Ask Uncut - Cheaters never win, they come third.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.

Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on Drug Wallamuta Land.

Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is ask on Cut where we answer dark and you're burning questions. How are you feeling today? I'm great? Are you living my best life? Goalach scratch? Do like we edit your snorts out? Yeah? Snorts? You guys don't know this.

I have really i have really tiny, tiny nasal cavities. I've like refrained from ever getting a what's it called when you get a not a nose job?

Obviously you haven't had one of those. Laura wants to.

She needs to get her sinuses clear. You don't know because producer Keisha and Laura edit out the snorts.

But every every what do you reckon?

The intervals areish like thirty seconds one minute, No, probably thirty seconds, every thirty.

Six, every ten minutes, not.

The fact that she thinks that every thirty seconds Laura has to do this thing.

And I'm not even going.

We're just talking about it. You go because your noise. No one wants to hear that, because you have problems with your nose. And this has been like this from the day I met. You're a snorter. And we keep saying to Laura, look, you know you haven't sinus. Probably let's get you booked in to go to the doctor to get them cleaned out.

So we keep saying that.

You need to go and get your sinuses. It's an operation, it's minor. But you were like, well, I don't want to go because everyone's gonna think I god nos job.

And I was like, who cares?

And You're like, well, actually, if I'm going to go, I want to know jump anyway.

You think you give me a little ski jump at the end, or a little tidy just lift it, just lift it so it doesn't dip.

Do you know what? Though knows, go and ask take a picture my ski jump. I want to look more like Brittany Hockley.

No.

I think back.

In the day, there was once upon a time where I was like I'm gonna go and I'm gonna get this surgery and I'm gonna fix my broken nose. And then when I did The Bachelor, and then obviously my life became a little bit more public, I was like, I can never go and get the surgery now because everyone will think I got my nose done. And I don't want people to think I got my nose done. So now I'm gonna live.

It's like the opposite.

Most people go into the public life and then they're like they get surgeries and I'm like, I'm refraining from it for fear of people thinking I got one.

But what does the matter of people think you got one? Anyway? There ain't nothing wrong with that. Nah, But I don't want to I'm all natural guys. Okay, well that's my brand.

Listens to you snort constantly. I would love you to have a consult.

In six months time. I'm like, howking a free nose job? Hey guys, really, Grid, this is surgeon. It was so good. Up, swipe up, just go get your consopt Okay.

I have a question. This is not an ask gun cut question. It's just a life question.

Yeah, do you reckon Sush's a dinner food? Absolutely?

Nah?

It's not, though, is it? It's like lunch food? You just asked me and I said yes, and you said it's not. It's like a lazy dinner food. Like, okay, we sushi.

You know that people, the sushi chefs trained for like six years. It is not a lazy food. They literally trained for six years to be able to do sushi.

Yeah, but you're not ordering it on eats for dinner. You're not going to be like, what do I want for dinner tonight?

Sushi? That's a lunch meal. I order it all the time.

I go to sushi all the time for dinner, and I order it all the time for dinner.

It is one hundred percent.

What do you mean? It's not a dinner food. It is if you go to a Japanese restaurant. But if you're just at home and you're because you just can't, it's okay if the food's all deconstructed, if you have rice and then tariarchy next to the rice, and then Q coming next to that.

But if you have it all together in a role, that's lunch. Just the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard you say.

Is it? Yeah?

Okay?

I had an argument with mad about this. We'll not an argument he wanted. Actually, we were both arguing the same point. So it wasn't an argument. We were agreeing for once, I just got confused.

It was just a really passionate conversation.

We had our girlfriends come over last night and they brought dinner and we had a great time. Was delicious ness, and Jess, I love you so much. Thank you so much for generously bringing dinner. But then they left and we were like, oh my god, sushi's not a dinner food.

Oh my god, you spoil a little brat. Do you know that's like the most expensive probably takeaway they could have brought you.

Oh yeah, it was my birthday celebration. Did you enjoy it? It was amazing delicious? So what part of sushi do you not like? Vi dinner? The fact that it's in a roll.

I don't know.

It just feels like a lunch food to me. Surely it can't be nice. You deconstruct everything.

Yeah, and I didn't unwrap the sush No, Sushi's one thing I eat whole.

I don't unwrap it. That's just a mess. You don't even cut it. It's a whole log. You just seep. Okay, you've actually got a hole in your shirt. I'm looking at it now. Did you know that. Yeah, there's like a big hole down the side. No, that's where the thing goes through. That's the little it's a wrap around shirt. From here, it looks like you've got a big moth hole.

Okay, we've started with miss snorting. We're talking about the hole in my shirt. You're a great Britain.

