Ask Uncut - Is This Normal? Bridesmaid Beef & Beers For One

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.

Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.

Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life un Cut. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura.

Sorry I forgot to my phone on silent now I'm good, shocked, Yeah, I'm ready, do.

Not disturb me.

Do you know my favorite thing about you is your someone's phone on golf And Laura's like, someone's phone's on, and everyone looks at their phone and we're all on do not disturb, and she's like, what's mine?

Every time.

We're all like, it's not us. She's like, I can hear it. You're like everyone to know.

That I'm popular and that indeed people do try and contact me.

It happens. I'm so sorry.

Oh my god, what I don't know why this memory is flashing into my head. Oh god, when you said I want everyone to think I'm popular, guys, please think I'm popular. I think I might have told this on the podcast like four years ago. Has to have been at the beginning, I had been seeing this guy that I was obsessed with, that like couldn't care less about me. To be honest, I remember, I was like, I was so frustra It was hot, obviously, that's why I was

Which one was he can we give him a give me a two words that would explain to me who he is.

I can, but I also don't ever want him to hear what I'm about to say.

He's not listening. He doesn't care about you, Brett. He never did.

No, that's the thing he did.

Okay, give me two words and we'll beat them.

Oh yeah, yeah yeah. Anyway, very long on and off quote unquote relationship, but it wasn't anyway.

So I remember you thought it was a relations He would let me go.

He'd be like it's not for me, and then I would be like cool, then I'll move on with my life and he'd reared me back in and it was like that for years. Anyway. I remember this one time it was like getting to the end of this, it was going to be like a big blop, and I was like, okay, it's now whenever. So I remember changing my friend's name in my phone to this really hot famous person, and I said, I'm going to be meeting

I just faked my friend. I just changed their name.

So it looked like this hot famous guy kept messaging me in front of him, and I saw him look down, and then I was such a good actor. I was like, I'm so sorry, and I turned it and turned my phone over. But I knew that he had seen that we're coming through. It worked. He was back in. He was like, give it to me, Brittany, Okay, how hard did you go?

Was it?

Chatting Tatum? No, it was attainable.

It was believable. It was a neighbor's star. It was to Robert.

Someone from us Shift, Miguel, you got me.

Larry's hot.

Also, every single person I've mentioned has like a wife or a lovely girlfriend, so not attainable.

It's like Timothy's shallow man, bit far shoot to the stars. It was someone that like I shouldn't have even say it attainable, but it was like it could have been a long shot on any good day.

I need to know now who the attainable person is.

Well, I can beat it again, you go.

It was.

Ah sex speak, all those names.

Just my whole story is just going to be like beetep beep.

Oh god, oh, guys, I wanted to say so.

If you listen to Tuesday's episode, we talked about the cultural and social phenomenon that is Reagan. We did a deep dive, but we almost did like a premature deep dive, because we talked about it on Monday morning, when you know, there was quite a bit of information the news about it. She was already going very very viral the time. But that episode came out on Tuesday, and since then there's been developments And maybe Reygun is a scammer.

Yeah, the Turner's tape, ray Gun the break dancing scammer. Well, let's not start the rumors in case they're not true. But there's some due diligence, some further due diligence that we do need to do here and the world needs to do. But some spicy little things are starting to come roll onto the dance floor.

I mean, this is wild. Also, it's got fourteen thousand signatures right now. The goal is fifteen thousand, so they're almost there. They're actually there're on fourteen eight hundred and fifty eight signatures. So people really care about this. But it says hold reygun Rachel Gunn and Anna me is accountable for unethical conduct at the Olympic selection.

I feel that you guys are kind of dancing around it just in case. But I don't mind kind of throwing myself under the bus if this does end up to not be correct.

We're dancing around it so we don't get sued.

And also I don't have as much to lose, so hang on, you do try and sue me, but I can claim bankruptcy.

We get sued, not you. No, I'm dancing around it before we say it. This is allegedly. I'm dancing around it because the worst thing you can do to someone is go and publicly throw mud on them and accuse them of something if they didn't do it. So until we one hundred percent no, that is why I dance around it.

Okay, so there's speculation, there's smoke and fire saying that she set up her own governing body, her husband was involved in the selection process, there was something to do with how there was access to the competition of which she was selected to then go on and represent Australia. It's just looking a bit cheap.

