Ask Uncut - It's Just a Joke

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.

Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on Drug Wallamuta Land.

Hi guys, and.

Welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.

I'm Laura and I'm hungover. What is with that? You're on Struggle Street?

Laura, I had a midweek drink. No, we went out last night. We had a thinging on last night. We were on a boat in the Overseas Passenger Terminal.

Richard Branson brought his.

Big ass cruise ship in it, parked.

It in Sydney for the night and we got to go.

And I mean it wasn't we Literally three quarters of Sydney was on this thing. Every single person who was into the public, anyone who had a pulse was on this thing last night.

It was amazing.

And I ank a lot for a week night. It's very rare that I get a night out, and when I do, I like to celebrate.

It's just a shame that this one was on a Wednesday night. You love a Margie, You do love a Margie. And I detest a margie.

So I will never ever to the day I die drink a margarite with you, no offense.

That's all right, We're gonna have other things. There's other things for us to celebrate. Din't you tell at what you did last night? You cheated on Matt. You tried to cheat on math. That needs some context.

Okay, So we're standing there, there's like this big group of people. Just so you can really understand what happened, we're sending this big group of people. Matt was wearing a gray suit. He looked sharp, he looked handsome. He did he did, and it was like this.

Silky material, not silky, but like had a bit of a sheen to it.

Right, Yeah, so when you touched it, it felt like a little bit saturnat One might say, can I realize it's like.

A tiny bit of a shine cotton night it felt? I mean, I didn't rub him, so I don't know.

I think I'm one of those people that are quite tact her like I quite what's the right word for it. There's like a specific word if you're someone who's sents free from touch, tact that's tactor.

No. I think that there's another word for it, you're just hyper sensitive to feelings.

Yeah, Like I really enjoy the touch of things. Right, So I was in chatting and I was in the middle of a conversation with someone, and I reached out and there was mad and I was like rubbing Matt's back. And I was just rubbing Matt's back for a while anyway. Then I could feel the mat was looking at me, and I was like, oh, like and like but looking at me in a way that didn't feel from my periphery like it was normal. And I turned around and

I've only met him twice and I was just rubbing.

How long is like more than a minute, like more than a full minute of me rubbing my hand in the circle on his back, just round.

Him, rubbing him for a minute. Well, I think he was just confused.

I think he might have thought that I was like getting his attention to then say something to him, But I just didn't turn to him at all.

I just kept rubbing.

Anyway, It's a pretty long time he's done a plank. It was an uncomfortably long time. Hence why when he turned to look at me, because I was full in conversation with someone else, so he didn't want to interrupt me. I think he thought I was doing it on purpose. And then he kind of looked at me, like are you right?

What did he say? He just looked at me really odd, and I was like, oh my god. When I looked at him, and I was like, I'm so sorry.

I thought you were mat And then at this point I dragged him through the crowd so that I could show him that him and Matt were wearing the exact same suit, which is awkward for them, but more awkward for me. Apparently suppose that, oh yeah, I'm gonna put this on the socials guys right now.

Actually that's allow, I'll do it tomorrow because we're talking there.

I took a photo of them back to back because I was like, no one will believe how much they look the same.

No one will believe that they are carbon coffee Bachelor's.

Is this just you saying this? So that Anna Tim's wife hears it and goes, hmm, someone told me that you were rubbing my husband's back, and now you're trying to explain yourself.

Nah, ignorant. She'd be like, take him. I fucking don't want to serve with him anymore. I don't reckon, I don't reckon. She wants you to have him. She's like, fuck off.

She's like got fight to us.

Yeah, but she's tired now, she's vulnerable. Poor woman is prepared. So that's what you thought you'd get a while she's down.

Anyway, Guys, something that we wanted to share with you, which you might have seen if you've been following along on the instagrams Our life on.

Cut hats are finally here. Baby.

It took us a while, and they're actually so good. We need to trial them, you know, we need to wear them around. I can confirm they keep the sun off the face, they do all the things that a hat would do.

And also they come in three beautiful colors to fit your summer wardrobe. We've got lilac, we've got forest green, we've got beige. Depends on what kind of girl you're feeling or giry are you're feeling.

Well what I can say is Ben actually stole all of them. He stole them when he came here and he loves them. Can recommend, but were actually your cute hot girl walks.

The qualities are amazing and just so you know, like for pricing and stuff, the hats are forty two dollars. There is a shipping fee on them. The shipping fee is ten bucks. But we can't teache that shipping is expensive. That only covers the bag of the shipping.

