Ask Uncut - She Cheated With Her Second Cousin

Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.

Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on gaddigal Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.

I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.

And I'm still so excited to be back. It feels so weird.

I know, I mean, it's my.

Second episode back, but I can't believe how much I missed you guys, Like shop was it when you said, hey, do we do our vibes first?

All the questions like it's my first day of school.

My brain has actually switched off. Oh my god.

I felt like it was my first day of school today.

Because we're in the new studios in the city and I had to drive myself to work alone. So I did a trial run with Laura on Monday.

I chauffeured both Brita and produce a Keisha into work because I get lost in the city.

It was a new studio in the city, and I was like, do you know what, pick up on our first day.

It's easier. We'll catch up in the car, I'll follow where to go.

So today I had like my lunchbox ready, I packed some stuff, I packed my oats in the car, got a coffee and I drove here and I felt like it was my first day of school. And then when I parked and made it, I messaged the girl straight away and I was like, I'm here, I made it, I'm safe, and.

I beat you bitches. Do you know why you beat us? Bitches? We don't need to talk about it. We do need to do about it. It's fine. We got to work nicely in peacefully. Today, Produce a Keisha, why wouldn't we talk about it?

Well, I got a message and I heard that Produce a Keisha had a bit of a hurricane moment.

So we were running very early today, like I'm talking like twenty minutes early. I was thought I would get in here, I'll do a bit of prep, I'll just relax, I'll get another coffee. Anyway, it's been raining in Sydney. It's been torrentially raining in Sydney the last two days.

And I drove up to pick Kesha up. I pick her up every morning.

Very grateful for I am Akeisha's personal Uber service. I pick her up every morning. I drive into like there's a little pull in zone, and in exchange for me picking her up, she pops inside and gets me a coffee.

Right, I mean, you know, on the business car. But still she.

Does the actual she does the walking in to.

Get the coffee. It's still money, but she gets I pay for it.

So anyway, so Kisha goes in and she gets the coffee, and then I have never seen someone move with such like furiosity.

It was like a hurricane was trying to enter the car.

In one movement, there was a bag an umbrella that was still half up the right cup of coffee.

Did you say you said something around like swing dozer.

Yeah, that's it.

You called yourself a bulldozer, which was moments before I'm talking about five seconds before bulldozed her entire handbag straight into the cup of coffee that she bought, and it just evacuated all over the car. It wasn't like one of these little spills that you could like it just fell on the floor.

It got into you know the heavy brake where it's got the stitching of the leather that goes into the plastic, and it's like got so many crevices and then everywhere I white, it.

Just came out like that.

So this is the sun that doesn't it's it goes on and every time we wipe, more fucking coffee came out of the car.

I realized that I got it in the center console, like on the top and in the handle, and then in the Senate console as where it was.

It was a freaking disaster. I didn't do it.

You do it well right, like I spilled the whole cup and you spill it everywhere.

I did put on Instagram and everyone keeps messaging me being like, that's your spout.

We're not using a keep caup, and I'm like, I know, to be fair, I would have spilled that justice.

I brought my oats to work today since the jungle, I have oats. Are you're not traumatized by oaths? No, I've on this new bandwagon. I'm just wanting them all the time.

So I brought it to work.

But I have been bringing my oaths in a keip cup just so you know. It's a brilliant idea. Since the middle console, I must be pedestal.

I'm just a pestal.

I just did spill my coffee, but you're saving graces. Laura has two kids, so I'm sure spill a lot worse.

In that this is true.

After we finished cleaning up the mess, I did say to Keisha, I don't think that that part of the car has ever been so clean.

We did joke about this because this applies to anything in life.

It has to be bad enough that you make a change, right, Like.

The cleanup process had to be bad enough that we gave it a nice little wipe down.

It's good.

But anyway, have you guys seen the new straw that's going around. I don't think this trend's going to take off, but this is how far women have gone to like preserve their face. There is a new straw that you don't suck the end anymore, because if you think of when you suck a straw, you cigarette smokeslines, Yeah, your purse, your lips over it all right, So people are saying now that that constant position of your lips is going to cause like, yeah, what the equivalent of smoke a lines?

Suck like that.

Like if you guys, I know this is not a visual medium, but if you can google it, it is the funniest shit. There is no way I'm ever walking around drinking from a horizontal straw.

I thought you were about to say that you'd started, you'd gotten one. You're like, it's the new thing. It's my vibe for this week. Horizontal straw sucking.

Oh my god, I do you know what. Okay, I'll try it. I'll try the trend, but I I think it's the dumbest thing I've ever couldn't have a lip flip, that's for sure.

He should tell us about that.

I went through a process a couple of months ago where I had a fresh little bit of botox put For anyone who doesn't know what a lip flip is it. I got it instead of getting filler because my lips used to be a little too big, and.

