This episode was recorded on cameragle Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life. I'm Cut, I'm.
Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is our ask guncut episode where you're writing your deepest, darkest burning questions. We do our damn best to answer them.
We certainly do.
But first, can we just like talk about em Rada for one hot second?
Em Rada hot? Love her hottest? Do you do? You know why?
Because even when I don't love her, I find her interesting to watch. That's why I think I like it Because I disagree with so many things that she doesn't say, but I still love watching it.
I don't know if I disagree with things that she does and says. I understand the complexities around a lot of the conversations that have been had when she's I don't know, well, let's not even get into it in terms of like her take on feminist issues, but it feels very choice feminism anyway.
I don't care about that. What I care about is her haircut. I deeply care about her haircut.
She has just been posting for the six days on her TikTok around the worst haircut she's ever had. Like you would never think that someone with that much money, with that much access to like the best of the best, could possibly be subjected to like a bad haircut.
It's beyond bad, it's horrific.
I think we need to break this down a little bit in case people haven't seen it. Emm Rada has gone she's doing a series of videos on TikTok about the worst haircut she's ever had. So she hasn't named the person, but she's like, I've gone to this guy that cut my hair. So he's cut her bangs from it literally starts from the nape of her neck.
The band start from the back of her neck and go all.
The way over the front.
It's like David Bowie, It's terrible.
It's like he was cutting her fringe and then he slipped on some hair on the ground. I was like sure, and then he was like, oh, I better just do that to the other side and call it a choice.
Do you reckon that.
It's that or do you reckon that. She's kind of gone in being like I want this edgy look, this is what I want, and so the hairdress has gone Okay, that's what you asked for, Like, that's what you want? To give you what you want, you're paying me, and then she's gone, this is the worst haircut I've ever had. I wonder whose fault it is. Did she ask for you know, that particular type of haircut and it just.
Doesn't suit up.
I think it is quite hard for hairdresses because often people would describe what they want, but they don't use the right words.
Like, for example, I take.
A picture in of like Kendall Jenner and I'm like, maybe look.
I went in once and I was like, I took a photo and I was like, oh, I want to get like some ashy highlights, and the woman was like, just so you know, there's nothing ashy about that reference photo.
That is warm highlights. And I was like, cool, that's my problem. I've done it wrong.
That's why it needs to be visual. You need to take a picture instead of going in and describing what you want.
Just please go and look at Emrat's TikTok. It's like someone's cut steps into the fringe when it's like parted as a normal fringe, but when it's fully forward, it starts from the back of her part, like it is the most aggressively long full head of fringe that.
I've ever seen. It's amazing.
It's very like two thy ten MySpace era where like the shaggy mullet kind of look was in where it came over the front.
But I'm sorry, she's still so hot. Sheila's supermodel, like she could do anything to her hair and she would be amazed.
That's what's annoying, because she's like, this is the worst haircut I've ever had, but I'm beautiful. Look at me. She still looks hard, like, imagine me with that haircut.
Yeah, I don't want to imagine that. Thanks love, heart, I had.
Because I just pitched.
Remember that time when you put my clip on fringe, which is blonde For anyone who doesn't know, I am like almost white blonde hair.
I have this clip in fringe. I actually have one in right now. I love it.
Laura put it on the front of her head, and because you have brown.
Hair, it looked like a top deckch I also look like David Bowie.
I feel like we all have to go through that phase of life where you have a terrible haircut. I remember when I just thought that this was the coolest haircut, and I'm mortified when I see it now. I ended up with a nickname Lego Man.
I part so my less I already know what it looks.
My hair was jet black, like I had the darkest hair because I used to just died at home and it was just easier to get. It was called darkest brown, but it was basically black. And I cut a fringe that was straight, and then I cut it into a straight bob. It looks like Lord fark Wood. Yeah, I looked exactly. I looked like Lord Farquard and it was terrible and I was like hot, edgy Fashian and everyone was like, no, Lego Man.
But also every single person in their younger years has had a horrifying haircut, Like that's just like a ride of passage. I also do deeply remember the time when it was like normal for people in their like early twenties, late teens to dye their hair.
I also went through the home dying era. The problem with home.
Dies back then is that the color was so dense, Like the color was just dense and heavy, thickest color. It just yeah, it made your hair look like it was four D. There was so much color to it. But I had this one. So I had really long hair that I could almost sit on.
When I was little, my mum was so long.
My mum was so proud about the fact that both my sister and I had this like long, beautiful hair. So Mum would never let me get a cut. And I wanted a bob, like I wanted a bob so bad, and she was like, it's not happening anyway. She took me to the hairdresser and she got me a cut, but it was nowhere near short enough.
It was only like to my brasstrap.
And because I had divorced parents and I could play them off against each other. I then went to my dad's house the next weekend and I said, oh, Dad, Mum said I could get my haircut and need to get a trim, and he's like, oh, okay, yeah, no worries. Took me into Just Cuts and I sat in the chair at Just Cuts and my dad was like, oh, I'm going to go to the fishing shop. I'll come back in twenty minutes. And I was like, can I
get really short bob? And the woman was like, I don't know if your dad said that's okay, And I was like, yeah, so fine, so fait did you?
I had an undercut.
I went from hair that I could almost sit on to having a shaved undercut, and I thought it was so cool.
I was like, fucking up, did you undercut?
Did you?
Oh? Did you ask for the undercut or was that an accidental shave?
I asked for the bob to be so short that the only way to cut it is to shave up to the bob, like you have to shave up to the undercut.
I remember the time where that was really cool too.
It's like a fifty year old woman's hairstyle, or maybe like sixty year old woman's hairstyle.
I also used to when I or a fourteen.
Year old boys like it's one of the two. Laura had a fade.
I had a fade like Ben, but I was I was only like fifty. No, yeah, I was younger than that. I was like, no, that's I was. I was probably twelve or eleven.
