Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on d rug Wallamuta Land.
Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
I'm Brittany and I am still Laura. Nothing has changed.
I genuinely am concerned Laura our drugs this morning?
Everyone's feel right. Laura's unhinged again. You have what is it again again? That time of the month.
Everyone, Something's not right Kisha and I can't work it out. She's either stayed awake all night like you've been partying. We all went out to dinner last night at a lovely night, a couple of cocktails deep. But something's not right with you today and I can't look it. You are white. You just threw your phone on the cement floor, like across the room.
It's carpeted. Its probably underneath, but it's carpet on cement. You just heard that. I'm just testing, do you know why? Because influencers pissed me off. I got pissed off by an influencer and I saw and that I had to react to my phone viscerally.
How do you feel saying that statement, though, when you are an influencer and I.
Noticed myself off sometimes too, Oh Claw, I am concerned for your welfare right now.
I actually have never in my four and a half years, I've never seen like this.
It looks like you've done been doing pinions all night or something, and I've never done a PingER.
I don't actually know what that is, but I feel like, never, never in my entire life have I tried a PingER?
No, I hand on heart. I think we had very different twenties, Laura. No, to be fair, I was pretty good, pretty good, not as good as you good. I look at my twenties and I'm like, if my daughters were as good as I was in my twenties. I mean, I hope that they make better relationship choices, but if they're as well behaved as I was in my twenties, then I'd be happy. I'd be like, job well done.
Here's a question, how old do you have to wait for your daughters to be Laula and Marley until you let them listen to this podcast?
Never? They will never listen to it because they're going to Marley thinks I dance for a job. She got no idea what I do. Like, if I ask Marley, I mean she's only four, she doesn't know a lot. If I asked her, what does mommy do for a job, she says, go to work? But have you ever asked her what work is? Can you ask her? Yeah? She thinks I go dancing. Now she's a stripper. She's like, what she thinks? Mommy is a professional dancer. That's what
I do, she tells everyone at schooler. I think she thinks I talk, which I do, but I don't think she knows what about Yeah, that's interesting. I'm sure she figure it out. So you actually don't want it to ever know? Nah, I think she should listen to it. I can't wait for her to listen to the line, Okay, madam, blow job. Last night she's like, mom, fucking.
Gross, Like, I don't need to listen to all the ones. How You're like, well, Matt and I are going for it. And man, Marley's face came and stood right next to us.
Oh, there are so many stories she's going to hear about herself. No, that's the problem, though, is I mean, it's one thing to share your kids on social media, but then it's the other thing to share all the stories about their life as they're growing up. Because I mean, I hope that Mary will never listen to this. That's why I'm very considered about what parts of the kids' lives that we do share. I mean, I do think Mally walking in on us in the middle of going
down to Heyytown is really my story to tell. It's more me than hers. She's never going to remember that she's four. She traumatized you, not the other. I've been ruined from this, and she's going to get over it just fine, because I feel like when you're four, you don't actually commit any of that shit to memory. If it happens when she's eight, different story, that's a psychology therapy session right there. Yeah.
I don't know if that's gospel. I don't know if people should take that, but for.
Doesn't do it. What's your earliest memory? I couldn't tell you. I've tried to think about this, but I have memories.
When I see a photo of being young, I have memories around it. But if you said, right now, what's the earliest, I had no idea.
Do you know what? I challenged that though. When I say challenge my memory, go for it. No. What I mean is is when you say you see a photo and then you have memories around it. I often think that, especially for photos for when you're really young, I think we build memories around it. I don't actually think we
remember it specifically for what it was. I think I've grown up seeing well, I just think about this, this one photo of me as a little kid, I must have been three years old, and me and my sister wearing matching pajamas on the front doorstep of our house, like in Newcastle, the standard photo. Yeah, my mom's just come home. But I know the story the reason why we're wearing those pajamas because my mum had come home from Hong Kong. She gave them to us as a present.
I don't remember any of that shit, like really, I don't think I do. But I think I've created the memory in my head. So sometimes I'm like, I don't know if I can trust the stuff I remember from my childhood. No, I think that's right. I think it's a bit of A and a bit of B.
There's stuff that I'll definitely look at a photo and have nothing, feel nothing. I'll have a photo and I'll know a story because my parents have told me. And then I'll have a photo where I can picture parts of that day, their photos of been really young picnicking.
And then all of a sudden, I remember a ball. My ball got stuck. Yeah, it's random bits that you remember when it stuck out in the rapids and it was going away. It was a pink Barbie. I bet you it wasn't a rappid. I bet you it was a creak and you were just three. No, it was. It was just a creek, but it was a it was a tide. The tide was taken away.
It was a pink Barbie ball and my dad I was beside myself and I made my dad swim out.
In this to get it.
He on oysters, not it was a disaster, but to get my pink ball that was three dollars.
And I remember he had all these cuts on e speat, but he did it for me. Well, do you know what? This validates my other theories that you usually remember traumatic stuff way more than the good stuff. And I mean, if we're going to use you as an example, you lost your ball, so but I don't know, and your.
Dad hurt his foot, I don't know if that's my first memory. I would love to actually sit on this. I mean, we've just sprung. We didn't plan this chat, so I'd love to sit and try and really think about my first memory and get back to you.
But it's also interesting.
Maybe we can get someone on to talk about this kind of stuff, because I'm really interested in this.
What part of it everything? Memory?
Do we create the memories? Do we remember traumatic things? How can you distinguish if it's a created memory or if it's a real memory.
I think it's really fascinating. Also, the validity of repressed memory I think is very interesting cause obviously, like a lot of people unpack repressed memories in terms of trauma, but it's like for me, I find it very interesting that that can be unlocked, that that's still sitting there somewhere, but your brain has this defensive mechanism where it can go. We don't want to think about that. That's not healthy
for our psyche. That's not We're not going to move past it if we keep on going back to these repressed memories. So let's just lock it away in a box and put in the cupboard one hundred percent put it in the back corner of your little brain. Yeah okay, well, I mean this kind of links me into something I wanted to talk to you about because I know that you're a psychopath, brit and now I have proof, unequivable proof of that. Wow, okay, find the box under my
bed or yeah, yeah, yeah, I found the list. I found your burn book, your hit list. No, you have always been very vocal on this podcast, in the entire time of our friendship. You've been very vocal about how you love true crime, how you're sick for true crime. I will not argue that how you could sit there, eat an ice cream and watch Jeffrey Dharma every night of the week because you love it so much that it you know, it's something that fills you with joy.
