Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seeded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on de rug Wallamata Land. Hi guys, Hi everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
I'm Laura. I'm Brittany.
That was brilliant time say to one, two three, I'm Laura.
I'm Brittany.
That was once again. What do you want me to do?
I don't know anything.
I don't know what I want? What do you want?
Heaps of stuff? I want? Sex? You want?
If you had to pick something that you wanted, sex was the first thing that came to your mind.
Well, I could pick anything in the world.
You literally said what do you want in life? And you're I just said what do you want?
What do you want?
Like?
What do you want?
And it is nine am on a Tuesday that we're recording this and the first thing that comes to your mind is sex?
Yeah? Fuck? We are different, But I mean yes, we are different. You're married, live with your partner and have two kids and have been with him for seven years. I have a partner that I haven't seen in three months, lives overseas, I've only been together at you. We're very very different waves right now.
Sometimes I think we're the same person, and then other times I'm like, we're so different.
Okay, And the first thing that comes into your head then all right, you could go anywhere in the world right now, where are you going to bed? Fuck? We are different.
If I could go anywhere in the world right now, I think I'd go to Fiji, And the reason for that is because I would still take my kids, but there's an excellent kids club.
No, you could have anything is if you wouldn't leave your kids at home, and no, I want to bring bantic holiday with your husband. Nah.
I really love hanging out with my kids and also with that, and Matt really loves it too. And there's nothing I enjoy more than laying by the pool, drinking a margarita and watching him try and swim lap underneath it.
It's my favorite thing and very different. Anyway, guys, this is.
Our askuncut episode where we answer all if you beat your dark and you're burning questions.
I am going rogue today and doing an accidentally unfiltered on today's episode because it just came in last night from one of our listeners.
You know what's good when you haven't even gotten it out of your mouth yet and you're already laughing. It's just so dumb and just something I feel like I would do. So I put up a story frame last night that was like, get your last minute tickets to the Last Life on Cut podcast tour shows.
This girl rives back to me, I'll shout her out. Her name's Tori, Hi, Tory, she writes back, and she goes, not me just turned up to the Canberra show a week early, on Tory.
Maybe she just wants to be there so bad she's going to camp out for the week.
I wrote back to her, yelling, no, you did not, and she said, yes, I did. And this was after I had the audacity to complain that my tickets, which were promised to be sent to me seventy two hours before the show, hadn't come through yet. She goes, Nope, you'd think it would have clicked by now. It didn't. And I said, this is actually so funny, but obviously
not funny. She goes, the worst part was deciding whether I stay out for the length of the show, or go home and admit to my boyfriend what I'd done? Oh Ac said, So what did to do? She goes, I lasted ten minutes and I got bored, so I had to go home and admit defeat.
Do you know what, though, if you were okay, this is again once again, when you're in different places of life, you would play that differently. If you were married and you had kids, you would stay out, you would find something to do, and then you would just try and reschedule another one for two weeks later.
What would you do? Would you admit? What you would you have been?
Like?
I just turned up to a whole theater show. Like You've gotten dressed, you've done your makeup, you've had your pre drinks. You've turned up and she was by herself. She's coming. Tory is coming to the show in Canberra alone.
Okay, Tory, can you please make yourself known to the person sitting next to you when you arrive, because hopefully they've listened to this episode and they will become your friend.
A week early? How do you get it that wrong? Don't you start?
You've gone to an event a whole week early, or like a whole week late, before.
Don't have to throw a judgment at Tory.
I also turned up to my holiday a week earlier. I turned off and that's like book in some Brittany. She was like, what that's next week? And I was like, oh, do.
You know what I This is the shit I do all the time. I'm like, I'm a very forgetful person. I've spoken about it before. I have so much going on in my life that my calendar is chaos and I often get things wrong.
So I never.
Tell people when I do, for fear that they use it against me. Because if I did that and then I told Matt, Matt would be like, oh my god, typical Laura.
Yeah, it just adds to the So I'm like, you will never know. I will never tell you that this happened to me. Now I'm thinking about it. Yeah, there's been a lot of instances. I did it with a flight as well, So I've done flight event and accommodation like holiday.
Well, look, Tory, next week going to be a concert, so it's fun.
Now that's a concept.
How could you Everything else is understandable anyway.
Okay, Look, I wanted to before we answer your questions, there was something I saw this week, and I gave me such a giggle.
It went a bit too far.
I just want to put that out there first, but it gave me giggle, And then I wanted to ask you guys the question right, and we put it up in our social media. But basically the question was is what is the pettiest grudge that you have ever held on too? And like what I mean by that is not just the pettiest grudge, but like, what are the pettiest things that you've done in return to try and
get back at someone who's done wrong by you? Yeah, just the pettiest thing You've just the pettiest thing, but it has to be like a bit of a long term grudge, Okay. And the reason why I said this is because there was a TikTok that went viral last week. Now the girl who created this TikTok has deleted it because I think she's probably copped a bit of backlash from this.
How she deleted it. It's gone now, you can't find it.
But I was so in it when it first came out and I found it, I was so in it. And then there were quite a few articles that came out about it, and then since that has happened. I went to go and watch it again before we did this episode, and I was like, oh, bless, it's gone. So look, I'm not going to send you to her Instagram with TikTok because obviously she wants to not be named.
She needs to disappear.
But basically what happened was that, so fifteen years prior, this is a long grudge. So fifteen years prior, she went to a comedy show with her girlfriends and one of her mates stood up, and then she accidentally bumped into this guy, and then he spilled his drink, so like, you know, annoying but accidental accident. So instead of him just brushing that off and moving on with his night, he completely lost it. He stood up and he caught her a stupid fat bitch, which is fucking horrible and then.
