Hi guys, and a welcome back to another episode of Life on CUD.
I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and this is our.
Thursday episode, our ask uncut episode, out Down and Dirty, short little sexy episode where we answer your deep, dark and burning and sometimes really uncomfortable, awkward questions. Okay, So Jordan caught me listening to my own podcast today and he was like, I was laughing really loud, and I was like laughing out loud, and he's like, he came over to look over my shoulder.
He's like, what's so funny? And I got all awkward because he's looking down. He's like, are you listening and laughing at your own podcast? And I was like, don't tell anyone, but now I'm telling the whole of everyone that listens to Life on Cut. But I went back into to listen to some of the old episodes and I felt like I was listening to episodes like I felt like it wasn't us because it's been so long
since I was listening. And I was laughing so hard at some of the stories you were telling, and I'm like, this girl's cooked.
But as you it's like those people who laugh at their own jokes. It's literally us, except we're just do it and then I'll tell you all about it because we're losers. Okay, wait, I have a question for you before we get into answering everyone's questions, and for all of you who've written in, we have some great ones this week. I'm like, there's some messed up stuff happening in some people's lives out there. But Britte, I have a really serious, hard hitting question that I don't know
the answer to, and I need your help. Okay.
It always scares me when you come into an episode and you're like, I'm going to ask you this really serious thing, but you haven't prepped me on it. And now I start to get a little bit panicky because I'm like, I don't know what the answer is going to be. I haven't prepared anything. But anyway, hit me.
Okay, when you were having sex at nighttime? So when well, this is not about pooing in the shower, No, I'm like, okay, we're actually not going to talk after last episode on Tuesday. We're not talking about who again.
For a while, I was a lot. I give you one week.
When you have sex at nighttime, what's the order that you do the sex.
Well, usually the pedis goes in the vagina.
Firstus foreplay, then there's a penis. No, okay, this is very serious. What order do you do things in? Do you get into the shower and then do all your face serums and like your like nighttime routine and then get in the bed and have sex. Or do you have the sex and then you go and do your face serums and nighttime routine. Now I ask this because I have only just I've only just started having sex again, guys, and I don't know what I'm doing.
I've been putting the face cream on simultaneously why we're having sex, and I don't think that's right.
Sometimes I use it as lubricant and he keeps saying that the vitamin sea cream is like, no, okay, it's burning. The reason why I asked this is because I've only
just started using really expensive face creams your girl. For a long time there, I wasn't using any active products, and I've just started on like some really nice bougie face creams and face serums, and they're so stupidly expensive for how little the bottle is, And so every time I put them on and then we have sex afterwards, I get really upset that I have to go and double apply because I'm like, this is a fucking waste and I'm spending way too much money on my face creams.
But I also don't want to then assume that we're going to have sex and not put it on, and then the sefety planned and boring. I don't know what to do, Okay.
I feel like you're making some really rooky errors here in your face cream, sex shower application of an evening. So if you are at the stage where you're planning your sex and not by planning it, but I mean, like you work all day, you've got the kids, You know that sex isn't gonna happen in the day. You know that the only time you're possibly going to have sex is finally when you get into bed at night.
If you know you're going to do that, do not get out of the shower and do your routine and then get into bed and have the sex and then get back out Like that is such a waste of time, energy, and facial products. What I would do and what I do do, I will have multiple showers. I will always have shower first because I hate to get into bed at any point of the day when I'm not like really clean. Then if we have sex, I get up and have another shower, and then I know that we're
not double sexy. So then I'll put my face creams on and go to bed. But I won't get out of a shower and put my face creams on.
Wait, you have a shower before you have sex, and then after you have sex, you have two showers.
Well only if only if I'm getting to bed at night. It's not like Jordan's like, hey, when I have sex and I'm like, let me just have a shower, I don't do that or what I will do if I get out of the shower and I'm not expecting sex and I get ready for bed and I put all my face creams on because I've got like a process of about sixteen face cream applications that I have to do. I've got the eyes and the creases and then the
thing's folly in and then the deep moisturizer. I'll have the shower, I'll get out and do my face creams. Then I will go to bed. If we then have sex, I won't re wash my face, so the face cream still stays on. Unless you're an excessive sweater and you sweat it all off, there's no reason for you to go and reapply it. She'd still be on there. That shit is powerful, that should have been sunken into your paws by then you're looking at me like you're so confused.
