Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander peoples today.
This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut. This is our Ask Uncut episode where we answer all of your deep you're duck and your burning questions.
I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and you threw me off there. I could see your because you always start with I'm Laura.
I literally I changed the whole sentence and britt was like what I do with my hand?
And it honestly goes to show you like when you're in such a routine, in a habit, just you just really throw a spanner in the works.
But maybe we should start mixing up our intros because you try and you used to cut me off at the knees, because look at what happens when we try and do it. There's a brawl almost breaks out in the podcast studio. Here we are No, this.
Is our Thursday edition where yeah, you're run any questions and we absolutely love them.
We have some bangers coming up.
We have one very juicy question, which the reason why I picked it was because this was an argument that I also had with Matt. Wasn't an argument, Look, I mean it kind of was, but it was something that we unpacked this week and then I brought it to brit and spoke about it. Did you to do with sex? And you agreed with him and.
Not with me. I don't even remember this.
You will, don't worry.
I'm actually like, what when did I talk about sex with Matt this week? I like, I feel like that's been a few four nights. No, I actually am am intrigued to hear what this is even though I've had the conversation, because right now it cannot pull it into the front of mind.
Well, before we get into answering your questions, if you guys do have one that you want to send in for next week's episode, or even one that we put on the radio show, you can write into our podcast, which is at Life Uncut podcast, Slide on into the DMS, just put Ask Uncut at the top, and then we have an amazing admin person now named Taylor who goes in and she gets all of your questions and she puts him into a spreadsheet, so you are completely anonymous.
The only person who knows who sends in those questions now, not even Britter I. It's just Taylor and she's a vault.
And she also doesn't look either.
She doesn't go deep diving into you, guys, just so you know, you are completely anonymous.
So you can send them in as weird or as wonderful as you want, but send them in for next weeks. But we have a couple of doozies for you today. But before we get into unpacking that, there is something that we wanted to briefly talk about and the reason for that is because you guys might remember a couple of weeks ago we interviewed Moana Hope and her partner Billa Carlstrom, who are having a baby. Moana is currently pregnant.
But the reason why Moana is so famous and many of you would know of her and who she is is because she is one of aflw's pioneering women in the sport. And she spoke on that episode around the pay discrepancy between female athletes and male athletes, and how even though she when she was playing in AFLW, she
was at the absolute top of her game. She was playing for Collingwood and she was one of the highest paid women at the time in AFLW, and she was still earning less than what is the pension within Australia. That is how poorly paid she was paid when she was playing in the sport. Well, at the end of the day, she was expected.
To train and perform like a professional athlete, because well she was a professional athlete. She was at the best of a game, but she had to quit the game. She had to give up afl because she couldn't afford to She was better off. She's like, I was better off to go and get another job and go on the doll than I was to play professional sport. But the demands were exactly the same as professional male athlete. Now this is absolutely huge news.
I mean it's still it is still laughable when we tell you the actual numbers.
But the AFLW players did win a ninety four percent pay increase this week, so this is a giant step forward. Now ninety four percent sounds absolutely huge, right.
But I think Also, when you think about a percentage, it just shows what that discrepancy was prior. So now moving forward, players on Tier one contract clubs will now get seventy one, nine hundred and thirty five a season, which is up from thirty seven one hundred and fifty five.
Which when you think if that being somebody's entire job and they have to sacrifice so much, sacrifice their other work, sacrifice all of their time, they have to train their asses off in order to be able to compete at a level, that's entertaining that advertisers want to put their money behind. It still isn't a huge amount of money, but it's a massive step in the right direction.
Well, more than forty players now are expected to earn more than one hundred thousand dollars, which is it's incredible, But if you still pull up the stats and the numbers that the men are earning, it doesn't even touch the side. It's because these guys are earning hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars into the millions of dollars, so the difference is absolutely ludicrous. We're applauding the pay increase one hundred percent, but it is not comparable. Well.