Unnecessary to totally unnecessary.
He was so rude to her, and he continued on carrying on like an absolute flog for way longer than what was appropriate. Anyway, her girlfriend was completely like distressed and upset by it. She went to the bathroom. They ended up leaving the night and she went home. This girl who made the TikTok went home that night, and she was like, no, you know what.
Fuck this guy.
Fuck him for making my friend feel so sad and for making her feel so self conscious.
How dare he? I think I read he actually spat on her. Oh and he caught her an ugly bitch. He really went to town and it's proper abuse. He spat on her because she accidentally. I mean, I'm sorry, but I would have been throwing fifties.
Throwing fifty.
For fifty.
You're not gonna like this.
You asked for this bough. Oh no, but how bad I I am?
Then?
I don't know how to say. I'd be throwing fisty.
You've never had a fight in your life. I'm gonna throw it fisty. You've lost me.
Don't say I didn't warn you. I'm coming and dry. Okay. Wow.
So anyway, she then says this iconic line in her TikTok. She says, so we moved on with our night, but we did not move on.
With our life.
Now, this girl went and found the guy on Facebook, right, I don't know, maybe it's a small town, but she finds him eventually on Facebook, and I think, you know what, she probably went to the venue looked at like tagged photos and stuff. Anyway, she found him. She also found out that he was really into his TV shows, like TV shows like The Walking Dead, like Breaking Bad, and these are weekly shows.
It she fucking got deep, man, and what did she like, I'm hacking into his hate.
So then she started sending him spoilers every week before the episode came out. She created all these fake accounts and she would send him spoilers to the TV shows that he loved. Now, this was getting him really upset because he was writing things on Twitter and on his Facebook.
Was a spoil TV show.
So anyway, he was getting really irate by this, and obviously you know it was affecting him because he wanted to watch his shows.
No one likes a fucking spoiler.
Anyway, Eventually, as you do, she moved on because she got over it.
She got bored by it.
Like but she did this for quite a long time to a point where it was very annoying for him. She eventually was like, ha haha, moved on now. Plot twist. You would never believe this. Years later, when she was at university, she ended up in the same study as him. Like basically they ended up doing the same course, stop it. And she was like, this guy was a monumental flog. Like She's like, it reignited my deep hatred for him.
She's like, he was the sort of person who, when you're at university, always plays the devil's advocate, like always wants to just defy, just to have a fucking debate about something. And sometimes she's sitting there like shut up and let the teach teach. Anyway, so it starts again, so she was like very personal law, Yeah, we all know that I've been there anyway, So okay, when she's at university, she finds out the guy's Reddit name, so she can go even deeper on the things that he likes.
And also she finds that he's like quite problematic.
In his views, you know how like reddit you can really it really is, and it does not necessarily bring out the best in people's opinions and views anyway, So she got into his reddit and she kind of saw
the things that he was writing. Wait for it, it continues fifteen years later, so she finds out that he is engaged to a girl who is a friend of a friend, someone who she knows, and she's like, this woman is an absolute angel, Like she is just a sweet, lovely woman, and she's like, I cannot believe she's marrying this absolute piek of a person. Anyway, she once again goes on to his reddit, and she finds all of these posts, and she finds all these things that he's
said and done. She doesn't go into context around what it is, but it sounds like it's really problematic. It also sounds like the type of stuff that if you were marrying someone you would want to know. And I'm guessing it kind of pertained to like cheating, or it pertained to his views around cheating.
Anyway. She then created a fake account.
And sent all of the screen grabs of his Reddit to the new fiance.
Oh my god, Yeah, this is so excessive.
It's so excessive.
This is bordoline harassment. It's not actually not badline harassing. It's not borderline. It is you're talking unstable and harassment for fifteen years, but like it's you know, I'm here for it.
Anyway, It turns out well, she finds out through her online stalking that the guy.
When she was in his garden outside of this window, she found out.
She found out that anyway, they didn't end up getting married.
This woman's now married to someone else, has a beautiful family, moved on with her life.
Whether it was because of the Reddit.
Conversations, who knows, but she basically in this TikTok was like, I played the long game of revenge. And she's like, and I never ever was able to get over it. And she's like, was it petty? Yes, she's like, but did I get my payback? And then some.
Yeah, was it worth consuming your life for a decade and a half? No, I don't think not, but it did make for a really good TikTok.
Anyway.
The reason why she's now deleted it, she is because people have come for her because obviously people like leave the guy alone, Like, you shouldn't sabotage someone's entire life over one incident that happened fifteen years ago, so like reporting.
To the police if he sped on you and abused him and then move on.
Nah. But the thing is, though, like I mean, my only part of me goes I want to protect this poor girl is because if he had seemed to have changed, if he like, because she's obviously monitoring his social media, so if his views weren't problematic if she could see that, like, Okay, well look he seems like a nice guy.
Now he's you know, his views on.
Reddit are really quite reasonable, and he really seems to have changed. I don't feel like she would have gone as hard for as long, but because she kept seeing things that he was doing that were like absolutely problematic.
She's not a Reddit political vigilante go and monitorize for two decades and be like, you know, not all heroes were okay, some troll Reddit. No. I mean I love that she went for the revenge at the start, Like this story to me, would have been amazingly perfect if.
It stoped fifteen years ago, if it stopped at the spoilers, like like after the event, she found him, she found his interest, and she spoiled it.
No harm, Like, you know, people are not going to die from finding out the end of what happened at friends. But fifteen is that she stalked him.
It's stalking, like, yes, do I approve?
No?
Does it make for something interesting to unpack?
Yes? But we did put a call out. Do you guys for the pettiest thing that you have done? Have you done anything?
Lare?
