Ask Uncut - The Great Drink Bottle Deception Debate

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.

Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on de rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life I Cut.

I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and this is Thursday Ask. I'm part our down and dirty question therapy session where you're writing your questions we do our best to answer them.

Yes, it is. Laura is okay. I'm just gonna Laura wasn't gonna say anything.

I'm just gonna say it.

Laura is beside herself with exhaustion because I feel like beside myself makes it sound like I've been here on the ground, like I've come in crying.

No, beside yourself with exhaustion.

Cola Lolla Derby is awake like a party animal all night.

It's a new thing she's doing.

She's free or good home. Anybody looking to adopt a small child? You please, we get some money for it. Yeah, she's I mean, she's pretty top shelf. She's a bit broken because she doesn't sleep, but apart from that, like she's pretty good, little bit used, but in good shape.

What is it? Is she teething? Is she night terrors?

Is it growing pains because she's too so is that like a growing time?

I think she's just trying to ruin my life? Isn't that what kids do?

Actually? Probably exactly?

Yeah, Like you have children, And then I think about how I was to my mum, and I'm pretty sure I purposely tried to ruin her life, and I think it's just isn't well, not purposely, but like you know, by accident, I tried to ruin her life by just existing.

Do you think it's standard for girls and mums? Do you think it's a standard right of passage to go through this Like I say hate, but I don't mean it, Like every mother and daughter has this I hate you moment where you're almost so similar and that's why you're fired.

But do you think that's normal?

Do you think there's any daughter out there and mother they just had this like amazing a plus relationship your entire life.

I think it's called puberty, Like hormones make you angry, right, I'm sure that there are parents, and I'm sure there are mother daughter relationships out there who have just sailed the test of time and have never had any hiccups, or their moms are their best friends. My mom and I are so close now, like we're way closer now as friends, But I wouldn't have said that we were friends growing up, like she was my mom growing up,

So I feel like parentee, you know, parentee.

I think that sometimes single moms have the like there's this thought that they always want to be a friend and that they're not, you know, they're really lax with rules.

And she was really laxed with some rules.

But she had very like high expectations, I guess, and there was always like a standard, and that kind of meant that, you know, we weren't like we were best friends.

I never understood because my parents weren't like that either. I never understood the whole like I'm best friends with my mom, I'm best friends with my daughter thing, because I mean, every therapist and psychologist will tell you will tell a parent you're not their friends like you are their parent. Of course you want them to come to you and like be loving with you. But everyone's like, don't try to be best friends with your children.

Try to parent them.

And obviously when you're adults, of course you're gott to be friends. But I was, moh, my god, we were not best friends, me and my mom.

Let me tell you this.

Lola and I are not best friends right now. No, I don't know.

She's just going through she's going through a hard time too, is a challenging time in life, and she's decided that sleep sucks.

And she got a little Boyfie in preschool. Maybe she's a.

Raphael or Leonardo, I can't remember.

He's got an Italian. There's a Raphael and Leonardo that she's fine. In between, there's a Netflix show in this.

Let's sell this menially, Okay.

Something I wanted to talk to you about.

I came across this thing on TikTok and I want to know your thoughts on the validity of this and anybody out there who is experiencing Maybe you think that your partner's cheating on you. If you do think that, then I'm really I'm really sorry because that fucking sucks. But if you think maybe your partner's cheating on you. There is this new TikTok trend. Okay, I'm gonna describe to you. Okay, so you have to get a used drink bottle. Right, So, like, go to an op shop, go and buy.

A drink Can you talk?

You can you just not go give a drink bottle from the shop.

Now, it's gonna be like a used one. It's gonna be like an old drink bottle, like one that's like obviously you know, being used by someone else.

Okay, hear me out.

I'm alreay gonna say no, this isn't valid. So go and get a used drink bottle.

And then when you're in the car with your partner, just say to them, oh, hey, I found you a drink bottle and pass them they used drink bottle that's like on the floor of the passenger seat of their car.

It's friends from nineteen sixty three.

Also do op shops sell us drink bottle.

Don't think so this is why I'll think so funny.

Okay, Okay, so you hand them a drink bottle, hand them drink bottle, and if they're cheating on you and they've had someone else in the car, you know that they shouldn't have that they're trying to hide from you. They will be like, oh, thank you, and they'll try and down play the fact that you've found this drink bottle. They'll be like, oh, pretend it's there to cover that. Yeah, oh thanks, and then, like you know, it'll be a non thing. They won't be like, oh, who's drink bottle

Who's fucking drink bottle is that?

It's not mine?

What's that doing in here? This is ridiculous. Just put a GPS tracker on the car. Let's get straight to the top.

I feel like that's illegal. I'm sure the peraps around Cydny do it actually, But yeah, I think GPS tracking your partner.

Is very fucking elital it is. I wonder how many people are breaking up over this drink bottle. This is not a sure fire away.

No, apparently it's not.

It's not science. They haven't had a PhD study on it. There's not a thesis. Some guy just did it with his drink bottle.

Yeah, but apparently he was like a CIA agent, so he's coming out with.

Laura's been found a rabbit hole. He's not a CIA agent. And I bet you, I bet you it didn't even work.

I bet you this guy who did it didn't even find out or confirm if his partner sheet.

I think he's just done to TikTok.