I just have a like pretty little woman and be like, don't kiss me because I've just done my face cream. But then that that's not like very sexy either. No, I think the problem is is like one, I'm not gonna have two showers because it's too difficult. It wastes too much time between, Like I get very limited sleep, And anyone who's got kids knows that that's that shit is precious. That is almost as precious as a very expensive face creams. So I'm not gonna go and have
a second shower after the sex. But I also don't want sex to become so monotonous and planned that you're like, Okay, I'm not gonna put my face creams on. Now, I'm gonna go to bed, we're gonna have sex, then I'm gonna get up and do the face creams. I feel like there's too much planning in that but then on the flip side of that, I'm like, well, if I go to bed and I haven't put face cream on and then sex doesn't happen, I then have to get out of fucking bed and go and put It's just
it's too much. Let's just stop having sex.
No, I have a question. What are you possibly doing in your sex that is going to interfere with the face cream that you put on?
Just so much rimming? Just my face is just squished between two.
But constantly probably good friends. No, we kiss a lot, Yeah, but kiss all over your face? It like licks your cheek and stuff, doesn't it just kiss your lips?
Yeah, but then like smudges all around. Yeah, out of a fuck who knows. Anyway, let's get into the questions. This has gone too long.
No, I just can't believe that that's the deep hitting, hard hitting question you've asked me, and I don't think you've even got your answer.
Yeah, it's because we had sex last night, which you know, yay everyone, I like a round of a pause to your girl here, who I'm got lucky. No, But then afterwards I was like, fuck, it's all I bet you. The face creams all gone and it's just too expensive to waste. They're really upset by this, and like I had a bit of pash rash and like it was like a lactic acid thing, and I was like, it's just it's too aggressive for the sex. I need to
figure out a solution. And I thought maybe we should have this conversation publicly on a podcast, so that everybody else out there who's dealing with the same level of trauma that I'm dealing with right now, you know, the things that we've got to think about in lockdown, might have their answers.
Also, I have a solution. I have a solution. Why don't you just put the face creams on your bedside table, go to bed thinking you're gonna get lucky. If you're not gonna get lucky, you just quickly roll over, put the cream on, and go to sleep. You don't have to even get out of bed, Like, you're not gonna fall asleep, Matt is not gonna wake up, and you are not gonna wake up in the middle of the night and be like, let's have sex. However, those days
are long gone. Let's be real. Yeah, thank god, rip spontaneous sex. Those days are dead. So why don't you just have your face creams next to the bed on the bedside table, go to bed, try it on with Matt. If he's not keen, or if you do, do it regardless, then need to slap on your cream at the.
End and hit the Hey, ladies and gentlemen, Britnanie Hockley, this is why we have her here to answer all of your hard hitting questions. The girls an oracle.
You don't pay me enough.
Laura's genius anyway, all right, let's get into the questions.
Laura, I am going to hit you with the first question.
Now.
This is in the words of Laura Burne. This is a real doozy. This is I don't know what to do with this, and I hope you haven't answered for me, because I'm still on the fence. Ladies, I need some help and I don't know who to speak to about this. It involves my best friend and her fiancee, so of course you were the first people that I messaged. I absolutely love that. I'm still processing this as I'm writing it, and I know if I do do anything about it,
I have to do it soon. In the early hours of Sunday morning, I received a snapchat from my best friend's fiance, and I was totally mortified when I opened it. He had sent me a video of him getting a blowjob from a guy. The video wasn't at his home, and it was clear he was on someone else's bed. I clearly, very clearly saw his face, the face of the guy giving the blowjob, and the guy's penis. My first reaction was to tell my partner, but I know
this information is going to do so much damage. I don't know whether to speak to my friend first, and I really feel like just ignoring what I saw, but I can't get the image out of my head. I'm just so afraid of being the one to cause so much collateral damage to this relationship, and I'm so scared
to see my friend upset. I don't have any roof as such because it's Snapchat and it has been deleted, but I absolutely know this was my best friend's fiance getting a blowjob, not from my best friend, but from a nan. What the fuck? This is probably one of the biggest questions we have ever had come in in terms of, what the fuck do you do? That's a real doozy. That's a real doozy isn't it? What?