Because I feel like you're pretty petty like no, like in your she knows it defency. I feel like in your twenties, like in that pretty crazy intense dating stage that you had for a decade, I feel like you would have done some petty stuff. I did some petty stuff, would you do?
I'm a petty bitch.
Anything you would talk about?
Yeah, yeah, I'll tell you. Okay, So my eggs boyfriend who cheated on me and then we broke up. Yeah, actually he cheated on me lots of times, so he deserved this.
He cheated on me for seven years, cheated on me for many years.
I posted a whole heap of things on gum Tree, so basically I can't even remember what it was that I said I was giving away. I think I said I was giving away a PlayStation, something really dumb, but something that I knew would be fast moving. And then I put his phone number on it and I said it was free and you could come pick it up.
And he received a million.
Phone calls as long as that was that one time only, And you know I still do it.
I did. I put one up yesterday.
It's for content, content purposes, okay.
Yeah, No, I don't think you're supposed to do that. I think it's not okay. I think it's actually quite illegal. But you know what statutory what is it called when ten years passes?
And you have said that so many times in these podcasts, Laura out herself for something illegal, and she goes, it's been ten years. It's the statuary decades.
It's been ten years. It's fine. I can talk about it now.
And I'm like, Laura, that's that's not a thing.
I think it is a thing.
No, it's it's actually genuinely not. It's why people can go to prison fifty years later when new evidence comes up. It's not a thing. Maybe to stop breaking the law.
Maybe for things like murder, it's not a thing. But for petty crimes, I reckon, it's a thing.
You can't just rap. Okay, I'm not having this argument with you on air, but your going to prison. Okay. So I the only thing I've ever done. And when I say this out loud, I realize howpathetic I am. And I think I've said before I don't hold grudges and I'm not a petty person like I remember the sociopath crazy person that was cheating on me for two years and had a double. I thought this was like the best revenge ever. I just went to his house and took all his toilet paper. That was it.
Apathetic, that's so lame.
But in my head I was like, yeah, next time he does a shit, he's gonna have no toilet paper. That's howpathetic I am. Yeah. I mean, if this happened through COVID, I would say like, well played. But it's been ten years now, I still break into his house and take you to it.
Okay, do you know I will say someone once got a petty revenge on me, So yeah, I don't know who it was though. So after the Bachelor finished, it was Britt. After the Bachelor finished, and I was living like Matt and I we were together, but we weren't actually together. He was, you know, living elsewhere we couldn't be seen publicly. I got this delivery to my house. I kind of think it was my ex boyfriend. But
let's not accuse people. I got a delivery to my house and it was a package and I opened it and it was a kilo of glitter.
Dix, I remember what you have sent me? A fucking kilo of glitter.
So when I opened it, it exploded and there were little tiny dicks of glitter?
Was it definitely to you? Like, did you check that it was Laura Burn?
Yes, Laura Burn?
And then it was like, you know, it was packaged up like a gift and I was like, oh my god, I'm like, people love me And I opened it and a bag of glitten dicks explow to load my house.
Don't you think that's more something maybe one of the other girls in the house would have done than your ex boyfriend, because I don't know, maybe if you were the winner of the batch, was there someone you had beef with that would think that? Because that's not a manly thing to do, right, But like it's a very it's a very female thing to do.
I mean, yes, it could have been one of the girls and just looked it. I never thought of that, all right.
We asked you guys what some of your petty things were. There are a couple of funny ones. I chose an ugly photo of someone I worked with that I didn't like for the group presentation.
Oh that's the fine.
No, if any of us put photos of each other, we're like, why did you guys put that up? You can't put ugly for a group presentation that goes around your whole workplace, like and.
You can't, but you cared. Okay, I used my card or my uber eats for months and months. He eventually realized and messaged me, and I just denied it. Oh wait, this is good. I poured glitter onto the ceiling fan blades. That's fucking great.
Oh no, that's fucking it's so good that she's never coming out.
That's actually amazing. I'm gonna use that.
Edited my ex's hinge profile settings to over sixty years old and one hundred kilometers away. That's so dumb. He's gonna figure that out.
What was it?
She went hacked into her boyfriend, her ex boyfriend's hinge profile, and she set the settings to us looking for over sixty years old one hundred k I mean like that, when the granny's a turning up, you're gonna realize your settings on a bit of a mishap, right, Yeah.
But also like that's only gonna last. Okay, I need like the long term pettiness. Okay, it's actually all too cute. You guys are too nice.
I reported my ex boyfriend for lying on his tax return.
Good. I mean in prison, so hectic.
A girl I no canceled another girl's makeup booking for her formal as revenge.
That's fucking savage.
Would you do? You're not listening, you're reading I was written.
The next one she called up and canceled her makeup booking just before her formal.
Your mole, what does she do? You can't fucking do that.
To someone on their wedding day.
That's worse. I dropped one hundred and fifty keys all over Melbourne. Each tag said if found, please call this number, and it was her excess number. Do you know what? Look?
That one is fine, But I think a way more cost effective way of doing it is just putting an add up on gum Tree. Multiples cost you nothing. It's free and there's you know, it goes out to more people.
Totally because otherwise you have to buy one hundred hundred and fifty keys.
That's actually like such an expensive revenge plot.
This is so funny. I told my friend the wrong brand of perfume I was wearing so she wouldn't buy the same one. That is so petty. She's gonna know when you buy that, and she's like, this doesn't hit the same.
Also, I do understand though, you know when you've bought something and you really love it, and your friend's like, oh, where did you get that?
I want to go and get it, and you're.
Like, fuck, I just want to stop buying the.
Things that I like. It's annoying these guys.
You guys are Actually.
