Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander peoples today.
This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of.
Life on Cut.
I'm Brittany and I'm Laura And guess what what?
It's that time of year again.
I thought you were gonna say it's that time of week again, and I'm like, yeah, every Tuesday comes around quickly.
Well, this is a Thursday episode, so that's awkward for you.
I actually have no idea what I wait, I'm like trying to burn you and I love that you just tried to like give me shit.
You threw yourself under the bus at the same time. What time of year is it, Laura burn?
It's the podcast of world it is.
It is time for the podcast awards that really crept up on us usually, do you know what I mean?
It's time for us to ask you all to stop what you're doing right now. Stop listening, press pause, go to our show notes, hit the link, and go and vote for us for the people's choice.
So this is like the Oscar of podcasting. It is the big, really really big event for us. It's the old logi of the podcast, the logi, it's the Oscars, the Academy award, it's whatever you want to call it. It's the thing that matters to us the most in the entire asking world.
I'm not saying the entire world my kids. My kids are more important to me, to be honest. You know, having a good night's sleep is sometimes more important, but it's very very important to us.
So what it is is, you know, there's a bunch of awards, but what we're asking you guys to do is the same thing we asked you to do last year.
It's to go and vote.
So, like Lorida said, it's in our show notes. You can go and vote and you just it takes two seconds. You just type in the podcast you want to vote for, which I'm just gonna tell you what. It's, Life Uncut spoiler, Life Uncut. And then the only way to make sure that vote goes through is then to go into your email and press confirm but that sounds difficult. It's not typing life uncut and then press confirm in your email if you have two emails, if.
You have a UNI email, sure go feel free, go crazy.
If you want to start a burner account just so that you can put in multiple votes.
We're okay with that. It's fine.
It really would mean a lot to us if you guys can take two seconds, because it just means that we can keep doing what we're doing, and it's it's something that's really important to us, and it's something that just look, it's.
The only thing I have, Guys, I don't have.
I don't have much gold for me right now, so I really need.
This vote, Okay, So I mean, please go vote for us in the People's Choice of the podcast towards We would very much appreciate it.
And you're gonna hear that for the next couple of weeks. Yeah.
Do you know what, We never ever, ever even make sure this for our own category, Like they never put us in the Relationships and Dating podcasts.
It's so crazy to me we beg for votes.
Anyway, Moving along, there is something that we wanted to talk about on Tuesday's episode, but somehow we took a really vague and.
Random root down talking about funerals, and did you just say root down? I don't think we talked about rooting, did we?
No?
But we are today?
Are we talking about rooting while we're talking about No, Actually we're talking about not rooting because penises are too large.
So we wanted to talk about on Tuesday's episode a documentary that's come out about big penises, and it's kind of weird that that's the one thing that that's the hill we're going to die on, and we decided it was so important we thought we'd drag it out and talk about it on Thursday. Well.
I just was blown away.
There really is a documentary.
It's not in Australia, it's in the UK. Everything.
It's a UK documentary and it is very absolutely named My Massive Cock.
How classy?
Could you imagine Channel ten putting on a doco at like nine pm called My Massive Cock?
Like?
At what time is this streaming on free to air? I'd love to know you would never see it?
But it's apparently, and I read this because of the tweet it's on a network four or Channel four or something, and they're like, what won't Channel four Air in the US, So this obviously is a channel that just throws anything under the bus.
But like, imagine that, imagine flicking through stations, just sitting there eating your dinner, flicking through stations. And there's a documentary called My Massive Cock that's on.
There are so many funny tweets about it, but one was like, let me tell you, guys that this documentary is not about chickens.
I will just give you a spoiler.
It is not about chickens, So don't tune in if you think My Massive Cock is about living on a farm, it's not.
How many people do you think out there that want to watch a documentary on massive chickens running around?
Probably loads, but.
I think more people want to watch one on massive penises. So it's a documentary and we're having to laugh, but it's pretty serious.
It is about these men that.
Have ridiculously large penises, and I mean, for want of a better word, it's the dark side of having a massive penis. So it's like, you know, the downside of what happens if you have a really big manhood.
Apparently, the average penis size in.
