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This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys andam welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and I'm really fucking sad. I just absolutely axed because I was rushing because I'm so late with this record.
Yeah.
I was trying to park in that little side street around the corner from your house, and I my tire literally eat into the gutter like.
It was gonna reverse me.
And then I had to drive up the gutter to get and I got out and I was like, oh, let's inspect the damage.
I'm good.
It's also that weird thing when you're doing that reverse park parallel and you're behind no, but when you start to scratch it for some reason, you just really slowly keep going. No one stops.
You're always like You're like it'll stop.
In a minute. You keep doing it. Why don't we stop and go forward? Why don't we continue to.
Scratch, because look, when you're already that far deep, you just got to keep going.
Did getting your car the other day? The window was smashed as well. It is a bit of a smash window.
Wasn't me that I know my poor car.
Honestly, some people just shouldn't have nice things or anything that's damage.
It's just I don't know. We'll inspect it when we get out.
But the whole hub cap is like, speaking of cars, what we are doing.
So I had told you guys a little while ago that I had this really slow leak in my car tire like I had a nail in my time. I think it was my suck from weeks and weeks and weeks ago, one of those life had been things that you just don't want to fix, like you can't be bothered because it's not enough that I couldn't drive it. But every two days or three days, my tire went down enough that the alarm came on and I had to go in and pull into a servo and blow it up.
I do remember this, and I do remember distinctly telling you at the time that it's super dangerous to drive around with a nail just sticking in, even if it's plugging the hole.
Well, I didn't know if it was a nail. I didn't eve look at it. I couldn't bothered. I was just like I never even looked at what was in there. I just knew it was a slow leak. So every couple of days for literally I reckon five or six weeks, I just pulled into a surface station and pump it up anyway, lost not.
Once in five or six weeks. You do you think I might just look at that tire and see what was like going.
I could look at it, doesn't change the fact I wasn't going to go take it anywhere I was. It wasn't gonna happen, right. I was putting my life on hold for a little while because.
I was just all your life on the line if the thing exploded. Yeah.
Anyway, Eventually, while someone on radio at the moment, I've asked Keisha, I'm paying Keisha to be like a bit of a pa the job set, because you know, an extra five hours out of my day's gone. So I'm getting Keisha produce a Keisha to do some stuff. So we swapped cars. One day, I was like, can you please take this down the road to the tire place for me? Because I'm never going to do it. It
has to happen and change it. So she took it down the road to the tire place and as her producer key, so she gets chatting because she could talk to a sidewalk. She the girl loves a chat. So she's having a chat and the guy's like, you know what you do blah blah blah blah, and she's like, Oh, I'm in podcasting. And he goes, oh, this is a man. Because I don't know much about podcasting. The only person I know all the podcast I know is Britt and Laura from Life on Cut. This is a male mechanic.
And she's like, that's what I do.
She's like, I work for those guys.
I'm thinking like a middle age like, you know, forty five year old man.
How are theyish he would have been? Maybe?
I don't want to aide him up.
Like I think he owns listening, so I think he owned the business.
Think he would have been like in his forties. Maybe, But he.
Said that his girlfriend listens to the podcast and absolutely loved it.
Do you know what this is her shout out to all the boyfriend friends of girlfriends who listened to this podcast. And there were also a lot of ex boyfriends as in the girlfriend got them onto it, and now they've broken up and they still listen.
Well we call them the boyfriends of life on Cut Life of Boyfeuds. Anyway, I said, Oh, that's awesome.
He loves it.
Did he give it to me for free? She's like, nah, he charged. We're still shouting him out.
Okay, Well, do you know I have something I want to ask you before we get into answering all your deep dark and you're burning questions. This is the dumbest thing I think I'll ever ask you. But it came up as a debate between Matt and I actually wasn't even a debate. So Mac gets out of the shower last night, and I thought that this was a parody. I thought that this is just something like that was
like satirically said that men do. He gets out of the shower, he gets his towel and he slings it between his legs and like rubs between his legs, like almost like he's flossing his ball sack.
Yeah, like when you try and pretend to a sexy dance. No, but this was like what.
This was just a dry dance. This was literally just to dry himself. Is this something that men actually do? Because I don't think what's a joke. No, I don't think any I think people just put the towel. I don't think you're sling it between there and go back and forth like a shimmy. Yeah, like you're literally I think you just use the towel in your hand like you normally wouldn't try you all.
But maybe men do that. Maybe that's the thing that guys do.