When you say the governing body, you mean around the Olympic qualifiers. So that's why people are calling, Okay, maybe it didn't go to someone who was the best dancer in Australia when it comes to break dancing, and there was a lot of allowances that allowed her to get there in the first place.

There is people mad on the internet yet, but I'd love to actually and this is why I don't want to accuse.

I'd love to wait till the facts are out, because you don't just have a panel, a husband and wife panel, with one person that goes, oh, this is the one and there's evidently far superior athletes there. So there's definitely still questions around this. For me, it still doesn't add up, so I need to see receipts.

Yeah, it's looking as though there were issues with people who were actually very talented in this particular field who may have wanted to represent Australia being able to get to the qualifier events. There's a cultural element to this. A lot of people are, you know, saying that there's an element.

Of cultural appropriation.

But I do think it's important to point out that we recorded at eight am on Monday.

A lot of this information wasn't.

Widespread by then, and that's kind of why I feel like we're just saying there is.

More now to present.

If this information had been available and when we were recorded, maybe we.

Would have had different opinions.

Also, it's wild to me how much we've spoken about break dancing for something I've never talked about in my entire life. It's now dominated my existence the past four days.

This person she haunts me in my sleep.

I used to do it when I was a part of a youth group. I'm not gonna lie. I used to do that, the spin on the back.

Well, we used to do it on Wednesdays and Fridays, but then I ended up going into the band instead. But break dancing, it was a big part of the church culture.

I always thought I could be Olympian.

So fine, do you know what it would be?

I always thought I that's a lie. I actually don't have any stamina for anything. I could never go to the Olympics. You know how some people they had that fighting spirit that when they feel as though they should stop in their body, their brain takes over. Like I think of people like Ned Brockman, for example. I was born without that. When things get hard, I stop. When my body says, like you're tired, now, I go. I listen to you.

I'm Ned Brockman inside, like that's who I want to be. You're competitive, very competitive. I think we give up soon.

I'm tired.

If there was an Olympic sport right now that you think you'd be most suited to, what would it be?

Oh, I need to sleep think about that. That's not a sport.

I want to be the guy.

Was he Turkish?

Used to be military guy, just went up with the gun.

Do you know what silver? I know what I would have if I could go back into another life, I'd do tennis. I'd be a tennis player. That's interesting, dated one. I don't understand why that's awkward at all, just funny. That's what you you asked the question. I answered, That's what I think I would.

I love playing tennis, and I think that that's what I'd want to do.

I think I'd be good at it. I think I picked you guys great couples tennis back in the day. Yeah, he just came up. He was just in the Wimbledon final. Actually, Okay, that's a segway. Keep going. We might have been a great tennis couple, but we're not a couple. I'm in love. Cut all of that.

But it's like everything I've said on this podcast, so.

I don't exist to control altfully.

Hi, guys, welcome back to another episode with Keisha and Laura.

Okay, so we are here to answer your questions. I promise we're getting into that. There's just one more thing I want to do before we do unpack all.

Of your troublesome troubles.

So if you listen on Tuesday's episode as well, you would know that Britt is now moving to Romania.

I live in Romania.

She lives in Romania.

I'm Romanian and moving to Romania. Well no, but I mean, Ben, look you your beautiful fiance. He's now living in Romania, which means that you'll be spending a lot of time there, and it's a country that you seem to know absolutely nothing about.

Except that's where Dracula is, except that you taught me that.

Except Dracula came from Romania, from Transylvania.

So actually one edition here. I know you're going somewhere with it. But my favorite part of the other day was Keisha saying, isn't Dracula a mosquito? That's what Keisha said. I feel like we need that quote taken and put somewhere. Anyway, continued, I said, he was like a mosquito.

You can see where the parallels are. Vampires and mosquitos both suck blood.

But he's a bat. I didn't know it was a bad He moved to Romania, which is where Dracula is from.

As a fun fact, dracular Aara not real but no, but he's based on a real person.

But it's the But where.

He's from is real, which is Transylvania. In Romania, Dracula, I think he thrives in a colder environment, but it does get really cold in the winter there.

What does he do in summer?

I think he doesn't go out at night. Dracula is a night animal. Isn't that the whole point?

I'm not It's kind of like a mosquito, isn't he mosquito?

No?

I went up about Dracula.

He's about my bat. I don't know how you guys don't know about Dracula. Where the fuck did you grow up?

I think it's important to know some fun facts about the place that you're going to be moving to.

