Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on Part This is out down and dirty little episode.
It is our Thursday.
Episode where we answer you're deep, dark and burning questions.
I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. That was quite soothing. That was a soothing interest.
Once I finished podcasting, I'm going to get into sex line work, I reckon, and then I can just you know, hello, tell me gast recording, tell me about your fantasies.
Okay, well that is not the call that I got from you earlier today. Why don't you feel the listeners in on the call that I got and what went down for you this morning? I'm talking like an hour ago. This is all very very recent.
I am not okay, everybody not okay. And I also have not emotionally recovered from this yet. So this morning I woke up.
This is why it's so fucking weird as well.
Okay, so when I was on The Bachelor, you know how at the end the Bachelor gives you a ring at the end.
There's about five people who's ever made it to the end, and I'm not successfully okay, Well, if you had made it to the very end, honey Badger, would have given you a ring, right, I did make it to the end, I didn't get my ring, and it's always too soon, more soon, too soon. Okay.
So when we're on the finale, Matt gave me this beautiful diamond ring.
I never wear it anymore.
It's not it's not really my style, but he you know, since then, I've been given an engagement ring which I wear every day. So I woke up this morning and I keep the ring that Matt gave me on the show. I keep it in a special spot in a cupboard, and I just woke up with this feeling like, oh, I know Mary has been going through that cupboard, and I was like, holy shit, I hope she hasn't moved the ring. So I run to the cupboard and I
open it and I start looking for the ring. And as I'm looking for the ring that Matt gave me on the show, I look down at my hand and my actual engagement ring is gone.
And I was like, what the farugh is happened? That moment of like sickness in the pit of your stomach It was gone.
And then I was like, did I take it off in my sleep? So then I always say I went through the bed, and then I went back through photos from the day of yesterday, and then I realized the ring wasn't on my hand when I was making dinner, because I had taken photo of me as you.
Do when you're making dinner.
So I went back through all my photos from the day and I was like, holy crap, I've lost my ring. Somewhere between three o'clock and seven o'clock and my engagement ring's gone.
And then I just hysterically cried for about four hours. So I want to do a reenactment for one second. And I mean hysterically. I was crying so hard that I couldn't even look for the ring. It's actually and I know the type of pain that you felt like, I know the type of crying. So I get a call from Laura. She's supposed to be out in my house mind you for the record, and I was like, oh,
she must be downstairs or something. I say, hello, this is what I get and I was like what the I was like, oh my god, what is I was like, breathe, what is wrong with you? Where are you? Anyway? It ensued from that. After about fifteen minutes I got from her that she'd lost her ring. Is it at my house somewhere. I've checked my back and I checked everything, and it was a bit of a meltdown moment.
It's like it's like on a toddler when something really catastrophic, like, for example, when you break your toddler's Scotch fingerbiscuit in half, and they wanted the whole thing. It was like one of those moments when they are crying so hard that they can't breathe.
Yeah, and you know what the weird thing is. I mean, I'm sure you've thought of this. The weird thing is you were supposed to get married this weekend. So imagine if thanks for reminding me, Brittany, but no I tomorrow. Actually I was supposed to be getting married tomorrow everybody. But imagine if this was actually going ahead and you did lose your ring the day before the wedding. This is how pathetic I was. I was like, Matt, you still Mary, I've lost my ring, And he was like,
could you stop going to find the damn ring? And he's like, yeah, yeah, Like the wedding's off because you lost your ring. He's only marrying for the ring that he bought you.
Anyway, I would just like to confirm that my babysit have found my ring, and I love her so much that I might actually marry her instead.
I was actually hoping I would find it, because then you might like me more. You'd keep it in cash it I'd be like, I definitely did not find it, and you'd be like, what's that new car are you driving? Anyway, Look, it has been it's been a rollercoaster of emotions this morning.
I can't say that I've it sounds so dumb. I know, it's just a thing.
It's not dumb as your engagementary, but it is honestly the only physical, tangible thing I have in life that I actually really care about. It like beside your kids.
No, like they're not, but I mean, I mean, I mean as in like a piece of material.
That's the thing.
I was trying to a materialistic item, you know, like anything else in my life. If I lost other things would be inconvenient, like my lap place, yeah, my laptop, my foot whatever, those things I would be annoyed and probably a bit upset about. But this was like, this hit very differently. So for anybody out there who has lost an engagement ring, or lost something that's just you know, maybe it's an heirloom piece from your great grandma or something like that.
I know exactly how you feel. I was almost going to tell you. I was like, if we don't find it in the next hour, because you went to line and she did a bunch of things after it, I was like, you should put on your Instagram and you should just say I've lost this. This is a photo. Can someone look for it. I'm going to tell you a quick story of something that happened really recently in the tennis world. Andy Murray. Everybody knows Andy Murray. He's one of the best tennis players in the world. He
always takes his wedding ring off. Now, this only happened about a month ago. He always takes his wedding ring off when he plays because it's just inconvenient, but he wants to wear it on his body, so he tied it to his shoelace. That's a stupid place to put your ring. Well, he plays double Kno, it's never he's done his whole career and there's never been a problem. But he was training his shoes and he always wears this one pair of shoes because they're made for him
by his sponsors. They got really wet and muddy. They're stunk that when he's he was like, oh, I need to air these out. This is the night before the tournament, so it hurts. He just forgot that his ring was still attached to the shoelace. He put his shoe underneath his car in the car park of the hotel, like, I don't even know how anyone saw them. They were underneath because he's like, there's nowhere else to put them outside,
so they were hidden. He has this moment of panic the next morning where he's like, oh my god, my ring was on my shoe. But he's like, it's fine, they're going to be under the car. He goes back out and someone has stolen his shoes, so that without knowing that his wedding ring's on it, he was in an absolute panic. He puts something out on his gram
and he's got he's got a few million people. But long story short, about three days later, whether it was the thief that took the shoes, somebody returned the ring. He got his wedding ring back, and that was just in It was just like a manic story. I was like you know, when you hear things like this, I'm like, God, sometimes we can use social media for the power of good, honestly, but imagine being a thief with that fact, that little bit of heart still like I'll take the shoes, but
I'll give the expensive point. Yeah.