Wow?
Like, did he mean to send this snapchat? He couldn't have It must have been an accident.
Well, she said that that she received it in the wee hours of the morning, So I'm thinking, like, there's probably a lot of alcohol that's been involved. Who knows, some terrible decision making took place. The first terrible decision making was the blowjob. The second terrible decision making was the snapchatting of the blowjob. Who the fuck uses snapchat anyway?
Like?
Who sends things like this? This is? That's so like twenty fifteen, Why are people still sending sexy snapchats? I don't get it?
So I wonder I was thinking that as well. Right, so I didn't have Snapchat, but I know it is actually still really big. It is really big. But I wonder if he maybe has this sort of double because he has you know, his fiance is female. He is getting a boy job from a man. He's got this other life that people don't know about. I wonder if there's a group on Snapchat of you know, people that send these sexy things to each other. Maybe he's in a group of other men that'll send these things to
each other. And maybe he's just hit send to the wrong person. I highly doubt he is meant to send this to her. Oh absolutely not, unless he needs it to come out and he doesn't know how to break up with his own relationship and he's sort of poking the fire.
What do you think she does, Laura, I think you have to tell your friend, but like I think that there is ways that you can approach this. But ah my god, at the end of the day, your friend may shoot the messenger. You may be the one that ends up copying the full force of this collateral damage that you've described. Like that might happen. But I think the reality is is, like we love our friends, We want the best for them. We want them to be in a relationship that they are treated with respect and
they are loved and they are secure. And this is her fiance, and obviously he some things that he needs to work out, regardless of who he's getting a blowjob from. I think that that's totally irrelevant, guy or girl. But the thing is is like he's cheating on his fiance and there might be some other bigger problems down the road for them as a couple. If you know, he is still questioning his sexuality, or there are still things
that he hasn't been transparent with with his fiance. Now, look, I think the big one here is maybe you don't tell her first, Maybe go to him and have a conversation with him and say, this is what you sent me, this is what I've seen, And if you don't tell her, I'm going to tell her and give him a couple of days to process how he wants to deal with this and how he wants to have that conversation with her. That way, at least, if he does Manna, it saves you from being the one who has to bring this
horrible news to your friend. But if he chooses to go down the route of gas lading, if he chooses to go down the route of lying or saying that you know, like you're making it up. I still think you need to tell your friend. And one of the really big parts of this and something that I think if he does do that and you find yourself in the situation where you're having this conversation with your best friend is making her known that you have no motivator.
There is absolutely no motivator for you to make this up and lie, like, what do you benefit from this, And I think it's really important for you to explain that to her because she will feel defensive. She probably won't believe you instantly, like no, why would she believe you. She won't want to believe that you know her husband
or her partner is living a double life. So I think it's really important to explain that, like, this comes from a place of love, and this comes from a place of protection, and that you gain absolutely nothing from telling her this except that you want to protect her.
So you say, go to the fiance that was getting the blowjob.
Give that man an ultimatum, say you're on timer buddy, two days, three days. If he says it's not me, he says it's not me, like you've got no proof it definitely wasn't me.
Do you still go and tell her? Do you still go and tell your friend?
Yeah? I would still go and tell her.
Like, Okay, put yourself. Just pretend this was Jordan. You saw that happen to Jordan. Do you go to Jordan before me?
If I saw that Jordan, if Jordan had sent me that fucking hell? Could you imagine if Jordan had sent me a snapchat of him getting a blowjob? From another guy, I would call him and say, Hey, this is what you've sent me, and you need to speak to brit about it. And if he didn't speak to you about it, I would one hundred percent be speaking to you about it.