And we're going to miss you when you live in Romania. Britt, it's been good so far.

Am I going to die in Romania?

Okay, here's one that one of our beautiful life has sent us, she said. Britt needs to know what's going down in Romania. So the country is home to eight thousand brown bears, according to the Environmental Ministry, Europe's largest brown bear population outside of Russia. Bears have killed twenty six people and severely injured them two hundred and seventy four others over the past twenty years.

That's a long time.

There were bears in Romania.

So people are dropping dead from bears in Romania?

Are they where ben is? Yeah?

They're everywhere. The place is infested with brown mes So what am I supposed to do? And bats?

It was the first city to have electric street lamps in Europe, so they're advanced.

They're super fast and it is rapid. They're fast advanced.

One thing you will love is that Romania is one of the countries with the fastest internet speed. It has the sixth fastest internet speed in the world.

Wow, so I can record from there, we can reach you. We'll be able to get down the line real quick.

Okay, it'll just buffer on our end. It's Australian Internet. So shit.

It also has and this is one of the tourist landmarks that apparently everyone needs to go and visit when they're in Romania. Romania has one of the happiest cemeteries in the world.

It is called the Merry Cemetery.

And all the tombstones are decorated colorfully and have poetry or they have like funny jokes to try and relate back to the person who's in them.

I'm sorry, but that screams Brittany as the person heads with a joke. That is cool, man, it's nice. That is the kind of cemetery I think should be everywhere around the world.

Oh, it's only in Romania. Sorry. You know what's not.

Only in Romania?

What Little Paris Book Arrest.

Its nickname is Little Paris because they built an Arcta Triumph in nineteen thirty five.

I've seen it all after in real life. No Ben lives near the Arkda Triumph, the fake one.

It always surprises me when countries do that, when they build like something from another country inside them.

It's like you never have to leave.

We have it all here, here's our little Paris version Vegas.

It's so weak.

He's fake countries everywhere. Yeah, anyway you feel like you're in there. There's even a fake sky.

Chloe just wanted to make you feel a little bit more at home with some very interesting Romania facts.

I don't know if that makes me feel at home. By being like sober, you're probably going to die by a brown bear. But if you do die, you can have a joke on your headstone about the brown bear, about the I actually have a joke about a bear.

What is it?

How do you coax a bear out of a tree?

I don't know, with some honey, with camon bear, You and your fucking cheese jokes.

I'm not even giving you a laugh.

No, I'm not even giving you a giggle.

What do you call a bear without any teeth?

Bare mouth?

A gummy bear?

I'm not laughing back at a principle. I'm not giving you a laugh.

Okay, let's get into vibes onswer.

I'm gonna kick it off today because I have a vibe that I want everyone to get behind.

Great.

It's very insular vibe. It has come from within my home and I'm extremely proud of my husband, So Matt and his podcast partner Ash Wicks, who have the podcast Two Doting Dads. You guys might have heard of it. It's fabulous, especially for any parents out there who just want to listen to, you know, the normal trials and tribulations of parenting, the relatable shit. They have written a kid's book and it's called Two Doting Dads The Quest for Free Time.

It came out yesterday.

It is available in all Good bookstores and all Terrible bookstores.

They will sell it anywhere that you can buy a book from.

What's it about it?

So like two dads that don't want to be there.

There are two dads who are in the park with their children and they're reminiscing about life before they had kids, how it was so easy for them to do things together as friends. And then they devise a plan. So that they can go and spend time together just the two of them. But then all of the tribulations of being a parent get in the way, like one of the men's up in hospital because they've stepped on legook too much detail ends up having a puna.

The book now just tell us what it's mostly, don't ruin the plot.

No, But the reason why it's really sweet is because at the end of the book, the two dads end up being able to spend time together without the kids, and then they have the realization that the only place they want to be is together but with their children. Stop it you'd be really sweet. And yeah, I think they've done such a great job. It's such a funny, humorous,

Is my vibe for this week? Is the movie that every single person is talking about. I went and saw it last Thursday. It is the movie it ends with us, starring Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni. It was initially a book by Colin Hoover.

It was read by half.

Of the world, like it was so popular, and I haven't read the book, but Beck, my friend who I went with to the movies to go and see it, she had initially before this was turned into a movie.

Oh it's so good.

