Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on drug Wallamuta Land. Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut. I am Brittany and I am Laura, and Laura has been singing really badly for about ten minutes.
I know it's the first time you've acknowledged it.
Do you know why.
I think you're trying to like set the mood, But in my head, I'm like, shut up.
I try good, and I'm like, bro, no, vibe with the stars, yes, masting No, Well I would shake my entire nuddars in your face, but I feel like that might be stepping acrossing a line.
So instead, I've just been trying to bring the vibes with a bit of a like a fir I left that way. You should totally fly away. No, it's not that bad. I maybe it was a bit bad. Can we discuss something? What is this a dress or a jacket? Where you want it to be corduroy. It's corduroy. I'm bringing Cordray back in. I don't think Corduroy's not in. I think it can be in like kind of like sexy.
Couch Corduey, cud or Cortery was not in for a long time. I think it's back in now, probably because of me. Okay, yeah, yes, set in the fashion stands over here. Could be a dress, could be a jacket, could be naked underneath. It could be wearing a two piece suit. Who knows.
I like to keep people guessing, and you're guessing.
So it's worked perfect a new dress.
Yeah, I being right along. It's therapy Thursday. It certainly is. And this is where we answer, oh you're deep, you're dark, and you're burning questions.
Before we get into that, I want your opinion on something. I don't know how to take this. This is what someone said to me yesterday. I don't know if it's supposed to be a compliment or offensive.
It's probably a backhanded compliment that actually is just I'm trying to work that out.
Somebody wrote it's like, you look good for your age, or do you know what my favorite one is. This is what I'm getting recently. Well, God, you look good for someone who's had two kids, and I'm like, that's not really good, is it. That's because your bod so fire, but only for someone who's had two kids. Yeah, not as good as someone who hasn't had kids, Just as good as you could look for someone who's had too.
Looks like when someone says a sentence with hey, no offense, but you're super ugly, You're.
Like, well, that's still offensive. No offense, but I'm going to say something super offensive right now. But I've given myself a caveat, so it's fine. Anyway. Well, somebody told me in my DMS that I look like Shrek's wife what's her name, Fiona? But the human Fiona. No, that's nice, is it though? Because it's the princess Fiona. She's sort of cute, but she channels the ogre like she's still a human in inverted commas, but is made to look
like the ogre that's turning to a human. I'm not sure if it's a compliment or not.
Have you watched Shrek. She's hot when she's a human.
I take that absolutely as a compliment, and she's very funny when she's not. So look, you know, isn't she still like so isn't she supposed to be like a bit of a bit of b No, did you even google her? I'll show you, let me google it. I just pictured the ogre. True, she's hot ish Yeah see now you've pulled her up.
You're like for an ogre. She's hot for an ogre.
Yeah, okay, so I would be hot if I was an ogre. Is that what you're saying? I don't know. That's what someone said, and I was like, okay, I don't know what to do with that. I'm pretty sure she just looks like Cameron Diaz to be fair, well, Cameron Diaz is the voice, right, Okay, anyway, that's not a hot take. We're going to move right along.
Let's just say it's a compliment, yes, semi backhanded.
Well, there was something that we spoke about on Tuesday's episode, and that was what constitutes the lowest effort that somebody could put into a date, Like how low could someone go? How okay and you go And we don't mean the no, we don't mean the limbo. We mean what's the bare minimum?
And we were talking about a guy who he met with a chick on Hindel who knows who knows what the dating site was irrelevant, but basically he asked a girl out on an ice cream date, and her response to that was that she was very unimpressed that it was such a bare minimum date. She's like, fuck you ice cream, mare fucking hate ice cream and fun. And we kind of disagree. We thought that that wasn't necessarily
a bare minimum date. And then I reflected on the fact over the last couple of days about how I dated a man whose bed was on the floor. He had no bed base, he just had a mattress and no sheets. So when we think about bed when we think.
About bare minimums, I've been there.
But we did the call out to you guys, and we asked, what is a date that you've been on that was truly the most unbelievable bare bones of a date, the bare minimum, And you guys came through with the goods. Okay.
He invited me over for coffee, said he was really good at making it. He used an s Cafe Blend forty three instant delicious.
This guy that I had been vibing for quite a while picked me up and took me out for a nice lunch. We went through Maca's drive through.
I drove one point five hours and he made me bathe his sphinx cat. I don't think that's a code word for penis either.
Imagine how it was though. Okay, so he said he would make a nice dinner for the two of us and chuck two muscle meals in the microwave.
Oh imagine going over also.
It might have been crossfitting the next day. If you're going over to someone's house and they're making you dinner and they don't put any effort into the dinner. They're just trying to get straight to the sexy times. Like if you're getting a microwave meal, you know where you stand in the grand scheme of things.
