Ask Uncut - Second Chances, A Cousin's Flirtatious Husband and Following Problematic Accounts

This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut. I'm Laura.

You sound like you forgot your name.

I'm Britney. Well you're like, I'm Lo. No, I know who I am.

I'm too confident in that. Yeah, after thirty nine years on this planet.

Funnily enough, because I've spent the last eighteen months not knowing who I am. And I think that was evident with my consistent hair changes every two months.

This is true.

We've been talking about what theme we should do for your hens like that's got like a discussion recently, and I haven't thrown this idea out into the group chat yet, but I was going to say, why don't we just dress up as like different versions of Britney.

That is a brilliant idea. I was about to say, we should put it out to the lifers to pick a theme in the discussion group.

Everybody should be me.

I was like, Brittany's been so many different versions of Brittany over the past sort of five years of me knowing you. There's been literally, there's been many different forms of mental breakdowns that have occurred.

All of them have manifested in different hairstyles.

And also don't come for us and say we shouldn't make light of mental breakdowns. We're not joking. I have actually had them.

Like, so before anyone comes for us, we giggle about it.

Peopel like you shouldn't joke about this. We're like, oh, I wasn't clinically.

What version would you come as the one that didn't get out of bed? You could wrap a douner around you and just come in a blanket.

Yeah, like hair I miss, I could come as the one ice cream tub.

Yeah, the one where it's like late night Messina delivery and you're just yeah in bed, I know exactly. That version was the COVID version as well, was my favorite, where you couldn't get out of bed for two weeks.

That was fun. Or when you went through that period.

Where you cut your hair super short, right mate, all right, and then two weeks later got hair extensions down to your ass. It was real rapid change. It's like emotional whiplash one day.

It's actually so funny.

You had like an aggressive bob. I don't know if it was aggressive aggressive, it was blunt, blunt to the point.

You're lucky I almost cut a fring into that bomb. But I once did that and someone told me I the like lego man, so I didn't go back there. Park One, Yes, I looked, That's why I was channeling. You could dress up as that. Probably Actually you could dress up as a swamp donkey, as you so fondly call me.

You could come a Shrek theme. I could be.

Loved Park one swamp donkey.

They could be a Shrek what else?

And I was just comeing a bikini with seventeen other bikinis hanging off my fingers.

I don't think this is endearing anymore.

I could just wear my own clothes because now we have morphed into the same person who owns the same things. And last week Britt brought this brand new pair of sunglasses and she was like, oh, I got this new pair of sunnies and she went to put them on her face and I was like, I bought these a year ago, Ben bought them for Mekis.

She's like, I already owned those.

I used to copy you.

More, but I feel like now we're kind of evening.

We are closed to even This is when you spend too much time with someone and you start you start to assimilate into like the way that they dress, or like replicate the things that they do, or they're mad.

I love it. I think it's brilliant.

There could be something in that, and not because I want you guys to dress with me, but because there have been so many versions of me that it could definitely be a thing.

Well for you, it's like for you, like for me, there's been only two versions pregnant not pregnant.

It's been identical.

I don't change my hairstastes the same, my style of clothes, stay the same, everything is consistent.

I'm I'm just a bigger version and a smaller version.

I was about to make a really bad joke that you would find funny, but everyone else would think I'm a bully, So to go, Ready, say I could.

Just wear a bald cap ah, you know that canceller. I'm going to go. That's why I can make the joke. I'm going to go with a canceled version of Britz. So that'll be fun to sign on. This is canceled, all right.

Well, look, there is something that we have been talking about on every ask on cut for the last three weeks, and it's really taken over this podcast.

I feel really bad. You're not bald. That was just it was funny in my hand. Oh, now you feel bad about it, don't you know?

Because sometimes I make jokes when it's there's an opportunity, but then people think I'm serious, you're not bald, which is why I can make it. But that was funny, and I only said it because I have a bald cap at home.

I think it's the opposite. I think you can make the joke because I am baled.

Hang on a second, why I have a bald cap just for fun?