Australia is fourteen point foury five centimeters fourteen point four to five.
I'm in a hole. My fingers up. I don't know. I mean, like we need a ruler. You think that's average, Well.
That's I mean, I don't think it. I don't know what I would. I don't think I've done enough of sample size to know what is average. But one, so keep that in mind. Fourteen point five. One man that was featured.
His name's Joe.
He's twenty two. His penis is twenty four centimeters. Law, no, that is huge. And if you see the pictures.
Like if you guys do all this almost having sex with the ruler.
Yeah, but the problem is too they're not just big one of these poor guys. It is like before them will big guys. It's also the circumference, so they can't use them because they're too big. So Joe, this poor twenty two year old guy, he actually lost a job because his penis was so large, and like, this is gobsmacking to meat. It actually made me really sad he was in it well because he was extremely qualified for the position. He's a great Like I'm looking at him now,
this is Joe. You guys can google him.
He's just a much shoe he looks like a nice young I mean he's not a big guy.
He's a very little guy. He's very little guy everywhere.
He has to wear special undies with a pouch, so he like a kangaroo. So he has to tuck the penis in because otherwise the penis doesn't fit in his undies.
I like you call it the penis, like it not even mixtension. It's not his penis. It's just the penis. Because it's so big, it's got its own post code.
Well, he went for this job interview, and this is why it's really heartbreaking, because this is actually like the penises are so large is debilitating, which is hard.
To think that that is possible. You could put your finger up. You gotta ask something. I was gonna say, too much of a good thing. Yes, you can have too much of a good thing. So he went for this.
Job that he was overqualified for, and the employer mistook the bulge in his pants for a big, giant erection. So the interviewer was watching him the whole time thinking he was just so horny about getting this job that he had an erection. The whole job interview and the response from the interview was you're not going to get this job. We thought you were a good candidate, but
we thought there was in a proof behavior happening. So he said, they thought I had an erection throughout the whole interview, and they were very much like, your attire wasn't right. Basically, they're like, we can see you, dick, You've got an erection. You're a pervert, which I just think is really like, imagine the discrimination. Imagine losing out. I've just never heard of it, losing out to a job because your penis is too large, the job wasn't porn.
But also look at it from the other perspective. If you were an employer and you were interviewing someone and you thought they had an erection the whole time that you were interviewing.
Them, you would not employ them.
Like, of course that that's the terrible byproduct of what this man experiences, But like, at the same time, I don't see if you're going like, how could the employer do that? I think every single person who is in that position, who's interviewing someone thinking that they've got a raging boner during the interview, would.
Say probably a bit inappropriate, what's going on here? Totally well.
Other guys in the show, like other ones that have also twenty four inch penises.
An inch will send me to get you at far as it gets you from the other side of the bedroom. You just have to stand up. You can check the letterbox and we'll get you from the letterbox.
A lot of them they're like, I don't even want to go out anymore because people just stare at their penis the whole time, and like this is not funny. But a lot of men are saying, you know, I just feel objectified by women. They make jokes about it, they talk about it. They only like me because of it, so they find it hard to date.
They've gone to look at surgery for reduction. It is a wild documentary, do you know what. I find this really.
Interesting because I do think that there is a weird double standard for how we talk about men's penises versus women's volvers, Right, I agree, And I think, you know, as much as we're sitting here and we're giggling about the documentary as such, I'm not giggling at any one person or the situation they're in, because I think that that's truly fucking terrible to have anyway, I said, I have empathy totally, and to have any part of your body that is causing you to feel outcast in society
is something that I think is what a horrible thing to experience. But I think when it comes to men and the way we speak about male genitalia verse volvers, I think it's very interesting.
Like if a guy was to ever say like or to.
Like comment on a tight, tiny little vagina, we kind of are a bit like, oh, that's so gross. Like we hate it when men speak about volvers in a way that objectifies them in any whether it be positively objectifying or negatively objectifying, you know, whether there's a comment that you know that someone's leavys are too long, whatever.
It is, we don't like it.
