Ask Uncut - Do You *Self-Pleasure* At Work? 🙈

Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present.

Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on gadigal Land. Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode.

Of Life Uncut. I'm Laura, I'm Kisha, and you are particularly chirpy right now for someone who's not very medical. We've been away very caffeinated medicaid. I'm not medicated at all, but I am.

I am caffeinated, and I am going to go into my second coffee and I'm okay with that. It's because we've been up since like five fucking thirty in the morning. We've had one interview before this, and now we've back to back in today.

Yeah, and I don't want to bread crumb everyone, but that might be one of my favorite interviews ever.

That is a bread crumb was Johan Hari. He's great, We love him.

Yeah, it's all about diet drugs, so drugs like his zmpig. It's coming out very soon.

Yeah.

We've been wanting to do an episode on ozebic for a very long time. It's been the top of my list, but finding someone to talk about it who's not promoting it, and also doing it in a way that is sensitive to everything that we've spoken about in the past in terms of fat shaming and the body positivity movement. It's like almost like, how do you have those two conversations at the same time, which is why we found your hunt because he is amazing and he can do everything,

Now.

I know you're not a mum, but I would like to know how you would respond in this situation. So yesterday I was getting Malee ready to get in the bath and she goes, hey, I know what the F word is.

Now, for anyone who doesn't know, Maley is four.

She's four years old and she goes to preschool. She goes, I know what the F word is? And I was like, oh, do you and she's like yeah, and the H word and I was like, what's the hate. I'm still I'm not sure about that. Anyway, I was like, what's the F word? And she goes, fucking and I was like, I'm sorry, what and she goes, it's fucking and I was like, I mean you could have just said fuck, but sure it is.

It is also fucking. And I was like, how did you know this? And she goes and it's also fuck and I was like.

Okay, please stop saying. Her sister was in the bath next to her, like the two year old, and I don't give a fuck. Yeah, she had it all. She was like, here's the plural, here's all of the ways in which you can say the word fuck.

I'm kind of impressed by that. No I'm not.

I am absolutely not. And I was like Marley, and she goes, yeah, so you're not allowed to say it, but this is it. She kept saying it and saying it and saying it, and I was like, Maley, you need to stop saying that word now. It is very very naughty. Come with me, we're going to go out of the room. And she just kept saying it in front.

Of Lawla and Lala was like, what's that word anyway?

So I take her out of the bathroom and I sit her down and I was like, you're not in trouble, but it is a very very naughty word. I'm glad that you told me that you know how to say it. I was like, but could you talk to me about why, you know, because we don't. We don't swear around her as much as I swear so much. You guys probably like what, we really try not to swear around her at all?

Because it was such upstanding parents.

Who taught you this word, so that I can crucify it, I was like, is it anakeisha? Probably she is a smutty talker, so anyway, I asked her and she was like, oh, this boy at school and she said his name who? She has said anytime the teachers aren't watching or listening, he will say swear words, but also says it to other kids and more. Is just like trying to exercise his right to use a word that he's obviously being told.

He can't use.

Sorry, I want to tell that little kid that he can go get fucked. He's not telling Maley the fuck off. He's not telling her that he doesn't fucking like her.

Who is he? I'm coming to daycare.

I'll give you the name when we're not on record. This sounds stupid now that I'm saying it out loud. I'm like, Okay, it's so obvious. But I was like, do I call the daycare and dob on this four year old?

Do I do it? Is that what we do?

Like?

Do I tell the daycare that this four year old is doing this? Is it like?

Or am I being an over Am I being a helicopter parent? Or is that a situation where you're like, look, the teacher should know.

I grew up in a really quite a conservative environment, and I think there's a lot to making something a forbidden fruit human nature. Is it just makes you want it more, Like you're making a big deal out of it, and so they're just gonna do it more.

That's my thing.

I was like, is it making it a bigger problem by singling him out and being like he is so naughty? I mean his four he's just got bigger brothers. He doesn't know how naughty it is.

Yeah.

I mean I can't speak from any lived experience whatsoever, because I'm not responsible for young children, But through my own experience, I think if I was in this situation, I would eer on the side of like trying not to even speak about it and make it something that's super forbidden because like it's gonna happen at some point anyway.