We went for a one hour drive around the suburbs. No food, no walking, We just drove.
He paid for his own drinks on his company card, but then asked me to pay for mine. I didn't even pay for it. To be fair, you can't claim that much alcohol on work expenses. Maybe he was just trying to do the right thing by the taxman.
He booked a massage for himself. I had to wait. I don't you got a happy ending?
I imagine just being Can you just sit here for an hour while I get a massage. But then does he return the favor or does he go out and spend his life also completely defeats the purpose of spending time together on a date. He took me to a Mexican restaurant he worked at so he could use his stuff discount. That's actually pretty smart. That's still a restaurant.
You may as well just get a discount. He took me to Burger King after we had walked around London for a literal hour trying to find the place he knew Burgering. Is this place that I've seen You might have heard of it. There's an awesome place. I've been there before. I mean, it's on this street somewhere, like, let's find it. Here it is and it's burger King. This is the ultimate.
He made me split the bill, which is usually fine, but we had a coffee. Fucking hell, who is asking for two dollars fifty? Actually these days three milk?
Three dollars? Who is asking for three dollars for half a coffee?
Well?
Times are tough inflation with red prices.
Would you pay it if your date said a three dollars e would you just laugh?
Of course? I would pay it absolutely, and then I would unmatch him on every platform.
I would pay and block pay, block lift to be fair.
And when I reflect back on my past relationships, I probably would have given him a second date. The bar was fucking low. She would have fucked him bucks. I'd pay him three bucks for coffee that had sex with him.
This is probably my favorite one. My friend went on a date where the guy asked if they could go to Woolworths because he needed to buy a belt, which is so funny because not only did he take you on a shopping date to go and get his groceries, he went to a shop that doesn't even sell belts, which makes me think that he's never actually bought his own groceries before, or belts or belts. Okay, this is not one that was written in.
This was a friend and this happened on the weekend, and we'll talk about it a later date. I'm sure my friend went on a date to KMA. First date.
That's not a date.
They met it KMA. That's what you do on Sunday when you need to occupy your children.
And they walked around and they bought something each and that was the date. Did they see each other again, like, did they have enough chemistry that they were like, Okay, let's maybe go out for dinner.
Not yet, no, right, But then they went home and texted each other and were like, great date.
I don't know. I don't get to the next generation. I get one of my staff so like, I mean, I feel so far out of the dating game now. But one of my staff, she's in early early twenties, and she went on a date with a guy who works in marketing recently and he he said to her, Ah, I went through your social media doesn't really have good flow. I could help you get better flow with your Instagram. I was like, on the on the date.
On the date, it's grim out there.
Guys. If you're in the trenches of dating, we hear you send us your horrible dating stories because we feel it. We understand the pool is small and there are not a lot of fish in that seat. I just remember I went to a date.
I went on a date in London and like some people might froth this, like Ross from Friends would I went into like a dinosaur.
Friends also has about one fucking brain cell between his years. He's the dumb one, right, No, he's a paleontologist one, but he loves dinosaurs. You don't know Friends? Is that Joey?
I was about to say, Zoey, Oh, oh.
My god, you've just you have just crushed my soul that you don't even know their names.
I don't know. I don't watch Friends continue.
Sorry, No, that was it. We just went to a dinosaur museum.
That was my day. I went to look at a dinosaur and a picture. No, it was a pop up.
It wasn't even the Natural History Museum producer Asia. It was a pop up and I had to go across the city of London because he loved dinosaurs.
And I was like, you know, what do you look? Actually seems really cool and it could be cool and look, I learned something. I saw some pictures, but it wasn't the whole Natural History Museum. It was just a dinosaur pop up. I think I'd be okay with that, I reckon I would. I think I paid for entry. I think i'd pay for entry. I'd go and see a bit of a t rex and then I probably would have had sex with him. Yeah, but didn't see his t rex. I just saw a boned t rex. We alright,
that was the only fossil you got that clos ah right. Well, look before we get into answering your questions, there was something very very funny that we came across and we wanted to bring it to light because we thought.
That this could be live as opposed to bring it to light, we.
Thought it to your life. No, we're bringing it to light because we thought this could be a really great tool for you to exercise the next time you are in a situation that you're unhappy with, that that is unfavorable, and that when you really want to tell someone that you're extremely conflict avoidant.
So I've got a new taip for you now.
The territory's Health Minister, Professor Lo Chung Mao, he has come out and said that they would like Hong Kong to be a tobacco and smoke free place. They would like for the lovely citizens of Hong Kong to stop smoking. And the way to go about that it's not to ban it.
Oh no, don't ban it.