I've seen so much press around it, but genuinely haven't. I mean, I haven't seen it yet, obviously, And I knew a little bit about the book because I started it then didn't finish it. But I know at the time it was a real TikTok sensation of a book. So it's always interesting to see how films adapt something that is so well loved and so well read. It's good to know that, not that you can have the comparison, but it's good to know that as someone who's coming to it just as a movie.

You enjoyed it, Yeah, And I think that whenever there are books that are that popular turned into movies, people are automatically going to be critical because they've painted an idea of what they think a character is going to be, and then they see it on a screen they go, that's not what I pitch it totally. So there are a lot of criticisms about the adaptation. My friend beck she thought it was a good adaptation.

It's the same with I know everyone got really obsessed with One Day because One Day is a very very famous book, and I would say the characters weren't the way in which I envisaged them in the series. If you guys watched it everyone was talking about a few months ago, but they were different. But I absolutely loved the adaptation, even though they weren't the way that I pictured them to be.

My Vibe this Week is probably one of my favorite podcast episodes I have ever listened to ever. It is from Stephen Bartlett's diar over CEO, who you guys might have listened to the episode we had Stephen Barlin on our podcast. It is with a man named Francis Enganal. He is a man from Cameroon in Central Africa. He was the UFC heavyweight champion. He was a boxer and a UFC fighter, both of them mixed martial arts. He did it all, but his story is probably the most

That's amazing, what a story.

It gets even more incredible. The way he looks and his personality are two polar opposite things. The things that he has been through that is surface level. The things that this man has been through is something that you just wouldn't want to wish upon anyone. And then recently he lost his fifteen month old son. But his story and the way he speaks is the most powerful thing

I think it's also interesting when you hear stories like that and you think about the people who didn't have to help, but did.

That's what I meant. I left thinking one person being kind for no reason changed his entire existence. Yeah, he didn't have to do anything. It was just a random off the street that had nothing. It was like, please let me train for free? Like who would have said yes to that? So anyway, that's my recommendation. It came out last week on the eighth. It's Diary of CEO with Stephen Bartlett and the episode is Francis Engernell Wonderful.

You want to get into the question, Yeah.

Question number one. I've been with my boyfriend for five years now.

I have kids, he doesn't, and I've always felt like he's my best mate, not necessarily my penguin. But at the same time, it's been five years, we've put in the work, and my kids now adore him. His best friend moved in with us over a year ago. I obviously noticed that this man was attractive, and I've known him for a long time, but I was happy and content with my partner and thought, you know, it's just

All that never starts well, does it.

He goes on to tell me that he finds me here is this and the reason he chose to take a five fo three days on one day off was because he struggles to be alone with me. He said he thinks about me NonStop. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel the lost. I went home, I slept it off, and I felt so guilty that I did show my boyfriend the messages.

He kind of just said, oh wow, he.

Was thinking with the wrong body part, isn't he and has since pretended like it never happened. Now I'm in a tailspin. I dream about this man. He creeps into my mind constantly. He comes home in a week, and I've tried gently suggesting to my boyfriend that he really needs to move out. Obviously, I haven't told him that I'm attracted to his best friend, but I just said.

That it's just a bit awkward for me.

Now, my partner has replied that the extra income is helpful and he probably won't try anything.

Fuck This guy sounds like an idiot.

But what he doesn't know is that his friend has also messaged me since telling me that he's sorry.

However, I am just so beautiful and kind.

How I'm the sweetest person that he knows, and he can't help but think about me. I truly think that I'm feeling this way because after five years of being a full time working mom, I feel invisible to my family, So having a man call me irresistible is truly just a thrill. I do not want to go against my morals and destroy someone's trust, but I'm really not sure

There is nothing normal about this situation, and I want to say that by putting a full stop after every word, like there is nothing more that is. Boyfriend is the most complacent man I've ever heard in my life.

This okay he needs to or I just can't believe it.

If my partner if I was like, yo, like, you're bestie and the guy that sleeps in the other room he wants to have sex with me, he said, I'm irresistible. Yeah, and he can't not resist me. He can't resist me, he can't stop thinking about me. He wants me, And my partner was like, oh, he's probably not want to try it.

It's cool.

I don't think anyone's described me as irresistible in a long time.

It's been a long time.

Okay. The short answer of this is, if you want your relationship to survive, he needs to go immediately, needs to go, and you don't have to make it a big blow up. But like, he cannot stay in the same house. He cannot stay, he cannot stay. And when you said, actually, there's a part of the question where you were like, he creeps into my at night, he said he creeps into my mind at night, and I thought the sentence was going to go he crips into my bed at night, and I was like, well, there's

Can be pretty tricky.