So I was like, okay, this is a nice happy medium. Anyway.

It paralyzes the muscle just above your lips, so it kind of turned your lip outward. Anyone who's had this will know when you drink the muscles don't work properly and it just falls out of your mouth.

Even when you like brush your teeth, it kind of dribbles.

What about when you're sucking? I love that you. This is a sex podcast. And Laura's like, what about when.

You well, if you can't suck a straw, you can't stop.

Oh, poor toddleron, poor toddler.

The sucking is the problem, right, Yeah, yeah, no, I've decided lip flips not for me, one and done for me. It's so hard to keep any type of ten in your mouth. So wow, you can't suck spaghetti up. You can't suck. Honestly, it really was how you consume food, liquid and other things.

If you wish, can you reverse it, like you know, if you get filler, you can have it dissolved or is it?

Because it's just the.

Same as botoks, right, So you just gotta let it.

You just gotta let it. You gotta let it wear out essentially.

So yeah, I'm a couple months in now and it has decreased.

I think it's gone away now.

It was when you very first got it done because Keisha didn't come to work and say, hey, guys, got a lip flip done? You just tried to let it fly under the radar, and straight away I was like, Keisha, did.

You get a lip flip? Because your lip is doing all sorts.

Of also causes you to get like a little bit of a like your speech changes.

Oh yeah, yours, dear.

I didn't realize how much you use the top lip to kind of pronounce things, probably, And now it's really funny. Actually, now I feel like I can spot it when I'm on social media.

I can see and I'm like.

Oh, you've had a lip flip. That's why you're talking.

Like it's surprising because I have seen a few people with lip flips, and I don't think I have to see a lip flip on someone where I think it looks better than their normal lips, and not when it's static, like when you're not moving, great, looks fantastic.

It's the talking.

The talking just doesn't look quite natural, and so it's a bit distracting.

Because it paralyzes your lips, so only one lip is moving all of a sudden, so when you're talking, your top lip stays stationary and only the bottom lip like a grope ye is doing the work. Yeah, you know what we're criticized for.

And I'm putting this in quotation marks promoting cosmetic procedures before because I'm very open about anything I've had done.

This is the opposite.

Don't get it done.

It's not worth it.

You can't drink shit, you can't eat properly, and you cannot give decent.

Trenck and tomplarritors marked the diary for how long your both He's like, so, what's your metabolism? Like, how long does botox take to wear off?

I've marked the diary.

He's like, no, it's fine, babe, I'm tired.

I don't know.

This is I mean for you guys playing at home. You've been a life on cut family for a long time. You'll know that Laura and I have very different stances on what we do in front of our partners in terms of farting and right ah yeah, yeah yeah, Laura will take.

A dumb no I won well, I won't. I will not.

I will not do a pool in front of my parta. That is absolutely not true. But you're accept do you know what? Okay, I'm hijacking this for one second, and I was on the toilet doing a pooh yesterday morning, like in the middle, and he walked in and said, I'm having a shower.

I'm running late. And I was like, no, you are not. You will wait.

There are two other showers in this house. And he was like, I'm having a shower, why that shower.

Pick another shower, Go into another shower.

And then I just had to sit there because I was too humiliated to white whilst he was in the shower. So I just sat there waiting for him to finish. If you a made evacuation, I was at the studio.

I had to have continued the evacuation, I know. And I was sitting on Instagram.

I was enjoying my one minute of peace after my poo This was he got in the shower.

I have a follow up question, Yeah, while you were sitting there, did you flush or did you just leave it floating?

I just left it floating. The whole thing was the most bizarre ten minutes of my life. He came in, he said, I'm running late. I have to have a shower. I was like, there's a bathroom downstairs, and he said, were your dad's downstairs?

So I don't want to have a shower.

So then he got in the shower, but had a completely freezing cold shower, so he was like the whole time, it's very Gary Bracker healthier, and then towed off and left, and I was left sitting on the toilet, confused about my life decisions.

I don't know what to say, because there's no worse part in a relationship for me than taking a dump in front of your partner. I don't get it, Like I want to look at my partner, and this is why it goes to farting for me. I get that everyone loves to fart. I get that everyone far it's fine, whatever is my opinion. For me, I want to look at my partner for as long as physically possible and

Why don't you tell everyone what you did? This is what I'm getting to.

I've come out of the jungle, and I'm still a bit of a jungle beast, and like, I forget that I'm not in the middle of South Africa anymore, and no one's around me. And I was on the phone to Ben. We're on FaceTime, and I was in the bathroom getting ready, the bathroom, of all places, the acoustics in a bathroom. So Ben was on FaceTime, on against the mirror, and I was just going about my stuff, getting ready whatever, and it was silent, and I.

Don't know what came over me. I didn't think.