I have one as well. I have a book. I have two bald caps at home.

Yeah.

One time that night we had to create a skit pretending that we were Jason Statham, and so we have multiple balld caps at home. It is actually shocking how much weird stuff we have in two separate costume boxes, and not like sexy costume boxes.

Matt. It's got like an arrange, like.

A full assortment of wigs that he uses for all of the skits he does. And like women's clothes which were just my clothes that have somehow made it into the costume box because he wears them and.

I think you're the only adults that I know with a costume box.

Nah, I have a dress up, but I'm a dress up pomp. I just pulled a muscle because I laughed so hard at my own joke. I just pulled a rib muscle. Okay, all right, let's get back on track.

The thing that we haveken about for the past three weeks is how did chickens get fertilized?

How did the eggs of chickens get fertilized?

If you didn't listen to last week's ask gun cart all the week before, basically once again, it was that I had a very late realization in life that I've came to the understanding that chicken eggs are fertilized because chickens actually get down and you know, do the deed, rather than just a big male chicken coming along and fertilizing the egg afterwards.

Still shocking. I know, I know.

We've received so many messages because the call out that we asked last week was what was the outrageous thing that you discovered far too late in life? Like the thing that you should know that you should have probably discovered when you were a child. You found out when you're in your twenties or your thirties, or maybe even today, and we have received some truly shocking ones and you should all be embarrassed by how dumb we all are.

To be fair, there are animals called a liger. Yeah, so that.

Has nothing to do with this and tigers and bears. Oh my, okay, that this little piggy went to market was actually getting slaughtered.

Yeah.

I actually didn't even think about that either.

This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy went to market, and I just thought I.

Was going to get like the groceries for the week.

That's what most kids think. But no, that little piggy was getting chopped up.

How is that a nursery rhyme?

I'm surekar nursery rhymes are actually particularly dark, you know, ring, ring of rosies, like about the black plate or something.

It's about is it getting sick? Yeah?

Ring and ring a rosy, a part full of posies, a tissue with tissue, we all fall down, we're dead.

It's about it's about getting like an.

Awful thirty seven is the age that you learned that.

That's the thing that we've grown up singing. We used to hold hands and go around in a circle. Yeah, and then people would fall down.

Oh my god dead.

Okay, this is a good one.

This is upsetting because this is also Keisha's revelation that thunder is actually the sound of lightning.

Keisha thought they were two separate No, she actually said, I thought they were too completely separate weather events.

I said, whether they were independent weather events that sometimes come incided. And I'm still confused because you guys are talking about distance and that's how you can tell how by the way the lightning is. And I was like, but what about it when there's no lightning and you just hear lighting?

Let me rumble far away. Okay, I've got another one for you.

That Africa was not actually a country and that there were, in fact, lots of countries in Africa. That's just someone who did really bad at geography. Like that's someone who needs a world map.

All right. Peanuts grow in the ground, not on a tree. I'm not gonna lie.

If you asked me twenty minutes ago where a peanut grows, I wouldn't have been able to tell you.

Yeah, they're in the ground like potatoes.

I didn't know that. Yeah, but I didn't know. I didn't think anything else. I just actually don't even know where a peanut comes from.

All right, reindeeres are actually a real animal.

Yep, I've seen them.

And lastly, bacon and ham come from the same animal.

That's interesting as an adult to not have known that peaks.

Are particularly like resourceful. They do pork belly, they do ham, they do bacon. What can't they do prosrudo? They do presudo bee shootero, they can't do beef.

Let's get into our lives and unsubscribes, Britt, what is your vibe or unsubscribe for the week?

My unsubscribe is actually just it's something that's made me angry. It's not something I'm literally unsubscribing from, which obviously is the point of this discussion. But I have been looking for a very long time at rentals rental properties, and I am unsubscribing from the number of times you look online and you're like, this is brilliant. Look how big this space is. There's all these beautiful furniture in the photo.

It is very.

Confusing because it seems counterintuitive real estates do this because you get there and you're just bitterly disappointed.

I remember we went to to be fair.

