Welcome back, guys to another episode of Life on Cut.
It is Therapy Thursday, and this is our Ask Uncut edition. This is where you, guys writing all your questions. Some are super deep and super heavy, some are a little bit more lighthearted and relatable. Either way, we can't get enough of them, and we are here to help.
That was a good intro.
Admitt it.
You don't know where to go from there.
Yeah, you really stunned me. No, I'm also getting over the fact that we did try and just record another intro and I just had one of those moments where my brain was thinking and my mouth was doing something completely different, and it happened about seven times in a row, so literally it was the biggest brain fit I've ever seen. Yeah, we may have to cool an ambulance if this continue.
And then also we just realized that we weren't actually recording with one of the microphones, so I was legitimately just talking to myself for four minutes. So you didn't glance down and look at that, we would have done a whole episode of you talking to yourself. That would have been like a normal day in my life. That is how it goes from the minute I wake up
to the minute I go to bed. Oh guys, we look not a lot has happened in our life between our last episode, because we only recorded Tuesday's episode last night.
Speak to yourself. I read a great article today about how a man in Odaha is Odahara plays utah.
No, it's like Idaho.
I'm from Oldaha. Idaho ate one hundred and fifty seven blueberries in a minute. So that was my highlight. Is that a record? Yes, it's a Guinness record. This man actually has multiple Guinness records. I don't know how I stumbled onto this article. I reckon I who do that? One hundred and fifty seven blueberries in a minute? Very's a pretty small You have to eat them though. You can only pick them up with one hand and eat them one at a time.
Oh that's different.
I just picking them up to me into like shoving my face in hoover the punnety. Oh that's different because then that's more about being speeding on zalees with like fine motor skills. That's what he said. He's like, it's all about skill speed, so much skill to eat blueberries in a minute. So yeah, look, you know what my day has been wild. This guy's a blueberry farmer, isn't he. No, he just lives in Odah, lives in a far off, magical,
made up place. I love that. Wow. Anyway, So yeah, these are the people who you trust to give their unqualified opinions on your problems. Thank you for coming to my therapy session. Okay, and that's us out. I actually have a question that someone in my life brought to me today and I am going to bring it to you. Are we going to bounce the person? Not? Okay? Very discreet?
All right?
Almost like okay, you have to bear with me in this tall tale because I almost feel like it was out of a movie. If I didn't know if someone wrote this in, I would have called their bluff and said no way, But they didn't. It's come from a reliable source. This is my friend asking me today, and it's his friend, so it's not him. He's like, look, I want your opinion on this. All these guys went out this big group of friends, okay, and they're all foreign,
they're all from overseas, they're all different travelers. But they've been living here for a few years, and you know what it's like. They all want to move here. Everyone wants to move to Australia. He's a bit of this guy. The friend's a bit of a like a player. He's really smooth with the ladies. He's thirty. He sees his girl at the bar with a friend young both youngish looking but like at different ages. Looks cute. He goes over and starts to chat them up, asks them to
come join the boy's table. So these two women come join the table. About three quarters through the night, they come to the realization that one of the girls that he really likes and he's hitting on is only eighteen, and the other girl is not a girl, but it is in fact her mum. So this girl and her mum have gone out like partying. Okay, wow, what weird. What a compliment to be that mum. That's certainly not gonna be me and Marley. They're gonna be like Marley
hanging out with her grandma again. So it gets weirder, Right, He's hitting on this girl who's eleven years younger than him, twelve years younger than him, big age gap. Anyway, in front of her mum, and her mum's cool with it. They end up going on a few dates. Wait, all of them, or the young girl and the younger girl and your age gapp okay, right, young girl and the guy end up going on two dates. I'm sticking with you with the story.
It's worth it. It's worth it.
