Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander peoples today.
This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany.
You're in a Russia. Start there, Laura, microphone wasn't even in front of me yet. I was like, I was like, good, give me a second.
I have to get out of here. I'm gonna go get my kids from daycare soon. Oh I'd hate to keep you well, I think that, Yeah, they'd probably hate that as well. Anyway, this is us gun cut. I know that how down and dirty, spiny, little sexy, saucy number where we do our absolute best to answer all your deep, dark and burning questions.
We've got some crackers today. But before we get into that, you know we always talk about something going on in the world.
Well, actually, no, no, no, What I want to talk about first before we get into that is what you just said five minutes ago?
Oh God, what should I just say? I've said so many questionable things in the last five minutes.
I was asking Britt how her dating life is going, where it's at? You know, what's been happening you Have.
You gotten off the lounge Brittain in last week?
Have you gone on a date? Because you know that I live my single life vicariously through Britt. And then I said, she doesn't want to date, she just needs a friends with benefits?
I said, I I said, how do people This was actually it. I said, question, how do people find like a good solid friends with benefits, Like.
A good, solid, long hard friendship. Friends with benefits are too far?
Yeah, because like I mean, there's a multitude of friends with benefits that you can have. But I was like, where do these people get because I've got friends that have had like long term, solid, respectable, loving friends with benefits, like they really have a connection.
Okay, But it's always it's always tricky because someone usually catches the feels.
Well, I can't even get to the point to cash the feelings.
Like where do somebody you find the person and then lay down the groundwork at the start and say you know that I like you, I respect you. You're never going to be the person that I end up marrying or being with us the rest of my life, but I want to be with you for the rest of now.
Until you're done. It's a genuine question I did.
If anybody else has the answers, please slide into the DMS because yeah, look Britney searching or do.
You know where it came from? So we get so many questions come in that are related to friends with benefits and the problems that they've had and how long they've been friends with benefits for, And I'm like, holy smokes, where are all these people getting these long term, amazing friends with benefits? Like one girl wrote in a Friends with Benefits was like her friends with benefits. She'll come over and he's runner a bar, he's made a dinner,
he gives it back massages like it's extreme. It is like a beautiful relationship without the strings attached.
Okay, But then my question is is there a possibility in that situation that he's just more invested than she is, Like he probably hasn't been able to verbalize that he has feelings, so he just treats her amazingly hoping that she's gonna one day turn around and be like, hey, I have feelings too.
Just'll never know.
We will never know the answer to that. I like just going back on my memories of my friends with benefits. The best friends with benefits I ever had is a guy who I dated many years ago. To say name, I was not gonna say, okay, okay. Firstly, he's no, I'm not going to leave clues because people will figure it out.
Leave clues.
Okay, okay, bendyar. He was on the Bachelor, but not on my season.
What you haven't ever told me this?
Yes, I have I dated a guy who was on the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Obviously he wasn't a Bachelor, he was on the Bachelorette.
I am genuinely trying to I've obviously blocked that out from trauma.
That was obviously not mad and a season.
You have to give us another hint.
Well, I'm not giving you a fucking season, Brittany, and I used to call him my Wednesday night guy because I would on a Wednesday night. It wasn't it was never a weekend relationship. It was never good enough to be a Friday night or a Saturday night. We both just knew on a Wednesday we'd go and get sushi, we'd have some great sex. We had a great time. I would have a sleepover, I'd get up in the morning, I'd go to work, and things were great. I am sugar to the core for like six months.
Okay, just tell me this. Who was his bachelorette?
That is the same as the season. Anyway, let's get into the next thing. When I wanted to start an end, we don't.
Just this is like the sex with the leg thing. You don't just drop these bombs and then scurry off.
Look, it was it was Oh god. I think I actually started to get a bit of feelings after because it was a long time. It was like six months. I think I actually started to get feelings. But in retrospect, I didn't get feelings. I just had nothing else going on in my life.
Fake phantom feelings. I call them fff yeah, but phonetically, phonetically it's fff yeah ff yeah.