No, No, don't put fines in place, no laws, don't please it. No. Just if you see someone light up a cigarette and you don't like it, you should all stand around them and stare at them disapprovingly. And I think one yes, is fucking hilarious to think about a group of grown people just staring at one single individual in public disapprovingly. But I think we could all exercise this in our normal day to day lives. He literally says, this is the healthiness. I suggests just to stare at
them disapprovingly and don't stop staring. You continue to stare until they drop that cigarette out of their mouth. He also says the more people that stare, the better, because if it's just one starer, like if there's just one tobacco sterer, it doesn't have the same impact as twenty tobacco stairs. Now, there is something in this.
Have you ever been in a position where you've done something or you're in a situation where you're feeling people look at you. It makes you just want to stop doing what you're doing at that exact moment, Like, but.
I don't think I've ever been doing something that's been like socially incorrect and then had an entire group of complete strangers stare at me.
Oh, when I was climbing that telegraph hoole naked and everyone was looking, I wanted to stop immediately.
No, but you know what you know.
What I mean, like the feeling of if one person looks at you disapprovingly on something, it's okay because you're like okay, bro, like you one person, But if there's thirty people around you, like the Hunger Game, staring down at you, I want to stop what you're doing.
I just think this is the most I mean, considering that this comes from the Health Minister of Hong Kong, it feels like the most juvenile piece of advice that you could give in order to police something that you want to enact cultural change on the whole thing is that they want to culturally change the ethos around smoking within Hong Kong. It's also so passive aggressive, but he
makes a very good point. He goes on to say that there are so many things that we do culturally without even thinking about it, like the rules that are not necessarily prohibited. You know you're not going to get fined for it, but we do it because it's socially acceptable. For example, like standing in line to get on the bus or doing coffee, doing things in an orderly way so that there's not just social anarchy and chaos, but nobody's made us or told us that we have to
do things in this specific way. And he was like, this is how we create social regulation, and it's by being disapproving of the person who's behaving outside of that. So he's like, just stand and stare and make them feel uncomfortable.
Almost like a citizen's arrest kind of thing, because he's like, if you're in the no smoking area because they have no smoking areas. If you're in a no smoking area and you can see someone lighting up, if the police can't get there in time, take matters into your own hands and stare them down.
That's literally what he's saying. I would love to see if this works when the members of the public see people smoking and non smoking areas, even if no law enforcement officers show up immediately, we can stare at the smokers. Could you imagine how that would go down in Australia if you were staring at someone smoking, that'd literally be like what the fuck you look at? Yeah, like it would not Land. I think people are a little bit more orderly in Hong Kong, are a little bit more
pleasant than what they are here rogue arseholes. Okay. The thing though, is I think we could exercise this in all other areas. People eating with their mouth open. Stare at them.
If you're at the dog park or something and the big dog does a big shit and they don't pick it up, stare at them. Stare at them, circle around them and stare at them.
That's when it would work.
But also like people that walk around on loud speaker on their phone but with no headphones, you know how they hold their phone. And I'm saying this looking at Laura Becauselaura has been doing it for about two years.
Also people who play loud music at the beach and they bring their own UI boom to the beach and they play music in the park. Stare at them.
That's a real big, like city beach thing. I think it's not really. I don't think rural beaches are having that problems. I think it's those like Bond Night there's a boombox every two meters. There's a boombox more per capita anywhere else in the world.
Maybe rural places are having it if they go to the local park, though you never know when people are out and what should be in a public area. Don't bring your own boombox. It's rude, but then don't play it around the grunde. No one wants to hear it.
I love her in a grunde. Don't go and attack her. She's done nothing in this situation. No, she's fine anyway.
We just think that you guys could implement this in so many other ways in your life. If there's something that you're not happy about that's happening in your life, don't address it, don't use communication, do it Hong Kong does. Just stare them down. Yeah, disapprovingly, so stupid. Alright, let's get into your vibe and unsubscribe.
Kisha has been putting her hand up in the corner. She really wants to give a vibe.
So, I don't know if you guys know Julia Louis Dreyfuss. She was loving in Seinfeld. She's like one of the OG's of female comedy. So she brought out a podcast a couple months ago. I think it was in like April. It's called Wiser than Me and so the concept of the podcast is that she interviews people who are usually older than her. I think everyone on there is older than her. The very first episode was with Jane Fonder.
I'm such a huge fan of Jane Fonder. I kind of love everything that she acts in and that she does in her personal life. She's this massive climate activist and she's really fearless with it. But on this particular episode, I really liked how transparent she was with things that
she regretted in her life. Like she gets on there and she says that she was a bad mum, but she's a good grandma, and she kind of acknowledges where she went wrong with her children and how she's changed that to be a better grandma to her grandchildren, And.