About it, but I just let one rip, like I just dropped a bomb. I know, I just forgot. I forgot he was on the phone. I forgot I wasn't in a jungle anymore. I forgot that I don't fight in front of bend. Anyway, I let this fat rip and I just stopped and I was like, did I just do that? And I was like maybe he didn't hear through the FaceTime. And he burst into laughter and he goes, did you did you?

I was like, know what?

And he goes, did you just I was like, that was obviously Delilah, Ben, and he was like, that was not Delilah.

You just the one rip?

Anyway, I burst into laughter. But then I had to pretend because I was embarrassed. I pretended that I meant to do it.

I was like, yeah, babe. I'm like, obviously we're there now, and he.

Was like, oh we ha. I was like, what's the big deal? He's like, are we there?

Are we? There?

Are we farting now? And I'm like, if you don't want to, let's not time one time?

Oh my god. Anyway, he just thought it was the best thing.

Now I'm in this tricky place of well, he's going to listen to this, I guess. But I'm in this tricky place of do I own that was a slip and an accent? And I don't want to go back.

There unless you want to open the floodgates. You want to go down the slippery spiral of him walking in whilst we're in the middle of a poop.

But also I think I don't actually don't know what came over me, and the bathroom makes it echo just human, everyone doesn't.

Do you remember what.

The catalyst was for you opening the flood gates? Was it just it happened one day and you were like, okay, well here.

Now, No, it would have been Matt. Matt's disgusting. He has no problems with He'll fight anywhere. He's like, well, if you get to do it, equality. Whatever's good for him is good for me. So now I'm just waiting for the next time he's doing a poop and I'm going to go and have a shower, just.

To get one up on him. But you'll never peel in front of him. I already did that's I was in the middle.

But no.

But yeah, but you didn't have a choice. That choice was taken. That's what I'm saying. I'm going to do the same to him. I'm going to go and have a shower. I don't think it'll have the same effect.

I don't think he'll care.

I'm not going to enjoy the shower, but I need to at least feel as though I did what he did.

You know, I think this is a double punishment for you guys. Let's move on from poop. Let's talk about our vibes and unsubscribes.

I'm gonna kick up my vibe because it's fresh off my travel back.

It's literally from Amazon or from have you seen the new It's not new, but you know the TMU website where everything's like a dollar, so like that Chinese website. Okay, I'm not recommending that because I have bought something from here, before when it break. But you can get anything from there very ethically.

Questions. Yeahs terrible.

It's oh yeah, it's terrible and it's low quality. That's what I'm gonna say. But I'm just saying you can get on any website. It's not specific, but I got mine from Amazon. It's just like a travel plane phone and iPad holder, and it's amazing.

It's like this little holder that.

Will go over the top of your food you know, your food tray. How it flaps down, so it like hooks over that and it comes down and you can screw it open, put your phone in.

It can turn.

Landscape or portrait, and it sits in front of you and you can play your movies or shows or whatever you want to do if you're reading on there, so just sits in front of your hands free. And then they have a bigger one that if you travel with an iPad, you can put your iPad in there too, because you know how sometimes on planes they don't have screens.

Well, sometimes they have those straps that you can put your iPad into. That's few and far between me.

I've got a budget version and used a face mask and tried to like create a sling to hold my foot.

Well, that's what I used to do.

I have done some creative shit in the past. And then I saw this somewhere floating around the line, and I.

Was like, that seems too good to be true.

Ordered them.

They're brilliant, they're perfect.

So I'll put a link to an Amazon one that I got that was I mean, hasn't broken yet, So so far.

So good.

My recommendation for this week is a It's a series. It's on Apple TV. It's called Severance.

Now.

I think there's nine episodes in the first season and I watched it all in three days.

I've like been binging my series recently.

So it's got Adam Scott in it and also Patricia Arquett.

Do you know who Putricatte is?

Okaat Like I was going to school you on who she is, but you can school meet. Yeah, she's an Allien actress. She is from that TV series where she's like a medium and helps to solve crimes. Anyway, So basically the storyline behind this, and I don't want to give too much away, but it's this moral concept of imagine if you had your your life outside of work and your work life and your brain was completely severed, so your memories at work were completely severed to your

I really enjoyed it.

It's quite this like, like I said, it's not a thriller, it's quite a psychological drama. I guess, not even a drama. I don't know what category would sit in. It's very thought provoking.

And I say that because I've watched half of it on your recommendation, Laura, and it's very one of those things where you're like, you put yourself in it, imagine this world.

Would I want to do that?

If I had the choice, would I want to separate and not know what happened at work? And not know what happened in my private life. It's like very yeah, insular, thought provoking.

I think it's brilliant.

I really really enjoyed it, and I really enjoyed Sometimes you watch these types of series and you're like, who was it that thought of this? Like how did someone have the creative ability to come up with this concept? And that's what I really liked about it. So Severn's Apple TV Big recommendation.