So I didn't really like him when I actually unpacked it. I mean, I do. He's a great guy. I like him as a person, but they didn't actually have romantic feelings for him, but the romantic feelings started to come when I started to realize he didn't have romantic feelings for me either, so I was like, well, why don't you like me? Like what's wrong with me?
And that is so standard.
And then it went to a bit.
As soon as they don't like you, you want to be with them, not you. I mean, like everyone, we always want what we can't have.
And then the other thing that then happened was my car broke down at his house and he lived quite a fair way away, so then I just left my car there for ages and couldn't be bothered to go and get it because it was broken down, and it stayed there for like a month, and eventually I went and picked my car up, and then I hadn't seen him for a month, and then we both just agreed it was kind of done.
Is he in Sydney now?
Yes?
Do you run into him?
No?
I genuinely don't think we've had this conversation because I am I'm really shook and I cannot, for the life of me think of who it could be. And I don't know how I feel about the fact that you've obviously made a conscious decision to keep this from me, even though you just assume you've told me in the past.
Yeah. No, I've told your Jimmy before. No, no, no, not Jimmy. I'm pretty sure I match with him on Tinder once and we both did. Okay, all right, let's get into what the actual conversation is about. We want to talk to you about another woman who's been on Tinder. She was very creative. There is a woman in UK now, her name is Fanny Blom. She's nineteen years old, and it's.
Her name, really, Fanny, Fanny Blom. I love that it's going to be a dating story and the name's Fanny. That's very mature of me.
That is really fucking a mature of me. But that's okay, I'm here for it. So Fanny Blom was on Tinder and she decided that she would invite all of her Tinder matches, five Tinder matches, out to the same nightclub at the same time.
For the purpose of online speed dating.
Yes, she created her own mini speed dating. But what she did is she told them all that it was her birthday and that she was going to be there with a group of friends. So then when they arrived, they didn't think it was weird that she was spending time with other people, so she rocked up to the nightclub with a fucking balloon and a party hat.
It wasn't even her birthday. This is brilliant.
It wasn't her birthday. So she says. This is what Fanny had to say about the whole thing. It was easy for them to find me because I had a birthday hat on, and it was easy to get free drinks with a birthday had on. Two this.
Yes, Fanny, live your best life.
I think in total there was only five of them who showed up because I had literally invited so many different tin matches. I couldn't be sure because then I had to go back and find their tin pictures to try and figure out who was who. But I met five really nice guys that night. One of them was really attractive, and I think we're going to go out on a second date. None of them knew that they were there on a multiple date situation.
I have so many questions. Okay, this is what I do think about. Put yourself in that position, not when you've invited every single online dating map toward dinner, but if I've gone to a party, if I've gone to someone's birthday and I don't know anyone else there, which is what's going to happen with these guys they've turned up. Don't you start to talk to people and say, hey, how do you know Fanny?
Well she literally said this. Throughout the night, Fanny would excuse herself from the group so that she could go and flick through Tinder messages so that she could liaise with other dates who had shown up at the nightclub. So we think she kind of said, like, it's not a date, it's not a one on one. I think she was like, Hey, I'm at this club with some
friends for my birthday. Come to the club. So she made it sound a lot more casual, but really she was there by herself, just going on multiple Tinder dates.
She's a time efficient woman.
And she said, I don't think anyone realized and this is what I think we need to do for you. Let's set up a speed dating situation at the Royal Hotel.
Just bey, just say, just tell everybody that's my birthday.
Give me your hinge, give me your.
Actually, speaking of that, I downloaded a different dating app because.
Now she's on every single one. Well, you're like not funny.
Too soon, It's always too soon. Yep. I'm just really getting out there, spreading my wings.
But on many dating apps are there? And are you on in all?
Honestly, I'm not on every single one. I'm now on three.
Okay. I feel like if you're on three that you're covering all bases of anyone who is single in this area.
Well, I always thought that there'd be different people on different apps, that's what. Well, no, they sort of are. So I ran out of one, so.
So I went on.