I think it's such an interesting conversation though, and I know that there's many debates that play out across how much women in sport should be paid and whether it should be reflective of the advertising dollars that advertisers are
spending now. Obviously, especially in sports like AFL, men's sport has been around for so much longer, it is very well established, and so advertisers pay incredible amounts of money in order to advertise alongside their games, which then obviously means that men are paid more from that as well. There's this debate that like, the advertising dollars simply aren't there for women's sport yet, and that's why women are
paid such a low percentage. But I think in these sorts of situations, and the big thing to keep into perspective is that it's a chicken before the egg scenario unless money is poured into the sport and it is made as entertaining as what the men's sports is. Unless it's you know, they put them on the same sort of platforms, unless they really hype up the games, put them in the same stadiums, all the other fun stuff
that goes along with watching professional athletes play. Adding that extra entertainment value goes so far in getting so many other people to watch the game, not just people who are interested in the sport, but people who watch it because they want to have fun. I have a fun day,
be entertained. And I remember talking to mat about this because I was like, I personally don't like football, but I will happily go and watch a football game at a big stadium because the atmosphere is so fun, the environment is so engaging, and it's like female sport unless they had the same amount of money being poured into it, can't compete with that sort of entertainment factor.
Yeah. And in another huge, huge landmark equal pay win last well earlier this week women in America. So if you play soccer now or football for the United States, you will be paid an equal amount as the men, which is absolutely huge. This has been going on for three three years, this case for three years for them fighting for equal pay, and this is really setting an international standard here on in in the soccer world and hopefully in the sporting world. We do hope that this
sets a precedent and it is a flow on effect. Well.
Also, it goes to kind of change that conversation, and it shows that there is shifting perceptions around women in sport and that women want to watch women in sport, and not just that, but everybody wants to watch women
in sport. And I think that, you know, as this new generation of kids come through, as a new generation of incredible sporting stars come through, they're given the opportunity to be able to play to the same standard that men are because for so long, women haven't really had the option to go into professional sports because the money just wasn't there and it wasn't worth their time or
their energy. Now, with that conversation out of the way, there is something I wanted to ask you, Britt and had a conversation I don't remember I had that the conversation you don't remember you had, and it's very very intimate. Oh, if you're dating someone and you guys have a healthy, active, great sex life, I still don't like, how do I word this? Okay, if you're dating someone you guys have an active sex life, just say you have a shower in the morning. You haven't done any X, Like you
haven't gone for a run, you haven't done anything. That's like you've just been living. You've just been wearing clothes throughout the day, You've just been living. If you then have sex, it's say four o'clock in the afternoon, but you had a shower in the morning, would you let your partner go down on you or would you not let your partner go down on you because you haven't just showered. Well, this is so intimate, Like how many hours closed shower until you would allow someone to go down on you.
I mean, I don't think there's a set number. I don't think I put a timer on my phone. I'm like, oh, you pass them, you pass the hour. I mean, I think the general rule is if you feel like you're you're clean, and you haven't gone and run a marathon, and you're not sweaty and gross, you haven't been worked for eight hours, go for it. If I feel like I have been working all day and I have gone to the gym, No, of course, I wouldn't want someone
to go down there. I wouldn't want them to go down there, let alone want them to go down there. I wouldn't want my partner to want to go down there, because I would want to reciprocate that, like I would not want to be going anywhere near something that had been sweating around for eight hours.
Well, okay, I don't mean sweating around. I think let's just take the gym element out of it. Let's take exercise day to day living. But if you've just been living your life, walking around, just being alive, wearing clothes at the end of the day, you wouldn't let your partner go down on you?
Now, would not?
Would you go down on your partner?
Though?
No, because I have a shower, But would they have a shower? What if you're like in the moment and you've just like you've gotten home from work, you're having a hot makeout session.
You pass it. I'd go straight to the end goal.
This is wild to me. So, I mean, I've had this conversation with Matt because Matt is very staunchly against it, And if I am not freshly out of the shower, like I mean walking out of the shower, He's like, nah, not for me, I'm.
Not going to do it. So it's going to be like a ten minute limit.