I enjoy listening watching true crime out that's true. Yeah, but I don't think that makes me a psychopath.
There's been a psychologist that's come out. Her name is doctor Thelma Bryant. She's a psychologist, she's an author, and she was on the Mel Robins podcast recently and she basically was like, if you find it relaxing to listen to or watch true crime to watch other people go through really traumatic experiences. There's probably a good chance that you'll be fucked up in the head. Okay, Thelma, who are you to say that? Filma? Alma? What degree did you know? She's got a degree? Okay? Fair, Okay.
Well the problem with that sentence, Laura is I don't relax watching it, Like I don't sit there with my ice cream and masturbate and like get off to it.
That's not why I watch. You listen to true you're masturbating to true crime. You probably should do a little bit of self work. People do.
Remember there was a girl that called up the radio and so she masturbated to Jeffrey Dharma.
That's really not hecay. So I don't know if you think, do you picture me doing that? I never picture you masturbating. Want you to know that.
Well, now I'm offended double Now you think I'm a psychopath and you don't think about menisphere.
I can't win with you, Laura.
I enjoy True crime for different reasons. I'm just really interested in and I think that's really normal. But you have to remember that I don't think this makes me a sicko. But my job as an emergency radiographer, as a theater radiographer for twelve thirteen years, my favorite parts and this sounds bad, but the bloodier and the more gory it was, the more I enjoyed it. And that's not enjoying someone that's enjoying a situation high end trauma.
What happened to the person trying to help the person? You are not helping your cause right now. But I know I'm actually saying, yeah, I'm just trying to make you understand my interest in the human body, my interest in human psyche. I'm thoroughly interested in it and the why behind it and the whole idea. It's just maybe that has come from, you know, thirteen years of seeing some pretty crazy stuff, because I saw.
Some pretty crazy stuff in my time. Well, I do think overall, especially in terms of entertainment, we have become quite desensitized. Like documentaries are people's disappearances about people's murders. And we've talked about Jeffrey Dalmer series before about how there's this real blur between entertainment and true story and
where that sits in terms of an ethical perspective. But what I thought was really interesting about this is that this psychologist, doctor thelmab Bryant, She's come out and she said, like, if you're someone who does find true crime, like if you enjoy it so much that that's your preferred medium to watch and you don't go to bed feeling anxious or scared after watching it. If you can kind of listen to a true crime podcast and then go straight to bed and feel unaffected by it, you should be
asking yourself, why is trauma relaxing to you? Like? Why is trauma something that calms you rather than makes you feel higher levels of anxiety?
Okay, here's a thought on that I and I'll be trying to figure this out myself. I enjoy watching true crime in terms of I don't enjoy it like we just said, you know, I don't get off on it. I don't froth it and laugh at it. I honestly half the time I struggle to watch it, but I still need to see it out. I'll be closing my eyes and looking through my fingers, look in a way, having to pause it.
I fast forward parts, but I don't turn it off. Oh so, I mean you have a soul. I have a soult.
But the part that you just mentioned is I can very easily, I live alone, I can very easily watch that and listen to.
That and go to bed and not worry about it.
So I don't know if that makes me half psychopath, like half unicorn kind of thing, like half psychopath.
Fifty percent unicon fiftent psychopath. Yeah, okay, and that's the verdict. Well, I feel the opposite. I mean, I watch it. I do enjoy it when I say I enjoy watching it, like I find it really interesting and fascinating, but it affects me so deeply that I cannot sleep. I'm okay if Matt's at home with me, but if I'm then by myself, especially if I'm by myself like with the girls, I'll end up having the girls in bed with me,
Like I'll go and get Marley and Lawla. They want to sleep in their own beds, and I'm like, come and sleep with mummy, and I put them both in the bed with me because they think they're going to protect me. I used to when I was a teenager, and this makes me sound crazy. I used to sleep with a knife under my pillow because I used to be so frightened about someone breaking into the house or something happening during the night and not having control over it.
But I think for me that comes from my own Like this, psychologists was saying that if you enjoy it, it could be because you're comfortable in trauma, because you've experienced trauma yourself, because you're familiar with it and it's a space that you can relate to. I almost feel the opposite. I think I did have some parts of my childhood that were a bit traumatic, and you guys, if you've read the book, you know about it. But I think for me it put me on high alert.
I was like always like something bad's going to happen, and so I Keisha was looking at like a crazy person. When I said I used to sleep with a knife under my pillow.
No, I slept with a knife on it. I was gonna say, I slept with a knife under but protection.
How weird is that? I wonder if anyone else does this. No.
I only started it after I had someone break into my house and I lived in a house.
This is as an adult.
I lived in a house that had every single room had an exit to outside. Every room had a door that went to a balcony.
Or something like that. So there was in my head, there was so paranoia. Well, there were so many entry points.
It's not like you just locked one door right, every laundry, multiple rooms, bathrooms, lounge room, front door, there were so many doors and I to break in. They didn't take anything, but I reckon I must have walked in while they were there, and I heard them in the room and I heard them leave, and from I call it police go. And from that point I put a knife under my bed and this is what I do now.
Yeah, but I okay, Well, I mean the fact you still do it is probably something that you should go and get some therapy about. But like, I understand why you would do it if you've experienced a home break in. But I do think that there are people out there, and I'm sure I'm not alone. I get up and I go and check the oven multiple times before I can go to sleep. I get up and I check
all the windows. I check the door multiple times, Like I still, even when matters at home and in bed with me, we could be in bed, it could be midnight and I'll wake up and I'll go I can't sleep until I go check the doors again and I'll get back up and check the doors. Is that something that's increased post kids? Do you think or you always like that? No? I think I've always been like it. I think I'm less like it when I'm in a relationship because I feel safe for having someone there who could,
you know, quote unquote protect me. But it's definitely not a fear that has gone away. I still have that, and it's it's not by any means debility, but I need to go and chronically check things. I often, for example, need to go home and check that I've turned my hair straightener off. Even sometimes on days when I haven't even used it, I think I've left it on. I think did I take it out and plug it in and then I intended to use it. I don't trust
my own memory on things that I've done. That's interesting. I'd love to unpack that if I had some qualifications. Well, anyway, speaking for people who don't have qualifications, it is probably time to get into answering your questions. I mean, which you all came here for. Before we do that, we've got vibe and unsubscribe, and I have I've got an ansubscribed today. Everyone. It's the thing I got angry about that. I threw my phone across the room.