Matt was trying to convince me that, like, yeah, girls don't do it because it would be uncomfortable, but it's something that men do.
And I was like, really, I've never seen a man do that in my life. And you have seen a lot of men single ten years. Yeah, I've seen a lot of men. I have never seen anyone do that. I don't think that's a thing. I think that's just a maddy ja thing.
Do you know what else is not a thing? Men who stand up to wipe their butts, but they do it. There's a lot of men again.
Made Jay, there's a common denominator Okay, I have This.
Is a bit of research for you all. If you're in a relationship or if you're a man, you can just take note of yourself. Do you because girls don't do it, we don't need to. But do you stand up as a man to wipe your backs? Why does he have to see it up to wise? He told me that men do.
But why when you say girls don't have to, but men do? What's the difference? It's in the same position.
A bit junk in the front makes it a bit more.
We have our own junk, dooye?
But I don't know. He just said that men stand up to wipe their bumbs.
But if you stand up, your butt cheeks actually close.
No, no, no, you're not standing up right, like completely in a full, full vertical position.
You're like you're crouched. You just crouched up over the toe.
He hunts up and leans forward. Yeah, he's in a forty five degree angole.
He's like squatting over the toilet.
Reach around.
Okay, Well, something else I wanted to talk to you about, which is a little bit more important and also interesting, thank fuck, is it's an article that was written we had Jana Hawking on the podcast on Tuesday to talk about Childless by Toys, which was the topic that we kind of did a deep dive on, but Jane did she did an article. She wrote an article recently and this was in news dot com, and I wanted to get your opinion on this brick because I kind of
find this concept interesting. The title of the article is the real reason women are never happy with a nice guy and it's got nothing to do with being nice. Now, the sentiment is that, you know, there's this old trope that like, women don't like nice guys and that the poor nice guys always finished last. However, Janet in this article is presenting the idea that it's not so much that we don't like nice guys, but we don't like guys who are constantly available, like who are there?
And who are you know?
Which is kind of shit right, Like guys who are eager guys, who are you know? Hey, what do you want to do on Saturday night? Sunday night? Well, I'm free on Monday night. It's like we are conditioned to want the chase, and the chase is what makes the relationship desirable.
Yeah, but I don't think that's just us I think that that works in reverse. I think that's in nature. So you think men are the same. Men don't want women to be available, but they want to think that they've got to chase. They want to think that they've got to work for it. It's exactly the same. And I know this because I've had friends tell me.
But I think that that's gendered though, right, Like, I definitely think that it's kind of known that men like the chase. That's the argument that's been as old as an old chase time. But that's what I'm saying. It's well known that men like the ch that's what we have been like socially conditioned to believe. But I actually think women, a lot of women like the chase equally as much.
Oh yeah, I wouldn't argue that point. I think absolutely human nature, this is what we want, we want what we can't have, we want what we think is a challenge and when we have to work for I one hundred percent I'm on board with that. I think every time you think something's not available to you, you're like, oh, but I really wanted that, and then you're like, but did you.
It's almost like with a job opportunity or something like even if you don't really want it, but then you don't get it, it makes you be like, well, but why don't you give it to me?
Yeah? And you're like did you want it? And you're like, well no, no, but I want to want me But now I want it. I know exactly. I was listening to Matthew Hussey literally talk about this yesterday in bed. I roll over sometimes if I'm in the mood, I put a bit of Matthew Ussy on. I'm a big fan. If you guys don't know who Matthew Hussy is, give him a little Google. But he's a relationship specialist.
Hey, we've been trying to get him on this podcast for three years now. The guy wants doesn't want to bar R.
I was with my friend two days ago who's brought him up in conversation, was like, I've just got a message Matt. I was like who, and he's like, you know, Matthew Ussey, And I was like, what, I want him on the podcast. Let's make this happen anyway. I'm working on it there with me washed his space twenty twenty three. Here we come, Matthew Hussey. Yeah, I'm going to manifest it. But he was saying exactly that, right. He's like, the second that somebody pulls away from you, whether you like
them or not, is when you want them. And he goes into it's almost like a whole ted talk, but he makes a lot of sense and he speaks very very clearly about it. But it is like that, it's food, it's jobs, it's opportunities, it's people.
It's love.
When we think we're not allowed to have it anymore, we want it more. I am so bad to that. You look at everything in my life, right, I am a classic example of when I can't have something, I want it more. That's why I always date people that aren't here, because I want them so much more.
Because I'm like physically in the country.