I mean, they're just gonna go to school.

Soon, like it's going to be spoken about. People are gonna say it. And I think that in my experience because there was such an emphasis on swearing and you know, using the law's name in Vain and all these different things, all these different rules in my household.

Swearing and also using the lord's and again we're all together, all in compass. I've got Marley like fuck it, and you're like, blasphemy, stop stop it.

I wasn't allowed to say, Oh my gosh, okay, but did it?

This is what I mean it was, So I've made It's something that I am now kind of thinking maybe if it wasn't something that was so forbidden, I wouldn't have been so inclined to like think about it in a cheeky way. So I don't know, Okay, it's hard to say, because I guess every kid's different.

I'm really on the fence with this. Hopefully by the time you guys listen to this, slide into my DMS, tell me what you think. I kind of want to call the daycare and be like, hey, just keep an ear to the ground. I kind of want to say something only because I'm like, well, if she has come to me and she's told me this information as a parent, am I supposed to do something with it? So she feels like she's listened to And I don't know, There's

Therapy is going to be very expensive. One day, I think it could be a bit of a carot by calling.

There could be a secret option ce and it could be that when you pick her up from dayk you could maybe mention it to one of your favorite teachers and just be like, look, I just want to let you know that this happened.

I don't necessarily want you to do anything about it.

I'm just making you aware and you guys can make your own decision on where you stand on it. But this kind of feels to me right now like Britt rousing on us because.

One time, one time, it was our first ever.

If you guys have watched the YouTube, the very first time Kisha and I ever did an episode together was Britt was away because she I think she was doing fertility stuff at the time, and she made Scotland. Okay, she was in Scotland. We had issues with the Cross Continent record. For everyone who's always like, why doesn't Bridges move to Scotland and you guys can record from there.

We've tried. It really doesn't work, that's the problem.

Anyway, we couldn't do this record one day the internet wasn't working. Keisha had to step in. There was a lot of swearing at the start of the episode. It was very funny though it.

Was a bit unhinged, but also it was one of those things where we kind of thought it was going to be where we stopped down and like reset and start the We were like, fine, this is actually really funny, and so we just left it and I thought it was fine.

I was like, yes, there's a lot of swearing. One particular weather that came out of my mouth. Probably it wasn't the effort.

And I thought it was. I thought the juice was worth the squeeze. And Britt reviewed that YouTube and she was like, guys, this was crash as anything.

We're like sorry, maule I was like, fuck off.

Fine. She did call us to tell us it was kind of like calling the daycare anyway. Now, you know, we got roused on by my boss.

But you're equal, and so now you have to make the decision as to whether you're going to be the brit in this situation or whether you're going to be the US.

Maybe I'll make Matt be the brit that seems like a better solution. Better solution, I will make Matt call daycare and that I can pretend like I'm above this anyway. I'd love to know what you guys, if there's any parents out there who have had to deal with this type of thing. We are all just kind of making our way through. I don't know what I'm doing as a parent. I'm trying really hard, and I'm maybe doing okay ninety percent of the time and the other ten percent.

Yeah, I think you're doing way better than ninety percent of the time. You have beautiful little girls who are really polite and they've got gorgeous mind.

I actually love your.

Children, and I'm not like that with everyone's I'm like that with my own nephews and your kids, and.

That's pretty much it. That's a real compliment.

We did have a bit of a go at me last night, A go is a bit harsh, But you mentioned to me while I was on the phone that I.

Was on loudspeaker and I was swearing to him.

Yeah, so I'm pretty sure it's this kid at daycare and also Ani Keisha, that are the real culpras for my children's potty mouth. Anyway, we have some actually, we have such a good breadth of questions today. One of them actually featured on the Facebook page and it got you guys so riled up, and so we really wanted to do a deep dive on that on the episode that's coming up. But first it's time for vibes and unsubscribes. Keisha, what is your vibe or unsubscribe for the week.

I mean, I already posted about my unsubscrib We spoke about it on Tuesday.

I'm not gonna mention it.

You can't speak about the unsubscribed because it's also my vibe, So stop shitting on her.