Sounds like a bit of a lighter black mirror.

Yes, it's a very black mirror of vart.

I had to stop watching it it got too fucked up. Speaking of thought provoking, my vibe of the Week is kind of similar. It's the entire program of Insight that's on SBS. It's hosted by Kumi Tagucci, and essentially Insight. They're usually about a fifty minute like forty five to an hour episode, and they all focus on a different topic. So they will often get a lot of people in a room that are somehow related to the topic, and they will get.

All of the different perspectives.

From the people. There was one episode that I recently watched. It came out I think maybe two or three weeks ago. It's called convenient relationships. And so they got all of

I really like that.

Anytime I watch an episode, it seems very respectful and it seems quite inquisitive, but not in a judgmental tone.

So I really like that.

It gives you, I was about to say, it gives you insight into how these people live.

That's why the show's called insights, yeah, actly named.

Yeah.

So there's all these different ones. There's one on guilt, there's one on stalking. Like, there's quite a lot, and there's a lot. This is episode seven of season twenty twenty four. So there's heaps of different episodes, lots of different topics that I personally find very very interesting and I'm just enjoying, like watching one a week because often I'm like, oh, that's something I never would have thought about.

Yeah, otherwise, just that a little hit that you need.

Where can you watch it? SBS so you can get it.

It's for free.

You can get the SPS app if you don't watch I don't know when it actually goes live on the TV because I don't have live TV. I just have the apps and that kind of thing. So yeah, SPS on demand app and you can just stream it to wherever.

A Right, well, let's get into your questions.

Question number one.

Oh my gosh, this is actually this is fucked up.

This is it.

It's fucked up. It's it is many levels of fact up.

There's a lot of people sometimes when we get some questions that are super left field, people think that we make them up.

We have never made a question up in the history of life. Uncut it like swear hand on heart. Every question is.

Written in and it's always anonymous, but it's always from you guys and from the listener.

We receive hundreds and hundreds of messages every single week all around different questions, like from everything from cheating to relationship breakdowns to friendship breakdowns, like literally everything and every so often there are somewhere where like we can't even believe this is real life, And this is one of those.

Okay, my cousin has come to me absolutely distraught. She confided to me that at a family wedding about two months ago, she got very, very very drunk and had sex with our second cousin. Keep in mind, she's newly married and her husband couldn't make it to this wedding, she was flying solo. She also told me that she is pregnant and not one hundred percent sure who the dad is, either her husband or her second cousin. Hell, sorry,

He's not looking into.

A paternity test, even though we are so close. It took her all this time to tell me. She is ashamed about it, and I think the only reason she has opened up to me is because of the pregnancy. My question is is it my place to tell the husband, who I am very close with too for his sake and the baby's sake, it could have serious health complications, or do I just pretend I know nothing. Any advice would be appreciated, as I have no one else to talk about.

I firstly just I mean, we can all cost a lot of judgment in this, and I know that that's we probably will at some point. I'm so sorry that you're in the situation now where you have to decide what's the moral right thing to do, like it is

Taking while we're there, taking away from the fact that this is like a cousin thing. Away from that, it just goes into all We've had this conversation so many times around cheating when people have written in in this exact instance, my friend has been cheating on her husband, she told me. But I'm so far it close to the husband. Do I tell them, Yeah, my friend's been cheating on his wife.

Should she know?

Like being put in that position is a really awful place to be put in, but it happens so frequently, and I guess in this particular situation, there's a little sprinkle of spice on top because it's the cousin and the pregnancy. It's not just cheating, it's a cousin and a pregnancy.

Firstly, I just want to rule something out because you said, you know it could have serious health implications. I think that there's a lot of rumors around, not rumors, but like there's a lot of kind of like urban legend that if you have a kid with your cousin that they're going to have three fingers and seven toes. You know. I think that we definitely have been brought up to think that people are going to have a lot of genetic mutations. If that happens legally within Australia, you can

So it goes from three percent to six percent. Oh sorry, it increases from three percent to six percent, and that's just from our research.

Yes, so I would say that the risk to the child is minimal. So I don't think make your decisions off the fact that you think that there's this genetic your fear around the child's physical or genetic their normalities, I don't think should be what propels you to make a decision.

So like, let's just rule that one out.

Did you know this has nothing to do with the question, But you can also marry your aunt, uncle and nieces and nephews which I think is fucked, but you can legally that's worse. Okay, all right, yeah, Britt you start. I I do want to be careful with this one because I feel very grateful that we have done this podcast for so long. If I had this question five years ago when we started, I would have been shook to the core and I would have said, there is

Big weight on your shoulders to hold two. I feel differently to you, Brett.