Like she learned the lessons through parenting with the hindsight of parenting and how she wished she wanted to do it differently, and then being a grandma was like second
time over. I feel like it's probably really common. Yeah, I mean I wonder I think, from anecdotally and subjectively from friends that I've spoken to who maybe had a challenging relationship with their mum growing up, their moms or dads have stepped up to the plate in terms of grandparenting, I think that that's something that might be more common than what we realize.
She also speaks about how she regretted getting quite a lot of the work done to her face, like the whole episode, actually, the whole podcast. I've listened to a couple of episodes on there, but this was my particular favorite one, and it was the first one, so if you're going to listen to it, I would recommend going from the start. But I just loved how transparent she
was about all of these things. You know, I think a lot of the time we talk about authenticity in interviews and conversations, and I think that most of the time, even when we think we're getting a very vulnerable conversation, we're probably getting ninety percent because people like to keep things to themselves for the multitude of reasons, which is completely fair.
This to me felt so open.
She was just like, mate, I'm old, I've got nothing left to lose.
Totally true, because you don't care as much.
Yeah, and I didn't actually know that her dad was an actor, and like I kind of didn't know about that preciated baby one of the ojos. But it was just such an interesting conversation. So yeah, that's my vibe of the week. Wiser than Me by Juliet Louis Dreyfuss, who you would know as a lane from Seinfeld on wherever.
You listen to your podcasts, I put out a vibe and unsubscribe in the podcast group, like in our Facebook group.
Lifeun Cut Discussion Group if you're not a part of it, And the.
Overwhelming unsubscribe this week was people unsubscribing from the ATO. So I just want to say, I feel you, I see you, I hear you. Unfortunately we can't unsubscribe from it. Well you can, well you just get primed. Yeah, yeah, prisons, but tax evasion. I also, we don't recommend it. We're not vibing or on subscriber. Well yeah, we're not unsubscribing, but we are feeling you because it fucking sucks this time of year, and I feel like more people are disappointed.
Usually tax return time people are like whoo, And this year it feels like everyone's.
Like, well, it's affecting a lot of the younger people that have hex debts. That's where it's really affecting because they're paying more tax than they've ever had to pay because of the changes that are coming in. So I'm seeing a lot of the young people. It's going off on TikTok at the moment.
A lot of young people that are getting tax bills because of the hex debt changes.
Because I fell into this category, I thought that hex debts were intersts free, because that's kind of how it's preached to you.
The low interest you'll ever have.
Yeah, yeah, they're like they're interest free, but they have this thing called indexation on them. So mine was going up like one thousand dollars a year. I didn't notice because I've worked for myself for two and a half years, so I hadn't actually paid it off, and my accountant was like, hey, this is.
A huge issue. You gotta pay it.
I just looked at the whole summation of the amount that I owed and it just kept on increasing, and I was like, what the fuck.
Okay, this is a whole other discussion for another day, but like, education shouldn't have fucking inflation on it. I'm sorry, this is wild anyway, I'm sorry, that's my unsubscribed.
Well, my you guys are think I'm boring as fuck and it's really showing my age.
But I'm it's like, my vibe is metamucil.
My vibe is shitting because I get conspentin.
No, my vibe taking iron supplements.
It's water free mop free floor mop. Have you ever used that? Guys?
I you guys laugh at me. I'm the only one that brings practical vibes. You literally just put all over the floor, and you don't It doesn't have to be like a water rinse water rinse thing. It's like straight to the floor. You don't put in a bucket of water, straight from the thing, and then you just quickly do the mop. It's the quickest, easiest thing you've ever done.
I am still so unbelievably obsessed with my electronic vacuum mop thing, like my robo it's not a robo mop.
I don't know what brand it is, but it's so expensive.
They are expensive. But if you can spend money on a vibrator, you can spend money on this robo vac thin because if you're vibrators, they are a very different price. If I could, I would do both. They both vibrate, sit on the vacuum. I was gonna say, I would have sex with this thing every single night. If I could, I would abstain from sex for the rest of my life.
If I never have to wash or vacuum a floor again.
Gets off She sits on the robo vacuum and she just scoots around the house on the vacuum. She's cleaning and.
She's masturbating at the same time, only when Matt's not home.
Have you seen the videos on.
Instagram though, where those things have gone wrong, like if they've rolled over a.
Dog bit she goes all over the hound. I did get into a deep dark web when I very first got my Robovac thing. It's not the Robovac, just so you guys know, it's got some other brand. I can't remember, but I did go into the deep dark webs of people's houses being covered in dog shit.
There is that one video that went viral of the guy that came home. Remember he had a puppy that did the ship and.
The rofo back could put it. It's like on the walls because it sprayed, it was on the floot, it was in the carpet like the ship. Everywhere.
Flare still masturbating in the corner.
Up she gets off on it more because she's like, you get that dirts so dirty?
All right, let's come to answer your question.
I think there's gonna be a lot of people.