About okay, well, let's just take one big breath together. First, you go vibe first, let's go happy breathe in. Okay, my vibe, I'm gonna start.
My vibe is Arnold Schwartzschenegger. That's my vibe.
He has a new doco on Netflix and Ben wanted to watch it. I was, you know, like background noise for me. It's not like I saw it and I was jumping out of my skin to watch it. But Ben wanted to watch it, so I sat down and watched it with him so we can have.
Some bonding time. I was hooked.
It is brilliant. He is such an incredible person. And I say this before you come at me and say he cheated on his wife.
I'm not talking about that. We know he cheated.
He actually talks about that and I found that part interesting too. But as a human from his childhood to he was governor, he's seventy five years old. Now, he's a fascinating human and he's so.
Around his exploitation of like a dragonhandsman's of tape totally. He's taking steroids and stuff during his time of being, like, you know, an incredibly successful weightlifting champion. Well that's why I.
Guess I loved it, because you watch these things and you don't think these people are going to talk about the controversies in their career, all the low points, but he does, and he addresses it, and it's so simply addressed and so factual. And love him or hate him, it doesn't matter. But his story is so inspiring and intriguing, and he's a different person to the person I always thought he was, and I found it very motivating.
I don't think you could watch it.
I think anyone would watch and you will walk away motivated to go and do something different or something more, or do something that the idea that you've had for ages, you will go and start it.
I found it very inspirational in that sense. He had a very complicated childhood with his dad.
Prom memory his dad, Yeah, his dad, Because you've watched other docos on his page.
So the reason why I know about a bit of background on him is because when I was in my twenties and my longtime relationship, my boyfriend at the time was obsessed with him, and there was a documentary that came out about him then, So that was like fifteen years ago, and there was always things about Arnold Schwarzenegger that was on only because my ex was like truly obsessed, no interesting guy. He does have a really complicated childhood. Complicated in the sense of he.
Was loved and he had a family home and he had the food on the table. But you get where you understand where the drive comes from in the competition. He had a brother, an older brother, and his dad would go away to war, he was in the army, and he would come back and he said things like they used to have to get up as kids and earn their breakfast. They'd start doing sit ups and push ups and that was the dad was like, you know
the n Yeah, nothing comes for free. And so these were kids doing this kind of stuff and he would make them do competitions against each other, running competitions, trying to beat each other all the time, and it took the fun out of it because it always became this gotta be better than the.
Brother kind of thing. And I was hooked. And we've said this a lot.
In this day and age, not many things keep you on the edge of your seat anymore. We get so distracted you want to look down at your phone, or you watch something in the background while you're making dinner. There's not many things that you sit there and you're engaged the whole time. But I was engaged the entire time, and I felt like I walked away and I was like, what am I gonna do with my life? I'm gonna do another business, I'm gonna lift some weights, I'm gonna get fitter.
Like I walked away feeling really invigorated. What have you done since watching it? Nothing? It's like watching a Ted talk or like going to some sort of self help seminar, and you leave it thinking you're so inspired, You're gonna change everything about your life, like Today's the day you're gonna do.
It, And then a week later you're like, ah, well, I definitely in all honesty, of course, I haven't done anything. I've only watched it two days ago, but my brain is not stopping now. I'm thinking differently about things. And the one thing I will say, because you might not watch it, but I do want to really drive this home is he says. Everyone always says to me, well done, You're amazing. You're a self made millionaire, You're a self made highest paid actor in the world.
Your self made, self made? Self made?
He's like, I would never ever label myself as self made, and I always tell people I'm not. He's like, it's my most hated compliment because I'm not self made.
No one is. No one in the world is self made.
If you've done it, if you weren't given the money as a kid, or you didn't grow into money or things like that, it still takes all the people around you to help you. It takes the person that gave you the hand up at the start. He's still really good friends with the person that gave me his first opportunity as a kid. There's so many people that come along a ride to make you who you are, and he drives that home and I fucking love that.
Yeah. I mean I always say this in terms of like when people say, how do you manage so much? And that's a big question that I personally get as a mom who runs businesses, how do you do so much? And it's like, I don't. I only do so much because Matt does so much. You know, you can only do the things that you do because of the amazing people you have around you.
I mean, no, you do do a lot, and you do do the work, but of course there's help around you and those people that lift you up when you need to and hold your hand when you need it.
It's a village. Yeah, it's a village. So I love that. Okay, Well, I have an unsubscribed I don't know if you're feeling the same. I don't even know if you've noticed it, but I have and it made me feel a little bit cranky this morning. Yeah you did. Coming home? All right? All you motherfuckers are going to Europe. I know it. I get it. We're all heading away on holidays. It's midyear, it's winter. Everyone doesn't want to be here and we're
all going away. But the influencers are heading away. They're heading away on holidays. And you know what I hate more than an influencer on a holiday. It's an influencer who baits their audience and says, hey, guys, I'm going to Europe. Let me know, do you want to see my Europe photos or not? Because we all know that people are going to say yes, and you're going to share it anyway. But maybe they won't. What if they say not? They never do. Everybody always says yes. That's
your community. Of course they're going to say yes, they want to see you having a beautiful time, but maybe, yess what the limit is? Three off in apparol sprits. If I see more than that, I'm muting you. That's it, that's all they want to see.
Anyway, I'm my guarantee when you go to Fiji on your honeymoon week, I'm seeing more than three Apple spirits.
There's going to be an Apple Switches Day. But I am not going to put up a story that says, hey, guys going to Fiji. Do you want to hear about it or not? Let me know? Hashtag cute influencer. Okay, so I'm just gonna share it and you can all stomach it or MuBe.
