Hi guys, and we'll welcome back to another episode of Black Uncut.
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and it is therapy. There's day.
It is our very first ask guncut back here off the ranks, ready to roll, answering all your deep, dark and burning questions.
And we do have a couple of cracker questions where you're coming up later in the episode. But Laura wants to bring a bit of an article to kickstart.
I mean, this is like the most low brow article that we're ever going to get. Sometimes we unpack really important things and sometimes they're really unimportant. Well, she's been sitting here giggling for the best part of half an hour, and I'm like, are you're going to tell me? You're going to preface what this is so I actually can get my head around it, and she refuses to please please share with me. So there is there's an article that's come out and it's around Leonardo DiCaprio.
But I just want to give you.
I want to give you the quote first, because that's kind of like where this awe stemmed from. It's got to be about him dating like a twenty year old supermodel breaking news. Leonardo DiCaprio's ex girlfriend, Camilla Moron details the worst date of my life with the actor. He rented out a whole cinema and maybe watch every single Star Wars movie while he ran around with his lightsaber pretending to fight bad guys.
What, hang on, how is this breaking news? And hang on, hang on, how is this breaking news? And me, I'm pretty sure that Camilla Morone.
Is his current girlfriend, not his ex girlfriend.
So apparently this was originally posted by a satire Instagram page called I'm going to butcher this because I can't speak French, but I think it's Les sign Files. If it's not sure that, then don't come for me in
the reviews. But it was posted by a satire Instagram and a whole lot of very reputable news sources actually picked up this post from like retweets and everything else and ran news articles around it saying that Leonardo has actually rented out this cinema, forced his girlfriend to watch him run around with a lightsaber, and people are reporting on this that it's a fact. People yes, to the point where Leonardo DiCaprio has had to come out and say that he never did that.
It's all fake news.
Imagine having to put a statement out saying I didn't make my girlfriend run around in a private cinema with a lightsaber.
You know what, this actually reminds me. This is actually funny.
And this is probably the reason that that satire story had legs because Joniah Hill, who is a friend of his, they've just done a movie together.
Don't look up, I think it is. I only got through half of it. I couldn't do it. I've only started it too. Leo don'nut me was confused by the whole thing.
But Joni Hill had put out a statement as well. Obviously I don't know if he was taking a piss too, but he said that Leo made him like get really involved in the Mandolin franchise and like have lightsabers and stuff as well. So there's obviously like a Star Wars lightsaber trend going on.
So now people just think Leo it's crazy.
But also I feel like actors are a bit kookie. So if you read that, you believe it, you believe it like it's fine. And also if Leonardo DiCaprio wanted to take me on a date and force me to watch eight hours of Star Wars, I'd fucking do it.
Yes, if I had to wield a lightsaber as well with Leo in a private cinema, Sign me up, where's the ticket?
I think it's the last part of it. While he ran around with his lightsaber pretending to fight bad guys.
That was the sound of its sexy? Doesn't it too? We've got a privaccenma and he's training around with his lightsaber. Oh, I don't think it does. But okay, do you know what.
I really wanted to throw this out because I was like, we've all experienced bad dates, and I know that we're here to answer your questions, but before we get into that, I chucked the thing up on my Instagram after reading this, and I was like, I just want to know. I want a couple of stories. I thought, there's going to be a few of you who have had dates that are actually real dates, not satire dates that are probably just as bad as this one. Anyone that hasn't had
a bad date, you are not living. You need to go out there and get yourself a bad date.
I mean, we've heard mine. Over the last years, I've had some hectic dates. I feel like it's the.
Only way that you appreciate the good ones, and let me tell you, there was some fucking crackers that came through. Okay, I'm gonna read a couple of these out to you, but I actually think I received hundreds and hundreds, if not thousands, of messages. So I'm going to spend my day today going through them, and I think we actually need to do a bonus episode of all of these. We definitely need to do a bonus episode of these.
Maybe we need to do one every two months or one a quarter, like one bad Date episode a quarter.
Because they never stopped.