Like when you hear those horrible stories about somebody stealing a car and then there's a kid in the back and they're like, fuck, I just wanted to steal a car.
I don't want your kids. This escalated really quickly.
Anyway, guys, I'm happy to confirm that I have my ring. I'm sad to also confirm I'm still not getting married, so who knows when that's gonna happen. But I wanted to tell you about a little news article that I read this week because it gave me a really good chuckle. Now, I hope that some of you, most of you, our young listeners, may not know this, but back in our day, when we were kids, there was a lovely dinosaur named Barnie.
I reckon there. We so people that are like, who's Barney, Barney the purple dinosaur? You know who Barney is. Barnie was an absolute staple in our life. In our generation's life growing up, it was a cartoon. He was a dinosaur. Everyone watched him.
And he would dance and I don't know, I think he sung. He was in a costume. He looked like a football mascot. But he was just just like purple dinosaur with a green belly.
It's like the equivalent of the kids today having pepper Pig Like. It was that kind of all bluey like. It was a big staple in our life, except it was a grown man in cider costume dancing around. It was kind of more like like the wiggle.
Yes, exactly, exactly a sessimestre feel.
Like we've described with this enough for everybody who knows who Barney is, they're like, get to the fucking boy. Why was really in my childhood? Okay, what happened with Barney? What has he done here?
It is, guys, the man who played Barney the Dinosaur now runs tantric sex business. After playing Varney the Dinosaur from nineteen ninety one to two thousand and one, David Joyner decided that he wanted to retire as a dinosaur and he would set up his very own tantric sex business.
What a normal progression. Hey, absolutely, what a segue. What else would you do when you were once a dinosaur? When you've once been a giant dinosaur.
I'd just like to read this quote few because it's it's a bit weird. Makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, to be honest. Speaking to Vius back in twenty eighteen, he said the energy I brought up while in costume is based on the foundation of tantra, which is love. Everything stems, grows, and evolves from love. Even when you have emotionally blocked energy, the best way to remove it is to remove it with love and then replace it with God's divine love. Love heels and allows you to
continue to grow. Now, I think that's a beautiful quote. However, not in relation to being a children's performer. Absolutely, It's like, who would have thought the Barny was.
Such a trooper? I think that's a beautiful quote. Also, like, I think the world is full of love, and I think things should be dealt with love. And I think there's nothing wrong with sex, and okay there is when it's from a child. This is my point. There's nothing wrong with sex and tantrick, sex and all of the above. But it's a little bit worrying when you've spent twenty years as a children performer on a stage and a dinosaur and then you have those feelings like I just
think those two need to be separate. Yeah, I think you made a good point.
Look, I think it's absolutely fine to have seasons in a lifetime, Like you can go from being a child performer and that career and then go to doing whatever else you want to do. It's absolutely those two things can be completely unrelated careers and occupations. I think the issue comes with making reference to your child performing days and saying that you are exuding that energy.
That is where I'm like, wow, I feel very differently about watching you as a Sami world. Now, how many live shows did you know? Don't say that? Okay, Well, I love that headlines. It has been a little while since we had a random headline. My favorite is still the woman that married the Dolphin, But I love that you brought that today, Laura, I'm coming in hot with an update today. Actually, I don't often have updates. You guys don't actually update us often, but this is an
update from a listener. Now, if you listen to last week's ask Guncut. We answered a question about a man and a woman, a boyfriend and girlfriend that had gone to UNI together. They had the same degrees. They were out in the workforce at the same time. He was really unmotivated. He wasn't earning any money. He was sleeping till midday. She was very motivated, had a really great job, and he asked her basically to pay more rents.
They could have a nicer place. Just on this as well if you didn't listen to the episode. Basically, she said that he was pursuing a more entrepreneurial career. However, he wasn't really hustling at that career. He was sleeping until mid He was being pretty lazy, but he was still expecting her to pay a majority share.