Yeah, I reckon. The guy has a timer. But he's always been like this. Whereas what's his reasoning? He just he I guess I mean this is probably too much of a measure. I don't think he probably likes doing it very much, So it needs to be the perfect needs all of the situations and all of the scenario needs to be perfect for him to be encouraged to do it.
I am literally now a picturreing you guys in a fire where you've been like, just do it, like, just go down there, and he's like, I don't want to, don't make.
Me, and you're like, force his hand down.
This is where my mind has gone right now.
Never forcing he would just be like, just go and have a shower, and I kind of.
You would be so stubborn that you'd be like, just do it. You can't have it this morning.
If you can't have me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my bed.
No half damn shower, Laura. Okay.
My reason why I asked this is because I have definitely dated guys in the past where it has been an absolute non event. If anything, I'm the one that's like, no, oh, I want to go and have a shower after the living the day, whereas they would never like it would never have been an issue.
I mean, it's just a personal preference.
Isn't it.
Of course it does at the end of the day. Of course it doesn't matter. Of course, it never matters. Like, actually, I think this all the time. You know, my favorite show. One of my favorite show's Outlander, which is set in seventeen hundreds in Scottish Highlands.
It's such a sex field show, right.
I always think this to myself when they're doing these scenes because it's very sex driven.
But they're camping and they don't have showers. It's back in the day.
They're not even camping. They just sleep on the ground, but there's so much sex and I'm like, when was the last time.
You got shower?
It? I always think that, I'm like, what, isn't this very e high genie? But I think it's just a personal preference. There's no right or wrong answer here, and it doesn't matter. You could go days without it and your partner might be into it. I would prefer my partner to be somewhat clean, and I would prefer.
To be showered and clean. I mean, you're totally right. There is no right and wrong. There's no right or wrong in any of these situations. And I know that there are going to be a lot of people who are like, oh, yeah, my partner doesn't care, And then there's gonna be some people who, like you say, I don't like it, Like I wouldn't want my partner to go down there unless I've you know, had a little bird bath or something in between.
Yeah, it's not a strong No, I'm not going to like karate kick him in the head to keep him away.
But like, yeah, I guess it depends.
On the moment and the person and the situation. And have you run a marathon or do you just sit at your office desk?
Okay, but how many times have you like gone on to go down on a guy and then be like you have not washed this very recently, and I need this to stop right now, And then you have to just kind of like go straight back up like that never happened.
That's why you just shower that this brings back.
You've just proven you literally just came full circle and proved Matt's point.
That's what you see. You are not good at this debating.
It's not I don't think that Matt doesn't have a point. I just think that it shouldn't have to be the second you get out of a shower.
No, that's that is extreme, Like there has.
To be some like an hour two hours.
Well comes into the shower fully clothed, like let's just do this now. Well the water's running, I haven't even towled off, and he's like, all right, time's a dicken anyway, Okay, I'd like to know how everyone else feels about the situation.
Do you need to be like very very freshly showered or is there is there some level of just acceptance that you will have with your partner if you want to get down to frisky oral town. There's a lot their time.
You bring the weirdst questions.
Well, the reason why this came up is because somebody actually wrote this in as a question, and the question was, my boyfriend won't go down on me if I haven't just freshly showered, and it makes me feel really self conscious. And I was like, girlfriend, I feel you. I feel you to my call. So it is good.
It is the thing people are running the questions in. There are lots of women in your situation too, Laura.
So what was your feedback and advice there? Brittany Oh, for her, for anyone, I.
Think you have to just respect your partner. I think you can't make if someone says I don't want.
To go down on you, you can't just say fucking get it, son, like you've you've got to respect your partner's wishes. And like we just said, everyone's different. If somebody doesn't want to do something, unfortunately, that's not on you to be like, well I'm overruling you.
Okay, No, And I totally agree with that, But I think in this situation, for example, that whole conversation of like I will only go down on you if you're freshly out of a shower, it's like, well, then obviously you just don't like evolver or a vagina at all, like you know, on your face near it. Because I don't agree with that you don't because I kind of think, well, yeah, like if you're only wanting to go there when it's like completely.
