Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.
This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life. I'm I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and it is the day after the live show. It is.
The live show was last night, which I can only imagine was wild. But as we've recorded this on Tuesday, because we had the live show, we can't be sure it's gonna be fucking great, though I'm hoping we can say it went well.
You know what, if it didn't go well, you will all know about it because it's being live streamed. So that is truly frightening. Well it has been while we're business bastans like it could have been. Who knows. It's all a mystery, you know, but right now we don't. And that's pretty much what we're getting at.
We're going to talk about that more on Tuesday when we can actually talk about it live like it happened.
Yes, we are having to pre record this. We're recording this episode on Tuesday, and the reason for that is because tomorrow, literally from the minute we wake up to the minute we go to bed, we have a live show to prep plan and also perform on stage. So it's going to be a fucking disaster.
Don't say that it's going to be incredible. But anyway, enough about the show that we can't talk about.
Do you know what I have something I wanted to speak about before we get into answering all your deep, your dark, your burning questions. There's been something that has made the rounds in the news in the last couple of days, and it gave me a lot of feels, especially coming off the back of my hens. If you didn't listen to Tuesday's episode. Last weekend, me and some of my closest, nearest and dearest, brick Keisha and all my other girlfriends, we all all went away for the
weekend for a couple of nights. And now of my girlfriends there are several moms who have newborn babies, a couple of months old babies, and also a couple of pregnant women as well. I mean they were really in that phase of dress, that age having babies.
They're also some single people are too.
Not many just and Jazzy. Actually there was three, there were stree. But look there is and has been a few articles around as she binds. I don't know if you know who she is. I'm sure a lot of you do, but she is a fitness entrepreneur. She's quite famous across social media. She's been controversial for different reasons in the past. But the reason why she's in the media in the last couple of days is because she
has a three month old baby. She also has a seven year old with her husband, and she went away on a girl's weekend for two nights, forty eight hours away from her three month old baby. Now, she left her baby, not in the closet, not you know, with a stranger down the street. She left her baby with her husband, the man who she chose to pro create with,
took care of the child for two nights. And unfortunately, because social media likes to weigh in on everything, this poor woman has caught some abuse from her followers or from people who have seen the fact that she's been away from her three month or baby for two days and felt like they needed to weigh in with their opinion comments like how could you leave your baby with Steve for that long?
That is so wrong, as she binds. If you don't know she does have one million followers on Instagram, we know that's a lot of people's opinions. It's a lot of opinions flying at you, and we know that people don't always follow you and just have positive things to say. So she has said her inboxes filled up with these negative comments, and I actually like the way she responded, And I think that's the important thing here. Whether you agree with everything she has ever said or you disagree,
there's been things I disagree with. I agree with her message here, She said, I know judgment has come flying my way for leaving my baby girl for forty eight hours, but hear me out. I love my baby, but I also love my friends. I love my baby, but I also love travel and variety. I love my baby, but also loved doing fun things just for me. I love my baby and fully trust and love Steve having his bonding time with the kids, and can enjoy myself knowing
they are happy and safe. The only thing she has done here there's no way she hasn't just left her baby on the side of the street with no food in the cold. She's left it in her home with her loving husband. Maybe she's breastfeeding. If she has, she would have expressed milk. If she's not in its own formula, she has left the baby food.
Don't even have to leave the baby food. The dad can go and get formula from the shops.
Well, she said, if this was Steve going away for two days, or any man going away for two days, you wouldn't hear about it. Everyone wo'd be like, have fun, have a great time. No, it would not even be a question. And I think that this is a pretty shitty thing to see that a woman has gone away with her friends for not even It wasn't even to it. I wasn't even forty eight hours. It was less than that. And she's copying a barrage of hate for what because
she's not at home nurturing her little child. Like I'm not a mom, so it's hard for me to comment. But Laura, I imagine, I mean we've spoken about in the past, but I imagine when you have a baby, there is a level of you lose your identity, and you lose your old life and you miss your old life and you want to try and hold onto that part of your life.
I mean, there's all kinds of mums, and I think that that's why it's so fine and why we shouldn't judge other people. There are mums who could not even fathom being away from their child at the three month mark, and a big reason for that probably is because they have incompetent partners who don't know what they're doing and haven't been actively trying to be involved. That that's one thing.