Yeah, that's what that covers.

It's nine dollars seventy for a five hundred gram Australia post bag and so like it doesn't even cover the cost of you know, the warehousing and people packing it. Which I just wanted to make people aware of that because they know that shipping can always be a charge that people hate paying.

And we are giving five percent from every hat to a charity of our choice. We always give something from our merch so this year for the hats, we have decided to give it to Mission Australia to help combat homelessness, which is also something we feel really passionate about.

Yeah, especially at this time of year as well, coming into Christmas and the economical crier it. So it's hard.

But guys, the hats, they are beautiful. They're available online and we put a link in our buyer if you want to get yourself up.

And they also have a ponytail section, like you know how they've got the cut out of the back o.

Yeah, we thought about it all Yeah, you put your pony in there. You can tighten it.

If you have a tiny little pea head like me, tighten it. If you have a bigger head like Laura and Keisha, you can.

Loosen it full of brain.

But also it's got like a little brass adjustable class with the back like the detailing on these are amazing. They are the logos. I'm embroidered. They've just made really really well. So this is a summer accessory that you're

Well, I feel like it's.

Gone pretty viral, right, It's just this one short promo clip that's been doing the rounds because his Netflix specially is coming out sometime over Christmas, and this clip that he's going viral is a joke that he has made specifically about terminally ill children, and it's enables joke simultaneously, so he's managed to hit two very sensitive topics in one joke.

I'm going to play it for you just so you guys can hear it.

I've been doing a lot of video messages recently for terminally ill children, and only if they request it.

Obviously I don't.

I don't burst into hospitals and go wake up Baldy. He's working on TikTok. Look, no, I did a lot through the pandemic, presumably because they couldn't even see their own family. And it's through Make a Wish Foundation. Do you know the charity Make a Wish Foundation. They're great and they give these dying kids. They're like one wish And if it's me, I always say yes, and I always start the video the same way.

I go, why didn't you wish to get better?

Well?

You fucking retarded as well, So.

Backlash that Ricky Gervaise has received from This includes some public profiles as well, people like Ashley Kine. He's a

It's really interesting to me because I think the thing that triggered me the most in that joke wasn't the make a wish joke. It was the really ablest term, which we obviously just heard. And I think that part of it hasn't even been mentioned in so much of the outrage. It's almost like the disability part isn't the part that have made people the most angry. Where we seem to draw the line in comedy is when it's

He kind of re engineers them.

So what he does is he makes a joke, but then he goes on to explain that it's a joke. This is what he also has to say off the back of that.

I don't do that either.

Okay, these are all jokes.

I don't even use that word in real life. The R word. You just used it, Rick Yeah, in a joke that's not real life. Is I'm playing a role? You sounded pretty convincing. Yeah, because I'm good. You wouldn't level the accusation of other art forms. You wouldn't got up to Sir Anthony Hopkins and go I saw you in silence the lambs? What's a you? A cannibal?

Iya?

No, I was playing a role. Seem pretty convincing. Yeah, it's good and I'm good, and that's why I do things well. Imagine if I came I ownly did things not very well so you knew I was joking, that'd be fucking retarded.

I know.

And we've discussed this between us, and it's been We've had heated conversations.

We've had calm conversations.

We had educational conversations because we all do have different opinions, and this is what the world comes down to, right, Like some people will be offended by something that others will laugh at. It's just going to come down to human opinion, individual opinion. For me, it is never okay and it will never be okay to laugh and make fun of dying children. It doesn't matter that you tack on to the end of that. Just so you guys know that this is a joke. We get it's a joke.

I think it's really interesting exploring where people's line sits, really because there has been so many debates recently around comedy, around what is acceptable comedy. We saw recently if you guys have been across at Matt Rife, he's a big American comedian. He had his very first Netflix special and recently it has been wildly and widely reported on around his domestic violence joke that he made at the start

No, he's not being canceled. He's going anywhere. He's not going anywhere.

And I think it is very interesting to explore what makes us feel uncomfortable when it comes to stand up comedy. Where is our own personal lines, what is our own personal bias? And why are we okay with some jokes that target some minorities rather than others? Why do we say okay terminally ill children is where the line stops, but his other jokes prior are okay.

I think that that is actually the most interesting question that you post to me, Laura, because Ricky Gervase was and I would even go to say he is still my favorite comedian. I am a huge fan of Ricky Gervase. I find him so witty and very clever about how he dances the line of controversy. I was really disappointed when I heard this, because I truly did actually think that Ricky was a little bit more self aware than this.