I think that the cousin thing does play a massive impact, and the reason for that is because there is so much humiliation and shame loaded into this. Obviously, she is completely distraught. She sounds like she's distraught. She's humiliated. She got super super drunk and had sex with someone who she, if she was of sound mind, absolutely would never have had sex with.

And that's really, really really upsetting for her.

Like, I feel terrible your cousin that she managed to get to a place where she thought that that was normal or okay. She's woken up with so much regret around this, and I.

Think that that is an awful situation.

Let's now unpack the fact that the question that you're asking isn't around the morality of your cousin sleeping with her cousin, like you know that's not around that. The question is is do you tell her husband? Would I tell? No, I wouldn't tell. That doesn't mean that that is the right decision, because this is completely completely subjective, whatever you feel comfortable with doing, whether you morally feel like you

I don't condone the lying.

I don't condone the but I'm saying I wouldn't have the emotional capacity to take on the truth telling, and that maybe is maybe that's a poor reflection of who I am as personal. But I think that this will come with so much stress for you, and the question is is how do you feel? What can you manage and what can you handle?

I think for me what I would do, and I did think about what I'm do in this situation, and I agree Laura as I said, it's like it's got nothing to do with well, I don't think it has anything to do with the cousin situation here.

I just think it has to do with the fact of it's cheating.

Should they know.

When you say it has nothing to the cousin, don't you think like, well, it's going to be like the auntie and uncles are going to be fighting. That's going to trickle down, like it's going to affect everyone in that family, not just the person who's cheated.

Yeah, I guess it's more like for this person that's written in her question, is she's pregnant with possibly someone else's child, Do I tell him or not? So for me, in my head Right now, I've taken away the cousin thing because I know it's not going to have the complications.

Do you know what as well?

We live in a day and age where so many people do their ancestry chest like it's the fear your cousin is going to live her life in absolute dread that maybe that child is not biologically her husband's child, and that this will come out. This kid is gonna find out at some point in time, and then what does that then look like? Yeah, it's a secret that

I just don't know.

I don't know if I have it in me to do that. But I literally cannot believe. I'm so surprised, and this is a probably a horrible thing to say, but I'm so surprised that she's choosing to go ahead and have the baby with the uncertainty around it. And maybe that's because of her own beliefs around abortion, or maybe that's because she is married and she can't justify to her husband why she would want to have an abortion. Maybe there's more loaded into this.

We also don't know what I for tis history is like you totally totally child she thinks she could have You don't know, And I agree, I agree where the cousin part for me comes back into it right now that I'm bringing it back in because it is you know, we can't deny that she had sex with a cousin. If you go to your partner and you say, I

You don't.

I don't think you work through an affair is one thing, you know, Esa Perel many other people have told us many times that an affair doesn't have to be the end. It is for a lot of people, and that's okay. It's also not for a lot of people, which is okay. Many people work through it depending on the situation. But when you throw in the fact that the affair was your cousin, it hits different. I understand why she doesn't

I just can't believe she told you. You couldn't torture this shit out of me.

You couldn't you tell me if you'd sex with your cousin, for sure you could water board me. And I wouldn't tell you this, Like, there is nothing you could do to me that would make me tell someone this information? Would you really not tell me if I fucked my cousin and I was pregnant and I was unsure nothing.

I'm so offended. I told you I will die with that secret. Wow, some people need to loose lip.

Sally over here, fucking shut up. I worry about how we've answered this question, purely from the fact that because we don't want to create a pylon, but we've been so like, it doesn't matter that it's the cousin.

Oh what matters.

It's so it's so effing weird. The whole thing is so effing weird. It is so on many levels of like the trying to hide, the paternity, the hiding, the cheating, all of this. But the question you've asked is should you be the one to tell? And I would be doing what you recommended, brit. I would be trying to encourage her to I have some truth to this and to be as transparent with her husband as she can. Maybe she doesn't want to tell the husband that it

Not because if you've told your husband that you cheated on him, they're going to want to know who when to say it.

I don't know, and maybe you make up a lie because I don't know. Part of me is like, is there any benefit of the whole family knowing that you fucked your cousin?

I don't think so. No, there's no benefit at all.

It will ruin you. It will ruin you.

It'll ruin you. Yeah, But imagine if Matt came to you and said, I need to talk to you. I cheated on you.

Do you think you're going to accept the fact that he said, but I'm not telling you who or where. You would want every detail, which is normal, it's normal to want. I feel like the reason we're tiptoeing around this is I think we've been pretty We've been pretty open with how we feel. Don't fuck your cousin. That's how I feel. I feel that that in my core.

So that's why I think we're stepping on. We can say how we feel. I ain't.

I'm not.

I'm not. But don't you know someone Laura that married their cousin. Yeah? I do. Through friends of friends.