But yeah, I think that there is an acceptance, especially within like you know, female friendship groups to talk about small dicks massive dicks. You know, I wouldn't date a guy with a skinny penis or a little penis. Like, I think that we do put a lot of emphasis around male genitalia and we also make that Okay, yeah, I.
Agree, I agree.
Look, my massive clock was trending. Hashtag was trending a lot of people have watched it. I think at the start when it first was released, seven hundred thousand people had watched it.
If it interests you, go and have a look.
But I think we are one hundred percent giggling at the idea that this is documentary. We are not giggling at these poor people. It's really hard for a lot
of these people to have the sexual relationship. Obviously you can have a relationship, but you know they've said it's something that they've almost you know, like when you're on a date and you have you talk about what you want and what you are that some of them are like they were like, oh do I have to tell I feel like I need to tell them straight away.
Like imagine having a penis that big that you're like, I need to tell you because this is like going to be an issue and must be very very difficult.
Also, like women would think it's a flex Like people like you're if you're at dinner with someone and they were like, hey, just letting you know, my penis is so big that most people can't even take it.
You'd be like a fuck off, mate. You'd challenge, but you'd also want to see it, right.
I'd be like, fuck, I need I don't even like that much Bunny to see I need to do it.
H You know, With that out of the way, I'm so glad that we saved that and came full circle to talk about it with you all. Let's get into answering all your deep, dark and burning questions. We have some real doozies and I'm gonna kick it off with one that Britta and I kind of when we read this we were like, how on earth do we answer this one? High ladies, I'd love to get your thoughts on this. One of my husband's female friends has come to him to ask if he would be the business
manager for her only fans. She has wanted to do only fans for ages, but is really terrible with anything business related. He obviously mentioned this to me and we had a chat about it, how would it work, etc. He has left final decision up to me, as he doesn't want to do anything that I'm uncomfortable with. Good Man, My initial reaction was a no. So should I just go with my gut with this or should I trust him that it's fine for him to manage her only fans?
Okay, well, I'm.
Going to assume her Only Fans isn't a cooking show, because we all know you can have anything on only fans. You don't, It doesn't Our natural thought is only fans is always sexy, it's nudity, but it's not always you can have anything on only fans. I don't think that's the situation here because I don't think she'd be feeling uncomfortable. So we're going to assume that she means sexually explicit content on only fans. Is that where we're going?
Yeah, squad, Okay.
My initial response is no, I'm not letting my husband do that unless you are an only fans manager, generally speaking, and that's your job. And then someone else has just said, hey, can you also manage mine? I think it's a pretty weird thing to go to a married man or someone in a relationship that just fucking manages the chicken shop down the road because he's put at business.
Like, he's very good at like checking the letter off parking fines, and you're like, you'll be great at managing my own fans.
Yeah, Frank, I've seen you run that chicken shop. You've done it really well. Why is everybody, Frank, It's just gonna happen. Now.
I don't think that this is a fit.
And I think if it's not necessary and it's not natural, I probably wouldn't want my partner to go and manage some other woman's only fans, because it means essentially they're going to be looking at that content all the time. They're going to give feedback on the content. They're going to be advising what to do, because that's what a
manager does. Unless they're literally just saying bring my cash in, like going to my emails and make sure the cash is coming in, that might be different if he doesn't have to go.
In and look at the intricacies of what the content is. I agree with you.
I think it's like, for example, if he's an accountant and this woman's like, hey, can you manage the accounts to my only fans, no problem, because there's no need for him to look at the content, Like I have an accountant. I don't even think he knows what I do. Like, I don't think he's got any clue what my actual job is. He just looks at the figures and puts it in, you know, tells me how much money I got to give to the tax man. Which is way too much. So I think if it's that side of things,
it's fine. But if it is actually that she wants someone to man need her, like as in, you know, to give feedback to, like help with curating content to because that's what a manager done to bring in more sales, you know, bring in more subscribers, like, you know, to
truly like build her profile. Then I think, firstly, it's very amazing that your partner had the conversation with you and was like, I'm going to leave the ball in your court because I want to make sure that you're completely comfortable.
You're looking at me like I'm saying punts, which I wasn't meant to I was gonna say.
I don't think that's amazing. I think that that should be like a standard thing in a relationship totally.