I guess the only thing and I agree with you, and I don't want anyone to interpret this is me saying that I think the jokes are funny, or that I think the jokes are okay. But I do think that his context that he provided afterwards is important. And the reason why I say that is not because it's

That is so sick. And then when I.

Watched it within the context of him trying to make a statement about humor, I was like, oh, yeah, the joke still doesn't land, but it is an interesting unpack around how we all feel about comedy as a whole.

But it's like when somebody says I mean, what you're saying is, and what you're saying he's saying is. It's like when someone says no offense and then says something really offensive, it doesn't make it okay because they prefaced it with no offense. I don't think his jokes are okay because he ends them with but it's a joke.

I agree, I agree, And I don't think he's saying but it's a joke. And I don't think he's saying, oh, you know, no offense but which we had a very funny conversation about that on Tuesday. I actually think he is making a political statement. I think he is making a statement about comedy as a whole. So he has almost purposely chosen the most controversial thing to make that statement from.

See.

I don't think I agree with his statement. I don't like the comparison between an actor and a comedian, because a committean actually formulates their own productions, so they're the ones who are the creative behind it, Whereas an actor is following a script and it's make believe, it's not real, Whereas comedy plays off of that line between things that are very real in our society, and that's why I've enjoyed his comedy so much up until this one thing that to me, it doesn't seem to fit the mold

Well.

Unpacking why I felt so differently about this made me realize that we all have such a line in the sand that we draw from. We all have biases that contribute to that. I've spoken a lot about on the podcast how I grew up very religious organization and I am not a part of that organization. Now I find his comedy surrounding atheism hilarious. I am realizing that that's because my views align with his, Like I align with the way that he sees the world, and that's why

Is sick kids.

It's sick kids totally and I think it is for ninety nine point nine percent of people in the world like this, there is absolutely there is a line.

But I think I'm also realizing that I have to acknowledge why that's the case, and I have to acknowledge the reason I don't feel fired up about, you know, the jokes he made about Caitlin Jenner at the Golden Globes and that kind of thing is potentially because I

Because it's an unspoken rule, and it should be the unspoken rule generally for most of the population. It is you do not attack the most vulnerable of our society, which is a child. And it's not only a child, it is a dying child. On top of that, it is not just a dying child, but you've linked that to a disability as well, Like for me, there is nothing lower, and I let a lot of humor go. Like I think a lot of things are funny that people won't. I laugh at a lot of stuff in

Laugh at that.

Because comedians do what comedians do best, and they walk the line and that is what makes people want to go and see them because they're like, I can't believe they said that, Like it's funny, but I know I shouldn't be laughing. I'm all for that, but this, for me is something that you just don't touch. And I think back a lot when we had Ursula Carlson on. She's an amazing comedian that's living in New Zealand. She's

I do agree totally.

And there's a couple of things I took from that chat that we do with Ursula Carlson, which go back and like Britz said, listen to the episode because she's absolutely brilliant. But Ricky Jervaise, he is a white, very successful, privileged man who is in his like well he's sixty now right in the six Days in his comedy that he is a straight white man who is a millionaire.

No no, he says multi multi millionaires.

So we have this conversation that comes up all the time around comedy, which is the punch down. You can't punch down, you can only punch up no one for him to punch up on. He's the top of the food chain. But like, what does comedy look like for a And I'm not saying this because I think.

Sorry for them.

I could not give a flying fuck to be totally honest, I'm not like, think of the middle aged white man.

That's not where I'm getting to.

So what I mean is is where do these people? Where do they make comedy? What do they make comedy about? Because they're only ever going to punch down people who are from minorities. So, for example, I also think of Michael Hing, who is brilliant. We had him in our live show. I love him. He is funny and witty and his humor is highly intelligent. But he also talks about being Chinese, and he talks about what that experience is like for him living in a world that is,

It's not a new thing he's discovered.

We know that outrage culture is what gets the most clicks, totally hids, and the most shares, and the most people speaking about it, the most eyes, the most voices like this is not news.

Can I just go back to what you were saying about the whole like punching up, punching down, punching across thing. Though Ricky doesn't have many choices in terms of punching up, like he openly states, he's a very privileged person.

But I think it's really interesting.