Okay, Okay, we'll get into that.

I have an actual vibe this week, and I'm back into the luxuries of sleep.

No, I want to make this really clear before I talk about it.

I love Lynn and have been a sponsor of the podcast before, but they weren't at all involved in this, like what as a normal customer. So I initially saw this recommended on Kelly Finlayson, who I've had on the podcast before, on her Instagram account. So it's a mattress topper. This one is called Hotel Cloud Collection. It is the softest, most comfortable. It feels like a hug from within mattress topper.

It is delightful.

I thought it was made of feathers, and to be honest, I didn't look what it was made of before I purchased it. I just went that looks really comfort. It was recommended on her Instagram. Apparently heaps people wrote in to her about it.

I'm gonna get one. It looks great.

I purchased while it was on sale, so I got it for two fifty nine, which is currently what the price is if you go onto the website. And I just assumed, oh my gosh, these feathers are so cozy. Turns out no, it's actually vegan. It's some microfiber filling that feels like feathers and silk.

And I actually can guarantee you no ducks were killed for this, No chickens were plucked.

It is so comfortable. It has been the greatest joy of my last week. And I vibe the heck out of it.

What is the what's the brand? Evan? I love linen. I love linen. And it's a mattress topper. Yeah, so you know the things that you put like a if you have a not a mattress topper.

Is you're gonna go into the detail of explaining it. That thing that you top on a mattress, it goes under.

Your fit sheet, has a strap goes on, So it's kind of a It's a couple inches thick, and it seems to be in these little squares of what I assumed to a feathers turns out not feathers, but that's what it feels like. And so as you lay into it, it just feels as though it's giving you this like little cloud cuddle.

And it's so I am enjoying that we're back in the sleep hygiene era.

I've had really bad sleep lately.

It's a very sleep Hygiene's like a real twenty twenty thing, isn't it if the elixir of life? Laura, It's like I spars and sleep hygiene and I don't know what are the rest of it used to be infrared saunas like these are it.

Firstly, it's free micro dosing, like it's all the same.

Oh God, we're not gonna get to get into micro dosing anyway.

It is my vibe for the week. I love it. If you're in the market for a mattress topper, highly recommend. Okay, I have two recommendations this week.

One of them is something that I've actually had for a while, but I discovered a feature about it which has made me love it so much more. So. I have two Koala couches, you know, Cooala mattresses, so coal mattresses. I've never had one, but every influencer under the sun talks about Coala mattresses. I'm sure they're great, and I'm sure they're also getting paid to say so. I am not getting paid to say that their couches are great,

A sofa bed fold out that goes in our spare room.

But then I also have like their couch couch, but like a three and a half seater big couch in our lound room. The fold out one is super practical. It's really really convenient. It's a bit too hard, needs a good topper, so that's great. You could get it too far. That's my review on that. But the actual big couch that we have in our lound room is

So if you've been considering a.

Koala Couch high highly highly highly recommend and then my last and very quick recommendation, which I know we spoke about it at the very end of yesterday's episode, sorry, Tuesday's episode, but that is Baby Reindeer. I have watched the whole thing now and I think it is brilliant. I think it is brilliantly shot. It's on Netflix if you haven't seen it. It's been widely talked about, widely recommended.

I have my own opinions on it, but I.

Have actually seen a lot of publication in the last twenty four hours about how he is quite actively asking people to stop looking into who the real Matha is. To me, this just seems like such a full circle conversation.

It's a very I mean, if you guys haven't seen Baby reind yet, I don't want to spoil anything for you, but yeah, it does feature around Martha. She is the person who's stalking You've discovered that in the first episode.

I think it even comes up in the bio. Yeah.

I guess for me, I have some complex feelings around and this is probably an unfair thing to say, but it's almost around the like what did you expect? Because I think if you go so hard with the this is a true story, but you only tell the parts of it that.

You know, you give people so much.

Of course, people are gonna want answers, and that's just the result of being invested in the series. I'm not saying that that is okay. I think it is deeply fundamentally wrong. I mean, this woman's she's already paid the price for what she has done. There is another person who is in the movie, who I think or in the show, who I think should be getting more airtime.