But I guess when I say it's amazing, what I mean by that is that it should be a standard thing.
But we know it's not.
From all the questions that you guys ask us, we know that like having gone down general decency and consideration for your partner is not the standard norm in all relationships. So the fact that he has been asked the question considered it and said, I think that this could be received poorly by my partner. I'm going to check with her and let her make up the final decision on this. I do think that that has some merit, but I guess ultimately, when I first read this question, I was like, Oh,
I think it's fine. And then I put myself in the shoes and I was like, how would I feel if some woman who I didn't really have a connection with asked Matt to manage her only fans?
Yeah, at the Star Laura, I was like, it's okay, and she's like, what do you think?
And I was like no.
She just started laughing. I would be weirded out by it.
I would feel like it's an unnecessary thing, unless you guys are in a financial bind, unless it's something that he's passionate about and wants to move into this industry. If it's just something to do because he's been asked, and it makes you feel in any way uncomfortable, which you've obviously it does, and you want to trust your gut instincts, and I say, don't put yourself into a situation that's gonna make you feel resentful or where you
feel cornered into it. I think, be honest, explain that maybe it's not the right fit for you, and just go on your merry fucking way.
Well, the thing is here too, and the thing is it is about your gut instinct. That is where this comes from. Like for me personally, i'd be uncomfortable, But there's a lot of people that this is fine. You could be so stable in your relationship. You guys could have the most beautiful relationship, trusting on a strong and it might not bother a lot of people at all.
To be looking at other women's only fans now.
But what I want to jump into that is you could have the most stable, trusting, loving relationship and it still might not be fine.
It comes down to your values.
But what I'm trying to say is there are plenty of people out there where this is okay. If you want your partner to go and earn some more money, because you know, only fans can bring in a big income, right, So if you're managing that you're taking twenty percent whatever it is you're taking, that can be.
A lot of extra money.
So if you are in a situation where something like this happened and you it doesn't bother you at all to have your partner involved in that go crazy. The reason where saying you know this isn't for you and go with your gut is because your gut has said no, and it means that if you say yes to it, you will be uncomfortable, because you're uncomfortable now. Whatever it is, there's something inside of you that's like, this doesn't sit right with me. You're gonna think about it for a
long time. You're probably gonna end up subscribing to her only fans because you want to see what's going down.
And I think you'll get resentful. That's the big one.
Like I think when you do things that aren't aligned with like what feels right to you and you feel like, you know, you feel like you're just doing it to meet the person happy, you start to get resentful, and that's a really bad emotion in a relationship.
We are big on going with your gut here.
Every time I have ignored my gut instinct, every single time, it hasn't ended well. And every time I do go with my gut instinct, it goes well. So I think that it is so intuitive, So you do need to.
Listen to that. Let's go on to question number two.
Question number two is to do with the ick, and I think this is quite a good one. My partner has given me the ick. In his workplace, there seems to be a trend. The work is below him are leaving within months, and I feel as though he is just too tough on them. He left the house at seven point forty swearing about a worker, saying I should just sack this cunt.
But I overheard the conversation.
I feel as though my partner is overreacting to the situation at hand. Moreover, my partner has a boss himself, and at moments he has overstepped his superior Am I wrong to have the gut feeling telling me I don't want to be with him long term if this is the way that he treats others. I find him overtly rude to others and it doesn't sit right with me. On another note, my partner has no time or patience for his mum. Is this an orange or red flag?
Okay? For me, this is a huge red I mean, like we know sometimes I'm color blind, but this is a huge red flag.
My I've always said one of my biggest turn offs is when example, on a first date, when somebody doesn't treat the weight staff well or they're rude to like a patron or another customer or whatever. That to me, I would walk out if someone was rude to somebody like that. If I saw my partner literally abusing people that I genuinely thought was unnecessary, swearing at them like the C word, I.
Don't think he sware at them. He swore off the phone like he had a phone call with them. They hung up, and then he was like, oh, I should fly that, but she has We don't say that.
I'm sorry. The thing is here. She has said it is not right.