I was like a better download another one, And there've been different people so far. So And the thing is, when if you guys are online dating, you'll know if you're not. I'm going to tell you when you when you join up to a dating app, when you're a new profile or a new customer, a new whatever. I think the algorithm shows you to more people and it puts you out there more. So when you're new, it goes bonkers, right. You get you get love hearts and
compliments left front and center. And I say compliments because that's a new thing online. Now you can send a compliment, which is I haven't seen that before until I downloaded it. This weekend.
And also we all know how uncomfortable compliments make you.
I'm an awkward person anyway. But I have been getting compliments Laura, which is this is pretty shocking. I've been getting a lot of compliments that are about the podcast, so coming from male listeners that are writing things like I also love love or you yeah, but like, no,
my point's not about that. My point's like, are there male do we genuinely have a bunch of male thirty year old listeners in the eastern beaches of Sydney or do you think that they're sitting at home with their flatmates that are women that are like, oh I know that podcast say this? So do you think these people are genuine listeners, these men or do you reckon?
I mean, considering all the things we talk about, period chatam going down on your girlfriend, I would I would think no, no, it's coming from the FLA. And also, not only do I think this subjectively, but because I can actually see the data and see how many men and women listen to this podcast. Two percent of our listeners and men they're all on bubble that none of those are real listeners. But let's get in though, answering your questions. Guys, you have sent in some crackers. We
have picked three for today's episode. There is one in particular that I read it and I had feelings, and then I felt something else, and then it was a lot going on.
But I were they phantom fake feelingsf No phantom feelings FPF.
They were real feelings. And I think that we need to talk about this. But from not from the perspective of the question that's been asked here we go. Just made that really confusing.
So yeah, let's hear it.
I went on a date with a guy and things ended up getting a little bit steamy in the car park. All was going good. We ended up going down on each other. However, he ejaculated pretty early on. He also wasn't good at pleasuring me. Now, my big problem is that his penis is small. Should I continue talking to him even though I know that I won't be satisfied in the bedroom or should I just overlook the fact that he couldn't make me orgasm that time as he
has a small penis. Thanks in advance for your help. Additional note, he is a really sweet, caring guy and has the personality of what I am looking for.
So did they have sex in the car, or because it makes it sound like she just said they just went down on each other, I.
Think they had sex. Oh well, I think they tried to have sex and he prematurely ejaculated.
Right, Okay, so the question is.
But also I think she was turned off by the size of his penis, So maybe she didn't even really give it a crack. She's just assuming that she won't be sexually satisfied because she doesn't find his penis to the aesthetic that she likes.
Okay, so my first initial thought is, look, let's give the guy the benefit of the doubt. You don't have a lot of room to move in a car. In the back of the car you use, you cannot use your tricks, you cannot do your usual maneuvers that you might do whether you had an adequate amount of space and time.
It's like, sexually a terrible place to have sex.
Yeah, it's not like the movies movies made with Magala. Great. I think you need to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. There is no way of knowing by the size of his penis what he is actually like in the bedroom. I am a pretty big advocate of size does not equate to pleasure. If this guy has all these other things going for him and he's amazing and you think he's awesome, that's going for it. Give
it another well. But if, for whatever reason inside you feel turned off by something, then it is hard to recover from that. And that could be that could be anything, anything could turn you off about some of the way they treat the waiter, whatever. If there's something inside that doesn't feel right, I think it's hard to get over that. But if you are just basing this on the fact that he prematurely ejaculated, I mean, girl, first of all,
let's take that as a compliment. You're obviously smoking hot, he got very excited. There's only one way to take that, and that is like, well, you know my job's done. Look how hold I am, I'm spicy, I am fire. Take that. I think you need to give an he'll sip turned on. I think you need to give him another WORL What do you reckon?
I had a lot of feelings about this, and I think I kind of want to go down a different path firstly, and then come back. I agree with everything you've said. I do think that if you're turned off by something. You can't force yourself or will yourself to have that sexual chemist connection. Will yourself or willy yourself.