Or it could be that they're breastfeeding therefore they can't be away from their child, or because they have high anxiety around it. All those things are completely fine. Then there are other types of mums who, you know, maybe their child is already bottled, formula fed, whatever it is for, you know, because that's their choice to do so, and they are so confident with their partner's involvement in raising their children. And this actually was so interesting to me.
Even when we went away for our hands on the weekend, it was so obvious the two types of parenting that existed. So some of my friends had written a detailed list for their husbands. They had literally printed out this is what time they go to bed, this is what time they need to be, this is what you give them for the breakfast, this is where the clothes are, this is it was like scheduled and formulaic so that nothing could go wrong, and it was printed out and put
on the fridge. That was one end of the spectrum. On the other end of the spectrum, there were people like me who literally just kissed Matt goodbye and walked out of the house. I didn't check a single thing because I have full confidence that Matt knows exactly what to do, if not better than me, because he has the kids more often than I have the kids all day.
So I think, like, it's when you see these negative comments and when another mum judges someone, You know, when one mom judges as she binds because she's taken two days away from her children.
And that mother can't possibly imagine taking two days away from her.
Yeah, it's well, that's exactly it, right. What it is is it's a reflection of how of their relationship. It's a reflection of what is normal to them and what they could possibly handle. And I think that we can't impart what's normal to us on other people because we all parents so so differently. But I think, going back to something you said, Britt, like, when it comes to dads and the expectations around the involvement, the bar is
pretty fucking low. I mean, like Matt did Dancing with the Stars for six weeks, six days after Lola was born. He was not home. He literally was not home for sixteen hours a day because he was off dancing. If I like, have one sweety, if I had given birth and then I was like, cool, Lola's on a bottle. I'm going to go and dance for sixteen hours a day,
I mind you, I'd be very tired. But imagine if I had done that, the judgment I would have received for going and doing a reality TV show, the you know, the minute a kid had come out of me, would be so vastly different. But we just have extremely different standards for how we hold mothers versus how we hold dads. Not one person messaged Matt and said, oh, wow, you've just had a baby. Shouldn't you be home with the baby?
Not a single person I said it, don't worry. I made him felt well aware of it, but not one person message, and I guess like for me, that's when that caveat between the expectations on mums and the expectations on dads and how we had these incredible society norms.
Really was so obvious to me speaking about man, there are so many different kinds of mums and dads and parenting styles. This happened last weekend. So all of my friends, you know, I'm at the age all my friends are mums, like I'm the anomaly. And I went to one of their birthday parties. I haven't seen a lot of these people in a long time. It was one of those
really nice catch ups. Anyway, one of the moms there started to tell this story about she's got two little kids with her husband, you know that great couple, great family life, everything's amazing. But she's always been the one that does most of the work with the kids. He's gone to work. Anyway, she had this one day that she's like, I have to get up and go to a meeting very early six am. So like, this is the first time in years there's a three year old.
You have to do everything, Like you're gonna have to yes. Wait, He's like, okay, I get it, and so she wrote a list. She started to write a list.
The morning routine is not even that hard. You literally just get them out of bed, get some weird picks into them, put some clothes on them, pack a bag, and take them to daycare. That's my morning, so that everyone else is but that's what my morning looks like.
That's exactly right. So's she starts to say to him, like, I'm going to tell you what to do. Let's go through the day. He's like, I'm not an idiot, like they are my kids too, Just let me do it, like, just have some faith. She's like, wow, okay. She gets up six point thirty, she goes to work. She gets a call at probably like midday saying, hey, is it okay if we give the kids some food and is there a reason they don't have any food today? And she was like, what do you mean? She's like, well,
there's they're hung they're really hungry, like they didn't pack lunch. No. So she called him and she goes, what did you pack the kids for lunch today? And he goes, what do you mean? What did I pack them? She's like, what have you given the kids to eat for the entire day for the eight hour and he's like, I didn't give them any food. She's like, that's the that is your one job. He's like, I didn't know I had to feed them for their day out at daycare.
But like she's like, wow, Like all you have to do is feed your child.
Like see, I have a lot of feelings about this when you say that, you know she was trying to give him instructions on how to run the day smoothly, and then he was dismissive of that, like, oh no, I've got it. I've already got it dialed for me. I look at this as though, imagine that this was an office space and you're high level skilled in your job. You do your job every single day, and for one day, you're stepping out of it and you need somebody to
come in and replace you. Imagine imagine if you were trying to give them instructions on how to do your job the most efficiently and they turned around and said to you, don't worry about it. Your job's easy.
