ASK UNCUT - HELP! My ex has moved on faster than Usain bolt

they're pretty deep, they're pretty intense dimples. Well, they're really cute. That's age. No deickness comes from lack of collagen. They're cute dimples, which I'm desperately trying to rectify with retine. But the years of sun damage in Woollongong have really had their toll, just specifically Warongong. What a depressing way to start this sun damage anywhere else. So I'm haggard and looking worse for wear, but you know what, we're in isolation. It doesn't matter. Actually, can we just talk

about this is a thing? Did anyone else any other listeners just notice what just happened. I just complimented Laura and she turned it around somehow to say, Okay, I get it. I'm haggard. What on earth this isn't topic on itself. Women that can't take a compliment and then put themselves down. Woman, let's try that again. Love you, dimples, thank you. Oh that felt so weird. It gave me a shudder right down to my toes. Just tell me what you know this week? Something very important? It does

it affect me? Not at all? From maths, your world, not my wealth. You would think that we'd left these guys behind with the last season, but we haven't. Did you read today that Michael Goonan is now trying to sell his wedding ring that he had with Stacy on eBay. Not just his wedding ring, his wedding ring and a smashed picture of Stacy Waite that should just be on by swap Sell. I can't believe it made into eBay. It's going for six hundred dollars at the moment. Is

that all I know? I kind of thought it would go for more. I thought be worth more. The thing I'm kind of like, I'm a bit unsure about is that it's not saying that it's listed for any charity or anything. So I think he is literally just selling it to pocket six hundred dollars for personal gain. I bet you he expected it to go for more than six hundred dollars. But hang on, correct me if I'm wrong, because I didn't actually watch it. But isn't he really

really loaded? That's the thing. Why does he need to sell a ring for six hundred dollars? Well, I feel like if you're selling a ring publicly and a smashed picture of your ex, it's a very very very public way of having the last stab. Remember when Lara Bingle threw a twenty thousand dollar ring down the toilet. When Lara Binger was with Michael Clark and they were doing their show, like The Real Bingal or whatever it's called,

the reality show, they had a fight. She flashed her ring down the toilet and I was like, actually, I think saying twenty thousand dollars, I think it was it was like ten times more than that. I can't even remember. It was a super expensive ring she put down toilet. How many people do you think were out the next day in the Eastern suburbs trying to dig up the plumbing lines to be like, I will find that ring guilty.

You'll find it no under you remember it, you have to be a little bit jilted still, if you're going to go publicly and sell the ring, I think like if your statement is it's such a statement in and of itself, if you were over it totally or you were like and I'm not saying that he's still hung up on Stacy, but if you were over it and you didn't think about the relationship and it didn't affect you, you wouldn't make such a public statement as in selling

it on eBay. It's a real kick in the day. Yeah, there're three of them, so his new partner, Casey who was on the show, and Stacy, who was his old partner. They're all having the most Stacy I just realized. I didn't know that either, But they're having the most ridiculous fights online, not even worth mentioning. That's all I'm gonna mention about it. But there's a reason I just wasn't into that show, because you don't like fun, Brittany. That's why I'm sorry. There's no fun in m AFS. That

was so, so terrible. I'm actually contemplating whether or not I need to edit that out. Probably well, I've got some news for you, Laura. I'm ready for a pretty what news so people people might even say it's too hot to handle news. Oh I like what you did there. I really like what you did there. Guys, if you have jumped on the too hot to handle bandwagon with us, they are having a reunion show tomorrow, so on Friday, and we get to find out what happened to all

these train wrecks. I actually saw this come through because someone who follows the podcast, who's like deep in the Facebook group, they were the ones that sent through, like, oh my god, did you know that this was happening. I didn't even know this was happening. I got sent this from one of our very loyal followers and listeners. So I love that. I love that you guys are as invested in this as what we are, because we

are sick for it. To be fair, I think nothing is going to I think no one's together except harrying Francesca. That's that's it. That's what I'm calling now. I cannot wait to see the reunion of Friday. But also I hate and I feel dirty about how invested in this I am. And I also feel dirty that we talk about this for a good five minutes at the start of every single episode. You feel like it'll be done