Like the punishment he doesn't equal the crime, which I think is a really big thing. He's overreacting, making people feel shit and abusing people all the time and having these conversations firing people. People are quitting because they're so uncomfortable around him. For me, that's a really big turn off. So that is definitely whether you have to have a conversation with him or whether you've literally it's too far gone,
you've got the ick. But I think that is a pretty justifiable flag, Like I don't think that you're overreacting by saying, is it okay to be turned off by this?
Yes?
I think it's very okay to watch how human you have chosen treats other humans in a way that you don't agree with. For me, that is something you have to live with every single day. It's a big part of who somebody is. I think you can tell a lot about a person with how they treat other people, how they treat animals, just through the animals in there.
Because I'm dog blah blah. I don't think he called any animals cun no, but.
That's I definitely judge someone on how they treat other people and animals. And if I look at that and I think that they're he's treating someone unnecessarily, it's up to you what you do with that, though. I don't know if you can just have a conversation and be like, yo, do you think you're overreacting? Or maybe the ick is already settled deep deep inside of you and you can't get rid of it, like and your liver.
I mean, we all know that it is hard to get rid of it once it's in there, once it's happened. Okay, Can I agree with everything that you've said, But I really do, But I want to play devil's advocate a little bit in this situation. I don't condone being rude or being nasty to anybody, you know. I think that there's definitely people who are very toxic in a workplace and they're impossible to work with. My only consideration to this is I think people just assume that everybody is
good at being in a managerial role. Some people are truly terrible managers. They can't manage people. They are very good at doing the job, but then when they get into a position of managerial they just flail around and don't actually know what is needed in order to support their staff. They need our friend from OnlyFans. They need to need a manager, need a manager. But no, it's not everybody is a good manager. They just truly aren't.
And I think that when you are not a good manager, but you're put in the position of managing people and managing teams, it can bring out the worst side of you. And so I wonder, is he under an unusual amount
of stress at work? Is he failing and therefore the pressure of that he's taking it out on his team, which there's no excuse for that, But I think maybe before you just decide to, like, you know, rip the relationship apart and move away from it because of the way he's treating people, have a conversation with him more so around like is he struggling, is he not in an industry that he enjoys? Does he not feel fulfilled
in his workplace? I think there's more parts of this that you can actually try and get to better understand before you just make the assumption that he's a shitty and bad person.
Because if this behavior.
Isn't consistent with how he treats his friends, for example, then I think that that is also a bit of a flag.
There.
The question about his mum and him not getting along with his mum, I don't think that that's necessarily an orange or red flag. There are a lot of people who don't get along with her parents, or who have complicated relationships with their parents because of many things that have happened in their childhood, and so I think unless you know that his mum is a great person, that there's nothing there, like there's nothing wrong, there's no issue, he just has no tolerance for her, then that's a
very different situation. I think lacking toler rance and lacking respect towards someone, then that's the orange and red flag.
Yeah, I mean like and maybe we will disagree a little bit on this one, Laura, which is totally fine. The only thing I disagree with you on is for me, it's not a real even if he is stressed, he's not in the job that he likes, he has trouble every day with it because he's unhappy. I couldn't care less. That's not an excuse for me for how you treat other people. It's just not something that I want to align myself with. I don't care about the level of stress he has. That doesn't give you a right to
take it out on other people. And that is it's a personal opinion, but I'm very very big on how people speak and.
Treat to people.
I agree with that, but I think like that's too much of a perfect picture. I think like to say that when someone's stressed or anxious or feeling like all of the overwhelming feelings, that they should still be on their best behavior to everyone else in a perfect world. Yes, but we know that that's just not the case. And does that mean that that person is a fucking undateable unlovable person.
I don't know if I agree with that. I just think it's maybe, in this instance, getting to the root cause of it.
And if there is no root cause of it, if that's just how he is, if he lacks patience and tolerance, then that's when I would say, one, get out of that, because that's only going to be turned inwood in your relationship once the honeymoon phase and the excitement of you being a new thing fades away.
Well, you've also said I find him overly rude to others. Guess what you can do is I mean the ick, you've got the ick. You've said that, you said the start with my partner has given me the ick, and.
No one wants to date someone who's just rude. That's terrible.