It's gone viral and now op shops are selling out of drink bottles like rats.

To be fair, I wouldn't be getting my drink bottles from not shop.

If you handed Mat a drink bottle in the car, You're in the car, you handed Matter drink bile and said, baby, forgot this, and he's like thanks, putting his bag.

You'd be like, it's over. I knew it is that what you're telling me.

I think Matt would say, is my drink bottle?

Look, you just get it and put He would also be like, what the fuck are you doing, because like there's I don't know. Yeah, well, I mean it would be weird for us to just be in the car and for me to pick up a drink bottle and go Hey, Matt, here's your drink bottle.

You didn't ask for. Why would I be passing it to him?

But I reckon, that's ninetyercent of the population.

I don't know if the whole idea of you bringing this was for me to debunk or not, but I'm like, if there was a fail buzzer like on the Mast Singer, I would be around doing that.

So it's had ten million views and ten million breakups. Ten million people have broken up because of this poor information. But it made me ask the question, and it's one that we haven't done yet on the podcast.

You're a CIA agent.

He's got to out himself on tip talk and be like, guys, don't turn anyone and the CIA agent and this is how I get through relationship cheating, Like how.

Many people he's broken up with because he thinks that they're cheating?

So she.

Okay.

So it led me to this thought though he can't shut up.

This is real tickling me today.

Okay.

So the thought is, well, the question is we haven't asked this question before, and I think we could get some good answers. What is the weirdest way that you figured out that your partner was cheating on you.

Oh, because we had like Shakira recently how she figured out her partner was cheating because of the jam in the fridge.

Yes, and okay, I was telling him about this thing last night, and he reminded me of another story. So there was a guy who was cheating on his and he said he was going away to like a work conference or something, and in the middle of the night, so his Apple watch was linked to the iPad, and she looked at his health stats for some reason, and his heart on him just making.

Sure his vitals are good.

So his heart rate kept spiking in the middle of the fucking night on this work trip. And she was like, well, he's not going for a run at midnight is he? Turns out he was, you know it was horizontal running, doing the horizontal dense of love.

Well, there was another way. I didn't know this is a thing. So I felt like I was about to put it out there.

If you guys are cheating, be careful. I was about to be careful for you find out.

Yeah, I like linking your iPad to your phone messages. That's a rookie era, everyone's you know. I mean, I shouldn't say everyone that. But like I know a lot of people have experienced that. I'm so technically challenged. I would one hundred percent get caught cheating in like ten minutes. But I didn't know this was a thing.

Someone got caught cheating.

A woman caught her boyfriend cheating because Alexa, you know, the little machine in your house, like Alexa play Sally got trouble that.

That's not a song. I could not Alexa.

I like the radio show, and you couldn't think of what I couldn't put song Alexa.

I can't think of Alexa. Pay justin baber baby Great. I'm glad.

But what happens is this girl somehow stumbled across that Alexa.

You can print out a whole.

Instruction sheet of what you have said to Alexa, word for word, so it will tell you what you've asked for on time stamps it and stuff like that.

And so I don't know why she decided to do this. She stumbled across it.

And there were loads of conversations that we had between two people that were asking Alexa to do things around the house. Because you can ask Alexa to do other stuff. It's not just play music.

So because do the washing up, Alexi put Lolla tosleep. Why does Alexa do nothing?

You go, Alexa put it asleep, and I go, Alexa, do me from what watch difference?

One of us is in a long distance relationship and you'll win nothing if you can guess who that is.

But apparently Alexa does that. It does print outs of everything you've ever said.

How did you know it wasn't her partner who was just doing that?

Well, this is the way I understood it, she says. When you say, hey, Alexa, if you're having a conversation of sorts, it will pick it up because it's lit up and said Alexa.

Yeah, but it doesn't give you like the tone or was it just that the hey Alexa? And then it was asking to play like it was like you know Taylor Swift Marley story. Yeah, like is that the thing?

She? Like?

My husband would never listen to that.

Yeah.

But if there are other really weird, interesting ways you've found out your partner's cheating, or maybe they found out you were cheating, let us not.

Like we don't all laugh at you, we will, you know, it's good to when once you're over the trauma, it's good to laugh about these things.

It's healing.

There's been research studies, it's been done on how good it is to laugh.

Okay, I mean yeah, I laugh at mine my psycho relationship all the time. Okay, to speaking of trauma, this isn't funny, but we're speaking boat over trauma in twenty twenty one.

What a segue.

I woke up every night last night. Now this is every night, every hour last night as well.

Now, let me just this. I love how we compare ourselves to each other.

We can just get onto what you were going to talk about.

I'm just to talk about it for a second. Delilah.

My child is getting d sex tomorrow and I'm really anxious about it going in for the operation. I think it's like a child, you know, when they're going in for surgery the next day.

That's how I feel. I would be anxious about that too, though, Yeah I am.

Now, I'm just like, what's something goes wrong? I know it's an.

Operation they do all the time, like literally hundreds of times.

Is it like a hysterectomy?

Yes? Yes, And I say that because producer Keisha's nodding. Yes.

I actually don't know what they do, believe it or not? How to d SX them. But I don't know if it was like a little tie or they take it all out. But she's got to be a cone head for a while. Four or five days paid medication. So I was, yeah, I was really anxious about dropping my child at the operation tomorrow.