My ex was really organized and extremely obsessive about things being in the right place. I took all of his DVDs out of their cases and I put each one into another case.
That's really funny and would be really annoying. That's really annoying y, especially if you have like two hundred DVDs. Remember when you used to go to Berlin and get all the pirated DVDs and you used to come home like you were the coolest kid in school if you came home with like a thousand pirate DVDs.
We had three cases of them because my mum went over there this one year and literally spent one thousand dollars on DVD.
So we had every DVD that you could ever possibly.
Imagine, and it was like living It was like living inside video Easy.
Yeah. Yeah, I got a friend a book titled A Guide to Kindness for her birthday.
Oh, if you need to be petty towards your friends, you probably should just get You.
Don't be friends, so don't give them a guide to how to be a better person.
You could start there and then you could end with getting your friends. Anyway, let's get into our vibes and unsubscribes. Now. My vibe for the week is very u what's the word vibe? It's basic pitch vibes. The reason why is because I'm vibing a makeup that's been around for forever, but I've just rediscovered it.
Okay, I'm actually gonna vibe two, so I'm vibing.
Okay, I'm vibing the Face and Body from Mac Cosmetics. I used to use this when I was nineteen twenty, like all through my twenties, and I was dewey and I was youthful, and I thought that that was the thought.
That's all. We are not letting anything through the kiva today.
I was so mad to each other soon in a stupid mood.
I was very youthful, and I thought it was my skin back then, but apparently it was the face and body makeup that I was using. So I used to use it religiously, as one would suggest from the name of Face and Body makeup. You can use it on your body. Great, on your legs. I've been using it all through the live show on my legs. Oh you've been keeping that one a secret. Yeah, and he's sharing it with me. Everyone's body. Everyone's been saying like, oh
my god, you've got such great legs. And I don't you saw a photo of me yesterday and I look like I've got.
Nine year old metal as.
Everyone says, You've got great legs, and everyone's been gone Forritny. His legs look dry because you've been keeping the Face and Body moisturizer from me.
Yeah.
So it's Mac Cosmetics Face and Body. The thing that's so good about it is it so it's very watery when you first open it, but it coagulates so you can make it thicker on your skin, and it reacts to air, so it kind of turns into a more thicker foundation the more that you let it oxidize in the air, if that makes sense.
I love it.
It is amazing and I've like rediscovered it and feel like I just now have this really deep love affair for it. The other thing I want to recommend is MC Beauty's their extend muscara. It's like not extend with an E, it's like x tend.
I've got one right now.
It's a tubular mascara, and it is fucking amazing because I'm somebody who anytime I use mascara, I get like makeup fool.
I always get the black under my eyes.
So the thing with tubular mascara is it's not waterproof, but what happens is when you want to take it off, you basically wet your lashes and you can pull the little tubes off your eyelashes.
Yea, and like actually just it is what it sounds like, sort of grab it, it just comes back and.
It slides off.
But it just means if you're someone who's makeup voice smudges, it doesn't do that. So it kind of works like a waterproof a scar without making your eyelashes dry like a waterproof and scar. It is a game changer. I highly recommend.
Great good vibes. Thank you, okay guys, so they won't say basic bitch after all? No, that feel great, very makeupy, beauty ish, which we don't often get from you facebody and eyes. Yeah. FB Okay, my vibe this week is a book, a book series for all those readers. Now, there's three books in the series. It is called The
Bronze Horseman by somebody called Paulina Simmons. That's who's written by, not by the author, just by somebody a woman who happens to be the author named Paulina Simmons The Bronze Horsemen. So it's a trilogy. I have two book series in my life that have literally completely consumed and engulfed me, and I have become obsessed with. This is one of them. One was Outlander by Diana Gabaldon sam Hughan. We know it, I've talked about it. I've read it when I was
nineteen twenty. I also read The Bronze Horseman when I was twenty. Like, so I found this series after I read the Outlander and I felt like I was lost. Have you ever you know when you finish a series, book or TV and it's so consuming that you're like, what do I do with my life? Now? That's what these books do, right. So I've reread The Bronze Horseman now because it's been fifteen years and I loved it as much as I did then now, I don't like war books as such, but it is set in nineteen
forty one. It's set in the World War over in Leningrad in Russia. It's not a book about war. It is a love story between these two people, Tatiana and Alexander. They're the two characters. It is just the most incredible, beautiful, heart stopping love story. And the writing is so incredible, and the characters are made up, but it's all very historical and factual, so you're learning something at the same time, but obviously the characters that are in that time are
made up. I can't recommend it enough. Sherry, my sister and I just we both felt the same way about it, and I reckon you'd probably love it, Laura, but it is three books, so you do need to like have that time to settle in.
Yeah.
I love that we've both recommended stuff from when we were nineteen years old.
Well, no, because I've reread it. A lot of the books I've been reading lately have been very, very nothing really great, like teenage love story novels, you know, the things that are just like just fluffy, sugary, fluffy, great sex, love, cute, whatever. But this is a book that will just hit different. I promise, So if you are a reader or you're looking for something the bronze horseman pulling the Simmons question
number one, please help. I am getting married in three weeks, and I swear to God, I don't know if I'm getting the normal cold feet or legitimately getting the ick. My partner has never been good when comforting me or saying the right things if I'm upset or going through something difficult. Today I had a really bad day. Long story short, I have peak cosse going on one year. I had a horrible day with my symptoms, and my parents told me our family dog has untreatable cancer and
doesn't know how long she has left to live. So yeah, she had a really hard day. I'm obviously very defeated and was always stressed out, but the news really upse me. All I wanted to do was go and tell him everything, get a hug, I kiss, some comfort, and talk it through with someone I love. But when I told him about my dog, all he said was oh, sad, and then, after an awkward silence of five seconds, said so what should we have for dinner? I then went to the
shower to cry. Alone because I was so baffled by his response. Do I need to talk to him about his lack of empathy and feelings around something like this, or he maybe just not as attached as I am, and he didn't realize how upset I was, even though I told him, I don't know we're going to get married, and I know your partner can't be everything all the time. Maybe some people just go to friends or family for these things instead. But am I wrong for being salty
and slamming all the doors in my house right now? No, you're not wrong for being salty.