I think what you can do here is say to him, give him the benefit of the doubt, like Laurie just said, because here's your partner. We have spoken about the eck in the past. It can be reversed, not often, not easily, and not easily, but it can. I've never had the eck reverse ever. Once the e is there for me, it's like settled in. What you can do is say to him you overheard his conversation, he said, I definitely
feel like he was overreacting. I don't feel like again the punishment and crime matched have that conversation with him to say, do you think you're overreacting in that conversation I heard what you're your conversation with Bill on the phone. Do you think you're overreacting because you've given him time. Then it's been a day, a week, two weeks, whatever. You give me time to think about it and calm down. So if he still then says, no, beat beat beat
beat bee, but I wasn't overreacting. He's a dickhead and you still strongly disagree with that, Well there's your answer. You're not gonna reverse the ick This is what he is, this is who he is. That's fine for him, but that doesn't mean it has to be okay with you. You one hundred percent have to have morals in alignment or this will happen for the rest of existence.
Also, I think, like, as much as I'm trying to play Devil's advocate, just to look at it from both sides, I think it is very telling somebody who uses language like calling one of their employees a c unts, but I mean, that's pretty bloody gross, Like, there's no denying that. That's a pretty disgusting way of behaving.
I was on a date last week. I told you guys about it. I didn't tell you about it. I said, I went on a date and we had a conversation.
So you you specifically said that you wouldn't tell us about it because it was a great date.
Then you don't want him to be like outed, yeah, and then to never show up again. I was cringing, see him tomorrow night? Oh no, do we tell everyone he's gonna run for the hills.
No.
But one thing that I thought was really great in that we had a conversation about deal breakers.
Which he brought up. He was it's very emotionally mature. I loved it.
He brought up deal breakers and one of my deal breakers, I literally said, was an excessive amount of swearing, but particularly the SEA word. So for me, people that drop the C word and it's just personal.
I know.
I know a lot of people out there say it like it's a throwaway comment and they say it to their mates and that's fine, but for me, it makes my skin crawl. It makes me feel physically unwell. If my partner was dropping that word in front of other people, my family, I couldn't do it. I could not have them I would it's a deal breaker. So it's funny that this has come up now, that particular word, because I put it in a date deal breaker this week.
I don't have a particular I mean, you guys are all well aware of this. I don't have a particular problem with the F word. No, I mean that's okay. I think it's fine.
Also, if you listen to our Tuesday episode, I'm very sorry, and holy hell, britten nice for a lot on that episode.
You did too, you swearing like an absolutely sail.
We were just having the best time when we were just like laughing laugh fuck like fuck.
But no, when it comes, I think there are some words, and for some people the F word is definitely a word that's like two crass that they don't like it, and that's fine, And I think for some people the limit sits further along me the same thing. I won't say the word again, c unt like gross, absolutely gross. I can't like, there's no part of me that would ever deem that okay. And also I don't move in circles with people who use that casually either.
Well, I was dating a guy a couple of months ago and he's an English guy and he said it all the time, and he never said in England though, Well that's the thing he said. I brought it up with him and I said, hey, I just I really hate that word. And he throws around left right center. But you can tell the way they throw it around with their friends that it didn't have any malice to it.
It was like, oh, I'm going down to the.
That was a bit irish, but like the way that he did it. We had a conversation. I said, I don't like this because I wouldn't been able to keep dating him, and he and you didn't and we didn't.
That was wild. I don't know his co workers listened to this, so I'm not going to say too much more.
But we had a pretty good conversation about it, he said. He explained that he said, oh, I'm sorry, I'll stop saying it if you like, but just so you know, in England this is really normal. It doesn't really mean what it means for you guys like it's just a fun banter and you have to I guess, have a level of acceptance. Right, We've grown up differently, so the word doesn't mean the same thing there. But I still I still couldn't have and don't and I am not dating him.
You missed it when you're away filming the challenge, which comes out very soon.
Oh my god, guys, next Monday night, you guys need to check. Comes down next Monday night, Next Monday night in the fourteenth.
That's not next next Monday night.
This is coming out this Thursday, and next Monday Night is not the fourteenth because that's after my wedding.
