Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys and all, welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
I'm Brittany and I'm producer Keisha feeling in for Laura today because she is She's doing something a little bit more important than answering your deep dark and burning questions, even though we got a review saying that we should stop saying deep dark and burning questions.
That's what the segment is called, deep dark and Bernie questions, Deep dark and dirty.
For today was Lara's getting hitch WHOA I mean, not today because obviously that would be there, but like very very.
Very soon days we I mean, I say, we like we've done the right thing. We've given Laura some time. No, obviously Laura's getting married literally in I'm not going to tell you how many days between one and four, it's.
Less than three. And you still don't have a dress.
I know.
Oh my god, you just reminded me.
Hopefully that's one of the packages I need to pick up. I still don't have a dress. I ordered it, it did not come, so I ordered another one. It did not come.
I have a bit of a pattern here, I think I am. You need to be a lot more organized.
Spoiler, I am the most disorganized person you haven't ever met. And mind you, I get everything done like I get it done. Everyone gets what they need on time, but I wait until the last minute.
And I know this movie with you. Every single day, I'm more telling the audience.
I know, you know because I leave everything so late and everything is chaots.
But that's how I work.
I work better under pressure. I've like this morning, I can't tell you how much.
It's so early.
I can't tell you how much I've done because everything is due today. I had to get up at like five am because I'm like, oh my god, I left everything till last day.
Laura's getting married like tomorrow.
So Laura is getting married in the next couple of days, which is amazing, which means she has taken a couple of days off and she's always going to take next week off because you know, Low and Behold they're going to have a mini They're not going anywhere for their honeymoon, but they're taking a week off to be together.
But I will let you know that the episode that you and Laura recorded yesterday, can I just tell everyone who it's with, because it's like, yeah, fucking huge. It was great. She's the biggest relationship speaker in the world.
She's someone that we have been I don't want to use the term.
Hassling, enthusiastically encouraging her to come on the podcast.
For like eighteen months, two years, I reckon, or maybe even two and a half.
The POD's nearly.
Four years old. I think it's Esther Parell huge. If we knew how to use this machine, bet I would put some clapping in or some cheering after that with like Estere Perell whoo, But we don't. But Esther Perel is. If you guys don't know who Esther Perell is, go and have a look. You can literally find her anywhere on podcasts, books, Ted talks. She's incredible.
The main book that she've became famous for was called Mating in Captivity. It came out in like two thousand and six, and she has these really nuanced perspectives on relationships and affairs and what constitutes monogamy, and she's just fucking amazing. She talks a.
Lot about infidelity, like that's one of her subspecialties. I guess she studied infidelity and she's so fascinated by it, and I'm also so fascinated by that, and I just thought, you know what, I've been chasing it for two and a half years because she's so great that I just wanted a free therapy session. And I just disguised that with questions for the podcast. But I was like, I was like, therapy me, and then we'll just add some
other questions in for you guys. But it's a brilliant episode and that will come to you next week.
Yes, next Tuesday, So keep your hot little ears ready for that. But Britt, how do you feel about her? The fact that we're going to be at Laura's wedding in a couple of days, which is so exciting, but you're gonna have to share a.
Room, you guys. I can't believe we actually didn't talk about this. This was so funny, So I.
Think I actually asked for us to not because I was so mortified by this happening.
So a couple of weeks ago, at Laura's Hens party, Kisha and I, you know, you got our hens. We went away to a house all that everyone shares rooms, Kisha and I because we're so close. There was two people that had to share a bed, not just a room, but a bed. So we're fine. So we shared this queen bed, small queen bed. It's quite quite compact. I think it was like a what's it called queen double queen or whatever that maybe a double No, it was a queen.
But weirdly enough, it was actually the first time that we'd ever slept next to each other. And we see each other literally every day.
Yeah, that's because we live down the road. You're not just gonna be like, hey, come slipp in my bed for funsies. Like so we're sharing kitchen and I sharing a bed, and I am a like not to do my own horn. But I'm like an angel sleeper. I don't move. I just laying one spot. And I'm even more conscious of it when I'm sharing a bed with someone. But I just like lay on the edge and I'm asleep in the middle. Of the night. Keisha rolls over frantically sits up in bed, like I reckon. Her face
is three centimeters from my face, three max. Like I could feel her breath on my face. And she's sitting up and I'm like, what's happening. And she starts to stroke my face and my head and with one hand and then she's rubbing my back and she's going sh sh, Britney, sorry, that's all right there there, and I'm like, what the fuck. I was like, Gisha, Tisha, and she goes, just okay, I'm here, I'm here, nothing to be afraid of. And
I was like, what is happening. I'm like Keisha, and I was trying to I was like, oh my god, I think she's asleep. She's like caressing my body, telling me everything was not caressing your body.