I'm on the roller coaster. Get me there. They're on this second date and for stepping out for some reason, the mom has to pick them up from the date and take them home. I don't know why. I don't know if they can't afford no bar, I don't know, if they don't have their own car. She had to come and pick them up. They go back to her house, the eighteen year old's house. They've hooked up and stuff. Keep this in mind. Then they sit down together. The mom says, I have something I want to ask you.
I think you're great, I think you're handsome. I know you want to live in Australia. I know you are a good guy. I know you want permanent residency. I want to have a child. I want you to be the father of my child.
And I know I stay with me. So she's forty one.
She's aside she wants another child because she's single. She's asking that this is a plow, not a play. I don't want to say a ploye because I don't know. But the daughter is in on it. But if this happens, If this happens and he agrees to do it, it means that his son or daughter is going to be also the brother to the girl he was dating.
This is just a very very close family. Obviously she wants his sperm, like obviously she wants him to be a sperm donor.
Like that's what this is. She's not saying I want to sleep with you or anything. It's like, well, I don't know the specific I just said I'm into a Turkey based and she it in the room next door. I imagine it's sperm donor, because that's even more messed up if she wants to be sleeping with her daughter sleeping with But it means that his child is the brother or sister to the person that he was sleeping with.
Which would then also end up potentially being his stepmom if he married the girl. Ezachkay, I feel like there is a lot of layers here.
I don't think you're posing this. If you're posing this as a question that you want me to answer, this is way above my skill set. My friend said, to me, what do you think he should do if he's a little bit tempted to get permanent residency? And I said, straight up, this doesn't give him permanent residency if she has said that to him, No, having a child in a country doesn't allow you to have permanent residency. I held him a low idea. Yeah, it's really hard to
move to Australia. But I just and he asked me because his friend came to him and said, what do you reckon I should do?
He's like mine, no, I know a girl that answers question. So he comes to me. He says, what do you think you should do? And I was like, oh, I don't know.
I've got a podcast, but this is so far above our pay grade that I actually don't know how to answer this. I think that there are many many crazy people out there who like to do crazy things. Not going to shame them. You can always ask the question, and if you don't ask, you don't get I just just sounded like a movie, and I was like, is this actually happening? I think he'd be crazy to go through it, but you know, whatever makes him happy. But I once got asked, so this was this is so
many years ago. But when I was dating a guy that I was with for six years, we lived together in a little tiny bedroom studio, and his best well one of his best mates, so he'd become really good friends with That year prior, I was this Italian guy who owned the cafe down the road that we used to go to, and he had started this cafe, but he was only on like a student working visa. It was all very dodgy.
Anyway, came to a point where he had very limited time left on his visa and hadn't sorted out another option to stay, and this Italian guy had approached my ex boyfriend. Funnily enough that he's my ex.
I'd approached my ex boyfriend at the time and was like, Hey, how would you feel if I pay you a certain amount of money and I marry Laura to get permanent residency. And my boyfriend came to me and proposed. The question was like, so this is what we're thinking, how do you feel about this? And I was like, not.
Good, not good. It reminds me of.
A time I had to fight off people that were trying to buy my sister in Morocco for like twenty chickens.
Because she's blonde and beautiful.
They're like, yeah, twenty chickens, three camels, and I was like no, They're like, fine, we'll throw it a document. She has at least seventeen camels and some sort of outpack up. I was like, does this girl look like five camel girl? No, she's a twenty five camel girl. We've obviously never been in a situation where we want to stay in a country that we aren't entitled to stay at, or it's you know, we're not able to stay at, so I can understand the desperation for it.
And maybe this woman thinks that he's at a point or he's desperate enough to give her something that she's after. And I mean, there is obviously a very unusually close relationship between her and her daughter, But everyone's different and different strokes with different folks. I'm not gonna judge, but I'm also not going to touch that one with ten foot poll. No. I legitimately just wanted to share it because I thought it was a crazy story. But anyway,
let's jump into some real question. As always, every week, you send in your questions, Britt and I will actually mostly Brit picks out her favorites. I've picked out a couple today though, so you know, hold on to your panties and we do our absolute best to answer them. And this one has just come through, so I'm going to jump in first. Hey, guys, love the podcast not a necessary part of this question. I really wanted to throw that in.