You've got a beautiful nose. Oh, thank you. I actually do like my nose.

Lots of people ask if I've had a nose job because I have quite an upturned So my nickname at school and I hated it was ski jump nose.

Which is how I love it.

Also, nickname is usually shorter, but ski jump nose is longer than brit So whoever came up with that was shit.

Actually it was David Hall. I remember it. You David Hall.

David Hall, if you're listening, which you are absolutely not. But if any of my friends listening to are friends with David Hall.

Isn't it funny how you always remember the person who bullies you, like David Hall. It's always their full name, Like full name, you never go oh, I was bullied by Jasmine. It's always Jasmine. Why is it that you always remember them? As their entire full name. Whenever you talk about the person who bullied at school, it's always first name.

Last night with us, who knows David was one of my best friend. He wasn't a bully, He just thought that was a funny nickname.

But when you talk about anybody who you had like fights with or bullied at school, would you say their whole name or they're just their first name?

Even like yeah, Because when I think about my first kids, do you remember yours? Mine was Chad DeMarco, whole name, first name, Bradley Thomas. You see, there's also my first.

Boyfriend behind a you and mind granddad saw Oh.

Chad was my first boyfriend and I kissed it behind the demountable. It's it was like this big event.

You always have to hide, don't you your first kiss. Everyone came to watch. No, we didn't hide. Everyone came to watch. It was awful.

They gathered around in a circle and they counted down three two ones because no one was kissing yet.

It was in year six.

Were the first one because I was caoed captain and I was cool and stuff, but I wasn't really cool. I was fake cool. I didn't want a boyfriend, I do you want to hold hands?

I didn't want to kiss. Peer pressure you gave in.

And when I say kiss, it was a leader. It wasn't a tonguey. You know how when you're twelve you called it tonguey.

It wasn't that.

It was just a kiss on the lips. But I'm traumatized. I can remember every detail of this scenario when I think back to it now, and I haven't thought back to it in a long time.

I just want to hold me. Not that just you saying tonguey.

What did you call it when you were like twelve? Not that? What'd you call it?

That?

A pash?

Yeah?

Kiss? I think most kiss. Yeah, it's so gross.

I think my school called it like a t because there's a difference if you just either kiss with no tongue and if you had a tongue with the tonguey.

That's what happened in Coffs Harbor. Everyone's tongueing in each other.

I've never been to Coffs Harbor. Grow up and put them KORYA. Thanks forgot the same time. Okay, my sister is here visiting me, Sherry and her husband Jay. They are moving overseas in two weeks time, which is really sad for me.

But I've been encouraging this move, like.

I love it when everyone you love lives in another country. I don't maybe just the partner thing for a while.

I am really encouraging her to go because her and her partner are in such a unique position where they both have different jobs online. They are the epitome of like you know when you're on Instagram, you used to look at these things pop up, being like I once worked fifty hours a week in an office, but then I became a digital nomad and now I'm living my best life and you're like, I hate you, it's fake.

It's amazing.

But I've been encouraging her to go because she's gonna end up coming back, having kids, settling down, and then I don't want to say that's it, but life changes.

Right.

Oh yeah, your trapped forever, I said, the joy leaves your life were we establish that money.

You'll never be happy again. So yeah, get your.

Last holiday in because once you have children, it's all over.

You can never holiday again. But you're fun.

So I don't want her to go because she's my best friend in the whole world and I love seeing her. But I'm also like, man, go live your best life because one year, two years is going to fly by and you'll feel like you never went anyway, long story shot that had nothing to do with the story I'm telling you.

But so they've packed up their house, everything's in storage.

They are ready to move their entire life overseas and they've got no where to live. So they come with me for a couple of weeks, which is great. But she gets here last night and Sheridan's an amazing cook. So we went to the grocery shopping yesterday and we're coming back and unpacking all the food. I only had one job, and that was to go and get all my stuff for Delilah. Sheridan goes and gets all the stuff for you know, she's gonna make this amazing dinner.

Of coconut ruff. You know when you can go to the.

Nut section of the chocolates and you can put it in the little plastic bag of coals and then you scan the bag with a barcode. Yeah, so I'm delandful. Yeah, so I had gotten a bag of coconut ruff. So she starts to eat them, thinking they're coconut ruffs, but they're not. They're pure dog meat. She's got a bag of Delilah's dog meat. So she's got this venison dog

I'm like, what are you doing? And she's just ate pureed liver. She goes, I thought it was a coconut ruff. That is messed up. That is so I feel so sorry.

But the good thing about this is in all honesty Delilah, only it's good food.

So it's like, I think this such a silky coat. Sherion's coat is so silky this morning.