I was patting you.
On the head. I was the one that felt you was unconscious. And then you rolled back asleep and I had to like roll you over right. I was like, oh my god.
She woke up at that point, because that's when I realized what was happening, because in my reality, I was having nightmare that you were having a nightmare and you were freaking out, and so I was like, it's pretty it's okay, Like it's because you know, you don't have many people sleep next to your bridge, you're not used to it.
That's even worse. You think that i'ms so lonely that I can't even get myself through a nightmare.
That is so funny.
But now Casu and I have to sleep together again, so I'm wondering what's going to happen. And that also poses another problem. There's not that many single people going to the wedding. You and I had two of the single people, and apparently there are some single guys there.
How do we work around that.
When we're like when we're both in the room, I mean, I booked the room, so I guess I can frustation. You've got to go to the house. I'm sleeping on the lounge.
Apparently we will cross that bridge when we come to it. I'm assuming, but yeah, look, I do want to formally apologize for being a bit of a creeper in my sleep.
I wouldn't sleep the rest of the night like salmon with my eyes open. I was like, well, if she comes back, well in the more exciting happiness, My good friend friend of the podcast GBA Wilson just had a little baby girl, so she just, oh, she had it a week ago, but she just announced it yesterday. Her name is Royce and she's absolutely divine, and it's just one of those things where you know, you just want to say, I shed a tear. I cried because I know it's been a long time calming for her, and
it's so nice to see people achieve their dreams. And this doesn't seem like a big dream when you're someone like that achieves as much as someone like reb Wilson is, but personally, you know something she's wanted for a long time. So when you look at a friend do something incredible like that.
You're stoked.
Gives you all the feels, you know.
I think I'll say, like Rebels had so many, I don't want to say shocks. There's been some things in the past two years in her life that have been like, oh, well, didn't see that coming.
Oh yeah, she dropped the bomb totally.
Like I saw the photos of her with the Bellas from Pitch Perfect a couple of weeks ago and they were having this. I just thought it was like a really nice union catchup and now it goes she's in like a pink dress, so it was a baby shower, which she's so lovely.
But because she wasn't pregnant, Yeah, no, I guess when you look at it like that, ReBs has been pretty good at, you don't want to say, keeping secrets, but dropping surprises and making little announcements. But she did have a little baby Royce via surrogate, which is you know why it was a surprise to a lot of people because obviously she wasn't visibly pregnant.
I mean, my initial thought was prettey, little sneaky sucker. I had a suspicion that you knew this is going on. You didn't say anything.
Yeah, I knew from the beginning.
You know.
That's I think that's something that you definitely tell your friends, and you tell trusted friends. But I take that very seriously, like I was. I mean, you guys, I didn't even tell you guys that that was coming. Actually, I don't know if I've kept secret that long in my life, but that is something that I definitely value people's privacy. And if Rebel didn't trust me, she wouldn't have told me.
And I take that really seriously. So yeah, it's been a long, exciting little journey and I can't wait to meet her.
Yeah. Well, I mean she's a beautiful little baby. But something that I would love to kind of do a little bit more of a deep dive Olden because this just made me realize that I didn't know very much about it is actually surrogacyse I know, there's really different between Australia and America.
Yeah, I think sargus is different all over the world, but we have pretty strict rules here and I don't like, I don't want to jump in them too much because I don't know them, but I know it's illegal here to be paid for sargacy, whereas it's definitely not in America.
Yeah, right, interesting, Maybe maybe ReBs could come on and do part two, Rebel Wilson like looking, there is something in the news at the moment that I did want to talk to you about. And I don't know whether you saw a post by Jimila Jamil in the last couple of days, but it was in response to something that the New York Post posted. So the New York Post is like a publication in America.
I know they posted me. Actually, a couple of weeks ago. But that's the reliant.
Well, they're in a bad books.
I know.
I know because they posted an image that had Hobe Kardashian and Kim Kardashian with the headline heroin Chic is back.
Oh it doesn't your soul just vacate the building.
Your whatj Miligimal had to say about it.
No, we tried this before in the nineties, and millions of people developed eating disorders. I had one for like twenty years. We're not doing this again. We're not going back. Our bodies are not trends. Our body shapes are not trends.
Fuck off.