I also remember before I could dye my hair, I was allowed to dye my hair. Everyone was dying it at school and I was like, please warm, and she was like, you're not dyeing your hair. I was in year six and my older brothers were allowed to bleach their hair.
Oh, that's a bit of a rough lot.
Well, they were older in high school, it was different. They have short hair. I was in year six and I had brown hair, and I remember they had some diet home and I was like, I'll just die a couple of strands and she won't know. But I had no idea how it worked. So I got, yeah, you know how they used to hate the name, but they
used to be called slut strips, like sluts. So I got these two slut strands of like they were a centimeter and there was I thought they were so thin, so I like wound the bleach down them, thinking that there would be such a subtle sul lit highlight.
Anyway, it was.
Like two centimeters strips of bleach down the front of my hair and that seat Mum was like, what the hell have you done? And I was like, I don't know how it happened.
I don't I don't know. It was so bad.
Oh, guys, I'm sure everyone has a story about their terrible hair.
We've all been there.
I have an update on something that I kind of accidentally discovered last ask on cut when.
You guys, I'm trying to think of the question that you were answering.
I don't even remember which question it was, but I remember having this revelation where I kind of interjected and I was basically I was like, wait, hang on a second, are you telling me that in a long term relationship, you guys still make out just for the purpose of making out, not needing it to go anywhere, not having it always lead to sex.
Or like, are you regularly doing this?
Yeah?
I just asked Laura. I just said, do you guys still make out in the kitchennel? No?
Your exact words were, I can't imagine you two ever making out, And I was like, we still make.
Out, yeah, with each of it.
Sorry, I mean without sex. I mean like, do you still just walk around and make out, have a session and then continue on.
Well, sometimes when you've got kids, you can't have the sex right after, so you make out and then like a book.
That was nice. That's not gonna anything, is it? See you twenty twenty six, we'll finish that off.
It was kind of for me one of those moments where I just realized that my reality is very different to some other people's because I could not tell you hand on my heart, I couldn't tell you the last time I made out with my boyfriend when it didn't lead to sex, and it's crazy.
I don't know if it's ever happened. I don't think it's crazy.
I think there's a lot of people who would share that similarity, especially after long term relationships, like the makeout sessions turn into PEX and the makeout sessions turn into only when it's gonna you know, time for more fun time.
And then people have sex without even kissing.
Now time for more fun times? What was that sex? It's okay, I'm a grown up.
I just have kids and sometimes I forget I'm allowed to speak like an adult on this podcast.
So we put a poll up, as you know, we love to do.
There were seven thousand people who responded to the poll, and thirty six percent of people are still making out in their long term relationship without having it lead to anything.
Yes, they're my people.
I do feel comfort in the fact that not really it almost always leads to sex. Is at sixty four opposite, So at least I'm in the majority.
But I got a couple of messages.
From people and they were like, why would I make out with my husband?
That to me is the problem. That to me is the problem and so funny.
I also got a message from Tara Oh, who we've had on the podcast before You Guys spoke with her about all things to do with like igniting the spark and all that kind of thing, and she was like, girlfriend, you need to be making out. And that was when I was I was kind of thinking, like, I know, you gave me homework. I did give you, I know, but I didn't do it because I felt you were like, because.
I was so frightened it would lead to set. I didn't want to give them the wrong impression.
No, it can't. That was the point.
It can't lead to sex. You have to go up, have a makeout and walk away, go go back to work. The whole point was the challenge Kija wonder.
I'm sorry, Ma, can you go to a sex club?
I'm just asking to kiss your So funny because I was the one that when You Guys spoke with Jessica, who owns a sex club in Sydney.
I remember at the time this is years ago, but I was the one who was like, yeah, okay, I'll go, like this will.
Be fun experiment because you won't even kiss your partner.
Come approved, No, you're like I'd rather go to the sex club. It's my boyfriend, that's the problem.
No, we don't want to blarring to hear that it doesn't it's fine, it's fine. I still ask the question, though, when does it change? Like when is that pivot in a long term relationship where you go from you know, having like just the passionate makeouts to going oh, can't be bothered?
Like when does it happen? It happen to a lot of people. But I think it's a slow burn.
I actually think it happens to most people at some point, Like, but I don't know if there's a specific day. I think it's a slow faded.
It's a Tuesday, it's once fine summer day.
I don't think there's a point in time or like a one year in three years, and I think it just just happens. Yeah, this is why I'll never live with my partner, so I'll always make out with him.
That's such a shame, isn't it? Keep the makeouts alive?
All right?
Well, let's get into vibes and unsubscribe before we answer your questions.
Britt, what is your.
Bab My vibe is on Apple TV. If you have Apple TV. It came out a couple of days ago, and it's called Number One on the Call Sheet. It's about the acting industry, it's about Hollywood, but it's a two part docu series, but it's specifically on black actors
in Hollywood. Episode one is just based around leading Hollywood Black men, So I'm talking the Rock, Eddie Murphy, Kevin Hart, Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington, Jamie Fox, Will Smith, all of the people that you would associate being with the top leading men in Hollywood. The second episode is exactly the same thing, but leading black women. So like the halle Berry, Viola Davis, will Be Goldberg, Cynthia and Revo Angela Bassett,
you get the gys. So they've basically gone through and found people that are absolutely killing it in the acting industry in Hollywood, and they interview them, and they interviewed them on all of their individual stories about how they got to where they did, but also the challenges they faced being black in the industry, what they had to do to fight for a seat at the table to
be looked at to be a leading person. So number one on the call sheet, what that actually means is if you are number one on your acting call sheet. It means you you are the highest paid actor and means you are the leading person. So some people don't know, but you get ranked, so there are you know. Some of these actors have come out saying I was always number twelve or thirteen. Sometimes I didn't get a name.
It was like, you know, this man whatever. And it not only goes through how hard it was, it also some of them found it really easy. So I think was Eddie Murphy was saying, I'm in the minority. I had one audition in my entire.
Life because it always just got cast.