I want your opinion on when am I supposed to delete photos from a past relationship. I'm twenty six and had a fairly amicable breakup with a boyfriend of four years about a year ago. We are still occasionally in contact. We send a message here and there to keep in touch with one another, but from my side, there are definitely no romantic feelings left and we most definitely will not be getting back together. My problem is because he never wronged me in any way.
We just grew apart. I still cherish our memories together. So what do I do with all the photos together on my phone and on Instagram, especially if I get a new partner in the future. Help. I feel very strongly about this that I don't think anyone ever needs to delete or why wipe out a part of their life. I think that especially because she has say but she's especially because she has said it ended amicably. They're on
good terms, she's got no romantic feelings for him. I don't see why you need to delete those photos if it's not hurting you to look at and you're you're looking back on that memory fondly. I think it's okay, because what it comes down to is this person was
a large chapter of your life. You had a lot of memories with them, You probably went through a lot with them, you experienced a lot from them, you learned a lot from them, And I feel like it's wiping out a whole section of your life that I don't think you need to do. I love the fact that I have found photographs of my mom's ex boyfriends when she was like seventeen, eighteen nineteen. She just has like a boy you know, when you're young and you kept
all your photos in a shoe box. She's got a burn box.
But I'm so an even dad.
Dad was like, oh what was his name again?
You know, like I'm.
Fascinated by it. And I was like, Mum, you dated this guy, like this is your life before Dad, And she's like, yeah, used to do this, and it was just it's really nice to see that it's a part of someone's life because it is it helps shape who you are. I think that if it's been a really, really bad ending and when you look at these photos, it gives you these really negative feelings and it brings you down and it reminds you of bad times, sure
wipe that shit. But no, I don't think that even if you meet someone new, you need to delete those photos at all. I totally agree with you, Britt. The only thing that I would say to kind of elaborate on that is if you have photos on your Instagram which are extremely cuply I you're making out with each other or like, I don't know, just say, oh my god, I love You're never gonna love anybody like I love you.
If you're someone who really proclaims their love of public, if you're someone who really proclaims their love on social media, then maybe there are a few that you might want to curate and remove, you know, purely because it might make a future partner feel jealous. But you know, it's not a necessity. It's definitely not something that you have
to do. And I am exactly in the same thought as I'm exactly in the same boat and way of thinking as brit that you know, these people are a part of your life, They're a part of your identity, they're a part of your history, and you don't have to absolutely scrap and totally clean the slate for every new person that comes along. I mean, I have photos
of my ex boyfriends on Facebook. I mean I don't really use Facebook that much anymore, but I have photos of them, like they're all there if I ever want to go back and look at them, because I would hate to completely remove fifteen years of my life that I've shared and that have shaped me.
But in saying that, there are some relationships who I still have some resentment towards the person because of the way that they treated me and because the way that things ended, And they're people who I don't really want to remember. They're photos I don't want to reflect on, and they're not memories that make me feel happy because of you know, even though of course there were great times in our relationship, it was very much clouded by the.