No, I totally relate to. That would be very stressful and I'm sorry, She'll be fine.

That's not what I was going to say. I want to talk about Lady Gaga. Now, in twenty twenty one, a lot of you might.

Remember Lady Gaga. There was this big saga around Gaga. I had to it was a big saga around Gaga. Her dog walker, Ryan Fisher, was walking her two beloved poochers one day down the street in La and he got shot, critically shot. He didn't die, he survived, but it was it was really bad. And he was shot because someone wanted to steal the dogs. Yep, yep, so the person shot him. I don't know if it was intent to kill or not, but luckily he didn't, but they stole the dogs.

Gone.

Now, Lady Gaga put lots of statements out saying, anyone find my dog, and she put a reward out that went up to five hundred thousand US dollars, which conversion is probably seven fifty eight. Oh no, probably more nine. It's a lot of money in Australian dollars. And part of her statement when she put out the reward was, you know, I will give this money, no questions asked

The person that's suing her for.

The money is one of the thiefs. So someone stole her dog and then one of their like loose accomplices saw the reward money for five hundred thousand dollars, so they brought the dog back.

Did they find the person who did the shooting?

They've got them all.

Yeah, they're in prison. And so one of them is in prison. But is she getting sued from prison? Like she's just.

Saying, like, you lied, it was deceit, deceive me, you said if you got your dogs back. And because Lady Carga in quotations said, no questions asked, which I don't know how this is going to go because on a technicality she said that. She said, that's not like whoever's going to give it back, I'm going to give you the money.

Do you know what this makes me think? Only in America? One hundred Only in America with this shit for.

While she's suing because she said there's been mental anguish and pain and.

Suffering for her for the person who stole the dogs.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know what pretty stressful beef.

This is the sort of thing that I feel like they might win because this is happeny, This is all playing out now. This is literally like a couple of hours ago that there was an update saying it's going to court.

I do you know, I don't think they'll win. I've got two reasons.

Also, who's the fucking lawyer who's like, oh, that's a good case, I'll take that one. Maybe it's because they just want the celebrity kudos that goes with fighting this case. The reason why I think that it's impossible for them to win one is because it sets a precedent everyone's going to be out shooting people and stealing dogs. And two is because it's surely it's not legally binding. If you say I'm going to give a reward for X amount of money, that's not a legal contract. That's not

I don't know, but I'm very I'm very interested that he has plays out. Also, I just want to correct something I did say two dogs. It was three dogs, very important infection.

Well, I mean, I just feel like that's you know, five hundred thousand and three dogs. Like you know, it makes difference.

So I'm going let's per dog.

I'm going to keep my eye on this and I'm gonna update you next week because I need to see what happens.

I need to see who's going to see who I can't wait on the edge of my seat.

Okay, Well, before we get.

Into answering all your deep, dark and burning questions, I have a recommendation this week because I am an organized bitch.

Now that is my life.

I am someone who particularly struggles with doing their tax because anything that's non critical doesn't get done.

So unless tax is pretty critical.

You can go to prison, but it only becomes critical once you've passed the deadline date of it, right what tax evasion.

You knows?

What I mean is is that, for example, if I get a bill or a fine, or I need to renew my license, or I've got to do my tax like whatever it is, unless it's at the JEW date or like a week past the JEW date, sometimes a little bit further pass.

Unless my license is being suspended.

Unless I am going to prison, it doesn't get done because I only do things when they've moved up into critical status. Yea an alarms, which I know like freaks a lot of people out. People who are organized like can't live like this, But I also live like that. I'm like, you know, I've got so many other things to do in my day to day that until that thing that's not a necessity right now moves into critical, it doesn't get done.

Oh, my notification has to have that big red stamp across it that says like final notice to get collected coming.

I have to be at that stage. And you're like, fine, I'll do it now, don't yell let me anyway. So I found a new app. I've been using it. I'm really trying this year to get on top of my tax It's called dext. The thing I struggle with is I always lose receipts, So when you run your own businesses, that's a fucking nightmare because I need them. Don't listen to brit brick reckons. You can do everything from bank statements, but you're supposed to have your actual receipts if you're

Have a lovely lunch meeting, take a photo that receipt.

It uploads into dext, reads all the information on it, and it puts it into your zero and your Excel spreadsheets and everything else. So it automates all the work for you and it can allocate what expense it is, so like where it belongs, honestly, for me, for someone who is the most unorganized person in the world.

Yeah, it's great, and this is this is not sponsored. I just think it's fucking awesome. Maybe we could have got a sponsor. Yeah, dadds some four foot paydex. If you're out there, please can you sponsor our podcast.

Did you want? Do you pay for it or is it free?

No? It is not free.

It's actually quite expensive. But this I guess you can claim it. But you can claim it, so it's a receipt in itself. I feel like this is probably more suited to people who are business owners or sole traders. But if you are somebody who has to constantly keep on top of keeping receipts so that you can do your tax or whatever, it's like four hundred dollars a year. It's not cheap. It's expensive. When you break that down,

If you're a.

Business owner, that is not a bad amount of money to spend to topic, to stay on top of literally all of your expense organization. It's fucking great.

Okay, So you have the Vibe.