For Saturday Night Live, and then it was just the easiest thing for him. From there, But other people talking about the struggles and how far we've got to come. But they also speak a lot about their personal life too, So The Rock is really honest about why his first marriage deteriorated. Will Smith talks a lot about where he went wrong with his daughter Willow Smith.
Interesting that they've got so many like high flying celebrities to be a part of it, every.
Single leading black person basically, so Apple TV number one on the call sheet. I personally loved it. It's just two docuseries.
My vibe this.
Week is one of I'm actually going to say it, it's one of the best podcast episodes I have ever listened to in my entire life.
It is the recent.
Episode of Diary of a CEO with Logan Yuri, who is the behavioral scientist from him.
She's been on the podcast a bunch of times.
Very coincidentally, her episode of Cloud came out on Dating An ADHD last Thursday.
But was equally the best episode Kesh's ever listen.
And to show his life episodes of She was on Chloe Kardashian's podcast the week before Diary the CEO, and so I was like, Wow, Logan, you're really big guns. Cloud's the third one, you know, the big one leading the world.
We had a first We've spoken to Logan quite a few times. What makes this the best episode? It was with Prof g So Scott Galloway.
You guys have heard me recommend his podcast a couple of times as well. He's the guy who I spoke about his podcast because I was like, he's an easy entry for me to the world of finance, and I just love the way that the two of them discussed this. The episode is called Masculinity Debate, Our dating apps, creating in cells. Lonely men are more dangerous than ever. This episode is really long, It's nearly two and a half hours.
It is basically a debate between Logan and Scott. However they agree on most things, but they have so many incredible statistics to back it up, and like listening to the episode, yes, it is a little bit alarming about what is going on in our world at the moment.
This is obviously quite topical because there was a recently this report published called Lost Boys, and it was basically all about what's going wrong with the generation of men that are coming through now and with the boys who are growing up and adolescence has obviously been the number one TV show in the world, so this is a particularly interesting thing, I think for a lot of people to try and examine the reasons that you know, men are failing in society and the things that are causing
for them to feel like they don't have a sense of purpose and why are they finding these internet people to align with, Why can't they find dates, why can't they have sex with people? And there was this really interesting part where Scott was talking about, you know, if a man doesn't live with a partner or have a long term relationship by the time they're thirty, there is a one in three chance that that person will experience
substance abuse issues. And Logan's rebuttal to that was, Okay, that might be a statistic, but like, it's also not a woman's role to have to emotionally raise men, so like, how do we intervene? And I just found it one of the most interesting and brilliant conversations. They are both so incredibly intelligent, and I think that this is an episode. Not only did I feel as though I was like, Wow, I'm so glad I now know these things, but if I was a parent of a boy, this is a must.
It is an absolute must for you to listen to this.
But also the interesting thing about that as well, in terms of like men being more inclined if they've reached thirty and not had a relationship with a woman, I'd be interested to know what the return statistics are that are for women who reach thirty and haven't had a
significant relationship with a man. It's like the patriarchy affects everyone you know negatively, but also I guess it's like almost that there should be this expectation of not pity, but like taking care of responsibility for and that just seems so misplaced.
Yeah, it's interesting because there are obviously a lot of problems that are happening with the rise of feminism and the rights that women have gained, a lot of men feel as though they don't have a purpose in the world anymore.
You know.
They go through a lot of statistics about when women earn more, when they're more educated, and like everything is on the up and up, and Scott is the first person to say that is brilliant.
We are not saying that this needs to change, but we need.
To adapt other parts of society. How are we creating connection for men? How are we creating men's groups, How are we creating a sense of purpose? How are we redefining what masculinity means?
How are we going to.
Fix this problem? Because we've got all of these really massive issues at the moment, and he's not saying how are women going to fix it? He's the first person to say, how are men going to fix this? But it's something that I think we all kind of need to be aware of so that we can work out
ways that we are contributing to it. You know, there were so many statistics about dating and relationships in this where eighty percent of women will set their filters on dating apps to be six foot and above, but that's only fourteen percent of adult men. And so they were talking about, you know, the top ten percent of men on dating apps are getting ninety percent of the people.
Swiping right on the yes.
You know.
It was just it was absolutely fat. I mean, that's the stat that's said in adolescents itself. He was like, you know, only twenty percent of the I can't remember exactly what it was, but something around the lines of like only twenty percent of the men get like eighty percent of the women or something like that, you know, which is just I.
Don't know, I think that that's the same On the other side, I don't know how I feel about the stats, because we were talking about how to mediocre men have these ludicrously high standards and get these amazing women, Like we had this whole conversation about it, not on the podcast,
so don't go back and look for that episode. It was just a conversation between friends off the back of substack, yeah, or it was off the back of a substack, was it was an interesting conversation to have, and maybe it's something that we do need to unpack more. I want to listen to that episode and maybe we can all unpack it because it sounds fascinating. But from what you've said, like I feel like I have a strong visceral reaction to some of the things you've said.
Yeah, I think maybe.
Something that we could potentially unpack on a future episode is this idea of red pill men. It's a kind of a term that's being thrown around a bit in the culture, and it was thrown around in this episode. And that's why I ended up going and googling it because I didn't completely understand. But I think we would all find it quite fascinating. And yeah, like I said, it's a really long one. It's on YouTube, It's on wherever you get your podcasts. It's the episode of Diary of CEO Masculinity.
Debate with Prof. G Scott Galloway.
And Logan Yuri, and I cannot recommend it more awesome.
I have an unsubscribe which comes very infrequently, and it's something that we've been discussing here.
I am unsubscribing.
From April Fools Jokes and The reason why I'm unsubscribing this year is because I feel like, maybe it's just me, maybe it's my algorithm, but the increase in influences and people working in media who have jumped on the April Fools band, and I just find it a.
Little bit l I hate it.
Sorry to anyone who works in me that I was not pointed at any specific person.
I just saw a few of them.
And I was like, I mean, your husband did do one.