Yeah.
And if you saw the same thing from Matt, whether it was a guy or a girl, and you chose not to tell me because you were frightened of my reaction or you didn't want us to have a fight, or I would be so mad and so heartbroken that you just couldn't be honest with me, that you were so worried about my reaction over taking care of my heart and protecting like my relationship, my future, that you were more worried about yourself than what you were worried about me. That's the way I see that.
I would one hundred percent go like, because I tried to put myself in this position and think, would I go and tell you or what I go tell Matt? I would go and confront Matt. I one hundred percent agree with what you said, Laura. I think, go to the man at fault and just tell him, And you don't have to go in Accusa Tree and you don't
have to go in aggressive or mad or anything. You just have to say, hey, look, highly likely you did not mean to send me a photo of you getting a bloyjob, regardless I saw it, and you need to address this. You need to tell her. If he doesn't, then yep, give like Lauris said, give it a couple of days. But there is a big chance that this could just blow up and he could deny it. There is no proof. He could be like, if she's marrying him and she thinks that nothing's going on, he could
be like, what are you talking about? Your friend is crazy, as if I'd ever do that, And then I've been in this position before. It's highly likely that your friend is going to take the side of her fiance and think that maybe you missaw something and it wasn't him and it was someone else. And you have to be
prepared that that is going to happen. Because love is blind, and when you're that in love with someone and you're in a situation you think you're marrying them and you're going to spend your life with them, and you think you know them back to front. You don't want to hear anything bad about them, and you will see what you want to see if he tells you it's a mistake and it wasn't true, chances are she's going to
believe that. So you do have to be prepared. But I think one hundred percent you're not gonna be able to live with yourself if you don't somehow inform her of what her fiancee is doing, especially before she marries him. Like that's a big thing because if it comes out later and she's like, why the fuck didn't you tell me he was cheating on me when we were engaged, before we got married, like this could have stopped. Who knows how many other people they are, Like, that's the thing, we don't know.
There's different tiers of friendship, right if she was an acquaintance, I don't think you need to go out of your way to tell them. If it's like a second tier of friendship, you don't need to go out of your way to tell them. You don't need to put yourself into that firing line and make yourself the bearer of bad news. But when it's your best friend, even if this breaks you as best friends, even if she chooses to believe your partner, at least you have done the
right thing. And I know that there will be so much hurt and and probably so much grief in losing a friendship over this, especially when you have done nothing wrong. But that's the truth. The truth is you have done nothing wrong, and the conversation that you've had has come from wanting to protect and do the best thing for your friend. And if he's done this once, the chances are he'll do it again. The chances are he will
continue this behavior and she may find out. She may not find out herself, but if she does find out in the future, she's not going to keep holding this against you. I'm so sorry that you're in this position. I think a lot of us, and a lot of us have experienced maybe a milder version of this, but we've found out that our friend's boyfriend has done something wrong and we have to kind of grapple with whether
it's worth risking the friendship. But I think with these sorts of things, when it gets to a point where it's so damning, it's so obvious, and the betrayal is so huge, you owe it to your friends to kind of put that friendship on the line because the truth is so outwowing. Okay, let's go back to talking about face creams and whether to put them on for sex or not.
One thing that I want to add before we wrap this up is this is just a perfect tie. So I think it was last week on the podcast we were speaking about do you tell this exact thing? Does this girl go and tell this other woman that her husband's cheating on her she didn't know her that well, and we did this whole by chat about it. I
was so intrigued by it. But I put a bunch of hold up on my Instagram stories about would you tell if you're in that situation and would you want to know if you were the person that was you know, this husband was cheating, would you want someone to come and tell you? And it was actually really interesting result because only fifty five percent of you said to tell the wife. So there's only fifty five percent saying tell go and tell that person, but ninety five percent of
you so that you would want to know. Now those statistics don't add up. That's saying that everyone is like one hundred percent tell me, but only half of you are like, ooh, I don't think I have the balls to actually go and do it. So I think you've got to put yourself in that position, would you want to know would you want your friends to tell you? Because I one hundred percent would want my friends tell me.