I'm gonna summarize this because it's long, but I think there's gonna be a lot of people that can relate to this. My car and partner has an entire drawer under his bed of sex toys.
He's super into them. He's super kinky.
He's been collecting them for some time.
He's a collector all the weird and wonderful you can imagine. Like, she wrote a big long list everything you could imagine, from like swings, whips, to toys, to vibrators to handcuffs, like the whole kick from Buzz Buzz to Yeah, there's sex books. There's all these different lubes and flavors and everything. Okay, it's literally everything.
Which from the description of this list, we would say it would be like thousands of dollars worth of Oh she said that.
She said it's thousands. She said, to be fair, it's thousands. Now, this isn't the problem. She's happy to try everything. The problem is she feels like it's a bit of an ick thinking about how many years he's collected these over meaning how many people he's used these on and how many things he's done with them. The sex wings and the whips and like you know, whips doesn't go in you, but it goes on someone Well, it's all associated with
someone else. It could go yes, Laura, that's right, I could, but it's the fact that it's been associated with this other person or other people. Can she ask him to get rid of them and start a new collection for her, knowing how much money they're worth?
Think if the land feel it's not like you can take them to pretty sure in this moment, she's not thinking of a landfill, Laura. She's not getting whipped being like, no, what guys, We're just coming out of a heat wave in the middle of winter, so someone needs to be thinking of the landfill and the global warming. Now the hell have you gone to landfill in this situation? Is what I'm wondering. Would you have an issue with your Like if you went to Ben's house and he was like, hey,
here's a vibrator. Okay, this is Ben. It's my question, how would you feel? I don't think I would care. But I think the reason why it's become such a big thing is because it's very obvious that he's collected this over a long period of time, so he's proud of the collection.
He doesn't want to get rid of the collection. But she can't think.
Of anything else when they have sets, except for the fact that he's used it on everyone else.
Okay, controversially, for me, I know there is nothing wrong hygienically with using toys that have been used over time, because we know you can wash them, you can put them in the dishwasher these days, unless he's been collecting these since nineteen ninety before, you could throw these things in the dishwasher.
Hy Genically, it's okay. It's like when you put a disposable container in it shrinks at because it's one of the ones you can't put into the dishwater. I'm like, fuck, it's a tiny little vibrator. What the rabbit came about? Someone put it in by accident. Well, this is the thing right for me personally, and it's just me.
I know there's nothing wrong with it, but I would probably want to bring my own sex toys, new sex toys into that situation. So I'm wondering if you can itemize, Let's.
Like, let's take the sexy out of this sit down with him and itemize the things, and maybe the things that.
Are a bit much for you, like butt plugs, like something that's been in someone else's butt. I'm sorry, it's not coming in my butt. It is not coming in my butt. It's not come. It's non negotiable for me. But that's just me. So maybe itemize the list and the things that are a bit too much for you can go and you can replace them. And maybe the things like the whips and the handcuffs that aren't like necessarily going into a butt unless you're handcuff and the
bowel in the butt, which no one's doing. Maybe you can do it that way so it's like just a few pieces, and you might have to contribute financially, Like if you're telling him to get rid of stuff, maybe you bring your own vibe brainer in.
Yeah, you need to replace them one in, one out method.
What do you reckon? There's a new website. This was trending a couple weeks back. There's a new website where you can actually buy secondhand sex toys. Yeah, which I think is wild in and of itself. Obviously they're well disinfected because some sect toys they're expensive to buy, and they are you know, they're like any other piece of equipment.
We should all be sex liberal. Okay, feel I want to sit here and say that I have no issue with it, that I would be fine with using a secondhand sex toy, But it's only because I think I wouldn't have really thought about it. I don't think I would have looked at that sex straw and just seen a plethora of other women or men or whoever he is using it on. I would have just been like, hey,
let's get down to kinkytown. If I had had the thought, oh my god, he's used with all the other women before me, it may make me get a bit of the egg and feel a bit insecure. But I'm sure, and I say this because I'm sure I've used sex toys with people in the past, and I don't think they were new.
No pick got just off the bedside table, so it was there from the night before.
Which also, how do you try, said he's clicked them all?
You don't do? You go in and you give them a good scrub, a dub dub. I think you should one hundred percent, because some people don't.
Some people just rinse them off and chuck them back under the bed.
I reckon most people rinse them off. I don't reckon a lot of people put them in the dishwasher. And disinfect.
No, and you know what the other thing is and it probably shouldn't matter. And I don't know which one I would prefer. Actually, has he just come out of a relationship with someone for ten years? Like, have these toys been with that one person for ten years and they have created all these different moments with a person?
Or is it better if it was like one.
Person is worse? Many people?
Is fine? See, I don't know. Actually, yeah, yeah, I would rather him have no intimate and emotional attachment because he's used it with every person. Then just like this is specifically the toy that Sarah really liked, Let's use it and I.