Though maybe they just think it's so dire that if they get you in the door and you've got not many other options, even if the house is so underwhelming, you'll just at least apply for it, which.

Is so so so sad. But it is dire because that's happened. You get there and there's still thirty other people begging for the property.

Yeah, well we went to one. This is ages ago. We went to one in Bronti and it's the house we ended up living in. So we did apply for it. But in pictures it looked ridiculously immaculate, had such a beautiful green grass in the backyard and like, Matt, love's a lawn. And then we got there to the inspection, it was just dirt and it was because they photoshop grass in. It was completely fake grass. And that was the most disappointing thing for Matt. He couldn't get over it.

He still applied to it worked no.

Because for years he tried to grow the grass in the backyard. Turns out you can't in that property.

Is I went to one that had an amazing garden, like it was huge. The grass was also lushes loads of plants, and I was like, perfect, obviously I have Delilah. I get there and it's tiniest yard. It's like two by two. It's like fake astrotope. Wait, what is your unsubscribed? People faking rental listing? Just people faking like the photos on rental listings. Just you're wasting so many people's time. Let's just put up the real photos. Let's call a

All right, Kisha what is your viber unsubscribed?

My Vibe is a podcast that I have been listening to for the past couple probably maybe four months, and they release a bunch of different episodes under the one podcast title, so it can be a little bit confusing. I have recommended prof G pods before. Prof G stands for Professor Scott Galloway. He's a professor of marketing and business, and he has a lot of different types of podcasts.

He's a massive podcast during the US.

I think that last year they had like thirty eight million downloads, just to give you a bit of an idea of the scale of them. But he'll have, for example, a podcast about politics, and he'll have one where he kind of just talks about whatever he wants to talk about. He'll have one where he interviews people, and this one is Prof G Markets.

Now. I am not a finance.

Girlie, but I really realized towards the end of last year that I actually had almost no literacy in that space. Like I just I never understood the jargon, and I really didn't have any idea what you know, financial reports are talking about, or stocks or any of that kind

He had a fiftieth birthday recently.

So they have this really good like dichotomy of what they're interested in in their life experiences as well. So he's quite progressive for someone who is as rich as he is as wells, which I find nicer listen to, sounds great. Yeah, so prof G markets All of the PROFERG podcasts I do enjoy, but yeah, that one in particular, if you want to get a little bit more financial literacy.

I have a clothing brand recommendation for you guys today, and it is one that I'm not currently wearing, which was silly, but I have been wearing it almost every day and I've gotten so many questions about it. If you are after like a cool oversized tea, or you really like patent pants, or like just things that you can wear on the reg every day and it looks like you've put effort into what you're wearing, but actually you could have rolled out of your bed, which is

I've just googled.

Also Australian business which we love, female founded business as well.

I'm pretty sure. Anyway, let's get into these questions, all right.

Question number one, do I tell my husband about my past dating life, including women? My husband and I are happily married with kids. We've been together for about eight years now. He's a pretty open guy generally speaking, but we are from a conservative city, so I do sometimes hear comments from him and his family to suggest otherwise. I listened to your episode yesterday about talking about your

I think this is a I think this is an interesting question because to me, this doesn't feel different to the questions we've answered previously about do you have to tell someone about your past? Like do you have to tell a current partner about your past? I don't think it matters so much if it's a woman or a man. If you want to talk about it, talk about it. If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to talk about it. If he doesn't want to hear it, you don't have to force it upon him.

Yeah, if he's not inquiring, you don't have to give him information.

Est I love pussy. It's like just to sit out and pussy like.

You definitely don't have to do that, the same as you don't go I need to tell you I have suck some dick in the us, Like, you don't have to have those conversations unless it's something about you that you genuinely want to discuss, like that part of your life. Because I we've said this before, I'll say it again, but I'll keep it brief. I like to talk about my past with my partners, and I like to know

You must have been when you first started dating your husband. There must have been some concern that maybe he would judge you, or that there might not be a positive reaction for you to have completely omitted those details, because it's not like that's not like, oh, I just didn't talk about my exes, like like that's a whole different life that you just kind of were like, well, we'll just not ever speak about it.