Mean, that's okay.
If someone wants that.
If someone only wants to go near genitalia when that is clean, that is okay, Like that's one hundred percent fine. That doesn't mean they don't like vaginas or volvers or giving oral sex. It just means they're particular about when they do it. And I think that there's nothing to be self conscious about It's just your partner's opinion, and maybe you can talk Tom about it and tell him why it makes you feel like that, But then you have to also respect why it makes him feel like that.
This is like a very much I'm meet in the middle and respect each other's opinion.
All right, Let's get into other questions that have come in. Hey, girls, I have a predicament. I've been friends with this guy at UNI for around two years now. We spend so much time together, get on like a house on fire, and it's safe to say I've developed feelings. The issue is he has a long term girlfriend. He's been with his girlfriend for a couple of years, and I have
met her at parties on many occasions. Although she's always been lovely to me and it's not my place to say it, although she's gonna say it anyway, I genuinely just don't think that they're good for each other. It frustrates me so much. I have found myself getting rather down about this lately, as I can't remember the last time but I clicked with someone like this, and it's stopping me from exploring other connections. I've been on other dates,
but constantly find myself comparing everyone to him. I one hundred percent don't want to be a home wrecker, so need to find a way to figure this out and move on for the good of us. All would really appreciate some advice. I also should add people constantly ask us how long we've been together or dating, so I think it's safe to say that there is definitely a vibe or a connection there that other people can see. Help girl, cut and run baby this okay?
I feel I need to break it down into a few segments.
Firstly, you are one hundreds percent biased when you say it might be just me, but I don't think they're right for each other.
You've been looking for reasons as to why they're.
Not right for each other and their long term like there are a long term relationships. Something is working in that relationship for them to be long term. And yes, I am a really big believer that you can be friends with people from the opposite sex. You guys are at UNI, so you're spending a lot of time. You obviously have things in common because you're studying the same thing at university. I have male friends, and I think that is one
hundred percent okay, to have. If there aren't feelings there, that's when it crosses a bit of a boundary. If you're in a relationship and you were friends with someone in the opposite sex and there's feelings, that's not cool. I do love that you haven't acted on it, and you're not saying anything because I don't think you can. He is an, you know, what, seems like a loving and long term relationship. If the relationship isn't right, it will end, it will run its course, and maybe you
guys can keep just being friends. And if that time comes and he feels the same way, or if he did feel the same way, maybe he wouldn't be with his partner.
Maybe he would end that relationship.
But right now, he thinks that he has a really good friendship with you, which you do have, but he obviously thinks that's all it is. He's in a loving relationship. I don't think you can say anything. I think what you need to do is maintain a friendship with him and that's it. But I think you need to start dating other people. I think you need to start looking
for your own connections. It is also easy to and I'm not saying you're doing this, but I have done with people in the past where you do form a friendship with them and you start to imagine and fantasize what.
That would be.
You've got a really good connection as a friend, and you think that, oh, because we have this connection as a friend, we are one hundred percent going to have ten times better of a connection if we were together. But that doesn't always translate into a romantic relationship from a friendship. So it is easy to sit back and
imagine this amazing life that you would have together. People are looking at you and probably saying or how long you've been together, But that's probably just because you spend so much time together as well. If you're always seen around UNI campus together and hanging out, people are going to make that assumption. That doesn't mean that the universe is saying, look, everyone else thinks we should be together.
So it's I don't know.
It's really tough, and I feel for you because it's I guess a level of love that is not unrequired, because I'm sure he loves you as a friend. You're in a situation where you really want to be with someone and you can't, and that sucks so much. But it's tricky it's too tricky when he's with someone else that I just don't think you can.
Even dabble in that.
Well. I think it is the definition of unrequired love, like, you know, because he doesn't love you. That's the thing, Like he's your friend.
Not romantically anyway.