If you're not physically available emotionally available, like my panties are off, I'm like, dangn that is so fucking not good. But it's true.
It's very bad.
Yeah, yeah, but what am I supposed to be about it?
Seeks in help Speak to Matthew Us if he came on the podcast Seek Some Soul Searching, Self Development Help Speak to a psychiatrists.
I don't know no, and guys, we do joke about this. I do actually like the people that I date that are that are not here like I'm joking and physically won't be with me. No, I'm very I am obviously seriously interested in them. But it is something I think that we need to consider a lot more. Okay, as an example of reverse, So I was seeing this guy like six months ago, you know who I'm talking about. I really liked him, and he at the time really
liked me. But because I liked him more like, I was giving him a lot of my time, because I was like, I would date this person I think like I think I like this person. I gave him so much of my time that he started to pull away. He was like, oh, I'm just not ready. Then I was like, don't have the energy for it. I'm done, you know, I'm looking for relationships. So I pulled away. Then all of a sudden, he came back. The second I left. He was like, You're everything to me, And I was like.
What the chase is so exhausting though, isn't it.
But because I could see it, because I'm so emotion and immature and we've researched so much, I was like, you don't like me actually, and he's like, no, I do I really can we make this work? And I just called him on his bluff. I was like, I'm doing you a favor. I'm doing me a favor. You are not interested in me. We know this because we tried it. You just want me because now I don't want you. And I don't know if that's true. Maybe he does really like me, but that's what I think.
That's how I genuinely feel.
I find it's a really interesting one because I hate that this is how we're socially conditioned, because all we're doing is robbing ourselves of potentially really great partners who are not only available and interested, but also reliable and stable and constant. And I know that that's like not the sexiest thing, because we all want like the fireworks
and the drama at the start. But there's something to be said about someone who is genuinely interested in you and is making you aware that they want to be with you, like valuing your time, and it's it's so shit that we often discard that person and will pursue someone who makes our life so hard just because there's more reward in the chase.
The one thing I do want to say.
You know, it's interesting for me though in terms of like my relationship with Matt, Matt is I mean, he's got a bit of sas to I wouldn't say he's like such a nice guy that he's got no personality, But when it comes down to being a nice guy, like he is a nice person, like he treats me well, he is a very very nice person.
I would agree.
I would never have dated him had I not met him on The Bachelor.
No, because he was too nice to you, and I would have been like, oh my god, this guy likes me too much.
He's boring.
He wouldn't have fought with you or anything. He wouldn't have argued, he wouldn't have debated. He would have been like, yes, my beautiful angel, and you would have been like, ew yeah. But also because he would have been so available to me. But the thing about The Bachelor is that even though we didn't have the drama in terms of like his personality, like there was no drama in his affection for me or in the time that we spent.
Together, but there was a hell of a lot of fucking drama at.
The start of our relationship, Like the drama was all in the fact that I didn't know whether he wanted to be with me and I had to compete against twenty four other women, Like, yes, why you were hooked?
It's one hundred percent, Like obviously it's wasn't the.
Good looks, the abs in a really nice guy, but.
Obviously I love the guy.
But like on the flip side to that, I can fully look back on that time and go, oh, it was loaded with a lot of drama.
Well, there's a reason. There's a book called Why Men Love Bitches and it is a best selling book, right, But it's not about women being bitches. But there's a difference. It's about women being able to call bullshit, knowing their self worth, knowing when to walk away from something or they've had enough for you, knowing their boundaries. So it's this idea of saying you know what you're not for me, I don't like the way you're acting and walking away.
That's when men are attracted to them because they're like, think they're going to lose someone. So it's not the idea of being a horrible and a bad boy or a bad woman or a bitch or whatever it is. But it's I guess it's just knowing what you want in your worth. But it's interesting that we still do it. We still even you and I. We've done so much research on this, like four years we've been talking about
these things. We know, we know it, We've spoken to the experts, but I can still see sometimes slipping into my own life. I am aware, but it's funny because you have to really check yourself on it, because we do want the nice guy at the end of the day, Like, we do want someone that treats as well. We want someone available. We want someone nice, emotionally mature.
Yeah, and you want someone who like I don't know, I mean like it's obviously everyone wants someone who's nice to.
Them, but like then pulls your hair in the bedroom.
Yeah, But also but like who is genuinely available? Like who is available with their time, with their priorities, with their love, with their effects, Like all that stuff is so fucking important.
The other thing, I think, don't do this.