Know she liked it like this, and when I do it like this, and when I lift it here like that's definitely better.
You'd probably rather a butt plug that it'll have been in twenty five bucks.
But I'm with you, Britt.
I think that you have to itemize and you go through, what are the tools that we can use that seem a bit more reusable than items that maybe are a bit more single person use. He's obviously kinky. Great, he's not going to care if you bring some new toys into the bedroom. He'll froth that he's gonna be like fuck yeah, and then just slowly wean the other ones out.
And then you have a one in, one out sort of policy.
It's what I mean, but one our of the vagina, one in the vagina another.
Yeah, you always take it there.
My partner and I have been together for almost seven years. We have a three year old and a one on the way as about say one year old on the way Nope, a newborn, and I don't feel secure in our relationship. The reason I say I don't feel secure has nothing to do with love or affection, or trust or loyalty. He's emotionally mature in that department, but when it comes to working, he is very, very complacent. In the past, he has taken literally weeks off work.
For simply being a bit run down.
And now he has his own business and he keeps taking time off work because he just keeps getting viruses. I've told him to wear a mask to protect his immunity, but he chooses to ignore me, and then we go onto the next virus and the cycle continues. I'm in the process of establishing my own business. However, my income isn't as great as his, and worries me as he
is our main source of income. Mind you, I will be on maternity leave soon with our mortgage, and I just don't feel secure that my partner can do it alone. We're engaged to be married and I want to be proud of the man who I end up marrying, but at the moment, I feel embarrassed. I have tried to help him by seeking out some doctors in case there is an underlying issue, but he just doesn't seem like he's interested in helping himself. My question to you, is am I in the wrong to be having these ix
and frustrations over something like this? In my mind, it is the foundation of our future, and it worries me that with his work ethic, we won't be able to achieve our goals in life to build or buy a house, or to travel. Dan da dut dunh. I think this is completely valid. I think this woman's feelings are completely warranted. That she's getting the egg.
Yeah, that she's getting the egg, and that it's something that's playing on her mind. I would be shocked if there was anybody out there listening to this right now that doesn't think about money worries or money.
I don't know.
This is a big maybe once a day. And the reason for that is we live in a really expensive world now. Inflation has gone up, people's salaries haven't gone up. Doing the bare minimum of life right now is way more expensive than it ever used to be. You've got kids, so you have other dependents. Now you've got more costs than people like myself that don't have children. I constantly think about money in the future.
What am I going to do.
I think of retirement now, not retiring early, but making sure I have enough when I'm sixty five or seventy.
And that's because of the cost of living. It just sounds like he's lazy, to be honest, and I know this sounds mean, But if he has the ability to work full time and he's choosing to just do it a few days here and there, knowing that he has a family to support, to me, I'd probably get the ick to because a big part of building a relationship is contributing evenly.
And like, you've got kids, you've got your own business. And he's saying I feel run down. We all feel rundown.
Everyone life makes me feel burnt out.
I think people feel ninety five percent run down and five percent they feel good. I think that that's the balance we live in life. At the moment. These feelings are completely warranted. I mean, is that a healthy balance? Absolutely not. Is it kind of how everybody feels? Sure
it is. Just before I jump on the bandwagon and say like he's lazy and that it's all kind of make believe, I do think it's probably important to sit down with him and have a conversation about this recurrent illnesses because if he is recurrently getting sick and having viruses and being quote unquote very rundown to run down to actually do his job, that's a real conversation that you guys need to have. And I mean, what is he doing to try and get his health back in order?
What tests is he going to have done? Is he getting his bloods checked? Has he gone to go and see the doctors that you've organized. I think if he's proactive and also concerned about the fact that he's unwell, then that's a very different situation. I think that you can have a little bit more empathy for your partner
being back to back sick. Then if he's like, oh, I don't feel well, does nothing about it takes ample time off work and seems to just be really miss because it also leans into this idea of weaponized incompetence. You know, if you've got a partner who's like, oh, I've got the cold, I can't do anything, and then it also means that not just the income, but the housework falls on you, for taking care of the kids
falls on you. It's a way of him getting out of responsibilities that he has that he doesn't have to do because he knows that you're going to pick up the slack because you're there.
And the question is is what would he do if you weren't there.
Would he go to work, would he have to do the things that you're feeling that gap for, or would he simply be so sick that he would be able to take this time off for me. I think he like, don't be so hard on yourself when you say, you know, am I in the wrong for having the ick? The itck comes because it's a reaction to somebody else's behavior.
It's a reaction to what somebody else is doing. And I think in this instance, getting the ick is pretty understandable because I think having similar motivational drives as our partners is really important.
It's something that some of us find really sexy.