Yeah, And I guess like the big part of this is, like you said, Britt, and I totally agree, you can be friends with the opposite sex, but you're not actually friends now, Like once your feelings have gone past a certain point, and you're thinking about what your relationship could be like if you were together, if you're thinking about, you know, how you navigate the situation, it's not really a true friendship. There's so many other things loaded into that.
And I think the only way for you to be able to move past it and to be able to actually find somebody else that you're interested in, have a connection with someone else where you're not comparing, is to get some space away from him. Because every time that you spend more and more time together as quote unquote friends, you're sitting there not really just being friends. You're sitting there thinking like, oh gosh, you know, I've a these feelings, you know, I hope that he thinks the same way.
Is he looking at me in a certain way? Is his hand getting closer to mine? Is he sitting closer to me? Like you start to unpick and unpack little things that he does in his mannerisms to try and find hope that maybe that is being reciprocated, And maybe it is being reciprocated, who knows. But also you're getting yourself into a really fucking dangerous situation. So I think the best way to deal with this is to just
put distance between the friendship. Do you think, Britt, though, and this is my question, do you think it's okay to say to someone who you are really good friends with who's in a long term relationship? Do you think it's fine to be honest and say, Hey, I need to be honest with you. I don't think that we can continue to be friends because I've developed feelings for you, and I think that it's just going to cause problems
down the track. So that way, it's a really clear line in the sand, and he knows why you're pulling away from the friendship a little bit.
That's a really tricky one because it's part of me that wants to say you know, yes, live your life, live your truth.
If you have feelings for someone, tell them.
But there's another part of me that's saying, essentially, all you're doing is going to him and saying, hey, do I have a chance I have feelings for you? So it's a really backhanded not sneaky, that's not the right word. It's a way of putting your feelers out there to see if he feels anything back without directly asking him. You're planting a seed in that relationship, and it's it's one hundred percent going to cause a problem of some level.
It's either going to cause a problem with you and him and completely and the friendship because he's going to say I don't feel that back, this is awkward, now goodbye, so you've lost that, or it's going to plant a seed of doubt and cause a problem in his relationship.
But I do think that you can't just keep on continuing with things the way that they are and hoping that you're going to fall in love with someone else, because when you're mentally and emotionally invested in someone and it's not being reciprocated, you almost fall in love with
exactly what you said. The potential of what that relationship could be, and so you're so you're hanging on to it so much that you can't invest yourself in somebody else because you are comparing you're comparing them to a friendship that you've had for X amount of years. You go on one date with someone.
There is no.
Way that that one date or that small amount of time that you've spent with a new person can compete with someone who you have the history with, the depth of conversation with the connection with that you have with your friend, who you've fallen.
In love with.
They're never going to stack up. And I think it's an unfair comparison that you're drawing. You're not giving yourself the opportunity to form any other relationships because you're so invested elsewhere, which is a dead end.
Have you ever developed feelings for a friend?
Yes? And how at UNI?
So, okay, this is you, What did you do?
I think mine was a tricky one because I developed feelings for him. I was in a long distance relationship and he developed feelings for me. But then when I found out that his feelings were reciprocated, it kind of made me not really have feelings.
Standard you like, why, oh you want me now you're knives.
Yeah, I liked him until he liked me, and then I didn't like him.
Back, and you're like, ill, don't like me bad?
You know what?
It fucked our friendship, Like, we were genuinely best friends throughout UNI and he's the fucking best guy. And I still see him on social media and thank god, I'm so happy that he's so happy in his life and we were so so close. But it fucked our friendship and we've never ever had the same friendship since, so I think, And that's a good point.
It does change things. I think what you need to do now, is what I would do, is just put some distance between you. Guys.
You don't have to, Like, you don't have to spend every second together. You don't have to go to every party together. You don't have to do that catch up coffee before or after your class as well.
Like, there's definitely ways you can limit it. For sure. You can start to go on other dates and meet other people.
Tell him you're going on another dates, Say I can't grab coffee today, I've got a got a date. Like, you know, he's in a relationship. If you guys, are friends, you would talk about that stuff.