Well, I think like every single one of us, yes, can recognize that this is just such a problematic trend to happen in society. Something that I did actually think about was, well, is this like a new thing? Is this something that has only existed in the past decades or has this been going on for a really long time now?
I think it's been going on for a very very long time. I even think back, you know, I'm thirty five. I think back to my teenage years, which is you know, I mean, that doesn't seem like a long long time ago. But we're still talking twenty years ago, and heroin chic was in then, because I remember wanting to be really skinny because everything I saw and everyone I saw was really skinny. That was like the Kate Moss, the young Kate Moss. And it's funny because we used to say
the term heroin chic and not think about what it meant. Really, it's only the last few years I've been like, that is so fucked. We are saying we want to look like a drug addict because that is what heroin chic is.
Well, Jamila Jamil went on to make a video about it. She was like, it's not enough for them to look starving girl skinny. They actually want us to look like we are so deprived of sleep and nutrition that we have dark circles under our eyes that we are struggling to hold our posture up.
Well, it's always like, look at these really prominent cheekbones on this model. The probably shouldn't be that prominent, but they're so gauned because this was the look that they had to achieve. And so many Victoria's Secret models, so many different models around the world have come out saying how unhealthy that time was in their life because they were already sized six's fours twos in America, and every casting they went to kept saying, lose more weight, You're
too fat, you're too big. Their period stopped. They've got a mental illness from it because everyone was always telling them they're not enough, They're not enough, lose more weight, they're starving. It's just so so soul destroying to think that this is coming back into trend, especially after however many what reckon ten years of the Kardashians bringing curves back and bringing this more voluptuous body back, in which I think, I don't know if that was a great
thing either, because that was also an extreme trend. I think there we're being yo yoing between all these extreme bodies for years, and I don't know when or how that's gonna end.
The only thing that I think was a little bit of a relief about the Kardashians. And this is my personal opinion. This is not backed up by science, but I think that out of all of the body trends that had existed, it was kind of the first time that you could put a monetary value on it. So like generally speaking, if you had enough money in the world, you could look like that, whereas other body trends before. Let's compare this to heroin chic. I'm a natural f cup.
I have what they call an hourglass body. No matter what I did to my body, I would ever, ever, ever fit into a heroin chic trend. And so I think the only thing that the Kardashians did that was quite remarkably different was that because all of theirs was through you know, artificial thing. I mean, not that they're claiming that, they're not admitting to it, but we all know that there was Brazilian but liss there were things that people could do if they had enough money in
the bank. And I think that the only thing that that did in a positive way was that it relieved the pressure of being like, well, that's not even real, like that's not even what they actually look like, which I think internally took a little bit of the pressure off of ourselves. But I did do a big of a deep dive into I'm going to put this in quotation marks ideal body trends that have existed throughout time.
And I thought I'd only be going back one hundred years. Hilariously, I'm going back one thousand BC.
So what was the body trend one thousand BC.
This is ancient Egypt.
There's like wine and grapes, it says.
In this era, the ideal woman is described as slender, narrow shoulders, high waist, symmetrical face. We move into ancient Greece, plump, full bodied, lights.
Skin, we would have done well.
Okay, now I've jumped ahead for obvious reasons. But you think about like Renaissance paintings, like you think about all the stuff that Michelangelo painted, all.
Very voluptuous, very curvy, big bosomed.
Let's go to the Roaring twenties, flat chest, downplayed waist, short bob hairstyle, boyish figure. Fast forward to the nineteen thirties to fifties. Curves, hourglass figure, large breasts, slim waists. I would have fit in that time.
You fit in anytime of the big booby time.
When we get to the heroine cheek time, waferish, extremely thin, translucent skin, adrogynous, I.
Mean, okay, hang on translucent skin as a that's not something you can do unless you are so malnourish and unhealthy, like you can't. You don't, you don't go down to the store and you'll say Hey, I'm gonna grab a turtleneck. I'll grab some foils in my hand. I'll get some translucent skin like you don't. How does one accomplish translucent skin? That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.