Toxicity that was going on. So for my own mental health, they're the ones that I delete and remove entirely. But I think it's been a year. Everyone expects you to have history everyone expects you to have a past. Any new partner who finds that intimidating has some issues of themselves to deal with. So I think it's totally fine to keep photos of your X on your Instagram. Yeah, for an example. Actually, I was just thinking about this as you were saying that my partner of eight years
we ended. I've said that before. We ended really well, we just grew apart and nothing happened. Were amicable. When I moved on to my only other real relationship. He was the sociopath. I remember him saying, delete every single photo of him. Delete it. I don't want to see it, don't know about it, I shouldn't have to see it. And I thank the Lord. I was at a young age, vulnerable age, but I was strong enough to say, well, hang on, no, I don't want to do that, because
he was really pushing me to delete them. And this was back when like don't you don't have a backup, you don't have like hard drives and things. Back then, it was just like stef on. If I deleted those, it would have lost them forever. He wanted me to wipe out eight years, my whole teenage life into my early twenties of I was with this guy every day. We did so much together. We traveled the world, we moved cities, we bought houses, and he wanted me to
wipe that. I said no. He finally got on board, and what it ended up happening was two years later when I found he was a psycho, I wiped him. I deleted like everything of him because he brought me nothing but pain, whereas the first relationship brought me nothing but like fond, amazing memories. So I think this is a really important lesson in that.
Yeah, and it's a reflection of insecurity if somebody is making you remove a whole chunk of your past.
I think.
I do think that it's important to kind of draw a line in the sand with like photos that are provocative, though like, for example, I don't want to see photos in Matt's phone of his ex girlfriend topless, not interested. Delete them, put them somewhere where I'm never going to see them, Put them somewhere away, hopefully you're never going to see them.
No, that sort of stuff. I think that there are definitely some things that, out of respect for your partner and respect for your current relationship, you definitely would delete from your phone. But if it's just photo of your past and photos of you together, then like that's so fine. Question number two. I just want to say that I also agree with that. I don't mean like, keep topless photos, dude, that's Shit's not cool.
I mean like, here we are at the Eiffel Tower.
Here we are in front of our photo, like there's no there's no need. I mean, like, I think that a lot of people might keep a random photo by accident, Like it's that's totally excusable behavior.
But if you're like partner has a folder of photos of their ex girlfriend. Okay, so this is my story, so.
Tell me so the guy who I deleted from my life entirely, who I said that my whole relationship was shrouded in toxicity. We had broken up, gotten back together. I've talked about him loads on this podcast. We were away in Bali after just getting back together for like the seventh time in a year, so ridiculous. We've gone to Bali as a holiday together. I had found out that he cheated on me. I had forgiven him, we had.
Decided to start again fresh, and I had said to him, I was like, if there is because he was a compulsive sexter, basically, he would so he would use different like social networking platforms, so he for example, Viba used to be a big thing a while back, and obviously it was texting, but you could get in contact with people who weren't necessarily in your core contact, so you could be contacting strangers. And I found him sexting a.
Whole lot of girls from Viber and I saw all the messages and I saw all the photos, and anyway, I forgave him.
We decided to go to Bali on holiday to kind of refix our relationship, rekindle things, get back to a good place. And when we were over there, I'd said to him, if there is anything in your phone, anything, And this is the time when I was crazy and I used to go through his phone. I was like, if there's anything in your phone at all that's incriminating, this is your opportunity to do a deep dive and delete it. I was like, I'm giving you three hours, go go right back to the beginning of time.
Guy, like, do it. Anyway, So I had given him that opportunity, Like you know, we had had a really beautiful week and then I was laying on the beach reading an article on my phone, and there was this article that was about and it literally just came up. This was totally serendipitous, and it was about this calculator which is a fake app. Basically, it looks like a calculator. It's called Calculator Plus and it looks like a calculator.
But what you do is you open it. You can use it like a normal calculator, or if you know that it's a fake app, you type in a certain code and it opens up a photo vault. Shut the front door. I swear on my life, the door is why fucking open?
What the heck?
I have never heard of that. Yeah, so calculator Plus and I just had this feeling. I was like, that's something that this sleazy little fucker would do. My ex boyfriend just told me he really liked mathematics. It all makes sense now. I was like, I bet you. Because he was so good at lying, he was so good at hiding stuff. I was like, I bet you he has this. And we had an open phone policy, so
I was like, hey, babe, pass me your phone. So he passed me his phone and I of course he did, because you had a secret calculator app.