I've got that.
You'd be so annoyed that they're dismissive of the work that you do, but also that they think that your job is so easy that they don't require any assistance at all. And that's what he has done here in this situation, and I guess like it's one quick way to learn, it's one quick way to kind of be put in your spot where he's then sent them to
daycare and they've had no food. But you don't want your kids to be the butt of that, right, You don't want your kids to be the ones who miss out, who go to daycare, who don't have food, because the only ones who are disadvantage in that whole situation are the kids.
Oh yeah, And I mean, like this took a way more serious turn than I thought it was going.
No, because the kids.
Let's be clear, the kids lived in a very loving home and they didn't they didn't go hungry. The daycare was just like, are you happy for us to give them this on a sandwich? Like they were just approving the food. It's not like the kids were starving all day. It's just funny that she's like, Wow, this has been happening for three years and you didn't know how our days run, Like you didn't know what you have to do. There was just such a disparity.
But that's the reality, and I know it's funny to look in on it, and I know it's funny to go like, oh, I thought this was going to be lighthearted, But I cannot tell you the amount of conversations I have had with friends who were mums who every day their partners don't know the load, the mental load, the workload, the childcring load that they do, and therefore the work
that they do is dismissed as being easy. It happens every day, and I guess, like, as a mum, it's something I'm very sensitive about and I'm very lucky that it doesn't happen in my household, but I see it all the time, and I think, like with this and this conversation where we go back to Ash Buynes, it's other people's perception of how their relationship works that's being projected onto her.
Look at the end of thea he learned his lesson. And I think it's safe to say those kids are going with a three course meal every single day today care now like they're the kids that everyone wants to go and take their food. They've got the buffet, they've got all you can eat, Like these kids are.
Just fine, all right, let's get into answering all of your deep, your dark and your burning questions. And I'm going to kick it off with question number one. It's always a good place, never starts at one, all Right, How to get over the immense amount of guilt that I am ruining someone else's life when breaking up with someone? For context, I have just broken up with my boyfriend
of over two years. Yes, we did have some issues that weren't being resolved, hence the breakup, but I can't shake this immense feeling of guilt that I've wasted his time and don't want him to not find happiness again. He has to already move out and miss out on our trip overseas at the end of the year, and I feel like it's all just too much for him.
So basically, she doesn't regret breaking up. She's happy that she's broken up, she doesn't want to be with him, she just feels guilty for ruining his life.
I mean, without doubt, historically speaking, I've been in a situation. But I can tell you he is going to be just fine. This is unfortunately a part of life that almost every single person is going to experience at some point, even if they don't experience a hardcore breakup. They're going to experience hurt and disappointment and that feeling of being let down or that feeling of starting again, whether that's starting to get in a new place, a relationship, a job.
These feelings are normal. It's great that you feel guilt because that means you're human. That means you're feeling fatic, you're empathetic, you're feeling things. You loved this person and they loved you, So this is actually a good thing. Guilt means you're not a sociopath. It means you have a connection to reality and a connection to other humans. So like, this is a nice feeling to know that
you've got and that you cared about him. All you can do is be supportive in the breakup, being supportive of him if he does need anything. That sounds like you ended very amicably, you just grew apart. But the worst thing you can do is put your life on hold because you are that worried about somebody else moving on.
Like I literally didn't break up with my ex for like eighteen months because I was like, he's never going to move on, Like I can't picture him out in the wild on his own, Like, yeah, he doesn't know how to live alone without me.
He's never gonna find anyone better than me. This poor guy will be doing.
He's never gonna be happy again. I can't do that to him anyway. Like, ten years later, I'm still the one that hasn't moved on. He's well and truly moved on. That guy's done just fine.
