Lifeun Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on de rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut.
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is ask Gun Cut where we answer you. Do you dark? And you're burning questions? What's going on this Thursday? I woke up in a real flurry this morning.
Mcflurry. You work up with a mcfluurry.
What does that mean? Waking up with desserts in your bed?
Yeah? Do you know what this is? I'm going to come straight out of the bat here with the best straight out of the gate, the bat, the gate, whatever you want to come out of. I'm going to go straight out of the gate. You know what the best mcflurry is?
Wow, that took a detail.
Yeah, in existence, the best mcflow is everything with caramel sauce. Like if you order that, you'll never be the same again.
Okay, so that's not the mcflurry.
Then you're just saying that the best topping is caramel sauce topping. No, you order, this is your order. I'll walk you through it if you guys need Hey, how are you I'm just gonna get a mcfluury please with everything and caramel sauce. That's what you order. You order every topping in one and then you put the caramel sauce on the top.
What was the thing that compelled you when you walked into McDonald's to place that order? It's probably break You were like, I want every single thing. Chuck ash Brown in there as well. Please?
Do you know what I remember the first time we are taking such a detoy. This is so funny. I remember the first time I ordered that. I was seventeen, no, and I had just got my peas. Now, you know, when you just get your license, all you want to do is drive your friends around and you go through McDonald's drive through. I feel like it's a rite of passage, right, McDonald's drive through when you get your license is a rite of passage. Now, I remember going through the drive through.
My mum had this car called a Nissen Exa and it was like it was a convertible, like not a fancy one, but it was not the roof came off and it was bright regularly because it was old.
And it fell off one day. Ye not because it was supposed to.
It was just one of those ones that like you pressed the button and it flaps back and whatever that is fans Actually not it wasn't you actually physically pulled it off.
Yea.
Though the pop tops is a pop top and then have the range. I had to pull up aside road and put the pop top back off, and it was bright red. Anyway, I just got my license and I remember going through Maca's drive through and ordered my mcflurry thinking I was so cool. My friend was in there like we were just killing it. And then I couldn't leave. I stalled like five times if at the McDonald's drive
through window. You know when you just keep stalling, the ladies in hysterics, and I've never been more mortified in my life. Finally turned the car back on and did a burnout out of McDonald's and that was my experience for my first month.
This has turned into a core memory for you. You've held you so long and I've never heard that story before.
I'm traumatized. But anyway, that was Anyway.
Thank you for sharing your mcflourish.
Okay, so you would, so you woke up in a mcflurry.
We are long gone past that.
I woke up this morning to a guy coming, or as actually two men, two men coming.
That wast Matt.
You won't come to Matt coming.
No, two guys who rocked at my house to fix our air conditioning, which is being broken all through summer. So glad that they arrived now that it's fucking autumn. Might I just add, you know when they say that they give you a window, They're like, I'll arrive between six am and four in the afternoon.
It's never going to be the six am one. It's never going to be right on the dot. You never first cab off the rain. So I hear the doorbell go, and I'm nude, and I was like what anyway, I shucked a towel on, thinking it was just someone dropping off. I don't know, I don't know what I I just.
Thought maybe it was a postman or I don't know, but I threw a towel on. Matt had to like pick Marley up and put her back in her bedroom. Anyway, open the door and then there's these two men there coming to do the two men coming, and they were coming to do the air con and I was like fuck.
Anyways, then I spent my morning trying to get ready and get dressed and shower myself and be here around two foreign men in my room.
Not foreign, but that was strange.
They were You're often greet people naked. I don't know just about a towel on. I don't feel like that that's that exposed.
Is it?
If you're nude but you put a towel on? Is that like very confronting for the person at the door. No, But for some reason, it is more like you can go to the beach and be in a tiny little bikini and it's not like you're showing too much, but all of a sudden, if you answered in a towel, it hits different because someone knows you you've been masturbating, or you've been in the shower or doing something news me. No, no,
I'm not saying you. But the towel at home hits different to like a bikini at the beach.
Well, I think it's context. What if you answer the door in a bikini at your house? Also kind of weird for six am in the morning.
Still fine, the towel hits different.
Anyway, did you get just come in?
No?
And then he was like, can I you know when you I just hadn't prepped, Like nothing was cleaned, not on me, but like the house was out, The house was a mess, the bathroom was like everything about our house looks like we are, you know, disgusting.
We had random people in our house and it was disgusting.
Anyway, we're here now, and we've taken a really long time to get to the point, which is that we're going to answer your questions. You were not there yet talking. Sorry, we're having a yarn, Misschew. I came in this morning and Laura goes, oh, you look pretty and I was like, thanks, could I wearing a very like Buffonti top no over. Then she goes, oh, I know what's happening. And what She's like, the peacocking has begun.
Yeah, I said, what do you mean?
She's like, well, do you go on to see Ben next week? The peacocking has begun, and there is something to be said for that, like the pruning and the preening, and they're getting ready is starting, the nails are starting, the lashes are starting.
Well, we all know.
After last week's episode, the waxing has probably started as well.
A wick whacker?
What is yes? I actually just might have one on each point.
A lot of you won't know this, but like Britt is going over to see ben next week and they're gonna have what like two weeks together.