after this, is it? Actually that's a lie, because we probably need to talk about it next Tuesday, after the Union episode, but we're never doing it again. But on that note, we do like to keep these short and sharp, So why don't we jump in and sexy occasionally? Sometimes they're fart, sometimes they're sexy, sometimes they're fars. What's a question for you sexy questions? There are such thing as

a sexy fart. There's definitely not a sexy far, unless that's like your kink fetish, in which case I'm sure there's someone out there who finds fart sexy. Hands down, there would be this already is weird. If you're still with us, we're going to get into the questions now, because this is going downhill fast. All right, Let's jump into the questions. Thanks to everybody who's written in questions

this week, we have had loads. Britt has done the job of going through every single question and doing her best to reply to everyone, but honestly, we do get so many questions that it's not possible for Britt to get back to all of them straight away, so sometimes it takes us a little while, so we appreciate your patience.

But we also really, really really appreciate you guys writing these in And if you do have any questions that you want to just share to the group and you don't feel like they need to be anonymous, please feel free to jump onto our Facebook page which is at Life Uncut Podcast because you can always ask your questions there as well. However, like I said, those questions won't be anonymous. But anyway, let's get into the questions that

we've chosen for today and Brittany over to you. I just want to also add to that, even if it takes us a while to reply and it looks like we haven't seen it, we have read every single one, so we are reading them even if we haven't given you a response yet. So just know that you are seen, you are heard. Question number one, I have a straight up easy question for you. I've been dating my guy for about a year, but I've been using isolation and lockdown as a bit of a reason to not see him.

I've just found myself less and less interest. I'm slowly starting to screen his calls. I don't want to talk to him as much. My question is can I dump him over text? Oh my god, girlfriend, you are fierce and I am frightened of you. Everything. My body's tingling. I'm going to straight up I like you. I'm going to straight up and say I don't think you can dump over text after a year. Look, I'm gonna say you again, you absolutely can, but it makes you a

bit of an asshole, so probably don't do it. It's not the right way. Of course, you can do it if that's your question, but it's not the right way to be handled. Imagine if that was reversed and he was dumping you and you got a text text from him saying, hey, babe, like, thanks for the last year, but I'm done taking this question actually seriously as well. It's it's so dismissive, and you're not allowing that person to have the closure that they deserve by trying to

break up with them over text. And the fact that you've been ignoring him, the fact that you've been stringing this out and dragging this out throughout this whole isolation period, would be making him feel crazy. And I think that's a really unfair way of treating someone. You could lead into it. You could start with the text let him know that something's on your mind, literally saying, hey, sorry, I know i've been distant recently. I've had a lot on my mind. I've been doing some thinking and I

think we need to talk. You could start it like that, that we need to talk. Thing like ouch, he knows what's coming. We need to talk is another kick in the day. You know we need to talk. Is the equivalent of your dad saying I'm not mad, I'm disappointed from what you've said. He knows something is wrong. Send him the we need to talk. I've had a lot of my mind chat. He'll start to put two and two together and put the way you've been acting and feeling and the way you've been treating him over the

last few months. He'll put it all together, and at least that way, it's not going to be a shock and a slap in the face, because there's nothing worse than when this happens and you haven't seen it coming. Like when it's so left field, it's almost hard up because you're like, what where did this? I thought we're fine planning our future. But when there's almost like a

warm up, it makes it somewhat easier. One thing I really want to add to this, and I think is so important and I feel like we've touched on this in so many episodes recently, but I can't stress this enough during this whole crazy isolation thing, now is a time that we really need to be conscious of people's feelings. You know, right now is definitely not the time to be texting a breakup like this is the worst time

for that. If anything, I think a little bit more empathy, a little bit more love, a little bit more kindness in every day in all of our relationships, is how we need to be behaving. This is really the coward's way out. The older that you get, the more you realize that you really can't treat people in such a dismissive nature. I think you really owe someone who you've given a year of your life to the closure that they deserve. And that is even if you cannot see him.