Do you know what? This is the big thing? And I think, like, and I resonate with that so much, britute, Like, I dated someone and for literally a year, an entire year of our relationship, I wanted to break up, but I just one I couldn't get the balls, and two I felt so guilty because I thought he would be so miserable, I would ruin his life. Guess what, he is married and he has kids and he's so fucking happy to be with someone who actually loves him. What
a better relationship that is? And I think that's the big thing, right, Like we see our lives based on where we are right there in that moment, and we think, God, they're going to be so hurt, And of course they're gonna be so hurt, but it's much better to have gone through a bad breakup, to get to the other side of that breakup and then to one day be with someone who uses you and who loves you and wants to be with you, rather than being in a relationship with someone when you know or you know it
turns out that that person doesn't love you and doesn't want to be with you anymore. And do you ever think, though, Britt, Like, when you look back on it, on one part, you can be like, yeah, it was really empathetic, But on the other part, look back and think, God, I had an inflated sense of my own ego that he was never gonna be happier than when we were together, Like one hundred percent.
It's the classic. And for me it's been from day one, like I'm the one before the one, Like I get them, like I free them out into the world to go find their happy ending.
I'm like fly free they break up. You guys are breaking up and they're like, I'm never gonna be happy, and you're like, oh, trust me, you will, And I'm a hegistic says you absolutely will be fine.
Eighty percent of the time.
It works. Every time.
I'm still in the supermarket crying because I ran out of pumpkins, like we have gone very different directions, Like this person is going to be okay, it might take them a little bit longer. Maybe you'll go through something that's like a regression. You question what you did in your decision as well, maybe like have I made a mistake, I miss him, I miss situation? Did I do the right thing? Can I say one thing on this though? Yeah?
Okay, yeah, your podcasts all right.
I do worry.
I did worry about this question, And the reason why is because I see a young Laura. I see myself in you, young one. The reason why I worry a little bit is because I think if you feel this immense amount of guilt, like if you're like, I am so guilty for making him feel bad. Often when you feel that level of guilt, you feel like you're responsible to make them feel better, Like you don't want them to hurt, so you also want to like when they call or they text, you want to be there to
support them through it. Now, this is harsh, but it is the absolute truth. You cannot break up with someone and also be their support person to support them through it. That is really, really, actually quite a cruel thing to do that to that person, because all it's doing is giving them hope that maybe you'll get back together. So you can't make yourself one hundred percent available all of the time to them and to every single need and want.
There has to be some sort of severance. And I don't mean fucking ghosts them and never talk to them again, but I do mean that you have to be quite set and firm in that you're not going to be with them anymore.
And that means no cuddling.
To make them feel better, no kisses, no like little canodles, because you know you're trying to do the soft detach from each other. That is actually like a really slow and tortuous way of especially if you were absolute in your mind of breaking up with someone, because it just prolongs the hurt and the pain. And I think that we can be really guilty of doing that when we feel so guilty ourselves.
I just had another thought.
Brittany was like, Okay, guilty as well.
I had another thought sometimes, because as you were speaking, Laura, I was just thinking back to you know, you think about when you've been in that situation. But another thought that I had was, sometimes when you feel this high level of guilt. It's because you don't think that your hurt is going to match their hurt, and maybe that means you've checked out or you've moved on a little bit before them. And I think I've done that in the past. I remember I break up with someone overseas
and he was crime and crying. He didn't want it to end, and you know, he's begging me and I had. I literally I stood there like sociopath, like I felt nothing, and I felt horrible because of it. Like my guilt didn't come from the breakup in that situation. My guilt came from, oh my god, I feel so bad that I don't feel more bad. I feel so bad that I don't feel as guilty as I should for how you're hurting right now. And it wasn't because I'm not a human. It's just because I had already checked out.
So guilt can come from that as well. You need to work out why you feel it, But I think the best thing for you to do is cut some contact for a little while and maybe just focus on moving on yourself, because it's not a nice feeling to sit in. And the more you think about it, the more that you look at their stories. The more you have contact, like Laura said, the more you check in, cuddle and kiss them, you're just gonna drag that feeling out. Guilt isn't a feeling that we want to hold onto
an elong gate if we don't have to. It's not a feeling that is necessary.
Not necessary. It's a necessary part of a breakup. So I think it's just not necessary to hold onto it. Ah, right, did you guys get that question number two?
I'm coming to in question number two, bear with me. Hey, girls, I live with one other flatmate, a female. When I moved in, she had a boyfriend. They then broke up and she now has a new boyfriend within the month now. Nothing against that. It's just context because things have moved very quickly. We have quite a small house, one lounge room, one bathroom, and one small kitchen. At the start, he was at our house two to three nights a week. Now he's stay at my house six nights a week.
That's too much. They've been together for three months now. It's very full on. I do really like him.
We get along.