I look, I don't want to I don't want to come into hot in terms of like criticizing your partner, because I think some people would look at this situation and go, would your partner has so much trust in you that that's something that's admirable, Like he trusts that you are never going to do anything that goes against the foundation of the relationship that you've built together. And he also just kind of trusts his friend in a way, I guess, and he's like.

Well, that's the problem.

But totally there's a sense of naivity, there's a sense of complacency in there. But also I do agree with you, Britt in saying that it's no wonder to me that

To me is weird. It's not the trust thing. Trust doesn't come into this for me. It's not, Yeah, you're not caring that your friend.

Has gone behind your back in your house.

A house that he has given you. He's gone behind your back to message your wife and say I want to be with you. I can't stop thinking about you, but please don't tell anyone totally. And that's why I'm like, it's complacency. So if he is that complacent around that situation, how complacent is he in the relationship in total?

I mean, from all the.

Conversations we've had on this podcast before, Esther Perella is the first person who comes to mind, because she's someone who speaks so well on the concept of desire. You've literally said, after five years, I feel invisible to my family.

There is no desire in your relationship.

If you feel invisible, if you feel unseen, your needs are not being met. So it is no surprise to me that when someone is showing you a level of attraction of intimacy, telling you that you're beautiful, that you're irresistible, that you are fantasizing about them, course of course you are. In no way do I blame you for having those thoughts, And I think that you have navigated this in the best way so far because you haven't cheated on your husband,

This is the situation.

This is how I feel, and I know I'm not attracted to him, but I feel as though the attention makes me feel something.

And I think it's because I'm not getting that attention from you.

But also, it's your house too. You don't have to subtly suggest that maybe the person that's sneaking around behind your partner's back and hitting on you in your own house should go. Like that doesn't have to be subtle. You are uncomfortable in your house, but it doesn't matter why. You don't have to tiptoe around with your partner. You

Yeah.

The other thing I think is put yourself in this situation. If that was your friend, a female friend that you were renting the room to, and she had message to your husband and said, hey, whenever Sally's gone, like, I just can't something about you. I want to be with you. I know what's wrong, Please don't tell her. If you had found out your friend had done that under your roof to your husband, I can guarantee you your response would be different, and your response is probably the response

It's an example like if your friend, if your good friend.

If I had to give you a room Keisha, and no part of me thinks you'll Ben on record. If I gave you a room because you were stuck and then I found out you'd been messaging my husband or fiance saying that like when I'm out, you want to bang him? Imagine like, no normal person, unless they're aiming for a threesome, it's going to be okay with.

That, or unless they don't care, unless that he's going exactly this is the thing, and this is why you feel undesired because that response from your partner indicates that he has partly checked out, he doesn't care. That's why you feel disappointed because the response is so unreasonable. The response is so lacking a normal sense of setting boundaries within a relationship that it is not surprising.

To me that there is no desire in your relationship.

So that's why I think there has to be some hard conversations that have had And I know you say you haven't. You've told him parts you showed in the messages. I'm glad you showed in the messages to start with. But this now is at a point where either you're going to be living in your house in such a high stress environment because anytime your housemate comes in, you're going to have that like or like the elephant in the room anxiety, which is an awful way to live.

I don't want to say that you will do this, but I do want to say you are far more likely to end up cheating. Yeah, you will if he stays in your house, because if he's not there, and he texts you do with that what you will? BITDP is in the lounge room and you're in the kitchen and your husband's not there, and he's been flirting with you NonStop, little brushes, little touches. You feel neglected in your relationship, you are far more likely to accept those advances.

One hundred and because you know that this wasn't a drunken attempt. You know that this wasn't just him thinking with his willy as your partner brushed it off like we're so stupid. You know that this is something that runs deeper for him, and it's how he feels about you, and you're now because of that attention, you're building.

Feelings based off chemistry.

Even though those feelings aren't necessarily real, they will become very real, very very quickly, and that will be so hard for you to navigate when you get to a place where you're like, oh fuck, I'm in love with my housemate who's my partner's best friend.

That's where you're headache. That's what will happen. Yeah, and also, don't feel like you have to work it out with your partner either if it's not there as well, and that's a decision you make. That's also okay, But like you're not going to just walk out and be with the friend. But it's a discussion. I have a spiciest banner.