Let's like hypothetically say that he's in Queensland right now and you're in Sydney, and so you've been putting this off because you can't physically get to him to have the conversation face to face. You sure, shit can't do it over text. You have to do it at least over phone or zoom or some way so that you can have as much connection with him as possible, because he deserves that. I really like to look at every single aspect of my life in a way that's treat

others how you want to be treated. So if you wouldn't want to be broken up with every text, don't break up with you overtext. I think it's simple like that. How would it affect you, how would you feel, what would you want to get from it? What would you have done differently? I think they're the things that you need to think about how it would make you feel, and then apply that to your situation. Put your big

girl panties on and break up with him face to face. Girlfriend, you can break up with someone in the nicest way possible and dragging this out the way that you're doing it, and by doing this over text, by ignoring him, by silencing him, by not giving him any any reasoning or understanding about the way that you're thinking or feeling that this is a really cruel way of going about a breakup. I think that's it. Bloody number two. All right, let's

jump into number two. Question two. I have been cheated on in every relationship, both emotionally and physically. My question is, how can you distinguish whether your gut instinct is right or wrong. I'm always going to be fearful that any future partner is going to be cheating on me, and my automatic gut reaction is to just not trust anyone. How do I know if I'm ever making the right decision, because if I trust my gut, I just feel like I'm not going to ever meet anyone. Oh man, that sucks.

It's a good one. Though. You cannot go into every relationship taking the shit from your past because not everyone is the same and not every man is going to treat you the same way. I do think that you can be cautious, and I do think that you can be sensible, and you are allowed to have I'm not saying you have a wall up, but you are allowed to have like a little bit of protection to your

heart and not wear it totally on your sleeve. But the only person you're doing a disservice to by thinking that things are happening or by like really putting your walls up before you get into a relationship is yourself means you're never going to be able to find the relationship that you deserve. But not every guy is a cheater, not every girl is a cheater, and not every guy

is the same. I agree. I do think you're shooting yourself in the foot by taking this old baggage, these old worries and stress and anxiety into new relationship and projecting that on him, because he will pick that up, he will feel that, and you'll never know. I guess the relationship's full potential because you've gone into it holding on to some damage from the past. As someone that has been cheated on quite a few times. Unfortunately, I don't let it affect me. I can honestly say I'm

probably overly trusting with people. I do give people second chances. I don't go into a relationship thinking they're going to cheat on me because I know that I need to give that person a full, complete, utter chance to prove like I can't blame the crazy things might exit to me on someone that has nothing to do with the situation. It's completely unfair on them. It's unfair on you, and you're not giving the relationship time to blossom in itself. Maybe you need to step back a little bit from

dating and ask yourself and check yourself. Are you dating the same type of guy over and over and over like ah, is the situation that you're getting yourself into and the people that you're dating doing the same thing, and is the behavior the same? Because maybe you have a type and maybe your type sucks. You need to

be realistic about that. And if that's the case, then you need to start dating people who may not necessarily be the guy that you had that intense chemistry with straight away or the guy that you know ticks all the boxes in the same way that you're ex died because there could be a reason that the guys you're dating are cheating on you. It could be because you're literally going for a personality type that is not a very nice person. Yeah, the reason that they're cheating on

you is not you. It's not a personal thing. It's nothing you've done, is I think I agree with Laura. It's probably that you're choosing the same type of people in the same box, in the same category, doing the same thing at the same stage of life. And I fell into that too. The best thing I ever did was jump outside the box and start to date people I never thought I would date, And I think maybe that's what I would suggest to this listener, try something new.

When I think of Matt and my relationship now, if I had met Matt outside of the Bachelor French, I don't think we would have dated. Matt is such a nice guy, and he's very different in a lot of ways to a lot of the guys I've dated before, not all of them, because I have dated some great guys.

