Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is therapy Thursday. Ask gun Cut, were you writing your deepest, darkest burning questions?
We answer, we do our best. I need some therapy after last night.
There it be full stop, not just after last night, I do.
Do you know what? We advocate for therapy a lot on here.
We're always talking about how it's so good for people, but then we don't go and get there like we should.
Oh, I should go to a regular therapist.
I was for quite a while post breakup with you know who.
The man who.
No, actually that makes it sound like he was bad Jordan, my ex, you all know him. I went to therapy after that because I needed therapy after you. It's a rough time.
You really did need therapy after that.
But I haven't been in ages and it's wrong because you don't or shouldn't just go to therapy when like something happens and you need it. Although that's how I took that situation, but there are so many people that experts that say, you know, your brain is also a muscle that you need to look after and exercise, whether it's at its high or at it's low. So people should be going to like constant, weekly or monthly therapy just for like maintenance.
Look, I don't actually need therapy because of what happened to me last night. Please don't come for me for using therapy as a joke. And I shouldn't joke about it, but I last night. So at the moment, I don't know if you've heard this in the news, brut and I know that you're very abreast of what's happening in the news. There is a plague of gastro that's going around, Like gastro is like the worst it's ever been in Australia.
At the moment, gastro at an all time high. Have you heard this?
Yeah? Sorry, I was waiting for you to tell me. Well, is that it? You just wanted to give me the news headline on gastow.
I don't need to I don't need to read the news about the gastro. And you want to know why because she because the burn Johnson household is riddled with gastro. No, the adults don't have it, just the kids. So it absolutely railed Lola. And now Marley has gastro.
I thought that you guys got gastro all time. No, in my head, when someone plays a word association game, they go Laura, I go gastro.
Hold on.
This does feel very familiar. No, okay, this is what happened to me. So Lola has been sick for about four days now. She's in pretty good spirits for a kid who's like, you know, shooting out of both ends. But every so often she'll just be like playing around and then she goes, oh, my tummy hurts, vomb Oh my tummy hurts, like explosive diarrhea.
Like no warning, no time to get anywhere.
It's just like it's there.
No warning for the vomits, but plenty of warning for the diary. All right, good, plenty of warning. She's three, so she's like pretty well and truly toilet trained.
Do you toilet?
Is it potty trained? Toilet trained? That kind of feels very like animal association, like she uses a toilet, she uses a toilet, she's trained to use a toilet. At nighttime, she still wears a nappy because, like you know, and the drinks at nighttime.
Things still happens.
So anyway, it was the middle of the night last night, and every night she still gets into our bed, like every single night without fail. So about two o'clock, I either hear her crying in her room and she wants me to come physically pick her up and carry her to my room, or she'll like make her way to the side of the bed and then kind of winge until I pick her up and pull her into bed. So she comes into the room and she's like, she's kind of half crying, and I was like, baby, come here,
and I picked her up. And as I picked her up and pulled her into the bed and pulled her into my sheets and my blanket.
She goes, mummy, I wet myself.
I was like, oh, sweetheart, it's okay.
And then as she was saying mummy, I wet myself, I realized that in fact, she did not wet herself.
She was a human burrito of shit.
You know, when you get Guzman and Gomez and then all the sauces come out at the bottom.
No one listening needs the visual, like, well, let me tell you the source.
Well, and truly came out the bottom because I took her into the bathroom and she had shit everywhere up her back to her neckline, down to her ankles. It was like she was encased and it was everywhere. It was in my bed, it was on my sheets, it was in her sheet.
You just give up.
How have you not got it when she basically bombed in you in your mouth? Because sometimes they just take down the kids.
Apparently, this gastro strain that's going around Australia at the moment is just like taking down the little kids.
And adults are being pretty scott free.
I swear to God, every time I think, oh yeah, I think I might want a kid, you pull me back down to the ground, Laura. You you kick my legs out from underneath me, and then you stump on me while I'm on the ground.
To be fair, it's physically taking out the kids, but it's emotionally taking out the parents.
Yes, yeah, I don't know what's worse. Shooting yourself, No, emotions are bad. Shooting yourself constantly is worse.
This is the highs and loads.
You just called me brisket, pretty titty hungry brisket, hey Bridge, that's.
What happens when you have no sleep. I have fucking slept, guys, anyway, So that's where I'm at. I know I don't actually need therapy, but I'm on the edge of a lot of things at the moment.
I'm all seriousness. I'm not just saying this, but I think you might actually like it could actually help you with ave sis stuff.
Anyway.
Well, I haven't had anything hugely event for but I have been having a bit of a laugh. So Ben and I are in the very early stages of wedding planning, which.
You've been in the early stages of wedding planning for twenty years.
No, I haven't. I've never planned my wedding. I've never been a person that saves wedding dresses, that thinks of what they want like, I've never been that person.
How many ring photos did you have saved in your in the folder of your saved images in Instagram?
A lot?
It is very helpful. That's not a criticism. That was really good for me.