And if you're matched with somebody who has no drama, who has no ambition, that can be a massive turn off to somebody who is ambitious and sees their life in a certain place and has goals that they're working towards.
I think financial security too, is even independently, not just in a relationship, but both. It's one of the things we strive for and probably put at the top of our list as individuals, because it is literally how we survive in this life. If you don't feel like you're financially secure, and you don't feel like you're moving together and working together for a future, it's going to become a really big problem in your relationship.
Setting a budget and setting some sort of ideal goals that you can both work towards is helpful if you're both ambitious. It's helpful if you both want the same thing. It's very easy to say I want something but not have any of the drive or any of the motivation, or do any of the steps to get there, and.
A lot of people do that.
A lot of people say I want this in X amount of years, but they don't do the things that are required to get them to X, because the actual doing is way harder than the saying that I want something. And I think that they're the bigger conversations that you need to have. It's like, well, I know that we talk about this future that we want, but what are you proactively doing to get us there? And I feel like you're not being a participant. I feel like you're
not stepping up to the plate. And at the moment, I think you're kind of taking the cruisy, easy road and this is not going to equal to what we are saying that we combined want for our lives.
I probably personally would not be getting married until I had had this conversation and you will working towards the same future.
And that I wasn't embarrassed by my partner. The embarrassment's a really big thing. I that to me is such a huge factor, Like it's a huge statement saying that you want to be married to someone who you're proud of, not someone who embarrasses you. I mean, that's so damning in and of itself. Also, it's so this is not a criticism of you, but it's so belittling of him. Like to be in a relationship where your partner's embarrassed
of you is truly humiliating. And if that's the place that you've gotten to in your relationship because of his lack of drive, his lack of ambition, his lack of effort, I think that there's some really massive things you have to unpack.
Finances are one of the biggest issues in a relationship. It's one of the biggest reasons, like the second reason that people.
Divorce fidelity number one.
Yeah, so what I just want to say that what you're feeling is valid, but you one hundred percent needs to go and have these conversations before you go and get married. I think that's what I would be doing because you feel very strongly about it, and I think it's okay.
I agree, all right?
Question number two, And he sounds like a lazy fucker.
I asked my boyfriend to block his ex girlfriend on Instagram. This is a boundary of mine. I'm not sure if this is a healthy boundary or not. And I've just found out that he's gone out of his way to unblock her. Am I in the wrong for having asked? Or is he in the wrong for blatantly disrespecting my boundary.
I loved this question, especially because I don't know. This is why I loved it because you guys all got spicy on the Instagram when we put up our little boundary post the other day, and there was a lot, Like I was surprised by how much debate there was around what constitutes good and bad boundaries, and a lot of people were saying, well, Jonah Hill, he said he had boundaries and she didn't want to abide by them, so therefore, you know, he was just asking for what
he wanted. I think this is great to unpack this because in my understanding of this one, and I know the other argument that was coming up was like, well, if this was reversed, if it was a female asking for those things, we would say, oh, it's so empowered. You know, yes, you're asking what you want, you know, get it, queen. But because it's a guy, we're shitting
on him. I want to make it very clear, just going back to that conversation about Jonah Hill, it would be irrelevant what gender those sort of boundaries came from. And how do I feel about this one? Is it okay to ask your current boyfriend to block his ex girlfriend on Instagram and to remain no contact.
The question I ask is why does he need to.
Block his ex girlfriend? Is there a reason? Is there something that they've done? Is there some sort of insecurity that it creates in you? Is there a why to it?
Because I think it is unfair to simply expect your part to erase their past relationships and to completely remove someone from their life in all capacity if they've done absolutely nothing that's disrespectful and they have a platonic or mutually fine relationship with them, I think it's quite insecure and it's quite controlling to say you have to block them, that's my boundary, never speak to them again. My question would be why do you feel so strongly about it?
I think that's a good thing to unpack before you simply give your partner's rules about how they should and shouldn't interact with their exes. The second part of this, I think is probably where it gets a bit problematic, is the fact that he agreed to it to your face, but then unblocked behind your back. And I think it's almost like he was doing it to keep the peace, but he obviously doesn't want to completely block his X and doesn't want to remove his X from his life entirely.
And I think that the issue there comes with saying one thing and doing another. But I personally think the biggest part of this, the biggest issue is saying you have to do this, and that's my boundary.
You can't answer this question without knowing the why. The whole question depends on the why. The relationship he has with the ex girlfriend one hundred percent. It's almost impossible to answer without knowing her. Well, let's just imagine that nothing. There is no reason why, Like he has not done anything with his ex. He has a completely platonic relationship with his ex.
Yeah, then you cannot ask your partner to block an X for zero reason.