And I was like, okay, so let's talk about this app that clearly has all your photos hidden and it put your password in and he wouldn't do it.
He refused, Oh my god, Laura, and stupidly like, I hate myself in saying this because we stayed together for quite a while after that, even after that, after another time, you always give me a hard time about my redflower. Dude, I lert my lessons hardcore with this guy. But yeah, like so I think that you know, there are some people that hold onto these things as trophies. They hold onto these things as reminders, and personally, I don't think
that you should hold onto nude photos of your ex. God, no, I don't.
That's anyone.
No one should be doing that. Good. I'm glad. I'm glad.
I'm not crazy.
Thank you for validating. Was a really long story, and that really brought up some suppressed trauma. And everyone, go and check your partners for calculators Calculative plus guys. I hope that doesn't blow some shit out of the water for you all. I'm mind blown. I thought I would have not. I thought I knew everything about that stuff. I thought I had told you every story I had in the bank. Now there's another one. I reckon, there's
so many still that you've just buried. It will slowly come out me too, slowly as the trauma bills more things. It's like suppressed memories going to a therapist. I start talking about my childhood. All right, okay, question number two. All right, ladies, I have a real doozy for you, real pickle dick. Yeah, and it is. This one's a pickle dick.
Oh see what I did there?
Yeah? Thanks? It was strong, it was yeah deep, yeah, thanks my boyfriend and I was right into the sunset. Brittany. It was just a pun. Get excited, be my cheer girl. My boyfriend and I have been together for two point five years. Also, for the past six to nine months, I have been feeling that this relationship just isn't right. I finally had the perfect excuse to end it. He majorly fucked up. It ended in a huge argument, and
I was so relieved that I finally had an out. Anyway, a few weeks later, I got very sick, and what do you know, I'm prego prego, and the ego I just thought, all right, I'm pregnant. I'll just give this guy a chance to see if his behavior changes. Maybe he'll grow up and act like a contributing member of our team slash relationship. One reason I had been so unhappy in our relationship was because I felt like we
weren't on the same page. I was desperate for kids and to start a real life together, and he seemed perfectly happy to just continue on our way, not progressing the relationship at all. So I told him about the impending baby growing and he was shocked, but he was also really happy that we were back together. Things were great again for a few weeks, and now here we are. I'm nearly twelve weeks pregnant, and he has gone straight back to being selfish and in considerate, basically exactly how
he was before I broke the news. I'm keen to tell our parents and our close family members, Yet he doesn't really even acknowledge the fact that I'm pregnant, and he doesn't want to talk about it with anyone. He doesn't want to tell anyone. I get the feeling like he really isn't into it, and I feel like he thinks I'm just a convenient person to have around. We're both from families where our parents are still together and our siblings have all been married before having children and
done things the right way. I'm feeling very much. I'm just gonna chime in, there's no right way babies to get married, whatever the fuck you want to. I'm feeling very much like we should not be together. But I one hundred percent of keeping this baby. But also I don't want to be a single parent either. He really is a great guy, deep down. He's from a beautiful family. He just acts like a child.
Literally.
His mother cooks for him, she cleans the room, she does his watching. He just expects it and he loves it, and he doesn't want anything different. I just don't know what to do. I'm feeling very lost and alone at the moment because I haven't told anyone about this pregnancy yet either. Any advice helps. What the hell do I do? Oh?
Man, this is so hard. This is an awful situation to be in. But I think, ooh, okay, let's summa. There's a few things here, And the first thing that stands out to me is that if you've made the decision one hundred percent that you want to have this baby, there is definitely a part of that where you need to also make that decision that there is a good
chance that you'll be doing on your own. I think that like regardless, like, having a partner is not a guarantee, you need to have a child because you are happy to be a parent and bring that child up regardless of the situation, regardless of whether or not your partner is fully checked in or fully checked out. The other thing I want to say is if your relationship is really hard now before you've had a baby, your relationship once you had that baby is going to be even harder.