She just wrote us an update, and I wanted to read it out just because I really love when these updates come through. And if you guys, if we've ever answered a question for you and you want to update us, and whether it's a good update or bad one, however it worked out, just slide back into the DMS. Hey, girls, you answered my question this week, and I was absolutely stoked. I loved your answers and I agree with everything so
much I realized it was really not about feminism. I think the main point is the problem of transferring a UNI relationship to the real world. It's tough as fuck. I made it clear to my boyfriend that I am not willing to put that amount of money into rent, and he said he understands. I think it is a big problem in our relationship that he is still clinging to his UNI rhythm. It's like he doesn't want to
grow up and accept that UNI is over. He said that he'll give himself six months to follow his entrepreneurial ideas, and after that he will get back into the real world. I think getting up earlier would be helpful, or even give him the opportunity to have a small side job. But it's his life the end, and I can't make him. Let's see what happens in six months. But thank you for your answers. I think it's great they've had the conversation. She's like, I'm not gonna pay the extra rent. He said,
totally fine, give me six months. But he's still sleeping in. He's still not willing to get up and think. I think the problem in this relationship is and she highlighted the problem is UNI relationships and teenage relationships and those really young relationships we do, unfortunately sometimes grow in different directions, and I think some relationships can be very situational and
points of our life. And she's obviously realized that she's still willing to give it a go and work at it, but there's a part in the back of her head that's like, you know what, maybe we've both finished university and we're ready for different things, and that's definitely a consideration. But they've given each other six months, so I hope hopefully she writes us in six months and he's either making a million bucks as an entrepreneur, or he's got
a real job, or they're not together anymore. But I'd love to know what happens in the end of that.
Yeah, Like brit said, we absolutely love it when we have answered and asked guncut question and we get the outcome, like whether you've taken on the advice, whether you disagree with the advice, whether you love the advice.
And I really would love for us to be.
Able to do an update episode, like a bonus episode in the next coming weeks where we kind of just rehash some of our ask uncut questions that we have done in the past. So if you ask somebody who's listening who has had an ask uncut answered, please slide
into our DMS and answer that. The only other thing I want to say on this and just to expand or what you just said, Britt, is like absolutely, relationships can be situational, and when something fundamentally changes i e. Finishing UNI and everything in your life shifts, it can really highlight the huge differences that you guys have or the huge differences in personality that maybe were masked because you were both doing the same thing and enjoying the
same lifestyle. So, like you said, you know, relationships have and not just like all relationships the same as friendships. Some of them are for a reason, a season.
Or a lifetime, and there's this moment like think back, I don't know what your situation was, Laura, when you finish university, but there is this moment in time when you finish UNI and there's this realization of some people have Okay, I finally can go and earn money, and I can be professional and I can do all these things I've wanted to do because money is going to allow me to do this and this and this, and they're really excited to knuckle down and progress their career.
But then there's this moment of like, this could be the last moment of my entire life that I don't have this freedom and this youth and this stress free life. In a way, there's a moment that some people don't transition as easily. So maybe he's just having some trouble accepting that that stage of his life is over and he's got a whole bunch more responsibility now, And you can't sleep in the second he goes and gets a real job. Those sleeping until twelve o'clock are gone totally.
And you know what, Neither of these things are right or wrong, Like, neither of these things are better or worse. It's just that it's the same for like coming out of school, coming out of university, coming out of like big career changes. It's like any one of these huge shifts in life. Some people adapt to change really quickly and easily.
And some people don't.
And some people will take on extra courses at UNIQ becase they're not ready to leave that lifestyle yet or to figure out what the hell they're going to do. All of it is absolutely okay, and the whole spectrum of it is like, there's nothing wrong with it as long as it works for both of you, one hundred percent. Okay, let's get into today's questions.
We've got a different kind of question to kickstart today. That's good, and I've actually got two questions that tie into the same sort of vibe. We haven't answered something like this before. Girls, one of my best friends does makeup on the side as a little side hustle. This weekend, we have a wedding coming up with a big group of our friends. I asked her if she could do my makeup for it, but we didn't discuss a cost.
Silly me assumed she would do it for free, as we are best friends and I wouldn't charge your best friend for that. As a maximum, I would charge someone for the products. I would expect this, as of course the products cost money. I was very taken aback when she asked me to bring seventy dollars cash when I come. I think I was so taken aback because I wouldn't have asked a friend for money to do their makeup.
I tried to say, I don't want lashes hope it would be a little bit cheaper, but she said nope, she usually charges ninety dollars and that she can't do it for free as the products cost money. I totally understand this, but I just wasn't expecting to be stung seventy dollars. Am I being stingy? Or is this a bit steep to be doing a friends makeup? I ended up very awkwardly canceling, as I'd rather spend the money to get my makeup done for a bigger event. What
are your thoughts, doun done dumb? Okay?
I have some feeling I think, and like this is probably going to come off as a bit harsh, but I think it is very unreasonable to ask your friend to do something with the expectation that they're going to do it for free, regardless of whether they're a best friend or not. If that's their job, if you're asking them to work for free, I think, like it's a side hustle. Yeah, well, I mean it's still their job, right, it's still how they make income. I think, yes, it
would be nice if they did. And obviously it's nice that she offered a discount, which she has offered a discount. But you can't ask for some thing with the expectation that it's free, regardless of who the person is, regardless of whether it's your best friend or not.
I agree. I think this is a tricky one, and you said it yourself. You can't always expect people to have the same ideas as you and opinions and you and behave like you do. That's that's unrealistic. I agree with Laura. I think you can never have an expectation from anyone that you know, friends or strangers, that somebody is going to do something for free. So even with
my friends, I've been in situations like that before. I always and I've had friends that would do a lot for me for free, and I do a lot for them for free. But I always go into that with the expectation that it's not for free. I always go in and say, let me know the cost of this, how much? What can we sort out? And they'll either say the cost or they'll say, oh, don't worry about it, like you've done this for me or it's on me or whatever. But you should never go in with that expectation.
And that's I mean, ultimately, in tough times like today as well, like with COVID, and people have been so out of work for so long. I think that these are things that you know, this is an income for her, You don't know that that might be going towards her rent this week or whatever it is like that. So also seventy dollars just as like an added bonus that's pretty good for you makeup.