But I genuinely, honestly am telling you this I started saving rings for the first time six eight months ago. Like, when I knew I was going to marry Ben, I wasn't one of those girls that grew up dreaming of the pick a fence and the Yeah, no, neither, do you know what I mean? Like, there are people that have had their kids day picked out since they're fifteen and the ring and there's nothing wrong with that. It's
not me. I'm also not a planner, so like the thought of trying to plan his wedding is a disgusting so overwhelming for me. But anyway, I said to Ben, let's just start the very early planning, like the big things like what do you want from a wedding? How do you see it? So we started to have that discussion and I was like, let's just see if we're on the same page. You know, the things like do you want to sit down or do you want to stand up? Do you want a church inside wedding somewhere?
Do you want an outside wedding? You know those things that are like you don't need to have a planner or be booking stuff. It's just let's see we're on the same page.
Also, the size, Yeah, if you want to have a big after party. Do you want to be casual? Do you want it to be formal?
I get it.
Yeah.
So I said to him, Ben, what do you let's talk about like the big stuff. Just see if we see on the same page. What are the big things, like the most important things that you see at your wedding. And there was a moment of silence and he looks off and he thinks. And I was like, oh, he's really thinking about this. And he looks back down and he goes, I just really want that stick thing that you waddle in your hands.
Sorry, what the share don't they do? And I was like I was like sorry what.
He's like, yeah, this stick that you wattle. I was like, the stick that you wattle?
What are you talking about?
And I'm trying to think of the big stuff and I'm like the stick that you waddle and he's like, yeah, you know, you you wattle it around, isn't that?
And I said think that that's a cultural thing.
It's not. I said, do you mean a sparkler and he was like yeah, I said a sparkler and he's like, yeah, the thing that you like, Oh my god. I was like, okay, babe, I can do a sparkle for you. First of all, it's got a sparkle. It's not a stick. You wattle.
I was like, what is wattle.
He's like, oh no, I think it's an English translation. I was like, no one wattles anything. But I was like, yeah, babe, that's fine.
Do you know what this means? We need a wedding plan you? This means you organizing a wedding. That's what I've come to realize.
I was like, this is us trying to break down the big stuff, and the first and only thing that you want is a sparkler.
I was like, babe, I've got you covered.
I'm gonna have so many wattles there for you plas his soul. And then in my head I was like, I'm fucked. I'm going to plan this whole wedding. So that's about as far as we got. We got some spucks.
I always find it interesting because so many men they plan the engagement, but then they haven't thought passed the engagement to a wedding at all, and so the buck often and I don't want to be like stereotyping here because I know it can be different nor relationships, but often It's like I did the engagement and then kind of they're planning preparation, handwiping happens like like just finishes there and then the baton has passed to the woman
in heterosexual relationships to do the rest of the work, and that kind of sucks.
Yeah, and I will also be passing the baton.
To a wedding else. Please do this all right?
Well, look before we get into answering your questions today, we do have our lives and our unsubscribes.
Brittany, what is yoel vibe?
Okay, It's a Netflix movie called The Beautiful Game, which is basically about the Homeless World Cup football competition. So the movie is fictional, but it's based on a real story. And I only knew it was based on a real story after I watched it and thought, I wonder if this is real, had to.
Go google it.
So, long story short, every single year all around the world is like fifty countries they do a Homeless World Cup where the only criteria is you need to be homeless, and it's really for shining a light on social marginalization and what people are going through all over the world, but trying to find them A source of happiness because a lot of these homeless people around the world get together and they play street football, you know, like even
famous football athletes. Now you hear a lot of them saying they started in poverty playing on the streets and they have amazing skills. So what happens is all around the world every year they get a team of homeless people that play football that are really good and they go and compete against each other in the Homeless World Cup.
And it was just such a beautiful film that did have a wonderful ending, Like it's sad because you know that these people are really homeless and they are really struggling, but it's really beautiful to show how happy they are by feeling that can they're included in something and they connected and a sense of purpose and like seeing them
achieve their dreams. Because I googled it and in reality, thousands of people go to watch these Homeless World Cups and they're cheering for their country and they just feel like they have a purpose.
It makes you a question like how and where does the funding come from to allow for this, because if people are homeless and they're unable to support themselves, then I would say that they're very unlikely that they're in a financial position where they're able to go and play in any sort of World Cup.
Yeah. Absolutely, and most of it, you know, just for my own curiosity how to look, but most of it is funded externally from sponsors and the FIFA Foundation put a little bit of money in. But my understanding is the accommodation and food and things like that, and their entries are all covered when they're there. But my understanding is they need to fund themselves their team to get there. And the teams are quite small. It's not a full football field. It's like five or six players on a side,
so they're smaller. But it is an incredible film, Like I can't stress enough for you guys to watch it, The Beautiful Game on Netflix. You will froth it.
My rope of the week is it's a podcast. It is called The Rest is Entertainment. It is hosted by two British people that are in their fifties, so it's got a little bit of a more mature and definitely smarter than me essence to it.
It's just because someone's older doesn't make me smarter.
These people are definitely smarter than me, so it's hosted by the author and he's also a TV producer. He's been in media and entertainment for a very long time. Richard Osman, the name of the author didn't completely ring a bell to me, but then when I saw the cover of his books, he's that one that has the fox on his books.