Yeah, we won a two week holiday radio break. We're still bringing you the podcast, but we're we've got radio breaks, so we're like, what are we going to do? I'm going to duck over to see Benjamin? Which is his name? Benjamin? Benjamin? Yeah, you don't pronounce the jay?
Okay, thanks?
How do you feel you in a scale of one too excited? Like do you feel nervous to see him? Are you just excited to see I know you guys FaceTime every day, but like me now a couple of months.
I'm not nervous at all, but I cannot wait to have sex.
Okay, Like, don't wait for his dad to listen to this episode, Hi, dad in law.
I mean I think that's standard where adults we've been apart for a couple of months, we're in love. I think that's normal. But no, I'm excited for sure. It's just that it's the weather's not great there, which is fine. I'm not going for the weather. I'm going for love. Doesn't annoy you though that every time you take a holiday, yeah you have to go somewhere that's cold and wet. Correct. Yes, yeah, it sucks, It really sucks. It actually really does suck.
And I guess the difference is he so you guys know, I'm going. It's my holiday, so I get two weeks, but he doesn't. He's not on holiday. He still works every day. I think he only gets one day off the entire time there. So it's just part of the long distance commitment. I guess I'll see him in the mornings, I see him the afternoon and night, but he still goes and does his job. And I'll still be recording the podcast from there, so it's gonna be fine. I'll
there some little check ins from Scotland. Anyhow, accents are not my thing. I want to talk to you about something else, something more, something more serious. Okay. I don't know if you've seen this going around. There's a company called Pair and they have released this new silicone ring. Now this is when I read this, I was like, is this a penis ring? Is this a cock ring? Like, what is this silicon ring? Why does it need to be silicone? I don't think it has to be. That's
just what it is. Long story short, they've released a ring for singles to wear single people to sort of put out to the world that they're open to being approached when they're out, that they're single, that they're open to date. Now, the premise is, when we're in love and we're taken and we're married, we wear a ring, we wear a wedding ring, and when you're out. I don't know if you ever did this, Laura, I know
producer Keisha did I know? I do when I was single, you do glance down to check if there's a ring. I feel like it's even if it's subconscious, because if someone's got a wedding ring on, you're not even on your radar. So the idea is, okay, if we can do that when we're married and saying we're taken, why can't we do it and say we're open to dating. So there's this this blue silicon ring that people are
supposed to wear on their middle finger. It's like forty bucks, which is so much for a silicon ring, but it's so that you wear it out and it's signaling to everybody that, like, hey, I am open to being approached if you like, Now, what do you think about this idea?
I don't hate the idea, like I mean, I don't hate the idea that there is a physical marker, which kind of is like, I'm open to being approached, Like I'm open to the idea of dating, right, especially for someone who might be introverted and might not like be very good at starting conversations or Yeah, but I also think, what's.
The likelihood, like how popular is this thing? Because what's the likelihood that someone's actually gonna have it? Not only that someone's gonna have it, but that someone's even gonna have any fucking idea what this thing is?
Well, this is I mean because people like us are talking about it, Okay, right, it's actually brilliant marketing from the team fighting the good fight it is. It's brilliant marketing. And I mean it's like anything. It's like when Tinder started.
Remember back in the day when the first online real online dating app started and a no one knew about it, but everyone was like, ill, I don't want to go online dating, and it wasn't a really popular thing, and it wasn't the done thing, and it was almost a thing that you did in secret at the start. But then you people talk about it, it becomes popular and it takes off. I reckon that's what might happen with the Silicon ring. Well.
I think when you talk about like online dating, I think online dating has been through several phases of it. I think originally online dating was like your e harmony and it was sort of fish yeah, and it was for older people, like people who maybe had been divorced and were looking for companionship. It kind of had a really different feeling around it.
I felt like it was very serious. Yeah, like you were on plenty of fish. You were wanting to settle down a husband. You were wanting that deep and meaningful chat. You're not wanting like the friends with benefit.
Absolutely.
And then I think as Tinder came into the scene, it changed the age demographic, like it really brought it down. But I remember originally when Tinder came out, the feeling around it was like, oh my god, as if you would use a dating site. And then it was only as it grew in popularity and kind of it got to a point where almost everyone was on there. If you're online dating, it's so commonplace now that there's absolutely
no judgment with it. But I think it's the same thing for this, right, Like no one wants to be the first to do something. No one wants to be the first to wear a ring on their middle finger and be.
Like I am single, because it sounds a bit.
Lame, and it also makes you seem like a tattoo on your head, being like available, open, Yeah.
Like it almost makes that that's become like such a core part of your identity. And it also means that like you're aggressively looking for someone by constantly wearing something that says to everybody around you, I am single.
I remember just like taking them back a step. But I remember when I went on online dating for the same I felt the same thing. I was, you're almost embarrassed to tell people about it. And then I remember matching with someone and I was like loose dating them, and I remember having a conversation about how we're going to tell people we met. What story are we going to come up with, because there's no way you can say, like when we met on Tinder. Even my sister Sherry
and her now husband Jay, who met on Tinder. They've been together. I guess it's six this years now, So they met about six years ago, which you know, Tinder's been out way longer than that. But even when they met for a few years they were like, we've got to come up with story. How embarrassing, And it's still sort of until the last few years. Now they don't care. It's funny, but it took quite a long time for
it to be acceptable. And I don't know if that's just online dating or if it takes us as a person a lot to accept that we don't have our meat cue because online dating isn't the story that you want, like you want. Even when I met Ben, which we met online, we started to joke, he said, I said the same thing. He's like, can we come up with a better story? How nice would it have been if we were walking past each other on the promenade and running to each other with a dog and started talking.