I have the unsubscribe, So this week I'm unsubscribing from widgets All widgets everyday widget can be a lot of things, but a phone widget, now, I think this is only on iPhones. I'm talking about iPhones, So if you're a weirdo that has like a Samsung or something.

Sorry to everybody who listens to this podcast and has a SAM sign.

I always say it to my dad.

I'm like, same sung Dad. I don't know because now we can't air drop and do other stuff.

Anyway, you always know when you have an iPhone, you always know who doesn't because then you start trying and send them like a group message, and there's goes individually and you're like, ah, cash, it happened.

To me yesterday, can you in drop me out? They're like, oh, I don't have a Samsung. I'm no fucking email It then gets just message it no.

So on an iPhone, they have something called a photo widget, which is you can say yes, put it on your phone or not, like you can take it off, which is why I want to take it off. In the top corner of your home screen and lock screen. It will just basically go through your photo album and it'll put every minute, a couple of minutes, it'll just bring up another photo. Most of the time, this is super cute because it's like if you've got photos in your photo album on your phone.

Usually it's something you want to see. It could be the beach, could be your friends night out, your kids.

A lot of mine are Delilah. But I have one hundred thousand photos on my phone, but now it means all these old photos. I woke up this morning and there was a photo I hate to say it of like myself and Jordan from years ago on the phone, and I have to unsubscribe the whole thing because I don't know how to get those certain photos off the phone without going back through one hundred thousand.

Photos to delete it. There are memories that are people going to have on their phone that they don't want to be reminded of.

Well, maybe iPhone just needs to be smarter. It's almost like now Facebook's quite good. Now it knows when you've broken up with someone so like you because you.

Say, not complicated anymore, just broke it up.

But if you if doesn't serve you that person very often, So like, for example, if you were friends with someone clearly you were dating them, and then you've unfriended them, it doesn't you go, hey, here's.

A suggested friend for you. It's your ex boyfriend.

How wild is.

It that we used to well, I mean I think we used people probably still do it. But we were living in a world where you openly if you had a fight with your partner, You're like, oh, show you.

You logged onto Facebook and you're like, it's complicated.

You let everyone know by your Facebook status update that you were like happy to argue with your partner.

Isn't that crazy?

Now?

Yeh see that's the widget. Look. Producer Keisha's pulled up her.

Phone now with a you've screened aw that from yesterday on her widget is a photo of her and like someone that she would rather forget that's popped up and it's like one of her I know because I know you as like one of your fondest memories.

I remember you've told me.

So this is a shit. The iPhone needs to work out. You need to be They have face recognition. You can search faces, you know you can. I can type in Laura and will search my phone for your face. So you should be able to update your widget with a face if it's that clever.

And say I don't want to see this, and it can filter through and not show you that that's what.

Wow, Oh my god, I think I just thought of something. Maybe if they hear this.

Trademark anyway, let's get into that question.

Question number one, heyy hey, that was Jim. That's Jim Carrey the mask?

Is it hit mare?

It's been a long time. I love Jim Carrey.

Okay.

I slept with my coworker about four years ago. We continued to remain friends, however, and also work colleagues ever since. Recently, he got a girlfriend, which I have met a couple of times in group settings. We instantly clicked fast forward. We now go for drinks and we text on a

This is tricky because normally I would say if two people were friends, if two women were friends and one of them started to see somebody, I would say, yes, if you'd slept with that person, you'd tell them right. So like if produce a Keisha came to me and said I've started seeing this guy and I had hooked up with him, I would say, oh, FYI, however, many years ago I hooked I would say that because for me in a friendship that stuff will come out one.

Day, especially like you've got to say it early on. You can't like wait for them to be weeks deep your boyfriend ha hah, totally yeah at the wedding.

Wedding.

Yeah, So, dear Keisha, I'm so happy for you, and I hope that he's better in bed than he was when he fucked me.

Oh no, Like, I know you're gonna have a happy laugh because he banged me real good.

This is why it's tricky.

But now you've become friends by default with this girl after she was already seeing him, So it's like backwards for me.

She is in love with him and you're getting really close.

So there's a big part of me that's like, you probably need to get it out in the open, but I think maybe it needs to come from him. If you're going to form a really good friendship with her, it will come out at some point. If not, it's going to eat you because one day, if they're completely in love and they're together down the track, you have held on to a secret, whether it's one year, three years, five years, and it comes out, she's going to be like,

Yes, Laura, it does, and we are apps fucking louly. Okay.

I have slightly different views to you, Ruth, only because I think, like, you're not really friends with this girl yet.

Right? You said they've formed a very good connection.

Yes, she's met her several times, she said, through her work colleague slash friend.

But they're not like besties. They're not like yeah yeah, but.

Well if they do become besties, then she's the one pursuing that friendship, right, Like you have an option, you don't have to be besties with your friend's girlfriend, because it sounds like it that they're friends, but they're more work colleagues. Right, doesn't sound like she's best friends with the guy that she works with.

No, it sounds like she boned him four years ago.

They remain friends, like you know, friendly at work and work colleagues, and now he's got a girlfriend. I think maybe suggests to him, like I do agree with you suggest to him, Hey, this has come up.

What do you want to do here?

Because I feel uncomfortable and I don't want to be the one to tell her. But I do think that it kind of puts you in an awkward position. And I don't think that you need to be bringing up something from four years ago, Like did it mean anything to you?