Okay, Brittany is very bad at knowing what day of the week it is this week on this episode, I have no idea right where I am you what you're saying is like the following Monday night.
Yes, so Monday the fourteenth. Please, I'm going to need your all of your support.
That's all I'm gonna say.
After my wedding, Brittany is going to be on TV running around doing the challenge.
Yeah, you're gonna come here for Oh you might be on any honeymoon, but I'm like, come here for the premier night.
Okay, Okay, I reckon.
We have answered that as best we can now. Question number three, which is the last question.
My partner idolizes his father, but I see a different side. His father has split with my partner's mum and has since become sleezy, while also being bitter in general to all women. Oh that's attractive, cute love that this includes my opinions, don't matter. He will hit on me when he's drunk, which is often take all my very clear jokes personally as an insult, raises his voice at me, bad mouths his ex wife in front of me, calls women fat, etc.
You get the picture. He's also a dead set boken.
I have tried talking to my bartner about this and he says, you just need to get to know him more. So I have, and these trends are persistent. Am I wrong to second guess my relationship with my partner purely based on my potential father in law? She's literally questioning her entire relationship because of how much of a dick his dad is.
That's big, look, I mean, there's a few factors for this. I think depends on the frequency of which you spend time with the father in law, Like is he living at home? Do you have to see him every day? Do you see him once every six months. Like, I think frequency is a very very big part of this conversation. Let's assume I'm going to make a number up. Let's assume you see him every second weekend.
I reckon, it's once a week.
I got, let's go at once a week. The difficult thing is is that like a lot of people idolize their parents, right, Like, even if their parents have problematic things or viewpoints or whatever, a lot of people can brush past that and see past that because they obviously have such a strong and long standing connection with their parents.
It's their parents.
So it's probably very hard for him to take on criticism for his dad. Also, when his dad has just gone through a divorce, your partner's probably giving a lot of allowances for his dad and for the behavior, because he can probably say, oh, well, you know, like dad's been going through a hard time, so just go easy on him.
You'll get to know him, it'll be better.
So I guess, like I wouldn't necessarily be throwing away my entire relationship just because I don't like my father in law. I don't think that someone's parents have to be an indication of who that person is, Like I think personally, I'm very very different to my parents. I mean, there's parts of me that I think similar, but like, ultimately I think I'm quite a different person. So I don't think that you have to be the carbon copy
of your parents. But I guess like the big part of this is is if your partner emulates the misogynistic and problematic graces that your father in law has, or if you think that that's something that you identify in him, then that, for me is where I would be having a bigger issue.
Like I don't think so much that my issue would be with the father in laws.
I think I could separate the two, but my issue would be, like does my partner behave like him?
Is my partner going to turn into him? Is that the issue?
One hundred percent agree? The issue here is, I mean, you don't have to go to family events if you don't want to. In the future, you can remove yourself. If you guys just clash. If you guys are clashing, it's going to be obvious to everyone else you're clashing. It's going to be obvious to your partner that you're clashing. My issue here is is he giving too much leeway to his dad, And if he thinks what his dad is doing is okay, So is he saying, oh, look,
I know he does this. He's a rough diamond. I know he calls people fat, but he's joking. It's okay. If does he not agree with it, but let's slide, or does he think it's okay, Because if he thinks that his dad's behavior is okay from what you've said, because his behavior absolutely is not okay, then there's a problem. If you have told your partner that his dad hits on you all the time, which.
Is gross, like unbelievably gross.
Yeah, all the time when he's drinking and drunk, and your partner is okay with that, then there's I think there's fundamentally something wrong with the relationship, with a relationship with the son and dad and with a relationship with you and your partner.
But do you think that maybe your partner thinks, like, no, he's not, like, that's just what he's like, like, that's not hitting on you, Like, do you think it's more that your partner thinks that you're interpreting.
The way that his dad is incorrectly.
Well, the thing is that's irrelevant what he's interpreting is irrelevant to what you're feeling. If you have said, if you have said to your partner, I think your dad is hitting on me. I feel very uncomfortable and this happens all the time, and your partner still is like, it's cool, it's fine, it's just how he is.
That's the problem.