Your problem is just to be clear, it's not the influencers, and it's not holidays. It's asking if people want to see their holiday content.
Yes, it's the fake because it's not real. Because when an influencer says, hey, guys, do you want to see my holiday content or not? It's almost more insufferable because of course you know that your audience majority are going to say yes. They just always do, like people who follow you are following you because they engage with you, they want to support you on the content that you do, and they follow you. Though, Yeah, very few. I'm sure
no one's ever going to get one hundred percent. Yes, there's a few people in there who are going to say no, but the majority people are going to say yes. So I feel like it's just unnecessary to do that anyway. That's my thoughts. Did you want to finish off with anything or I just want to let you get that out because it's really jealous of everyone who's growing Europe. I'm wondering if there was something deep.
I was wondering if there's a bit Foumo in there somewhere, because usually the stems.
I'm not going to I'm going to Fiji. Yeah, on your honeymoon. Don't be jealous. Yeah, I'll get over this guy.
I should have hoped so, Laura, because that was it's quite aggressive or scary.
I thought we lost you there. No, it's because I've seen so many people do it, just so many people people, and I'm all for a European go and have the best time. Laura. Did you answer no? No? No? Do you know why I don't answer no on a pole? Because I can see. I learned this the hard way and then I realized I can see it. Yeah, your name comes up. Yeah.
Actually, every time I put a poll up I see your name. You're always like no, you are.
To you, especially Britain, I'm like, no one cares, Brittany. No. The point down, the point I'm trying to make is is that people do care. Of course, people want to see your content. It is more insufferable to ask. Just share it, but share it mildly. Don't go over the top on your European holiday. Share a few highlights, share a few apparel springs.
Disagree, go fucking hard. You have saved up for that holiday. I want to see a hundred pictures a day. If you want to put an apparol at five am and seven pm, go hard.
I say this, and I'm going to share the shit out of fig. It's my Vivid. I feel like I went to Vivid because I watched your stories. I didn't go to Vivid, but I feel like I did. But I didn't ask people if they wanted to see it or not, just a choice. Maybe if he gave people the choice, they would have said no. All right, Well with that out of the way, let's get into answering, or you beat your dark and you're burning questions and I wish I was going to Europe. Okay, vivid, all right?
Question number one? Now, this one is a spicy one. It's spicy and there's three people. It's a menajatoir all right. After a night out, myself, my boyfriend of one point five years, and one of my best girlfriends, who is a lesbian went home together and one thing led to another and we ended up having a threesome. Dun't dun't d down. I told you it was spice. We had never spoken about the possibility of doing this, and it's
the first time that it's ever happened. Since it's happened, however, I can't stop picturing my boyfriend having sex with my best friend as I just lay there next to him, and I feel sick. Since my best friend is gay, I feel like it didn't really mean anything to her, but he is straight and he chose to have penetrative and oral sex with her. Is this something I should
be concerned about? Can we move on from this? I've tried to talk to him about it, but he's not overly fussed about the situation, and it's kind of devalidating my concerns. He just says things like, well, you were there and you were involved just as much as I was.
Okay, Well, sounds like a fun night and then sounds like you've had some regrets after the fact, which is okay. So it went out, got drunk, went home.
It happened. There was no plan. Now. The first thing you want to say this is.
Usually when you're gonna go and have a threesome in a relationship, it's something that's discussed, like you've spoken about it with your partner. You know what's going to happen, and Fennel talk about who it's going to be with. Who's that third person going to be? Is going to be a stranger, someone you know, someone online? You set rules, who does what's.
Acceptable, there's boundaries.
It sounds like this was just very spontaneous in the moment, which is great. The fact that you feel different about it now is completely fine. You can one hundred percent after the fact because you don't know what you're gonna feel. That's the whole point. You haven't experience. You think it's going to be one thing and it's something else. After
the red flag. Here is the boyfriend's response to be honest, for you to go and say I feel this way about it now and I can't stop thinking about it, and for him to say, well, get over it.
You were there like you were involved. That's not cool. I wonder, okay, if you're having a threesome, why were you just lying there while he was fucking your friend?
Were you all equally as involved because you said I was just laying next to him while he was doing these things, Like, did you, in the moment when it was all happening, feel as though you were equally as broad into the experience, or while it was happening, did you have the moments where you were like, I'm not comfortable and I don't feel like I'm getting the level of attention that I need from my partner to feel safe in this experience. Well, I don't think she was.
I mean, I don't imagine it like she was laying there like a salmon.
But I think it was like they were doing their thing and she was I'm sure she was touching at some point, and I don't know, maybe she wasn't, but I don't think she was planking.
Well, well, I got to work but this is the thing, right, Like, when you haven't had any conversations preceding a threesome, you don't have any rules, Like there's no rules onto how to navigate it, and so it's no wonder that you've come out of this experience feeling the way that you feel. And I do think like it is devaluing for him to be like, well, you were there, so therefore, like you know, why do you feel this way? Why do you have anything to say on this. I don't think
you can hold it against him. I don't think you can be angry at him for it, because he was just doing what he thought in the moment was okay that you were all consenting to, especially if you seemed like you were into it at the time. But as you said, Britt, it's so okay to change your mind about an experience. It's okay to experience something sexually and then go, I don't feel great about that afterwards, like I never want to do it again, and I have
feelings of jealousy or I have feelings of remorse. The thing that you wants a partner who validates that, who makes you feel like you're safe in the relationship, and he can treat this in one of two ways, and I think it's probably something you're gonna have to sit down and have a really big conversation about. In that the only way you're going to be able to move forward from this and not feel jealous or insecure about this is to have him make you feel safe and say, like,
I love you. I don't have feelings, you know, for your best friend, and I don't want you to feel like that again. So if we ever are to have a threesome, let's make sure that we manage it in a way where you're going to feel super respected afterwards. But the fact that he's not doing that is only going to exacerbate and make these feelings worse and worse and worse. Maybe he thinks.
It's so fine, and I say fine in inverted commerce because.
Your friend's gay.
So maybe he's like, what's the big deal, Like, it's not like she's into me, there's nothing to be jealous of. Maybe that's his point of view. Men often don't look at things the same way we do. He might not see that maybe there is a level of discomfort for you because he was gone hell leather with your friend.