You should have seen what sho her hair looks amazing anyway, So don't make that mistake. Don't go and eat.

Dog food thinking that it's coconut.

Right. I feel like this happens in your household a lot, like you're using dog shampoo eating dog food.

Yes, because Duaia was my entire life. She takes over my entire life. I have to move into a bigger house for Delilah.

She just goes anyway.

Look, I wanted to talk to you about something else. An ultra runner, believe it or not, like a marathon runner.

Oh yeah, you know, I love my running. Let's go.

Well, there's a woman named doctor Josiah zak Zouski. Now that's probably not definitely butchered, that's definitely not.

There's a doctor and that's definitely not her name. That's definitely it.

Yeah it's not her name, but like that, I mean, that's it. She was running like an ultra marathon in Liverpool, like Manchester and Liverpool in the UK. And she came in third, which is incredible. Yeah on the podium. Yeah, amazing because you've got to train so hard. She took the award, she took the glory, she had a moment, she got the.

Photos, shook the champagne bottle.

She did it all because third is pretty incredible. But then when they go back to look at the data, because when you're a runner in these competitions, you wear like a GPS tracker and it stores data for on everything, your location, It stores how fast you're going, like because people like to clock how fast they go per hour.

So oh yeah, you think this.

I don't run. Matt is a hardcore runner. He's on Strava. He talks about his Strava runs all the time. He talks about how many splits he does, his one kilometer minutes in.

Well perfect, this was Strava. Yeah, Strava, I get it. Every runner uses it. Do you know how fast he does a kilometer four minutes something? To hear super fast?

Oh okay, Well this woman's data when they tracked it was one point six kilometers every one minute and forty seconds.

Wow, so she's superwoman.

She was at lightning speeds anyway, so it's sound of live I mean the speed of light. So they were like, whh my god, we need to speak to this woman.

How she running one point six kilometers one minute of forty seconds? So they get all the data and they see that all of a sudden her pace picked up astronomically. They also check her heart beat and her heartbeat was not high, so they're like.

How are you running this far?

What she did was halfway through the race, a friend picked her up in the car, and then she got out of the car at the end and then ran.

And finished and came third.

So she cheated and then still took the glory. And when they asked her, they were like, how did you run so fast? How are you running at a minute and your heart rate wasn't gone up. She's like, oh, you got me, I got a lift.

She fucking cheated, but she wait, wait, she took the medal.

She stood on the podium, and then when she got busted, she was like.

Oh yeah, yes, she took it.

She was going to own it. And then she started to say, oh, I don't know how it happened. I wasn't cheating.

I was going to finish.

I was pulling out of the race, and I was trying to tell and adjudicator that I was pulling out of the race, and all of a sudden I was at the end, was.

Thrusting, I was running past the finish line, and then a medal was in my handed. It just really spiraled out of control. Do you know what I think is the most alarming part of this whole story. It said she's a doctor, and that's one person you don't want to cut corners.

Absolutely, that is completely accurate. And then then the poor woman that came forth, she was actually.

Supposed to come third, obviously, and.

She's really upset and she literally said, but what she's most upset about is that you took my moment on the podium, which is fair because they trained so hard for that.

But yeah, part of me is like, I enjoy the dedication. I enjoy the fact that she was like, you know what, instead of pulling out of this race, better finish it.

She admitted that it was a massive error in accepting the trophy, and then she said, quote, I hold my hands up. I should have handed them back and not had pictures. But I was feeling unwell and spaced out and not thinking clearly. Yes, it would have been a tough drive. I'm an idiot. I want to apologize to mel who came third. It wasn't malicious, it was a miscommunication.

I would never.

Purposefully cheat, and this was not a target race, but I don't want to make excuses you did purposely cheat.

I also like that she was spaced out and feeling unwell, which would makes sense if she ran on marathon.

But also, your friend picked you up, like because he's premeditating, you're your friend to pick you up or finish the race.

If you were spaced out and not able to comprehend what you were doing, wouldn't your friends say, hey, baby, you didn't actually run it probably shouldn't stand up there, Time to come down.

Have you cheated in anything? Yeah? I cheated once in what in a spelling test, one that was significant or just like a spelling tester class, not just a spelling test in class. But it backfired because I cheated on the girl next to me.

Her name is Melinda Turmbul. This is in year five or six, so it was a spelling test. And there's one word I looked at at her. She was always the smartest in the class. She was very very good at everything and especially writing. And the word was people. I'll never forget people. And I looked out over at her because I wasn't sure, and she had written PO P P L E two piece, and so I copied it, and then I nearly got every question right, but I got people wrong.

Melinda must have known I used to cheat off her.