It's not there, okay. But my thing is, And what I really wanted to unpack with this question is I think that society has told us that it's okay to judge men on their penis size, Like society has told us that only men with big penises can make us satisfied. And a man with a big penis is what every woman wants, you know. And we have been consciously and subconsciously conditioned to think that a big penis is better
and a small penis is not worth your time. If a man was to talk about a woman's revolver and vagina in the way that we talk about men's penises, we would be fucking outraged. If a guy was to say, oh, I'm not going to date that girl because her labbier was so long, or her labbya was uneven, or she'd had two kids so like her vagina was looser, we would be disgusted and repulsed at him in arm. We
would be furious, you know. But I think that there is for some reason it's more acceptable for women to criticize the size of men's penises, and because so much of a man's manhood is literally tied to their penis, it's such an emasculating conversation. But also what you said, Britt, and I fully wholeheartedly agree with you, penis size is
not synonymous with pleasure. I have dated guys with huge penises and they were terrible in bed, And I have dated guys with very small penises and they were very good in bed. And it's because sometimes the guys with the small penises have had to work harder. They do have to, that's it, and they've got more tricks and more things up there asleep, you're upside.
Down, you're inside out, you're hanging from the ceiling. But I mean that, you know.
I just think like, if you're going to write someone off from a sexual experience that you had in a car that probably didn't go to plan by the sounds of things you've been out on a day, maybe you'd had a few drinks as well, there's lots of limiting factors in this situation that would make me think he hasn't performed to his best regardless of penis size.
Well, I just think that exactly that, Laura, But maybe you just don't like him that much, because if you were that infatuated, and I guess it's early stages, so if you were lusting that much, I don't think that would matter to you that much. This is what I think. So I think maybe there's more going on if you can be like, yeah, you know it's not for me, and maybe it's not for you, and that's cool as well.
But I think, definitely give this guy another. Go go on another really nice date because you said he's great, you said there's so nice and love. Go on another and don't go into the date thinking about it and worrying about it and wondering about it. Just go and have a really nice time, have a nice se in it, have some wines, and then if you feel that way inclined and you want to sleep together at the end.
Of the day, do it. Experience it for what it is.
And then after that, I think you can make another decision where you want to keep seeing someone. But I just just don't purely make it on the size of their penis.
Yeah, And I like what you said there about like not putting so many expectations on it, like regardless of whether you end up together or you don't end up together. Like it's two early days to make those sort of assessments, truly, Like, it's way too early in a relationship. And if you do feel inclined to give it another go, then go for it. But I think this kind of goes for everybody, and I've been guilty of this in the past as well. It's okay to have a preference. It's okay to have
a particular penis that you think is aesthetically pleasing. You know, we've all seen penises where we've been like, that is a beautiful penis, and then we've seen penis where we're like, that's just not the it's not my jam, it's not what I would normally like. But I think completely judging someone as being a potential partner off their penis is pretty like one dimensional way of looking at a person.
And I think like their penis size and what their penis looks like in totality is not who that person is, and it's not what they can provide you sexually. I think, like, as we all know, people have got mouths and hands and all these other parts of their body that they can do wonderful things.
With Yeah, it's such a small part of what matters. I don't mean small.
Part that was fun for choice of a better word, Now I was a.
Slip of a tongue. Obviously, it is a small part, but it's it is such a small part of what matters in a relationship. And i'd let me tell you, if someone that has dated all walks of life, it is really the bottom of the list for what you look for in a partner. That's what I think.
All right, let's get into question number two.
Okay, question number two. My work friend is an absolutely terrible parker. The other day she scraped one of our colleagues cars when she was pulling out of the car park. I saw her do this, she saw me see her do this.
Convoluted. Yeah.
She messaged me later on and said, please don't say anything. I know you saw what I accidentally did. Now there's been a big all office email go out to every person, and the person's who car was is absolutely livid and devastated that this has happened, and no one left a no, No one's owning up to it. Obviously, should I tell her or do I just stay out of it? And pretend I saw nothing. I have a level of guilt.