I actually find this whole conversation really really fascinating because, on one hand, any time you speak in a public space, and this could be done on your own Instagram count, you know that is somewhat of.

A public broadcast.

There is that deliberation between what is my story and my lived experience and how much sensitivity do I need to provide and privacy do I need to provide for the other people in my life who have been a

Yeah, And I guess the thing if you if you haven't watched Baby Reindeer yet, what I took from it is that he is not a perfect victim in this and that there was also an element of the stalking that he enjoyed. He enjoyed being part of the center of attention, not center of attention, but he enjoyed how it made him feel because he was so deeply depressed and hated himself and having someone show interest in him.

This question was initially written in the Facebook group by Megan, who is a wonderful woman who posts on behalf of other people anonymously in the group Huge shout out to you you don't get enough reconditional love you and Hannah Lauren is the other I would just love to get your take on it. The question reads, please let me know if I'm being unreasonable or not. My partner Mail thirty seven is a big drinker and also has an overactive bladder, which leads him to wedding the bed basically

When I read this question and for so many people who message in the Facebook group, I was like, oh wow, Wow, Okay, I'm gonna start. Everyone accepts different things in their relationship. Everybody has a different benchmark for what they will accept from their partner when it comes to behavior, when it comes to things that they can and they can't control, Everyone's level is different. Yours is very different to where mine is because I already wouldn't be in this relationship

That is welcome to the real world. It's so deeply immature.

Like to me, I listened to that, and I'm like, what if your friends stick their head and the oven are you going to like that mentality? I would say that to a four year old and the fact that you have to say that to a forty year old would give And I don't want to be like it gives me the ick, but it so deeply gives me theck.

I said exactly.

I mean very much along these lines in the Facebook group when I initially commented on this, and I said that I would have a much deeper sympathy if this was purely a medical issue, but it's not because he is able to not.

Wet the bed every other day of the week.

Yeah, the thing I really pointed out is that for him, it seems as though there aren't consequences to his behavior, and that's where I think things have progressively gotten worse. I question why. Firstly, I find it very strange that he doesn't have shame about this. Why is he not the one having to fix these situations? Why is he not the one to have to tell your friends while you're away, Hey, sorry, we need to get some fresh

Blooder and wet the bed?

No? Would I leave a relationship because my partner treated me like his parent, didn't listen to my clear communication, didn't take into account my feelings and the effects his life had on me, was having an issue based on his own actions and choices, and still chose not to do anything about it, someone who decided he was the victim and I just have to live with the consequences of it, And someone who is clearly self absorbed and

It's just fucking wild to me.

But also, like I mean, I don't know, have you ever been in a situation where a partner's drunk so much they've pissed the bad because I have.

I haven't.

Actually I have, And I've also been in a situation where I've had people stay at my house and their boyfriend got so drunk that they pissed in my bed.

So I've been on both sides. At this point.

I came home one day and my mattress was out on my balcony drying out because their boyfriend had wet my bed. And to be fair, she was furious, and he was embarrassed, and he had to come to me and apologize and he tried to clean it. But like, I appreciate at least the embarrassment, and I appreciate at

He did twice, he never did it again. He was humiliated.

It was like he needed to do it once to be humiliated in the first place, and then he needed to do it twice to know what his limit was, and he was like, oh, I got there again. That's what that limit was, right, and he never ever did it again, but he It's exactly what you said, Cash. It's the lack of embarrassment around it. And I'm not saying that like if you're and I'm going to be clear,

I fully agree with that everything you've said. My last point is that I.

Think if you are determined on staying in this relationship, which it actually doesn't sound like you are. You said you're at your wits end, You're kind of at the point where you're about to break and I think that that is so reasonable.

No. Also, the thing you've said here is please tell me if I'm being too hard on him, like he says that I am.

No, he's gas lighting you.

You were being gas lit into believing that you haven't been tolerant or understanding or accepting enough.

That's what this is.

You've been manipulated to feel guilty about the fact that you have adverse reactions to this.

I think the only way you will be able to progress in this relationship is if you get to the heart of why he's feeling the need to drink. Often, with any type of substance abuse alcoholism.