Yeah, And I think the big, big thing as well to start to break down that sort of attachment is also to start prioritizing other people. I think when we are in love with someone especially, I mean when we're in love, regardless of whether it's being reciprocated or not, we prioritize them. We put them first. If he's saying, hey, let's get a cough, I bet you you were there,
like you're canceling other things. You're making that like your priority because you want to see him, because that kind of you know, that fills you with so much excitement, hope, all those different wonderful, positive emotions. But you have to start prioritizing other things over him, because he is not your person right now, and maybe maybe something might happen
in the future, who knows. But while he has a long term girlfriend, and while he's happy in his relationship, regardless of whether you think that he's in the wrong relationship or not, he doesn't think that because he's in a relationship.
All right.
Question number three was the question number why I feel like you went rogue with there going down on me questions.
So I just like put that as a question question number one point five.
Okay, I got broken up with about a year and a half ago, and I still haven't had sex since.
Or even been on a date or spoken.
To a guy.
For a bit of background, my ex was quite emotionally manipulative and would always gaslight me into thinking that I was the problem, making me believe I could never find a better man than him.
Because I wasn't good enough. Oh gross.
Now I feel like I have definitely moved on from him, as I've seen him around on nights out. I have absolutely no feelings towards him or whatsoever.
However, I still have not been able to have sex with anyone. I've definitely had opportunities to go home with people, but I'd honestly rather go and eat some maccas.
I honestly rather go and eat some macis and go to sleep. Even though I same girl say it feels even though I do think I want to have sex, I don't know what's wrong with me. I honestly feel like I'm asexual even though I actually want to have sex.
It's all very confusing. Please give me some advice.
You're not okay, I mean one, if you are a sexual there's nothing wrong with it, but like, you're not asexual. I think that we just live in a hyper sexualized society where we think that you have to be happy, Like if you're single, if you're dating, you have to be having sex. You have to be out there and putting yourself forward, which is fine if you want to do that, but it's also so fine if you don't
want to do that. And also depending on how you feel about sex, Like a lot of people need to have an emotional connection or be invested in someone or like have some sort of some connection before they feel comfortable with having sex. It's not about having one night stands. And I either really think if you've been through this traumatic relationship or you've come out the other side of it, healing is not. It's not it doesn't have a time limit on it. You know, it's been a year and
a half, and that's okay. If it's taken you a year and a half to get over this relationship and you're in a really great place and you don't want to bring anything in that could necessarily fuck with that, I think, like, be a little bit kind to yourself and don't think that there's something wrong with you just because you don't want to have sex.
Yeah, and you literally.
Said, I don't know what's wrong with me because you'd rather have Macus. Nothing, girl, Maccus is great, but.
No, nothing is wrong with you. And I think there's another thing.
We did an episode not long ago, if you didn't listen to an intentional celibacy, and it was a really really interesting episode. It was one of our life is that we actually spoke to and she decided to be She know she was in a bad relationship and she's like, I'm gonna spend some time on myself. And I think she started from memory with six months, but she just felt so good not having sex that she kept going and going and going. She lasted two years. And that's
a really interesting episode. If you haven't listened to it, so go and give that a listen.
It's called intentional celibacy.
But I guess the thing that we forget too is that we sex.
We don't have to have sex to have this fulfilling life. And if you don't have sex in your life, nothing is wrong with you. Like that's my first point. My second point is I think that all you're doing is listening to your body because you said you've been out, you've literally had the opportunity to, but you have made like you have had the opportunity to go home with someone,
but you've made the choice not to. And that's just because, in that moment and in that situation, for whatever reason, you don't want to.
So all you're doing is listening to what you and your body wants.
I think for you, what's going to happen is you will meet someone, and maybe it is when you're dating them as opposed to a night out. Maybe you are just not ready for whatever reason. I think the time is gonna come. But I reckon for you it's not gonna be a one night stand, and you don't have to go out and say, oh I'm just gonna get it done.
I'm just gonna go and meet someone.