One hundred percent. They wanted you to look frail and basically neglected, like Kate Moss was the model of the time. If that's if you want to get a bit of a picture. And then they've got postmodern beauty two thousands to today. Flat stomach, healthy skinny, healthy skinny, that's what they've said, large breast and butt, thigh gap. The point of bringing up these body trends and the closeness in
and by the way, there are others in between. I've just jumped to the ones that we're mainly talking about today. But my point of bringing that up is because for you to live throughout your entire lifetime, it is impossible to fit into a body trend for your whole life. It is literally impossible to fit into every single one of these things because they are so vastly different. And what I think is so fucked up is that for so so so long, like it's really only our generation
that has actually called this stuff out. It hasn't been dissected, it hasn't been called out before, It hasn't actually been thought about. It's just been quite accepted as a societal standard that you know, Okay, well now you need to change everything about yourself so that you can fit into this particular thing. And I think that the only way that we're going to rewrite that narrative, And as Jamila Jimil says, like we're not doing this again, We're not
going back there from twenty twenty two. We're not going back to this bullshit. The only way that we're going to not go back there is to call it out, because we need to rewire our own brains. Like you think about any person that you know, and I would even say to this day, I think it would be almost impossible to find someone that hasn't had a bad thought about their own body image when they look into the mirror right now.
But I also think that's something that's happened for a long time. I don't necessarily think that's a new generational thing. I think transitioning from teenage years to a woman, for anyone at any age, these things start to happen. And I think that also just comes from a comparison culture. You looking at someone else's and the grass is always greener, right as women were always like, oh but what if I looks like her? What if I did this? What if I was skinnier, what if I had bigger boobs?
What if I like you always want to change something? And I think that that society contributes a lot to that journey. But I think that initial thought, I don't know how women and girls get that out of their head completely. I think that's going to enter their head as they start to go through puberty and they have these thoughts, but that's when it's up to us to nip it in the bud then at twelve thirteen, fourteen fifteen, not encourage it by seeing its social media and its magazines.
And this is absolutely wild to me, But the influence that the Kardashians have on the world is insanity now for women, it is crazy to think and it's a crazy statement to say that one family could possibly be a huge, huge instigator in these trends, but I actually think they are. When you look at the family, the Kardashians, the women, I mean, they're all stunning women and there is nothing wrong with changing your body if you want to, there's nothing wrong with it. But they have done that
a lot. Whether they've admitted to it or not, you've seen the change. I think that they started the term you're not ugly, you're poor, because they've got the money to do what they want to do to change. Collectively, they have over one billion people that follow them, one billion, and most of those are women. Impression, more women impression, more young girls. Because they are everywhere. We've always looked up to them as a society because it seems like
they attained so much their goals. You know, they're billionaires, they're beautiful, they drive the cars, they're at the fancy parties, they wear amazing clothes. They always look immaculate. That's because a lot of it's photoshop. There's a lot of surgery, it's a lot of control over the media. But that one family every time they change. This is why this whole conversation about the trend is back is because of Kim Kardashian. Because she went curvy, She's now lost so
much weight and she's so skinny. She has kickstarted the trend again. This is why people are saying, look, it's back. Kim is the photo they're using. So I think it's it's wild that this one family can have this influence, but it definitely this change has to start with them. They have to, they say.
I don't know if I agree. I don't know if it's a chicken or an egg situation. I don't know whether it's that they also feel the pressure that in order to stay as you know, the it girls in the world, they have to follow what the rest of society is expecting of them, or if they're the ones
setting the trend. I don't have enough answers about like whether it's the chicken or the egg there, because they could just as easily be the ones going like oh shit, like okay, well, this is what we need to conform to now.
Well, you've seen the trends, right there have been since Chloe and Kim and the girls came out with the big butts and the Brazilian butt lift kind of vibe the surgical trend like yeah, there is no denying it. It's skyrocketed. Now in the last eighteen months, oh yeah, probably eighteen months, we've seen Chloe and Kim both start to shrink back to these very very lean, small women, which you know, they're still beautiful. Like we're not saying
there's anything wrong with any shape. We're just saying the shape shifting that they're doing. But I think they do have a lot of influence, like with a billion people that follow them when they get you know, like it's evident that what they do is influential. They put a lipliner up that's sold out across the world in five seconds. Everything they do people want. So I think that it's I don't like what you said before is accurate. I don't think this is going to stop. Social Media's gonna
get bigger. These people we follow and look up to are going to get bigger. I think it's going to have to start back at home physically. In home and home is in like ourselves, in our brain with ourselves to say, you know what, I can recognize that they look amazing. I can also recognize that I don't want to have to go and get surgery to look like that, or I don't have to go and starve myself to have translucent skin. It's just easier so than done totally.
And I think that the only way that we actually start to do that is by calling out situations like this and recognizing that even though trends like, there's nothing wrong with following trends. A lot of people are really into fashion. They get a lot of enjoyment about it.