This is tricky. Oh, I don't know how to answer this. All I know how to that doesn't come to my podcast. I don't know how to answer your fucking question.
But this is a tricky one.
No. I think this is super tricky because at the end of the day, like, it's not your responsibility to make your friend and do what's morally and ethically right, but you have been dragged into this. You have been like like you're an accomplice to her crime basically, like literally, not even basically like literally you're an accomplice to her crime because you've seen it. But but yeah, you've seen
it go down, and then you're not being honest. I think it's worth going and speaking to your friend who hit the car, who knows that you saw them hit the car, and say this has gotten out of hand, like this is actually blown up until a much bigger thing than what you or I thought it was going to be. I feel like you've put me in an incredibly uncomfortable position, and I really think that you need to take ownership for this. That's where I think you
should start. I wouldn't be going and just like telling the other person. And because my issue is and this is kind of how I approach a lot of stuff in life. And maybe it's not maybe it's not the best way all the time, but it works for me. I don't like to get involved in drama and in things unless I don't have a choice, and unless it is absolutely necessary. I don't really like making my life more dramatic or stressful than what it needs to be.
And that whole situation seems very, very stressful. You're going to create a lot of conflict in the workplace. Not you're not creating it, it's not your fault, but you're going to be pulled down into it. And I think that So if you're okay with that, then sure, go and be the bigger person, go and tell everyone, and be that person who's taking the right and moral high ground. But I don't know if I would have the confidence to do that.
Okay, So, Laura, if you saw if you guys left the office today and you saw produce Akisha accidentally hit my car, scrape it, and then she drove off and you saw it, what would you do? Would you tell me or would you go to her? Or picture it like that?
Do you know what I would have done. I would have straight away when someone said, hey, you need to keep this secret, I would have said, it's not Keeping your secret is not my responsibility. And I think that that's where you've gone wrong by almost saying yes, I will keep this secret and then going a couple of weeks and waiting for it to get out of hand. That's why the situation has exploded, you know what I mean? Like, so I guess maybe this is like, this is my
advice for the future. If somebody tells you that you need to keep a secret that makes you uncomfortable, say no, because they don't have a right to make you keep a secret. And I really hate it when people say, oh, i'll tell you this, but you can't tell anyone, and then they tell you something and keeping that secret completely goes against your morals or against how you feel about something.
So I think that, yeah, you like, just don't tell me.
Don't fucking tell me, Like, it's actually unfair to expect someone to keep a secret that fundamentally glows against your own personal morals. So I just think in this situation, you have to figure out what you think what you think is morally right, and also what you can live with. And I think every single person in this situation will
probably behave differently. There'll be so many people who will say, no, go tell her, and there will also be people who say, oh, oh, I don't want to get involved.
I yeah, I agree with everything said. I would probably be just because of my conscious I wouldn't go run to her and tell her, but I would go to the person that hit the car and I would just say, I really think you need to tell her. Like, think of if this was you, how shitty this is that you have to front up all this money that you might not have because someone didn't have the guts to leave you a note. And I think what you could do in this situation and what you could tell her
she could do. Maybe she feels bad now, like too, I can't comford now it's been weeks, you know, or I've been a week. I've lied about it. I can't come forward now. Maybe you can go down the route where you encourage her to just say, look, I'm so embarrassed by what I did. But I didn't have insurance at the time and I panicked. But I've gone and got insurance now, And if you are happy to this is so illegal, but if you're happy to like pretend this is but if you're happy to pretend this has
happens now, like I would love to do that. Maybe you can say that because it is hard when when you haven't come forward with something.
Yeah. Also, if you're from Goo, please don't leave a one star review.
I mean, like, not that I've ever done that, but I'm just trying to like get this poor girl to admit to something and get her out of a tricky situation.