I think running around slamming doors is probably not the best way of I mean probably definitely not the best way of communicating that you're upset. He might not realize that he's the reason why you feel angry, not just upset. He might not realize that he didn't provide comfort for you in that moment to the level of which you needed.
Now should he have realized that?
Yeah?
Sure. We always hope that our partners are aware and perceptive enough and can understand are heard enough, especially when we've said it to them, that they're going to respond in a way that's going to make us feel completely validated and understood. I think it's like that feeling when when your partner doesn't meet you where you need to be.
Met, you feel like they don't know you.
You feel like you don't even understand how I'm feeling, which makes you feel further away from them.
But I definitely think you need to speak to him.
The only thing, though, is that maybe makes me want to question things a little bit, is that relationships are easy when things are good right, Relationships when everything's coasting and you're having a great time. Relationships are easy. It's in the moments that are really challenging. It's in the moments where there is heartbreak, there is tragedy, there is grief, that there is loss. They're the moments where people really show you who they are and they really show you
how they can support you. And I mean, he may have not realized that you were as attached to your family dog, and he may not see it as a bigger thing. He might react very different if there was a loss of a person or if there was some other emotional tragedy that you're going through. He might not see those things as being similar. But I would hope that in the instance that you're going through something that
you're really struggling with. He would have the emotional empathy and the ability to get on your level and to support you in a way that you need to be supported, because if this becomes repeated behavior, that space between how disconnected you feel is only going to get bigger and bigger.
I agree, and I do agree with this girl saying I understand your partner can't be everything all the time, and that's completely accurate. But in my eyes, one thing that your partner should be is be able to comfort you,
like when you go through something. I feel like that's almost I want to say, like the non negotiable of what they have in the relationship, Like, yes, they can't be your best friend and your employee and your husband and your spiritual leader and give you emotional things you need, and they can't do everything right and be a lover but be a sensitive lover but also be the chemistry
sexy time lover like one hundred percent. You cannot have it all, But for me, being there in a tough time is one of those things that every partner should be able to do. It's like one of the basics. It's like the TiO hundred percent. It's the foundation.
You don't need your partner to do everything for you, but that is literally one of the basic foundation things that you expect them to do for you.
Yeah, it's like the bread and butter of the relationship totally. So my only thing I do want to say here is if you are not communicating how upset you are to him, and you're not communicating that, he's not giving you what you need, he doesn't know. So if you have had this moment with him where you've said you're upset, but then you guys went on to talk about dinner and then you removed yourself to cry alone in the shower, so he didn't see, and you have said, I don't know.
If he knows how upset I am, then he's not gonna know. Like you have to give him a little bit of grace in that sense. It's different if you break down crying to him and you're telling him and you're emotionally laying it all out and he responds that way, that's very different. Like if you're seeing, I need more from you and look how upset I am and he's like, babe, what's for dinner, that's completely different. So My first thing I'm gonna say is just let him know because they're
not mind readers. Women aren't mind readers either. We're better at it than men for sure, but men aren't mind readers. So make sure you're communicating that with him, and then go from there and then say, I really need more from you in these moments like moving forward as well, and if it doesn't come naturally, you need to consciously try to provide it for me.
Yeah, and you can say, you know, the reason why I felt like you weren't there for me is because you know, you said, oh, that's sad, and then you asked what's for dinner, like you didn't give me a hug. I needed physical affection in that moment. These are the things I need from you. I definitely agree with everything
you said, Britt. I think that sometimes we expect our partners to be able to read our minds a little bit too much, and we expect that they should instantly know what we require of them intuitively know and sometimes they do, and sometimes they can really surprise us, and oftentimes they don't, and it can make you feel super disconnected. So that does come down to the conversation part of it.
The only thing I do want to say is and I mean, I don't know if it's completely relevant to this specific situation, but it is something that's stuck with me off the back of when we interviewed Mark Groves years.
Ago, Mark grows from Create the Love.
Yes, Mark grows from Create the Love. We have an episode with him not link in the show notes, because we did that just before I'd gotten married. It was such an eye opener in terms of like how I want my relationships to be. And one thing he said, so Mark, he called off an engagement prior to getting married. He was in his twenties and he was getting married because he felt like that that was the next stage of what his relationship was at and what he thought
he needed to do. And then he had this realization that he didn't want to get married to that person, not that he never wanted to get married in life, but that that person wasn't his right person. And he said that often we get told that you're supposed to have these feelings of doubt pre marriage, Like we've been sold this idea that it's normal to have quote unquote cold feet. Yes, for some people, it is normal to feel a little bit anxious about the fact that you're
doing something that you've never done before. Right, there's a little bit of anxiousness, is okay. But if you're going into getting married terrified or second guessing yourself the ick, feeling the ick, those are not normal reactions to getting married. You should not be going into marriage feeling this incredible pull that it is the wrong thing, or questioning yourself so much that they're not your person. If that's how you're feeling, you need to unpack that before getting married.
And I think that's some very honest conversations with your partner, not necessarily around how you're feeling about having the ick, because that's pretty damning, but the things that have led you to feel like you have the ick, to make sure that you are on the same page, because if you're not on the same page before getting married, you're certainly not going to be on the same page after you're married, because it doesn't change the relationship, it just makes it harder to leave.