But we're like, at the end of the day, it is what it is. Ninety percent of people that's made up statistic. A lot of people meet online and it's okay. It just takes that romantic story away.
Well, I mean when you.
Talk about a meat cute, it's because we've been sold for so long that relationships in the start of relationships are supposed to be this really like romantic idealic, magical time. And I guess when you bring in the tech of it, do you eat tinder or bumble? It takes that romance and that romantic idea out of it, which I do also think for this new ring, do I think it's going to take off?
No?
Really, realistically, I will eat my own shit if it does.
But Keisha last because she's like the amount of times you've had to eat shit on this podcast. No, But I just think, like, will it take off?
No?
But also I mean I would never have thought that online dating is as prolific as what it is now, you know, I never thought that it would become so commonplace that majority of people who are single would have it on their phones. I think that there is a big difference between wearing a wedding ring when you're married and wearing a ring on your middle finger to be single, because I think for me, like I wear a wedding ring for myself, I'm not wearing a wedding ring to be like.
Hey, boys don't come near me I've got a wedding ring on because you need to beat those I'm trying to beg them off me. Like, that's not I don't think that that's why most people wear a wedding ring. I think the majority of people wear a wedding ring because it's a reminder of that commitment for themselves. It's also like for me, you know, I think jewelry and this is coming from the jury designer and me, I think jewry is really important tonymaine dot com.
There's no sale this week.
No.
I think it's really special because jewelry is this one item, Like you don't really have it with clothing. You don't have it with hair products or other accessories or handbags, but jewelry transports you to a time.
It's something that can have so much meaning. Imdude in it.
Like it could be from your grandmother, it could be something that's a family air loom. Like jewelry is very sentimental because it carries stories with it. And so that's why I think wedding rings are so important. Do I think that having a single ring has the same importance norm I think it's like it's almost the opposite. It's like a very much a branding of like I am single, Yeah, which is fine.
I think that's fine. The problem I think it could have is that will it open you up to being approached by anyone? Because that's not what it means when you're wearing this ring. It doesn't mean I'm open for every single Joe blow in this place to take anyone. It also takes away because you know how sometimes if someone approaches you and you're not interested, you say sorry,
I'm seeing someone. You can't do that anymore because they're like, well that you're lying because you've got the blue ring on. Like so, I don't know if I was single, I don't think I would wear it, And I also would hope like, are we as a generation I'm getting really deep now as a generation, at the point where we can't just go and have a conversation with someone in real life if we're interested. Are we at a point where we're so scared of being rejected that we won't
try to have that conversation? Like I would still appreciate someone coming up to me and saying, hey, saw you across there, Like can I get your drink? Even if and I'm like, oh my god, thank you so much. I'm actually seeing someone and they're like cool, no worries. Why are these days gone? Why can't we do that? Why are we still? I think we're all try in this idea of like being on our phones, being on media, having to need a ring just have a conversation.
I mean it's easy to say that, but I think there's a big spectrum of different types of people and personalities. There's been people who have always struggled with just walking up to someone in the bar. Yes, we know that, like people are more adverse to it now because of online dating, but there have been a lot of people and I would say most people struggle with just going up and striking a conversation.
I don't have that confidence and I talk for a living.
Would a blue ring give you that confidence? So if you were the person that struggles to have a conversation anyway, if someone has a ring on, is that going to make all of a sudden your idea of public speaking fear go away?
Not at all?
Benefitent It may make me seem more approachable in terms of like, it may break that barrier down and may make it easier for someone else to approach me. That might be why someone's wearing it. They might wear it not because it's going to be them doing the initiating, but it's a signifier that they're open to other people initiating and they think that that might, you know, make that more accessible.
Keisha's had an idea.
I actually just remember when I was at schoolies this gone back in the Gold Coast. I remember when we used to go into the clubs and they would give you an option of picking a red sticker or a green sticker, and it was to indicate whether you were single or in a relationship.
It sounds like the matrix.
At school in the Gold Coast in twenty eleven.
I think I graduated and yeah, used to go in and I remember I thought I was a fucking genius because I had really long hair, so I would get both stickers and I would flip my hair from one side.
To the other depending on who the person was.
That is pretty smart, that's fair. And then they were like, show me your other side.
But like the concept is the same.
It's to kind of be like, are you open to being approached or you closed off?
Well, I think that's the problem. What you just said, you had the pre thought of being like, oh, I might not want them to talk to me if you've got this blue ring on baby that rings on if you are single, if you're a listener and you're single. We wanna do a pole because we genuinely want to know would people wear this stuff? Would you buy a blue silicon ring for forty dollars to wear out to indicate that you're single, or like, you know, maybe a life oncut one. Let's make one the one. That's why
I was putting the fields out fall. It's just all right, it's time for Vibe and unsubscribe. Actually I don't even have an unsubscribe. I only have a Vibe.