Yeah, And I know no one wants to be the messenger. No one wants to be that person who feels like they are responsible for the breakdown of a relationship. But at the end of the day, you're not responsible for the breakdown of that relationship. He is. And that's really important to remember. You're not out there trying to ruin her relationship. And I think if you've been best friends with her for years and years and years, she's going to know that, like, you're not here trying to just
fuck her life up. Like what do you gain out of that? Alrighty, anyway, let's get into question number two, and I'm going to read this one to you, Brittany. Hello, ladies. My question is I have lived with one of my closest friends for the past two years. He's been in a relationship now for almost six months. I love them both individually and together. They are awesome, and in saying that, though sometimes I do find myself feeling like a complete
third will to them. In my own home, especially in lockdown, it's the constant going on walk after walk together. It's the only cooking meals for the two of them. When the three of us are at home, it's the two of them cuddling on the couch and kissing, even when we've decided to watch a movie together. I love love too, and I'm so happy that he has found the guy for him. But I just don't understand how you can't keep your hands off each other in a communal space
for just one hot second. Am I being too prudish, too sensitive? Or is it worth saying something to him? Oh?
I feel for you, I really do. But they've been together six months, they're in love, they're in the honeymoon stage, and it's lockdown. They are gonna be together twenty four to seven. This is a tough one because the only thing that I think you could really comment on is probably the cooking dinner for the two of you when the three of you. I think that that is something that can be adjusted. Like I think you can all have meals, you can go and eat it separately. You
don't have to eat together. But if you're all in the same house, you're eating the same sort of foods. There's no reason you can't all throw in and share the load, share together, eat together, whatever the going on,
walks together, and they're being affectionate and kissing. That's unfortunately just part of young new fresh honeymoon COVID lockdown love, and there's not a lot you can do about it unless they're obviously like I mean, if there's three of you on the lounge and they're like rolling around knocking vases off, and like, yeah, they're out and they're like wind milling each other and slapping each other in the
face with their penises, just shy of that. If they're just like gabbing a smooch in a cuddle, I think you've just got to roll with it. I don't know how much there is you can do unless it's very in your face, and then you can be like, guys, get a room, Just make a throwaway comment kind of like that, and maybe they'll pull their head back in.
What do you think one hundred percent stop being their relationship grinch? I mean, I know that we're in lockdown. There's nothing else to like focus on. But I agree. I think probably lots of us have been in these situations where we've had housemates their relationship status has changed. They've met someone new, and then their fucking new partner is around all the time, and you feel like the space and the home that you once had you can
kind of feel a little bit muscled out of. There's a few you different things here that I think it gives you a place to say something. If you have a small couch and they're both always taking up the whole couch, which means that you can't even sit in your lounge room because they're laying down, cuddling all that sort of stuff. I think that that is like a point where you can say, hey, guys, you kind of make it a bit impossible for me to be able to enjoy the space when you guys are on the
couch like that. If you can, you know, just make it so that there's a bit of room for me, I'd really appreciate it.
You don't even need to say it that nicely, just be like, yo, move your legs, bitch.
Totally. But I think that that's the sort of situation where you totally have a place to say something. The cooking one is so interesting to me because like, okay, so I think that you can also get into the other like the flip side of a problem with this. So I have lived with couples before. There's so many benefits to it, there's so many cons to it as well. Often what happens alternatively in a couple is that the
couple see themselves as one person. So it's actually kind of nice that they're cooking their own meals and then you can do your own, because it's sometimes worse when they go, oh, we cooked for you last night, now you cook for us tonight, and you end up cooking for two people on the same rotation that they cook for one person.
I'm sensing this is a bit of a personal situation for Laura.
I have had this before, Yeah, totally, and like you're like then feeding two people and you don't have a second person to like enjoy the benefits of it being equal, I think.