Do you have any feelings for the guy? Do you care? Do you think about it? Will you really be holding onto this.

Big dark secret?

Well?

Yeah, because now she's lying. She directly asked her about his past. She's asked, what's his past? Tell me about him? Knowing she's sitting there going, oh my god, I've got to answer. But his past knowing I fucked him, she's not, and she's not telling him. So now she's lying fit to a new friend who she said she wants to form a relig like she said, we're pretty close, we really like each other, we've hit it off her words.

I feel like put yourself into that position though, like if it was someone from your work, because in let's say it's someone from upstairs in like the radio team, who you've become friends with and their very new partner, very new, asked you about their past.

I think you'll playing this down. They're in love.

Yeah, I just don't think.

I don't know.

Maybe I have a different feeling towards it.

I don't think a one sexual relationship, like as in we had sex once four years ago. I just think by telling her it kind of makes it feel like it's a way bigger deal than what it is. And I think like depending on how close you see your friendship being with this person. If you do think you're gonna be best friends and you're gonna, you know, that's what you want. You want to like really hang out all the time, and you're going to be having this

I just don't think it's necessary. I think at the end of the.

Day, it's very tricky. I can't lie in a friendship like that personally. If you think it can never bother you and it will never come up and it will do more damage than good. If you think it will hurt her feelings more than it will help, then don't do it. But what I think you should do is just go to the boyfriend your friend, your work colleague, and be like, hey, I really like Sarah. We've been coming from and she's asked me directly about your past. What do you want to do it? You're ever going

It meant nothing.

We're not friends or do you think it's going to make it too awkward between you? But it's going to end badly if you don't talk to the boyfriend and know where you both at it. I'm just telling you it is not going to end well.

I agree with you.

You need to get on the same page either you get on the same page with keeping it a secret or in the book, or you get on the same page with telling her. But I don't think that it's your place to go and tell her. I think like it's his place, or it's his decision. I just think like it's unnecessarily going to create drama if you go out of your way to tell someone that you had sex with the guy that they've started dating four years ago.

I don't know.

I just I think that sometimes we think we want all the information, but sometimes having that information can actually just make us feel crazy.

What's that going to do to her?

She then gonna feel insecure every time you guys hang out or have a friendship, is it gonna make her question the level of what that friendship is.

And I think it's a big thing for.

The person, Like for the person writing in the question, is the friendship completely platonic?

Now?

Was it a one night thing? And then four years on you you have absolutely no interest? Like the thought of that is just like repulsive to you, because you know your friend zoned him so hard.

He's like a brother.

Because I think sex can be a huge deal and it can truly mean nothing, but it certainly won't mean nothing to the new girlfriend.

Yeah, and you're in between a rock and a hard place.

That's not a it's not a good place to be, and there's no really good outcome.

I wont like, okay, produce a Keisha. What would you do in this instance? Since Britt and I can't fully get on the same page, what do you think of this?

Isn't it?

We're calling a third party? I actually have been in this exact scenario me. No, we have all looked up that that's nice.

Up you idiot with hooking up with the same person.

Have you guys ever had sex with the same person?

No, I don't know if I could. I feel like I don't want to be compared to you.

And I also had Oh I don't want to be compared to you. I had a drought last year as well, so I was off the cards, off the books. No, there was a few people in and out, in and out literally yeah, maybe two, but no, those two didn't crossover.

Okay, right, So in my.

Particular situation where this literally did take place, it was in this situation where I thought, look, there is a really pretty high chance that this will eventually come out. Because we weren't the only people who knew about the fact that we had hooked up.

Yeah.

Right, So if other people know, especially if you work together and other people in your workplace, No, there's a good chance that, like, come a Christmas party, everyone has a couple of drinks and something is said, and all of a sudden, it's the time like that.

Yeah, So I.

Said, hey, look, it's totally up to you, but I personally would prefer that it comes from you.

I don't think it's my responsibility.

But I also don't want to be on the receiving end of it if she finds out down the track and then all of a sudden, we've kind of got to justify stuff, you know.

Okay, And how was it received when he finally said it, Are you guys still close friends? Are we all hanging out together being besties? Look, she wasn't stoked, But I didn't.

Then affect the friendship and change everything.

I don't think it affected my friendships. I don't know whether it affected like the way that she was comfortable with the two of us being friends.

She handled it pretty well. And I also, I think the.

Time in between makes a big difference, Like I think it, Like she said, if it's been four years, that's a long time.

It's not like you're saying, hey.

By the way, the person that I was sleeping with before we got together is the chick.

That you become, whereas in ken Keisha's situation, it was two weeks, so I can understand why she's a bit more pissed.

Put it this way, I wouldn't be stoked if this was me. If I found out my new boyfriend had slept with my friend and his work colleague and they still see each other and no one told me, I would be like, you're a bunch of dickheads, Like, why wouldn't you just tell me this? So I knew I would feel like the joke was on me.

A little bit.

Everyone pulled the wool over my eyes. I don't think it's cool. I think something like this, it's better out on the table. And then if that means you're not going to be best friends with this girl, that's okay, you're not besties with her yet anyway. I totally feel like, but it's better in a relationship for them anyway to know the truth, especially if you're all going to be associating with each other.