Yeah, it's super cheap for a makeup, so I think she's doing her a really good price. Like I think genuinely, seventy dollars is very very cheap to get your makeup done. There's a couple of layers to this one. I think it's the expectation that's gotten you into this uncomfortable, awkward situation, Like totally all could have been avoided by making an offer or payment, or just by asking, hey, if you were to do my makeup, how much would you charge me?
That would have given your friend the opportunity to say nothing or to say seventy dollars. So the expectation is what's caused the awkward situation. But the second part of this, and I think this is a really important thing to dissect, is how undervalued creative industries are and how undervalued the services that creative people provide are. And I think when I used to be a graphic designer back in the day, that was my so I studied graphic design and UNI.
That was my first degree and my first job out of UNI. I did that for ten years, pretty much alongside doing Tony May. I cannot tell you the amount of people who asked me if I could do business cards or websites or logos, or create letterheads for them, or just can you just make my resume look nicer. All of my friends asked me to do that, and it's the constant asking that creates that sort of like exasperation.
It makes you feel like, well, okay, everybody asks me for free, so I'm just gonna have to charge everyone a slightly reduced rate. Who are my friends? Because you just don't have that many hours in the day. It creates burnout, and it also makes you feel like what you are able to do is completely undervalued by the people who care about you. So I'm very passionate about people who work in creative industries being paid for the jobs that they do.
And it's okay that you can't if that's what it is like, If you were tight for money and you can't afford the seventy dollars for the makeup, Like that's okay as well. But I think what you need to do going forward in any situation, and that's anyone that's listening, is ask the question to start with, hey, are you doing makeups for the wedding? Like what are you charging? Basically, I'm just trying to work out what I want to do for it totally. She'll give you the fee and
then that's it. And if you feel awkward with her now, you could always be honest with her and you say, look, I just had to reassess my finances and I just didn't have the sementy spare that week. But I appreciate you saying you would do it. Takes any awkwardness away, because I feel like when you said you awkwardly canceled, it doesn't have to be awkward. I think honesty is the key. I think you to say, hey, like I was just too I overexerted myself this week and I
just didn't have that semni spirit. But I appreciate you offering to do it.
I guess, you know, maybe think about it from like a different industry perspective. If your friend was a PT trainer, would you expect to still pay them for PT training but at a reduced cost. If your friend was an accountant, would you still expect to pay your friend who's an accountant if they were doing attack. I don't want to like harp on about the whole creative industry's aspect of this, but I do think it plays a huge role in
our perception around the value of a service. And I really just think regardless of how close a friends you are with someone, Yes, it's always nice for someone to say, oh, don't worry about it, I'll give this one to you for free, but the expectation causes so many issues. Even from a jewelry business perspective. The amount of times where friends have been like, oh, I really want this ring and I'm like cool, by yeah, or I'll give you a discount code to buy it, and I don't mean
to any of my friends. I fucking love you. Do not take this as a personal offense if you're listening. But it's like, I really value my girlfriends who go online and buy pieces from me or who in the past maybe I've given them something, but then they've also bought something from me because it makes me feel like what I create and what my business is as a
small business is valued to them. But for the people who just ask for things and say, oh, I really want this ring, but have never bought anything and kind of just expect it, what I do in those situations is I don't give it to them. I wait until it's their birthday or it's Christmas, and until it's like a special occasion, and then I give it to them. Because everything costs money. Your time costs money, your products cost money. All of that needs to be valued at the end of the day.
All right. Question number two?
Now, Question number two actually comes from producer Key Shaw.
She just happens to be here.
She's sitting right here in the room, lurking around. A ya, Keisha, take the microphone, give us question numero?
Do it okay? Well?
This is a synopsis of the question because it may or may not be attached to someone that I know. I have a friend, a friend of a friend, and she very generously has offered another friend of hers whose birthday is coming up. The backstory of this is that she has what they call virgin hair, so noncolored hair.
Nobody's ever had sex with her hair before.
So my friend, very generously, in my opinion, offered that for her birthday, she would pay for her to get her hair done.
They don't live in Sydney.
So what I'm trying to say by this is that the price of getting it done in regional areas, I have found in my experience, is a little bit less.
Than what it is in your metropolitan cities. It's just like, if you're going to get a color in Sydney, it's like five hundred dollars. Why I literally cut my own hair in the bathroom sink. It's a week's rant for sure.
Okay, So my friend has now gotten back to us and said, I've just received a message. She's booked in at this salon and it is a particularly lux salon. She's expecting it to cost between three hundred and fifty and four hundred dollars.
She said.
I was being taken back by this because the reason that I initially offered was because she was kind of down in the dump saying, look, I've got these grays and I'm feeling really self conscious about it, and I would just want to get the grays covered. So I anticipated that it would just be like one color overall, maybe a blow dry. Maybe Looking at two hundred dollars now that it's going to cost double that, I'm a bit shocked and I kind of feel as though, like, am I the asshole?
What do I do here? Is that too much to expect? What do you think? Okay?
I think easily four hundred dollars is way too much to expect for a present?