This is basically like what we're recommending this week, or what we've used or come across that we think is very handy and very useful. And I don't know how many people this is going to be useful too, but I'm going to throw it out there anyway because it makes my life so much easier. And every single time I post a reel or I post a video on like Instagram or social media where I have edited my clips together, like my videos together, I always get questions
as to how I've done it. And I feel like, if you're someone who spends a lot of time on Instagram, you probably will already know this. But if you're somebody who just really wants to maybe I don't know, make a family video or make a reel, and you want an easy way, an easier way of doing it, it's an app.
Okay.
So the app I'm recommending is called Splice. Matt got me onto it. It is what he edits every single one of his dumb, funny skits with. It is so easy to use. It's a very intuitive video editing app that you can download through the app Store. Also not sponsored. You can do voiceover on it. You can add music from iTunes, you can add your own music and do fade ins, fade out. Literally anything that you can think of in terms of video editing, you can do it
through this app. And it also just makes it so unbelievably easy. You can do it all on your phone. So that is my recommendation. It is called Splice, and I think it is freaking great. I use it genuinely every week.
I also use Splice and I have for a long time. I can vibe your vibe.
Well, when I said I was like, this is what I'm recommending this week, brit It was like, that is not a hot take, and I was like, well, other people might not know it.
I just didn't know how many people want to edit their videos. But it is great. I just even do little delila of videos with it. It's brilliant. From like complicated to the little it's great. My vibe this week is a TV show. It's a show that has kept me absolutely hooked. I haven't had this level of interest in a very long time. The only other one I recommend a few weeks ago, so You, which was brilliant. I
finished that, also brilliant. But this is on Netflix and it's called sweet Tooth, so it's pretty new because I saw it in the trending in the other day. Sweet Tooth now as a really tiny little wrap up of what it is, just trust me on it. It's post apocalyptic. There's a virus where I feel like it was very covid es because this virus came through lots of people were dying from it, and off the back of that, these babies were being born, not all of them, but
some babies were being born. And they call them hybrids, which is a half animal half human. Everybody thinks that these hybrids are the reason the virus came, so they're wanting to kill off all these children and are half animal and half human. And the whole idea of this show is this one little boy it follows who is a half deer. He's the cutest little thing. He ends up being alone in the wilderness and this man finds him and it's them against the world for a little while,
trying to find his long lost mum. It sounds probably terrible if you're listening, it is so good and on Rotten Tomatoes i checked, it rates very very highly. He doesn't really have any bad reviews. So not my usual show. But I'm really going to recommend this to the show Sweet Tooth on Netflix.
When you tried to describe to me what it was about, I was like, this is the weirdest thing I've ever heard, but I'm a kind of hood on the second describe, might give it a Goain, It's really really good.
You gotta trust me, all right, get into the questions.
When I was on a night out with a friend, I met a guy. He was so charming and flirty and we immediately hit it off. His friend invited, asked me and my friend back to his apartment where we could continue having drinks. Our physical intimacy progressed throughout the night and we got very close. Only I didn't sleep with him because I kind of got this weird gut feeling that something was off.
But we did plenty of other things.
We left the night with me giving him my number and saying we couldn't wait to go on another date and spend some more time together. The next day, I found his Instagram and naturally started talking him. His tag photos have a wedding video of him and his beautiful wife. I then clicked on her profile and it showed me that they are still very much married and very much still in love. I feel disgusted with him and myself. My question is this, do you think the wife has
a right to know? And should I be the one to tell her? If I was in her shoes, I know that I would want to know about his infidelity.
Please never help know the answer to these. It's so hard because he didn't do anything right. Yeah they're kissed, No, well physically that we did everything but have sex, so.
You know he oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you know what The thing is, though, the reason these are so hard is because yes, I would want to know if I was the wife, if my partner was playing up, But do you want to bring in the shit storm that this is going to bring in, Like she's going to want to talk to you, she's gonna want to involve you, she's going to want to speak to you on the phone.
Everything hard of it is because also she's just there living her life, being happy. She's happily married, everything's fine, fine, fine, fine, find fine. She lives in like Narnia, and then all of a sudden her world is going to come crashing down all around her, but her entire reality is going to be crushed.
I would probably message him and be like, fuck you. I'd let him know that I know you piece of shit, you've got a wife, blah blah blah blah blah. I would do that, because that's just like I'd just be angry. I don't know if i'd want to invite that into my life. And I feel bad saying it because I have been on the receiving end of both. I've been the person that someone's told, which you know I've appreciated. But there's also a part of you that it's like,
why did you tell me that? Like we've ruined it even though you want to know. And then I've been the person that has told somebody, and I regretted that at the end deeply the shit storm that that brought for over a year, and I was like, I should it just let it go?
Yeah.
I think that these situations are so personal, and I think that every single person who's put into this situation will react differently. Would I want to know if I was the wife, like if Matt had gone out and done something like this to me, would I want to know?
Absolutely?