And that's when I put myself in that situation. Good point, Brett. Thanks, I got one more thing to add.

I think it actually depends on whether other people know that you hooked up or not.

It's a work office.

They all know, keep it a deep, dark, dirty secret.

I think if it's just the two of you that know, I'd be leaning towards don't tell me.

Yes, yeah, I'd be keeping it. Well, we know you're the honest one. Here's the three of us here.

But that's what I mean by like, if it's not a big deal, if no one knows about it, like I.

Just they know it's a work office, gossip is placed. Like think of the gossip in a work offers.

All right, question number two?

We all have a baby name ideas. Listen in our notes up right?

Correct? I do?

Did you?

You're right?

Your maybe listen names down as you think of that.

I wrote them down in high school. I haven't written down since.

I kind of just I would love to see what you'res for in high school, like like all of.

Mine were very Byron Bay hippie assualted the earth.

Yeah, what it even is?

Not even sult with the earth whatever, just hippie.

Okay, Well, my ex and I had chosen baby names that we both really liked. Fast forward, I am now with a new partner and we've just at a stage where we talked through baby name ideas and I'll add the ones we like to my notes app The other day, is this just something you do.

With every boy, like you really trying? Or is it just that you've just brought up, Hey, if we ever have a baby, a hypothetical baby one day, Yes, we call it.

Yes. When you get to that stage, you know that love stage where you're like, I think they're the one, and you love to talk about your future, I'm already doing it with Ben.

I have you never ever spoken about baby names with a boyfriend, except for Matt, because that's someone who I actually procreated with. I've never just had a boyfriend where I've been let let's do baby names.

I have once Anyway, the other day, my partner randomly said he likes a name, which is the same name my ex and I had chosen for a boy if we had one.

I love the name, but I.

Obviously never brought up because it was a name I'd chosen with a different person. Is it weird to name our kids a name that I was going to call a baby with my ex, a name technically chosen by the ex. Yes, but my partner has no idea about that. Yes, I secretly loved that my partner likes the same name.

Though, Is it weird?

Can we call him the same name I was gonna call it with my ex boyfriend.

You can call a kid whatever you want. You can call a kid peanut if you want to. But does it just mean that every time you look at that kid, you're going to think about how, once upon a time you were going to name that kid the same thing that you're ex with. I don't know if you think that the name is going to remind you of your ex in any capacity, I would say, call your kid another name.

There are hundreds of names out there, thousands of millions.

I think the same thing.

I did that with my ex, Like I said, and I had names that I really really liked, but there were names that he also really RELI liked, and he's such I just hate him so much, like.

You don't want to give him the satisfaction.

But whether I wanted to or not, I would think about him at some stage if I had to say that name a hundred times a day to a child which you're going to do. You're going to be repeating that name for the rest of your life all day, all night, screaming it, yelling it, saying it affectionately, all the emotions. If you're going to just think about your ex, I would say don't do it. I'd say pick another name. Even if you love it. There has to be another name.

You love out there when you have this hypothetical baby that's not conceived it. But when it's when you have this baby and you name it the name that you've spoken about with your ex, do you think that he's going to then be thinking that you're still hung up on him, or that there's some sort of like do you reckon?

That's going to be a little ego pash for him. But when he searches for her on Facebook, yeah, like he's going.

To know that you've had a kid. Like we all look at our exes every so often. Do you think he's going to be like, Oh, she's just like taken our life and duplicated it with someone else. Do you give him satisfaction? That's what I mean, Like, don't give someone that satisfaction at all.

I don't know. Maybe people are different in terms of like.

I know that some people get very very attached to names, but I think the reason why you're attached to that name and the reason why you like it so much is deeply entrenched in your ex.

I would just get a different name.

And I might even say to my now partner, if you ever, you know, guys get pregnant together, I would say, look, I love the name, but weirdly, this is a name that, like my ex absolutely loved and it just feels like there's some sort of, you know, weird reminder there that I don't want to have with my child.

I don't like personally any emotion connection, So I don't even like if I started to date someone new and he wore the same after shave as an ex, that smell and you got that, I would be buying him you after show, and I would be honest, I'm back, you cannot wear that for you. Yeah, I don't want any reminder of something like that in my past. And I mean a smell is very specific because that does bring up a lot of emotions. Can make your horny,

Let it go, let it go it is, let it go, let it go, let it go. Move on.

Okay, Okay, Question number three Laura really hitting the hard hitting questions today, aren't we ok My partner and I have been together for a few years and have been talking about our future for a while now. I have told him i'd like to get engaged in the next year or two, and we've been looking at rings together. The other day, when I was setting up Netflix on his phone, it opened to Safari and I saw a tab with the order confirmation from a jeweler we had been looking at.

Oh no, it's most definitely a ring, as I also saw the price tag. Although it's not a complete surprise, I knew immediately I wasn't meant to see it and have been pretending that I didn't. Should I tell him that I've seen it or just let him continue planning. We have a trip coming up on my birthday, so I'm definitely suspicious now, but I also don't want to feel like I've ruined the surprise.

Girl.

No, don't tell him.

Take that shit to that I should not.

Even come into your brain.

All you do now is practice your shock face in the mirror. If you tell ye, put your acting cap on.