Because children are like they put relationships under a microscope and they really like it's like a pressure cookery.
They amplify everything. They amplify the good bits, they amplify the they amplify the love, they amplify the wonderful bits, but they also amplify all the bits that drive you crazy about your partner. They really bring out the best and the worst in each other. And so if you are already at a point where you don't think that you can be with this person, if you're already at a point where this person doesn't support you, doesn't treat
either way that you deserve to be treated. Then he's not going to change necessarily just because there's a child in the room. If anything, I think that there's a good chance that it'll be worse, not better once this baby comes along. Yeah, this is a really, really tough one. And I do feel for you because it sounds like you've wanted the child for a long time and I'm
super congrats, happy for you. Like Laura said, just to sort of just to extend that a little bit if you're having this baby, because you hope that in any way it's a band aid and then it's going to help fix what your your relationship. Like Laura said, it's not. Babies are never band aids. They, like Lauria said, they amplify problems. It's very stressful, you're always tired. It's not going to be like going on a holiday and renewing your relationship. What I do want to say is, and
I am perpetually the optimistic. I do want to try and see best in most situations. But I have seen it before in people's in my life and my friends that I know have been in similar situations. When you have a child, it can change people. It can Finally, this might actually be what it takes once the baby's here for him to pull his finger out and take
some responsibility and step up to the plate. This may there's a chance he's like, Okay, shit, I love this new human being fiercely, and I'm going to step up and be here for you and the child. There's also a huge chance he runs through the hills because it sounds like responsibility is not his forte.
Yes, there is always a chance. There's always gray and variables to the entire spectrum of this situation, and there is a chance that he will step up and be a great dad. Does that mean that he'll step up and be a great partner? Not necessarily.
If he's never proven it before, then I doubt very strongly that he's going to just have a full on point eighty flip and turn into the person that you want him to be. There will have to be some level of acceptance of him being the person that he is. And if you are taking.
Care of a child, having to then take on all the extra work of taking care of a child and taking care of a man child is a hell of a lot of work that you have in front of you, And like that could be something that's very hard. The other thing I want to say is there's a lot of stigma around being a single mum, and I think that society still places that stigma around women who end up being single or who've chosen to be single parents.
And from all of the single parents who I've spoken to and who I know, and you know, I do another podcast which is a mother identity podcast, and I've interviewed loads of single parents and single moms. It is not as bad as what society makes you think it is. And it is much better to be a single mum than to be in a shit relationship with a shit partner who doesn't take care of you and doesn't support you and doesn't love you and doesn't make you feel
like you're a team. So if you have made this decision that you want to have this baby, then this is your life and this is something that's really wonderful and should be celebrated. But remember that no relationship is a guarantee.
I would also like to highlight when you said that he's a really great person.
And.
What your problem is now is that you're worried about how he's going to be when the baby comes. My advice would be if things are okay now and they're happy. Don't worry about what's going to happen yet. Just get through it and deal with it when it comes. Because you can't end something now because of the potentially someone's going to act a certain way. I think you need to stick it out now if he starts to treat
you terribly and you're unhappy. Of course, we all know that you can take control and leave any situation, but I think we as humans, especially women, we really get into this habit of like what if this happens, and we fret about the future, and we stress about the future. But I think it's really important to take every day as it comes. Prepare for the future. Of course you have to. You're having a baby, and make sure he's
on board with that. Don't leave a situation now because you're worried about something that might happen in six months time.
I guess the other thing to kind of touch on is like, we don't know what the big thing was that was reason enough for you to break up with him, but I kind of I mean, I have two more things I want to say, but one of them is that you never need a big reason to break up with someone. If you're unhappy, you don't have to wait for them to screw up to feel like your reasons for not wanting to be with someone is validated.
You are allowed and.