But for me, like in the past when I've lived with flatmates, I live alone now obviously, but for me, I've always liked to cook my own food, even when my flatmates are usually like, let's throw in, and I'm like, I just it's easier for me. It's quick. Exactly Like Laura said, I don't want to worry about the next day being like, oh, no, I've got to make something amazing. Also, I'm a shit cook, so like I don't want anyone
to eat my food. Now, maybe it's not a matter of like you cook one night, they cook the other night. But maybe you all just throw in and help each other and I can guarantee you cooking. There's not a big difference between cooking for two people and cooking for three people. I think you could just ask for that straight up, to say, hey, do you guys want to get into a routine where you know, every second night we all just throw in and cook a meal together.
Like it's a simple question like that, and it doesn't have to be every night. Then you can do your own things some night as well. They can still feel like they're on their date. But I think that that and the lounge thing, I think that's pretty easy. But I don't think you can make a big deal about it, not because as much as it's your home, it's his home to put.
It out there as like we can have family night and then you all do it together and that makes you a more included part of that evening as well. But I think it's really important with these situations, and like especially with lockdown, like you don't have anything else to focus on, so something that maybe wouldn't bother you as much normally, you're so much more focused on it because there's just so few distractions and we're spending so
much more time in our homes at the moment. So I do think you need to weigh up how much is this pissing you off? That's the real question. If this is something that you think about every single day, it's affecting the way that you live your life in your own home, you're not able to enjoy your home. If it is causing you that much upset, then absolutely
there's a conversation there that needs to be had. But if it's just a bit of nough that he's like super in love and you aren't, and then therefore you have to watch it all the time and you're like, ah, fuck, get a room. Guys. If you just have this niggling thought every so often, it's not worth it. It's not worth having an uncomfortable conversation just so that you can
make your point made. All it's gonna do is make him feel a bit bad, make them feel like you know they're gonna then have a conversation about it when you're not there, like make them feel like it's you verse them, and.
Look, I think we've answered this. I think just know there is an end in sight, and then you can go out and do whatever you want. The second lockdown is over because there is also a high chance that they don't even know they're not including you or that you're feeling like this, because they would be in their own little bubble and they're not noticing anyone else. They're in a love bubble, and a love bubble is very hard to penetrate. It is very powerful, a love bubble.
But just know the end is inside.
How is your powerful, impenetrable love bubble going, Brittany?
Oh, it's like the thickest, strongest, biggest best bubble I've ever had. I just love it in my own mouth? Who brought me? All?
Right?
Lenna hit you with the last question. Girls, I have a question for you about partners with low self esteem. Last night, my partner said he felt so ashamed of his body and that it's not me, and it's not that he's not attracted to me or anything. It's his confidence that he's stopping him from initiating things and he just doesn't want to have sex with me. I've mentioned it to him multiple times that I've noticed a very big dropping frequency that we have sex.
We lived together.
The last time we had sex was probably four or five weeks ago. He said that he needs me to be patient with him, and that he wants me to initiate things. But I told him that every time I do try and initiate it, I just feel shut down because every single time he says no, he feels too much pressure to perform. He mentioned last night that when sex is more spontaneous with less build up, he enjoys it a whole lot more. He says that he loves me and he doesn't want me to think he's not
interested or anything. But right now, I'm just at a loss at what to do. I want to have sex. He doesn't. He says he's not confident. He tells me to be patient. Any advice is appreciated.
If he doesn't want planned sex, you definitely can't be putting on your face creams after the sex. You got to come to your face creams on so he doesn't think that you've been thinking about this.
You're got to put those bad boys on the bedside table. Asap.
Okay, so I've actually I mean, I'm going to talk about this one from a personal experience. I experienced something very very similar to this in a past relationship. My ex stopped having sex with me. We hadn't had sex in close to six weeks.
Was that because he was having sex with other people? Or is this a different ex too soon? Okay, it was a different ex. So we hadn't had sex in like six weeks.