Yeah. Also, the i's pretty hard to reverse, Like, once you're in it, you're in it, so don't let it get that far. Oh I imagine about to get married though, and you feel like that, like three weeks away, You're not meant to.
I genuinely think a little cold feet, A little bit of cold feet, fine, an overwhelming feeling of this is.
Not right, is not normal.
It's not You should not go into getting married terrified or having the fucking dick or feeling like what am I doing? Yeah, because if you're feeling that, that's not normal.
Okay, sorry, just getting passionate about it. Question number two. I'm twenty two and I have been in a relationship for almost two years and I love him very much. We live together and have traveled all over together. He truly is my person. The only issue is he's starting to go bold, both at the back and the front. How do I broach this subject without making him feel bad about it and to open up the discussion so that he doesn't feel like I'm attacking his looks? You don't,
you don't, you don't, you don't. No, you buy him a beanie, no jog, that's a bad job.
I find it's such interesting thing, right, And I say this because when I was younger, I would have like much like younger I'm talking like in my early twenties,
I would have made like the bald jokes. I would have been like, oh, but now I understand just how problematic it is and how it is the exact same as saying making fun of a woman for putting on weight, or a woman for I don't know, getting acne, or it's the same as any other type of physical change that you don't necessarily have control over or care about, like, well, kind of change who you are totally why I don't know why you need to bring it to his attention.
I also think like he knows, Yeah, there's a.
Totally there's a really good chance he knows. And I think sometimes when it comes to baldness with men, because it's men, we think it's okay to make fun of like we're like, oh, whatever, you know, But we would be so up in arms if a man was to make fun of a woman, or it was to say, like if this question was, Hey, my girlfriend's put on a bit of weight and I really want to just you know, I don't know the right way is to point it out to her that I want her to know,
but like I don't want her to feel like I'm attacking her.
We would say, fucking shut up.
There is no way you can say that to her, and also like, why is this something that's become a problem within your relationship?
Now.
I don't want to go as hard on.
You because I appreciate that you've written it in, but I do want you to question why is it that we feel like it's okay to comment on the way a man looks, especially when it comes to baldness, because baldness can be a real moment of insecurity for guys. It can be something that they really feel emasculated around, and it's something that for a lot of men who are bald and who are transitioning to going bald or losing hair, that they already feel so self conscious about.
Look. I do find it interesting that you proceed that statement with he truly is my person, but he's going bald. I don't understand why that changes anything. What I do want to say is just to give a different point of view from you, Laura. Everything that you said I agree with. The only way I think you can bring this up is if he brings it up. If he wants to talk about it, you can talk about it,
but you cannot bring it up. The only other way you could bring it up is if he is going bald at the back and you think he doesn't know, then that's probably something I would tell my partner for sure, But that's not a I wouldn't tell my partner that as a problem. I'd be like, hey, do you know
that you're losing some hair there? Like, I think that's okay, because if I was going bald at the back of my head and I because I can't see it, and I don't know, you are going bald at the back of your head, I do have a double crown.
It looks bored every time we get ready for a Las show butt and he's like, is my ball spot covered? Yeah?
Because I could a double Oh guys, if you know what a double crown is, it's like a Rhodesian ridge back, like where their hair goes a different direction. Anyway, my hair does like a cyclone sort of swirly thing, and then it looks like I got a ball patch. Anyway, if I was actually going bald at the back, I would want my partner to tell me if they could see it and I had no idea, Sure, tell me, don't make it like it's a problem. But it's more of a just letting you know in case you didn't.
You would Lord, don't you shake your head. If you were bald at the back and no one told you you pissed off, you'd be pissed off. But that has to be like a heads up telling you because you might not know, but you can't care about it. And the only way you can have a discussion because you said you need to open up the discussion, like you want to open it up, right, So what do you want to open up for? You want to open up
because you think he needs a hair transplant. This is a fine to suggest that to him if he says, do you know any treatments for going bald? Like if he brings that up to you, you can be like, oh, this heaps of stuff. Because the other thing is there are hair transplants right every second. I know people around Sydney that have had them. They're actually quite common now.
Yeah, but also like that is very that's a very extreme, like there's loads of things that you can do prior to that, like just rogain. Look, I guess my thing is and I don't know if I agree with you, Britt. And the reason why I say this is because I don't think I would ever bring it up, like if I looked at Matt, and I ever thought that there was something about him that was changed, you know, like anything. If I noticed it, I would not feel compelled to
point it out to him. And the reason for that is even if it came with good intentions, even if it was because I thought, maybe he hasn't noticed, and I want to tell him that his hair's a bit thinner on you know, that maybe he might want to do something about it if he hasn't noticed. I don't want to be the one responsible for breeding and insecurity
in the person that I love. I'm not going to point it out to them in the same way that if Matt turned around and said to me, oh, your malasma's gotten a bit darker, babe, have you noticed?
He would never do it.
He would never point out something about my body that maybe I didn't notice so that I could fix it, because that all that does is make people feel so fucking insecure, and if you're not already insecure, you soon will be.
Yeah, I'm gonna I mean, we won't agree on this, because I do disagree on that. I wouldn't like it if he pointed out malasma on my face. But you already know that I'm talking specifically about a bald patch on the back of your head. And I'm putting myself in that position. If I was going bald at the back of my head, which I do not see, I never see, and no one told me, none of my friends, not my partner, like not Ben, I'd be I'd be like, how could none of you have told me that? Because
it's not something that I can see or notice. And that's the only way I say that she should bring that up. He's gonna know if there's a bald patch at the front of his head, you don't have to bring that up. But it's like it's highlighting something that that person might not know about, that they might actually be insecure about because they don't know about it. But once they're given that information, they can do something. I could do a comover, I could like cha, you know,
like you can take that into your own hands. But you can't approach your partner and be like, hey, you're going bold, Let's talk about that, Like I've googled some things you can do about it. Let's get you a two pay Let's get you to Turkey to get your hair transplants. Like you just can't do it totally.