Okay, so here are a couple that had me chuckling on the couch last night. I went on a double date to see a movie. It was all going pretty smooth until halfway through. He just ghosted me, like literally in person. It was not experienced watching the last half of the movie in silence and then leaving the cinema by myself. He went to the toilet and just never came back. Oh oh my god, Well did anyone check on him?
Maybe he passed out in the bathroom. We just left.
Okay. A guy peeked me up to go on an adventure which involved actually just going to the police station to pick up his lost phone. We waited for three hours at the police station. Did I mention that this was the first date? Also, by the time we got his phone back, we then went to go get Messina and it had closed. So literally just spent three hours sitting at a police station and then never heard from him again.
He just wanted a ride to the copp shop so bad.
Also, I feel like these give you a little bit of sense of like comfort. You're like, fuck, somebody else is doing it worse than I am.
I literally had a friend come over here two days ago, sat right where you're seeing Laura, and she had just been on a date.
She's like, I fuck, I need to tell you how bad this date was.
She's been talking to this.
Guy for a while online and they finally decided to meet up because he was pretty boring as fuck and he never wanted to do anything. She's like, fucking just finally meet me. So they finally met up. They went on a ferry ride.
That's what my did. Random. They went on a ferry ride. Then they got back. He was really really boring. He was really really rude.
They get back and he's like, I guess we could have a drink, and she's like, this is nighttime in the city in Sydney, and she's like, oh okay, Like, I guess whatever if I have to, She's like, well, how about we go somewhere a bit closer to like my home. And he's like, oh no, that's really convenient for me. Let's just go somewhere close to my home. She was like okay, and I was like.
Why are you agreeing to this?
So they find this random bar in the city.
They walk in and he sits down and says to her, uh, just get me whatever you get. So first of all, he makes her get the drinks, so she goes and gets the drinks, brings them back, sits down. He goes, I'll have to So she got him two drinks, so she only got one. He's smashed the two drinks. She's only halfway through one nighttime in the city. He gets an alert on his phone that says the last train
from Winyard is leaving in five minutes. He skulls the rest of his drink, goes, you'll be fine to get yourself home, want you and left and walked out, left her alone in the city with her drink that she had just bought him, that's it.
I was like, what the who does this? Who does this? Do you know what?
I think that we all need to have a little bit more confidence in saying no, and if you're on a terrible date. Sometimes I think we are scared about hurting someone's feelings, so we sit through a bad date or we sit through an uncomfortable encounter because we don't want to offend someone.
You don't know them, if you don't like them.
I think that there needs to be a little bit more of it being okay to like momentarily offend someone if they're making you uncomfortable, if someone's being rude, if you don't feel safe, if you don't like it, if you don't like them, if you know that there's absolutely no vibe just being upfront and saying, hey, do you know what?
This isn't really what I expected. I don't think that this is going to.
Be anything, and lee, I'll go to the toilet and don't come back. Yeah, I mean, like, maybe address it, but just leave. Don't stay at a first date longer than you need to if you're absolutely not interested in it. I just can't believe what gets me is and like I don't know why I'm so shook because I've been on these dates. I have been on these dates, but I'm so shook that a man would leave a woman alone in the city at night by herself instead of just all he had to say is, Hey, the train's
gonna leave. I'll just make sure you get back to the station. I'll make sure you get on the train. I mean they say.
Chivalry is dead, sometimes it actually is dead. It is dried up and dead.
I have two more that I want to share with you before we actually do a full episode. Laura, I've had a few really strange dates, but this one takes the cake. It was my first date with a guy, and I went back to his place to watch a movie, you know.
And while we were watching it and Mat.
Well that's what you would think, but anyway, she was in for a surprise. She hears the microwave go off, ping. The guy gets up, then emerges with a bowl of steaming hot water. Then he reaches for a tea towel and performs a steam bath to cleanse his sinuses.
Then he collects his nasal.