Unfollowing maybe is one thing. Muting them maybe is one thing. I would think they're not completely finished. And when I say this, I'm saying maybe emotionally, maybe they just think of each other. If he's gone out of his way to unblock her, I would be asking him why he's gone to unblock her. Do they still keep communication? Are they still catching up as friends? Are they one of those really weird exes that you know checking on each
other sometimes? Were they together for fifteen years and have a kid, like there are so many variables in this conversation. But if they just dated for a year and then they split up and he's moved on, you can't go and ask your ex to block them. You can have a conversation and say, look, it makes me feel uncomfortable
knowing that she pops up on your feed. And I think it's really important the way you have that conversation, the way you explain it to him, If you tell him how it makes you feel and why, and then he still doesn't respect that, I think there's a bigger issue there. But I reckon he's I think he's like rebelling against the fact that you've come in and said, do this. Fucking block her, now do this. He's obviously done it to keep the piece in that moment, but
I think he's rebelling. He probably feels like you're trying to exert some level of control. And I think the key issue here is he probably doesn't understand why you're trying to exert that control.
It's a weird one, isn't it, Because on one hand, you think, well, if there's nothing going on, if you have absolutely no relationship, if you don't care about your ex, why can't you just block them? I understand why people can have that sort of thought, Well, if it means nothing to you, then just block them, and then when someone says no, you're like, well, obviously it means something more to you.
But I think for some people blocking seems like it's an insignificant thing, right, you know, we talk about it letter they blocked her. It's pretty brutal, but it actually, you know, the way that we interact on a digital platform is now also the way that we act in real life. You know, it's a real in terms of like, it doesn't not mean anything. It's a real life statement,
just done on a digital platform. And I think if they have an amicable relationship, if they're friendly but there's nothing going on, if there's no issue, doing a hard block with zero explanation actually creates an issue. It creates a bigger problem that she's going to then contact him and be like, hey, why did you block me? He's going to have to say, oh, well, my girlfriend told me I had to block you. It makes you sound crazy.
I just think there's quite a few levels of this that if he's not in the wrong, if your partner hasn't done anything that has made you feel a certain way about their fidelity in your relationship. Making them block someone because of your own insecurities that are not based in anything actually makes you seem crazy and it makes your boundaries seem unreasonable totally. And I've made well, I haven't made. I have asked, and it has happened in
the past. I have asked an X to blocks. Oh yeah, But the reason.
Of that was details.
I actually wouldn't say it because she's a psycho.
The reason for that was she was crazy and she was harassing him constantly. Then she started to harass me and was a really big thing. And we tried to navigate it without doing anything, like just to write and say, you know, like I've moved on and I'm happy.
Kind of a thing. And it just didn't work. So I was like, like fucking block her, just like cut her out. But even that, it makes me think, like every time I hear someone say like she was crazy, my instant thought is, well, what did he do to make her be crazy? Just no, I saw it. She was crazy. She was crazy.
Okay, there's usually a reason behind people's crazy.
It is a pretty savage thing like, if you've ever been blocked by someone on social media, it's pretty savage, like you feel pretty.
Feel pretty shit.
You're like, what the fuck, because what it's saying is I don't want one aspect of your life either to cross into my life. I don't want to see you, hear you, smell you, whatever it is. They just don't want to any party in their life. It's a pretty big slap in the face.
So I would just be finding out why you want to make him do that and why he doesn't want to do it.
Have you ever had an ex boyfriend block you?
Keisha's nodding, Yes, I don't think I have, But all my breakup Keisha's that heaps.
Everyone blocks the relationship. The more likely it is that that block you.
I have not had anyone block me that I know of. But you know what, I probably don't know because I'm really really good at drawing a line. So when I go through a breakup or end something, I'm not one of those people, and I've spoken about on the podcast. I don't go back and constantly look at their profiles. I never do that because it's not good for me. So I probably wouldn't know if they've blocked me because I don't go to their page to see I'm not opposite.
I fucking love a sticky stalk it. I don't stalk im stalking.
When you're twelve your ex boyfriend, You're like, what's he doing now?
I do I love a sticky beak.
I'm not.
There's no romantic interest.
There's not even one iodor of like, you know, the longing or the thinking of what could have been. I'm just purely interested. I'm so interested that this man who was inside me for a fucking X amount of years now has a whole different life, and I just go, I wonder what he's doing now. And then I'm like, oh my god, he's had kids. That's crazy. And I love a little sticky beek. No, that could not care less. I'm blocked by one x. That's it blocked hard.
Was that the one who you typed his new girlfriend into your Facebook stat or something?
Because that's fair. Do love a fucking stalk, love a little, love a little check in anyway, guys, manage it from us today. If you've loved the episode, jump on go and follow, subscribe, you know, hit the little plus button on Apple Podcasts. So that it's always in your libraries as soon as a new episodees drop. You can also leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, or follow us
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