You have said, I'm extremely unco comfortable in this situation, like no parent should be hitting on their kid's partner.
But I guess, like my only thing is is that it's probably hard for him to believe it. Like, for example, imagine if you were dating someone and they said, haybrid, I think your mum is hitting on me.
You would be like, my mom's just being nice to you.
Well, first, I'd like, as if totally, So I think he's in denial at this point in time, because it would be unfathomable, I think, to most people to think.
That their parent was hitting on their partner. Yeah, I just went deep. Then in my head.
Could you imagine could you imagine if, like, for example, yeah, exactly, that you brought home old English guy who says couldn't all the time and he thinks your mum's hitting on him.
It would never I mean, my mom's a mill My mom would never do that, but I don't know.
For me, a really big red flag and relationship is if, like, if you've told your partner how uncomfortable you feel about something and nothing is done about it, especially something that is like sexual in nature. That for me, I'm like, Okay, there's only so many times you can say I don't want to be in this situation anymore.
It's very uncomfortable.
Someone very close to you is making me extremely uncomfortable if they ignore that, I think that's a red flag.
I've definitely dated someone in the past whose parent I didn't get along with in terms of like I didn't feel comfortable around them, right. I found that some of their behavior was like inappropriate, and I didn't like, I didn't enjoy the interactions. And I guess I think that was very different about my situation is that when I voice that to my partner, my partner got it. They absolutely got it because they also had a bit of
a complicated relationship with their parents. So the fact that they could see the issues meant that that for me was no longer an issue because I was like, okay, well, well we are united in the feelings that we have, and obviously we still would go and spend time with their parents, but like it was very much understood between us that we both kind of knew how the other person felt, I think in this instance, and the one thing that's really important is that you.
Don't feel validated. That's what this comes back to, like not comfortable and not validating.
Yah. Not only do you feel not validated, but you feel like your partner's gaslighting you, that you're either making it up and it's all in your head, or that you're making a big deal out of something that it's not. And I think that is the reason why this is becoming such an ultimatum for you, where you're like, well, can I stay in this relationship or not? And I think it is problematic, especially if your partner's dad is saying really misogynistic things, things that make you feel uncomfortable
making sexual advances towards you, whatever it is. If your partner is not validating the way that you feel, that's the bigger issue in this. Do you remember we had this just makes me laugh, Actually not this, but the thought makes me laugh. We had an accidently unfiltered probably a year ago. Now it was this accidentally unfiltered where this girl had been having this like really amazing sex and this great relationship with this older guy, and she'd been talking to her friends about it.
She'd be like, this guy's making me calm, No guy makes me come like this, Like he's incredible.
Obviously a like you know, this experience, but it was like a real daddy thing, like he was old enough to be her dad.
Yeah, he was a lot older than her, and like, age gaps are completely fine here. The reason this is funny is she'd been talking this guy up and how good he is in bed to her friends for ages and then she's over at his house and she's gone a bad town and his daughter had come home and they heard the daughter had heard them having this amazing sex.
Right, And then the girl walked.
Out after the sex and looked at her friend who she'd been telling how good this man was at sex. It was her dad and he didn't even know. So she'd been banging her friend's dad and telling her friend how good he was, but out knowing it was dad.
It's like, you can't write this show.
It's literally the most unbelievable story that I feel like people listening to this will not believe that it's true, but I wish it was not true.
It is so true. It gives us so much. Anyway, guys, that is it from us? Another ask? Gun, cut, done and ust it.
Britty doesn't know what day of the week it is, so it could be Tuesday, could be Monday's irrelevant.
If you're listening this when it drops, it's Thursday. I know that much. I want to ask one more time.
If you haven't, if you didn't pause the episode earlier on any and you have the time now, please go jump onto our show notes, hit the podcast awards, and please go vote for us in the Listener Choice Award.
It really means so much to ask it.
You know. Maybe we should put it in our Instagram bios so it's easier as well.
We're really going on, aren't we. What's once a year? It's all again.
I really want to reiterate, guys, That's all I got.
For me anyway, Please you know the drill, Tell your
Mum, tell your dad, tell you don't tell your friends when share the lot Because we love love