Irrigation device and cleaned out his sinuses in front of me. On the couch. Finally, as he sits down again with me in absolute horror, a cockroach flies out of his blinds and onto his ship. If there's anything that's going to put your panties back on, and he's cleansing your sinuses and a cockroach, So she gets up and leaves. Okay, and last one went to dinner with the guy, and
he flirted with the waitress straight off the back. Made me feel really guilty about how much the dinner cost, even though he chose the place and I offered to split the bill. We then went for a drink afterwards. Why I don't know, he asked me, and I just said yes, to be polite. Once again, stop being polite, And while we were drinking our beer, he leans in really close to my face, inspecting it and then says,
have you ever broken your nose? I haven't, hot dick. Okay, enough of that, let's get into the more important part of this episode.
Let's get into askun cards. All right, ask on a cut. I'm going to come in hot with number one.
I'm engaged and my bridesmaids have recently started planning my hens and asked me who I want to invite? I know that typically people invite their close friend groups. However, there are one or two girls in this group who I'm no longer close to and one that I really don't get along with anymore and I don't like to be around.
Should I invite the whole group.
For the sake of not making things awkward for the group, or should I only invite the people I really want to and really like, even if it could make things super awkward.
This is so awkward, especially if it's one person. It's like one particular person. Okay, what do you think.
It's really awkward if there's only one person in your whole frame? Okay, I'm like, I have two opinions, and two pretty strong opinions. I really think for hen's engagement parties, weddings everything to do with your really big special day. I don't think you should have to have people there for the sake of other people's feelings and the sake of keeping peace. I think it's your special day. If you end up inviting people that you don't like, it's going to affect you in one way or the other.
And ultimately, at the end of the day, for a wedding, you're paying for it. You're paying person per head. This is the Hen's party, so I feel like it's a little bit different. And you haven't said if this person will be going to the wedding or if this issue is the same for the wedding and the hens. Are you trying to decide if you invite them to the
wedding as well? If it's just one person in the whole group for the Hens, I'd probably lean towards that you should probably just invite them and if there's enough people there, you might not notice it. But I don't have the same sentiment with the wedding. I think people can come to your hens that don't come to your wedding. I'm a big believer in that. I look at a HENS as like a big party.
I don't think everybody has to go to the wedding, and I know people will disagree with that, but in this situation, imagine how much more awkward it's going to be when you invite nineteen of your twenty friends and that one girl, Like, what are you even going to say to us? I have to be honest, I'm sure that you think.
That you could invite people to your HENS party and they'll not invite them to your wedding.
Absolutely weird?
Is that weird to be like, Hey, come to my party, but I don't like you enough to come to my wedding. Not in this day and age, because there are a lot of caps on weddings and things like that.
True, So I feel like it's like, hey.
I'm going to have thirty people at my wedding, but I'd love you to come and celebrate and like send me off into the married life and let's all get drunken party.
Like that's what I think. I think now you can differentiate the two. I've always found it weird when people invite you to their engagement party but don't invite you to their wedding. That's a bit more weird because liens is like, let's just party because I'm like, okay, so you want me to come to your engagement party and believe you for a present, but you don't like me enough to invite me into your wedding. Okay, cool. Nowhere I stand in the ranking of our friendships.
I guess. The only thing with this that I think is a bit difficult.
I would understand if you had had a fight, if there's been like a reason that you've had a falling out, or if there's like something that she does, maybe she gets super drunk and is really inappropriate and it's just a total liability, in which case totally understand why you wouldn't want her there. If it's just someone in your friendship group who you don't like as much as the rest of your friends, and like it's a tight friendship group. I'm not talking about like you know, you've got a big,
open acquaintance kind of group. You've got like a tight knit group of girls, and there's one person who you just don't mesh with as much as the others. I would personally still invite them, only because for me, the drama of not inviting them what that would cause would be way more stressful than just like having them there
on the day. So I think that's the thing you got to weigh up, right, Like, what's going to be the bigger issue the drama that could follow on or could be the byproduct of not inviting them to the hens versus having them there in the first place. That's it, And it's different if there were like five or six or seven people that weren't invited and you were just saying look, I've just got a cap numbers. You know, I love you, but I have to have a smaller group.
But it's just one.