So is it a birthday present? Just remind me yes, okay, yes, that's too much. I'm just trying to think, Laura, I don't know if you and I even gave each other. Oh yeah, I give you a massage once. I was trying to think I haven't used and you haven't us It's like two years ago. I've got you two massages and you have. Everything's been closed, it's been COVID cute, good excuse. You've probably lost them, like you'reing age or
too sit So, okay, this is a tricky situation. You've done a really nice thing and you said, hey, I will help you with your gray hair. You can get your roots done. I would be absolutely gobsmack. This is a super tricky situation because I've tried to do something nice and in all honesty, and I'm going to be a bit like I'm a bit against the friend here that's actually getting the grays. The expectation that your friend that's kindly offered you a hair color, the expectation that
they will pay four hundred dollars. I would never ever ever ask or expect a friend of mine to pay that much money. The tricky situation here is you've offered it, you feel awkward. I think what you need to do is say, hey, super stoked you found a saling you love. I've heard really good things about them. In all honesty, four hundred dollars is probably too much for me this week or at the moment, four forever until I'm dead. Four hundred dollars is too much. But here is a voucher.
Maybe it's for half or whatever you are comfortable with, and whatever in your head you thought that was going to cost you, you can say, here is a voucher. Alternatively, I can really recommend my hairdresser. She's absolutely amazing, and I know that it's half the price, Like, I can really recommend her. That's what you do. I again, with money,
I don't think there needs to be an embarrassment. I think people need to be really honest with each other because if you go to her and say, I don't have four hundred dollars for your hair, I'm so sorry I don't have one hundred dollars on my own hair, She's gonna be mortified. She's gonna be absolutely of course, like let's you know, no expectations, pay a hundred dollars or whatever. I just feel awkward.
Money causes so many problems in relations because the problems in like romantic relationships, and it can cause problems in friendships, especially like I mean, we've all had that one friend who never pays enough for dinner or doesn't buy drinks or always seems to like conveniently leave when it's their turn to buy around.
I'm like the opposite. I get so awkward. I would be the person at the table that would be like, hey, i'll get everyonce. Here's five thousand dollars for the bill, Like I'm so awkward with money. When someone's just spltered, I'll be like, I don't worry, I'll just get it, Okay.
What I was gonna say is I'm just I'm gonna be on the girl who's getting her hair done.
Side for a second.
Here you're saying she has virgin hair, she's never had her hair done before.
Maybe she genuinely.
Doesn't know how much hair costs and to get a hair coloring costs, and just booked into somewhere that she knows is nice, books into somewhere that she's had a haircut before, asks for a service, and they gave her a quote, and she was like cool, maybe fully thinking that that's what her friend expected to pay, fully thinking that that is what a normal hair coloring costs, and she's never ever had it done before. I just think
a very honest conversation in these sorts of situations. I know that money can be uncomfortable, but saying like, oh, hey, Bett, that's actually super expensive in comparison to a lot of other hairdressers in the city. I don't know if you're aware, but this place is really great and they do it for this price. If you have an amount that you're happy with, like that's probably the best way to tackle it, or say I'll buy you a voucher to contribute, exactly
like you said, Britt. But I genuinely don't think that this person is intentionally trying to take her friend for a ride. I don't think anybody's intentionally trying to like be like, yeah, fuck it, my friends are going to pay, so I'm gonna go to the most expensive salon in Australia. Like, I just think it comes with a bit of naivety more than anything.
Yeah, and look, I'm like, no one's to blame here, this isn't the thing. And I love that your devil's advocate on that one, but I am going to disagree with something even if you don't know how much. Like relatively another salon would cost four hundred dollars should still ring some alarm bells when you've ask him for a friend to diye hair, Like that's what I think. I don't think she's still intentionally being malicious or taking me
for a ride. I don't think that at all. But I think it's just turning into an awkward situation that it absolutely doesn't have to be. And if I if this was me, I would just go back to my friend and be like, well, there is that is so much more than I've ever paid. I would say it like that. I'd be like, whoa four hundred dollars my hairdresser only cost me this much. I would say something like that, like my adress only cost me two hundred
dollars for that? Do you want to look at my hairdresser or yeah, I'll give you a voucher for it. I would say that because again, Laura, maybe she doesn't know that you can get it cheaper elsewhere. If she does, think that's standard, just tell her, just say, hey, like my hairdresser does an amazing job for half of that price. Absolutely, And that's what I mean. That's what I think.
It's like a bit of naivity that comes into it. Education, communication. It's the answer a to all your probably.
Can I tell you something funny? My mom's gonna hate me.
Also, I'm really worried that the person who wrote that question in who didn't even write it in Who's Friends of Keisha probably listened to the podcast.