It's absolutely nothing against him. For more context, I do most of the cleaning and I'm starting to feel like I'm the one cleaning up after them at all times. He eats my food. I'm a shift worker, and when I'm trying to sleep, he's really loud and disrespectful in the house, making a lot of noise. And last night, when he was drunk, he put a hole in one of our walls. Now I heard him do this today, I brought up up with my housemate, who then proceeded
to say the whole was already there. Well, pretty much. I just wanted advice as to how I approach this. I find myself anxious to come home, frustrated that I'm always cleaning up after them. No, prior to this, our house was very clean. My housemate used to be really good. She's really shy and emotional, so I don't want to upset her. But at the end of the day, I pay to live in the house and he does not. Sometimes I can't even sit in the living room because
they just overtake it. I feel like I can't live in my own house. What do I do?
Oh? That is so full on? Do you know what? It's really hard because when you live in a share house, you obviously always want your housemate to feel like they can bring their boyfriend or girlfriend or partner, whoever it is over because you want them, you know, you don't want to impact their relationship. You want them to be
able to live and be happy. But at the same time, six times a week, if you guys have never discussed that, I think personally in a share house situation is too many times unless they're paying for bills and they're contributing to the household.
Especially when this is a tiny Obviously they've said it's a tiny house. It's a tiny little lounge room, one little bathroom. The thing I find the funniest in this, and this isn't a funny situation, but what I did laugh at is that he's put a hole in the wall and they've tried to say the hole was already there, Like you know, if your house has a hole in the.
Wall, it could be a very small hole that maybe she's like, unless it's a pin breck.
Uh, this is true, This is true. I think this is a really difficult one. But you absolutely have legs to stand on in this situation.
How would you approach it?
I definitely would say something, And maybe you can't say they need to come around less. Maybe that's not where you're at. But if that level is going to be maintained, if he's going to continuously be there six nights a week, that is full time living, you can pay rent. He's either got to contribute to the food and the groceries, the bills, the weekly rent, because essentially there's not two people living there anymore. There's three. Six out of seven nights,
you're probably all there. The six out of seven nights you're shift worker. You're probably not there some nights. So I feel like you're living the same amount. I think you need to say. You know, we love a compliment sandwich. We've spoken about a compli sandwich, So come in and start hot. Hey, I love Jordy. He's great. You guys
are kid together. I'm so glad you're happy. But I think maybe if he's going to keep being here for six nights a week, we probably need to take another look at the rent and the payments because essentially the three of us living here now, which is cool, but we need to sort out what that looks like for the three of us.
Yeah, and I think that that's really I think that's a very fair way of approaching it. But also when it comes to cleaning, because I think sometimes it's not even about money. Sometimes it's just about like the general how you want your house to be lived in, you know, like feeling like you walk in because it's so easy as a couple to take over a space. Like one mug that's been left in the sink instantly turns into
two mugs that have been left in the sink. And I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but like one person's dinner plates two people's dinner plate. One person cooking is now two people cooking, and it's just everything is doubled. And I guess explaining that to her a little bit, but I know that it can be really anxiety inducing to kind of have these conversations where you think they're going to be really confrontational. But these
sorts of chats don't have to be confrontational. It's not about saying like, you know, you've done this and I'm not happy. It's really just about saying, like, obviously, exactly like brit said, you know, I love that you guys
are together. You know I really like him, and make sure that it's known that you really like him as a person, but just say, you know, I just want you to be super aware that sometimes I do feel like a little out of place because you know, you guys are a couple, therefore you take up physically more of the house, and I don't really feel like when you're laying on the couch and you're watching TV that I can come in and sit down and I know you say it's fine, but I don't really feel like
the space is open to me. And also I feel like, you know that things have not been as clean lately because there's just more people living in the house. That's just what happens. Is there any way that we can look at a better system for making sure that kind of the house is at the standard that we always used to live at, Because it's only something I've been
noticing in the last couple of months. I think, like, try and do it in a soft, non accusatory way, and most of the time we can be so frightened about having these conversations, like so fearful, and then when you actually do it, you're like, oh, that was not even half as bad as I thought it was going to be.
The other thing is, and this is something that I would think about, is because I definitely like my own space. I like my house clean, I like things away. Are you gonna laugh at that? Because my house is a pig star right now?
So also often like this though, but that's so busy I cannot even function matter. It's like I like to live in my own filth, not other people's films, which is totally fine.