This is not what I'm suggesting, But I'm like, curious, do you think it could be used as a tactic to get someone to like you more? Like, for example, if you're in the early stages of dating and you're like caught up in the buzz of like, oh my god, I want to spend every second in my day, like you know, talking to this person and being with this
person because I'm just like so infatuated. Is it a tactic to kind of go, hey, do you know what, like let's just see each other once this week instead of like you know, three times this week or whatever it is that you would want to do because you
want to see them whenever they're available. Is that a way of, like, you know, one, pacing the relationship a little bit better so that way you can't be love bombed, but also kind of like creating this chase in a healthy way with at it becoming like this big, dramatic, unavailable, toxic bullshit.
I mean yes, I think people do one hundred percent use that as a tactic.
Hats off to you.
No, if you've got self control, you've got to self control. You better woman than I A.
All right, let's get into answering or you're deep, you're dark, and you're burning questions.
Question one is withholding a pregnancy deceitful?
From who?
This is where I put in music, like from your partner? That's your question? No, there's more. Okay, I've been working pretty hard, going above and beyond in my current role, as there is a promotion coming up with my name all over it. I work in a team of twenty guys and I am constantly taking on their work. Then a new job will be a lot of work. But I am passionate about my project and it's only two years. Then I'd go back to my current job. The letter of offer has been held up for months, but is
likely to be here before Christmas to start in January. However, I have just found out I am pregnant and I am due in July. Do I owe it to my boss to tell him before I sign my contract? Can I withhold this as it is so early in the pregnancy. Do I just take it and just do six months of the contract, possibly to return for a bit after
maternity leave. I'm worried if I let the opportunity go and stay in my current job, which I do also love, I will just be handing a very rare senior opportunity to one of the guys in my team who have all been just cruising all year. Do I need the stress of a new job whilst navigating pregnancy. Do I really want to tell my boss about an early pregnancy in case it falls through? I don't want to be deceitful, but this role was created for me, and I certainly bloody deserve it.
Help.
Oh, this is so yeah. To summarize, she's early pregnancy. The promotion is coming up. She knows she deserves it, she knows she wants it. If she takes it, she'll only get six months. Then you have to go on matt leave because it's a two year position.
Okay, So I think the only issue with this, and like my very first reaction as somebody who has had kids and who has also been in a situation where my manager like, Okay, I'll just tell you the backstory for it. When I used to work in graphic design and I used to work for in Farmer. This is long before the batch days. Basically, I sat just below the marketing manager, and I got hired into this pharmaceutical company.
And I had done my trial period three month trial period, and then as soon as my three month trial period was over, my boss told me that she was pregnant. She was going on maternity le so she'd known pretty much the whole time that she was pregnant.
They had hired me so that I could.
Cover for her, but they basically did it so that I could take over the marketing manager's position without being paid to be a marketing manager. So there was someone to pick up the work. And I felt really deceived by it. But also I was like, well, she doesn't have to tell me anything, right, they she doesn't have to tell me that she's pregnant before she's ready and willing to tell me that she's pregnant.
But also it should be paid because you're doing any new job.
Yeah, and that's a whole other kettle of fish.
But just coming back to the whole pregnancy conversation, like, you can't be annoyed as an employer that your employee didn't tell you about their early pregnancy, especially because a lot of women want to get to that three month mark before they feel comfortable even talking about pregnancy.
That's a very personal thing.
Yeah. And also, who's to say that you know you're pregnant, yet a lot of people take them a bit of time to conc think she knows she's pregnant, that's the question exists. No, the boss, you could get the promotion and then a month later be like, oh my god, I've just found out and pregnant. They don't know when you found out. And yes, there is a level of deceitfulness because you know when you're choosing to withhold it.
But I don't think anyone should be forced to talk about something personal when they don't want to or they're not ready for whatever reason. And on top of that, unfortunately it's the way of life. Women carry the baby, So in your relationship, you're carrying the baby. That shouldn't stop you from going for a promotion, because that's when the times cross. Even if you do, unless you're planning on taking two years maternity leave, which is the entire
promotional contract, I'd probably say don't go for it. Well, you're not physically going to be here, you're not going to do the job, so there's no point. But if you're just going to take a normal maternity leave, you can still do six months at the start, take your leave, you can still come back. I would probably still go for the promotion because you know you deserve it. You work hard, and it's not fair for you to not
go for a job you want. But it does put the employee in a tricky position too, because in six months time they still have to hire someone else. Someone still is going to have to cover your position.