Melinda, No, I think she knew that I was cheating, so she must have thrown spanner in the works written the wrong word, so I copied it and then put the right one. Cross it out when I didn't see it, says me, right, it was a big deal to.

Me, Like I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Oh yeah, Well, why don't we talk about what you cheated on?

I cheated on my HC exactly way better than you for spelling pass way worse.

To go. Like, if you're going to do it, go hard, go for the long, full hog, because I don't cheat when it matters.

I cheated on my HC. I'll admit it because you know what, it's been long enough now.

And I imagine if they came and took it back from you and you lost your whole cares.

I spent so much money at university. I don't use any of it, so I don't really care. I mean, I'm not going to sit here and tell people to do it, but like, I don't feel.

Guiled for it, But how did you do it? Because I mean, my school is pretty strict on like making sure you didn't cheat.

I cheated in maths, so you know how. I don't know what it's like anymore. I think it's called the atah now. But back in my day, you know, and I generation ago, I was in stand in maths, which you know, it was the most basic maths that you could do, and you still made it because I am so bad at maths. It was an elective. I don't know why I had chosen to do it. I think I just assumed that maths was something that was so important.

We had to change the clock, remember at the live show, because you couldn't read the clock.

Yeah, but that's because I really struggle with numbers.

I mean, it's just like a digital you needed it to say like ten forty.

Yeah. Well, anyway, I can read a normal clock. I can read an analog clock, but it just takes me a lot longer to read it. I have to sort of sit there and go, Okay, what does that say. It's not instantaneous for me, which I know it is for a lot of people. Cool numbers is just not my sailing, never has been anyway standard math. So when you went in to do your maths exam, you couldn't take any of the formulas with you, so you know how you had to kind of know that.

I honestly couldn't tell you one single maths formula now, but you had to know all C squared whatever, Yeah, pythager x over y equal seat. You had to know those in order to be able to do the sums. So you had to have memorized all of the theories. Yeah.

No, my brain was like, sorry, we're not committing any of that to memory. I couldn't remember a single one. You couldn't take them in with you. You didn't have that paper. So what I did is you were allowed to take blank paper or lined paper into your exam. So I got a pad and on the inside page I scored like I wrote it really heavy, and then I ripped off the top page so underneath was all of the formulas scored scored into the paper.

That's actually so smart and it worked so well. I did it for my exams. Whole essays. You've taken whole essays in did you not all of them? A lot past your h No, I've got I got in the nineties. Guys, well.

I got in the top bed. Don't tell anyone. Yeah, anyway, that's gonna end up in a daily now you just the whole nation. Yeah.

Look, but if you're gonna do something, do it right. You're gonna cheat on an exam, cheat on the big one. No, you cheat on people in y four you don't cheat on you don't cheat on people ever. No, people is the word I cheated on. Peop. You don't cheat, you idiot. Keep up with a story woman of advice where I'm like, don't cheat. I'm like, no, you cheat on people. Yeah.

My ex was listening to this and he was like, see Brittany says it's okay to cheat with people.

It was fine, Okay, Well, let's do our vibe one subscribe.

Do you have a vibe for the week.

Yes, I have a vibe. I have the possibly the biggest vibe I've had all year. Is it Abreeder No, actually I have two of those now. Once again, very grateful for the gifting, but no, my vibe is that Matthew Johnson, love of my life, father of my children, the most doting of Dads has just started a podcast with a guy named Ash Wicks, who is like quite a famous TikToker.

Weirdly have not met him yet.

And they've become best friends and now they do stuff together and they like love each other and they go.

To comedy nights and things.

Oh, they're like they like best friends and it's super cute and he just met it's an adult best friends. No, they've been friends for a while. They've been doing content together. Oh, he's the one in his videos. He's the other guy in the dad video. He always wears like a t tail on his head and imitates his wife.

That's what he does.

He wears a teatail to pretend that he's got long hair like his wife, and he imitates April. Anyway, he does very very funny instagrams ashes his name. But the thing I'm recommending is that Matt and Ash just brought out their very first episode of Two Doting Dads, and I have heard it and it is fucking hilarious.

So if you have listened to Matt on Batch on cut and you've ever.

Thought, God, I'd like a little bit more of him in my life, go and have listened to the episode.

Is a parenting podcast if it's two doting dads, Like I'm using my powers of deduction.

Okay, I feel like it's not a parenting podcast. In terms of good parenting advice is probably it's.

Not you're not gonna be a parent, don't go to it.

You're not gonna go to it to find out, like, what's this schedule for my child?

But you would go.

To it to find friends who are also fumbling around the world of parenting. So it's kind of like a daddy's group, except.

Just for daddy's obviously, because they're both fuckingmedians.