And I had tried multiple times, and he just would like say, he wasn't in the mood, or he couldn't get it up, or there were all different reasons, like it just wasn't happening. And it left me feeling really really super insecure about how he felt about me and whether he was even still attracted to me. And then when we got down to it, and we had very similar conversations to the ones that you you have had, he said that it was because he was feeling really
like unattractive and unmotivated. He was someone who had always been really fit, and then because work had been so busy, he hadn't been going to the gym as much and he felt like he he just felt like he lost his mojo a little bit, and it was great that he was so honest about it, but it also made me feel a bit mad and a bit resentful because I was like, well, you're the one who holds the key to fixing this solution, and you're not doing anything
about it. And I guess, like, my biggest part of this is like, if the thing that's holding him back is him not feeling confident about his body or having low self esteem, he's the one that needs to fix what's broken. He's the one that needs to do the work on himself. Now. It's I'm not necessarily saying like that he needs to go to the gym and get a six pack so that he feels good about himself, but he needs to kind of do a bit of
self love and a bit of self work. And there's no a maun of you telling him that he's still attractive and that you're still attracted to him. Because that was the situation I was in with my partner. I still thought he was the hottest thing out But it didn't make a difference me saying that, And if anything, sometimes I think when we feel like we're lacking in self confidence and we have someone constantly telling us how beautiful or awesome or whatever it is that they think
we are. You almost think that they're lying. You're like, oh, like, can you stop saying that because it's not true. It doesn't make you any more like believing in those statements. So for us and for him, it was very much that he needed to get back into exercise, and it was because exercise is such a great endorphin builder and made him feel good about himself. It made him feel like, you know, he was getting back into his fitness and that made him feel sexy again, and that was the
catalyst for us having sex. But it required him to go and do that. And once we identified that that was the issue and he actually started to like, you know, take some control over it, then our sex life got back on track. So my question is, is one, could you go and do some exercise together or something if that is going to be a motivator, If it's self confidence because he's not happy with the way he looks,
is taking some control over that a possibility? Or two if there's nothing wrong with the way he looks, if he's healthy, if you guys are exercising. And this is something that's much more deep seated because like you should feel confident at every size, you know, in every shape. If this is something that's much more of a personal and deep seated issue, maybe he needs to go and speak to someone and work out why he's feeling like this, because you can't fix everything for your partner sometimes and
sometimes they need to have an external people. We need external people to speak to to get to the bottom of why we're feeling the way we're feeling.
I think first and foremost, you one hundred percent need to be there for your partner and support him. I think that that is a foundation to any relationship. We are all, no matter what we look like, no matter what stage of life we're at, no matter how we feel,
We're all going to go through ebbs and flows. We're all gonna have points of our life where, for maybe a really good reason, we feel shit, or for maybe no reason, Like Laura said, sometimes there's not really anything any reason that you you lack confidence, or you're feeling really low, or you're feeling really sad, or your libidos drop. There might not be a reason, it might just be a little ebb and flow. You need to be there
to support your partner. I'm one hundred percent sure you're already doing this, but just make sure he feels the love and support from you. So make sure you say, obviously you need to express that this lack of sex is a problem for you, because it is you've written in and it's something that's really worrying you. So you just need to talk to him about that first and say, I really need to get this back on track, like
I want us to work together. I want you to know I just think you are still the sexiest thing. I'm so attracted to you, like nothing has changed for me. And then you need to talk about what you can do together to make him feel better, and don't underestimate the power of external sources and what that can do for your life. Maybe he's not exercising so he's not getting the endorphins. Maybe he has really high levels of stress at his job, which we know the impact stress
can have. So if he is having a really shitty time in every other aspect of his life, he's gonna bring that home. So you need to discuss all these external factors. What I can suggest you do if he has tried to see if he has said to you in response, it's better when it's spontaneous. Roll with that, take that start initiating really spontaneous sex. Maybe at the best thing you could do in this situation, when he's
openly said, like I'm not comfortable with my body. I don't want you to see it as much as you might not want to, but maybe start having sex again in the dark, when you're get into bed, the lights are off, so he feels more confident at this point, and that can start to get the sex going again. He'll start to get back into it, and maybe he'll start to get his mojo. He said he's not confident with his body. The worst thing he can do is in the middle of daylight and the lights gone, rip
his clothes off. He's gonna feel uncomfortable. Like I guess, I mean, like this is a rocket science. So I think just start trying to initiate the sex again at nighttime, when you're in bed, you've had your shower light a candle. Maybe maybe he's in bed before you. Maybe you can sneak in and wake him up. Maybe that's the kind of spontaneity he wants. But I think that is a really good way to start it and to take his feelings into consideration at the same time.