And I also think it comes down to like the type of person that your partner is like and the type of relationship that you have, because like, okay, when it comes to hair loss, So I dated a guy who was losing his hair and he cared and I never mentioned it to him. I didn't care, but he really cared. So he was using rogaine. Right, So if you are losing your hair, the first line of treatment
is every day treatment. So you can take a pill, a capsule which has a thing called like monoxidal in it, and then you also use it on your hair, right, And it's like a lotion or a roguain or whatever.
There's many different brands of it.
But the thing with that is that it's an every single day, can't miss a day treatment. Is your partner even the type of person who would want to keep up that type of upkeep because a lot of people aren't. So if you know, like, oh my god, there's no way my boyfriend doesn't even wash his hair every week, Like if he's never gonna use this product every single day, he doesn't care about his looks enough to do something that's going to be in every single day process, then
I think that there's no point. And I guess like my big take home from this is that it should be insignificant. If you have found the person that you want to spend your life with, if you love them so much, if they are your penguin, and then you find out that their hairline's receding, it truly should be something that is absolutely insignificant. In the same way that you know if you put on weight, or if your body changes, or things start to look different about your
person as we all look different as we age. They should not be big deals, and I guess it's not our partner's responsibility to point out the things that they think of flaws in us.
Is how I feel? Amen, all right? Question number three. Recently, my dad gave my sister his car roughly worth about twenty thousand dollars as he no longer needs the car. My sister is a single mum with a good job, earning good money. I have two children and a husband.
When I brought this up with my dad that I was a little bit hurt that he gave my sister a car and my family didn't get anything, he told me he didn't think of the car as money, and basically dismiss my feelings as he didn't see it that way. So my question is am I being unreasonable to expect something as well rivalry? This is okay? Look, no, I think you're being a little bit unreasonable. That's okay.
That's how I feel because I don't think that everything in life is tit for tart right. And you know, maybe people will disagree with me because obviously we should treat our children evenly.
I'm sure in your dad's mind.
He sees the fact that your sister as a single mum is that he needs to still support her more. And you are in a relationship, you have a husband, the two of you mutually are contributing to your life together, and you have someone to build a life with. And now she's not building a life with anyone, and she has to rely on herself, right for everything. Well, one family is jeweling come and one is single income totally
big and maybe not because we don't know. For example, we don't know if the other sister who has kids and a husband, is working. We don't know what their financial situation is because she hasn't said, so maybe that's not the case. Maybe she isn't financially great yes, But I guess the thing about when you become a single mum is is that you are always doing everything on your own, like everything. You don't have anyone to bounce the stuff off with, You don't have someone to come
and help you to pick up there. There's no one to come home to and talk through the good bits of your day the bad bits of your day. And if you're lucky enough, your parents often come and help and fill in that void a little bit. And I know for me when my mom was a single mom, my grandparents monumentally filled that void and they did so much for my mum. And I guess I just kind of think like your dad probably, And when he says I didn't see it as money, I just saw it
as a car to help her. He's not thinking about this like I love one daughter more than the other, I'm going to give her X amount of money and ha ha ha, you are getting nothing. He was probably just doing something that he thought would really help her while she, no doubt is going through a pretty tricky period of life, which is being a single mom, because it is hard.
Yeah, I think he probably just looked at it like it was situational. He looked at Okay, I didn't need my car anymore. You guys are husband and wife, assuming you've got two cars. She's a single mom. She could really do with that help. I don't think he thought this is the value of twenty thousand dollars. I'm going to purposely give it to my favorite child. I mean, we could be wrong. We don't know the situation, but I don't know many parents that would be like that in favor one person.
I also think in life, like if you keep school like this, if you keep tally of your parents' relationship or with anyone, but especially it can be with parents. If you keep tally over the years, you could end up being in a situation where you are very, very hurt and you'll be bitter.
And who is that going to help? No one.
I kind of also think with this, like, if you're keeping tally, all that's going to do is erode your relationships with not just your dad, but also your sister.
And I guess you know, at the end of the day, you have your husband who you can go to for support, you can invest in in terms of your relationship, you guys financially can work together towards your goals, and I think kind of focus on the things that you can do with your now nucleus family, with your husband and your kids, rather than thinking about what you can get
from your parents. Is it a situation where maybe in the future, when they pass away, that their wills are not ended up being split evenly, then maybe that's a time for you to feel like, Okay, maybe my dad didn't love me as much as he loves my sister. But I don't think in this instance I would be getting as upset as what it seems to have upset you.
Other people may disagree, and I think you're also upset because you've said dismissed my feelings. So maybe there's a level of you been upset because he wouldn't even try and understand where you came from. That can also hurt from a parent when they don't try to understand what you're saying or why you feel that way. But at the end of the day, I think that you've got to be really careful with this because it's going to probably just build a whole lot of resentment.
Also, though I think that there's a sense of entitlement. Like I mean, at the end of the day, it's your parents' money. Like, as parents, we don't have to give our kids any money once their adults if we don't want to, so, like if he's chosen to pass a car onto one sister and not another, I would think that there are a lot of people listening to this who have siblings who have experienced, at one point in their life, feeling as though their parents have financially
preferenced one child over another. I experienced it in my childhood. I have a little brother, and for a long time, I was like, why is my mom still supporting him as a mid twenty year old adult, But she didn't do that for us when we were in our mid twenties. And you make comparisons, and then when you make those comparisons, you think, well, well, why was I so hard done by? And all that's going to do is just fuck up your relationship. And I know now, like my relationship is
amazing with my mum. I know she loves us evenly. It just was a different time in her life and she was able to support him more because she financially had the freedom because she didn't have two older kids to take care of at the time.