There's one or two, and I feel like it's just it's going to create way more trouble than it's probably worth because she doesn't.
Know you don't like it, and you're gonna have to give her a reason. Yeah, that's like a really that's a statement.
That's the line in the sand. That's you saying I don't like you. Like that's not really something that you can come back from. So if you want to make a really clear, definitive line in the sand as to where your friendship stands, which is we don't.
Have one, yeah, this is your perfect opportunity. I don't know.
I just feel like I know that not everybody's going to agree with this, because I do agree with what you said, Britt. I do think that when it comes to weddings and engagement parties and everything else, you can be a little bit selfish. I just worry that sometimes we use those big events and they can create more issues.
They can create more stress, which actually means that on the day it's not as enjoyable because you've been so stressed out and so upset about all your family and all your friendships and connections that maybe those issues could have been avoided a little bit.
Let us know what you do. I'm uncomfortable, Britt.
Like, when Britt gets uncomfortable, she doesn't know where to put her hands. I don't She's like just sitting here with her hands in the air. Because I really involve myself in the situation.
She masturbates. I I transport. But that was so random random.
I was trying to think of something you could do with your hands.
I mean, there's a multitude of things I could do other than masturbate over someone's asking cut about a wedding.
Oh my gosh, do you know what?
Though this is a total sidestep, we received a message recently. It was a confessional, and I'm just gonna slide it in here. One of our listeners sent us a confessional saying that they masturbated in their car listening to the episode on Kinks and I forgot about it.
I'm so just reminded me. I'm so here for it. I love that you did that. I love that you told us you did that. Well done. You're living your best bloody life. Still shocked. Though, I'm still pretty shook by the whole Thing's not gonna lie anyway. As an update, I feel very uncomfortable for you.
I think, not the masturbating girl, No girl's getting married, for.
Both, for all people involved.
Okay, I think going to the question number two.
All right, question number two. This is also a friendship related question.
And there were honestly so many friendship questions that came in across the DMS over the Christmas break, over New Year, and still now. And I think it's because January December it's a very transformative time. I think it's a time of a lot of self reflection where we kind of look at different parts of our lives that aren't necessarily making us happy. And that definitely goes for this one.
Okay.
I have been going through a bit of a falling out with a group of childhood friends. There are three of them, and I've known them since primary school. I'm twenty three, hustling and working full time, and I often do make time to meet up with my friends. However, I've noticed that I have not been enjoying the last few times we've hung out. I feel as though they do not respect me.
Anymore.
For example, they would shame me if I do not have time to meet up, as I do prefer some downtime and being alone after a long day of work. They sometimes talk about my salary in a degrading manner. The way they talk about my boyfriend of three years, mind you, is super disrespectful, like they forget his name, they judge his looks. I'm also seen as the quiet
and clumsy one in the group. My other group of friends make me feel so happy and content, but I'm fed up with this bunch and have made excuses about to avoid hanging out with them recently. What should I do.
Thank you next?
No?
Oh, no, Laura, what two minds is that? I'm sorry if your friends.
Are making you feel shit, if your friends don't remember your partner's name of three years, if your friends are bringing you down because of your salary.
That you're earning in your.
Job that you work bloody hard for, they are not your friends. Spoiler, they're not your friends.
Preach.
Yeah, so you're not in the fence anymore.
I no, Okay, what I'm on the fence about is just dumping a twenty something year friendship. What I mean is is like No, they're not being friends. They are absolutely not living up to the standard, and you're not being treated the way that you deserve. However, is it warranting of a conversation? Can you sit down with them
and tell them how they're making you feel? Tell them that you feel like I feel like when you constantly make jokes about me being the clumsy one, or about being this, or about being quiet, like it makes me feel inferior, makes me feel just a bit shit about myself and like you're always picking on me. I don't feel like you know you have understanding around my work, or that you have respect for my work. And maybe by explaining those things to them a little bit, they might surprise you.
That's all I mean.
I mean, instead of avoiding it and being scared of having those conversations, giving them the opportunity to prove you wrong, and if they don't, then kicking.