I know people they're like our parents' age, and they have children who are our age, and they've been married since they were like just out of beauty, and that's their first cousin. So I mean, and don't get me wrong, like, of course, everyone is kind of like, wow, that's spicy and very very strange. The kids know their parents, The kids know their parents and cousins. The kids make jokes about it. They're very very aware.

How else, what else do you do? You have to make a joke about it.

You've grown up your whole life knowing that your parents are also cousins. It is very, very very odd. I'm not discrediting that their relationship didn't hurt anyone.

There was not an imbalance of power, there was not any abuse.

They fell in love in Uni their cousins, they got together, they have kids.

The end.

This is different.

There is an abuse of power, and there is so many levels of lying that have happened here, and that's why this is so much more problematic. And that's why I have way more of an issue with this situation than what I do with like two people who consensually decided they wanted to marry their cousins, no matter how much we look at that and might think it's weird.

And at the end of the day, everyone listening is going to have a judgment on this. But the question isn't about that. The question is about does she just tell the husband that's where we're going to come back to, And I think it is. I would be going and dissing all this information onto her about why I think she needs to tell him the reasons I believe, But then I'm not taking that on board for myself. I'm not gonna go and be the one that tells the husband.

Yeah, I also think that this woman probably needs a lot of support at the moment. I think that there is no good outcome in this situation. There is no good outcome for anyone involved, And yeah, I think it's just really fucking sad. Question number two, I truly believe that my ex from ten years ago is who I am meant to be with. We were really young and it just wasn't the right time back then. However, over the years there has been multiple times when we have

What do I do?

No matter how much I try to convince myself I'm wrong, my gut keeps telling me that it's him and it will always be him who I am meant to be with. Should I try and talk to him about this? If so, what the hell do I say? Or just wait and see if time brings us back together again. We didn't end things on bad terms and have always stayed friends over the years, and I've always felt that there has been a connection between us. Is it just the one that got away and it's time to let that go?

Oh? Okay, I have strong feelings about this, so do I?

Okay?

I wonder if I was the same my feelings, I yes, tell him my feelings are one hundred percent. Give it a go, because what have you got to lose. You either go back and it works and it's amazing and it's the right time, or you go back and you're.

Like, whoa, what were we thinking? Thinking? Not for us? But I can go you one thing.

If you don't have that conversation and you don't try, you've been thinking about this for ten years, you were going to think about it for another ten years, twenty years. If you meet someone else, it's always going to be in the back of your mind, whether you've romanticized the idea, Like there's a huge possibility that you have. You've forgotten why you broke up and you've just remembered the amazing things.

I totally I know we could not be on the more same page with this. I do think there's probably a very good chance that you have romanticized how perfect this person is for you over the past ten years, how they're the one that got away. But you have to have a conversation about it. You have to lay your cards on the table, say exactly how you feel and explain to him that you want to have another shot at the relationship and see if that is reciprocated.

We broke up and for.

Another six years, like I held onto this idea that he was the man I was going to be with. Right And I'm talking like I had another long term relationship in there. I lived with him like it wasn't like I didn't date, like I was like very committed, but he was always there in the back of my head that we were going to end up together. And maybe a year before I did The Bachelor, we actually gave it another shot and it just wasn't. It just wasn't all the things that I had kind of tried

But I'm so grateful.

I am so grateful that we gave it that shot, because if we hadn't, I think I would still have a bit of a pin for him.

And this is what I want to say.

You need a definitive answer, because I genuinely feel sorry for you, because I've been in a situation too, Laura, for that long where you've thought, maybe we're supposed to be together, it wasn't the right time. There is nothing worse than that being in the back of your head. You don't ever fully move on, you don't ever fully

Just own it? Just say do you feel what I feel?

Because for ten years I have tried to move on, but I always come back to you, is something here or not? Because I just want to know, because it's the uncertainty that does your head in life, the not knowing, and I personally think life is too short. Don't get your answer so you can close the chapter or move on. And the only other thing that interests me here is you've said recently, I found out he was interested. Again.

I found out he's interested.

I'm almost wondering if someone, a mutual friend, has said something like, you know, I think that there could be something there still, it just didn't sound very convincing.

But you have literally nothing to lose. You don't have him. What it does she does.

The thing that she has to lose is the friendship because she's migrated this like romantic relationship into a ten year friendship. But the thing I really want to reiterate to you is that you are kidding yourself because you're not friends, because you don't romantically pine over your friends. So either have the conversation and then sever the relationship if it doesn't work out, like if he says, I'm

You're wired to him.

I remember this quote like when I was back in my Instagram hashtag quote era, and.

It was I wish I knew you in that time.

The right relationship at the wrong time is simply the wrong relationship. And it is so true because you can keep hoping that the right relationship is going to align and it just if it never does, it's never the right relationship.