Well, I sort of feel the same. It's which she says, am I unreasonable to expect something as well. It's hard for me to answer this because from the moment I've turned eighteen, I've never asked for or gotten anything from my parents' capacities. Like I was an adult and I went out into the working world and I did it, Like my parents' money to me is my parents' money. I was, like, they've worked their whole life, They've looked
up to four kids. They've set us up that we can earn our own money, and we went to do our own jobs. Like it's different. So when I hear other people or families where their parents are like buying them a house, giving them cards, that blows my mind, Like I can't believe the parents did that. I'm like, I can't believe they would give up what they've worked for their whole life. They get to enjoy that money
as well. That's how I think. So maybe I have a different lens on it, but that expects I expect not a dime from my parents even when they pass away. I don't expect a dime. I hope that they pass away having spent every dollar.
They've gone totally.
But I also think it's situational, right, Like, I mean, you've worked really hard, you've also been really fortunate, and you're in a position now where you earn money for yourself and you are very self sufficient, and there would be never a need for you to ask your parents for anything. There are absolutely going to be adults out there who have parents who you know are financially stable
and they simply are not. Whether it be because they've gone through divorce, maybe they've been made redundant, whatever it is, that's the situation. I don't think that it's abnormal for parents, and I'm talking like older parents to help out their adult children in times of need. Oh no, And I don't mean that, No, I know you don't. I say that because, like, like you know, reiterating my grandparents. My grandparents financially helped my mum so much throughout my whole life.
But I guess it comes down to like whether or not your kids financially need you, and that you're in a situation where like not just the love, but they need the support of dollars, the support of a car, the support of whatever it is a place to live, because you never stop being your kid's parents, even when they're all grown up, right, And I guess they've probably seen your sister go through a horrible marriage breakdown, she's probably had to find her feet again, she's gotten herself
set up as a single mom in a house with the kids, and they just thought, maybe, you know, a car would probably make her happy and make her life a little bit easier, and.
That maybe it was a safety thing. Maybe she didn't have a car that was safe enough for the kids.
Like you don't know, you don't know, you know, And so I guess, like put yourself into that position, and maybe if it was you who was the single mom, you would have been the one getting.
That offer from your parents. I don't know.
I just think going back to this idea of keeping tit for tat, it's not healthy, It helps no one, It will not improve your relationship with your parents, and it will make you super resentful.
But having said that, I also understand it, like one hundred percent. I understand where that feeling comes from, because there's always a bit of like from when you're a kids still adult, there's always a bit of a sibling I don't want to say rivalry, it's not the right word, but there's a level of jealousy maybe can be. Yeah, Like I think that that's really normal, and I think you just need to be a bit careful with it, that's all because you don't want us in packed your
relationship with your sister. I have a question for you, Britt.
Would you ever or have you ever had a conversation with your parents around their will.
My parents' will would be split between the four kids evenly, and you've spoken about it. Yeah, we've spoken about it because we Yeah, I also know how they're gonna not how they're gonna die, that was sounded more. But I also know what we're gonna do for like their few like you know what they want at that part of life. Yeah.
Actually, if you didn't hear it last week, we did it an interview all around we need to talk about aging and we didn't speak about wills specifically, but we did speak about the importance of talking to your parents around what they want for their lives and for the end of life and what that looks like. I have not really spoken to my mum around her will and stuff, Like she's definitely mentioned things to me, but I don't want it, Like I don't want anything.
I don't want to.
I'm like, just whatever you do with it, and if it's not.
You guys, yeah, I know, give it to the kids, give it to the grandkids obviously. But then at the same time, my brother doesn't have children, so that wouldn't be either. He can have his bit and then I'll give the bit just to my grandkids because I don't know. I think that the problem here is is that when it comes to money, that people feel like they own or feel like they deserve, but they haven't earned. So when it comes to your parents' money, it can create
such separation in families. It can create such a huge and awful division. But at the end of the day, that money is not yours. It is not yours to feel any ownership over. So if your parents want to do whatever the fuck they want to do with it, yeah, it doesn't mean that they love you less. It just means that they've made a decision with what is theirs. And I guess it's something that can be really hard to accept and it can cause a lot of breakdowns in relationships.
Yeah, anyway, that's it. That was a different question.
We really took a pivot, like we doglegged there we're all hard and now we're talking about dead people's money, and I don't we do not even know why we're there because we're talking about a single woman in a car.
It's just a cal it's gone for a month.
Right, Well, guys, okay, so you will know if you're listening to this.
We had our Gold Coast show yesterday, but we don't know. We can't tell you how it is because we're recording this before the Gold Coast.
Show because it's just going to be first thing in the morning. Wild.
But that means that we only have two shows left, two live shows. We're going to Canberra and then we're going straight to Brisbane, our very last shows on the thirty first, which is the Brisbane show. If you haven't got tickets yet, there are some last minute tickets that were released.
It's so fun.
I know we've been talking about it forever, but it is so unbelievably fun. We hope that you guys would like come have such a good laugh. If you've been thinking about coming on your own, go get your tickets. There's like final release tickets. There's also some cheaper tickets if you get in there and.
Find them what you like.
The well, no, they're they're kind of like wherever there's single tickets, wherever there's any random ones left, or they're ones at the back, but they are cheaper and we have some merch to give away there and look it's all happening. Get your tickets, don't forget.
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