And not because it's a woman, but because like you were living with your partner totally, like it was so serious that you were living together. So it's usually like when you start dating someone, the first thing is like, like, so, what when was your last relationship?

Or I mean because she's a woman, And I guess it's because like never ever speaking about that side of you means that he's probably just made the assumption that you're totally heterosexual, which you may view yourself that as that. Now, like who knows what label it is that you prefer to use to describe yourself but you may also consider yourself to be bisexual, which would probably be evident by the fact that you lived with your partner for a year and she was a female. There's no judgment in

Because it's a big part of your It's a big.

Part of potentially who you are. Or maybe it's not a big part.

Like I mean, everyone's sexuality is on a scale of how important it is to them, right, Like, it's very different for every single person. I would say, at this point, you've been together for eight years, don't listen to our podcast and then turn around and go, well, the girl said I should talk about my past, So I'm gonna go and tell my husband that, you know what, I used to live with a woman named Sarah. You don't

That's a real shame, and like that is something that probably should be unpacked, Like if your partner has a bias towards that, or if he has negative feelings about that, because the reality is the person that you were eight years ago and the relationship that you're in doesn't have an impact on the relationship you're in now, so he shouldn't have any negative feelings about it all other than Hey, I wish you told me that. That's weird that you

I when I'm thinking if this was me, I always do this role reversal. If I was with Ben now for eight years, or even now after two years. If I was with Ben for eight years and then I found out that he was in a same sex relationship lived with the person like right before me for years, it wouldn't bother me that he was in the gay relationship, but I'd be like, bro, I was like eight how has this not come up?

I was like eight years deep.

Just because it's your past relationship and I didn't know you had ever been in a same sex relationship, I would be more shocked at the fact he hadn't told me than the fact that that was the situation.

Yeah, And I think following on from that, Britt, I would also probably feel as though, Hey is the reason why you didn't tell me because you assumed I would judge, And is that the person that you think I am.

So I don't know. In my mind.

I'm like, unless you really really feel as though you need to tell him, like you have reached nirvana and you're like, my husband must know about my past, I don't think it's necessary. But also it's not a big deal, Like if you do tell him, the reaction from him shouldn't be like a freak out, and if it is freak out, that's a totally different conversation.

I do wonder why you feel like this has come up now, Like I know you said, it's just you're turning it into a bigger deal in your head. Has something come up now? Has there been a conversation where you think it wouldn't be taken well and now you're overthinking it because it seems like a strange time to have for this issue to have sort of risen to the top. Well.

No, she listened to our podcast episode about how we spoke about not be to your current partners about your exes, and that's why I'm saying.

Don't listen to us. Do whatever's right for you and your relationship.

But also if the moment ever comes up now or in four years and there's a conversation about an X or something, just drop it like it's nothing Like I would. I'd just be like, oh, when I was living with Sally, we used to split bills like this, Like however it comes up, just say it and he'll be like, who's Sally and you're like the pussy that I love? Like I would just not make it.

A big deal because it's it's not a big deal.

Do you gaslight and be like you knew that I told you about Sally ages ago?

You know you loved Sally.

Just gasline I told you when we were dating. Yeah, just like, no, don't do that.

It's lying that is interesting to me. I don't think I have ever dated somebody ever in the history of dating at the start where I haven't wanted to know like their past relationship at least, like why it ended, how long ago it was, how long they were together. Like I feel like that is important for me when I'm dating, because did you break up with them yesterday? Was it five years ago? Have you ever been in

I know every single one of my ex boyfriends. I know who they dated and where they live.

I also know their phone number, pager I sent them by a carrier.

Pintuond they were in like a long term relationship prior to me, Like I know who that long term.

I don't know who, Like he has a seafood allergy?

Yeah, we know. Still I don't know the people that they slept with on like a random Friday night. Obviously, did they're in a long term relationship? Shut up?

Or Laura handed me the shovel here because you're just digging your hole.