Do I expect somebody who doesn't know me to, you know, bring on that drama, to kind of take the moral high road and be the person to tell me. I don't expect that of anyone else. I expected of my husband, but I don't expect it of a stranger. I think in this instance, whichever option you choose to do, there is no right or wrong answer. It's whatever you can morally live with and whatever you can bring into your life. Because if you're going, yeah, it's going to bring with
it some fucking baggage. This one night almost stand that you had is going to bring with it so much drama because you're going to have to justify what happened. You're going to have to give her details. She's going to want to know the whole story. He's going to probably contact you and blow the fuck up as well, like.
She'd probably end up believing him over you.
Yeah, there's a good chance that they'll work through it, because you know she only has the small pieces of information that you're giving her, and probably only as much as you feel comfortable with actually telling her and the amount of time that you because you're going to give the information and then walk away like you're dropping the bomb, and then you're leaving it for her to figure out.
So she will probably reach out to you to try and get more closure, more information, more understanding, which you can't blame her if she does that. I do not think if I was in this situation that I would tell the wife, and I know that that goes against me saying that if I was the wife, I would want to know, but I don't think that I would want to bring that level of drama into my life. And I may contact him and say, hey, you're an absolute piece of Shit's me, you are a piece of shit.
But it's not my responsibility to play vigilante for their relationship. It's not my responsibility to hold him accountable for the way that he's behaving in his relationship. And it's not your responsibility either, if you want to take the moral high road and do that, though you're absolutely entitled to tricky.
What would you do if.
I don't happen? I would do it, but I think that's because and I say the same thing. I say, I would want to know for sure, but I have done it. I went back and forth for about two weeks when this situation happened to me, do I tell this person this is the problem? Right? It wasn't that the boyfriend and nearly cheated with me, But I knew he was cheating on this girl. But she was my friend, if this makes sense, So I knew her. We weren't close,
we were just associated. And I went back and forth because I was like, it wasn't me, but I do know, and she was like wanting to marry him, and I was like, oh my god. I eventually decided to I ask some other friends. They were like, probably tell her fucking ship fight? Like oh, I was like, what I I I had so much regret that I did it in the end because that she didn't believe me for a long time, and then I got stuck in the middle. Then there was a bit of like accusations towards me,
or how do I know this way? Did I get it from? Why would I?
Because they or people always want to shoot the messenger when you're when your entire identity, your whole world just came crashing down. The last person that you're grateful towards is the person who tells you you're feeling fucking mad.
And fast forward a couple of years and she was great about it. She's moved on, she understood why the time, But it was still what that brought into my life, the anxiety that then I was going to run into them because then she told him that it was me that dropped the informations that he was in and I was like, ough out, like it wasn't my best friend, it was I just thought I was doing the whole
girl code thing and it just backfired. So I think, if this situation, if it is someone, if it happened like that and it was someone close to you, then of course you would do it. Like if it's a good friend or someone you really know, but this is just some guy you met. I would just don't think i'd do it.
It's like this whole idea of girl code, Like I get, I understand that you want to have another woman's back, you want to look out for their welfare and their well being, especially when you know that they're in a bad relationship. But I don't want someone listening to this thinking like, oh, like you know you've chosen the wrong thing, or because you wouldn't do it, that you're a bad person. It's okay to have boundaries in your own life to
preserve your own mental health. And I think bringing purposely or knowingly bringing drama into your life that you may not have the emotional capacity to deal with right now, it's okay that you choose that option.
Absolutely, you can definitely choose you in that situation.
Totally.
Question two Okay, a little longer, but I'm feeling this all right. Hi, girls, I live overseas and I've been listening and loving your podcast since twenty twenty. My love of Ozzie podcast, including yours, has actually played a role in my decision to move to Australia for a year.
Everybody is exactly like us here.
Which brings us to my issue. I decided on my own that I want to do this yearly adventure to Australia. But I do have a boyfriend of just over two years. When I told him about my choice, I pretty much said, come with me or don't, but either way, I'm going to Australia. After some thought, he decided to come with me. My issue here is, oh, I don't actually know if he's the one. I have a lot of love for him,
but I don't think I'm in love with him. I think that either going on this adventure with him will be a good thing or take away an opportunity for me to have a solo experience and a fresh start. I'm twenty six years old, which I know in many ways is still young, but I'd like to get married and have kids sooner or later. There is nothing wrong with my boyfriend. He's so loving and kind, He's someone that I can rely on, etc. He's really excited for this trip to Australia.
But before we.
Start booking it and one hundred percent looking in, I want to make sure if it's the right thing to do to bring in with me, Do I bring him with me to have an experience knowing he might not be the one, Or do I cut it now so I can experience a solo trip and fresh start.
Um, what should she do?
Well, I know what. I think. Laura's confused just thinking about what she wants to do. But I know what I would do in this situation. What I would do is say, I'm really excited to go on this trip, and I do want to have a little bit of independence. So why don't you ask or tell him you're going to go for a few months first, because you want to be solo. Like it could be one month, two months, three months, and then he can maybecome and meet you after the fact, so you do get to experience some
travel on your own. I think that is completely fine to do, and then he can come later say I want to go do some solo travel, do some backpacking, experience life on my own. I think the issue, though, is that you've already invited him, You've already said come, and now he's excited. You can change it. He can still come, he's just coming three months later.
Imagine Imagine if Ben, Imagine if he had said, let's go traveling together. You had gotten excited, and then he turned around and said, hey, honey, actually I want some solo time. I want to go for three months on my own.