But what I would probably look at doing or maybe having a conversation, and maybe it's a way that you can bring it up is like, hey, do you think you enjoyed it? I mean, you enjoyed it? Look pretty serious. He's here like full time. Do you guys think that this is you know, do you see this being a real serious relationship and you think that this could continue
and he could maybe be a person? If she says yeah, I personally would probably look at maybe moving out into a different situation because the house that you've moved into is set up for two people. If you don't want to live like that, you can't really tell your friend they can't have people over, So that that's the hard one. And you also, there's nothing worse than not feeling comfortable in your own home, not even wanting to go home after a shift because you're like I can't like, I
can't face this person. I can't face the space that should be your safe heyment. It should be where you're comfortable and you can go and just really be you and be happy. So if you're not, it sucks that you have to be the one that's like, maybe I'll look and you don't have to. Maybe you can ask
them if they want to look for somewhere else. But I think if you bring it up like that, you're like, hey, maybe I might actually have a look around for something else because I just feel like this space isn't big enough for three people. And again, compliment sandwich, I want you guys to be happy and do your thing. I just don't know if the three of us in this situation is right.
See, I don't know if you need to go to the extremities of moving out or trying to like set those wheels in motions to share, especially because they've only been dating for three months and it seems like things she's you know, obviously, moves quickly into relationships, falls in love quickly, and that's kind of like what has happened here.
So she's so excited about her new relationship, and you know, you know what it's like when you're in that early phases with the blinkers on and you're just kind of like all consumed by your new love that you're in, you kind of disregard and forget what's going on around you. So I would say the very first step is just having a super honest conversation, and if in two months time nothing has changed, then it might be a case of like, Okay, this is not a suitable or comfortable
living arrangement for me anymore. But don't look at alternate options because you're too scared to have a conversation. That just is such avoidant behavior, and I don't think that anybody is going to benefit from that.
No, just look at alternate accommodation if you genuinely want alternate accommodation, Like if you're like if you're fucking like, yeah, I want a new space anyway, I want a new friend, not a new friend, I want a new flatmaid or whatever. Like, don't do it because you feel like you have to, but also don't feel bad if you do want to
start afresh and nig way, Laura. Question number three, the last question, it's I'm asking you because you are about to get married, so you are going to have some good what I think, and I know you've been in this situation before too. I love your advice, and I am so stuck on what to do here. Should I tell my friend that I'm trying for a baby when I'm a bridesmaid in her wedding. I have a friend getting married about midnext year, and my partner and I
are currently trying to feel pregnant. My friend has started organizing bridesmaids dresses. The style she's going for is quite a slim fit. Should I tell her that I may be pregnant at the wedding and therefore wouldn't fit into the dress or just wait and see what happens, because obviously there's a chance I might not be pregnant, and I don't want to cause issues if I don't need to feel like I'm in a sticky situation.
Oh, just tell her. I think with this sort of stuff, like, the more time and the more like honesty you have around bridesmaids and wedding and prep and all that sort of hubbaballoo is that the word it is?
Now?
Hoable hubble whatever. I just think that the more time an organization you have the better. So I think if you're genuinely trying and you hope to be pregnant, of course you might not be. Of course, you know, things might be more challenging or whatever. You never know what's
going to happen in the future. But if that's what you hope and that's what you're aiming for, I think being really really transparent and honest with your friend, especially if you're a bridesmaid, means she's a very close friend of yours explaining that you know, and she may be so exc you. She may also be a little bit like, oh god, you're gonna be pregnant for my wedding, which if she does that, then she's a bit of a
shit friend totally. It'll also mean that she's not in a situation where she's organized bridesmaid's dresses and then has to you have to buy another dress, or she has to try and find another dress that matches or color suits or whatever. And also, there are so many brands, like there are so many brands that do the same color but different types of styles and cuts so that
they're inclusive to people's different body shapes. Like I personally am going for one color and the girls can choose any dress that they want, because I don't want any one person. I mean, one of my friends is just two of my friends have just had a baby. I don't want anyone to feel like they have to wear something that they don't feel super body confident in, because it's not about what the photos look like. To me, it's about everybody just enjoying themselves and having a great time.
And I think if you were to say, look, I really hope to be pregnant, she probably would just end up choosing a style that's gonna suit you and it won't be a big deal.