There is a reason.

There is a deep reason why people feel that they need to drink to the extent that they do.

Is it to forget something? Is it to not have social anxiety?

And I know I'm giving so much leniency here, and it's not my natural reaction.

I'm just trying to think of this a little bit more wholeheartedly.

I think if you're able to understand the reason why he feels the need to drink to that extent, it might give you a little bit more context and it may lead you to a potential solution.

The only other solution to me is that you break up.

And that's why I'm kind of trying to give this other alternative because that's the only thing. This person, to me, seems like he has a real issue with taking responsibility and accountability, and I doubt this is the only time that it shows up in your relationship.

Yeah, And it's really hard because like when you say, like you've been to see a counselor about it, you've been to speak to a therapist. I find it so interesting that often the person who isn't the issue will go and seek the therapy, right the person who is asking, literally begging their partner to change, is the one that

Question is is this normal? Why not do it at home?

Is it a risk kink thing or is this just something that guys do. I don't masturbate at work. Logistically, it's not my thing. I don't want to sit in a cubicle and finger myself finger blast myself on a public toilet.

That I'm grateful Laura for that, as we have more than one toilet in our bathrooms here at Wall.

To be fair, if I'm glad, I don't hear a buzz buzz, even if I wanted to kisha every single time I say I'm going to the toilet, you follow me in.

I am a reappeal a lot of time. I've never weed in bed with you. Okay, you should be grateful for that, that's true.

My initial reaction to this was legitimately, what the actual fuck are you talking about? No, this isn't normal, and I decided to do a read of the room. I asked my boyfriend. He said he's never done it, and he's done overnight shifts. I had six girls over at my house last night for book club, and I was like, guys, tomorrow on the podcast, I think this is something we're going to talk about can I get a reader the room? What's your go and what do your partners think? Much

It's never something that I've asked them. I've never thought I needed to.

So were they saying yes to themselves or yes for their partners? Like for their partners?

Yeah, well I actually didn't get to ourselves, but I asked about partners first, and they responded with things like, yeah, I think he's done it, like in the showers at work, you know, if they either go for a run or something equal.

It was the gym.

Apparently it's something that people sometimes do in the shower at the gym.

That seems really unnecessary. This person has written in saying that their husband is a trade. My brother's a trade. He's a builder.

He doesn't even let the people who work on his job sites use the bathrooms of the people whose homes they're creating.

So he's masturbating in a portaloo. It's like, that's what that I need some ambience? Men?

Really, they don't need a lot, do they a lot of them, like far out.

Yeah, it's a process for me. I don't know.

Wow, I do think men and women we're speaking mostly like from like heterosexual position, but like I would say, guys are more likely to do it than what women are. But I'm not ruling out women masturbating at work. I think that they're also there's many more reasons loaded into it, Like female pleasure has been something that's like been very shrouded. It's been very stigmatized for so long. I'm okay with the stigma of wanking at work. I'm not that progressive.

I'm actually okay with being like, now, that's a bit strange.

Do you imagine if that was the next movement, women who wank at work?

WW? We want equal rights. Sorry, I'm gonna get canceled.

To me, there just seems like there's logistical complications here.

How do you clean yourself up? How you are you cyber?

Yeah?

If you get it else, silent work just ww.

Sorry, I'm not sure we should be normalizing it. If I was going to put my energy into normalizing something that has stigma, this isn't it.

But I do think maybe maybe it could be.

Related to how you respond to whether your partner masturbates at home? Bear with me, he said nine times out of ten, he'll do it at work, because she was like, but I'm home all the time. So are you the person who's not okay with your partner masturbating while you're at home? Or is it more just a case that, like you're physically at home, and like often you'll walk

Like do you wank at the table or is it always in the shower or the bedroom? Do you remember how earlier you said like you share other people's stories, and sometimes you think that maybe you share things that are not yours to share. I think I'm walking into that territory right now. Hey, honey, where do you wank in? What part of their house? Just so I know, do you use the towels or the toilet. People like, what's it like? Should we get that detailed? I don't think so.

I feel like it's fine to leave that as a question mark.

Okay, rhetorical. He doesn't need to answer, and Mattie J Will not be joining us.