Yeah, but I also think and this is just me. It's like kind of like breaking this down. If you were going to have a sexual experience a threesome with your friend who is a lesbian and your boyfriend, you would think that you, as the female in that experience, would be at the epicenter of that threesome, right, because your friend is a lesbian, she's not interested in men, she's not sexually and like, obviously everyone's sexuality is fluid.
But if you were going to just make that assumption, you probably would have thought that you were going to
be getting the sexual attention in this. And if you were laying there not getting the sexual attention and she's having penetrative sex with your boyfriend, there probably would have been a moment of confusion where you were like, oh, Okay, maybe there is some desire or sexual attraction to men that I didn't realize it was there, And you might be sitting there going does that mean that you're by
or whatever? As we know, it's not a stagnant thing, Like I'm sure she very much enjoyed that experience as it was happening, But I think that that is probably where the confusion has come from.
Yeah, but threesomes don't mean that everybody has equal shit. Often in threesomes are people that don't hook up at all.
That's what I mean. That's exactly what I'm saying. So if I was to have a threesome with a lesbian and Matt, I would think that Matt wouldn't be fucking my lesbian friend. I would think that they would both be having sex with me. That's the eye. I would be confused by this. I wouldn't.
That's me because I wouldn't, I guess, want to be hooking up with my best friend in that situation. But maybe there's the voyeurism there where you like to watch your partner to do it with someone else, So it could be that as well. Look, it could be a multitude of things. We can sit here and speculate as long as we want. At the end of the day, your partner didn't do anything wrong in the situation because everyone was consenting in that time.
What he is doing wrong now.
Is not listening to your feelings and not validating him in this moment. You have a problem with it, and I can tell you one hundred percent. If you two don't have a conversation about it soon, your ick is going to escalate to the point that there'll be no return if you already feel uncomfortable by it, and you
said you feel sick thinking about it. If the only thing that's been put on top of that is that your partner won't listen to you and won't help you get over that, I don't see away coming back from that.
Yeah, I totally agree. I think that you can get past this because I know that there's loads of people who open up their relationships, they don't enjoy it, and then they close their relationships again, like it's this is not something that is terrain that's never ever, you know, happened before. There's loads of people who have had threesomes and then decided, you know what, it's not for us.
We want to keep our relationship closed. But you both have to have the respect for each other, and it feels like he does not have that for you in this moment, or he's not able to. I mean, maybe he's worried that by validating your feelings that he's then sort of admitting fault, that he's sort of saying, oh, well, I did the wrong thing. But it's not about blaming. It's not about like saying, well, you did something that
I wasn't comfortable with. It's just about getting that validation that it's okay for you to have the feelings that you feel with aren't congruent with how you felt on the night.
Just make sure you double down on making sure he understands how you feel because maybe you've brought it up once and he sort of threw it away like it's fine, what are you talking about? So maybe really sit down saying I want you to really understand because it's all I'm thinking about at the moment.
It bothers me.
I want to talk about it really, And if he still doesn't, if you've been clear as day that this is an issue for you and you would like to discuss it and he still doesn't, there's the problem.
Okay, But what about on the flip side to this, what about the relationship with the friend? Like how do you approach that conversation and do you think that a conversation needs to happen there as well? Well?
I mean that depends if do you have a problem with your friend? I mean, if you know she's gay and there's no interest, is there a problem? Or is she by and there could be an interest and you thought there was too much going on there. That's where the problem lies, and we don't really know obviously, if you have feelings for both sides, if you have uncomfortable feelings around your friend as well, I'd definitely have a chat to her as well. But it doesn't have to
be this really big thing. It doesn't have to be this really big serious breakup. It doesn't have to be a like I need you to come over and sit down, but you do need to talk about how you feel, because no relationships survive without communication totally.
And I do think, I mean, maybe it is good to sit down and have that sort of like understanding around did it go the way that you had planned? Was it what you expected and was it just the aftermath of regret or was it completely not what you expected? And in that moment you were feeling like it anyway, but just didn't have the ability to or the agency or the confidence to say, hey, guys, I'm feeling really uncomfortable by this, because they are two very different things.
You shouldn't be in any sexual situation with anyone, let alone your friend and your partner and not be able to voice that you're not comfortable. So I'm hoping that this was just a situation where it was more regrets, yeah, hindsight and regret and then not realizing how those feelings were going to bubble to the surface, rather than allowing something to happen right in front of your eyes that was actually making you feel hugely uncomfortable and was damaging your relationship.
I just picture invited in a friend for coffee, like going out to cafax.
So that threesome crazy, right, But you know when you try and starte the conversation, you're like, yeah, that was bo douar. So did you love that? Or or so like how do you have the conversation? They say You're like, well, things got out of hand, didn't They like, do you do you go home? Like? How does that go down? Imagine? Okay, what I keep thinking is if you were a lesbian man, yeah you because well I'm bringing you home with me and Matt. Now you come home with me and Ben.
Okay if I'm a lesbian. If I'm a lesbian and I'm your best friend and you brought me home, I would think if I was you, that it was to have sex with you, not to have sex with Ben. Do you know I mean, I can't do it. I would think that you would be the main one I know, Like I would never look back at you.
I could never look at you the same if you would be in between my legs, I couldn't.
I couldn't. Guys had it here first. If I ever go down on brit the podcast is over. I love you a lot. We're never going to get over this platonically. Just stop dreaming about it. It'd be like having sex with my sister.
Also, I couldn't do it with you and mad like, I would just be hysterics.
It wouldn't none of it wouldn't do me on. I would just be laughing about the whole situe would go for fourteen minutes, all right. Question number two?
Question number two, This is an unusual because I think it's, Oh, look, I'm just gonna reach you because that's what we do here and ask Oh, it's something different.
You're gonnattack this question differently. I'm going to do something different here and read it. Okay.
My best friend recently matched on Bumble with a guy from America. Now, although he is currently living in America, they match because he has his status set to traveling in preparation for an upcoming trip to Australia. Over the last few weeks, they've been texting, calling, and facetiming every day and are totally smitten. They've even been discussing their wedding plans for this summer. Then she's put a few red flags as she's talking. They've been choosing baby names too,
some more red flags. They've also talked about her moving over to America because he said with his job, he would have to start from square one if he moved here to Australia. She said she knows it all seems crazy, but she's sure that he is her penguin and that she's never felt like this before and neither has he. He's coming here at the end of next month, and I'm just skeptical. Am I right to feel that way?