Oh dear, it was an intolerance, actually, seafood.

In tolerance, not allergy. Okay, I'm going to the next question.

Question two.

Okay, question two. My cousin Shelley. These are fake names because she's put them in funny years. My cousin Shelley and her husband Dean have been together for fourteen years and have three kids.

She could have just left the names out all together.

I think it's easier when you've got names Shelly and Dean. Yeah, my husband Shelley, her husband Dino. They've been together for fourteen years. And have three kids. Recently, they've joked about separation and divorces recently, can you joke about it's an unusual joke?

Okay?

My husband and I also have kids and often catch up with them. Over the past few weeks, Dean has started messaging me, saying Shelley didn't want him to talk to me, but he needed to tell me something in person. I ignored him at first, thinking it was a bit strange, but he kept insisting. I assumed that he'd found out something about my husband, as our relationship has also been very rocky. Today, when we caught up, Dean told me that he and Shelley were essentially separated, but justine together

I think there is shutting things down and thinking you've shut things down, because if he's still messaging you, if he's still like, I have feelings for you blah blah blah blah blah.

Then he must think that there is some sort of opportunity or option there. I guess my question is is how kindly did you shut it down? How kindly did you say, oh, I'm not interested.

Sorry.

I really want to be careful this because I don't want this to come across as judgment on you that you've done anything wrong.

You absolutely haven't.

But if he is not getting it from what you've said to him, it's not your responsibility to take on the burden of his actions. And I think sometimes we have to be more than clear, and by being more than clear, sometimes it might mean that you have to be rude and tell him that you are not interested and he has absolutely stepped the line and crossed the line in this and put you in a situation that you feel uncomfortable by.

Yeah, but do you tell your husband and do you tell your cousin?

I would tell my husband for sure, what about your cousin.

I would have a conversation with Matt first. I would have a conversation with him and be like, Hey, this is what's happened. I don't know what is the best way for us to navigate this, And then I would kind of feel that out with him first, because first and foremost, like the two of you are a team.

I would I agree with everything you said, but I would also tell my cousin. I would tell Shelly if her if my cousin's husband made a pass at me. It goes beyond inappropriately making a pass. It's also going to have a flow on effect into every family event you ever have, Like you are going to feel uncomfortable constantly. You're going to have told your husband who is Then if he doesn't say anything, it's also going to be uncomfortable.

You know that he said that, because I would want to tricky, because you were just like, regardless of how that then unfolds, you are blowing that situation up. And when he's blown it up, yeah, it's not you. You're the messenger who's going to get shot, though unfortunately I don't think you will get if you are that.

I think you'll get your more risk of getting shot if you keep this a secret and it manifest and it's like, why the hell didn't you tell me this, and it looks like something secret has been going on. I think in these situations, being really upfront straight away, like I came straight to you to tell you I have zero interest. I do not know where this has come from. Obviously there's something going on with you guys,

The only problem with this is and I know that for whoever it is that's written this question in I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sometimes what happens in these types of instances when you are the person who gives the information, sometimes it can actually mean that that couple repairs their relationship, right. So instead of your cousin believing you, he might say, you know, I did it for this, this and this reasons. I love you, I'm so sorry, I never want us to be a part blah blah blah.

I don't know if I could have. I wonder whether I would face it as front on as you are saying you would, or whether I would just have the conversation with him and my husband, which I know is triangulating, and I know that that is not necessarily the bravest way of going about it.

But I worry about the flow on and how much impact this will have on the family if everyone is kind of involved.

Yeah, and if you've listened to this podcast, like from the beginning, these types of questions have come up a lot, and my answers would have changed dramatically over the years. Four or five years ago, if you asked me, I probably would have said, don't touch it, don't get involved.

It's messy.

But I feel like I'm evolving and I would love to evolve with the podcast. It's different for me now I can look at this in two different ways. Okay, what would I want to know in that situation? And what do I think the flow on effect is? I have seen so many times in these situations. Imagine if you did triangulate, not intentionally, but if you're like I don't want to tell her, I'm going to tell him to back off. I'm going to talk about it to

And you don't have.