Fuck I know, hurry, but again, like really highlighting, no one's in the wrong, it's just Money's an awkward situation. I want to tell you something that happened on the weekend. I went up to see my parents in Port mcquarie and we were both going to buy some air fryers. Right, I had told him about the airfort ivery thing like having a family trip to buy multiple air I told you, guys how much I love the air fryer. I've been
using pichas. This episode is brought to you by air fryers, talking about like how awkward, Like how I said I'd rather just pay for stuff. I obviously get that from my mom. So we were at this store. They were getting this expensive air fry. They're going to get a really good one. I didn't want to get the really really expensive one. We had been talking. My mom wanted to know my dad. They wanted to know every question about the air fry. So there was the man. It
was like the good guys or something. The man that works there. He's paid to work there. His job is to work there. But obviously I think they scan tickets when they sell something, and if they get a commission, they get a commission eventually. So mine was asking every question about the air fry that you could know. We probably talked to him for about forty minutes. To be fair, I called my sister Sherry at the last minute just to check which one she had because she used it
all the time. I called her a check and I told her I was like, hey, we're just about to buy this for mom and dad. Is this what you got? And she's like oh, She's like, am my own loud speaker? And I said no, why, She's like, I just bought them one for Christmas. She's like, I've already got them their air fryer, a really good one. And I was like fuck. I was like, were you They're about to purchase one, an expensive one. We're just gonna have to
tell them. She's like, fine, just tell them. So I tell mom and dad and like Mom, Dad, like, we don't worry about the air fright. Sharon's got my for Christmas. Surprise is over, but there's no point paying a five hundred dollars air fright now. I said to the man, I'm so sorry. We laughed. I was like, my sisters already bought them one. I thank you so much for your time, and he's like, no worries, that's fine. My
mum was beside herself. She's like, I am so sorry that I have used all of your time and I was like, Mom, it's fine. In front of the man, I'm like, Mom, he's paid, it's fine. Like he's just doing his job. He's talking about it. She felt so bad that she went and bought another one hundred and fifty dollars product that she doesn't need so that he could get his commission. I was like, Mom, put the product down. She's like, oh, I could probably use it anyway.
I'm like, fuck, I'm not even certain that they make commission. I'm not even certain that that's the way retail works neither. But she just was besides, and she's like, don't argue with your mother. And I was like, whatever you want to do, but she was that awkward, and I was like, he's literally paid to be here, and you're going to buy something you don't need, purely to that point.
And he's going to make absolutely no extra money and still get paid the twenty five dollars an hour.
Yeah, now, all right, let's get it.
Let's get into your question number three. All right, question number three, Hi, guys, I was wondering what you think about age gaps. My friend is twenty two then and has developed feelings for her male coworker who is forty, so that is an eighteen year age gap.
They both work.
In the same position at restaurant and apparently get on really well and flirt a lot. He's asked her to grab a drink a couple of times, and she asked me for advice on whether or not to say yes. My overwhelming instinct was to discourage her from pursuing anything. But the more I thought about it, I didn't really have any justifiable reasons as to why am I unfairly prejudiced against age gaps?
Am I an agist?
Do you guys think an age gap like this can be okay for casual dating? In this case, she is leaving the country in six months, so not looking for anything long term?
Yes, I think, I mean we know high last which way, Yes, yes to everything. I mean we all know. I don't mind an age gap. I've only got an age gap of seven years, and I'm the older one, so it's this is a very different situation. But in this situation eighteen years. Yes, it is a significant amount of time. But she is twenty two, she is an adult. He is forty. You can still be if you can still be very aligned at forty two twenty two, Like, it's
such an individual thing. Age doesn't meaning for where someone is at what point of life. They're in the same job, so they obviously have similar interests. In that regard. The only thing that I would have said is a big alarm bell is if he was her boss, or if he was in a position of power or something like that. But it seems like they're working on an even platform.
If this was going to be something serious, like if you're like, oh, I think I like him and want a relationship with him, there'll be so many other things you need to consider, so many aspects because you're gonna be different points of life. One of you might want kids, one of you's not ready, one of you wants to go travel, one of you's already done that. It opens up a whole nother kettle of fish. But I think for this very specific situation, she's twenty two, she's going
overseas soon. She's not looking for anything serious. He's not a position of power, he's an equal, he's a colleague. They have an attraction. It seems like they flirt and get along. I don't think there is any harm in going on a date. That is my situation. And I think if the only thing that is bothering you and your friend is literally the number, then I don't think
it can hurt to go on a date. If there's more to it, and she feels a little bit uncomfortable, then of course don't do it, Like there's absolutely no need to do it, no skin off your back.
Also, like I mean, going for a drink doesn't mean that you have to pursue anything sexual or beyond just going for a drink. But okay, I agree with you completely, Brit. I think that the fact that you're going overseas and six months, your friend's going over seas in six months and something that's casual means that it's even less of an issue. Like I think an age gap can be an issue. I think it would be silly of us
to say it's always fine. Age gaps don't matter. Age gaps can matter, but they also cannot matter, like I mean, it's both ends of the spectrum in this respect, though, with the whole travel thing playing a huge part, I don't think it.
Is a big deal. But Britt, what is the biggest age gap you've ever had? Seven years? Is the youngest? Like Jordan's the youngest I've dated? Oh? I actually no, there was one younger. There's like a couple younger you young pop? What was his name? What do we call him? Young pop? We call yes, we did. No Meat Raffle. Me wait, meat Raffle. Oh my god. Guys, if you've been with the pod since the day one Meet Raffle, yeah that was we forget that. We don't talk about that. I have PTSD.
Yeah, we've got suppose suppressed memories about meat Raffle.
He was one year younger than Jordan, but I didn't actually date him properly, so that doesn't count.
I remember when you told me Meet Raffles age though, and I was shook.
I was like, he's you can't too young. It was the start of my unraveling. And I don't know why. I don't know why my reaction was so like.
I guess because I had this mentality of like, younger guys, being like seven or eight years younger in the early twenties wouldn't align with the things that you wanted in your mid thirties.
I was like, gosh that, since I was early thirties, let's not age me up here.
Okay, yeah, sorry, I'm just aging you to where I am. I thought that there would be too much of a disparity, but maybe that's an unfair assumption as well. I'm sure that there's people who listen to this who have a big age grap in the opposite direction where the guy's younger than the female and they want same things. It all comes down to where you're at in your life and whether your life goals aligned.