I'm not sure he's written. Oh yeah, yeah, he's like very well.
Known, very established author.
And the other host is a journalist and a columnist for The Guardian called Marina Hyde. It's a pop culture and politics based podcast, but because they're based in the UK, it has a particular focus on British politics and this week the episode that they released is called which Dumped Tory Will Do Strictly, which is not something that a
lot of Australians would be interested in. But the first thing that they spoke about was Jill Biden doing the cover of you Vogue, and they broke down how much of like these political kind of things that intertwine with media and with.
Pop culture coverage.
You know, a lot of the first ladies of the United States have done US Vogue and they spoke about how that has evolved over time, like started as a puff piece and now it's something that people are like, Oh, I don't really think you should be doing this. They spoke about Glen Powell, Sidney Sweeney, they spoke about Sabrina Carpenter, and then they went into the last segment that was all about the UK election and how they've now got a new prime minister. It was super, super interesting if
you're into that kind of thing. I know that some people are into politics and others really really aren't, but I found that I learned a lot, and I learned about stuff that I wouldn't usually listen to, even though they're the fields of interest of mine, if that makes sense.
Sounds like a weird mix, like Sabrina Carpenter to Joe Biden. Yeah, that's what I like.
It's definitely politics, but make it fluffy.
God, it's more like politics, but make it different to what I'm used to listening to about politics, because it sounds like they're trying trying to make it more like snack size or more interesting to people that probably wouldn't be interested in politics. So it's like, let's suck you in with some pop culture and then sprinkle our political agenda in there too.
Brilliant.
Yeah, I really like it.
It's called The Rest Is Entertainment. It is a podcast that you can find anywhere.
Okay, I'm going to make mine quick minus recommendation for parents. I feel like one of the hardest thing to find is to find good babysitters or if you're looking for a nanny, a good nanny, because also not only is it hard, it's also like something that feels really risky because most people don't feel comfortable or confident in choosing someone who's outside their network to take care of their kids,
which is obviously how pretty much every parent feels. There is an app it is called Juggle Street, and we were recently in the position so we have help in the mornings with Male and Lola, simply because we start working so early and it was just last year was such a huge year for Matt in terms of him having to carry the parenting load, and so to help us, we hired a friend who was coming and she was doing the mornings to help get the girls to daycare.
But she's recently just left to have a baby, So we were in a position I was like, you already have to why do you need drive, why do you need another one?
Hurry back from Tony, you can bring your baby.
So she left us and we had to try and find a new I mean, I wouldn't call her a nanny, but it's kind of more than a babysitter, and so juggle Street was something that was recommended to us. It's an app. You have to pay for a subscription. I
think it's around ninety dollars. But by paying for it, you have to verify that you're a family and then you have access to all verified daycare workers and babysitters, people who have their health and safety checks, they have all of their insurances, they're working.
With kids, certificates, all of that stuff.
A lot of them are actually daycare workers who are looking for some extra hours of babysitting in the evenings or whatnot. And basically you go on you post a job. It could be like I need a babysitter for four hours on Monday night, and then you can go in and you can act send your job to people's profiles, specific people who you've gone and vetted yourself. So you might pick fifty people and send the job to them and they can say whether they do or don't want
to do the job. And we found our new babysit are on there who we are using. I just think it is really hard to find quality care and at least this gives you a little bit more control over the process and you're not just posting on any public forums or having to rely on asking a friend necessarily or stealing a friends nanny or babysitter.
So it's called juggle Street.
It's an app, and I've paid the ninety five dollars for the subscription and I would recommend it, So if you do take that choice, I mean, I know it's expensive, but the last thing I want to say about this one specifically is I have used lots of apps, Like
I've used lots of online forums. I've done the due diligence around trying to find something that's like suitable and really not just use it friendly, but like active because a lot of these apps, often a lot of the profiles are old, like these are all people who have been active within the day, you know what I mean, So you know that they're people who are actually looking for work. And I just think that this is the best one by far that I've used. So that's my
recommendation for any parents out there. I hope you enjoy it. I know it's expensive, but I do think it is worth it. Let's get into your questions.
Question number one. I've moved back to the town I grew up in and had a situation where I recognized a trade that came to our property. I had slept with him. I didn't mention it to my husband, but then I had a thought that maybe I should have told him. I would never lie if he asked me out right, But now I don't know if I need to divulge this information voluntarily.
Also, imagine your husband, out of nowhere, zero contact, being like trade, Did you fuck the plumber?
Like back in the like did you fuck that plumber a decade ago?
Did you like? He's never gonna ask if you fucked.
Of course you're not gonna lie to him, but he's not gonna ask. Just to add, I.
Didn't speak to him at all, He didn't see me at all, and he won't be returning. It was purely a short fling, and it was so long ago. Who knows if he even recognizes me. What are your thoughts?
You don't need to tell him, you don't.