But whenever we see a trend pop up, whether that be you know, like gut health is all the thing at the moment, whether it be that this new particular fashion style, like the Naughty's fashion is really back with the low rise jeans and the little crops and all that kind of thing.
This is where I will never follow the trend.
I'm not going back to.
The low ride.
I'm not coming back to the jeans. Lap and toops are staying well and.
Truly trapped in here.
I think it's like really important to recognize that even though you can get like there can be health benefits out of things like that, they can be really positive things like enjoyment out of fashion and clothing and all that kind of thing. I think it would be ignorant for us to not recognize that there is a really
dark side. And diet culture has this way of like morphing itself into a different fucking beast so that it's you know, the whole idea about diet culture is that They set these new trends in order to make you feel shit about yourself so that they can sell you something to make you feel better about yourself. Like that is the overarching umbrella of what diet culture represents. And I think it's important that whenever trends like this come into the spotlight, we just need to call it out
for exactly what it is. And while it is okay to enjoy the evolution of fashion and trends, your body is not one of those things. Your body is not a trend.
Diet culture is a very dangerous trend.
Anyway, that's pretty dark. We got our little high horse there. But should we get into answering some of the questions.
Some deep, dark burning questions, you know, all right?
Question number one?
Question number one. This was a bit of a long story that came in, but I'm gonna summarize it. This girl was in a relationship for about eighteen months with the guy, and throughout that time she had met one of his friends. Not close friends, but acquaintances. They're running similar circles kind of thing, but you know, they hang out occasionally. They broke up nothing, they completely moved on,
probably like eighteen months ago. Big time, and now that friend acquaintance and her have been talking and there's a bit of She's like, I have a real crush on this guy, and I think I actually want to go and date him, and I know he feels the same because of I can get the vibe from the way they're texting. Is she allowed to do that? Is there a time frame between friends or is it perpetually stepping on their toes? I thought this was a really, really
good one. Now it was obviously that was the longest story, which is why I had to summarize it, But they were the important points.
I think there are a couple of different factors that come into this. Okay, hit me, who are better friends? Is this person like a really close friend of their ex or are they just like an acquaintance style, Like I think that the lequatnce. Yeah, I think the level of closeness between them is important to consider because if they're really good friends.
If anything ever happened with the new friend, that'd be situations they'd run in the same circle. I know, it's it's a hard one because part of me wants to say if it was like a best friend, part of me would say, just you just don't do it, Like unless you thought that this was the pain and you're going to marry them and like live very long, happy, fulfilled life. I'd be like, go for it, because I think you know, it's hard to find your penguins, So if you find it and you really think it is great.
But this is a really tricky one for me because I'm thinking, okay, if you if you guys could actually be something and you're not going to see them all the time, they're not in each other's best friend's circle and might just be well, I don't know, once a month, once every two months, who knows, but there will be times you're going to see each other. So I think these two people have to be very sure that they really like each other because it is going to start some upbreast I mean yes, But.
Also like sometimes like do you just go and encourage them to say, just go and ride him, like just go and have a good time, and like you've moved on from Europe, right.
Oh, so you're I'm saying like, okay, you're saying, go and hook up and maybe keep it a secret hook up. See if the vibe is there before you go and announce it to the world.
I just think it's quite a full on thing to be like, Okay, well we kind of know each other through all Cayton circles and now I'm confessing my love for you and like I'm so into you. Like does it need to be that full on with an acquaintance. Probably not. If it was a really good friend, I think it probably would need to be at that level before you cross that boundary. But no matter what, I think, as soon as you do cross that line, like you're saying goodbye to the friendship.
The two guys are saying goodbye to the friendship. You mean, you know what.
Actually, the more and more I sit on this, I actually think it's play on. I think it's playing on if you broke up on substitute, if you need to, if you broke up that long ago. I think it depends on whether you want to keep a good relationship
with your ex or not. Do you care what they think, because as soon as you do that, as soon as you bang a friend of your ex, that positive pathway of whatever you've been trying to maintain, it's gonna go, like no matter what, no matter if you're just like, yeah, well you know how we broke up amount of time ago, like, you're still going to care if your ex bangs your friend, even if it's like an acquaintance friend. You're going to be like, Oh, that just doesn't see that well with Okay.