Yeah, I mean I pointed to him as well. I was like a man describing my husband.
Do you know why I didn't like it because I just feel like it's in a way I don't want to say lost its meaning, because that's not right. It still has its meaning. I just don't like that. Yesterday, by the end of the day, I was so pissed off that every single thing I saw on every single platform, whether it was mainstream news, huge brands, small people, influences, every single thing I saw. There was nothing that I saw that was real, but I thought it was. And by the end of the day, I just I was
just say angry. I was like, I'm just sick of the internet.
Today.
See, I felt kind of different because I had seen so many, and I instantly knew so many of them were April Fools jokes, and maybe because we'd spoken about it in the morning, so I was very.
Conscious that it was April Fools.
I just stopped engaging with social media that day because I was like, I'm not going to believe anything anything that seemed like slightly exceptional or was like an announcement or was a breakup post or Most of them are harmless and I don't have like any strong feelings. They're just kind of a bit annoying. I'm like, ahah, here we go again, another one.
But there were a couple that I saw.
One in particular, she is an influencer but also an incredible entrepreneur who I follow online based out of America, and she is I don't want to give the handle away because I don't want to like start more of a pilongs that's already happening. But basically, she's a real advocate in the space for being childless by choice. Her and her husband talk about it all the time, that they've made really considered decisions around not wanting to have kids.
She's very vocal in that space, and then posted about how her and her husband were having a baby, and a few people in the comments were obviously like, is this April Fools. A lot of people were congratulating, And then I'd seen it and thought, if that's an April Fool's stroke, that's a really bad one. Like that's like one thing or one of many things you just don't
joke about. And she posted a photo of herself with the caption saying I fucked up, and it set it on the picture as well, and she was like, look, you know, for so many years I've been asked around whether I am or I'm not going to have children, people of so publicly and quiet into my life and my choices around around having kids, and I just never thought that the alternate was that there are so many women who want children and can't have them, and so making a joke out of this would be tone deaf.
And I was just kind.
Of in my like when I saw this, I was like, Okay, appreciate the responsibility. Like it's so great that people acknowledge that sometimes April Fool's jokes are not funny because they're not punching across they're just punching down on people.
I was like aren't we past the point where.
Things like this could even be thought of as being a good idea for an April Fool's joke.
It does seem weird in twenty twenty five that we're still doing the pregnancy jokes. Like maybe it's just been the algorithms that we've watched over the years. There's been many people the last five six years that have made the mistake of doing that April Fool's joke, have learned the dead lesson, and I felt like that was really public. I felt like by the time, how open we are with the pregnancy discussions or the infertility discussions. And I don't say weez in US, I see weez in a
society and online. You'd think people would have learned by now that there are like a few no go zones for April fools and that is absolutely like up there with the top of them.
Yeah, obviously brands are all jumping on board. It's definitely a big influencer thing at the moment. People have social media profiles. I saw the increase this year than last year and years in the past, and I think that, you know, next year, it's going to be something that we see more and more of I just don't find them particularly amusing. And maybe I'm on my own on that. I'm happy to be a gringe, but I just kind of was like, I'm bored by this.
I completely agree, and I think that as technology advances with AI and the ability to create something that looks super real, they're going to get more and more extreme and.
They're going to look more and more real.
And like, I know that I'm probably taking this a little bit too seriously, but for me looking at social media yesterday and how believable some of the things were, it was that reminder to myself that I'm like, wow, we actually can be fed so much bullshit, deceived and not so easily. Some brands did it, and the jokes were funny, you know. I saw Shopo created a glow in the dark dress for your friend that you always lose in the club so that you'll be able to find them.
That's funny.
It's Hilaire, in line with what they do. It doesn't hurt anybody, like say, and.
It's very much like you said, I think the big part of that is it's in line with the brand. It's when people do things that's really rogue and outside of like what their core values are.
Or believable, like really believable in the wrong way.
Yeah, and then turn around and go psych that's not us anyway. It's like, but why for what point? I like that one because I think it's very much in line. But yeah, I'm just not an April Fools person the end.
All right, Well, let's get into the questions question number one. I've freshly started dating again, but after being treated pretty poorly in my last relationship, I'm unfortunately a bit scared and always preemptively looking for reasons why a relationship won't work out, sometimes before we even have a first date. That my friend is called self sabotage. One thing I find really strange is men who have quite public profiles on social media and are very into creating and curating
photos and content. It's weird because the traits I am attracted to, which is like motivated, inspired, outgoing active, tend to be the kind who posts a lot on social media. So it does feel like some thing I might need to get over. But I wonder how Laura found navigating her relationship in the public eye at first, and if she ever felt the ick from any of Matt's posts
when they originally started dating. Basically, she's saying she's got the ick from men that she's dating that are like influences that are like, hey, can you take this photo of me here? And I'm going to do this and I'm going to look away, and like the very curated Instagram influencer photos is what's giving her the ear.
Yeah, I guess, well, firstly, I don't think Matt's Instagram is particularly curated, Like he's not really the type of person that's posting hot photos. If anything, it's like dumb, funny content. But he's had a real transition in his content because when we first started dating, he was more of your traditional influencer. I guess we're both trying to figure out, like what was Instagram to us as people who had never used it before but now had a
social media following. And I think it's an interesting one because I feel like social media we are very gendered with it, and it's exactly I think that this is point and case an affirmation of that we're okay with women doing it, but we don't like men doing it. With women being influencers, we find it weird when mental influencers we don't quite understand. And I don't mean this just as in like women having that perspective of men who post, men also have that perspective of other men
who post. And I honestly couldn't tell you the amount of times where like we've left a party or a dinner or Matt meeting new people and he's been like, it's so hard for me to explain to people what I do for a job, and so I always just fall back on the podcast and say, oh, I have a podcast, Go.
Two dotting dads.