The other thing, I agree completely. But the other thing is also if you don't want to talk about the fact that you're trying to get pregnant and you're not ready to tell people that for whatever reason, you also don't have to. If lo and Behold you fall pregnant,
you're going to have plenty of time. So you're either going to be early pregnancy and the dress will probably be the same, or you're going to fall pregnant and know that you're heavily going to be pregnant at the time of the wedding, in which case there is plenty of time to work out address, to find an alternative, to find something similar. So I don't think that's right
or wrong here. I think you can just do if you're comfortable and to talk about it with your friends and you don't feel like you need to keep it a secret. Yeah, I would just say, hey, heads up, I'm drying.
You know, we're getting freakd The only reason why you're keeping it secret is because you don't want to interrupt their wedding or you don't want to impact their wedding choices, you know, and it's not for other personal reasons. Then they think, like, absolutely have the conversation. I mean, if you're wanting to keep it secret for personal reasons, and that's a whole different kettle of fish, do whatever you
want in that situation. But I just don't think that somebody's wedding and being a bridesmaid is more important than you being comfortable and being able to like feel amazing in approchments.
And you're definitely not gonna like you're gonna stop trying and get pregnant because in a year's time you have a friend's wedding, Like, you're not gonna hold your life.
On hold, you know, though I reckon there's so many people who have either thought, Okay, I won't get pregnant because I've got this wedding coming up, as in like, I'll try and organize it around so I'm not pregnant for the wedding. But I also think that there's probably been some brides who have an expectation that their friends will delay their baby making plans because they don't want them to be pregnant their weddings.
I know people, and I've never said anything, but I have definitely had people in my life make the comment that we are ready for a baby, but we're just gonna wait. We're gonna put off another year or eighteen months because we just have so many weddings and engagements and hens parties on in the next twelve months, which is, you know, you can do whatever you want, go crazy.
But for me, I think it's wild to be put in like your own life and such a big life event on hold for someone else's life and someone else's big life event. But each to their own, every situation is different.
Yeah, And I guess in those sort of situations, it's like whatever is that the biggest priority in your life is what you will focus on like, if having babies was the biggest priority for them, then they probably would
have moved that date forward. But you begin to see, yeah, maybe they just wanted one more hurrah, one more big party with their friends before they got I also think that there's this big bonus on the fact that, like, once you have kids, your life just ends, like you're just gonna drop off the face of the earth and everything changes forever.
But that comes full circle back to the intro chat about actually binds and like and why everyone was saying, oh, you shouldn't have gone away for the weekend with your friends when you've got a new baby.
But even so, it's like it's such a short period of time that you have really small children, you know, you like you have newborn, you have small kids literally like three four years, and then they're kind of like these fully functioning, little cool people who you know, if you were to get a babysitter and go out then whatever,
like you can do all of that. I just think you're in those like baby fog years for such a short period of time, and even for Matt and I feel like we're finally I mean, Lawa's only nineteen months she's still definitely a toddler. But I do feel like life is getting a bit easier. Don't feel like I'm in the absence thick of like little kid life, which I was, you know, say, six seven months ago. Let's do one more question. I've got one more and it's
a sexy one. And I want to know, Brittany Hockley as somebody who is on the online dating apps, if it's something that you've ever experienced, because I know back when I was on the online dating apps, it was something that I got asked many, many times. Short, sharp one here for you, ladies, heterosexual pegging. Is it a thing or not? My partner and I are keen to give it a go. I'm currently at a party where there are openly mixed opinions on it.
You used to get asked a peg online dating?
Okay. Firstly, I think it's very important we need to tell people what pegging is because I know there's gonna be some people who are like, what the fuck is that? Okay? So pegging is when you put a strap on on and you like as in, you would almost have like a role reversal, So a female. This is for heterosexual couples or I'm sure lere'sbian couples can do it as well, but like you put on a strap on and you have penetrative sex with your partner, but using the strap
on right. So I have been asked when I was on the dating apps by so many heterosexual men to peg them.
What on earth was your profile?
Because I have been all like a girl who will peg me?
Yes, something's I missed there because that you have never never I have been online dating on almost every platform over ten years. Not once in my life has anyone asked me.