That's a fact. Yeah, And I think that that's like, this is the big one for me.
The reason why this has got a gray area for me is because it's not a full time, long term employment opportunity.
It's not ten years.
No, it's not just an ongoing employment opportunity, which in which case I would say, no, get your raise, get your new positioning, and then take your time off. If you know you want to go back to work after having babies, then like that shouldn't be the thing that
prohibits you from advancing your career. But the fact that this is only a contract job and you are physically unable to do the contract, and you know you're unable to do the contract, there is a part of me that's like, for your own sake, for your own sense of self, is it worth it? And I'm not thinking about it from a company perspective. I'm thinking about it from what does your maternity leave look like to you? Like, do you want to take six months? Do you want
to take three months? Do you want to take a year? If you want to take a full year maternity leave and you're only able to do really eight months of the whole contract, then is it worth it to do that?
Like I would probably say in that case, like, don't bother with it, because it's an added amount of stress and there may be pressure on you to come back earlier from your maternity leave if you're not ready to because it is a senior position and you know, of course it's not meant to be like that, but a lot of work and employeers put pressure on people to come back earlier from maternity leave, especially in high senior roles. So that would be my own consideration. I'm like, is
it worth you taking on this job? But if you really really want it and you think that it's something that you can still add value to the company and it can add value to you, then go for it.
This is what I would do. I would.
Keep it a fucking secret until people are like, yeah, Sarah, what's going.
On we're from home for nine months. No, I would go for the promotion, not say anything. I would just go for the promotion based on just you and your skill and what you want. Hopefully you get it, which you feel like you will. Then when you feel comfortable one month, two months, however long in you can notify everyone that you're pregnant. You have to tell the truth. Then that's when you can have a discussion with your employer.
At least that way minimum, even if you decide to pass the job over someone else, like you know, because you don't have an option, right, at least you get six months of the promotion. No one's ever gonna hold that against you that you felt pregnant in that time. So for you, for a CV, even if it's just the six months, it's gonna look good. You're gonna feel good. You'll be able to prove a lot in the six months time, and it's just unfortunate timing that you did
a pregnant within the promotion. The only thing that they might hold against you though, is I mean, you're already it's apparently like eight weeks or so, like you're eight weeks pregnant. So if you tell them, like just say, this contract doesn't come through until right at the end of the year and you are literally at the three month mark, they're gonna know or they're going to be very very suspicious that you weren't transparent with them.
And I think there how pregnant she is.
I think she said that she's like the mass there sounds about eight weeks ish. Yeah, so I guess like that's the only thing, like if you think that, and I know it shouldn't be the case, but it's more so just from like how you sit with your employer.
If your employer feels like you kept that a secret in order to get a promotion, but then you weren't able to do the job, like physically can't do the job because you're not going to be there for the contract term, that might leave a really bad taste in their mouth.
And I'm not saying that that's the right thing.
All I'm saying is is that if it was a different position, as in like a long term position, I think I would feel a bit different about it because it's a contract.
Yeah, but really I'm still going to tell her to go for it.
That's what I'm going yesterday.
Well that is me. I'm a big opportunity taker. I think if the opportunity is there, you've worked hard for it, you want it, I would go for it and deal with it after. You can have a conversation with your boss in six months time. If you think you can just hand it over to one of these other guys anyway, they'll do that in six months, Like in a six months time, that same guy is going to get the job. At least you proved yourself for six months.
Yeah, and you know what, it is such a shit thing that, like it's obviously part and parcel of wanting to have kids, but like as women we cop the brunt of it. As women, we're the ones who have our careers delayed. Like there is a sense of and I guess this is something that I experienced. There is this feeling when you first have children of like, oh, I can just I'll just do it all, you know, like it's fine, I'll juggle it all, I'll do it all.
But you physically can't do it all at the same time.
So it is really challenging to keep on progressing your career and also have kids simultaneously.
And that's a big conversation to have with your.
Partner around like how do you guys navigate what work looks like for you in the few and who's going to do the line's share of the parenting so that the other person can progress their career And then when do you swap like who what does that look like then in five years time?
But that's all kind of like down the road and bigger picture stuff.
Question number two.
Rock and roll lever all right?
Question number two. I met someone very special this year. However, it has been a roller coaster since we met. My dad died, I then had an abortion, and I moved overseas. Yeah, we have remained through each other's lives throughout this as he's also overseas now too, but he has recently gone off to figure out his life and do his own thing because he said that he needs space. He said he loves me very much and wants me in his life,
but he doesn't know to what extent right now. I love him so much and I keep coming back to this thought that he is the one and we're meant to be together.