But what I mean by this is like, if you're the type of person who doesn't like your partner masturbating at home, especially when you're home, because the question could be like, well, why don't you want to have sex with me? I don't have a problem with that because to me, masturbation and having sex are very different things. The intimacy is very different. One's more of a physical need, one's more of an emotional thing.

As so long as your sex life is not affected, I don't think we should be telling people when they can and can't masturbate.

Well, some people actually really don't like it. They don't like the idea of their partner getting off while they are at home.

That's problematic.

It's personal preference to some degree. I think I think it depends. It's one of those gray areas for me, But that would be my next question to you. Is he doing it nine times out of ten at work? Because he doesn't feel comfortable doing it at home, maybe he'll be doing it.

In the portalloo less if you tell him that you're fine with it.

I find that so I'm still hung up on what you just said. I find it so interesting that you think it is a gray area to not be okay with your partner masturbating so long as it doesn't affect your relationship. I think if they're doing it so frequently that it affects your sex life, I would have an issue with it.

I think it depends on where they do it.

But if totally okay, if they're doing it whilst you're asleep next to you, like problem, that's what I mean by gray area. If they are just in their free time on a Tuesday at eleven because they work from home, wanting to go upstairs, have a shower and have a wank. Like I don't think that we have the autonomy over another person's body to say whether they should or can't, or could or can masturbate, Like that's it, that's your personal preference. You do you, that's your body do or

I completely agree.

For me, the gray area comes down to whether it is impacting you having sex, Like if they're masturbating so much that you're not having sex, that could be a problem. It might not be, but it could be totally if they're doing it in places like if they're in the shower and you're in the bathroom, you might not like that, do you know what I mean? Like the area that they do it and the privacy that they do it from is where it becomes a gray area.

Okay, I under so, yeah, yeah, that's.

What And I completely agree that we can't be telling people if it's not problematic where they can and can't get off, unless maybe it's at work.

Will definitely put a pole up for this. I would love to know we're going to do two. Ask your partners if you're in a relationship, I want to know if your partners have masturbated at work. That's one pole. But then I also want to know if you have done it. And I think that these things will be more skewed. So I have never that I can remember, no whereas like maybe you have zero judgment, all right, Question number three, My husband has gone to Darwin for a week for a friend's fortieth.

We live in New South Wales, which's fine.

I encouraged him to go. I am home with our two children at age two and four months.

Oh poor thing. I'm feeling a little.

Bit let down how often he is checking in with me while he is away. I feel like I have been initiating all contact with him, sending messages with updates of the kids, etc.

And he takes.

Hours to respond, if at all. He doesn't bother to send good morning or good night messages or calls. And I can see that he has been active online. He's staying at his brother's house, and I know for a fact they have just been sitting around drinking for the last few days. Am I being unreasonable thinking he should be checking in on us more? I have pulled back on how many times I initiate contact to see whether he would pick it up on his end, but he hasn't.

That sucks? That actually really sucks.

And it sucks for two reasons, not just for you, but also because it seems as though he's not really checking in with.

How the kid's own children are going.

Ah, look, no you are not being too sensitive of whatsoever. Do I think you should bring it up with him, Yeah, I do, but I think you should wait until he gets home until you bring it up with him.

We've been in situations where we've been away for.

Work, and like truly, it can be very, very very busy. But I think that kind of the bare minimum is the book end of the day. It's the good morning and the good night, especially if you have children. It's quite strange to me that he wouldn't actually be not only wondering how the kids are going, but wondering how you're going with.

Them on your own.

I think if you are wanting to get the best out of this scenario, it will be best if you wait until he comes home and you just say I was really looking forward to you going away and having a really good time with your brother. I think he's gone away with some friends, and I even encourage you to go.

And as a part of that, I had to.

Take on extra responsibility of looking after our children on my own, and I expected that you would have a bit more kindness, compassion and respect for me and want to know how I was going in that situation, because it was extra load for me and I was disappointed by the fact that it seems as though you didn't care.