To see how he almost safeguards himself by self identifying as privileged. And I think he's done the exact same thing with this joke. He's trying to safeguard himself from criticism because he's like, guys, I don't actually feel this way totally. I make a wish like when you identify as something, someone can't use it as a weapon to use against you. And I don't like the fact that he's using this to me. It just seems like a

I agree, And I also think that the reason why we are continuously unpacking stand up comedy more is because for so long it is the medium that has had that get out of jail free card. It is the medium where we have given so many allowances. But people's attitudes are changing so quickly, and people are not finding the old tropes, the old stereotypes, the things in which people would have laughed at ten years ago, twenty years ago, fifteen years ago, whatever the amount of time is. People

Yeah, Like we often, if there's ever something that is like maybe a little bit on the nose, the kind of rule of thumb that we follow is the juice worth the squeeze here, because the reality is is that people get offended by a lot of things, and a lot of the time things that you don't have the intent of offending can offend people. Sometimes that might be because they have a particular buy in in that field and they are particularly sensitive to it, And other times

I also think.

It's interesting and I don't know if I completely agree with you, but I know the point you're making and I understand it. But when you say it's not his job, right, he is a comedian, that's his job.

He still has a ridiculous amount of influence.

And I still do think there is a level of a responsibility when you have four million people alone on Instagram, when God knows how many millions of people are tuning into your Netflix special, and the job of a comedian is to make people laugh, right, like your whole point in life is to make someone feel better.

A bit of escape is I just don't see the point.

And I do think there is a bit more of a responsibility than going for a dying child and for ableism.

I just don't think you need to.

And when you say there's not many people he can punch up on because he's at the top of the food chain, there is a fucking million things you can make a joke about. There a million things yourself included, anything about your life. I think there are a lot of places you can go to with your comedy. I don't think you have to go to this low hanging fruit.

I mean, this all comes back to you.

There is a very very famous and very good quote from Ricky Gervase, and it says people always say that you can't joke about anything anymore. The truth is, you can joke about whatever the fuck you want to, and people will tell you whether they agree with it or not, and you have to decide whether you care. It's a very good system.

Really.

At the end of the day, we and so many other people have watched this and thought, there is so many layers of it that are not appropriate and are just not funny anymore in this climate, and maybe never ever work funny, But people have changed it. Expectations around comedy is changing. And will that hold a light up to Ricky Javase? Will he reconsider some of the job in the future. Maybe, maybe not, but he's still going to make millions of dollars off the back of it.

Okay, which one of you wants to kick off the vibes for this week?

I am doing. Oh look, it's someone we love.

It is it's someone we adore, but also it's someone who's created a very fucking good album at the moment, and I think you all need to go and stop what you're doing, go and listen to it. Sam Fisher if you came to our live shows, Sam Fisher, he was the artist who became a very good friend, but also traveled around with us during that period. He had his promo launch night for his new album that was being released. It's called I Love You, Please Don't Hate Me.

I am loving I Love You, Please Don't Hate Me. That's one of the songs, the main one. Yeah, I listened to that on repeat.

My favorite from the album is the one that he did with Demi Lovado, I'll call what other people say. He talked about it in the episode that he recorded with you Guys about how he moved to la and he just realized that he was changing and he didn't like the changes that he was seeing.

He's sang that song a lot at the last show as well. That was like that became one of the staples. That and this City. Ah, we love him. He's so good. Go listen to it now, Spotify, Apple Music, wherever you listen to your music.

It's called I Love You, Please Don't Hate Me.

Okay Mine, guys, You're going to be shocked horror, but Mine is a true crime podcast.

Why everyone, Welcome to our recommendations for the week. It is Britney's true crime podcast series.

People just think I'm a psychopath, you are, but we love it.

I have been into crime since I was a kid, which I think is weird and it probably says something about me. But anyway, I also would love you guys to recommend me true crime stuff.

If you've a really good true.

Crime doc o or show or podcast, please because I'm so deep in them that I'm almost running out of them and I want to hear new ones.

And can I ask a little favor, Can you send them to Brittany directly?

Please?

Because we get lots to the life yeah, and the Brits director Instagram. Yeah, No, I definitely want to hear them. Okay.

So this one is called The Garden of Eden and it is an Australian series and it's about a fifteen year old girl, Eden Westbrook, who was her and her family lived down in Tasmania. And long story short, the premise is, unfortunately she had had this argument with her family, small argument, she had left without her phone and they had found her hanging in a tree.

The next day. Oh my god. It's just awful. But it was a.