I did this. I did this for an entire year. I know you did, but you were the one who did it. I'm saying, imagine if you were on the receiving end of this, you would fucking hate it. I do not think I think that is the best thing to do in this situation. You don't know if you want him to come, but you don't know if you don't want him to come, like you don't know, so
go on your own for a couple of months. You're either going to miss him terribly and cannot wait till he comes and you'll say, come right now, I miss you, or you'll realize that, Okay, I didn't actually miss him that much. I love my new life. I know now that this is the life I want. I don't really see another way around this. The last thing you want to do is bring this poor guy, make him move across the world for you to get there, and then say, souls,
I made a mistake to me. That is ten times worse than saying, hey, I'm going to actually go for two months on my own and then you come. I don't know if I agree in this, because I guess for me, I know that you have done something similar, but you also use it as a trying to figure out what.
You wanted in your relationship.
But I think by doing that, you're expecting someone to wait around, but you haven't actually told them that you're not sure, and I think that that's kind of unfair. I do actually think that the lack of transparency with that person means either it's just hurtful to say, hey, let's do this trip together and then turn around and say, oh, actually, let's do three months apart.
I know if that was me and that was my.
Partner and he had said that to me, I would be deeply hurt that they had changed their mind and wanted to be away from me. Would you not be more hurt if they made you move across the world and then were like psych totally?
Which is also why I think there needs to be some very honest conversations now that I don't think it has to be black or white. I think it can be you know, I really need to do this. I'm not sure what I want in my life.
Right now. I love being with you.
You're an amazing person, but there is a part of me that really feels like I need to go and experience the world and have some independence. I guess my worry is is that if you kind of just frame it as though I want to just go and do two months of solo travel and then come meet me, he's still going to put his life on hold. He's still going to make all those arrangements in his mind
that's happening in two months time. But then you've left your options open, so then you could turn around and go actually, don't come for me, which.
I mean, at the end of the day, say whatever you want to him. But I think the only answer here is to go by yourself for a month or two. I really do. I don't think there's any way around this.
Can I mean, and they're not moving to another country, They're just going for an extended trip.
Is that not no year is moving you're moving overseas for a year.
Is it not possible to kind of put a shorter time period on it and go together. I mean, I think that travel is such a make or break in relationships. You're going to know very quickly whether you enjoy it, because I think travel puts a pressure cooker in any relationship. It's like you either thrive in that environment or you don't at all. Because who's to say that just because you did organize to spend an entire year together, that your relationship is gonna last that year anyway?
Do you know what I mean?
Like you might break up, you might like things happen. Just because you've committed to a year travel together doesn't mean that you absolutely cannot break up with that person in a year.
I guess the reason I'm pushing I mean, like Laura and I we have different ideas of how this should go down, which is fine. The reason I'm pushing to go on your own at the start and then to come rather than you both to go together, is because you've literally said, I don't know if I want to be solo. I don't know what that is like. You're not going to know what that's like. If he comes with you from the very start, you're just not going to because he doesn't know anyone in that country. You
don't know anyone in that country. You're going to want to spend all your time together. The only way you are going to have a proper solo experience is if he doesn't come with you immediately. Now that could just be four weeks for you. It could be as it could be twelve weeks. I mean I did it for an entire year. My partner was going to come and then I was like, do you know what I And
I was with him for four years. I said, I just want to be on my own for you, like I love you, We're going to stay together, but I want to experience solely trouble. And he was like, I get it shatted, I'm not going to see you, but like, that's what life is. If you want to go and experience sometime on your own, do it, and it is
a conversation you need to have. However you want to phrase that, if you want to tell him you're unsure about him, or if you want to say I just want to know what some independence is, like I want to feel that, I want to be scared. I want to not know what's around the corner. I want to have to figure out stuff on my own. However you want to frame it, I just genuinely don't believe if you guys come together, you're ever going to get that experience.
I do agree.
I don't think that you'll get that experience, but I do think that you have to make a decision around how you have the conversation. And I don't think that you can just keep someone waiting while you figure your life out. And that's my only thing that I guess.
The thing that's different with you, Britt is when you left, did you know for and that you still wanted to be with him, or were you like, Hey, you pause your life, I'm going to go live my life for a year and then I'm going to come back to this. Or were you like, hey, I'm going to go live my life for a year and I'll make a decision as to whether I want you or not.
Yes, I was option B. I didn't know what I wanted and that was why I did it. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I wanted life to be. If I wanted to be with him, if he was the right person.
But was he very well aware that that's what you were doing and he chose in see that to me is unfair.
No, because why would I do that for him? Because I still loved him and I wouldn't want him to go and sit there thinking what am I doing? Am
I going to leave him any second? I think that's worse because we still loved each other fiercely, but deep inside, I didn't know who I was because I'd only ever been with this person, and I'd never ever been on my own, so I didn't know if I just wanted to be on my own and come back to him or if I wasn't if it wasn't him, and the only way I could work that out was to go and be on my own.