I agree that you should have the conversation, but I disagree with timing, and I think you should have it now, which is probably annoying because by the time we actually answer this question, who'll probably be home realistically, But and I just say this from my personal experience, because I have had this experience with Matt, and Matt has had

Very, very constantly in contact.

Then there are also people, and I think it's very easy to jump down the throat of being like he doesn't care. I also think it's a massive testament to you that he's like, you've got this. The kids are well taken care of, you know, I'm not worried about them, But it does show a lack of interest in this moment,

Uh, well, fuck a bit, you're having a good time.

You know. I was getting like very short answers from him, And when I was getting answers, it was like a few hours had passed, and I just said to him, I was like, can you put in a bit more effort with contacting me? And Matt did, and he was amazing. And I think sometimes we just need to be made aware of what we're doing and how it's affecting the

Yeah, they're really.

Good points and I think you probably have more skin in like, you have more actual lived experience in this than would I do. So I feel a bit of a phony trying to give advice because it doesn't.

Need to have kids in the equation.

It could just be your partner's away on holidays and they're not contacting you as much.

Well.

The reason that I naturally would wait until someone got home is in case of defensiveness, because I think for most people it's so easy to naturally want to defend yourself and want to defend your behavior. And when you have that happening via text or whether you have it happening via a quick call with his mates in the next room, unless your partner is the type of person who takes on feedback really well, I feel like it could make the situation worse. Do you know? So that's

But your partner's reaction is defensive, it shows like a real lack of immaturity. I think like a lack of maturity. Sorry, And it depends on the way in which you're you're saying this. I'm saying, don't come at it from an accusatory way. Don't come at it saying like you're not texting me. It's a like, hey, honey, I'm feeling a little bit lonely at the moment. It's been a lot with the kids. Could you text me a bit more?

I think, I mean, I want to like examine myself in this situation. I have naturally been the person who takes criticism on really really badly, And I'm just thinking about how even if you don't word it in an accusatory way, someone still has the ability to take it on as criticism, you know, And again I think the way you have worded at Laura is going to be the most likely to have a positive impact.

But underlying you are disappointed and you are a bit pissed off.

So I think it's going to be hard to kind of convey that message without any accusation at all of being like, you haven't been living up to what I've expected of you. And also I don't think you're expecting too much. So he kind of is coming in it to this situation with you being like, hey, you haven't really reached out to me very much.

It's true.

It's not like he can turn around and be like, but yes I have. He's immediately going to be like, fuck, I haven't, you know.

But when we talk about this idea of being defensive, I think avoiding a conversation because you're worried about the other person becoming defensive and gas Lardi. I guess my question to you, Keish would be, well, then what is the benefit of bringing it up after the fact, Because one, they can't do any reparation, They can't do anything to change it because it's already happened. And now it's like, Okay, well you're angry at me about something that all I can do is say sorry for I can't even I

Well, it just to me it might not be.

And I mean, for me, it would be a next time. But who knows when the next time is going to be? You know, like, and I very much see your point. You're not giving him the opportunity to change the behavior in the moment.

You're only assuming that he will become defensive.

My worry is is like if that was me and that when I came home said hey, the whole time that you were away, you did this and it upset me, I'd be like, why didn't you tell me I was away for a week And I had no intention of upsetting you. I did not know that I was hurting your feelings. I would never want to hurt your feelings. I would have tried harder. And now I hate that you spent that whole week thinking I didn't care about you. You know, advice has changed my mind. Listen to Laura, I am.

Not a therapist.

Your advice actually is a lot better in this situation, and you are giving the ability to alter the behavior.

Listen to Laura. Only take on what I've said. If your partner is super defensive normally.

Yeah, but also maybe that's something that you'll need to address in other areas. This feels way more I'm exposing what goes on in my brain.

Maybe you have anxiety too, who knows. Let's get into the last question. Okay, question before.

What I've loved about the questions in the last five weeks that I've been able to fill in on asking cut with you is that we have gone from such deep, meaningful conversation to the silliest of silly things.

And I think this is going to say that there's no dumb questions, and I know I've said it before, but like recently, there have been some, and that's okay, we love it.