What if? Have we started hypotheticals here? Yeah, this is a hypothetical.

What if?

What if she does? What if she goes? Okay?

I'm not getting this what I need from my partner, and I'm ready to blow my fucking life up into a million pieces. Maybe she likes the drama, maybe she likes the red flags. What happens if she goes okay, I'm done. I feel this strongly about my housemate. I'm gonna see what happens. How do you navigate that?

It sounds like the husband wouldn't care anyway, to be honest, No, honestly we joke.

Don't do that, but good luck. No, don't do that. Don't fuck that house making.

No, unless there's a lot of time in between and you've left your partner and you think that he's the one, it can't just be sex. It has to because you think there's something to it, all right. Question number two, how do I tell the bride and groom of a wedding that I'm attending later this year that the bridal party outfit they have chosen for me is awful and I do not want to wear it in no capacity. Keep in mind, they also ask me to pay for it, so now that's about of pocket for a dress that

Wear this in public. Shit really is doubling down.

I don't want to wear it in public, let alone in front of a crowd of people that I know at a wedding. I had suggested early on that if I'm paying for it, could I please buy a nice dress in the color that they would like, one that I would be likely to wear again. They insisted, however, that they want everyone to be uniform. Do I have to just suck it up as a day is not about me? Also, this is a destination wedding, so I'm already spending thousands on travel and accommodation to attend.

That to me is shit behavior from your friend when you get married, And I know that this is going to trigger some people. I'm very, very sorry if this was how you navigated your wedding. But the most important thing to me is that my friends feel comfortable. And no one is the same body shape, no one is

How do you navigate it now?

I would be honest, I would say, like, I receive the dress online, it really doesn't fit me properly, and

Do you know what I mean?

I completely agree. I think when I think, oh, of my wedding, the first thing that I would think of is that they can pick what they want.

Like even with my sister, I've already said to her, what color do you.

Want to wear? Because she's my maid of honor totally, what dress length? How do you envision it? And she's like, well, why don't you give me a guide of the color thing you want? And I was like, I almost don't care. I'm almost like, as long as you're happy.

Well, usually, I mean, maybe I'm wrong, but I usually think that the bride's made conversation around what everyone's wearing. It usually happens as a group. It's usually not just something that the bride dictates down and says, this is what everyone is wearing. But usually you have a WhatsApp group and everyone's kind of like in there and having a chat, like, what do you think of this option?

What do you think of this option? No, I think it's I think there's two sort of parties here.

I think one's that where there's the more lax bride that's working for her bridesmaids, and then there's the bride that's like, knows what her wedding is to a tea, she's probably had those dresses picked out for eternity. But my question is I also agree. I think you're right back, and you say I've never been more uncomfortable in my life. Like, say what you say to us, but a bit more diplomatically, Just say like, I am thoroughly uncomfortable. There is no

Well, look, I have one other feeling before I get to that part, because I think you can pull out of the bridal party, but I do think it'll cause a rift, and I think it would be upsetting for everyone. I guess the other part of this is the expectation that some brides have for their bridesmaids to self purchase a dress that they're never gonna wear again. I think that that's an unreasonable request and we need to stop doing that.

That's super standard, though you do you think, no, I know it is. That is how it is, and I don't necessarily agree with it at all, But that's historically that's what happens. The bride's maids get center dress. Sometimes it's like half is compensated by the bride, but usually it's like, hey, this will be the dress. If you could purchase it, that would be amazing.

Okay, That to me is absolutely insane.

I think it is crazy to expect someone to pay for a dress that you have picked out for them, that they're never ever ever going to wear again, and they don't have any saying it whatsoever. I think if that's the way it's going to be, then the expectations should be on the bride to pay for the dress.

I agree.

I think if you give them the option, if you're like, hey, here is a few different kinds of dresses, choose the one you like, then that's okay to kind of impart some of the payment or the whole payment. But if you're saying to someone you have to wear this uniform to my wedding and you hate it, but I don't care.

I don't think that that's a very nice way for friends to treat each other.

I might be in a brisemeat a couple of times, and every time I've paid for my dress and shoes, and some of them, I've paid for my makeup and my hair and jewelry and transport and accommodation. And it can be really fucking expensive. And there was a time in my life where this was genuinely a really big pressure.