To the curves.
Yeah.
See, I totally get what you're saying. But I think there comes and I think this comes as you get older as well. I think there comes a point in your life where you shouldn't have to sit your friends down, especially if they've been twenty years.
You shouldn't have to sit them down and say, hey.
Just so you know, you're disrespecting me.
Everything you say makes me feel like shit, Like it's the fact, like literally, like you shouldn't have to have it. The fact of the matter is, and it's a part of life.
It's a part of human nature. It's a part of growth. We grow and change.
Throughout life and the friends we've had, Like, I'm very lucky that my ultimate best friend of my whole life I have been best friends with for nearly thirty years. We're five years old, and we have never had a fight. We just have the most beautiful her name Shannon. I know you listen, so shout out to Shannon. And we're in such different points of life. She's married with two kids. You don't get to speak all the time. She's in another state. But we will never, ever, ever have any
disrespect for each other or anything but love. And I'm lucky. But there's a lot of other friends that I would still be acquaintances with and you still like them as people. But you grow when you change, like the people you are at five years old, ten years old, fifteen, twenty, twenty five, thirty, you change, and it's very rare that
you all change in the same direction. Sometimes this is really hard to understand that some people come into your life for a period of time and a point of time, and I think we feel inside a bit sentimental about that, like we need to really hold on to something because it has been twenty years or it has been ten years. But that doesn't mean you have to keep going in that direction and you have to keep that friends group because you've shared some memories.
You can keep those memories.
And think, fuck, we had such an amazing teenage years into our early twenties, and now we're in different places.
You've obviously met this.
New group of friends who you really gel with and you feel comfortable with and they feel like they support you. I think it's okay to do a soft fade from your friendship. You can still be in contact with them and catch up with them and hang out with them.
But if you're trying to force something just because you have a history but they make you feel shit every day, I think you just need to have a little bit of self reflection and understand that life changes, Life has ebbs and flows, and it might be time to take a new direction. Yeah, it's that whole saying of like a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When it comes to friends, that's what they come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
But I totally get it.
I get why it can be so hard to walk away from the friends that you have in your life that know your history. Ultimately, they know so much about you, they know where you've been, they know who you are, and that can have its pros and its cons. I guess the cons that can come with that is that sometimes that they can put you in a little box and be like, oh, well, you're that person that you've always been. And sometimes we want to be viewed differently.
You don't want to be viewed as the quiet girl. And we do change as we get older. And I guess you're like.
I'm fucking cool now.
I have fallen over like four weeks. But the biggest thing here is respect, and I think you nailed it, Britt Like, regardless of where you are in your friendships and how long you've been friends with someone, you were always ultimately deserving of respect. However, the issue is, and it's the same thing that happens in romantic relationships. Sometimes
we take the things that are closest to us. For granted, sometimes they can be the people that we treat the worst because we think they're always going to be around. I mean, I know a lot of people listening to this will have been guilty of doing it in their romantic relationships. Sometimes you might be having a shitty day.
You'll take it out in your partner. You'll speak to them badly, you won't treat them necessarily with the love and respect that they deserve to be treated in because you're like, well, fuck, they're.
Always there, It's fine.
Sometimes they think we treat it just clumsy Sally, It's okay, totally, it's.
Just Maddy Jay.
But like sometimes I think it happens for our friendships as well.
And that's what I mean.
If it is a relationship that you want to salvage, it is warranting of a conversation. You would give a conversation. You would have a conversation with a romantic relationship. You would sit down and say, hey, I don't feel like you're respecting me. I feel like you're not treating me the way that I want to be treated. I love you, that this is not working for me right now. You
can do the same thing with your friends. You shouldn't have to know, but you can see what I would do, is I agree, Like, of course you can have that conversation. And I'm not saying you dump the friend group and you move on and you kick them to the curb. I'm just saying you're putting yourself the same thing with dating, Laura, Like you go on some dates whatever, you're in a situation you don't like, they make you feel shit, You're remove yourself from a situation.
Maybe you're still text them sometimes.