I agree with what you're saying as well, Britt, Like I think, because it's gone on for so long and it's turned into such a bigger situation, it's humiliating to admit that you did the wrong thing. Like, not only is it embarrassing because you had the accident, but it's humiliating to say, hey, I'm sorry that I didn't come forward. That was wrong of me. Like that would take such a big person to not only admit fault for having an accident, but to actually admit fault that they didn't
share it. You know that they were trying to be deceitful at the start, and the onus isn't on you as the person who saw it happen. The onus is on the person who ranged into the car, the person who was parking. But it's completely up to you and if you do decide that you want to tell that person, if you do decide that you want to share the information that you know, you're not a bad person for doing that and it is not your fault that somebody else decided to act badly and to keep it a secret.
Yeah, And I have had someone hit my car in the past and not leaving. I've had people leave noe brilliant. I've had people that have hit it and run and it's it's so upsetting because it's like now I have to front up all this money all this time, always have to get it fixed because someone just didn't have the gut stowing it's right. So it's it is a shitty situation and I'm sorry you're in it, but like hopefully it resolves itself.
And I'm not sure if we were any help at all, but we'll keep on driving.
No, it's just an interesting one, isn't there. It's more about a discussion that one. It's a very deep moral discussion.
Well, because there is a right and wrong, but at the end of the day, the person who's written the question in is not in the right all the wrong, like they hadn't done anything wrong. Yeah, that's the big thing, all right. Okay, the last question here is about the ick, and I fucking love the ick. Well, I don't love it when we don't love the ear, but I do love conversations around it, all right. I have heard you guys mentioned the ick or the sudden ick towards a
partner on the podcast before. It's a feeling that I was not familiar with. Until six months ago. I was happily in a relationship with my boyfriend for a whole year. We lived together. I guess you would say that we were relatively normal. We had a healthy sex life. We'd have sex a few times a week spontaneously. You know, you get me. We were in a really good place.
Please do not think I am a shallow person, and I do not mean to sound shallow or rude, But for some reason, in the past six months, I've just had the serious ick towards my boyfriend. Nothing has changed, he has done nothing wrong. I just cannot bring myself to have sex with him. When he would try and have sex with me. I just don't want to do it. I no longer feel the need, the attraction, or the drive.
I expressed my feelings towards him, and he was understanding. However, it got to a point where we were having sex maybe once every couple of weeks. I still don't enjoy it. We are now one point five years into our relationship and I still have this immense feeling of the ick. What do I do? Does this mean that I don't want him as my boyfriend? Pretty Much in every other facet of my life, he is perfect. He gets along with my family. I have three brothers and he gets
along with all of them. They're all great friends. He's attractive, he has a big friendship group. He's a trade and he's local to my area. I think he and he's local anyway, very important. He lives locally, so it's all working out. Basically, she's gotten the ick, and she's had the ick for what sounds like a year because she was dating him for six months. Everything was fine and then bem got the eck.
Yep, you, I'm diagnosing you. You definitely have a case of the eck.
You have chronic ick, girlfriend, Yeah, and the ick.
Is a tricky one. I don't know many people that recover from the ick successfully. Could you do it for sure? Could it just be a phase? Yes? But is that But is that common?
Not so much.
Usually the ick is a pretty big switch in the way you feel internally generally speaking, Usually there's something that has started it, like there is something that ignites that feeling in you. I don't know what it is for you. It's hard to say. Does this mean he's not the one for you? For me personally, I want to have an attraction. I think that if you can't think about kissing your partner or touching them or being romantic with them, that's a really big thing for me. I'm definitely a
physical touch person. So I think if you if there is something that is like repulsing you in your relationship, that's a pretty big red flag. And you did say it's hard. There's so many other great things he gets along with my family and my brothers. That's brilliant. But unfortunately that's not reason enough to stay in a relationship because you'll meet someone else as well if it comes to that point that is friends with your family. But you need to get to the bottom of what is causing your ick.
Yeah, I want to say I don't normally get on this podcast and answer these questions with the answer I don't think you guys should be together anymore. That's a very very rare answer, I think, if anything, Britain, I usually avoid giving the answer of breakup because you want to.
Be on both sides. You want to present two sides of e yeah, and.