Is this naive? How do you know if someone is the one?
And how can I get over this heartbreak I currently feel and the fear that we won't end up together. I know I can be okay on my own, but I want him in my life and I feel helpless. Please, this is interesting. I was talking about this. I mean we went to esther Perel last week.
And this was one of the questions from the audience members to esther onstage and with how do you know you're the one? How do you know someone's the one? And then we had a conversation off And now I've been speaking to a lot of people about it. But my parents been married for forty five years. They're in love, and I remember I've asked them multiple times. I'm like, what was it? Like there has to have been something because they met and got engaged and married very quickly, Right,
what is it? And it was always just you just know, like there's no magic recipe, there's no formula. It's just a feeling. But the thing is, it's a reciprocal feeling. If somebody doesn't feel it back for you, they're not the one. They're physically not the one. They don't want to be in the relationship. That's always a really bitter, hard pill to swallow when there is a love that is not reciprocated. In this situation, it's tricky because you're
saying that he's saying the right things. He's telling you you're very important, he wants you in his life, but not yet, and he doesn't know how and he needs to go and do his thing and have his space. There is not a lot you can do other than let him go and have his space. It's what he wants. He's right now choosing not to have you in his life for whatever reason that is. We don't know what he's going through, but right now he's making a conscious
choice of wanting to do life on his own. The really important thing here is that you don't put your life on hold for this. You can still have these feelings and think about him, but don't let these little breadcrumbs be enough to stop you from living. And that is something that a lot of people do. I have done it very much. So it's very easy to hold onto something when you think someone is the one. If you are, he will come back to you and if
it's right, you will be available, ready, free. But don't don't wait and waste, not waste, but don't put your life on hold. That's the really big drive home here.
I think, just on what you said, Britt, the whole idea of like I just knew that they were the one. It's just a very simplified way of describing your relationship, right, Like, because I'm sure your dad and your mom weren't just like, hey, I just thought that they were the one, and so therefore they were the one. I reckon. Your dad and
your mom both consistently showed up to that relationship. They were loving to each other, they were kind to each other, they complimented each other, they proved that each other were the support person.
Like, there's so many.
Other factors there that are the indicators of the reason why you felt that that person was the one, and purely going off feelings alone, you can be wrong. I thought other people were the one and they weren't the one, of course.
But that's because you weren't the one for them.
But they also weren't the one for me because they treated me like shit. But I still thought that they were the one. I don't think that that feelings are a good indication or a relationship. I think the way people show up in the relationship are a good indication of a relationship.
Of course. But let me just add in. My parents met one day, then broke up with their partners and knew they were the one. After one meeting, that was it, and it was busy. My mum just said, I do not know what it was five hours they knew each other. That's beautifully romantic, but I think it's not realistic. Yeah, it gives people this unrealistic because it could have not worked out, do you know what I mean?
It could have not been the case. And there's also a lot of luck that goes into that. That's when chemistry meets luck and it's just two really good people who got together. But I think totally when we oversimplify it, we then lean into this idea of soulmates, and then by doing that, it means that people hold onto things thinking, well, it has to be this person, and we can.
Be very, very wrong, is all I'm trying to say.
And you know, I feel like Matt and I have this beautiful meet cute and I feel like we're soulmates. But then I think back on past relationships and I'm like, man, I was convinced, convinced.
That my ex boyfriend was the man I was going to marry.
You know, I was with him for six years and I told everyone like, he's the person I was going to spend my life with. And I was wrong, and I'm so glad I was wrong. But it takes a lot of time from that relationship, and it takes a lot of distance to actually get to a point in your life when you have the amazing things that happen where you go. God, it's so good being wrong sometimes.
Well, this is why I'm saying, you have to accept what he's telling you. At the moment, he's telling you he's choosing not to have you in his life, and you can't do anything other than respect that and know that if it is right, you're both still put in the work. You can still stay in contact. I don't know. If he said I don't want any contact with you, maybe you still want to chat. The only drive home for me is if you want to do that and have that contact, that's so fine, But don't put every
other opportunity and option and person you could meet. Don't put that aside because you've got tunnel vision for this one person that you've convinced yourself is the one for you. He could beat you. Guys could get together and have the best life, but he also might worst case, he might never come back. He might go away. He could meet someone. I know that's horrible, but all I'm saying is when two things are supposed to happen, I do
think that will happen. Obviously you put the work in, you still keep the communication, but you both got to want it the same amount, because it's really really hard to make relationships work.