You don't need to tell I mean like you can if some people have different relationships with their partners, right, Like some partners are more jealous, or you know, they have more insecurities around ex boyfriends, whatever, which is I mean, that's a whole weird thing in and of itself. But some people do feel like that they're easily more insecure. Other people, for example, just find it funny and find it interesting to know, like who their now husband or
partner has been with in the past. Like if Matt said that to me, if we had someone come over and I don't know, service the pool once and he was like, baby, you're never gonna believe this. I actually hooked up with her seven years ago. That would be
an overlap nine years ago. If he hooked up with her seven years ago, I'd have an issue with it, But say, like before us, I wouldn't care, And I would kind of appreciate that he told me because I would feel like you but I wouldn't care, do you know what I mean?
Like I would why would you want it?
Like you're not gonna sit back and like the baby see that Bricky fucked him? Like what, okay, thanks bab, thanks for blame. Good eye buy it.
Yeah, but I think look, if he was going to come to the house again.
If this was like an ongoing maintenance job.
If he was like your regular pool boy that was coming every Thursday, like.
It maintained me ten years ago, you don't have to come back and maintained.
Yeah, then I would say, Okay, he's probably worth mentioning it to your husband and also maybe employing someone else. But the fact that he came to your house once you didn't speak to him, and he's gone and he's never coming back. No, it is okay in relationships to have some secrets, so long as they don't hurt the other person.
Well, it's not.
It's not a secret you're hooked up with him before your bartner like so many years ago. If he was, don't tell him.
No, kid yourself.
Nothing good can come from you telling him now except planting a thought inside your partner's head about you being with someone else unnecessarily. If he was frequenting the house, If this was a REHNTO that was going to take a year, and someone you had been with was going to be inside your house after he was inside you, then yeah, you would probably have to say something.
But I mean, this happened to me the other day.
Actually, not this situation. But Ben was telling me that he likes this musician this and he was playing the song and he was like, I really like this guy. It's such a vibe. And I didn't have to, but I did. And I was like, oh, I hooked up with him, but you didn't have to do that one. That's my point. I didn't have to, but I was like, oh, well, now I know better. And I was like, oh, I hooked up with him so long ago, Like funny, you
ruined the music for him. Now then he unfollowed him and he won't listen to the music, and I was like, Ben, it was so long before. He's like out in my head now and I was like, fair, I shouldn't have said that, And that I think is this situation right now, Like this is the builder situation. He's never coming back and if you need another reno, employ someone else.
This has similarities to me, and it's reminded me of the time that I bought the sunscreen, so like I used to use invisible zinc. I don't use invisible zinc anymore, but I used to use invisible zinc and I bought it and it was sitting.
There in the bathroom.
And then I found out that the model on the bottle was the girl that Matt was dating prior to dating me. Yeah, and I don't know how I found that out, but she was just sitting there in my bathroom cabinet, and I was like.
Ah, she's really beautiful.
She's so beautiful that she's on the advertisement for how to protect your skin.
That's how beautiful she is.
And I don't need to look at her in my bathroom and SOA.
Then, look, I used to really love invisible zinc. I used to love how it makes you so glowy and also looks a little bit like you've got foundation on when you're just wearing sunscreen. And now I don't wear it anymore.
It's funny.
She ruined it.
She did ruin it. Yeah, but you do need to protect your skin.
Yeah, I use.
Other sunscreen now, But look, I get it. I think not that nothing good comes from it. I feel as though Matt and I we share pretty much everything. I think if somebody came into my orbit in some way, whether it was the pool guy or the plumber, I would probably tell Matt. But that's because we would laugh
about this, and that's our relationship. Matt has told me and pointed out people that he's slept with in the past that it's always it's always caveatd almost with like reasons why he wasn't that into them, and it was so bad in bed, so bad in bed.
So I don't know. I mean, I'm not completely against it.
I do think it depends on your relationship, but I think it's unnecessary now after we days or however long it's been to be like, hey, babe, remember several weeks ago when that guy came to our house.
Ps, I fucked him.
The only way no more, hang on. The only way that this can end badly is if your husband or partner loved the work that he did and then in the future wanted to hire him back for work. Then you would have to tell him, and then it could turn himTo something where I was like, why didn't you tell me that at the time. That's the only way I can see this ending badly. But otherwise you seem to be losing sleep about it. I would be sleeping just fine. Okay, I have a question, A new one question two.
I'm thirty five and in the dreaded dating scene fuck I hear it's rough now. I mean it was rough when I.
Was dating, but I go, yeah, there's rough.
Okay, I've been ghosted suddenly after a few great dates and what felt like a really good connection for me. How do I stop obsessing over what I may have done wrong and what could have been I feel like this will make my dating anxiety even worse than it already is, Like I'm losing all hope that I'll ever meet someone that actually likes me back.
This breaks my heart, but this is something that everyone feels like, everyone at some point goes through something and it's funny to look back.
But I remember saying on this podcast, what's.