Really poor investigation. And the surrounding story is that this was not a suicide. That's the way it is led to believe. It's been ruled a suicide. But this investigation goes on to try and they talk to the family a lot. There is a lawyer that gets involved to help the family and they're trying to unpack what went wrong and it actually starts to lean into police corruption. You think of coruption as bribery and things like that. There's definitely this sense of like they protect their own

I don't want to watch Australian crime just makes me think it can happen here. I like watching crime in other countries since I'm like, God, that place is messed up, and then I just want to pretend like it doesn't happen in our back door anyway.

Back in our backyard, not in our back door anyway. That's your bumhole.

Crime has happened there for you, Laura, Your buttthole's are crime the garden of Eden.

That's it for this week for me.

I have one of my more Woo Woo Live laf love recommendations, but it has become my entire personality hyper fixated as fuck.

On ice.

I bought a tub. It's from the Dope. It's like this plastic tub. It can fit three hundred and twenty liters in it to give you a bit of a size idea, and I have been ice bathing.

Keisha Wen bought silicone ice cube, so she's been just dousing herself in ice baths. But You've been like you've been doing it. You've been diligent with the ice baths. You're on the health train times.

It's not pseudoscience. There's science one hundred percent. So there is a guy called Gary Brecker, his biologist, and I've really gotten into him lately. He talks a lot about two sides of things, cold shop proteins, the whole vasoconstriction that happens, and the cleanup of free radicals in the blood, which is more the science side of it what I have been doing. So I'm the type of person that if I had to go and buy ice from the servo every day, probably not gonna happen. Firstly, it's a

Just not going to do that.

So I've got the tub on my balcony at the moment, and I went to KMA and I bought ten banana loaf silicon trays that you're supposed to bake in, but I I've just been freezing water in them every day, and so I put the ice in the ice bath. It's not quite cold enough. He's supposed to get it to ten degrees. Mind's at about twelve at the moment, so I'm working on getting it colder. But it's been

You guys might have remember when Kisha was going through her like hashtag sleep phase and everything with sleep wrecos and now it is hashtag ice bath phase, and that's where we're in.

We're deep in it, Team ice Bath. Love them, actually love them, so I'm loving them.

So that is my recommendation, whether it be that you actually do an ice bath or that you go and purchase one for yourself and have them at home.

Question number one.

I am living with my boyfriend's family at the moment until our house is ready to move into. I was looking after my nephew and niece when I grabbed my mother in law's phone to bring up YouTube, which it's just something we normally do on the phone. I read a message from her boss about the things that he wants to do to her sexually and other things that I need to erase from my brain. My sister in law was with me at the time and also read the same messages. She's still married and now we both

But what do I do? Do I ignore that I ever read these messages? Do I take this to the grave?

Every time I look at her, I think, how could you you?

I what a little pickle dickle? Okay, the big question is do you tell your partner because it's his mum, Like, more than anything, you're not going to confront your husband's mum about it.

I probably would more than the boyfriend.

Really, I think, so I actually, fuck, I don't know, Okay, I'm just I'm trying to put myself in this position.

Okay, Matt's mum is single, so I'm never going to be faced with this issue. But if she wasn't single and she was still married to Matt's dad and they were playing happy households, and then I found messages from her boss saying all the things that he wanted to do to her. I think I would pretend like I hadn't seen it. I don't think I have the emotional bandwidth or capacity to insert myself into that drama.

I don't think I could. I think I would take it to the grave.

The problem is, though he comes out well, the problem is, had you just seen it yourself, you could take it to the grave. But the sister has seen it as well, which means that if you don't say anything, like you guys have to get your stories straight right, because if you've.

Seen it, she's seen it.

She decides to tell someone in six months time, two months time or whatever, your husband's going to be mad that you didn't tell him. So now it's this situation where you're keeping information when you like you're keeping information from the people that you love the most, which is your husband.

Well, I also think there's another layer to it, that is just your ability to be around her.

If you can't look at her, now, how are you and you live with that? What are you gonna do it?

Like, because you immediately dislike someone, right if you know that they're betraying their entire family. There is a level you could like her as a person and how she treats you, but that level of resentment and disgust is probably going to be like looming under the surface. So then if you're living with her, how do you go about if you don't think you can fake that friendship shit with her. You can't sit down at dinner with the entire family and like laugh at her jokes and

Like why why do you get against my mom?

You know? But this is the thing with cheating, right. I know we've spoken about it in different ways before, but cheating is so black and white that we instantly think someone who could cheat is not the person that we thought they were as a person. So, like, you find this information out and then in your mind, you're like I can't even be around her, Like I feel like I can't stand her now because in total, that betrayal overshadows everything else about her and who you thought

This is something the whole family though. Well.