If you tell him he ain't proposing, he'll still propose that it was just as fun. Nuh, he'll postpone it because he'll be like, I'll show you I'm going to.

Do and at least expect it in twenty two years. I can guarantee you.

I have so many friends, actually they're all engaged now, but so many friends that I think even Sherry did it, my sister Sherry. They're talking their relationships about when are you going to propose? When are we getting married? When's

She's going to think I did it because she asked ya. That's the way they think.

So every single time, because they all told that, you know I know this because all the guys said it, like you're your own worst enemy.

Every time you ask me, I'm putting it back, so stop. It's one of those things.

So I think if you said to him, hey, yo, I saw the ring, saw the confirmation, like, can't wait for you.

To do it, He's not gonna do it.

He knows you expected, he knows you're gonna expect it on the holiday that you're planning at your birthday.

If you want to get engaged, take this to the grave.

I also think, like the fact that you guys have gone to shops and looked at rings, like, it's not actually that big of surprise. It's not like when he finally does it, you're gonna be like, I didn't know.

You know he's gonna do it.

You've literally been to the shops and looked at rings together as a couple. It's just the when that's the shock. You know, it's the which holiday is he going to do it on? So I think just give him that. I think you pretend like you're shocked. Maybe you can tell him afterwards if you want to, like if you really want to, but I think at the time and pre emptying it, there's no need to tell him that you've seen it.

Also, definitely no need to tell him you've seen the price tag.

It's also disappointing when you're wanting to surprise someone with something and they find out the surprise before it happens. Even just the little things birthday presents, surprise party, sexy lingerie, whatever it is, there's a sense of disappointment where you're like, well, cool,

So I almost ruined my own engagement.

I told you before how Matt had a photovolt in his phone, and in that photovolt he'd been keeping photos of the diamonds, so he was choosing between and like the design and stuff.

But stupidly he downloaded a photovolt app.

So I was like, why have you got photos of your ex girlfriend in a phone room?

He was like, I don't you accused me?

And I was like, don't show me, and he was like, why are you being so crazy? I was very pregnant at the time, and I also didn't think was his ex girlfriend. I'm just you know, I was like.

What have you got? Like, who else has a photovolt app? I want to keeping it in there? What purpose would a man need a photovolt app? And I was getting really angry at him about it, and we were at his sister's house and his sister pulled me aside and she was like, he's doing something nice for you and you're going to fucking ruin it. And I was like, oh, they could be.

Yeah, anyway, sometimes guys aren't being assholes, they're just being great, and we've been conditioned to think that they're all awful.

Okay, I have one more question, and I think.

We can wrap that one up. Just don't tell him, Just take it to the grave. Sometimes it's better to lie.

This is a question I'm going to summarize because I read it when I came in and that I cannot, for the life of me, find it. So if this relates to you in any sort of way, it could be your question.

It could not be.

If she's added some mayo, She's sorry.

Yes, totally.

Okay.

So started dating this guy a couple of weeks ago. We've been seeing each other for three weeks. However, we've been seeing each other multiple times a week, so three or four times a week for three weeks, okay recently, and the last time we saw each other, I told him about how I really struggle with anxiety, and also told him some stuff about my past, like my family and just you know, complicated relationships with my parents. He's

Since she expressed herself.

And she shared all this stuff about her, since she shared her vulnerabilities, talked about her anxieties. But the question was how soon is too soon to share that side of your life? How soon is it too soon to share things like anxiety, potentially things like mental health, things like a challenging childhood or a challenge relationship with your parents. At what point in a relationship is it okay to share that.

It's a hard one because it's sort of like how long's a piece of string? This situation. I think there's two sides to the coin.

I think, first of all, it depends on I don't want to say how old you are, bit it is your age as a couple.

The both of you, And I say.

That because of emotional maturity, how much people have lived life experienced those sort of things. So I think that's dependent and the person and how you're developing. Are you exclusive, are you seeing other people? What's the connection like? What's it been like up until then? Was it like just nothing, nothing, nothing fun, casual dates and then boom, you put a lot of childhood traumas on him, really deep stuff or did you just say you have anxiety about really superficial things.

They'll say the right thing.

They might not say the right things, but they'll want to they'll want to try, they'll want to help you through it, and they'll want to move forward. They'll ask you questions, what do you need? Do you want to talk about it? That kind of a thing. If they're the right person, if you've just been someone for a few weeks, and then you really unload your deepest, darkest secrets on it. There is a chance they might not be ready yet. There they might be like this is too much.

There are one hundred percent and more.

Than I bug them for, And all that means is it's not the right time, it's not the right person. Maybe it's okay for this person to have pulled back if he doesn't feel like he is ready to take that on, because it can be a lot to take on a partner's pass and a partner's issues. I don't know if issues are the right word, but like you.

Know, anybody like baggage, I guess yes, it can be a lot for everybody involved.

Some people aren't ready for it.

I have a few feelings about this because I was like when I first read it, I was.

Like, when is the time to unleash You're crazy on somewhere and that's not to you lock them down. Yeah, okay, So I.

Think everything that you said I absolutely agree with, Britt. But I also think there's another way to look at this, and that is why do you want to tell someone's early on? Like, what is the motivator for wanting to tell them? Is it because you feel so connected to them that you want to open up about yourself more. Is it because you want to show your vulnerabilities because

Someone all about you?