Entitled to make those decisions and change your life at any point along the journey if you're unhappy, especially if you've been communicating that you're unhappy along the way as well. The last thing I want to say and to be, you know, more positive about the situation, because I guess like I have been doom and gloom, but.
I'm high because I haven't slept because I have a kid. Is that having a child.
As much as it puts an enormous amount of pressure on your relationship, it can also be a really galvanizing force for your relationship. And I think it's really one of those things in life that makes or break a family. It makes or breaks a relationship. And you know, there are people and there are families that make it all the way. And just because they've made it to the very ripe old age of whatever it is sitting in a nursing home, doesn't mean that they haven't encountered their
own hurdles and their own challenges along the way. Every single relationship has its own hurdles. Every single relationship has its challenges, and like Britney said, you can't foresee what's going.
To happen in the future.
You just have to make the best choices that are presented in front of you now, and then if things change further down the track, then you make new choices that better set you up to be as happy as you possibly can be and also take care of your child and the best way that you possibly can.
Good luck, good luck. This is what I want to get back from this one. Yeah, you want another an update down the track? Actually every so often, I think this is something that we need to do. I want updates guys, like if you've been listening to this podcast for however long over a year now and we have answered some of your questions, Oh, you could all get back to us and tell us if their advice is okay?
And what happened? How did it all end up? Did you marry the guy? Didn't you marry the guy? Did he find out that you cheated? I want to know tell me the goss.
I'm waiting to hear back about Tuesday's episode. This week, you know how someone wrote to my friend and said, I want to see your ear before I date you. I'm waiting to hear back to see if she went on the date and be she sent the ear. But she sent the ear.
Can you please send the photo to me so that we can post it online.
I'll keep you posted.
All right, Let's jump into the next one.
This will be the last one, because these have been some pretty big, heavy questions. This is a light one. I'm scared it's not. It's a heavy Today's a heavy day. But I can't I can give advice on this, for sure, but I can't give advice from a place of experience. So this one's for you. Question number three hit me, Okay, I really need some advice on how to handle an extremely delicate situation. My sister in law very recently suffered an early miscarriage after years of trying to conceive her
first child. She was so excited to finally feel pregnant and shared her news with me and others pretty much as soon as she found out. We were also thrilled for her, so when she miscarried just a couple of weeks later, it was really devastating. Now here's where it gets tricky. I have just found out myself that I am pregnant with my third after a relatively quick journey to conceive. The day before she miscarried is when I found out. I don't know how to approach it. I
don't want to be insensitive. I'm obviously not ready to share the news just yet myself. But when the time comes, how do you think I best handle this without upsetting and offending her? I do feel really guilty in a way at the thought of announcing anything that is remotely happy on my end, knowing she has just gone through something like this. It's giving me anxiety. Yeah, this is really hard. It's a tough one.
My advice, I mean, and I only have this advice from somebody who has had fertility issues themselves and has had miscarriages. And when I had my miscarriage the first one, my sister had her baby Archer like my nephew, and she would bring him to work every single day, and there was never a period where she even thought or we even discussed like maybe I didn't want to see him, like maybe I didn't want to be around a baby that day, because it made me feel really reminded of
what was happening to myself. But I think people who have fertility loss, and this is very general speaking. I'm sure that there is a full spectrum of feelings towards this, but I think that people who have fertility loss can often feel very isolated because people don't want to include them in their happiness. So people don't want to tell
them that they're pregnant. People don't want to feel like they're rubbing it in their face, and so instead they actually exclude them from that, and that in itself can
make the situation even worse. I think that the best way to approach this is when you are ready to tell people, tell her first and sit her down and say exactly how you feel, and that you do feel terrible that you're not able to share this experience together, but that you know you like you want her to be included in your pregnancy journey because it's something that's important to you and that you love her. And I think that you can't stop the fact that she's going
to be hurt. You can't stop the fact that it's going to be hard for her, But I think that there will be a part of her that is very grateful that you included her in that as well, and that she doesn't feel isolated and left out, because having a miscarriage and having fertility struggles is isolating and lonely enough.