You know, he doesn't make his majority income through the podcast. He makes his majority income as a content creator working alongside brands. But most people, especially other men, don't understand. They cannot wrap their head around a man doing that for an income. And I think it's because traditionally the world of social media has been very much reserved for women and how we use it.
Did he give me the ick? No, he doesn't give me the ick at all.
I actually think it's incredibly creative how he's able to use it. He doesn't care about like what people say in and if anything, he has very funny come back and witty responses to things when people write stuff that's quite mean, Matt never retaliates in a way that has venom. He always retaliates in a way that's very, very self deprecating and really joking. And I think that that's such a beautiful quality because sometimes I react in a way that's like, hey, screw you, how dare you say that?
But I think that this is something that you should get over. I mean, obviously there's a limit to it. There's some people that post every single part of their lives and they post things that are just incredibly cringe. We've all seen the person who's hogged at the sunset.
Maybe you've been on holidays a sunset no, I mean this.
I remember being on holidays in Bali, sitting in a nice restaurant and this one couple just took four hundred photos of themselves literally blocking everybody else's beautiful view of the sunset because they were taking social media content.
And I was like, that is I mean, it's so annoying. That is annoying. I want to take away for that would give me the oic.
Yeah, taking away from the fact firstly that the that you're getting these content creation is an ick whatever it is. If you get an ick from something it's pretty hard to get over. So your ick is a guy that creates too much content. Firstly, if you can get over that, great, If you can't, don't date someone that is in content creation. That's what I want to say, but that I do feel you in a way, so and I say that
because sometimes you can't help it. But I remember and I know that you guys, remember I was dating this guy a couple of years ago, very briefly.
His content was cringe, but it was like, hang on even talking about the same person are but he was great, but he was very He definitely had this life on social media that he was trying to present himself a certain way, which is I don't have a problem with it, but I had the problem with how much it meant to him.
But when I say how much it meant to him, it's because it was things like I remember he would do really nice, lovely things for me, which was great, and he was a really nice person. But then and I'll use the example of like he sent me this beautiful, big bunch of flowers and it was lovely, and then he came over and he was like, do you love them? And I was like, I love them? So much. They are stunning. It was something like a hundred like it was one hundred roses or something.
It was huge.
It would have cost him a lot. We hung out for a couple of hours and then he was like, are you going to post that? And that was the moment literally, and I don't even know if he remembers it, but that was the moment in me where I was like, Oh, your life isn't real, Like you didn't actually want to give me those because you want to give me them. You wanted to make a moment that you could post
on social media. And that was the moment where I was like, Okay, cool, we have very different ideas around our lives and our private lives.
And you're like, and I'm also not ready to go public with you, so no.
And I was like and I was like, I was like, yeah, I might post some Yeah.
Do you know what this reminds me though, of that really good quote. There's a big difference between doing things in your life and posting it on social media versus doing things in your life so that you.
Can post it on social media. Yeah, really really different intention.
And I think that's why you were like, Oh, the intention here is really different.
I think it comes down to authenticity though, right, Like, if you meet a guy and he's super out, goal and he's you know, motivated, inspired, active, all these things that you mentioned that you like in someone and he posts on social media, if is his authentic version. I
hate that word, but it's true. If he's authentically himself on social media and also is the same person in real life, then I don't think you'll get the ick because I think that you'll be like, oh, it's so congruent with the person he is that it's kind of just like an extension of his personality. But if he's posting things and you look at it and you're like, oh my god, you're a fucking try hard, like, that's
a very different perception. My only thing I do want to say is is like, it's so obvious that you're trying to pick apart and look for things that you don't like in someone. You even said, unfortunately, I'm a bit scared and always premptively looking for reasons why relationship won't work out, even before the first date. I do think that that's something that you probably have to recognize
in yourself, and if you're getting the dick too, easily. Yes, it's easy for us to say, well, when you got the ick, you got the ick, but you can't get the ick about everything and you do have to work on that. If that's the case, and power through it, I think totally.
But I also think it comes down to in these situations, like how much does it take over their life? Are you going somewhere and he's like, Hey, this looks like it'd be a great post. Can you get a picture of me there? You get the picture and it's done. You get a picture of the food and it's done. Or is he the four hundred person at the sunset? But is he the person that.
Like the sunset hog? I would get the ick.
One hundred percent if my partner was like, you take some photos of me here then came over and was like, oh take them better, goes back, goes back. If this was going on for forty five minutes, I'd be like, this isn't the life I want to live. But if he's happy to get his content and be like this is this would be cool. Let's make a great post.
Let's do this and then it's done, And then he doesn't sit there and look at his phone and edit his photos and edit the videos over dinner, and if it's not consuming his whole life, then yeah, get over it.
But if it is, it's interesting, isn't it, though, Because like that's what a lot of women do, Like a lot of women do that for their social media profile.
One hundred percent. But I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with that woman either. So if you're both two content creators that want to go take your photos and videos and then sit down at dinner and edit together, there's nothing wrong with that, but you both have to just be on board with it.
I think I'm a hypocrite with this because my boyfriend hasn't posted on Instagram since like twenty twenty one or something that's hot, and I've this is whenever I say that to people, like to other women, to other girls, they're like, oh, that's such a green flag, and I agree.
And yet I'm here being like.
Post post post post post, post, my upfits, post everything. And I realize that it's hypocritical because I have different standards for what I want in a partner.
To what I actually put out. But I will.
Admit it really was something that made me attracted to him because I was like cool, you don't care about that, you don't feel the need to get validation through people on Instagram like must be nice?
Yeah, I mean you did ask one more question, and this is does having an Instagram slash TikTok presence imply anything about someone that I should avoid?
I don't think so.
No.
I think a lot of people use social media now for many many reasons. I think what we've established is that it's how they engage with their social media. I don't think that someone having you know, a following or posting what they're doing in their day, so long as it doesn't consume their life is a big deal. The only time when I would disagree with that is when it is their job. So like for Matt, it is his job. He spends a lot of time creating content for social media, but he gets paid to do so.