Or should I just supportive of her happiness. I want to make a note, she has just come out of a tumultuous couple of years in her personal life, so I just feel super protective of her.
I mean, we always like to be the exception to the rule, don't we. We always want to be the one who's going to have the really amazing meet, cute and it's all gonna work out perfect and they're gonna love this happy, beautiful life. Of course, you want to be happy for your friends. But this is a walking road flag.
But is this the meat cute you want that you've never met the person you married them?
Like, is this the meet cute? I don't think it is. Well, I think this is a meet cute. If this like, okay, I think it's a meat cute. It's a very modern meat cute meeting online. But if you were to meet someone who from across the world you've never met in real life, and then you've felt all this connection with you start facetiming all the time they come from overseas,
there's so much pressure around it. I mean, you know what it's like in terms of like doing a long distance relationship, Like the excitement that you have that you're going to meet them, that you're going to see them. This is that, but tenfold. I guess my feelings around this without knowing much more about the story, is like, I think you would be naive to just be happy for your friend. I think it is our job to
be protective of our friends. It's our job to hold a mirror up to things that don't always seem like it's too good to be true, because sometimes it is too good to be true. And like when you're being love bombed and you've been sucked into that love vortex, it's really hard to see the forest through the trees. And so I think it's actually really great that she has someone in her life who's like, I love you and I'll support you, and I can't wait to meet him.
But I just don't want you to get carried away with yourself at the moment because you don't know what this is.
Look, I'm the first person to say I am an avid online data. I have always done online dating, and I have done pretty much only long distance. So like to be clear, this is my jam. What I want to add to that is I think this is a red flag too. There are a lot of things about this that I think are alarming. Can you fall in love with someone in three weeks?
Sure?
Is it mixed with is it mixed with lust? And is it that real love where you know every part of them? No, it is not possible to know every part of somebody in three weeks. On top of that, you've never seen him, You don't have the connection physically. You don't know what someone's like. You've never lived with him, you haven't experienced anything. I think, to be talking about getting married after three weeks to someone you've never met, to be talking about baby names, it's easy to get swept.
Up in that.
And we've all been there, swept up in that fantasy of feeling the attention and feeling loved and wanted and planning the future like that's a that's a feeling that is inexplainable. It's a wonderful feeling to be like, this is what my future could be.
This feels so safe. I feel like I found my person. And it's a literal technique which we all know, which is called love bombing. But I mean, just going back to what you said, Britt, like you can't fall in love in three weeks. I know that there will be people listening to this who met their person, who within three weeks knew that their person was the right one for them, who fell in love and who have lived incredible, happy lives. I have no doubt that those stories exist.
But the thing that you have to keep mind is you fell into chemistry and then you got really fucking lucky that that person actually was the person that they said they were, and they showed up in the way that they were communicating with and you matched on all the levels that you matched on. There are more stories than not where people feel the chemistry and then it doesn't work out because you literally don't know someone after three weeks. And I say this as someone who has
had that experience twice in my life. I thought I met the person I was going to marry. I fell head over heels in love. I would have told I told everyone in my life that they were the person I was going to marry. And then the relationship unravels and you go from having this incredible, intense chemistry to all of a sudden, the wheels are falling off the wagon and you don't know why things are not where they should be, and you feel misunderstood, and it's the
toxicity that can come from that. And I think the fact that you are already seeing this as a red flag means that you can keep your friend a kind of accountable, but you also don't want to be so negative to your friend or so shitting on their relationship and their happiness that they're scared to tell you stuff like you're just flooded with all these happy chemicals which
become like a drug. You want more of them, and you're getting more of them because you're in contact with this person who's love bombing and who's giving you all the bits and pieces that you need along the way to keep you invested in the relationship or invested in what it could potentially be or what could potentially come of it. My only worry is when we have friends, when we can see from the outset that our friends are moving into a relationship that's not healthy or it
could be toxic, or you know, there's red flag. Red flag is that sometimes we go too hard in telling them that we don't support the relationship. And like your friends, if you experience this, telling someone what to do, especially when they think they're in love with someone, never ever works. They're always going to choose that person that they think that they're in love with until that person proves them wrong.
So you don't want to create a situation where they are so fearful of your negativity that they don't want to tell you all the exciting things that they think the relationship could be or what's going to happen. It's like you need to be supportive enough but also be wary enough that you want them to be happy, but you also want them to keep their eyes open to what's going on around them. Tell us some horror stories.
Do you think you can push your friends away, like you can make it so that they keep stuff from you because they don't want you to think they're crazy. Yeah.
And the other part of this is she's off the back of a few years of tumultuous situations. That's what you've said. So she's found, I want to say, a safety net. She's found someone she feels like a purpose. She wakes up every day and she has someone to speak to and someone to call, and someone thinking about her, someone to connect with. You can't underestimate what that feeling does to somebody, especially someone that's coming out the other side of whatever.
Tumultuous situation she had.
I would if it was me, like, if you came to me, Okay, she came to me and said that this situation, I would say, this sounds pretty intense. Maybe just wait till your meet him and see what happens. I was like, because you never ever know really who someone is or what they're about. And the fact that it is her life. That's going to have to change. Like he's already said, you would have to come to me.
Moving country is not a small thing. Packing up and leaving all of your family, all of your friends, to move to another country, even with your long term partner, is a scary thing. But to go for someone that you don't even know, like you haven't even met them, that really actually worries me. The more I talk about this out loud, the more it worries me. And look, this could be fucking amazing. He could come here and it's incredible and they're penguins in it. You know, go
and live your life. I'm all about that. I would just be entering with caution. And all you can do, like Laura sit is, you can't go into hard with your friend.
You just can't. You've just got to be hey, can I meet him when he comes, and then you can gauge your opinion too. You can see what they're like together. And I mean this opinion comes from two people who like even your sister. Sherry, she met her fiance from another country online. They spoke for weeks and then she went to Scotland and now her and Jay are married
and live a beautiful, happy life. You met ben online dating how to one night stand, then did long distance on FaceTime, and now you're happily in a relationship.