I think with a friendship group like this is you don't dump thirty as a friendship unless they're being I mean, unless they are making you feel so so so horrible and they're so toxic. I think you just soft feed them. You don't and you said that you're already making excuses, so I think you don't dump them. You don't have to have a big fight, but you just start to fill your life with other things, your work that makes you happy, the new friends, groups, hobbies that make you happy.
You can still catch up with them, for sure, totally. If the times that you're catching up with them as a group, if you haven't seen them in a while, you go and catch up with them and they.
Still make you feel like shit, then you don't need to catch up with them anymore. You don't even really need an explanation, Like you can just soft fade. You're run into the street, you're gonna say, hey, how are you? That's fine, But I think don't put so much pressure on yourself. Ultimately we get this one little life. If you're filling your days with people that are bringing you down, like you are a product of the five people closest
to you. So if these are the people closest to you and they're making you feel like that, you're going to take that energy into your life every day. So you surround yourself with people and things that make you feel good at the end of the day. That's life totally, and like that, like it's very passionate, but.
I'm so hepho.
I fully agree with everything you're saying, and like the whole concept of like we don't have that much time, like you're saying that you're hustling. Everybody works hard, like every like what not everybody, but a lot of people. Time is really something that's so valuable. So don't especish on people that make you feel crappy about yourself. That's like, ultimately the big take home. Should we go on to question number three? Yeah, h but let's do it okay.
Question at number three, This one's a little bit saucier.
I love my partner.
Here's my everything. I'm twenty two and we've been together for two years now. I know I'm young, but trust me when I say that I know he's my person. The only and I mean literally, only thing that isn't perfect in our relationship is the sex. Although I have dated a lot of different men, I haven't explored sexuality and sex in the way that I want to now. Finding my forever person at twenty surely wasn't my plan.
In the past two years since being with him, I've been exposed to so much more sex positivity and I want to try and explore different things.
I'd love to go to sex parties.
I'd love to try a threesome and scratch this by curious itch I have. I have hinted to my boyfriend at perhaps having a threesome with another girl, but he is very certain on monogamy in our relationship.
I love him and the.
Sex is still pretty good, but I feel like if this is really what the rest of my life is going to Is this going to be a problem?
Probably, Yes, this is an interesting one and I do have some feels about this.
Stoked.
If you've met your penguin, that's fucking so fantastic, Like I love love, I love penguins, and anyone that meets their penguin is that's amazing. Sex is not the be all and end all, no, but I do think it is very important in a relationship.
I think that you need to be.
On the same wavelength or you need to be really happy and content that.
You're not on the same wavelength.
So you're either on the wavelength or you're okay with the fact that you're never going to meet in the middle. For you, and I know from experience in my thirties, there are so many chapters of growth and the way you evolve within yourself, within your sexuality, within your thoughts on life and relationships, that is going to change. So you're entering the next stage where you are more curious. You said you have a bi cury it you want
to scratch. The question that you need to ask yourself is are you going to be okay to never ever scratch that itch? Because your partner has said it is not absolutely not in the cards for you, for him,
for them, for your relationship. Are you going to be okay to live the rest of your life without exploring that and without knowing and without wondering, or is it going to drive you to a place where one day you're in a situation where you do the wrong thing in your relationship because you're like, fuck it, I'm out now, this girl's interested, this guy's interested.
I'm going to try it, and then you're going to regret that later.
You need to decide within yourself if you're happy to just have that as a fantasy and never actually know and stay in your relationship, or if you're going to want to scratch those itches. If you think you're going to want to scratch those itches, you need to have a really I mean, it's going to be a really hard conversation with your partner, but you need to say, this is something I think about all the time, it's
definitely something I want to try. How can we as a couple work it out, or how can we try these things together or explore some new sexuality together, because there are plan any ways you can do that as a couple, you don't have to to say so over, I'm gonna go and be with other people.
You can do that as a couple.
Maybe if he understands more about your relationship and about what you want to explore, he might be more open to it. But going to him straight away and saying let's go into a sex club and have a threesome that's zero to one hundred, that is really really overwhelming for him.