And I also think on that like a one hundred percent of everything you said yes. But I also think sometimes trying to initiate sex, like even just the like you have it in your mind that you're like, cool, I'm going to initiate sex now. So therefore when he's like, oh, I you know, I can't or I don't want to whatever, he feels pressured and then you feel let down. So
there's this like cycle that happens. And like even if it to you is spontaneous, if you start kissing him and you're like, okay, but my end goal is that I want us to have sex, there is still pressure in that. I think sometimes you need to have really intimate moments where your intention is not to have sex. The end goal of it could just be kissing.
That's it.
There is no end goal like that. It's just I just want to make out with you, no expectation of it going any further, and then leave it at that. Just have a fucking awesome makeout session on the couch
and then walk away from it. Because I think that having those periods of intense connection also a physical connection without it being that your sole perpose of doing that is to have sex with them can really alleviate the stress that that pressure of having sex can build, and that cadet it can have when we've gotten into long term relationships, when we've gotten into the routine, when we know exactly what to do, that's going to then lead to performative ab If I do A, then I do B,
then I do C. Then we're going to have the sex and then he's going to come and that's going to be done, you know, like we know exactly, and then I can go to sleep like we know the process right, Like it becomes formulaic. So if you mix that up by doing something that's intimate, but the end goal isn't sex, it's just being together and being physical with each other, I think that that can really do a lot for alleviating the pressures that come with it.
So give that a try as well, even if it's just a makeout on the couch, close fully on, just a big passionate kiss and then leave it, walk away, see how it feels. Maybe the guy get a bit horny.
I do love that too. But there's also like little things you can do, like slow build ups to get him thinking about it. A lot more. Send him sexy pictures throughout the day when he's at work, or sexy messages. You could do some sexting, or you could start that conversation so that he starts to think about it all day and it starts upon his mind again. It becomes
a bit more fun and exciting. And hey, he can engage in sexting without taking his clothes off, like, he can do that confidently, and he can do that where he feels safe and comfortable. So there are those little things that I think you could try. But if this continues to happen and you try everything you can, you need to sit down with him. Like Waara said and said, what can we do to make you happy? You're not confident? So something needs to change because you can't do the
same thing over and over and expect a result. We all know that, yeah, and he can't expect you to be the one to put in all the efforts. So, like like you said, you know, are you supposed to just be patient for a period? Absolutely you can. You can offer patients. You can offer support and comfort and guidance and all that sort of stuff and blowjobs and as many bloke.
Take it. If you want them, but you can't constantly do that and constantly be rejected because that will wear you down. And it's already started to weigh you down. So I think that there will come a period where if you feel like you're implementing all these things and you are doing your absolutely best to try and bring some spontaneity into the relationship, you're trying to like, you know, get his desire back, and you're still being shut down.
Like it is so natural to feel defeated, and the way that you feel and to almost feel resentful because like there's only so much sexual rejection that you can receive from your partner, whether the problem is with them
or not, it still fucking hurts. And I do think that they get to a point where if you feel like you've tried everything and then the overwhelming sense of rejection or being let down is too much for you, that's when you have to have those conversations, the really hard ones of like I've tried now, and now you need to come to the table too, because it's just not good enough for me to be the only one who's meeting you three quarters of the way.
Yep, there's two people in a relationship that's my favorite saying.
Actually, risk if you're as Tuesday's episode, if you listen to this.
Week, yeah, as many people in a relationship as you want.
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