It just didn't work out. But you know, I definitely had a type, and that type was pretty dysfunctional, and I think, you know, you can sort of be reflective on the choices that you're making and take some responsibility a little bit for the types of guys that you're dating. The question she's actually asking too is do I trust my gut? How do I know when to trust my gut? I'm really really big on that when your gut speaks to you and when you just feel something is wrong,

but you should you should know the difference. You should be able to differentiate whether you were just imagining things because you think he's going to do it, and you're almost trying to manipulate the situation into him doing it because you're waiting for it to happen. Your gut instinct is absolutely so powerful and it has never ever ever let me down. You just can't confuse the two with

pure fear. Yeah, and this is something we've talked about hates in this podcast, Like, your intuition is there for a reason. When your intuition is raging, it's your internal alarm system saying this is dangerous, something is wrong here. So if you are genuinely your intuition is what's saying, like, fucking get it a bought mission. There is a really good chance that the guy you're dating is not doing the right thing. What I think you need to be

wary of is are you projecting that really early? So, for example, if you've only just started dating someone or seeing someone and you haven't defined what the relationship is, and you haven't talked about whether or not it's okay to be seeing other people, he may be dating other people. He probably is, Like most people are dating multiple people at the start. That's just how we date in twenty twenty.

So if you need to have that clarification, make sure that you define their relationship before you allow yourself to get carried away. With what you're worried about, what you're thinking could possibly be happening, because if you haven't defined the relationship, then he's not cheating on you either. It's just that he's still opened seeing what's happening. So be very clear with what you want, be very clear with your boundaries, and also look at dating guys that maybe

are a little bit outside your box. I want to finish this one with just remember that nothing worth having comes easy. You are going to have to climb mountains, You're gonna have to crawl through the dirt, and you're gonna have to go through a lot of rough diamonds to find your smooth diamond, and that's just how it is. So don't be weighed down by the fact that people have cheated on you in the past, and don't convince yourself that that means you're never gonna find your happy ending,

because you will. Okay, I have one thing to say. That quote is like perfect and I love it so much, But I often think people confuse that with staying in shitty relationships because they're gonna work through the shit for it to get great, And I like that kills me. Like that concept kills me. Because I think if your relationship has been freaking hard work from day dot, it's

never gonna get amazing. If your relationship goes up down, up down, up, down, updown, You're never ever gonna get to the point where it's like this holy grail of happiness. I think you only get back to that holy grail of happiness if you had it in the first place. Like, yes, relationships go through struggles, like we all do. We all have like our really great times, and we have sometimes that are a little bit more challenging. But good, healthy, stable

relationships are not volatile. They're not up and down. They're not going to make you feel crazy, So don't convince yourself that you need to work through the shit of your current relationship. What BRIT's saying is that you can kiss a few frogs before you find whatever toads. You can kiss a few ugly foes before you find your prince charming. Like, that's what she's saying, because your prince charming will not treat you like shit over and over and over. That's just not He's not the one that

ain't your soulmate, not in our fairy tale. That is not your soul your soulmate does not make you cry every day the end, unless it's third and last question. Guys, my boyfriend and I have just split up after eighteen months. He's literally moved on straight away. He's in a new relationship and he's happy, and he seemed in love. I am completely heartbroken. I'm I'm so confused to how he's gotten to where he is and I'm at home crying. What does this mean for our relationship? Doesn't mean I

wasn't worthy? Does it mean he tapped out early? My feeling's not valid. I don't know how to feel. This is such a good question because I literally was having this conversation, this exact conversation really with a girlfriend on the weekend. But you chose this question, so I feel

like this was a setup. What I think is really important to clarify with this is that there's a good chance that the guy is monkey branching, Like there's a really good chance that he is using his new relationship or that new person to feel feeling any pain, you know, So instead of having to sit through it and grieve through it and like actually feel the loss of a relationship, he's just going to spack fill that hole with some putty and find a new girl to spend some time

with who's going to distract him from his sadness. There's a really, really good chance that that's the case. And it doesn't just because he's behaving this way and his behavior now, it doesn't invalidate the relationship. It doesn't invalidate the fact that he had feelings for you at one point in time. But regardless of his actions, the relationship has ended. And it just means that you are now entitled to do and be and live however you want to because you are You're seven. He's his own person

and you're your own person. We actually had to go be your best person. We had someone writing this week actually that was similar to this situation. But on top of that, she said, I'm so mad. Do I get mad at him? Do I make his life hell? Do I tear shreds of him? Or do I move on? And I have responded to her, but I'll address it here as well, because I think it's this is all relevant. This is odd. This is a band aid relationship for him.