So my final verdict would be from what you have said and the level of closeness with the three of you, my verdict would be, if you really want to explore it, explore it. But I would be exploring it very privately. I wouldn't be going to making this big fuss. I wouldn't be rubbing out under other people's noses or making a public I'd be like, if you really want to with this person, go and see if there's something there,
See if it's there between you guys privately. If there is something more and you actually want to go down the path of maybe dating or getting to know each other better, then that's a conversation you're going to have
to have again. And then it's a conversation of as a whole nother question, isn't it if that happens, then do you have to tell the X in advance so that he doesn't run into you guys when you're out, or is it something like that's another question, but for now, I'm going to say, with how long it's been, with the level of closeness, I think it's okay. I think that's a very standard thing in a lot of places like here in Bonda, for example, because everyone knows every one.
There's always you're always dating someone that you know if someone else has dated or everyone knows everyone. So I think I'm gonna say, go for it, but tread very carefully.
Go and ride him, go and have some fun, keep fun. Maybe keep it private, like keep it.
We don't live, tweet it or stream at or privately, keep it.
On the down low until yeah, until maybe you think and you can keep it on the download forever, like you are not obliged to tell anybody. But if it's going to turn into more like if you're actually starting to develop feelings zero, if you think that something could eventuate, maybe just recognize that that connection between your X and you is going to be over no matter like, no matter what. Yeah, all right, next question, Hi, ladies, can
you please help provide me some clarity. I've been with my partner for five years now, we even have a child together, but I can't stop myself from constantly checking up on his ex on social media. I tell myself all the time that there's no reason to do it, and yet I find myself just curious about what she's doing. My partner is incredible and loyal and I have never had a reason not to trust him and I and you only have no idea why I feel this way.
I hate that I'm the type of person that does this, and it makes me feel so self conscious. I feel like a loser. Honestly, I just want to have this part of my life stop and move on. Any help or advice appreciated.
This sounds like, maybe like a watered down version of something we've spoken about before, which is retrospective jealousy, which is you get this level of obsession and you can't move on from a partner's X. Now, this is someone that you've never met, someone that they were in a relationship before you even came on the scene, sometimes before
you even knew them. Sometimes this can happen. You know, We've had cases where people have been in their thirties and they can't get past the fact that their partner was with someone at eighteen, Like really, it's a real condition. Yeah, we did a whole episode on.
I mean, to me, this just sounds like a little bit of curiosity killing the cat though I agree, but there is a reason you can't get past the X and.
I mean, at the end of the day, I think it's normal to have a level of curiosity about who your partner has been with, Like I want one hundred percent and think that's normal. I always have had a little lookxie when I've met someone new, but like, I'm really good with that doesn't bother me that much. I more just want to be like, Okay, who got your attention enough before me? Like what did that look like? What did that person look like? What do they do? But then that's it. I just have a look at
them for two minutes and I'm done. That's all I need.
And also I've taken a bit of a deep dive, like I could potentially ask them how their trip to Dubai in twenty twelve was. Yeah, and like I wish the happy Birthday America. It's really sorry to hear about your granddad. No, But like, I don't think this is that abnormal. I think it's a pretty normal fucking thing
to do. I think the only issue with this is that you seem to not be able to stop yourself from doing it, and you have been with your partner for quite some time, so I think that this means that there's potentially a little bit of an insecurity within yourself about something that she has that you maybe don't or that you deem that she has that you maybe don't like, whether you think that she's more attractive than you are, or she's more successful than you are, or
like she has more things than you do. I don't know what it is. There's obviously something that you kind of need to unpack a little bit about what the reason that you're quite obsessively looking at her for. And in terms of moving forward from this, I think you're gonna have to do the thing that we all find the hardest.
To do, block and delete BLA Black.
And I know that is something that is so much easier said than done, because like for me, I have to think about my exes with blocking them. We've just been through this. BRIT's been coaching me onto blocking the people that I.
Don't need to see in my life and your day care. She comes back, She's like, did another one? Unfollowed another one? I'm like, yes, queen.
Getting there. But I think maybe what you could do in this situation is instead of kind of looking at her and just obsessing over her life, think about what you have with your partner and the fact that you know your partner chose you to have a child with. He has chosen you to be with, so obviously you have something in his eyes that they didn't have before you.
Yeah, I think that's what you take away from it. You have the family unit that you have right now with him. He has chosen you. You are living it. So nothing good or healthy that can come from living in the past, and it's not even your past, living in his past. Like you're going down that track again. Normal curiosity to have a look. If you cannot control yourself, I just think block them, And I mean they're not going to know unless they're also stalking you. They're not
going to know. If you block them, she's gonna make it less accessible for you and you can start to wing yourself off it. The other thing that might be happening is you do need to unpack wide. But I don't know. This is I'm just putting this out there. You have a kid. You guys have a kid together, A couple of years old, obviously because you've only been
together a couple of years. Maybe she doesn't have a child, and maybe you have something, some deep seated issue where you're like, oh, she's living this amazing life, child free, and we know, like Laura and I have discussed this all on the podcast. When there's friends and I'm saying friends even though you aren't friends with her, But like when there's other people that are at a different part of life to you, it's easy to look when you're at home with the child, it's easy to look at someone.