Listen to your body, start dating again, and it's okay if you date for a while and you still don't want to have sex. But I think the time will come where you'll meet someone, you'll have a connection, and you will want it again. There is nothing your sex drive is not laying dormant like it is still there.
Maybe you can try and bring it back a bit if you want, Maybe you can masturbate some more. I don't know what you're doing at home.
If it's if you feel like your brain is saying you want sex but your body is not, maybe you can start doing things like masturbation. But it's I think it's just gonna come naturally. And sometimes we go through these ebbs and flows and highs and lowers. I've gone through really long periods of not having sex before, not intentionally, but I exactly like you, I was like, I don't feel it. I don't want to have a one night stand.
I wasn't connecting with anyone, So life just put me in that situation where I didn't do it for a while.
And I also think on that britt like, when you haven't had sex for a while, you also continue to not want to have I think like the more you have it, the more you want it, the less you have it, the less you really think about it, like
it's deef drunk. Yeah, but it's funny, isn't it. How Like you know, if you get into a routine where it's not front and center, you often find that like it mentally, physically it really falls down the priority list because your body's like, ah, yeah, we've gone a while without that thing, we don't really need it anymore. So I do think like if you're not having sex, that also adds to the reasons why you're not kind of
like your libido. I almost think your libido is lying dormant, like your libido's gone, Okay, well, I'm gonna switch off for a while and have a nap. I'm gonna have a nap. I'm gonna have a year and a half fliber nation, like it's been a long winter. And that's absolutely fine. And people forget or what people don't talk about, and I don't think anyone forgets it. When you're in
the throes of it. It's like, it's a lot of fucking effort to go out on a night out to pick up, to go back to some guy's house or have them come back to your house, to mitigate having another human in your space, and like hooking up and picking up, there is a certain amount of effort that goes into doing that. Oh, it's exhausting, it's and you
have to be in the right mental space. And I think after going through what you've been through, getting yourself back to a place where you feel empowered, you feel strong, you feel like, you have your sense of self, you
have your own sense of self worth. All of those things are so important before you get back out into the dating game, because I think you can really get yourself into a situation where your validation comes from other people, and your validation comes from how other people view you. And I really think like this is your time to focus on yourself and sex doesn't have to be a big part of it.
Yeah, and just lastly before we leave this one, the other thing I really wanted to hone in on here is it is one thing to say listen to your body. If you don't feel it, that's okay. But you made a point here of saying he made you feel like you weren't good enough.
If that is still something that you think, and if that you think.
Is still a big part of the reason you're not getting back out there, because he has made you believe you're not good enough, then like that is absolutely incorrect. You will are one hundred percent good enough. But that is something that we've all felt.
In the post.
We've all been made to feel a little bit smaller at times, or like especially after a breakup, there's so much negative talk that you can say to yourself, like I'm just trying to think of an example of things that I would have said in the past, like I'm never gonna be good enough, no one's gonna love me. Well, you know, I couldn't keep that relationship. There's all these things like that. You've got to make sure you're a
year and a half out now. If you're still struggling with that, then I one hundred percent recommend speaking to somebody because that is a cycle that only you can break within yourself, and there could be a big part of that that is holding you back subconsciously. So maybe you saying I don't know why I'm not getting back out there. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe there are some subconscious things that you haven't dealt with
yet from that relationship. That's a byproduct of that relationship, and that is also very very common when you get out of a toxic relationship.
Okay, well, I think we can get into the last question. I was swiping on Bumble and stumbled across one of my girlfriend's boyfriends on Bumble with a new account. Should I a tell her and show her screenshot evidence or be just not get involved in this as it's going to cause huge issues in their relationship. Of course it will.
Well, yes, that's that's generally what happened.
Point for context, for context. She is so lovely, but she's been really badly hurt by guys in the past. I know she loves him so much, and I know he loves her too. Ladies, please help.
I mean that is debatable that he loves her so much too if he has just gone and created another bumble account.
I mean, I am like, I feel like this is cut and dry. If you find your friend's boyfriend on a dating app, you tell them, you tell them.
If I saw.