The makeup and hair is weird like that for me, like come and behind my party, get ready with me, but get your own hair and makeup. I think the bride and the groom unless there's a really strong reason you can't but should be paying for dresses, Like if you've asked somebody to come and they should be paying for hair and makeup. Like if you've asked someone to be part of your day and you've put these specifications on, you can't then lump that someone someone.

I think my situation is the more common one, though it is.

Yeah, yeah, and I know that this comes from a place of more financial privilege, Like I know that I'm able to afford to pay for the dresses for my bridesmaids, and I paid for them. But I guess my thing is is if you can't afford to pay for them, or you haven't budgeted for it within your wedding, but yet you have really strict and stringent ideas around what that person has to wear, that to me seems unfair.

Well, don't have ten bridesmaids, Oh yeah.

Or it's an open conversation so that you're making sure that you're not putting your needs and wants as a bride over the financial capabilities of your friends, because that's just not being a good friend at the end of the day.

But not even over the financial capabilities over their comfort. Like you are so uncomfortable that you are losing sleep over this, Like you do not want to go and stand there in front of people, and I can't imagine what that feels like.

I think we need to normalize having conversations around weddings in a way that doesn't like stigmatize bridesmaids or groomsmen as being bad friends if they're not able to bend over backwards and cartwheel and spend the thousands of dollars

They want to be included.

But not everyone can afford the things and the expectations that are expecting of them. But I know we've gotten into I know we've gotten into the money side of things, but when it comes to like not just money, like also around their comfort. How do you feel do you do you feel good wearing that? Do you like wearing that? There has to be a limit to it. It may not be the dress that's their favorite dress that they've

I don't know if we would just feel differently about it.

Well, you can also loan dresses too, Guys like you can go to dress higher places and loan a dress and then give it back as well. That's like food for thought.

Do you know what is one of the most common questions that we have in the Life un Cut discussion group. It's from people who are bridesmaids who are like, I have been instructed to wear this dress. I have a really big bust and I need something that's going to like cover it or support my boobs or basically it's saying that the rest of the bridal party don't.

Have big boobs. Yeah I do.

This dress is not it's backless or you know that kind of thing. It gets posted at least once a week.

That's so crazy to me. Honestly, I would love to know. Maybe we should do a poll. Have you ever been a bridesmaid and were you made to wear something that you hate it? I would love to know how common this issue is. But yeah, I think look, if I was you, I would be having a conversation. I wouldn't be accusatory. I wouldn't go in as hard maybe as what you said, Britt, but I would definitely be saying like I would.

I feel it's not hard.

I think you can go and say I'm really uncomfortable, I don't want to wear this. There is nothing wrong with saying to your friend. If you are good enough friends to be in the bridal party, but you don't feel like you can tell her how uncomfortable you are, then that's not congruent. Yeah, it always.

Surprises me that this is something that people have to navigate, and I just think as the person who is getting married is the bride and groom, it's something that people should be and need to be way more sensitive about.

I think we do and we will do like an entire wedding kind of episode, whether that's a bonus or something in the future, because I'm already getting so many dms from people like this, like questions because maybe they know I'm planning the wedding. I don't know, but I'm I'm going through so many different wedding planning things as well already. So I think we'll definitely like collate a bunch of stuff and maybe we'll do just like a wedding.

Edition one hundred percent. I mean especially now, because that's like you were in the wedding orbit.

Bring You're sucked in hard deep, it's happening.

Next question, my husband and I had a disagreement and both genuinely could not work out who was in the wrong. So reverting to the brains trust, Oh cute, that's us.

Yeah.

My husband works shift work so often has midweek days off or finishes really early on week days that I'm working. So sometimes, let's just say once a week, he likes to go to the local pup by himself and have a few beers until I finish work, so he's killing time. He usually comes home a little bit tipsy on these occasions. I feel uncomfortable about him drinking by himself and coming home tipsy after doing so. I don't have any issue with him drinking with friends or if we have a

Genuinely, in answering this question, I feel like I'm in two minds about it because my first thought is that no one is actually in the wrong here, and drinking isn't a problem until it's a problem, right, Like I mean, it's really hard to identify when alcohol is a problem in someone's life. However, I understand why this is very triggering for you, especially if you came from having parents who are alcoholics. I can understand why that's something that's like, very,

I'm sure there's healthier ways to do it that.