And so at the same way that a lot of people spend time at their physical work working at nine to five, he has allocated time for writing content, coming up with skits, filming skits, like he has designated work hours that he does that for And so I can't turn around and be like, oh god, he spends so much time on social media I'm like, it's his.
Job, but it also doesn't imply anything. Having an Instagram and a TikTok that's literally every single person. It's almost a red flag. If someone doesn't, you're like, what are you hiding?
I don't know what do you got?
But like, having someone that has social media is absolutely not a red flag because it's every person. You're a minority if you don't have it.
Yeah, I agree, I agree, all right. Question two. I've been with my husband for three years.
A couple of years ago, he opened up to me about enjoying prostate stimulation and told me he never told anyone or done it with any partner before. He said he wasn't comfortable doing it with me at the time. Now, a little while later, he told me he decided that he was ready to give it a crack.
I was crack. He was ready for me to put it up the crack.
I was really happy that he felt comfortable and was really open to doing anything that made sex even better for him. He said he'd like to go to a sex shop to buy a toy, but I didn't push that. Last night, when we were having sex, he suddenly brought out quite a large dildo. I'm talking like six inches and a replica of a penis and balls. I was quite taken aback as there wasn't much warning, but I was still okay with him to use it while we
had sex. Afterwards, he told me he went by himself to buy it a couple of weeks ago because he felt more comfortable going into a sex shop without me, and he was open about trying it out a couple of times by himself first. There is a lot I'd like to ask him about, like why would he select a dildo that is really phallic as opposed to like
an anal plug or just a plain dildo. But even asking him about when he bought it made him really shy, and I don't want to undo any of the progress he's made to do something that I imagine would have been difficult for him. What would you do in this situation?
I don't think this situation has to be a big deal at all. Obviously he's quite shy and reserved, but he's come out to you saying like, hey, I want to try something new, which I think is great. He has been open about the fact that he felt more comfortable buying it on his own he's tried out in his own I also think that he is okay, like it's okay for people to masturbate and do what they want in private, and maybe he wanted to make sure he liked it before he introduced it to you and
had further conversations. Would I personally find it strange if my partner not wanted to try butt stuff, that's fine. But if my partner wanted to try it with a replica of a penis as opposed like a big six inch as opposed to starting with the butt plugs and smaller things, would I have questions? Absolutely? But it doesn't have to be negative questions, and it doesn't have to be like accusatory. It's just a conversation. And you said
you're curious. He's your husband. You can have those conversations. I'd just be saying, why did you go for this? Have you ever tried butt plugs first? Have you other other things you want to try in this situation, Even if he's shy, that's not a reason to not have a conversation. You're married to the guy that has gone out and bought a six inch dick with balls. It's okay to ask, like it's okay. I don't think it's like, I fully agree.
I also think it's not an indicator of something to be worried about, because, like, I think a lot of people listening or like the reading between the lines is like, oh, like, does that indicate that maybe he's bisexual, or that he likes you know, that he's maybe wanting to do other things. I think he just likes butt play, and he probably I mean, who knows. Maybe it's a fetish, maybe it's something that he finds super attractive.
Obviously he does. I think it's okay to ask questions.
I think it's okay to be like, hey, it does feel a little bit like we went from zero to one hundred. Is there any sort of like, you know one, what do you like?
What don't you like?
Is there a specific reason why this is more referred for you or feels better for you? I think you can have those conversations, because, like, if he's been comfortable enough to bring it to you, if he's been comfortable enough to try it and to talk about trying it, it does sound like he's been pretty damn open with you, and so as much as like you don't want to
make him shy. There probably are questions that you feel a bit embarrassed or uncomfortable to ask as well, because it does sound like he is being really open and honest. And I keep coming back to it, is that is this like fear that she must be feeling around like, well, where did this come from? And I guess like maybe ask yourself. Yes, you might have curiosities around some of the questions that you want to ask, But what are you going to do with the answers or the outcome?
Like if he's like, oh, yeah, I've been using butt plugs for the last five years, what difference is that going to make to you?
Like is that going to make you upset? Is that going to make you feel validated?
Like?
What will that do?
Because I mean, even if he has or he hasn't been, I feel like, now you know that that's something he wants to incorporate into his sex life, Like is it a big deal for you? And I guess like, only you can answer that question.
I don't think it has to be a big deal. I think it's just important to know if three years in the relationship, currently being pleasuring himself in a way that you had no idea about it's just information. Information is knowledge and power. And for me, he has told you that he enjoys it. It's not abnormal for a man to enjoy the prostate stimulation, like that's that is very enjoyable.
Fine, Yeah, And I don't think it's that. I think that it's the reaction to the object he's chosen. I think that's like, yeah, I think it's like, Okay, of all the things that you could choose if you're into butt play, there is something that probably for her feels a bit intimidating by it being a replica of a penis. Yeah, and there is far more implications in that that probably makes her be like, Okay, is this a conversation we need to have?
And that's where I feel like this question is circling.
Do you think it also could be that because it does seem like quite a jump. I think naturally you would have a bit of a question of like, Okay, well I didn't I didn't know about any of the steps that kind of happened in between here, So is there other things that I.
Don't know about totally?
You know, like, and I don't think that I don't think you've been at all judgmental. I don't think that having that as a natural curiosity is a particularly judgmental thing.
I think it's just.
Quite a normal feeling to be like, oh, I've just found out this thing that I feel like is quite far down the line in terms of this compared to where I thought things were. Maybe there's other things I don't know about, so maybe asking those questions actually will validate you in a sense where it's just like, Okay, now I feel a little bit more like there's less question marks around other things. And I'm not implying that he's been doing anything dodgy. It's just I can understand
why you would feel a little bit confronted. I also think that if we flipped this and let's say, like a lot of women like to incorporate vibrates into the bedroom, but if you had said, in a while, I would like to incorporate a vibrator or something like that, and then all of a sudden, you turned up, however, far in the future, and you had a twelve inch vibrating.