Actually, the thing is is, we don't know if this is his dad. We don't we know she's still married. I think if it was his dad, it would have been more explicit, so this could be her second marriage, which doesn't necessarily make it any better. The betrayal is still there. But it's not like you're going to your husband's dad necessarily about it.

I get that this is probably going to beyond the less end of the spectrum or the likelihood of this happening. But the reason I'm saying this is because we actually had this conversation today with somebody else in real life. There could be a chance, like you never know what is actually going on in somebody's relationship, there could be a chance that this is the real mom and dad. They might have been separated for a long time behind closed doors, staying together for kids. They might be working

Dad was actually gay.

He wasn't ready to come out yet and face that that were staying together for the kids. There were all these other reasons and the kids didn't know that. So imagine if that was a similar situation and you saw that message, you immediately hate everyone in that you feel like you have to keep a secret, but you actually

Door or you don't know if that's like exactly like you said, Britt, like that maybe they have an open relationship, well they're fine with it all. Maybe their husband knows and he just they're not having they've got a sexless marriage.

There's many many variables, but.

I think it is important to keep in your head that you know just because you've seen this message. And just because maybe she is having an affair doesn't mean that she's instantly this fucking horrible person that you can't even stand to be in the same room with because you're feeling a lot of blanks without all the information.

She might kick you out.

She might kick you out, but it also might mean that things come to the surface naturally, or she might give you the explanation around that it is or isn't okay. I don't know, but like maybe that will put your mind more at ease, but that will be a really challenging conversation to have. And I think personally, and I often come back to this with myself whenever there's these really tricky situations. Sometimes I just think I can't do it. I don't think it's just bliss. I don't think I

Well, if I reverse engineer this, if this was Ben that had seen this with my parents. My parents been married for forty five years, right, it's so in love, they're amazing. But if Ben had seen that on one of my parents, controversially, I would not want to know. Don't tell me, let me live in my bubble of happy family. That's what I genuinely think. I don't know because I've just tried to put myself in both of those situations, and the better option for me is not knowing.

Because, Okay, I put it this way, if Ben then came and told you, you then have to do something with that information. He is like trauma dumping that feeling that he has a situation he has no control over, a situation that he can't change the outcome from, and he's dumping that trauma on you. And then that means that you have to then go and confront your mom or tell your dad, like the trauma of ripping apart quote unquote, the family then lies on you to be

It is, because then I know we're wrapping this question, but I just keep putting myself back in it. I want to be so open with my partner that I wouldn't want to keep that secret. I would want to know that I have this reciprocal relationship where you can be so honest with each other.

So this you almost have.

On one hand, there's a responsibility that you feel like you need to do the right thing by your partner, but on the second hand, it's also just giving you responsibility to someone else. So it's a double edged sword. Fucking move out just move out.

Just move out, Just go and live somewhere else, move to a hotel, faint as some sort of like I don't know whatever it is, but it's gonna be hard for you to be in the same room as her if you actually feel like you don't respect her anymore.

Also, this is going to come out itself.

If she's got these messages popping up on our ipadner YouTube and when the like this, this is not going to say a secret for very long.

Totally, she's obviously technology challenged.

But also it kind of makes me think like maybe she's not trying to keep it that much of a secret. Like if you've just picked up a phone, open YouTube and the messages are.

All there, she's not trying hard at all. No, it popped down, It popped on when they had.

The It was inconvenient timing right right anyway.

But if you're cheating, you're not letting people just play and watch YouTube on your phone and you don't have it under your boss's name either. I am not jealous of you with this. I think you just need to move out, same move out. I agree, all right. Question number two. My partner and I have been dating for seven months. We took one month away and came back together stronger than ever. We spend five to six days a week together. We've introduced entire families together and friends. Basically,

We haven't discussed this yet, Laura.

This is the first time I'm hearing it, But I feel like we're going to have different opinions. I just feel like I know you, so I feel like we're going to go down different people.

No, I think you think I'm going to say something that I'm not going to say.

Okay, Well, I genuinely think and you might not want to hear this to the listener, but you currently don't have the ability. I don't think you ever maybe when you're married with kids, but at seven months, you don't have the ability to tell your partner what he can and can't do. And if he wants to go on a trip with his sister at Christmas, you one hundred percent can feel disappointed and upset by that, and you can miss him, but you cannot blow up at him

That's the wrong analogy.

Yep.

I she has too much to work on her she's over. It's a hustile culture. It's a wrongan alogy. I no, but I'm yeah.