Wrong with me? Like I'm the common denominator because I've been dating for however many years, however many dates, and it's always me, you know, like it doesn't work out, so it's me. They go on and the next person, you know, I always said I was the one before
the one. The next person they date they fall in love with, which makes it worse because you're like, it's not that you weren't ready, it's just that, yeah, you lied, you fucking well, you are ready because you're married, But that hurts because you're getting to this really deep, very
unhealthy cycle of thinking that it's you. There's not a lot of advice around this other than you have to tell yourself how many people there are in the world, the odds of you waking up, walking out, going on a date for the first time to him being the person marrying for forty five years. Like some people do that and they meet their soulmates really really young, but
majority of people don't. And I think the only thing that you can tell yourself is that you don't want to settle, you know what you're looking for, and then reually try and break down within yourself. Are you upset because you thought that person was the one and they didn't feel back, or are you just upset because you just feel a little bit rejected and rejection hurt. No.
I think also it's the feeling of misreading, Like when you're invested in someone, you've gone on several dates with them, you think it's heading in a great trajectory, and then they just all of a sudden fucking ghost you like, yeah, of course, it's going to leave you with questions that are unanswered and feeling as though you have done something. I firstly want to validate what you're saying, because anyone would feel as though they had done something wrong to
turn that person off. But I really really want to emphasize the fact and I strongly believe this someone ghosting you says way more about them and where they probably are in their life, Like he might have other girls on the go, he might have other things happening that have meant that you know, he couldn't be as invested in you as what you thought he was, And that's
not because you have misinterpreted it. So many people are incredible at showing up when they're on a date and making you believe that they are completely invested in you, that they're not interested in anyone else, that things are going in such an incredible way, and then all of a sudden you feel like emotionally like you feel like this emotional whiplash because all of a sudden they're not
interested in you and they're dating someone else. That is more about their personality and how they are able to kind of switch it on and switch it off. So many people can do that and a lot of people can't. And I think it's that mismatch in when you are all in and how and what they have going on in their personal lives.
But also remember how common, unfortunately, ghosting is, Like you are not a one off being ghosted here, Like, I mean, how many times we've been ghosted, Laura? How many times? Every single week we have people writing about ghosting like it is ferocious, And I.
Want to say, like, you know, I mean I've ghosted people in the past, which I've talked about it before, and it's definitely not something that I would ever do again.
Obviously hopefully have to gos my husband.
But I understand now at my age and at this point, and also in how many episodes we've done on relationships, how damaging it is to the other person. But usually it comes from a place of conflict avoidance, and it comes from a place of that person's own insecurity or
not wanting to deal with the repercussions. And I would say in every instance where I ghosted, not that there was many, but in a couple of times that I did, it was always because I had other big things going on in my life and I was like, I can't deal with that, Like I can't deal with your hurt and your upset, and so I would like remove my
super selfish in no way. Am I negating the behavior, but I'm kind of explaining the thought process that often happens with someone who's conflict avoidant and then they ghost. The only other thing I want to say is, and I know that I've been out of the dating pool for a really long time, and there's nothing more fucking infuriating than hearing someone who's like in a happy marriage be like, just keep dating, you'll meet someone one day.
And obviously, Britt now like you are also in a happy relationship for a very long time there, like you were the one who was like waving the dating flag. But what I do want to say is every single person that I have spoken to recently who was in
the dating pool and in the dating world. I mean just recently when we were in Bali, a friend of ours is currently dating, and she's like, you know what, I'm just having some actual time off because I am so exhausted by how constantly disappointed I am in men.
This is a heterosexual relationship.
But I want to say that you are not alone in feeling dating anxiety, because the dating world is very, very hard at the moment. People are extremely disposable in how they treat other people. We're always looking for something better. We always have multiple people on the go, and I think that dating now is probably the hardest that it's ever been.
Yeah, and unfortunately we live in a world where and I completely understand why your anxiety builds with every year because you're thirty five and your anxiety comes from a lot of external pressures and internal pressures.
Yeah's so hard.
We have a biological clock. We can always say, you don't settle, you do things when you want, don't rush. Women are having babies older. That is all accurate, but you cannot deny the fact that women's fertility runs out really quickly. And I understand why women feel this extra anxiety when they get to their mid thirties and they're single, if they don't have children yet and they want them. It is something that it is all you're going to think about all day.
But I also think it comes down to being once you're in that point of dating. So like if you're thirty five, you know you want a relationship, You know that you want to have kids one day, like not everyone does, but if that's something that you know, it also comes down to being intentional about dating and not kind of because I think we can all be very
very kind and try and make someone fit. You know, they might be telling you to your face that they're not meeting you where you need to be met to have all those things in life, but you might really like them, and so therefore you try and make the
relationship fit. I think sometimes it's trying to divide your fear from your mind and go, Okay, can this person as much as I'm feeling really excited about this connection and this person, will this person give me those things that I want in life, And trying to be a little bit intentional about dating as well, and not just being led by your heart, because that's really important.