I don't want to be responsible for a perfectly healthy couple breaking up like that's not We love love, we love love. We're not here for the breakups. We're here for the makeups, okay, But you cannot be in a relationship where for an entire year, an entire year, the thought of being sexually intimate with your partner discuss you and you force yourself to do it anyway, Repeat that
for me, like nobody. I mean, they are definitely going to be time where you're not feeling it, where you kind of you know, you know that when you actually get into doing it, you're going to enjoy it, But you can't be bothered because you're tired whatever. Plenty of those moments are going to happen throughout relationships, but a consistent feeling of repulsion towards being intimate with your partner
for an entire year is not healthy. And I'm not going to sit here and say that that's something that you should keep on working at or keep trying to resolve, because it sounds like you have been working at it and you have tried to resolve it. The other part of this, and I think, is something that we often, especially when we're dating someone who on paper, they're everything that we're supposed to want. It's okay to not be
with someone who ticks every single box. It's okay to walk away from a relationship where you think, fuck, they're perfect, but I just wish I felt differently, do you know what I mean? It's okay because sometimes there is a reasons, or there's something that we can't tangibly put into words, or we can't grasp that there's one specific reason why we feel the way that we feel. But if you
have this overwhelming feeling that you're relateationship isn't right. You've felt that for over a year, Nothing that you do, I think is going to change that, and you can't just then go.
And grasp its straws and tiny little reasons to hold on to for why the relationship could work. So like you know, the family thing, and if the time comes and you meet someone else, I'm sure they're going to get along with your family too. What the most important thing is is what's happening with you two privately at home inside and I don't mean inside the home, inside of you, how you feel about your partner.
And it's so.
Normal to like being long term relationships and you want to have sex less. That's normal because you know, you get tired, you get busy, you get used to each other. That all consuming sexual chemistry that sometimes happens at the start of the relationship. It's normal for that to taper. But what's not normal is to have a level of repulsion and revulsion totally for your partner.
And I think also with the ick like something that I mean, Britt and I have done a lot of research into the eck, more so than what any normal person should ever do into a dating phenomena, right, But the ick is something that is very much based on
our intuition. It's based on our intern a feelings, and sometimes those feelings are very guttural and you can't necessarily pinpoint why, but your intuition is essentially your internal warning system telling you that there's something about the situation that
you don't like. And I'm not saying that in any way that there's something wrong with him as a person, but that internal warning system could just be this isn't the person for you, you know, like maybe they do something which makes you feel like, maybe he doesn't have great personal hygiene. Maybe there's something about the way he lives his life that on a very day to day level, you're like, oh, it's like yuck. You know there's something else there, but you just can't quite put it into
words or figure out what that is. There's so many reasons why the ick happens, but when it does happen, it is possible to get over it, but not if it's made a place in your relationship for over a year. Like if it is stuck around and you have had the ick for longer, then you didn't. I think that's when you really need to unpack why you staying.
Can you get over the year and move past it? Yes, you can, you one hundred percent can if it hasn't gone on for too long, and if you can pinpoint what it is, and then if you can have an open discussion about it and move forward. Like Lauridas said, maybe it's a hygiene thing sometimes. And when it happened to me, I didn't have a reason. I couldn't pinpoint it. It was just a whole feeling that I got and I didn't know why, and for that reason, I was never going to get past it. But some people can.
But generally speaking, psychologists say that if you have been experiencing the eck for quite a significant amount of time, then it is probably better that you break up, because that is not something healthy to have in a relationship.
There is a relationship psychologist named Haavez who says this, and I found this quote really interesting on the eck, and she said, the eck is a gut reaction and you should always trust your gut. You can know you want to have a relationship. You can know that you like their qualities, but you can also accept that you
just don't feel that way about them. It depends on whether the behaviors that I rate you or that you feel disgusted by undegotiable, and whether they can change in them so like, for example, whether you can get over the fact that you're discussed whenever you try to have sex with them, it's better to accept sooner rather than later that the relationship will not work in order to move on. And I think that that kind of sums
it all up. Like, if sex and being sexually compatible with your partner is important to you, it's important to so many people. If it's something that's really important to you, and having sex is something great sex where you feel connected and loved and into it and passionate and all of those things that you feel when you have good sex with someone who you are deeply in love with and don't have the dick for. If that's important to you,
then I think that that is your answer. If it's not important to you and sex is not something that you care about and you're quite happy to park it and not have sex, then I think, yeah, sure, there's plenty of ways that you can work on this relationship.