Look, I mean often Britain I have disagreements when it comes to travel and when it comes to when you're in a committed relationship, you make big life decisions together. I do believe that you make big life decisions together. I do believe that there are times of the year that are more important than other times of the year.

His sister.

Now, I think the thing is is like he probably could have approached it in a more tactful way. He probably could have had more of a conversation with you about it, so you didn't feel so blindsided by it. I think that that's probably the thing. You felt blindsided because it came out of nowhere when he said he wanted to do it, and then you expressed you weren't happy, and he went ahead and booked it anyway, which absolutely

The other thing is to if you really break this down, you have said is really selfish, you know, really upsetting to you that he has gone away and left you on your own because you can't go to see your friends and family because you're working. But what you're saying is I also won't be at home with you. I will be working, but you don't want to wait there for me for those moments that I might not be

What she's trying to say is jastan is that she yeah, that she doesn't understand why she's so upset. That there's like a mismatch in terms of like you know that when you're in a relationship, you consider each other at most big decisions that are being made, that those decisions are made together, not with the sister.

Yeah, so maybe the brother is actually taking that into consideration. My sister doesn't have anyone to travel with, and I'm close with my sister, like I have got on so many trips with my brother. My sister has gone on so many trips with my brother, like as a family, we do little independent trips together too. I'm talking overseas trips. I feel like this has made worse simply because you don't,

You can't get angry.

I don't think and you can't let him not go, and I don't think it's worth breaking up, but just make sure he understands that you really are upset and disappointed, and maybe just say hey, can you call me every day? They still have that connection, but this is unfortunately completely his prerogative.

I understand, and I agree with you.

I don't want to completely dismiss this, though, because if this happened to me, you'd devo.

I'd be so sad. I would be so sad.

I would feel probably slightly annoyed that his want to go and enjoy himself was more important than us. And in terms of like me being alone over that time, Like there's a little bit of selfishness there where it's like, well, you have two decisions here. One you can spend the time that you can with me and we can have Christmas together, or two you go and have a great time on holidays.

I know which one is going to be better.

But that's still a bad pill, Like it's an awful pill to swallow when you're not don't feel like the priority in your relationship. But I guess the big thing is that you are expecting him to sit around while you're on call, you're expecting him to kind of like make his life available to your work schedule. And I do also think like it's kind of nice.

I mean, I don't know.

Maybe there's some fear about him traveling with his sister who's younger. Maybe there's you know, Chris, it's a girl, she's in her young twenties. Maybe there's some like insecurities around that. But it also is kind of cool that he is travel from like a protection position as well, like that they're able to do stuff together, they can travel together.

Maybe she doesn't, like you said, Britt, have people to travel with. I don't know.

I just think it's three weeks of your entire potential relationship, and I don't think you have to throw it completely out the window. If he isn't considerate when he's traveling, if he's not calling you, if he's not checking in, if he's behaving in a way that makes him appear like he's single, they're all way bigger issues. They're all completely different things to unpack. But what do you think

Again, I don't think that's a big deal at all. Four days is you're not even touching the surface. It's obviously just he's not doing it so that he never has to go back with you. He's doing it because obviously it makes sense with his trip what he's doing. He's got four extra days. He's making the most of it. You guys can still go to Malaysia. I'm sure you've been together seven months. I'm sure there's still every country in the entire world that you haven't gone to together.

I wouldn't be ending my relationship over this one fight. And I think it can feel sometimes you can be in a fight and you can be in the thick of it, and when you don't get your way, it feels like, well, I'm going to leave you know. That seems like the ultimate ultimatum, right because you didn't get what you wanted out of the argument. Sometimes we just don't get what we want in disagreements, especially when it comes down to taking agency and choice away from the

All right.

Question number three, And this is also an a fairy one, because you know, I'm not a.

Very well affair and afairious. It's a nad I was just about to say that an afarious affair. Oh my god, well that the same person. It's been too much yet out of my brain.

All right.

I have a friend who's been having an fair for a few years now. The guy is a lot older than her, and one of the reasons they aren't together is because she wants to have kids. She is now engaged to her partner that she has been cheating on four years, and I am invited to the wedding next year. I don't know how to respond or how to have the conversation to see if this marriage is actually even something that she really wants. She has said she is in love with the other man but also still loves

I could not still be friends with somebody that had been cheating on their partner that they are marrying four years. This isn't a one off. You have created a whole nother life with someone I know.

Yes she is, yes, yes, but that is not We're not judging her for her friendship.

I am so if you. We're not judging her for her friendship.