Okay, kids, sit down, Mama has a story. So my friend, a very good friend. She is my age, so thirty six, thirty seven, thirty four, thirty five, whatever, No, thirty.

Six ety seven.

She was married really young. She got married eighteen nineteen to her high school sweetheart, and you know, they felt meant to be. That's why they got married. And they spent a couple of years together living not in a city, like a little bit inland. I don't want to give anything away, but anyway, so nothing wrong with their life, great life, everything that they wanted to do. And then they just realized, and I think she realized more so,

They weren't in contact. Years.

She had a baby with somebody else, and then that didn't work out, so she was doing single mum life.

And then one.

Day, this is like a movie, she was in a supermarket in the New Pound that she'd moved to again, so far away from wherever they lived.

She was in a supermarket and she was walking down the aisland.

She ran into her first husband, her high school sweetheart, and they hadn't spoken in year. Speaking of romanticize, yeah, it was like ten years or something.

Caught up because it was not. They didn't end badly. How I yep, this.

Is my son, like you know, like crazy crazy catch up. And then they were like, well, you know, we should catch up sometimes. So they caught up. They are remarried now with another child. They fell back in love and realized that it was the perfect example of the right person at the wrong time, and that doesn't happen often, and they have everything they wanted now. They're back in the house they wanted with the kids, the family life, beautiful relationship, and it was just they refound each other

It totally is.

But also the thing that I think is important to take from that is that they went and they lived their lives hundreds. They didn't sit in the you know, in relationships being like, oh my god, I wish I was still with my ex.

Yeah, they lived their lives.

She had a kid with someone else, she was in other relationships, and then they rekindled and then they made that decision. But it's the pining over a love that you can't have that means you're robbing yourself from a relationship that you deserve. So either have the conversation or if you can't have the conversation, you need to go cold turkey and sever the friendship then because it's simply just not a friendship.

I agree. Okay, question number three.

I'm planning on moving out with my boyfriend and our two mates in three months to Sydney. For reference, we've been dating for six years and I've been friends with his mates the whole time. I've been looking at places, and I'm just kind of confused as to how couples pay rent when they're sharing with friends. Are we expected to split the payment evenly by all four of us, even though my boyfriend and I are going to be

Oh, I remember these days. This is a tricky one, and it's so dependent.

There's no black and white. It's so dependent on the house you move it into rooms you're moving into and do you get non suite? Do you get parking? Is there any one parking spot? Who's getting that? These people are going to pay more, right, But from what I experienced and what I saw, if there's a three bedroom house and there's a single person and then a single person and then a double two people in one room, the two people don't pay the three hundred each, but

Single person, it's four hundred. If you are a couple that.

Are moving in, it's six point fifty for example, or six hundred. So it's you're paying more, but you're not paying exactly double more. You still get a bit of a discount because you are only getting half a room, but it's not fair to everyone else in the house for you to pay half.

Well, you're not getting half a room. You're still getting a whole house.

You're getting half a room each, but you're getting the entire house to live in it to accommay.

And then usually the person in a house that has the double room usually gets a better bathroom or an on suite. There's usually stuff attached with the bigger, better room, so you definitely have to pay more, just so you know.

So I had this relatively recently. I mean I was pregnant with Matt living and sharing still. Yeah, well Matt, when I was pregnant with Marlee, Matt and I shared and we lived with housemates. I know when you say that was five years ago. When you say recently, I thought someone was moving in like a.

Year ago, we still had recently.

Well, I guess, like as in when you think about us having kids and stuff like that is still pretty recent. We are Not only was there two people in the room, there were three people in the room. I was pregnant living in that house. But we the way we did it is we had a three bedroom house and our room was the room that had the on suite, so it was already a slightly more expensive room, which meant that Matt was already paying a little bit more money.

The noise, the air pollution, and also just like you're there in a toilet pays and the toilet if they've got ibs more toilet paper, thank you, that's it.

Maybe you buy your own toilet paper.

But I do think, yeah, I think as a couple, you obviously have to pay more. Do I think that it's it's double what an individual person pays. No, but I do think it needs to be a considerable amount more.

I'm mutually okay with spending.

My number one piece of advice here, having lived all over the world with people I know, with strangers, like so many different kinds of roommates.

Yeah, same with homeown.

I've lived with the homeowner, when is it I would hate that, like so many different types, and I've lived with partners. The one thing that I will say is have every conversation done and everyone on the same page. And understood about finances completely, not just the rent, but how are you going to do the groceries, how you're

Whatever.

Money, Money is a crazy thing and does crazy thing to people.

Yes, I think especially with housemates. I think like housemates can really be or they don't. Sometimes it doesn't end up in big conversations, but it ends up in like a lot of resentments and.

The tension you can cut with.