Yeah, it's the relatability of parenting.

So maybe it's the idea of like, maybe it's a dad gone for a walk when he's got his deal, he's got his baby strap to him, and he's like, I want to feel like I'm a part of something. I'm going to listen to this, like to feel like you're less alone in the journey.

And I think the moms could listen to it too, Like I listened to it and found it really funny and obviously the two doting dads. A headline came from The Daily Mail, Maddy Jing, the world's most doting of dads.

Oh my god, but you've actually just done an ode to the Daily Mail totally.

He really played that into the sunset, isn't it.

They probably trade miked. He probably has to pay them now, two doting dads. Okay, there you go everywhere you can get your podcast station.

Yes, and now what is your recommendation, Britt. It's been out for a few weeks.

It's I guess a docu series, but it's the marathon bomber. So you guys remember most of you remember some that a young I don't know the Boston marathon bombings.

So this is a real life event.

And the reason I'm recommending it is because I found it really really interesting in it. But there was a lot I didn't know about it, and I think it might be an age thing.

Laura.

I don't know if you remember the details of that, but.

In our heads we were like, oh, a bomb went off at a race.

I don't think I knew anything about it exactly.

And when you watch it, it's wild how they find who it was, the events that unraveled in the capturing of the bombers. It was really fascinating and to get a lot of opinions from the people that were there, that were involved.

There were things that were happening that I was like, I did not know that.

Is this a one episode kind of documentary? Is it a series?

Whatnot?

Work?

It? Is it on? We need more information here?

It's Netflix. You could watch in one day if you want to do it's three EPs. It was interesting too to see the conflict on how an investigation should be run. So you know, there's a nationwide man hunt for these people that did the bombing, and the conflict between the FBI and the police on what should be released and.

How they should find them.

Because as a citizen, you don't realize how important it is information that's released, because it can cause copycats or it can cause people to run and hide and never find them. You can give too much information, you can give not enough, and something else could happen. You don't think of the intricacies that go into an investigation and.

Try what There was conflict between the FBI and the police. Yeah, on what to be released.

And they have some footage from street sort of cams of the bombing and they show the man that they ended up being the bomber. They capture him on camera, So he walks up to the side of the street where he's watching the marathon runners and there's people around it. The reason they know it's him, he's got a white cap on. But he walks up and stands there. Everything looks normal, and he has a backpack in his hand. You hear one bomb go off just down the road.

And then he walks the opposite.

Direction, really calmly. He doesn't look like he has a backpack in his hand anymore. And then as the view it's really confronting because you think, oh my god, any second, that bag's going to go off, and it does. So he walks away and you see that. You don't actually see what happens after it, but capturing these last moments of a real life of Vane's very I don't know what the right word humbling, It makes you grateful for

Probably watch Netflix. H get honest, Yeah, not wanted.

All right, let's get into these questions. Question number one, At what point does thinking about an X go from curious you know, you might look them up on socials see what they're up to, to completely unhealthy?

How do you break the thought pattern?

By way of background, I was with my ex for nearly ten years and we were so in love. He was my first real relationship and we got married, which was such a beautiful time for us. Unfortunately, our marriage didn't last long, less than two years later, partly because after the wedding, he wanted to move away and find himself.

What you got married and then you want to go find yourself? Yeah, you do that shit.

Before alone, he went through what I can only describe as a thirty year old midlife crisis. He moved on before I did, which was initially really hard for me. But I also found a beautiful man who I love so much. We recently got married and we had our first baby. However, I have a hidden secret. I often still think about my eggs. Not that I still love him necessarily, but I ruminate on our breakup and what

Oh.

I also look at socials, not his, as we don't follow each other, but mutual friends who have pictures of him. I feel like I do this often, and I do find it intrusive. I just wish I could forget about it and move on.

Dun, dun, dum. Don't beat yourself up.

There is a level of this being very normal, I think, but there's also a level that you have to if you think it's too much.

Chances are it's too much.

I think there's always a curiosity in life of every now and again, you're like, I wonder what they're up to. But it should just be like a pretty base level, low level curiosity, very very sporadic curiosity. It shouldn't be a daily check in or oh my god, they've gone to coffee today. Yeah, it shouldn't be a daily checking to see how they're.

Going It is interesting because people write these questions all the time, but they never actually say the frequency.

They're never like, let I check it seventeen times a day. Well, all she has said is that it's she thinks it's too much. Well, she hasn't said how often.

I think it is normal to check in on an X every so often. I think it is normal because I do think that we are curious creatures and we just kind of want to be like, you know, they're.

A huge part of your life.