To make it a big deal, and you might not want to also, fine, I just think it's what I would do. I would say I don't want this to ever be misconstrued that I led anything on, that I was involved, that I wanted it, that I made advances.

This happened.

I feel uncomfortable, and you deserve to know. Do with it what you will. Five years ago I wouldn't have done that, but that's where I'm at now because I think does the benefit exceed the risk? That's what you always have to think when you're making these decisions, And I truly don't think that these things stay a secret forever. I don't whether it's one year or five years, something will eventually come out.

Yeah, well, it means it sounds like their relationships in the pits anyway, to be honest, But I wonder if she's aware just how in the pits it is. Because he can say, oh, we're pretty much separated. I wonder if she feels like they're pretty much separated. That's the question I want to know.

Fuck, if your husband is hitting on your cousin, you should know. I'm just thinking now, like if my family, if my family members knew that Ben was hitting on my cousins and no one told me, it would be said.

It would be so much worse.

It would be so much worse because I'd be like, why am I the only person that doesn't know when I'm the only person that needs to know.

Yeah, I agree, I absolutely agree with you. I hate drama. I would just fucking not hang out with them anymore. That would probably be how I would deal with it too. But then she'll be like why yeah, true, No, all right, next question.

One of my closest friends has a toxic relationship with her toddler's father. He abandoned her around the time of the birth, and for the first year of the child's life he was pretty much non existent. He has a drinking problem, has cheated on her, has said some really fucking vile thing, and he even got her pregnant again while having another girlfriend on the side.

What a catch?

What a catch?

As you can imagine, I've been there for all of this and stepped in during his absence a lot.

I obviously hate his guts.

After being away from him for some time and her finally getting her life back together, he has come crawling back in and now they are back on and living together. I physically cannot bring myself to support this anymore. And I feel awful because I have distanced myself entirely for months now. Am I the one being selfish? And should I give him another chance?

Because she is? I haven't told her how I feel, but my silence and absence, I would think, speaks volumes, and hers does too. How do I handle this? Oh so messy?

Her silence is because she knows, she feels shameful, she feels embarrassed.

Yeah, she knows you're right, she.

Knows that you know everything she knows that it's unfathomable why she would give him another chance, even she doesn't understand why she's giving him another chance, but she is because she probably is so desperate for it to be the exception that this time will be different. But there is a level of embarrassment which makes you push your friends away when you go back to someone who, it's so obvious, is just hurting you.

It's so hard.

It's like a double edged sword because you want to be there for your friend, and it's so important that you are there for your friend, and you have been there for your friend, but there also comes a time where you need to start protecting yourself. There's only so much you can put yourself through for somebody else, especially if they're making the choice to put themselves back into

I think it's quite tricky because I definitely don't and I know it's not how you meant it, Brit, but I just kind of want to like comment on it for a second. It's very easy to dismiss people who are in very toxic or violence relationships as I can't help you if you're not going to help yourself, because we know that it is so fucking hard not just to leave, but like the going back, there is such a stranglehold that the perpetrator has on the person who

You don't know the manipulation. Like I know that you know a lot.

And obviously you've been privy to some of his abuse, but you're not privy to everything and to the nuance of how he has that stranglehold on her.

I think the one thing.

I absolutely agree with what you said, Britt, is that it's so important to have the conversation of I will always be here for you if you need something, if you need me, I can help you, and if you need to get out of this relationship, you have a place to come to you that's safe, like I will always be here, But it doesn't mean that you have to be there every single day trying to put the pieces back together for somebody who's in a really, really

Yeah.