Huge phallic object that would probably.
Be intimidating to the other partner, you know, Like, I think that it's it's also based off of the type of toy. And I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that. If that's what you want to do, that's fine, And we wouldn't judge the fact that maybe you'd use
smaller vibrators on yourself. But I think that we have to be reasonable about how to we get from ada Z. Yeah, and like what we're expecting the partner to react, you know, Like I would find that a bit of like a oh okay, I just feel like I've gone from being you know, in year one to being in year twelve.
That's going from year one to pegging him like a ten. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Like, I think the advancement of it is what would probably put me on the back foot a little bit, like wow, okay, this kind of came out of nowhere.
Yeah.
It's definitely the size and the phallicness when there were other choices. That's the thing that's taken by the surprise. She's known for years, three years that he likes butt play. He's always said that, but he never wanted to bring it in. So I think she probably assumed butt play was a butt plug or something smaller. So when a big, giant penis came out.
She was like, just wasn't expecting it.
So I think it's one hundred percent okay for you to be like, hey, just wasn't expecting it. Let's chat about it, like that's that's so fine, but let us.
Know that after my FID, I know I need to know.
Okay, next quest I need to know, is this the biggest of toys that he whipped out first?
Imagine if there's more.
That's him starting smaller, if he started.
From the bottom he was like I did start. He's like, I did start little. That's my smallest one. All right?
How much should I take into account my partner's parents in my relationship. I love my partner and I feel like he is the one, but I'm concerned about his father, who is very close with and we see often. My partner's father is a misogynist, constantly making derogatory comments about women. He supports Trump, he says things about being homophobic, and he comments on people's bodies and wait quite a lot. This is particularly triggering for me as I have struggled
with an eating disorder in the past. My partner doesn't make these comments, but when his dad says these things, he also doesn't respond, and that's what bothers me. He never brings it up with me afterwards either, So I'm worried my partner might have similar views deep down because that's how he's been raised. But I'm scared to bring it up because he is so close to his dad. They're a big Greek family. I don't want to be offensive. Am I overthinking it? What should I do? What would you do?
This is a tricky one because I mean, obviously you don't want to just rule out your boyfriend because his parent is problematic. But I think it's important to have conversations with your boyfriend to figure out if his views are the same, because then that will be a really
key sign and a key indicator. I think there are a lot of people that are close to their parents, but they don't necessarily agree with their parents, or agree with the things and the political views or the perspectives of their parents, even though they can love them and have a good relationship with them. So for me, if I was in this situation, I think the very first thing I would do would be to have conversations with him to really drill down. Okay, well, what is it
that you think of women? What is it that you think of racism?
What is it like?
Where do our values align? And it sounds like you actually aren't sure yet whether your values and your boyfriend's values are aligned. I don't know how long you've been dating for. It may be an early relationship and he might still be on best behavior with you because he might be trying to present himself as a version of himself that you will like. So that's why it's so important to have these conversations, especially after his dad has done things and said things and shown a version that
you just don't like and don't accept. Definitely, don't think that you should rule out being in a relationship with someone just because their parents sucks, you know, because we're not always a direct reflection about parents.
I think you're overthinking, you've said them overthinking. You're absolutely overthinking whether you can have this chat to him about it. That's the number one thing you should chat about. If his dad says something horrific or derogatory or homophobic at the dinner table, you go home and you say, hey, what did you think when your dad said this? What
do you think about that? That is an absolutely baseline normal discussion for me, and I think if you're worried about being offensive, which you have said, then that's not the relationship for you, because I wouldn't be in a relationship if my partner's family were making racist, homophobic jokes constantly and my partner agreed with those. You don't have to have a partner that goes up against his family.
That is fine, but you need to know where he stands, like you don't want to cause a rift where he has to sit there and fight them at the dinner table. It might be something he's been battling for a long time. He knows he's going to disagree with them, so they
just let it slide. That's fine, but you have to make sure that you align on those views or the relationship isn't going to go anywhere you've said you think he's the one, You can't know he's the one if you haven't had the conversation, if your morals aligned yet. I truly believe that.
Yeah, And I also think I know you say you don't want to make anything uncomfortable. I actually would question, and maybe it would be good to like have a little think about it. I question whether it's about making things uncomfortable or whether you're worried about getting an answer you don't like because that's a very different response. Right, So are you scared to bring this up in case
your partner says, oh, you're overreacting. Dad's great, Like, there's nothing what he said is fine, because that means you have to do something. That means you have to actually consider that maybe your values don't align. So that's going to be real uncomfortable for everyone because you'll have to take action. I really, and this is not just for
this question. This is for everyone, Like, don't avoid hard conversations that are going to get you to your end destination faster, because it's either going to mean your relationship is rock solid and you know that they're the one, you don't just think that they're the one, or it's going to show you that actually your values are not aligned and you're wasting time with someone who in five years, six years time, you're going to realize is misogynistic, supports
people that you don't support, thinks it's okay to make jokes about people's bodies and weights when that's something that's really struggled and has been like really triggering for you. Like there's so many parts of this that I think like finding out sooner rather than later is really important.
The other thing, though, is if your partner knows that eating disorders and conversations around weight is something that is triggering for you, if you've had that conversation with him, then I do think that that is something he probably should stand up to his dad about and not in front of you, but just say hey, dad, like, this is a really tricky thing for if you can be a bit more sensitive about way because it's something that's been like a really really hard thing in her life.
That is a considered response of a partner who cares about your feelings. And I think, you know, don't write off the relationship until you know, but don't be fearful of asking the questions that will allow you to really understand and get closer to your partner. I think it's really important. Okay, next question, how soon is too soon? I came out of a six year relationship with my ex. We ended on good terms as it was a mutually agreed thing and things weren't working out.
He is definitely more upset.