Well. The oldest I dated I was about twenty seven and he was forty two. That's pretty big, but I didn't know that wasn't by choice. He lied to me. He told me he was like thirty seven or something, which in my head I was like, that age gap was too big. I remember thinking that, and then when I found out after a few dates that he had lied, I didn't see him anymore because I couldn't. It wasn't the age thing. If I really really liked him, it wouldn't have mattered. But I was like, how did you
start this with this huge lie? Like this? He age fished you. He age fished me, and I didn't know that was a thing, but he age fished me, And I felt really disgusted after. I was like, but that for no reason other than just I was with someone that blatantly lied to date me.
Do you know what I think can sometimes be a problem with huge age gaps as well? Yes, you might be aligned with the person, Like, maybe you guys are on the same page with where you're aut in life. There's plenty of men out there who have mass Peter Pant syndrome and aren't ready to settle down at forty. But I guess my thing that I sometimes think could be an issue is will you align with their friends?
You know, will you be able to sit at a dinner party with other forty year olds and feel like you have anything in common with them?
Will you be able to sit there and smoke a pipe after dinner, smoke a pie like a grandpat, have a glass of port, you know how Grandpa's like smoke pipes after dinner. But like, you'll be going to forty.
If you guys were actually to date and to be in a committed relationship, you'd be going to fortieth birthday parties, you'd be going to baby shells, you'd be going to big life events. And to be fully embedded in that person's life means that you're also having relationships with the people who they love, And so it could be that then your couple friends are all aged up as well, So that may cause some feelings of like, oh do
I fit in here? In this friendship group. It may not, but it's always something to think about.
To wrap it up, my advice is, if you really get along and you really like him, and you have the attraction to him, there's no reason you can't just go on a date and like Laura said, you can go for coffee, you can go for lunch. There's no expectations, there's no pressure. You might finish it and be like, Wow, I really like him, let's go for a dinner date. Or you might say wow, we're just really good friends
and that's it. Either way. If your only issue is that there's eighteen years difference but you want to explore it, I think that that's okay.
I do think though, one of the bigger issues here, regardless of it being age, I think it's like shitting where you eat. Like, I don't think I would want to date someone from work.
I've done it so many times.
I don't think it's necessarily a good recipe though, because if you date and things do go badly and there is this like awkward sexual tension, that's like ugh, or it's problematic, or he likes you more than you like him, whatever the situation can be, it makes your working life really complicated, and I think there is a greater chance that there will be some misalignments like that you guys won't be on the same page because of the age gap,
which then could cause more problems in your work environment.
If there is anyone out there that has a big age gap and I'm talking like twenty years and it's successful, or you've got kids, or you got married, or and that's either men or women older whatever, If any of you are like that, I'd love to hear from you. Slidning too the DM. So I'd just love to hear how it went and what problems you face, and just about how the relationship functions. I love a call out.
I love a callout. Jump on into the DMS. Okay, last, but not least, I have been with my partner for nine years. Our relationship hasn't always been sunshine and rainbows. I have taken him back after multiple cheating situations, and for the last two years we have been in an incredible place. However, he has just hit me with a massive bombshell and said he doesn't think he wants to have kids and definitely not in the next five years. I'm twenty five and I've only ever pictured being with
him and having kids with him. I've always been incredibly maternal, and I'm really confused here. I've sacrificed a lot for him over nine years, and I really don't know if I leave or stay.
Oh Man, kids is like the biggest one, Isn't it like being aligned on your big life events. If you really want to have children and your partner is saying to you, I don't want to have kids, I think there has to be some very honest, open conversations around this. It's very likely that he could change his mind. It's also very likely that he won't. But I do think that after nine years of giving up your life for someone you're sure a shit, want to be on the
same page. Otherwise you're making too many sacrifices.
What jumps out at here is and it's not the end of the world. But you said he's cheated on you multiple times over the years, You've always taken him back, and you've always kept working towards it. I will be the first person to say that cheating doesn't have to be the end of a relationship. And I don't want people to jump down my throat at that often it
is and that is absolutely fine. But we've spoken to a lot of relationship therapists that have said some relationships, marriages, whatever it is, depending on the situations, some of them can come back stronger than ever after infidelity. That's not for everyone. Obviously, you are happy to take him back and work towards it. You've forgiven him, and that's that's great for your relationship. The thing that worries me with this is you said he's cheated on me multiple times.
But I've never basically pictured a life without him, and I haven't pictured kids without him like I just that is what I pictured. And I think something that we get stuck in as people and in relationships, and especially when we're younger, is this idea of But this is how I saw it, This is how I pictured it,
This is the fairy tale, this is my ending. And quite often when a situation or a relationship doesn't work out, we mourn the loss of what could have been and what we thought was going to happen more than we mourn the loss of the actual relationship. So I think you need to ask yourself, are you only staying with him because you feel like you're too far gone to start again? Or you don't have the energy to start again, or you've never been with anyone else because you're only
twenty five. You've been in for nine years, So I'm going to take a guess that you haven't had any other very serious, long term relationship because you just would have been too young. You really need to figure out are you only staying with him because you're too scared of the alternative, which is started again being on your own try and find someone else, Or are you genuinely happy to be with somebody that doesn't want what you want in terms of kids and has cheated on you
multiple times in the past. If have you still got the trust there? There are so many things that only you can ask yourself in this situation.