You're not meeting physically that night though, Yeah.
But I mean regardless of whether you meet someone physically or not. Think people can be on their best behavior for one night, two nights whatever. Like I think he could come here, This guy could come here and he could be incredible. That doesn't mean it's not still good to be true, doesn't mean that it might end in disaster. I just think the big thing is is that you're never going to be able to tell your friend what
they should and shouldn't do in relationships. All you can do is make them aware of the things that you feel could be red flags and then support them through it and be there for them, which allows them to come to you if things are not matching up, so that way you know where they're at in their relationship. Because he's gonna come here, they're gonna meet, and then she's at the end of the day going to be
the one to make the decision. All you can do is create as much safety around her and try and make her aware of what you think and how you feel and if you do think, once you've met this guy that there is fucking red flags going off left, right and center, like, then that's the next step to try and navigate that. What's not all you could do?
You could also hire a private investigator. You could have a look into his life, sust him out.
Yeah, but don't you think it's hard giving this advice, especially when you're like, you're someone who's met someone online. Your sister's done the same thing and those relationships worked out well.
Yeah, but we were both skeptical for a long time. I mean Ben and I were seeing each other for a couple of months before we decided to be an official couple give it a go and you know, announce it to everybody, And there was a lot of thought that winning that and the difference is well, one difference We were seeing each other physically, like, we were spending time with each other, and you definitely do get to
know someone more when you were in their presence. Two, we were not talking about marriage and kids, and we were like, oh my god, are we actually going to be official? Like we were so base level. We were talking about what that would look like. It's cross country.
There's a lot to consider.
So the thing that alarms me about this, it's not that it's long distance. It's the love bombing that's the red flag here, and how quickly it's moving without knowing a person.
Absolutely. Yeah. I could I have a wife and four kids, you don't know. Yeah, Or he could be talking to six other people in Australia telling them all the same thing. And that's very pessimistic of us. But we love love, We love love, all right. Question number three, This one is a quickie, but I will love to get your opinion on this because that's what we do here at Left. Yeah, all right. Do you flush the toilet at night time if your partner or housemate or family are asleep. What's
the etiquette? Yep, flush it. If it's brown, flush it down. If it's yellow, it can stay there into the morning. Yeah. If it's brown, flush it down. If it's yellow, lead at mellow Yeah, I think then that's fine for a nighttime. I don't want Matt getting up in the middle of the night doing a week and then flushing it and waking me up. No, I can handle a pee in the toilet. I do think that, But I also think get up first. Thing and flush it because no one wants to go and look at stale urine in it.
That's been an all nine in the toilet. Yeah, well, if you're going to serve up a log, please flush that down. I will wake up to you flushing a poop in the middle of the night. Who's waking up in the middle of the night doing a poop? Heaps of people really use me, Sniez. I don't know if're gonna leave that in. I think he's people do poops in the night. Really, nah, I'm morning after coffee, bro, you are not mourning your morning, midday night, then you're
snacking lunch, then you brunch, you poop all off. Have a quick system, straight in, straight straight and straight air. Always flush, always flush.
Yeah, I think it's fine. If you had to ask.
Me, okay, wait, wait, wait, I've got another thing. It depends on how far away the toilet is from people's bedrooms. If the toilet's at the other end of the house, just flush a babe, it's fine. If it's in there on suite, then maybe wait till the morning, but get up first and then do it. And I love that someone needed to write that. Into's a question. I know, is it really troublesome in your relationship? Akeisha, what do you do You're in a new relationship, you've just started dating.
When you stay at their house, would you flush in the middle of the night? Keisha said always.
I guess the question you need to ask yourself is suss it out yourself. If you're looking at it and it smells, it's yellow and a stale, no one else is going to want to look at it or smell it either.
I reckon that this is a question that you could use your own personal discretion. If you're grossed out by your own pee or pooh, flush down? I mean I always flush, I would, or even a wee I flush. Yeah, everyone does during the day.
But if I'm saying at night, if it's a week, I live, flush it. You live by yourself, bro, I still am in a relationship. I still have people stay with me. I'm not don't live on an island alone. I'm on solitary. Can fine. I would be in a lah listens as well.
I would be annoyed being woken up at four in the morning to a flushing toilet. If it was just a week, I would rather see a week in the morning dehydrated. Stay all drink. Wow, that's no, it's too late, It's already in there. All right. Okay, look, I feel like we've answered this and by not answering your questions. All right, last question, Okay, last question. This is a doozy.
A friend of mine got married a few months ago and just asked her friends to plan the hens. But the wedding was small and none of her friends were invited. Loll cano.
I really feel like I should say something.
We all feel a bit weird about it, and we honestly don't know what to do. Do we plan her hens because she asked after the wedding when we weren't invited.
No, no, no, okay, yes it's not it's not okay that she asked you. Also, you don't ask people to plan your hands your friends. Your friends just like come to that realization because they're your friends and they came to your.
I'm more perplexed by the fact that the hens is after the wedding, the post wedding hens.
What is that a thing that I don't know about? It is that because I live in solitary confinement on an island. No, it's because it's the fling after the ring. It's a thing, but it's only a reason Fling after the ring is a thing, but only if there's a reason why you couldn't have it. Pre I think the thing is nobody organized her hands because no one got invited to the wedding, so they were like, well, why
would we organize the Hens? Maybe they're not that close to friends, and I guess she's realized that she missed out on something she really wanted to have. But you can't then give that job to someone. If you really want a Hens party and no one's organized it for you, you've got to organize it yourself because it's shit's expensive. I don't feel good about any of this. How would gains? How would you approach this? Though I had my hands before the wedding. Yes, I realized that you're not going
to have this situation. But imagine if one of your friends came to you, she'd already had a wedding you were not invited, and she said, hey, can you please organize my hands? I'd do it because I don't like confrontation. Exactly would you ever say something to her? I'd probably have to move to Alaska. No, I would have to do.
It, but that's because of who I am and conflict. I often find that kind of thing very awkward. But what I might say is, I'm really bad at organizing stuff, so you're probably better do it.