Here's what I consider to be one wearing a brata work, I haven't a couple of times I have small titties and where normal neckline tops. Thought I could absolutely get away with it, but I did just notice one of my male coworkers looking down and it made me feel a bit weird. I have a desk job, and am worried it might not be very professional.

We'd love your thoughts.

This is a bit off tangent, but as soon as I read this, it reminded me of something that happened to me when I worked in marketing a fucking million years ago. So I used to work for this company. It was a dental sleep apnear company.

Right.

We used to make snee We used to make dental devices for people who i'd sleep APNA, and I worked in their marketing team and my marketing boss and I back in the day, in my twenties, before kids sucked the life out of my titties, I had reasonably good boobs, reasonably good, not great, not terrible, reasonably good. Anyway, I

I have this like really deep Hello.

Everybody on YouTube, I have a really deep, like con cave. It's called pigeon chest for people who want like the layman's terms in my chest anyway, which makes me look like I have bigger boobs than I do.

And I would be sitting at my desk shadow cleavage. Yeah, it's fake, it's fake. Yes, I see fake cleavage. See it really goes in. I'm sure they really appreciate your welcome.

So I would sit on my desk and my marketing manager would always come and talk to me from above me, so he was always over me, so he would get a bird's eye view of cleavage if.

He wanted it. Pigeon.

Do you know what he said to me this one day? He said this is I'm not mincing his words. He said, why do you like getting your tits out at work?

Yeah? And I was.

Mortified, absolutely fucking mortified because in my mind I was just wearing a button up shirt with a braro on, like I wasn't getting my tits out at work anyway. Needless to say, like it was a different culture back then. I think everybody has stories from you know, fifteen years ago, almost twenty it was eighteen years ago as to how working in offices was way more fucking problematic, and we didn't have HR at the time, and anyway, it was

Does that make sense.

Without it being like and I don't want this to be something that people interpret as though I'm shaming you for what you do or don't wear. You can wear whatever the fuck you want to. There's no dress code that says women have to wear bras to work. I just more mean that if it's obvious for someone to see down your top, in the same way that if a guy was bending over and I could see all of his nipples out at work, I'd be like, why are you wearing a singlet to work? It's not an

They are not revealing.

What we can wear to work can be more revealing because female clothing, professional clothing is far more varied and there's far more of a spectrum of what we wear.

Rather than just being a button up shirt.

I think this comment, like, yes, the progressive part of me wants to be like, burn the fucking bras wear whatever. You have come so far with these conversations, But the

I don't know. My other question is where do you work?

I mean, it's so dependent and when I'm saying, like when I was talking about opposite center office job, are you working at a desk job for a lawyers? Like, there's different levels I think of professionalism of dress attire for work. So I do think that that has to be taken into consideration.

Interestingly, and not to talk about myself, but I do have lived experience from the opposite end of the spectrum.

I'm naturally a ten.

F people with big boobs have had to control the uncontrollable. There have been times where I have been wearing perfectly normal T shirts, normal T shirt, normal fittedness, whatever you'd call it, Like, and when you have a big bust, you are overtly sexualized regardless of what you're wearing.

So to me, I kind of just go like, Oh.

It would be a really nice debate for me to be like, is it too one professional for me to not wear a bra because my whole life it has been.

Yeah.

And you also can't wear ninety percent of the tops even if you wear a button up top. Is it so tight between your boobs that the point where the buttons are that you end up with a gape? You end up with this big gaping hole exactly looking at where your bra is. I've felt really like conflicted about wearing something that fits me everywhere else, and so then your whole wardrobe has to change to these big moo

If you think it's unprofessional, just wear bra.

Like everyone with a big busters had to, They've had to make more sacrifice.

I agree with you, I totally agree, and I think that this is I feel very differently about it because we're talking about it from a work perspective. Yeah, and for any other place that might be considered like a professional space.

If you're questioning it, as Keisha said, just wear a bra. I'd rather focus my energy on the gender pay gap. So that's it from us today. Britt will be back next week.

So Brute is coming back on the weekend, and then we're going to be doing like a big deep dive in all of the ins and out questions of I'm a celebrity, which I'm still fascinated by how the whole thing works. I think she's had a bit of R and R, a bit of time to like recoup and yeah.

And to eat some normal food.

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