Oh yeah.
When I read that, I was like, Okay, Like, I get it, I get the wanting to explore. I was like, that's probably a lot for your partner to process, going from being like happily monogamous to being like, I want to clubs a sex week, which I get it, like fucking go for goal, like there's no judgment, like, and if he was open to that and receptive to it, then that would have been best case scenario. But I understand why he has hesitations towards this. I totally agree
with you, Brier. I think you know what, if you're by curious, if you're not sure about your sexuality, and you are at the moment in one very specific lane and you don't have the opportunity or the option to go and explore something that feels innately true to your identity. There's a chance that you're gonna end up you know, And I hate like this whole stereotype of like people who are bisexual cheat because I don't think that that's it.
But you may end up cheating if you haven't had the opportunity to explore something that feels really overwhelming for you, like really powerful for you. So I think those very honest conversations need to be had. And maybe instead of just like being like it has to be all or nothing, maybe you can talk to your partner about just spicing the relationship up in a way. Maybe it's watching porn, girl and girl porn porn totally. Maybe it's getting sex toys.
I don't know, maybe it's a bit more exhibition ast sex. Whatever it is that you feel like might bring a bit more excitement to your relationship, but also isn't done in a way that's going to fully not just scare your partner but also make your partner feel a little bit like intimidated and inferior in your relationship. There are things that you can do to ease into those things too, And so recently, for example, lubrication.
Yeah, yeah, ease on in. Slide on it.
There are things you can do, like recently, we spoke to Sally Hepworth, an amazing author, and she spoke about how she was doing some research for a book. If you haven't listened to that episode a few weeks ago, go back and have a listen.
She was doing some research for this book. She was in a monogamous relationship with her husband, but it was like a.
Very sexy book. So she decided to go to a sex party with her husband.
Now they went and they were never going to engage in sex. Because you can go to these parties where you were just you're participating in terms of you can speak to them, you can have conversations, you can watch what's going on, you learn what's going on. It's like a real eacher. It's an introduction. It's a real easy and there are things like that. You can go to sex clubs. We've spoken to people like Shantel Otton before. You can go to sex clubs where again you don't have sex.
You can go to clubs.
This sounds hectic, but you can go to sex clubs where you can be almost in a private room and you are watching on you are watching another couple have sex. Now the other couple know that you're there. It's very consensual. They're exhibitionists, they like it. You don't want them to know who you are. There are so many things that you can do together as a couple to ease into that. So maybe you just need to have those conversations. Maybe he was just overwhelmed at.
The start, but there are so many things as a couple before you have to end a relationship that you can try first. If you bring these things up, like Laura said, you can start from smaller things the pawn and exhibitionism or anything else.
Ororism like BRIT's talking about.
Yeah, there's so many little things you can try, Like, there's a whole spectrum of things. So I think have those conversations first, really convey that these are things that are important to you and that you do want to try, and you do want to try it with your partner.
You don't want to up and leave. You want to make this work at the end of the day. If they're that important, and he's adamant that it's not part of his life, unfortunately, you have a really hard decision you have to make totally and I agree, Like, I think sex is such an important part of a relationship. It doesn't mean when I say sex is important, I don't mean you have to be having sex. But you've got to be on the same page when it comes to sex, and right now you're not on the same page.
So I think the more that you talk about it, the more that you can work towards getting on that same page, will mean that the relationship will work out. But right now, if you're feeling like this, and you're feeling like this is just such a huge void in your relationship, I don't know. I think it's really something that you guys have to work on. It's really something that I think first it's communication around it and then it's actually actioning some of this stuff.
Wow, I also want to hear what happens in this, Like, we really love getting updates from you guys on these questions.
We love following through and seeing what happens and what the end result is. Well, we've been trying to do a follow up episode on some of the ask on cuts, but y'all don't tell us. You take the advice and run, So we'd love it if you came back and told us just how everything worked out, whether it was a positive outcome a negative outcome, whether you.
Implemented the advice, I don't know. We're here just.
Being your big sisters, living through all the life experience we have.
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