If it's a once a week thing, you know, that's not a to me like a big startling trigger. But if he's doing that plus also all the rest of the drinking throughout the week, and as a total actually drinking is a pretty prolific thing that he does, then I would say, yeah, that is part of a parcel of a greater issue here, because it means that what he's actually doing is constantly drinking as a way of winding down.

Whether it's with friends or by himself.

I also don't believe that anyone is in the wrong here. I don't think he's in the wrong by having a few drinks on his own. And I am going to tell you are not in the wrong because you have feelings of being uncomfortable about that, Like, you can't be wrong for having that feeling.

It doesn't sound like he drinks that much outside of it, because you've said he's amazing, there's no other problems. It's not drinking in general. It's just this one time he goes by himself. That you have the problem drinking alone in this capacity. I don't believe is because you have a drinking problem. It truly sounds like any of course it could be.

But she's said he doesn't really drink other like they don't have any issue otherwise, which is what is clear. Obviously, if there is a drinking problem outside of that, that's a whole nother story. But that's not what she's letting us believe. She's actually just said it's those few hours once a week that he's waiting for me to finish work.

I know, But that's the problem, right because I guess the thing is when it is someone's only way of an outlet, when things get harder, when you've got kids, when all of those other extra pressures, and that's like your way to unwind is to have a few drinks on your own without the other things in place.

It can be the thing that helps.

To create I mean, like statistically, I've just pulled up some starts, and this is what the health organization says about it. While drinking alone at home is not always a problem, it can lead to alcoholism. Drinking alone clinically described as alcohol used to sell. You should worry about alcoholism developing if you find yourself over indulging, choosing to drink over social events or obligations, or drinking to deal with problems.

Obviously, Yeah, but I think about myself, I would have a drink by myself. I live alone, Like that's not a strange thing. And if he doesn't have a problem and he's not coming home wasted, which is not you've said that for me from the information I've been giving, I think what you have done is the right thing. Like you have expressed to him the way it makes

I maybe feel a little bit differently to Brit.

I do think that it can definitely be the start of a coping mechanism, or it can be something that turns into something more problematic. Does it sound like it's problematic right now? No, it doesn't sound like it's problematic right now. But I do also think that you're looking at this from like probably a more zoomed at lens and a big picture. There are a lot of questions to ask yourself. One is how much much is he drinking during the week. That's a really really important question.

And I eat a drinking problem also, not that this matters, but I'm just curious. And maybe this is the reason I think it is normal because I grew up with a lot of my friends, a lot of family members in the construction industry, like tradesman, and it's so normal for a trade to knock off and have a beer after work like that is and I'm not My dad was never one of those. He never ever went to the pub. He doesn't even really drink much. But I

Yeah, but I do think that that is an issue in that. I think if I said to Matt, for example, if my parents are alcoholics, and I said to Matt, this behavior is something that is triggering for me and it worries me, and they said it's fine, there's nothing wrong here, I would feel as though they weren't listening to the reasons as to why something was upsetting to me.

Oh see, I disagree.

And I think if he's coming home and his behavior is affected, like how much does it require him to drink to come home quote unquote tipsy, And then when he gets home tipsy, does he continue to drink or does he stop there?

And then you guys go on to have a lovely night.

There are more questions here that need to be asked as to how much it's affecting your relationship. But I don't want to disqualify the fat that you find being around drinking or solo drinking or whatever it is triggering because of your upbringing. I would too if I was in that situation, and it would make me far more hyper alert and hyper aware to the behaviors of my partner that might indicate alcoholism.

Well, that is it from us, guys. If you have questions, please send him in to Life on Cut podcast just the DMS. Funnily enough, I feel like we've said that on every single episode for like three hundred and fifty episodes of Ask Guncut, But I received them all the time to our website email address where people are like, Hi, I didn't know where to write this in and I was like, that's.

Okay, you can send it to our website.

You can, No, you can, But I thought we were always hammering home the message. But maybe people check out before we sign off. Don't check out, guys, don't wait right to be and you need to hear the call cry of Life on Cut.

You can send them into the website or email if you like.

I understand some of the people might want to be anonymous, like not even show their profile and that's why they email, which is also totally fine.

And also your accenting unfiltered, its everything else that comes along with it.

Don't forget. We have a YouTube now so you can go and watch all of our big Meata episodes in our interviews and then we put some ask guncut questions up as well, and it's a lot of fun.

And that is it from USK.

Guys.

Tell your mum, tay, dad, te dog tee, friends and share the love because we alam's testy pops. I just you'wn like I apt pink