I really strongly agree with what you said about Sometimes when people dance around a delicate situation or a delicate subject topic discussion, it can make it worse because the person that you're trying to protect all of a sudden feels.
Like they almost feel more left out. They feel like, oh my god, and they feel silly, they feel stupid. I've been in that situation before where people haven't wanted to tell me something because they've been so happy and they've thought I was sad, and that made me more sad because I was like, I'm I love you, I'm happy for you, don't and you feel like there's something
wrong with you. If if people kind of avoid situations like that and avoid inviting you to baby showers or avoid inviting you to birthday parties and things, because I think it's going to offend you. It's like you feel like there's something wrong with you. But then on top of that, you also feel like everyone's talking about you, which is worse. You know, I would prefer if somebody wasn't sure about how I felt about something. Ask me,
don't ask other people about you know. I mean, obviously you can ask us like this is anonymous as well, but you know, I think just making sure that she feels included and supported and loved, and obviously her pain doesn't negate your happiness.
They don't have to coexist as two separate things. She's allowed to be hurt and be happy for you at the exact same time. And both of those things are.
Acceptable and beautiful, and you know, they're just part of the spectrum of life and feelings. And yeah, just allow her to feel the way that she feels, but also include her in your journey. I think that that is my absolute advice for this. She's absolutely she's your sister in law. She's absolutely gonna be thrilled you. She's gonna be happy, she's gonna love you, and she's gonna love the child. Yeah. Sure, in her own time, she's gonna have a hard time dealing with it because she has
had her own loss. But like you just said, though she can she can do both of those. She will be strong enough to do both of those.
Well.
I think, yeah, I feel like we've answered that. I also feel like next week, you need to bring some lighthearted questions.
Yes, this is a lot.
It was a big week, but you know, we like
to mix it up. We like to these are real problems that real people are experiencing, and I think sometimes we need to take a deep dive into some more serious things and other weeks we can have a laugh and it can be like a lighthearted problems, especially fertility, because I think it's you know, we are at that age now where these these issues are very common, and their conversations that you have amongst your girlfriends, and their conversations that come up all the time, and you know,
it does sometimes feel like I even saw someone recently write in our Facebook group that it feels like everybody is having a pregnancy announcement. It feels like everyone is pregnant, and for someone who is struggling with fertility or maybe infer that feels like a constant slap in the face.
And the one thing I want to say to that, which I did touch on when we did the miscarriage episode quite a while back, if anyone is going through that or knows somebody who is going through that, we really recommend that every woman listens to it because it's such an insight into something that is so common, very powerful episode.
Yeah, I just want to say that sometimes it can feel like everyone around you is having a happy pregnancy announcement. And that's because we don't talk about miscarriage enough. And you know, people don't often announce their pregnancies and also announce the fact that they've had three miscarriages in order to have their pregnancy. So keep in mind that sometimes you only see the highlight reel of what's happening in someone's life. You don't always see the struggles that everybody
else is facing. I think sometimes remembering that puts things into perspective and makes you go, ah, okay, it doesn't feel like every single person around me is pregnant, because every single person encounters different struggles along that journey. Yeah, all right, we did it, alrighty guys, that is us. That is ask uncut for the week. We will be back next week with a big, juicy episode for you, and then we'll.
Be answering your deep, dark and dirty questions again. And if you haven't already done it, then I've got a few housekeeping things for you to do. Guys. Number one, go and leave us a review. Just jump onto Apple Podcasts, tell your friends all that stuff. Number two is to go and join our Facebook group which is Life Uncut Podcast. You can also put your questions for Ask Uncut up there if they're not super personal and you don't need
to keep the mononymous. Lots of people like to share their questions and the community that we have been building are so amazing and they'll get behind it and they will answer these questions for you as well. And number three is I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go watch The Bachelor.
Ceasing.
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