I'll
delete them. You know, if like if an X reached out to me and said, hey, can you go through your phone and delete those photos. Look, I mean out of respect. Yes, I would absolutely go and do it. Like, that's the thing, you know, and I think we can. We shouldn't just assume the worst in people. If he's someone that you loved, and he's someone that you did have a great relationship with and he respects you enough, he's going to respect your wishes now, So.
Something to keep in mind too when you're sending intimate photos in the future, just cut your head out.
Any identifying Marx. But no, like, it is something that we really need to think about. And I think you know, especially if you don't know the person that well, or you don't know if you can trust them, or the relationship is new, Like, we do need to take responsibility for our own personal security and shouldn't be This is not victim blaming. This is not saying that you know it's your fault for sending out photos.
None of that.
We've all done it, of course, But I think, like, be conscious of the people that you're sending these photos to, be conscious of the relationship that you have with them, Be conscious of the footprint that you're putting out into the world, because.
You can't trust everyone.
Excell This is like White who said this is our short, sharp episode that never ends up being that short and sharp. Another ask, uncut, if you have any questions, slide on into our dms. We love it and we'll be back next Tuesday with a big, meaty, juicy, deep episode for you.
And please keep the accidentally unfilters coming in. We love reading those.
Just remember just sliding to the dms with those and at the top caption them accidentally unfiltered, just so that we know what it is. We love getting all of your messages, all the questions, all the funny stories, all the can't believes He said that we read every single one. I know. We don't get back to you all because it's physically impossible, but just know that you are being seen and heard and we love you.
Can I just say as well.
I have had so many people in the last couple of days come up to me on the street be like, I love your podcast, and I just want to tell you how happy that makes me. It's actually the best part of my day. It was like two days ago. In the one day, I had about seven people come up to me, and I honestly just I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to know that so many of you guys listen to this that you get something out of this that you've you know, that you've laughed
or you've cried, or it's helped you through something. A lot of people have said that, you know, when they've been going through breakups, they've listened to some episodes and they've found some solace in it. And that's the whole reason why we started this because Britt and I, you know, we met this one day and we're having these conversations around relationships, and we were like, this is this is the sort of shit we want to share with our girlfriends. So let's put it on a very public platform.
Let's share it with whow and everyone. I love the people coming up to you.
I just get heaps of dms being like, Hey, I just saw you at the cafe and I wanted to say hi, but I didn't.
I was like, do I have a resting bitch.
Maybe you're like the intimidating one and I'm like the friendly, approachable guy.
You guys should know on this podcast how open and approachable I am. So if you do see me, don't feel like you can't say hello because I just get all the time all the time at the hospital too. I'll get home that night and I'll be like, hey, you did my X ray today and I'm like what.
Hi.
I'm like, you did my best friends cet scam but she didn't want to say anything, and I'm like, okay, so funny.
I went down to Woongong to visit my nan over the weekend last weekend and I was getting out of the car and this like gorgeous nurse came over.
And she was like hi. I was like Hi.
She's like, I don't even know why I just came up here. I listened to your podcast, Like great, you can tell me where Ward seventeen is. Let's go for a walk, and it was just so nice.
Like I love it.
I love being accosted in the street because it really makes me feel like what we're doing has a purpose. And like we sit in this tiny little bedroom, we shoot the ship, but it's so so fulfilling to know that it actually means something to you guys who are listening to it.
So yeah, that's I just wanted to throw that in there before we wrap it up. But anyway, I'm gonna get off the microphone out. Okay, shed a love because we love love.