Matt one of my multitude of dating apps, you I one hundred percent wouldn't be like, oh, Laura loves him.
I will just I'll let that one slide and I'll protect that relationship.
And I think the big thing in all of these situations, we get so many people who write in and ask, you know, like that they've found out about someone cheating whatever the situation is behind her, But finding out that somebody in your close friendship circle is cheating on their partner. If it was the other way round and you found your friend there and they were cheating on their boyfriend. I would say, go to your friend first and have
the conversation of what the hell's going on. But in this instance where it's your friend, yes, she's your friend, you need to protect her. And also, like as much as you don't want to cause issues in their relationship, you also want better for your friend, and you want your friend to know what's going on behind her back. And I think the big thing to ask yourself in any of these situations is would I want to know? Would I want to know that this is what was
being done to me? And my answer is yes, I would want to know that.
Yeah, for me, this one's really there's no fence sitting here for me. This is really cut and dry. You have literally seen her boyfriend on bumble. You one hundred percent need to tell her, and you have to be ready for I mean, we've I feel like we had something similar to this, like maybe a year ago now, But you have to be ready for the fact that she might approach him and he will end up coming back and saying it's not me, like someone's catfishing me.
There's going to be all of these things that'll come from it. All you're doing is deliver in information. You don't have to go to her and say you end this, now break up with him, he's a liar. Like you just have to say, hey, just so you know, this is what I've seen and I don't know what it is or what it means or what's going on, but like, yeah, it's this is the hard truth about it. Here's here's the photo, and yeah, I'm here if you need anything or what do you.
What do you want to do about it?
And the big one with this as well is is like how I always think this. If you are on a dating app and you see someone who you know who shouldn't be on a fucking dating app because they're in a committed relationship, screenshot it like just keep the keep those receipts girlfriends.
But now Raya because you get kicked off the screenshot.
Do you really get kicked off of screenshotting on Raya?
Yeap screen it's the most private little community. You can't screenshot, that's it.
So if you screenshot, will they know that you've screenshot?
Yes, they get you get you get one strike, You get a message into you saying that's your only strike.
Okay, So if you have screenshot one person finds I forgot. If you have RAYA, I've got a whole other tip for you. You keep it on that screen. You go and find somebody else's phone, and you take a photo of the phone of the screen, because I think like in these situations, it's so you need to have evidence.
You really have to be able to say, look, this is what i've seen and this is what I've experienced, because it's so easy as the messenger to be the one that cops the full brunt of this, the whole like you know they're going to end up shooting the
messenger situation. So I think, like, have the information, have the receipts, have the screenshots, and then you have to approach your friend in a really loving way of like I saw this, and I don't know how you're going to react to this, because I don't know what's going on in your relationship at the moment, but I think you need to know this and then leave it to them to kind of figure out how they want to respond.
You can also, I'm just like really thinking ahead here. I'm putting my detective hat on. If there is any chance that they're going to come back and say that's not me that's a fake account.
Test the waters.
Why don't you match with them? Like them and see if it's a match. If it's a match and you start talking, it's one hundred percent of fake account because he's not going to go and talk to his girlfriend's friends. So if it's just a random spicey I've written, if it's a random that's stolen photos and like this guy's hot, I'll use his account.
He's going to not know you, so you can chat away. So maybe you could do a little test first and.
Then take that extra I mean, like I'm thinking ahead, but that's probably what I would do.
I'd be like, let's see if it's a match.
I actually love this, But then what if okay, here's another snow what if it is the friend's boyfriend and then he's just swiped right on her because he's like I don't know, but you know, tou his life.
You would start you would just be like, hey, what what do you do? Nice to meet you.
You'd start fresh. You'd pretend you are strangers and play it from there. You would you were one hundred percent know the person you've made.
It's so sneaky, brite. I love this is like this is like another ten years this ship.
I have had every circumstance thrown at me.
Well, you guys, that is it. If I was in a situation, I would want to know. If you guys see Matt on a dating app somewhere, please screenshot it and send it to me because I want the want the cold hard evidence. Put it that way.
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