Do you think it's easy though, in terms of like when you say, like, if you still want to talk to them, you can keep in communication, keep a contact. Do you think it's really hard when you're physically so in love with someone and they don't want to be with you. I think it's really quite challenging to stay in contact and then still be open to other opportunities, because how do you get over something when you still hold onto hope.
Yeah, and that's what's a question. I guess the thing is here. He's not saying I don't want to be with you, let's be friends. That's not what it is. So it's really hard, I imagine I for you to move on because he said I want to be with you, but not now.
So that even worse.
That's like I want to be with you, but like I'm going to fuck you around for a couple of years.
I think that that is like the worst option.
A kind of thing to do would be, Hey, I don't know what I want right now, but I know it's not you so I need.
To go and find myself.
And then, like, I think it's really cruel when people leave an open ended opportunity for themselves in someone else's life.
Very selfish, and that's why people are still they keep you there as a backup. Oh if things don't work out, you know, maybe I can go back there because I've left those few little breadcrumbs and I know she was pretty great. I know they were pretty great, so they wouldn't be the worst backup. And I'm not saying that's what this is, but people consciously and subconsciously do do this.
And also they're like, well, I'm going to go out there and see what else is better, and if I can't find anything better, I'll be back.
Yeah, one hundred percent. Remember that guy from New York and I've told you guys about him over the years, Right, any of these OJ listeners, there was this thing to that guy.
Didn't he come back in the scenes for a little wi Yeah he came back, So again he's lit.
This guy, he's literally like the ghost of Christmas past. He was always like that.
I always sort of said to him, you know, the one that got away kind of thing. That's how I felt right, because at the time this has gone on over a decade. I'm not kidding ten years. This has been on and off, on and off. He was like, you're everything. Want to marry you. Then he's like, na, psych, don't really want to change my mind. We were flying all over the world to see each other. It was like all this on and off, on and off. This guy, Brittany flew to New York. This is many years ago.
She flewd to New York to be with him. After he was like, only from England, though, you're my soulmate. And then she got there and he was like, oh, I think I made a mistake. Well you only said He was crying and he said on paper, he said this on behavior, you're everything. He's like, but I just feel like something's missing and I can't work it out and then I pay for your everything.
But in real life it's just yes, so just tell me I'm not it just like you don't like burn the paper in my face.
Anyway, he was crying when he was saying it. He definitely had feelings for me, right, This has a point, this story. So then I was not upset anymore because by this point it had been going on for six or seven years. So I left him that day and I said it is done, we are done, leave me alone, move on. I was like, move on because he was the one that kept coming back to me, not me.
Move on.
He has come back again now as in like the last few months. This is ten years on and he was like yet, yes, no, I'm not kidding. He said, it's always been you like and but I called him on it and I said that do you know what I said? I said, it's not me, Ben, that's not his name. I was just couldn't I am. I was like, Frank. I was like, it's not me. Frank. I was like, what has happened? It is I've had used to think about it. I said, no, you had used to find
someone else. You haven't and you realize that I'm probably good enough, so you've come back. And he's like, that's not true. We had an argument, but now again, because I'm so emotionally mature, I could see right through it. And that's what people do. So that's what I want this girl to be careful of.
Or is it because he's making himself so available to you now that you're like, nah, not interesting?
Because he still lives overseas Question number three. Question number three is wild?
Oh God, strap yourselves in. Put it on your undies, literally, no, take them off.
I got out of a two year relationship a few months ago where we had amazing sex every day. That's nice, amazing sex every day. He had a really big girthy fat dick. I had a dating again now, and every time I sleep with someone, I can't help her feel a bit disappointed in their size. I know this sounds really superficial, but my ex has just ruined me. Is this a thing? I've recently connected with someone and left it a couple of dates to sleep with him, and
the exact same thing happened that always happens. The sex was actually really great, he was a very generous lover, and I came multiple times, but I couldn't help thinking about my ex's dick. She's been digmatized.
Wait would you say that she was dick appointed?
Yeah, and digmatized combined. Sorry to write you this question. I'm not sure if it's too much, it's not, but I want to know if you've ever experienced this kind of a thing, and if I would just end up moving past this eventually for an extra bit of background. We ended on mutual terms. We just had different life paths. I genuinely knew that we were not good for each other, But I can't stop thinking about his dick. That's ah,
you have been digmatized. It's a real thing. But you can't take that into your future.