You married this guy, You thought you were gonna have kids with this man. He was the person you thought your life was gonna be with forever. It's only natural that you sometimes have your curiosity as to where his life is at and like what has happened and how that's progressing, because all of a sudden, his life no

Well, you can also move on from a relationship like you can move on in your life and still not being past what happened to you, So you can do both simultaneously. You can be with someone else. You've married someone, you've had a baby, so you've created another life. But that doesn't mean you've necessarily closed the door in the past. And I'm going to say that you haven't closed the door in the past because you literally say I ruminate

I need to move away, I need to find who I am.

But he ended up actually moving back to his home state and having a baby and getting married. So he had the life that you guys had, but you.

Weren't the one in it.

And there's a part of that that's really hard to move on from because there's a part of you that's like, well, why you literally had it, and you've got an identical life as the one we had, but I wasn't good enough or I wasn't the person that filled that space.

It really changes the tune when you think, oh, he had to go out there and find himself, but he found exactly what he had. It was just me he didn't want. That's such a fucking hard thing to get over.

Exactly.

It's not like he ended up living in Antarctica and he's gay and you're like, oh, I get it now. I wasn't enough because he wanted this whole different life, but he just picked it out of the same life and it's not you. And that is really hard to move on from. And when you don't have the say in a breakup, when there's no part of you that wants something, it can take fucking years and years and a lot of work to accept and move on from. The first thing you need to do is probably work

Yeah. I think this is so interesting because I do believe that, like for so many people, and a time plays a huge factor we have and can hold on to. I've described it as like the ping before. But you have this little bit of you that still is attached to It's not attached to your ex so much, it's not necessarily attached to that person, but it's attached to the life. It's attached to where your life could have gone, what your life could have been.

And it's that fork in the road.

And then every so often when they, you know, you go look at their Instagram, where they come up on social media or someone mentions them, you get that little ping of like, oh, that's right, that was my life was heading there and now it's here. And I think it's so important. Like you do say in this and what you said brit like you do love your partner now that you have, you do love your life, you do love being a mum to your child. You're not

No, I would say, like a checking twice a year, once every six months. I wonder what they've been up to.

That is like, you shouldn't be doing any more than that because you shouldn't.

Care, really, and it is normal human nature to be inquisitive and curious where somebody that was in your life ended up.

I sometimes do it to old friends.

Okay, what would you say now? So like, obviously I'm going to say in comparison to your ex but for anyone, if you've been out of a relationship for two years, what's an acceptable number of times to look at your excess profile if you don't follow each other and you're not friends and you're not in each other's life.

I'm really good with this.

I don't look at my excess profiles pure not because I'm not interested, but I know what it does to me, and it would affect me because that person meant something.

I mean, we're obviously going to talk about my.

Recent X and Dan that relationship and him meant a lot to me, and we all know that that's not breaking news.

But I know to look at that would set me back. It would affect me.

I would probably get upset, not because I necessarily want to be with him, but just because it was someone that was close to you. And you've got to remember it's the same as smells, but visuals, photos and memories they.

Incite things and feelings inside of you. They're very powerful.

But what I will sporadically do, and I'm happy to admit this is I will sporadically look up Jordan's tennis matches just to see how he's traveling, Like if there's a big competition that I know, if it's.

A Grand Slam or something.

But that's purely because I love tennis now, like I genuinely still watch tennis. I know a lot of the players, and I just love watching it. But it's such a big thing, and I'm like, I wonder how he went. I know that tournament must have meant something to him, and I wonder how he went.

So I'll just google it.

I don't go onto his page or anything, but I'll just google the scores, who he beat, who he lost to, whatever.

But you don't look at his social media acs. Oh I could not. I could not. It would still probably affect me in some way. I'm happy to say that.

But this is why it's so okay because I also think in this instance, like actions reinforce to you, so like the more you do it, the more you want to the more that you go down the rabbit hole or yeah, the more that you go down the rabbit hole of looking at or trying to figure out what his life is like and put the pieces of the puzzle together the more that you then want to do it. Part of this, you know, it's great for us to say,

Well, out of sight, out of mind.

There's a reason that's a saying, because you're going to keep thinking about them if you keep looking at them, because it's the last thing. If you look at it before you go to bed, you're gonna wake up in the morning and that's going to be in your mind. And I mean, I personally would do this if I break up with Ben. Now I do the same thing with Ben. I wouldn't go and look at his page either,

But I think the why in this is feeling like he's had the life that she wanted with someone else. You know, it's the fixation of not being the one, being the chosen one.

Yeah, but don't be so hard on yourself because it's very normal and like I know, Laura, you'll sporadically go and look at it.