About it than I am, though I've known for over a year that we should end it, but was holding on hope that things would improve. Now, one month on from our breakup, I met someone who I've instantly clicked with and I get the feeling he is the one. But is it too soon? Should I take more time to heal and move on? I was not expecting to find someone so soon, and I met this guy completely by accident. I had no intention of seeing anyone so soon.
No one ever felt so perfect for me, though. But I'm really worried it's happening so fast after my breakup.
It's way too soon.
You never know. Bullshit? You know what I say?
It is not too soon to date. No, that's fine. You can date the week after, especially like when you've checked out this relationship earlier. But after six years with someone, you've just met someone and one month in you're saying that they're the one. That is too soon? And now it is someone that has fallen in love with someone over a weekend. I will say that I didn't say he was but I didn't say he was the one after a week and I didn't come out of a
six year relationship. There are definitely some feelings that you may not have processed after a six year relationship. YEA and quite often. We can hold on to something very quickly when it feels amazing. This would feel amazing. It's something new after being with someone for six years, it's something new.
It's so early.
There's chemistry, there's attraction, there's things that are going to feel I imagine your last relationship the last few years probably felt a little bit dead, dry and boring. You checked out. It was long term. This is going to feel amazing. People are on their best behavior on the first month, definitely the honeymoon stage. Chemistry can lie. We know that go forth date this person if you want to, but don't go and date them with intention that they're
going to be the one. That's what I would say now, I would just not lock yourself into something too soon. I definitely would try and hook up with some other people in the interim, just to like get some stuff out of your system in case this person is the one and then you're locked down for the rest of your life.
I just think, slow it down, you've said, as it moving too fast. Yes, pump the brakes, pump the breaks. You're in control of the speed of their You can go on one day to week, or one day to fortnite or you know, I think it's very easy when you spent six years with someone and then not be alone at all, to instantly replace them with someone else. Like it's almost the definition of monkey branching, just straight into the next exciting, big thing that comes along.
Is it common? I mean a lot of people know a lot of.
People monkey branch, and in my experience, it doesn't work out well. It's very exciting for a short period of time, and then you know you haven't resolved or fixed the things that you wanted to fix or the you know, even necessarily figured.
Out what's the right type of person for you.
And you've just done six years in a relationship with someone who ended up not being the right person for you.
That's a really long time.
And it's been four weeks, yeah, twenty eight days.
I was twenty eight days.
Yeah, I would say, And you've only been broken up for four weeks, which means you didn't meet him, you haven't even known him for four weeks. I would say, if you're having feelings of like this person could be the one to me, that's an alarm bell and that's a red flag. That's not an indicator that this is necessarily a good idea. I'm not saying don't explore it. It's really hard to deny those excitement and the butterflies
and everything else when you met someone new. Absolutely explore it, but explore it with your eyes wide open to what it could be.
And also just slow it down.
You don't need to go straight into a full time relationship, which is something that we can often be guilty of doing when we've come out of a full on relationship because we only know how to operate in full monogamy and commitment. That's not how you have to be now. You don't know this person, you don't owe them anything. You can just calm it. I also get down to the dating level, not to the instant relationship level, the one level.
Yeah, to the one level. Yeah.
I also think if you have said quote should I take more time to move on, that means that you haven't moved on yet. So the answer is yes, you don't need to be fully moved on and heal to date, not just to go out and enjoy it, to hook up, have sex, have situationships.
You can.
I believe you can do that simultaneously. Sometimes it helps you to move on. But I think trying to get into a relationship with someone a couple of weeks after that you think is the one. If you haven't healed and moved on, that is a recipe for disaster. I do think you need to be ready for a proper relationship with somebody that you think is going to be your person forever.
Don't get me wrong.
I know that there are people who have gotten out of a relationship, met someone really soon, and then they're with them for forever.
Like I mean, to be fair, I think my sister is kind of a version of that.
Of course, it happened, and it happens, and this could be the case, but it's going to be the case regardless of speed, Like it'll be the case even if you slow things down or don't slow things down. I just think, like, give yourself some buffer so that you're not going headfirst into some and then getting so deep and so caught up in the emotion of it that you can't make sensible decisions. And also, it's not like you owe your ex partner anything. I know that you
guys are obviously separated. You can do whatever you want, but like do it with some kindness, you know, Like I don't know, I do think that there is a kind way of navigating post breakup, and then there's a really selfish and hurtful way of navigating post breakup. And I think like flaunting a new relationship four weeks after a six year, long term, committed relationship would be incredibly hurtful, and so I would say, do it all with kindness.
You don't have to do that for forever. But like this is, you're in like the red hot zone post breakup.
You can't have been with him more than two or three weeks because there's only been a month since you broke up then you met him.
Unless he was the reason that the breakup actually kept year.
I wasn't expecting to find someone so soon after I met him completely by accent you just to say, no one ever felt so perfect for me. You truly, I just don't care what anyone's says. It is impossible to know someone wholeheartedly after two weeks. They're just not their honest version of themselves. That's not to say he is not the most incredible person, but you haven't gone through the process yet. You haven't seen how they argue. You
haven't seen how they are with their family. You probably haven't got the bottom of to their morals or seen how they treat other people in their life. There are so many things that you don't know about a person. You can know enough to know the feeling is good and you're like, oh, there could definitely be something here, but I do reckon that you need to slow it down.
Continue to date him for sure. Like the feeling is there, that is absolutely fine, but just do it without the pressure and the expectation of him being the one.
Just go forth with caution, everybody. And that's it from us, guys. That's asking Cut.
If you have any questions to asking Cut for next week, slide on into the dms at Life on Cut podcasts on our Instagram. Go and follow the instagram page as well, and also you can join the discussion group on Facebook.
And also I'm going to Italy to see Bann in two days time. Whoo.
How excited are you?
Yep?
So next time you hear from me, guys, I'm middle b Os week for the updates.
Brittany and Italy is coming here next week anyway, guys.
That's it. Mask to you, Mum, to your dad, to you, DOT, to your friends and she the love because we love love