Give that job someone else.
I think it's I find this wildly uncomfortable, the expectation of like you said, you can't go to someone and say plan this for me, like you can't, and then.
They weren't invited to the wedding. It's crazy because they've all got to pay for it. Well, the thing is is that normally a hen's party falls on whoever you nominate to be your bridesmaids. That's the job. It's like in order to be a bridesmaid. You just know that you're going to be organizing a hen's party, and it kind of wants to do it, but it's you know, it's a job that that's what they get stuck with.
You cannot ask someone, which obviously this person knows. It's why she's written, and you cannot ask someone to organize a hens Retrospectively, if you didn't give those people even the proof or the satisfaction of being invited to the wedding, I think you are well within your right to say something. What do you say? Pretend it's me? I think you just say, like's.
So, hey, Laura, I'm so sorry you couldn't make it to the wedding. And by make it, I mean I'm sorry didn't ask you, but I'd love it if you threw me your hens probably next Saturday.
Is that cool if you do that? Well, No, the thing is she's already asked for that, And I mean that the person has to tell the bride that they don't want to organize it. Now you tell me now that was the role play? Okay. I think it's a case of we love you and we would have loved to have been at your wedding to celebrate, but hens cost quite a bit of money. We're happy to organize something, but you would have to pitch in, like you would have to pay for the whole thing.
Look at how uncomfortable your a is so wide.
But I think that it no like you can't expect them to all pay for you, and that's what happens usually on a HENS. Right. Yeah, fuck, I don't know.
It's super tricky because I'm sure you want to maintain a friendship with it. I'm sure she had a reason that you weren't invited to the wedding, Like, I hope she has a reason.
The wedding was just that it was really small.
Yeah, but it's small white because she didn't invite you. That's what makes it small or small because the venue only held twenty people?
Yeah, Or was it small because she was trying to save money, which at the same time, as she's trying to save money and she doesn't want to invite all these people to her wedding, then it's okay for you to say, I'm trying to save money, so I don't want to go to a hens right now? Oh yes, so high. I think that we need to take this as a PSA. If you don't invite your friends to your wedding, please don't ask them to plan your funking hair. Do you know what?
Don't think I've ever been so Switzerland in my life. I've never been so on the fence with an answer because I know what I want to do. But also as a part of it, it's like, oh, there's probably a reason you're for a friend in some capacity, just do it. But then I'm like, no, you shouldn't have to do it.
Okay, Look, I think we've answered this question without answering it. And the answer is, if you were a good enough friend, if she was that high up on your friendship list, you would do it regardless, and you would want to do it. But the fact that you don't want to do it, I think is more a symbol, and it's more an indication that she's not as good a friends
with you as what you may be to her. And then therefore, or I think you can say, look, I don't have the money or the capacity at the moment in terms of my work schedule and everything else to organize hands. Here's a thought starter. Oh god, here we go.
Well, why doesn't she ask someone that was there? It's a small wedding, but she still had friends there. You just didn't make the cut. So why don't the friends that make.
The cut do it? Well? I think it was just her family?
Nah, bullshit. There was a friend there. There was a friend there. There has to have been one friend one.
What if she just like eloped and it was just like her mom and dad? It was it? There you go, guys, you had it here first. Anyway, if you would like some absolutely terrible advice like that was it's a really hard one. I don't know what I would say.
I want to know what the listeners think for that one, because it's it's super tricky, and I wonder if anyone else has been in this situation.
That is it from us? I feel like we haven't answered enough today, Laura need to No, I'm feeling good. This is the best I've ever felt. I think I'm the most. What's concerning I think I I've had two coffees today and I think I am the most awake and honor and feeling it and I'm good and I'm vibing, and we're coming into holiday.
Do you think it's because we went out last night and you had a couple of drinks and you socialized with Matt two so it was like you were together, it was with your friends.
You just fell I don't know when we had a couple of drinks. We literally had two drinks. It wasn't like a couple of drinks. We had a yolow good time. I had a couple I didn't line. I had half a lass of rose because Matt had half, and I had one light chi martini. Yeah, yeah, that's what all couple I know. But like usually people say a couple
and they mean like five, like Letty City. I don't know what has changed, but very recently, and it actually has just been since doing Dancing the Stars, so like since I started that training what it was like eight weeks ago. Now I am so off alcohol. I am a two drink limit. Even at my friend's wedding the other weekend, I had one single drink and I was like not enjoying it. And I used to love a rose in the afternoon, guys, like come three to thirty pm.
I was like, rose is my tam of day. Every night that we recorded this podcast for the first two years because it was at.
Home, Laura would bring a bottle of wine and would have wine every single night.
Not a bottle, we would have a glass. Also when we say every single night that we would record the podcast, we didn't record the podcast every single night twice twice a week, yeah, but we used to love a wine when we record it. Yeah. And I used to really attribute having a glass of wine with my wine down from the day like my relaxing time. And I think because I've had so much time off it because of training so much. Now you're somebody or to wine down
in the kitchen. Yeah, I'm just having a real off alcohol to period. I'm drinking it and I'm having a glass and I'm not enjoying the taste and I'm not enjoying the sensation.
I do not drink, and I never have. I do not drink to get drunk. Ever, I haven't ever been that person. I actually enjoy one or two glasses and that's it. I could very easily go out for a whole night on two glasses.
And my friends know that too.
Kisha, even Keisha, She's like, I think I've seen you intoxicated once.
I think I've seen you once too.
Yeah, but that's it, And think of how much you know me totally, It's just not my jam I. I genuinely loved it. I will go out partying with a glass of wine. I'll be in the club and I'll have my glass of wine.
It's I'm a weirdo. Well aren't you better than everyone? That's all I'm saying. But yeah, I guess I am. Alright. Anyway, guys, thanks for listening to the air. If you loved it, you know the drill, go leave us a review on Apple podcast. We will I mean we're on holidays now as you're listening to this. I'm sure I'm posting photos of Fiji. I'm going on bak. But you can also join us on Instagram at life Holi Bay Shush on
Life on Cup podcast. You can join us on TikTok because we are tiktoks, and you can also join the Life and Cut discussion group if you want to talk to us more. The end, that's not the end.
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