I think you can do that and still be ghosted. Like I think that's what she's done. She said the connection was forming, she felt it going well, and again that's not on you, it's on them. But the last thing I want to say is it's completely up to you how you take control of your life in this situation. For me, I wasn't willing to settle, and I didn't want to go down the track of kids alone, but I did want to preserve the option, so that is why I did the egg freezing, and then I continued
in the dating world. I also took time off when I needed to. But I do want to say I was thirty five when I met Ben, Like you're thirty five, I was thirty five. I feel very lucky I met him at that age. But I wouldn't have said or if I didn't meet him, if I didn't need to him, I would have kept dating until I found the right person. I do just want to say, don't let that anxiety
get the better of you. And if your anxiety is surrounded in any capacity with children and fertility, maybe go and have that initial fertility chat with a doctor and see if there is anything you can do if you haven't already done the egg freezing. Because the anxiety relief that I felt, the weight off my shoulders when I did that, yeah, was huge. I still had a bit of anxiety about like am I going to be alone forever?
Like the standard thing that everyone feels, but it was a weight off my shoulder and my anxiety was halved when I was like, cool, I've looked after myself in that capacity. Let's just see what happens.
But also, there's nothing worse for the long term of your life than settling in a relationship because you have anxiety around being alone. Because imagine being fifty and waking up one day and going, holy fuck, I married that hunk of shit, Like why did I do that?
And now I have not a whole life.
Yeah, like, you know, like a literal hunk of gastro Why did I marry that person? You don't want to be in that situation, And a lot of people do find themselves there because they married someone who wasn't quite right.
They wanted to make it fit.
Yeah, so that's yeah, that's definitely something I think we all hang in there, hang in there, Okay.
Question number three.
I moved to a country to be with my partner. Oh my god, what I feel like this is going to be like me in the end. I moved to a country to be with my partner. I have said that it is really important for me to go back home twice a year, which is a four hour international flight, but it's also a four hour drive to the airport. Anyway, some of my friends and family mentioned that they reckon he should be contributing financially to me going home because
I'm the one that moved away. I've always just paid, but it did get me thinking, and I think it sounds reasonable that he helps me out. He makes significantly more than me too, but he doesn't agree. Should note we've been together for a few years now and don't have any shared finances. What do you guys think? I definitely think he should be contributing.
I think flying home twice a year is a lot, That's my honest opinion. I think two flights a year international flights financially is a lot of money for most people. So I would say one international flight and you both contribute to that is totally fair. If you're wanting to do more international flights, if you've got this like set idea that you want to do it twice a year, then I would say personally, I'm like, okay, cool, fly as many times as you want, but maybe that second flight is you.
But I do think you should be contributing to some of this. Absolutely.
Yeah, you guys are in a committed, long term relationship, You've moved overseas together. Just because you don't yet share finances, I couldn't agree more. I do this with Ben, like when we started the relationship.
Ben and you split everything could do. Brit obviously travels so much and you, guys, I fly.
Four to six times a year and we split it so he'll only fly once or twice. But it doesn't matter because it's about the relationship together. I'm flying to see him because he doesn't have the ability to fly more. I said at the very start, because it's easier for me to say the start. You guys are different now because you're a couple of years in, but it should
still be as easy. But before I got into it, I said, look, I'm happy to get into this long term, but it's very obviously I'm going to have to do most of the heavy lifting. Are you going to be happy to split it and help each other out? And he's like, yeah, of course, I want you to come and see me. I'm going to make this work.
The only thing that's different about your situation, though, Britt, is that you're flying to see him to spend time together as a couple, whereas this is flying to be away from each other to spend time as a family. So and I understand that that is very, very important and some people are way more family orientated than others. But yeah, I definitely think he should be contributing somewhat, whether or not that's two flights or not. I don't
know that's something for you guys to agree on. But you should not be fronting all of the travel when you have been the one that has moved your life over there. You've been the one to make all the sacrifices, and you're the one who's homesick and missus your friends, missus, your family, and missus the life and the identity that you.
Used to have. Yeah, but you've also said to him before you moved, you know, you said, I told him it was really important for me to go home twice a year, Like if I'm going to move overseas with you, that's part part of it. I think absolutely he should pay for one flight. You've moved for him so you guys can be together. So if you didn't move to be together, you'd probably be flying twice to see him, and he'd be contributing.
Also, I would mean, I don't want to like make a big mountain out of mole hill here, but it would piss me off if my partner who I lived with, who I raised a financial question with, responded with I'm not paying for that, Like, I'm not helping you with that, especially when it came to something that contributed to our relationship and something that was important to me. Like for me, I don't know that sometimes we're like it's a red flag,
it's an amber flag. It would worry me and concern me about how he views money and the way in which he views what's his and what's yours, even though you're in a relationship together.
That to me is an amber flag.
I would say, and I think that there's a lot more conversations that the two of you need to have about money, especially when your whole life is now revolving around being where he is. I think finances probably should be a little bit more shared in this intance, so that you have a little bit more safety and not so much independence of each other.
Well, I also think the conversation just has to be that, just a simple conversation. But I think you're really tell him why and make him understand. So you say, I want this relationship to work, so I'm going to live in this other country with you, but for this relationship to stay healthy and me to stay happy over here, I not resent you and not resent you for making me move. I need to be with my family twice a year, like I think that twice a year when
you live overseas is fine. It's a four hour flight, so it's not a twenty four hour flight. I think that is absolutely fine. It's not like it's a twenty four hour flight. It's like New Zealand. I guess, you know, like that's to be fair, I missed that part. I know I read it, but that or you read it, but I missed that. I thought it was like, okay, if you're flying to Europe, that's expensive if it's a four hour flight, like, just suck it up.