And I hate it all the fucking passive aggressive texts that you receive and you're like, fuck off, just say it to my face.

Me home in five ou.

Why eat my fucking NATCHO is the fridge that I left over? I was saving this for the last week.

Britt.

How did it go when you lived in the house with the homeowner?

Oh?

He was great, right, he was lovely, But I not once ever I felt comfortable. I never felt like I was in my own home. And I was paying a lot of money for that because it was a beautiful home in BONDI like that was when I was like, I'm going to live in I do know that.

I was about to say, did you fuck him?

Then I was like, no, I know you remember now, definitely did not. You never felt like it was your home. You Even when I came over, it was always a little bit like we were in Daddy's house.

Don't go on, Daddy. I can't get that amage out of my head.

Now. I can hear beer Daddy like in his relationship Daddy vibe Beard Daddy. No, but it was I never felt a home. I don't recommend living with the homeowner if you can avoid it, because even though they want to make you they're like being home, it's yours, it's not yours.

They own it and they're there. Yeah, and they're there, and you just can't. You can't treat it like it's you're in space. Yeah, I agree. I've lived in every every variation of housemates I've lived with.

Or you don't want to have sex in there too.

I remember once I was having sex and that was really loud, and I was like, oh my god, Daddy's going to hear tomorrow.

Yeah. I don't recommend I've had every variation. I've lived with girlfriends, I've lived with strangers. I've lived with girlfriends and my boyfriend's moved in. I've lived with a boyfriend and friends. I've been pregnant living with housemates. Like, seriously, I could not have lived in more variations of like housemate living arrangements. And I would just say, like, I completely agree with you, Britt. Having all conversations about money now is the best way of going about it, and

This seems to be what is standard. How do you feel about this? How you cool with that? And then get their opinions.

They might say, oh, actually, nah, we're all going to pitch in three hundred and we think it needs to be fair and even, and then you decide whether you're okay with that, And if you're not okay with it, then maybe you and your boyfriend just move out together.

Yeah.

And the food shit's a big one. I can't stress that enough.

People are really funny about food I've lived with people that have written stuff like their name on stuff like the butter. Don't use the scrape of that butter because I'll know if there's any bread crumbs in the butter, they'll know you used it. That's, you know, speaking from experience.

Also, what I do want to say is you're living with a whole heap of boys. And what I've discovered when I live with a lot of obviously live in house with my boyfriend and four of his mates, well they're gross, but also they eat so much more than you eat, and you end up bankrolling their appetite, and it is the most frustrating and also just financially depleting thing.

I really struggled with it.

And I would have to pitch in the same amount to groceries and they would fucking eat everything. So I would say consider that because maybe just you and your partner go for groceries and then you have some communal stuff like you know, the milk or the butter or whatever. But I think if you're all just doing like group groceries, you will find that you are paying twice as much because most of the time guys eat more than girls.

They just do him to do a shelf, each shelf, each pantry each that's it. That's my shit. There's my milk.

Whatever.

You get your own butter, you get your own milk. I agree, I agree. I think it's time anyway. Yeah, that is it from us.

Guys. Please, if you have your questions, keep them rolling into the Instagram. On the interweb lifeun Cut podcast, just put ask on cut the top. You'll always say anonymous. I promise, even if you haven't sex with your cousin, we don't look at who you are.

We don't look. And also I need an aftermath of this. I have to know what you do if you tell the husband. If you don't tell the husband, I just oh, I won't be able to sleep ever again.

You've done me over one hundred percent. I'm going to sleep, but I'm also gonna think about it. I'm going to think about you every day about it. That's worse about the cousins, say, sex with cousins, what do we dream about that?

Now? I'm glad I don't.

I'm not close to my cousins, so like I mean, I yeah, like they like them, they're lovely people, but like I don't see them enough to ever have to worry about these.

I remember having a crush on my cousin when I was like six or seven years old. You know when you're with that now, yeah, I don't care. When you're six and seven, you've got no concept of who they are. And he was like, oh he was a girl. He was like ten years older than me, and you're like, he's a hotty. D's a teenager. You know, he's at high school. And for me, he was just like this

I always I take it back.

I had to crush my cousin too, but he was my stepdad's sister's son, so not technically related.

No, you've got no idea I could have had sex with him.

I reckon most people listening, or a lot of people would understand what we're talking about. Have that crush on someone in your family that you don't know, No, but when you've got no concept, you're young enough that you don't know who they are. But none of us are having sex with our cousins.

I think you get over a certain age and that all kind of falls by the wayside.

Kisha is horrified. Horrified.

Imagine if your cousin was Chanting Taina, you would fuck your cousin.

If your cousin was Jason, Mamo or Laurie, we would. You'd do it. You'd bend the rules, wouldn't you. All Right, that's it from us. I like and subscribe later.

Review anyway, you.

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