But the other part of this is, if I can only imagine speculating, if you are that good of friends with her to go to the wedding and you know this much about them, then I'm assuming you're also that good of friends with her fiance who she's cheating on.

That puts you in a bloody tricky situation because so carrious predicament.

Totally do I think I could go to that wedding knowing that she had been cheating on him for their entire relationship and that she loves someone else. She's declaring her love to him and she loves someone else and wishes she was someone No, I couldn't go.

I could not go because I'd be the person. It's like any objections, I'd be like, yes.

I would feel such a level of betrayal. And I feel like when you're celebrating love and a wedding.

Oh, you'd be like this is such a mockery, Like this is such a joke wedding.

Yeah, like why are you marrying? Why you know you love somebody else? Your heart is not in this. I just I just couldn't do it.

And also when she's standing up there and she's saying her vows, you'll be like, you know, quietly vomitable.

Okay.

My big thing here is is though, I think if this is your friend, it's someone who you love. And like I know we said it earlier about the whole like people having an affair doesn't make you black and white a bad person. In total, it's a really terrible, awful thing to do to someone. It's an incredibly selfish thing to do to someone, and I think we often can if we're the people who are doing it. You can justify the reasons. You can justify the betrayal, and

So I think, do I say something to her? Yeah?

So I think the thing is you sit down with her and have an honest conversation and say, like, it is really hard as someone who loves you to support you at the moment because of the choices that you're making, and it is also going to be and is damaging on relationship and my ability to support you as a friend to one be at your wedding to pretend like I'm happy for you when I know that this is not you living your most authentic self, like you are

You don't have to act on that. Yeah.

And also it's a different thing to be in love with two people and they both have all the information. That's a very different situation where they're both consenting to the relationship that they're in. This poor gui, the fiance, he has no understanding of the type of relationship that he is actually in, of what he is actually prescribing to, and he's going to get married and invest all this time, all this money, his best years of his life into

Well that's the only thing, right.

And I know people hate when we say this that cheating is not black and white, but it's one thing in my eyes to cheat on a partner, right, And there could be a multitude or reasons. We know that you can work it out, we know that could end it, we know that, but it's one thing to cheat it's another thing to be cheating and knowingly simultaneously get getting married, Like you don't have to be taking that step, because that is unfair. Cheating's unfair to your partner anyway, but

I agree with you, and I think it adds an entirely different element, like another element of deceit onto this because when we think about affairs, and I'm not saying

But people who.

Are having affairs while simultaneously trying to progress the relationship, it's another layer of deceit because you're deceiving everyone. You're deceiving on the affair level, but you're also deceiving on the commitment, on the promise of what you want together for your future level.

I don't know.

I think like it's very, very, very messed up. I definitely wouldn't be going to the wedding because I think by going to the wedding and by being there by being a guest and just having a good time, you're also complicit to it. You're saying, I know, unfair, I know, and I don't care enough to care about anyone else's feelings.

Yeah, even if you just have to say you had gashtro that day, tell her say I can't come, you know, and let's not make a big deal, but I can be sick on the day whatever, but I can't go and support the both of you will.

Save the poor guys some money and just like, don't don't do that. So he hasn't had paid for another person per head. That is messed up, absolutely messed up. If you have a question for Ask on Cut, please slide into the DMS. It is Life Uncut podcast. You can also join us in the discussion group, which is Life Uncut Discussion Group.

And that's where all the juicy, saucy stuff goes.

Do you and guys, if you haven't listened to yesterday's episode yet for whatever reason, it's an episode that I really enjoyed bringing you. And when I say enjoyed, it is probably the wrong word, but I was really proud to bring a topic like this to light. And the reason I say that is it's one of the hardest episodes I think we've ever done a life bung cart, and it's with a wonderful woman named Nina Olk.

Nina speaks so openly.

About her story, which is extremely traumatic, and we do want to put that out there. We don't want to sugarcoat it. This is a truly horrific story. Nina is talking about honor killings and how she in fact is a survivor of an attempted on a killing. She speaks quite heavily about her being born into a cultural environment where she was disadvantaged from the very start, purely because she was born a female. She speaks a lot about

Yeah, And I think at a time where there's been a lot of conversations around domestic violence, recently there has been an increase in the number of deaths of women within Australia, specifically in the last twelve months from the year and year average. And to think that the conversation around domestic violence is getting so much more airtime, but yet it is having zero impact on the number of

Tell you Mum, to you dad, tell you dog, two friends, and share the love because we love love,