I think you're so right, and you just hit something like for me. As you're saying that, I was like, Oh, I've been there with my first It was my first relationship, but my my first big relationship six years. I've spoken about him on the pod before I was desperately in love with him.
Our relationship was really rocky.
He was struggling with depression at the time, but he also was pretty unfaithful in the early years, and then he also he would say to me, point this is really for anyone who this could be a bit triggering, but it was a very profound thing that kept occurring in our relationship. He would say to me, if you ever got pregnant, I expect you to get an abortion. And that was what he would say to me and I and he said, I don't know if I want to have kids with you. I don't know if I
want to marry you. And we'd been together for six years and I just kept thinking, and because I had created in my head, I was like, this is the man I'm going to marry, this is the man I'm going to spend my life with that I was so convinced he was going to change his mind. I was so convinced that we were working towards a goal. And six years later, we just weren't. We weren't working towards that goal. You know, he fundamentally wanted different things to me,
and we're not together. And now I have all the things that I always wanted with him, but I have them with somebody else. And I have never been more happy than what I am in my life and in my relationships. And I've never been in a safer, more secure relationship. But sometimes to be able to find that and to find someone who's fully aligned, you have to
start again. And I'm not saying that this is one hundred percent what you're going to have to do, but I do think that you will have to have some very honest conversations around whether or not you want to have kids. And you're only twenty five, there is plenty of time. But if it's fundamentally something that you want and your partner is telling you I don't want this, maybe you need to give yourself a time frame for how long you will make that sacrifice. At what age
do you want to be having kids? When do you want to be working towards that with your partner and just put everything on the table. And then if he is the one that comes to the table and says I want this, this, and this, and you know it's doesn't align with what you want, then there are some very big decisions you.
Have to make.
Don't just stick your head in the sand because time goes so quickly.
Yeah, and having kids or not having kids, that is probably one of the biggest deal breakers in a relationship, Like it's one of the biggest factors of a relationship breakdown. And obviously there are a lot of other things in fidelity, different place you want to be in different places you're not in alignment. But literally, you can love somebody so much and you can want to every part of you can want to be with them, and every part of
them can want to be with you. But if you want a child and they don't, that is the cause of a relationship breakdown because someone in this situation is going to have to compromise. You're either going to have to say, cool, I'm happy not to have a child for five years and wait and hope that it happens, then hope that he changes his mind because there's no guarantee, or he has to compromise and say, fine, I'll have a child in the next five years. But then is
he going to resent that? Is he going to resent the child? Is he going to resent you? Because it's a big life change. So one of you here is making a compromise. You need to decide who, you need to decide what the result of that is going to be. And if you want that.
Not only is he gonna be resent for because he's had children when he doesn't want to have them, Is he going to be a shit dad? Is he going to be a shit father to these children? Because it's
not what he wanted in the first place. And I think that's why these conversations are so important, Because you might foresee a future that you want with someone, but is that person that person that you foresee this future with, this person that you're holding onto, are they going to be able to give you all of the compartments of that life, all of the bits and pieces that will actually make you happy in the long run, or you're trying to fit a triangle into a square.
I feel like we've answered that question.
Yeah, it's a hard one because you know, we never want to say break up, because I don't think that that's necessarily the solution all the time. But very big, life changing conversations need to be had, and sometimes it's really scary to have them because you're scared of the answer.
I just want to add one more thing in addition, but I just want to say that if this comes to the point where you guys aren't in alignment and the relationship ends, I don't want you to feel like it's the end of the world. Of course, you're going to be very very upset, and it's a whole everything's going to change for you. A life is going to start that you haven't had before. But that doesn't have to be scary, and it doesn't have to be the
end of the world. Of course, you can mourn the relationship, but then you can be excited for what's to come. And I'm only saying if it goes down that track, because chances are you haven't had a relationship breakdown like that before, and that's going to be really scary for you. And you know what, it will be scary, and those emotions are normal, and it will feel absolutely fucking shit,
and those emotions are normal, you know. I think saying like it doesn't have to be I think it will be, but I think it's okay that it is totally And that's it. Anyways, that's it from us, guys. We have a little bit of news for you though, just in housekeeping. Yes, bat Chung Cut is not going to be coming out tomorrow on Friday. Bat Chun Cut is actually going to be coming out on Saturday this week.
I know that we missed last week's episode. I know you guys like I hate you. You are unreliable, but guess what. We've got two kids and.
We're supposed to be getting married tomorrow, so we don't want to spend our day recording an episode. We would like to maybe go and have dinner and pretend like wet sex. They want to have sex. It is no they were supposed to be getting married, so they're like, let's pretend we're still having a really romantic getaway. Let's still pretend we're they're together. Let's have some down and dirty sex for about two point two minutes.
We're gonna have some really hot, steamy, momentary two minutes sex.
It's gonna be great, but no, honestly.
Youny two minute noodles and then we'll go to bed. Honestly, we like, we love doing batch on cut. We actually can't wait to do the episode. Yeah, we're prepped, we're ready, we're pumped. We're coming back this week. We've got a road caster. It'll just be a day late. Because you know what, sometimes you've got to put some effort into your own relationship.
Love that guys. It keeps lightning too. The DMS with your confessionals, you're accidentally unfiltered. Any funny stories you've got, can't believe they said that any updates on your ask on cuts, any updates on your asking Cuts. That is Life on Cut podcast on the Instagram, and jump in and join the Facebook discussion group if you haven't. There's like sixty thousand people in there, like minded people that have the best conversations. So many people have made friends
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