But at the end of the day, well, having said that, Laura, before you go on in a year, no, but having said that, it has to also not be important for your partner. It just can't be important. It can't not just be important for you, And you're like, well, it's
not important for me, so I'll get through it. If your partner if it's really important to them and they want to be having sex all the time and they want to be passionately kissing you, and you can't bring yourself to do it, then it's also not going to work.
I one hundred percent agree.
It's because it's so common in y and sometimes you just can't put your finger on why, and that's why it's so intriguing.
There is a great thread if you're part of the Facebook group. Well, if you're not, go and join Life Uncut discussion group. But if you are part of the Facebook group, go and search for the ick in the discussion group. There is an awesome thread from a couple of weeks back. Now I won't tell you why, but I was doing my research on the ick because we have a very special little project coming out someday soon, and I put my feelers out there and so many
of you. There was hundreds and hundreds of women and men who wrote on that thread saying the different things that had given them the ick in their relationships. Some of them are fucking hilarious and some of them are absolutely humiliating. So it's the full spectrum.
Well, that's the thing. It doesn't even have to be a huge thing. I remember once. Okay, I can give you one example of something that set the ick off for me in a relationship a very very long time ago. He farted. That was all it was. He was a constant farter. It wasn't just one off, like he had a gas problem.
He would never be able to date Maddy Jay. I'm so glad he wasn't your bad.
I mean, I hope you're glad for more reasons than that, Laura.
Could you imagine if we had been on the same season and we were competing for the same guy.
I reckon we would still be friends.
But who would have been into our wedding? I met up with your husband?
Oh my god, we're so cool. I reckon we would have been friends because we're actually both not that competitive in that sense.
But you're lazy, You happy to pick someone else Manny Jay, We've got each other.
But no, I think that for this it was like he kept farting. He had really bad gas, but it was constant, and it was the smell. It wasn't a normal art. The smell was so bad. And I remember one day he just did it to the point where we were in a king single bed that was I remember it. We were saying, so we didn't even have a double bed, so I couldn't even roll bed. And that was it. The set that is set it off.
And then I just couldn't even touch him. I couldn't look in the same and I was like, this is over. I'm like I cannot pick and like, I know you guys are rut there thinking now probably like I can't let you break up with one over that. I didn't break up over that, but that was the start of the ick. And then once you feel the ick, everything else that they do gives you the ick. And that's why the ick is such a dangerous thing because it's
not usually one thing. It starts as one thing, and it's snowballs down the hill like a big giant snowball in the middle of winter.
Like a big ikey snowball.
He's anyway, and that's it. Guys, keep you questions coming in for Ask gun Cart.
If you guys have a question for next week's Ask on Cart or for the one that we do on the radio, just keep its slightly more PG or G rated for radio. For little ears you can write in just slide into our DMS at Life on Cut Podcasts to Instagram. Just write ask on Cut at the top, send us your juicy, saucy, sexy question and you will go in the mix for next week.
It's the saying with your accidentally unfiltered and your confessionals or anything else that has happened to you that you think we should know about.
And if you haven't had enough of us by listening to Tuesday's episode and this episode this week, we do all also have another entirely different podcasts. It is called Hooked, Hitched, and hung Up, and every Wednesday we're dropping you episodes on that where we are revisiting some of the spiciest, most wild, outrageous love relationships of the past.
Celebrity relationships too, just those relationships that captured you over the time and you're not really sure we're we're down, but you want to know that's what this is.
Well, I mean, it's kind of celebrity relationships, but it's kind of not celebrity because it's people like Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky who were like very famous but not really celebrities. Infamous instant, that's the word I was looking for. Great glad that I had to hear, but anyway, guys, that is it from us and you know the drinkles.
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