Someone from your past as well. Oh yeah, I love a bit of self torture. Go and look at them every so often. Got Keisha, it was pretty bad for it.

Like we really worked on Keisha unfollowing and blocking people from her past because it was a curiosity. She would go back and then she would get upset. Why are we going back and looking at it? Because you know, when you do it, you get upset. So you've got to be strong enough within yourself to be like, it's not serving me at all, because ninety nine point ninet nine percent.

Chances are it's not serving you.

But all right, well I have one that's very Look this might be very divisive. Let's see how you feel about it, brit Is it weird to cut your toenails in the shower? My partner and I argue about love.

We do answer the big stuff here. We argue about this all the time.

He likes to cut his toenails in the shower, as he says, well, it all gets washed down the drain anyway, I, however, have got a massive ike that he does this. I would rather he cut his toenails outside in the garden or straight into the bin. I love him very much and we've been together for you. But is it just me? Or is it weird to cut your toenails in the shower? Do you know what I love about this question? I love that she had to put in here. I love

Him, oh it's over, you're never gonna work out. I love that these are the questions. I think these are the caliber cut your toenails in the shower.

If this is the biggest problem in your relationship. You guys are doing really well.

Also, it's the shower. He's cutting his toenails on the couch.

I think it's weird he cuts his toenails in the shower, Like, I don't want to be doing that in the shower because I want to just be enjoying the hot water and washing my hair and stuff. But if you want to cut your toenails in the shower, fine, It's true. It does go straight down the drain because if you cut them anywhere else they fling off. You'll find them in the rug, in the carpet, or you're stuck in a lounge.

You know where. You can't cut your toenails. Are you gonna tell me? I hope not in bed? Of course you can't cut.

If you're dating someone who cuts their toenails in bed, dump them.

I actually don't want to ever see my partner cut them nails, cut them in price.

Yeah, you know what, cut them in the shower.

Unless you're having a shower together and it's a sexy shower, let him.

Yeah, you don't want someone rooming from behind and then you cut your done.

Yeah, you don't want to bend him over and then cut your toenails. Actually two beds, one stone. If your time poor, do it to.

Be fair, Matt, he goes outside, he cuts his toenails outside, or he does it into the bin. He's the perfect tone cutting person.

And even if you go outside, it's still just on the ground and your kids go play there.

It's actually probably better in the shower. He cuts them and flicks them straight into the garden, which that's ranked to me, but I don't know why. No, it's fine.

Idea of just throwing a toe al away anywhere is a bit weird.

Okay, toenails are weird in general, but the fact is that he's trying to do it somewhere, which is.

Like remotely thoughtful totally.

The one thing I would like to say is I can't stand when people floss their teeth. But they floss it like sitting on the couch, like flossing your teeth at nighttime, then sucking their teeth flossing their teeth.

So what do you mean sucking their teeth? Well, like when you flosh like I don't I feel.

Like people do.

I take two secons of you're Matt in the bedroom, I sassed my teeth like you have said No.

I dated a guy once.

He used to brush his teeth, then he'd floss them sitting on the couch next to me.

That gave me the biggest egg. Yeah, it's not a wine down routine. You don't sit there and have a Netflix chill and floss. Yeah, it's because he wanted to spend all of his time with me. Didn't want to waste any time whist blossing. Anyway, I feel to answer that that's fine. Let your partner cut his tonels on the shower.

All right.

Next question, one on one dinners with my long term boyfriend are awkward. Oh so, I have a dilemma that has been brewing for a few years now that I just don't know how to approach. I've been with my boyfriend for just over four years, and I am so head over heels in love. We are best friends, and

For me, it's always mildly uncomfortable.

I think this stems from us not having much to discuss anymore. As we live together, gym together, and spend generally most of our lives together. This usual leads to us having a more serious conversation which are never fun let's be real, or to rehash things we've already discussed. Is this normal for couples to experience. I feel like there is so much pressure when we are seated almost up to one another.

I don't think I'm gonna say this. I reckon there's gonna be other people who completely relate to this.

I reckon more people than not will relate to this, And no one talks about this shit. No one talks about like the pressure for it to be so easy and seeing you can't have like uninterrupted, spontaneous, interesting, new conversations with your partner every single moment you're with them, especially if you spend a lot of time with them and you live together, you.

Already know them so and you've been here there for four years.

Does he find it awkward? Probably not. You could even have a conversation with him. Do you ever find it awkward when we sit down to have dinner together? Because like we have nothing to talk about it we.

Could do it Laura dinner. She used to write down prompts conversation Bro.

That was never like when I was in a committed relationship. That was always in the beginning because they wanted to seem like I was interesting. Fuck When No I go out for dinner, sometimes we sit there and we're like, see anything fun on TikTok today? This?