Yeah, I mean, look, I can understand what you're saying. I guess I'm looking at this from the other side of it, from the person who's being left, And I think it is a bit selfish to not be honest that you're trying to figure things out, because that person is essentially putting their life on hold being committed to you, thinking that you're committed to them while you're out there in the world kind of just living life independent of them,
really unsure as to whether they're the person. And I think everybody deserves to be in a relationship with someone who fiercely chooses them, And I don't know if you can waste a year of someone's time figuring that out.
Well, what wouldn't be here, She'd be gone for two months and then should decide. But think of it this way. Okay, so we're doing all angles here. If you say to him now, because I also get what you're saying, Laura, but she's not sure that's what she wants. She just hasn't been on her own yet. If you say to him, I don't know if I want to be with you. I don't know if I love you in the right way. I need to go figure that out. There's a high chance when you come back in three months say I
was wrong, I love you, He'll say fuck off. There is a big chance if someone says I'm not sure about you and then they say, oh I was wrong, I am, they're gonna be like, well, you weren't sure three months ago, but you don't even know. If you're not sure, you don't even know what that is. So I think it's okay to not go and put this
doubt in their head. If it's not really deep inside you, Maybe it is that you just want this one little experience on your own, and then you realize that they are absolutely your person and that you could change you So I think it's a big call to put that doubt in their mind now because they might not want you back after that, which is it's a risk totally.
I guess the thing is, though, that doubt's already going to be there, because if you have already said let's go travel together, they've already gotten excited about this trip that you're going to do as a couple. They're already making arrangements to be able to go and leave and take a year together. If you turn around and say, now, actually, I'm going to do X amount of time on my own without you, that doubt's already there, that has already been cemented in that person.
I don't agree with that. We're not going to agree on that one, because I think it's okay as a couple to be like, hey, I changed my mind, I want to go and have a I want to be on my own for a month. I think I'm.
Very interested to hear people's opinions on this. I'd be so interested to know whether, if you're on the receiving end of that, whether that would destabilize you in that relationship. I think for me, if Matt was to turn around and say I need to go away and have a holiday independent of you. That would really rock my belief in us as a couple. That he and I don't mean just like a holiday like go away for a weekend.
I mean if we'd plan to do a Europe trip for a year and he was like, actually, I need to go and do it on my own. I think for me it would kill me.
But you're married with two kids and thirty seven. She's twenty six, maybe together for two years, like she's figuring out who she is and what she wants. So I don't think we ever really know who we are and what we want. And she's still in a mid twenties. So maybe I'm different. I'm a very independent person and I have made a decision a long time ago that I won't ever put my life on hold when I want to do something for someone else, I will find
a way around it. Whether that's an open conversation, if you have to think to yourself, not you, Laura, this girl. If you don't do this and you never have an experience overseas on your own, will you be okay with that? Is this something you want to tick off your bucket list of life? Is it something you know deep down it, you will always regret if you don't do it. These are questions to ask yourself. But for me, maybe I'm different. Maybe I'm because I'm a bit of a loan soldier.
Maybe I'm looking at it from a different lens. But I think if you have an open conversation. If my partner said to me, came to me and said I want to do a month or two on my own, would I be upset? Yes, absolutely would I understand probably if we had a conversation and they explained it. If they said I just want to go, I've never been on my own before, I could go for it. I mean, but I believe, and again I might be different. I
don't believe in relationships where couples do everything together. I thoroughly believe for a successful, healthy relationship to thrive for the next forty years that you need to be able to do things on your own. You need to be able to go and have a girls trip. He needs to be able to go have a boys trip. You have your own interests. I don't think you have to
live in each other's pocket. So maybe I am just looking at it from a different lens because I know there are couples that would never ever want to do anything without each other.
Like, I think we're going to see this differently, and it's not often that we it's not often that we answer questions and like don't get to a mutually exactly the same point. It's actually never I do want to say though, of course I agree with you when you say that you think that couples should be independent of each other and do things independently of each other. Nobody is disagreeing with that, Like I one percent think is so important to a healthy long term relationship. We're probably
never going to get to the same place. But for me, I know that that would make me feel very, very insecure, and I think I would want the honesty. I just don't think that you are like because I see it very much as being selfish in that you're trying to figure out what you want while you keep someone waiting, And that's what I don't like about it.
Yeah, we thoroughly disagree, Yeah we do. It is so fun. This happened like once a year that.
We actually it's up to you. I do want you more, all right. Question number three.
Now, this hasn't been written in by anyone. This is not an ask gun cut from a listener. This is my own little moral pickle.
My little task gun cut, my little home.
Pickle with Mattie Jay that I we had a fight the other day. Actually wasn't a fight. We had a tiff, and I want to get your opinion on this. So matt every night we get into bed and he has like a bit of a wind down routine. He'll sit on TikTok for a while, he might read a news article. He'll be doing stuff while he's in bed. This is post shower, teeth rushing whatever. He's just in bed, winding
down to go to sleep. I, however, have a very busy workday, and whenever I have decided because I also I get to bed, I also scroll, I do whatever it is that I'm doing my phone. But then it's always me who's the one that makes the decision it's time to go to sleep now. So I will say it's time to go to sleep, now, turn my phone off, put it down, you know, roll over, turn the light off,
the lip. He has an issue with the fact that I am the drill sergeant of going to sleep time and that I don't allow him the opportunity to finish whatever it is that he was doing. So, whether it was that he needs to read the last chapter of a book or the last bit of an article, or he wants to watch three more things on TikTok. He has an issue with the fact that as soon as I've made that decision that it's time to sleep, that he must sleep. Also, who's in the wrong, because it's him.