I even sometimes I think about when I had the period of dating a very fucking useless man who was like cheating on me and lying to me and all that sort of stuff you know we've talked about in the past. But one of my good friends Kaya, she saw the constant back and forth and I would tell her everything and then and then I would go back

It's important to make them know that you will be there that when they need you and when they're ready, but to step back is I just had the conversation in my head that we had with Kate Derouge, and if you guys haven't listened to that, please go and listen. It's an incredible conversation. Whilst it's a more extreme version of this, she said something that you don't really think

Well, no, do you remember Terry Cole told a very similar story about her sister. Her sister was in a really toxic relationship, and she said that she was always there trying to save her and she'd almost like absorbed her sister's trauma as her own, and she was trying to be her nut and shining armor. But really what allowed her to escape that relationship was her finding her own ability to have independence. It was once she didn't have all those support systems around her, she was able

And to be honest, I feel like I could almost call it their relationship's not going to work out obviously, and so she will need you and gain in the future. So I would be having that conversation and trying to make sure you're finding your life and getting on You don't have to always take people's trauma. And then the time will come where I have no doubt she'll call you.

But that sucks, all right.

Last question, My really good friend has his boyfriend who I've been a bit wary about because some of his political views.

He follows some far right.

Almost conspiracy level accounts that are hectically pro Trump and other dangerous men like Ben Shapiro, etc. He also follows a lot of OnlyFans girls accounts. Here's where it also gets a little complex. My friend is Asian and has joked about perhaps her white boyfriend being with her only because she is Asian and wondering if he has yellow fever, a very derogatory term for men who like to date

Fuck?

I think you can tell your friend. I think you can tell her.

It's hard because at the end of the day, like people can follow who they want whatever, this is different because she doesn't having herself, so she can't check herself. So I don't know. The only thing is if you do go to your friend and say I want you to know who your boyfriend's following, she's going to think, Okay, well you've got a problem with my boyfriend, and it's

I have a question.

I'd love to know how long they've been dating for, because, like, if he is really pro Trump and has some like far right views propacy level. She's probably aware of it, Like she probably knows it's a hard thing to hide. I wonder, like, maybe this is something you care about more than she cares about, Like I wonder what is the disparity here. You definitely can flag it with her and be like, hey, I know you're not on Instagram, but like Wayne follows some really weird accounts, and like,

I find you beautiful. It's why I'm dating you exactly.

You know, he's not going to say I've got yellow fever, like what an awful thing for someone to say that. He would say, Yeah, I find Asian women so attractive, hence why we're together, Like you know, we both find each other so physically attractive.

I'm sure you would follow hot white guys as well.

I'm not saying that his retort is the correct one, and I'm not saying that it is right. I'm just trying to give you ways in which he would explain away the things that he is doing, which would mean that you would sound like you're a bit crazy for going through and finding all these only fans people, and he would be able to explain the why of it.

I wouldn't have thought the problem was that the only fans women were Asian. I think the problems more that it's just a bunch of only fans people. For me, the Asian part doesn't come into it as much as like a full on list of only fans creators like you know, obviously there was more to this question that some of them are quite like provocative and pornography like, like they were quite extreme.

They're not just like ah.

I think it does though, and especially when you look at the reasoning why. And I think it was a good explainer that she put in there. Really sorry to any of our Asian listeners. I'm not saying this because I would ever use a terminology. It's purely because it is in the question.

She said.

You know that she herself her friend has joked about perhaps her boyfriend has yellow fever, a derogatory term for men who like to date Asian women because it's kink of submissive behavior. So I do think that there are big fucking red flat but I think it's a very challenging red flag to communicate.

I didn't know that the term yellow fever Asian fever was because they like the fact that Asian women are submissive. I didn't know that's what it meant. I just thought it was a type that people were attracted to people of Asian descent. I didn't know that it was because of the submissive part.

To be fair, I didn't actually know that necessarily either.

No, I thought it was okay Keisha's saying she did know that, Yeah, I didn't know that. I think it is problematic and I do understand why you have these concerns.

Now it's awkward.

I don't want to invite you to things and him to things, And I just think it's kind of a little bit like you've got to wait this one out a little bit. I do wonder whether she kind of has an idea in some ways, because it is odd that she's making these jokes. Anyway, I feel as though if you're dating someone who's a far right and has like radical political views, you kind of do know that about them, and it may just be that she's so blinded by like you know, she's digmatized, or she really

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