To do that. So what was your Maybe this was like a real fat five or six years ago, because like I swear, because I was still single then ten years now, I swear going back about six seven years ago, there was a period where in the space of about six months, I had several I haven't yet to do it. I've never pegged him out to say, did you. I
have never pegged a man. There's a very funny episode and I can't remember the TV show, but they scream out pack him like a qude And that became a bit of a house motto in my old sharehouse because I had this guy online dating who asked me to peg him anyway, long story, long, long, little side tangent.
This.
The reason I want to include this question is because it actually made me think of what happened on Rob Mills's chat on Tuesday, and I thought it was such an interesting part of that conversation and something that I
would love to reiterate. We love to put labels on what is masculine and what is feminine, and what is stereotypically deemed as heterosexual and what is in And I think that when it comes to what you enjoy in the bedroom, just because you enjoy penetrative sex and you are a guy, doesn't make you any less masculine, doesn't mean that you're instantly gay. Like all of these old and very dated gender norms around how we approach sex
are really going out the window. So I think if you are a heterosexual couple and you're interested in trying pegging, you don't have to put it out as a forum to your friends to figure out like who is okay with it and who isn't okay with it? Do whatever the fuck feels good to you. If you enjoy it, go for it, Try it. Maybe you'll turn around and say you love it and it becomes a part of your bedroom routine. Maybe you'll turn around and say, actually, you know what, we tried that it wasn't for me,
but I definitely think it doesn't really like. Ultimately, the answer to this question is that it doesn't really matter if it's a thing or it isn't a thing. If it's something that is a thing to you, go for it and try it out for yourself.
Pegging is stereotyped as a homosexual act. Like the reason that you've written this in asking a question about heterosexual pegging is because you obviously think, like a lot of society, the pegging has to be a homosexual act, but it most certainly doesn't. The fact is, the reason people do anal play is because it's pleasurable and it feels good. And that does not matter if you are a homosexual or heterosexual. It's the area is the same, the pleasure
is the same, the feeling is the same. So I think that this is something that from the outside you're looking in thinking that shock horror. We're straight and you know he wants to try this, but I think it go crazy. But maybe you can ease into it if it's a new thing for both of you. Maybe you just start with a finger, like we know Laura pinking
the stinking. Maybe you start small at home, if this is a bran new thing that you have never ever experienced, and maybe you work up to it, because I think for a lot of people and a lot of couples, just going healthful over willy nilly punning tended.
Literally with the willing, literally willy nilly.
If you just go crazy, then it's probably not gonna be an enjoyable experience for anyone.
I actually just was doing some live googling as we're answering this question. So there is an article. This is from twenty twenty, though, so I can only assume that
it's increased since then. But at the time, online sex toy retailer love Honey reported that sales of strap ons were up by nearly two hundred percent in twenty twenty, and one would think with the very like sex inclusive and sex positive conversations that are playing out across social media now, that those figures would only increase over time. So I think, yes, by the sounds of it, statistics say that it definitely is a thing.
So go and get pegging. Maybe that maybe go and fall and peg.
Maybe for some people that's the laundry.
Maybe for other people that is in the bedroom or whatever room you're in, you enjoy that pegging experience.
Well anyway, guys, that is it from us. Another episode, done and dusted. If you've loved the podcast, please jump onto Apple Reviews and you know, leave us a sneaky review. It's been a while since we us one of those. You can hit five stars, that's the number we would prefer. Tell us what you think of the podcast. I could also go and get our book, which we wrote, which we're so proud of it, which is crazy to even say, like go get up, but we have a book I know,
and so many of you. Every single time you tag us on Instagram or you share where you're reading it, it means so much to us. It is called We Love Love and you can get it from www. Dot life, on cuppodcast dot com dot au.
What I would really love to see, I'm going to put this out there. We've been getting so many tags for the book, people that have bought the book, where they're reading it, locations, a lot of books with dogs. Actually, I think that's directed at Delilah. What I want to ask you, is we love that. We love seeing them, but I would love to see you maybe you maybe there's a part that's resonated with you. Maybe there's a paragraph or a quote or a chapter. Mate, if you
can take a picture of that, highlight it. Maybe you could just highlight it on Instagram if you don't to ruin your actual book. But we would love to see the parts you're actually enjoyed in the book too. That would be absolutely incredible. So if you feel like doing that, please tagg life on cart tag myself which is Brittany, and tag Laura want to see it. We absolutely love to see it, but we really.
Want to see the parts of the are driven home and you guys know the drill.
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