And like the things that may be challenging and you find challenging about your life or about how you show up in the world so early on in the piece, because like I kind of think of it from the other perspective of like myself, I have some pretty challenging childhood stuff and I don't tell people that stuff until I feel really safe in their company and I feel

It's a trust thing, trust them, yeah, with that information.

And so for me, I think it wasn't until Matt and I, you know, certainly didn't tell him on The Bachelor. It wasn't until we've been dating for months until I wanted to peel back a little bit more over layer, And that was a process. It's not a sit down on one you know, dinner or drinks and just unleash all the things that you think that someone needs to know about you. It's it's a process. It's a process of building trust. It's a process of you give a

But I think sometimes we think we owe it.

To someone to talk about the stuff we struggle with, like, oh god, I should probably warn them. And you don't need to warn anyone, you know, you don't need to tell anyone about that stuff until you get to a point of real comfort and trust. But I would say that three weeks to me is probably too early because I don't think even if you have spent a lot of time with someone, I think that that's still the fun part of the getting to know someone.

It's like that's when you're showing them all the good parts.

You're like, hey, look at how look at our care free and fun I am, and you know, look at what we can have together. I think you're almost still on like resume best behavior. You're still in that three month contract period where you're like, look at how.

Good I am at work?

Probation totally, you're in probation and they haven't committed to being exclusive with you. They haven't really like committed to the relationship yet, And so I would almost think sometimes you can tell too much, Like some people go into new dating situations or relationships and they talk about the X all the time, and it can turn someone off.

Yeah. I think also you can do it in a way that maybe you don't go too hard, too deep, too soon, but you can sprinkle it.

You can bread crumb your trauma.

So here's a bit of my anxiety totally. So I know when I met Ben, I said surface level. I was really honest.

I said, just I really like you, by FYI, I have commitment issues.

Straight up.

I'm gonna tell you, like, I have commitment issues. I will probably try to run soon, but maybe don't let me. That's what I was saying.

He was like what I was like, I'm just gonna tell you what I do because I know what I do. But I didn't tell him why.

And I think you use that a bit like for a guy. He's like, oh, challenge accepted totally.

It was really just really mean. It was like reversed psychology.

Anything that's just like the most the most perfect typic. You were like already fucking like setting up camp in his life, and you're.

Like galloping, can't catch me if you can not even you were like fully cementing yourself in his life, and you're like, hey, I'm probably gonna like try and run away soon and he's like, I won't let you, and you're like, cool, it's.

Just tricking you. But it's a level of sound. It's so funny. It worked by the way everyone it's so funny to me.

And it's a level of self awareness that I have developed that I know I do it now. I used to do it to everybody, and I didn't know I did it until everyone pointed out.

And now I know I do it. I also know why I do it. But he didn't need to know that. I wanted him to know that. I, yeah, I might have commitment issues for a while. I definitely want to see where this goes. I don't want to rush it. We didn't go deeper than that. He said the same thing. He said, you know, I've been through some stuff too.

I mean, I've known.

Matt for six years, and I mean even a little bit longer than that now, and like even last year there were things about his life that he told me and I was like, wow, I you know, partly because it hadn't come up, partly because you know, it's not something he thinks about all the time, but like ready, yeah, and he told me and I was like, wow, I feel closer to you knowing that. But it took him

Some people do, and it is psychologically backed that we do bond as humans by sharing vulnerabilities. And what we do in relationships is one person shares and then they sit back and they wait for the person to reciprocate. This is a normal expectation, but it doesn't always happen because sometimes people aren't ready. So this is what's happened for you. You have unloaded wanting to have a connection and be vulnerable, and it hasn't been reciprocated for whatever reason.

You can go and.

Speak to a professional, or you to speak to a friend, because you should be speaking about it when you want to.

You should.

It might just be a case of wrong time, wrong person, wrong situation.

Yeah, I totally agree.

I think if you do have these real strong urges to talk about stuff that's going on in your life or has gone in your life, a very new dating partner is not the person to do it with just yet. I think wait until you have that trust, you have that bit of longevity. You know that they're committed, you know that they're in, You know that they want to be with you, and it's because they've given you that indication throughout other ways.

That's not to say that that's hard and full proof.

You know there are definitely people who their relationship has blossomed because they have had these really deep and intimate conversations very early on. I know that that is the case, but I think if you are somebody who continuously overshares and you find that people are pulling back from you, then that's an indication that you're giving too much too soon and it's too.

Hard for that other person.

It's always like that other person feels like it's going to be too much work.

You've scared them off a bit.

So I think just be conscious about how other people are receiving the information you're giving them as well.

Yeah, and this is going to sound bad, but there are people and I've been that person before when I've dated someone for two weeks and then've unloaded on me, where I've been.

Like, whoa too hard basket?

Literally it sounds awful, but it's like, I don't actually know you that well, just not even going to enter it.

It's too much.

You've got stuff you need to work out. Let's regroup when you've worked it out. And that is I think probably more people than not would have that reaction two or three weeks into dating, is what I would assume.

Yeah, I absolutely agree. Well, I feel like that's it.

I feel like we've covered a lot of ground. I feel like it's a bit of a therapy for me.

Then, yeah, how are you feeling great?

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