She might be going out drinking, she might be looking banging all the time with her friends, and she might look like she has this really fun care life and you might be at home be like, oh my gosh, talking yourself, making yourself crazy. What if he wants to go back to his ex? What if he doesn't want this life anymore? Like, I don't know what you're thinking. I just know that nothing good can come from living
in this world, especially when it's been five years. It's just not healthy for you, No healthy for your relationship, not healthy if your partner. I'm assuming your partner doesn't know either. I'm assuming you're not like, Hey, it didn't other dip dive on Sally today she's looking great. So it's just something that the only person that can control it, unfortunately is you, and it's it's a matter of willpower,
and it can become an addiction. So if you've been doing this for five years, if you have been looking and stalking, you probably feel like you know her even though you don't like you do not know her. So it does take a lot of self control to wan yourself off that.
Do you reckon any of your exes? Do you reckon any of their current partners are stalking you on Instagram? I reckon they probably will with you, Actually, I don't probably how don't I reckon they'd keep that on that one.
I did have an ex, I did speak to an next recently. I'm not telling of it. I don't think actually, any of my exes actually have girlfriends. I don't think I know. I just don't think there's anyone to stalk me. I'm not that interesting.
Question number three.
I'm turning thirty and need some advice. Is it inappropriate to host a birthday party at a venue and ask your guests to pay forty dollars per person. This would cover more than enough food with a bar tab cocktails included. I would love to know where you've gone for forty dollars with a bar tab and food. I have paid up with seventy dollars to attend other friends' birthdays, example
a champagne breakfast or a set menu lunch. I have never take an issue with it, but now that it's my birthday, I feel rude to ask people to pay for an event that I want to throw. So I guess the question is, can you ask someone to pay forty dollars per person to come and celebrate your birthday? What do you think? Because I mean, I have my opinion.
I mean I think you can. I think the only thing that needs to be really clear in this is that you disclose that people are going to have to pay money in the invitation. So, for example, if like you know, you send out a message being like, hey guys, I'm having a birthday. It's Saturday. The blah blah blah of this day starts at this time. It's at this place. Great if you want to come, let me know, and then all these people are like, y up, see you there,
see there, see you there? And then you're like, cool, you all owe me money. I feel like that could be a little bit awkward, and also that would make a lot of people that are going be like oh okay, Like I feel like that's something you probably should have told us early on. I think it's the price of this.
I think it's really really reasonable. I mean, I think if you were asking for like an excessive amount of money, then it could be a little bit like, oh, well, I guess you know, if people want to go to that, but you also have to accept the fact that they might not be willing to spend that much to celebrate someone else's birthday.
I think this is totally fine. I actually didn't even second guess this this question. I was like, I would do that. Sure, I think it's fine to send out a mass text or a Facebook messenger or whatever it is, whichever. I'm sure you're not like courier pigeoning the invitation to people. But like, I think it's fine. Bag guys, it's my birthday, Come celebrate with me. Let's go to dinner. I'm going to book this place forty dollars per person that covers
drinks and food seven point thirty. If you can make it let me know, I would love to have you. You're literally just saying like, hey, let's just all get together and celebrate a birthday. I don't think you have to take that upon you to throw this huge bash and pay for everything. Like I think it's how you present it.
It would be.
Very different if you're like, hey, guys, I have charted a super yacht that is five hundred dollars per person. Be there seven o'clock. Like that's different because that's a lot of money, a big expectation. But I think it's different to say, come have dinner with me, you know, and help me celebrate. It's forty bucks, you get dinner, you get drinks. Forty dollars is like, Maye, that's value for money. That is insane. That is insane value for
money anywhere these days. So I think, don't overthink that. And at the end of the day, you have given the information, you have said, this is where it is, this is what it costs. I would love to have you. It's cool if you don't, like if one of your guests doesn't want to go, or if they find themselves a bit tight that week and they don't want to spend that much money. They just won't come, and they will make an excuse, and they're not gonna hate you
for throwing a dinner that costs forty dollars. They're just gonna say, hey, have an amazing time. I've actually got other plans, so I don't think you're going to ruin any friendships by But I think this is a pretty standard thing. I've gone to loads of friends' birthdays where everyone just turns up and pays for the dinner and drinks. I've had birthday dinners where everyone just comes and they've paid their dinners. That's just more of a like a friend's meeting up kind of thing.