Past.
Well, Also, he earns more than you, so I think just explain, like for us to stay successful in this relationship, I need to go home and get my fix, my emotional fix, fill my bucket with my family and friends, and then come back and be amazing. But I can't do that on my own. Yeah, and you earn more than me, like throwing in a couple of bucks. You know,
That's what I think. And if you're gonna maybe there's a conversation you need to have about finances as a whole, like you are going to be in this committed relationship with this person, have you had the financial chat because it's so important. Are you going to be splitting finances forever eventually? Are you gonna pull it for your bills or a house or whatever else you want. Like, that's a whole other conversation. But I don't think you're asking for too much. If you wanted to fly home six
times a year, that's a different story. But if it's one to two times a year, fine, he can pay for half a flight.
Yeah, I agree. I mean he might not think it's reasonable. I think you need to have a pressure wrong, You need to have a proper conversation about it. But yeah, he's absolutely you play in this podcast. He is absolutely in the wrong about this. Like, you're in a relationship together, you share things. When you're in a relationship together, you
mutually support each other. And when it comes to finances, if one person is constantly the one sacrificing more to be able to have the relationship, then that is not fair.
There's also really little things that you can do that make it fit not as big. So what if you said, could we put an account together where we put in thirty dollars each a week something like that, and over the year you build up enough money. I'm pretty sure if it's only a four hour flight. I'm trying to think where around Australia is four hours. But it's going to.
Cover the flight it's flying Town's will it could be a six hundred dollar flight.
Yeah, So if you're putting thirty bucks in each a week, probably doable. Whatever amount is right for you, guys financial situation. But it doesn't feel as big of a hit then like, hey, I'm booking a flight transferring me a thousand bucks, you know what I mean. So maybe it's something that you can build up over the year.
I don't know.
I also think if you've been in a relationship with someone for years, it's time to have shared finances. You're paying shared rent, you're paying for shared electricity, you're paying for shared food, like, you're paying for shared things in the house.
Well, i'd be interested.
Well, are you just buying two separate butters and then you never share anything?
Well, I'd be interested to know what their situation is, like, who's paying the rent? Are they splitting everything fifty to fifty? I'm guessing that's probably everything's down the middle.
By the sounds of playing the pod, all right, okay, Question number four, I met the greatest guy. Ever, my family absolutely adore him and he treats me so well. We are living in an apartment complex in a main city where we had an external car park with allocated parking very specific.
One day, on.
My way back to work, I noticed a note on my windscreen. When I pulled over to read the note, it said, he cheated on you, babe. I instantly thought, no, this must not be for me. But as I got to work and kept thinking about it, I started to get upset. I told my boss that I wasn't feeling well and that I had to go home. And when I confronted my partner, I told him, if it's true, let's talk about it, because I can appreciate people who
make mistakes. He remained very confident in saying that it was absolutely not true and he was upset that someone would do something like this. What are your thoughts on this and what would you have done in this situation? Do you believe the note that someone left on my car without a contact name or number over someone you love?
Why are people such assholes? Yeah, people are assholes, but they are good people out there too. This for me is pre straightforward. If you're in a loving relationship and you feel comfortable and you trust your partner and you have there's no red flags, there's none of that gut feeling bubbling that oh my god, this gout intuition, the intuition that this could actually be true. Then absolutely no, you don't believe a random note did someone's walk past
and put on your car like without doubt. No, if you trust your partner, you've gone to him and said, hey, I got this note, and he says, oh my god, it's crazy, no way, what's your feeling in that situation? And I say that because if that happened to me right now with Ben, I would laugh. I would just probably tell him and think it was funny because I trust him wholeheartedly and I feel so safe and he
has never made me question that. If this happened with my ex, who ended up being the sociopath with a double life, I constantly felt uneasy like something was wrong in that relationship. If I got that note in that relationship, I probably would have thought that it was true.
I don't think that that is the only times in
which cheating happens. I think that a lot of people get blindsided by cheat in their relationships and I understand why this has made you feel uneasy, but I think you were going to kill yourself with intrusive thoughts, and you are going to potentially ruin a great relationship if you give too much power to a note without any evidence, and also to whoever left that note on your car, and for anyone who has ever left a note like this, it is really fucking cruel to do that without context.
So unless your reasoning behind it was just to cause pain to everyone, to the person who was cheated on, to the guide, to everybody in that situation, that's all you've done. So if you want to tell someone that they've been cheated on and you want to leave a note, you have to do the due diligence of leaving a number, of allowing some sort of follow up, or of allowing some sort of context as to why.
Or even something that actually shows you know who they are, none of his name or your name, babe, or could be anything. He cheated on you at this location on this day. So you're like, okay, well, how would you have known you there?
Whatever it is, I want receipts, is what I'm saying.
But I understand what you're saying. Laura, cheating can happen in safe relationships. Of course it can, That's not what I'm saying. But in this situation, you've got nothing to go off. Totally no, but sorry.