How am I in the wrong?
Because let me tell you why. When you first, when we discussed this earlier, I thought it was more like you're saying, when we go to bed, it's bedtime. So I thought you'd all you're scrolling in the lound room. Then you're like, it's bedtime, you go into the room, you go to sleep, but you are both doing your wine down routine. You're both scrolling. It's not up to you to be like, I've decided it's time, so you
end it. I think what it needs to be is all right, let's do another ten minutes so it gives time people time to do a wrapper. But I think you can't.
It's not a toddler. I don't need to say two more minutes of screen time.
Okay, how would you feel Let's reverse it? How would you feel if you were in the middle of doing something, Matt rolled over and said I'm done, took your phone and put it down, and you're like, babe, i'm doing something you It would not fly on reverse. So I think it needs to be like a meet halfway. I would get up and go and sit in the lounge room, which is scrolling.
Okay.
The reason why I have such strong feelings about this is because the bed is specifically for sleeping. So if one person has made the decision that it is time for them to sleep, that's what that gets priority.
Every time.
I think ifrom the middle of the day and someone's like, hey, I'm going to use this space to sleep, now, that's the function of that space. But his problem, I think his problem is the fact that you're just saying I'm the decision maker.
I think this is what.
I'm getting here. Yes, I think you're not the decision maker. You're a couple, So I think you need to be like, let's wrap it up in ten minutes, not I've decided this so you have to do it right this second. That's what I think his problem is.
It's not seven thirty, it's like eleven o'clock at night when I'm like, it's time for sleep now.
But it's okay for you to be scrolling until you're already. So I think that's where his problem is. So I think maybe you guys need to do it like a ten minute signal where you're like, hey, let's finish what we're doing, so he doesn't feel like you're just telling him that's been fair.
Okay. I have one more thing.
The issue I have though, is I'm always the first person to say I'm going to bed, so I get into bed, but then he comes in and has his shower, and Dick's around in the bathroom for a.
While, so I'm already waiting.
I have a question, Yes, does he use headphones? No?
Okay, that I can understand as a bit of a that's annoying, But also.
It wouldn't even matter if you had headphones on. I can't stand the light.
It's the okay, Now.
He can roll over put his headphones in doing the light. I think his problem is with the authority. I don't think it's a fact. I think it's the now or never.
Like I don't know if I agree, because I'm a really troubled sleeper. Like, I've had problems sleeping for years and years and years, and this dates back to so long ago, and I remember when I lived with my boyfriend, and I often have to listen to things to.
Go to sleep.
I have to, like I seem to have a very hyperactive mind. And I know everyone's like you should sit there and count sheep. But if someone laying next to me was like, yo, you can't have any sound, you can't have any light, I'd be like, cool, that means I'm literally not getting to sleep tonight.
Well, then you can sleep on the couch, although sometimes I do go to sleep with my omnilux male on.
Matt's like, you're kidding me on, yeah, Like I put it on.
That light is blind. I put it on, and Matt's like, it's like we're in an infrared sauna.
And I'm just like laying there with this. Oh no, you don't know. Is he getting like the off cut.
Health benefits On one side, he's youthful, but only on his left hand.
You're supposed to wear every ten minutes you fall asleep with like twelve hours you're glowing.
I think if he brings headphones, it's play on, play on. I can understand if you're trying to get to sleep and someone's watching a TikTok video, especially if they're laughing and carrying on.
That I can understand is like an irk. Known't quite fair.
I don't even care that I'm outnumbered. The bed is for sleeping. The person who wants to sleep is the winner of that argument.
I also know, Okay, I'm gonna throw this to my sister for a second. So my sister Sherry and her husband Jay, So Jay works. Jay's from the UK and he still works on UK time, so he does a lot of night work. Bitch, he will often say to Sherry. Because he usually is in a loundroom so he doesn't wake up, he'll often say like, can I work him better night? Because he wants to just feel like he's he's with her, like be next to her still because
he's otherwise he's never sees that. And she's like, of course, he puts his headphones in, she puts an eyemask on, and he just works in bed next to her, and it's fine.
That's great for them, it doesn't work for me.
I love you, thank you, and I'll always have your back. If he don't tell him I'm on his side. He listen, but I sort of am like, I understand, and I think there is an easy way for you guys to meet half Wait, you put an eye mask on, Laura. You're happy to wear your omnilux, which is like you've ever seen put an eye mask on. He can put his headphones in, he can roll over and just go to sleep, like he's not going to do it all night.
I think his problem is you being like, look, we're not in coots with.
But if we were to be in cootes with one of you right now, I think we're pretty strongly falling on his side.
Like, hey, guys, that's enough from us today.
It's been a great episode to hear at Aska and cut.
I think Laura wants to do you all know the drill.
Also, Omniluck sponsored the podcast can already you got so many shout up.
That's why they don't sponsor, because they know we're gonna talk about it anymore. Just saying the brand we need to just be like that bright face mask. Tell your mum, to you dad, tell you dog, tell your friends, put the plug in charge your in and told you to night, go to sleep.