Yeah, I think that because it's not like you're just asking them to cover the venue higher. They're actually getting something in exchange for it. If it was just for like a venue higher, then it maybe could feel a little bit different. The exact same thing. Or two weeks ago, I was on a boat for a friend's birthday and we all chipped in like seventy five bucks so that it would cover the cost of the boat. And that was great, Like no one battered an eyelid at it.
And you just if you didn't have the semi dollars. You just wouldn't have gone right, and you're not gonna hold that against you wouldn't held that against the birthday.
No, not at all. But I mean also think about all the other things that you contribute money to. You Like, if you go to a hen's party, you always chip in, right, if you go to some baby showers like events like that, it is really normal to be like, hey, guys, this is what's happening, and this is how much it's gonna cost. I genuinely don't see any problem at all with this. I think that maybe you are just the type of person that feels a little bit uncomfortable asking people for money.
Yeah, I think you're an mpath, which is great, you're not an asker. But I can almost promise you I don't thin anyone's gonna take an issue with this, and if they do, they're just not going to come. Then you're not gonna lose a friendship over it. So I hope you have a bloody good thirtieth birthday party with all your friends and you drink and eat your heart's content for forty bucks. Don't lose sleep over it, because you are not doing the wrong thing on well, that
is it from us and ask uncat produce. Akisha, thanks for jumping on the podcast today.
Thank you for having me. Now we need to go and get you address.
Literally we have hours. I'm in a bit of a panic mode because nothing arrived. This is to me a few times lately. It's been a bit of a disason.
Sorry, the os Post is not to blame here. You're late ordering.
You have seen how many FedEx pick up things I have out there, and I have a lot of things that have been delivered. Do you know what it annoys me is when they deliver things but they don't tell you when. And then they're like, this is the third attempt, And I'm like.
Well, you've never told me when you're coming. You don't even tell me one day.
How do you know what my.
Problem is now? And it actually happened to me yesterday. I was at home and I got an email being like, your parcel has been delivered. And I opened my front door and I was like, no, it hasn't. And They've put the parcels down the bottom of our apartment blocks and I'm like, deliver it to my freaking door.
Like I'm home. I know I have CCTV.
I am home, don't put a slip in the mail and make me come to the post office and wait for their opening hours and then line up to collect my package when I was home the entire day. I'm clearly getting very worked up about this. But while I am worked up, this is definitely.
Not sponsored by post right now.
No, actually no, they do a great jobs. You work really hard you were to get it. I'm just frustrated are this particular delivery person who keeps on not actually delivering to my door. But while we are on the topic of things that we are passionate about, the Australian Podcast Awards have opened their Listener's Choice vote and you can vote for Life on Cut if you'd like to know.
Even if you don't want to just do it, I would just.
Giving you the option. We're all about consent here and if you would like to vote for Life on Cut you were able to do that, you can go. I'll put a link in the show notes so that you can go and do that. It's also in our Instagram. Bio takes you.
Actually we timed it takes you thirty seconds. You just type in Life on Cut and then you can confirm it in your email, and we are going to ask you multiple times to do it over the next two weeks. I think we only have two weeks left until voting closers, and yep, it's the be all and and all for us. We would love you so, so, so so much if you took two seconds, if you love the pod, if you love Laura and myself or one or the other,
maybe only like one of us. If you love producing Keisha, Delilah, anything, any of the content we've ever produced, any of the guests, it would just mean the absolute world to us. Would be super super chuped, So thank you. In advance.
I'll explain why this award is the big one because the listener's choice is the only one that is not voted for by judges, so it's like it's like the people's vote. So you know, it's so legit. You know that it's not because like one person has a bad opinion of you, or maybe they don't like something that you said six years ago. You can't be biased because it's voted on only by you guys and so and.
You guys are the ones that matter anyway, And.
That's why we love making a podcast right, So that is why the listener's choice is like the besnies for us, and that's what it's kind of the only one that really care about.
And on that note, please keep your questions coming into life on CUP podcast. Just put us on the top accidently unfiltered. It's compli. They said that it's professionals, anything plenty that has happened to you. Keep them rolling in and don't forget to we Mum tayte, donk friends and share the love because we love.
Now, let's get married.
Takamata baby kaabaaaaa