Oh look, I mean I think it's fun. Do you know why?
I think it's fine. You've only recently broken up, Like it's all recent. In a few months time, that dick will be long gone in the past, or you'll find a new dick that's fantastic. But like, I think that this is okay because you not only not only does it sound like you had a particularly lovely penis, but you also become very fond of how good sex is with someone right, Like you become fond of the fact
that like they know you completely. Like it's not that it's your penis, but it's like the penis that you own, your pen but you've become very familiar with it, you know. And then all of a sudden there's someone else's foreign genitalia in your face, and it's like, oh God, is that one? Well, wherever I'm sure it's all around it. I think that this is probably more common than what
we think. But like in terms of you, for example, like the first time you see another penis after having one for a very long time.
How do you feel.
Are you just like, oh, that's god, what am I gonna do with that?
Well, I remember, this isn't to do with the penis, but it's something similar that I remembered. I wasn't with anyone for so long after Jordan, as you guys know, like almost until the end of the year, Like it was a long time, right, I kissed the first time I kissed someone this year, I told you, guys, I got out of the car and I was like, I didn't like it. It was weird. I didn't recognize the lips.
It's foreign.
There was no facial hair, obviously, children had a big mustache. It was foreign and it was different and I didn't like it and I didn't want it because I was obviously not over the relationship at the time. And I think that's what it is. So maybe what Laura is saying is right, it's very soon for you. You said it's something. It's just been a couple of months, so maybe you haven't actually moved on yet.
Well, I mean, also, now she's just got a foreign phallic that she has to do.
But she I mean, girl, what's the problem? You said she came three times?
Yeah, I understand what she's saying. Okay.
I also do think that we put a bit too much emphasis on the esthetics of penises, right like, coming back to this idea that like a guy needs to have a really big penis to get you off.
There does not matter.
It doesn't matter, and we all know that. And obviously, like you just said, and obviously, like I said in the question, you know he made you come three times.
I think that at.
The moment, you don't have an emotional connection, right, Like, you've not really met anyone that you've felt that like intense spark with, which is why the penis seems to be so important. It's such a point of like, oh God, is this leveling up. I think once you meet someone who you actually have that connection with, who you have that spark with, you're gonna fall in love with their penis just as much you're gonna love all of them equally.
You can't underestimate what an emotional connection totally and do for the rest of your life, like for your sex life. And that's a good point, Laura. Right now, she has no I mean, I'm assuming you have no other connection to these people other than it being purely physical, So you don't have anything else to go off, You don't have anything else that's intensifying the sex other than the sex.
And also right now, if you're going out and having one night stands or you're just meeting people, there's no familiarity, there's no knowing what people like. But I genuinely believe I'm not just saying this. I genuinely believe size doesn't matter, and it's different for everyone. Everyone wants and needs different things. I think if you're both being generous lovers and you're passionate,
then the rest will come. And I think when you do meet somebody that you have that connection with again, your ex will completely fade and you'll move on wholeheartedly and embrace the new penis.
Yeah, and it takes time, right.
Like embrace the penis. I was about to say it, embrace the penis. Okay.
The last thing I want to say on this as well, and it's just off what you know you just said, brit But like, in terms of this connection and chemistry and everything else that grows when you actually have something deeper with someone, Right, you can't compare anybody, And I don't just mean penis, I mean personality connection penis. You can't compare to somebody who you've had a two year relation with shit with. It's like, no new person is ever going to level up to what you have formed
over a two year period. And you also you set yourself a disservice, like because what happens. And we do this for all different reasons, right, Like we have a relationship, maybe you've been with someone for five years, two years, whatever it is. You then go on a date and you compare that person who you've only known for a couple of hours to the person who you've had years of connection with. Nobody is ever going to level up. Their penis isn't going to level up. Their personality isn't
going to level up. The connection you have with them isn't going to level up. And it's like you're never gonna get there in terms of like enjoyment or having that with a new person if you're always comparing to your ex.
So I think you need a bit of space.
And also who's to say you're not gonna find better, better connection, better, better penis, better sex, better everything, Like you don't know that, so leave the comparisons at the doll. That's what we say here a life bunk cut as of now. All right, that is it. Guys.
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Because imagine if somebody looked down at their penis and was like, hey, penis, why don't we listen to this episode of Life funk Cut uncut.
Maybe they're not circumspensive
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