Look? The thing is is this normal? Absolutely?

Like the time is going to come where you, like you just said, you spend a lot of time together, you talk about a lot of stuff.

The time's gonna come. We've all been there where.

You sit down at dinner and you're like, ooh, I actually don't know what to say. But having said that, there is always something to say or something to discuss. And what I mean by that is if you are uncomfortable by this, there is absolutely no reason you cannot discuss something that's happening in the world right now, look up current events of the day if it's actually an issue, and say, do your.

Research before you have a date night with your but no, but say what do you think about this?

Like there should always be a discovery in a relationship. You should always be because you were both changing as people over the years. You're not the same person you were last year. Threes go, four ys go, ten years ago, and the world is ever evolving. He will have an opinion on something, and you will have an opinion on something.

Have a look at what's happening. It doesn't have to be serious. It can be funny.

But if you're that uncomfortable, there is I mean, like, it sounds funny, but I'm being serious. There's no reason you can't look at what's happening in the world today. Then when you get to dinner, say, oh my god, do you see what happened in New York today?

What do you think about that? You have to save your conversation. Sometimes we'll be in the car on the way to dinner and I'll be like to Matt ba ba bye bluh, save.

It for dinner.

Don't use all the conversations now talk. People will be looking out us a dinner and we need to look like red.

But there's no reason asking questions about each other, having discussions about something that's happening in the world, Like if something has just happened that day or the day before, you don't know their thought on it.

Do you don't know the answer. Yeah.

But the thing is is if they live together, just say they both work from home. Maybe they are having those discussions as it comes up, So just don't ask about New York at home so for dinner, but also do you know what other things like, It's okay, it is okay to sit in silence sometimes you don't have to have a running, constant stream of conversation with your partner.

It's not necessary.

It's okay to sometimes just be like comfortable and silent in your partner's company.

That doesn't have to be awkward.

I understand it is for some people, but I think I think that that is a whole other level of being in a relationship when you can be comfortably silent with them, Or if you really don't want to be comfortably silent when you're sitting at dinner because you're worried about conversation. I think in this instance, you don't want to be getting into super deep chats that you don't

What you could do.

There's loads of places where you can buy cards from which are like the you know, the conversation starter cards.

And I don't mean that in like a corny way going out to a sit down dinner and taking your conversation starter cards.

Out look at the cards first, I don't, But like, there's like sex ones, there's ones that you can do that are like really funny or insightful. They're not like, you know, what's your fucking favorite color or something. I don't mean in the most basic way. I just been like, there are definitely little activities you could do that are

I get it. Silence doesn't make her uncomfortable.

Silence out at a public dinner, sitting opposite each other makes her uncomfortable. And I understand that, Like I understand there's a difference between being comfortably silent at home on the lounge doing your own thing.

Co existing.

There's definitely something different about them going out to dinner and sitting down in a packed restaurant and not talking to each other because you're sort of like, cool, why do we come?

I understand that completely, like one hundred percent.

And also you know that you know and you shouldn't care, but you know people looking at you being like, oh my god, that no one talking to Are they looking?

No one's looking. Yeah, I always is looking in a restaurant. I look at everyone and I'm like, they haven't spoken for ages, So that's probably what you're talking to your partner about. Hey, then look at that couple over them not talking to each other. Yeah, maybe do you know that name? Well?

You know another thing you can do And I do this mainly because it's the podcast, but ask your boyfriend one of the questions we've discussed on the podcast here and say, what do you think about this? This person did this, they cheated they you know, do.

You think you should take a back? Ask their opinion.

I ask Beni's all the time, always out of curiosity, not to use his opinion but just because I genuinely want to know a male's opinion, and it's often really interesting and has to do with relationships. Chances are one of their friends have done something similar or they know someone. It's a whole nother conversation starter. And also then we might get another life on cunt listener.

I always think sex ones are great because you really can get into a tangent talking about yourself intimately, but you haven't come up with the questions, you know. I mean like it's like, you know, when you watch maths and they have the honesty box, it's like doing an honesty box with your partner at dinner, And I think like then new conversations can kind of just like monkey branch from that into something else.

Anyway, good luck. No, you're not alone.

If you do sit there in silence of the couples are probably doing it. But yeah, let's think outside the box here, let's start a conversations. Definitely our something sexy, like Laura said, because guys love talking about sex.

They love sex, do they They're not all of them one hundred percent? No, maybe that'll make it awkward, No, it will not.

They've been together four years. If she brings up sex. His ears are going to prick up. Best question, what is one fantasy that you have always had that we've never done. There you go, there's a question to ask you next time you sit down at dinner.

Perfect.

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