What I was trying to get to is that I understand why you would then take a note like that and maybe allow your thoughts to run away with you. But I'm trying to say, like, just don't allow that to happen, because you could ruin a great relationship. Also, you've had the conversation with your partner, who you have said, in all respects is amazing. He has completely denied it, which maybe that's what would happen if there was cheating.
But the thing is is all you can do now is give him the benefit of the doubt.
Is trust.
Your relationship is trust the connection that you have with him. And if something happens down the track or you find out something else and then you start to put red flags together, then that's a completely different story. But I certainly would not be jeopardizing my relationship over one rogue note that I found on my car.
It could have even blown off someone else's car onto.
Your car, I don't know, or it could be like a scorned ex partner of his.
You know, it could be someone who.
Could be nothing a big teenager's plainer.
Totally, totally.
I think there's too many variables around what it could be and who could have done it that I would absolutely be prioritizing my partner over the note without context.
Well, yeah, they've got nothing left to do. Really, there's no way that you're gotta find out if it's true. You've asked him. The only thing you can go off right now is your gut feeling on his response, Like, was there a tell when he said no?
Of course not.
I would never was there something that seemed different or seemed off? He's like, I never fucked that girl.
I swear I never.
Fucked Betty from the shop down the rad No. But like, you know your partner, you love him, you said he's amazing. How did you feel in the situation when he responded to you, and how do you feel in the relationship overall? Because your instinct right now is the only thing you've got to go off. I would not let it interrupt your relationship and continue on. And if there's any other red flags in the future, then maybe you can take a look at it them yeah.
I do want to say, though in validation of this, not in validation that I think he's done anything wrong. But I understand that if you're someone who has any sort of anxieties or insecurities kind of like we were talking about at the start around like do you tell your partner or not about an ex fling, some people would be more affected by receiving a note like this than others, purely because maybe you've been cheated on in
the past and it's a big anxiety for you. I think for me, if I saw a note like that, my logical brain and everything else would be like absolutely bullshit, like Matt would never But then some little part of me would go like, oh.
Am I looking for signs? Am I feeling insecure?
It wouldn't last long, but I would definitely think that it probably would hurt me a little bit because it would pick at a It would pick at a wound that still exists from all the things that have happened in the past and all the insecurities I've had around relationships.
But I do think be really careful with your interestive thoughts when it comes to your relationship, because thoughts are not facts, and you absolutely can ruin something that's really great by assuming or trying to believe or thinking that you know what someone else has done or how they've behaved without ever having any evidence.
I think you have to be really careful about that.
You can also say to your partner the truth, I feel really uneasy, like I haven't stopped thinking about feeling, Like, just just have a chat because he might do everything he needs to do in that situation to put those thoughts at ease and make you feel better, Like there's nothing wrong with instead of accusing him, there's nothing wrong with saying it's really rocked to me, Like, you know, my logical self knows that you wouldn't do that, but
it's really made me feel uneasy for some reason, Like, and maybe just talk through and see what his response is.
Just make sure in doing that you take a very non accusatory stance because you know you're not trying to catch him out, Like, yeah, I think, just be careful with the way in which you have these conversations. But definitely it's okay to tell him that it's made you feel uneasy and for the way that you feel. But yeah, I mean that sucks because people are assholes. And I think that that's such an asshole note to leave on
anyone's car, whether it did or didn't happen. I think that that is like the most asshole way to go about it.
Pussy.
What kind of pussy?
Man? We just want a pussy? Do you know?
The left pussy puss? I hate that work. You want to break up someone's relationship.
He's a tough whatave the name? What's that old quote from the Lady Tough? No, She's like Betty White, Betty White. It's like, why do they always say like a pussy? She's like, pussies can take a beating something like that.
So tough. She's like, there's nothing more tough than a pussy. I actually it's only in the street.
Absolutely, not the saying, oh this is okay. Kejus pulled it up. She said, why do people say grow some balls? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you really want to get tough, grow a vagina. Those things take a pounding. Betty White, What a fucking legend, Betty. I'd like to sign off with that. He's to you, Betty White. Anyway, guys, that's it from us.
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Know the drill.
In case you're wondering, yes, I'm wearing Ben's clothes again, so if you've got a YouTube you can see that. That's literally the only reason why people coming to see Ben's wardrobe. Okay, actually I wore Ben's jacket on the episode on Tuesday. I've never had more people in my DMS asking me where that jacket is from. I may as well tell you now, not sponsored. It is from a site that I hadn't heard of until I met Ben. A brand called ice cream ice cream.
Yeah love that.
Oh sorry, Billionaire Boys Club ice cream. That's the I had to ask Ben. That's the brand. It is a men's jumper, men's jacket, So for all those people that were asking me, just in case you didn't know, it is men's wear. But I love that kind of stuff, the big oversize stuff.
So that is it.
So yeah, Ben left his bag here, so I'm just going through his clothes. I'm I'm in corporate.
It's a really nice jacket. It's not like Lumberjack Matt always everything in an extra large. He wants things oversized on him. So then I can't wear it because it's like it literally looks like I'm wearing daddy's clothes. Guys, you know the drill.
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