It's it's a quick way to move on. There is a slight chance that he has checked out of the relationship previously. A lot of the time the breaker up room, it's not something that they have just woken up with that morning and said I'm going to end this today. They don't decide it on the spot. There is forethought. They've been thinking about it a long time. They've been feeling off for a long time. So for them, often

they have checked out my in advance. I know when I break up with my partner in eight years, I didn't wake up one day and decide to do that. It was a really hard decision. It had been weighing on me for eight months. This girl and your friend, they were both unfortunately broken up with and dumped and they didn't see it coming. So oh no, my friend did the dumping. Oh she had the dumping, but she did the dumping because his behavior was bad. Okay, well

that's fair. This girl's just been broken up with. No, she had no idea it was coming. So I think in this case, regardless of the reason, it doesn't change anything. The fact of the matter is he has moved on. It is going to tear you to shreds. To dwell on that and follow them on social media and send him messages because he's not going to write back, then

you'll feel worse about yourself. I think the best thing you can do now is except that what you had is unfortunately over, learn something from it, except that that chapter is closed. That door is closed, and that there's going to be a more beautiful and a better chapter for you to open. There is no sorry, I'm still on a ramp. Yeah, go fucking go, go for I get really passionate about this. There is no time frame for you to mourn. You don't have to move on

just because he did. You don't have to not feel any pain because he's not feeling pain. You feel whatever you want and you sit in it, and you make sure you sit in it properly until you are recovered, because you can't move forward and take that into your next relationship. So don't judge how you are feeling against what he's feeling. Can I talk now? Aha? Are we good? What I want? What I want to add to that is and what Britain like touched on as well is

social media. This is like the devil right now, unsubscribe from him. Do not do not engage with his Instagram, do not look at his stories, do not look at his Facebook. Like you need to unfollow him on every single thing and just go no contact. And no contact doesn't mean just not not texting him. No contact means do not allow yourself to see anything that he does, because you do not need to bring that into your life.

Because there's gonna be times when you're feeling happy and you're having a really good day, and then all it takes is to see a story or something where it looks like he's having an even better day and it will make you sad. So make sure that you remove that completely. And second thing I want to say is fuck him, like fuck him. Fuck him if there's a reason that you broke up with him, or there's a reason that he broke up with you. He is not

your penguin. And for my girlfriend who broke up with her partner because he behaved really badly, he behaved badly when you're in a relationship with him. He's still behaving badly when you're not in a relationship with him, Like he's a shitty guy and you shouldn't be with him. And so whether or not he goes on to be super happy with someone else, I think there's always this fear that, like we're going to break up with the guy that we were was so desperately in love with

and he treated us badly. But then they're going to go and be so super happy with the next person. Trust me, they don't. They continue the same shitty behavior with the next person. Think people just jump from one relationship and become a completely different, a completely resolved, and better person. It rarely happens. Well, that's it for today. Three questions. That's it. That's all there's time for because it's time for wine. Thank you so much for writing

in again. We absolutely love it. Keep the questions coming, just title them at the top, ask uncut, so that we do know what it is and I can differentiate it from all the other messages. I know that every week we tell you all to leave a review if you've loved the episode, because we love your reviews and we get off on them bits a sickening obsession of ours. You do. But I just like the fact that it's

literally what helps us grow. But Okay, what we didn't realize because we're pretty new to the whole podcasting world us, we just wing it. We don't know what we're doing. But I found out some information the other day. If you love the podcast. You've got to subscribe. So if you listen to this every week, let's make this official. Let's be in a relationship. Yeah, we let's make a commitment and we should subscribe to this podcast. Stop being in a situationship with us. We're ready, We're ready to

be official. We actually didn't know that the subscribers mattered, So if you're listening every week instead of just listening, hit subscribe. Also, remember if you haven't on our Facebook group yet, it's such a beautiful little community. We're absolutely loving it. There's recommendations, there's questions, there's ask gun cuts, there's funny stories. So it's life un Cut podcast that's

on Facebook. We also have the Instagram. Send us in your questions, send us your accidentally unfiltered and we will be back seeing you in your ears on Tuesday. Hit five stars, subscribe and leave review. Share the love because we love love